Wahlberg

we're live dude what's up we're rolling. we should just pretend this is a live. stream oh my god is alive because people. get the live watch it or my mic god. [ __ ] know how you doing there big guy. I'm doing alright I'm so dead everybody. know hey yeah sup champ. my dad listened to the podcast he was. like I heard some of it it's just dude.

this dude [ __ ] dude dude [ __ ] Oh what. he's like how do people listen ahead. chunk yell obviously jealous he is a. jealous old [ __ ] you should tell me. you're [ __ ] jealous did I did I tell. him he's jealous all the time. what'd you say shame you don't think I. could have been doing that if I wanted. that's a tough that's a funny of the new. bud damn what do you think you think you. think you man of the market yeah he. knows he can't [ __ ] with me now true.

look even though I didn't get it that. SNL credit it's a strong credit yeah. that's true I mean that's not that's. it's a big time geezer respect like all. right maybe you are actually funny oh. for sure like India kicked off for the. reason you got kicked off and again you. know for being too wild yeah you do wild. boy yeah that's a good I mean you guys. geezers across America or full. supportive yo ya geezers are in yeah. chug that yeah there was nobody there. with anyone I told what happened they.

were just like yeah that's hilarious. that's funny the geezers full support. dude but we were just talking about it. did we delete that whole episode yeah. alright good let it die we put one out. we just recorded one with a very low. energy low energy for us and then my. green drink now you do green drink now I. have my yellow drink [ __ ] I needed to. get amps too bro true. damn dude you're sipping are you a lot. of show the label oh damn dude.

salt life we're ready oh that's [ __ ]. sick these are Miller solos yo so how's. the salt life continuing to you this is. this is starting to turn into actual. assault life hahaha you are. was also saw life be once saw life. becomes mundane it kind of loses its. charm you're looking at Native Hawaiian. yeah it's weird it's but it's uh I was. just recently reinvigorated by the. arrival of Chris O'Connor. Brian six and Kaila right but you're a. local now it's only piss you I'm a local.

so I'm kind of disappointed in the way. they've conducted themselves on my. beaches yeah it's [ __ ] Spring Break. party time at the beach yeah people live. down here. yeah yeah I've been on O'Connor's ass. like no matter what he does on my team. slow down it's so long we got a long. waist every night and then I literally. he was like dude you fell on the beach I. was running wind sprints I told you that. I was running sprints on the beach two.

nights ago. thinking about humor drunk yes I still. don't know the thought process so you. don't know it either man you're wrong. you're down there it's it's insane it's. the craziest saying the world like we. down on the beach being on the beach at. night like that hammered literally no. one's around you can't even see anybody. else it's a private beach it's just you. why the started and just the Stars it's. [ __ ] insane I didn't know the private. beach and it's like the sand is like.

totally flat like it's crazy it's like. powdery nice and not like shitty well. this was I was down by the water so I. was like just yep here it felt like you. know walking on like a street oh it's. just flat it was great yeah you start. moving a little you start I started. dancing a little I had some headphones. and I was dancing it's nice to be a. dancer these were you really why'd you. stop ah cuz it's gay and I can't do it. publicly. now you dance like nobody's watching you.

got to start dancing again dude that's. from I watch this YouTube guy he was. like talking about from a shamanic. healing perspective that's the number. one question have to ask some people. have asked when did I stop dancing when. did I stop singing and when you stumble. you figure out when you stop doing those. things that's typically when bad stuff. started happening to you. yeah bad stuff will stop you from. dancing for sure yeah man I mean I my. guess ends dancing by dancing life is. very mine's very fraught with anxieties.

racial barriers because when I die you. know I'm going to weddings where I'm the. minority dude and I feel like a specimen. like I have to like now you know of. course I have to everyone's expected now. you have to crush it and it is weird. though cuz dude it's like if you imagine. the other way though imagine if you were. a black guy who couldn't dance and he. went to like an all-white wedding you'd. still be better than everybody else if. it was like come on get out there now. there's right there's black doors no. there are there's actually a good amount.

of black people that suck at dancing. that's actually that is confirmable. blood yeah. standard standard issue [ __ ] kills a. dude she's black hills is so much better. than the average white dancer at a white. wedding I was down there headphones in. just I mean unbelievable you like a. black dancer on the beach the moves it. was unbelievable would you think I'm. [ __ ] think I was born yesterday Mat.

like what were you doing you think I was. born yesterday unbeknown out I go just. did you see that that's currently a. viral dance craze this is a song or a. song where everyone walks like this and. goes and then the next person comes in. oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I have seen it. that's a whole realm of being dude the. line of people well no the do you see. the cardi B thing where it's like.

coronavirus yeah exactly yeah yeah I saw. that don't think I've been practicing. damn dude there's a salt life dude I go. down it's dance life also we go down I. dance I run I do up downs coast. proscuitto this is what happen I. literally woke up that day and I was. like damn I used to like play basketball. every single day like hard yeah dude if. I ran right now I think I would fall. apart I was like what am i doing what am. i and then I was sitting down the beach.

I was like I haven't been like hit in. it was the last time something hurt. that's it that way they're gonna be. doing some up dance so he's diving. straight on my belly and I was like I. this hurts so you afflicted some pain on. yourself I wanted to see what it felt. like I haven't had contact in a while. bro so what are you gonna do about the. fact that you started you did that work. out on the beach at nighttime you. weren't were you happy with it you know. I was delighted I mean despite so I. started running some sprints and then I. fell hard.

on one of them which was inevitable that. was like I was like damn dude I'm. killing it I can move mm-hmm say holy. [ __ ] I forgot I can actually run and. then I fell pretty hard damn it's great. my knee dude I got a bum knee now if a. boo-boo. I have a bit of a boo-boo. that's a stinger you see a bruise Oh. that'll come hell Brunei's I know yeah.

yellow it's yellow it's no life though. that's just how ever it goes it. scratched it up man it's no big deal I. thought that was boogie ration for other. you had a boogie board rash. that's the sand burn have you boogied at. all no bogies the waters too chilly I. mean I'll go out there sweat suit dress. let's who strictly - without the I did. see there were some wetsuit so I was. thinking about buying oil you have to. get one cuz I need to tell somebody with. like my body shape isn't a wetsuit it's. very funny it's kind of that's that's.

not bad. we get fat we get somebody with like. love handles I've never seen a bigger. dude oh I've never seen a bigger dude in. a wetsuit well there's no point for me. to I don't come out and dude I've never. seen a BBM I've never seen a bbm -. you're one to the other way you talk. about you got some bitch-ass hips I'm. just uh would I be known as I'm thick no.

you're not you don't think you're bad. I'm [ __ ] junkie junkie at most yeah. chunky and now you're rarely chalky but. you do have a you do have a very. unethical like not true. I've dude it was very broad but it very. non explosive I can tell there's no. please that's all I have that's all I am.

is expanding I know you don't have. explosive move are you serious yeah all. I [ __ ] on your own ass today do you do. not an athlete that's explosive [ __ ] all. over yourself that's all we had to wait. yeah my bad about that the podcast was. delayed because I took a I took it dump. that it was a healthy one to the dump. itself wasn't bad it was just it just. wasn't my bleep in my complete I think I. might have been doing like the too hard. of a workout of something the day before. and must have shocked my digestive.

system you sent it to you sent the turd. to the guillotine too early. I've Robespierre deterred too early and. then the yeah the turds head smeared up. your crack well yeah I white literally I. was telling you earlier I wipe my ass. and gave myself a white a racing stripe. right on the tailbone dude and just. full-on war paint it was like [ __ ] man. yeah yeah that old army hit the lockers. dude you're the Herbie dude yeah I got. it same thig got off the toilet left a.

like a stamp down on the top my upper. butt crack. somehow dude I run into those on that. like on you know I travel right I'll run. into those those were Shaq dumps on the. back the stamps on the back of the. toilet seat really just it's just like. all the time. dude rest up I do also I live salt live. in rest stop life you deliver it that's. that might be the trucker kiss mark dude.

look if they do have like street artists. like you said like Banksy it's like if. someone takes a dump like that's like. damn dude will was yes was here can't do. it I'm like I can't stress it enough. dude three days how many days in his. country would last without truckers it. wouldn't it was seven hours 72 hours. dude this country would fall apart let's. just let's let that be known. well that actually is that actually is. true yeah did without the truckers we I. mean we couldn't really sit with robots.

tomorrow. dude I'm saying we can't replace him. with robots yet we need him until we. replace him with robots what the [ __ ]. are we gonna do with them the truckers. yeah [ __ ] kill them dude we should. slaughter them or just let them sit in. the robot like a mech suit they can like. be out of it like Starship Troopers. yeah then well they got to defend it. from PI oh [ __ ] man so they basically. it's like Old West like riding shotgun.

on them with a gun on the robot that's. what the truckers get to do you can. still get head at rest stops unless we. automate trucking truckers are gonna. never stop like suck a dick oh man. they're already acclimated to the life. of just sucking dick dude when you have. to do it for money they'll be able to. pick like a young like meth out like. twink up and 69 with them from like Los. Angeles like Missouri. oh my god yeah if they're in the. automated truck it'll get like bathtub.

fingers on their dick yeah grooving see. first episode. stunk that's a secret sauce dude get it. out we just like to fire it up let's. talk about truckers is that other part. of the turd that was still in us dude it. absolutely is we beheaded the first one. hell yeah dude I'm [ __ ] stoked to see. you and I got new neighbors dude who are. they I don't know I might have to [ __ ]. him Suze [ __ ] pops off here I'm gonna.

[ __ ] cut everyone's heads off have. you thought any kind of survival. strategy yeah that's why I brought bees. are in O'Connor nothing they're the best. but it's good to have some bros true. it's good to have a pack would you how. would you utilize them if you like if. something like you know obviously you're. gonna no matter what no matter what. they're both there cannon fodder both of. them are fodder you would send them out. so something's coming at us I'm gonna. team up with one of them and turn on the. other one and throw him at the feet of. whatever's coming at us you also have a. woman in your house you could I mean.

she's first to go she's gonna be tossed. in a tray might not survive before the. rapture. she might be sent out to sea just off. bad. you might this week you could you could. flag down like a Cisco truck dude get. some supplies you can just have that you. know traitor and a sexy yeah well that's. fine I have no problem killing any of. the people I'm with right now that's. also important. yeah post-apocalypse squad know they can. never know that true that's true yes all.

fuzzy Brotherhood that I love them in. his Brotherhood but did the best part. you need to put together a pack of dogs. that you are willing to sacrifice any of. them true or the minimalist of Gaines. yeah I'm gonna kill the O'Connor for a. bag of rice would you I mean if it came. down dude I have been thinking about. like it because I was in I think Target. and I saw people like somebody had. something someone had toilet paper like. - like I don't know this last well yeah. I I'm sorry I did dude Detroit favorite. thing it bothers me so [ __ ] much it.

makes no sense to stock up so hard it. really doesn't paper it doesn't it's. it's a why is that - it's a it's like a. car was talking about it's like a run on. a bank where they're like hey I heard. everyone's taking their money out. well then I'm gonna [ __ ] take my. money out yes anything we're told. everybody was like you gotta stock up on. toilet paper yeah well they're operating. I'm gonna go buy it it's primitive. behavior dude they're not even seeing. it's like homeless not it's almost not. even fully conscious it's like oh [ __ ]. me like I saw a lady with like five. gallons of milk it's like how are you.

even going to consume that what do you. what are you doing we got one and it was. a mistake drink a gallon of milk right. now it's panic buying dude it's these. people this is like the this people are. using the parts of their brain that like. tells them to slam the brakes but. they're out in public like panic pine. bro I like that yeah man. I watched that David Icke documentary he. talked about the part of the slamming. the brakes that part of the brain I like. that that's what that's how people are.

operating but yeah yeah walking walking. down the grocery aisle with zero the. whole row empty what [ __ ] dumb. [ __ ] went out and bought all of them. how is born and [ __ ] chill grab -. grab - if you're gonna be a [ __ ]. well I have a house full of baby wipes. so I'm chilling that's all I bought. there the only. things left were flushable wipes but. they come in like five packs about two. of those I was like you know ten wipes. yes there's more it's like that what do.

you mean they're second less you have. ten individual wipes to have oh five. packs yeah fifty wipes I have a ton of. wipes dude that's good that's all you. need dude no then it's not ten five pack. how many wipes do you how many wipes do. you think they're in the pack oh I. thought you said there was like a. hundred sixty I know you said you may. sell some of them that are like the. little testers because I got the little. oh no I thought you said you got like. the testers took like ten sheets in.

there I was like yeah that's no it was. like a there's a whole thing of five. different or four different packs that. are usually individual it's gonna be. good we're set. I got actually criticized by the group. when I brought that back they're like. what are you buying so much of this ship. where I was like boys how dare you. people get judgy about [ __ ] I I. leave them front and center in my guest. bathroom I do all of my awesome and. people get me like who's asked why. people have asked Britney like whose. wipes are those that's a medicine. cabinet it's like you know I don't you.

try rocket yeah I mean dude I don't. understand why people don't use wipes I. kept their doctor dead all these. neighbors so easily you think you can. murder them yeah she's the wife I could. take al for sure she may join my harem. you would probably seduce I mean in. Apocalypse is she really yeah this is. all this is like the richest this is a. very rich [ __ ] now like rich. southerners to rich rich made a light. rope one-year-olds yeah dude that's our.

sorry it's late on sorry um there it is. yeah you're around a bunch of rich. southerners how do you feel about that. yes would I rather be with a lot of had. a money bro you might you might start. going door to door and be like do you. have G you know yeah you're doing pretty. well down here there's only one way. how'd you get down here how'd you get. money down here what are you doing how. did you see how did you survive after. the economy before he takes off me.

[Laughter]. what the [ __ ]. honey hey guys really I could [ __ ]. kill him he kill him right now. like doh [ __ ] the neighbors have a. [ __ ] guy we're fine said that. [ __ ] oh fabric. definitely definitely made underrated. Navy SEALs in the apocalypse dude just. surpassed [ __ ] dudes all that's the. [ __ ] squad imagine them ripping you. up oh they go straight for the dick.

they're exactly like Jim thank you for. fingers dicks and eyes I don't know. starla rhetorica I'm sorry they they. instantly try to grab your penis like. every flat like the rooting reflex with. a nipple they go for in a fight do you. think no no I didn't know that it's like. a [ __ ] very primordial thing in yes. well dude I was telling uh I was telling.

but early recently I don't know why I. think there's all this like jujitsu and. [ __ ] all you have to do is go for. somebody's dick dude that's like that's. the fight end yeah or just you know get. a gun true but I mean dude imagine just. like all the [ __ ] like and like and. it's crab yeah like wow someone's got. you in a choke that's what it when Louis. to try to get me to choke I was blocked. by the chair yeah dude all you have to. do is squeeze someone's dick the choke. comes undone homicide keeping a Taser on. specifically for tasing people's Birds.

it's almost our girls dude girls stay. strapped the girls always have like a. ton of self-defense [ __ ] yeah there was. never sprays yeah. I'm gonna get some girl gear because. they've been watching [ __ ] [ __ ]. what at SVU or whatever for the last. decade they've been listening to rape. podcasts for 20 years. yeah I uh that's [ __ ] up man. they do want to get a nice thing a nice.

golden retriever - Oh that'll be good. eatin I can do this is it go sorry so. you scope yeah. the geezers uh but he the dad he would. have [ __ ] me up. probably like five years ago but he's. you can tell his legs are skinny I'm. walking man I'll roll on that's a sad. end they dude you're the new silver back. in town baby silver back there better. not be anything else around. I've been scoping their houses there's.

some mansions god dammit what's going on. here will you attack the elites what's. going on nothing sorry my screen [ __ ]. up so you're with you let your with the. southern Elise you're the southern of. the far stock recei we gonna update I. don't know what the [ __ ] going on. email needs to show up for some reason. or you got this what is happening you. got what four you're on your side you I. confirm your email no I don't know. nothing everything's good everything's. fine okay yeah dude there's a mansion.

like on the walk to the beach hear that. it's just it's [ __ ] it's perfect if. this thing if [ __ ] pops off I'm just. getting in there I'm thinking like a. scary movie there in there like it all. this so they just they turn look out the. window here to stand in an assault life. shirt O'Connor you ever see uh did you. see us know the Jordan Peele movie yeah. I get out oh dude it's called us there's.

a something where they us is actually. good see that's the thing that sucks. Jordan people got all that love for get. out cuz everybody was like white people. are actually really bad. aren't you guys shocked a fucked-up. stereotype that all white people are. hypnotists get out perpetuated. perpetuated the big-time dude that's. [ __ ] up okay the best the best thing. that was every white dude every white. person wants to be black yeah yeah bro.

well that's kind of a tough question. because it's like you can't say like no. I don't know like why not I hear true so. I mean I I have to ask myself you asked. me in seventh grade there's an automatic. Yes Man one when am one basketball and. one mixtape was popping off oh my god. black please put a hundred Miss B I. didn't yes like when somebody knows. I should when I was younger I was I got. maybe I should move to the projects what. I'm older you thought about that I. genuinely remember thinking about that.

like just you know get some cred yeah I. mean dude I can see that there's a lot. of my kind now I kind of do there's a. lot of people at temple that like that. you would talk to him that oh yeah you. know I'm nice live in North Philly for a. while that's like you rented student. housing yeah I met young like fifth. grade oh I've dude I was thinking about. this I wasn't talking about like as in. like college being like but no hit that. I did it hard I did this thing called to.

a house that was there some mean. literally two other people on the street. there was you know and I was yeah but. you didn't do a verdict read no I was. just cheap yeah I mean I thought yeah I. know that's like yeah man you know yeah. I was I thought maybe I should just live. 8 mile you should have I wish I had. instead I went I went instead of. b-rabbit I want Jimmy Buffett dude I. ended up going Jimmy Bob forced so once. tell me uh Oh first of all I didn't even.

shout this kid out the night I got. hammered at Keywest mmm this young boy. last name O'Conner really young boy. named O'Conner [ __ ] supple boy dude. Connors dude hot Oh me and him could. have had it we he almost took me on this. in the sand really I I was giving him. the [ __ ] like would it be crazy if we. like kissed or something. wait you guys took a beach walk by. ourselves yeah well he kept trying to he.

was he went to the show he was a dog. he's a dog sure he's a fan so you guys. walked under the boardwalk you interrupt. my story with junk like Ted we didn't go. under the boardwalk. that's what I'm saying we could have he. wouldn't let us I would have gone on the. boardwalk he came that was like an. unbuttoned Hawaiian on I was like you.

can make me calm in the city. you make me moonlight. you like me sunlight date when it's two. white dudes oh [ __ ] I [ __ ] you figure. doesn't say oh yeah I just want to shout. him out two hot dudes and showing the. same that's [ __ ] up yeah I wanted to. go to a boy he kept wanting to go to the. bars and I was like dude I'm not gonna. [ __ ] bars there's not with now with. kovat trill hating cronies is out I'm.

not going to packed bars he was the. young boy on cut on spring break ah yes. he did he was 27 and yolks dude he. didn't care I mean that must that's a. tough I'm getting [ __ ] switch to turn. off of all those kids on spring break. the state back to the state stepped in. they're like no no guys actually you're. not getting [ __ ] go back to your. parents house roll [ __ ] man unreal yeah. and everybody was [ __ ] on all those. college kids for uh like everything.

would you like to go down in the. interview college kids and they'd be. like well we know that Kane care guys. like our immune systems they're fine but. it's like and everyone's like [ __ ]. [ __ ] it's like dude imagine if you. were in college and they were drunk on. st. Patrick's Day and someone stuck a. [ __ ] microphone in your face. I you know I would have said the n-word. something where I would have local news. and oh yeah I would I would be in I'd be. in hot water if somebody hit me with.

that yeah I will absolutely murder this. family also tears like they do these. these this [ __ ] rich families two. people and a golden retriever and. they're moving things in one at a time. they're still moving [ __ ] in like one. item at I might go out and be like it's. quite a wife you got there be a shame if. something happened if you just take a. southern accent the whole time down yeah. yeah you should go out and kiss his. wife's hand pleased to meet you sorry me.

and the boys are cooking burgers tonight. if you want to join us. why don't the missus just stop by ma'am. just believe how you doing sir I would. eat your wife's [ __ ] sir messing with. you that's just southern hospitality I. would joke that's how we joke around. here. [Laughter]. well dude this Spring Break thing that's. funny about that is uh I thought all. kids were like climate change activists. and like we're like no no they're not at.

all had purple hearts of school. shootings no they purposely put them in. the news and in reality they're like. always and what's funny is I I know I. knew that because I would [ __ ] talk. to they come to shows into [ __ ]. yeah like y'all dude [ __ ] goofs. like every single time yeah no young. young people out there that are like you. ask young white college dudes who they. like they out of the presidential cares.

like to trump want eats what Trump is. like cool to them I think it's funny. it's ironically funny to like him I mean. dude I that GI pulls back when I just. said that hard. no no I'm pulling back because I'd want. to cough outside of my car no hell no. dude the I was watching the press. conferences about all of the kovat [ __ ]. and it was like I couldn't believe the. quit like people were people were like. yeah well you know you sound a little.

too optimistic well you know you're. selling people false hope if he were to. be like yeah we're [ __ ] did they you're. just all doom and gloom what's your. problem yeah no yeah of course of course. the fact that he was I mean when they. were when they were he was talking at. one reporter and he was like the. reporters like so what do you say to the. Americans were scared right now it was. like that you're a terrible reporter. also that was notice genuinely yeah go. ahead sorry that was like that was I was. watching that like you know trumpet. actually [ __ ] destroyed that reporter.

oh dude that was like he totally ruined. that guy yeah well I think it was. [ __ ] and they still tried to switch. it like they still try to like posts. videos and it was like dramatic sad. music can be like instead of focusing on. burping up Cool Ranch Doritos by the way. [Laughter]. instead of like focusing on the issues. Trump is just attacking journalists. that's not that's literally that's not. what's happening it's like like all. right what are we right about that. though he's right that a lot of them not.

that not that they shouldn't be but they. should be [ __ ] reporting that in fact. a lot of them seem to be like like so. New York Times will tweet and be like. cases are up three hundred seventy. percent this week yeah and it's like. yeah because tests went up five thousand. percent this week yeah. they don't give my only obviously cases. are blowing up because that's how. viruses work but it's also like you know. can we also report like yeah testing is.

also going up that's why the numbers are. skyrocketing because testing is. skyrocketing yeah well then they wear. the test then they don't the tests are. like a we're the test like we're making. them he's like definitely make it I mean. like yeah we're [ __ ] we're making it. oh [ __ ] we deleted this I still need to. find out Charles Barkley's test results. oh [ __ ] man I was genuinely like you. gave us those mushrooms I was high on. mushrooms last night so you won't be. taking it easy by the way I was don't. don't O'Connor in six like you guys. better slow down. it's not much men in black 3 kind of.

like three on mushrooms mi Perry mi B's. rules dude dude it's so good hey first. of all I've never not in mushrooms or. the best other they might be I don't. understand invest but what the holdup is. at all they just got lumped into drugs. which they're not they got into the. wrong category there's good jugs they're. good for you there on the if you go for.

the harm index they're like might be the. lowest really yeah in terms of like I. think like the LD what is like the ld50. is like when fit like something that is. like says like how toxic things are you. would have to eat like [ __ ] man like 10. pounds of mushrooms before you like you. put yourself which isn't physically. impossible yeah yeah yeah oh my god. I mean you imagine no I know you would. heavily in a different University I like. one cap and like you know I got greedy.

on the stems I probably had like five. stems last night what's up I was having. fun dude I was just watching. I was just nice and easy I was like. let's take it easy that's a chance a. chill sesh for sure that was a joke that. was definitely not too intense. there were waves yeah we're kind of. kicked over waves of intensity where I. was like oh I don't want to be around. anybody like they would come in I'd get. the [ __ ] out of here Connor would come. in like Yellin because he was drunk I'm. like get out of this room yeah that's. weird be watching am i beez you're all.

mushrooms you don't really want to be. around people who aren't on mushrooms. here's on mushrooms but he was also. hammered I wasn't drunk. yeah he had a he had a fun energy and I. was more of just a he's gonna watch and. my beats this is nice I had a blanket on. the couch watching at my B's oh I was. kicking my feet in the blanket the whole. time just that's it [ __ ] nice dude. that's funny I feel like whenever you do. mushrooms you seek like you you swaddle. yourself true I really do every single.

time. that's good yeah I've been bringing it. up every time I see you holding your. baby oh you want my god she I wish you. were holding me I wish you were. swaddling me dude you could pay somebody. to swallow you for sure I could swallow. you I know how to swaddle now I know. you're gonna need a tarp I have to blow. my nose hold on one second I don't pause. it's just blowing nose I don't have any. tissues run upstairs all right you're. gonna keep yeah I'll talk to the people.

talk to the peeps I'll be right over no. so wait why don't you throw up that. YouTube video alright yeah I'll do that. good idea actually yeah [ __ ] it alright. my texts with them so much you know. we're back on Bay we're back off you. well that's [ __ ] with your dogs very. much when you ran upstairs what were. they doing it's very funny I was just. yelling do you want to go for a walk do. you want to go dog go in here all the. audio they could no hear through the. headphones yes they could hear doesn't. mother Dan they're gonna hear through. the headphones I think the coming round.

only coming through my headphones but. yeah they're 100 percent listening oh I. guarantee can hear their hearings yeah. fantastic Dan it is Tony like walks to. the computer. she's very smart she is very smart. Jackson's a [ __ ] he didn't he doesn't. give a [ __ ] tota though it was like. walking around looking around yeah she. was trying to find that surprise trying. to find the leash not saying let's go to. the dog park oh they can definitely hear. there's probably they're probably. freaking out right now. they've they're not handling lockdown.

very well at all I can't imagine I mean. yeah dogs. I bet dogs are kind of happy everybody's. chilling at the house though no that's. true probably cool with that well. they're getting a double dose of. lockdown plus newborn newborns gotta be. tough for the dogs I mean they had the. best life ever before we had a baby man. I would like kiss them goodnight and. everything I like just walk over and I'm. like he the [ __ ] out of my way they are. falling no today I actually went Jackson.

was crying at the top of the steps today. while we were watching TV and he I just. went upstairs and started wrestling him. and that's all he wanted to do it he's. won power yeah we wrestled for a little. bit damn dude what do you think about. this apocalypse that's impending do you. think what do you think's gonna happen. here I'm going back to what I think. we're going back to work in about two. weeks that's with or without a vaccine I. think we're going back because we're. we're not gonna risk yeah I think.

they're gonna stay I think they're gonna. yeah I think you're right I think after. two weeks on everything all right if you. are somebody with a compromised immune. system you live with one you guys can. continue to quarantine yourself but if. you want to hit it open it back up and. people are gonna open back up you know. yeah they're gonna have to I've read. someone actually the scientist the. unnamed scientist who does the patreon. stuff he sent me a study today saying. they're starting to figure out there's. like certain climates this disease. thrives it so there they're gonna be.

able to Sartre predicting it according. to weather patterns where it'll hit. harder No. so that's kinda guess is the climate is. Asian cities tow pian yeah dystopian. technocratic empires new yeah yeah yeah. woo Han Italy New York City the west. coast has gotta be getting trounced by. this [ __ ] thing hard as New York man. you're scared of bad yeah dude nearest. getting murdered yeah yeah me Eric said.

the the biggest hub like yes in the. world like yeah I guess that New York's. way on more it's more on top of. everybody like everyone's more on top of. each other LA. yes Fred hell yeah yeah I was just being. racist I think there's a ton of Asians. yeah it does actually my friend lives uh. coast is loaded with Asians. yeah my friend lives out there and it's. like he's pretty much he's a minority. his community is literal is mostly Asian.

dude no it's weird too and I told him. this um he had corona like symptoms he. thought he had pneumonia like four. months ago I'm like dude you might have. had corona virus it was funny something. you think you had Co bit he's I don't. know. he doesn't entertain stuff like that. either God there's a friend of mine that. was a waiter at the stand that had. pneumonia for like a few weeks Asian. really had it look I'm just saying it's.

not about where you're from that's just. about your ethnicity that's the only. thing that this disease only came from. Asian people yeah I mean yo Jackson I. must shoot him upstairs dude way to use. fat ass dude he's called me fat like. who's dick about when he runs up the. steps dude he's wearing a thong to act. baby were you talking about non.

explosiveness dude were you talking. about. come on now you see the joke see Branson. flying good I have a lot of like Scouts. look for like a man with like a. prominent rump and I do I told you that. I told you that I knew that I don't knew. that Scouts would just saw my ass and. like you played you that Scout did they. call him the line it's nice to have a. thick rump and I have a flat butt I got. a nice Hank Hill but just a flat it's so.

gross dude scouts from all different. sports would call me they saw my ass in. high school and they're just like you. play sports they Tribune no I don't play. sports. no just off my ass I play rugby no no we. said sports not [ __ ] Club not. after-school clubs I mean you know what. were you the fourth team in the nation I. forget I honestly forget every single. rugby team. believes that they were like ranked in. the top 10 we I mean we worry but yeah.

probably there's there's 900 different. leagues you guys are all top 10 it's for. Rio Olympics for kids who couldn't play. football know what happened to me. what happened to me I was too good at. all bargain sports I had to go. international high school rugby is. Special Olympics for kids who couldn't. play football now it's in every high. school rugby team is like yeah we were. undefeated yeah I mean we're on the. Florida for a tournament it was [ __ ]. sick so oh we're talking about 40 Brook.

we're done Mike over dang we're talking. Co vid Wow me yeah so what would you do. you're talking about what when I what am. i under survival wise or what am I. thinking I don't know Connie put it put. some good thoughts into my head he was. just like I mean once he said it was. like yeah it's pretty pretty I guess. common he was like it's gonna get to a. point where we're just like how many. lives are we willing to lose here in. order to make sure the economy doesn't. totally collapse so I'm sure we can lose. a million-plus geezers I mean dude yes.

you're sending everyone back to work. [ __ ] it ask yourself this question since. when did the government give a [ __ ]. about geezers dude well you know I'm. quoting David Icke on this but it's like. that's a good point he's like so you're. gonna tell me the government's gonna. sacrifice the national maybe global. economy for geezers the same people. they've been cutting their benefits for. years for come on now yeah ask yourself. that what does that indicate a little.

more serious no yeah it does it's. basically this is a this is a new world. order stunt basically where it's like. this is gonna allow the technocrats this. is going to give the technocrats a. reason to start tracking your every move. everything on it was well they were the. reason they say the certain countries. like didn't get as sick was that they. would trace your location and then see. whoever was around you and then tell. that force all those other people in a. quarantine like China was able to China. will lock you in your room. there's no say go to bed a lot no though.

I want to tell you it's bedtime yeah. they'll lock your apartment from outside. see those videos coming out of China I. just see the things I don't know how. many of those. real but it's always like them like. ripping people out of cars and [ __ ]. like I think they think they're getting. rowdy there was one I saw that of like a. like chain gang of sick people like they. were like handcuffed in a line getting. marched out of a town what the [ __ ] I. mean also we're not real there's still a. chain gang chiness like they're so doing.

it all so what's really funny as China. was like China announced like this week. they're like no we have no new cases. this week it's like yeah sure China. funny liars. because why non-stop apparent I think. they said it honestly is like when Iran. was like no we don't have one gay guy. here oh yeah first right okay yeah. thanks thanks for that report. thanks China it makes for your report no. new cases this week okay I think now.

they're saying officially it came from. pangolins and not bats so it came from. like all the killers oh okay. it's like a penguins at penguins no pain. yes yeah yeah old I've seen that boy. yeah oh my god no but I guess I guess it. was some sort of bat Pangolin combo. though you had to so you had the [ __ ]. sky interpret you I guess it was you. weighed you said you monster you think. that's what no I would a munch that's.

what causes the disease that's for your. joke oh thank you that's what comes Josh. any time you drop a dime. dude I'll hit you with the dog yeah no I. that's bats are involved in this okay. they're in the mix that's somehow we're. in the mix so bats a Pangolin in a. penguin in a bat were probably caged. next to each other and a bat was. probably sucking on a [ __ ] penguin. foot or some [ __ ]. like them their disease is straight.

animal it's an animal to get in. transmission which is apparently not. like a regular thing. no it's very irregular but yeah. everybody knew that was always gonna. come from [ __ ] Chinese markets did. you see the reason 2708 yo-yo is Oh. everyone from like oh seven there was. something like this is bad it's good. they're gonna be we're gonna get. something bad from. I mean an exiting [ __ ] putting snakes. and bats and blenders do they're making. witches brew that is a witch's brew.

they're like eye of Newt good it's. actually a good appetizer why is it so. funny. it really looks funny really is is to. think that like a witch's cocktail which. is like yeah they're like mmm this champ. which [ __ ] potions I'm sorry Oh. Connor is literally he just opened the. door was like we're cooking burgers do. you want cheese damn you [ __ ] camping.

a witch's potion but no actually this is. delicious no which is like he's like. Chinese guy just munching more and more. of it is that salamander oh and Newt. Ivan had this since Wuhan yeah that's. it's not like a moral like I don't I'm. not pissed it like Chinese people it's.

but if I'm a furious right now about a. Connor doing what he just did I mean oh. yeah that would I would chap my ass. imagine imagine if like from people not. picking up their dog [ __ ] all of a. sudden the whole world is like global. pandemic people are dying and [ __ ] you. could be like [ __ ] dog. [ __ ] with all this goddamn. disease I don't know why they're trying. to say that it didn't come from what's. the point of saying it didn't come from. China the thing is these [ __ ].

identity politics [ __ ] [ __ ] who. Bank made their whole lives around this. thing but being like we don't know for a. fact that it came from there it's like. no I think we do I think I think that's. pretty actual I remember the first the. first video I saw about it it was like. no it didn't come from people eating. bats and then like the [ __ ] w-h-o was. like yeah it probably came from people. eating bats yeah it's like all these. [ __ ] like youtubers are like please. stop being ignorant I'm a doctor.

it did not come from. would you know I'm a sports medicine a. master's in sports medicine yeah I have. a master's in plyometrics the karaoke. Carioca stretch the I watched a trumped. you ever see the Trump fact checks that. are like from Fox it's it's literal. brain with billy support him where they. support them and they're just kind of. like oh so funny here's a rumor he's. like that's not true and they don't have. any there's no like real proof there's.

like yeah that's not true either and oh. yeah by the way yeah it's not true and. also trump's doing a fantastic job and. you're like thanks appreciate the break. fox box while other foot they I don't I. don't ever well I don't ever watch it. cuz it's uh that's my goat cheese. actually embarrassing that's my go-to. I turned Fox on right away I guess I. mean you could live in that world you. could decide to live in the Fox News. like that's your reality I mean dude is. different difference between CNN and Fox. News yeah I was gonna say is it that.

different no it's not it's just them. being like you know it's very gay CNN. the whole time is like we're dying like. is this virus Trump's fault yes. breaking news Trump is a [ __ ]. breaking news Trump and munched bats. what if you don't actually launchpads. breaking news. [Laughter]. yeah I'm just I mean I I'm at the point. where I'm like god damn it I'm pissed. off people ate penguins I'm like what. the [ __ ] guys I'm genuinely like what. the [ __ ] but imagine if eating like crab.

legs gave like everybody in Spain. dysentery I'd be like man I didn't know. sorry about that man I would say if I'd. be the first in line to be like sorry. about that Spain crab buggers are great. have you tried them yeah the Anglin czar. good if penguins hold up and they are. delicious really delicious treats they. probably do [ __ ] real delicious dude. how'd their is is do you think they are. okay they're probably so good if you. were to eat a Pangolin I would what.

would you do it oh you ever saw are you. talking like is this like a hot sauce. type animal or is it like Turkey where. you mix it with gravy oh I don't know. that would you could they don't really. have bones so you couldn't really arrest. it it I mean because you could trying to. get money they don't have bones Pangolin. I think aren't they like a shell. creature. I used to their bones enamel okay so. yeah I'm trying to think of like we'll. get a sauce like maybe a little souvenir. so I'm trying to think what kind I saw. said me because I would amell's they're. just munch mammals so I would cook I.

would cook the Pangolin in its own shell. like steaming up okay. you know I mean give it a little flavor. so I it's not like you're thinking like. armadillo it's kind of like scaled they. could like a scaled animal now but it. has like more like kind of the gal looks. like a hedgehog yeah kind of looks like. a armored hedgehog yeah it's pretty cool. it's a cool [ __ ] animal what's your. favorite part of the Pangolin I would. say it's me I like the scales yeah you.

fry those scales they go now Cherokee. some Pangolin chips I do like I wish I. had if they're good if they're good if. they're good and if bats are good a. hundred percent Chinese people are off. the hook for this well you know some. Vice reporters about to go eat a. Pangolin and I go eat tangling in a bat. like they're probably doing it now today. if they did it I swear to god they're. innocent. what yeah the Chinese if a vice reporter.

no I'm saying if Pangolin tastes good. and if that's tastes good. the Chinese are innocent men to imagine. it [ __ ] medium-rare burgers caused. worldwide sickness you'd be like [ __ ]. sorry dude I like him like that. yeah but then again I mean someone had. to have been like you can't do it like. how is there not like we have the health. authorities okay. well China I didn't have that China. doesn't really have regulations on. people munching there's no munch.

regulations now they're setting up some. munch regulations now people like you. guys got to have my trigger and also. enough with the dogs the whole world is. like I stop with the dogs it's still. funny would be like well we cows and. they're like like pigs are smarter than. dogs so guy I hear you it's a [ __ ] up. thing yeah but it did watching somebody. boil a dog it's [ __ ] if I want. someone boil a pig like that's a. nightmare stop doing that yeah I. wouldn't want to see that at all boiling.

any mammal I'm not down with boiling a. dog. is rough yeah dude that's a I mean I. look oh my all of our Chinese listeners. not what I'm saying is like I'm hanging. with you guys am i judging you I. literally just said a hundred percent if. penguins taste good this was kind of. worth it yeah yeah I'd say that yeah. like there's no judgment here trill and. as I just told me yeah like you were.

saying like if Cool Ranch Doritos was. gonna make everybody in Spain of. diarrhea I wouldn't I would still mud. cinder eats did also imagine how much. more delicious I already eat now that. you know they could cause a global. pandemic when you're not allowed to eat. them it's just like jerking off right. now for you know how I I have I had it. noted I like I can't I can't I don't. have time to nut and like I don't know. when it's okay there's no good time the.

100% the move is to pause the podcast if. she thinks you're down here podcasting. speak she's got talk the whole way. through yeah that's true Jerry like. watching porn together like oh man Shane. that's crazy [ __ ] and another thing. about China everybody who she heard you. down it was just we should have people. that again like a firewall to protect us. on that. what as soon as we get into talking. about China someone should be alright. stop I mean I don't know man I think.

people are being babies about I mean you. can't be a baby about a pandemic yeah if. people are if you're seriously like. people aren't dying and it's like well. here's one of the main causes of that. there's no there's no problem and giving. a stern talking-to. to people who are much we're all you can. eaten [ __ ] mammals in on only months. we won the meme on we munch hard man. please do it right Shane we do we only.

munch hoofed mammals true do we know. chickens Oh chickens are many other. mammals no no really. oh they like eggs yeah they're more like. a reptile no there's a bird's yeah but. they're descendants of what birds are. descendants of reptiles sorry Shane. the classification is birds well now. they are but you know I'm talking before. that true technically were all microbes. [Laughter]. yeah man I mean dude there's no there's.

no time for pussyfooting during ugh. people died literally four thousand died. that's that's the blood on these. people's hands who is gonna be like yeah. ready to go every single one of those. [ __ ] doors and they got senior senior. it's all it's all so funny we all get. our news from like memes now people get. news from memes where it's like oh [ __ ]. that's that's true like apparently I saw. meme today and I don't think it's true. but apparently the like mayor in this.

shiny area Italian town maybe City I. forget was like hey let's during when. during the covert outbreak he was like. let's make sure you like reach out to. your the Chinese people they live in our. city like huggy agent people today this. is a bad made those are bad me or. staying away from them. yeah there was like an Asian dude with. like a sign that was like Asian people. are not the virus I'm a person free hugs.

everyone got sick there was a meme it. wasn't true there's no way that was real. there's no way that me responsible. no of course how many think he did cause. I don't know he didn't cause 4500 but. like how many deaths do you think the. hunger did he calls in over 25 to 30. killed 25 to 30 Italian [ __ ] oh yeah oh. [ __ ] we were talking about I was like. it's funny that the country's getting.

crushed harder so flops and Chinese. people to countries we make fun of the. boats I was on dad me trying to figure. it out and my theory is that they kiss. each other all the time. Italians were kids ops cheeks yeah. they're constantly transmitting that. [ __ ] spreads [ __ ] fast this is a great. the bad you haven't prepared for us. today. everywhere that and China has a pretty.

strong presence up there. well Silk Road action yeah I heard about. that yeah so really I don't know dude I. think it might have been us that caused. it well Jared you look into the thing. about the Harsanyi or reporting that it. was us that did it did you look into the. Harvard scientist who was on Chinese. payroll and then got boss sitting on he. was getting paid like fifty thousand. dollars a month from China than us I. mean no no no it wasn't he just was.

doing medical research for China in. America and getting fifty thousand. dollars a month and then like they found. you're not allowed to do that if his. patreon was fat. patreon was looking at me his his. patreon was tight turning the Chinese. culture given your patreon yet it's. gonna be [ __ ] tight it's gonna be. phat but yeah dude 50 no he's getting. fifty thousand dollars a month and he. got busted apparently like doing. research for the People's Republic of. China and he got like arrested and you. know she got in trouble for so people.

are trying to say that he was inventing. or like engineering kovat that's that's. the theory really that's a bad theory. yeah I mean this guy was I would like to. know what the [ __ ] this guy was doing. though doing secret research for China. for 50 G's a month it first of all they. shouldn't pay them that much you. wouldn't got in trouble yeah true here's. [ __ ] one hundred thousand what yeah. what what research was he given them. nobody knows right now I don't know he's. probably giving him like Netflix. passwords yeah man I don't know but I I.

do think dude we're coming out the. there's gonna be a mandated vaccine. they're gonna start man that's that's. what you actually you fear that I've. been on this tip dude and it's not it's. not about people conspiring to events. it's all about the spin so people. they're gonna spin this into like do the. drug companies that we're gonna have. five gazillion you know there's there's. a vaccine court they got rid of vaccine. court used to be able to sue companies. for damages from vaccines it's gone no.

pays for it when people do get damage. from a vaccine and actually prove it. came from the vaccine no pay set. American taxpayer so yeah if you could. pull out the vaccine you can't get in. trouble if it [ __ ] people on tax but. should we be on the air right now. damn I put down these highlights by the. way I don't know I'm in [ __ ] house in. these bets anyone give you a talking-to. for if I can go through the rashes.

nobody here can tell me [ __ ] dog. you should go boss some people paying. who do you think is paying the rent dues. but who do you things put a roof over. these [ __ ] scam whose head you gotta. you had a mandate dinner time and decide. well there did O'Connor just demand any. time on me. didn't I mean I guess I didn't see him. but I just let that door open and. [ __ ] yelled we're making burgers you. want cheese on yours during a live. recording how about I'm still mad about.

it while you were talking for the last. five minutes I've been in my head just. think about how mad I am at him you so. mad at him. what a [ __ ] [ __ ] to interrupt it. just coming here and scream do you want. cheese on your burger God you guys are. be fighting tonight it we're gonna end. up kissing on this trip do you think so. you guys do need to get that out of you. awesome dude if you guys just came out. as an official couple you know comment. which one would be rich Faust which one.

would be Bonnie Makani is definitely. losted I'm more of a Bonnie heard that. now I can see that for sure. Oh Connie is vault to fossa I don't I'm. gonna miss him when he dies he's gonna. die in the in the virus but I [ __ ]. love that guy creeps of kids tor is. [ __ ] is it really. oh you went and did that the creeps are.

kids Torres oh dude they're all gonna. die from Coronas Bobby Kelly's doing. episode every day I've been talking to. Bobby I was speaking with him and he. seems overly confident he's not gonna. die he's like I'm not that old dude I'll. be fine like I'm young and I'm worried. cuz I'm fat you should be. yeah worried she checking on every day. day I'm just worried about you I'll text. him right now. and say are you dead she just said let. her are let her you dead.

are you dead didi I'm a text boss and. ask him if he's dead. you sure dude by the [ __ ] love that. guy's so much I mean dude he is. legendary he really he really is man. he was he was spitting some [ __ ] to me. the other night that made me like he was. just meeting him talking I doubt he'd. ever wants us to be repeated but it was. a pretty [ __ ] like cool [ __ ] thing. for him to say he was cuz we you know we. were talking we were talking business. we're talking about our J's or today. Jews yeah and uh J squad both of us were.

talking J squads yeah and he was like. Shane I can't okay I've seen he's like. I've had different agents managers. everybody in this show business they. come and go you know who hasn't you know. who hasn't left me hey I'm still here. and I was like damn boss you're the. [ __ ] man he is dude he's made me so a. still here I mean dude I've said it a. hundred times watching him champ digital. graffiti was just like that's immortal.

[ __ ] dude unreal somebody stand their. ground on digital graffiti and just look. at his screen if someone's saying like. the most horrible things you can think. of and be like what the hell what the. hell is this you [ __ ] losers anyway I. was like what the [ __ ] yeah he's he's. the only one that's ever done that he's. no one capable of that I said I think. he's the only person who can do that. yeah we gotta bring back digital we. should probably do it we should probably. figure out a way to stream yeah man that. that should happen when we again your.

prediction is two weeks so if we have. two weeks off no no no that's just gonna. be people working there we're not gonna. be able to have a public gathering for. like six months we could stream oh yeah. you need a crowd there to use like crowd. it'll it'll just people will just be. like I don't know have you seen the. [ __ ] uh the different projections of. like the the the the curves on the death. tolls and the hospital beds and all that. [ __ ] now so if it goes unchecked if we.

just went about our lives this thing. would like. tear through the population to be done. by like August okay if we do this if we. quarantine its just gonna like slowly. bump up for a year this is gonna take a. year and a half I don't know if I like. that if we close everything it's mean. it's still gonna it's gonna take like. two years for this thing to so if we. just purge and if we literally were like. yo the party's on there just keep. rolling now yeah things that's the thing.

that sucks about that is we we don't. have any hospital beds for that have you. scared say at home dude. that's really mantra are you scared that. they could wait instead of sending. everybody a $1,200 check they can let. people who aren't in a position where. they're at risk to go and work and if. you are little bit all right well we'll. give you your blocks to stay and chill. and sit on your keister I think that's. how it should be done I mean the the. it's either we wait for a vaccine or we.

let it [ __ ] burnin through the entire. population yeah are you willing to risk. the entire economy global on Jesus. that's what I'm saying dude on 1% of our. geezers you're telling me the powers. that be are worried about the geezers. bro come on man they're gonna crash the. economy geezers a lot of them are. catching it oh yeah Rand Paul caught it. Harvey Weinstein all the elite geezers. caught it true well here if you're a. traveling jeez you got it.

most the only self quarantine anyway if. you true the only [ __ ] clip of. stand-up I have online it's like Rand. Paul is an ugly [ __ ] the nursing home. stats bother me no two more people died. in a nursing it's like dude that's every. day that's where they earn a dude all. day nine constantly two more deadly when. when Kovac gets into a [ __ ] nurse at. home it goes through it do you think. he's gonna wrap it up oh it happened.

already it happened in nursing homes in. Washington got hit by it and literally. made a hole every but everyone in the. doc did like a week they really the. geezers in a nursing home dude you're. [ __ ] yeah but I mean dude I don't. think they were saying you know. everything is hearsay at this point even. like news. here say but like I think Kovac can like. live on surfaces it can just live on a. surface. can you just live on a [ __ ] doorknob. yeah I think it's like kid touches it.

two days they can just chill on Edina. you can chill on a doorknob. it's my house you shouldn't have bailed. on Dina yeah dude I I have allergies. right now so it's like I grow outside in. public and I'm like yeah yeah people are. like did I say it on this one I was. sweating from those mushrooms oh yeah. he's like holy [ __ ] dude I have a fever. I'm [ __ ] no dude I've had like you. telling you that was your body or not. yeah I was like just sweat in my dick.

off I was like what is this this is a. problem I'd like chills I had a fever. you might your body might have bucked it. off in one day maybe American like you. dude it's really only affects us. liberals and all and old people true. this is only if you eat steak eggs. hotdogs and [ __ ] Miller is fine. we'll bought [ __ ] the cronies I won't. even invite you'll sneeze once and be. like that was where that's true cuz what. does communist trying to hate the most.

American freedom exactly that's if. you're true for you if you're a [ __ ]. gay [ __ ] that's out there that's like. we actually need communism. congratulations you played yourself. kuroh knees is headed your way now you. got it yeah that's true I'm telling you. dude I would love to see the party lines. in terms of people who get I guarantee. you it's all the yeah dude I I think. they're gonna roll out I mean in terms. of like online privacy and [ __ ] that's.

gone like dude these company it's not. like the purpose good but like us saying. that [ __ ] like just they're just like. straight face like yeah I think it's. just if you hey if you're communist get. ready it's coming we're literally just. making content to bother people it's. only funny imagining somebody being like. this is stupid. yeah it's you're getting the you know.

Nietzsche. a little girl in the Gillig you just. people learn words but that's what's at. the root of it yeah bro do you the one. who has it man. these guys I get it at all as a. community and I get it but like this is. not sure there's no class I craft my. jokes what I do is I go into a small. black box theater and I talk about.

periods and what I do is I wear a vagina. suit and dump blood all over myself and. do an interpretive dance nothing's. funnier than a comedian explaining how. they are fought like I'm actually funny. and here's why 10 reasons I'm a funny. comedian it's like I know that's why. dude I'd the whole time they're like you. got to go do this interview do that. interview I was like if I explain why. this is funny yeah gay Barry David Lynch. if you dude I admire that you can't give. close closures for the weak dude you're. out you're just an artist bro bro. there's nothing you know you want to.

know something [ __ ] up wha. all right so Chrissy mayor made that. dumbass kung-fu fighting video okay did. I show you that Louis oh I didn't know. that that was that's what's [ __ ]. Louis's in it which is hilarious because. anybody who did any of those like. musical parodies is kind of gay but yeah. they asked me to do it I was like this. is this is gonna be bad it's you turn it. down I said no way but [ __ ] uh people.

are just crushing her for being like. racist hell for doing kung. oh that's why they did the conference. fight a racist it comes well the reason. it comes off as racist is because he's. very happy and hey I know most of the. people in it and most of them are. actually hung blue fighting or they do. kung fu fighting they do come flu dude. they toss in the conch flu they want. everybody was kung fu Lou Flight that's. tongue twister dude kung fu fighting.

yeah so I mean no it's not everybody was. kung fu fight yeah I guess I mean heads. they're saying they're calling racism on. that yeah why here's what I was. and this is Bowen yang that dude from. SNL your close personal friend yes my. good friend who spared me thank you so. much for protecting me thank you with. your graciousness thank you guy who. actually made the cast Thank You fruit. yeah he's good he could really lean into.

you dude actually he actually could have. leaned into man he instead acted like he. was Mother Teresa talking to a leper he. was like hey maybe that guy will be. alright I'm just proud I talked to him. he reached out he's down he did he did. he did actually was actually a good car. yeah he's a nice guy but did he say like. that like this [ __ ] right away he did. when I was still in the cast he was like. you know this whole thing is crazy and. then like three days later when the. writing was on the wall that I was. getting fired he was like just do what. you need to do to get some nice it's a.

nice blood he actually he actually i. yeah zero problems with him could have. been a really little [ __ ] about it. he could have same thing with [ __ ]. John and Apatow could have easily [ __ ]. me what did he saying was he just like. it was just like I don't he maybe he's. funny I don't know I've never really. seen him so I'm not gonna he's like I'm. gonna hold out judgment good for him. good for him he's got a lot of skeletons. in his closet though dude no he's pretty. afraid to like cowardly anyway so Bowen.

we did it he was like nobody in New York. comedy respects Chrissie mayor a little. harsh a year boy my dog he just trashed. her yeah I don't quote legal she's. whatever but like guys like a new newer. like she's she's you know she's a comic. she's at a low level working her way up.

comic yep and Bowens on Saturday Night. Live yep meets that out it is Andy and. here's the thing if you if you get. called racist or like homophobic or. anything like that you get greenlit you. got the green light on you oh yeah. [ __ ] just bought [ __ ] you that's how. quickly it's hardest a member of. Saturday Night Live calling her like. nobody in New York respects her. everybody in the tweet was like who is. that are you talking about are you.

bringing up this person only family I. mean it was like Horry anybody if you. get that green light like Louie no. matter what he does people will always. talk [ __ ] pieces you have that little. [ __ ] green light above your head. where it's publicly acceptable to talk. [ __ ] on you everybody in our shitty. society will talk [ __ ] on you yeah for. sure. if there's no if there's no. repercussions and you're allowed to talk. [ __ ] on someone you will talk [ __ ] on. them it feel probably feels good to be.

yeah that [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] [ __ ]. nobody likes him yes ma'am it made me. laugh I can't I mean that's [ __ ] only. an SNL cast member talk about Chrissy. Mayer me like nobody in New York. respects her and literally every reply. was like who are you talking about he. showed the video and everyone's like. okay everyone saw it was like oh this is. really bad and racist that's whatever no. one liked it no video sucked I knew it. was gonna suck they told me what they. were doing I was like that's terrible.

they tried to get the king of [ __ ]. Asian comics gonna get actually there. was actually a really funny tweet. someone was like you know how bad it cuz. in the roof in the replies someone was. like why isn't Shane in this she was. like I tried he didn't he didn't he. didn't answer someone in the replies is. like imagine how raises a video has to. bearish angulas like you ever get into. Mark Wahlberg's checkered past so he. assaulted a [ __ ] dude didn't he do it.

he's like multiple hate crime oh okay. I'm not gonna his first charge was like. throwing rocks at black kids and like. doing some like Bronx Tale style being. like you [ __ ]. like hard ends throwing rocks at them I. think he did that twice he has to hard. and rock throws at black it like chasing. black kids healthy that's the beginning. of a dude and then he beat the [ __ ] out.

of like a thing of Vietnamese guy ya. know beat the [ __ ] out of him then he. beat the [ __ ] out of another Asian guy. or something dude he's like more. effective mark well I was just watching. his Netflix. dude oh that movie is the worst movie. I've ever seen in my life. I only saw I only saw the robbed it did. God speaking for me first I saw you I. saw you pull back and be like it wasn't. that bad I'm not as I've only watched. the very beginning so I watched him like. it says it's every single Mark Wahlberg.

movie where he's just yeah it's like you. know Adam Sandler's like the coolest. [ __ ] is every movie about him being like. so [ __ ] cool at least Mark Wahlberg. is jacked sure the thing when Adam. Sandler's Nicolas Addams family for some. reason is the coolest guy in every movie. and it's like why is this like five foot. nine Jewish dude cool this guy why are. we letting him like knock people out. there's something movies made knocks me. and mr. deeds he punches there's a I'll. never forget it this is when I like a. boy I started to notice that Sandler was.

making himself the cool guy yeah in. every movies Taylor like wrote himself. in it's like and when he talks to girls. it's like oh I don't know I'm just a. gentleman yeah dude. he punched mr. deeds he punches a. quarterback that he owns the Jets or. something hmm. quarterback comes in and complaining and. says something to a woman wrong and mr. T in Adam Sandler punches him in the. face and was like I'm sorry I'm sorry. you just don't talk to women like that. yeah Mark Wahlberg you a very Wahlberg.

ask you're right about that. I am I am Walter get the movie oh you. say the movie Wahlberg rules he dude I. mean and the list of hate crimes you. just said to me upped his stock a little. bit in my book it's fine he was out to. rock throwing rock thrown in like the. 80s 86 yeah it's when I was being born. Mark Wahlberg was throwing rocks at. black kids and calling them the n-word I. think the day I was born him you know. how vicious it has to be in 86 to get a. hate crime on you that guy was doing.

like 1940 hate crimes bro like dude if. that guy was in Brooklyn in like 1930 if. I got man you gotta let him know yeah. yeah it was [ __ ] 86 he was he was like. holding it down like yeah like they were. like just segregating schools do what I. mean. hey he made rap videos own H of course. yeah. the next party by marky-mark is probably. just hit me like hey black people we're. talking about your honor.

exhibit a dance that was just cause he. threw stones dude wait. marky-mark you tell me Marky Mark has. four hey dude we can we can verify now. is I don't wanna I don't wanna. yeah you bring up the screen and say. Google did Marky Mark throw rocks at me. let me find this thing let me see what's. going on here uh sorry I was just.

watching trump serve that dude sorry. hilarious fourteen thousand you're sick. millions does you witness who are scared. right now way to say to America we're. watching you right now it's a very nasty. question and I think it's a very bad. signal that you're putting out to the. American people the American people are. looking for answers and they're looking. for hope and usually and the same with.

NBC and Comcast that [ __ ] lady back. right has been dressing like a Star Wars. character every single press conference. yeah what is muggings she literally. dresses from the future in every up and. every one of these why does she do that. I don't know I don't know. and most of the time her hair actually. is the exact same color and texture as. Trump's so they sit and if they stand. close enough to each other it's so they.

just blend yeah you gotta watch it it's. when you watch although they're really. great in closing her star war constant. star wars outfits spell I wouldn't have. thrown in the H it's good it's gonna be. all about him beating up Asians don't 88. he attacked Asian men in 88 and yeah. dude you're like poor people's jaws let. me see. well pardon yeah he tried to eat so he.

tried to get a pardon for like beating. the [ __ ] out of the Chinese guy and then. when he got it he like was like I'm. sorry I shouldn't try to get that. let me say mark Whalberg throwing rocks. [Laughter]. now let's check out the Wikipedia dude. Washington Post has it Dan that's a. weird picture of him that might've been. right after good looks like a former. skater dude it's 2017 let me say early. life Wahlberg was born okay just say he.

had four spouses. probably bro scroll up what word might. be the go-to no children for spouses. hold on scroll down it's on the right. how many spouses the Ellaria just one. all right I thought I just saw the. before well you were scrolling I was. like dude if he has four different wives. he literally is it if he is it a wife. for every hate crime I think you got a.

Rio every hate crime you do to get a new. wife I don't think they make it through. those uh yeah so young as nine children. his dad was a delivery driver so he is. of Swedish and Irish descent and his mom. is English ancestry so it's not like. that no and his mom saw okay so Mark. Wahlberg was excuse me Mark Wahlberg was. addicted to cocaine at 13 so three years. later after becoming addicted to cocaine. whoa whoa paint dude Wahlberg and three.

friends chased after three black. children while yelling kill the n-word. well you know I love how they hyperlink. that like you're gonna click and click. this one [ __ ] you who wrote the. Wikipedia page for that first of all.

hold on now I'm distant read I mean dude. there's like nine pages on etymology all. right that's just aggressive well true. it wouldn't be bad to see who came up. with it to see who watch dude I think. that Dutch and the Portuguese were. dropping at first you think they started. it. apparently they started and Mark. Wahlberg finished it yeah and then at 88. after chasing black kids with rocks next.

today what the next day stop scrolling. okay throwing rocks at them the next day. Wahlberg and others followed a group of. schoolchildren taking a field trip on a. beach yelling racial epithets at them. and throat they threw rocks again and he. summoned all their own people. he said come on gals dogs and white. males who joined in the harassment come. on guys there's he was just a lifeguard. here's a lifeguard popped off the shades.

like Oh calm down ladders fast pop it. off the shades down as fast as you can. Mark Wahlberg Mark Wahlberg Baywatch. we're just him like this he's like 3. black three Puerto Ricans let's go get. him he started just Mark Wahlberg. sprinting at the beach the [ __ ] outta. here my [ __ ] yeah so he came in 88. dude he cooled off for two years 88 he. assaulted a middle-aged Vietnamese man. call him a Vietnam [ __ ] [ __ ] and he.

hit him with a large wooden stick he hit. him with a [ __ ] Donatello dude. [ __ ] Wahlberg down at a load large. and then he attacked a second Vietnamese. man later the same day punching him in. the eye what he went on a [ __ ] tear. and then when he was arrested and. returned to the scene the first assault. he told police officers I'll tell you.

now that that's the [ __ ] head I. split open and they noted that Wahlberg. made numerous unsolicited racial. statements about gooks in slant-eyed. gooks end quote Marco I was charged with. attempted murder yeah mark I mean yeah. Mark Wahlberg yeah I mean I only served. 45 days for that yes he pleaded guilty. or 70 years in jail he plead guilty to. attempted murder and murder and serve it.

45 days. yeah dude it's Mark Wahlberg you didn't. get out there and do some other [ __ ] I. think that was when he's filming fear. they're like oh come on and then he. fractured his neighbor's jaw in 92 I. don't think it's a white guy so we're. all good on that yeah dude. holy [ __ ] then came and then in 1990 he. just became a rap Mountain Oh six he got. another Asian I think oh no no he made a. man make it men's so then he he.

requested a pardon uh and then trend. released her truck whenever a tree. released a public statement forgiving he. forgave Mark Wahlberg for calling him. Vietnam [ __ ] [ __ ]. and hitting him with a stick that's. [ __ ] up dude a bo staff attack on a. Vietnamese guy yeah you think so Choi. you think he at least flipped it around. real cool like definitely if I know Mark. Wahlberg I did so I'm cool with that bow.

stuff I love about all of his movies are. like stopping about like the Boston. Marathon bomber this is the bad guy yeah. he's just a [ __ ] bad guy dude this is. out beating the [ __ ] out of innocent. people he wasn't a there was the. eighties Bros a different time true I. mean yeah I can't say that I mean I was. grown he's became it first of all he's. become a millionaire ever since so I'm. sure grown and matured he didn't know I. think he did I think yeah I don't know. though you think there's part of him you. think if he sees a large wooden stick on.

the ground he's in Chinatown he might. have to big mark don't do it mock da I. got he's gotta call Donnie guys like. mock don't do it it was a mess last time. you kiss Lee put the stick down he's a. close dude I can spin if I [ __ ]. support I could probably re I could do. it I could hit him now how the hell did. he make it through this how did he I. guess there's a grandfathered in if you. beat the [ __ ] out of Asians or threw. rocks at black kids in the 80s Early 90s. it's like you're good don't worry about.

it well it's funny too because I feel. like a lot of I would say a lot of black. women love Mark Wahlberg it was fun for. me to sit there with my wife and she. pulled out was like I think healing hate. crime people and she was like nah. and she was like pulling it up I was. like whoa. oh she saw the wicked you using [ __ ]. transformers why people love. transformers well dude I thought they. oliver get bright and transformers I. think they forget highlights are taking. hold dude hi my people are definitely.

more like dude. they shake water off heart they're like. I don't pay my thirst right now have. something delicious on that tip too. though beaters will never drink water. not a glass of water has been touched. I'm telling you man be tzer's the last. he is a relic until you really don't.

drink water nobody there's nobody left. he doesn't drink water dude it's him. my whole dock 60% of black people a lot. of play black people go either way dude. they're either super [ __ ] healthy or. it's just like total party time in terms. of food I I'm on the I'm on the party. time tip I can't know anyone I'm on a. black health I'm a black health nut. doing black people get healthy it's the. best dude it's like I'm a conservative.

full I'm a black conservative black my. favorite if I'm a white black. conservative dude how much time is this. we're done yeah we're doing piss I think. I called you at one point me like what. what boy you can see that you're one boy. in the highlights money got your tongue. one point highlights have got me dude. well boy you're like this. Oh Oh No.

don't lose them all right dude dude his. whole life you think I'm not gonna have. a couple of drinks let's let's pay. through the we'll do a war mode Paige I. think they're trying to launch their own. podcast here's what Ward went tonight oh. man well no Michael I can't be in a war. on each other yeah you got a whole dude. I'll get those boys are going I'm fully. coordinating you from war mode dude I. you need to quarantine me from Twitter. too I might say something I might. remember that day Wahlberg hit a guy. with the stick and then ran and punched.

a different guy he Grand Theft Auto back. Asian community that started 45 yeah you. could you give your phone to is there a. safe. go give your phone to your neighbors bad. guys I don't want to say something. racist on Twitter if I do it anyway with. my rich southern neighbors be like Oh. welcome to the neighborhood how about I. eat your wife's [ __ ] no we just joke.

around here anyway please take my phone. so I don't say anything bad on the. Twitter would you kindly come over to. our quarters for a mint julep a small. handful of mushrooms ma'am the Mitchells. and mushrooms down in the parlor. Oh connie's freshener him up in the air. in the car. Oh carnies ask her if she wants cheese. on this burger don't be rude [ __ ].

kill him I forgot about that. I'm so mad about that oh [ __ ] slime the. door open you're at a pocket door please. Dorian you slid that thing open [ __ ]. this is just the office dude this isn't. my bedroom this is the office I figured. I figured out a mansion boy I figured. here in the office you can get it by the. way to all listeners. go to Airbnb yeah you can leave Joe so. right now it's like $150 an item like. Beach mansions [ __ ] man [ __ ] move.

dude that is the move get out of Dodge. Judas go hit a city dude I just found. one in North Carolina for like two weeks. I think I really do it yeah for the. night of a [ __ ] like for the rate of. a like you know holiday in basically. you're saying it'll probably it'll. probably cost me like I'll be like three. grand for two weeks but yeah if we split. it you've been on the tour bro you've. been [ __ ] doing your [ __ ]. thing it's what you get boils dude all.

right we out this one was so much better. than that last one oh dude I'm telling. you that we knew the right thing we did. the right you stop right away and you. jump back in man I just want to say I. just appreciate you dude before we get. off I just before we get off fair deal I. ever hear you unstoppable perhaps I am. the sole king dude I think you I think. you've proved yourself I think you are. the salt King no doubt dude you gotta.

keep those other boys promise me you're. gonna keep them other boys in line down. there the boys are canal high they need. you what the [ __ ] they're probably. they're probably messing stuff up I get. in there and regulated that's the dude. you have Jackson Matilda I got these are. no Connie's they sum up this debt oh. [ __ ] dude. I mean after this is all said and done. all right we'll be back to business. you know people people have to atone. with the fact that they're being big. [ __ ] during this all we were doing is. getting [ __ ] paid your you know.

getting paid showing off I tell you what. some some local comedy clubs might not. survive this you know when the. businesses get closed yeah. I'm sorry go find me I'm gonna go find a. phone we might have to see I don't know. somebody mentioned that like starting a. GoFundMe for them yeah I'm gonna start. I'm a sort of GoFundMe where I just get. all my money back from me to keep them.

through the thing definitely [ __ ] they. have to be I want a flag in their whole. thing they're literally their business. model is go fund me true that's true. we're talking about good good comedy by. the lady blocks yeah it is pity bucks. dude. and they sent a one it's been like hey. can everybody help support us build this. comedy Chlo we needs $50,000 I still. have the daus I still have the daus hard. dose I might. ever need to drop it because I think. they're not gonna survive this economic. downturn probably hanging on I mean how.

can bad comedy be a business also I mean. I mean that's a pretty well crowd but. it's like people are gonna be hesitating. let's go down there where is it there. goes right down trying to tell me what's. in Chinatown I'll check it out I'm not. racist so now they're gonna be like kids. being afraid to go into a graveyard I'm. not scared. I'll go for I'll go run down and touch. something Oh touchy grave stuff yeah I.

hope I hope our brothers didn't comedy. pass through this tough economic time. disease God let Philly improv theatre. and good good survive please dude that's. the only thing I want I'm telling you. there's a check there's checks in on. their uncle's desk right now being like. this I'll donate my entire patreon this. month to them if they can survive. through April so if they I'll give them. a which you know well of the May if they. can if they survive through April I know. we were if they were to drop a full art.

they have to build a mat in Chains yep. black or statue in the lobby yep then. we'll keep them afloat economically they. have to do a thing of you just like. dispersing money to them and then like. groveling on their knees do they put. that or like a Stalin esketh at like an. 8 by 10 that falls from the ceiling then. we will fund their theater yeah for sure. we could probably buy the theater right. now we think we've talked about buying. it before I think now would be the time. to buy that theater when it goes down. yeah. so I'll start sneaking right now yeah.

see if you can go buy it start sniffing. around talk to the landlord be right. turn it down and piss on the ass that's. great and I respect all no those guys. are really super funny all right let's. roll good be on the air right now I had. a couple highlights god damn dude this.

is - I love you I miss you I [ __ ] I'll. see you so much bro I might just drive. up just meet you in your basement. I might sneak down. you should do top-down at home know what. you think what nothing nothing let's go. before I'm gonna say something bad I was. out of here I'm gonna stop this by.