Ep 645 - Pimpology

Wow. Wow. Wes. >> back then as a hen and used as a. [ __ ] rooster. I'm going tell. him get with the here and now. I'm going. to [ __ ] on you with this young ass. >> You start talking about high risk sexual. activity. >> This is the last thing we need is Matt. on his pimp [ __ ]. >> They're talking about really high-risisk. sexual activity that they can't comment. >> True. >> Like, yeah, I got my bottomed for this. guy. >> Anal to anal. >> Yeah, true. But you can't you're not. allowed to have nicotine. tobacco. That's Dude, that's the. argument. Some are Some are with the.

Times, the other ones I mean, it's just. a get at your paper, man. >> You're talking about Coke. These are the. new Pepsi. >> Yeah, he's the Pepsi generation. You. can't [ __ ] with that Coke classic. >> Exactly. >> Also, who's the biggest pimp than Uncle. Sam? >> I agree. >> You should start pimping, dude. Bro, I'm. I've been hitting I put it on in bed and. just like I listen to Pimpology at. nighttime, 48 Laws of the Game and I'll. just put it on just wait for Britney. like the her brain to register the. words. It's hotel it's everything's.

broken down. He tells it pimp and Ken. obviously tells a story about his life. 23 23 the P Michael Jordan the pimping. from pew walk Milwaukee but. >> I'll put it on dude. >> dude I'll put it on and I'll just watch. her like she'll be sitting there reading. a book and you'll just hear this guy. being like I walked up I said [ __ ]. break yourself and she'll be like break. yourself's nice if a chick talks to you. you like if she's not going to pay you. you can't even barely look at her if she. comes to talk you say [ __ ] break. yourself they have to give you a G and. it's like all right now we can deal like. I won't even They won't even talk to a.

lady about. >> Try pimping. >> I I couldn't do it. I knew it. >> All digital pimping. >> The pimp game moved online. >> You need to start gorilla pimping, dude. >> You think I'm. >> right now? You're not gorilla. >> I'm going to go migill the gorilla. Nah, dude. I'm a [ __ ] soft Mac. I'm my Yo, pimp is a non-cont sport. >> How many bedrooms do you have in your. house? >> Pimp is a non-cont sport. I'm my with me. it's a skull game. >> God, La Mer. La Mer is so gay, dude. He's sitting back there while he's. talking on. >> It's true. Mayor pimps.

>> I'm just catching the vibes, dude. Mayor, you're not pimping at all, dude. >> Hello. >> We can edit that. We can edit that. >> Wait, did you already start? >> Yeah, >> we're fired up. >> We're fired up. Yeah, it is one of the. worst things for me to. >> for me to be reading these books are. just not it's not necessary, but dudes. are the best. Non-cont sport is my. favorite. Pimping is a non-cont sport. >> But in the game, dude, they can't stop. you from pimping. >> Well, here's the thing. You don't even. want to talk about now with the human. trafficking things. Yeah, I guess so. >> A lot of a lot of gentlemen had to step.

out, step back cuz they're they're. roofing dudes now. >> It's human trafficking. >> It is. >> Pimping is human trafficking. >> I mean, dude, they really I've been. watching a lot of interviews about it. and they will really be like, "No, we're. elevating these hoes.". >> And then it's like, "Nah, dude. You're. [ __ ] You're destroying these ladies. Absolutely. It's so It's so evil.". >> Well, pimping. >> It's Dude, it's literally is you're. preying on. >> Yeah. It's the most heinous thing. It's. one of the most. >> you're you're essentially taking young. girls from terrible neighborhoods who.

were like molested and be like, "What's. wrong, baby?" You're like, "Yeah, what? What do you mean? What do you mean. what's wrong?". >> Yeah, of course. >> Come here. >> No, I would. >> In his book, he talks about it. >> Scumbags. >> He takes a lady, she's crying. He goes, so I walk up to her. I said, "Bitch, what's the matter?" She was like, "I got. molested, daddy." And he goes, "Bitch, success is the best revenge. Get out. there and make some money." God damn. >> When did he write this book? like in the. '9s or. >> Simon and Schustster published this. >> Jesus Christ. >> Simon and Schustster published this. He.

was he got real big with all the rappers. and stuff and they like put him out and. he got he was in a lot of the early rap. videos. >> Simon Schustster put out a how-to pimp. book. >> Pimpology 48 laws. >> But does it tell you how to pimp? >> Yeah, dude. It tells you exactly. >> Who's the Who's the pimp? >> Pimp and Ken. >> What? What is it? >> Pimp and Ken. >> Pimp and Ken. >> His name's Ken. What's Pimp and Ken? >> His name's Pimp and Ken. Is he still. active in the. >> No, he's a Mac. So once you once you you. transcend pimp and you become a Mac and. then a boss player is above that all. >> Damn. >> A Mac is someone who was a pimp but. doesn't need those hoes anymore because.

he has other lines of he turns he turns. his hoens into dividends. >> Does he still maintain. >> Does he still maintain a polygamous. lifestyle? >> Uh yeah, always. Obviously he's not. [ __ ] square. >> Yeah. >> I mean who are the biggest pimps but. [ __ ] wives? That's what he claims. He. claims you're either being pimped by. your wife or you're macking on the. babes. >> Very simple. >> They're they're they're like for real. It's it's like red pill, but it goes. back to like the ' 70s and 60s. There. was a sociological study where someone. from I think Berkeley,

>> some lady professor became a stripper, went undercover and penetrated like the. she kind of yeah she was like in the. life getting like a. >> like a cell of pimps and was talking to. them and talking to the girls and they. did a whole study and they published it. and they she her theory was that these. black dudes from the city were they. didn't even realize it but they were. recreating a polygamous lifestyle in. that that used to be in like subsaharan. Africa. It was very common where like. the women would go out and work and the. dudes would be chilling like getting all. pretty and [ __ ].

>> So they were tapping all day and it led. to they were tapping in genetic memory. >> [ __ ] copout. >> The what? >> To be like it's just in their biology. pimp. >> It's pretty crazy. >> Like what? >> Well, she was saying it used to be back. in the day it was like you would which I. heard the opposite. I heard back in. Africa there was a lot of like multiple. dudes, one lady setups. >> I think it's a massive continent. >> True. >> Massive continent. >> True. True. >> Tons of different tribes. Yeah, true. >> Well, so the majority was lady pimps. >> No. Uh I don't know. But I I heard there.

was back I mean I read some book another. time they said the exact opposite where. like you would just have like it' be. like you and the bros and you would just. have one babe. You guys. >> you would just all Yeah. You'd all just. go as hard as you could in the. >> talk about anything like 300 years. before you could say whatever you want. You really can't. No one was polygamous. Everyone was monogous. But then this. happened. >> Yeah. Girls were in charge. Blah blah. blah. It's like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody. really does have a [ __ ] clue. No one. has a clue. You don't have a clue what. your grandparents did. >> I know. >> So, let alone like what your ancestors.

in this country have no [ __ ] clue. >> Yeah. There was like one guy you. >> No one wrote it down like, "Yeah, here's. how we run our life." It's like. >> Yeah. >> We all hurdle around one woman and she. is our master pimp. >> Well, it wasn't if you were there wasn't. a pimp. It was just like that was just. your babe. And you'd be like, "Fuck. yeah. I got a wife. Who's your wife?". Oh, yeah. That's my wife, too. And you'd. be like sick. >> Yeah. >> That's kind of a sick setup. nice guy. Everyone bangs the same lady. >> Like if we all were in trouble for. masturbating right now, we all.

>> we all had a common like teacher to. blame. We're like, "Dude, she sucks.". >> But yeah, that was uh But yeah, it's. pretty it's definitely it's definitely a. wild world. It really did. All the cool. slang from rap came from pimping. I'll. get I will give them that. They have all. that stuff. >> Where was this pimp? Is he in Oakland? >> Pwalk. >> Oh, >> pimpy. been in Milwaukee. Milwaukee Milwaukee. going wild for sure. >> Yeah, he was pee walking. >> But mayor, I'm just joking about your. your dong, dude. I'm sorry. I didn't.

mean to make you so sad. >> It's okay. >> My joint was kind of ashy. I was on the. Florida run all by my lonesome. >> My jaw was a little ashed. Did. >> you fall with the sword of lust? >> 100%. >> Oh, La Mer, I didn't mean to get you. down, brother. >> Yeah, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm. >> surprised that major life adjustment. >> I know. But. >> so Lamar's going through a major life. adjustment. >> True. That's true. Yeah. Well, like I. said, buckle in. It's fun stuff. It is. fun stuff, though. Women really are this. amazing creatures.

>> Their eyes are truly just gates to. eternity, dude. Just. >> Yeah. When you look into their eyes, you. go, "God damn, you are smart as hell.". >> Yeah. >> Which is nice. Uh. the a bunch of guys a bunch of guys came. with me to the Notre Dame game and uh. all three of my bros from hometown got. texts or calls from their wives that. were just. fighting. >> just lady [ __ ] Like one lady, one lady. texted like, "I hear music.". >> Another lady was like, "It's cold. >> It's cold in the house.".

>> One lady's like, "Did you take my. pillow? It. >> smells musty." And the kids. >> during the game they were getting live. text. >> No, it was just as soon as they got to. the house on Thursday night, like they. got slammed with [ __ ] I hear music. coming from somewhere. >> Oh, it was like reports from back home. >> Complaint reports from the house. >> Yeah. I get like logistical ones. >> Well, then turn the thermostat up. >> Turn it up. >> If I tell my wife I'm doing anything. that I can't pay attention to, I get. like the most intense logistical texts. It'll be like on December 19th, you want. to go at 2 or 3 to.

>> I don't think anything can piss me off. more. >> than being like, "What time are we. leaving on the. >> They'll be like, "The first ice rink for. the Christmas fair is at 2 p.m. Do you. want to go to that or the 2:30? What. time do you think you'll be back on. December 9th?". >> I'm gone. I'm in another state right. now. I don't know. >> Yeah. Yeah. And if you're like, "Bro, I. don't want to think about this.". >> And then I'll come home and be like, "Yo, let's go." Like, "Nah, never mind. I figured it out. It's 2:00. Okay. Why. did you text me 100 times?". >> Yeah. They'd be tripping, bro.

>> Love them. >> I love them. I do love them. >> I do love the women. >> I love them. I love when they get up to. their tricks. >> Don, you need them. You need the babes. >> Uh, got a good got a good Phil story for. you. >> Yeah. How how was the [ __ ] trip? >> Trip was incredible. But uh first night. me and Okconor got there Thursday. uh fresh off the big movie premiere. >> Oo. >> Then we flew from LA to Southbend. It. was me and me and Okconor and Phil. Phil. got to the house early. Phil was out.

there on Thursday. >> Figured. >> he had already been to the casino twice. in in one day. >> Was he up? >> I doubt it. You don't go back. Phil said. he went to the casino right when he got. there. went to Walmart to get supplies. and I was like, "Fuck it. They're not. going to be here for a while." Back to. the casino. >> Oh, dude. If I was the FBI trying to pin. all of you, I was like, "Lax, Northbend, casino, Walmart.". >> His dad's at the casino in Walmart. >> What's his game, >> sir? These are either geniuses or raging. alcoholics. >> Yeah. What does he play?

>> Uh, he plays [ __ ] he was saying what it. was. It was a weird game I never heard. of. >> Uh, >> Majong. >> No, it's some game. Some game that was. like poker with just flushes. I forget. Uh, oh, really? >> Yeah. I have no idea what he's doing. But he's like, "It takes a while." Which. is what I like. I don't lose everything. at once. I can really enjoy it. But I He. was He was like, "I've already been to. the casino twice. I can't go a third. time." I was like, "Connor, watch this. If I say casino to you.". >> Yeah. >> Just keep an eye on him. He's going to. be like a dog hearing, "Let's go for a.

walk." I go, "Dude, I mean, what do you. think about the casino? You just see my. dad on the couch go. >> He's cocked his head. >> And then so we're, you know, we're a. little exhausted. He's like, "Shane, I. didn't come out here to just sit here. Let's go. Let's go out." But he made us. go out. But uh before we go, he tells us. the story. It's me, him, and Okconor and. we're sitting there and he's like, "I. got this prostate cancer." So, I went in. and I'm in the I'm in the doctor's. office and this Indian guy comes in and.

he starts unzipping this thing and I go, "Hey buddy, I don't know what room you. think you're in, but that's not going. anywhere near me." So, anyway, the guy. ends up shoving this rod up my ass. It was literally like Kanye delivery of. like I'm not going to say it. >> So, he did end up shoving that rod into. my ass. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah, he was he was on a mad one. So my. dad was [ __ ] banged up Thursday. through Sunday, dude. He was [ __ ].

shitfaced. >> That was probably the time of his life. >> He was. >> Yeah. I mean, the game. >> he Dude, at the end of the game, we're. in the We're in the suite that we were. sitting in. As soon as the game ends, Phil's like, "All right, Shane, let's. go. Let's go down to the locker room.". [ __ ]. What? He's like, "Yeah, I'm sure they're. going to Marcus Marcus Freeman's going. to want to see me. Let's go ahead and. get down to the locker room." I'm like, "Dad, we can't go into the locker room, you maniac.". He kept being like, "Okay, let's go. All. right, that's it. Come on.

>> You want to spray the bottles?". >> He was Yeah, he was he was fired up. >> That's so. >> Oh, also he's in like We were in a. suite, a really nice suite with like. former players. >> [ __ ] Joe Montana was in there. >> Like, it was crazy. Phil's sitting next. to Tim Brown the entire game. And the. entire time, my dad's the only one. screaming in the box. >> Like, he's the only one that's like a. >> Yeah. drunk fan. Yeah. >> Every time Miami's quarterback dropped. back, he was like, "Get him. Get him.". Ah, [ __ ]. >> Get him.

>> Get him. >> Get him. >> He's just screaming next to an NFL Hall. of Famer. It was It was a wonderful. experience. >> That's awesome. >> Yeah. The Okan man held his own. Didn't. Didn't act a fool. >> Nice. That's actually Especially for. that game. That's impressive. >> Yeah. I was surprised the Okan man did. what he did. >> Yeah, I could see him. >> He held it together. Did he hit the. chapel? >> Uh he not a lot of guys were making it. in and out of the house. >> Yeah, >> it was. >> Yeah, >> that's awesome. It. >> was a bit of a blood bath on Friday.

night in the house. >> Yeah. >> Uh the bus. >> Yeah. The day before. So we were just. watching watching games, enjoying. ourselves. >> Nebraska played that day and Will. Compton went to Nebraska. So the busing. with the boys guys came over. They. always roll about 40 deep. >> Yeah. >> Just [ __ ] 30 guys in this house. >> Dang. just drinking, enjoying ourselves. But at some point during that Okconor. something, he must have got I I didn't. watch it happen, but he just about. blacked out. >> on Friday. >> Yeah, >> he went to the Okconor verse.

>> He did. >> And then he wakes up Saturday morning. I. watch him come out of the basement like, >> "Oh, >> does he get rowdy or just like silently. blacked out?". >> He gets quiet when he gets blacked out. >> But it's also he'll you almost think. he's fine. Then he'll just like toss. earbuds in and look at you and you're. like, "Why the [ __ ] do you have. headphones in, bro?" like. >> I'll be like I'm listening to Seager. Nightmares. >> He listens to Bob Seager like a deep. blackout. >> He used to come home and blast Seager. and dance. >> Why Seagar? >> He loves [ __ ] Seager.

>> Yeah, dude. >> He also loves like a rock. That's his. [ __ ] jam, >> dude. >> Only while blacked out. It's like an. alter ego that loves Bob Seager. >> That's [ __ ]. That's probably ancestral memory. >> True. Definitely, >> dude. Years ago, I had a party at my. house in Philly on Brown Street and we. were just like all sitting there and I. didn't think he was even that drunk and. he just like we're talking. He's popped. in headphones and was like I think it. was night moves and I'm like, >> "Bro, what the [ __ ] are we talking? You're just going to pop in headphones.". >> Probably brings him back somewhere. >> Does I mean it was I was like I can't be.

mad. I'm kind of jealous. I'm not. listening to Night Moves myself. But. >> that was great. But yeah, whole ch and. then like I was sitting next to him at. this bar on Thursday night and it was. me, Phil and Okconor and it's like you. can't get those two out of the bar. >> Yeah, >> you cannot. And I look over at Chris. I'm like, dude, you ready to go? And he. was like. >> like oh my god, dude, you got to go. Let's go. I will say I was I was actually thinking. about this this weekend and I don't want.

to rate on your party parade, but I was. like straight guys compared to gay guys, you can't even claim to be a party. animal. >> Oh yeah, >> dude. We went to We were in uh Orlando. on Sunday and they had an EDM festival. It was like 19-year-old kids and then. just like 45year-old gay couples and. like a lot of them raging. >> A lot of them. Yeah, dude. >> Yeah, of course. >> They can't rage that hard as the. hardest. They rage. They're the king. party. You're saying they can't rage? I'm saying like a 45-year-old. heterosexual male. Like the party's. over, >> bro. Those gay dudes are the party. champ. I was there being like, "Dude,

these guys are for real king of the. party.". >> Well, they never had to stop partying. >> Never had to stop. And no one. >> and their party goes and go. >> They're not getting thermostat texts. Thermostat. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> There's music coming from somewhere in. Indiana. >> If you're like a 40-year-old gay party. man, every text you get is nice. >> Yeah. >> It's like, yo, >> it's like a GTA phone. Every time your. phone dings, it's like, yo, >> new [ __ ] drug mission. comes and it's just coming. Drugs. >> Yeah, it's just every text.

>> Every text is a good one. >> It's just who the [ __ ] trying to nut in. my butt. >> Me. >> That would be a nice rockstar game where. you're just like a 40-year-old gay guy. Just the parties. >> There's Young Boys EDM Fest. >> They're on to something. >> They are. I was thinking about it. >> They are on to something. Every text I. get, it's like, "Who the [ __ ] is this. now?". >> Yeah. Who the [ __ ] trying to nut my. butt? >> No one's trying to nut my butt. >> I was pumped for him. And again, I'm not. saying this was their total design, but. I'm like, I'm a 40-year-old gay guy. I'm.

out. I'm partying, you know, about doing. my thing. You see like a [ __ ]. 25year-old kid whacked out on Molly like. >> you're like, "Hello.". >> Yeah. I haven't met too many buddy gay. dudes that are like just chilling. >> They rock. >> They usually are rocking as hard as they. can. the rocking and roll like you were. >> they hit a hard chill at like 60 though. if you like I was in Rehobath in. September and when you see like the old. couple old like gay dudes bickering. >> queens. >> and they all a lot not all of them a lot. of them go like they get real into like. maggot type stuff. >> there is that version but they're the.

ones kind of still rocking dude. >> they like to they're like parrot heads. but they're not party at like. >> I mean they're so I mean they're like MC. Jagger level if you were to count like. their hours of partying they're like. they've partied as hard as a rolling. >> I was watching like old gay couples like. fight while carrying beach chairs onto. the. >> beach all the party foreplay. They're. being like a [ __ ]. >> Yeah, I would imagine gay dudes the. party does take a break from be carrying. the chairs. >> and like you're like where do you want. to sit on the beach and you're fighting.

and it's like you haven't smashed in. like three months. >> Oh, >> I there's no way they haven't smashed in. three months. >> At some point you just stop cracking. >> I don't think they Yeah, they they open. it up. I think they open not pause but. they open up the relationship. They'll. be. >> even that though say you're just not. that horny. Like all of us hit a horny. wall at like 55 and over where it's like. do you really feel like. >> I hope that doesn't come for our gay. brothers. >> It comes for all men. >> True. >> Where you're just like I don't feel like. doing that right now. >> Yeah,

>> maybe. I don't know. I can't speak on. it. Just from what I've seen. >> I like to think they get their hands on. a delicious snack every now and again. >> Yeah. I think they get to get some. snacks. I think we're basing it off of. straight straight men with with guys. getting the [ __ ]. >> the texts. >> That's true. >> You know what I mean? Going the last. person I want to [ __ ] is this lady. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. It'd be one thing to like start. bickering like let's pick up a snack at. the bar. You're like, "You're right, babe. Let's go.". >> I I think they get the sugar babies. flowing. That's a nice treat. Post. argument snack with your brothers.

>> Your bread's probably so nice. >> Your bread. No one's money's longer. >> True to roof. >> Yeah. You got long paper like what are. we doing? >> Yeah. Like why are we. >> Let me call my sugar baby. You like you. sugar baby? You're like come on man. I. got you. >> Yeah, you're right. You might be right. I don't know. I'm just going by what I. saw walking onto the beach. I'm like. damn you guys are fighting too. Like. this. >> It is. I've I remember walking through. Rahobitth for senior week and I remember. it's cuz Rahobit it's a Delaware beach. and it's like a notoriously very gay. beach. >> I remember coming through and being like. damn these are the bros are there. They're there in their houses and you. walk. Yeah. I remember not bragging. I.

was doing a walk. >> Romo I know. >> Yeah. >> I was doing a walk. I was I mean for. guys it's a walk of glory. I was walking. back from being out all night and was. just like walking past. I'm like damn. all these gay guys. Was walking back. like what's up boys? >> Yeah. >> Partying like you guys last night. >> Did some poppers. >> I made out. Came back. Pretty sick. >> Went up on a chick. No big deal. >> Grabbed some boobs. No big deal. Senior. week. >> Yeah, it was pretty fun. I remember it. was actually my senior week was weird.

because I uh I had at one point I was. drunk at a high school dance and I had. taken a a girl's student ID out of her. back pocket. I didn't even remember what. I did and I had this ID and I was just. in my house forever and I met I. rekindled at senior week with the lady. from the ID and I was like. >> you get to go up on her. >> Pretty sure I did. >> Well, you stole her student ID. >> Yeah. I don't know why. I like just woke. up. I was like why the [ __ ] do I have. this lady's ID? I'm pretty sure I just. like popped it out of her. >> Damn. >> You probably went through her wallet, >> huh? Huh? You probably went through a. while. >> I was probably zanyied up. I was.

probably zanned up. Stealing [ __ ]. >> You got ch hit with zany from like 25. years ago. Like, bro, >> that's a weird side effect of zanies. You steal [ __ ] You steal. >> People are xanned up just go around and. steal stuff. >> You start like casually stealing stuff. out of garages and stuff. >> Yeah, dude. For real. >> It's like a weird effect of Xanax. It. makes you steal stuff. >> Yeah. Very strange. One of my bros did. it at one of our formal dances. He got. all zanned up. He was like, "I'm going. to take bars." Cuz they were like, you. know how they shake your hand at formal. dances in case like you're drinking, they want to smell your breath? He goes, "I'm going to just take like two zany.

bars and they're not going to be able to. tell." And he's walked around like. and then stole everyone's money out of. their sports coats. The bars are crazy. That's what we got. to get into. >> What? Zanies. >> Bars. Just chill pills. >> It's true. >> You chill pill and then go out. >> and then you end up drinking and you. black out. >> I've never taken one. >> I've taken Xanis twice. Not a fan. I've. never like. >> they're not chill. >> It just never struck me as a good idea. >> They're also the weirdest like it's. there's like perks you could take this.

and that. Dude take zies and just. completely black out. >> Yeah. >> I don't know anyone who's able to like. pop them and kind of like chill and have. fun. >> Have a nice evening. >> No, it would be bar. >> It's like going from zero to like 30. beers. >> literally. But you don't have like the. swagger of a drunk. You're just like. zonked. >> Yeah. You're just you're just zanned up. >> You're just stealing your neighbor's. [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Stealing stuff that's a good side. effect. Being sleepy in public sucks. >> You had a party laying down. >> Yeah. >> You can't form sentences and stuff. >> Did you ever garage hop? >> Yeah.

>> That was always sick. >> Yeah. >> I used to do it for beer when we were. younger. >> Yeah. Yeah. Of course. >> Garage beer. You get in there. >> and then just take what like hockey. sticks or whatever. >> Oh, you get you were getting other. stuff. >> Well, like when they were building new. developments around us, we thought it. was still our woods until like the. houses were complete. So like we took. whatever was in there. >> Yeah. It was your wood. >> We were indigenous to the area. >> It's true. We grew up in this area. It. was totally rural and there was no other. people. They built those developments. and we were fully like this [ __ ] is. ours. This is. >> Yeah. This is ours to break. This is. ours to like destroy. >> You're setting windows. I'm going to.

break these. >> Yeah. Put up drywall. I'm going to put. holes in. >> Yeah. It was [ __ ] up. >> I wasn't even angry, but I was just. like, "Oh, cool. You put something up. for us to do. Put holes in the drywall. and get moving.". >> Damn. I'm so glad your Irish won. I was. pumped. >> A It was It was huge. >> I give you full girlfriend support. >> I appreciate that. >> I was like, "His team won again. He'll. be in such a good mood. Oh, good. He's not going to yell at me. tonight. >> I was pumped. Me and pumped on our. Sixers right now. >> Uh, you should have seen them yesterday. >> I know. I know. Hey, man.

>> Yesterday they got nut in their butt. >> They did. They did. Didn't they trade? Didn't they trade with the Celtics? >> Yeah. >> So, I mean, dude, I look this early. season, they're still figuring it out. I'm not I'm not too worried about them. playing a lot of games. I just want them. to stay injuryfree, really. So, >> I mean, dude, they play a game every. other [ __ ] day. Yeah. >> How do they not get [ __ ] up? >> They got They got rest Joel. I didn't. like seeing him out there. All right, time to get real in this new segment. called Rip or Ship, presented by Prize.

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I would get base headchar. You called it. hollow. Come on. >> I'm all Pokemon right here. I'm going. Mewtwo. I'm going Charizard. Blastoise. Primeape. Primeape's nice. >> I never even thought of Primeape. >> Primeape would be nice. >> Who's the magic one? >> There is many. >> There's one that looks like. >> Alakazam. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Alakazam. That'd be nice. Ghost. Pokemon. >> Classic Squirtle. Does that do anything. for you? >> Squirtle squad would be nice. I don't. know if it'd be a real high. >> Squirtle go up to. >> uh War Twirl then Blastoise. >> So, keep an eye out for that.

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older in eligible areas. Terms apply. Collect responsibly, please. >> Yeah, he'll be all right. They'll be all. right, >> dude. I don't I don't know. I after I. actually bruised my ribs playing. basketball the other day. That did you. ever do that before? >> [ __ ] hurts. >> Probably. >> It hurts like when you breathe it's like. every time. And I was actually thinking. about Joel playing after the. appendicitis surgery and I'm like how. the [ __ ] did he do that? >> Yeah, that was crazy. >> That's insane. >> How'd you bruise your rib? Get hit by a. ball or like bumping into. >> I jumped up. It was the biggest guy on. the court. I jumped up to contest a. shot. It was the biggest guy on the.

court and we banged into each other. >> You get bruised ribs from the ball. You. >> got to go home. Yeah, you got to go. That's full nerd status. >> You got hit with a pass. >> No, there was some big ass dude and he. went up to shoot and I jumped up to try. to block a shot and we just like slammed. into each other. >> Oh, did you hit the court? >> Huh? >> Were you like on the ground? >> No, I I landed on my feet. He He kind of. made us stink about it. He was like, "What the [ __ ] dude?" And I was like, "Bro, you [ __ ] me up. You're huge. My. [ __ ] ribs are killing me.". >> Getting yelled at for playing too hard. >> Yeah, I always I always get [ __ ]. griped at. But it was like I went I jump. I jumped up straight. I jumped straight.

up and I was like you. >> He jumped into this. He jumped. He was. drawing the foul. >> Yeah. I mean, obviously his shoulder was. ribbed level like jumped into you. >> He just he went up and I went up to. block it and I didn't realize how much. force he jumped up with. He was a big. dog. >> How old was the dude? >> Probably like mid-30s. >> Stranger or like. >> total str I play with mostly total. strangers every time. >> Well, you guys just show up and white. bull. He was a white bull. >> You show up and everyone just assembles. to like teams. >> You show up to the courts. >> Oh, damn. >> You just go to the courts. Even. >> I never baldled. I never bled. >> You got to shoot around a little, get a,

you know, get a good idea of who's good. >> Yep. You go, you guys want to play? Yeah, you just it's just pick up. You go. like, "Hey, does you guys want like. Yeah. >> And then do you do like you guys are. captains and you pick the guys?". >> You shoot for it. First two to make the. shot get to be captains and they pick or. you just go like every other one split. up the teams. But yeah, they. >> shared skins. >> I wanted to so I can, you know, so I can. know who's who. But no, we we all kept. who. >> I dude I get hit with like Yeah, it can. be tough, dude. You get like uh. >> Does anyone ever fight? >> I get people who get pretty heated at me. a lot. >> You don't fight though? Like.

>> none's gonna No one's going to do it. It's it's it's it really is mostly white. guys. You can you can scrap with black. dudes playing and they're not going to. like really cry too much. White guys get. real princely about it around. >> get ligious on you. >> Yeah. They get really like dude what the. [ __ ] man. You're like bro this is I'm. not you know I'm not. >> balling dude. >> I'm not like smacking you in the neck. like our bodies. And also if people set. a pick I run I run through it full. speed. >> Yeah. If someone sets a pick on me I'm. like nah. I'm running at you as fast as I can. Is. that a foul?

>> Yeah. What? charging. >> Yeah. >> No, I'm You got in my way. I'm running. You. >> depends how like. >> Yeah, but if he's I don't lower my. shoulder. I just I'm like. >> Yeah, it's a it's a fell. >> Is it? >> Yeah. >> Okay, that's on me then. >> People set picks, I [ __ ] just go. in. >> You ever go back to the court? >> I'm running, dude. I'm not going to just. give my guy up cuz you're just standing. there. >> You ever go back to the court and they. don't let you play? >> No, they always let me play. >> You pull up and they're like, >> I also yell the whole time. Oh,

>> every time I shoot I lower my head. >> I did that to a kid. I played with. middle schoolers the other day. >> I play with middle schoolers yesterday, actually. The one kid went to shoot it. I went like that like I was going to. when someone shooting you like throw. your head like you're about to hit them. He's like, >> but I was chilling with with the. youngster. >> He was laughing. >> Mister, you're scaring him. Take it. easy. >> No, those kids were all They were so. funny. They were calling the one kid. crackhead Bob. They're the crackhead. Bob. Throw me the ball. And I'm like, why do you call him that? It's not nice. Yeah. It was it was kind of highly sus.

behavior. I was just trying to shoot. around. >> like 12, 13, 14 year olds. >> Yeah. The school let out and they all. just poured on the court like, "Can we. play? Can we play?" I was like, "All. right, boys. Let's go. Fire up.". >> Who won? Your team or them? >> We won. I was chilling. I actually kind. of pulled my groin yesterday. >> So, I was just I was just playing low. and I was just I was just. >> crackhead. Did Bob get you? >> Nah, crackhead. Bob didn't get me. He. didn't. >> He tried. I tried to cross him up. That's how I think I pulled my groin. >> I was like, did a lateral move. I should. have put some money up. money up, dude. >> Nah, those bums didn't have [ __ ] dude. Those kids. >> say we play with the older heads. You.

start putting some bread up. >> I should get them playing a little. harder. >> That would be nice. Put some bread up. >> Put a bucket of G. >> and just never pay if I lose. Just be. like, >> sprint off the court. >> Like, I was just joking. >> Find a new court, dude. >> I should get banned from those courts. near my house. >> I would if you came home with like five. grand, threw it on the table. You're. like, >> I might just withdraw and come back. like, yeah, I want more of the courts in. my bed. Just never bad. You should. convince her you're making like 10 grand. a week at the courts. >> Yeah, that's a great idea. >> That is a good idea.

>> It double rims. >> some money and be like, I made this at. the casino. >> I have to go to the casino. >> True. >> I make this every night at the bar. I. don't know what the [ __ ] I'm playing. >> tough green. People are betting on it. >> Playing Hoop Jones every day. That. >> be such a nice move. >> Yeah, that'd be nice. >> Pretend you had a stream of income. That. was tough as [ __ ] You. >> Bill hits that. You can sign the book at. the bar and so everybody signs it and. puts in a dollar. And it gets up general. raffle. >> gets Yeah. It gets up to thousands of. dollars. Every once in a while he hits.

it, brings it home. >> He just comes over, throws on the table. Like that's why I go to the bar. >> He's like, "This is I have to sign the. book." And then the one time was great. I was like, "Dad, you sign the book all. the time." What? Like you never win. He's like, "I won twice this year." My. mom was like, "Wice?". >> So he's up then. >> Yeah. But he kept one to himself. >> He kept one. I remember being young and one of my. friends dads was like I was like a maybe. a 13-year-old boy and he was like, "You. always got to keep cash on the side for. yourself from your wife." He's like, "Don't ever tell her." He's like, "Have.

your account because you always need. your own cash. You do whatever you want. with it." I remember being like no idea. what he's talking about. Be like, >> "It's kind of true. >> 100%.". >> Yeah. You need to have like a hundred. bucks kicking around for like just. general [ __ ]. >> Got to get on the bus, dude. >> Voting's done, dude. Free rides over. I. had to hit him with a buck 25 today. >> I was telling. >> I was the only dude on the bus today. >> He was telling me you had a [ __ ]. battle on the bus. >> Oh, when I left here last week, >> someone step I heard someone step to. you. >> Some dude stepped to me. I was on it. I.

was like, bro, we're not like I'm not. >> Well, he's trying to get you to buy a. case of water. >> He was like, "Yo, you want to buy some. water?". >> I was like, "No, >> I spent a$125. How much does this [ __ ]. cost?". >> He's like, he tried to hit me for three. bucks for like some warm water. >> Was it a case or was it. >> It was like a half drank case. So he's. like, "Yo, three bucks for a bottle.". And I was like, "I'm good on that." And. he was like, "Two." I was like, "Do I. need water?". >> And he's like, "Yo, I don't feel like. [ __ ] carrying this all day." And I. just stepped cuz the bus was kind of. full. So I was like, "It's not my. [ __ ] problem, dude." And he was just.

like, >> he got off the bus and left it there. >> Oh, you got free water. >> I didn't touch it. >> Like, [ __ ] him. >> You got to You got to start. I'm telling. you, read pimpology. You need to learn. the 48 laws. >> I need to get harder, dude. >> Need the 48 laws game. But you got to. respect your elders. You got to respect. your elders, though, the whole time. That's important, >> dude. He stepped me on the bus in front. of everyone. So I was like I do down. here but I had to be like bro. So I'm. like. >> you had to stand your ground there. >> I had to stay on my ground. >> You could never show. I was taking I was. taking the whole back bench sitting in. the middle by myself. So like. >> that's dominant actually. >> I had to show them. It's like bro it. >> is very dominant. It's like the.

beginning of an action movie. >> Dude, the Austin bus is nuts too cuz a. lot of pe like you'll pull up to a stop. and people get on, look around and get. off. >> That's weird. >> It's so weird. >> They're probably looking for someone. >> There's a [ __ ] Amber Alert every 10. minutes in this town. They look kind of. space, so I don't think they're that. loud. >> What's the name of the bus? What's the. transit system here called? >> I have no idea. >> Dang. >> I don't know. I've never looked at it. I. don't know. >> What kind of bus you getting? >> It's just a big blue bus. >> Right next to my front door. >> That's chill. >> What is it?

>> Cat metro. >> I'm about to ride that this weekend. I'm. going to take the kids down. >> Take it down to my house, bro. I'm going. to ride. Chill. Really? >> I'm going to look for that guy with the. water. Like, what's up, [ __ ]. >> Dude, it's always heard you were talking. [ __ ]. >> I got five bucks. >> Let me see that. That's some [ __ ]. [ __ ] ass warm ass. >> Some beat. It was like a half ripped. open case and I was like, "Get the [ __ ]. out of here. Get the [ __ ] out of here.". >> Yeah. She like, "Bro, I'm going to slam. that on your head, pussy.". >> It was a full case unopen. >> I If it was on ice, I would have bought. one. Maybe. >> $2. You bring it home. You go, "Honey, look what I got.". >> He was doing single bottle. >> It was lukewarm out of the plastic. >> No, you can cool the water though.

>> I don't I got water at home. >> Yeah, you could always use more water. Bring it home. Show your wife. >> It's like a 12 oz. >> Go check this [ __ ] out. >> Poland Spring. I don't $3 per bottle is. also crazy. That's a crazy. He was. trying to get me. >> You got a half empty bottle. >> No, it was a half case. Had been ripped. >> Yeah. >> Sitting on like a hot ass seat and he. tried to hit me for three bucks, which. was punk prices. And he prices that he. cussied your ass out. He was cussying. you out. >> He's trying to cussing me out. I was. like, dude, not happening, bro. >> You got to Frank White, bro, I got a job. for you. Keep that water. Here's two.

bucks. >> I should have just taken him home with. me. Been like, bro, you come with me. >> Yeah, I got a job. Do you ever There was. the videos this guy does like meet dudes. outside and just be like him five bucks. He goes, you work for me now. They're. like fracked out guys. They're like, "Make them do push-ups." I'll be like, "Would you do anything for me?" They're. like, "I'll do anything for you." It's. so funny. >> You work for me now. >> It's strange, too, cuz the buses down. here are empty. Like, no one's on them. >> Yeah. You don't see people on them a. lot. >> I don't think anyone really [ __ ] with. the transit down here. >> It's not really Yeah. It's not a big bus. in town. It's more of a bus stop. People.

post up at the bus stop. >> Bus stops are popping. >> Sleepy dogs all the time. >> There's just people everywhere. Yeah, there's a lot of people at the bus. >> stops, but no one's getting off or on. the bus. >> That's crazy. Better for you. >> It's kind It's like an Uber. It's like a. It's like the top Uber. >> I for real like the bus. I am. Part of. me is like a little kid. If I get on a. bus, I'm like. >> It's exciting. >> Yeah, I guess that is exciting. >> It is kind of. >> You're locked in, too. You're like, "When's my stop? Oh, [ __ ] Oh, [ __ ] I. better not miss my stop.". >> Dude, I missed my stop going to Matts. I. like looked up and was like, "Stop.

pass.". >> Damn. >> Yeah, you you nodded. >> I nodded. >> Not at all. >> I for woke up in Arkansas. I woke up at the hit. >> Peter Pan [ __ ]. >> I remember in Philly the bus had one of. those things you could actually pull for. your stop. I I would just be like hit it. and be like, "Dude, I feel like the. [ __ ] man.". >> I used to love pulling that thing. >> And then my wife offered me the car, but. like I saw the trap in it. I was like, "No.". >> Yeah. >> If I take the car then it's like, >> "Yeah, I need it. I need it now.". >> Oh, I need it. I thought I actually need.

it right now. >> No, the bus is freedom. >> I have to pick up a lamp at noon. Like, no. You know, it'll be like. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I forgot to tell. you. I'm picking this up. Can you be. home by 1:00? It's like, no. >> No, baby. >> To pick up a lamp. >> Yeah. >> No, you didn't tell me about this lamp. I told you about it. I'm positive you. didn't tell me about this. >> I did. >> I was like, "No, I'm out of here.". >> Hitting the bus, baby. The bus. >> Y. >> Tom's on the bus. >> I love it, man. I'm excited.

>> It's nice. It's nice that you support. your brother. >> 100%. Dude, I think it is cool. I love. it. I'm hitting, man. >> It's chill. I'm not. One of these days. it's not going to be chill, dude. >> But that's what I'm saying. How unchill. could it get? >> Nuts. How unchill could the bus in. Austin get? >> It's only excitement. >> A guy with a machete. >> I'd be like, "Bro, take. >> Yeah. Block the block the forearm." I. >> I go on there hard vibes like. >> it's prison. >> I walk in there, I walk, dude. >> I take up as much space immediately. >> The reason it's a buck 25, dude. >> Yeah, dude. It's for chillers only.

>> It's chillers only. It's not for chill. >> Yeah, but dude, he's revamping Slack. culture. >> I understand, man. There's going to be. some battles to revamp. >> You know, it's [ __ ] chill. >> There's going to be some seriously. bloody battles, dude. >> If the dude pulled up in the I'd be. like, "Yo, here, sit down. I'll move. over for you." Like, he'd be like, "Oh, thanks, bro.". >> True. >> It's a code, dude. Once you step on, you're locked. >> You haven't been down here long enough, City Slicker. >> There's nothing. >> You're going to find out. >> I was in Philly for like 22 years. I. used to deal with [ __ ] nuts in. Philly. >> No, the best I mean, this is kind of a. rough story, but there was your boy who.

was like, he would help you out. He. would do stuff. remember uh what's his. name? >> Omar. Yeah, >> that was my man. >> He's like a Moroccan dude and he would. come up there and help, but every now. and again he would get too drunk and the. dude would come in the shop and just. raise hell and I was like coming in. there to get lunch and I see Tom kicking. this literally kicking him in the ass. and he's like and he ran. >> that was my [ __ ] homie. That was your. boy though. >> That was my dude. him and Omar were like. this and every now and again Omar would. come in and just be like like he would. be like cool and then you would see him. the next day standing in the middle of. the street like this to cars going.

>> like controlling traffic. >> He would get hammered and just go. absolut but he was like a um. >> I might have to bring him down here. unfortunately with us. >> He passed away. >> Passed away. >> Yeah. >> Did the voodoo not work on one of the. vehicles? >> No. He hit by a bus. >> I don't remember his funeral. >> Yeah, his funeral was wild. >> That was all their homeless dudes came. up and just started talking crazy [ __ ]. Yeah. Everyone spoke at the same time. >> Everyone was getting So he. >> everyone ulogized simultaneously. >> He was like a fixture in West Philly, right? Okay. >> He was almost for like 20 years and like.

he had like porches and places where he. like kept warm clothes and he was always. dressed to the nines. >> He was fly. >> but he just he didn't want to be. indoors. >> He was an outdoor cat. >> Yeah. >> He was so he wanted to party. He wanted. to hang out with everyone. But he just. like existed in the town peacefully. But. then around like 11 o'clock we'd get. drunk and start standing in traffic and. blowing whistles and like doorbells. You. could see a lady and be like [ __ ] and. like screaming at me. >> Who did he had beef with? There was a. certain group he like was uh cuz he was.

like Moroccan or something. >> He had beef with most groups. >> Yeah. There was this one I remember he. hit me with something. >> what another country. >> It was this like very strange. I don't. >> No, he had beef with non Berber. Moroccans. >> Yes. >> Okay. So the Berber people were good. people, but then there was someone else. in Morocco that weren't good. Then he. had a lot of like. he had a lot of like American political. beefs, too. >> Like what? Oh, just like whatever. >> A lot of them. >> Yeah. >> No, give me give me.

>> I mean name one. >> What do you mean? Like he didn't like. >> He didn't like. >> I don't want to speak on his. things in confidence. >> Nothing too bad, but what? >> Anyone like he would go off on any. >> He hated everybody. Oh, when he was. drunk equally because he was out on the. street all the time. So, he was. observing at all times. So, he would. tell me exactly what every. >> flock camera thing. >> He would tell me what every specific. group was doing wrong. >> Yeah. >> Cuz he was observing as a Berber. Moroccan. >> What did he So, he was in West Philly.

>> He was in West Philly for I want to say. 22 years. >> So, he he observed predominantly the. African-American community. >> He Yeah, he dabbled with. >> Did he have any opinions about them? Uh, I can't remember, but yeah, he had. some opinions. >> He had some opinions. >> He had some opinions on a lot a lot of. opinions. These were just. >> opinion that you got. >> It was so long I don't want to try to. recall them. I just remember they were. specific to the point I was like, "Oh, you got to come down." But. >> but it was funny cuz he was so he was.

like, you know, he was like a homeless. Moroccan guy. So like West Philly is. very it's like a very kind of like woke. area. So they were like champion. championing of other people in the. neighborhood because they were very much. into like this is our neighborhood and. blah blah blah blah blah. They were like. Penn students in West Philly being like. this is our neighborhood too and it's. like yeah thanks to pen security kind of. it is. But so they like went to his. funeral and they were like you know. sitting there like yeah it's very. important and like the his like the dude. Omar's boys came up and started saying. like wild [ __ ] up there and they were. like uh uh didn't that guy start like.

popping off? >> The one dude he start popping off I had. to pull him off. >> Yeah. You you had to pull him off the. stage. >> I had to be like, "Bro, >> what was he popping off about?". >> Just opinions. >> He was. about like he was like getting too. specific about his death and stuff. >> Oh [ __ ]. >> I was like, "Dude.". >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Like he was It was a [ __ ] wild scene. >> He was a man though. That dude was so. funny. >> He was a good dude. >> I had to take him with me. Like if I had. to like. >> if I had to go on like a two hour plus.

car ride, I would go scoop him up. I'd. be like, "Yo, let's roll." And he'd be. like, "Where are we going?" I'm like, "We're going to the [ __ ] Jim Thorp. for a day." So, we would go all the way. out in the Poconos, get lunch, and like. chill. >> Jim Thorp does rule. >> [ __ ] rule. Take him up there. We go. for a hike and then like we'd come back. I drop him off. >> Take him for a hike. >> Yeah. We'd go up in the woods and go. like deep out, walk around the woods. Like. >> we'd go up to Fairmont, go for a hike. He was my dude. He would roll with me. every day. >> You guys were tight. >> The scene of walking in, seeing him get. kicked. >> Maybe people have to worry about you on. the bus. We I was just in here with you.

>> This episode is brought to you by AG1. Just quickly, guys, we stayed up way too. late the other night doing absolutely. nothing. >> and we had to be functioning adults the. next day. We had to adult the next day. It was so hard. Parenting is so hard. >> Uh that's exactly why we are extra. thankful for AG1's brand new AG1 Energy. Plus. It's the AG1 base we've mentioned. before with vitamins, minerals, and. probiotics to support your gut and. immune health.

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a free bottle of omega-3 fish oil in. your welcome kit. That's up to $111 in. free gifts with your first AG1. subscription. That's drinkagg.com/msssp. >> Okay, guys. Guys, please. This is Oh, man. The Florida one was legendary. Thank you for everyone in Florida. Guys, this is the dreaded Newark, New Jersey. show. Baltimore, Maryland combination. Uh, I heard the B Baltimore, Maryland. site is kind of a nightmare to navigate. Sorry about that.

>> And yeah, these are two giant theaters. I'm going to go eat a giant dick in both. of these cities. Please come check it. out. It'll be fun. We'll be. >> good to watch. >> It'll be fun. We'll be dropping curtains. left and right. I'll be I'll be probably. just be me in there. Come check it out, guys. We're going to have a good time. Uh, Columbus, Ohio after that. Cincinnati, Ohio. San Diego, California. Sacramento, California. Please go to. mattcuser.com. Don't just Google it and. pay $9 million for a ticket or just DM. me. Look, dude, really? $350? It's not. me. That's a third party site. Don't be.

a fool. Goodbye. I I. >> Oh, man. The That's what I'm saying. A. guy. No, no, I didn't look him up. I. looked up like just crimes on the bus. that happened in Austin. People, there's. so many stabbings, bro. You got to You. got to People are getting stabbed on the. bus. >> Not the 800's. Chill though. That's. probably the other ones. >> Carry You got to carry a hawk on you. >> I should, dude. >> God, >> carry that hawk, dude. What's your knife. work like? >> I'm not carrying it. I'm I've been. pacifist since I moved here. >> You should just carry a handful of sand.

>> It's not a bad idea. >> Or just like generic white powder, blow. it on people. That's a good idea. That's. actually anthrax scare. >> Anthrax scare. >> Anthrax. >> It's been a while since we had some good. US anthrax scares. That was popping. I. don't know enough to remember, dude. That was popping. >> Yeah, I remember. >> when like envelopes would open up in. every federal office and what do. >> right after 911? >> It was like it was like 91. It was like. the 911. >> Yeah. And then they did that and then. they were like, you know who has.

anthrax? Iraq. >> And those [ __ ] I remember. those [ __ ] envelopes. >> It's so awesome how quickly you could. trick people back then before the. internet before any debunker videos were. out. You'd watch the news and be like, >> "Shit, there's a bunch of white powder. ending up in all these buildings." And. then you'd watch for like 5 days. Then. on Friday night they'd hit you with it's. Iraq. You'd be like it's Iraq. >> I should have known it was Iraq. You. sons of [ __ ]. >> Mailing a tiny bit in there like send. it. >> Yeah. They're like, "All right, we're. going to war." And you're like, "Okay, we're going to war cuz Iraq had the. anthrax cuz I saw that on Monday and.

Friday. >> Mail it to Tim Brokoff or whatever.". >> Yeah. Then like they just get some dude. to be like, "We've tracked it down to. Iraq.". >> Also, it worked for like 150,000 years. >> It still works. It still works, >> dude. Now they have it on hyper hit the. button. They're like freak out about. boom. >> But it's too now it's so tricky cuz. everyone be like, "No, I looked into it. It's bullshit." And you're like, >> "Yeah, but then you're now everyone's. looked into everything. Everything's. bullshit.". >> The other So you go, >> I I don't believe you. >> Yeah. >> I believe the news now.

>> I mean, yeah. The Iran war, you know, the Well, I wouldn't even call it a war. It's just we're going to Dude, our boys. are going to be in now there in one. week. We're going to be getting. >> It's effectively over. >> But yeah, it's over, dude. >> The Iran war is effectively over. >> It's on pause again. >> Yeah. But it's also. >> kegs is on the case. >> I mean, nobody wanted that. Nobody want. >> any war since like World War II. >> True. But I've still been trying to. puzzle like. >> Iraq. We were fired up. >> Yeah. >> Afghanistan was 100%. >> Yeah. I forgot about that. Everyone was. like, you know, even. >> Afghanistan kind.

>> Well, they did Iraq and then Afghanistan. kind of snuck in kind of. >> Yeah. They were just kind of like. >> here. Afghanistan was first. >> First and then Iraq. >> Well, no, it was Iraq. >> It was Afghanistan right away. >> OG Iraq though. It was golf. >> Oh, 90s. Yeah. >> So, we hit 92. >> Morale boost though. >> And then we went and did Afghanistan. Then we went back to Iraq. >> But Iraq, the first one was they were. invading Kuwait. >> Yeah. They were incubators. >> Kind of held it down. >> kind of. >> and then didn't go into Iraq after we. took Kuwait or saved Kuwait.

>> That was one of the it was one of the. George W or George Bush. Those seniors. >> Yeah. >> That must have been sick to call your. dad and be like, >> "I'm going to finish the job then. >> I'm going back to Iraq." He's like, "That's my boy.". >> How did that go? Are we good? >> What? >> What? >> Iraq's good. That was a major success. >> Iraq's chilling, dude. Is it good? >> Remember when he did the whole mission. accomplished thing? >> Yeah. >> Yes. >> And he came out and was like, "The war's. over." And it was raging. It's like. mission accomplished. It was like a TV. show.

>> It was It was a big victory. >> Yeah. Huge. I'm trying to figure out why. did Trump go to Iran because he has to. know that it was gonna like completely. train rail or train wreck his. favorability. Bro, we cut off the oil to. China. They can't invade Taiwan now. They had to dip into the reserves. It's. why we got rid of Venezuela. It's why we. shut down Hormuz. It's why we have. Ukraine bombing Russian refineries. We're making sure China doesn't get the. oil so they cannot invade Taiwan. >> You think it's 4D? >> It's 8D chess at this point. You go, is.

he [ __ ] No, he's not. Is he. [ __ ] There's so so many D's in the. chat. I read the thing. Is he [ __ ]. Yes. Is he [ __ ] Yes. Yes. >> Some people are positing. >> Some people think that Trump has fallen. to like the AI boomer brain and he's. just sitting up at night like hitting. Grock being like, "Should I do this?". And Grock's like, "You're a genius. Do. this. >> Learn more about Yahoo. >> Grock and Yahoo.". >> He's hitting Grock and Yahoo at night.

Rock just going right to Netanyahu. He's. like, "Yeah, >> funny you should ask that, Donald. >> It's just him.". >> Do it, [ __ ]. >> What's the vibe, Donald? >> That's funny if if uh or Trump's Groc. voice is like, "Yes, very good, Donald.". >> Yes. >> I think that's a great. >> He just cut off the funding to Israel or. something. I only see like. >> said he was going to do it, dude. Nine. DHS. Is he [ __ ] No. >> No, >> he's going to cut off Israel funding. now. Next week, you go, "Oh, we doubled. the I doubled the size of it, you dumb.

person. Did he double the size of it? >> He probably will. Who knows? >> Yeah, true. I. >> still stuck on the quiet. The quiet's my. favorite. >> The quiet is nice. Yeah, he's like. quiet. >> Quiet. >> Quiet. >> What's wrong with you? >> Isn't Netanyahu out? Isn't he Didn't he. get voted out now? >> No. >> I don't know. >> Those They did an election in Russia. apparently. It's like, dude, >> as soon as Rico As soon as Rico and Gina. landed, I stopped paying attention. >> Yeah, that's a. >> As soon as I saw Rico and Gina, I was. like, I'm done. Who's Rico and Gina?

>> [ __ ]. >> tell Rico. >> Tell Rico and Gina back my weed. >> As soon as you came down here, dude, the. blue wave fall the blue wave. The goon. wave. It is wave. >> It's the gooave back, bro. I can't wait. for that. >> Porn weed bus is definitely going to be. a dollar now. They're going to drop 25. >> Who do you Who who plays on the bus? >> Who gives us porn back? Talerico or Gina. Hinosa? >> I kind of want it back from a girl. I. don't want a guy to give it back. Is she. a host? >> You know, >> but who's the one that lifts the porn.

band? >> Freo. or Jose? >> They'll probably do it together. It's. probably one of those things where they. all have to give a ribbon cutting and. everyone's going to jack off. >> Dude, the Gooners are going to go I. think the Gooners made the election. >> You think so? >> I think Texas. You take away you take. away Pornhov, dude. You're going to get. >> I think the Texas Gooners are the ones. who [ __ ]. >> Well, also the fact that. >> dude, they'll bust if Rico gives it back. to if their bully gives it back to them. They're going to bust. >> True. If. >> mommy. >> stepmommy gives it back. Stepmom gives. it back to us. >> Dude,

>> I'm I'm excited to jerk off now. Thank. you. >> This is great. I didn't. >> What if gave it back though? >> No, I I refuse. Fo is the one that's. like, "Here's your porn." And we go, "Ew, dude.". >> What if he's like, "Yo, bro. >> What if he like kind of like a throwback. like older brother?". >> He throws down like, "Yo, here's your. mask. >> You guys check this [ __ ] out.". >> Yeah. >> I might I might tip the cowboy hat to. him. >> Make it part. I just want to know who is. holding the press conference where. they're like, "You have the right to go. on porn.". >> There will be no press conference. I. have to stick with XHamster.

>> It'll be, Dude, it'll be within one. >> I know you're sick of those popups, too, bro. I'll. >> It will be within one second of Pornhub. being back up that all of us know. one dude in this crew is going to be on. the case within [ __ ] seconds. >> I just want to know stock market. Who's. got that hitting their desk where it's. like, yo, >> they're on it. >> Are you hitting the on switch back on? >> Yeah. Who gets to do Who gets to open up. the Mad Max floodgate?

>> Texas is going to go goo, dude. It's. going to be like. >> There'll be some flash floods, dude. >> Mckin is going to start flowing again. >> You're going to make a Jurassic Park. water shake. You'll hear. >> everyone bust that day. >> Yeah. It's gonna be wild. >> It's going to be like a holiday. Yeah, it's going to be the Blaze. >> But like they're going to have to one of. the offices is going to have to be dude. >> cuz someone wants that sub political. crit. >> Yes, they. >> I mean someone wants next election. season come by and someone to be like.

>> you'll know you're going to open up your. kid's iPad one day and you're going to. go boom. You're. >> what the [ __ ]. >> It's like the default screen. >> It's going to be like a video that tried. to load two years ago that you're like. oh [ __ ] it's back. >> Damn. I forgot. I mean I didn't even. think of the blue. probably got like a a. witness. >> Boy, we're back in business on the road. >> now. Anytime you stop into a hotel, you. go, "Fuck, I forgot I'm in Tennessee.". [ __ ] [ __ ] concern. >> Is Tennessee Blue Wave, too? >> I don't know. >> I think Blue Wave hit everything. >> Blue wave hit every back. >> Take the porn back and people start.

voting again. >> We're back in business, dude. If Texas. passes that thing you show me where you. can just grow your own plants, >> they can let you grow weed in your. backyard. >> That would be. >> She'll be able to like pop some seeds, go in, crank one out, come out, put some. water on them, hop on the bus, get a. free, >> bro. This time next year I'm going to. like wake up. >> Bro, I might be I might be in four years. I might be masked up, dude. I might be. full K95. Just. >> you're going to be able to like wake up, crank. >> I'll be a lesbian bar like get out of. here. >> You're going to be able to wake up,

crank, go outside like [ __ ] lollipop. your buds, hop on the bus, go to a free. grocery store, come back, smoke goon. >> Also, open carry. >> Open carry the whole time. >> Open carry a [ __ ] assault rifle and. mask up. Yeah, I I was relying on like. far out tech bros. I thought they were. going to finally be like, "All right, we're going to bring weed to Texas." But. now the Blue Wave is they're going to do. it. >> Blue Wave did it, dude. >> I can get my personal indica plant in my. backyard. >> I think Hina Hosa will let us do it.

>> What? The weed or the porn? >> Oh, yeah. She's the She's above. She's. Talico's boss. >> I didn't know who banned the porn. though. Was it Abbott? >> Yeah, a lot of them did. >> Damn. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah, I think I think Wascally. Abbott did that. >> Wasyb. >> I think he banned the pee. >> He was a little Wascal though. >> He's a double zero. >> I'm all about the Wascal kid. >> I'm all about the porn band in the. streets, but in the sheets. I'm I'm. totally blue wave. >> You want porn in the streets? B.

>> No. I want to walk around and be like, it's good that we have this block for. these kids. That way, as soon as I get. home, everyone like wife has to go to. the supermarket. I go quick blue wave. I'm like, [ __ ] poor. >> band. Yeah, blue wave real quick. >> Yeah, take that republic. I hit her with. the like, "Yo, are you checking out. yet?" She's like, "No, I just got to. Heb." I'm like, "Yes, >> dude. For real." When I'm in when I'm in. like that peak pinnacle of orgasm, I. think about the blue wave. Then I go and. I go to another level. I GO, "YES, >> DUDE." I was last summer I was like at. the pool with all my cousins. I'm not. going to say who, but I heard one of my.

girl cousins get porn checked. >> Stop. >> She got a call and was like, it was like. 2 p.m. and she's like, "No, we just got. to the pool. They just hopped in." Um, yeah. I don't know what we want for. dinner. Oh, you met. >> like she was getting a call and then she. I'm like, "Bro, your husband's about to. jerk off." He was like, "Oh, did you. just get to your mom's, >> dude?" Oh. >> Oh, I was just seeing what you want to. do for dinner. He doesn't give a [ __ ]. about dinner. He wants to know if he can. get the coconut. >> I forgot about it. I I didn't even I. forgot all about those porn checks, dude. >> Dude, calling my mom and dad. >> You're like, "Where are you guys?

>> I just got home from school. I was just. wondering like, >> what are we doing? >> What are we doing anyway? >> What are we doing for dinner?". But yeah, it was like a call. >> Watch something on the big TV. I see. what time you got. >> Dude, it was a call and it was like, "No, yeah, we just got here." No, I had. to go to Whole Foods first. No. Yeah, they just got in the pool. They'll. probably swim for like two hours. I. don't know what we're going to do for. dinner. I'm like, "Yeah, someone's at. home wondering like, does this have to. be a quick one or can I get out the. oils? Can I. >> bring out the oils? Get some volume on. this motherfucker.". >> He was probably He was probably mid like.

slow crank. >> All the [ __ ]. >> I think he was firing one up. It was. like, "Yo, how into this can I get?". Like, "How quick?" He was like, "How. quick do I have to pick, babe?". >> True. >> Am I watching the shorties or. >> is this going to be a multitab sesh or. what? And she basically graced him with. like, "Bro, you got two in you. >> You got two hours. >> Two hours. You going to get a quick one. in real quick. Two days. >> You might be able to go twice, dude.". >> I got my co I busted my college roommate.

because he was hit me. He was like, "Oh, you're going to eat. Go to the. cafeteria." He's like, "All right, I. knew he was class after that." And I was. like, "Yeah, man." I'm like, "What are. you?" I was like, "Yeah, I want to go to. eat." Then I got class. And he's like, >> "Yeah, I'm going to probably lay down, take a nap. It was 10:00 a.m." I was. like, "Bro, you're about to fab." Did. you go in? >> Yeah. I [ __ ] walked out, gave him. like two seconds, and walked back in. He. was like, and he flipped over on his. bed. What are you doing in here, man? >> I busted his head, >> dude. That's empty chess. >> That is KD chess. But I was like I was. just like to break his balls and I was. just like, "Bro, I know exactly what.

you're doing right now." And I was like, "Nobody naps at 10:00 a.m.". >> I heard that call and I was just like, "It's took everything in me not to be.". >> I'm surprised you didn't run. >> Go home right now. >> Yeah, >> you should have ran home and goon. Like, bro, he's triggering me. >> I told you about when I caught the. whackoff king. >> No, >> the whackoff king. You're You're going. to enjoy this. This is He's a buddy of. mine. We were on we were on vacation. together and me and him had our own. hotel room and every day he was he was. like two years younger than me and he. would go take a shower for like an hour.

every time and every time I'd be like. dude you're jacking off. It's fine. He's. like, "No, I'm not. No, I'm not.". >> I remember this. >> Then finally on the last day, he gets in. the shower. I break open the door, swing. open the curtain. The shower's empty. He. snuck into the wardrobe closet behind. and I opened the door and he was ass. naked sitting on top of a trunk just. flipping it. Wasn't even jacking it. He. was just hitting it up and down like I. I'll never forget just seeing him like.

>> I gave it a second. >> How old were you? >> I was in eighth grade. He was in peaked. seventh. >> Yeah. >> I opened the door. I go, "What are you. doing?". >> So he went in the bathroom. >> He was every night he was Yeah. He was. locking the bathroom door, turning the. shower on, and jacking off in the. closet. >> Going in the closet. God damn it. >> Jack off. He did get He did get revenge. on me uh four years later in Jamaica. >> He caught you. >> Caught me. But I was very open about it. I I was drinking.

>> He wanted to blaze the blaze the crown. with the staff. I said, "I can't smoke, dude. I'm about to head to West Point.". >> Yeah. How long you been smoking for? >> And then I uh I said, "I'm going to go. jack off." And then I passed out while. jacking off locking. >> So like the guy in Pompei, you were full. Pompei except 300 pounds just ass naked. on the couch. >> Oh. >> And uh he said, >> "Were you gripping and sleeping?". >> Gripping a probably shrunk back. Ais you. probably couldn't see anything. >> Probably went back in the snail.

>> Damn it. Prairie dog back in the hole. >> Oscar the grouch, dude. It went back in. the can. He had to get a hotel guy to open the. door because I locked it. That Jamaican. dude open the door. Was like, "Oh.". So he got his revenge, dude. Four years. later, >> as it came, dude, it comes for all of. us. >> Yeah. If you if you Yeah. You're going. to get caught. You keep You know, I'm. sure you got caught a couple times after. that. >> Oh, who? >> Yeah, the karma after.

>> Ah, if you brother I' I've been caught. so many times, dude. My f my I got. called by Britney like early dating. several times. >> Early dating? >> Yeah. She busted me in her house. She. like left to go do I thought she was. gonna be gone for a while and I woke up. I was all I was like nice. I was like. I'm going to [ __ ] crank it off. I was. sitting on the edge of her bed and she. just was like, "What are you doing?" I. was like I had my phone in my hand just. beating. I was like, "What? You stay the. night at her house and she got up to go. to work and you're just.

[ __ ] busting my ass." You know what's. nuts? >> Cracking off at a girl's house is nice. That's only in a girls move. That's not. >> That's only a good story because you. guys got married. If that was just some. single out in the wild, it was like, "Yeah, dude. I dated that guy for a. little bit and he used to jerk off at my. house.". >> My my UK tour would have been halted, bro. >> That's five years in the UK, dude. >> I had an ankle monitor. >> It was like, "Yeah, me and that guy. dated for a little bit, but I came home. one day and he was masturbating in my.

bed.". >> Yeah, I had just had sex, too. ass was. sweating all over my comforter, sitting. up on you. >> [ __ ] line. >> It's all absolved. >> She was always a champ about that. She. would bust me and she would kind of. laugh like, "What the [ __ ] are you. doing?" I'm like, she's like, "You. should. You were just hunched over your. phone like and she made the face." I was. like, "Don't ever make. >> Don't ever mock me again.". >> Is the honeymoon phase over. Does she. still get a kick out of it? >> She laughs. She She'll get She still. catches. >> She's got trouble for sneaking to the. caller. >> No. So, she's never caught me. If she. catches me red-handed, she'll get mad if. she's like, "When's the last time?".

Every now and again she like, "When's. the last time you beat off?" And I'll be. like, "Two days ago." She's like, "Why?". I'm like, "Why do you think this? You're. nice.". >> Yeah. I'm like, "I just. >> Oh, do you want to fight right now? Yo, I'm nice. >> I just did." Yeah. I just had to. >> I just had to. >> Cuz I felt like it. And there's been a. there's been a mandate. There's been a. blue wave. >> True. >> It's a blue wave. Also, it's like, you. think I [ __ ] want to? >> No, she's a I I They can tell though if. you're fapped out. I've got busted to.

where she's like, "Bro, what's up with. the dude? >> You're not g me.". >> You're not giving me the best effort. >> Fapped out, bro. >> You're just like, "Sorry, I'm [ __ ]. >> I'm fapped out. >> I'm drained.". >> Yeah, I've fapped out. My bad. >> You drained the swamp. >> I just assumed nothing was happening for. a couple days. Now I'm fapped out. >> Quiet. Quiet. >> Quiet. >> The best is when you. >> Trump's never jerked. >> Is that what he claims? >> Claims never claims never jerked. >> Never jerked. >> There's no way. >> Never been drunk. Never acted one out. I. believe him. He said he never. >> I believe that that man says.

>> he said he never jacked up. >> He's a psycho. >> Wait, he said he never jacked up. >> He claims I've never He said it on. Stern. >> Stern. That makes sense. >> He was like, I've never done that. >> That's a such a little kid lie. >> I believe Trump's never done. >> That one is That one's 9D chess. I. believe. >> he because you got to think what year he. was born. >> Yeah. >> And he's like I would believe that's the. one thing he'd say that I would look at. and be like, "You look like you've never. dripped off." Back in the day, I. remember I read Bertrren Russell's. biography or autobiography and he claims.

that like being a masturbator, like if. someone did it when they were like a. little child, you'd be like, "That's. weird." But like forgiven, but if as an. adult masturbator, it was like, "Dude, what the [ __ ] are you doing?". >> It was like really looked at. >> I think it's a I think back then they. just were like, >> "None of us.". >> Why could they crank? They all had like. 10 kids. >> There's always a time to crank, dude. >> I don't think so. I think I think they. would like they would just walk downream. and be like I need to stay. >> That's why you stayed out of alleys and.

stuff cuz like dudes were back there. cranking in the alley. >> and like the land was so undeveloped. that like you'd have a favorite tree. where like oh here's the old hickory. >> the old hickory. >> There were like trees that you knew. >> Oh yeah. >> Don't look around that tree wide trunk. >> Yeah. The porn in the woods that would. make that would make sense out of that. Just if like part of your daily commute. was like a walk through the meadow like. >> Yeah. I bet guys back then got used to. walking jacks. >> Probably if you get into like. >> anyone hit a walking jack.

>> I've never even considered a walking. jack. >> Walking jack. Never considered a walking. jack. >> Virgin Russell is a mathematician. >> But what year would that have been? >> Oh man. Early. >> Yeah. Why did he bring this up? He was. definitely masturbating. He was like. about math. I never jerk off. He was. just saying like the [ __ ] he did that he. was ashamed of and he was like he fapped. a couple times. He was pissed about that. and he used to like lay he used to dig a. ditch cuz he grew up in like he was like. a gentleman's house so he would like he. dug a ditch where he would lay in it. with the serving girls and they would. like press their bodies on each other. and he was like that was kind of [ __ ].

>> Yeah. He like dug a little like. >> power dynamic I could see. >> Yeah. He dug Exactly. He dug a hump dish. that he would like find the servant. girls like come lay in this and he would. just lay. >> What year was he kicking around? >> What. >> What year was Burch and Russell kicking. around? >> Look it up. Maybe early 1900s I would. say he was one of the like big dogs of. early mathematicians. >> Yeah. He probably just didn't talk about. it ever. >> He wrote about it freaking. >> But I'm saying like back when. >> in the writing he was like nobody was. jacking. >> No one's doing this to be open. >> True. >> A code across the Bros where none of.

them told their ladies they did it. >> He's still alive. >> when he died. >> Born in 1872 died in 1970. >> Damn. >> Damn. 98. Yeah, >> he's put a dick. >> What was his big contribution? Didn't he. help write like I think he helped write. like a big math book? Those. mathematicians were weird as [ __ ]. >> I'm trying to You ever get real into. like mathematics of like the axioms and. like what's real? >> I realize I hated math in like sixth. grade. >> I like I like deep math theory. I hate. math. I hate pract I hate like the.

application of math, but I love. mathematical theory. >> I'm the opposite. Like I like counting. like how many apples I have to put in my. bag, but like anything other than that, anything that goes past my fingers, I'm. like I don't need it. >> True. I'm I'm on some Terrence Her [ __ ]. I I don't think I think One Times One is. too. >> I'm with that. He's in that pimp game, too, dude. >> Yeah, he's pimp. >> Yeah, he's pimping. >> That might have been his finest film. >> What? >> Oh, Hustle and Flow. >> Hustle and Flow. That That was awesome. >> He dropped Tenis in that movie, too. >> Did he really? Did he? >> Yeah.

>> He dropped Tenis in a movie. I think it. was that. Didn't he get in a fight in. the prison shower in Hustle and Flow? >> Hustle and Flow's fantastic. I don't. remember seeing his dick in it, though. He kind of slightly reprised that. >> he dropped Tenis in that movie, but I I. believe the man's dropped Tenis. >> What was the uh what was the show he did. where he like played Lucius Lion? This is Hustle and Flows. Then he played. like basically wasn't the one with. >> Wasn't he in the show where uh Jesse. Smlet got? >> Yes, Jesse Smlet was his son.

>> Yeah. Oh, >> it was Get Rich or Die Trying. He. dropped Tenis. Did he really in the 50. Cent movie? Bro, getting Terrence Har to. drop in your film is [ __ ] powerful. Like what's in your movie? Like Terrence. Sour's dick. >> That is a [ __ ] power move. >> Empire. >> Empire is where Jesse Smlet got. allegedly attacked. >> No. Well, you're saying filming or. you're saying his. >> No. No. He was I think it was during. when he was on Empire. >> Filming. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It [ __ ] the. whole show up kind of. >> I think it tanked the show. I don't. remember. I didn't follow Empire at all. I don't follow.

>> which is a great show. >> Empire. I don't math deep mathematics. Neither one of them really ring my bell. >> Yeah, true. But yeah, he Jesse Smlette. really blew it for the whole Empire. cast. They put the whole cast in a. pickle because it's like that's supposed. to be your boy. He comes up with that. and you can't. >> That was a wild one. >> Yeah, >> I remember the day of being like in. Chicago. Like I've been to Chicago a lot. and I was like I don't think so, man. >> Of course. >> They're not really getting down like. that there. >> It was in like literally as soon as the. story came out was like no shot.

>> Yeah. >> Zero chance. >> They're like Patagonia whites up in. Chicago. They're not like what are you. doing? Yeah. I was like, "This is not Mega.". >> He just picked the wrong city. If he had. been like, "Yo, I was deep in Arkansas. somewhere." I'd be like, "That might. have happened, bro.". >> Maybe. >> Yeah. I remember my tip off was the. noose left around. I was like, "Nobody. would leave a noose around their neck. like that.". >> Yeah. And like walk back in and be like, "What? >> I'm glad you're here, officer. Did you. see this on my neck?" It's like, I'm. pretty sure you take that off. >> Did they ever figure out what his like. MO was? He did a documentary. Any watch.

documentary? Because apparently he tried. to do like an after the fact documentary. to like show how he was innocent. It. really happened. >> He's still holding down. >> He still holds it down like he's like. the civil rights champion of the world. >> Damn, that's a wild quest. >> I mean, you can't ever take that. >> But they found the two bros that got. him. >> Yeah, they were like. >> that he hired bodybuilding Nigerians. >> Yeah, that is a wild quest to. >> And they were like, "Yo, he totally paid. us.". >> They were straight though, weren't they? >> Yeah. I think one of them wasn't.

>> or maybe. >> okay one of the brothers. >> I did see the doc. >> you. >> dang Gardini turning on you. >> god damn it. >> I take back what I said earlier man. >> oh he's mad at you bro. >> the [ __ ]. >> he's chilling is chilling. >> man. >> would you have rolled with that plot of. Smlette if he had paid you. >> no. >> didn't you give him 1,500 or something.

>> He didn't pay him that much. Yeah, he. gave I think I swear to God I think it. was like 3500 for this. >> Yeah, it was like three grand for them. to split or something. >> to like to create a national scandal. >> Yeah, those boys got an hour. Gardini is. sick of us. He wants to stop. >> All right. >> Well, they're not. >> Yeah. >> All right. We got to the bottom of it. >> Well, that's a good app. >> All right. See you next time.

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane. Secret podcast on Spotify. >> Do it.