Ep 625 - The Big Show (feat. Billy & Spud)

Wow. Wow. Wes. >> Yeah. I'd be like shaking if I was one. of you guys. [clears throat]. >> Yeah. >> Like visibly. I'd be like, [laughter]. >> "Just don't show up.". >> If I think. >> I like wake up and shake. >> Just don't show up. >> I honestly I texted Matt and I sent him. the picture and I was like, "We should. not do this. [laughter]. >> We should leave the country. >> I'd like to leave the country.". >> Yeah. I would go to like Paraguay or. something like. >> temporary insanity. >> I could leave. >> I don't understand how. >> I could take some of those guineies and. [ __ ] Damn, [clears throat] Spud. What's wrong with you, bro? >> Monster. struggling,

>> dude. Conor Conor McGregor, dude. Go out. there, build it up, and walk out and be. like, tear my [ __ ] my leg. [ __ ]. >> Just bring someone else out. When's this. going to come out? >> Whenever. >> I think our tomorrow. >> Tomorrow. >> Yeah, >> we can wait till I get. >> Do it pre-show. >> Well, then we won't talk about all the. special guests, but Matthew will be on. it. >> True. >> And it's terrifying. Oh, yeah. We've. already. >> We've alluded to it on. >> alluded to. >> So, that's Are we fired up? Yeah, we're. recording. It's the scariest thing.

possible. This was a huge mistake. [laughter]. >> I got talked into this a year and a half. ago and never really considered that one. day it was going to actually happen. >> Yeah. >> And it's tomorrow and uh I'm completely. illprepared. [laughter]. I have I can't even think about doing. standup. I'm thinking about the show. itself. >> How much do you actually have to do? >> I'm gonna do. >> I don't have to do anything. Like I for. the show, I should probably do like a. [ __ ] half hour and then I'm going to. bring someone else. >> or just curate. >> on stage with me.

>> Just walk around and be like [laughter]. another fine act. Start a circus. >> I'm actually running for mayor. [laughter]. >> While I've got you all gathered here, [laughter]. there's something I'd like to discuss. Have four giant sponsorships. [laughter]. >> Uh you got to do those Luke Belmar. talks. AI's taking over [laughter]. everything. >> That's it. everything. All of your jobs. >> Welcome by Frost Bill. Welcome, Spud. >> I could make you more popular. [laughter]. >> Yeah, >> do magic.

>> I I'll do [ __ ] I'm going to panic. >> I would throw up. >> I'm going to get on stage and be like. the only thing I've got so far is I'm. going to say a boom boom boom. Everybody. say [laughter] wave. That'll be nice. >> Yeah, that'll be actually start a wave. That'd be. >> We got that going. [laughter]. >> You got the wave and the boom boom boom. You should bring a beach ball out. >> Getting beach balls going would be. [ __ ] nice. Almost like recreating. Woodstock. >> Dude, this crowd's going to be They're. going to be tailgating all day. >> It's going to be horrendous. >> It's going to be the worst crowd. >> It's going to look like Normandy. >> It's going to be crazy. [laughter].

>> I My whole plan is just I'm going to. have a separate video. I'm going to have. my own video crew and I'm going to try. to crush heckler. >> Yo, shut the [ __ ] up, dude. I'm doing a. [ __ ] show. >> Dude, stop [ __ ] eating. I'm doing a. [ __ ] show. [laughter]. >> Are you in the round? >> Yeah. >> Oh my god. >> It's better. >> I saw a clip. I saw um I was checking. out like different seats in the lake. what it looks like. Wrestlemania was in. the round. Whoa. That's like the. Wrestlemania. Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. >> You could wrestle, too. >> I'll wrestle. You. >> should do it all. Look. Look at the.

folding chairs. >> Yeah. Terrifying. Yeah. >> Also, the people that are in the middle. of these folding chairs. >> You're never going to be able to piss. >> No. >> No. Pass out. >> I think those seats are [ __ ]. expensive. >> Cooks is there. >> Really? >> Cook is far. I showed you. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> The pass outs. >> Is that a porta potty setup? >> I think they do have little portaotties. and [ __ ] like. That's going to be a piss on the ground. setup. There's going to be a lot of. drunk. >> Dude, there was there was a concert here. someday. [laughter] This is going to be. a Roman city. >> There was a concert here in Philly and.

some some uh like country kind of dude. and some chick just [ __ ]. >> What? >> She didn't want to leave her seat, >> but it was a big It was like a biohazard. showdown. [laughter]. >> She tried to let it out of her pants. >> Yo, out of her cut off jeans. You. >> ever see people on like CCTV shake. [laughter] out a log? >> That's crazy. I don't know how that. works. >> All down my leg, >> dude. Not even shaking a log. There's. that one of that like Asian guys that. register. He just pulls his pants down. and just. >> Yeah. pulls his pants [laughter] back. >> You have to be so certain there's no.

wiping involved. >> There was a dude that used to hit that. at the park when I was walking my dog. and he had this hoodie and one day he. left the hoodie and I picked it up and I. still have the hoodie. It's a good ass. hoodie. >> Yeah. But he would [ __ ] out the. >> dude he hit like [ __ ] like people. bullet shits in the hedges and. >> I was [laughter]. in the hedges. try to keep Zeus from. eating it cuz they dude dogs love human. poop. They love to eat it, bro. >> I can see that. [laughter]. >> You have his hoodie. >> Yeah, it says Blazer Soccer. It's real. thick. You ever get like a real thick. hoodie? >> It is a very I saw the hoodie. I was.

like, that's a heavy cotton blend. I. like that. >> They don't make this [ __ ] anymore. >> The guy's launching into the [ __ ]. hedges. [laughter]. >> Your dogs. He left his sweatshirt and. snagged it. >> He would eat so much. He'd go in the. hedges and like if he was in there for. too long like what are you doing? come. out. The smell of human [ __ ] on a dog's. breath, bro. >> Ah. >> And then Spade had the single cab truck, so there's no air going anywhere. >> Also, to be fair, he would of all people. respect Finders Keepers. >> Yeah, >> obviously. >> I'm almost positive he found that shirt. [laughter]. >> He lives exclusively.

>> He was a redhaired He was a red-haired. homeless man. >> Yeah. >> Yo, >> that's rare. It's a rare one. >> It's like a time traveler. [laughter]. >> A rare one. >> Truly rejected. Yeah, that's that's a nerve-wracking. endeavor. You got yourself there. >> Spage driver was like. >> I mean you both you guys are [ __ ]. What are you talking about? >> This is like we're on acid again. [laughter] Man, I can't believe how high. you are, >> dude. You're so high. >> This is the first time we all been. together since then. >> as a unit. >> Uh maybe. >> possibly Chicago. Take me back.

>> Chicago is so. >> heck of a city. Awesome city. >> Every time people take me back. >> It's a beautiful city. [laughter]. >> Dude, you're drenched in sweat. Shut the. [ __ ] up. Stop trying to join the. conversation. [laughter]. >> Every time I even think about Oasis, people like that. I saw my concert. I'm. like, dude, their concerts are the best. [laughter]. >> I swear there was amazing, >> dude. Seeing you let loose like that. brought me so much joy. >> I was gone. >> Holding the bottle of tequila shirt over. your head. >> That was crazy, >> bro. I had no idea. I was one stock 99.

That was. >> tequila was so expensive. [laughter and gasps]. >> I got like so attached. I was like, I. have to give this bottle out. And I was. like giving it to people and they were. sure they thought it was laced with. acid. They were like whoa. Cuz I'd be. like, "Drink it, dude. Just drink. [laughter] it.". >> They're like, "What's in it?" I'm like, "It's just tequila. Watch." And I would. just chug a bunch out of it. >> We could have been We could have been. fine with that half a tab. >> Yeah. >> Greed. Not even hitting us. [laughter]. >> I mean, the tail was all the time. >> Yeah. I looked over psychedelics. >> Acid especially cuz you go.

>> this rules. I I literally I just got. done banishing all of the negative. negative thoughts from my head. I was. like, I don't need these anymore. >> I've never been able to do that. >> I Dude, I I I was like sitting there and. I was like, I don't need these right. now. And I had to let go. That's why I. was dancing like on his Gmail inbox. I. was like, what the [ __ ]. >> I was writing myself email. That's sigma. grindet. >> I was saying, dude, dude, I'll take it. I'll take it. You know, >> email yourself while you're on acid. [laughter] oasis. So [ __ ] crazy. >> Dude, I got in the multiverse.

>> [ __ ] coffee. I told you. [laughter]. >> I'm telling it was the caffeine. >> The bottles, >> the caffeine. It was the caffeine. >> You got restaurant depot espressos. That. [ __ ] was strong, dude. >> Acid deletes alcohol. >> It does. >> It's so powerful, man. >> It's crazy. >> That tequila couldn't touch me. >> It was one of the. >> It just kept it just kept it was it just. kept kicking in though. I was like, >> "Take me back." [clears throat] But we. do have beach strip. >> I know. >> Beach strip will be decent. >> I'm excited. >> That's my final harrah and then I'll be. in a different house. That's my final.

vacation for this trip. Yeah. >> And then you're going to get your new. house. >> Yes. Literally right afterwards. >> I doubt it. >> You're getting off Girl Island. Swear. >> to God. >> This is the first time. >> It's going to girlfriend Stan [laughter]. deployment, dude. >> Wifeistan. >> Wife real. >> I just read a really nice book. I'm I'm. obsessed with the French right now. >> I've been reading a lot of French. authors. This guy wrote a book about if. the like if Muslims actually took over. France. It was like a novel. >> Campus Saints. Huh?

>> Campus Saints. >> No, it's called Submission by Michael. Hull. >> Dude, it's I don't know why, but he. keeps referencing Ni, but he anytime he. references Nichi goes the old queer. Nichi [laughter] keeps calling Niag. out for no reason. Just be like and then. that maybe that old [ __ ] was right about. Christianity. [laughter]. >> Reminds me of you said Buddha judges. You ever see that Trump trying not to. call him gay? >> Yeah. He was like Mayor Pete who. >> rides a bike with a [laughter] guy. Uh.

which is I don't that's what he likes. That's fine. He rides bikes with other. guys. [laughter]. >> I want to get [snorts] a soundboard for. Trump when it's all over. >> When it's all said and done. >> It's all said and done. It's going to be. the best soundboard ever. >> Yeah. His pull string doll size of it. You stupid person. [laughter]. Double the size of it. You stupid. person. >> Quiet piggy. [laughter]. >> Quiet piggy. It's like top of. >> if he gets a statue. Yeah. What would. What would his like four score in. several years?

>> I don't like to bring up people's. weight. I could lose a few. [laughter]. >> Four score in several years. >> Stand back and stand by. >> Stand back. Stand by. >> Or or you'd be in jail. >> No. Stand down. Stand by. Stand back. >> You'd be in jail. Quiet Piggy might be. >> Quiet Piggy wasn't as epic. He's. completely lost his fastball, dude. The. [ __ ] real [ __ ]. >> You keep saying that Piggy was 105 down. the [ __ ] [laughter] pipe, dude. That. thing. >> big is the number one. >> and double the size of it is up there. too. You. >> dumb or stupid person. >> I can't remember.

>> Stupid person. >> 2016 he was [ __ ] on fire. Of course. >> Yeah, he's on fight cuz he won. He got. the Sai Young that year. >> He's throwing some wild pitches like. Democrats is a wild. That's a [laughter]. wild pitch. >> Yo, I saw you on the Allar or on the. Monday. Yeah, >> it was awesome. >> That was a bummer. >> HR I wanted shore bombs, dude. Who won? >> Uh, this kid from uh. >> Dang, >> I couldn't imagine anything better. Maybe like an extreme fireworks show. But home run.

>> Yeah, I was watching. I was like, I want. to take my kid to this one day. >> Get like a 10-year-old at a [ __ ] home. run. >> What's Is it a pitching machine? >> No, it's a guy. It's like you got your. guy. >> You pick your own guy. >> So, he's going to he's going to send it. to Okay. >> And sometimes they [ __ ] don't get the. best pitches, dude. It was [ __ ]. killing me. >> Yeah, I didn't even think about that. >> Whatever, man. I'd be like that was. spotter. He's like the guy at the dunk. contest throwing the oops. >> Yeah, >> dude. It just makes you It makes you. realize how easy home runs is for you. >> You ever see when Diddy got on his toes? >> He he helped and the guy jumped over and.

you see Diddy's [laughter]. >> just looking up at him. >> He gets on his tippy. >> So, he's going to be out. >> He's going to be out. Yeah, Dy's going. to be out. People are going to have to. answer. >> But it reminded me of when you and me. were at the World Series and there's. putting the the gi the flag the size of. the outfield with a fly over and just. being like we're the greatest. It was. the exact same. Like that was the most. American. It's like we were drinking. beer watching guys hit home runs over. and over again while they're blasting. music and we're like booing the kids. If. a kid drops a ball cuz there's little.

kids in the outfield, the whole stadium. >> You don't see this in other countries. [laughter] You don't see this. >> It was wonderful. >> Spade at the Grove. I thought he was. going to have a [ __ ] heart attack. >> The Grove is unreal. >> That was mad on ass. That was mad. Him. at the Grove going. You would have. thought was on six g of mushrooms. He. literally got overtaken by the spirit of. [ __ ] dirt. It's the vibration. I. think if I had to nail it down to one. thing, it's the sound and the vibration. Dude, that's not world. >> That's all the world. >> Please imagine every summer night. >> I mean, you're you're sit on the I would.

open my window as a kid and listen to. you could hear the grove, dude. >> Dude, it was so Phil Phil would call me. now and be like, "What's going on?" I'll. be like, "Nothing." He's like, >> "You got to make a beer. Listen to the. Grove. >> Take some of your money. >> Take some of your money. Make a movie. about that.". >> The Grove. >> be so sick, dude. >> Grove would be nice. >> The Grove is nice. >> Comedy or something. That's what I. actually did want to do that. >> I talked about that. People tell me not. to. >> do the Grove. >> I wanted to do like a. >> do like a little boy being like hearing. it and then somehow making that a movie. That's sick. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like Ricky. Bobby, but.

>> we could do it. >> Bobby Ricky. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> It has nothing to do with that. I swear. to God, we're not copying it. But yes, the character's name is Bobby Ricky. [laughter]. >> Bobby Ricky. >> Or dude, just be like, "Dude, let's. [ __ ] uh do a sequel part two, not do. part two." and he he say Ricky Bobby. maybe says the wrong thing and he goes. to the third track [laughter]. >> and then wins and becomes my favorite. NASCAR driver. >> That's nothing to do with NASCAR though, right? Like that's not even. >> I mean some of the drivers are. >> some of the drivers they'll graduate. from that to NASCAR.

>> I would imagine it is. >> a little Yeah, for sure. But they also. like come back down and do that. >> I painted for a dude that like built. cars for his kid. He was like a mechanic. and he built like little indie cars. You. dude, it's mega bucks. >> Oh yeah. >> To like go take your kid on one of those. indie tours. >> Yeah, man. I I knew uh I knew someone. who used to do like dirt track racing. He was in high school and that was like. it was like his thing. He was into. >> like the ones with the fans. >> Yeah. >> You know what I'm talking about? >> He had Yeah. Uh Wait, what do you mean? >> Like the ones that. >> Yeah. >> Oh, on the on the Yeah. Yeah. But. [snorts] the I remember that's he would. go to the dirt track and it was like his.

thing. >> Yeah. >> He had a rich daddy. His daddy would buy. his get the trailer with the cars and he. would just go race people. >> It's a good upgrade from hockey. >> Yeah. >> Dirt bike dirt bike kids used to get a. lot of [ __ ] back in the day. I remember. kids like go dirt bike racing on the. weekends. with the cool Fox long sleeves. [ __ ] wear that. >> I like how black dudes adopted that. They also wear like motocross [ __ ]. >> NASCAR. They love. >> They love our drip, dude. >> True. >> They love the Eminem yellow jacket. >> I'm I'm more into the the high high. black fashion like playboy. Playboy.

Cardi. >> NBA Young Boy. You just wear like black. leather. You wear like black leather and. just kind of like sit and look like a. vampire now. It's kind of they vamp out. hard. Playboy. I saw a video. >> emo. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, it is. It's like but it's like. leather. You got some leather going. >> You got a little bit of swag. >> It's like Rick O. Who's the guy? Rick. Owens. I sent you videos, dude. >> Rick Owens. >> Yeah, >> dude. It's the [ __ ] coolest [ __ ] in. the world. >> You ever see him get scared by the. Flash? >> No. >> It's hilarious. He gets flashed. He's. like 90 million years old and some. [ __ ] photographer like remember when.

they hit you at helium? >> Yeah, >> dude. That [ __ ] like it's almost like a. flashback and he like almost fell over. on granite steps and like regained his. [ __ ] balance and kept walking. They. got me on Monday when I was checking. into the hotel. Insane photo. It's the. worst. Just yell, "Why do they do this?". >> They go, "Hey, Shane." And you literally. you're like, >> "Bring it down.". >> Take I have a book bag. I'm hunched. over. >> Is that like a couple hundred bucks for. somebody? Like, why are they doing. >> You should start being like, "Stop. Stop.". >> I mean, they love it. That'd be the best. photo ever. [laughter]. >> Viral reels every time you're in.

>> That would make it way worse. >> You just got to start getting out of. cars with your balls hanging out on top. I literally might have. >> Yo, his balls are out. >> to Lindsay Lohan. >> Just somehow show your butthole every. time. [laughter] Get out butt first with. your butthole. >> If you got your taint in a picture, that. would literally be legendary. >> I would hang that up. >> with like this like trying to shield. your face. >> Yeah, I was [laughter] watching I was. watching some uh I was watching that. body cam footage where the guy's like, "Take a picture of my dick, please.

>> Raise my balls up. Don't be scared.". >> Yeah. Did you see. >> Don't be Don't be afraid. >> Yes. [laughter] Yeah. >> Don't be afraid. I lose a lot of my. hours to body cam, dude. Ever since you. said Midwest safety, I. >> remember what the Lord gave me. >> I started crushing that. >> I lost. Yeah, [laughter]. >> it was like a month on flights just. watching uh Yeah, >> the one uh me and Blizz have been dying. watching this guy. I might have talked. about last night. There's a guy, he's a. white supremacist. Cop pulls him over. He's like, "Yeah, my ID is my ID's in my. bag." He just takes a gun out, [laughter]. >> shoots the cop, kills the cop. Then.

every cop, >> all right, not funny. >> Then every single cop chases him. It's. He's driving down the highway with 900. cop cars and they get the They're like, "We need the Bearcat." They always break. out the Bearcat. It's like a [ __ ]. tank, dude. >> They start hitting his car with a tank, dude. >> Then they he finally stops. Every single. cop gets out and shoots. >> Everyone was like taking turns. Like, >> imagine if you really wanted to kill. someone and you're a cop and it's. finally there. You're speeding. They're. probably salivating trying to shoot that. >> They show the guys in the cars like. while loading guns. I think that's fair.

Then they show the forensics from inside. the car. It's hilarious. There's 900. lines going through his head. Yeah. To. his head. [laughter] He must have been. in the car like. >> like Clint. >> It must have been crazy. [laughter]. >> I got to rewatch Grand Theo. That was. great. >> That's fair. If you you should have like. >> if you shoot a cop, they should be able. to shoot like find you and shoot you. >> They made a Netflix thing about some. chick. >> Yeah. Yeah. They'll get you. They made a. Netflix documentary just based on body.

footage or body. neighbor next door and it's just this. lady was like crazy. She lived in this. neighborhood. Yes. Every time a kid came. on our lawn, she called the cops. So the. cops came over so much there was enough. body cam footage for a documentary and. they edited into like a story about they. were [ __ ] sad. >> It was so sad. But there's there was. never an actual camera. It's all cop. The one dude though who like. >> Florida it's in Florida. Florida's. [ __ ] nuts. >> Yeah. his OG baby, like baby daddy of. the girl who got shot. That guy was kind.

of like, "Hey, who's the best dad in the. world? I love you guys. I'm I'm daddy. I'm the best daddy you got, man. You. know I love you the most. Your mom's. dead now." [laughter]. >> He's probably dude, this is amazing. >> She's getting wrecked by some fat [ __ ]. [laughter]. >> Those kids are definitely [ __ ] with. that white lady. >> Oh yeah. >> Oh, the lady they were torturing. It. >> must have been so fun. Torturing her. It. must have been so fun. >> Yeah. Especially when you. >> nervously. >> It's not fun. >> What?

>> Every kid [ __ ] with you. If you're. white in a black neighborhood, every kid. takes turns [ __ ] with you. It just is. what it is. >> Kid's going to shoot a mom in his. movement. >> So, I got the meta glasses. I'm ready. I. go. >> Oh, you got the medic. >> That was my safety. Your safety. >> That's step one. >> Step one is you start filming and then. you start plotting all that. >> Step one is definitely start filming. >> I mean, that's I got you. >> I saw But I I want There's this thing. It was like all these creep glasses. I. was like, I need those. >> Yeah. Do you have the meta glass? >> Yeah, I got metas. >> Bro, people would pay I feel like people. would pay good money for that. >> If I'm outside my house, dude, I got my.

metas on. >> Dude, spitting at Spade. >> No, no, no. I'm saying just getting like. >> [ __ ] in my driveway. >> I don't know. I feel like you could sell. it. You could sell that to like the. anti-racism crowd. If you're like a. 55year-old like white New York Times. lady, she would probably pay money to. get like hazed by young black kids and. [laughter]. sell the footage, the VR footage. >> I deserve this. >> Now, when push comes to shove, they. immediately go into white supremacy. the. [laughter] super liberal super. >> I mean Malcolm X used to talk. >> I voted Democrat you [laughter].

[ __ ]. >> I'm trying to help you. >> how dare you. >> you don't even know what you're doing. >> I'm on your side dummy. >> I love that doing BLM dudes are like. chanting just a brick going through a. dorm window from three doors we're on. your side. >> we're on your side man what the [ __ ]. [laughter]. >> playing beer pong they were playing beer. pong and then protesters walk by and. they're like yeah [laughter]. prick. What the [ __ ]. >> Oh my god. >> They just screamed. >> That was like three. Yeah, it was a.

launch. >> Yo, what the [ __ ] [laughter]. >> Might have been Kaepernick himself. That. was a bullet. Whoever threw that, that. was a launch break. >> So, what [snorts] do you have any good. footage of the of the kids? >> What are you talking about? >> When you're getting bullied, hey, stop. it. >> Not yet. I just have them on for. protection. >> You're ready, man. >> There you go. >> And the neighborhood is getting nicer. But for years there, I mean, Bill can. attest to this. It was. >> nice wild west, wild guy. >> I was I was walking. >> I couldn't That was the main thing. Like. all these like people, all these liberal. people be like, "Oh, saying all this BLM.

shit." It's like, "Dude, are you seeing. what I'm seeing?". >> True. >> This is not where I live. >> Tap tap into the tap into the view. >> I was walking Zeus one time. >> My [laughter]. last second. >> You put them on, you find out just rage. baiting the whole time. today. [laughter]. Like I know that this is not I know this. isn't the rest of the world, but we're. in West Philadelphia. I'm on Langster. app. There's like a free food thing, right? [snorts] There's a white liberal. chick trying to cross the street all. like hobbly moving slow with a K95 mask. on cuz. >> they're called Cripsters.

>> Obviously cripsters. [laughter]. >> There's smoke in the air, right? This is. a place to go get free food. She's going. into an Audi. >> There's tons of free. >> So she's going like she's getting free. food going into an Audi on some LAR. [ __ ]. >> She's laring. Yeah. >> You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not. going to listen to these people. >> Yeah, she's in Yeah, she's in her. community larving. [laughter]. >> Whatever. >> Cripsters, dude. I swear to God, I. watched a [ __ ]. >> You walk all slow kind of like some. weird put on some weird ass [ __ ] lip, dude. >> I literally saw a cryster at a [ __ ]. bus stop and she got up off her. wheelchair and sat back down.

>> Holy [ __ ]. >> You're actually stealing. >> They're pumped on the [ __ ] masks. right now. I was walking. >> They're so excited to break this. >> They're like, "Please get your K95. The. air quality is low and we should just. always be wearing this." Also, dude, >> dude, do you remember being Yo, I might. start wearing it. Flot cameras. [ __ ]. might start wearing it. >> Yeah, true. Put on the Well, did you see. they have a. >> I'll go full uni bomber. [snorts]. >> They have [laughter]. bomber decor. Videotape you going right. into your house. >> They have glasses you can buy now that. apparently like throw your face off on.

AI. >> Oh, yeah. The Chinese. >> Yeah. But like you literally would have. to be walking around like no phone, no. car. You'd have to be naked. I know. >> Yeah. The phone is like. >> Phone's got dead dead right. Yeah, the. phone's got you. Audio, video, GPS. >> I mean, yeah, I don't care. They. obviously you don't want NAS. surveillance like that, but I don't know. how they're giving tickets out, though. People are getting like tickets for. being on their phone and [ __ ] their car. from. >> There's a cop. I I don't I can't. remember where the cop was. I want to. say a tax or Pasadena, maybe. I don't. know. Some cop started stalking a female. cop that he knew.

>> There you go. >> Using the slot camera. >> Yeah. I mean, with great power comes. great responsibility. I've just watched. all three Spider-Man's. [laughter]. >> Like, the guy was he was treating it. pretty good. >> He was using. >> he was using the flock camera system so. you can like tap into this [ __ ] if. you're like a cop. You can like be like, "Oh, let's see what's going on." But he. was doing it to. >> take a look at take a peek on a uh. coworker. >> They've been they've been doing that. with like well at least the civilians. did their phone numbers. You file a. report like I I'm going to need your. phone number and they're like, "Hey.". They're like [ __ ] five beers deep. like, "Yo, you all right? Thin blue eye,

dude. It's a [laughter] shield." There. was a guy at Michigan football who was. sneaking in to the athletic department. that had all the female athletes emails. and passwords. >> Dude, >> didn't he get on their webcams? >> Yeah. So, >> how are they still trying to act like. they're all big and bad then? >> I don't know. >> Ohio State has that wrestling dude that. was like the worst. That was the worst. [ __ ] ever. He was like literally pulling. on people's dicks and [ __ ]. >> Penn State might have. >> Sanduski [ __ ] he's done. I'm just.

saying. >> we might still like little big for their. britches after having a dude literally. goon on girls webcams. >> I agree. >> You should be shut down for a year. >> And their head coach breaking into the. lady's house and be like, I'm going to. [ __ ] kill myself, you [ __ ]. [laughter]. >> There's a lot of magic on me right now. >> Damn, >> I forgot that that happened. >> That [laughter] poor guy. >> threatened suicide. >> He also he would have been fine. >> if somebody else would hire him right. away. >> What do he do? >> He hooked up with a [ __ ] chick that. works for the team. But oh, he got in. trouble for going to her house and. saying he was going to [ __ ] kill. himself.

>> Then when he broke into her house after. word got out and he was unrequited. [ __ ] stop. >> He's like crying. >> Exactly. It's. >> funny though. >> What [ __ ] talking to her for? >> He probably thought like this might. work. I'm like it [ __ ] I like it. [ __ ]. >> No, you're you're like drunk if that's. going. You break into someone's house. like you're probably either blacked out. or on psych meds like no normal human. >> could be in love. Love makes you do. crazy things. >> Yeah, I hear you. [laughter]. It's powerful drug. >> It's one of the most powerful. >> That's why I say falling in love. >> EJ wants me to watch Obsession. He says.

it's [laughter] real. >> Obsession. >> Yeah. >> It's Girlfriend Simulator. >> Yeah. >> The first half of the movie is just not. a scary movie. [clears throat]. >> This is what they're like for real. Yes. >> You have to see this. Like, all right. >> That's so funny. >> The guy the main character and it's. going to piss you off. >> Really? Okay. >> Yeah. He's He's a little beta, little. soft boy. >> I just watched Tom Holland Spider-Man's. dude. >> sometimes. Yeah. He's a beast, but he. doesn't look like it at first, then once. he gets a. >> Well, you're judging on size cuz that's. it. That's what you know. >> All right. I'm friends with short. people. I'm literally friends with short.

people. >> You don't like Toby Magguire? >> I like Tom Holland the most. >> Yeah, Tom Holland is the best one. I. never liked Andrew Garfield either. >> I also like the powers he has on his. suit. >> And Toby Magguire is the Tobeby. Magcguire is the only one who actually. shoots web out of. >> So funny how you used to break my balls. about Marvel nerd stuff. You get one. chick that's into it and now listen to. you. >> That's how that's exactly how it works. >> This is crazy. It is. >> You're literally You're literally. [laughter]. >> You watch The Eternals. >> Guilty is charged with the story. I. watched half the Eternals and I was. like, "Fuck this." Cuz it could have.

been sick. >> Wait, what's the Eternals? >> Bill's holding together a sacred. timeline right now with Marvel. >> Yeah, I don't really like the. multiverse, but I [laughter] am in the. sacred time. I'm I'm going through from 1940 starting. at Captain America and currently I'm on. I just finished Spider-Man. This chick. hasn't won the actual. >> I did I literally did this legend like. eight years ago. I like I don't. >> You did it with Soups. You did it with. like CW Soups, right? >> I did all I did I did the I did. >> [ __ ] what is it? I did the Vampire. Diaries. >> Yeah, you did.

>> I did Marvel, too. >> Oh, you did Marvel, too? >> Yeah, I did all that [ __ ]. >> The McGuffins are susceptible to girl. >> 100%. >> Oh, it's called King S. >> Is it Marvel? >> Are you kidding me? >> Girl, >> Marvel's true. >> It's true. Literally the king said, "Bro, >> Spidey, >> some jeans.". >> Girl, >> Spider-Man. Spider-Man's the most girl. out of all the. >> Spider-Man. If I hear you talking about. Wonder Woman, we're going to have. >> I [ __ ] hate that [ __ ]. >> I didn't watch I literally skipped. [ __ ]. >> I'm a Doctor Strange is my I'm a Doctor.

Strange fan. >> Nobody also likes Doctor Strange. >> Doctor Strange might be the best. Honestly, >> me and Spade watch [ __ ] we when we went. to San Diego, dude. We went and saw. [ __ ] Guardians of the Galaxy 3. That's different. >> Guardians is number one, one seat apart, and we were literally just waiting for. our flight. went to the [ __ ] place. I. think it was in Coronado and almost. cried together watching it. >> Guardians is a little too close though. >> Guardians on. >> Trying to think what was the show? The. show I didn't watch Vampire Diaries. I. watched the spin-off of Vampire. It was. called the uh. >> That's insane. >> Forget what it called. >> I didn't watch that since I was like 17.

Give me that. Give me that. >> Those shows are [laughter]. chick was maybe somebody else I'm. thinking. Were you watching like Archer. and like the Batman the Gotham? >> I watch Gotham. I watch Gotham. Also a. terrible show. These are crazy shows to. watch. >> Yeah. Very bad show. Girl shows. >> I'm not trying to niche. [laughter]. Niche. >> You're not niche mogging. It's just girl. shows. You're When you're first with a. babe, you're just like, "Okay, what are. we going to do?" And she's like, >> "We're going to watch like the worst. show ever.". >> I mean, she hit me with Studio Gibli, which was honestly pretty good. >> Kind of the heron. Unreal. And then I.

hit Harry Potter for the first time. ever. So, Harry Potter. >> Maybe that's why I'm not married. >> Yeah. >> But [laughter]. the girls I'm with are getting hit with. Rud Vanesso. All goals scored by. Manchester [laughter] United. Uh they're. getting hit with Jeremiah Love. highlights 30 straight. >> This is niche mogging. >> Yeah, [laughter] that's that's what. they're getting hit with. >> Yeah, it's like an iPad kid. >> Yeah, I got you. Watch this [ __ ] Check. this out. >> I'm not used to having hyped the Eagles. were before this game. >> I'm too I'm too little, bro. I don't. even I don't I see a remote. I'm just I. just like look at it and just wait for.

someone to take it. Yeah. [laughter] I'm. like I don't I don't I'm a scumbag. I. don't touch that thing. >> Whatever you want to put it on. I'm not. >> I think I think the show I was watching. was called The Immortals. Uh, I think there was the movie is the. Immortals and the dude from Silicon. Valley, the Indian guy is in it and he. has like finger guns and I was like, "Dude, this is literally. >> No, you're talking about Eternals.". >> Eternals. Yeah, sorry. Immortals might. have been what? >> Immortals was without Henry Cav. >> You don't like any superhero [ __ ]. >> Um, I like the. Guardians of the Galaxy. That [ __ ]. >> Guardians is good. Yeah, >> that's that doesn't even count. That.

doesn't even count. >> I never saw any of the X-Men. >> The original. Sorry. It's called the. originals. >> I think there was an X X-Men that I. liked. >> That's what I'm saying. It's good. >> Yeah. Last in was pretty good. >> And then I got a little me time and I. was like, "Hey, why don't we watch No. Country for [clears throat] All Men?". And she was into it and the ending. happened and it she was pissed. Like, "What the [ __ ] was that?" So that's the. end of the movie. It's sick. >> No, it's awesome. >> They need clean resolutions, dude. >> Yeah. >> They need two people to go, "Wait, [laughter] wait, you can't get on that. plane.". >> Anything outside of that, they go, "What. the fuck?".

>> Yeah. >> Doesn't make sense. And then that other. movie, >> how come he's not talking to himself the. entire movie explaining exactly what. he's doing? [laughter] I don't know what. he's doing. How does he get here? >> It's weird because they don't care about. it when it's horny time. >> Yeah, >> if there's a movie that's all horny. time, they don't they don't need. explanations. >> They don't need guy's name or anything. >> I might fire up Fifty Shades. I might. fire that back up. >> Goon to it or just. >> No, rent it. Just watch it. Ran it and. watch it. >> It's all about I've never seen it. >> Fifty Shades is. >> You watched it? >> I saw I went and saw it in theaters. Yeah, >> I'm trying to see Odyssey.

>> I was on a date. I was on a date. That's. a crazy date. How. >> Which date? >> Like early years ago. It was just like. an early date years ago. Uh it was. >> like a first or second day. >> No, no, no. It wasn't first time. >> That's like seventh grade movie though. >> I mean, you can look up when that came. out. >> You can look up. You can look up the. era, but it was way way back. >> M villain arc. [laughter]. >> Different people, different times. Tinder date to [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> It was before It was before that. It was. before that. It was before [laughter]. that. >> Holy balls, bro. >> Wait, it was another lifetime.

>> Whole lifetime. >> [ __ ] horny. >> That's like Gervin putting on the red. lights. [laughter] That is going to be. taking it to China. >> It's hitting me right now. Like you. you're taxi driver walking in the. theater. [laughter]. [gasps]. >> Did you finish? It was a different. lifetime, dude. >> I hear he was a different man. I. remember. >> 2015, too. [laughter]. Same old Matt. >> 2015. What were you? >> No, I think I think it was older. That. might have been the the new one. Talking. about the original. >> 50 More Shades or whatever.

>> That was 50 More. I'm talking about 50. >> Damn. I didn't know you were go like. that. I was goon. I was swave. >> I would just say, "Hey, let's wait.". >> I was bricked up. I was completely. bricked up. >> I would have been. Yeah. I mean, you. know, >> I was eternally bricked, dude. >> Chicks are always reading [ __ ] those. sexy books. >> The sexy books non-stop. The best is. when they are reading a sexy book. You. just sit there and start reading out. loud what they're reading. They get so. mad. [laughter] They get like, "Stop. You're ruining it.". >> It's very hot. >> They're in book clubs. >> Yeah. >> Where they all read sex book together. >> Book and talk about it.

>> That's so hot. That's like jerking off. together in seventh grade, >> dude. Literally, they're good, >> dude. They might just be late on that. They hit their sexual peak late. >> They do. >> Yeah, I think they're late on. everything. >> What they do with it, I don't know, but. [laughter]. >> I haven't run into it yet. >> They kind of keep it to themselves. [laughter]. >> Yeah, I've heard that. I've I've heard. that a long time ago that women peak. sexually around like what is it 35 or. 40? >> Yeah. Yeah. They just don't usually do. with their husbands. >> Yeah, they do. They they they like to. build a life that they can just.

>> build up deep sexual frustration with it. and then they betray it all. >> That's hot. It is hot. It's undeniably. hot. >> Get blue gold. >> It's undeniably hot. [laughter]. Bluetooth. >> You need the gold. It's got the mental. I don't know if you know, but it does. [ __ ] to your brain. It helps you. >> Have you tried it? >> No. >> No. >> That [ __ ] like um. >> Seth trying to give all the dudes tea in. the army. >> Is he really? >> It's going to be nuts. >> I think that's what you get. You get. like testosterone and you get like the. apoc. You get read like the book of. revelations and then you go and you do.

what needs to be done obviously to. create the needs to come back. [laughter]. >> Imagine they had like tea boosters in. the in the original crusade. >> They did dude. >> They did. It was just all like 18 year. olds. >> True belie. [laughter]. [gasps]. >> Yeah. T Is he getting that uh approved? >> Yeah. You like get tested. >> 30 years old. >> You just like get tested. Everyone's. going to be juiced up, dude. >> Smart. Pretty much making Spartans. again. pretty much. I wouldn't mind. that. It is what it is. We got We gota. do what we gota do. We need jacked guys.

>> We need more Odiciuses, dude. >> I just want the [ __ ] Odysius. >> I I just want them to isolate. I want to. isolate the mental aspect of the new. boner pills to give me just that. How. powerful would you be with them? Just. the mental aspect that makes you more. just mentally. >> I wish I wish my dick [laughter] worked. I was so horny. >> That is literally called aderall, bro. >> You get shriveled. You just get. shriveled. Your head is going 1,000. miles a minute. >> But I'm I don't get very horny on it. >> I don't get my dick literally goes away.

>> I want mental horn. >> I only experienced that one time. >> No one can see this. >> The Molly I only experienced that one. time where I was like, "Whoa, what the. fuck?". >> Molly's a shriveler. >> Molly's a monster [clears throat]. shriveler. >> But you don't mind. >> Oh, you're on Molly. >> After all, though, you hit the urinal. and you go, "Dude, >> no. Please, no one see this. Please, this would be the craziest." I had to. take like [laughter]. >> that's what I was telling Bill like all. these all these. >> like a cadaavver. It's [ __ ] up. [clears throat]. >> All these dudes are getting SCP on like.

getting their tea tested and it's like. if I was like yo let me measure your. dick right now. >> Yeah. >> That's what they're just taking like one. little reading and the [ __ ] changes. during the day. >> It does you know. >> any I want to measure your dick like. someone should be measuring it. constantly for like a week and then you. like there it is a tea reader. >> That's the I think it's [ __ ] too. >> There's a yard stick in my new house. >> that was left over. As soon as I saw it. I was like. >> no let's see where we're at. hide that. [laughter]. >> I never want to see this thing or I. haven't seen what seven inches looks. like in so long. I thought I was close, dude. I'm not a remote.

>> We're not even near that. I [laughter]. just literally like. >> one of these literally saw it across the. room and I was like, start measuring. from behind your balls, bro. >> The shaft goes past it. >> Any dude with a tape measure does the. same exact thing every single You just. go, >> [ __ ]. >> That's what if you're if you're with it. enough, >> maybe it is that. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> And then you go, that's what [ __ ]. nine looks like. Jesus Christ, you put. it away. >> Pulling out tape measure, looking at 13. inches is literally a classic joke. [laughter]. >> every time. That's pretty nice. >> That's impossible. Dick.

>> impossible. Great work. >> Doesn't exist. [laughter]. >> Those are the best reels. The guys are. like, "Yo, cut that two inches." And the. guy's like, [laughter]. >> you know what? >> There was an iron worker constantly. would tell us. We were like [ __ ] 19. years old. He was like, "I got to cuck. like a hockey puck." I was like, "Bro, why you telling me this?". >> Oh, is that even me? >> Like [ __ ] fat Gordo. He had like a. walk, dude. >> I I shared I shared an office with a guy. who would just constantly tell me about. his huge penis. >> I would too, honestly, if I had one. >> He would be like, I spit in women's. mouths. He's like, that's what you do. That's what they want. You just go, you.

[ __ ] [ __ ] You spit. He would claim. He goes, what they want you to do? >> I never understood this. >> I I would sit there and go, >> deeply troubled. >> Yeah. Like, I will not do that. I'll. I'll never try. >> As I said, I would never told me to do. it. I would go you ew [laughter]. >> don't like that with you. I don't like. that. >> I guess I'll do it. Yeah. >> I love That's what we're [laughter]. doing right now. >> You [ __ ]. >> Spit in my mouth. I haven't brushed my. teeth all day. [laughter] Fed like three. coffees. Boom. White. Disgusting. >> I just take it to 10. I turn around and.

[ __ ] on them right away. [laughter]. You [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> I lay on my back, lift my legs, and [ __ ]. the bed. >> Just [laughter] launch one into the. hedges. >> KILL MYSELF. >> Denny did that, right? >> I I I think he did every scatman. Skippy. I. >> think he was the [laughter] Scatman. >> Yeah, I think so. Oh, I think there was. like a thing where like he [ __ ] on. someone's chest or got his chest [ __ ]. >> No, that's you're thinking of Ray J. Ray. J got he claimed he claimed four pounds. of [ __ ] on him. >> Ray got [ __ ] on by four pounds.

>> He said he said he claimed a lady dumped. a four pound. He said this on stream. >> He's in the agency. >> He was he was on he was on. >> Oh, that guy's hilarious. >> Ray Ray J might be one of the funniest. guys cuz a lot of those guy those. entertainers come back and they are like. Batmanville. Like 6ix9ine is like a. Batman. Um, I thought 6ix9ine [laughter]. was dead for some. Like my head's so. [ __ ] up. I was like, damn, they're. 6ix9ine. Then I saw Dame Dash talking. [ __ ] on Jay-Z. I was like, who are. >> He's been up that he's been up to that. for a long time. >> That's crazy. >> He's done a lot of TB movies. >> Dame Dash was going to make a huge. comeback with [laughter].

>> crazy horse. >> What was he famous for in the beginning? >> The Rockefeller kicked off. >> Yeah, he was he was like spraying. bottles in the background of the music. videos. He was he was the man for a. while. He was kind of diddy. He was like. a slight. >> Diddy Jason. >> Yeah, >> he was like he was like a It was same. play. He was like a hype man for a label. that he created. So he kind of tore a. page out of Diddy's handbook and he was. he was good at it. >> Okay. >> And then it was just like Jay-Z became. quadrillion. >> Jay-Z. Yeah. >> Yeah. And then he was just kind of like,

"Check out my movie.". >> So he just like talk [ __ ] That sucks. They were boys. >> He signed Kanye too. He signed Jay-Z. Yeah. >> Oh, so he signed them diplomats. Yeah. They were all under Rockefeller. >> Oh wow. So I mean he [ __ ]. >> He was fine. He was I I love his his. interviews. >> I would assume so. >> he got [ __ ] up. >> He was and then I think he got Yeah. >> Although his interviews I will say he's. one of the best podcast guests of all. time. He wears a suit and just calls. whoever's interviewing him gay. It's. kind of it's really. >> I mean the re the reals I get when I'm. trying to make the intro I [ __ ] look.

at the reals. I'm like bro this guy's. money. >> He's he's honestly pretty great. >> So many great sound. goes on the. Breakfast Club, call Charlemagne, then. the other guy gay because he's like, "You guys have a boss. That's. [clears throat] gay." [laughter] And. just it's so f and I I I don't want to I. think he might be kind of hammered the. whole time. I'm pretty sure he's. hammered everywhere. >> A lot of these guys are hammered. >> I think [laughter] he's also awesome. >> Hammered suit just going, "You guys. don't know anything about business. You're gay. [laughter]. >> Check out my new movie.".

>> Yeah. 50-y old black hammered are the. greatest. >> He's and he's pausing everything. He's a. heavy pauser. He's Dame Dash is the man. I really genuinely think he is the man. >> That's what I got. That's why I'm. remembering it cuz he got hit. He hit. like a weird pause today and it made me. laugh. >> It's so funny that that's how they. split. Like Jay-Z went and became. >> like I'm a billionaire. I'm a. businessman. And then the other guy got. hammered in his suit and was like, [laughter] you guys are [ __ ] gay. >> I'll make. the boys broke up and fell apart. [laughter]. >> Jay-Z started open up for Hillary.

Clinton. That [ __ ] was weird. That was. weird. >> He was doing it in Philly. I remember. that [ __ ]. >> I know. I remember that thing. >> Him and his nose. [laughter]. >> The beehive. >> Don't have the beehive come after you, dude. >> You guys will be commenting bumblebees. under your pictures. [laughter]. >> I think that's I think now they're. they're more just a brand now because I. think Well, Beyonce had the country. album. >> Yeah, it was the best country album of. all time. >> I'll be honest, that one song is a hit. >> Which one? >> It Texas. Yeah, the one that was written.

by [ __ ] the best songwriters in. Nashville. Yeah, it was probably. the thing. You can't give a black woman. credit for. >> I was a Beyonce black woman credit for. >> I was a Beyonce hater. >> Good old boy. >> No, I'm going to be honest. [laughter]. >> Good old boy. >> I've been trying to I've been trying to. [laughter]. >> I would try to do a thing. >> This ain't for me, >> dude. I I would go I would listen I. would go like this. I I was a Beyonce. hater forever cuz I'd always everyone. >> I'm not a Beyonce hater. >> No, I'm telling you. Listen, listen. I. would always all the time Beyonce in my.

relationships, the girl, everyone, they. would go, "Well, they would go Beyonce's. about she's all right." And I was I was. just geared to hate. So, I'm like, "Let. me just give an honest listen to the. album." That song came on. I'm like, "God damn, this is a toetapping." It was. a toetapping hit. >> Look up to. >> It was a toty. guy, bro. >> Shaboozi. >> Shabuzi is nice, too. >> The most positive dude I've ever seen on. video. >> Shaboozi is nice. The queen bee, just. all you have to just say she slay. Just. say she [ __ ] ate. All right. Just say. she [ __ ] ate. >> She [ __ ] ate. [laughter].

>> She ate. >> Is that like eight at eight and serve. and all that? >> I love it. >> Just say she ate. >> She served con on that album. [laughter]. >> Admit on the album. >> This ain't. >> Yeah, she uh she definitely. >> ray. [laughter]. >> I think is the is the pop country rush. over? >> No, it's just. for me. Billy's coined the term. Judeo-Christian. >> Judeo country. >> Judeo country. [laughter] Yeah, J. >> They've moved from the rat. So like you. know how it's like oh the CIA and like.

>> you're like going fishing. I'm drinking. I have a truck. >> It's called Judeo country. I made. [laughter] it up. >> Do you like that? >> It's a great term. >> No, I don't like it. >> No, like um. >> wake up country. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> I'm at a lake. >> Technically it's cows. [laughter]. >> I just did you see how there's no rap in. like the top 40 right now? >> Yeah. [clears throat]. >> Yeah. of Sauron has went on. >> Drizzly Drake brought it back. >> Drizzly will come back. And.

>> he did. Drizzly did. >> No, if he goes country, that'd be nasty. >> He'll go country. >> There was rumors. [laughter]. >> Country. >> No, I think it's a meme. >> He won't go country. >> But if he did go country, he would. dominate. >> Yeah. Right now though, it's all country. and like [ __ ] like that. And like uh. >> this country is a new rat metal. >> No, it's a new rat. >> Yeah, >> it's rat but it's country. >> Yeah, >> true. Okay, fair enough. I Dude, I'm. telling you, people are sleeping on the. TPUSA halftime show. Mm- That was. >> People were literally sleeping on it. No.

[laughter] one watched it. >> I watched it. It was so funny, dude. >> The Bad Baby one in English was. hilarious. >> Yeah, very translated. Yeah, >> it was what you were talking about with. him where it's like, >> I want to show my aunt my new. girlfriend. Love it. She's so hot. >> My aunt's so horny for my sex. >> Yeah, his lyrics are [ __ ] dude. [laughter] They're crazy. I saw that. years ago cuz I remember I heard of him. and I actually would like listen to Bad. Bunny and I was like the hell's this guy. talking about? I looked it up and I was. like yo bro.

[laughter] stay [ __ ]. >> I talked about it on the local New York. news program. >> I'm never doing that ever. >> It was my favorite one. The one No, the. local wasn't that Philly was the Philly. one was one of the craziest when I when. I did the special he did. >> they were just like I did local 24. movie. It was crazy. >> Oh, you did that dude his little. podcast. That's [ __ ] nuts, dude. >> I don't know. They were like, "Just do. all these." I was like, "Yeah, whatever. Whatever it needs to be." I'm a team. player. Yeah. >> To a fault. >> You're DTP.

>> No, I mean that guy. >> down to play. And I said, "Yeah, whatever you think works.". >> You were not DTP on this show, though. >> These guys were [ __ ] coming at me. These [ __ ] [laughter]. >> Well, here's the thing. My My brother. had beef with him, so I was ready for. him to start. So, I was on guard the. whole time. Ready to be like, "Yeah, dude. You're a [ __ ] [ __ ] to my. brother." So then like I was there ready. for him to start but he was so nice. >> and also as soon as I got there I went. the fly I shouldn't have done this. course try that. >> I came out like hey. >> but also too I couldn't stop I whenever. I'm doing. >> this is to get more eyes on your show.

>> supposedly yeah whenever whenever I do a. new thing I can't help it I have this. look in my eyes that's just like a very. intense kind of look cuz I'm just being. like what the [ __ ] going on right now. and it's I didn't realize how vis I've. haunt her eye yeah. >> I mean you guys are like public people. so like you have to like learn how to. look right. >> you get like I haven't done that. Your. eyes get glassy. Your eyes are glassy on. that interview. You're like, "What?". [laughter]. >> Guys are like, "So, you have a new. special coming out that had to be like, "That's pretty cool, man. You made it to. Netflix." You're like, "Yeah, [clears throat]. [laughter]. >> you're visibly thinking.".

>> Awesome. >> The [ __ ] you say to me? >> The voice trash. Yes. [laughter]. >> Trash business. >> He's like, "Well, that's a little. weird." I'm like, "It's not that weird. thing." When he was talking about. homeless people, that's a little I was. like, "It's not at all. It's totally. fine to laugh at homeless people. shitting." It was like, "Okay, I guess. it is.". >> Yeah, that was weird. The podcast I I. also It really Yeah, I don't think it. does. >> Radio guys used to get me with that. I. go to do a radio thing and you sit there. and you're like. >> 6 a.m. >> This is nuts. >> You You got think you guys are trashing. me. [laughter]. >> The way you're talking to me. Like.

>> it's like local news, radio humor where. it's like there's like weird sexual. innuendo is like the funny the funniest. thing they can do is sexual innuendo, >> but they're also they belittle you the. entire time. >> Yeah. room clean. >> It's a room of like six people that see. each other every morning. >> I think I'm pretty funny. I think I. could do what you do, honestly. >> Yeah. Okay, >> dude. I'm an Eskimo brother with one of. those guys and they do do comedy. They. did do comedy and they ended up there. >> Oh yeah, that's that for sure. That's. also Congrats.

>> Who Esimo brothers with? >> I mean, you can't do that on camera. [laughter]. >> You're not on camera. >> I mean, are you. is Baltimore? It's a guy in Baltimore. >> Okay. [laughter]. >> It's not Mickey, is it? No. [ __ ]. >> That is my favorite. >> That's tight your Eskimo bros with them. >> Yeah, that's cool. >> I respect any of my Eskimo brothers. I. would never fight with an Eskimo bro. >> No, I don't. I mean, my swords are down. now. >> My sword's down now, dude. >> True. >> War's over.

>> Trojan war is over, man. [laughter]. >> I'm out of the sea right now, waiting. for the wind. >> It is cra, dude. I at 40, your boner. falls off a cliff. It's like clockwork. It's so It's kind of sick. >> What are you even here for? [laughter]. >> I love that. And he's bound down when he. has a gun point at his [ __ ]. [laughter] [ __ ] chin implant. >> I love that. >> No one's ever going to top that show. >> This is the greatest show that's ever. been made.

>> When he's hyped after they they do the. news and he goes out and punches the. [ __ ] [laughter]. >> start. And honestly, season one pilot to. the final of four. >> It's amazing. >> Unbelievable ending. Yeah, it's it won't. be touched ever again. It's just It's. Mount Olympus. >> Best show ever. >> It's Mount Olympus. >> That's kind of like my dick right now. [laughter]. >> It's did it all, dude. >> It's done it, dude. >> It's like eastbound down, dude. It's. already It's the best. [snorts]. >> Season 4 eastbound. >> If it does anything now, it's like the. home run derby. You're like, "Yeah,

ball." [laughter]. >> No, now it's more I'm just on like, you. know, like some planets like a year from. one planet is like nine Earth years. [laughter] That's got my dick's on a. different rotation now. Used to be I was. like you're hitting that thing where. you're like actually you think it's a. solar system. We're going through the. universe. [laughter]. >> It used to be fleefooted Mercury. It. would just be like two re. Now it's just. old sat Pluto. It's not even a [ __ ]. planet anymore. [laughter] It's a dead. star. >> It's just ice and [ __ ]. >> It was never even a circle. It's.

>> [ __ ] It's out there. >> Its moons are just now a fine dust that. form rings crashed into each other. Then. you eventually start getting ding-dong. ditched. >> and then you [ __ ] run as fast as you. can. >> You're an old man who starts getting. dingdong. They take the work. People are. [ __ ] with you. That's my time time to. take out the pistol. >> So you start chasing little kids getting. >> I got to get out of the city. [laughter]. I have like 10 years before I'm I can't. remember what day it is that I have a. gun. >> No, you just walk your dick is it's so. soft that your head's light. You're like. never been this. And then you fall down.

You w and the news is right there and. you go and you just start watching the. news and you go finally. Is it like. being on shri or do you get hang time or. you just have ball hang time? >> I Well, here's the thing. I've I've. reclaimed I' It's You do cardio and your. dick does start but. >> No one's had more dick. >> Dude, can I tell you something? Can I. tell you something? >> That dick's huge again, right? >> No, no, no. It's not. >> It works perfect. It's fine. Listen, this is this will give you an insight. into my life. The other day, the other. day it actually it got like regular hard. like how hard it gets when it's like. fully working. And my wife laughed.

>> She went, "What the [ __ ] is going on?". killer. Yo, come on. Come on. [laughter]. It's hard. >> Been there. >> I live in that, bro. [laughter]. >> Whoa. Here it is. >> You get a wo tiger. >> This is what I meant. >> Every time we've had sex, this is what I. was going for. >> It's the pure expression. But no, [snorts] it's uh Yeah, it's you know, it's it's so cyclical, dude. Cuz here's. the thing, too. I can't even fap because. the chance I I'll fap myself out. A. simple fap, I'm fapped out for two days.

>> So, it's like I just I'm on edge. >> Dang it. So, every now and again you. time the fab I like again. >> wonder what would happen if you edged. every day. >> Oh, I could tell you about this later. [laughter]. >> I don't think anyone can actually edge, dude. >> There's no way. There's no way I'm not. doing it. >> If you were a high level like guy like. Sting, you could edge everything. [laughter]. >> That guy's writing music from the 14th. century. >> They practice tantra. >> That's legendary. >> [ __ ] crazy. Kevin Gates. Kevin Gates. claims that he just doesn't.

>> Kevin Gates is this incredible liar. [laughter]. >> You think he's capping? >> Yes. >> Is he dead? >> Kevin Gates is alive and well. >> Who's the guy that's dead? >> Which one? >> You think? [laughter]. I don't know. >> No. No. There's another There's like a. manosphere dude and I think he died. >> Oh, you're talking about the black. manosphere guy. What's his name? It's. your boy. >> He had cocaine in his system. >> Yes. >> Yeah. The guy who would call women fat. ass. >> Who was that guy? Um Kevin, uh. >> Kevin, it's Kevin something, right?

>> Kevin Samuel, I forget his name. >> Hey, you might be actually right about. that. He was awesome. >> His when you get Zoom calls being like, "How old are you?". >> Yeah, shut up, [laughter] old [ __ ]. Fast. >> What are you bringing to the table? Two. kids, no job. >> Time for a quick break from the show for. a special segment called more or less. soccer edition. >> The entire summer of soccer is on prize. picks. Don't miss your last chance to. get in on the action. They're offering. everything from final winners to most. goals scored. So, this is what we're. thinking for picks this week.

>> Begin with your picks for most goals. scored in this year's tournament. Please. reference Okay. Yeah, I'm thinking. Lionel Messi, Argentina, eight goals. >> Yeah. >> Kylin. from France. >> Yep. >> They're done. >> Who do you Who's Who do you have next? >> Who's that other guy right there? >> There's Oain Demle from France. Four. goals. [laughter]. You know, the key to pronouncing French. names is you think about what's the most. insufferable way to say this. You go. like that's how you probably say it.

>> Of course, >> uh do who do you think's have more or. less? >> Oo, I'm thinking uh is going to have. less. >> Yes. >> And will have he'll have more. >> Exactly. Uh so that's our take. Now it's. time to lock in yours. Uh, download the. app today and use code drench to get $50. instantly in lineups if you win your. first $5 lineup. Uh, that's code drench. to get $50 instantly in lineups if you. win your first $5 lineup. Prize picks.

America's number one sports pick app. >> Did you see the uh the footage of uh. Tigga? >> No. >> From 106 and Park. >> Tiger. >> It's not Tiger. That's a rapper. It's. Tigga. >> It was Tigga. >> Big Tiger from the rap the basement. It. was before your time. >> It was before your time. >> Remember the basement up and listen. Yeah. >> Yeah, please. But no, he he was like on. those. >> he he was on he was on BET forever. There's footage out where he's wrestling. his phone out of his girl. You didn't. see this? >> No, it was. >> So, I think his girlfriend or wife, >> Dude, the girl has his phone on it.

>> Huh? >> It's like winning the pill. [laughter]. >> That's his name. >> That's his name, dude. >> Hold it down. You guys see big. [laughter]. dude I can't get my dick hard. [laughter]. >> Have you guys seen. >> he just I just broke my hand right here. in the cradle. That's what I'm doing. >> Yeah. >> No, but he's wrestling. So he basically. had to wrestle his wife or girlfriend in. front of the kid. The kid was like, "Mr.

Tigga, stop it. Mr. Tigga, let go." Cuz. he was like wrestling the mom to he's. like, "Just give me my phone. Just give. me my phone.". >> Oh my god. So, there's a lot of guys. reacting to be like, "That is that man's. personal property and he deserves his. personal property.". >> Yeah. That's never a good look when. you're wrestling the phone from the. woman and then going, "There's nothing. in there.". >> No. >> Yeah. >> Obviously, you ever see the You see the. video of the chimp who gets a hold of. the AK-47? Everyone just kind of backs. away. That's all you can do. It's like, "Oh, whatever you want to do, just. >> I think that's from Planet of the Apes.". [snorts]. >> No. No. There's a real video. Well, there is it from Planet of the Apes.

[laughter] They. >> got tricked by AI. He got He got tricked. from a movie. >> That's old school. You know what I'm. talking about. James Franco. >> That's for real. From Planet of the. Apes. >> Either that or Planet of the Apes copied. it. >> Yeah, >> cuz there is a scene where a monkey. comes down and acts like he's like, "Oh, I don't know what I'm doing." He picks. up the gun. >> I'll hang up and listen. >> Maybe I'll hang up and listen. You could. be right. Maybe a monkey did pick up an. AK. >> Yeah. Did. >> And it was on Ebon's World. It was one. of the first things recorded. >> Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's This. is like old stuff. >> Maybe it was AI probably before the.

internet. Ah, >> sorry. I'm shaking. [laughter] I'm. shaking. I had NDE. The only thing I'm thinking about is how. [ __ ] I am tomorrow. >> Yeah, don't think about that, bro. >> There's no way I'm not going to be the. greatest. >> Just don't think about it. That's the. thing. It's crazy. >> Don't read the comments. >> Also, though, >> don't even think about it. Good for you. >> Yeah. Thanks. [laughter]. Good for you, man. It's. >> so funny. Whenever I tell people about. it, they go, "Good for him." Yeah. >> I mean, that is like the real world of. it. >> It's awesome. >> Like, oh man, who's at the link? Cool.

Good for them. Everyone's just doing. their own thing. So, >> true. They go, "Wow, wow. [ __ ]. >> That's cool. That's awesome. I don't. think they. >> It's only a freak show big deal for the. guy that has to go on. >> Most people don't. It doesn't register. how insanely massive [clears throat] it. is. They go, "Wow." Huh. >> It's crazy that dudes do it all the. time. Like, it's nuts that you guys go. places and then give someone like a. night of entertainment and then just. roll. >> Yeah. >> And that's like their big night. >> Yeah. >> That's like their date night. >> That's why when you bomb, you're like, I. I feel terrible. >> Yeah. Right. >> And then someone DMs me and goes, I.

spent $400 [ __ ] dollars, dude. You. suck. >> Heard that [ __ ] They don't. >> I know you heard that [ __ ] joke, [laughter] dude. I heard that [ __ ]. joke. That's all I got. Shut the [ __ ]. up. >> We're in this together, brother. >> Working on how I do stand up. >> When we when we [laughter] saw [ __ ]. um The Lumers, I felt like I was for. real in Rivendell. >> That was the most beautiful show I've. ever seen. >> And you started realizing that these. guys like build shows and put together. shows. It's a whole another literally. felt like I built a show here. >> Yeah, >> we got a show going. >> The greatest.

>> fireworks extra. Universe comedians. >> You pay for Pyros. Obviously, I have. >> It used to cost an arm and a leg in. Fight Night. You remember that? >> It costs a real arm and leg. >> Real the Pyros. >> The Pyros. I'm I'm not making a lot of. money on this. I mean, it's a lot of. money, obviously, but as much as you. [ __ ] think. >> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. Yeah. >> I'm spending a lot on this [ __ ]. thing. >> I'm losing my shirt. >> I'm losing my shirt a little. >> Yeah. Spend money, make money. >> You're exactly right. [laughter]. >> Did you used to do that in fight night? >> Yeah. >> Go out. Or would [snorts] you go. hardcore and just do nothing walk out. Tyson style? >> There was a couple of those, but. sometimes. >> I do smoke [ __ ] rules. >> Lasers.

>> Yeah. Haymaker. >> The boxing video game is. >> Jordan. All the Jordan gear. I was. wearing all the [ __ ]. >> stamina depleted. Yeah. What's the. status on the boxing video game? I feel. like they've slipped. >> They fell off. Yeah, they don't have. many. >> They were so good. Fight night. >> Fight night was a great. >> It was awesome. >> Better than any UFC game. [ __ ] all that. [ __ ] Fight night. What was that? Xbox. One. >> I forget. But it was sick. >> Yeah, it was like UFC games are so good. >> No, original Fight Night was unreal. The. training was unreal. All that [ __ ] was. awesome. >> Mini games in Madden, I will say, was. also great. >> That was awesome. 40 yard dash. I could.

[ __ ] run a 43 with my two [ __ ]. fingers. >> I never got good. >> They're like legs if you think about it. >> Literally. I know. That's why I would. just go like this. >> That counts. I was running my actual. >> Think about it. >> My video game guy was as slow as I am. >> Are you serious? >> Just mash with your 40 [ __ ] [laughter]. >> Yeah, >> that's [ __ ] tough. >> It was tough. I couldn't do it. >> Mini games. [ __ ] That was good. >> Nice. Running back mini games was. >> awesome. I I did want to ask. >> running back in college football. >> What? >> To NCAA. >> Did they really? >> Yeah. >> Is it really? >> Let's go. >> Sick. Listen to by frost bill. I think.

it's honestly one of the greatest. greatest episodes. >> Oh, the one we did last week. >> Yeah. You I I will say though, you kind. of claimed to be the pioneer of lifting. in the house. It was me. You were. >> I mean that's what he says that in the. beginning. >> I said in the beginning I said you were. >> I don't know what. >> immediately bodybuilding picture in my. intro. >> I don't know what part he started the. podcast. >> I know. I saw the beginning. >> Yeah. I don't know. >> There are my afters. >> You [laughter]. go. >> I have the picture. >> Crazy. I never had a lifting bro.

>> You didn't? Neither did I. >> Just me. You did. You took pictures. >> Well, in college, dude. You had lifting. bros by the time you were in college. >> I just had SW. >> I had swole mates. We were at the gym. We weren't taking P. We weren't popping. top taking pictures. >> Oh, you're talking about f start to. finish. >> Yeah. I wasn't doing all that [ __ ]. >> That's fair enough. >> No, I mean that was the thing that. >> You didn't go in on chicken when BJ's. was anybody going in on the on the. chicken breast? >> No, never. I would eat Waw Wa. >> I feel bad. >> Classic Hogies. Chicken. Classic Hogies. I was dirty bulking all the time. >> You're dirty bulking? [laughter].

>> Yeah. I'd eat clean for like 3 days and. just go, "Fuck it." Dirty bulk. 10in. class. >> Welcome to my world, [laughter] dude. Without the lift, bro. >> I go, I'm looking good. I'm losing. weight. I might as well eat a full. [ __ ] pizza every day. >> That gets everybody, honestly. I'll. never do it. >> Double dinners. Yeah. >> No, that the thing that was actually. scary was my [ __ ] magnesium [ __ ]. That was [ __ ] terrifying. >> What was it? >> I [ __ ] almost died, bro. >> From what? >> Magnesium. I didn't [ __ ] realize it. Is that. good? >> I'm just saying. >> Okay. Scar, man. How much you too much.

magnesium? >> I think I was dosing it too much and. then I. >> Were you load maxing? >> A lot of it. And it was in my. multivitamin and then I started taking a. magnesium supplement at night and I was. drinking a drink that had magnesium. I. did not drink this recently. >> Literally a near-death experience two. weeks ago. >> Hang on. I'm sorry. Just one second. >> You're sealing so much value with NDA. right there, >> bro. I was there. >> One second. [laughter] completely off. topic, but when you sat down, he plops. down and it reminded me of entires every. single script whenever my character sits. down, it's like and then Shane plops on.

the couch. [laughter]. >> And after like the 90th time, I was. like, "How come I'm the only one. popping? Everyone else is the [ __ ]. >> pulling like a half a G back in my. seat." [clears throat]. >> Shane plops onto the couch and says, "Are you gay?" Shane spills into the. couch. [laughter]. >> That would [ __ ] Yeah. I was like, "Who the [ __ ] writing this?". >> What the hell? I mean, is everybody on. the set dainty? >> No. >> But then I think after I brought it up, now everyone plops over the couch. [laughter]. >> That's so [ __ ] funny. >> Inclusivity. >> Inclusivity is important.

>> Plopping is such a crazy. And. >> then Shane comes in the room and plops. onto the [ __ ] [laughter] floor. Turd. Fat [ __ ] turd idiot. >> All right. >> Need more. >> All right. So, what are you doing? Magnesium. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I. was double dosing myself because it was. in my multivitamin and my um my nightly. magnesium supplement. I just thought you. needed to sleep. >> by glycinate or what are you talking? >> It's a complex. >> It's it's it's everything. >> It's [laughter] a whole family, dude. >> The family's insane. >> There's like this is just two of them.

>> There's like two There's like four more. of these dudes [laughter]. >> that are just big dogging each other. about [ __ ] supplements. I thought, dude, I thought big dog was big dog on. every single conversation, [laughter]. >> you know. Dude, I don't know if you know. about the uh structural integrity of. skyscrapers. I was in Toronto. A guy. told me about the I know you weren't big. there. That was just. >> I would have spun might have known. >> Yeah, that was an example. I was just. trying to think of something. That was. not a real big dog. That was not a real. big dog. Big dog. This is big dog. You. guys are big dogging on magn. And [laughter] you know you are. This is. what you [ __ ] do.

>> My ego's at the door. >> Is that even? >> It just comes off that way. >> I'm just saying no other form of. magnesium crosses the blood brain. barrier. you need to buy you need to at. least buy glycinate or something else. I. mean Tom Tom called me the other day was. like dude I'm pretty sure that was the. highest dose of peyote ever in Garn. Valley. I'm like, "Yeah, obviously it. was." [laughter] How was it? Triple. four, >> dude. I [ __ ] go to sleep. >> Imagine if you like poured more like. money in. Imagine if you had more. >> Imagine if you were all like multi. multi-millionaires. [laughter].

>> They would be terrifying. >> They would be the craziest group of. people. >> because you're you're m you max out at. every [laughter] at every chance. Every. checkpoint is a max out. So it's like. imagine if you just poured more water on. the Gremlins, dude. Like there'd be a. city somewhere. >> Tom Tom maxes [laughter] out. You guys. >> there'd be a city somewhere. That's. >> how you guys max out. >> Yeah, I didn't I wasn't doing this. purposely. >> I'm not [laughter] trying. Hold on. This. >> People don't understand. Like regular. people that are listening probably don't. understand. Shane understands. He's the.

only dude that understands what the. cross you bear. >> I love it. It is funny as well. >> Not a cross. It's hilarious, but nobody. can get outside of it. >> But then I don't think you guys are. joking a lot. >> I'm dead serious. Like there's always. there's [laughter] always a hint of. seriousness. >> I'm dead. I almost died. Dude, >> you you would be e ulogizing me right. now. I accidentally took. >> What were the symptoms? [laughter]. >> I'm not going to your [ __ ] funeral, dude. I have to go to Mcoobie's joke. house that weekend.

>> Literally take it back. [laughter]. >> That's over the line. >> I take it back. >> What were the symptoms? >> I'll be there. I'll be like a black lady. at your funeral. I'll be literally. [laughter] be screaming at I'll be. screaming on that cough. You're going to. have to pull me off, >> dude. >> Just saying. Super relatable topic for a. podcast. We've all been there. I was in. my bed and I started having [ __ ]. heart arhythmias and my heart was. beating like three times in a row. >> without the [ __ ] magnesium. >> I know, bro. >> But, bro, the [ __ ] problem was like. it was happening so much. I didn't want. to say anything to my [ __ ] wife.

sitting there. So, >> you need a bender. >> I was just chilling. >> You never had a bender. >> I was chilling. [laughter]. But bro, the thing was I couldn't pin it. on the magnesium because I had a monster. plate of lasagna. So I was like not. knowing what was going on, but I was. literally [ __ ] paralyzed with fear. [laughter] So I couldn't check my phone. And at that point, I was like, if I die. today, it is what it is. I can't look. this [ __ ] up and freak out more. So I. sat there for two hours just having. arrhythmias and shortness of breath. I. thought it was [ __ ] magnesium, but I.

did have a [ __ ] monstrous thing of. lasagna. Few mozzarella balls thrown on. top of that. Obviously, I was hit I was. getting hit with [ __ ] heart murmurss. and [ __ ] [laughter] like crazy. >> Thankfully, they've chilled out. I was I. bet for like a decade with like. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Whatever the [ __ ] that was. >> We're just missing. You'll just miss. every breathing. You're like, "Oh, [ __ ]. My heart just stopped the whole way.". >> I was carrying this pot and I ran up a. hill like trying to show off her fed. just [ __ ] around. I got to the top of.

the hill. It felt like Shane was sitting. on my chest. >> What the [ __ ]. >> I was slapped on I was standing up. It'd. be like if all of you guys were like. pushing on my chest like no air. I was. just like, but I'm standing up and I'm. just like, "Oh, damn.". >> Yeah. Why is it hot as [ __ ] in here? >> Sorry. >> AC probably. >> Damn. >> You open the door or whatever you want. to know. >> But yeah, I thought I was having like a. heart attack. I was like, "Oh, this is. what I've had a couple scares." Wait, so. you can't blame it on the magnesium. then? >> No, the jury's still out, but I'm pretty. sure it was magnesium. >> Magnesium and probably like Garfield. lasagna. [ __ ] was good as [ __ ].

>> Speaking of grubbin, I watched Gerby's. Gerby's at the home run derby was. psychotic, dude. First of all, he's got. >> tailored jersey. It's the craziest [ __ ]. >> He has a tailored baseball jersey. So, it's It looks like a small t-shirt. The. sleeves come up to like here. [laughter]. >> Like a greaser. >> Crazy. >> There's like a level I don't know. I. don't know what you call it. Like, what. is that? >> He brought binoculars in a pouch. attached to his khaki shorts. He took. out his binoculars, no problem. [laughter] Just sitting next to us. Just.

>> What are you looking at? >> Exactly. It's a home run. What are you. [ __ ] looking for? [laughter]. >> And then he was like, "Oh, this is my. I'm going to order a slice of pizza." He. ordered a full pizza. >> Wasn't personal pie. >> A full pizza. Sat by himself and ate an. entire pizza like that. >> He usually doesn't. This was. >> his favorite pie. >> Yeah, it was impressive. >> You know what pie was? >> Uh, no. I forget. >> It's got me curious now. >> They only had it here and the beach. >> Macos. >> So, you guys are in a box. It's got I.

think it might be that [clears throat]. was going on. Yeah. All right. >> If it's mac and mangoes, I almost. understand. That's a Was it swirly. cheese? Was it swirly sauce? >> Yeah, >> that's mac and mangoes, brother. That's. good pie. >> Yeah, it is. >> It's mac andos. I kind of with him on. that. The mac and mangoes to the. >> It was awesome. It was awesome. >> You're getting into my world right now. This is all I do on YouTube. It's food. reviews and casino reviews and boardwalk. walks. [laughter]. >> That's great. >> Stay was trying to say he could crush a. cruise. >> I could crush a cruise. Now, when I was.

younger, I couldn't do it. But now that. I realize the beauty of I'm in a hotel. in the sea, >> but it's so small and there's no windows. in the park. >> That would suck ass. >> It would suck. >> I did a I did a Royal Caribbean when I. was 14. It was It's kind of lit, honestly. >> I think if I was 14 officer, I could. probably handle it. >> Yeah. >> Now I would be furious. >> It's the Monroe Institute on the [ __ ]. water. The food's trash, bro. >> What are you talking about? What about. the new There's an English There's an. English cruise from. >> Bill. You haven't seen the videos I've. seen. >> right now. >> You haven't The Four Seasons has a. yacht. [ __ ] cruise right now,

[laughter] dude. Like, you don't know. There's high end. >> It sells out right away. >> It's like mega bugs. >> Celebrity X cruise. >> This is not Celebrity X. [laughter]. Stop. Enough. >> There swingers cruises. >> Stop it. >> That's what we're talking about, >> guys. Not not big dogging. When I went. on a cruise when I was 14, I got to eat. dinner with the captain. >> That's awesome. [laughter]. >> Probably. >> I don't know why. >> They probably got 16 dudes in captain. outfits to go to each kid's room. >> It was with my friend's family and they. called I remember they were they were. [laughter] like, "We're going to eat. dinner with at the captain's table. tonight." I remember I was like, "Okay.". >> Yeah. Holy [ __ ] Remember it's like. snuff. >> He's probably a drunk.

>> Yeah, we were drinking wine. [laughter]. We drank wine. It's cool. You like walk. and all of a sudden you go whoa and your. legs are. >> sea legs. >> Yeah, but I heard I I heard they're. terrible for the coral reef. >> I mean, it's whatever. I all I do is. watch YouTube videos about it and what. it what it did was it graduated into a. swinger algorithm. I And I didn't do. that myself. >> You build it. >> I [laughter] listen brick by brick. >> They don't build they don't build. themselves, bro. Somehow you wound up in. super deals and [ __ ] swingers. Algo.

[laughter]. >> Well, the crew crawled there, bro. >> The cruis and swinging thing is a big. thing. >> You brought that up on yourself. >> It was funny though. We had a good time. with it. >> Yeah, you were warming up to something. You were maybe trying to get the. swingers, dude. >> What's that? >> Bless the swingers. >> Give them the log. >> Yeah, right. >> Get the pill for your mind and body. >> Yes. >> And bless [laughter] them, dude. >> See, dude. >> It's a blue shoe gold. The. >> ship's going to be rocking, [laughter]. dude. I would like I would like to take that. but with like full medical supervision.

>> Yeah. >> So like take my wife to the hospital, have them hook me up with a John. Hopkins, >> put the things and stickers [laughter]. on my. >> head fri stickers on my head and just. have them w just. >> blessed right now. >> and let him watch me [ __ ] just just. lay mediocre pipe [laughter]. >> only flexing your ass cheeks. >> That's the stroke. >> Just break her off with mid dick. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. I'm the king of that, bro. >> I mean, mid. >> I thought the premature stuff was.

[laughter]. >> I thought the pre I didn't realize the. premature stuff was like this. You know. what I mean? When [snorts] you're young. and then when you're old. >> Yeah. >> You hitting prejacks? >> No, it two pump jump. >> all [laughter] day long. >> That's all [ __ ] great. >> Prejack's not bad. Prejack's an. accomplishment. >> You ever get the Nojack. >> on soft? >> No jack. >> No jack's terrible. >> They get mad at Jack. >> I don't know what that is. >> It's alcohol induced no jack. >> Oh, like no coming. >> Yeah. No. alcohol. >> No, Jack. It's fair. >> Yeah. >> Spades on top of the mountain. He's He.

skipped a snip. >> It's pretty on top of the mountain. I'm. just saying [laughter] [ __ ]. >> Yeah. You look down at us. >> Yeah. Yeah. Who's big? >> Oh, yeah. I have a huge dick. I come all. the time. [laughter]. >> [ __ ] that, dude. I don't want to hear. you ever. >> You have your full penis, bro. There's. some entire penis. >> And I'm sorry. >> We're mutilated. >> We're [ __ ]. >> I got to do cardio just to get it up. [laughter]. I got to swim a mile a day just to get. my motor. I'm basically pumping it. I. might as well have a pump in my balls. >> They have that. >> They have that for the girls. Yeah, I.

know. >> The trans. >> Yeah, guys. Porn stars do it, too, apparently. >> Oh, really? >> Yeah, dude. Any porn star you see. apparently that's not it's never a. natural boner. >> Not a single one. >> Snapchat to make themselves feel better. >> These are guys in the professional sex. >> Bill, I watch I watch soft. Mark Leotaa has to [ __ ] calm down. with that [ __ ]. >> What? What you what exactly? >> Soft white horny belly. All of his [ __ ]. [laughter] is like [ __ ] glory hole. girl porn actress. Like dude, just.

literally you have the world. You could. interview anyone. >> Did you ever see Did you ever see when. he I don't know if this is I'm I'm not. nish right now, but one time one time he. uh. >> I mean that's literally what you're. known for. [laughter]. >> He put this prostitute up. You are the. king of niche. You really are. [laughter]. >> I hit you with I hit him with my one. niche mog on the way here which was. flags. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Autistically straight down the line. >> Yeah. You just know them all. >> No. You know what hurt? I was bragging. about my trivia to somebody. I was. sitting there showing them and I was.

like, "Dude, I get this. I get this.". Walk outside. There's a kid. You know, you know the people that do like sign up. for [ __ ]. >> The people that just stay on uh. >> in the Yeah. Yeah. >> And this kid just comes up to me and. goes, "Can you name a state that ends with the. letter K?". >> And I was like, "There's not there's. >> that quick.". >> That one that one gets people. >> Can you. >> New York? >> Yeah. And he was like, "You've been. there." And I was I was in New York. And. I was like, >> "What? What [laughter] the [ __ ] are you.

talking about?" Then he was like, "It's. New York." And I was like, "I have to. leave." [laughter]. >> I was also thrown off. I thought I was. getting interviewed. I thought there was. a camera. I was just making up words in. my head like don't. >> I always when I first when I first. confronted this I was like Arkansas ends. with an S. So no there's not one and. then eventually I I yeah I spaz on that. one too. I had a dream. >> I just that came up somehow somewhere. and I was like, >> man, I had a dream that in the Great. Lakes, if you were like I w I don't know. what I watched that like had this happen.

to me, but if you were like in the Great. Lakes around Lake Erie and like Lake. Michigan and [ __ ] if you looked above. it, there was Norway. And I had a dream. that that was real. And I had that I had. it wrong my whole life. And. [clears throat] I lived like a whole day. thinking like, damn, I figured that. [laughter] out. And then I saw a map. again and I was like a [ __ ] stream. >> Yeah. No one could understand it. >> Like they were like it was like up in. the sky. I thought like I was like nor. where Canada was and I don't know it's.

probably like World Cup clips I saw. >> that like got this going on in my head. >> But like for a whole day I was like damn. that's crazy. [ __ ] Norway's. [laughter] right there. >> Norway is right. It's like. >> we can go to we can go to Norway. whenever we want. What are we doing? >> Whatever we [laughter] want. >> What are we doing dude? Oh, far away. >> Read a book one time that was like a. what is it? Fiction. Like completely not. real. What is it? Fiction. >> Non-fiction. I always get that confused. But Z read it, thought it was [ __ ]. real the whole time, then finished it, looked it up, and it was fake.

>> For 100 pages for 100 pages. [laughter]. >> He was actually getting scared. >> Do you remember what it was? >> It's called Jenny Flat. It's by Tracy. Twimman. >> What happened in it? I got she was doing. like she was like invited to these like. weird like prime minister like level. British Masonic rituals and then I was. like dude this is [ __ ] nuts. [laughter]. >> Oh, but dude the uh Horny White. underbelly he or whatever where you're. calling it. He did one. >> do this. You're kind of pretty.

>> dude. He interviewed a prostitute who. was pretty hot obviously. obviously. >> and uh and you know asked all the. questions and then he eventually like. got her an apartment helping her to get. her act together. >> and she had been lying the whole time. cuz he was like he had her. >> much like the Whiters. >> dude he had her on and he was like. >> hey welcome back and he's like turns out. you were lying about a couple things. dude he he had a key to her apartment so. he was like I just thought it was weird. like you said you're out of town the. lights are on so I just stopped by I had. to use the bathroom anyway and there was.

a [ __ ] guy in there and she. >> he ended up getting like a weird young. girlfriend from this thing [ __ ] weird. He was she was having sex with her half. brother this entire time. >> Many such cases. >> and he was he was just laughing texting. like [ __ ] ass [ __ ] ass [ __ ] tricked. your ass. I got all that money [ __ ]. [laughter]. >> It's kind of nice. >> He started having both of them on. >> Yeah. The Whiters got like money and. stuff and then he got pissing them. because they start misusing funds. It's. like dude have you looked at Timmy and. Ray? [laughter] They have dip spit on. their insurance. Timmy got scared by a shovel falling on.

the ground. You think these people are. going to use the funds properly? You. don't even know what money is. >> It kills me that I think like to some. people I'm a Whitaker [laughter] and you. know that. >> What are you talking about? >> There's elite people. There's elite. elite people that would look at us as. Whiters, dude. >> No, >> for real. >> They would shut up, bro. You're talking. about like Palladians. >> I'm telling you, dude. Like, >> you have to be like a [ __ ] alien. race. Like, Whiters are [ __ ] up, bro. >> Bro, I'm telling you. >> Timmy and Ray are jam. [laughter]. >> King Charles thinks we're Whiters, dude.

No, >> King Charles has fat ass hands. You ever. see his pictures? Yes. He moss, >> does he? >> He's got venison [laughter] hands, bro. He crushes my hands. >> Really? >> Like actual like looks like a hamburger. helper. >> Who? Which one is Prince Charles? >> Charlie Boy. He's the king right now. >> Okay. He's the king. Got you. Not. Edward. I'm thinking of Edward. >> No. Who's the guy? Andrew. I'm thinking. of Andrew. >> Prince Andrew. >> Naughty boy. >> He's a party. >> What's up with him? He just got He got. completely cut off. >> Yeah. He was having sex with minor. Yeah,

>> they were like, "Yeah, we gota You can't. really [ __ ] around anymore.". >> He's out. He's out of the picture. >> Try to hit a I don't sweat [ __ ]. excuse. >> I don't sweat. It's awesome. >> Yeah, he [laughter] was on his toe. He. was on his toes. >> I was at Pizza Palace all time. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Also to him, you got to think like. >> how annoying that probably is getting in. trouble if you're a [ __ ] royal. Like. that blows, >> dude. I get in trouble your whole life. >> I was I kept laughing when he was in. jail for like 10 minutes. He the first. guy to get Prince Bussy is going to be. nuts. >> Oh yeah.

>> Someone He got right out. But dude, imagine. >> no one touched him. >> He's the first prince in jail since like. >> the man in the iron mask. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> But yeah. No, he uh I don't know. He He. honestly for him though, hookers were. like porn for him. >> Yeah. >> He would probably just be like, "Yeah, what? I'm bored of this kind of. >> Those dudes get to a level where it's. like not even hookers.". >> Yeah. >> It's like they don't even like hookers. They want ones that don't want it. Yeah. >> And they take it. >> Yeah. >> If you like what you see, you take it.

>> It's dark stuff. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> That's royalty, bro. That's what they're. up to. >> Yeah. Nonsense. Yeah. So, anyway, what else is going on? Yeah. >> Show's going to be crazy tomorrow. >> That's all [laughter] I'm thinking. about. I can't think about a single. other thing. >> Yeah. You look like you just got back. from N. Bro, >> you have no idea, Bill. I [ __ ] up. This was a huge mistake. >> I mean, how many beers would you have. before the show? How many beers will I. have before this? >> This feels like a four or five one. >> I think four or five to go out there.

You're almost like little coming out. >> Four is perfect. >> That would be. >> Yeah, >> this is how legends are made. >> Four. Four is a foot in each world. You. have a foot in each world. >> Yeah. 10. >> The arena shows usually two or three. >> Yeah. >> This is going to be. >> four or five. You'll be fine. >> This feels like a four or five. >> Everyone be pumped up and you'll. probably just be running on adrenaline. Simple. Just go out there and don't. think about it. Dude, [laughter] my. chest is D. [ __ ]. >> Stay away from lasagna tonight, dude. You got to eat clean before the show. >> Eat clean. Watch your magnesium.

>> My glisten is fine. Watch the citrate. It's more physical symptoms. >> It's like when you lost your vision at. Matt's Bachelor Party. [laughter]. >> It's going to be up there. >> Yeah, but if you come out and just shake. up the bud and just go, the place is. going to go nuts. >> That'd be sick. That'd be a sick move, dude. Do that. >> That. >> That'd be nice. >> I told you I just got one move. I'm just. gonna say boom, boom, boom. want to say. [laughter]. >> This is why Kid Rock had [ __ ] his. boys. >> True. >> That's what you need. >> The what? [clears throat].

>> Who's Kid Rock's boy? JT or. >> the [ __ ]. >> The [ __ ] Yeah. >> Yeah. True. >> Forget his name. >> It was JT. >> Do we have any JT? >> Uh, what was the Midget's name? That's. going to [ __ ]. >> Jack Spade and Fubo. [laughter]. >> Give a shape up before we go out. >> I got to be on whatever Big Jay's on. He's um whatever he's on it. Uh, he's. doesn't care. >> Oh, like those call spade. >> What's that? >> Robert Downey Jr. takes them. >> like beta blockers blockers.

>> Maybe he's on beta blockers. >> I don't know how you would do that. though. >> I'm not going to [ __ ] risk that. I've. never done that. >> Well, apparently I'm not going to try it. there. >> Yeah, that's the thing. >> Let me go try and true a couple butt. looks. >> Yeah, that's a real beta blocker. It. should work. >> Well, the beta blockers, they're saying. they're the most widely prescribed thing. in the world. Like, they're totally I've. had people pitch me on them and I'm. like, nah, man. >> I don't want to do that. I'll they're. like you literally can't freak out on. them. Like I will find a way. Trust me. >> Also that's I need to be able to freak. out. I need to be able to be on stage. fighting that. >> ride the light. >> I think so too. >> If I'm up there like I don't give a.

[ __ ] [laughter]. >> I'm going to say that works. >> Like your heart can't reach over a. certain heart like level of heartbeat. So if you're on them it like. >> it sounds like psych meds. >> It is. >> They kind of are like light psychmed. So. you just can't your heart just won't go. that fast. >> If you don't on beta blockers you. probably hijack the big screen put on. YouTubes. >> That would be a sick [ __ ] show. Check. this out. >> Watch. >> He's my favorite YouTuber. >> 45minute Midwest safety video. We're. going to watch it. >> I mean, that would be kind of sick, honestly. >> I agree. >> That would be pretty. >> What time do they kick everybody out? There's got to be like time.

>> Uh, I don't know. We'll be all right, though. >> Yeah, >> with time. It's not that long of a show. >> You ever see a House of the Holy cover. for Led Zeppelin? Yeah, it's going to. look like that. [laughter] Everyone's. leaving just crawling up naked butts. crawling. The pass out rate is going to be crazy. >> Pass out rate's going to be out of. control. One out of 100 pass out rate. I. would say. >> it's gonna be so many people. >> You got a you got a um. >> you be lucky if there's no death. >> You got a video on a [ __ ] um on the. on the crowd. >> cameras on probably, >> bro. That turns into wing bowl. You ever. been to wing bowl?

>> You have? >> No. But like. >> did you watch did you watch the hot dog. contest? >> Never. >> Really? >> Dude, I I was just talking to Tom about. wings to go. Their wing they had like. the sauce levels. It was It was homic. suicide. Homicide genocide. >> Genocide. Yeah, >> that used to be wings to go. >> That's how we used to be able to talk, [laughter] man. >> They took that away from us. >> I know. Like, I'll have a Let me throw. in some genocide. >> A dozen genocides. [laughter]. >> Genocides and a suicide just for me. >> I'm done with the genocide. And they're.

surrounding my bunker. [laughter]. >> Homicides and some suicides. >> I put a cyanide cap in my dog's mouth. [laughter]. >> I say goodbye Blondie. >> Yes. Yeah. The basketball coach, like, guys, run some suicides. >> Yeah. You know, >> well, you're not allowed to say that. And they don't, you know, >> gassers gassers. [laughter]. >> We ran gassers. >> Gassers. You ever um have like. >> you run a blitz? >> True. >> For real. >> It's crazy how many were. And if I think.

about it. >> Yeah. >> All the sports. >> All roads. All roads. >> It's almost like we merged with them. >> Yeah. >> Libs. I've seen some I've seen some libs. hitting sports are fascist. >> Okay. >> That's like one of the things. >> But not soccer. >> It's like No, that's fascist, too. worrying about indiv. >> You don't want to win. Winning is like. it's like sports should be about fun. >> That's the hardest cope ever. >> It's crazy. >> I mean, the minute you get out there, >> sports are about fun and then you get. cut from the team. And all the dudes. that are on the team, they think sports. is about winning. >> Yeah, those [ __ ] jerks. [laughter].

>> They're fascists. >> And the [ __ ] dumb girls keep [ __ ]. all the guys on the team. >> [ __ ] Fascist [ __ ] Women. Fascist [ __ ]. >> Fascist enablers. All they know they're. [ __ ] oppressed by the same six. >> The kids don't even play jackpot. anymore. >> Was jackpot. >> Like you would everyone at recess, one. guy would throw the ball to the group of. dudes. You'd be like 500. >> We played it we played it at uh beach. trip. >> Wait, now it's called Now it's just. called Moss. So the minute you moss. someone, then you get the ball. >> Wait, why can't you just call it.

Jackpot? >> They just call it Moss. I don't know. I'm just saying times are changing. >> Cuz I've been seeing kids was the best. >> Yeah, >> that was crazy. >> Smear the quer. But yeah, I see kids. play jackpot in the pool near my house. >> Really? >> Yeah. Jackpot in the pool is so fun. >> It's pretty awesome. >> Can't wait. We're gonna do that soon. >> Oh, bro. I can't wait. I lost my wedding. ring playing jackpot last time at the. beach. Just flew off my hand. >> That was crazy. What did you roll with. afterwards? >> What do you mean? >> Rubber or. >> Didn't have one. I didn't have one for a. while. >> That's [ __ ] so sick. >> Yeah. Didn't have one. I [laughter]. don't give a [ __ ] Sometimes I don't. wear it all day and I go, I don't give a.

[ __ ] Whatever happens happens. >> Whatever [ __ ] happens happens. >> Sick lar for however long it goes on. >> It honestly I do feel weird without it. on. I do feel kind of like. >> you feel like you're up to [laughter]. something. I kind of do. >> like Toby. >> No, no, >> I am. [clears throat]. >> I Or I'll like forget it. I'll go I'll. leave for the weekend to do stand up and. I'll be on stage and I'll I'll try to. preface it, but I be like, I'm not. trying to get a [ __ ] I just forgot my. ring. And people are like, okay, dude. How about you calm down? I'm like, just. get it, guys. [laughter] I thought it. was a funny joke. >> It's clearly funny. Geez, sorry, Stardome. Thought you guys had a [ __ ]. sense of humor here in [ __ ] Alabama. [laughter].

>> That's the worst. The thing you're like, this will be funny. This is a personal. thing about me right now. Yep. The. crowd's just. >> ew. >> Staring at you. Yo. Hey everyone. I just. had diarrhea before I came out here and. everything. >> Say the thing we want to hear. >> Yeah. Do Trump. >> I had to retire. [laughter]. Shut. >> the [ __ ] up. Do Trump right now. No one. gives a [ __ ]. >> I had a I had to retire um the eating. babies joke. I had to retire it. People. just don't like. >> eating babies joke. >> Yeah. It was I thought it was a poignant. observation. >> Hit me with it. >> Podcast. >> No. Where? >> The link.

>> The link. [laughter]. >> The link. >> Give me a little taste. >> It It absolutely ruins the vibe. So. here's the thing. an audience. >> Okay, so I'm going out there. I go, hey, you know, blah, blah, blah. [ __ ] whose. birthday? I [ __ ] good for you. I. don't give a [ __ ] Whatever. Crushes. every time. And [laughter] then and then. I say, you know, I say, "Look, the world. is kind of designed in like a scary. [ __ ] up way." And I say, "Hey, have. you ever eaten ve?" And they go, the. crowd goes, "Yeah, I've eaten ve. You. know what it is?" They go, "Yeah, it's. baby cow. It's kind of [ __ ] up." And I. go, "You know, lamb." They go, "Oh yeah, baby sheep.". >> And I go, "So, you know what? If you.

were to eat a human being, who would be. the most delicious option?" And I start. and they go, "Oh, no." I go, "Yeah, ba. babies would be according to nature way. it's designed, babies are the most. delicious.". >> And I was like, if you think about it, it would be, you know, it's kind of. [ __ ] up to think about. Just kind of. like you see their arm pop out of the. lobster pot and you [ __ ] little pink. little arm, [laughter]. scratch it down. No. >> So they don't like that, so I've retired. it. >> I mean, I watched a video today, not to. debunk your joke, but like I watched a. video today [laughter]. in Uganda. There's a town of uh. cannibalists that believe in wizards and.

cannibals and they say that all humans, no matter what age, taste the same. >> Really? >> So. >> debooted. >> Maybe I can bring that to the stage. >> You can bring that to the stage. >> Guys, I'm just kidding. All humans taste. equally delicious. >> Because [laughter] these guys in Uganda, they know. >> Really? So they're saying a baby doesn't. taste any better. >> That can't be true. >> They grow up learning that there's. >> I've seen a lot of people that taste. >> You don't think a baby's A5 Wagu? >> Talk to these guys in Uganda. Dude, they. live in town. It's called Raikel. >> Raikel. >> Yeah. Taco Bell's end of life cows. allegedly. >> Oh yeah, I heard that. >> Turns out they're great.

>> Well, supposedly there's a diarrhea. outbreak from and they're trying. >> from Taco Bell. >> No, no, they're trying to breaking. [laughter] news. >> They're trying to say that their uh. their salad or whatever, like their. lettuce and [ __ ] is because there's. Mexicans who are [ __ ] on the crops. And then I looked into it. There was. like videos from when Mexicans first. came over here and they're like, "Please. [ __ ] anywhere but the crops." But they. keep [ __ ] on the crops when they're. >> They're out there. They're out there. outside. They're not going to walk back. >> I know. So like supposedly this outbreak. is literally from Mexicans dumping on. [ __ ] crops. [laughter]. >> Have you ever driven through Yuma?

>> No. >> Obviously. >> never took the three temp. >> Me and Spe were on the three temp. >> Where do you see someone [ __ ] on the. crops? >> There's lettuce farms, dude. And it's. all Mexicos. The whole thing. >> They're [ __ ] on the lettuce out. there. >> I don't see a lot of portlets, bro. >> No. If you're out there, there's no way. you're walking three miles back to a. [ __ ] shed. >> We were in [ __ ] Dade County. >> Think about the heat and then the. itching and the burning. >> Yeah, >> it's probably liquid, bro. I mean, when. they first come here, >> it's not even wipe right and have to. work the rest of the day. >> Dude, our diet wrecks [ __ ] Mexicans. When they first come here, the food.

crushes them. >> Yeah. >> I I audly witnessed a guy who had just. been here for two weeks dump in he. worked in Tom's taco truck. >> and I took him into this like place in. Drexel's campus and I was like, "Yo, I. was like, where's the bathroom?" I peed. I'm like, "It's right there." He's like, "No, no, no, no." Hit the toilet and it. was like, >> it was I was like, "God damn it.". >> He had a Phil Ghill. [laughter] Yeah, you need a full filr. >> I sit on the outside of st goddamn. Arman. What the [ __ ] is that? >> Every summer we get the lads painting. They come over here and you go, "Damn,

that's what we're supposed to look. like." They're all like Gaelic football. players and [ __ ] All warm-ups, Adidas. After like a summer, dude. >> Oh, the summer a summer of Waw Wa, bro. >> Done. >> They're fried. >> They're They look like the rest of us. >> They become white trash. >> Yeah. They [laughter] just become white. Rest in. >> peace, Dick Wood. >> Couple haggies. Yeah. Next thing you. know, >> it's too addictive. >> You just go up to the screen. >> Yeah. [ __ ] rocks. >> Yeah. >> Mac and cheese. >> Little mac and cheese for me. >> Yeah, dude. We were in We went back in. the day, we would go to Florida for.

Easter and we were in Dade County. My. dad got a haircut from like Dominicans. in the hood. It was [ __ ] crazy. >> Random haircut. So, >> dude, we're going I got hit with that, >> bro. We're going by [laughter] like. literally almost a plantation. >> No need to do that. >> Look, my first special I panicked the. day before. panic got ripped with a. [ __ ] nasty Dominican [ __ ]. [laughter] Caesar like dude the bangs. put oil in the bangs and curled. >> dude my dad [ __ ] up. >> my dad went and was like [ __ ] yeah. that's a good haircut Bill let's go I'm.

getting you a haircut brought me and got. one on our way back and your dad. [laughter] matching [ __ ]. yeah pretty much. >> we all get the same haircut as your dad. by the way all of us get the exact same. haircut. >> on the way home we're going by like. literally like an orange farm [laughter]. and my dad just oh second I'm gonna pull. over there's a Smashbox right It's 98°. [laughter] and he took a [ __ ] in the. [ __ ] portaotti that was like, dude, it was probably breached. Like I've been. in [ __ ] scrapyards before up in uh. Absco up in [ __ ] North Philly where. there was a just a [ __ ] abandoned.

portaotti next to the scale and I was. like I got to [ __ ] piss, dude. And it. was literally perfectly diamond up top. and just dry. It didn't even smell out. of water over there was no water. It was so old. It was just a breached. >> like it was like a river bank on Mars. breached. >> It was [ __ ] crazy. I walked in there. I was like, "God damn, that's crazy.". And then I just [ __ ] rolled. >> Did you pee? Wait, did you reactivate? Did you pee on it? >> I didn't [ __ ] reactivate that, dude.

>> You got pee on it. >> Where'd you pee? I went under under 95. volcano. >> You didn't [ __ ] pee in there, >> bro. That's foul. [clears throat]. >> You got to pee on the brereech, dude. It's the eighth grade science. >> I would have got I would have got like. [ __ ] some disease, bro. >> The mommy's cursed. Literally didn't. smell. [laughter]. >> I swear to God that [ __ ]. >> Or is this a Mexican in there like this? [laughter]. >> Has you ever seen the Mexican aliens. found? They're like paperier-mâché. [ __ ] three-foot aliens.

>> Oh, [ __ ]. >> That was great. >> Yeah, that [ __ ] was. >> that came and went. There was no. Yeah, >> like the Indian moon landing. Also. hilarious. >> What was Indian moon landing? >> Indian moon landing looks like a deleted. scene from the Star Wars [laughter]. graphics. >> They're on the control panel like there. is no Bobs up there. Bring it. >> It's like 16 bit. [laughter]. >> It's so bad. >> Yeah, it's Star Fox. >> Star Fox, dude. Space. It's crazy. >> It really does look like an old video. game. It's crazy. They tried to pull. that. Just like, dude, just don't go to. space. You guys have [ __ ] everything. else. >> You don't have the gear.

>> Space. Did they Wait, so did they. actually go or do you think it's cab? >> No, dude. There's no way. >> Go. [laughter]. >> So they cabed about the moon. >> Yeah. >> Oh, it's really beautiful. [laughter]. Oh, no. I'm not lying. It's a very. beautiful moon. >> Yeah, very little moon. >> The patells. [laughter]. >> Yes, it's a very beautiful moon. They. are. >> that [ __ ] Houston. That call center. must be nuts. [laughter] 15 guys, have. you tried pressing this?

>> Give me this. I'll respond with gift. card. You give me $500. [laughter]. We have a problem. >> Yeah. Bollywood Apollo 13. They call. mission control and every time it goes. >> and they come up. Hello. [laughter]. >> Hello, sir. >> [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> Let me tell you something. [laughter]. [ __ ]. >> We're coming through the atmosphere. We're crashing. >> Calm down, buddy. Don't tell me to calm. down, buddy. [laughter]. >> Dude, I got hit with the algo of. >> [ __ ] you, buddy. [laughter].

>> [ __ ] you, buddy. >> [ __ ] me. I'll [ __ ] you. >> The algo of dudes bothering 7-Eleven, [laughter] guys. Have you been hit with. Dudes. rage bait. >> I watch they rage bait the Indian Bros. >> Oh god. >> Indian bros always go in the back, get. the big stick, come out, dude. It's all. rage. >> Now that you said that, I have seen. those guys. >> They tickle the guys. >> Go in and go. Do you see when a guy. walks in and one of those goes, [laughter]. "Don't do this.". >> So aggressive. >> Don't do this. I call 119. Don't.

[laughter] do this. Goes, I'm here to. work for my It's my first day. >> Don't do this. Don't do this. >> Yeah. Who are you? >> Call 119 on them. [laughter]. >> I watch that [ __ ] like that. >> They come in, they order an energy. drink, they crack it open, they drink. it, they go, I don't want this. >> little. quick rain. >> It's funny. [laughter]. >> So bad. >> It is mean. It's mean. >> No, they deserve every ounce of it, dude. >> What? They ruined my [ __ ] phone. >> No, no, no, no, no. Not the guys that. work at. >> the guys at 71 on the front [ __ ].

lines. I'm just saying hurt people hurt. people. No, they got me. They made me. change my [ __ ] phone. Dude, I was. getting 130 calls a day. So much. >> we had to. They're. >> You were saying, "Can I talk to a white. man?". >> Dude, [laughter] I get so mad every. time. >> I [ __ ] did this. >> Dude, they are [ __ ] scamming out old. people. I told Spade that for like, "Why. are you so mean to them?" I'm like, "Bro, they're literally scamming old. people." True. I have to. But they won. the battle. I'm done, >> bro. >> They put their flag in my phone number. And. >> that's fair. Let's fire it back up.

>> [ __ ]. >> I love [ __ ] with those guys. >> I used to call and they would say, "What's your name?" I mean like it's a. weird name. It's uh H u G H uh and last. name is J A N U S H Janus. [ __ ] you. You. bloody [ __ ] [laughter]. All right. Sorry. >> Huge Janus would work every time. I. loved it. >> Fire up the old phone. >> Yeah. 69 Ball Sack Avenue. That would. get [laughter] him. >> They would go zip code. He just go. 696969. [laughter] Like.

>> that's rage bait. No, the best is when. you keep them over three minutes. They. go, "Okay, I'm ready to sign." And what? So, real quick before I do this, I'm. going to [ __ ] your mom. Oh, [ __ ] you, buddy. I'm [ __ ] my mom. [ __ ] you. They were getting me for Matt having. delinquent [ __ ] And it was a old I had. Spade on the phone with me. And she's. like, "Where's your brother?" I was. like, "I don't know. I don't know where. the [ __ ] he's at. I think he's dead.". And she's like, "You ain't nothing but a. little jitterbug." It was like some. southern dude. We we used to go to We. used to talk to them and then once they. realized it was the both of us, they.

knew like something was up. [laughter]. So then it was just [ __ ]. >> It was cops. Call the cops. I don't give. a [ __ ] [laughter]. >> I'm going to fire I got to fire. I was. just thinking about firing those guys. back up cuz you can look up the numbers. I. >> think they have fun with it. >> They do. She start. >> It's a fun part of the day. >> I like to get them if I get them to. >> Most of their day is just hangups. Hang. up. Hang up. >> Also heard I got an inside track saying. a lot of them are in recovery. Oh, >> so they're just in warehouses in Florida. trying to like. >> heroin. Who the [ __ ] gets that job? >> Well, yeah. You call them go, "Yo, bro,

thinking about using it." Get they get. [ __ ] up. >> That's [ __ ] up. [laughter] See, that's. dark. >> I was Hey, I was told by someone in. recovery to hit them with that. >> Yeah, I mean, they're they're dark. >> They might not be all the way recovered. Huh? [laughter]. >> They don't They don't have the best of. >> Where where you going? Florida? How's. you [ __ ] clean, man? How many days. you got? [ __ ] you, man. >> You might have [ __ ] [laughter]. I'm not saying I put this off. >> That's so evil. >> I'm not saying I [ __ ] I'm saying you. can't do that. [laughter]. That's zero gravity right now. >> Don't b into. >> I'm on the hood. I'm on the hood. [laughter]. >> I'm not saying I use it. I'm saying if.

you if you're getting attacked, you can. let it go. >> My bad. I mean to Wahberg out on you. guys. [laughter]. >> You look like you're in zero G over. there. He keeps floating up on us. [laughter]. >> You're the ISS. >> Sorry. That's our Why is that happening? >> I have no idea. >> Technical issue. We'll work that out. We. apologize, >> bro. It took me a second to wrangle this. thing, dude. Sometimes it's not the. wand, it's the wizard. >> [laughter]. >> Dewan picks the wizard. >> keeps trying to come over to me. >> [ __ ] you guys are [ __ ] hilarious,

>> dude. [snorts]. >> Am I just going to be. >> okay, bro? >> Dude, >> do you ever think about going backwards. hat on stage? >> I'm Guys are absolutely fine. You're not. bald. >> You're literally normal. >> It's not [ __ ] [laughter] funny. >> Am I cooked? >> I'm chopped. >> I'm chopped. >> You're undeniably masked, >> bro. >> I'm chopped on. >> You're masked, bro. That's sick. Forget. your worries. We'll get a [ __ ] double. Sicilian pizza from Franco with regotta. and sausage. >> Rietta [laughter]. regotta reg. >> Yo, cuz you don't want to be Italian.

[laughter]. Imagine the chill afterwards. That's. going to be nice. It's going to be the. chill. >> Also, it's going to be the chill. It's going. to be nasty as [ __ ]. >> I got a feeling. >> I mean, give yourself a high five, dude. >> It's going to be. >> My [ __ ] mom's not even going. >> Are you serious? [laughter]. She went on vacation still coming. >> She hit vacation. >> She went on vacation. >> I It's funny cuz she definitely feels. bad and she's sending me texts. She's. like, >> she probably didn't realize that was it.

was a year away. I told her this. No, she knew this was coming. >> She was like, I have to go to Europe, me. and your aunt. >> Europe. >> We've planned it. We've planned this for. so long. >> She can literally go. >> Change it a week. >> Just a week later. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. She's sending me texts. It's like, just know that my soul is with you. I'm. like, "Mom, you you're on vacation.". [laughter]. >> My soul is really nice. >> No, she's she's entered that age of like. she'll send me I'm sure you guys do it, too. The moms and dads got a hold of. Instagram reels. >> Oh, it's crazy.

>> And I'm getting hit with like my son is. the most important thing to me and I. love [laughter] to see him grow into the. man he's become. I'll just respond with. homeless. >> Let me get some shades. [laughter]. >> Respond with. >> No, I just My mom didn't accept my. [ __ ] uh DMs for like a year. I was. like, "Mom, you have to accept this.". She's like, "Oh, sorry. >> [laughter]. >> Phil's on the reels. I called I called. him last night. He was. >> Jones gone. Phil's getting [ __ ]. hammered. >> Oh yeah. >> Normal. He's like keeping it clean. >> No, he's still getting hammered. But.

this. >> No, no, I'm talking about reals. >> Oh, the reels. I think he's still. normal. >> Okay. >> But he was in the night hustle. >> He was in the dark. >> I mean, you two got me. >> Called him in the dark. He was sitting. in the dark looking at reels and in his. reclining. Doom scrolling in the. recliner. >> And I was like, "Bro, what are you. doing?" He was like, "Nothing. just. looking at the uh what's the thing uh. the phone thing I was like Instagram. He's like, "Yeah." [laughter] He's like, >> "Dude, this is going to be the last. decade of. >> real.". Well, there was no sports last night. Normally he's on the sports.

>> Yeah, but sports is on reals. >> He's usually Oh, he's on Oh, that's what. he was watching. I was like, "What are. you watching?". >> Watch reals is like, >> "Bro, he was watching Luke Keequley. highlights.". >> I was Dude, [laughter] my my last If I. go on If I go on the internet, dude, it's like Caitlyn Clark fighting. >> Yeah. >> LeBron MJ [ __ ] arguments, >> bro. messy [ __ ] Ronaldo's out, but. then now it's like messy stuff. Like. >> you need to I'll send you the Luke. Keeley highlight video that Phil was. watching. It's You're going to go, "Damn, that's actually sick.". >> It's cool. You're watch He was just. watching a heady linebacker.

>> Yeah. >> Just a white man playing [ __ ] just a. guy. He was calling plays before the. offense, >> right? >> I mean, that's Phil's [ __ ]. >> right? [laughter]. >> He's drunk in a recliner at 11:30. >> He's like, >> he is like Palpatine on the deck. We. were all out [laughter] there. He was. just in this. Was that were you with me. when we He didn't know we were coming. [ __ ] face. [laughter]. >> He got outside and he was like, >> "Oh, >> hey, how are you guys?" [laughter]. >> He thought he was alone there. >> He looked like when Maverick rolled up. on Iceman in the new Top Gun.

>> He was just sitting in the chair like. he's got he's got the glow of the TV on. the porch just [laughter]. >> yo Phil what's going on like oh Jesus. >> Hey I was like dude you're [ __ ]. wasting [laughter]. [ __ ] No, I'm not. I'm tell a couple. drinks. But no, he's been calling. >> He calls my assistant constantly for. tickets. >> All the like, dude, he's got like 40. tickets to this [ __ ] thing. >> And it's people, it's just anybody. >> It's [laughter] like Elks Lodge. >> Shane, the bartender T-Bone down at the.

Elks Lodge, her she was in a tough car. accident. [laughter]. >> Tough car accident. That's great. Insane. >> Her son wants to come to the uh. >> I mean, it's happening to everybody. >> It's. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> that's Dude, the the the list was. >> everybody I ever met. >> Yeah. [laughter] So, I'm going to get. you box sweets, dude. Now that you ask. me, I'm going to [ __ ] get you. backstage. I hear him talking to my. assistant asking for tickets. And I'll. be like, put that on speaker. You're not. getting [ __ ] tickets, Phil. And he's. like, "God damn it, Grace. [laughter]. Don't [ __ ] let him hear this." So,

I'm going to need those tickets. [laughter]. >> He's getting the ticket. I say no to him. every time he gets it. So funny. He's. getting the tickets. >> He's the power broker. There's Phil has. a section at the link, dude. >> Are you serious? [laughter]. >> Yes. >> And it's just random [ __ ] people that. probably don't give a [ __ ] about me, >> right? >> Yeah. My son's down there if you want to. go check him out. Yeah. >> Oh my god. And then I go, "Are you proud. of me?" He's like, "I'm not [ __ ]. proud of you, Shane." I go, "Yeah, you. are. You're wearing a tires hat.". [laughter].

>> It's a nice hat. People like it. >> That is awesome. >> He's a [ __ ] scumbag. Although he'll. be excited my mom's not there. Yeah. Let. the hair up at this thing. >> Is he getting the telly? >> Yeah. >> Do you have to be there in the morning. and stuff? >> I probably will. I'll get there pretty. early, right? >> I'm going to sit in the [ __ ] Eagles. locker. >> Walk around the lake. >> Have a heart attack. Walk around like he. owns it. >> He can walk. Yeah. >> He's going to walk. He's going to be. giving tours, dude. He get over here.

This is where they want. [laughter]. >> He'll be Yeah. >> And then he'll be like, "Shane, invite. them into the green room. They want to. meet you." Oh yeah. I go, "Dude, I'm not. You bring in 10 people from the [ __ ]. Elks Club." [laughter]. >> And like every show I go I go, "Those. are my dad's friends. There's six. [ __ ] old drunk dudes in the corner.". [laughter]. >> Who was the kid that threw up that one. time? >> That was uh my cousin's. nephew. >> It was like a distant relative showed up. and was blacked out, threw up, >> ran to the bathroom. So they threw up. everywhere throughout [laughter] the.

building. >> Yeah. And then came back in. >> I've done this in my life. I had a pile. of Mcoobies in Baltimore. That was. legendary. Take me back. [laughter]. >> Mcoo was a legendary trip. >> That was so fun. >> Everyone met their maker that night. >> No, I plowed through those shirts. >> Did you? I was so drunk. I That was a. big kahuna. >> I barely forgot I [ __ ] I didn't remember. taking them except in the car ride home. I was like, I'm thinking weird. >> Yeah, [laughter]. >> my thoughts. Oh, yeah. I had a full of. [ __ ]. >> banging on your door. I was like, >> I thought I was dead. >> I was I was like, dude, he every the.

whole squad [ __ ] disintegrated. You. were ground man. I'm pretty sure. >> I was ground man, but I was heavily. sunburnt. >> Sure. >> So I threw up in the Mcoobies [laughter]. [ __ ] I threw up in the Mcoobies. [ __ ] bathroom and then we went back. and I just remember Spade and you were. all [ __ ] up. You looked at me like, "Holy [ __ ] dude. You sunburned." I was. like, "Yeah, this hurts." Does that was. me that night. I was sp That was me. right behind you. [laughter]. >> I was just sitting there. >> Was that New Year's? Was that New. Year's? >> Hell no. >> Why were we popping champ? It was. Memorial Day. >> World Day weekend. Popping bottles.

popping bottles, eating mushrooms. >> It was awesome. >> We did it, boys. McBooies. >> That was That was. >> live. Live cast. >> Oh, that's it. >> Those things are They just destroy you. >> They were The live casts are some of the. worst shows. >> You You show up and you have no plan and. then there's a [ __ ] live audience. You're like, I'm hitting the eject. button and getting shitfaced on stage. and you just completely devolve on. stage. It's how legends are made. >> It was pretty It is pretty sick. >> Awesome. >> Yeah, that was. >> got in that fight with a guy about Penn. State at Helium. Epic [snorts]. [laughter] guy had to get like carried.

out. He was trying to rush the stage and. fighting. over a college football argument. >> Yeah, you were [ __ ] saying something. about Jopa. >> Wasn't that guy like hurt or something. like like mentally? He had like a brain. injury. >> Guy was [laughter] fired up trying to. rush the stage. >> He was so angry I forgot about that. >> He could always do that [ __ ] I was. telling you, Matt. Randomly go through. people algorithm up on the [ __ ]. screen. >> He did. We did. >> I'm saying like on next time you do a. live. >> that would be fun. If you do a live. [ __ ]. >> podcast. >> Yeah,

>> that'd be fun. Now, now we have. showmanship truly under our belts. After. tomorrow, we can have we can lead a. circus. [laughter]. >> That'd be sick if you got rides. involved. >> We're going to become free. Is that what. Bari did? Barati's doing the [ __ ] um. amusement park. >> He's making an amusement park. >> Exactly. I'm gonna I was strongly. considering getting wired up and. launching out of the stadium at the end. >> there. >> And I was like really fast. >> I think you deserve a bad top [laughter]. row. Just fast.

>> I think you would deserve at least, if. nothing else, one exotic animal in your. house. Come on. I'm been scheming on a. backyard tortoise. >> That'd be awesome. >> That would be sick having a tortoise in. your backyard. >> Yeah. [ __ ] would break. >> No. No. You got to dig You got to dig. your fence down. I I really looked into. it. You got to dig like footers dig out, but it will trash your [ __ ] garden. They're known as They're known as bulldo. They're bulldozers. They'll bulldoze. your entire car. >> That's awesome. [laughter]. >> It'd be awesome, dude. They're [ __ ]. You need to get a m or what are they? Michael Jackson's monkey bubbles. >> Yeah, [laughter]. >> I keep watching that video. That's the.

only thing I think about. >> Well, you can start tortoise. You can. get a little guy and it'll take a while. for it to get big. So, these are little. humble tortoise. >> I think tortoises in Paris live like. [ __ ] long as [ __ ]. >> They live forever. You'd have to put it. in your will. Your tortoise would be in. your will for sure. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> they live long as hell. >> No, I saw a thing. I was watching um the. Saudis are building roller coasters. right now. >> Really? >> At You got to see this [ __ ]. >> dude. It's probably lively [ __ ]. roller coaster park. >> Damn. >> I'm talking, [laughter]. >> dude. It's like.

>> decapitation all the time, dude. >> How is it looking? >> It's [ __ ] sick, dude. I want you You. brought up roller coasters. I was like, >> what? Yeah. What is the latest on roller. coaster technology? >> It's in Saudi. That's what I'm saying. >> They're They're pretty great. >> Are they really? >> Yeah. I haven't even thought about going. on one ever since the little boy [ __ ]. got hurt on that slingshot one, bro. Yeah, that's the worst video I've seen. in a while. >> Which one? >> Where the [ __ ] thing shoots up in the. air and it's coming back down. The the. [ __ ] fat kid gets to the ground. before it hits the cement and they all. come down. But his [ __ ] didn't clip in.

So, he got ejected out of the [ __ ]. thing. >> Let me Let me rock that. >> I'm no stranger to Bush Gardens. I a. post. >> location six flags. These [ __ ]. Saudis, dude. They don't give a [ __ ]. They have no. >> height 535 ft. That's terrifying. >> Come on. Total elevation change 640 ft. 195 m for you [ __ ] dorks in Europe. >> It takes a while, dude. But. >> 155 m an hour. >> It's worth it. >> This is terrible. >> It's going to be you. >> Yo, hold on. Let me see this. >> Me tomorrow. That's going to be me. trying to sleep tonight. >> Let [laughter] me see the drop. This is. the drop. That's the drop. First drop.

[groaning]. [laughter]. >> Oh, dude. We got We're taking the loop. Yo. Okay, we're doing. >> after that. I need to look up Williams. Grove roller coaster. >> You have a roller coaster? >> Dude, there was and it was. >> [ __ ] nuts. [laughter]. >> Would never like nothing. >> Got to bring it back. >> Nothing worked. >> That's [ __ ]. >> It was fun. >> Damn. >> It was small as [ __ ] So, it wasn't. >> wooden. We thought Yeah, we thing. >> Um I do actually have to. >> Yeah, let's rip it. >> I have to go walk to the Yeah, gota do.

>> Come on. >> I don't even This will be a mistake. looking at. >> No, it's gonna be great. Hands behind. your back. Walk through. Go. Um that. Let's get a crane in here. We got to. move that four feet to the left. You got. to do one thing. >> I'm going to do sound check. It's going. to echo. I'm going to go. That's fine. Doesn't matter. >> That's where you're going right now. >> Yes. >> Kill it. >> Yeah. Let me see that. >> Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane. secret podcast on Spotify. >> Do it.