Ep 614 - iNasty

Wow. Wow. Wes, >> it's time to go. >> It's time. [laughter]. >> It's time to face You got to face up to. the nasty things you said. >> Yeah, man. >> We're finding out. We're finding out as. brothers. >> You live by the I Nasty. You die by the. I Nasty. >> It's true. >> It's the worst. It's the worst. >> We were truly peak I nasty between 2016. and 2019. The Nasty brothers. [laughter]. >> And now as adult men, you got to really. come. >> I I think I think it's radon poisoning. We were in the basement. >> True.

>> You're in the basement. You're breathing. in radon. You start going like, "That. guy's not that funny. [laughter]. I'm funnier.". >> Yeah, we were on. >> I should be the one on TV. [laughter]. >> We were We were on. >> I would be mad at people's like late. night sets. >> I would see like a woman do a a [ __ ]. Conan set and I'd be like, "Fucking. bitch." [laughter]. >> Like, why do I care? >> Just what happens, dude. >> It is what happens. My thing is I'll never forget like I.

remember. >> which is like working being a young man. and being like I need to get a job and. establish myself in the world and I. would like work at LA Fitness for like. 30 minutes and like go out to my car and. cry like it's so grim. It's so hard. >> It's the nasties. >> So if you have the outlet, dude. Yeah. I. used to go I nasty on YouTube. I would. just see a video of like a guy like. recording a swim meet and I'd be like. pedophile weirdo. [laughter]. He'd be like, "Hey, this is my family. channel." And I'd be like, "Pedophile, 10 likes. Yes.". >> Yeah. >> Let's go.

>> Yeah. Be careful to all the I nasty. warriors out there. >> No, man. >> Eventually, you're going to have to face. who you were nasty to. [laughter]. And then you're going to go, "Man, I was. being such a [ __ ] dude. I'm so sorry.". >> The worst is when you don't even. remember. >> Yeah. >> I'll get I'll see stuff and I'll be. like, "Huh?" And I'll be like, "I never. said I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ] I don't. remember. I don't even remember that.". >> Yeah. When I got fired for being I. nasty, I was like, "Nuhuh. [laughter]. I would never say that.". >> I know.

>> Uh, it happens. >> Anyway, here's the most important piece. of information that the people are dying. to find out. The uh the Rens the Rens. did hatch and uh I was lucky enough to. be outside. >> It was it was a beautiful day. I was on. my laptop. I was going over the roast. jokes, which is a funny thing to sit. outside. So funny to sit, take a laptop. out, get a coffee, sit outside. >> It's like beautiful out and then just be. like, >> "Cheryl Underwood's husband is dead.

[laughter]. >> There's new life emerging around you.". >> But then I watched the baby come out of. the Bud Light box. He jumped out of the. top and I Well, I while I'm out there, I. keep good track of the mom and dad. >> You do? >> I knew both of them were gone. So, I see. some some rustling going on in the Bud. Light box and I go, "What happened?" I. hit [laughter] a musk. And then I watched the guy come out. He. was bigger than I thought he'd be. >> Really? >> Yeah. They're pretty [ __ ] thick. >> Dang. >> And but he was he was uh fluffy.

>> Oh, >> he had like fluffy feathers. I watched. him jump. He started like hopping. around. As soon as he came out, the mom. and dad came right back and started like. hopping around him while he was trying. to like. >> What? >> It was I was so happy. >> Oh my god. Then I go to the airport to. pick up. >> McKver. >> I come back and he was dead in the pool. >> No, [laughter]. no. >> And McKver and Blizz were here, so I had. to pretend I wasn't going to cry. [laughter] I got him. I was like, "Oh,

no.". I was so [ __ ] sad, dude. I got the. pool net. This is in front of them. This. thing's so dead. I got the pool net, scooped it out, and then pressed on its. chest. Oh no. [laughter]. >> I tried to resuscitate my boy. >> No. >> He was very dead. >> How many How many do they have? Like. three. >> Two or three made it, >> but one of the fellas hit the pool. >> And my [clears throat] neighbor had a a. nest of barn swallow. >> So La Mer just I the body I was I.

couldn't look at it. I had to go inside. for a second and pretend I wasn't. incredibly upset cuz that is weird. >> And then I come back. La Mer just threw. in the trash can in the kitchen. >> The kitchen? [laughter]. >> Yeah. He just put a dead bird in the. house and then went back to gaming. >> I was like, we should have buried the. man. >> La Mer grew up on like a bayou or. something. Why? [laughter] Why the [ __ ]. would he throw a dead bird inside in the. trash? >> Who knows? >> I mean, at least over the fence, man. >> That's the tragedy of the the ren.

>> Oh, dude. That's It's my neighbor had a. similar journey, dude. Well, hey, they. moved on. >> You're It's an empty nest. You're an. empty Bud Lighter right now. I still. think [laughter]. >> I still think about them. Now I'm just. stuck with these nasty [ __ ]. cardinals. That's all I have. >> They're You have some cool cardinals. though. I've seen you got some nice. >> They just gave birth. >> They just hatched. I don't know how to. use the words. >> Yeah, they gave birth. >> Yeah, they gave birth. They. >> and then hatched. >> Yeah, they their egg they have their. hatchlings.

>> My neighbor had a similar a similar. thing where he had barn swallows. If you. have a nest of barn swallows, it's. actually illegal in Austin to like. remove the nest. I guess cuz they're. like endangered. So he had these like. barn swallows nesting. >> No one's going to find out. >> I mean that's true. >> You can smash that [ __ ] nest. [laughter]. >> That's true. That's true. >> It's like killing a praying mantis is. illegal. >> I guess if you like if you told your. neighbor if I if I he was like I got. barn swallows and I saw him swatting it. I could be like which I would. >> Yeah. >> It was against the law. I would have. called I would have called the cops. >> I'm like sorry dude I I like it was a.

neighbor but I'm I would absolutely. punish you under the law. But no, he was. like laughing cuz he was like, "Dude, they're like right there like and they. like they're protective so they'll swoop. on you if you were close to them." So. they were like kind of like, "Yeah, we're kind of giving our whole porch to. these birds." And he's like, "It's. nice." He got like real attached to. them. They're [ __ ] all over his. porch. [snorts] And then the one day he. just saw one dead bird and he goes, "I. got three more. Every bird died." And he. said the same thing. He was like, "I. went with like a on a journey with this. bird family. All their babies died." And. then he's like, "I don't even want to.

take the nest away." I'm like, "What if. they want to come back and have more. eggs? The nest is I I'm leaving that. nest. [laughter]. I might keep living in this house for. one more year. >> just to keep an eye on it. >> just to go. Please come back, bros. >> Tell you what, if you want some buddies. right now, my garden's popping with. lizards. It's been nice. They're nice. They're. low maintenance. >> Did you get one of those rock things? >> No, I I didn't even get a Well, my my. whole garden bed's made out of limestone. rock, so they're kind of chilling that. But they're I think they're eating my. strawberries. Could be wrong, but I.

don't even mind, dude. I I call you. >> You got to make sure you're right when. you accuse someone of this. >> I hear you, but I. >> because I've seen guys go down the wrong. path. My buddy [laughter] executed a. possum. >> Steve M. I don't name him. He [ __ ]. stabbed the possum. >> You can't possum. I had a possum in my. yard. I liked him. >> Possums are good. He stabbed that he. drowned it and then it wouldn't drown so. he stuck a [ __ ] spike through its. chest. >> Aim right. >> It's [ __ ] crazy. He showed me. I was. like, "Bro, I don't like you.". >> That's not right. Yeah. Possums also eat.

snakes and [ __ ] They're good to have. here. >> They're good. I After he did it, he was. telling me about it and I was like, "Bro, I'm pretty sure they're good for. gardens." They are. >> There's no way he was grubbing your. tomatoes and [ __ ]. >> And yeah, >> I I looked it up today. They will I. don't know if it's them per se cuz we. have those fake owls and I don't see a. lot of birds in my garden, so I don't. think it's the birds munching them, but. I I swear I think these But it's I don't. even care, dude. I caught them having. sex the other day. I have I have lizards. having sex on video. It's pretty tight. >> That is tight. My dog tried to eat them. while they're having sex, which would be.

>> Oh, the ultimate freeway, [laughter]. >> getting devoured mid sex. >> Pure life. >> It was pretty nice. >> It's almost as good as honestly the Ren. did have a good life. >> Yeah. >> Dance with his parents. Splish splish. splash. A little. >> Yep. Hit the pool. >> It's a good life. >> Hey man, some birds fly. He swam. [laughter]. [laughter] off limits. >> Don't joke about that.

>> I mean, dude, >> I know roasting is therapeutic, bro. [laughter]. >> Look, as as a roast master myself. We only roast the rents we love. [laughter]. >> That is that is a sick life for a bird, though. You got to go, you know, >> jumped around with his mom and dad. >> Yep. And then Lame Merly threw him in a. [ __ ] trash can underneath like [ __ ]. tissues. Oh. [laughter]. >> Oh god. Buried like a pharaoh surrounded.

by [ __ ] [laughter]. >> How could you disro? >> I didn't know what to do. I just thought. I put it in a bag and put it in the. trash. >> Oh, you you bagged it. >> All right. You bagged it. That's nice. >> Yeah. I didn't want to leave it in the. trash raw. You know, [laughter]. >> trash all. It's going to They stink. That would have stunk so bad. Although. if you time it right, I guess you could. toss it. I should have been I would have. gone. He wouldn't have smelled. >> Yeah, he was fresh. He was fresh. >> My smell about the size of a tiny mouse.

>> That bird would have got the stinking. >> Poor guy. RIP to the bird. But the other. two, >> La Mer was there for me pretending not. to be really upset. [laughter]. >> How'd you feel? >> So sad, dude. >> I was kind of sad. >> Everyone was Everyone was pretty bummed. out. Yeah, man. >> See a floating baby bird in the pool. Was kind of bummed. >> Especially because I like as soon as I. got back from the airport, I was like, "John, check this out.". >> Oh, >> my guys hatched. They're out. They're. jumping around.

>> No. The parents The parents were like, "No, don't.". >> I almost jumped in with my clothes on. >> I almost did. Not even like a jump in. like one of those where you run. [laughter]. >> Wait. This episode is brought to you by Prize. Picks. The regular season's done and the. NBA playoffs are here. Time to get in on. the action with Prize Picks, a preferred. partner of the NBA. >> NBA space B space A. Download the Prize. Pix app today and use code drench to get.

$50 in lineups after you play your first. $5 lineup. And during the playoff during. the playoffs, make a $5 lineup with a. live NBA pick for a shot at the Do It. Live sweep stakes trip to the NBA. Finals. That's a rough one. sense. [laughter]. >> More info can be found on the prize. picks promos board. Prize picks a. preferred partner of the NBA. Yeah, that's that's sad. That's really sad. I'm I didn't know that happened. >> Yeah, I'm sorry to the I know a lot of. the the listeners were excited to find.

out. >> Yeah, >> but anyway, back to the roast. >> True. >> I don't like the way people talk about. roast. >> like roasting is just like this is just. what we do. >> What we do. Um, >> it's Yeah, it was uh Yeah, that's that. was the uh man that's part of the. culture, bro. Snapping. >> I did have to snap, dude. I had both my. guns loaded, full clips, [laughter]. >> ready to dunk on Cheryl Underwood's. husband for some reason. >> So, about that. >> Yeah,

>> I did call her. >> I saw there was an article about it. >> cuz I felt like I was like, this is a. serious thing to make fun of somebody. for and I don't know her. >> Yeah. well enough to be like. >> make So I called her and you you saw her. on the road. She's wild. >> She was she was a delight to talk to on. the phone. >> Yeah, I bet. >> And uh then uh. >> How did you even breach the subject? Like, "Hey, how you doing?" Oh, yeah. It. was pretty nice out. >> Yeah. >> Hey, quick thing. Uh. >> Oh, no. She immediately. >> she read. >> I was like, "Hey, Cheryl, I got to ask.

you about this joke." She's like, "You. going to make fun of my husband for. jumping off a building?" [laughter]. >> I was like, "That's it. That's it." And. look, singing about that, >> I have no problem not doing it. It's. probably going to make me look bad, so. I'm definitely okay with not doing it. So then the next day, I go into a. meeting. >> and I'm like, I don't think I should do. that joke. >> Mhm. >> Left the meeting with four more jokes. about it. >> I was like, it's my entire set now. [laughter]. >> Uh, what in the meeting was the meeting.

like execs and [ __ ]. >> There were two Netflix people in there, but I think they were just writing what. we were talking about. >> Okay. was more. >> but uh yeah that uh and the uh bonsai. tree joke could have could have done. without it. >> Yeah. >> Turns out. >> you never know though. >> Turns out could have done without it. [laughter]. >> Sometimes you you know. >> I mean I was running it in front of the. wrong crowds. >> Yeah. >> I was just doing it in Austin and then. Boston and they were like [ __ ] yeah.

dude. No, I did it in Nashville, Charlotte, Austin, and Boston. All four. cities were like, "You got to do it.". >> It's unanimous. >> I did do it. I ran it at Chappelle's. >> Yeah, >> that it was it was me. It was It was a. cool room. >> Yeah, >> it was exactly who would be upset by it. >> and they liked it. >> I That's the other thing, too. It's like. I I think people still laughed and. thought if you if you were to try to.

take like a general if you sit outside. of a gas station today and call it the. afternoon rush like what do you think. about that? They'd be like bro you don't. give a [ __ ] bro that was hilarious dude. >> Yeah. >> I already I feel it. I was I was on a. construction site yesterday. They're. like bro they don't give a [ __ ] That. was great man. >> Like the boys are fired up. Yeah. I will. say this. I just think I think the. tallies in on that specific roast. I. think the white boys went dumb. >> It's [snorts] true. The white boys went. dumb. The white. >> the white boys went dumb. >> The white boys white boys might went too.

dumb. Dude, [laughter]. >> everyone's upset that the white boys. went dumb. The. >> white boys might be the king of snapping. now. [laughter]. >> Hey, look. I'm just going off what I. saw. >> You think the white boys are the king of. snapping? >> I think so. I think so. [laughter]. I think the white boys were the king of. snapping. >> I just know that's getting a [ __ ]. headline. Matt McCusker says the white. boys are the kings of snapping. Let me. tell you something, Matt McCusker. [laughter]. >> You'll never be the king of snapping. >> I'm not the king of snapping. [snorts].

>> I mean, but. >> you could be the king. >> I can snap. >> You can snap. >> I can snap, but I I don't know. If. someone snaps me, I'll get real sad. I. don't like [laughter] I was watching. that being like, dude, I would [ __ ]. spaz. >> I That's what you think. And then it is. I mean, I didn't really get anything too. bad. >> Yeah, true. >> But it it's funny. >> Yeah. >> When someone makes fun of you like that, it is. >> it is funny. But I everyone's laugh. It. was genuinely funny getting made fun of. >> That's true. >> I thought that I was really afraid I was. going to be like, >> but here's the [laughter].

here's the problem though. You did well. If I did poorly and then someone made. fun of like my kids, I'd have been like, "Yo, seriously, dude. Something's wrong. [laughter] with. >> Seriously, dude. Knock it off.". >> I You know what else though? I I didn't. even. >> He's trying to fight Germaine. What's. What's the NBA guy? >> Yeah. I'm like, "Seriously, Mr. Green, that's enough." All right. [laughter]. There's limits to it. But if I did it. good, I'd have been like, >> I didn't even consider [laughter]. how bad it was to go first. >> Yeah.

>> Until And then I remembered like I saw. like at the roast of uh at Voss's roast, everyone just made fun of Florentine for. his ex killing herself. >> Yeah. >> Like before he went and then when he. went, everyone was like the whole crowd. was like, "Come on, Jim." Yeah. So like. that was his wife. >> Yes. >> God damn. >> Yeah, he got a pretty [laughter]. also nicest dude ever. >> He's the [ __ ] man. But then he got on.

and just murdered. So that's cool. But. uh. >> what I was saying is like going first, >> you look like you're just a psycho. [laughter]. >> Everyone's like, why is he [ __ ] like. [cough and clears throat] who's this guy. saying mean things for no reason? Well, that's Well, at least you have first. dibs on stuff in case there's like. things bleed together. But I get it, dude. Opening a crowd and being. obviously you're like you're not even. thinking like, "Okay, I got to like I. got to lead these guys into the waters. You're just coming out and it's like. bam.". >> Yeah. I should have uh I should have.

been a little more articulate up front. of being like, "This is a roast.". >> I mean, >> we're going to say some terrible things. >> They also know. Everyone knows what. happened. >> They sure didn't. the live the live. audience. >> that front section did not agree with. anything I was saying. >> Well, that's also that's you know that's. the elites, dude. They're they're like. they can get charged Well, they can get. charged with like face crime. So, they're probably just they're probably. just like deadpan just kind of like. >> that's actually very funny cuz they. can't be up there if you're like the CEO.

of like Nesquick. You can't be like. [laughter]. you have to just be like. like everything else in your you just. have to go. >> nothing. I don't like anything. >> There's there's five million. shareholders depending on you to just be. like. [laughter]. >> [ __ ]. >> Yeah, [laughter]. >> that does suck though. If I was up there. and there's just a bunch of like very. elegantly dressed people being like. >> like fine, I quit. I'm done. >> Also, Kevin is he's like a pro at this.

[ __ ] So, he was like. >> he's helping you. >> Yeah. >> He wants the show to go well. So if you. say something terrible, he's going to be. like, "You're crazy." He's not He's not. going to be like, "What the fuck?". [laughter]. >> I thought he was great with that, though, cuz the whole time you watch. him. >> I mean, yeah. I also love when he when. he would stand up and just kind of. prance around. I'm like, there's. literally nothing better. >> Yeah, it's nice. >> If a black dude stands up out of his. chair and laughs, you're just like, it's. better than spit take. I was.

>> just being like, "Yes.". >> And then Cheryl. Cheryl was so [ __ ]. funny. Yeah, that was. >> she did a completely different thing in. the rehearsal. >> We did a rehearsal. >> like a couple hours before the show. >> and she just made up what she was going. to talk about then, too. >> She made up the whole thing. It was. great. >> That's insane. >> Yeah, >> she might be queen of snapping then. >> She's the She's the queen of. >> I really think so. Going just going. adlib on that on TV is really kind of. insane.

>> But I will say when I was sitting up. there and they were like, "If you say. the N word, we'll all beat your ass.". So, I was like, I'm not going to say it. >> Yeah. >> What the hell? [laughter]. >> What the hell is this joke? I wasn't. going to say it. >> That might have been a preloaded. >> No, cuz it was off of me saying wigger. Dracula. >> Oh, got you. Got you. >> But then I watched, you know, earthquake. stand up like, yeah, [laughter]. >> no earthquake. >> Don't beat my ass. [laughter]. >> Earthquake. Earthquake ruled. He in the.

front. There was certain people that I. could count on. [laughter]. Earthquake Jay Pharaoh. Those are my. guys, dude. >> Yeah, that is pretty nice actually. >> It was nice to see who was like, "Go for. it, dude.". >> All you need are a couple of guys. If. you have a couple of guys, especially. Quake, if you got Quake on your side, it. >> was the same with the ESPs. I needed Jon. Jones and Drewi [laughter] and Lamar. Jackson. Lamar Jackson got me through a. couple. Looked down, saw Lamar Jackson. laughing. I was like, "That's so sick.". [laughter].

>> Was it even close to as tight as the. SBS? No, it was it was a lot better than. that. >> Yeah, that they were tight. >> But I wasn't being. making racist jokes really. >> Yeah. >> At the SPS. >> Yeah, >> that's where you feel bad. You make a. racist joke and you look out and you see. an older black lady going. >> you go, I'm so sorry. I don't believe in. what I'm saying. I swear I'm joking. [laughter] I know I look like I'm. serious. [laughter]. I'm keeping a straight face. >> Overall, it was it was Oh, another Lizo.

What a [ __ ] treat. >> you were saying was. >> she was awesome. >> I know. >> I know. Absolute angel. I'm telling you. a lot. >> In hindsight, I guess she never really. did anything that I shouldn't like. >> It's just it's the media, dude. It's. like the media. The media is I nasty. >> Commenters are eye nasty. >> Podcasters can be eye nasty at the. weaker moments. >> It's We're in an eye [clears throat]. nasty ecosystem. >> It's complete. Dude, every I I like read. the news now and it's like every. everything I read is like America's. over. We're [ __ ] No one will ever get.

a job ever again. [ __ ] And it's just. like, dude, why why are you guys doing. this to everybody? Don't do that. That's. not nice. And this guy's a [ __ ]. idiot. And you're like, all right, that's cool. I'm in the debate sphere. right now. My algorithm is just debates, dude. They're I they're the funniest. [ __ ] things in the world. It's like, well, no, that's just a logical fallacy. And it'll be like, yeah, you're a. [ __ ] [ __ ] Like, what did you call. me? It's like, oh, I'm just saying. [laughter] It's it's [ __ ] crazy. It's. It's unbelievable. >> Yeah. I saw one I was just taking a [ __ ].

and I saw a nice one. >> Did you really? >> It was uh [ __ ] forgetting his name. Who. was the guy that did Vice and then The. Proud Boys? >> Oh, Gavin McInness. >> Yeah. He was doing something on Piers. Morgan and some lady was like he they. were like, "What citizenship are you?". He was like Canada, United States, and. England. >> Okay. >> And they were like she was like, "You. can't have three. You can only be dual. citizenship." He was like, "Yeah, I can. You [ __ ] stupid bitch.". >> [laughter]. >> And they were like, "What did you say?". He was like, "I called her a stupid.

[ __ ] [ __ ]. [laughter]. Just mid debate." Spaz. Yeah, whatever. You [ __ ] idiot. It's. nothing but I watch him. Everyone you. you eventually do it and you and it's. funny, too. When someone gets you in a. debate, you go, "Okay, look, I see what. you're saying, but and you just jump to. another." It's so [ __ ] funny. >> We're just gonna have to agree to. disagree on this. [laughter]. >> Let's table that for now. You're being. kind of pedantic. Let's table that for. now. What I'm really talking about, it's. Dude, it's really nonsense. I was.

reading a book. It's It was too dense. I. had to read a book about the book to try. to understand it. But they were. basically saying that like in modern. like in modern times, morality has been. so kind of like jettisoned from what it. originally kind of was formed around, which was like divine law basically from. like religion. So now when people have. moral arguments, it's just they they're. not really rooted in anything other than. people's personal preferences. And that. all people do is just like yell at each. other because they're like, "I like. this." And they're like, "Well, you're a. [ __ ] [ __ ] I like this." And that's.

all a debate is anymore. >> According to Alistair McIntyre, >> I agree with Alistair McIntyre. >> Alistister McIntyre is the man. >> I hope so. I don't know, >> dude. I [ __ ] this out. I'm done saying. people are cool, too. >> He's cool. >> I'm not saying [laughter]. I'm not saying people are good or bad. anymore. >> Well, you know what's funny? So he he. was like a philosopher in the 80s who. came up with this book about kind of you. know morality and you know whatever and. uh so I was like trying to learn more. about it's really hard all those books. are so [ __ ] hard to read they expect. that you just like.

>> know all of Greek mythol they'll be like. and obviously Pphanany and you're like. [ __ ] who the [ __ ] is that you read about. that but there was a lady a professor I. I believe was covering the book and then. in the introduction she was like yeah. and he says a lot about like community. and practice he's had four different. wives which that's kind of weird. And. I'm like, why are you being nasty? You're supposed to be a [ __ ] academic. now. You're being I nasty to Alistair. McIntyre. He's dead. The guy's [ __ ]. died like two years ago. >> Just toss in four wives. You like four. [ __ ] wives. What the hell? What's he. talk? What's he know about community? Guy's a [ __ ] [ __ ] And you're. like, what the [ __ ] You have a PhD. No.

one's immune, dude. No one is immune. >> It's just it's it it is it's the path. for people now. It is the absolute path. And it's, you know, just it's what the. people want right now. They want to get. nasty. You know, I would love to get a device. hooked to my phone. I mean, I guess you. could just monitor your Apple Watch. because I'm pretty sure my vitals go up. by like 10 heartbeats a minute. I was on. the other day just just. >> on the internet. Yeah, >> dude. And I just got like. >> Yeah. >> Then I sat down. I was like, I didn't.

feel like this before I went to my. phone. >> It's bad. >> It's the devil. >> It is the devil. >> I've been doing all right staying off it. this week. Yeah. >> I'm doing my best. >> But then you stay off it and someone. goes, you know, I sent you a bunch of. [ __ ] You didn't see it. You're like, I. was off. And they're like, >> that's okay. I can handle that. Yeah, true, true. >> It's more if someone gives you bad news. >> Yeah. >> You see what they're saying about you? >> Yeah. No, I'm trying to avoid it. >> Yeah. Don't That's Dude, when people hit. you up be like, "Yo, you see they're. calling you gay on Reddit." I'm like, "Don't don't call me that. >> Don't [laughter] call me that. My. cousins do that to me." Like, "Yo,

they're calling you gay and say you suck. at basketball on Reddit." I'm like, "I. don't even What the [ __ ] are you talking. about? >> I don't suck at basketball.". >> I'm pretty good. I'm getting better. What the [ __ ] [laughter]. >> Yeah, man. I've been I've been hooping. lately. That's been my That's been my. hoop dreams. I do have hoop dreams now. Absolute hoop dreams. It's been I I've. learned I have to I do have to tone it. down on the court. >> I'm I'm telling you. I need I I've I. came up playing different, bro. >> True. >> I might have to go I might have to go to. the hood to play ball. The gentlemen, do. they don't like it, dude. You talk a.

little tiny bit of [ __ ] I I feel like. you can contest a foul call. I thought. that was totally acceptable. Like foul? What the [ __ ] People like what? >> Every single person does that. I've. never played a single game where. someone's like, "Oh, you're going to. call that?". >> I know. >> Yeah. You slapped with you hit me in the. face. [laughter]. >> I'll if I actually get you, I'll call it. on myself. But sometimes there's calls. where I'm like loose ball calls and. [ __ ] pickup. Come on, bro. >> That's crazy, >> dude. But yeah, I've I've I've squashed. I squashed all my court beef. >> Yeah, there's nothing worse than a. >> before court beef. I I squashed them. immediately cuz I can be a little.

bastard, too. Just be like, "Oh, you're. not going to call that one, huh?". They're like, "What the [ __ ] is your. problem, man? I'm trying to play." I'm. like, "Yeah, my bad. My bad.". >> Yeah. You've reached an age where you. can't do that. >> I can't help it, bro. I know, but. >> a fiery old head. >> If I played, I'd be doing the exact same. thing. That's how you play. >> Yeah, that you [ __ ] around. >> Dude, I hate you. >> You build the rivalry. >> Yeah. You go, I actually dislike the. other team. My guys are my brothers. I'll die for them. [laughter]. >> And then. >> I don't know any of their names. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, man. >> You get the ball, you throw it to the. wrong team. [ __ ] [laughter].

>> Thought he was on my team, >> dude. You ever see Have Have you guys. ever seen Jordan's gamewinner against. UNCC? or when he was at UNCC, he won the. national championship. It's like an. iconic thing. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. >> Uh. maybe it was it was like a defining. moment. He hits he hits a corner jumper. to win the national title. >> Mhm. >> There was 20 seconds left. The other. team gets the ball and comes down the. court with 20 seconds. The guy at the. top of the key just throws the ball to. North Carolina. He throws it to the.

wrong guy. >> No, >> it just everyone just sucked. [laughter]. It's like a street ball [ __ ] pass. Like a little kid P. The guy gets the. ball. No one's really pressuring him. He. just panics and throws it to another. guy. >> Oh, >> that's the game. >> There's 20 seconds. I thought MJ hit a. buzzer beater. >> It's crazy. I didn't know that either. >> Yeah. >> What? >> Give it a look. It's a comic. >> Probably had action. He probably had it. >> Comically bad pass. >> Yeah, that's insane. I didn't know that.

Yeah, >> I guess they don't I guess that makes it. not as exciting when they show that at. the end. >> Guy hits the spaz for with the title on. the line. >> That's one thing I think is unnecessary. in pickup basketball. I you can find the. players who like if they get the ball. spazz I'm like yelled at him. They'll. [ __ ] they'll literally toss. >> him with a [ __ ] throw it here. Throw. it here. >> That is I I'll just be like start. yelling. I watch a guy like [laughter]. he threw the ball and I was like a that. was a dirty play. >> Yeah, you're a [ __ ]. >> Or when someone shoots and you go you. lower your head at them, they go and. they it [ __ ] up their [laughter] I.

can't be doing this [ __ ]. >> I was hitting them with [ __ ] I was. hitting him with driveway McCusker. cousin. >> Clapping them in the clapping while. they're shooting in their face. [ __ ]. like [laughter] that. >> Playing [ __ ] defense with a hand in. their face. >> Do all that. >> Dude, you're a [ __ ] [ __ ]. [laughter]. That's crazy. >> I'm toning it down. I'm learning I'm. learning how to play because I really. just want to run around. That's my. thing. I'm like, if I get to run around, you know, if I lose, I'm like, whatever. Good game. But I thought the thing is. you talk [ __ ] and then you get to like. you get the back and forth and you call. an ISO and you get to go one-on-one. against each. It's fun. But no, bro,

that's. >> calling ISO is also crazy. >> You don't call it, but you get it. >> Setting picks to get a match up and. going, oh, here we go. [laughter]. I got this dumb [ __ ] who wanted to just. work out today and was like, I'll try. basketball. [laughter]. >> I go by myself now as I'm trying to get. used to the rims. So, I'll run back and. forth full court and just practice my. fast breaks, my pull-ups. >> It's so nice. [ __ ] nut, [laughter]. dude. That's. >> I'm trying to get I'm trying to get It's. double rim. It's hard as hell. >> Of course. >> I'm trying to get if I can get my I'm.

trying to get like my like seven to. eight footer down my fadeaway step back. >> I. >> I run drills by myself. >> I I know. I feel so bad for the guys in. your neighborhood that have to deal with. this [ __ ] guy. Every time you show. up, they must be like, [laughter]. >> "So you get out of your car with your. [ __ ] wraparound Oakley's on.". >> I'm getting that sense, honestly. [laughter]. just got to be like, "Oh, [ __ ] He's. here again." [laughter]. >> And then I'll score like four points.

>> Four points. 15 fouls, 10 rebounds. >> You are Draymond, dude. >> They were I was when they were booing. him. I'm like, "You don't deserve that, dude.". >> No, Draymond's the Draymond's the. [ __ ] man. >> Yeah, dude. He plays hard. I. >> He was He was nervous. >> Yeah. I mean, imagine that. >> Yeah. >> Imagine just out of nowhere. >> And then me, him, and Pete were talking. I was I like walked over them right. before we started. I was like so [ __ ]. nervous. Oh [ __ ] And Draymond was like, "Oh, thank god you said that, dude. I'm. so [ __ ] [laughter] nervous." And Pete. was like, "Dude, I'm going to [ __ ]. die.".

>> That must be such a relief when you get. done your set and all you got to do is. just kind of sit there and be like, "All. right.". >> Oh, you like this at the beginning. At. the very beginning, the way they. introduced me. >> is uh Black Thought from the Roots is. like, "You guys ready for the roast? Now. the roundest thing on tires, Shane Gil.". And I didn't know that. And I was. walking out like the [laughter] [ __ ] the. [ __ ] black thought. >> Didn't No, that wasn't him. I I know. Yeah, there was someone who was beefing. with you. It was It was not Black. Thought. >> No,

>> I thought your enemy finally spiked you. >> No, no, no. Me and Me and my I know that. who you're talking about. We're good. >> That's nice. That's nice. >> And uh Black Thought used to do shows at. Punchline Philly. >> Did he really? >> Yeah. >> I've known him for forever. >> That's awesome. >> When I was in Philly, I would do his. shows. >> Yeah. That's awesome. Hey, he got you. He roasted. >> I was excited to see him. >> That's nice. You got a little roast. That's the That's the move. You get one. roast introduce out. >> Yeah, >> it's kind of nice. >> Yeah, I was just walking on stage and. someone's like, "Look at this [ __ ]. fat piece of shit." I was like, "All.

right. Hey everybody, welcome to Los. Angeles. [laughter]. Coolest guy live just called me fat in. front of millions of people. How's. everyone doing?" Oh, Tom Brady just. called me a fat piece of [ __ ] All. right. What else is on the docket? [laughter]. Oh, The Rock came out and called me a. [ __ ] Okay, [gasps and laughter]. cool. I will say, dude. Huh? Whose tequila, >> whose tequila was better, the rocks or. Kevin Harts? >> Yeah. >> Now, that's a good question, Lamese.

[laughter] Uh, I don't know. I don't. know which one I had. >> Which was which? >> Yeah. I don't. >> Yeah, >> I've never had Kevin Harts. I've had. Terrammana. I've had the Rocks. I'm a. big tequila guy, but I don't know. You. know who's as nice? I'll be honest. McBride's. >> Oh, really? >> I was shocked. I mean, it's like, you. know, you just never think when people. are like, "Oh, it's a guy has a. tequila." I tried it. I said, "God. dang.". >> I can't really taste the difference. >> I can tell. I can. >> unless it's like bad bad you can go, "Oh, this is the worst.". >> Yeah. >> Worst drink I've ever had in my life.

>> What? >> Just bad tequila. >> Yeah. It's horrible. >> Yeah. >> When they hit you with the additives, you go there's a certain flavor you go. that's a weird one. But it's, you know, there's a lot of them. It's all good at. the end of the day. You put lemon in it. and [ __ ] lime, whatever. was pretty. good. But I I was shocked. Do you ever. see his website? He does like skits on. his tequila website where he's like. people are getting their legs chopped. off while they're feeling the agave. >> Who? Uh. >> McBride. >> Yeah, I saw the one with him and uh. Stevie Jan. >> Yeah, he cuts his leg off. >> That's great. [laughter].

>> I just got it in the mail like Christmas. time. Like what the [ __ ] is this? >> It was good. >> What's it called? I think I have it. >> Gota or something? >> Yeah, that's right. >> I think it's Gateau. Yeah, I'm I'm big. on the celebrity. I' I'll try all of. them. I don't know why. I just like I. like to try them out. Then I don't. really drink. So I just. >> You need to get a celebrity moonshine. >> Celebrity moonshine. Be nuts. >> 350 proof. >> Just kill everyone. >> and just have it completely. Get it made. like like like chemically made in China. You should get like the fentanyl of.

alcohol. >> Just get fent. [laughter]. >> Sell it. >> Dudes are drinking it. They're getting. absess. >> I [clears throat] keep looking for my. rens, dude. >> Last time I was sitting here, they were. there. He was still alive, dude. >> That bird's That bird's hopping around. spirit right now. Just jumping around. the house. >> Poor little guy. >> I don't think the other guys are going. to make it. I saw them. >> They're just in the backyard now. >> They're popping around. >> Yeah, he's just jumping into the. neighbor's [ __ ] window. >> You got turf, too, don't you? >> In my yard. Yeah, but they're in the.

hitting that. >> They're on the other side of the fence. >> Oh, that's good. How the hell they get. over there? Are they flying? >> Yeah, they can fly. They flew right. away. >> Oh, they're good. >> Yeah, >> if they if they flew, I think they're I. mean, they're both probably going to die. really quick. I think the survival rate. for birds, >> but it's far I was thinking about them. pecking the turf for worms and just. slowly dying of hunger. >> Matt just like, "What is this?". >> I have feed out there. I put [laughter]. a bunch of bird feed. >> Oh, yeah. I forgot. >> I threw it in the yard. I threw it. I. got bird feed. Now my pool's covered in. bird [ __ ] [laughter].

>> I forgot. >> You had them ready. You had them set up. >> Also, cardinals are [ __ ]. >> Are they mean? >> They control the [ __ ] birdhouse. >> Have you good footage over there? >> Yeah. It's just a [ __ ] squirrel that. eats everything and then two and a. family of cardinals. It's all I got. Then occasionally me or La Mer walking. out towards it and looking at it. [laughter]. standing. >> La Mer grabbing like a 10-year-old. sunflower seed. >> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. La Mer will get. in there. I'll catch La Mer at 4 in the.

morning night vision. [laughter]. A squirrel comes up. >> [laughter]. [clears throat]. >> July 17th, I'll be at the link in. Philadelphia. We just released uh some new tickets. So, please please purchase them. Please. come. It's going to be a hoot. There's. going to be a lot of people there. I will be in Chicago this very Saturday. I'll be in Toronto as well. And then. Chicago this Saturday, May 16th, 7 PM at.

the Riviera Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Uh there's there's a few. tickets left there. You know what's. left? Single seats. Bunch of single. seats dotting in. So. >> that's fun. Going to a show by yourself. is a nice treat. >> Yeah. Come by yourself and you know but. you can sit next to someone's. girlfriend. Probably touch the thigh. with your leg. So. >> you can do it the whole show. >> You can do it the whole show and be. like, "Hey, I'm [ __ ] crammed in here. This guy's a jerk." Um but yeah, so come. to that. That'll be very fun. >> Yeah. >> Yes.

>> Hey guys, it's me, Sean. I'll be in. Cincinnati next week. Please come if you. can. Seanardini.com and Optimum Noctis. is next week as well. So, please come. >> What's the date on Optimum Noctis? >> May 19th. >> May 19th. >> Please come to Optimum Noctis on May. 19th. Uh tickets are available at. shgardini.com. And then I'll be in. Charleston and Raleigh, too. Thank you. >> Yay. Thank you guys. >> But yeah, mom that sucks that your baby. birds died. >> What? Just one? >> Just one. >> If the other two flew, that's that's.

good news. They made it over that fence. That fence is like that's the ultimate. test for a baby bird. That's a big ass. [ __ ] fence. >> So, what did you see him learn how to. fly or do they start from the ground and. like. >> he was hopping but he was flying pretty. quick. >> That's tight. >> Yeah, >> that's tight. >> It was just great to see mom and dad. jumping around. >> Mom and dad trying to block like, "No, no, no, no, no.". >> Yeah, >> chill. [sighs]. >> They're hopping around. They looked. happy. >> Yeah, >> they're hopping. They're going [ __ ] Oh. [ __ ]. >> They don't know. They had no idea what's. going on. >> Oh [ __ ] Mom's probably pregnant again.

right now. >> I hope. [laughter]. >> Get back in here. That would be so tight. Yeah. I wonder. how I wonder how uh how often do rens. like churn them out. Is it like per season? Cuz I know. rabbits. >> I think it's season. >> It's a season. >> Yeah, >> cuz rabbits will kick out like four. litters. They [ __ ] they rock them, man. They're nice. >> I think coyotes are year round, too. >> Really? I. >> think they're like non-stop. >> That'd be nice. What is it?

>> Two broods per season. >> Oh, we got another brood. >> You have another brood, guys. >> Breeding. Yeah, it it goes till August. >> Oh, >> typically the season, >> bro. If they get back in there, I'll be. [ __ ] pumped. >> She's out She's probably out there. shaking ass right now. >> Don't talk about her like that, dude. They're a couple. They're together. [laughter]. >> She's probably shaking her tail feather. right now. >> No, they're together. >> That's good. If they're together. forever, that's nice. >> Yeah. >> Can we get the pair bonding data on Ren, please? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see if they stay. together. I was watching a thing. yesterday saying that human pair bonding.

is all [ __ ] up because we can't smell. each other. >> because like you're supposed to like. smell a lady's bo and see like if your. nervous if your uh immune systems are. like compatible. There's another thing. >> [ __ ] all that. >> You don't want to you don't smell like. your immune system. >> No, I I I don't care about that. [laughter] I don't like whoever whatever. weird freak came up with that. It was. like our pair bonding's [ __ ] up. We. should It's like I'm tired of everyone. being like, you know, we're not designed. to actually be doing this, so shut up. [laughter]. Shut the [ __ ] up. I feel like I'm. designed to be playing Xbox, dude.

[laughter] I'm obviously designed for. it. >> They have very strong pair bonding. according to. >> Oh, they're together forever. >> God, love wins. The end of the day. >> Love wins again, dude. >> A miss nasty. Love wins. >> A miss all the nasty. People are. [laughter] be like, I'm gonna get DMs be. like, I'm glad that [ __ ]. >> [ __ ] that round. >> That's [ __ ] dude. >> What? >> What? >> Oh no. What is it, guys? >> Nate found out some bad news. >> Says, uh, most birds do not reuse the.

same nest for future seasons. >> It's all right. There's a there's. another box right next to it. >> Yeah, >> true. >> And also, >> and they had a good that was a good one, dude. >> I'm pretty sure. >> you talk about shittiness. They're. coming back. >> Yeah, I like to believe they're coming. back. That's the penthouse. Although, you can I'm sure you can also recreate. >> What the [ __ ] are you guys doing to me, dude? [laughter]. >> What the [ __ ] you guys doing over there? >> It wouldn't be hard to recreate that. Um I I told my mom about the Cardinals. What did you say? >> Well, she thinks Cardinals represent my. dead grandmother.

>> Oh. So she's like, "Oh, that's that's my. mom.". >> I was like, "Yeah, it's my mom.". [laughter]. For some reason, it made me upset. I was. like, "Mom, that's so [ __ ] dumb.". [laughter]. But I'd love to make fun of her. I saw a. cardinal. I was like, "Mama, [laughter]. I know it's in there.". >> If I heard one person say that, I'd. like, "Yeah, I know. I know exactly what. you're saying. >> Yeah, it's definitely mom. >> That's really sweet. It is funny. And. then you see you're just bullying birds.

[laughter]. >> That means my mom's watching. [snorts]. >> I hope not. >> Yeah, true. >> I hope my mom's not peeking through the. glass in here. [laughter]. >> Just tapping naked for a day. Didn't go. outside yesterday. Just [laughter]. [snorts]. >> I have neighbors behind me now. like. right up against the back and I'm now. I'm trying to be more mindful of. shutting my my shutters cuz I I get ny. during the night. >> I'm n just forget.

>> lights on naked. >> Oh yeah, dude. >> You're a freak. >> I just forget because we had nothing. back there. Now there's just and it's. just like whoom right up against us. >> Some poor kid. [laughter]. >> I hope not. >> Growing up with a freak bull neighbor. >> We just forget. I you know once once. everyone's asleep I'm [ __ ] I'm. hitting it. I'm in the birthday suit. I'm in the birthday suit. I'm shaking Tina for my wife. I'm gonna. go [laughter] I'm like a male ren just. [ __ ] hopping around. What do you. think of this? I'm due, brother. I'm.

due. I've been Man, I've been suffering. >> I've been really suffering. Yeah, >> I've been suffering so hard. >> How bad? >> Bad, bro. I'm waiting. I'm due. I'm due. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep the. other night. I get to the point where I. can't [ __ ] sleep. >> out of horniness. It's just it I'm if if. I go a week if I'm on a weak retention. that the seventh eighth day I'm going to. lay in bed and just like my cells are. just kind of like like I can't sleep. It.

it'll just take me significantly longer. to fall asleep and I'm going like this. You're just out cold. You have no idea. >> I'm over here suffering, dude. And. you're just sleeping fitfully. >> You got to take matters into your own. hands at that point. >> Yeah, but then but then Well, I will at. a certain point, but then you go, >> this is what I get. I just have to. masturbate for the rest of my life cuz. I'm off the nog too. And again, I'm not. making a big thing about it. I just I'm. like I'm I'm like I'm I don't want it. I. don't want it in my life. And then I go, "Hey, I'm trying not to Why do you even.

need to watch that?" And I go, "Fuck. this naked title.". >> It's awesome. There's naked tits and. I've saw them when I was like nine and. it's just you're not It's just I'm. always going to watch that if you don't. touch my penis. So, >> it's a tough combo. >> She said, "Why do you even watch that?". >> I've feel that a bunch of times. Why. would you even have to watch that? I go, "What? What? What do you mean? Why? I. mean, I don't have to, but like, you. know, why does an engine. >> speeds up the process? >> Yeah. Why does an engine need grease? You know what I mean? Like, come on. >> We're going to lube the wheels a little. >> Exactly. I mean, bro, they're going to. >> You want me to jack off for 3 hours, or. do you want it to be five [ __ ].

minutes? [laughter] You tell me. >> You got to Dude, you got to relieve the. tension in the bow, otherwise it breaks. >> Of course. [laughter]. And you got a long bow. You got a. British long bow. >> I got the crossbow, dude. >> I got a stubby [laughter] hunt. I got a stubby Irish hunting bow. >> I am losing weight. I'm excited to get. like 0.001 inches length back. >> Yes, >> it's nice. I'm trying to get down to. like 180. >> Did four miles today.

>> That's sick. >> In the Texas sun. >> It blows. I went for a walk yesterday. I. It was [ __ ] miserable. >> Yeah. I. >> Yeah, I should have put on sunscreen. I. forgot. >> What time did you go? >> 1 or two. >> Yeah, that dude. That's. >> It was [ __ ] terrible. >> Absolute heat of the day. Yeah. Do. >> you if you catch like a 8 a.m. when the. sun's just kind of just getting settled, it's so nice. >> I'm not catching that. >> Catch it. Catch it. [laughter]. >> Not with this schedule. >> Yeah, true. >> I'm dying, brother. >> Yeah, you must be tired. >> I'm tired.

>> Must be tired, >> dude. I had to We did a show in LA on. Wednesday night. After the show, we had to fly to Boston. to do the Boston show. I left LA at like. 11:00 a.m. or 11:00 p.m. >> Crosscountry flight, lose three hours. I. got in at like 7:30 a.m. Went to sleep. I slept from like 8 to 2 maybe. >> Oh, dude. >> Then had to wake up and go do the. [ __ ] Boston Garden, >> but and thrice as well, right? >> And then Friday, Saturday. But that was.

that was awesome. Boston's like. literally the best. >> But that does suck. >> And then after the show Saturday, get on. a plane and fly back to do the roast. that day. and the rose on on the west. coast that we had to start I had to I. had to get there at like 9:00 a.m. Ah. >> yeah. >> So did you you did a night flight back. basically? >> Yeah. >> You must be turd. >> I'm a little tired from that. >> Yeah. I mean that's like that's. literally. >> I did nothing yesterday. I'm fine. >> That is the stuff of J. >> Takes one day. >> Yeah. Coast to coast is tough. >> Coast to coast is really tough.

>> Coast to coast and coast to coast. Really? >> California to Boston and a show that. day. That sucked. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That's Yeah. That's [ __ ] It is funny. going from like LA and then just hitting. like the palest. >> I was so happy to be home. [laughter]. >> So happy to be back on the East Coast. The Northeast just with ugly pale guys. My brothers. >> Yeah, it is nice actually. >> [ __ ] dogs. Finally. >> Boston does rule. >> Boston's maybe the best city. >> Yeah, it is. >> It's up there.

>> It's really nice. Anytime you put out a. bunch of shows, Boston always is like. sells out so fast. >> It's so weird. It's like it's there. literally just are the bros there. >> That was my last arena. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> For what? >> For the for that arena tour. >> The tour. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> The only thing I have left is the link. Dude, >> it's time to focus on the link. >> Oh man. Told you it happened to me. I. got Yeah. I got [ __ ] high the other. like I got high off a gun. >> Thought about it and I full body panic. attack. >> I was like that's so many [ __ ] people. and I just.

>> for real full body just like [ __ ]. >> Yes, man. >> Doesn't even make sense. >> You're entering my room. >> Nothing makes sense. ing what I've been. doing for three straight years. Every. day, [laughter]. every day you wake up and go, "Holy. [ __ ] [ __ ] It doesn't make sense." And. they go, "You know what? Fine. I I'll. check the internet." [ __ ] him. [laughter] All right. [ __ ] All my. thoughts were right. I am a terrible. person. [laughter]. >> It [snorts] is funny that it's like It. really is. is it's like the the part of.

yourself that's like looking out and. judging the world just gets like scraped. through all of the same part of other. people's just like so all that's left. either you become calcified and nastier. or you just let all the nasties go and. you go I'm not even. >> can't be nasty anymore. >> can't be worried about the nasties. >> can't be worried that's why it also. makes sense too like when you're when I. was younger and I'd watch like famous. actors talk about anything I'm like this. guy's a freak then it's like oh this guy. since he's been 12 has been like just. braided by newspapers and that's why. they get in there and they're like it's. all about the work and about your. energy. You're like, "Yeah, [laughter].

that's what happens after that.". >> Yeah. >> Says, >> "But that would be the end of our. careers.". >> Yeah. >> If we became a weird. >> leather bracelets, >> leather bracelets. >> I'll get some leather brace bracelets. with you. [laughter]. >> You need to get them and be like, "It's. all about the good internal to the. activity." It's Aristotle said that. It's about the f the vibes. Obviously, you're like, "This guy's a [ __ ]. fruit." And you're like, "Dude, I've. just. >> I would break one day though in the. middle of an interview be like, "Yeah, that guy is a [ __ ] fruit. [laughter]. I [ __ ] hate that [ __ ] guy, dude. Oh, [ __ ].

>> I'm back. No. No. [laughter]. I got to meet him now. [ __ ]. >> You know what? I am allowed to say. whatever I want. [laughter]. Hey, if I think it's funny, I'll [ __ ]. say it. in the middle of like a [laughter] kids. cartoon show I'm doing. I'm voicing a. dog on a You know what? [ __ ] it. [laughter]. True. Yeah, we shall see. I mean, it'll. It was the buzz. It was the talk of the. town.

>> But some people have to face their eye. nasties. >> You do. You do. And it's coming. >> Were you telling me somebody had to face. their eye nasties? [laughter]. >> Yeah. People Everyone's facing them. People are dying by the eye nasties. [laughter] because it will rocket you. It'll get rocket fuel. >> You can be as nasty as you want. It'll. rock at you, but also too, you're. gathering the nasties. And they're going. to as soon as anything even decent. happens for you, which is best case. scenario, the nasties will turn. >> Yeah. >> They'll go. >> Yep. >> Ah, no. Please.

>> Please. >> Yeah. When the. >> liquid death sponsorship, it's all. working out. Please. No. >> When the thing you dreamed of happening. happens [laughter]. >> and all you can think about is the. [ __ ] odd nasties. The [ __ ] I put out in the world seven. years ago. No. [snorts]. >> Don't even remember it. >> I just pray no one reme. [laughter]. >> Yep. Yep. Yep. It happens. But hey, man. Again, all we can do is work hard and. get leather bracelets. >> Hey, that plant's blocking my balls.

still, right? >> All right. >> Perfect. >> Keep an eye on that. >> True. We We should get one prod just eye. on the balls the entire time. >> Yeah, >> that'd be nice. >> You got your eye on it? >> I keep my eyes. Just so you know, I. occasionally I glance at yours as well. >> I I'm glad you found a bigger pair of. shorts for once. >> Oh my god. >> God. Normally he's wearing a [ __ ]. speedo. It's disgusting. >> Oh, he's he's got the Rottweiler turd. just [ __ ] hanging [laughter].

>> just folded over. >> It really is, dude. It's like a. Dalmatian or a like a [ __ ]. little tail of a. >> dog. The dog just got into some paper. towels. Go. Did you do that? Just looks. like Gardini's dawn's tail just. completely folded. [laughter]. >> You should have seen Nate's [ __ ] soft. ass dog. >> I seen it. >> Came over. We had a couple Yeah, you saw. him. Were you here when he was. >> when he got when he got tough? I saw him.

get tough at the end of the night. >> Oh, that was nice. >> Though the pit breeds get a little They. can get like a little sundowners at like. night time. If they're in like a like a. weird place, they get like kind of like. whacked out. I've seen that before. >> Butter Dog was being very funny. >> He wasn't going to do nothing. He's the. softest. It's I'm ashamed of how soft he. is. He's a sweet dog. >> It's funny. I could tell how ashamed. Nate was, so I kept being like, "Man, [laughter]. you got a zesty dog.". >> The dog was being perfect. It was a. great dog. >> You should let him be gay with Jackson. >> He would 100% be gay.

>> Oh, dude. Jackson will get Jackson is. blind, but he'll still be gay. If he can. like find a dog's dick, he's all over. [laughter]. >> Jackson is a blind freak. He'll like. echolocate another dog's dick and just. be like, [laughter]. >> he would for real molest your dog. >> My dog would just lay there and take it. >> That's what Jackson used to do. >> Don't put twinkle on him. Don't put. twinkle on my dog. He's at least a bear. >> He's definitely not a bear. He's a. twink. >> He's a pretty small. >> Jackson's old. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> But he still has his appetites.

[laughter]. >> Still has his appetite. Can't teach him new tricks. >> No. >> It's all right. It's better than It's. better than alternative. He could be the. worst [ __ ] dog. >> He's a sweet dog. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. But I wish he would do a little. something. He don't even bark. He. doesn't bark. >> Doesn't bark. That breed doesn't bark. He doesn't bark. Yeah. They don't He's. What kind of What is he? He's just. >> I think he's just full pit. >> He looks like a little staffy a bit. >> He my I just got him from the shelter.

and they just had pit on. >> Well, they they don't they don't bark. I. have a staffy. Same thing. They they'll. GO LIKE. all he does is whine. He hits a. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. He goes, >> "Yeah." [clears throat] Yeah. [laughter]. >> He was doing it at the end of the night. >> The whole time has just gone. >> That's a weird bark. [laughter]. >> The mailman comes. He goes, "Fuck me.". [laughter]. >> His eyes crossed. >> Yeah.

[laughter]. >> Oh. Oh, dude. We even talk about the uh. who was the guy the Indian dude who. claimed the white boss lady dominated. him sexually. >> Yeah. >> That just came and went, man. >> That's dude, I got to give it to that. guy. >> We talked about it on Rogan, did you? >> And I It was like the day it came out. and they read the quote. I was like, >> "This reads like an Indian guy.". >> I don't think she said that. That is a. horny Indian guy. [laughter]. >> What do you call him? Bazookas. >> Cannons. >> Cannons. Cannons.

>> Cannons is sick. But what did he call. his own wife? Ai fish fish head Asian. wife. >> That's the That's the hardest. [clears throat] part about getting. caught in this. >> I know. >> It's like, "Wait, why'd you call me a. fish? >> Why did you call me a fish head with. tiny cannons? >> Why did you make that up?". >> Like the boss is like, "Uh, >> yeah, I know." But he's the one who. wrote it. >> Wrote it. Oh, >> so he wrote like, "Yeah, what does your. fish head Asian wife think about this?". >> Or turns out he wrote it. >> He It was all fake. Is that for sure? >> I believe it was fake. Or or does that. lady have everyone in the office so.

racistly domed that they're like, "Yes, yes, mistress. We will we will defeat. the rumor.". >> I got like semi when I read that. >> No one's mad about a. >> thick racist dom. No, [laughter]. >> dude. That lady was hot. Have you seen. the tall picture? She was like, >> "Dude, I think that had was that AI?". Cuz that picture is real, dude. >> She I mean, she could have fully. bimified me. You know that guy who got. caught with the balloons? If I worked. for that lady, I'd I'd have the balloons. and spandex on be like, "I'm your little. [ __ ] bimbo." [laughter]. >> Wait, where where did she work? JP. Morgan or.

>> Yeah. Also, SL, what a [ __ ] weird leg up. for that lady professionally to just. dodge that bullet and now it's like. you're in a little interview with some. old guy and he's like, "Yeah, [ __ ]. guy was saying you were saying, you. know, what were you saying to that guy? He's just [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> I want to see the [ __ ] picture of. >> I don't know. standing on the desk. racially dominating some poor Indian. man. Oh, there it is. Why would they take. this picture? [laughter]. >> Let me see. Let me see.

So hot, dude. >> Yo, they That's like LinkedIn edge. They. definitely will do that at LinkedIn. >> Is that real? >> I think so. That's girl, dude. Girl. bosses get wild. Like a corporate girl. boss. That's like That's their. Instagram. That's You got to break. through the glass ceiling somehow, dude. Get on the glass. shattered that thing, dude. Imagine, dude. He was claiming. forced [ __ ]. He was claiming it's like, bro, stop it. That's so horny to leave a job.

>> He's like, I'm going to sue this place. and be like, yeah. Also, I'm the [ __ ]. man. The reason I got fired is cuz I. kept getting my dick sucked by the hot. [laughter] lady at work. >> You feel bad for him or her? [clears throat]. >> Also, why would he do that, though? Why. would he make that up? >> He tried to get the bag. >> Yeah. He wanted to get 10 mil from him. Again, kind of similar to Big Jay's. joke. It's like that's not that much. If. you're asking JP Morgan for 10.

>> I know, but it's like you want to hit. that minimum threshold of like what will. they just settle? Be like, "Hey, we. don't even want this. >> It's not worth it. Give him 10 minutes.". >> He should have went for like a guy and. like the guy was sucking my dick and. holding me. That would have. >> her last name is Haj Deini. >> What? >> Oh. You're the Hajini. [laughter]. >> Hog Deini. >> Hog Deini. >> Dude, that uh Yeah, that was like. because it was so unbelievable to be. like, hold on. And also it was like you. you just can't catch any sympathy be.

like my boss would [ __ ] blow me and. say really cool stuff to me. It's like, dude, nobody's going to believe that. >> Like, okay, dude. So, you got you got. five. I Okay, one you were nervous and. got a forced [ __ ] Still is like. there's a there's no such thing. It's. not a forced. Yeah, you can take a step back. >> You can easily take a But she was like, "I'll [ __ ] fuck.". >> In my case, you can take a slight lean. back. >> Yeah, dude. [laughter] Also, the most. unbelievable thing for your boss to be. like, "If you don't let me blow you, I'll fire you." It's like that has never.

happened ever. >> Just your chick boss being like, >> "Okay, [laughter]. >> you got to toss that chick boss in. there.". >> That's what I'm saying. >> I'm sure there's a couple fellow bosses. that were like, "I'm going to suck your. dick and get fired from you.". >> 100%. That's how the industry. You're. >> the boss of Nickelodeon. That's how. [laughter]. >> you're the CEO of Nickelodeon. You go, I'm going to I got to blow these kids or. you're fired. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Tell me there's a girl boss just. like week three of her menstrual cycle.

being like, "I'm going to [ __ ] blow. this guy. If he doesn't let me, he's. [ __ ] ruined. I will not endorse his. skills on LinkedIn if he doesn't [ __ ]. jam his [ __ ] dong in my mouth.". [laughter]. But I saw it and I was like, "What the. [ __ ] is this?" And like instantly it was. like, "Yeah, that guy made that up.". >> Especially. fish head. >> as a slur for an Asian. >> Yeah, >> that sounds like a very It's a. colloquialism from India, I believe. >> Is it really? >> Must be. I would have heard it.

[laughter]. >> That sounds like a [clears throat]. foreign insult. >> You're saying it hasn't crossed the. pond. >> That insult hasn't been here. Although. it is an invasive species because I'm. taking that one. [laughter]. I've actually I have heard it before. >> Oh, really? >> Yeah. I was like that's like an old old. school guy. >> Yeah. >> So that's an old old old one. That's why. I was like what the hell. >> cannons. [snorts]. >> Where's she from? >> And it'd be funny too if he was like if. he played the audio and it was just his. accent like you don't have cannons like.

my wife. [laughter]. Your cannons are small and shameful. Dude, speaking of small cannons, I was. listening to Shakira recently cuz the. zoo. >> it reminded me what you were about to. say reminded me of Yeah. >> Really? Yes. >> Dude, what the [ __ ] You know that, too? >> That's like the best song. >> It's amaz. They're not like mountains. They're. small and humble. And I was like, >> she has humble mounds. >> She's humble. I was like, damn. I never. even thought about that. >> She has humble breasts, but. >> yeah, but her hips don't lie. >> They're not even [ __ ] lying.

I never heard to be like, "Yeah, you. know how those big fat mountainous. titties?" Mine are small and just. humble. >> Yeah. >> It's like, "Fuck, that's because that. was probably originally written in. Spanish." And then they like, you know, uh, just cross it over to English and. you're like, >> is that a [ __ ] thing? >> This chick with their [ __ ]. >> humble tits. >> Narcissistic big fat narcissistic. titties. You're like, [laughter]. >> [ __ ]. >> how come we can't do that? >> That's dude, the fact that I didn't. lucky my dick is small and humble. [laughter].

not standing like a mountain. Yeah, that's uh cuz I was like Zootopia. the Zootopia soundtracks. It's all. Shakira. She kind of she does kind of. kill it on those soundtracks. She. doesn't get enough credit. But I was. introducing Maya. I'm like yeah she has. like a lot of other songs and like I was. listening to it. I heard the boobs. humble mountain tits and I was like what. the [ __ ] And I now during that song I. just go. >> Yeah. You got it. Yeah. >> Yeah. I got to cover up your the line. about humble humble small. >> Yeah. I don't want your kids taking that. to school.

>> No. No. Cuz they remember every little. thing. >> Yeah. >> And you're just like, "Ah, all right. Don't don't don't do that.". >> I just rewatched little kids singing uh. to uh Little Nas X. >> It's like my favorite. >> It's the best. It's one of the best. videos ever. He does a school assembly. >> Oh yeah. >> And he sings Oldtown Road. >> Just watching the kids hit every lyric. And then there's a part about like. boobies. They hit that one hard. >> Oh, it's so funny. >> Screaming. >> That's so funny. Did Little Would you. say Little NasX started the like rap,

R&B, country crossover? >> I don't know. Maybe. >> I feel like he really I I feel like he. kicked it off. >> Floor George line. >> Yeah, they had Nelly. They did a song. with Nelly. >> When was that? >> A long time ago. >> Oh, I remember that actually. >> Yeah. >> So that was Okay. So that was back in. the day. But then I feel Yeah. >> with Billy Ray Cyrus.

>> Yeah. >> But he did Oldtown Road, too. >> He did. >> Billy Ray's all over it. >> Yeah. >> Kid Rock was an early innovator. >> He was. He He had that song with Cheryl. Crow that actually certified. >> Yeah. >> Picture. >> Yeah. >> Song's awesome. >> That's one song you catch on the radio. It's like that Google Dolls or whatever. And you're like, "Fuck.". >> Google Dolls does rule. Did you see the. Spirit Airlines? Speaking of the GooGood. Doll song when they do like remember. that whole thing's like what was I like. in the 90s and they play that gooodell. song. This what was Spirit Airlines like. in the 90s and 2000s and dude it's just.

you see that thing of a guy taking the. luggage and throwing it off the there's. like the conveyor belt and he just. [ __ ] throws it. He's like 20 feet up. He just goes it's just people fighting. people throwing luggage. It's it's. pretty funny. >> The Google Doll song gives me anxiety. because I did one of the lamest things. I've ever done. What? Uh, it was I. remember when that song came out, if it. came on the radio, I would take out my. yearbook and look at the girl I liked.

[laughter]. >> I was in third grade. I was in third. grade laying on the floor. Laying on the. floor like, >> dude, that's. >> I didn't even like her that much. >> I just would be in my room pretending to. be in love. [laughter]. >> [ __ ] freak, dude. >> No one can blame. No, that song is so. powerful. >> It was too powerful. >> The goooo doll song was I don't want the. world [laughter] to see me cuz I don't. think that they'd understand. I'd. literally lay on the floor like. [laughter] she's so beautiful.

My dad would knock, what the [ __ ] you. doing in there know that I'm getting. ready for football. [laughter]. I'm not looking gay. >> Oh man, you admitted that. >> Dude, that that song used to [ __ ] me up. If I'd be driving, I'd instantly just be. like, "Oh my god, I have so much love. >> I'm in so I'm so in love with you. I. don't want the world to even see me.". >> Dudes were powerless, dude. The goooo. dolls. I don't know what kind of evil. magic they did. >> Yeah. >> Even obviously the [ __ ] strongest. guys like us, the most mass dudes in the.

world. >> Most masked dudes became certified. lovable. [laughter]. >> Yeah, dude. I'm so [ __ ] misunderstood. >> No one understands my love for you. [laughter]. >> I see you in school next be like, "Hey, how are you? >> [laughter]. >> You ever think about kissing? [laughter]. >> I wouldn't. Oh man, that was the best in grade. school when like cuz also like girls.

would just like set up things too. They'd be like, you know, you're her. girl your boyfriend, right? And you'd be. like, what? You'd have like hold hands. for five minutes in recess and be like, "Holy [ __ ] you're in third grade. Like, I have a [ __ ] girlfriend right now. This is crazy." And then two days later, friends, >> two days later, they go, "She's done. You guys have to break up now.". [laughter] And I don't want to, >> you go home, you go, "The. [ __ ] was that? Why'd you do that?". [clears throat]. Yeah. It literally happened to me. I. remember they like tied our jackets.

together in the recess yard. We just. like stood there like this and then like. two days later like, "She's breaking up. with you." And I was like, "Okay.". And I said something really mean about. her and I got in trouble. >> Yeah. I don't care. She's flat. Yeah, [laughter] she's [ __ ] flat. Think I give a [ __ ]. [snorts] I mean, that is crazy. that like you're in school as a kid and. then the year like tits just come online. >> and you're just kind like you're. expected to still do school. It's.

insane. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> I mean, it's [ __ ] nuts. I remember. when Tits came online and I was just. kind of like, >> "Yeah, what the fuck?". >> Yeah. Tits were crazy. >> What the [ __ ] dude? Yeah. It's It was. nuts. >> It's a lot. >> It's It is a lot. >> Got a doubt. >> We're a young guy. >> And then everyone just calls the girl. who got tits a [ __ ]. >> Everyone is like, "Yeah, she's a [ __ ]. dude. She has huge tits." [laughter]. >> [ __ ] [ __ ]. Everyone [ __ ] her. [laughter]. >> Yeah, >> even the teachers up in Yeah, whatever.

[ __ ] [laughter]. Can't believe this girl got boobs first. We all. >> She must have had sex with everyone. >> As soon as school let out the summer, we. all got mega laid by the chick with the. big tits. [laughter]. >> That's the best move. I again I' that's. the one thing I've never never [ __ ]. lied and it's like I I regret it. I. didn't know you could just do that. But. yeah, her Yeah, we [ __ ] Just keep. moving. >> Yeah. I had a boy who hit the funniest. [ __ ] lie ever. He said he titty [ __ ].

a girl. [laughter]. We asked her and she was like no. >> I know. I know. [laughter] I was like, "Why'd you say titty [ __ ] dude? You. could have said anything.". >> Yeah, we titty [ __ ] [laughter]. We titty [ __ ]. >> They need to be [ __ ] liars need to be. studied. >> [ __ ] lying is hilarious. It's not even. something you need to study. You know. exactly where it comes. [laughter] You. don't think I want to [ __ ] lie, dudes? We all want to. We all want your boys to. be like, "Damn, you're cool." [laughter]. >> Everybody wants to [ __ ] lie. You just.

can't. >> I know. It's so [ __ ] funny just to be like. >> the lunch table be like I'm doing it. >> I'm [ __ ]. >> I'm about to [ __ ] right now. Okay, here. we go. Yeah, I [ __ ] I uh titty [ __ ]. her. [laughter]. >> Nobody that girl we've all liked for. three years. Yeah, bro. I [ __ ] titty. [ __ ] her. >> I [ __ ] her at the party. >> When? Yeah, it was [ __ ] the other. weekend. >> at the party when we were all there. I. went outside. I titty [ __ ] her behind. the house. [laughter]. >> I titty [ __ ] her next to an HVAC unit. on this side of the house.

>> [laughter]. >> She's never seen someone as big as me. >> It's so funny. >> She's in the room at the lunch table. You go, "Hold on. Is that true?" No. [laughter]. >> Crazy. >> It's also funny just to be a seventh. grade girl and just be like, "What the. [ __ ] This guy didn't titty [ __ ] me. [laughter]. I'd be so mad. I'd be so mad.". Someone claimed I was just living my. just living my day. just chilling,

living my life. And someone was just. like, "Yeah, I heard that guy titty. [ __ ] you behind the [laughter] [ __ ]. behind the recycling bin. >> at the Rudlo's house.". >> Oh, yeah. All right, we did it. >> Let's uh switch over to the Patreon. >> God bless. >> Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane. Secret podcast on Spotify. >> Do it.