Ep 606 - Leadership

Wow. Wow. Wes. >> I mean, >> what happened? >> The squad, dude. >> Bro, I've been excited all morning, man. >> The squad is. >> [ __ ]. >> I leave town. You guys. >> disintegrate. >> Everyone's at each other's neck. >> Yeah, man. It's a band of thieves. >> I I'm You know, I don't want to point. fingers, but. >> I know. And look, I I'm. >> You need better leadership out. Have you. been Have you taken care of them? >> I was I was taking good care. Have you. seen them? >> You know what happened? If you go to see.

them every week in the pub every week. >> I've been working them in the pub and. they get they get nasty. >> This is my leadership. I apologize. >> I knew your leadership had failed us a. little cuz the when I got home and La. Mer let me in. He was like. >> dude this is an internal deal. >> What the [ __ ]. >> This is an internal deal. >> You guys know hey thanks for letting me. live here. >> I walk in I was like have you been. smoking in my house? And he was like no. >> Yeah you have. >> Laareer King set up a high-profile show. It's falling apart right now. La Mer set. up a Yeah. a big show and then the rest.

of Optimum Knox has stabbed him in the. back. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's Optimum Traitoris. >> You would never do that. So now you're. turning on Nate who who did that. >> Crazy. >> I mean you guys. >> considering bailing on La Mer. >> La Mer. What the [ __ ] man? La Mer do all three. spots and just beast up. This is generally dude.

Get a cool $48. >> The vibe plummeted, dude. >> Yeah, Mary, you're going to [ __ ] them. up. >> Hold on. Time out. Time out. Let's Let's. not pin this on me. The leadership was. good. The leadership was good. >> What if you let these. >> They set up an auxiliary deal and. they just had some crackhead deal going. on. It all fell apart. Now everyone's. mad. What are you guys doing? >> You guys are sweating [ __ ] pennies,

man. We're trying to [ __ ]. >> I just I I felt a bad deal happening, so. I I I chose to this morning to like. decide I'm back. >> this morning. You woke up and said I'm. not doing it. >> Well, I I asked. >> Oh, get the mic. Get the mic. Get the. mic. So, just just to provide context, there was a there was a comedy festival. La Mer got reached out. La Mer signed. these two up. >> These guys these two [ __ ] spoiled. brats didn't like the bag. >> They said that's not enough of a bag. Now they're [ __ ] up your reputation. La mayor, I'm on your side, bro. >> Yeah, that is a little [ __ ] up. Why'd. you agree to say to do it when he told.

you about. >> La Mer misread the email, >> dude? La Mer La Mer runs like Ponzi. schemes for stage time. >> It's [ __ ] wild. >> So La Mer, bring us through bring us. through the initial thing. We got to. solve this, bro. We can't I can't pot. under these conditions. >> I was trying to get our show at the. riot. Was trying to get Opim knocked us. at Riot in Houston. So we can do it. there. Sean and then the guy was like, "Let's you guys can headline our. festival and we can do your show at the. festival." I was like, "That's cool.". >> Sean said he wanted $10,000.

>> Yeah. >> And then I sent them the email and. they're like, "All right." And then I. told him, I'm like, "They're in." And. then Yeah. >> And then day before the the big show, your one of your closest friends bails. on it. >> I Well, not the day before. And it. sounds worse when you tomorrow. >> It is tomorrow, but I I was started. talking to him about it. It's today. right now. >> Yeah, you're right. >> Show tomorrow. >> Fair enough. Fair enough. >> Okay. I just wasn't sure about, >> but I started trying to like just figure.

out more because they they haven't. talked to me once and I'm supposed to. headline the show. >> I I I don't want to like [ __ ] on the. thing, but they're just running. >> Oh, now you are. >> But. I asked them I just. >> not for you. If they would have just. responded when I asked Mayor did tell me. you were the walk out potential was and. my guarantee was if they would just if. they would have said 50 bucks if they. would have wrote back it would have been. different. They didn't even respond. That's I don't know. >> Yeah. So you're saying it's like leaving. a comedy festival just no no show. Just.

not tell anyone leaving a comedy. festival. Something like that. >> Love it. >> What' you say? You trying to be throwing. back to this kid. >> That was. >> the etiquette around here. I I just I. just wanted to have a nice homecoming. episode and you guys are squabbbling. >> Yeah. All I wanted the three of you are. standing outside of 7-Eleven right now. scratching. >> You're squabbling, dude. >> I was just so happy to have us all under. one roof together. >> I'm happy, too. >> I was just so happy to see you guys and. then to have you guys come in here just.

>> like women. >> Yeah. >> Bickering at each other. >> And I get [ __ ] blamed. God dang. You know what though? That. felt a lot faster than last year. Last. year it felt like that your absence went. on forever. This year it kind it did zip. by. >> Yeah. >> So that was nice. >> Yeah. It I did feel I I felt like I was. I was definitely gone for a while. But. >> you know, nothing changed. >> No, it was it was like a time vortex. around here. We just It just like. [ __ ] flew by. I think it's cuz I I.

don't sleep ever so kind of just bumble. through my days in a haze all the time. >> But I'm I am really sad to see La Mer. sad. That's I know it hurts me to see. him sad. >> We have We have a war to attend to. I. got stung by a wasp last night. >> Where's the nest? >> It's in an outlet out there. I opened. the outlet last night and stuck my hand. in to unplug something. I got [ __ ]. scared the [ __ ] out of me. >> A little risky, too. Spraying the. aerosol. >> I know. Yeah. I don't know what to do. now. We have a battle.

>> It's a very small nest. I think I can. squash it with my hand if I have a nice. glove. >> Squash the nest. I might just [ __ ]. >> That's not a bad idea. Get a falconer's. glove. Hyper punch. >> Yes. And I My bedroom's on the other. side of it. I went to bed last night. hand elevated cuz it was swollen. Just. just looking at the wall going I'm going. to kill the whole nest. >> It's Wasps one. You haven't even struck. back yet? >> I haven't struck back yet. >> Dang. >> But they're going to pay. >> Sacrifice the outlet. Get that um get. like uh like that construction foam you. spray and it gets like real big real.

quick. You can just suffocate those guys. to death and then just have an. electrician come out and swap the. outlet. just sacrifice. Yeah, they they. set up shop in that outlet being like. he's not going to enter the electrical. >> That outlet was promised to me. >> Yeah, >> that's an outdoor, you know, those. things. You only get so many outdoor. outlets, too. >> That case of beer has been out there so. long there's a bird's nest inside of it. >> Nature's nature's conspired against you. having your beers and tunes. >> Yeah, he must have done nothing. >> What the hell, man? >> What have you done in this house? I. can't There's Christmas decorations.

still up. >> That's That's unforgivable. The only. thing he did was set back. He just took. over his gooner cave again. >> One of these got multiple monitors in. there. It stinks. Like somebody's been. smoking inside of it. >> You got dual screen. >> and he goes, "No, I haven't jacked off.". He lied again about jacking off. >> I I would I would not lying. >> You can't jack off in that, man. >> I know he has. >> No, that's the only place to jack off. >> Wait, the never jack off in this. >> pool. That's what the pool's for, dude. >> Like a fountain in the backyard. It's a. chair. >> Unicave is just disintegrated. I walked.

into his room and it is La Mer Mer. >> It's not that bad. >> Sigs. Has that been Sigs in the pool. cave or pool house? >> No. No. No. No. Sigs is good. >> Sig in the house. >> Yeah. Sigs is an outdoor activity. >> Not even after a couple drinks. >> Yeah. Not even after any drinks. >> Yeah. >> That's respectable. >> I appreciate that. >> Yeah. >> No. Sigs is brut inside. Sigs is the. ultimate disrespect. >> Yeah. It's diabolical. >> It smells like indoor blunts though. >> Ah, >> but that could have just been. >> There might have been like two.

>> Might have. >> There might have been a couple. Two. >> Two is crazy. You got some indoor. blondes. >> And you're lying to me about jacking off. in the ultimate setup. >> I'm lying to you about jacking off. >> And you're using my [ __ ] chair that I. like. >> I'm not jacking off in my chair. >> Wait, you claim. >> I'm taking off your chair. >> Time out. Time out. You claim zero jacks. in the pool shack. >> No, the pool shack's filled to the brim. >> here. He's talking, >> bro. He's got a big screen jack. You. don't think there's been a big screen. jack? Come on, man. >> Big screen jack. >> Come on, bro. Soundar. Grand Slam.

>> You never know. >> Just be honest, dude. >> No jacks on the inside. >> I've had like five big screen jacks here. since he's been gone. I come over. >> I've been ringing that couch out for the. hour. >> Oh, this was the craziest thing. I come. home, my door, my bedroom door is locked. from the inside. And I go, "What?" I was. like, "You didn't have any parties? Why. is this door locked?" He's like, "No, I. never had anyone here. I locked that so. that I wouldn't go in there.

He locks the door to keep himself out of. my room. How strong was the desire to. get in there and just stare at my bed? >> What the [ __ ] are you doing in there? >> I just didn't want like I just thought. that would be the best way to like seal. it and never like think about it again, you know? >> What do you mean think about it? What. were you thinking about? >> I don't know. >> You jacking off in my room? >> No. >> What are you up to? >> Hold on. I I do want to I mean very. thoughtful but like what was the uh. >> and he like nerd rushed to unlock it.

when I came home nerd rushed to like a. device he has over there to pop the. lock. >> He knew he knew exactly the chopstick to. find. >> just what what was you didn't you think. you get like you thought maybe you get. drunk and like. >> No, I thought. >> boss up. in the bed. >> Yeah, look at me. I'm doing all. >> I don't know. I got to fly. I'll be out. there. >> No. Netflix. No.

>> What were you watching? >> Let me talk to my people. >> I was just in the office. >> Hold on. Riot fest. Let me talk. >> I got two good up and covers. >> Yeah, you got some up and comers. >> I'll send my openers. >> Oh man. I mean that is thoughtful not how to. >> no to seal the door from yourself. >> so he can easily unlock. >> and then he knows how to unlock it.

>> I learned the unlock trick from uh. another door. My bad. >> Did you give the key to the police and. be like. >> don't let me in. No matter what I say. No matter what I say later. Don't let me. in that room. >> What? What? You got to explain to me. your thought process, dude. >> I don't know. >> You actually don't know your thought. >> No. I just did that as soon as I got. here. I was like, "Nobody needs to go in. here." And I locked the door. >> But that's when I started saying nobody. as far as You told me you didn't have. people here. >> Yeah, I didn't really. I had Nathan. showing here a couple times. >> Now, look at these dude looking away.

They can't even look. They can't even. look me in the eyes. >> Oh, [ __ ]. >> He's got friends coming over, hitting me. up saying, "Can I say it was cool if I. stayed for a week?" That's not us. >> [ __ ]. >> Got [ __ ] Dorian coming for a week. >> That the deeds man. >> The deeds. The deeds meers coming in. Dude, it'll be me, Deeds, and La Mer. The [ __ ] weirdest crew. These two watching anime every night.

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>> Have I missed any riffs? Cuz there. >> this was the biggest riff. This moment. is the biggest riff. >> I think we I was saying to Sean actually. the night we saw you it was like the. last time you came back we were going. through hell and you coming back was. like nice. >> Yeah. >> And then this time it was like it's. still nice but it was like oh [ __ ] we. don't even need him anymore. >> Huh? What' you say? >> Now you're like we don't even [ __ ]. need him anymore. >> No no that's not what I'm saying. >> It just it just it just wasn't it was. just a different it was just I don't. know. I just remembered the hell. >> LaMare La Mer told me you were the king.

of Austin. >> I don't know why he would say that. though. >> He He told it in he told me in complete. sincerity cuz we were driving together. and I asked him I was like, "What's. going on in Austin now?" And he was. like, "Nate's the [ __ ] king.". >> I would be. >> We pulled up to a light yesterday and. there was a sticker of a guy's face and. he was like, "Is that Nate?". >> He thought people were putting up murals. of you. >> That's. >> And I was like, "No, you [ __ ] Why the. [ __ ] would somebody draw Nate? >> You can't be that. You got to be making. that up. I promise. >> you're still doing that bit from the. other day. >> I'm not doing a bit. Let me please.

>> No, it's true. I saw it on the wall. >> You said I was the king of all. There's. zero% chance that said that. Huh? >> He said you were the king now and that. you're running it here. >> Well, that's just. trying to make bad news for me. You. don't mean that. >> I think he was being totally serious. Unless he's as devious as. >> Yeah. Well, La Mer, what what's Can you. back? What's on what basis? >> Oh, dude. He's just moving, right? >> He's king. He's moving. He's got motion. He's making moves. He got some motion. >> Yes, dude. The bird's back. >> The bird's back in the Bud Light. >> Yes.

>> What? >> Well, I'm glad they're back because. Tommy reached his hand in there last. night and flew out and scared the [ __ ]. out of him. >> He reached He's like, "Here's a [ __ ]. bat in there. It's right there.". >> Yeah, he's a good bird. >> That's awesome, dude. I got locked out. of the uh two days ago. I was running. the bathtub. It was me and Khloe. I'm. like, "All right, bathtub's running.". I'm like going and get other [ __ ] And. all of a sudden it it had been running. for a minute and like Chloe comes up to. me. She's like, "Um, the door's locked.".

And I was like, "What door?" She's like, "To the bathroom." And I was like, "But. the bathtub running." She was like, "Yeah." And I was like, "How'd you do. you lock the door?" She's like, "No.". I'm like, "You lying?" She goes, "Yes, I'm very sorry. I locked the door. >> Are you mad at me?". >> That's how I live with the mayor. >> Dude, I did you smoke a bun here? No. Are you lying? Yes, I'm lying. I might. have had two buns. I'm really sorry. >> Are you mad at me? >> I was by got there. I've I I was going. to knock the door like through. I called. Britney. I'm like, "Oh, where's the keys. for this?" She's like, "Remember, it's. this little screwdriver. You're the one. who figured it out." And I was like,

"Where is that?" And I like ran. downstairs, got the little It's like a. little eyeglass screwdriver and it. popped it open. And uh I got in. It was. like, dude, literally that far from. overflowing, just ruining the floor. >> Yeah. I was scared. I was I was like. [ __ ] myself. >> Yeah. I would have been done. I would. have started slamming my body against. the door. I was I was this close if I. didn't call for the key cuz I was like. pushing down as hard as I could and it. was starting to like spin. >> in the thing. I was like I'm going to. have to shoulder the door down. She was. like what the [ __ ] No. >> Could have been sick. >> That would have been tight. I could have.

easily kicked that thing in. So yeah, it. would have been cool. >> But yeah, that was I was [ __ ]. myself. >> But yeah, that's what happens, man. Doors get locked. There's no. explanation. I asked her. I'm like, "Why. did you do that?" And she was just like, she has a new like Barbie tool set. And. she was like, "I used my tools to lock. it." I'm like, "No, you just did your. finger from the inside.". >> Yeah. Yeah. So maybe he use his tools. Maybe Lamar. should use his tools and lock the door. >> Ah, the dude the squad's already back. I. can feel you. The rift the rift has been. mended. I can feel it. >> Nate's going to the festival. It's.

settled. Come on, man. >> You got to hit the fest. >> Nate, come on, man. >> No, that's great. Sean's gonna go. >> Sean's gonna go. >> I think Sean's gonna back out. >> Sean cares about his craft. >> Yeah. I'm sorry. >> No, I would never do that to Lame. >> La Mary, who's who's your better friend. out of Sean and Nate now? >> I don't know. Sam Talon's going to do. the podcast on Saturday, so that'll be.

pretty cool. >> That's a good answer. >> Yeah, incredible answer. >> He's become a politician since you've. been gone. >> Yeah, it's interesting you asked that. >> I'm just saying it's interesting. I. haven't heard anyone talk about Apac. That's interesting. I don't even think. about Apac. Well, gosh darn it, man. >> Yeah, >> I'll tell you what. >> I don't know, dude. I have uh I've been. getting a lot of pressure to get a. different car. People get up my asses. I. have a CRV. >> CRVS are sick. >> That's what I said. I'm like, this is a. nice car. And they're like, dude, that's. ridiculous. Like, what are you going to.

get next? I'm like, I I don't CRV. >> I have a It's 50,000 miles, dude. I'm. going to rock the thing for a while. The. only thing now I'm thinking is I'm. getting pure pressure to get something. I might trick it out completely. >> That'd be awesome. >> Like kind of low-key, but just like a. matte black paint job or a wrap. I think. a wrap's cheaper, >> dude. Matte black on a CRV would be. [ __ ] awesome. >> And. >> nobody's done that. >> I don't think anyone has. Matte black, like a almost military vehicle. I would. get matte black. >> inside's completely torn out and. everything sprayed with like a an epoxy. basically. I want a car that's like. completely waterproof surfaces that I.

can just take a leaf blower to and just. blow everything out and just pick it up. >> So that might be that might be the new. whip. >> I would support that. Tinted windows. >> for sure. It I want it to look like. literally a mirror. I'm gonna try to. make it look like a very shitty Cyber. Truck. >> Yeah. >> Slam it down a little bit. Just have. have them do whatever they can do to the. engine to like speed it up. >> You know those bumper stickers that's. like I bought this before Elon Musk. This is a CRV. What the [ __ ] this guy. talking about? >> That's actually a really good idea. >> Throw that on there. I bought this. before.

>> Before Elon Musk was fast. >> Just filling it up at a gas station. Dude, those those I bought this before. Elon bumper stickers are I think the. pinnacle of like Facebook or whatever. like Instagram politics were just. completely meaningless. >> where you're like what why why are you. doing this? >> Just get if if you if you really hate. the guy that much, sell the car. >> Put your [ __ ] money where your mouth. is. If you think he's truly like a. despot ruining the country, evil. billionaire, it's like trade in the. [ __ ] get something else. Yeah. Get a Rivon, bro.

>> CRV, dude. It's time. >> Get a [ __ ] CRV. Support Japan. It is. time to support Japan. >> Japan's huge right now. >> We need them. >> Uhhuh. >> Has anyone ever Has anyone even helped. us? >> No. If I ever No one's helped us, >> actually. Who? >> Our closest ally is helping the hell out. of us. >> Obviously. >> Obviously. Our closest ally. >> Our only friend. >> America's only friend. >> Larry. >> Nobody else likes us. >> Larry's politics right now. Must You. must be feeling good, dude. The view is. confident right now.

The view is going, "We told you.". >> Yeah. >> You should have listened to us. >> How do you feel right now? >> I just feel bad he didn't do anything he. was going to say. He said, >> "Yeah, >> that's what I feel bad about. There's so. many upset people.". >> Yeah, people are mad. >> to hurt people. >> People are mad. I want I want him to. take that straight of Hermuse. >> Yeah, I need that. >> Yeah. What the hell, man? >> I I said I was going to open it uh on. Monday. >> You said you were going to open it? >> Yeah, I called it. I said, "Don't worry, guys. I'm going to open it.". >> You should open it. I can't. They're too.

bad. Iran's too bad. >> Turns out Iran's nasty. >> I thought it was gonna be like Vene. Venezuela part two. >> It's like, bro, I thought we're big and. bad, dude. Get that straight. Open it. up. >> Open the straight. You'd think they. would have responded nicely after we. blew up their leader with a missile. >> You'd think they would have been like, all right, never mind. We don't want to. [ __ ] with you guys. You blew up a. 86-year-old with a tomahawk missile. >> It's so funny. We killed a [ __ ]. 90-year-old man with a missile. Dude, >> I've been laughing how their leaders all.

look like evil wizards. >> They are all evil wizards. >> There's almost like giant long beards. like a black hat. >> just got this guy exploded in his. [ __ ] house. >> I was reading about their like enriched. uranium or whatever. You know, it's. buried under like a deep mountain. It's. like a evil like Dr. Evil layer. >> Yeah. >> And apparently they can I guess from. like the radioactive signature or. whatever. They can like monitor it like. almost like a thermal image where. they're like there it is. I don't know. how true that is. >> I don't believe anything. >> cuz that's what I'm saying. It's like. underneath a mountain.

>> I think the people telling us that are. the ones going, "No, they're really. enriching that uranium. That's why we. can see it.". >> Well, that's that's the thing, too. It's. like. >> you guys are just trying to [ __ ] blow. them up. >> Well, they also We did this. We did the. WMDs. We're like, "Dude, trust us guys.". >> But this time, we're like, "We got. sensors that are actually picking up the. WM. They've been telling us they're. going to do this." Well, and apparently. so if they don't if if Iran doesn't just. completely capitulate and be like, "All. right, here's all of our like nukes. we've been building forever, >> you'd have to go to a subterranean. layer." Well, you'd have to go extract.

their stuff. Yeah. >> You'd have to go to a subterranean layer. under in an active war zone and just. somehow transport giant radioactive. barrels. >> Be sick. >> It's going to be the ultimate. >> It's like the last level of a video. game. >> It's like a really hard level. >> They're going to need the abab select. start up, down, left, right for that. That's going to be a tough one. >> We don't need that. >> It's going to be a tough, but I want. straight Hermuse open now. >> It needs to be open. I'm sick of it. >> Hermuse. Listen up, Hermuse. >> Yeah, open up, dude. >> You got to open. I want my. >> [ __ ] drones at us. >> Yeah, that's [ __ ] annoying. >> [ __ ] [ __ ] dude.

>> I know. >> You should do what we do. >> Drones. More expensive, cooler drones. >> Yeah. I just wish they'd listen to us. and let us be the boss. >> They should listen to us. >> I know. What the [ __ ] the problem? Don't they [ __ ] know? >> Apparently not, man. >> Someone should have told them. >> Apparently not. And then I I've been. watching the beef on Cuba. I always. forget we're still [ __ ] blockading. them as well. >> Yeah, they shouldn't have uh done. whatever they [ __ ] did.

>> You know, I'm sick of them. >> Hey man, >> Cupid better stop doing whatever uh they. did to make us mad. >> Yeah, we'll save them for them from [ __ ]. communism. We'll. >> come back to them. >> Starve him out. >> Did you hear your boy Trump in Cuba? >> No. What'd he say? He was like, "Uh, I. could take Cuba. I could do whatever I. want to Cuba." And the reporter was. like, "What do you mean?" He's like, "I. mean, I'll [ __ ] take it if I want, or. maybe I'll turn it into a nice little. vacation spot." Anyway, god damn, brother. >> Yeah, dude. He's wowing out. I'm telling. you. He's We got to We got to learn,

dude. Just get like a 50-y old. We need. a 50-y old bro as president. That's. That's prime president age. White walls. Just new [ __ ] fresh. Yeah. Gray. sides. >> Tommy Pope. >> Yeah. We need Tommy Pope to be. president. What? >> His press conference would be so nice. >> What? >> Yeah, guy's got [ __ ] hot dog water in. his brains. We're going to blow him up. >> Yeah, Cuba. I'm sick of Cuba, dude.

>> Yeah, man. I better [ __ ] get with the. bro. >> I'm tired of Cuba. I need Greenland. still. >> Don't we have Greenland? >> It's time for Denmark to give us. Greenland. >> Yeah. Didn't know Denmark had Greenland. That's. >> Yeah. >> Piece of news I didn't know. Yeah, I. don't think most people know that. >> Greenland acts like it's independent. >> Well, they ain't. >> Yeah. What the hell is that all about? >> They better [ __ ] shape up, >> dude. Better. All these people better. take up before we turn We better turn. the world into our vacation spots, which. pretty much. >> vacation spots. >> Kind of already is the case. >> Yeah, of course.

>> Now we just can't even go to them. because we'll get beheaded. >> I know. I know. It's a shame. >> Can't go to any of the vacation spots. >> I'll tell you what though, the ride to. Comedy Fest bag next year is going to be. fat. Now it's War Zone plus negative. comments. >> They're going to get me next week. >> And I'm getting my head cut off right. away. >> The bag the bag for that's going to be. so nice. >> I'm getting punched right when I get. there.

Weird what you said about me. The next flyer is going to be your head. in like a wooden box. >> Featuring the evil traitor Shane Gillis. >> The very sorry traitor Shane Gillis. >> The coward. >> Yeah. No, that's uh I'm excited to see. that'll be cool. >> The bag. >> Yeah, the bag on that's going to be. >> Saudi bag will be nutty, >> dude. for next year in the war zone. >> Unless Iran keeps winning.

>> The [ __ ] dude. That might be Iran by. next year. >> Did I rank? >> Iran might expand at this rate, dude. They are [ __ ] [ __ ] up. I think they. killed like six guys. >> Did they? >> Yeah. >> Oh, no. >> They're going nuts. >> Well, I've been trying to figure out cuz. I've been trying to like. >> fired 20,000 drones and hit like four. guys and we're like, we can't [ __ ] with. these guys. They're too strong. That's. what I've been trying to figure out. because all the news is like disaster,

disaster, Trump spinning out. It's over. And you know, I'm trying to keep like a. 360 view of like I don't want to get. caught up on either side of the. propaganda, but it's like, bro, like. give me something. Like, is it. >> I don't know anything that's happening. >> No, I I can't I literally can't get a. read on it. >> I just know I need Cuba soon. >> I just talked to Grock all day. I just. >> What's Grock saying about it? >> He's Grock's wrong about everything. >> Yeah, Grock's Grock's been helping me. with my with my garden. Grock never even. puts girls in bikinis when people ask. him to. >> What is it? What's Grock do? >> [ __ ] never does it. I'm always. checking. I go, "Did Grock do it?" No.

>> Someone always takes a hot picture of. someone goes, "Grock, put her in this. outfit." It's like a thong. And Grock. never does it. Grock's a [ __ ]. >> It's like, "No, thank you.". >> Yeah. I It just doesn't do anything. Yeah. Grock, I hope Grock gets [ __ ]. hit with a bazooka. >> I hope I hope Iran gets Gro with a. bazooka. Yeah, that'd be terrible. Well, Musk is. going to pay for the TSA guys. >> That'd be sick. >> Yeah, that'd be. >> Also, I went I flew this weekend TSA.

Not one person was in line. It was. great. >> Yeah. Well, that what they do is they. take the all the videos are at like 7. a.m. 6:30 when it's like prime time. flying. So, I went to Austin the one. when they had like the news cameras. there because it was like a line all the. way outside. Dude, it took me I was TSA. first of all, they're like TSA. pre-check's not open. And it's been open. everywhere I've went. >> And I was outside. It took like 30. minutes. I got right through. >> But yeah, it was funny. There's a guy. behind me. We're like outside. It's. early in the morning. And like, you.

know, there's like when it's real. crowded, they hold there's like a lady. with an orange flag and you got to like. find that person and stand. That's like. >> This is on you for taking these early. ass [ __ ] flights. >> I I like to get my nap. I like to get. there. And I fly day of and it's like. I'm crazy. >> Yeah. >> When they say you got to get here the. day before, I'm like, man, get the [ __ ]. out of here. >> That's ridiculous. >> It's crazy. But I I fly early. >> and it's it's not even bad. I get there. an hour, hour and a half early. Like I'm. chilling, but there was a lady's holding. the flag. I find the flag lady and I'm. like, "All right, line's here." And I. saw this guy. I think it was a Disney. adult. He had the Disney backpack.

>> Jesus. >> He just stands he goes in line and then. he just stands like shoulder toshoulder. with me and then inches forward. >> and dude there's we're outside of the. airport waiting to get in. I'm looking. at him like, "Bro, uh, what are you. doing? >> You get there before the airport's. open.". >> No, I'm saying like you're not The. line's out. It went outside. >> Jesus Christ. >> But it looks bad on the news. >> I'd be going home. >> It's not that, Dude. It was 30 minutes. all said and done and the guy's like. shoulder tosh shoulder creeps in front. of me and I'm like yo bro where where. you going man? He was like I'm just. getting in line. I'm like bro I'm the. back of the line. >> He was like my flight's at 7 o'clock.

It's boarding now. >> trying to butt in front of one person. >> Got to butt in front of one person. And. I was like dude like I was like if it. makes you feel better since you're late. you can get in front of me but you got. to go beg for mercy at the very front. Just go cry to them and tell them your. flight's boarding. >> That's your only hope. Cuz he was like. you think I'll make it. I was like, "No, you're not going to make it for you're. not going to make it.". >> He was just sitting there the whole time. like tapping and tapping. Finally, finally, he took my advice and went to. the TSA like. >> uh whatever faceelift ID and he they. were like, "Go ahead, man. Let him.

through.". >> I was He was just like stmming out. I. was like, "Where the [ __ ] do you think. that guy had to go? You have a Disney. book bag on? You have nowhere to go.". >> Yeah. >> Nowhere. Oh, you have an important. business meeting, >> dude. He was just, "My flight's. boarding.". >> Yeah. >> So, my flight's boarding right now. I. was like, "Yeah, [ __ ] You can't. show up when your flight's boarding on a. [ __ ] Friday at 7 6:30 a.m. Move it. >> Yeah, I got in. Couple of the ICE agents. said, "What up?". >> All the ice agents. >> No pictures, fellas. >> Please, no pictures.

>> Give me a picture. >> Yeah. >> Of letting Shane hold the gun at the at. the airport. >> They would. The guy was like, "Yo, I. went to your high school." I was like, "Sick. What up? Please, no picture. Please don't ask. Please don't ask.". ice agent pictures. >> I know. I want to see them. I got I I. get to fly next week. I want to uh I. want to see I wanted to see like I took. two weeks off and I'm like damn. I. wanted to see those guys in the airport. >> Should have hassled them like the people. on the internet are doing. >> True. True. >> Just walk up and go, "Yeah, you [ __ ]. race trader [ __ ].

>> [ __ ] kill me.". >> So [ __ ] crazy to. >> There's a funny guy who's going to. Mexico on vacation and he goes up to the. ice agents and he's like, "Do you guys. think you could get me there quicker?". And the Ice Asians crack up. That is. joke. >> That's wholesome. >> That's awesome. >> That is wholesome. I I said it before, man. My personal politics is whatever it. takes to move the lines at the airport. >> I don't care. >> Yeah, >> you can put anybody there. I'd be like, "Yo, go for it.". >> Yes. >> You put Iran guy airport. I'd be like,

"Let's go, boys.". >> You know what? You guys should have. enriched uranium. I don't give a [ __ ]. Let me throw this [ __ ] scanner right. now. I'm a oneisssue voter. I'm airport. lines. That's it. It's all I care about. Speed it up by five minutes. You got my. vote. >> I swear to God I am. >> That's like true. >> That's all I care about. That's the one. thing. I'm like, "No, for real, guys. We. got to figure this out." It is [ __ ]. They don't stop arguing and just just. both parties should go, "All right, let's like take TSA out of our big giant.

packages of deals and just both say yes. to funding TSA.". >> How have you let nature just destroy our. backyard? A squirrel was yelling at us. when we walked in. Nature's on our. house, dude. >> But he was in a tree and he wouldn't. budge. He was just going. >> He was barking at La Mer. >> What the hell? >> He was He was a very adorable squirrel. I was scared of him. >> I thought he was going to jump down on. us cuz I've never seen a squirrel do. that. He stood his ground on us. >> What noise was he making? >> He like barked.

>> Yeah, it was like a squirrel bark. >> What? >> Yeah. >> Well, it's funny cuz they they rarely. are rabbit, I think. I don't think was. like I don't think rodents get rabies. like that. >> I think he was just defending his. >> might have been tree. >> That's crazy. >> Might have been babies up there. >> Might have been a squirrel. >> Saw you. He knew. He's like this [ __ ]. this bear is going to try to eat my. [ __ ] [ __ ] can climb too. He's. going to climb up here. >> I I just I just I just made sure nothing.

was like touched. I tried to at least. >> You did a great job. Yeah, >> he was guarding He was guarding the. portal, dude. >> He did. I saw him guard it. I have the. ring came when I got to That's the only. time I talked to him. >> Go, what are you doing? Where are you. going? Go, uh, in the creek playing. board games at the creek. All right, you. better, >> Dude. They got La Mer hooping. They got. Lamar hooping. >> I did see La Mer hooping on there and I. said, "All right, maybe he would score a. bucket.". >> Yeah, >> he had a nice layup. I was like, "Oh, shit.". >> Yeah, man. >> Deceptive.

>> I played pickup basketball two days ago. I still have a headache. >> But then I did go to the gym with. yesterday and you're not getting more. than two points. You're going to be so. gassed. >> I'll hustle. I'll keep. >> Lamar said he could beat me in a race. >> While you were gone, La Mer, for real, I. was like, "No, seriously, I could beat. you." I was like, "Mamare, that's not. even that's you're you're just lying. That's crazy.". >> Why did you say that? >> I don't know. I was having fun. >> All right, >> that's fair. >> Just having fun. >> That's fair.

>> I don't know. >> You believed it. How drunk were you when. you made the claim? >> I was just during the day. It was middle. of the day. It was like 10:30 a.m. >> There's no 10:30. >> Huh? >> What the [ __ ] was he doing at 10:30? >> We might have been doing an early cast. It might have been noon, though. Actually, might have been noon. At noon, I think high noon he looked me in the. eyes. He's like, I could beat you in a. race. Why? Why you doing that, man? >> You think you could beat Nate in a race? >> That's a good question. >> I think I could beat Nate in a race. Yeah. >> How about you guys race to Houston and. do some. >> The winner gets $48.

and gets to bomb for an hour in front of. 12 guys. >> Yeah. That are just going to go me. the man. >> They go on Red and go. I saw him. He. [ __ ] sucked. >> [ __ ] him. I saw him. The [ __ ] sucks. You piece of [ __ ]. >> Oh boy. Oh boy. I'll tell you what, man. >> Yeah, it's good to be back. >> Yeah, it's good times. It's right in. time for summer, too. >> It's good to be back. Although, I don't. have a vehicle right now, so I'm I'm at. the mercy of the maze.

Mi, please give me a ride, bro. Please. >> You're in the Mi Sades. >> I am in the Miades. >> Dang. Where's your vehicle? Getting. transported down. >> Yeah, >> that's what's up. [ __ ] nice. >> Until then, I'm at the mercy of the M. >> Go horseback. >> Mercy. >> Maze. What do you What time do you leave. for Houston tomorrow? >> Two. >> Yeah. >> Okay. I think my vehicle is coming.

tomorrow. I need someone here. Nate, you're not doing anything. >> You want to chill? >> Yeah, I can be here. >> All right. >> Nice. Hell yeah. >> Yeah. I'm trying to think. >> Didn't really do anything. Yeah. >> Stung by the wasp was big. That. >> stung by the wasp. >> That hasn't happened to me in years. >> I forgot how bad that [ __ ] hurts, dude. >> You want to cry. >> I was mad at the was I was like, what. the [ __ ] What's the point of it still. hurting? >> Yeah. you know, defense mechan like it's. to get you away. >> Yeah. >> But then then I thought about it more.

and it does work. I was scared to walk. over there. >> Oh, for sure. >> I don't want to go back over to that. side of my house. >> We got it after this. Let's go take care. of that when we're done. >> I'd like that. But yeah, it's You'll. see. The nest is that big. >> It's literally one [ __ ]. >> one cell. >> Yeah. >> Is there Is it inside the outlet or in. the cover? >> It's inside the cover. >> Oh, we got that. Oh, we got to lift it. >> Yeah. So, we need one person with a. broomstick to lift it up. >> That [ __ ] thing was He I woke him up. last night. I opened it and stuck my.

hand in. >> I could hear it. >> I heard a noise. >> and I don't think. >> I hope it was a wasp, I would imagine. >> Probably. They don't lose their stinger. either. So, that guy's still alive. >> Yeah, >> they don't like sting you and die. >> I got hit with a bazooka. >> That [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> I had an an I had a bee land on my. ankle. I was outside working out and it. landed on my ankle. Thought it was like. a big fly and I was like, "Fuck off, man." I like got it off. It was on there. for like 5 seconds. >> Yeah. >> Came and landed on my other ankle for.

five more seconds and I was like, "What?" And I saw it was a bee. I was. like, "What the [ __ ] Just a bee.". Chill. No. Didn't even sting me. >> All right. >> It was crazy. >> Nice. >> Yeah. I was like I was kind of scared. though. I was kind of like, "Damn, dude. They could have got me.". >> I was already afraid of these wasps. >> Yeah. >> They dominate my pool. >> Yeah. >> To drink out of it. They [ __ ] They're. always there. >> Now I'm really scared of them and I felt. their [ __ ] wrath. It's on the tip of my pinky, that thing. would have killed anywhere else. You get. that on like a [ __ ] shoulder or your. belly or something. That would [ __ ]. kill. >> Ah, just like it's like tattoo logic.

wherever a tattoo would hurt. >> Absolutely. >> A belly sting. You think a belly sting. would be better though. >> I don't know. >> I feel like like the bone elbow would. hurt, dude. The I got stung in literally. the same spot right in the finger. It. hurt so [ __ ] bad. >> Yeah. I was trying to sleep and it kept. hurting. >> randomly. It would just feel like I got. stung again. like [ __ ] what? I'm going to kill. those [ __ ]. >> I told you. But last summer when I got. stung, it it was late summer when they. get all like weird and like old. It just. came down from a tree, landed on my.

finger, stung, and flew away. And I was. like, "What the fuck?" I wasn't even. near the nest. Just stung me and I I. literally was like, I was like this. walking, holding my finger like. that's when I there was a Mexican sweet. boy at the restaurant I was at. I had. ordered stuff to go and I like it was. like, "Dude, just be cool." As soon as. you looked at me, I I was like, "Just. got stung by a wasp.". >> Yeah, of course you had to tell. You got. to tell everybody. >> I had to tell a trusted adult. I was. like, I got hurt. I got hurt. >> You're never going to believe what just. happened. >> You know, the scariest [ __ ] bugs.

>> It attacked me. >> Yeah, man. He had he's he had he had. very kind eyes. And I was just kind of. like, I got to tell you I did. >> Yeah. Very kind eyes. I got something. I. gota tell you something, brother. >> Yeah. >> Honestly, you put she would look like a. cold horado on me. cold or chopped on my finger. It have. been nice. Needed his milk on me. >> This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Growing up, >> the help with the better. >> What did you have to learn about money. growing up? Any financial stress you. experienced? >> Uh, personally, I Yeah, I just never had. it. I didn't really. >> I wasn't stressed about it. >> True. You ain't worried about it? >> I ain't worried about it. >> Yeah, I had My problem growing up was no. money, no mo problems, to be honest, man. I had too many damn problems. No, I. was pretty stressed about it when I when. once you get a little older. >> Yeah. >> I was grown up when I started getting. stressed about money. >> You had money problem. >> When I was a young man, I the only thing. I was I was stressed. I would steal. quarters from my parents to get Choco.

Tacos when the ice cream truck came by. >> That's stress. >> And that was stressful because you go. I'm not I'm not going to [ __ ] these guys. over and give them nickels. >> Yeah. I remember. >> find all the quarters. >> I I remember just having a bunch of like. tens and fives that smelled like weed. and I'd have to take them to the bank. That's stress. >> That is stressful. >> Being like, "Please don't [ __ ] smell. these bills.". Um, >> is Better Help talking about money now? >> Yeah, dude. >> When we talk money, I'm always reminded. of a moment when I felt stressed and. overwhelmed. >> Time I was struggling to pay the rent. when tax season rolls around. Yeah, I.

mean, money's stressful. Hey guys, our. relationship with money can be dot dot. dot weird and not always good. You're. feeling the stress. You're not alone. And guess what? There's something you. can do. Try therapy with BetterHelp. Yeah, >> they can't solve your financial wos, but. they can help you better manage the. anxiety that comes with it. BetterHelp's. fully licensed therapists have served. millions of people around the world. changing their relationship with money, other people, even themselves. Because. everything is entirely online, it's. easier to get the support you need when. you need it.

>> That's not good. That's not a good sign. >> That's a weird angle. >> for the economy. >> Yeah. Hey, >> that's not a good sign. >> Yeah. Are you sad? And. >> hey, are you [ __ ] right now? >> Strange. >> financially. That is a bad guys. When. life feels overwhelming, therapy can. help. Sign up and get 10% off at. betterhelp.commsssp. That's betterhp.comssp. Okay. Uh, April 17th, I'll be in Nashville. The 18th, I'll be in Charlotte. Uh, Monday, May 4th, I'll be at the.

Hollywood Bowl in LA. It's a [ __ ]. Monday. Y crazy. Thursday I'll be Thursday, Friday, Saturday, May 7th, 8th to 9th. I'll be in Boston and July 17th at the. link and there's a few shows. There's a. couple tickets left for that. Get on it. >> Hell yeah, guys. 410 April 10th I'll be. at the Fitzgerald Theater in St. Paul, Minnesota. The day after that I'll be in. Desmos, Iowa. And then like I was. talking about Celebrity Theater, Phoenix, Arizona. Then Tucson and I'll.

be in Toronto 5:15. Um I think both I. have two shows. I think they're both. sold out. Might add a third. >> [ __ ] yeah. Toronto rules. >> Toronto does seem sick. I might add a. third, but I don't know. Hopefully, I. just want to do two. I don't. >> Toronto doesn't have bums. >> It doesn't? >> No, they're in Waterlue. >> And then Chicago 5:16 Riviera Theater. And also be at the Mothership all of. this weekend, Friday, Saturday, and I. think I think only Sunday and late. Saturday's left. So, please come.

>> Thank you. Oh, and you can catch Nate at. the comedy festival tomorrow. Goodbye. Yeah. Thank you. >> Damn. Other other O other than that, dude. I I've been all business, man. I've been down here just. >> You've been strictly biz. >> Strictly b strictly business. Read the. hat. Strictly business. >> You have been strictly biz. >> Strictly biz, man. I just been [ __ ]. like working out and doing stuff and not. sleeping. It's been tight. >> Yeah. Was just doing tires. >> Yeah, >> that was it. >> Heard that. That was it. Just global. global global conflict.

>> Global conflict that I know nothing. about. >> and then doing tires. I. >> dude, I'm telling you though, Bball I. think my toenail is going to fall off. You know when you like stop real hard. your shoes? I think I'm going to lose my. left toenail. >> Dude, I played five games and I I for. real I felt like I've had a fever for. two days. >> I felt the next morning I woke up and I. was telling Britney I was like not even. sore, man. I'm I must be in shape. I've. been working out and like by noon I was. like. >> why does my [ __ ] head hurt so bad? I. laid down for like three hours, went to. bed. I still feel [ __ ] up today.

>> Yeah, it was nice. I was going to bed. last night. I was like, "Why the [ __ ] am. I so tired?" I was like, "Oh yeah, I. worked out.". >> Yeah. for the first time in forever. >> What's the protocol? >> What do you mean? >> What was the workout protocol? >> It was nothing. I literally went there. to sauna and cold plunge. >> That's nice. >> But I then we I lifted a little. >> Nice. >> Uh it was nice. What are you smiling at? >> And then got in and go, I'm not doing a. [ __ ] cold plunge at the sauna and. left. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> I stared at the cold plunge, put my hand. in it. I was like, I just don't have I. don't have it today, boys. >> That's true. That's true. I've I've.

acclimated to it now where I can pop in. I I used to be able. cold punch. >> I was cold plunch baby. I couldn't do. it. Now I can I can sit in there for. three minutes and just kind of like. >> I got into Barton Springs recently. Felt. like nothing. It was I was like, "Dude, I got Dude, I don't know what's up with. the diving board there. I try to do a. backflip. >> Dude, the diving board's [ __ ] up. It. It just You know when you're on a. trampoline with someone and they steal. your bounce and you don't go up at all? >> I tried to do a backflip off it. My I. don't know what happened. The board.

stole my bounce. So, I just like didn't. get any air and just went my legs. There. >> a bunch of people there. >> Yeah, dude. My legs whipped as hard as. they could go and this water shot up my. no. I landed on my face and water shot. up my nose. >> Oh, that's not good, >> dude. You know when you like like you. get in like almost like an accident and. it takes a second like what the [ __ ]. happened? I got out of the water like. >> and you're trying to show out for. >> trying to show out. I was trying to show. out. >> Have you ever seen titties there? >> No. There's rumors that titties are. there. I did see asteric I I saw titties.

that got the nipples removed when I was. there and actually to be there wasn't a. ton of people there. I went early I had. when you were like uh two days ago I had. Cory Haidider on the guy from Instagram. goes through all the houses or whatever. and uh so I took him down there. >> and so we saw that first of all he saw. my back flip. It was [ __ ] trash and. then I go down and we see the like I was. telling him I'm like yo sometimes. there's like titties here. >> walk there are titties but there's no. nipple. I don't know what was going on. with him. I was just like, "Oh, fuck.".

And you know, so then, you know, we're. getting out and uh we go to the locker. room and I was like before we walk in, I'm like, "Oh, leave to the locker. room.". >> Well, I had to get I had warm clothes. I. had to get changed out, but dude. So, and I thought there'd be like dressing. stalls in there. So, like we're walking. in. I'm like, "No, no, no. I You got naked in front of a. podcast guest.". >> Get naked. I didn't get naked. I didn't. get naked. But when I brought him in, I. was like, "Dude, this is another thing I. love down here. when you go into these. bathrooms. I was trying about to say. like there's no ceiling a lot of the. times or like it's a sky but you're in.

the bathroom. I'm like, "Bro, I [ __ ]. love the bathrooms." And we turn a. corner, just a [ __ ] glistening hog. And I And like I didn't finish my. sentence. Like, you know what I love. about. I walk in, it's just a dude rinsing off. And like I think he was bricked, honestly. It was like a bricked up hog. And then the guy just talking this close. to him while he's showering and the dude. Cory was we just both went silent just. staring straight ahead and like as soon. as he like went I was like almost just.

dude I almost just walked out almost. turned around and then like I walked to. an emergency exit and it was like in a. dead end. We both just dude we both just. stood there and I was like dude I didn't. know that guy was going to be there. I. didn't know that guy was going to be. there. He's like dude chill. I'll go to. the stall. I'll get changed. I was like. I what the [ __ ] are we going to do? We. can't get naked with each other. And. he's like, "I'll go to the bathroom. stall." And I was like, "All right, all. right, cool." He was like, "Dude, that. guy's bricked up for real. That guy was. crazy." So, we like giggle and walk back. in and he goes in the stall is changed. and I just I turned and gave the guy.

bricked up guy butt. I just turned I. just I brked up guy. >> Showed him my I showed him my ass cuz I. was like, I can't dude. It's Well, dude, I'm not going to give him tenis, dude. >> Although that could have equalized. getting naked in there. I was like, well, he was he had hog out and I was. going to do like dressed because I gave. the stall obviously to the guest. I'm. like, yeah, I don't I'll handle the. streets out here. So then I'm like, you. go in. And then I was like, I felt kind. of like a [ __ ] getting dressed under my. towel when the guy was presenting hog. So I just presented my strong suit, which is my cake. So I presented cuz I.

was like fully shrimped out. So I was. like, I'm going to show him my cake, bro. >> A like that'll shrimp you out. >> Dude, I was shrimp from the water. >> You see a monster hog like that? >> I couldn't present, dude. I was [ __ ]. He was having a conversation. Glistening. hog in the like. >> Do you remember what he was talking. about? >> I Dude, I could It was like a flashbang. It was just like. >> So he was It was probably like a city. employee. I think that's that's He. struck me as like a guy when you go get. like a construction permit. He's like, "I don't know, man. I don't know." He. struck me as one of those guys. >> I thought he was. >> total composure. It sounded like a.

homosexual man. >> I very high probability. Yeah. Very high. probability, actually. >> So, but then I did have a pallet. cleanser. Then I, you know, I got I got. my clothes on, you know, I abandoned the. towel. I was partially a man in the. locker room, but I did show ass. And. then I turned around, Cory, I'm like, I'm dressed. Cory comes out, he's. dressed. And we turned around, there was. an old man who had walked in. I was. like, "Oh, no, dude. We got another. incoming hug. Bro is inverted." And that. was like a pallet cleanser for me. I was. like, "All right, here we go." We got. like an old inverted penis, a [ __ ].

glistening Mexican hug. By then, he had. pulled on the briefs. Thank god, dude. The guy [ __ ] like close talked him. the whole time he was showering. It was. so funny. >> The [ __ ] is going crazy, dude? I've. never been in the locker room before at. Barton Springs. Yeah. So, I was like, >> I would imagine that is definitely a a. hot spot, >> bro. I I kind of put that together. I. got there, I went, "Oh, okay." Yeah, >> cuz the bros were happy in there. The. bros were in there chipper as could be. >> Everyone in there has a Ukraine flag in. their front. >> Yeah. >> Every single one of them.

>> I just I felt so bad to be like, "This. is one of my favorite things to have. down here." me turn a corner like a god. damn it [ __ ]. >> dude it was I mean you know when you. like you know when you just fall from. being completely bricked up and you're. like get in a shower and you check. yourself in the mirror and you go yeah. it pretty much is pretty much is like. this all the time. >> that's what he presented it was like a. flawless flaccid presentation I got to. give it to the guy. >> it was the best. >> cir up. >> I believe so I kind of averted my eyes. pretty quickly but I I'm pretty sure I I.

would have registered if it was on circ. because that would have been another. factor that haunted my [ __ ] dreams. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I think it was just like a Yeah, that was Cory was like, "Bro, that was. like a health class. I thought I thought. I was in health class." It was just. weird dongs all around and the clothes. talking while naked. I'll never. understand it. And it was clothed male, nude mail, too. One guy was fully. clothed just sitting there like, "Yeah, dude." So, anyway, >> yeah, you can't do that. >> No, it was that was that was a shocker. And I got out like 65 degree water. So,

I'm like that was that was the big. question. We were like, "How the [ __ ] is. that guy presenting like that? We just. got out of the chilly water.". >> They might have just got out of. something else. >> True. Could have been. That's what I was. thinking about. Like, that'd be so sick. to be gay and just be like watching. dudes swim for an hour, you get out, everyone's dicks are out. That must be. so [ __ ] sick. You know what I'm. saying? That' be like if you swam, it. was just babes. Then you just go and get. changed. >> Yeah. Then if you go in the locker room. and you glance, there's a there's a.

chance you get beat to death. You know. >> what do you mean. >> by a homophobic man? >> Right. Right. >> You know you're in the locker room. They. had numbers, bro. >> Scoping dongs. >> They had numbers. >> They are running a risk is what I'm. saying. >> Oh, for sure. For sure. >> Down Texas way. >> But in that locker room, >> they were safe there. >> They had absolute numbers. If I had been. like, "What the fuck?" I would have. gotten probably slapped to death. >> Would have been slapped to death. >> Death by a thousand steps. >> He died by [ __ ]. >> But that was fun. That was That was. still though. That was a funny moment.

Mexican [ __ ] beat him to death. >> I would have came back just [ __ ]. mushroom tatted up. Just whipped me with. his giant hog. Had Britney nurse my mushroom tats. >> Couldn't show her. Dude, the t the tip. of the. >> the gloss. >> He'd be too big. >> She'd be like, "Did you get slapped by a. gond?" I'm like, "Dude, he was kind of. bricked. It was actually hard as hell.". >> How did he whip. >> How did he whip you if he was bricked? Be like, "It just settled. I swear to. God. Just settled.". >> He brought his hips with him. He's.

[ __ ]. >> the dick gods just pulled the bone out. of it. [ __ ]. there are But there are some big fish. down there though in the uh barn creek. I had my goggles on. I was down there. looking. >> so jealous of everyone. >> Bro, I had the goss and I was Dude, there was like four or five big fish. down there. I was very pumped about. >> You should set up You should start. fishing down there and get beat up by. the sissies. >> Oh, the sissies would [ __ ] you up. >> The sissies and the Yeah, >> they you they would they would scream at. you. Also, dudes, people just swim into. you if you're not like doing like full.

laps and just kind of like chilling in. the water. You got like literally swam. into by a guy just bulldozed right into. and he was like and like he didn't say. anything. And then uh the dude Cory was. like, "God damn, what the hell?" And. he's like, "Oh, I'm sorry about that.". And just kept kept going. Just. backstroking just. right into him. >> I don't like that. >> I should have caught a ride. I should. have jumped on him. >> Yeah, >> like a like a barn. But yeah, Barton Springs is I think it's. the best place [ __ ] rules all things.

considered. I'll just drive home my wet. bathing suit next time. >> Yeah, you have to. >> Yeah, that's Well, I didn't want It was. like chilly. I was like, you know, let. me let me be considerate. I don't want. to sign a guy up to be chilly and wet. I. didn't feel like that would be a very. hospitable thing to do. Being chilly and. wet sucks. >> Yeah, >> cuz I I do it I do the cold plunge at my. gym and then I just drive home. I've. been doing natural reheat. No sauna. You. just get out. >> Yeah. and just [ __ ] head back. And I. drive when I usually that's I always. bring a pair. >> Feels good.

>> Feels really good. >> I'm always cold for like the rest of the. day. >> You're cold for a while. >> Yeah. >> But if you do it all the time, your body. like I now I I would get so cold that. I'd be actually scared. I would drive. and be like, "Dude, for real, I'm like. I'm getting lightheaded. This is [ __ ]. up." Your body adapts quick. Now I can. just kind of drive home. >> No big deal. But it's like that's why I. was like, I don't want to sign someone. up because I did a lot of wet, cold. drives home. So, I'm like, I can't put. that on somebody. Not a [ __ ] civilian. in terms of this cold water game. >> No, can't do that. I'm back to civilian.

status. >> You got You'll get it right back. >> I know. I got to get in there. I. couldn't even get in my pool yesterday. >> It's too chilly. >> Are you serious? >> Yeah. I mean, I'm I've lost my. >> N. That'll put some lead in your pencil. >> I I need it. >> That'll put some lead in your You. getting that cold water, bro? That'll. put some lead That'll put some number. two graphite right back in the pencil. >> I'm back to drinking, though. I'm. excited about that. >> That's nice. >> Yeah. As soon as I got back to Austin. that. >> directly back to a terrible schedule, >> no changes. I was so I was like, "This. is great. Not drinking." So great. >> They feel great.

>> As soon as I get back, I'll go out. tonight. [ __ ] it. >> Austin's fun. It's nice out. >> It is fun. There's something about the. sun in the summer here. It's very hard. to not drink. I I uh. >> still got to get a boat trip. >> Yeah. >> Excited about that. >> Never been. I've still I've been on I've. been on one. It was like shitty and. cold. >> Christmas lights. It was a Christmas. light. >> You're gonna love it. I bet it'd be. nice. I love I'm a Yeah, you put me on. the water, bro. Change. >> Yeah, it's very gills come out. >> Yeah, people lose their minds at sea. >> Yeah, >> these guys. You guys went nuts last time.

we were at sea. Swimming. All of a. sudden, you thought you could swim. You. got drunk and confident. >> I threw on. >> like he's going to die. >> Yeah. >> Like for real, keep an eye on him cuz he. cannot swim. >> The safety vest though. I was. >> a life vest. >> Yeah. >> Still. >> Yeah. >> I didn't like it. I wanted you back on. board. >> Your ass floats. So you would have been. trapped on it straight. Yeah, >> I was top and bottom buoyant. It was I. was flaw it was flawless. >> You were what? >> Top and bottom buoyant. >> I think I use that word, right? >> I think so. Yeah, that sounds fine.

>> I heard top and bottom and boy. >> I was going to call you gay again. Is. you seem less zesty. Is that why he's. become the king. >> or is he still. >> He had to go to the zesty underworld. Now he became the straight king. >> Yeah, straight king now. >> It doesn't bother us anymore. He's just. super zesty. We just let him be. >> That's how you know Laam Mer is mad at. me. >> Laair is mad. >> Well, >> I can't I And again, I get it. You guys. have reservations about it. I think it's. totally innocent the project. I I try to. give them the black swim club as an. idea. I think it' be You guys could be.

defying stereotypes. It's you two in the. pool. You bring another black comic. over. You just chop it up, talk about. whatever, and then all three. >> Honestly, that'd be a really [ __ ]. funny ass podcast. >> I know, man. And they won't do it. >> None of you can swim. >> Million dollar idea. Just try to talk. while you're doggy battling with your. ass in the air. >> I think what. >> it can't lose. We can't lose anybody. though. >> We have white lifeguards. >> Yeah, we will have the whites. >> No, I don't trust y'all to not watch us. drown. >> We're going to let you drown a little.

>> See? See? >> No, we take water very seriously. >> It's true. >> I was genuinely concerned for you. I. >> I had it. We had the We had the big like. floating It wasn't It wasn't a floating. bed, but that floating thing. >> We were safe. We were safe. >> Yeah. >> Tommy was teaching us how to swim. >> Tommy was blacked out. >> I know. That was my favorite part. >> Like, go. Yeah, you got to [ __ ] swim. >> He's trying to give me to take the life. swim onto the middle of the river. I was. like, dude, he can't swim. >> He needs to be able to hold on to the. boat.

>> He's trying to get us to take the life. vest off. He's like, >> he gets in like a little kid, though. It's so funny to get him in to try to. get him in the water. He's like. holds on his boat like get me out. >> It was scary until the bruise hit. Did I. Did it work? >> Yeah. >> No, it's scary. You never know what's in. there. How How deep do you think that is out. there? >> It's pretty [ __ ] deep. >> Think. No, it's got to be more than 10. >> Yeah, bro. Okay.

>> Oh, you you do have a good got a good. depth finder in your brain. Yeah. What was telling you it was about 10. feet. What was uh. >> Nothing really. That was just my guess. >> Fisherman. Just fisherman's intuition. >> Yeah, I couldn't feel the bottom so I. just guessed 10 feet. We were kind of. close to the shore. So, >> okay, that makes sense. >> I get scared when I can't touch the. bottom though. I think. >> Yeah, not touching the bottom is spooky. >> Barton, there's parts in the Barton. I. swear to God, it must be like 20 feet.

down there. It goes That place goes like. >> gets close to there. Yeah. >> Yeah. Super far. So, who knows, dude. out in the middle of Lake Austin. >> Not touching the bottom scary. Touching. the bottom scary, too. >> Yeah, >> true. Step in the [ __ ] like mud and. whatever the [ __ ] that is. >> Yeah, I got I got I got caught in that. like seagrass stuff. Do you ever play. the Ninja Turtles game. >> for Nintendo? The second level when. you're in the water and there's a. [ __ ] electric seagrass. That's all I. could think of. I touched it. I was. like, "Ah, >> it is spooky.". >> I felt it. I was like, "Ah, it. >> moves." You go, "There's something in. there. That's a giant snake.".

>> Yeah. I was I was thinking of it when. the grass hit me. All I could think. about was water snakes. I was like, "Bro, if I get a the water moccasin, they'll get you. You get by you hit a. nest, man, they'll kill it'll [ __ ]. kill you.". >> Barton Springs is 18 ft. The lake is 75. ft. >> Okay. >> Lake Austin. >> I was close. >> Damn. Yeah. >> Dang, that's deep as hell. >> Damn. Haven't been gone for a while and.

we still have no steam. I mean, you'd think we'd have a lot of. stories. >> We got steam. Steam was We were just. steaming. >> Yeah. Steaming right along. >> As if we never left. >> No, we were steaming for like [ __ ] 30. minutes. And I mean, again, apologies. for the vibe. That really [ __ ] us up. >> That kind of scared me. >> Yeah, man. For real. I I was feeling. >> I don't like to see him act like that. I. hate when they act up and turn on each. other. >> I know. >> It is like walking dogs. Occasionally.

they just start [ __ ] biting each. other and you're like, "Guys, what the. [ __ ] are you doing that for?" They get. mad at somebody else. Like, "That. comic's a piece of shit." And you know. what? You're a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]. >> [ __ ] you. >> Nasty little [ __ ]. >> Did you see the guy who was stuffing. balloons in his shirt being a [ __ ]. >> Chrissy Gnome's husband. >> Yeah. >> I can't tell. I I kind of want to give. him the benefit of the doubt. Was he. being funny or does he like have a. massive job? No, I think there was so. many pictures.

>> How many pictures? I've only seen two. >> Both of them look like he's being funny. >> I don't know. I thought he was being. super. >> I haven't looked into it. >> He wasn't he posting them on like a dude. site? My girl told me he was posting him. on a site. This guy's the real deal. >> Yeah, this guy. >> This guy's the real deal. He's not just. goofing with. >> I mean, that's high. >> He's not taking a funny boob picture. >> Oh, the question you're raising, was it. goof or goon? I think it was Goon. >> All signs are pointing to Goon. Also, I. will say though, the way he positioned. the balloon knots for nipples, you got. to give him credit for that. That's a.

master at work. >> They're calling it bimboication. >> Bimification is because lat Yeah. Lately, the internet's been like a wash. and crazy like fetish stuff. I I I. recently came across lifters, just. muscle guys get like real horny to lift. up women. [ __ ] lift them up and get real. >> Oh, this guy was not goofing. >> Yeah, I don't think he was goofing at. all. That's a nice benefit of the doubt, though. has a heart attack. >> You got to if somebody's taking Jugs. pictures, you go, there's it's got to be. goose. >> cuz it's the pink spandex. That's.

exactly what did it. >> Yeah, >> I saw the full photo where he's wearing. uh. >> yoga pants, dude. Go, oh no, >> those look like those bouncy fake tits. and not just like balloons. >> They are. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He He was a I mean to get balloons to. look like that was like, damn, that's. kind of You know how many times I try to. make balloons look like big fat tits? >> I'm goofing. I promise you. I was going. to say when I was a kid, if I got my. hands on balloons. >> Yeah. But that's the thing. If you were, you know, you weren't on the [ __ ] But. think of that making you horny.

>> I mean, you that's maximum. >> What is that that makes you horny? Putting massive jugs and yoga pants on. and taking a very serious almost. mugshotes. >> I mean, to be fair, though, here's the. thing. And, you know, let's play devil's. advocate here. Imagine if you like, you. know, you're like, "Oh, I don't feel. like all the porn videos are kind of. tapped. I've seen most of them already.". You put the balloons in, you put your. wife's yoga pants on, And then you did duck face to yourself. in the mirror and all of a sudden you're. like, "Damn, is there a babe here?" Now. you're with you're with a babe. You've.

never been closer to a babe. So look, I. look, not my cup of tea personally. But. it's one of those things you can't knock. until you try it. That's all I'm saying. >> I'm only seeing that one photo though. Are we sure he's not goofing? >> He's I don't think he's. >> He's got the nipples offset. That's. goofing. >> He's probably [ __ ] fapping himself. silly. You know, the hardest to keep. those things straight. >> True. The nipples are definitely getting. knocked around from the fap. >> That is I mean you got to like you were. saying that's such a tough Jones to be. like [ __ ] this is so hot I can't stop.

doing this. >> It's time to take pictures. >> I mean that's the other thing too. It's. like. why why are they I would imagine is the. left reveling in this? >> Yeah. >> Why don't they just accept him as being. like yeah that's his kink. He was. [ __ ]. >> I guess because they assume he's. >> homophobic. >> Homophobic. So whenever that happened, you go, >> "What if that's also his kink?". >> I agree. >> Be like, "You'll never. No son of mine. will do the. >> Yeah, I'll do it.".

>> To hear your son's the opposite of. whatever you are. I want my son to be. straight as hell. I'm going to be. [ __ ] I'm going to be the gayest. [ __ ] guy you've ever seen in your. life. >> Yeah. >> Busted, bro. And it wasn't a uh I don't. know. I saw somewhere in the article. there was some sort of like intelligence. involved. some intelligence received. that photo. So, I don't know if that was. like a hack job or, you know, that was. with like an escort or something. It's. crazy. >> I mean, I'm sure intelligence is. monitoring. >> Yeah. >> her [ __ ] and like his Yeah. >> Yeah. That's Yeah. If you're in high.

level politics, I'm sorry. You just. can't get escorts. You just got to solo. Bimify and just lay low. >> That's true. He could have been doing. what was best for his family and their. political career. Like instead of. getting a hooker, it would be like, I'll. be my own hooker. I'm not going to try to sully this. family's good name. Yeah, >> I'm going to take a picture. >> But then he probably got so horny he. sent the picture to a hooker. I was. like, [ __ ]. >> Yeah, >> I'm sorry. I tried my best. Look, I get. it, man. You come off the show, you're. hot. He's probably at the political. rally. He was hot. Goes to a quiet hotel.

room. We've all been there. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. What the [ __ ] am I going to do? >> Make this night better. >> [ __ ] nothing on TV. I'm not watching. a movie with commercials. >> I'm going to put balloons in my shirt. and [ __ ] whack one off. He's just. waiting outside the party city. It's. 9:45. He's like, "This thing will be. open. >> They're blowing them up." He's like, "Yeah, a little bigger. >> How about a little? >> How were these, sir?" He's like, >> "Yeah, they're all right. Let me see. those balloon knots." Yeah, they're. nice.

>> I need a triple XXL t-shirt. I don't know. I'm not mad at the guy. personally. He got caught up. He got. caught up. He was gooning. Let him live, man. Let him live. I mean, it's, you. know, what what is his exact position. anyway, >> doggy? >> He's a husband of a politician. >> Yeah, he's just a house husband, I. guess. >> Let him let him cook. He's a horny. household. What the hell? Yeah. He's not. He's bored all day. He's waiting for her.

to come home. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> He's trying stuff out. He's taking. pills. >> Yeah. >> You know, he vacuumed so much. >> Now it's time to jack off. >> I wonder though if that's like a weird. side effect of like TRT. Yeah, you just. >> I've been a horny house husband. >> Yeah, I've been as well. >> Rock. >> What the hell? >> Played FIFA and jacked off for like. three years. >> Was [ __ ] crazy. I'd go to the Lizard. Lounge once a week. Like how I'm going. to be something in comedy. Just watch. It's just playing FIFA. >> Completely spent. Three Three a Days are.

when you're doing the three a days, man. You feel it just completely zaps. >> Three days is crazy. >> Three days. >> That's you go to bed shameful. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Three a days will definitely. >> mean how many how many the Gooner cave. catch did. >> I know you were hitting two a days. No. spring ball in here. >> I. been chilling. >> Really? >> I've been trying not to beat off as. much. >> Yeah. >> I'm Yeah. Once every couple days now. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> Respectful. >> Yeah. >> You don't believe me?

>> No one believes you. >> Why not? I'm telling the truth. >> There's no The curtains don't come down. No one's been here, bro. >> Even better. >> That's why nature's out here. They're. gathering around. It's like an opposite. of a zoo. >> Animals are watching you, dude. That's. how [ __ ] dirty that room is. >> There was a lizard did sneak in there. I. had to get it out. >> Oh, lizard got into your trash room, man. >> When it was cool, >> you at night time you started jerking. the lizard. What the hell is that? What.

the [ __ ]. >> Why don't I feel anything, dude? I I. dude on the way over here I I totally. forgot about this. I was passing like a. McDonald's. I was up north and uh I saw. a lady, you know, classic outdoor lady. whacked out on drugs, pants fully down. She was bent over just like fingers in. her butt. I think it was an itch, but it. was like she was digging so hard that I. saw her head tilt back. Then I was just. like, "Yo, I'm [ __ ] ups. I got to. turn my head forward to the road. This. is" And a guy walk like was just like.

walking by her on the street. didn't he? He just like tunnel vision. >> Yeah, you can't. >> walk past. I was like, god damn. >> What else can you do? I mean, turn. around. >> Go the other way. >> Turn around. Go the other way. Or. >> you go, I'm not supposed to be outside. today. >> A knock that off. But then it's like you. >> knock that off. You're going to risk. that hand. That butt hand can come back. >> You risking a butt hand slap or worst. case scenario, a little mandible claw. >> Oh yeah. What did you say to me?

>> That was a meat. It was a meaty gal. Yeah, it was a meaty gal, too. >> Is it? Oh, >> it was a big meaty butt. I saw it from. like three stop lightss back. I said, "Is that a [ __ ] giant naked butt?". And I pulled up and I was like, "Oh, she's digging in. >> She's digging in.". It was wild, dude. Like full hand. action, bare butt. The what I saw it was. full pull the cheeks apart red eyee and. then the hand just like went in and went. to work and I was like, "Yo, what the. fuck?". >> You say it was in front of Mickey De's. >> Right in front of Mickey De's. She was.

having it her way, dude. >> She's loving it. >> I was on the phone with Spud and we were. just chatting. I was like, "Dude, time. out." I just watched a lady just. >> absolutely like claw claw her ass. >> It was full. It was full fingers, all. fingers, butt scratch. >> The cheek spread was crazy. >> Liberating. >> I mean, bro, imagine God, >> imagine that. We've all been walking. down the street, been like, >> "Yo, >> I'd give anything to itch my butthole. right now.". >> Pants down. >> and you go, "Fuck it. I got nothing. else.". >> Five fingernails at once. Must have been. bliss. Yeah,

>> actually, let's pause for a second. I. want to go to the bathroom. >> Yeah, hold on a second. >> I'm gonna go I'm gonna go treat myself. >> I uh. Tommy's fiance came over to help me. clean uh all my stuff out of my closet. cuz I'll never do that. It's very nice. of her. Yeah. >> And uh there's so many jerseys from all. the shows. They always give you a jersey. with your name on it. Yeah. Which I'll. never wear. Think about giving them to. all the bums. >> Could have like 50 bums wearing like. authentic Buffalo Sabres jerseys with. Gillis on the back of it. That's really. nice,

>> right? Wouldn't that be sick? >> Yeah, that'd be awesome. >> because they're nice jerseys. >> Yeah. >> Just big baggy [ __ ] hockey jerseys on. homeless guys. >> Yeah. And it's perfect time. 107. degrees. They would love nothing. layering up. >> They love layering up. >> They would literally love nothing more. than a very heavy hockey jersey for 107. degrees. >> I think that's the move. >> I think it is too. >> See some guy in a T- Wolves Gillis. jersey jacking off. You're [ __ ]. right, man. digging his ass. >> I had a homeless guy break into my car.

recently. >> What are you doing there? >> That's the question, bro. Nothing's. gone. I was for real worried he'd beat. off in my car. >> Probably. >> That's over. That's probably why I'm. thinking about ripping out the That's. why I want the waterproof interior of my. car. >> A bum broke into your car. >> It was just like the door that goes. around. He pops the handles. So, my I I. guess I forgot to lock my car. And he. just [ __ ] I came in. >> How did you know he was in there? >> Cuz all all the [ __ ] was spilled out of. my glove box and the center console was. popped out. So, I got in. I'm like, "Well, I'm I'm a [ __ ] animal. What. the hell was that?" And I was like, >> "Has a bum.

>> bum. >> Goddamn bum was in my car." And I could. smell him, too. >> Swear to God. But the funny thing was I. had just I had like ran in the morning, so I kind of stunk and I had a moment. where I was like, "That might just be. me. >> You might smell like a bum.". >> But then I then I was like, "No, that's. bum." But then I was smelling me, too. And I was getting both smells. >> The bum is strong. It reminds me of uh. like you know how when it rains, worms. come out on the sidewalk. I always. thought worms smelled like that and then. I was just like, "Oh, it's the rain. It's just that's what rain smells like.". I'm an idiot. But that it's the same.

thing though when you walk down Sixth. Street in the summer. >> Yeah. >> I bet that's just what the street smells. like. But then you're like I think. that's what bum smell. >> No, it's primal man. It this was primal. man. They There actually I think is a. smell called like the homeless the. homeless smell bum. >> It's like a problem when you're trying. to like reintroduce a homeless guy into. society. There's a thing called the. homeless smell that you have to like. somehow get rid of cuz you you start to. [ __ ] wreak. out in the sun all day every day. Dude, you smell so bad.

I smelled it. It was in my car. He stunk. my car up. He was in there for maybe. five minutes. >> Stunk my car up. >> Yeah, but if he beats, it's over. If a. homeless guy. >> He cracked one in the CRV. >> Yeah, cuz I was like, I'd have to call. and get it detailed, but then I'd have. to tell the I'm not going to do that to. a detail guy where be like, "Yeah, just. clean it up, man. Could be some bump. semen in there. >> So, how's a pause load? >> That is a very pause load. >> You got a pause load in the whip and. then it gets dry and it turns. >> dangerous load in there. >> Turns to dust. >> Turns into something else. You could. inhale that. >> That's what I'm saying. Like. >> the sun mixed with it. >> Ah, [ __ ] Yeah, I'm worried about I.

still like I like cautiously looked. around for any kind of glisten, but no, I don't think I think he just like. chilled in my car. I don't know. I'm. like trying to think like what did he. take? My phone charger still there? You. think that's prime bum? I had a. skateboard. You think he would take my. skate? He literally took nothing out of. my car. >> Skateboard would be sick. >> Yeah, >> you'd be a cool ass bum. >> I have one of those things where you can. emergency break the glass. Dude, I don't. know. I I got bugged out on the uh. thought of like my car submerged. >> I got one of those. >> Do you have one? >> I had one. Yeah, >> I was very excited about it. >> I ordered off Amazon. Yeah. >> Do you So, do you know the protocol for.

if your car if you get submerged in. water, how to get out? >> I mean, lower the windows a little to. let some water in or some [ __ ]. >> Dead. >> No chance. I'm dead, dude. >> You're dead. >> No chance. >> Lower the windows. You're That's crazy. Crack the windows a little. >> No, no, no, no, no. It's swack protocol, bro. Seat belts immediately off. >> Well, of course you take your seat belt. off. >> Rear window cuz you know why the motor. brings the car down. So your nose is. going to start sinking first and they're. designed so that the back windows are. going to float and you think you can. kick it out. Guess again. You have to. have your tool. You got to punch it and.

then you start getting the kids out and. then you get out and then that's that's. it. >> Then you have to like swim with your. kids after getting in a car accident in. water. I think you die honestly. Yeah, you did. >> because well, there was a thing go I I. get Cura emails all the time and I just. read them con I read every single cur. >> Cura is like a um I think it was like. pref Facebook it's now it's just boomers. get spammed with like [ __ ] that kind of. makes them kind of like clickbait but. cur you can ask questions so like ask. gez but you have people be like. >> was Jesus I know like was Jesus really.

Jewish then like boomers just fight each. other for like nine million comments. >> like that was the one the guy was like. if you ever get in the if fall into. water. This is what you do. And. apparently I looked it up and it was. like, "No, that's actually the worst. possible thing you can do." So it's just. there's a thing that goes around that. just get people to click it. So I looked. up the real protocol. I got so bugged. out on it that I ordered like three of. those glass smashers. >> That's nice. >> Yeah, cuz they were like you got to find. a window, kick it out, and I looked it. up or they said, "No, they said take the. headrest off your seats and then hit the.

rear window cuz that'll still be. floating.". >> Who's telling me to crack the windows a. little? Has anyone else heard this. rumor? >> A little bit though. Why would you put. then the water is just going to start. rushing? >> It's easier to break if it's easier to. break the glass. >> That's what I assumed is like if it's. not sealed, you could kind of crack it a. little bit easier. >> But you have 30 seconds, bro. If your. car has I think they say like a minute. >> It's easier to open the door or. something. Who knows? >> You're going to get rushed. You're going. to flood. You're going to sink that your. whole family. >> [ __ ] hold my breath, dude. I don't. have a family.

>> Also, you go, "Hey.". >> Yeah. >> Fresh start. >> True. We're all together, guys. >> One of the producers, look up the crack. the window thing, dude. I got to find. out why. >> Look up SWC protocol because I could be. I could get wrong. >> No, I believe I believe the pro your. protocol sounds exactly right. Protocol. >> I'm just wondering why I have this urban. myth. >> I don't know. That's I was Dude, I was. like really bugging out on this. Let's. look up how exactly the thing that that. was kind of cool is that. >> the doper is racing to the internet.

>> True. Swock part. >> Can you look up crack in the window? cuz. I I do want to make sure. >> he's lying to me. >> There's a lot of bad information going. around. >> AI says if your car is sinking, immediately try to open or roll down the. windows before water fills the car. If. the windows won't open, use a dedicated. window breaker tool so it's to get the. windows open. >> Okay, so maybe that is first line of. defense. Roll them down. But don't. doesn't water rush into your car then? >> Yeah, but then you can open your door. eas.

Yeah. >> Interesting. I don't know. >> I'm just not going to do it. >> Just don't die. Just go down. >> I'm just not going to die. >> I'll just Yeah. >> But yeah. So, well, we'll see. We should. test it. I think Mythbusters did an. episode on this, by the way. So, if. you're interested, >> check that out. >> Check out MB. Check out MB. >> Damn. Patreon's going to rip.

>> Patreon's going to [ __ ] slash. >> Patreon's going to go nuts. It's going. to slash. We're going to conquer the. wasp nest. >> We should do that in between. >> Yeah, let's go conquer that and come. back. >> All right. Goodbye, everybody. >> Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane. Secret podcast on Spotify. >> Do it.