Ep 599 - Weed Wench (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)

Wow. Wow. Wes. >> All right, let's start now. [laughter]. We were talking phenology, which. [laughter]. >> not a subject. I don't think the. sponsors like me talk about phenology. [laughter] class roots out. >> Doesn't bigger bigger head mean bigger. brain? That's what. >> Yeah, big forehead means big brain. >> Yeah, >> that's what I thought. >> Big forehead means big brain. >> What about the animals with big ass. heads though? Little ass brains. >> Like which ones? >> Giraffe. >> Giraffe. But it got it got that big.

body. So you know it's a lot of brain. A. lot of brain just balancing that thing. >> True. Yeah. When you get a better brain. head size to body ratio, you do get a. smart animal. Elephant. >> Elephant. Yeah. >> Dolphin smart as hell. Dolphin smart as. hell. >> Dolphin. But they got little heads. though. What are. >> you talking about? You ever see a. [ __ ] dolphin? They're like [laughter]. you ever swim kind of I can't let that. go. You do you ever swim with a dolphin? >> No. >> I have. >> Yeah. >> Dolphins are [ __ ] huge, dude. >> Really? >> Yeah. I thought they were like tiny. little cute things. I was terrified of. it. It's like couch socks, right? Like.

>> Yeah, dude. Easily as big as his couch. >> I mean, I didn't get to ride on the. Well, I did get to hold the fin and get. pulled a little bit, >> but like that thing would come near me. and I was like, "Yo, man." They're. scared. They're like And they're like, when I watched the trainer like. constantly feeding it really fast, I'm. like, "Oh, if you don't feed this guy, he'll probably ram me with his nose and. like. >> get pissed.". >> Yeah. No, dude. I thought I thought for. sure we were just like, you know, you. just like chill with the dolphin. It was. like hanging with a dog. They are. [ __ ] scary. Yeah. >> And they they they like disappear since.

they can go in the water. So like you're. like, "Where'd it go?" And it pops up. You're like, "Whoa.". >> Do you know about the lady who jerked. off the dolphin for science? >> Oh yeah. John Lily's research partner. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Can you imagine finding like your. partner just jerking off a dolphin and. just like it's for science? [laughter] I. >> I don't think I don't think Lily was all. that John Lily. I don't think he was all. that surprised. That guy was one of the. most far out freakazoids. >> Yeah. >> Do you ever see any John Lily. interviews? >> No. >> He'd wear he'd wear like a Davy Crockett.

hat and like sit down to talk on TV. >> He was that guy was [ __ ] nuts. >> He wrote a book. I forget what the book. is called, but it was he was he had. gotten funded by the I think the NIH, National Institute of Health, and he. wrote this book and he purposely set it. up so the book in the very first five. chapters are like heavy scientific. jargon. And then if you get through. that, it's just freaky theories about. dolphins and how like you should just. take ketamine. >> What was he tricking the publishers? He. just he just like got the NH gave him.

all this money because he's a respected. scientist but he was just like tripping. his balls off in a sensory dev tank and. he had to like I guess show something. for it and he just was like he just came. up with this like cockame theory. He's. like it kind of doesn't even make sense. but he's like by the way ketamine. [ __ ] rules. Dolphins are [ __ ] sick. as hell. They came through and they're. like you [ __ ] [ __ ] They gave him. like millions of dollars [laughter] and. he just started he just started partying. dude. >> Did his career just start tanking after. that? I feel like you start getting. >> ketamine and [ __ ] I I mean I Yeah, he. just I don't He definitely got no money.

from the NIH. >> Isn't there like a Harvard scientist who. does like heroin every day? >> Oh, that's a um guy's from Columbia. >> Colia. Yeah. >> He's That's like the drug guy. He's a. black dude. He has like I think he has. dreads. Little dreads. But yeah, he's a. guy who's like me and my wife do heroin. It's beautiful. >> Sit by [laughter] a fireplace and we. snort a little heroin. >> That's crazy. >> Just like I mean it's it's one of those. things where it's like that's cool. It's. It's such a weird thing to be like, "No, guys, it's actually good.". >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> It's like It's bad for most people.

>> You got lucky. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You guys have tremendous. discipline. [laughter]. >> Yeah. If I Yeah. Sn I could use a little. H right now for sure. >> That would be so nice to come off the. [ __ ] road and just have like a. genuinely fire [laughter]. snort some H and just fall out for a. little bit. >> Yeah. With your honey though. [laughter]. >> Cuddle your honey. You guys doing H. together? >> Ooh. Oh, a nice cuddle on age. >> It's probably nice and warm. [laughter]. >> Maybe that Columbia professor is right.

Maybe we need mo opiates in this. country. >> Mo, >> we don't have enough. >> mo opiates. >> Mo opiates. Yeah, the country is [ __ ]. People are wowing out right now. >> Yeah. >> Saw the thing about the goddamn Well, first of all, before we talk about the. trans magga shooter, [laughter] which I. Hey, look, that's terrible stuff. >> That's that's bad stuff. >> That's terrible stuff. It's a. politically it's an absolute puzzle I. don't think anyone knows how to handle. >> Yeah. >> Your mom's in town. Can we talk about. that? >> Yes. Yeah. Check it [laughter] out. Dude, >> is she she's sleeping in the house with.

you. What uh what room she's sleeping. in? She's sleeping Shane's bed. [laughter]. >> That was an inside joke where we were we. were talking about that [laughter]. before the camera started. Sean [ __ ]. jumped all over it. [laughter]. >> Um but no, where is she going to sleep? I'm actually genuinely. >> one of the side rooms. >> One of the guest beds. Yeah, she. >> Why not give her the master bed? What. the hell? >> I I was ashamed. But [laughter]. she was like a. >> Don't No, don't ask. Just take a picture. of her laying down. [laughter].

Take a picture of her laying down and. go, "Is this cool? [laughter]. >> Do you remember when you slept in Shane. O' Conor's bed at our apartment?" And I. did that. I took a picture of you in the. bed. >> Well, I didn't send it to him. This. might be the first he's hearing of it. >> Oh, she thought that was a deep secret. >> Yeah, but I felt like airing it out on. the podcast. [laughter]. >> Damn. So, how did how long ago was this? >> Uh, probably like 3 years ago.

>> How did you feel sleeping in another. man's bed as an adult? >> I have a picture. >> You know, I didn't I kind of didn't. mind. I was. >> really. >> It felt like his bed was cheating. [laughter]. >> What do you mean? >> I don't know. You know, it's not my bed. I I'm pretty. >> Did you like smells the thing? Could you. smell him though? No, I I don't have a. good nose. >> I got a I got a keen nose. [clears throat]. >> Yeah, >> I slept in a guy's bed when I was in. college. It was my brother's roommate. and I like crashed at their house. He's. like, "Oh, Carl's out of town." And I. crashed in his bed and I could just. smell him the whole time.

>> It felt like we were like face to I just. [laughter]. It was just like his musk. It was so I. remember just being like and I was like. drunk enough to be like whatever. But I. remember just being like this [ __ ]. sucks. I'm never sleeping in a man's bed. ever again. Dude, I don't I've been. doing it for so long now. I just like. Bro, >> that's your bed, though. [laughter]. >> Wait, what do you mean? >> Huh? >> What do you mean? >> I I don't know. Just like I. >> That's Yeah, you're laying You got sent. down on that bed. I'm talking about a a.

bed that a guy especially like back then. like talking like just postgraduating. college. No one's wash I didn't know you. had to wash sheets. I used to wash. sheets like once a year if ever. >> If that. >> Yeah. If that. >> I just washed sheets yesterday. >> Did you really? Yeah, >> cuz [laughter] your mom was coming. >> You got your sheets clean for your mom. >> Well, you cleaned your own sheets. >> I need to clean my sheets. Yeah, >> you cleaned your own. >> Yeah. >> Oh, cuz you're about to have to do the. like this is my play and it just would. have been just [snorts]. >> spider thing. Got attacked by. Spider-Man. [laughter]. >> Yeah. I got attacked by Spider-Man.

>> Yeah. I had to wash everything. >> Clean it all up. [laughter]. >> You have a freaky Valentine's Day. >> It's a nice Valentine's Day. >> I was just. >> He didn't ask that. He said you have a. freaky Valentine's Day. [laughter]. You need you need a lot of sheet. You. got to wash the sheets after Valentine's. Day. >> I I needed to wash the sheets anyway. [laughter]. >> It' been about a year, you know. >> When When was the last time you washed. those sheets? [laughter]. That's the picture of La Mer. That's a.

good pick. [laughter]. >> Yeah, I love the pick. I'm sorry, Shane. I should have told you the truth, but. >> I forgot I was wrapped in its covers, >> bro. >> You're shirtless. >> Yep. I was. >> You didn't You didn't keep your t-shirt. on. >> Oh, no. I was on top. I was on top. That's a blanket. >> He was on top of I was on top of his. topank to use as well. >> I was on top of his blankets. I was. respectful. >> He still was shirtless though. >> I had to go to sleep. >> I got to sleep shirtless. >> You can't sleep t-shirt one night. >> No, that's crazy. I'm with you on that. >> He's lucky I had my underwear on. [laughter].

>> I I've had to start wearing boxers to. sleep again cuz I have kids and I'm I'm. none too pleased about it. >> No, it's brutal, dude. >> Sleeping naked is such a treat. >> Mhm. >> Ah, I don't like it. >> It's probably why not? I I I think it's. I I can't get comfortable. I'm like. falling off the bed. [laughter]. >> He keep making big dick jokes at me. It's crazy. [laughter] But uh I don't. know. I just don't What if you have an. emergency in the middle of the night? Dick out. Like I That's when you attack. [laughter]. >> I'm scared of that though.

>> Really? >> What if you're mid your midconlict dude. just grabs a whole. >> That's That's exactly where I want a. midcon. [laughter]. That's my point. I'm going to tanalyze. him with my sweet penis. >> But he gives you a [ __ ] It gives you. a dick crank mid fight. [laughter]. >> Dude, if some I would instinctively knee. someone in the face. You would you would. never move faster. If your dick's out in. a fight, you're going to move with like. a You're going to be 50% faster in. [laughter]. Exactly. If someone goes towards your. naked penis, you're going to move like a.

speed. >> or he's going to snag you. >> and you're going to go, "Hold up.". You're going to be working his zipper. like, "Hold up, hold up, hold up. Trying. to get in. [laughter]. his there has to there's definitely been. I mean that must have happened thousands. of times throughout history of just like. a brutal fight that ends with like two. guys each holding each other's dicks. [snorts]. >> Talk about like tribal warfare. >> Yeah. >> Like you know you had like a little. shawl around you. There's probably like. the weapons go down, people are tired, someone grabs their dick, you grab, you. just both just squeeze till the best man. wins.

>> I think that's a Chinese thing. It's. like karate. >> [laughter]. >> I think the Chinese traditionally grab. each other's penises. >> Well, cuz dude in karate you do like you. are supposed to hit like. >> weak. >> Yeah, it is kind of crazy to Yeah. to. like have like all these It must be the. real fight to the death is the dick. You. grab the dick. >> Yeah. >> Yank. It's like all right. Checkmate. >> I call truce. Time out. [laughter]. Time out. You grab my dick. Time out. It. should be like a rule. >> Time out. I'm going to come. >> You should be at the Geneva Convention. Time out. You grab my dick.

>> Time out. I'm about to bust. [laughter]. Yeah, you'd have to time that out for. sure. No, you I had a I had a nice night. last night. We went out. It was my uh. friend's birthday and something happened. with the reservation where like there. wasn't enough seats so we had to divide. it boys table, girls table. >> and it was just the bros at the one. table and the girls were like all the. way in the other side. >> and you know first we're all laughing. like oh man whatever. And then like I. was like telling everyone I'm like yo. this [ __ ] rules. [laughter]. I was like, "Dude, for real?" Like.

>> 80 years ago, this is what you would. have done. [laughter]. >> Classic lunch table. >> Yeah. I. >> Classic lunch table. >> It was like kind of [ __ ] tight. Just. back in the day. Like you would go out. to a restaurant, you'd be like, "All. right." Like the women would sit over. there and it was just guys just [ __ ]. >> vibing and there was like I got so. charged up in like the part of the place. we were at, there were girls at other. tables and I kind of wanted to start. going around and being like, "Yo, guys. got to dip. [laughter] You guys can't. beat this boy section right now. That's. [ __ ] boy action. [laughter].

>> Yeah, dude. It was I mean women just. started voting not that long ago, >> dude. Almost less than 100 years ago. >> Yeah. Almost less than 100, dude. They. were more than things started falling. apart. [laughter]. >> No, it's kind of good for black people. I'll take it back. >> Women voting. >> No, I just mean I was thinking about the. last hundred years in general. I said. things were falling apart. >> Women voting help black people. >> No, no, no, no, no. Probably not. >> That's why Susan B. Anthony was like, "You guys going to let black guys vote. before us? [laughter]. I mean, she was doing what she had to.

do. [laughter]. >> She was doing what she had to do. >> Like, yeah, it was literally It was kind. of like that for real. Like, >> you're trying to go to bed and your. wife's just hammering you like, "Do you. hear who could vote today?" And you're. like, "Fucking. Christ." [laughter]. >> But it was fun. We had We had a uh we. had a good boy time, girl time. And then. uh. >> Where'd you go? >> Uh what was the place? Murray's. It was. pretty nice. Oh, steakhouse. >> place. Yeah, it's like a No, it's not a. steak. I thought it was a steakhouse, too. It's like a English kind of pub.

thing, >> but it was nice. Since we were all. there, >> the birthday boys started in sending. shots to the girls table. >> So, we end up. >> What a beast move helping all the fellas. out. >> It was kind of a sick move. But then we. started we instantly started sending. them the most sexual shots we could. think of. So, it started what what was. the first the first one was just like a. girl shot like lemon drop and we're all. laughing like all right. And then uh. then they sent us back like a nice shot, like a nice tequila. Okay. >> So then we try to send them back [ __ ]. shots. [laughter].

>> And then the dude working there was. like, "We don't have all the ingredients. for a blowjob.". >> Oh, >> it was like, >> oh, [laughter] he said it that sternly. >> Well, he was just kind, you know, he was. I think he was on to what we were doing, but he was he was just like, you know, they were all like in a rush. It was. kind of busy there. >> being President's Day and all. And he uh. [laughter]. >> and he was just like, "We don't have the. stuff necessary for [ __ ] shots." Then. we all try to figure out like what the. [ __ ] are you missing? It's like isn't it. uh we look it's Amordo. and uh Bailey's with whipped cream. So.

like you're a bar. You have to have. Bailey's and Amordoto. What are you. missing? It must have been the whipped. cream. >> So we we were talking about getting uh. I'm going to start going to bars and. just ordering [ __ ] and just sipping. them. Just sipping [laughter] [ __ ]. >> You have a whipped cream mustache. >> Yeah. We're getting it in a big pint. glass. [laughter]. It's like double [ __ ] neat. big pine glass and just slowly nailing. the [ __ ] the whole [laughter] time. That'd be [ __ ] That would be pretty. powerful. >> Powerful, dude. A Guinness with whipped. cream sounds good. >> Yeah, that'd be [ __ ] awesome.

[laughter]. But yo, so we ordered the [ __ ] He. goes, "No blowjobs." And then he didn't. even consult [laughter] us. They didn't. even consult and just sent them. red-headed [ __ ]. >> Oh. >> Which then just angered the babes. The. babe? Yeah. They got angered at the. redheaded [ __ ]. >> Why? >> Cuz none of them were redheads. >> They don't taste good. And I they were like, well, the lemon. drop was like, oo, thanks. And then it. was like, here's a nice shot of tequila. And then they go, >> redheaded [ __ ] It was like the. [ __ ] I think they would have. laughed and been like, come on, girls. And you know, it's a [ __ ] shot.

[laughter]. >> The [ __ ] shot you take in your mouth. Pop it back. >> The redheaded [ __ ] They were just kind. of like, what the [ __ ] is this about? Why you say redheaded [laughter]. [ __ ]. >> That was for your side Jones side table. [laughter]. >> That was for the other table. Yeah. I'm. too pleased. But I the the play worked. End up I end up getting end up getting a. little freaky last night. >> That's a nice move. >> Yeah, true. I change the sheet. I might. have to change sheets. [laughter]. >> Miss Lee's in town. I can't have my. sheets on me.

>> How close were they to you? Like the. table, >> but we couldn't even see them. They was. like completely on another side. >> That's nice. >> Yeah, it was just bros. It was just bros. completely broing down. >> It's like husband and wife chess. >> Yeah, really was. >> This episode is brought to you by Prize. Picks. Are you ready to shoot your shot? Get started with Prize Picks and get $50. instantly in lineups when you play your. first $5. That's right, Prize Pix is now. giving you $50 in lineups when you sign. up and play your first $5. Football.

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she hasn't drank in like forever, but. she just she stopped in 2020, but she. stopped just cuz she was like, "I'm just. going to be inside drinking." She didn't. have like a alcohol problem. I know what. you mean. >> And on Valentine's Day, she was thinking. about like we were like get at the. grocery store. She was thinking about. like coming back to drinking. >> And I don't know, it had me fired up, but it also had me like. >> nervous about it. Still felt relapsy in. my mind. So being like, "Go ahead. after." But I. >> She's not sober. She No, she smokes weed. and like. >> Well, I mean she and even alcohol it.

wasn't like I need to quit. She was like. it's just a lifestyle enhancer kind of. thing. >> Yeah. She's like I just don't need it. And. >> how about you should do just Valentine's. Day. >> I was trying to put that in her mind but. she didn't. She seemed like she was. going to come back all the way and I was. like I don't I don't want that. I kind. of got used to this. I cuz I was. thinking about it. I haven't had like a. drunk like like a lady be drunk around. me and it's a problem in years. >> Dude, it's it's the worst. I remember. it. There's there's there's a sweet. spot. >> Yeah. >> That's why with the shots I was like,

"Hold on now. Slow down.". >> Cuz you know, we could be holding their. hair for another reason, too. [laughter]. Too many shots. >> Too many shots. You're You're holding. the ponytail [clears throat] for. [laughter] not a very fun reason. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Like, oh, it's okay. It's like, [ __ ]. >> God damn it. [laughter] I did it to. myself. >> This sucks. I was I was all I was thinking was like. if I if I get her if I get her boozing. again, it might unlock. The back door. has been locked for a long time. But I.

was like maybe I'll unlock the back door. again. [laughter]. But that's but that that was the only. benefit I could have to it. I think I. kind. >> So [laughter] [ __ ] Well, it's so. funny cuz it is like a genuine. accomplishment to like stop drinking for. a couple years. Yeah. >> I'm thinking about drinking again. You're like I could probably butt [ __ ]. you. [laughter]. But but to your you know to your credit, you're absolutely right. [laughter]. Alcohol is Yeah. It's I I'm the same. way. It's like it's women drinking. And.

again, I'm I'm obviously we're just bros. here. I'm not trying to be sexist. Bros. >> It obviously like can be fun. And then. there's times where it's like, ah, [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> My babe was pretty drunk in the Whimo. last night. >> And we we go back and forth because. like, you know, I'm a safe driver. I. drive safe. We have kids. >> She's a bit of a speed demon. >> And the Whimo was like, you know, it did. some move like surprisingly like busted. around this thing. >> and and she was like, I love and I was. just like, we're talking about how we.

love Whimos. And she's like, yeah, they. don't drive like a [ __ ] And I was just. like, the [ __ ] [laughter]. [ __ ] is your problem? [laughter]. >> I wonder if she doesn't. She's not even. meaning it at you, but you're like, no, >> it's just that drunk edge. You're like, "All right, all right, that's enough. [laughter]. It was just not pleasant to be like, "All right, fuck.". >> Yeah. And I All I get is weed chills. right now, which is kind of. >> weed chill is nice. >> Yeah. >> Nice, dude. There's nothing wrong with a. weed wench at the house. [laughter].

It's a nice weed wench. Just cooking up. a stool. >> You got to keep the sack fat though. That's the problem. >> Yeah. Yeah. I keep the sack. >> You got to keep the satchel [ __ ]. [laughter] going. Having a weed wench is. decent. >> It's kind of perfect, but I. >> It's not going to open the back door, though. >> It's not Yeah. Hey, if anything, it's. going to lock the back door shut. It's. going to boom lock the back door. >> What? The back door's locked, but. there's peace in the realm. [laughter]. >> There's peace in the realm. It's safe. >> You can't have the back door thinking. like, "Oh, and everything's going to be.

great. There's going to be battles.". [laughter]. >> Do you ever see those Instagram ladies. who like they're like spiritual ladies, but they swear by they're like, "I like. to fully throat my husband because it. unlocks my chakra.". >> I love that. >> It's a it's it's pretty sick. But. there's ladies being like actually. having having anal sex relaxes women. It. taps in and it's like I always try to. send that [ __ ] to my wife. [laughter]. >> It does look like very spiritual talk, but it's just ladies like and then my. husband enters me and we are one.

[laughter]. >> I always want to [ __ ] that would piss. me off. By the way, if you're butt. [ __ ] and a lady's like, "Oh my god, I. can feel myself relaxing. I. think about that. >> Oh my god, I'm talking to my ancestors. now." [laughter] It's like, "No, that. should be a struggle.". >> Unlocking the back door is so funny. Again, Saint Nate, dude. Wow. [laughter]. Staint Nate to go. >> No, I I for real talked her out of out. of whine that day. >> You did? >> Yeah. I had a bad I had a bad end to.

Valentine's Day. I told May already, but. I got. >> What happened? >> All right. So, I spent like uh I spent a. couple hours trying to like get her. going. Just like, you know, working my. way to the night. Uh by like 8 9:00. we're about to do the D. We're going. from the living room to the bedroom. I'm. wearing flip-flops and the one like. slips to like the like just the side a. little bit. And the way it slips, I roll. my knee, but I rolled my knee in a way. that I'm pretty sure like I sprained my. MCL a little bit, man. I went down. I.

yell, "Oh, fuck." with a hard dick and. just [ __ ] [laughter] just like. couldn't get up. Like like just like I. couldn't move my knee. You've been. drinking. >> Yeah, I was drinking air smoking. So, I. was like [ __ ] up. Did a little trip, fell and just like I'm wearing a I have. a knee brace on right now because of. like [laughter] because of how. >> Man, you saved her from that fate. >> Yeah, that would have been her knee. [laughter]. >> But yeah, like I had like it's still if. I like rub here or bend it weird, it's.

like still. >> I did you try to be like, "No, it's. fine.". >> No, we we did we we got the deed done. But it wasn't it was like after she she. like ran and got me water. It was like. being this close to getting some. tripping falling and. >> Yeah. hitting the floor on the way to. the bedroom that was [laughter] real. >> Like I if you were to measure. scientifically Yeah. >> Like I hit a I fell this way and then I. like. [laughter].

>> Damn. [laughter] You're That's full on. >> Yeah. >> Now you got a bad leg. Ah, my bad legs. [laughter]. God damn my bad legs. >> I tried I tried to I went [laughter]. I tried to like tuck it in. >> You're almost in heaven. [laughter]. You guys smoked a little something and. drank your little drink. >> I smoked a little something, drank a. little drink. [laughter] About to get. me.

>> You were macking all day, dude. >> Macking all day. [laughter]. pitching a tent in the linen pants. [laughter]. You know, definitely fell still hard. Oh, damn. [laughter]. Damn. There's a Kangle hat just blown. The Kangle just blew in the wind, [laughter]. >> dude. Falling falling in your apartment. on Valentine's Day. [laughter].

>> It's so funny, dude. Yeah. You're lucky. she didn't get the egg, dude. Yo, no, she nursed him. She nursed him. [laughter]. >> Yeah, >> she nursed him. >> I was worried that I wasn't going to be. able to bounce back though. Like I was. cuz [laughter]. >> No, that that is that sounded admirable. You still pulled it off. >> I ain't proud of that. Dang. Imagine if. you had like chomped a honey stick or. something. [laughter]. >> I mean, that would have been kind of ideal cuz. like after being on the ground for like. 10 seconds, it you know, it went away.

Yeah, >> but if I had the if I had the honey. stick, I would have been there like rock. hard with one leg. >> You should have been like, "Take me. right here." [laughter]. >> Take me, babe. >> I don't think I'm going to live. >> I mean, you could have set off some Dr. Nurse stuff. >> Damn. I didn't think about it. It was. for real like a I got like a It was It. cuz it hurt crazy. I had like a head. rush happen. There was a few seconds. where I felt like I heard water running. in the house that I didn't I just think. it was like the cuz for real for it hurt.

like crazy. >> That was probably the water running back. up in my body. [laughter]. >> It was just the blood rushing back to my. brain. [laughter]. >> That was probably just that thing drying. out. >> Devastating [laughter]. was raising mode. I just tried to get I tried to get. >> sorry that's inappropriate. I apologize. [laughter]. >> I didn't hear what you said. Oh, drain. >> I was saying the water you're hearing. Was it the water rushing back up into.

the woman's body? [laughter]. >> That was that thing drying up right over. you. >> I did ask like do you hear water. running? She was like no. She was just. keeping it to herself. >> Damn, dude. Hearing water bust your knee. and hearing water running is so. >> crazy. >> So you like really [ __ ] your leg up. I. Yeah, I for real just like went down and. was like I wasn't sure for a while if it. if I like really [ __ ] it up and then I. gave it, you know, like the stand check. and I had like a limp. I couldn't put no.

pressure on it at first and then I just. This is when she went to go get me. water. I just uh I got. >> That's probably what that's probably. what salvage situation. You probably. limp back to bed all cool. >> I I got I I got No, I was I was up I was. up and in bed by the time she by the. time she came back with the water. So. when she saw me, I was incapacitated on. the ground. When she came back, I like. had mustered up the strength, got back. and. >> and hopped up. >> Yeah. And I think the booze was probably. helping me fight through the through. like the pain in my knee. So, cuz it was. way worse the next day. >> Well, if you don't mind me asking, how'd.

you pull it off then with a bum knee? Were you just. >> um [snorts]. a lot of a lot of angles where. right leg right leg was all I need like. uh like up on the bed this leg like cuz. I could once I realized I could bend it, it was cool. I just couldn't put like. pressure on it so I could have it. >> Dang. >> I was doing this. I saw I was telling. the mayor [laughter] and yesterday and I. WAS LIKE. JUST put. [laughter].

>> just put it up on the bed. >> Cartoon [laughter] screaming. >> Yeah. No, but I just. >> I thought you just went full bottom like. not obviously. >> not that. I mean like. >> I had to hit I had to I had to hit the. bottom. >> I thought you had to go slow motion for. her. >> Yeah. Yeah, I did. I [laughter] had to I. had to do I definitely it did have me in. my head like. >> Were your fingers slipping or could you. grip that ass or like what? [laughter]. >> Everything else was working. Everything. else was everything else was top shelf. Did. >> you ever hear that song? My fingers keep. slipping. I cannot grip that ass.

[laughter]. >> Oh, that's. slow motion. [laughter]. >> Dang, dude. I know. I Yeah, I was I was. gone for Valentine's Day. >> Oh [ __ ]. >> I was in Denver. I made the ultimate. sacrifice. >> Yeah. gentleman proposed at the show. >> That's nice. >> It was very sweet. It was Britney set it. up. I Yeah, it was uh she kept bringing. it up. I'm like, "All right, just, you. know, tell him to like message me or. something. I don't know. I don't know. how to do that, you know." [laughter]. >> So, we did the shows in Vegas was fun. Denver was very, very fun. And uh I like.

got a picture going into it. They're. like, "They're like in row H," which was. it was kind of funny because uh I was. talking to the the promoter and she was. like, "They're in row H." And I was. like, "That's the eighth row." I know. that because of uh white white. nationalist h8. for Hail Hitler, [laughter]. which is I literally It's the eighth. That's why I've looked it up before. Why. do they do like 88 stuff? That's why. it's HH. >> So she was a little bit like, "Okay, well, yeah, sure. That's how you want to.

gauge it." I was like, "So that was like. my whole point being is that's they're. eight rows out.". >> So I had to finish the show. >> and then pretend it was pretty tricky on. my part that they won. They had won like. a raffle was I I finished the show and. you know it was like the closer and then. I just stood there for a while and I. think people thought I was like. >> the encore. >> like full fan of the opera like yes yes. [laughter]. and then people start yeah and I'm like. hold on hold on I'm done but you know. thank you guys for that but I'm done and. I was like the club this is really.

[ __ ] kind of annoying but they did. like a giveaway or something and it was. like pretty poorly played off my part. I. was like, "Yeah, I think that you know. who you are back there, row H, you got. you want like a cruise or some [ __ ] Why. don't you come up here and get it?" And. uh I was like, "I hate that they're. doing this to me." And the guy came up, he like brought his girlfriend, soon to. be fiance, >> to the very very front. And uh I I just. >> like on stage or. >> No, they stood up this that's the thing, too. It was like a decent drop, so they. couldn't like climb up. That would have. been crazy. >> So I kind of just like slid him the mic. and he just gave he kind of nailed it.

and he gave a sick speech in front of. like 2,000 people and he popped the bent. the knee and everyone was just like a. >> that's sick. >> And then like an like they got the video. as a nice video and like a loser right. afterwards I picked up the mic and I was. like if you said no I would have beat. your [ __ ] ass lady [laughter]. just not they didn't call for that. >> that guy moved you. >> I was just I was just standing there. I. just felt weird. >> Yeah. >> It was like that was completely. unnecessary. I should have done that. But the uh I was kidding. Obviously I. wouldn't have been arrested. I was I. would have respected her choice.

But did she get emotional? >> Yeah, me. >> No, her. Does she get. >> Yeah, for sure. >> Yeah, there was like there was like. women there watching who got emotional. It was V-Day, bro. Love was like crazy. >> Damn, that dude [ __ ] up a couple dude. night. >> Oh, he dude I mean he mogged them. He. mogged the whole. >> Yeah, he love mob. >> It was It was an absolute love log. [laughter]. >> on the scale that I've never seen. And. it's like, yeah, it was cuz I was kind. of scanning cuz I I I am kind of like uh.

>> you know I I kind of am uh fascinated by. female like jealous like love jealousy. and I was like just looking for signs of. kind of women being like but they were. all just so happy. They were every woman. in there was like maybe afterwards were. like [ __ ] [ __ ] How the [ __ ] are. you going to do that? [laughter]. But it was [ __ ] it was actually kind. of sick. I I I didn't know how it was. going to go but it was very fun. I also. in Vegas I I had my whole feed has was. been nothing but the ASU frat leader Mog.

and Clvicular. I just assumed that every. single person knew what they were what. that was. So at one point during the uh. show in Vegas, I just I hinted at. getting a brutal cortisol spike myself. I don't know if you followed it at all, but it's like after he's mogged, he gets. like a severe cortisol spike, which is. like you just want to avoid that at all. costs. And uh yeah, it's just like right. now no one is an idiot I was talking. about. [laughter]. So I did that in the Vegas. I was like, "Yeah, I got like a brutal cortisol. spike and like was I thought like at.

least a handful of people." The whole. crowd looked at me like the [ __ ] are you. talking about? I had [clears throat] to. be like and then anyway I was like [ __ ]. nobody knows about Clvicular getting. mocked. >> He feels like a plant dude. >> Kvicular. >> Yeah. >> I don't know who I feel like all the. Twitch I feel like everybody like. they're streaming is like a plant. >> Yeah. You think so? They're all rich. kids kids. >> Rich kids kids. >> Yeah, cuz like how can they afford to. just do this [ __ ]. >> like all day? I mean, especially with. the [ __ ] you got to have a nice. computer, nice webcam. >> You got to have access to [ __ ] Kanye.

West like you know like. >> Well, I think that came after he was. streaming. >> He he made he was like smashing his face. with a hammer and smoking meth. >> So, I think that'll get you some views. >> I mean, look it up. was clvicular from I. I would guess he's not from super rich. pe like a super rich person wouldn't go. so far as to smack their face with a. hammer. >> Uh. >> and looks nuts. [laughter]. >> I don't know, man. >> And then super rich people. >> super rich people do a lot of weird.

things. We're discovering. >> True. >> True. [laughter]. >> Let me say I I don't I don't think he's. I think he's a classic American tale. I. think he's rags of riches. >> Yeah. But no, it is it is the uh. >> it's the weirdest corner. It's the. weirdest that that whole thing where. it's like the Miami Avengers. That's the. thing, too. Like I bring this up like. everyone knows who I'm talking about. Nobody has any [ __ ] idea. >> I don't know what the Miami Avengers. are. >> Jesus Christ. I'll just shut the [ __ ]. up. >> I mean, that's that's algorithms. Oh, I. >> Fentes.

Bros. That's like when they all. >> they all tried to play Hail Hitler and. they got in trouble. >> They played 88 in the club. >> Was it Sneo? >> Sne was there as well. >> I saw Sneo at the stand once. >> Did you really? Yeah, it was him and his. bro and they're eating chicken tenders. >> The hell's so funny about that? [laughter]. Streamers got streamers gota eat. You eat chicken tenders. You're. [laughter] basically a streamer. >> I wouldn't I wouldn't order chicken. tenders from the stand. >> I don't even think they're on the menu. I think you just got to ask for chicken. tenders and they go, "Yeah, we got them. [laughter]. >> You got to do you got to do mega numbers.

on the [ __ ] stream to get chicken. tendies there.". >> Crazy. [laughter]. >> Yeah, that uh that whole thing's been. really funny. But now I've been watching. now where Andrew Tate's like handing the. baton to Clvicular being like, "You're. the new guy. You must break us free from. the Matrix.". >> Yeah. Take. >> All those guys are in They're more in. the Matrix than anybody else. >> Yeah. >> I I would argue way more in the Matrix. >> They're Mr. Anderson's. >> What's Mr. You think they're Agent Smith. or. >> Agent Smith's? Yeah. >> Who's Mr. Anderson? >> Mr. Anderson's Neo. Agent Smith is Agent. Smith. >> So you think they're Neos?

>> No. I think they think they're Neos, but. they're Agent Smiths. >> [ __ ] And there's so many. They keep. multiplying. Yeah, >> multiplying all the exact same guy, just. a little different looking. >> Yeah, I mean, you might be right. >> They're all trying to be Johnny Bravo. >> I feel like Yeah, if you're if you're. like working primarily online, you're. definitely in the Matrix. >> You cannot be. >> You are. You're your whole life most of. your life is in like a augmented kind of. alternate reality. The internet is the. Matrix. >> Yeah. >> Sorry guys, I'm [ __ ] dropping gems. right now. [laughter].

But yeah, I don't know. There it's the. uh I don't know. I don't know if they've. escaped. I don't know. I mean, that's. just the Matrix. You don't know if. you're in or not. Yeah. >> So, >> man, I had a million dollar idea. yesterday on panties. >> What is it? >> We're we're going to uh we're going to. rig a koshi bet. >> Oh, what? >> We're going to rig it. You know, koshi. and poly market. They're like the you. can bet on like reality prediction. markets. We're going to rig one. >> Uh. >> what is it going to be? >> Well, I'm you know February 27th, Hillary Clinton. >> You can't rig this one. This is I do. like your theory though. Let's have it.

Fe. >> February 27th, Bill Clinton may Hillary. They're doing a deposition on the. Epstein stuff. >> Yeah. >> And like. >> what if like. >> 10 days. >> they just like hold hands. >> and they're like, "It's okay, honey. It's okay." And then they turn to. lizards. They just shapeshift into. lizards. I'm saying we make a couchy bet. that says, "Will Bill and Hillary. shapeshift into lizards?" Yes or no? >> But how do you cash in on the bet? >> That's what I say. No, you can't rig it. >> You You don't Well, it's not.

>> You just pick no. >> No. Creating the Yeah, you pick no. and. creating the like creating the idea. can warp reality in a way that's [ __ ]. up. I don't know. You know what I'm. saying? I don't know. >> You have way more people picking No, though. >> Yeah. But yeah, >> but you really believe they're going to. shape shift even the lizards. So you. think you got to [laughter]. >> You think you got to shoe it in. You. think you got 100%. >> Oh, so you would bet on they are. lizards. >> I bet yes. Yeah, I'd bet a penny on Yes. >> That's not a bad dude. Like.

>> a penny? >> Yeah. Hey, look. La Mer, [laughter] that. is technically a million dollar idea cuz. if they don't, you're down a penny. If. they do, you're the world's richest fan. [laughter] It's you against the world on. the Lizard bet. >> And I think you get some of the back end. of placing the bet. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> I think you get some of that money, too. >> That's pretty cool. >> Yeah, >> it's like the new uh [ __ ] What was. everybody doing? What was like the. digital gift thing that people are. doing? >> Oh, NFTs. >> Yeah, it's like an NF. Create stupid. bets and.

>> convince people to do them. >> Yeah. I'm I'm like bugged out now. I. don't know. I'm like worried about. sending horny emails to anybody right. now, [laughter]. >> dude. That's like You don't know. You. got Everyone's got to tighten up now. >> Yeah. >> Somebody in your squad's a pedo and you. send them horny email. [laughter]. >> You're [ __ ] toast. >> Not a whole squad. >> The whole squad mentioned. >> the whole squad's [ __ ] down, [laughter]. >> dude. If like my AI ever got mad at me, I can't turn it off because of my emails. that exist. >> What do you mean? >> Like there's some horny emails in one of.

my emails. email and horny. >> back in the day. >> Ah, okay. >> Back in the day. >> I got a couple. >> You think your AI would send your horny. emails? >> Yeah. >> How can your AI know your email? My. don't got access to my email. You. talking about chat? >> Your AI has access to your email. >> Yeah, everything has. Like Google has. it. Every every time I've converted like. a file, I give it like my whole [ __ ]. [laughter] life. Anytime I'm like, I. need to take an MP3 out of this video. They're like, give us your entire online. life. I'm like, yeah, you can have it. >> All right. Here you go. I really I I. really want the sound file for my.

Patreon. [laughter]. >> I mean, what would it really even that's. it wouldn't get you on anything that. bad. A horny email, as long as it's not. connected to a pedophile, you're fine. >> Yeah. No, they're trying to or you have. a wife. They're trying to get uh like. some editors in trouble because they're. like, "Turn your stuff off. Make it. Yeah. >> What? Get out of your email? What do you. mean?" They're just like they're they're. getting a. >> First of all, I love how you say a thing. halfway and go, "Yeah, [laughter]. >> you didn't communicate.". >> Yeah, I heard the rest in my head. I'm.

sorry. >> You know the thing. Yeah, >> we got it out. We said [laughter] it. all. >> Yeah. I I think what they should do now. with the Epstein Files, because again, it's like are is there going to be the. bombshell that really rocks the N? I. mean, the nation's been rocked, I guess, just, you know, but are they going to. name like is it going to be proof? Like, if they were to like get Trump. red-handed, if they got the Clintons. red-handed, who is there going to be. that kind of proof? I again, I I don't.

think so because I think they obviously. just like went and took all that stuff. out. But would it be cool if they took. it they they like took down all like the. free Epstein searches and they built. like a big statue in every city and you. could pay a quarter to get like a couple. names out of the email database. >> Pretty tight. That was sick. >> Yeah. [laughter] The money could go to. like the victims. >> Yeah. Like Jay-Z. >> Yeah. Jay-Z could be the mediator. >> Need a big breach. Remember when they. had that big breach for uh what was that. website that was like for cheating. couple for cheating?

>> Ashley Madison. >> Ashley Madison. The big breach. You. could just search names and be like, "Oh. shit.". >> Yeah. >> Who was I just Oh, yeah. I saw a clip of. someone talking about their dad them. finding out their dad had been on it. pretty heavy. >> Yeah. >> Just solo, not with the mom. >> Oh, yeah. You know, I think he. >> Oh, yeah. It was a cheat. >> Sometimes it's tough on a dad. >> Yeah. I mean, dude, trust me, >> I know. >> Dad should be able to get jerked off at. the. Dad should be able to get jerk. >> I've heard of situations like that. The.

problem is is like I wouldn't really. like my wife being like, "Yeah, just let. that lady go jerk you off." It would. bother me if I had permission to do it. I would just be like, "My wife thinks. I'm pathetic." The whole time I'd be. [laughter] the whole time I'd be getting. jerked off. I'd be like you'd come back. from it and she'd be like, "How was it?". And you'd be like, >> "I feel embarrassed. [laughter]. >> I feel embarrassed. >> We're talking about this.". >> Yeah. Like I used to feel humiliated to. do that when I was like a single young. man. >> Yeah. >> Coming back to your family or wife's.

like, "Are you good now?" I'm being. like, "Fuck, dude. I'm such a piece of. shit.". >> You know what I mean? I've heard that, too. Like, and I used to be a proponent. of the medical hand job argument, but the more I think about it, it's like. you just got to let you know, just got. to let your dick die. >> I I [laughter] I got you got to let your. dick die. >> Wait, I got a freaky question. I was I. ran this by La Mer the other day. Freaky. question about you. All right, so this. is a two-part question. >> Okay, >> first one, would you let your lady use a. pocket like a flashlight on you?

>> I think I have before. >> Sick. All right. [laughter]. >> I think that's a universal yes. I think. it's a universal. Yes, >> obviously. >> All right, so this is Have you ever seen. Have you ever seen these sex toys? They're about like this big. They're No, they don't have arms or legs, but they. have like big tits and fat ass torso, bro. >> It's just a torso. Yeah, man. >> Would you would you have a threesome. with your lady? And we were calling it a. nugget. >> We're calling it the nugget. >> A nugget. Would you in a in a torso? >> What's the term for the scene? >> Nugget. >> A nugget. [laughter] Just a torso. nugget.

>> Stomp stumps are going too. No, you know, I I I wouldn't because. it'd be like. >> Here's the thing. [laughter]. >> Everybody keeps saying no. >> I'll give you the reason. Hold on. Do. they have tits? >> They have huge tits. >> I might. >> realistic tits. >> I might kind of like uh I don't know if. I would insert into the torso cuz if I'm. already. >> That was my argument. I would like to. watch my lady play with these fake. titties while I have sex with my lady.

>> That's not bad. I was thinking of like. banging a torso in front of your babe. >> No, that feels. >> that would be crazy. >> That feels It feels like [ __ ] a body. in front of your lady, but like like a. but. >> the torso would be weird. I mean, I I. would like suck the torso's nipples. probably. >> I [laughter]. Or watch her do it like. >> I don't know. Again, I think this is. where you run into it sounds cool in. theory, but then you watch your wife. suck a torso's nipples and you go, "What. the [ __ ] am I doing? [laughter] What the. [ __ ] am I doing?".

The lack of a head really ruins the. stump. Yep. >> That's what really perverted. >> But but then it's like, do you really. want a fake head? >> No. Yeah, that's a good point. >> Like that's like you ever see I saw. these when I was a kid. They used to be. on the show real sex. It was like. they're like real sex dolls. They're. [clears throat]. $10,000 for like a fake person. That's. even crazier in my mind. >> to have a body a real human like a body. >> I'm not saying it's cooler. >> I thought you this stuff [laughter] is. kind of weird. My thing is you think. that a fake head is crazy until you're.

kissing the pillow while you're humping. the torso. >> There you go. [laughter] There you go. I. should have sprang for that fake head. I. could have kissing a fake face instead. of kissing this pillow right now. >> [laughter]. >> I was telling my brother today, I I have. I've never done it, but I have like. really strongly considered traveling. from like place to place for like the my. road setup being torso and Oculus. [laughter]. and I'm like I just can't every time I. even like think I'm getting close to it,

I'm like dude I would end up like. afterwards crying into the Oculus. [laughter]. You would even think it all, >> dude. The cuz that's the thing with the. flesh light. Like it sounds cool in. theory. Once you do it once, you're like. this is just like you only way you can. do a flesh in my in my opinion is that. you have to just be like, I'm not going. to talk to women anymore. You can't be. have women in your life and use a flesh. If you're just like, dude, I'm done with. women. I'm just going to flesh. Fair. enough. But to like cuz then it's like,

dude, there's something about it. Like. if you're like if you have a flashlight. and you're using it, you're like, oh, this is great. It's way better than. jerking off. Then you try to date a. lady, the the chances of her finding. that thing, I think, is kind of a. devastator. >> It's 100%. >> Well, you got you got to just put it. right right out there. Like, hey, I have. a body. I have a flashlight. I have a. body. I have had sex with. >> Hello. Hey, meet my new girl. My old. girlfriend took her [laughter] job. >> New girlfriend meet old girlfriend. >> Yeah. >> I don't know. I think it's just not like. it should be ladies get all all every.

sex toy I own is for my lady. You know. what I mean? >> Can I get one of You got to get the egg, dude. >> The egg. >> You got. >> That's for the lady still. >> No. You ever seen the Tangga egg? >> No, >> not the Tangga egg. It's like the jelly. thing. And you like. >> Oh, the thing that's got a flashlight, but it looks like flubber, >> but it like twists and it like Yeah, you. got to get one of those things. >> That's just like a flashlight though. It's like a flashlight that doesn't look. like a vagina. >> Yeah, bro. >> Hold on. Well, again, you can do. whatever you want. We live in a free.

country. >> That's true. >> So, [clears throat] you can get your. jelly twister flashlight if you want. >> [laughter]. >> I'm again I'm not against it. I'm not, you know, I'm not like puritanical about. this. I'm just like I have. Have you you. guys have used a flashlight before? I'm. guessing. >> No, I never have. >> Yes, I have. You never have. >> Never. >> Multiple dealing with fleshs. You You've. taken down many flashlights. >> Multiple iterations of fleshs. Different. types. Yeah. [laughter] Different. models. >> Something of a ladies man. >> Then a lady give you her flashlight like.

her. >> Alexa Fox. Yeah. >> The problem is when you the moment you. finish them with them, I for me. personally, it's like a a dark cloud. just settles inside of you and there's. something knows inside of you like this. is wrong. [laughter]. >> It's there's like a level of sadness. that where you finish and you're like, "Fuck this." [laughter] Cuz you got to. maintain them, too. >> Yeah. >> You got to clean. >> Oh, that's the worst. >> You got to clean them. That's like again. it's like you don't think about it till.

you have it and use it and you go. >> I'm not going to clean this thing. [laughter]. and then it starts to either stink to. where you're like dude I've had a [ __ ]. for two days and it stinks [laughter]. and it's like. I'm telling you man it's like when you. like eat a meal cook by yourself and. wash the dishes alone. >> Yeah. cooking a or just cleaning a. flashlight and trying to like you're. supposed to technically powder the thing. >> to where it's like at that point you're. just on a you're on the highway to just. something terrible.

>> Yeah, >> dude. Powdering your flashlight for the. thousandth time. >> Was that all the different Is that the. [laughter]. >> It's a jerkoff thing, right? Yeah. >> Where'd you learn about the Tangga egg. from? >> Twitter. [laughter]. >> Twitter. >> Twitter. So, you have freaky Twitter. >> I have I have a list. I have a hidden. list. I just found uh thick Asians and. add it to the list. >> Nice. >> My bad, >> dude. My Yeah. Back before we get off. the the the nub subject, the nugget.

subject. Girl, I think I just really. want to see my lady suck titties. And. there's not a real way. Like, she's not. going to suck a lady's titties. >> Got to get her back on the bottle. >> Got to get her back. I. >> didn't mean to ste you bang on the. bottle. [laughter] Honestly, I feel like. I feel like I' I feel like get the. procedure. Get them yourself. [laughter]. >> Go inhouse. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Go get like some humble bees. [laughter]. >> You should go full in-house and just. wear like uh just wear some sort of garb. that covers your [laughter] mask, your.

[ __ ] perky little tits. >> Just dress like a stud. >> Yeah. Mash them down. [laughter] I. >> or Yeah. I mean or I mean then it's like. again you have to go to a strip club. with your babe which is that's a. nightmare. >> and it's more expensive. >> I didn't get a lot of I don't mean to be. a negative Nancy right now. I didn't get. a lot of sleep but it's again strip club. with your babe. Oh this will be cool. You do it and you go get me the [ __ ] out. of here right now. >> I've been in a strip club with my babe a. couple times. I've had I had fun. >> You liked it? >> I had fun. I think I went Did I go with. you and my babe? >> So how how do you Michaels?

>> It's when we saw Ga Michaels. Yeah. [laughter]. How did you comport yourself at the. strip club? Cuz it's like kind of a. weird thing cuz it's like. >> Well, my babe, we my me and my baby were. still kind of nude and so we were just. having like fun. It wasn't. >> like both grabbing titties or. >> Yeah. I I had no attachments. It was. like this might be damn I hope she don't. care about whatever. Whatever. >> I talked pretty me and Brett went to a. strip club once. >> Yeah. >> I just felt like I was there with my. >> It's like It's like bringing uh This is. a terrible analogy, but it's like.

bringing your dog to a dog shelter. [laughter]. dog park. It's a dog park. It's a dog. park. >> Not a dog park. >> You I There's something sad cuz I was. like, we're about to go home and like, you know, share an apartment and these. ladies are like, >> oh, can we bring three of them with us? [laughter]. >> That's a bad analogy, but there was. something where I'm like, we have a, you. know, a relationship and then there's. these ladies out here kind of like, you. know, shaking their buttholes in my. face. >> I haven't been with my lady since we. were still, this is before I even lived. in New Jersey, so this would have been.

like nine years ago or more. Um, so I. don't even know how it would feel now, but then it just was we got like a. couple's dance. That was cool. Just. having the lady dance with both of us. It was kind of the best thing. I wish I. could go back. >> to me is like it's something weird about. that. You know what it is? Cuz you can't. like can't go all out like you're you're. at a strip club. You got And now you're. really It's really putting the gentleman. in gentleman's club. >> It be like, "Oh, yes. Great job." Oh, fantastic. >> That's 100% what happened when you. >> I guess I'll suck your nipple for a. second. They do go you do it is it.

becomes a spectator sport then like you. it's they see you with a lady and the. strippers just go like all the attention. you would get goes to her now like like. you give them the dollar they put the. titties in her fits and that was like. the. >> that you can get this you can you can $1. you can do your nipple suck fantasy. right away. [laughter]. I don't know if I want her to suck in a. stripper's titty though. All salt like. >> you're so [ __ ] picky. >> over torso. >> Dude, it's so much more empowering for. her to suck a stripper's nipple than if.

you have bae sucking on the torso. Dude, [laughter]. >> tastes like metal and she's going to. have glitter in her mouth. >> Yeah, I I haven't presented this to her. either. I I keep saying it on podcast. hoping she just listens to the episode. [laughter] and surprises you. Yeah, just. just just gives a torso. >> Valentine's Day was the ultimate window. >> I know. I know. [clears throat]. >> You could have got like chocolates, flowers, and just had the tors. You guys. could have had like [laughter]. set around the torso. >> You guys could have had sushi off the. torso. [laughter].

One more thing before we go to bed. Ah, [ __ ] my knee. [ __ ] [laughter]. >> You're doing body shots off the torso. [laughter]. CL back into bed. Just. >> I mean, you're right. There's. >> We were waiting. [laughter]. >> The action goes on without you. You're. just like, "No, [laughter]. >> she makes me watch. I get cucked by the. torso. That's crazy.".

>> Yeah. No, that's uh that's fun. I mean, yeah. I mean, you should do whatever you. want. You got to you got to keep. everything alive and the juices flowing. For sure. >> I was just more so curious. I I got such. a heavy no from everybody that I was. like that can't be but it might just be. me. Maybe I'm maybe I'm a [ __ ]. weirdo. >> No on their babe sucking a torso. The. only there was only Pat George was the. only one who was like I kind of see the. vision. >> and uh [laughter] everybody else was. like nah. >> but he's also been married forever. >> Yeah, true. >> He also I mean I'm not to I wouldn't be.

like offended. I would just My problem. is I I guess there's certain things when. you pull, you know, when you pull things. out of Pandora's box, they can't go back. in. >> 100%. >> So, you don't know. They could suck the. torso. That could be a real serious. moment of reckoning. >> where they're sucking the fake nipple. and they just go, >> "What the hell am I doing? >> What the [ __ ] am I doing?". >> They can't be like, "Baby, awesome. [laughter] This is awesome.". >> Yeah. Be nice to rough it up together. >> Just beat up a torso. [laughter].

just getting rough on the. >> pretend it was like a [ __ ] that bullied. her in high school. [laughter]. >> Step on his neck. >> That's all you got. >> Yeah. Having your wrestling buddy. [laughter]. >> Yeah, the cuddle would be nice on the. road. Just snuggling up to the torso. >> Just sleeping on the boobs. >> You got to get a body pillow. >> But true. No boobs on a body pillow, though. >> You get a body pillow with boobs. >> Stop, dude. This is This isn't real. >> This is real. >> Is this part of what was that squishy. thing called?

The Tangga Egg. The Tangga Egg. >> The Tangga Egg Universe. You can't get a. body pillow boobs, can you? >> You can get a body pillow of boobs. This. technology exists. It has to. >> Yeah, you're right. [ __ ]. >> It has to exist, dude. >> Just look it up. I'm just curious. [laughter]. >> That's the problem, too. Transporting. the torso. >> Yeah. >> Is that if they open your [ __ ] in TSA, >> the funniest. >> body? Is that a body pillow? Boobs? [laughter]. >> Can't find one with boobs. You can you. can get just regular boobs but not on.

the body pillow. Maybe you could sew the. boobs onto the body. >> Wait, so you can just get a set of boobs. for your bed. >> Yeah, you can get plush. >> This that might be what I mean. >> Plush boobies. >> as a joke. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. But you're having sex. You. put her face on the pillow like normal, but it's boobs now. >> Loophole. >> That's a good loop. That's a good. >> boob. Chocolate titties. Chocolate. boobs. [laughter] Chocolate poo. >> So, here's the thing. You'd have to go. snowbody boobs. Would you go snow bunny. boobs or like. >> I would try to go Latina boobs, but but.

I feel like that would upset my lady. >> Where do you keep boobs. >> on the bed? Like in the middle like you. have the two pillows and then like it's. like it's like a decorative pillow. >> Always going to have a p a boob pillow. in the bed. >> Yeah, it's not bad. You I'm telling you. can get it as a gag. I mean again if you. just pull it you might as well just pull. the trigger. I don't think if you just. say hey no judgment but I you know or. don't judge me. He's like, "I got an. idea in my head." And then just go, "Yeah." And then just drop the torso on.

[laughter]. >> You can't. No judgment does nothing. though. >> I know. You can't say that for yourself. >> If my lady hit me with no judgment, but. and then she says some like co [ __ ] that. I'm not comfortable with. She said it. and she's forever different in my mind. You [laughter] know what I mean? Like. it's she's 100% judged. >> True. >> Sean had a Sean, you had a nice date, did you not? >> Wholesome stuff, too. Not like this. >> Okay. >> Come on now. >> Yeah. Look. Hey, >> you flip it over. >> I'm the one I told you. I've been trying.

to find a suitcase big enough. I'm like. I'm on the bleeding edge of travel with. one of those things. [laughter]. >> Get a big Samson night. >> That thing has to be locked all the way. up. >> All my All my toiletries would be. exactly 3 o. [laughter] I'm not [ __ ]. around at all. So I think in that case. you have to like if they go to open your. thing you have to I think you can like. kind of parlay and go like hey there's. some very sensitive stuff in there. Can. we go to the back? >> I think it's almost worse to go in like. a back room. They're like bro.

>> I would do it right there. Open it. >> I've been I've been I've been didd so. many times right there like it's look at. my [ __ ]. >> it's your revenge. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Now you guys got to do you. know. >> PSA does love to did you. >> They do. >> Also they'd be thinking about that torso. all day. If they saw the torso, the rest of that. shift, they'd be like, "Fuck, dude. [laughter] I wonder I wonder where he is. right now.". [laughter]. >> What?

>> I looked up I clicked on the link to the. Amazon torso uh and I realized that I my. family and I share an Amazon. [laughter]. >> It's going to be like keep shopping. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Another thing very that's stopping me. from buying the torso is exactly that. [laughter]. >> You can't get a secret torso. >> It's 35 bucks is pretty cheap. >> You don't want a cheap one though. You. want a Honda Sean. It's going to be. classic Amazon. You're going to get it. It's going to be this big. [laughter].

>> You're going to end up with like a. neonatal torso. >> Yeah. You can't get a little torso. That's terrifying. >> They have male ones, too. >> I was just about to say, you know, they. have them. >> Yeah, they I knew that. Imagine that. those existed, but those are. >> Yeah, devil's three would be nice. Why. don't you start with the devil's three? [laughter]. >> No. Plastic poly. >> No. No. >> See, the devil's three. No. >> Or or what you do is you both get. torsos, you get a guy, she gets a girls, and you have make the torsos have sex.

You got to slow roll. [laughter]. >> We just watch. >> Yeah, that'd be kind of fun. >> It's like action. That one has legs. Now. we're upgrading. >> That one's thick. >> That one's thick as hell. Did you see. Cardi B fall off the chair? >> No. Well, she. >> Dude, her first of all, her ass is. >> I It's got to be final form. >> Massive, bro. >> She fell played it off like a sport. She. does have a good sense of humor. Played. it off like a good sport, but then like. ran around on stage and it was like. >> that's such a wild world of performance.

where it's like you're, you know, just. basically naked. You have jacked guys. just like humping all over you. >> and then like all of her dancers, none. of them can have an ass as big as hers. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You have like tiny ass dancers floating. around. It's. >> sucks to be Cardi B. She wants love, but. everybody she loves keeps cheating on. her. >> That's what I've That's the word on the. street. >> Yeah. >> You think she really wants love? >> I mean, yeah, I guess she does. Yeah, >> I think so. I love Bardi. >> She used to rob people. She was a.

stripper, dude. >> Yeah. Then she was like drug and rob. people was her like thing she said. >> That's part of the game. >> Yeah, that's I remember people trying to. get like mad at her for that. It's like. dude she's rapping about murdering. people and then she's going like, "Yeah, I actually used to drug people and rob. them." It's like, "Why are people acting. like that?" That's actually very. unethical. >> And it's not surprising. Like that's. what you kind of That's what strippers. do. That's like I say about 30% of them. >> Strippers. >> 20. >> Salt Lake City, Utah. I will be there. Saturday doing standup comedy in uh I. forget the name of the theater, but.

it'll be a good time. And uh so yeah, man. I'll I'll be in Boise, Idaho Friday. in Salt Lake City Saturday. So just kind. of hanging out, prepping totally Natch. >> here. >> What is that? >> Uh alcohol and coffee. >> Yeah, babe. >> I don't do that stuff anymore. >> All right. >> I'm actually going to Salt Lake City. where me and my Mormon Hold on, hold on, hold on. Me and my Mormon brothers. Also, say hi to my eldest wife. That's. my oldest wife. >> That's my That's my oldest wife. I'm. working on a second right now, but well,

maybe I'll find one in [laughter] Utah. >> Ow. Stop it. >> We're just going to soak. It's not going. to be a big deal. You know what soaking. is? It's when your little brother jumps on. the mattress. You're taking me on text. All right, guys. Sorry. My oldest wife's. attacking me. >> Matthew, >> what? >> Stop it. >> What? >> Now? >> Fine. You can be my I'll get one older. >> Stop it. >> I'll get one older than you. Stop it. >> My young wife, you know how they get. My. youngest wife, cuz I I'll get. >> your only wife. Keep [ __ ] with me. >> Well, hey, that used to be that way, but.

now due to my new faith, I'm now more. I'm a Jack Mormon. I'm going to break. bad on this bottle of room. Um, please. come, guys. Ow. Jesus Christ. Guys, please [ __ ] go. All right, we back. Oh god, sorry. I had to pee. really badly. Oh, man. Guys, I'm so. sorry. I'm low energy right now. >> So tired. I ran 4.5 miles yesterday. I'm toying with the idea of a half. marathon. >> Yeah. >> I heard the Austin Marathon was in town. A half marathon is kind of weak though.

>> Yeah. >> When you when you do like half a thing. and then put a sticker on your car like, "Yo, I did half a thing.". >> Isn't it only 13 miles? >> No. Yeah. Half marathon's 13.2. >> This is impressive. Still. >> 13.1 is impressive. I did 4.5 yesterday. and I'm I'm like [ __ ] dying right. now. But it's just nothing to celebrate. I would say it's impressive for sure. 26. The 26.2 too is the real achievement. I'm not, you know, I'm not like, you. know, taking anything away from people. to do a half marathon, >> but also like I'd be impressed if I did. it. I wouldn't advertise it.

>> No. >> Yeah. What about you put a sticker on. your car? >> You can't. >> It's half. You did a half a thing. >> What if it's a What if you're a girl? Like a girl. >> I mean, bro, they made it for girls. >> I think a [laughter] girl can marathon. car. Yeah. Yeah. >> Which is impressive. Well, it's. impressive. And I'm not saying this to. be a jerk cuz like dude run that with. tits. >> Running 13 miles with tits is crazy, dude. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That's more impressive to me than a full. marathon. A guy doing a full marathon.

>> Running a marathon with balls. >> Easy, bro. Balls are made for running. [laughter]. >> I don't know, man. You ever like run and. like accidentally smash your balls? >> I've accidentally smashed my balls a. thousand times. Never while running. though. [laughter]. >> Never while running. >> Yeah, >> cuz you can easily I mean I guess you. can say a woman can wear brocks. You can. fix your balls from swinging around. obviously just by well you know I can. just I can just run. But you can like. put on compression shorts.

>> Is that what. >> Have you Have you hit your balls while. running before? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I was just jumping and I just [ __ ]. clinkedked. >> Okay. Well, that's again not while. running though. I don't think anyone's. hit their balls while running. Actually, yeah, that definitely is. [laughter]. >> Yeah, especially if you get a good like. you squeeze them on action three times. That [laughter] [ __ ] sucks. >> That sucks. >> Squeeze. >> I I still think running with tits is so. much more impressive than running. [laughter]. >> Did Did y'all hear about the like people.

in the Winter Olympics that are. injecting like they're injecting HGH. into their dicks to make them bigger? But they're doing it because they get. bigger suits and the bigger suits make. them a little more aerodynamic. Like if. their dicks are bigger, they get more. they get more. >> But wait, does that work? >> It makes them less aerodynamic. Technically, like a squirrel suit type. vibe. They're going for like more carry. because there's more fabric in their. suit. That's Yeah. Parachute type vibe,

>> so their penis shrinks up, but they have. extra space in their crotch, so they get. more like carry. >> So they're making their dick smaller. with the AC. No, they're making it. bigger while they get fitted for the. suit, but then when they compete, it. goes back down to normal itty bitty. misunderstood. >> But wait, it works. >> Yeah, dude. You can put. >> You can put Botox in your dick. >> No, that's gross, though. >> What's the difference between Botox and. HGH? Well, I guess they're two different. things, but. >> Botox is poison. >> I mean, dude, girls inject it all over.

themselves. They're fine. >> They should. Yeah, but they're dumb, [laughter]. >> dude. Don't call girls dumb ever again. No, dude. You can put Botox. It reduces. Apparently, the medical term for it is. turtling. Turtling is like when your dick retracts. and it's like wrinkled due to. retraction. >> I know. I know what turtling is. [laughter]. I figured it out. >> So, you can inject Botox and you're just. fully smooth and fl You're like flaccid, but it's just like full hang. >> Dude, I think I'm turtling right now.

[laughter]. >> I just peed. I'm turtling big time. But yeah, I mean, [clears throat] so. yeah, you you push it out a little bit. and then when you are they skiers doing. like ski jumping or something. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. >> You catch a little wind. So then you. have a little extra thing so you're not. cutting through the air as fast, but. when you hang you have a little you have. like little wings. >> Okay. >> So yeah. [laughter]. >> I wonder though what kind of gains are. they posting? I'd be as an Olympic fan. I'd be interested in what kind of gain.

>> Is it like two two inch gains or you. mean or in the. >> in [clears throat] the flaccid I only. care about gaining flaccid gaining hard. is like whatever. >> Yeah. >> I think there's a there's a there's a. your theory of drinking water. >> Uh I think that's true. Acidity. >> Yeah. I mean being Yeah. Being uh well. hydrated for sure. That that's verified. >> Gives you more headache. >> Yeah. Well I mean if you have to pee. your dick gets bigger kind of you almost. get a boner if you wait long enough. [laughter] If you haven't pee bad. enough, you kind of chub up and you're.

like, "Yo, let's go. It's all come together. [laughter]. Now I get to get up on this plane and. walk to the bathroom.". >> Yeah, there's no better thing. I mean, it's such a weird thing cuz like, yeah, you can be like semi-chubbed and [ __ ]. popping out of the sweats and it's like. it's very powerful. Then you catch. yourself, you go, "What? Why? Why am I. doing this? This is crazy. Nobody's. paying any attention.". >> [laughter]. >> I have a [ __ ] I am in public. Let me. go to the bathroom.

This is [ __ ] [laughter]. >> So guys, before we conclude, since we're. at almost an hour, is there any final. words? >> Uh. [clears throat] I I would like to hear. what people think about the nugget. I. want to see if I'm alone. >> Having your babe suck on the nugget. >> Suck on the nug. Babe, suck it on a. nugget. >> I mean, is it I don't think it would be. a bad time. You know, >> I I have thought about it in this last. few minutes. thinking about the turn it. could do in her mind though that like.

>> but you also you can't put the nugget in. bed and not do anything to it yourself. You can't just have the babe [snorts]. sucking on the nugget. You're going to. have to plow the nugget in front of the. babe. >> Mhm. >> You gota you gota Dude, I think that's. >> And that is I Yeah, that will feel. hilarious. >> I mean it's. it's gota I don't know just the image. would go through her brain. And they. would just she would just store it and. just be like. >> I mean I would you catch a glimpse of. yourself [ __ ] a nug in the mirror. >> You got to cover it up.

>> Got to cover the mirror up. >> No, the nug. You got to make it look. like there's somebody there. >> Justin ass poking out of Yeah, I like. that. >> Yeah, it's under the covers. [laughter]. >> Porno videos. >> As a matter of fact, I think that. [laughter] people do that all the time. >> Wait a second. This isn't my torso I. left here. This is a person. >> [laughter]. >> You played a trick on me. >> You goofed me. [laughter]. >> Well, guys, I think we made it to an. hour. Thank you guys very much. Thank.

you guys for slopping it up. >> Course. Course. >> Bring it here. >> Hey, bye. >> Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane. Secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.