Ep 598 - Night Shadow (feat. Dan Soder, Chris O'Connor, Billy)

The Wawa Wawas. >> Ew, dude. Ew, what is that? Ew, dude. >> I don't know what that is. It's Reggie's. >> A farmer's yawn or a Wawa rat, baby. >> [laughter]. >> Did you spit that onto your phone? >> No, no, no. I I was eating earlier and I. I had it like this, so maybe a little. ranch dripped on there. It is what it is. A little patina didn't. hurt anyone. >> You guys have still ranch on your phone? >> Yeah. Dude, it smells though. >> No. >> It's only ranch.

>> Do you ever spit up that stuff that was. like creator tartar as a kid? >> No. >> You ever spit up like a ball of just. >> Oh, like phlegm or what? >> No, it was like. >> [clears throat]. >> I think it was like a thing that my. buddy had it real bad. He had to have. like surgery. Yeah, it was like. something wrong with his tonsils or. something, but like. >> Wawas. >> I think there's a period during your. adolescence where you can cough up the. it's just like a solid hard stones of. tartar. >> [snorts]. >> Are you talking about. >> a pocket in the back of your throat. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, I guess it's a tonsil stone, yeah.

>> Gumball machine? >> They smell like [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> [laughter]. >> Do they really? >> Oh, what is it? It's just [ __ ] gunk? >> In your tonsils, they like it's little. like deposits of [ __ ] I I don't. [laughter] know. >> Damn. >> It's just like Did you do that? Is that. what's happening? >> It only happened like once, but my buddy. had it so bad he had to get like. surgery. >> You smelled it? It did smell that? >> Yeah, when it came up I like I was like. >> Did he one Did he one time it? >> [laughter]. >> Turn two on? >> Tag and throw out. >> Yeah. >> It's like an alien egg, dude. Cuz I.

smelled it, didn't smell like anything. and I broke it and it was like. >> [laughter]. >> Chris. >> You're a curious man. >> I don't know. I mean, dude, if you got. one of those He tried to He did gender. alter and he gender altered. He tried to. poke his nipples when they were getting. puffy as a boy. >> I know a kid who did that, but his dad. had him on HGH and his nipples started. lactating. >> What? >> And then he put a [ __ ] pin in it and. squeezed it. >> Can I tell you he was a puffy nipple. guy? That's crazy. Forever? >> Listen, I've been a puffy nipple since I. was a boy, but here's here's what you do. at the public pool. You do a side.

tickle. Get them things down. >> Oh, really? >> And you look great. >> This gets your nipples down? >> You just go like you tickle over there. and then you get like you get like yeah, hard nipples. You get. >> You get your nipples hard before you get. cold. >> Yeah, why not? I'm not walking around. with puffy nipples. Puffy nipples makes. you look like a criminal. >> Always, dog. >> Woah. >> Not like crazy puff, just like a little. puff. Just like pillows. >> And you never thought about getting rid. of them? >> What am I, the Rock? >> [laughter]. >> You know the Rock had nipple surgery. >> Really? >> Yeah, when he was like Rocky Maivia and. he came in and he had like big puffy.

nipples and then you see him a couple. years later and it like looks like. >> Yeah, you got to do that. Yeah, if. you're a pro wrestler, you can't have. giant puffy. >> Wasn't wasn't that. >> That's a [ __ ] disaster. >> That's crazy. That's like elbow pads on. your tits. >> Yeah, you're just definitely a heel. There's nothing you can do. >> You have to have straps. That's straps. if you're pro wrestler. >> You're in the Vader suit. >> [laughter]. >> Sometimes you got to get a surgery cuz. you're like if you take steroids, you. get like gyno and like you get like. fluid build up in your nipples. Wouldn't. know like I'm natural, but. >> You are lifetime natural.

>> Absolutely. Matt's juiced to the gills. >> He's juiced. I saw a picture of him the. other day, dude. He's like actually like. [ __ ] big. Looks like Jaco Willink. >> [laughter]. >> Dude, I saw a picture of him in the. back. >> You can't make my birthday party good. >> [laughter]. >> Don't want to make me a call on my 40th. Good. >> He. Yeah, Matt's juiced to the gills. We. pray for him. We pray. >> Dude, I hope I hope he just takes. >> over Austin when you're gone. I mean you. come back and there's gates built. >> He's fully Yeah, that's the Austin. lifestyle.

He's juiced, dude. Biohacking? >> Yeah, you got to go down there get get. giant with hot dog neck. >> [laughter]. >> That son. >> Yeah, it's good stuff. Well, I'm glad. you're here, dude. I want to settle this. Austin-New York beef once and. >> Gus French. >> [laughter]. >> It is like it is like a old person with. dementia. >> [laughter]. >> You go Inchcliff. Let's go. >> [laughter]. >> The deadliest game.

>> Yeah. Uh yeah, the Lemire thing was like I. didn't even know. I got told like Bush. got told the towers got hit. Yeah. I sat. down for the regs and they whispered in. my ear and I was like. >> Lemire got attacked. Bro, Lemire got. crushed. We put his tweet at the end of. our intro this week. >> It's Did you Did you see it? >> Uh yeah, listen. >> No, Seder. Oh my god. >> Lemire Lemire's got. >> It is my favorite tweet. >> MSNBC brain. >> I mean, I don't know. >> It's It's wonderful. >> MSNBC brain is crazy because now that. means you also have stuck through the.

shifting, through the through the the. trans surgery that the network went. through where it's like, "That's my dead. name. My new network name is SA.". >> Yeah. He's all about that [ __ ]. >> Really? And he I swear to god if it's on. The View, he agrees. >> He could be the sixth chair on. >> Just to let you know where Lemire's. brain is. >> My grandmother. >> And my grand Yeah, he's the guardian. He's the guardian of the mantle. >> He's a chimera. >> He um My grandmother before she died, I. want to say like 93 to 97, would just.

would she would wake up and just blare. The View at like 73 volume. So when I'd. be in her. >> That's what's happening in my house. right now. >> I'd just wake up and hear like Joy Behar. being like, "I'm sorry. He's not okay." I'd [laughter] be like, like waking up in my guest grandma's. guest bedroom like, "What the [ __ ] is. that?". >> Let me see it. >> That's me. >> Here, I'll tell to you. Alex Jones might. be the biggest victim of this Epstein. [ __ ] because like he tried and then he. fell for the Hillary [ __ ] and then he. kept falling into Epstein traps. Joe.

Rogan, too. >> Yeah. Fully concise thought. >> [laughter]. >> It makes I can't even I can't even. decipher what that means. >> that. >> What do you think it means? >> I think it's one of those things where. you look at it backwards and see the. pattern. >> He's the actual he's speaking to us. strictly in code. >> Like listening to Led Zeppelin. backwards. >> see it was Dershowitz the whole time. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> telling me. >> It's high level. >> The only time I talk to the man now is. >> It's Maddow undercover in a suit. >> Just my my. >> is a character. >> My ring camera on my ring camera I see. him pick up his Grubhub.

>> [laughter]. >> So, I get to I anytime the other thing I. I get to talk to him and go, "Put the. [ __ ] Twitter down, bro.". >> Dude, >> "Delete your Twitter." He's like, "Okay, I will.". >> [laughter]. >> So funny. >> I got some good photos of him. scratching. >> Like you have a Nat Geo camera. >> [laughter]. >> on Le Maire. >> It is. Dude, it's like those live. cameras of falcons on skyscrapers. >> [laughter]. >> You know, "Ooh, he's eating again.". Yeah, that's him. >> [laughter]. >> That's him picking up the pizza. >> that. That's so [ __ ] funny. >> [laughter].

>> You should put it on the like fake local. Facebook group. Like, "Has anyone seen. this man at the front door?" Filming a. filming collecting his. collecting his pizza. >> Please turn him into Austin's Sasquatch. >> Oh, no. >> Oh, that's so. >> You got to make a highlight video. >> Dude, I love him, man. >> You got to call him to wake him up, too. He'll order he'll he'll order Grubhub. and fall asleep. >> Yes. >> And I'll just keep checking the ring. camera and be like, "Dude, your food's. still outside. It's been outside for 2. hours." He's like, "Oh, I fell asleep.". >> [laughter]. >> Can I do a highlight video to I'm a boss.

by Rick Ross? >> Picking up all the get up Grubhub. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, that's uh that's what he's up to. Excuse me. >> What? >> Why'd you touch my leg, bro? >> Companionship. >> Okay. >> Nothing more. >> I did that the other night. I ordered. McDonald's for the first time in a long. time. >> Which night? Arches called your name? >> I think it was. Friday. Could have been Saturday. >> Was I with you? Cuz you've been putting together some. performances. >> [laughter]. >> Really? >> Yeah, the air coming. >> Yeah, yeah. >> Well, I will say the whole crew cuz we.

got to work Monday through Friday. So, then Friday rolls around you get. whole whole we're going to. >> TGI F. >> The squad's not used to not be able to. drink during the week. >> Like you have burgers. You guys have. >> Well, you pulled a you pulled a. dastardly trick on Saturday where I you. were like, "What are you doing?" And I. was like, "I'm going to go across the. street and watch the Flyers game." And. you were like, you gave me every. indication you'd show up and then I just. started throwing them back. >> [laughter]. >> I was sitting alone in the. >> I showed up to the bar like. >> 9. >> 9:00 10:00 p.m. He was already back in. bed.

>> [laughter]. >> He went back to sleep. >> You went to you ripped the. >> You gave up, sorry. >> I [ __ ] ripped by himself in a dive. bar. >> And then blame you. >> He was like, "Where were you?" I was. like, "I I didn't tell you I was going.". >> I said don't start drinking. Why didn't. you Why were you there? >> It would have been nice. I feel like I. had something to do. >> I don't think so. >> I couldn't have gotten day drunk. >> No, you were thinking about going to. Sixers game. >> Oh, yeah. They had a little double. header at Wells Fargo. It would have. been nice. It would have been nice. But you you. [ __ ] your pants.

>> [laughter]. >> We can't go We can go We can't go to day. Flyers games. >> Yeah, we can. >> That was another disaster. >> No, that was [ __ ]. >> It's like him, D'Rose, and Beazer to a. Flyers game. >> It's a crew. >> It is a rough crew. >> That's crazy. >> Dude, that's like a bank heist crew. >> [laughter]. >> That's a That's just all. the bad guy from Heat. That's just. [laughter] the whole crew playing goes. >> That's bad guys. >> The whole crew is way way grow. You guys. are all [ __ ] bad. >> Well, >> D'Rose was the He was the. the key to the fall. >> Give it. You. >> How do you fall?

No, I didn't fall down. >> So I I swear. >> I was doing shots. He's always. suggesting. >> I wasn't drinking at the game, really. I. might have had three beers. So then we. go to a bar after. I'm talking to Chris. I turn my head for. 15 minutes. I look back, he's like. asleep. I was like, "What the [ __ ]. happened to you?" He was like, "Hey, D'Rose.". >> [laughter]. >> He's like, "How is he sleeping?". >> I look to my right, D'Rose is over. >> Just a head head in the hands. He's head. in the hands, yeah. Yeah. >> Do you do the Do you [clears throat] do. the heads up seven up sleep on the bar? >> Probably doing.

>> Oh, you do little kid pictures? >> Yes. >> [laughter]. >> Such an adorable. >> a sleeping dog. He like. >> [laughter]. >> That's fun. You're watching his eyes close. >> [laughter]. >> Dude, taking a little day. siesta from boozing? >> Adderall. >> That's crazy. >> Well, we went hard that we went hard the. night before. >> Yeah. >> And then I made it through the I made it. through the game and into the night. >> Game, you were great. >> And people were taking performance. enhancers. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I refuse I refuse Yeah, I refuse.

the performance enhancers. >> great, dude. Adderall hitting the. drinking scene was like steroids in. baseball in the late '90s. >> [laughter]. >> You're like [ __ ] were hitting. dingers in ways that you were like. >> It's probably responsible for like 75%. of the DUIs in the. >> Yeah. >> I'm absolutely fine, Josh. >> You find that data, you'll see a spike. >> [laughter]. >> You're [ __ ] 100% there, mentally. Like, I'll drive right now. >> Yeah, you're totally fine. He's. witnessed He's witnessed me in my. strongest. >> out. >> Uh my body shuts down and also I'm like,

"Dude, I'm ready to go if you are.". >> I can't walk. >> [laughter]. >> We're [ __ ] We got to stay here. >> One of the most embarrassing drunks I've. ever been was I did an all-nighter in. Vegas when I was like in my 20s and my. friend and I were gambling late and I. was so drunk I dropped a chip. It was a. $100 chip and the and the guy was like, "Jesus Christ." And I was like, "I can't. find it.". >> And [laughter] he was just like. >> Well, I he goes like I was looking for. it. I I just remember him going like. this, "Well, I can't help you look for. it." And I was going, "It's a $100. chip." And I.

and I want I needed to write something. down and I couldn't write and I was. like, "This is [ __ ]. >> I found the chip. >> Leans Leans get dangerous at that hour, too. >> The lean over? >> Cuz your. >> Yeah. >> your your vector or whatever is much. smaller. >> You go right off a stool. And I'm not. joking. I want to put the time at around. 6:30 in the morning in Vegas. >> That's terrible. >> It's a terrible way to go. >> Yeah. That's like the all-pro kick. >> What? >> In Madden when you. >> Oh, yeah. >> [laughter]. >> You're like, "This kid going good.".

Probably not. >> When you're. into the moment of acceptance there is. like a little like. you go. >> When you drunk fall, there's so much. time to be like, "No way, I'm falling.". >> [laughter]. >> And it [ __ ] kills. >> Back in the day, Arty Fuqua would just. have women with them at the cellar. So. you'd like finish a show at the cellar. and Arty be like, "Oh, you don't know my. homegirl?" And it'd be like two Swiss. women that you'd be like, "Hey, nice to. meet you." I was blackout and Arty was. like "Oh, have you met my Australian.

friends?" And they're like "We got into. a hotel and drinking you want to go?". And I goes blackout and I was on the. patio smoking a cigarette and I came in. and didn't see a table and took a chop. block on my. on my right leg [laughter]. where I [ __ ] dude, I still remember. how long that fall was. Cuz I was like. and just ate [ __ ] but got up quick and. was like it was the thing where you. check your shin later and you go. >> [laughter]. >> just [ __ ] bust.

But dude, I remember that. Just bought. and they're like. and they're like I'm all right. Yeah. What? What did you guys say? >> Yeah. >> Being in Westchester in the snow. >> Did you see the recovery? >> It's It's bringing it back for me big. time. I used to bite it. >> Yeah. >> Every every Yeah. Every year in college, there's No, but there's snow and ice. there's everything's a brick sidewalk. here, so it'd be frozen. I'd just be. like trying to leave a bar. I'd fall. like 10 times. >> [laughter]. >> I'd just end in the snow bank just like. >> [laughter].

>> It's tough to get out of. It's like a. bean bag chair. >> Dude, getting up hammered in a slippery. substance. >> Was he original Brusky tumble? >> Just getting back to the house coming. >> Is Dave the original Brusky tumble? >> was the original Brusky tumble, yeah. Sprained it like blew his [ __ ]. eyebrow up and it. >> Oh [ __ ] falling off the steps. >> Dude, when blood's involved, it's so it. makes it funnier. >> Yeah. Oh, my pop-pop used to do it like. every like 3 months. >> I. was. >> go over there Sunday. And then like. every.

>> five to six months. the ambulance would come cuz he'd be out. back and he'd just [ __ ] eat [ __ ] And. he was like 72. So, he would just like. be bleeding out of his. I'm okay. I'm okay. And they'd just. bring him to the hospital and bring him. back each year, yeah. >> I forgot Phil took a brusky tumble. recently. >> He was out on the He gets [ __ ] up on. the. >> He fell loud as [ __ ] dude. >> He fell on the deck, so it was loud as. hell. >> Oh my god. [laughter]. >> Everyone in the house heard it. He was. out and he was laying on the ground. laughing. They're like, "Get up, dude.". >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, it's it is like.

my grandma was in her like her was her. fall in her 80s. They are they're less. worried about it than you are. >> [laughter]. >> My grandma My grandma called me one time. and was just like, "Yeah, I fell in the. garage." She live by herself. I was. like, "How long were you down there. for?" And she was like, "Just like 20. minutes.". And you're like [laughter] You're just. talking You're just like. >> [sighs and panting]. >> She fell in the garage floor and then. she's like, "All right.". >> [laughter]. >> Just getting up. >> Not today. >> Every trip to the basement is 127 hours. >> [laughter]. >> She just lives her life.

>> I'm ready to cut it off. I'll cut it the [ __ ] off. >> Man, that's yeah, you're lucky if you get old. and fall like that. That means that's a. good life. >> That must be crazy. Constantly taking basically the. equivalent of drunk falls. >> [laughter]. >> You just can't get up. Say you're 80, you go, "This is going to be tough. getting out of this chair.". >> Oh, dude. >> to fall and die. You just shatter my arm. and. >> You just think back to every Christmas. on the whole fall. >> [laughter]. >> You're like, "Oh, that one in '96 was. real good.". >> [laughter].

>> [ __ ] just [ __ ] heading for the. ground. >> I've talked about it before. My grandma. was falling a lot before she died. >> Yeah, yeah. >> One of them, she went to turn the faucet. on behind her house. She fell behind a. bush and got stuck behind her house for. like She had to wait till the neighbors'. kids came home from school. She was. laying under the under the bush like, >> [laughter]. >> I was like, "It probably thought it was. a witch." They probably like. So scary. >> I don't know. The bush is dead. And then you see an old woman's face. like. >> [laughter]. >> It's. so scary, dude.

He probably sprinted inside. >> Help me. >> [laughter]. >> Dude, turning off a drippy hose. scary as little kid. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, I'd. >> You never know which way to turn it. >> [laughter]. >> I turn it on full blast. >> Slipping in the mud when the mud when. the mud's all wet. >> Yeah. We had that going [clears throat] on. here. >> the sprinkler. >> It's going on at my house. >> Really? >> Yeah, the water kept shutting off. cuz of the They It was like suspected. leak. Yeah, the sensor. So, it just. keeps shutting the water off. >> So they don't. >> Our [ __ ] Our hose was on.

for like 4 days. >> Damn, you have a swampy ass backyard. >> Yeah, no, it's frozen. It was just a. sheet of ice. >> Just a kid [ __ ] skating on the back. >> So, I got that going on. >> Now you know. >> Now you know. That's something You know, I've never been in a house where the. water shuts off like that. >> kick on if you take a long shower? >> No, you got to I bet it actually would. >> You'd have to take like a [ __ ] 3-hour. shower. >> Yeah, bro. Same guy. Is that the same? >> [laughter]. >> I just want to reach for you down there.

Relax, bro. That happened this weekend. >> [laughter]. >> Uh this episode is brought to you by. PrizePicks. Shoot your shot on. PrizePicks and get $50 instantly in. lineups when you play your first $5. That's right. PrizePicks is giving you. $50 in lineups when you sign up and play. your first $5. PrizePicks makes every dunk, every dime, and every board that much more exciting. So, don't miss a chance to get started. on America's number one app for sports. picks.

>> Ooh. >> Uh how did you feel about the Super Bowl. game? >> Uh kind of boring and every every. decision I made I was wrong. I was I was. going for like high numbers, you know, a. lot of touchdowns, stuff like that. I. was real wrong on my choices, but I feel. like I'm. going to be What about you? What do you. think about it? >> I don't know. I mean, I didn't I barely. watched it. It was I was in and out kind. of like messing with the kids and stuff. Uh. I did one of those like. block pool things and all the numbers. you didn't even know what they were. It. was all like random and I I didn't do. well in that.

>> Double double loss. >> Yeah, it was a it was a double loss for. sure. Discuss what sports you're excited about. now that the NFL is over. >> Um I mean, I'm hyped on I'm hyped on. basketball. I've been hyped on. basketball. I was trying to get into. hockey this year. That was the Flyers. were looking really good to start the. season. They stink now. So So kind of a. bummer. >> Uh how about the hockey in the Winter. Olympics? That'll be fun. >> That'll be That'll be good. >> US versus Canada. Awesome. >> Hopefully we got them this time. >> Yeah. >> Uh. >> Well, I'll tell you something. The. reason I choose Prize Picks is Prize.

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Prize Picks, it's good to be right. >> Yeah, so that's that's basically what's. been going on with me. I know I haven't. done the podcast in two [laughter]. months, but. that's the update. >> That's what's going on. >> Backyard's flooded like a swamp thing. Matt's carrying the load right now, but. >> Yo, Matt's got it all together. >> juiced up. He's got to carry it. >> You got I mean, you should. >> Somebody's got to carry the boat. For. what? >> You guys got Peter Thiel on. >> He's I wasn't there. >> That was Matt's. >> That's Matt's ball. >> Boy, dude. >> That's Matt's ball. >> That's crazy. >> Yeah, we had one of the major Epstein.

bros on. >> Yeah, Peter. >> I don't know anything about. >> Peter Thiel. He's like a dude who tried. to do $250,000 to live forever and he. was like I I don't really know much. about Epstein. Like I talked to him a. few times and like there was just all. these correspondents and allegedly like. his kid was dying and in his memoir he. talks about it and then he was actually. just in New York and he's like, "Yeah, I'll go I'll come jail." And in his book. he's like, "Dude, I was just I was. drowning in work.". But he just he said he was enamored by. famous people and he really didn't mean.

it and he doesn't know about any of the. pedophilia stuff, so. >> That getting caught like your email. getting leaked and you're like. >> messages got leaked. >> Bro. >> Somebody was telling me they were in a. ad the future leak. >> of who share what you share on. Instagram. >> I had to explain how it was a joke. >> Like to each other? >> No. >> Yeah, but somebody mentioned that to me. I hope that's not true. >> That's the destruction of society. >> an Instagram reel it'll say who shared. it. >> No, don't do that. >> Which if that happens we're in trouble. >> Don't do that. >> What do you mean it says. >> Like you know how they do who liked it.

or who follows you? They're. >> say who shared this. >> Maybe it's the person, but is that. >> No, no. No, not yet. Don't worry. I'm with you. I have the. >> I'm trying to get it out. That's the. only thing that might get. >> Dude, kissing is a joke. >> No one can see that dude's kissing is a. joke. >> [laughter]. >> Dude's kissing is a funny. >> I think. >> I think I sent it to me an aggressive. ass. >> I sent the ass one to all you guys. >> Is it the Yeah, the juicy booty one? >> Yeah. >> That's what I sent back to you was the. Why have you gay? >> [laughter]. >> No, I'm not worried about the gay stuff. >> Yeah, dude, but that would that might be.

the only thing that would get Zuckerberg. clipped. >> What emails? >> No, if they [ __ ]. start showing you who shared [ __ ] Isn't. that between us? >> What. >> Yeah. >> It's so fun. >> I thought you said if you got on the. Epstein file. >> No, that [ __ ] won't get you in trouble. >> It applies to all of us like. 10001111000. >> [laughter]. >> You're all 000. >> Dude, how you feel your boy's on the. >> hill time? >> Your boy Trump your boy. >> Trump boy. >> Uh. all. you know.

What are you going to do? >> [laughter]. >> Could have could have called that one, but But know. >> All right, we don't have to. >> I had to. >> We don't want politics here. >> They they say that, but at the same time. it's like there's other people out there. like wait worse. Guys who are trying to. make America great again and then that. happened. The [ __ ] [laughter]. >> There's Sometimes you're the speed bump. >> I hear you. I hear you. Tiny speed bumps. >> People People have been like messaging. that like dude, I fell for QAnon. Like. what did you expect? Obviously this shit's going to happen. and it's going to get me every time. >> [laughter]. >> Bannon's a nasty little [ __ ] Bannon's.

on there. He's like bullies with that. [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Oh, they like cultivated the the. culture war. They like created it. You. read it and you go, "I knew it. Yeah. I. knew someone smarter than all of us was. behind this going like you two should. fight.". >> Yeah. >> Yeah, [ __ ]. >> Dude, there's like a 4-hour-long. interview with him on like PBS that's. like incredible. >> Really? >> Bannon? Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. America First watched all of. it. >> [ __ ] rocks. >> [laughter]. >> Here's the [ __ ] rocks. >> He's yeah. Like starts talking about. like Cincinnati [ __ ] like that. He. really stopped. >> It's the kind of thing that you like.

turn on to be like [ __ ] this [ __ ]. guy. And then you're like [ __ ]. Oh, man. >> Yeah, he's a he's a really good talker. >> And he's pretty yeah. >> He's good at. >> Yeah. You listen to him talk though? >> He's a little effeminate. >> A little bit. >> Is he? >> Oh, dude, there's like he's showing his. private island like, "This is my beach. Uh, it's private so no one can come on. here. This is my pool." And it's like. very. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. Might be the ultimate reverse. >> He might have. >> I'm not a pedophile. I'm just gay.

>> Might have hit the old spacey. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, I didn't do any of that [ __ ] For. the record, I'm gay. >> Dude, that was the [clears throat] best. >> [ __ ] rocks. >> What a move. What a Houdini out of. cuffs. >> [laughter]. >> How could I be raping women when I like. men? >> I think they were all male accusations. >> And then they go, "But there was still. guys." He's like, "Right? But I'm gay.". >> [laughter]. >> Should have called her Sosa. They should. have crippled. >> Yeah. >> They should have done the reverse. >> Then he said. >> After he got called he'd be like, "Actually, I'm [ __ ] up.". >> Oh, no. I actually have a limp.

>> You can't come after me. >> I had with Noam Chomsky. Noam Chomsky's. all over. He's just old as balls. He's. like [ __ ] He looks like something a. cat spit out. Chomsky's all over. >> Yeah, Noam Chomsky's all over here. >> That's not my boy. I [ __ ] hate that. guy. >> You love that [ __ ]. >> I hate that [ __ ]. >> You're a Chomskyite. You're a. Chomskyite. You're a Chomskyite. You're a Chomskyite. >> Yes, dude. >> He loves liberal history. >> guys You guys wish you were as centered. as I am. I hate Chomsky. >> What a centrist. >> Yeah. I'm so in the center, it's unbelievable.

You guys wish. >> Oh, you mean Chris the balanced. O'Connor? >> [laughter]. >> Well, sure he's for guns, but he's also. for [ __ ] universal health care in a. way that's pretty taxpayer friendly. Oh. >> Now you're talking to the actual. balanced. >> Yeah. >> All right. Guns, this guy screams and. cries about guns. Maybe you've changed your mind. This is. great. >> Oh, you know. >> Don't we shotguns together? >> Yeah. >> [snorts]. >> You guys went to the range? >> You've always been pro-guns. >> Yeah, when did I ever have a problem. with guns? >> Oh, okay. That's new.

Damn. >> I think we should do something to keep. people from shooting up schools. >> Oh, well, that for sure. Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> It's one way to put it. >> Oh, you're one of those Uvalde liberals. I bet you think cops shouldn't have. Punisher logos on their phone, too, while they're waiting for the. >> You hate country. >> Didn't it become cool for the libs to. like guns I'd say 5 years ago? >> No, dude. Ice flipped everybody. Now. liberals are like, "Dude, I'm [ __ ]. pissed.". >> No, no. Well, that was Now they all have. guns. >> Punisher skull? >> [laughter]. >> But But the the teeth through the.

rainbow, the LGBT gear. >> Have you ever watched the Punisher logo. with Bernthal or Barenthol or whatever. >> Yeah, I've watched it. >> [ __ ] sick. >> Yeah, it. >> Yeah, it's great. He's got PTSD, which. is what he should have. He's just a full [ __ ] vigilante with. PTSD, and I Yeah, the the scene where. they're like, >> [laughter]. >> That's check spots for me. >> I was dying watching that. Once he put. the skull on his chest, I was like, "Holy [ __ ] cops think this is them.". >> Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> These cops out there are like, "That's. pretty much it. >> They don't understand that he's in so.

many edits that cops share on Instagram. It's like, really [laughter] it's like him putting. the thing on. and the Punisher edit. >> Punisher is a good ass. Season 1 good as. [ __ ]. >> It's great. >> to watch it. I never watched that. >> Season 1 he did with Daredevil was. great, too. >> I didn't see that one. >> Season 3 of Daredevil or [ __ ] where. Punisher comes in [ __ ] rules. >> Multiverse of crossover. >> I used to love the Punisher that would. had like what's the guy from Hung in it? What's that guy? >> Oh, yeah. That one's great. >> Aaron Is that Aaron Eckhart? >> No, it was uh. >> Kind of looks like him, though. >> Yeah, but I know what you're talking.

about. That [ __ ] was awesome. >> Was Hung about a dude with a big dick? >> Yeah. It's about a gigolo. >> Oh, okay. >> I remember I tried it. Never watched it. >> He And then by the way, that's how this. is how [ __ ] it was. All of his. clients were just sexy ladies. >> Obviously, yeah. >> It's like an old gross gay dude. >> Stem cells. >> Yeah. >> It's obviously that's every gigolo. gigolo's. >> I want to watch you. I want to watch you. play with your bill [ __ ]. >> Old dudes. >> [laughter]. >> You're doing Thomas Jane. >> Yes. [clears throat]. >> Thomas Jane's just beating off for a. like a dude that looks like the guy that. put together in sync.

>> [laughter]. >> I won't touch. >> He's going to turn him into a pilot. >> Beating off. >> It's a Lou It's the guy What's that. guy's name? Lou uh. >> Louis C.K.? No. >> No, that's [ __ ] Shut up, Bonfire. >> Don't do that. >> [laughter]. >> Pedophile. >> Louis C.K. >> Pedophile. >> [laughter]. >> Oh, yeah. That's such a funny edit. The. >> Traitor. >> Traitor. >> [ __ ]. >> Mental [ __ ]. >> Mental [ __ ]. >> Traitor. >> [clears throat]. >> Yeah, I used to watch TV Guide like at. night at my cousin's house. I would just.

sit there and watch TV Guide wait for. HBO to come up see if it was TV-MA. And. then it would say Hung and I put it on. like, [ __ ] this is gay. And then even. Sex in the City I would turn on like, at. what point do they get naked? >> Yeah, do you rarely. >> turn it off. >> Rarely, yeah. >> the golden age. >> It was tough to catch a beat to Sex in. the City. I got it done, but it was. tough. >> Uh Mad Dog on um. What's the flashing one? >> Oh. >> radio. >> Yeah, Girls Gone Wild. Girls Gone Wild. >> Well, >> was that was a. That's a guarantee. >> rock hard. I didn't get to see it cuz I. had no idea what jerking off was yet.

>> That's it. >> [laughter]. >> Oh, man. >> All those years of you just going to bed. with a full tank. >> Well, I don't know what this is. >> Oh my god, but then the first Z's after. you pull it. Where you go, I think I've just reached. a different state of life. >> No, I I was panicked cuz I didn't I. didn't I had no idea what was going on. >> I freaked the [ __ ] out. >> That night of sleep was like. >> First night you busted? >> After I busted it I was like I was like, do I need to tell my parent I did I. break something? >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah, I just I I just laid in bed and I.

was like I had the the same [ __ ]. >> But you had brothers. >> I was like I was like if I wake up. tomorrow and everything's fine. >> it's a different topic, but first time I. got a calf cramp while I was sleeping. I. was like, wait, my season's over. >> [laughter]. >> I just tore everything in my leg. I. don't know what. I don't know what that was, but I'm. done. >> Wait, were you dead cuz you know what's. funny is were you dead asleep? >> Yeah. >> And then you got to get. >> It was in the morning. It was in the. morning and I got a calf cramp. It was. my. >> I thought the gof was fired up. >> It was either my cell phone or you were. going into my junior junior. It was the.

off season. It was right before football. started. And I was genuinely like, season's done. >> [laughter]. >> I just tore everything. That's the most. painful thing I've ever had. >> Yeah, my my [ __ ] was atrocious because I. did have older brothers and I had a. portable DVD player and I found one of. their porno DVDs which was busting up my. butt volume two. >> Shout out. >> And I was but there was like a bunch of. tries, but nothing happened and one day. it happened and it was like kind of. night time, got immediately scared, thought I was going to hell, so I just. sprinted outside and started playing. basketball.

>> Yeah, sweat out the sin. >> I was so scared. I was like, what the. [ __ ] did I just. >> The only time I've ever been afraid like. that from waking up is waking up with. the hiccups for the first time. You feel like you're drowning on dry. land. >> You're like dead asleep and you wake up. and you go, yeah. >> You woke up with the hiccups? >> I've done it. >> [laughter]. >> Dude, I've done it a lot. >> And you have like terrible indigestion? >> Yeah, I do. >> And you just like grubbing before. sleeping every night? >> I I was basically living with you. >> I saw the way you grub. I would eat big. mac and cheeses and then go to sleep.

>> Dude, he would eat [ __ ] 50 Hi-Chews. >> Oh, dude, I used to walk through. Hi-Chews. >> He would [ __ ] [ __ ] 10 lbs of candy. >> well eat that curtain eating a Hi-Chew. Dude, I was it's for real. It's just. Japanese rubber that they send over. here. But I would order these like big. [ __ ] tins of mac and cheese and dump. hot sauce on it and then just like at. 3:00 in the morning be like. >> [laughter]. >> And then you wake up and you're like, "Dude, it's [ __ ] terrifying." Like, "Uh-oh.". >> [laughter]. >> "Uh-oh.". I try to go to sleep. You're like sleepy.

but scared. >> [laughter]. >> It's the worst. >> I've been waking up a lot lately. I'll. just start to have like crazy running. thoughts. I'm like, "Dude, what the [ __ ]. is going on?" And today is the day you. die. You're going to die right now. Here. we go. Dude, I was having a completely fine. day. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, I I think I had sleep paralysis. this week. >> Same here. >> When you guys get it, are you just. scared? You're just scared and you can't. do anything? >> No, at this point I can I can see it. happen. Like, I'll be having a dream and. go like I'll wake up, try to go back to. sleep, and I'll start having a dream.

where like I'm get I'm about to like. fall over. I'm like, "You [ __ ]. I'm about to have sleep paralysis." Then. I have sleep paralysis. I can like feel it coming on and go, "You fuck.". >> Damn. >> I didn't have the full. I just woke up. scared as [ __ ] from something. I don't. know what the hell was. It sounded like. something was in my room screaming. >> Yeah. Yeah, cuz you'll like think like you'll. always kind of dream a little. >> Like 2 minutes I was. Yeah, it was terrifying. >> You ever have that feeling where you're. so terrified but then immediately you go. to sleep? It's so funny. >> Whatever. >> [laughter]. >> Nothing we haven't seen before.

>> But then you're like, "Ah.". >> You ever have the knock? >> Yeah. >> Where you're going to sleep and you. literally thought someone knocked on the. door and you're like looking around like. >> No, that would scare the [ __ ] out of. >> That scares me. >> would I would much rather wake up with. the cops than than [ __ ] than a than a. a castle door knowledge. >> [laughter]. >> It's like a cop knocking. What the [ __ ]. What I'm just dreaming. >> I told you I had one where somebody. walked across my room and it was so real. I thought it was my dad. I was like, no.

one else is here. I was like, Phil, get. the [ __ ] out of my room, dude. He just. walked and stood in the corner where it. was really dark. I couldn't see. anything. And then it took me like 2. minutes to be like, no one's there. This. is That was a I I saw a ghost walk. across my. >> That's when the fear sets in. >> But for some reason I wasn't scared at. all. >> Really? >> know why. Yeah. >> Even after the realization that you're. like, no one's in the room? >> Yeah, no one's in the room. >> Other than that time in the service, bro. >> Probably. >> The skeleton. >> in the closet. >> Damn, you are you are the Punisher. >> If you guys saw what I saw. >> Damn, you're Frank Castle. >> You guys have no idea. >> You guys were [ __ ] around in college.

>> Yeah, I was. >> I was at that point. >> Yeah, you were. Yeah, you were. >> What year was it? >> Uh '07. >> I was graduating eighth grade, my. friend. >> Okay. >> I was a Nazi. >> about your time in the in college. You. went, you [ __ ] off, they said, this is. not a a man for higher education. >> No, no, [ __ ] no. >> He's not ready for books. >> Where'd you go? >> for podcast. >> to Delaware County Community College for. a year. President's list, no big deal. And then Temple, I quit after a year. 2 years. And I was like, all right.

>> 2 years? >> It was like three cla- I was like, you. you can take three classes? It's sweet. So I just took three classes. I was. like, physics [clears throat] is fuck- I. did a thing where I had a dream about. this that I was going to somehow miss a. class and it was like some like second. semester some [ __ ] MLK Day was on that. Monday and I was like, I'm taking a. screenshot of my [ __ ] uh courses so I. can just use this every [ __ ] week. And then in physics they kept talking. about this lab that I had no idea what. the [ __ ] they were talking about. It. turns out I was I took a screenshot of.

MLK Day which we were off that day so. there was no class. So I'd missed a. construction safety class and a physics. lab for about a month and a half and. then I came to the construction safety. thing I was like I had no idea I had. this class. I passed that one but I just. dropped physics cuz [ __ ] that. Physics. is impossible. >> You're missing all that time then coming. in and being like. >> They kept talking. >> basic things that I have no concept of. >> talking about it in class. >> like Beetlejuice in class I was like I'm. okay. >> [laughter]. >> No clue what's going on.

>> lab in class? >> Oh yeah there I went to one lab and I. was like I got to drop this. >> Yeah. Dude when you when you [ __ ]. outkick your coverage in college you go. to I was like I needed a class and I was. like I'll do philosophy. I'm a pretty. philosophical dude. >> Yeah. >> I was like what is it? Rationalism? Let's [ __ ] go. I didn't realize. Arizona has one of the top philosophy. departments in the [ __ ] country and I. took like a 400. >> [laughter]. >> and it was Rene Descartes and it was so. hard that I was just rereading sentences. and I had to go to the teacher like I. was [ __ ] I was like I don't.

understand any of this. He's like well. you took a couple 100s and 200s I was. like no no. Anyway. how were you able to sign up for this. class? I was like I don't know brother. but we're here. >> He said I signed up therefore I am. >> Yeah yeah there you go. [ __ ]. different between body and mind or is. there? >> Who gives a [ __ ]. >> Yeah and I I'd get I'd just smoke Camels. before I'd go in there and he'd just. like always look at me like get out of. here. >> Yeah. I think I got a D. >> So I passed. >> That's good. >> Those books are [ __ ] anyway. >> Yeah yeah.

>> They I've tried to read them. It's. nonsense. Just a French [ __ ] heroin. addict. >> Yeah and they don't. >> being like am I alive or are you alive? >> [laughter]. >> And they don't they don't like write it. in a way that it's like building an. argument. >> No. >> And they say that from like the jump. >> Drugs. >> Yeah they just say. >> All drugs. They didn't even know they. were drugs. They thought they were just. [ __ ] inspired. >> Supposedly all those Grimm fairy tale. people are on heroin and [ __ ]. >> Hansel and Gretel and all that they were. just [ __ ] up on heroin and made all. these scary ass things. >> [laughter].

>> That is that makes so much sense if you. if Shakespeare two 14-year-olds falling. in love to the point of suicide is just. a guy [ __ ] working out heroin. He was like, I was in love yesterday and. now I'm [ __ ] sweating. I'll kill. myself and she killed herself. [ __ ] all. that [ __ ] [laughter]. Yeah, that makes sense. >> Yeah, what if homeless or heroin guys. are still hitting [ __ ] scary stories. >> Absolutely not, dude. >> camps, in those tents? >> Oh, dude, that's those are the campfire. stories. >> Yeah, around the [ __ ] trash campfire. >> I was in a three-bedroom. two-bath.

>> A year ago. I had a family. I had a. family. I was trusted and loved. >> [laughter]. >> Oh, this is too scary. I'm going to bed. >> [laughter]. >> Hold on. I got to go before the sun. bakes me under this highway. >> Have you played Stalker 2? >> No. >> Very good game. You should try it. >> Uh I'm all about Arc Raiders right now. >> God, I haven't played that. I've been hearing a lot about Arc. Raiders. >> There's a [ __ ] There's a It just. reminds me of. >> Did you see Liver King with the.

Waterburger? You got to. >> You saw the video now. >> So I have redemption. >> There's a [ __ ]. >> There's like one moment of silence on a. podcast and Billy Billy tried to hit a. new topic out of nowhere. He just goes. great Yo, did you guys see Liver King go. to Waterburger with his family and order. like a huge meal? >> I didn't. >> [laughter]. >> I didn't. >> He's talking with that much authority. >> I was very tired, but if you watch it, is it not crazy? >> It was It was fun. >> It's [ __ ] insane. >> How What was the total cost, do you. think? >> I don't know. He orders everything, but. I think it was like when he was going. through like a psychosis. So. >> He's having a breakdown.

>> It was [ __ ] nuts. Then he just kept. like [ __ ] saying the weirdest [ __ ] to. people. [laughter]. >> What do you Do you think anybody in his. family like when, you know, any You've. known people go crazy. When he locked in. on Rogan, were people like, "Hey, hey, hey, why would you shift to. >> I don't think, dude. They were riding. like in caravans. They were Yeah, they're like multiple cars together. >> It's crazy. >> Driving They. Super Mario Kart all together in a pole. barn and they each have a 65-in TV this. close to their face. I would do anything. that If that was my dad, I would die.

>> Liver King does? >> Yes. Family bonding time. They all have 65-in. TVs literally like a foot away from. their face playing Mario Kart. You would get in a Jeep and go and fight. Joe. >> Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> I'll take an entire podcast network. >> Went to Waterburger and I go through an. Austin killing spree for [ __ ] 65-in. Mario Kart. >> Yeah, he went to Waterburger and ordered. [ __ ] everything. Those kids will. probably murder someone for. >> Yeah, true. >> Yeah, that is like. >> Is he allowed to get toppings on stuff? Is that against his. >> He's 3.0. 1.0 was all about that [ __ ].

3.0 Holy Trinity. You can do whatever. you want. You can do whatever you want. You just got to be happy. Just got to. lock it down. >> Oh. >> Yeah. And do HGH. $30,000 up in a month. >> A month? >> Yeah, it was something wild like he was. doing like 20 grand of HGH a month. And. then he had people like [ __ ] like I. think I'm going to turn my life around, honey, and buy liver to eat it raw. >> The first It's always the first guy. >> Yeah. >> Sounds like a great idea. This guy looks fantastic. >> [laughter]. >> Liver's so hard and not to eat it raw.

makes you sick. >> No pain, no gain. >> He's like We're trying to gut it down. He's like. >> [laughter]. >> I'm going to look like you? All right. This guy's just like. Dude, could Liver King hit a baseball? >> I doubt. >> Maybe if he fought if he just [ __ ]. >> That'd be awesome if he got. >> He's just hitting. like 5:30. He's just showing up. Ohtani's like. >> [snorts]. >> That'd be sick. >> Nah, he's he's not a fine motor skills. guy. >> No, but I'm just saying he's running. with weights. >> He'd be good. You never know, dude. >> There's no way.

>> The king? >> The king. >> There's no way. >> Not to be confused with the But he could. I mean he could throw a dart. I don't think his fine motor skills are. all there and he also has a hurt eye. >> Yeah, he does have a hurt. >> He actually is good like the superhero. that had the eye patch. They had like. six. Hawkeye, yeah. >> He's favorite person to. >> He just throw Yeah, just got out of the. bone marrow. >> Yeah, it pissed me off. I just watched. I'm I'm going through the multiverse in. correct order right now. So I just got. to Hawkeye fighting with Thor and them. It's pretty good. >> With the bow and arrow though.

>> Yeah, he's just [ __ ] people up. >> He got killed by Loki. >> But does he do anything other than fire. a bow and arrow? >> No, he's just got the [ __ ] Hawkeye. >> He's security. >> No, he just got the [ __ ] Hawkeye. >> He's security. >> What else do you want to say? Die with a. bow and arrow? >> But he's got wild [ __ ] I think he's. like some sort of [ __ ] freak ninja or. something like that. >> Wait, then somebody should fight him. that just has a gun. >> Yeah, they go, "Hey, cool bow and. arrow.". >> Yeah, I have an AK-47. >> Look at this. Hey Hawkeye. >> [laughter]. >> No, he's like the Comanche dude. >> Yeah. How'd that turn out for them? >> were on the whole ran into some [ __ ].

guns. >> Yeah, they ran into iron. >> He's got next level movement, I'm sure. >> Yeah, can he move that fast or. something? >> I don't [ __ ] know, honestly. I really. don't It's just a guy with an archer. like a gun. >> Is that Jeremy Renner? Yeah. >> No, I found him. I just don't like. Hawkeye. Nothing against Jeremy. >> Yeah, Jeremy Renner kind of rules. >> Yeah, he's cool. I think he got [ __ ]. up for a while there. >> He did. He got squashed He got squashed. by like a snowmobile. >> Yeah. >> That would kill you. >> They came down on you. Do you ever see. the size of it? >> Dude, those tracks. >> He got rolled up on it. >> What? >> He got rolled up on it. >> He got squashed. >> He got literally actually squashed. >> You ever think you could take a car. rolling over your foot?

>> Yeah. >> Think about him as every time a car. backs up the next minute I just want to. [ __ ] put my foot. >> Quickly, you'd be fine, I think. I think. it would just go like boom boom. >> I don't know. Like I think if it stopped. on your foot, you're [ __ ] big. trouble. >> That pressure crack. >> Something to think about this week. >> I've been watching. Sri Lanka's Got Talent on Instagram. >> Who? >> Sri Lanka, the lady. >> The island nation? >> That is good [ __ ]. >> So good. >> Who are the judges? >> One of them was I don't know. Just. whoever like three fat guys from Sri. Lanka. >> Yeah. >> They're like, "Dude, you're fat. You. must be so powerful.". >> Dude, you got a Hawaiian shirt on, sir.

Can you judge this dance competition? >> Is it a dude is it. from Street Fighter? He's from Sri Lanka. >> Sagat? >> No. Is it Sagat the [ __ ] crazy mullet. that's. >> Blanka? >> What? No. >> Blanka's from Brazil. >> He's from Brazil. I thought he was from. Sri Lanka. >> Maybe they're just Blanka. >> I just know from the map selecting them. in Street Fighter 2. >> That's what I'm talking about. >> Is that a. >> It looks like it's filmed in the parking. lot of America's Got Talent.

>> [laughter]. >> Like it looks like they were like, "You. guys can go outside.". >> His talent is. >> This is crazy. >> That's his talent. >> Wheel slap, bro. >> He gets [clears throat] run over by a. tractor. >> How do you think he discovered this. talent? Over his cheeks. >> Damn. >> You got to tune in to the Sri Lanka's. Got Talent season 3. >> Yeah, you never think about how third. talent how worse worse countries have. way better talent shows because it's. like basic necessities. >> Bro, you got to see how bad these. talents are. It's like four dudes roller skating. I. was one of them. >> Yeah. >> This is incredible. You have the [ __ ].

did you guys get roller skates? >> Yeah. >> What? >> I like that he actually got roller. skates, too. >> They're drinking non-potable water. >> Yeah, it's honestly Look at this. Look. at this cloudy cup. >> [laughter]. >> It's honestly like a fifth grade kids. have talent. >> That's what their moves are. It's like a. kid goes outside and goes, "Yeah, I got. a bike.". >> I can I'm going to jump over one trash. can and go, "Holy [ __ ] this kid's. unbelievable." He goes, "I bet you I'll. I'll eat that.". >> He goes, "I'll eat I'll eat that.". >> He goes, "See these two words?". >> Yeah. >> Don't give me an X. >> [laughter]. >> I like getting hit with African. skateboarders like on dirt roads and.

stuff. It's sick. >> That's nice. >> It's very good. >> African pro wrestling is what's up. >> Really? >> You seen those guys in Ghana? >> No, I don't think I. >> Doing the mud ring? They do some crazy. [ __ ] Those power bombs on the mud look. [ __ ] cool as hell. >> That's a kill. >> They're hitting like cool ass moves and. you're like, "These guys aren't doing it. with like a a ring with any break in. it." And you're like, >> Is there like mud splash? >> Yeah, huge mud splash. >> Like a big Indian guy is fake wrestling, whatever that is. >> They slap each other's chest. >> I don't understand what is going on, man.

>> That kills. >> Yeah, that would hurt. >> Getting slapped in the chest hard as a. [ __ ]. >> Taking chops. >> They like jump occasionally. They throw. like Superman slaps. >> I seen eight My cousin Ajax, he's. [ __ ] huge, and he He up on a ladder. on an extension ladder and he either hit. a power washer or something like that, like pressed it, fell back from the top, hit the ground, I saw him make an. imprint in the grass and dirt, and got. the [ __ ] up. >> Really? >> It was the craziest [ __ ] I've ever seen. >> Was it like Do you think he has like. drunk driver brain where he was just. like relaxed and just went like. >> No, Ajax is just like a like an animal. He's.

like. >> Yeah, yeah. >> He's a [ __ ] beast. >> [ __ ] beast. >> That's crazy to watch him hit and then. watch him get back. >> Got right up. >> Wait, didn't he crush a burrito? What. was that? >> Oh, he used to crush burritos all the. time, but he used to like he'll eat a. whole drink a whole pot of coffee cold. >> What? >> Yeah. >> Hey guys, really quickly, um please, for. the love of God, come out this weekend. Las Vegas, Nevada, the Plaza Theater. You guys are a last minute town. You do. this to me every time I come there and. you just you buy tickets like 2 days. before, it makes me nervous. Please.

come. And that's that's this Friday. night, 2 13 2026. Uh 2 14, Valentine's. Day, I'll be at the Paramount Theater in. Denver, Colorado. Uh it's looking pretty. solid, but you know, just come out. If. you If you don't know about it, you're. hearing about it. If you want to come, come. And then after that, I'll be in. Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Indianapolis, uh I'll be in a bunch of. places. Go to mattmccusker.com for. tickets, please. >> And uh just please come to uh Ottoman. Nocturnes, me, Lemair, Shawn. It's.

always a good time. The next one is. February 17th at the Creek and the Cave. You can get tickets on. creekandthecave.com. Please. >> And Lemair's mom will be at this next. one. >> I mean, come on. >> What? Mrs. Lee will be at the next. Ottoman Nocturnes if that sells you. And. I'll also be in Salt Lake City with. Nathan, uh March 27th and 28th, I. believe. Tickets are at. shaungardini.com. This is Shawn Gardini. Thank you so much. >> Also, go to Lincoln Financial Field for. Shane's show. >> Oh, yeah. Go see Shane.

>> That's going to be very, very sick. And. hey guys, I'm looking at the seat map. right now. Don't think like, "Oh, I'll. get around to it." This is going to sell. out. I'm looking at it. It's pretty. close to sold out, so. you better go. >> Shane Gillis.com. >> That's awesome. >> All right, and we're back. >> What a wow, what a great what a well, what a great audience. Wow. >> Oh, I haven't talked since we did the. garden. That was fun. >> [ __ ] awesome. Thanks for having me. That was so [ __ ] fun. You were. Saturday, right? >> Yeah, yeah. >> Yeah, I was Friday. Is it? >> Yeah, I heard the Friday was bananas. >> It had to be. >> Saturday I lost my voice, but Friday.

ruled. >> Friday [clears throat] was crazy cuz. um. it it was me, Che, Attell, and Louis, but I've never seen someone get uh. comedy club pop at an arena like Louis, where they David Attell went, Louis C.K. and everyone went, "Yeah." And then they. saw him and they were like. It was crazy. >> Yeah, it was [ __ ]. >> Like they didn't believe it. They went. like, "Yeah, Louis C.K. is here." And. then you see him walk up the steps and. everyone was like. >> Yeah. >> It was awesome. >> Holy [ __ ].

>> [ __ ] really cool. >> We also both went Thursday for scouting. report. >> Yeah. >> Who does what? >> Funniest [ __ ] was Santino was going. first on Thursday and I got coffee with. him cuz originally I was supposed to go. second on Friday and I'm like I had like. I'm going second confidence. We're all. talking with Santino on Thursday. I go, "Dude, go first is fine. You just go up. there, [ __ ] lay on the jokes. You'll. be great." Santino's like, "All right. All right." And then and then I go there. and Shane goes, "Hey, you're going first. on Friday." And I was like, "Fuck.". >> [laughter].

>> Immediately walked out and Santino's. LIKE, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS LIKE? How. was it?" He's like, "It was good.". So like that happened to you there? >> [snorts]. >> He's like, "You go first." I'm like. >> Oh, and you had to stretch. Did you. >> Oh, yeah, yeah. >> I laughed it off. Did I tell you that? Natalia came and went like this and I. went. >> Yeah, no. [laughter]. >> Cuz I was like, "You're in the realm and. you're like. >> Yeah. >> There's no chance. If somebody if. somebody walked out while I was on stage. at the [ __ ] garden was like, "Do more. time.". >> Yeah. >> I went and I was like. >> Zero sacks. >> Just finish the joke and I went. >> No.

>> And then I came back around and he was. like, "You have to [ __ ] scratch. [laughter] it." And I was like. >> I would be in my head, too, being like, that has to be a bit. >> Did you guys see Liver King? >> I thought he was [ __ ] with me. There. was a second. where I was like. >> [laughter]. >> It has to be. joke is this? This where Ali fought Frazier. What are. we doing here? I focus on It was cool as. [ __ ]. >> Jay. Old Mikey Jay. >> He was hilarious animal. >> I know. I mean, did he show up late? >> Shows up late and then dips. >> Yeah. >> I didn't even.

>> Showed up late, killed, and then left. >> I went up. After. when you went up, I was watching you for. a while, then I was like came back and I. was like, "Where the [ __ ] is Jay?" And. they were like, "He left after his. You're like, "You crazy." Oh, my he's. dropping to his set going, "He's got. another spot.". >> [laughter]. >> I would do New York Comedy Club, The. Garden, and then [ __ ] The Stand late. But it was dude, that was [ __ ]. awesome. >> That was a. >> Can I tell you my favorite part was Kath. and I were watching from one of the. secret hallways. And it was when you. were shit-talking Sarah. And you were.

like, "She [ __ ] terrorized me." And. then I see Shane go, "That [ __ ] is here. tonight.". And he goes, "And he brought her. daughter. Little [ __ ] were there.". He's talking [ __ ] and then Sarah walks. up as we're standing there. And I go, "Did you hear him talk shit?" And your. sister went, "Ah, we deserve. everything." She's like, "We were. horrible to him.". >> They suck. >> It was so funny watching her go, >> "Yeah, whatever.". >> [laughter]. >> It's a good look back. >> I knew it was coming. I didn't think. it'd be this, but I knew it was coming. >> Yeah, what sweet revenge. Do watching.

clicking your head to go, "I used to eat. her tonight.". >> Oh, yeah. >> "You [ __ ] bitch.". >> "You giant fat bitch.". >> [laughter]. >> That was very fun to watch. >> Yeah, it was It was awesome. Voss man. >> Yeah. >> Big Voss out there. That was great. >> It was great, dude. Colin Quinn. >> It was fun to see Voss be nervous. >> Yeah. >> Before there was He was so nervous. >> Should I tell you something that I don't. know if he'll admit, but. >> In a good way. >> Louis was nervous. >> Everyone was. >> Everyone was nervous. >> Everyone was It was crazy to watch Louis. though, but like I I standing there him. being like. especially when you're like "A towel was. killing.". >> A towel was killing.

>> was killing. >> Yeah, that hurt. >> A towel called the subway Lord Choo. Choo. >> [laughter]. >> He must be fat. It's so funny. He's like "If you're a. tourist and you go down and ride the. subway and get assaulted, Lord Choo Choo. needs blood." It's so funny. >> [laughter]. >> He was just like he was looking like a. homeless guy that went up there and. [ __ ] killed for free. >> Yeah, that was so sad. >> Yeah, dude. He was the man. But then. Louis went up there and it was it was. great. It was [ __ ] really cool. >> Yeah, I just I like having all those. guys People like "Uh. aren't you worried to follow all those. guys?" I'm like "No, I mean they're. going to bury me. It's just I want the people to pay to go.

to an arena and be like that [ __ ] was. cool. It's less pressure on me.". >> Did A towel hit the recorder? >> No. >> He did it He did it for a while. It. would've been nice. >> [laughter]. >> I mean, dude. I used to hear him playing. that during COVID when we were doing. outside shows. I swear to god you'd take a corner and. you're like. and you'd be like "A towel's near.". >> [laughter]. >> If I was like tracking him. You like you. hear him and you're like "A towel's near. the corner.". >> It's like Grand Theft Auto when you hear. a mission. You know, "I'm not doing it.

yet.". >> [laughter]. >> No, I [ __ ] that. I don't want to do that. one. That was cool as [ __ ] man. Three. nights at the Garden. >> That was sick. >> Yeah, it was just. >> It did suck I got sick on Saturday. >> Yeah. >> You couldn't tell. >> Everyone said you couldn't tell. I could. tell. No, it was in my head the whole. time. I forgot how many [ __ ]. impressions I do. The entire I had started a joke and be. like great I scream in this [ __ ] I. scream in like 10 [ __ ] jokes. >> Dude, there's nothing funnier There's. nothing funnier than there's nothing. funnier than a gay act out getting. killed by you being like. >> A towel voice? >> Yeah.

You're like I really In that moment you. go "I really am gay.". You know those moments where you're. doing a voice and you can't cuz you're. sick? You're like. >> It's just any anytime bombing an act. out. You're like I am the [ __ ] gayest. dude alive right now. >> Oh my god, dude. The funniest [ __ ] that. I used to love to watch on YouTube was. comics bombing with act outs and then. having to get off the ground. So they're like go like. >> Yeah, laying down joke. >> And then they get up and they got to. assume anyway, so that's just kind of. >> [laughter]. >> That's what that's like. That [ __ ]. always [ __ ] kills me.

>> People laying on their back and talking. into the mic and then no one laughing. and then having to stand up. >> Stand up. >> I've seen it. I've seen it. We've seen. it a million times. >> Not knowing the floor's dusty as [ __ ]. >> [laughter]. >> Just covered in. >> Saw bro. >> Especially like like a black comic doing. like an act out where he's like and then. I get popped. He pops up and then it's. on the he's like. >> [laughter]. >> How y'all doing tonight? >> A lot of beautiful women here. >> All ladies, y'all look beautiful. tonight. Dust in his eyes all up. >> Yeah, I saw a guy hit the lay down bomb. at Magooby's. >> Oh.

>> Getting heckled while laying down. >> Jesus. >> Laying on his back getting heckled. >> Get up. Dude, that [ __ ] is. >> Uh, you suck, [ __ ]. Yeah, yeah, all right, mister. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, whatever. [ __ ] you, dude. He's. just laying down on Magooby's. >> Just looking up at the [ __ ] ceiling. of a comedy club. >> Yeah, I'm going to kill myself. >> Yeah, in Timonium. >> [laughter]. >> Never thought I'd blow my head off in. Timonium, Maryland. >> Dude, last one of the last times I was. in Timonium. I tried finding a PS4 controller.

This was like a couple years ago and I. drove all over Timonium. >> That mall there. >> Went to the GameStop. >> Yeah. >> Got into it with the guy. >> [laughter]. >> I was like, I need a PlayStation 4. controller. He's like, we don't sell. them. And I was like, how? How? You're. [ __ ] GameStop. And he's like, sir, you're cursing at me. He hit the. Don't curse at me in the store. >> I mean, how you [ __ ] GameStop is. It's a little aggressive. >> Yeah. >> I would have gone. >> Was it like the PS5 out or like why did. they. >> It was like PS5 was not out yet, but. they had like only had the controller.

It was one of those times where you. couldn't get a PS5. Like I think that. might have been out, but only in stores. were like the controllers for them. >> [ __ ]. >> And I was trying to get a PS4. controller. I was like, dude, I need a. PS4. >> What did you break? What did you break. the other one? >> Uh, no. >> Did you tell a pig? >> Caddles? >> No, I don't break stuff anymore. After. after I moved out with the punching. table, I don't punch stuff. Actually, you know what stopped me from punching. tables? >> terrifying. You got a glass table. >> No. Katie Katie bought these IKEA. [ __ ] tables and I put my hand through. one. >> [laughter].

>> and her reaction from the other room was. so I was so embarrassed by it. >> you playing? >> Uh. I think it might have been Madden. It might have been Madden and I think I. threw a pick-six to end it and I [ __ ]. came I came down with a hammer fist on. it and just broke the table and just her. from the other room going, "Oh, is. that?". >> [laughter]. >> Struck me in a way as an adult that I. was like. I went on IKEA and ordered one. immediately. They were 12 bucks. So, it. wasn't that bad. >> I don't know. It's a $12 table.

>> Yeah, [ __ ] it. Yeah, eventually you're. going to put a cup down on it. This. thing is going to explode. >> [laughter]. >> It just worse well up. >> Just that like hearing your grown It. like. >> [laughter]. >> snapped me back to reality and I was. like, "Oh, the my. >> I said, "Oops, there goes gravity.". >> Yeah, I mean. >> What just happened there? Hearing your. grown woman go. >> I watched you guys watch me spaz out. Didn't affect me at all. >> see it. I've I've said it 10 million. times. Your spaz under roses is my. favorite spaz.

>> I think he's the only person to be able. to get me to that. >> is. second. >> He can get anyone to go like, "Why don't. you just [ __ ] stop?". >> My nephew just did this to my niece. See, they were playing I got him Super. Nintendo for Christmas and they're all. playing. He died and she laughed at him. He was like. Hit her in the [ __ ] head. >> [laughter]. >> You break them up. I said, "Bro, you got. to [ __ ] chill out." And he. immediately got even more pissed off. He. said, "I didn't hit her." I'm like, "Dude, we just saw you hit her.". >> [laughter]. >> Mario gets you so angry. >> Video games have a different anger.

>> It is. >> It's a different. >> I've hit a new anger. I did a rage quit. >> Yeah. >> hit home screen immediately. Shut the. [ __ ] thing off. >> I mean they're. >> Throw a pick, I go, "I'm done.". >> The way that people cope for most of. their life is they go, "The computer's. [ __ ]. >> Yeah. >> is crooked. >> Dude. >> I remember Big Jay would hit me with. that when I'd be beating him in Madden. He'd go, "The computer likes you more.". You're like, "What? >> [laughter]. >> You think this is a popularity contest. with the computer?". >> Dude, I had a meltdown the other night. in uh Hell Let Loose. I got into I got. into Dude, >> Game ruined. >> I got into building like fortresses.

>> I'd love to. learn how to do that. >> Yeah, so I was just running supplies for. like 20 minutes to just dump a million. supplies in this It was like starting to. build a fortress and then all the other. engineers came and started building. [ __ ] And uh this guy just put a piece. of barbed wire fence and like. butt-fucked it so hard. And I was like, "No!". >> [screaming]. [laughter]. >> That is a lot of work, though. And it's. not. >> It's probably ran for like an hour. >> Yeah, it's not. >> No, I was driving a supply truck. >> Damn. >> Yes, it's also That's crazy to play that. game and be like, "I'm going to be the.

supply truck guy.". >> That's wild. >> See no action, dude. You're just. literally just driving the truck. >> the [ __ ] uh regalia. >> No, it was a perfect [laughter] point. I. could like I could I was building like. bunkers and [ __ ] everywhere. It's like. we had the whole thing defended. We just. needed to close off this one side and. this [ __ ] just put And you can't. dismantle barbed wire. You have to like. blow it up. >> Is that the game to end? >> Yeah, yeah. >> That guy And that guy knew what he was. doing. He was like, "Watch this.". >> That's always frustrating. We get in a. tank, you got to drive the length of the. battlefield and it ends.

Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> I just did that in Call of Duty. I just. been using bazooka over and over. I. don't have my headset and the dude was. like, "Why don't you stop [ __ ]. shooting the stuff and take down the. UAV, you [ __ ] asshole?". >> I just [ __ ] went over and did it. Got him with. >> I had an officer try to steal a supply. truck and I shot [laughter] him in. >> Really? >> I was like, "Get your own, dude. Talk to. the commander. Get another.". >> Yeah, Vietnam's going to be nice. >> Yeah, it's going to be nice. >> Hell Let Loose Vietnam.

>> Really? >> Me and the other guy. >> You like what? >> Me and the other guy were playing. >> I don't do war. >> I mean, I'll play I It's weird I get. into video games, but I have to be like. recommended them. I have to be. >> Stalker 2, you'll [ __ ] play the [ __ ]. out of. >> I mean, Arc Raiders was the thing I got. at New Year's and I [ __ ] love it. But. [ __ ] just camp out and kill you. when you're about to leave in the. elevator. They just rat your ass. >> it's awesome. I got recommended that. game. I was thinking about getting it. >> Yeah, it's great. >> Yeah, you can team up, right? >> Yeah, they're in teams of threes. >> Or trios, bro. >> Gabe's doing uh. >> That would be nice.

>> Escape from Tarkov on Twitch right now. >> I got into Twitch. I never got Twitch, it's hilarious. >> It's so Oh, watch people play? >> it last night. Twitch is nuts. >> Yeah, I just watch games. >> You can watch all types of [ __ ]. Nobody's watching and there's like. people with zero views. It's awesome. >> Dude, do you know how much you could. [ __ ] with someone if you just go to. their thing and then give them like a. hundred bucks? And they'd be like, "Shane Gillis just gave me a hundred. bucks.". There you go. Anyways, you guys are. going to see here this is zero views. >> It's I've looked at it last night. A lot. of it's girls doing like ASMR. And I I I.

clicked one. >> Report all of them. >> almost entered the I think I entered the. chat. >> Oh. >> But I don't think I don't think it shows. your name but I panicked. The wow wow. >> Oh, there he is. Welcome back. >> [laughter]. >> It's It's fun, man. >> Yeah, on Twitch. I never even knew that. thing existed. >> Yeah, I I I set it up. I was trying to. stream on it for a while. >> That would've been fun. >> Dude, I. >> I do one sub stream. >> What? >> I'm a mod I'm a mod in Gabe's Twitch. >> You what? >> Yeah, I just kick everyone out that talk. [ __ ]. >> I like that. >> Yeah, it's fun. >> Get the [ __ ] out.

>> Kicked his [ __ ] brother out. He was. talking [ __ ] again. Yeah, cuz Gabe keeps saying he's going. to beat me up. I said, "Gabe, I'm going. to literally I'll pay someone to kill. you.". >> [laughter]. >> He was He was. You have any. >> to ban people that like Gabe. >> That's real fair. >> He was playing and kept just messaging, "Gabe, remember our time in Cleveland? That was so much fun. Remember what we. did in Cleveland?" He's [ __ ] freaking. out. >> Yeah, he doesn't he doesn't take kindly. to it. I get in there and say, "Show. hole. Show cheeks. Show your feet." He's. like, "What the [ __ ] is wrong with you?". >> [laughter].

>> Also, with the lighting. Yeah, headset. is very funny. >> trying to get him to kill his teammates. He won't. >> Shoot. >> What I mean, one of the hardest you've. ever made me laugh was when I started. playing Red Dead Redemption 2 and I went. to the bathroom and I come back out and. Shane has my controller on pause and. he's aiming my gun at my horse's head. And I was like, "Dude, what are you. doing?" He's like, "I'm going to kill. your [ __ ] I'm going to kill Night. Shade." Yeah, he's like, "I'm going to. kill Night Shade." I had a black horse. named. >> [laughter]. >> He's like, "Don't you kill my black. horse.". He came in and yelled at hostage. >> You got It's a custom name. He named it.

Night Shade. >> He sat tied in Night Shade. >> What a cool name for a horse. >> That's why I wanted to kill it. >> No, what a cool name. >> Destroy something beautiful. >> No, it's It is beautiful. So, you'll. admit it's beauty. >> Night Shade is. >> No, it's You can be a white man in the. highest [ __ ] queens and naming your. horse Night Shade. >> Take me back. >> True. [laughter]. >> Take me back. >> I agree. >> Take me back to innocent time of riding. around Night Shade to Saint Denis. >> Oh, old Saint Denis. Yeah, we had some. times back then. >> Yeah, dude. >> Find the vampire in Saint Denis. >> I would I would love to. >> Yeah, I'd love to.

>> I want to get into that game, but I feel. like I'd get swallowed by it. >> [laughter]. >> You should. >> What Red Dead Redemption 2? >> It's awesome. You never played it? >> No. >> You should what? >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> But I really wanted to do the thing. where I I just want to like open a. general store and like run. >> You get to that. You get to that. You. can You can do some [ __ ] like that. >> I want to just be a good business man in. the town. >> I'm with you. I get I I'm trying to play. Fall Anytime a new season of Fallout. comes out, I just play the game and I. forgot I don't play the game. I just. scrap metal and try to build forts. >> [laughter]. >> I'm literally on the first level. I'm on.

the first level. I just get under I just scrap for real. I just scrap metal barrels. I go, "I can. build a gun turret.". >> You just play a meth head the game. I can get in that [ __ ] soul house. >> take meth. You can take Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I get addicted. Yeah, and then you have. withdrawals if you can't find it. >> Really? >> Yeah. I'm addicted to jet. and scrap metal. So fun. [laughter] I. play it for hours and then I go, "I. didn't beat one level.". >> On Arc Raiders, you can hit yourself. with a stimulant so you like don't have. it but the other players are hitting you.

so they'll run ahead of me and you hear. me go. >> [clears throat]. [laughter]. >> Just be me like. I'm just hopping up and down and it's. like. >> [laughter]. >> Every time I [ __ ] hit it. Every time. I hit the stimmy. >> Well, you got to that Cyberpunk game? >> No, I never played it though when it. came out it was too shitty. >> They had a dong size. >> You choose your dong size. >> Yeah. >> [ __ ] nuts. >> Did you know what I found out about the. Olympics? Do you know those ski jumpers? >> Yeah. >> Do they [ __ ] where when they're getting. fitted for suit they like shoot. something in their dick to make their. dick bigger?

>> Yeah. >> And then they get fitted for their ski. jump. >> What do you mean what? >> So they have extra flap so it carries. them farther. Carries them like 9 ft. farther. >> They were like and then they say make. that a little bigger. >> You're cuz it's illegal. >> It's illegal. >> You got to go in and you got to have a. fake dong. >> Is that a sock in there? >> It would only be a mate. You know it's. clearly two rolls of socks in there or. something. >> So it's bigger than your actual body. >> [laughter]. >> A remote? >> It's a cucumber and dick. >> So you got to have a big dick to be I. mean just one more hurdle for me. becoming a great ski jumper.

>> Yeah. [laughter]. >> I know gravity was banned but if dick. size there's no injection. >> Well, no what they do is they inject it. to make it puffier, puff out and then. when they're competing they're normal. again. >> That would slide out and just go to the. side of my body and not make my dick. bigger. >> It would be huge like [ __ ]. >> Just go get super embarrassed and have. your dick tiny. >> Well, can't you just crap your pants and. have it sag? >> They should probably cut weight. >> That's what she just. >> Gain a ton of weight for the suit. fitting and. >> Yeah, the opposite of it. >> Yeah. >> Very fat for the event fit fitting and.

then get weak as hell flying down that. thing. >> I like it. >> That's a good ass idea. >> There's I don't know about you guys. I've been watching some figure skating. and some of those guys have nice asses. >> [laughter]. >> Every single one of these little twinks. that gets up there. >> I watched the quad guy do that. >> Dude, he looks he looks like he can fly. Like he looks like if you were like his. mom's a fairy you'd be like oh yeah. >> [laughter]. >> His backflips and [ __ ] he landed on one. footed. >> His biggest number one rival is this.

this little tiny Japanese man. >> It's a good battle. >> I don't know if you watched their short. program. >> I did today. >> On the team. >> The Japanese man took a little stumble. and they didn't they didn't penalize him. for [ __ ]. >> I was talking about the team one yeah. >> Team one he was flawless. Quad god though hitting those backflips. >> Well apparently those don't do [ __ ] for. you. >> Really? >> Yeah that's not part of the. >> He just sitting there while. >> It's part of the. there's like cuz of how gay. the sport is half your points are like. dancing. >> Yeah you have to like. >> presentation and [ __ ]. >> One of them. >> And the moves are just half your.

>> We were watching. >> We were just seeing who's gayest. >> Yeah. >> How they not dizzy as [ __ ] I went on a. merry-go-round type thing in a park the. other day. >> Dude if I if I do a neck roll if I do a. neck roll I'm dizzy. >> Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> I got to sit down holy [ __ ] I got my. nephew he put me on started spinning me. around I got all dizzy it's hilarious. like oh [ __ ]. >> [laughter]. >> It was like three minutes of dizzy. >> No one tried to say do that thing you. look at a spot like you like snap your. head around and come back to the spot. It's like that is that makes it worse.

>> I'm spinning my head around. >> Feel the whole world that's when you. that's when you take a long tumble. >> Take a brusky tumble. >> [laughter]. >> Yo here we go we're [ __ ] going in. Oh [ __ ]. >> All right. Well. It's good seeing you. Great time to go. eat dinner. What do you guys think about getting. some dinner? You want. >> He wants it. >> He wants some lemon meringue. >> I'm a. >> [ __ ] up some lemon meringue. >> You want some meatloaf? >> Where where's the lemon meringue spot? >> One out of two ain't bad. >> Don't worry about it. Um all right sick. See you guys soon. I'll try to do this.

again. >> [laughter]. >> Sorry. >> Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's. Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.