Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)

wow wow West and we are beginning thank. you guys for coming godamn Yannis propis. Chris Stephano the history hyenas dude. thank you guys for here I'm pump dude. dude thank you thanks for having us and. I just want to say because the last I. was on the show um a couple of weeks ago. or a month ago yanis and I just want to. say to all your fans out there say. something about my hair now look at my. hair now dude you guys were talking [ __ ]. saying I had no hair product in my hair. was flat what what about now it looks. great right now right dude now I look. like a kuner yeah and look at giannis's.

hair dude that look great that looks. good that's painted on that looks good. the wave right so I want to make sure. everybody [ __ ] knows true what's up. and I'd like say yeah I'd like to say um. it's good to be here in Republican. Hollywood and yes the candidate over. here and the candidate over here they. got bad hair they're no good for you I. will make it so barbecue is available. for everybody in this city at all times. and I just always wanted to stand at a. Podium and feel like I'm in a prime it.

feels good does it it feels [ __ ]. powerful know I one almost go. like. yes you feel it now ex [ __ ] dude. being white and standing behind this. Podium is I got ideas right now I'm. telling you man not that I've ever. agreed with anything that Hitler said. and I despise the Nazis and what they. did but if you just want to AI listen to. Hitler speeches in English and just. change out the words from Germany to. America in your head you'll get really. pumped up for the day that guy just knew. how to light a fire under you dude the.

way that he would speak about Germany. was like I [ __ ] get it man yeah it. was like they tied to their like Mythic. folklore of like the German here and all. that stuff and yeah that would for sure. get anyone pumped dude he was telling. people like if you die in battle you're. going directly to Valhalla and you're. going to ride a Val like you know you're. riding like you know Eagles there and. it's just like he was like you know. Germany one Germany is vers England. right now Germany's vers Great Britain. you know at that moment when they're in. that war and he says we are two.

superpowers and one the only way to win. is one of us is going to have to be. destroyed and it will not be Germany and. The Crowd Goes Nuts you're like [ __ ]. yeah oh my god dude I started put on my. [ __ ] boots I was like ready to go he. has an outfit he has an outfit yeah. that's it is yeah you can always get the. devil as due like everyone's always like. he [ __ ] failed artist no one liked. them it's like people liked them. dude he was a closer I mean he was a. headliner you again he was a guy when he. went up you're like all right we we. should only do another show two days.

from now yeah let people kind of settle. he was talking I think he jelled the. hair but I think he left the front flap. I think he knew the effectiveness of the. flat front it was a it was a tail and I. always loved when he did that afterwards. just gathered himself and he did that. smeared it back what I like about. standing up too is this is a fit City. you could just get your calf raises in. while you're that's that's and that's. why I think you did it dude it's just. like a workout I know I was tired of. sitting around all day yeah what's up. with all the gay art over here I just I. thought it was visually striking this is. nice I when my friend told me about this.

painting I'm like I looked it up I was. like perfect yeah this is I just wanted. something kind of intense and then you. know well I told I was telling you on. the plane he's a guy he jerks off to. erotic poetry so this kind of goes with. it which I've started doing now by the. way cuz awesome so you kind of like us. have a little bit of a female brain yes. because you like the imagination yeah. exactly well you know it's not that's. not uncommon amongst us we are. performers and here's the thing if. you're a performer and you get into the. Arts you at least got nicked you at. least got nicked with you got nicked. some people get fully clipped like Lane.

we got nicked yes yeah we got nicked we. got nicked gives us our eye and we all. got nicked we all got nicked and our. wives and girls they all know that we're. kind of like out of their friend group. like they're like they're proud of us. but they're like my husband's kind of. gay yeah and they just accept it yeah I. dude it's it's like embarrassing I don't. know what to do like I was talk just. like talking Sports I don't follow it at. all so that it like it makes me feel. really gay when other men are like dude. you uh blah blah I'm like I don't when. you told me that the last time I came on. the show it's something that I I swear. to God there's you know like you know. I'm 40 now you wake up you have to.

whatever and there's been multiple times. in the past like month since I've been. on your show I've woken up like I can't. believe Matt doesn't know anything about. sports and I've just been thinking about. it because you're such a guy who you. look at this guy you listen to this guy. you're like he's going to be like an NFL. broadcaster and he doesn't know I mean. he has a headset on like Tony Romo right. now I know I mean I love playing sports. I love playing sports like I played. football basketball and I'll still play. sports I just I can't bear to follow. them I don't care it's amazing cuz like. you look it's funny to see like. physically you I like to play sports God.

gave you a body for sports but then this. is your brain these paintings this is. what it is this real is a great. representation he laughed at us I think. when he made it he's like dude I'm GNA. make this matte one I'm G to put him. outside Philly I'm gonna make him look. like an athlete but then I'm just G to. have [ __ ] paint brushes and and you. know just gay stuff in his brain and I. think they laugh yeah and right now you. do look like a high school like. offensive coordinator with that headset. on you know I looked apart I look like a. cop I really look like you the only. thing you'll be is like Robert Frost's. uh Road Le traveled as a beautiful poem.

guys I know I know you look like a good. cop too you really do I think I would. have been a decent cop you would have. been a decent cop and I think I think. you also would have been a good you're a. really good coach that you would have if. you did [ __ ] around with a kid it was. like in the 80s wasn't anything recent I. hear you're saying you know what I mean. so like one of those things like you. were doing it when everybody doing it I. was young but you kind of had the in you. had the the the thoughts where you you. you realized it was wrong in like the. 90s which is way ahead of most people he. did it at a time where the parent would. have sided with you and not the k yeah.

true being he taught you football so he. was a good guy we had a uh I went to a. basketball camp uh it was called Bucky. gills basketball camp in Chai Chester. and he was the coach of the girls high. school team and he got he got round he. was like apparently like well they're in. the this was the rumor I should say that. he was like opening the shower curtain. like spraying them with soap he was like. back there partying with the girls wow. and then but it all we all had his. basketball camp shirt we everyone went. there but then when he got in trouble.

for it we'd all wear the shirt we. thought it was funny we'd all wear the. shirt but with but with girls but to me. with girls are you all right yeah no I'm. I'm Googling this story that's going to. blow your guys mind okay yeah with girls. though with girls I almost like. obviously it's [ __ ] up but it's not. it's like it's it's that's rare it's. normally always it's always boys getting. clipped it's usually always the boys. getting clipped I know I was in two. situations I went to Penn State football. camp when I was a kid never got clipped. never saw Jerry sandeski but never got. clipped and then there was another guy. in Christ the King basketball coach Bob.

Oliva that also went down for that stuff. and I never got clipped by him and I was. many many times in the gym just him and. I cuz my mom had to work so I would I. was the kid that I would get dropped off. my mom would pay extra to drop me off at. basketball camp at like 700 a.m. 45. minutes before because she had to get to. work and it was just him and I and he. never did anything never clipped me at. all and I know like the hack joke what. people say is like oh what about me. whatever like you know but I genuinely. had like feelings about it I was like am. I ugly wait a yeah like I really would. talk to therapist about it it's the.

opposite I think you're I think when. you're like a jack strong kid they know. they're like no this kid might you know. what I think Bob Oliva and these people. saw in me they were like this guy will. kiss me back and that's not what I. want I don't know if this has ever. happened on a podcast but I just. realized that I got clipped when did you. get clipped you got clipped I think I. just got clipped when you started. talking I was like you got hit I think I. got that's how it work you don't. remember one tell us about I got to. brace myself tell us about it wait this. is the exact position I was in I think I. got baned who' you get banged out by.

someone made you an artist I think St. savior I think yeah somebody somebody. turned me into the Arts no I'm kidding. but dude there's this crazy story where. my uh my brother went to poly prep you. know poly prep in Bay anyone can look up. this story there was this brother who's. an openly gay man openly gay man openly. gay man Big Time Hot Shot attorney but a. full I mean as gay as gay gayer than. your pain your brother's a gay attorney. he's $3 bill gay which is what messes. with him because he's got the you know. his brother got hit hard with so he's. like how much of this G that I geted if.

literal I came out of the same womb. which might be just a tainted gay womb. yeah true then it's like were we really. wrestling that whole time. yes I get his pain yeah what was really. happening but dude this this story is. crazy Philip foglietta was his name and. he was a legendary football coach at. Poly prep and he molested he had he had. a legendary program that like they were. like incredible the community supported. them uh um Whatchamacallit uh the mobs.

what was the the mob guy uh oh what John. Gotti no before him John Gotti Phil C. Paul calano before him for before uh the. gambino crime family Gambino Carlo. Gambino Carlo Gambino Carlo Italian. thing than [ __ ] sandwich shop Italian. Al his son went there and this kid. clipped like hundreds of kids really. hundreds of kids for so long and it.

finally came out and like so many kids. got clipped and it was happening like in. front of kids they had jokes about it. but it was just back in that era but he. was like he was like a gangster too he. no he was just a legendary football. coach I thought you saying he was part. of like the gambino son went to that. school I don't think he got clipped I. thought he was I thought he was clipping. kids and being like forget about it he. kind of was he was canoli creep he was. like the last guy anyone would expect. but he would take kids and he put him in. his Cadillac he did it in the most. Italian way he like let's go get some. Zepp kid you're [ __ ] you're a good.

lineman and like let me see a penis yeah. this will help you you want to start. yeah yeah it happens but what is what do. we think because obviously you know the. the guys that happens a lot the sandies. of the world the these the folli ERS. whatever but like women they women. teachers have sex with the male students. like it's rampid and they get caught all. the time but if you talk if all you have. to do I encourage you at home go home. and just ask like three or four people. they know someone and they all know.

someone who maybe they haven't the woman. hasn't gotten arrested but they know. like I know in high school my friend. bang the teacher it was confirmed it. happened she never got arrested for it. it never came out to the public it never. will but it's so what is that do we know. why they don't get in trouble you're. saying well no no why do they constantly. do that why are they always hot always. hot dud so I I think it goes down to uh. or comes down to like a lot of women's. television is still centered around High. School like even like like you know like.

what uh there's there's always in my. opinion a lot of those soaps have like a. heavy High School romance element to it. right like women constantly watch high. schoolers like make out and have sex. it's part of a lot that's a good call I. never thought about that like euphoria. that show that was a big one dude all. like the you know [ __ ] all just all. those like soapy dramas a lot of them. are centered around High School love and. that's like a thing for them it's like. the the meeting when like a boy and a. girl first like they finally kiss and. meet women like their brains like freak. out get payback though for like.

centuries and centuries and centuries of. 50 or 40y old dudes just marrying 11y. olds and now girls are Fally like you. know what I'm gonna bang this. 16-year-old just to pay back what guys. have been doing to us for so long yeah. like I'm G to be a pedophile yeah Dam. that's crazy they got they came so far. that they can be pedophiles yeah that's. how you know that we're equal now you. think Trump will change the law and just. let boys be have a legal age at like 13. and you could just [ __ ] clip them all. day just for boys just for boys you. think Trump just be like these kid these.

boys really don't give a [ __ ] it's their. mom's getting in the. way I mean honestly if I was 15 and I if. I was 15 and I actually I'm sorry no I. lost my virginity at 17 but then I was. 17 and banged a woman in her 30s so. that's technically a crime right but I. don't care she doesn't I I would never. it would never make a difference to me. but if I was a girl I might get older. and be like I got seduced was she a. babysitter or a family friend or she was. a family friend that's crazy you knew. she was a family friend I I told you.

maybe I told you she was a family friend. the thing about the women awesome that's. pretty cool they they don't they always. do it like that they even do it in a. woman way like they get to know you. first you talk to them guys just snatch. you up and put you in the car women are. like yeah let's see you're my I'm going. to give you Spanish lessons after class. yeah yeah you're my little buddy they do. it a little more emotionally yeah but. that's the thing though the problem is. as then as a 17-year-old you can get. like sucked into like adult kind of D. like you know say she's cheating on her. husband that's like a.

Al to don't know you rather if you were. Beed would you rather like a young like. boy no I'd like it to be a black guy. with a big dick yeah you just want to go. straight to I just wanted to know that. it's and I'll I'll give it to her I'll. be like I get I get what you need you. need the rest of that whole film do you. know the do you know the myth of the. black guys with the big dick do you know. where that comes from the black gu from. their dicks well no they they. actually they actually you play. basketball the biggest things I've seen. are it's [ __ ] crazy shout out Tim fud.

can you cackle that yeah play just put a. put a mute over that yeah t f big dick. he named a real guy I named a real guy. with a [ __ ] dick that I mean if you. saw this thing you're going what is a. mutant what is this from the locker room. yeah yeah I know dude the locker room. for me I went to an old boy Catholic. High School and I remember like the boy. you know obviously the players like. everyone going in there butt naked and I. would go in with a bathing suit shorts. on cuz you know I a little embarrassed. but then I remember the older kids would. be like take off the bathing suit shorts.

what are you [ __ ] gay like isn't it. gayer if my dick and balls are out with. the rest of you but the black but the. black dick thing so supposedly. supposedly I think this I think this. might have been like 1600s late 1600s. when like the first waves of like. African slaves started to come over the. the the the men the white men were so. scared that they were going to because. they were H muscular they were that they. their wives just going to bang them left. and right they said that their dicks. were so big but it was a negative thing.

back then like they're going to kill you. and you're going to get killed by them. like that's a weapon and so then and. then but then it became like we want the. big dick but back then the big dick was. frowned. upon it was a bad thing in ancient. Greece if you had like a real small just. flaccid penis people be like what a. astonishing man I got so nervous that's. why that's why these sculptures medieval. sculptures are all little flaccid. penises cuz that was beautiful yeah you. were smart I got so scared just watching. him at that Podium when he said African. slaves I was like I hope this finish is. good the podium is just kind of like.

you're going all right let's just that's. such a funny thing to be like oh those. huge muscular exotic guys yeah well. trust me they got huge dicks you want. anything to do with yeah some guy raised. like his Pine of veil like I got it I. know but dude it turns out that they do. they do I mean not all of them but the. ones that are big are like big and like. the Chinese guys you I mean we've all. seen the porn it's just some of it is. genetic no you could look this up the. science though says as far as like penis. length the African culture black people. in general don't have bigger dicks than.

anybody else wow if you look at the. science we saw there condom studies they. released the data and it wasn't the. average it wasn't as big as you would. thought in terms of like compared it's. not. that but I think their outliers do I. think they kind of right I don't know. it's also crazy to be white and have. like a huge CR that's kind of something. unsettling about that yeah I remember. like when you know Pete David get reded. I remember like when Pete Davidson got. really really you would get it reduced. get uction I would take it right back to.

where I'm at now I'd be like this is. crazy yeah I remember when Pete Davidson. got like you know like really famous and. started to like blow up and everyone was. saying how big of a dick he has whatever. like all these comedians were like. making Tik toks be like dude I could. confirm I saw it I started comedy with. him I was like he started comedy when he. was. 16 what happened there yeah I knew him. way back famous I can confirm that [ __ ]. dude I saw him in high school bro I'm in. my he was 12. yeah my I was I didn't know people did. that dude it was crazy I I was literally.

seeing people be like stop don't phrase. it like that say it like I saw it a week. ago but if you said when you we did a. road gig together and he just pulled it. out I'm like yeah dude the kid started. at 16 his mom used to call me and make. sure that he was like being okay on the. road cuz he was a child yeah you got to. be like dude his Dick's huge exactly i'. like Mrs Davidson he's F his Dick's. wraps around my neck though how do we. stop this do I to feed it it is funny to. ride the wave of like just someone. else's dick just like yeah I saw it and. you going catch me on the the road at.

uh just put your dates across the shaft. of his dick of the pick you have from. when he's 18 yeah for your dick to get. like a legend of its own must be kind of. cool oh yeah I mean his has it I mean no. no doubt about his has it yeah but my NE. you ready for this my call though my. next call for that just the new absolute. coxman is going to be Marcelo from from. uh I think marcelo's the next coxman big. he's like the Latino Pat Pete Davidson. imagine Pete all the power Pete has but. on top of that you're [ __ ] Latino.

Unstoppable how do you stop that. although Pete's vague ethnicity is kind. of powerful as well true CU you're like. you don't know what that guy you're like. yeah whatever man could be he looks like. a black guy who bleached his skin does. he looks he looks like Sammy Sosa yeah. yeah he's just a white guy yeah he's. just a white guy dude he's a he's a. fireman son he's like as white as he get. white working class as he get but he. does have a black face yeah and he's got. the [ __ ] to match supposedly yeah. allegedly does it's definitely not. small made it to the halls of Kardashian. that's a big that's just party must be.

crazy there's a certain length to get. into that party that's been established. there a precedent that was set that he. had to meet he had to meet yeah yeah you. got to have a dick that size you have to. have 50 Bitcoin one or the other yeah. Kim cardashian you know you know when. you go on the rides your kid go to like. a goes to a ride and the ride says you. got to be this tall and Kim Kardashian. just goes and measures your dick and go. you can come in this ride you got put on. a digital scale but it's crazy cuz like. I'm like you know as men's mind like I. think we all still think in our minds.

like oh maybe one day we can hook up. with Kim Kardashian too even though we. have no chance and no desire to I saw. her in real life one time it was just. happen to she's way shorter than you. think but it was for real it was like I. went yeah like like I was I was stunned. dude I felt that way uh two weeks ago I. did a show at lucali's Pizzeria very. famous Pizzeria in Brooklyn some of the. best pizza in probably the best pizza in. New York and um besides Joe and John's. my local pizzer shout out rwood Queens. baby um but uh but an Hathaway was the. second row of the show and when I tell.

you the most gorgeous woman I've ever. seen in my life besides of course my. girlfriend and obviously she's way. hotter duh but and haway was it. literally to the point where I would do. a joke I would be like you know she was. sitting over here and I'd be like. scanning the room and I'd do a joke and. I'd hit the punch line and I would you. know like people be laughing and I would. slowly go like this and just make like. like almost like a she laughing and. there was a couple times I saw her laugh. and I swear to god dude I got. butterflies. I was like oh my God and then you have.

this fantasy like's going to come out. here and be like you know you were so. great like why don't we just like why. don't you talk to your wife and I'll. talk to my husband and you and I could. just be together and they'll allow it. and we could just be together and and. it'll be great you we could do movies. together but like our wives and husbands. don't care and they're actually they're. actually cheering up yeah you know and. then you and I just drive home and then. you're like depressed that like she. didn't you know DM you and then you're. like [ __ ] man I guess I suck do you. remember when we were in that thinking.

about you right now 100% dude yeah she's. probably watching the our show history. hyenas yeah big fan do you remember she. probably on the patreon she's probably. in the patreon you never know do you. remember we were in that sushi. restaurant in LA with Tim Dylan oh yes. yes this a great story dude so Emma. Stone was in there and she went to the. bathroom and no wait wait but yis you're. missing a key part you let me just set. this up we're in this very famous sushi. restaurant with Tim it's me Yanni and. Tim Dylan and Tim Dylan 20 minutes. before is telling us how much em Stone. hates him oh that's right remember he's.

telling us Emma Stone despised him and. me and Yannis are listening but we're. kind of be like this is maybe Tim's just. like making it a bigger deal maybe Emma. Stone like there's no way that Emma. Stone hates him and we were like maybe. Emma Stone doesn't even know who any of. us are we don't know but we were like. whatever and then go ahead and she was. in the restaurant like in a movie 20. minutes later actual Emma Stone walks in. and yeah yeah and I think she came in. for this was my like serendipitous. moment she came in CU I I think she's. the most gorgeous thing in the world I. love how big her eyes are I like pale. women uh except for my wife my wife's.

the most beautiful half Italian half. Greek but she smoke show Mrs po she went. to the bathroom she went to the bathroom. and I just saw it as an opportunity to. be in the bathroom after Emma Stone so. she went to the bathroom came out and. then I went to the bathroom and I did. not sniff or seat I did not but I did. sit down and PE that's perfect I did sit. down and PE but so nice but and that and. then also that's not creepy right no but. any guy would have done that dude I mean. how you would have done that right 100%. was she just a little bit cooler than.

like the average it just smelled so good. in there I just remember how good the. bathroom smells she just I just sat and. I was like this is just where Emma Stone. peed great but Emma then she did she. flush that' be that'd be nice if you. peed on her peed that would have been. that would Inc imagine she [ __ ] in the. sink how great would that would have. been you just go there there's a turd in. the. sink but she walked past us and was like. holy [ __ ] Emma Stone and then she came. back the other because Tim was sitting. with his back TOS but then when she came. back out of the bathroom she walked and.

looked at Tim and I saw I saw her go GH. like that so it confirmed everything he. said it could have she does hate him. could have been just the way he was. eating just. like what was their beef why the [ __ ]. would she something with Tim you know. cuz Tim Fu your husband yes that's what. happened no Tim's hilarious on social. media and I think he was tweeting like. you know hilarious [ __ ] but maybe like. [ __ ] on an Emma Stone movie you know. happens that happens you know that's. what just makes me think about celebrity. is it worth it to just like you know. Emma Stone poor girl she just went into. the bathroom to take a piss and then.

there was this guy that went in there. and just sat down and peed after her and. I'm telling it on a big podcast I'm. sorry I'm a stone sorry I'm a stone I'm. sorry I did that you did nothing wrong I. did nothing wrong I don't think it's not. I didn't sitting to feel a hot lady's. body heat on the toilet there creepy a. little bit now sorry I'm taking up my. phone I just want to make sure my hair's. still good cuz these fans are just. [ __ ] unbeliev your hair looks great. dude all right we're good dude it's you. guys can't stop what I want to do is. hang an ornament right off that. Christopher Reeves curl just right there. that would be actually really ni think. that's nice that'd be really nice toe.

yeah just put it right there and him. right on the [ __ ] mouth I just by the. way I just looked out my I just looked. at my phone to like you know like see my. hair and then I I just looked at like a. quick text and I'm have a special coming. out for Hulu uh in February and I just. got a text from like the person who like. runs it like hey we we we really need to. have a conversation so just call me when. you can I'm like here we go it's over. baby it's over there it is folks and. it's gone yeah just like the way you.

know I just think it's done now so this. will be a fun next 30 minutes for me to. just know it's done just waiting just. and and then calling her and then her. not calling me back for a week that. would have been weird if it was Emma. Stone who texted you like whoa that. would have been weird I so I would. that's that's very funny it's funny you. have to sit with that for the next half. an hour deal with. it here's my thing I don't think it's. that that's like that's like a mercy. because it creepy would have been like. waiting right by the door to try to do. like a romcom like oh sorry oh my God oh. oh crazy hey I'm Yannis do I know you.

yeah she probably gets people that like. want to take pieces of her hair her skin. if if the worst thing about you she you. want to sniff her toilet seat after she. goes to the bathroom she might be like. we can actually go on dates I didn't. sniff her seat not sniff not sniff feel. her warmth feel the warmth of her body. you would have done the same as what. you're saying you're yeah we you gonna. waste it you know like look it that's. her body heat yeah it's going to just. fade up or you can just enjoy it before. it getss like inducted back up there's. no rule against it I have to go to the. bathroom and it happens to be Emma Stone. and I want to just sit in your body heat. I'll do that and he he didn't like jerk.

off no but mean but even if he would. have it's his I didn't do anything his. but I didn't do anything but I have not. uh bathed the bottom half of my body. since yeah so just she's with me I don't. know if that's creepy she's with me yeah. I mean you did absorb her body heat part. of her does live inside of you I mean I. do hang out outside her house a lot and. take photos but that's a different thing. that's public property I you know girls. love that stuff man yeah that's I'm you. said that because girls as much as like. the world we live in where're like do. not objectify me feminism they want you.

to tell them how hot they are at all. times and you want they you love they'll. be like that's so weird but if they're. like say they took a dump and it kind of. stinks if you just stood in the bathroom. and you're like they're like oh my God. get out of here like I [ __ ] love that. [ __ ] love it [ __ ] love that [ __ ]. dude what if you know when I wake up. next to my girl if she's like you know I. try to like kiss her good morning she's. like no stop she has morning breath and. I just [ __ ] burrow in there like a. goer she loves it yeah dude they love. that [ __ ] it's a thin line it's a thin. line between uh complimenting them and. creepiness it's a thin line well there's.

actual in stench in the stink of men and. women I think there's actual um what's. the like term for AFC feromon there's. actual pheromones in there correct. answer yeah y boom 200 I don't know why. your thing went off [ __ ] I think. that's a fact I think that's what we. call on the history news a truth biter. Ginsburg that there's pheromones there's. pheromones inside stench that that uh. actual like that's you're supposed to. have stinky sex I think so sex are you. or is that just something Jim Norton.

told you because he likes to get women. [ __ ] on his chest that's what Jim Norton. told me after after he was like just. drink this no I dude I agree if I still. to this day if I smell like um like when. women put on no when women put on. deodorant but their body odor still. comes through a little bit that smell. drives me like absolutely I love I love. a girl with pit smell it's a little bit. a little bit through the deodorant it's. just like [ __ ] I love that do you like a. girl with a little bit of fumes yeah I I. honestly don't mind it yeah FES yeah I. don't mind a little bit you fumes are.

you talking about coming off the Box. yeah I'm talking about little fumes it. it depends on the fumes I prefer no. here's the thing I can take if it's like. pungent but just like kind of like B. spices but if if there's the fish smell. yeah can't do it but there are girls. what we say on our show is there are. girls though that we call swim-throughs. where you will swim through they're so. hot where you will swim through fumes. just that like like if Kim Kardashian. had fumes she' she'd be considered a. swim through she'd be considered a swim. through for.

and raning if we were. livety would Roman EMP ripped away from. her mom and dad and she would be part of. the Herm of King Yannis that's how H. that's what it would be of Emperor. Yannis you probably fixed that'd be nice. to like take a girl like and then fix. her fumes back in Roman times now but in. Roman times that was chilled and be like. dude I'm G to fix your fumes dude in. Roman times that was a real worry like. fix your fumes he like a shop in Ran fix. your fumes ground from the ground up. dude in Roman times that was was a real. worry like imagine being a father and. you know your daughter's like 16 and a.

smoke show you're like this girl's going. to get taken for room the emperor is. going to come and take her when they. come to our town they're going to take. her for the her and I can't do. anything I know for a fact if I was an. emperor that's just unfortunately that's. what I would do yeah well they would. just roll around my Chariot and go do. you think though but back then I think. it was kind of like if your daughters. got snatched up by an emperor you'd be. like [ __ ] yeah dude you high five your. wife and like we [ __ ] did it well. they did if they snatch you up according. to the to the research we've done if. they've snatched up a your daughter Fone. which is a real thing you would you.

would get a tax break so it's like you. know that true yeah you don't have to. [ __ ] hit taxes that year because we. took your kid so deduction do it for a. ride off that's a really that's a really. great Republican uh platform yeah like. you guys want lower taxes give me your. daughter dude I think Olympic athletes. that win gold medal should get no pay no. taxes for a lot I think I think that's. because you're not going to get any. money so my thing is like if you win the. gold medal for us no taxes I like that. idea and you're a Podium I think it's. great I agree I didn't realize they get. [ __ ] over so bad spend your whole life.

doing that and then it's just like then. they don't give a [ __ ] about silver. medal I guess you can start like your. own type of lessons back home you gotta. be like a super like Simone biles gets. money yes Michael Phelps got real money. whoever gets the bronze medals and work. there until you just not remember it's. so impressive you're like you know. you're like the third best person in the. world it's like yeah dude they should. you're right they shouldn't pay taxes. hell dude that's my and then I I. military shouldn't pay taxes dude and I. think if you did the right thing. November you shouldn't pay taxes and I. did the right.

thing my opponent here he thinks nobody. should pay taxes I believe that uh the. government should pay for gender. reassignment surgery that's my that's. what is yeah y goes left Yanni I think. that's my position gender reassign dude. we met our driver yesterday you can have. something to jerk off to yeah dude our. driver yester I saw that clip yeah yeah. and ain't nothing wrong with it I'm off. the porn I'm off the porn yeah ain't. nothing wrong with it not at all yeah. sometimes you just look and you go I'm. fooled I know I'm fooled sometimes a guy.

in a wig you just go you know what I'm. fooled I'm telling you man it's like you. watch the porn and it's just like it. just starts to be like yeah you watch it. so much and you're like what's this and. it's just a new thing well it's. disassociation like yanis was telling me. yesterday he was like you dis and then. you start to think about how come my. wife doesn't look like that why don't we. do that where's your penis baby I said. that to her a few times here's the. Eternal here's the Eternal question what. would you rather do so if you had to. have sex with a like a straight up you. know Buck Angel sure like a dude with a. [ __ ] or a lady with a who would you. rather [ __ ] yeah I mean can I do it.

quicker yeah it's crazy it's it's a. weird it's I'll even go one further like. a hot beautiful [ __ ] with a great. personality because it's not all about. the physical for every woman or uh like. a Butchy lesbian or Rosanne O'Donnell. trans yeah yeah going you wouldn't take. down like a stud and I'm just I'll just. pretend if we're having sex that my. penis was so big it popped out the other. side that's all you got to do is use. your imagination well we watched the. science video about about the. Neuroscience of the brain we watched. this a few years ago where they said.

actual from a scientific point of view. the highest climax the best orgasm a man. can have is when they're watching. transgender porn because the number one. things the one and two things that men. are attracted to most men are big boobs. and a big dick so even that thing and. that's heterosexual men we're not. talking about game we're because a. heterosexual man even if it's not. transgender porn will Fast Forward. subconsciously if the man's penis is not. big enough while they're watching it. because we everything we mirror. everything so a big penis and big boobs.

theoretically would get the most. excitement from the male brain and. that's a transgender person and that's. another truth biter ginsb a truth G it's. subconscious and it's just the way it is. and the truth is that gay guys don't. watch that they don't like gay guys are. not in not some of it's impressive. you're going like it's almost like. impressive it's like when you see like. when a Puerto Rican soups up a car. you're going like look what they did. with that [ __ ] Honda the ground. effects yeah like this was a guy look he. look the rims he put on the look at. those [ __ ] rims he put on that body.

you're not and you're not gay like we I. think we sit sit and think a lot we're. gay and that's why it's great to be in. comedy have gay friends because I've. asked mat oane multiple times am I gay. and he said no you're not gay you're. just feminine but that's not gay it's. not gay you're more like a woman than a. man but you're not attracted to men and. that's because you really don't know man. as your as your brain starts to develop. you're like I don't know because I will. not immediately push a handsome man out. of my brain if he pops in while I'm. masturbating I'll let him hang out a. little bit but that's just being a more. of a woman not a gay man cuz we said it.

many times and Yannis is the one who. discovered this that I like to I fall in. love with men but I have sex with women. and that's just who I am but that's not. gay according to Mato who I would say is. like I mean he's the top gay and they. can tell if you're you're gay they can. look at you and be like I mean but Chris. did try to crawl in my bed last night. cuddle with me yeah really because I. just got a little freaked out cuz my TV. wasn't working I don't like sleeping in. the dark so I just knocked on giannis's. door and I said can I just [ __ ] post. up in here he guys chill yeah yeah but I. couldn't but then I couldn't cuz his. feet smell so bad so I just I'd rather.

sleep with the fear of Ted Bundy popping. out of a closet hetero kicking in being. like just the smell is off and you're. like what the [ __ ] am I got to get out. of here I got to get out of here dude. cuz if I was a real gay guy then I would. have just [ __ ] went in and tried to. you know watch you would have washed his. feet 100% D made it work for me this a. quiet blow Slow blow job but you're a. big fan of History yeah just a quiet. slow one that that that that one made me. like I felt that one a quiet slow. [ __ ] to your friend like that. literally like it actually made me like.

pause like we're [ __ ] around but that. one I have to be like. oh like like you grab on to the podium. like holy [ __ ] Matt went crazy just now. the quiet and slow is gayer than the. [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah dude if you would. have been like oh teethy [ __ ] like ah. yeah man but quiet is [ __ ] manly one. like yeah that one like that's another. one I'll just probably think about that. now like the [ __ ] are you doing man. you're going to get a text from me like. 400 a.m. quiet and slow question mark. prize pick is the best place to get real.

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lineup prize pick run your game now. let's get back to the show also guys. before we do uh Happy New Year by the. way happy New Year and with the new year. I am glad to announce we're out of the. podcasting desert man we're after this. week business as [ __ ] usual. thank you guys for uh you know trudging. through the podcasting desert with me it. was it was interesting and um you know. like I said said before it was a. crucible. situation in a c in a in a crucible you.

are steel is melted down and reforged. into sometimes a stronger sometimes a. weaker shape but I'm excited to announce. that anyway I don't know I'm very tired. I stayed up late last night and now I. have to do advertisements let's get back. to the show but yo y we talk we talk. about this all the time and you love. history too on our show we talk about. when you look back at history at all the. empires just the top guys like the vice. Roy and and the Emperors and all that. they just engaged they took whatever was.

on the table men women Unix boys and. like they were the toughest dudes like. Alexander the Great was like the most. masculine guy and that guy had a. straight up boyfriend yes he had boys he. had and he had a but an actual like. lover that was his I can't remember his. name um I'm forget some Greek something. Greek it was it was a battle boy he took. a boy in it was a battle boy no but it. no he had one guy that was like his. 13-year like partner and when that guy. died he made it like holiday he quieted. he was like it was like a he was like he.

was beside himself damn and yeah I think. he just was in a Great Depression. because he was in love with a guy there. were no labels back then though that's. the thing it's like you being gay or. straight was irrelevant they didn't care. about that it was like it was more of. like do you love your country and want. to fight in war or not but you being gay. they were like we don't that's not. everybody's banging guys girls animals. it doesn't matter so now and because. dude even like the label of being gay. that's like 100 15 200 years old even in. Abraham Lincoln's time nobody cared that.

the guy the um who was it the guy before. him James Buchanan yeah he was like. known gay Never Had a Wife they used to. call him uh they used to call his like. guy that was always with them I think. they used to call him like Aunt Nancy or. something like that which like a gay. term back then but like the people. didn't care his his political opponents. didn't slander him with that because. they were like nobody cares about this. it only came later in life like oh being. gay was taboo well it's crazy too that. you know if you think about how strong. gay must be to like fight through like.

biblical like the Bible Belt stuff and. even I'm sure in medieval Christianity. it was probably kind of frowned upon oh. yeah heavily heav in P you know p uh. puran times gay just like kept bubbling. under the surface and event was. like we're [ __ ] gay the whole society. had to be like all right our bad we it's. a strong strong uh driving force listen. to this like people are like oh Pete. Pete Buddha Pete Buddha we say Pete. likes it in the Buddha he does unfort. and I don't know why his political. opponents like if he ever went up.

against Trump I Trump that was what. Trump should say Pete likes it in the. Buddha chat that would go viral that. would be dude he's gonna watch us and. take that yeah but my point is he take. it dude people think that's so shocking. that never a presidential candidate who. was gay but when you look back at the. Roman Empire Tran was a full gay dude. and he was like the best Roman he was. like one of the ones by historians. that's considered to be like one of the. best Emperors and he was just a gay guy. he wasn't even into like I'm going to. marry my horse or you he was just love.

Ben a gay guy and the clarity the. clarity must be amazing to like not be. just kind of like dealing with like a a. lady like if you're a gay like and women. are like you're just like I I for real. I'm not doing this we're immersed in. like yeah you know we're immersed in. women's thoughts if you a wife and. you're a straight guy it's just like. you're constantly just dealing with just. whatever you know just a minor problem. that if you're a gay guy that imagine if. those problems never cross your radar. yeah think I didn't eat all day you know. you have to be like [ __ ] you can get a. lot done yeah you can really Crush you.

could look at Michelangelo and you're. like that guy got a lot done cuz he. didn't have to listen to those people. with smaller brains yeah yeah Bill Burr. has like a good bit like paraphrasing. about like if you see like a lesbian a. 35-year-old lesbian in a bar who's. married and a 35-year-old married guy at. a bar straight guy they have the same. look like they're both angry pissed off. but then a 35-year-old gay guy like he. was like have you ever seen a sad gay. man and it's the truth you have never. seen they just always having fun life. there's also there is actually a kind of. a dark element to just like we we used.

to do a comedy show in a gay bar right. and they were so mean to the female. Comics good oh yeah they are [ __ ]. ruthless it like lady was on they be. like Boo Honey you stink and like I was. like oh my God yeah yeah ruthless they. can get kind of nasty yeah they can get. really nasty you know what I just. thought of you know what's really funny. to think about Michelangelo fully gay. guy sure painted the cine Chapel all the. people that and pre like hate. homosexuals but like the biggest.

Christian icon in the world was made by. a flaming $3 bill I think that that's. like kind of poetic justice for the gay. community it is it's also Imagine him. just drawing all those beautiful baby. penises too just you need you need the. master yeah like do you think after he. sculpted David when he just that because. that penis is like remarkably small he. do like this yeah kiss on. the. magn god it's a masterpiece that point. you bring up it's mostly baby penis that. he's was painting yeah yeah and all the.

popes came in they're like [ __ ]. perfect bro you know. that you know that was started by some. powerful dude with a small dick and he. was like everyone's Dick's GNA be small. yeah I don't want anyone to see cuz. people probably saw each other's dicks. all the time they only had togas on so. when they sat down I mean they didn't. have underwear yet no and you had to. live communally a lot a lot of people. people just lived in the same one big. room so this whole taboo of like sex is. in private wasn't really a big thing. back then like PE par kids would watch. their parents have sex as if they would.

watch a guy out or whatever they were. like it's just we all live amongst each. other yeah we like yeah get out of the. way I'm you ever see how they [ __ ] in. those old Roman latrines where it was. just like they all [ __ ] together it was. public [ __ ] public uh toilets and they. and they would hang out and it was. social for them they' [ __ ] next to each. other what about toilet paper what would. they use that's the thing I think they. used water they used really just wash. your ass with some water they used. leaves I think they used water they. didn't have it back then the hair of a. un medeval London was the same if you. had to take a [ __ ] you were supposed to.

like walk out of town and like [ __ ] off. the bridge and it would just fall in the. river yeah but if you like got caught. dumping your thing they would they would. like really [ __ ] you up they would the. the uh [ __ ] The Butchers too would. just throw entrails out into the street. every day so you'd walk and there' just. be like rotting [ __ ] animal carcasses. downtown Manhattan like that that that. famous like Lake remember down oh yeah. the old Manhattan yes yeah collect pond. that's what it was called collect. collect Pond they all the butchers the. uh waste human waste in New York yeah.

games in New York time there was just. this disgusting Lake that had all the. waste from animals and butchers they. would do it it just yeah we we always. say history stank I mean it just you can. smell when you think about what history. must have smelled like it Teddy. Roosevelt who was the one that changed. it all Teddy Roosevelt instituted like. the sanitation department and would come. guys dressed in all white like we got to. clean this up because dude the idea of. like a germ being discovered that that. was Pastor that wasn't that long ago no. you know who actually discovered germs.

before past there was a guy uh he was a. doctor in like I don't I I forget where. he was somewhere in like maybe Belgium. or somewhere and they were doing this. thing I was just talking about this last. night they so back then they would. deliver the babies you know a lot of. babies died so like there was like where. they put the dead babies was really. close to where they delivered babies so. doctors would be handling dead babies. constantly like all right here you go. and be like all right let me deliver. this baby so they're transferring like. dead fetus jour. and it was it was killing like 50% of.

the the babies and then this one doctor. was like dude I think there's like stuff. getting on our hands from these dead. babies and he started washing his hands. with like a solution of whatever. chemicals and the uh and he like the the. infant mortality rate went down to like. only like you know 7% of the babies were. dying or whatever inter and then he. tried to tell the other doctors about it. and they were like nonsense we're. doctors and doctors are gentlemen and. gentlemen are always clean and then they. like told this guy he was crazy he went. in the sane Asylum and he died yeah and. they eventually figured out like [ __ ] he. was true heally right infant mortality.

rate you know like when people you know. you think like oh from the 1500 1600s oh. we would have been dead by 3540 but. that's not true like all like Benjamin. Franklin these guys lived to their 70s. and 80s it was the the it would say life. expectancy of a male back then was. whatever 45 but it's because of the. infant mortality rate that's what. science doesn't tell you it's because so. many babies were dying at one minute old. that it brings your average down but if. you passed if you passed childhood most. likely you were going to live to your. 70s and 80s like we are today so we.

don't live much longer it's just we. don't die as babies as much because back. then no processed food working with your. hands out in the sun all those things. that makes sense that's crazy because. I've been thinking about that non-stop. being like damn if it was like 200 years. ago I'd have been dead like I'm no you. most likely you might have died as a. child if somebody put some dead baby. juice on you but people did die of like. uh you know viruses germs you get a. fever and you're done so yeah a lot of. wives died in child birth it was really. normal to have like three wives just.

from like your first two dying right the. week definitely still kind of got you. know it was more animalistic in the way. that you know if you were at a weak. immune system you were going to go yeah. you're out nowadays you know there's a. lot of weak people walking around myself. included yeah yeah imagine trying to. talk to like you know somebody in the. 1700s about your mental health as a guy. they' be like what the brtish are coming. yeah what are you talking about stab you. with a Bayonet I think it was improper. to even like bring it up I think you had. like a couple I did like the letters. people wrote each other in history. that's something we got to start back up.

writing beautiful letters long letters. to each other instead of calling. depression depression they said I'm. suffering from Melancholia beautiful. yeah it's awesome they did it better no. nobody has a better joke about that than. Greg Geraldo you ever see that Greg DDO. joke he like back in the day would be. like some Soldier would be like dearest. mother dearest Martha I missed the. please kiss the children on the forehead. and your Vis I miss your Vis with every. battle and then now he goes the letters. now like dear Marie don't [ __ ] nobody.

yeah I'll be back yeah it's changed yeah. yeah it's kind of it kind of sucks I. mean do Josephine's and Napoleon's. letters are I mean I mean Jo talk about. stench Napoleon and Jo Napoleon is. saying I can't wait to fake smell your. bush he said get your Pub like basically. paraphrasing but he said I want your. pubes when I get there I want your bush. as as big as possible and I don't want. you to take a shower and he would come. in frell and he needed to bang her out. with like a full the stinkiest [ __ ] she. could possibly have so she would not.

bathe like if she knew he was coming she. wouldn't bathe for like five six days. and just let the bush go CU that's what. he wanted Wild Boy dude Jo look up if. you're into that look up the letters. between Joseph and Napoleon they are. wild just totally horny like wild dude. damn requesting the big stinky bush is. like pretty out he wanted it he wanted. it big time I want yeah I want that. thing lost yes he wanted it dude and. that's just how he's you know the top. always have some peculiarity about them. yeah for sure and here's the thing about.

Napolean he actually wasn't that much of. a squeak he wasn't squeak a little guy. under 5'6 I because everybody was kind. of short he was like 5' seven or eight. you know what that was right it was it. was British misinformation what the. British did that on purpose there was a. a writer I'm blanking on his name but he. wrote when the British were fighting the. French that let's make Napoleon because. nobody really knew back then let's just. make do all these political cartoons of. him being really short but he so it's. not like he was over like George. Washington was legit 65 he was tall.

Lincoln was tall but Napoleon wasn't. tall like that but he just was a normal. height so this whole idea of like. Napoleon complex is there's truth in. that but he didn't suffer from it. because he wasn't short enough he was an. average height for that guy [ __ ]. yeah dude it's [ __ ] [ __ ] let you. know man like a lot of the stuff in. history is just not true it's just. misinformation misation dude even even. fake news it's fake news that Trump's. not wrong with that dude he really did. blow the lid off I I mean I remember. watching the news when I was like 20 but. I was I was always like very stoned all.

the time and I was like dude this just. [ __ ] is [ __ ] fake but like but then I. would still like read the headlines and. like there's got to be some modum of. truth to it and then like he really did. blow the lid off that every was like oh. [ __ ] we are being allik dude I read this. book I read. 1776 uh and then this book the British. are coming and they basically were. saying that even the Declaration of. Independence that was all made up by the. founding fathers they created this idea. of like oh we want to be free. from the British and Independence but. like that wasn't when the Revolutionary.

War started it was all they want all the. people were saying was we just want to. be taxed if we're going to be taxed we. just want to be represented in. Parliament that's it because we don't. want the British to leave because if you. think about put yourself in the mind of. a colonist back then besides I could. select few like wild Patriots but most. of the colon I just got instantly racist. yeah yeah yeah get it there like oh yeah. okay put your mind as you go sit over. there and don't talk get some guys in. Chains I was just listen you're instruct. yeah yeah what this Mexican doing sorry.

they didn't even know what that was back. then Jesus look at this dirty Irish Mi. they're all drunk drunk sorry you're. about to go outside and H business wait. I'm hating myself you dirty [ __ ]. Greek you Greek [ __ ] but you white N. word sorry yeah that's okay I put myself. in the mind of a colonialist that's what. it is it just got the super stream like. oh yeah there was a time you'd look at. him and if you were back then this. [ __ ] dirty Irish most racist against. the Irish pretty bad in New York they. were bad they were terrible though when.

you read about like what they were up to. you're like God those guys must have. been [ __ ] terrible oh God I was. reading uh I was reading Angela's Ashes. and like it's so sad the first chapter. just like the the author introduces his. family his little sister dies just like. in a stroller by herself at night time. the family's like they're just all. devastated so they go back to Ireland. and they're on a boat the mom's on the. boat she's pregnant again and she gets. sick and as they're looking at the. Statue of Liberty she's explaining it to. her family she's like and look how. beautiful this is and then she goes and. threw up and it just the vomit just.

missed it in the wind just went on all. the other passengers and they're all. like you [ __ ] God damn it lady get the. [ __ ] out of here [ __ ] you and he just. watched seagulls eat his mom's vomit as. they like Sail Away beautiful it is kind. of beautiful way but it was the spray of. just being like oh there it just. crushing all the passengers dude so. these colonies they would the the declar. that they you know they just wanted to. be taxed right uh they just wanted to be. represented by Parliament but back then. they were like if you were a 13 if you.

were a colonist you had you wanted the. British because you had to the north the. French who at that point wasn't on your. side and they would kill you and take. your land and then to the South Spain. who definitely didn't like you and then. to the West Native Americans who. absolutely despised you and the only. thing stopping those three people from. coming to kill you were the British. because they were like we're one of the. Brit you do not [ __ ] with Britain that's. a British subject so but then the war is. going on you know 1775 whatever all the. soldiers they they did 9 months but they. were like dude we got to go home we're.

going to lose to these British [ __ ] we. got to go home because we got our Farms. we got to take care of our Farms our. wives are dying like the who knows we. have to go back and they just started. leaving in droves so Washington Thomas. Payne Common Sense was like a pamphlet. like the first viral thing that ever. happened he Thom George Washington told. Thomas Payne dude you're like a great. writer why don't you make up can you. make up something to like Galvanize. these guys to come back so they came up. with what if we CH this messaging from. taxation without representation to let's.

be free from the tyrannical Brits let's. just be free from these [ __ ] don't. you hate them and then that messaging. started to get into people's minds and. then next thing you know they're. fighting the British and they're like. this is not even what we wanted but we. just believ the fake news and then. obviously as you know Benjamin Franken. had to go over to Paris and bang some. some of Louis the Lou King Lou. concubines to get in Louis ear and then. he convinced [ __ ] he convinced the. the French to get into the war cuz the. French hate the British more than. anybody and then we won but that was not.

so it was fake news how it start that's. what these books said really yeah and. that was the last time the French were. tough yes that dude they got [ __ ]. steamrolled in World War iiig we got to. talk about that for another day but the. French got absolutely [ __ ] field goal. kicked in in World War II and they were. the number one seed they were the number. one army in the world they killing for. but they would always bankrupt. themselves that was a problem everything. I've read about French history is them. being like all right how much money do. we have like nothing [ __ ] dude and damn. it another fun fact history with the. French like Dunkirk when they got like. steamrolled in Dunkirk he almost lost.

everything whatever I read something. that said one of the main one of the of. course Germany was a this crazy Army on. a mission whatever but Hitler would not. allow the German soldiers to get. prostitutes or if you if you got caught. masturbating or drinking you could take. the poner chocolate which was crystal. meth so they allowed meth but no but no. banging prostitutes and no masturbating. and no alcohol because he wanted like a. [ __ ] tiptop Army where the French. were encouraging prostitution and were. encouraging you to like be free sexually.

free and supposedly there was sexual. STDs running rampant through the French. army those last six months before the. Nazis took over them and he was these. guys were like fighting with like active. chyia and VD where the Germans were just. coming in fully loaded [ __ ] on crystal. meth ready to steamroll DN and that's. like a big part of like why they just. beat the [ __ ] out of everybody but then. as the war went on the crystal meth. obviously you can't take that for so. long then even Hitler you started to go. nuts yeah it's just like rock and roll. they had better drugs yeah the the best. bands had better drugs dude like meth.

psychosis in like World War II as like a. Nazi Soldier must have been dude imagine. coming out of a lot of so Nazi soldiers. killed themselves when they got back to. Germany because they were like not only. does the world hate us but like I didn't. want to do this I was on meth and I. killed all these people and did all this. [ __ ] and I'm done and they killed. themselves yeah I don't think you could. I think I think you can't do War without. drugs you have to be on a little yeah I. I think so I think it's you're just. ripping Ates now and yeah I kind you got. be a real psychopath to just go Sober. Sober it's hard to do like stand up. without drink that' be funny a guy.

facing death he's like no dude I got 13. days sober you guys drink dude I mean. we're going to die what do you think. this is this is drugs dude this is I'm. on using a drug right now yeah I I. needed it today really but yeah I think. a lot of it do is just nicotine I think. they're just crushing [ __ ] nicotine. pouches probably like 500 milligrams of. caffeine a day yeah that's it there's I. there's a nice story about World War II. um nothing that would chill them out. that's for sure no what they weren't. sitting there micro doing mushrooms I. think I think when they when they get. back a lot of them do actually but the.

not when they're there but the there was. a story I read about World War II where. the um I think the Nazis were in Italy I. think at some point and they were like. they came to the bridge like you know. Dante's whatever Inferno sure so it was. the bridge from the book where he first. laid eyes upon Beatrice before she died. and there's it's an actual Bridge there. in Italy and the the Nazis they could. have blown the bridge up to keep like. the Americans whoever like off their ass. so they radioed they had some sort of. communication they were like look we. won't blow up Dante's bridge where he. saw Beatrice such a beautiful place you.

guys got to promise to do like a. 20-minute timeout and they were like all. right and the Americans chilled for like. 20 minutes let them cross the bridge and. they didn't blow it up and then they. used it 20 minutes later and like. pursued them wow it was just like a. weird moment in the middle of in the. middle of like War where they're like. Dude that [ __ ] bring that's like. World War I you ever seen that story. about the French and the British on. Christmas day they're sitting there in. the trenches they they're there for a. year they have each side has moved up. like 50 yards max they're in there there. was No Man's Land it was called where. like you know it was all like you know. mines and everybody would just die there.

so Christmas I forgot which side but one. of them basically called a timeout and. they all went out to no man's land and. had Christmas dinner together drinking. eating and then they went back December. 26th and started killing each other. again it's it's a in fascinating thing. in World War I Christmas dinner yeah. it's got to be so nice it's crazy yeah. just hang out you're like this is just a. regular guy I don't hate this guy shoot. him the next day and the next day you're. just blowing his yeah it just lets you. know how big propaganda is in war you. need it like you just need it to be like. look at these dirty Japs you just need. it otherwise guys are going why am I.

killing these you're committing mass. murder so yeah you have to who didn't. even bang your girl or like get get the. get the TV show you wanted it it's a. weird on and off switch in the society. no reason to kill this guy no you have. in society you have to control murder. then every now and again you got to be. like you know who kind of sucks actually. like what if we just kill that whole. country and. everyone's like the Japanese like the. emperor was just like guys if you fly. your planes in into the sides of this. the you know fly your planes into the. sides of the the American boats I can.

personally I'm the emperor dude I can I. guarantee you're getting into heaven you. can have whatever you want they like and. just did it but that Emperor is like. [ __ ] dude I don't know yeah you know. they the our politicians know our. weakness all you got to do is like a. little fake attack on us yeah a little. something like and that gets us yeah. Pearl Harbor 911 Dr attack anyone. they'll be like we're going to this. country they didn't have anything to do. and they're like just [ __ ] kill. people one of our [ __ ] boats nobody. was like wait a second AR why are we.

going to Iraq yeah everyone was just. like go that was that was a total green. light everyone thinks we're going to. I've heard people I should say who think. we're going to go to war with China like. that's inevitable yeah they're flying. drones right now over my house dude. honestly dude if I was President going. if I was a president I would just go to. war with Portland [ __ ] I would just say. get these guys out of here dude my. theory is World War III if we were all. being smart we should stop fighting kind. of like you know uh between countries. and have just all attack the oldest like. the elderly yeah right just plunder the.

elderly the world get them out of here. got blood thirst yeah exactly we all. plunder we all make a deal like look. let's just use all these Advanced. Technologies we've created to like. absolutely plunder the elderly do you. think we're going to come together as a. planet and fight whoever's controlling. the drones like this these drone things. you think like the aliens you think the. Alien Invasion this project blue light. or beam light whatever blue beam what. everyone saying B I think it's called. blue book blue blue beam blue be yeah. where it's like you know the AL like. where the countries are staging an alien.

attack and they're going to say that. these drones are we going to get. attacked by aliens and come together. against a common good that would be. great I've heard that I've heard that. theory they're going to use it to do. like a One World Government situation. you think so I mean yeah people get mad. I always say this but I I do think like. it that kind of setup or that I don't. know man I don't know if we'll always be. countries or if that unification will. ever happen where we're like cuz I mean. they have the EU now right so all it. would take is like the US I don't know. you got you got to unite people with. there's too many languages dude it.

always works language. religion we go English one Chinese 2. want to go three the most beautiful ones. English Spanish French Chinese is out. Chinese out let them learn French yeah. you don't they do they can do it they. can do it they're smartest people in. smartest humans asazi Jews yeah the. romance languages are the best sounding. languages when you don't speak them I'd. like to speak that they are Pleasant. yeah when I hear Hebrew I'm like I don't. to speak that language when I went to. Sicily dude I was [ __ ] rock hard 24.

hours a day just listening to people. speak dude French is French as well man. I've I've always I'm I'm like the French. accent kills me I'd love to [ __ ]. fren but yeah I uh I don't know I mean. here's the thing if that happened even. if they staged a fake alien attack and. we got to be like with like Russia like. come on brother let's shoot down these. [ __ ] aliens that would be fun that. would be how much better than Co would. that be being like we're fighting the. aliens we'd lose so quick if it was a. real thing though yeah I mean dudes that. can come here like light years just pow.

pow that's what our guns would sound. like to them pow yeah pow and they' just. be like well this is my argument for. that if you're able to get to that level. of technology I I do think there's a. good chance that you would have worked. out the weird in personal Kinks that. would make you like a weird kind of like. domineering War but they may look at us. like cattle though and be like you know. they may look at us like ants or. something but like not even have that. compass CU they're like look at these. stupid that's true too they're like. doing podcasts they're talking they.

probably digging the cast they probably. think so yeah that might be the thing. that they like if you could hear if. they're probably smart enough imagine if. you could like just watch ants and like. get a full in-depth look into like what. they're thinking you're feeling all day. this is awesome that's a good point. actually it's a good point yeah I don't. think that I don't think the drones are. sniffing for nukes though that was a big. Theory to said nuke sniffers and even if. they are I don't think the drones will I. don't think the nuke will go off because. it's in America I think the nuke knows. like I'm home this is where it created.

me I can't I think the nuke the nuke. will do a quick scan and say there's not. enough Japanese people here I can't go. off unless there's a certain percentage. it's yeah just K it. around I'm just kidding. around character it's probably AI now. it's probably full the nuke's probably. conscious it's like oh I don't want to. do this but like you know you know we it. was created here so like the nuke kind. of knows like what do they think the Dr. yeah they think they're going to set off. the nuke or something they think the. drone's sniffing for the nuke where it. is to where it is to find it okay so the.

issue is the nuclear weapons now. supposedly are have more power power. than Hiroshima and they can be fit in a. suitcase I've heard yeah so that's the. issue yeah yeah so yeah I mean dude I I. don't know I I had a I had a guy on. recently he did James Fox he did like. multiple documentaries on uaps and UFOs. and stuff and he's like I mean he's. totally convinced he's like dude we've. been contacted multiple times but I I. don't know I don't I like what the [ __ ]. are you going to do it's like I If. you're worried about an alien invasion.

it's like bro you're totally paralel I. have no fear of that for some reason I. have zero even nuclear nuclear war I'm. kind of like whatever yeah I just don't. worry about it I'm like dude I don't. know I like hope it doesn't happen but. you I'm not going to be like hey guys. knock it off yeah we should really. rethink this but it's like it would suck. if it didn't like if it was like it put. us in like the Wasteland scenario but. then it's like we get to all Dune out so. it's like I don't know yeah then the. whole world would just look like Sixth. Street yeah. Austin you can go there and practice.

theend the world this is what this is. why we come to Austin dude we're. practicing for the new world God what a. dump at night that street is yeah. that'll be huge if we if we somehow if. they can use the aliens to make us. somehow like all disarm like our nuclear. weapons but like no one's no one's going. to want to do it first they're going to. be like you know what would happen. though the aliens would have us disarm. the nuclear weapons and then we would. just go back to Medieval Warfare like 20. years later we would just start. attacking the regular way which which. that would suck yeah no we could still. we could still drop big bombs they just. could okay but just no nukes but then.

when you're like murdering each other. not you're going to get the edge it's. like it's it's a it's a catchy thing. yeah yeah because they say aliens only. started showing up after the first nuke. went off there were no alien sightings. before 1945 that's what the guy James. Fox was saying it was like they're very. draw a lot of the sightings around. military stuff have always been and then. I was like what if it's just like super. advanced technology they're not talking. about he's like I mean even that is like. a whole thing in itself he's like it. could be but right yeah I mean Bob Lazar. I believe that guy Bob Lazar saw all. that stuff years ago I was telling. everyone about it they were claiming.

they can do like full speed right angle. turns just like would you like that he. said there was a pilot that like saw. like a a silver kind of like a almost. like cylinder object just buzzing around. and he like did a nose dive to come down. to see what it was and he said the thing. spiraled up towards him and then when he. kind of like he like tried to contain it. it just was gone and then he they had. like a latitude longitude he was like. when they got to the latitude longitude. it was just there just like wait foran. just posted yesterday on his Instagram. like to explain like this footage and it.

was like this unedited footage and it's. just two orbs that just happened I guess. last night and they just the way they. shoot off into space is not and you know. Rogan saying this is unedited footage. this is real yeah the problem is is like. well there's like two things you could. fake that so easy you could fake that. but there's all these like highle. military guys coming out being like no. for real I saw it so like why do they. risk their they either don't care about. us like they're looking at us like we. would look good answering like what do. we care or they're jerking off to us. that's yeah because think about it when.

you jerk off to something shameful and. then you just jat you like leave like so. maybe they're just taking it out they're. wanking it and then they're and then the. commander is like where were you and. like he clears the search history the. ones who die are like the people who get. caught like autoerotic he. fix dude he's out there jerking off the. hum he. crashed cuz it's the only thing they. come and then they bounce so what are. they doing I don't know what are they. doing man I don't know I don't either. totally disinterested or it's a it's a. fetish it's a kink for him yeah or like.

I said I I I just I just you know I hold. out hope being like dude if you get that. advanced you must like there's no way. you get that advanced when you're still. like kind of self-destructive and all. that I think they might be pretty chill. I think one of the big things they. probably to get that advaned I think. they have no shame because I think the. thing that holds humans back is shame. yeah shame it's like yeah but it's also. anger comes from shame and it's all. projected out yeah but shame is pretty. good though because it keeps like you. should have a sense of like if you do a. certain thing like there's going to be a. bad feeling accompanying it yeah if I. went home and like blew my dog and just.

like took a walk that's a problem for. society I need to be like what solid. solid Point solid Point shame is not a. bad thing what I said was wrong because. you just made a solid point you need it. dude shame is a good it's like the I. mean it's like the beginnings of your. conscience it's just your conscience but. it's like if you kind of get carried. away with it you can't burden yourself. with it but like having no shame is not. good not good people might go far in. life with no shame but it's not it's not. good it's not good you got to have a. balance you got to be like turn off the. shame for certain things yeah and then.

but then turn it back on when you're. going to blow your dog or or or you. going to just you know take a kid into a. [ __ ] harm and drink their blood you. want to turn the shame off for that yeah. just slow blowing your you want you want. to turn the sh yeah you want to turn the. shame all the way up at a d party and. then you want to just turn it off when. you're [ __ ] hitting the stage. yeah yeah yeah God damn it dude the slow. the Slow blow is it's really dude it's. just going to be quiet a quiet slow. [ __ ] to a male friend is going to be.

something that I might I might honestly. bring it up on Rogan and just ask his. assessment he would love that yeah what. man what the [ __ ] are you talking about. yeah yeah I know I remember one I. remember the last time I went on I was. saying how attracted I was to this trans. actress on uh the show baby reindeer and. thinking like he was going to be like. you know back and forth and he just find. GH it's disgusting and then he just. started talking about alligators I was. [ __ ] yeah. once you. hear whenever I've done that show once.

he starts talking about grizzly bears I. know I'm B done bom you're bombing like. you know what man you just got to cook. it before tronos sets in man I'm like. okay I'm boring you yeah so that's the. sign yeah it is for real dude I'm I'm. I'm like being genuine the ability he. could his ability to sit there for three. hours and talk it's uncanny crazy I. don't know anyone can do it I can feel. an hour in me and I go all right I've. hit an hour and I start going all right. yeah and to and he does that by the way. three times a week it's not like he does. it once a week yeah for it's for real. like it's pretty nuts he's such a busy. guy I think that's how he schedules in.

his. socializing good so busy man good after. you podcast a lot it does kind of suck. when you socialize you're like dude I. should be getting paid for this right. now why am I wasting my time yeah I'm. like why am I giving gems to these. people at dinner when I could just be. doing that on a patreon I'm I'm out with. my neighbors I could just be man on the. street right now generating content yeah. I mean dude we were filming we were. literally talking to our driver. yesterday and cuz he was like a liberal. guy from Texas so we were like going. crazy we couldn't believe that we. finally met one whatever and he was like.

an older guy and we're having fun. whatever talking and we we I was. recording the whole thing I was like oh. this would be good on patreon and then. at the end when he's dropping us off you. know he says he says like the address of. where we are and then Yan like oh we. probably shouldn't post that dude he. just said the address and the guy was. like are you recording me and then I I. slowly put was like no no no no no but. it's fun the last bit we have goes are. you recording me and then you can see. that at patreon.com hyenas we've already. posted that puppy that's so funny yeah. doing Veritas on [ __ ] yeah yeah so. we're like that's actually like a crime. but we're just willing to do it if you. give us $5 a month no it's it's like.

investigative journalism project veritos. [ __ ] was awesome awesome when they got. guys being just gave a guy one martini. and he'd be like dude I [ __ ] I'm so. [ __ ] horny dude all the stuff. F did you see those videos yeah I don't. know were real though are they real I. think so I think they are real dude if. you get a guy you get crushed like dude. if you like just go on like LinkedIn. profiles and just have like a hot chick. be like I'd love to come out talk to you. they like okay yeah like dude we're. [ __ ] we're like making up half these.

[ __ ] and it was just like there's a. guy he he claimed that they were making. variants so that they could get ahead of. them so they could create vaccines for. ones they made up but here's the issue. he valid he said that so they like. that's wild CO's out there and they're. like what if we made a thing like it got. the vaccine for it and then that way. we're all already ready if something. like that strikes but to Chris's point. this is why I don't think it's real and. it's probably like a setup like you're. going to be this guy because it is. illegal so like if that really happened. the guy would be like get in trouble. it's a it's like a gray area with a.

journalist though I think journalists. can do that somehow can they I don't. know well maybe it's illegal and maybe. they're actively suing them but the. whole it's out anyway maybe eventually. they'll take it down but this is the. maybe they're willing to suck to to take. the lawsuit on the chin yeah yeah just. to say it also criminal offense though. isn't it I know if it's crial I don't. know um I don't know that's a good. question because I know you can't record. a phone call without the other person's. consent right I would assume that it. would be done a bunch of times but and. just posted it yeah yeah it's fun but.

but you can um yeah I don't know man. it's it's a weird gray area because I. feel like journalists have to be able to. do that like whistleblowers and [ __ ] do. it all the time I think probably if you. do it then maybe you maybe I don't know. anything but maybe dude the laws are. like what if you any law like if you've. ever when you were single if you've ever. like paid for a girl's Uber to come over. to your house and then you guys have had. sex you go her home you've technically. sex trafficked her true like that's all. real you know yeah but you have to trick. her you have to be like yeah which you. know that is there is some trickery. there always I guess yeah I mean like. let's watch a movie We're Not really I.

don't want to watch the movie yeah yeah. that's true I think though the problem. becomes if she comes over and you bang. her and then other guys come over and. bang her too did you see that [ __ ] in. France yeah there we were watching on. the plane we couldn't hear what what's. the thing 50 guys are going down for I. think a guy was just kind of like like. this is what Diddy was getting accused. of with Cassie or C whatever her name is. Cassidy yeah saying like he would just. be like imagine you took your wife out. to a nice dinner then like when you got. home you're like surprise babe and there. were just like four Dudes there and. she's like ah I don't really feel like. it and he's like no it's going down and.

he would just have her get allegedly. have her get kind of banged out wow and. I think the French guy was going hand. with it at the same setup where he'd be. like surprise and it was just like four. of his four Dudes I'm not gonna say it's. Bros I don't know if they're as Bros or. not but it be like like four or five. dudes would just yeah run the banging. out his wife yeah just bang it was like. apparently 50 dudes got caught and he's. a real wealthy like celebrity in France. kind of I guess so yeah which is a. craziest thing to get caught with yeah. the human brain is wild isn't it wild. yeah man it's [ __ ] up and that's such.

a that's such a wild one though man yeah. they like oh you're not GNA [ __ ] me all. right and just have like dudes come. through or they get off on it watching. dudes kind of uncomfortably bang their. wife yeah it's a weird thing man people. got weird things it's crazy bro they all. got something never me bro I'm I'm bro I. would be so mad no I would yeah I would. be upset third guy be like what the [ __ ]. am I doing this is yeah oh take three. yeah like f by the third you're like. wait this wasn't a good idea yeah I was. fine with the first well crazy for you.

and 50 people to all go down together. for that that was that trial must have. been crazy yeah they're all going down. too yeah yeah what is French jail even. like though you think it's even that big. of a deal probably cigarettes baguettes. yeah true it's probably jail is probably. the gay sex probably has that probably. awesome well it's loving yeah it. probably is like yeah that's I don't. know man the French jail probably. actually does suck yeah I mean all jails. I mean yeah yeah but I wonder if the. food might be all right probably better.

better than most if you're a criminal. just take a flight to Norway and commit. a crime and then you just live no death. penalty no life in prison most of your. prison time is on a farm dude I saw I. saw a documentary about that they have. like guitars and [ __ ] they have like. music rooms you can just go play it's. like that is a kind of a good idea it's. like kind of like hanging out in like a. recck room of a luxury Condo building. like you just got everything you want. you're chilling that wouldn't be bad no. not at all and you can do a pretty sick. crime you can like crash a car into. someone's house something like you know. crazy L that that guy in Norway who like.

like killed all those school kids like. that awful thing he's just he's going to. get out of jail just in a [ __ ] open. air jail I don't think he's ever going. to get out but the laws are that he. should but they keep. finding but it's funny because. technically he would get out but because. of what he did they keep finding. loopholes to keep him in there because. their own laws by their own laws they're. all about Rehabilitation and they all. they just sent him to Guantanamo yeah gu. like all right you're [ __ ] you're out. of there yeah cuz yeah he shouldn't be. there like doing like [ __ ] he's.

probably like getting emails and stuff. yeah so that guy should be locked up. dude I mean prisoners have Instagram in. the U like they're on they know they're. listening to pods I know chilling yeah. yeah but yo where we at time wise I. don't want to keep you guys up all right. we're good let's get some breakfast dud. let's [ __ ] eat some breakfast thank. you guys dude thanks for coming on oh by. the way January 18th we're doing our. first live history hyena show at the. Lincoln Theater in Washington DC dude. we're doing it baby days before the. inauguration so get down there that's. going to be awesome get tickets at. history hyenas ISB back.com Christy.

comedy.com or jannis paisc comedy.com. hell yeah thank you guys thank you. brother hell yeah.