Ep 518 - Daddy's Home (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

w wow West gerby yeah you con man yeah. it's good to be back Matt's out of town. although I'm out of town but Matt's I. think Matt's on I think he's in Turks. and caos really yes but wow in bigger. news the return of the the GRL the. return of the GRL King he's back yeah. what the [ __ ] what took so long well. what do you mean with I asked you 9,000. times oh no you did no no no but first. of all I retired twice I did retire.

twice what do you mean you retired from. the podcast yeah officially there was. literally yeah cuz Mt he's got GRL in. the. ra you can't you can't retire I did if. you're allowed to you're allowed. to Hiatus I did the first time it Matt. titled a gerby swan song I think and. then when you were like dude yeah I was. like I got nothing I don't know you know. what am I going to say that's how it. works you got nothing you thought we. thought we had nothing and then in the.

car gery's accidentally spilled the. beans a little what he was telling me he. was at Wawa and he was talking to Amy. from the show about how he wanted to. wear these nice patterned. pants uh and he was like all right here. I'll let you tell misrepresenting the. story I I got am I not allowed to. address the okay address the well no I. won't do okay I've done it but direct. address out of retirement in back.

talking to the camera what a showman. well no because it's so I had ordered a. sweater off of eBay MH cuz I it was like. a lacost sweater it looks awesome I. haven't wed around Shady cuz I I don't. know what he's going to be there yeah. you know uh and then she was saying you. should wear it with like patterned pants. do were you there for that I I was was. on the other side of the room for this. yeah yeah I thought it was for golf I. thought you were going to go golfing in.

it no with your you just wearing it it's. just casual yeah all right patterned P. what type of pattern no I I I I didn't. even want P that's what I'm saying I. didn't want patterned pants oh it was. being thrust upon she was and she. couldn't comprehend like the death. sentence that. would all right and before they think. I'm an [ __ ] it's like that's good you. need the checks and balances which you. acknowledge because without me you this. is what started the conversation he said. without me he'd be a jewelry man yes. he'd be wearing rings and no and then he.

admitted he would be wearing bracelets. car ride. home he spills the beans about what type. of bracelets and he's thinking Johnny. Depp style he's talking tons of like. leather bracelets which insane and then. he also spilled cuz all right we're in. the car and I'm playing music and I. realize Steve there's not one song I. could play that and then I realized. Steve must not like music and he was. like I'm not much of a music guy no no.

I'm tried I have tried I'm going tried. to go through a f I tried to be like. what you listen to I do the same thing. like get this guy in college and he was. really like fish and Disco Biscuits and. I like tried to go to a. jam that. sucks it wasn't my scene no that sucks. it's like a lot of that dancing like. this yeah the but then I realized the. only song I know he likes is Pirates of. the Caribbean theme song yeah and he. wants to wear Johnny Depp bracelets he. wants to be Johnny Depp so then it gets.

worse cuz I'm like you just want to. dress like Johnny Depp and he's like. well no I don't second later he goes I. did try the bandana wrist died a band. didn't go out with it I just put it on. just to see what it was like this was a. this was like years ago this was walk. around the house you tried to wear a. bandanna bracelet exactly but the the. thing about insane choice I want I feel. like I'm not that far off from from a. bandana well first of all the I recently. I almost decided to just listen.

exclusively to Movie music like theme. song. music and yeah I understand rap takes a. toll on you you drive around it's. literally talking about [ __ ] in your. girlfriend's face all day and just. like yeah I like it's as close as I can. get to actually listening to classical. music is just listening to Thomas Newman. songs you sha shank's Redemption. soundtrack well listen and I do think. about jewelry every once CE in a while.

but it's so not for. me I've never put it on well I want to. go back I do agree with the first. statement that it's important to have a. Shane in your life and for friends to. you don't want to yeah you know yeah if. you were out here in Westchester all all. by yourself if we weren't doing tires. yeah you'd be wearing a bandana bracelet. uh at this age no I don't think so I. could I no you'd be out of control.

yeah without the fame the fame in. startom has gone to your head how's it g. to my what do I have on my wrist you got. that tattoo then you know that I had. that that's 20 years old how dare you. all all I'm suggesting is it is true I. remember I think like at least the time. that stands out in my mind was I had. made a video I put it on YouTube and. then Shane was like you wore that shirt. because you think your bicep looks good. in that shirt and I was like no but yes. yeah well no it wasn't necessarily the.

shirt it was the way you were so he. was I don't want to I know sick [ __ ] I. don't want to go back hold on it's. really great he was doing like a. handyman YouTube channel and then one of. the shots was him laying on the bed like. and why wasn't lay oh I was he was. leaning on the bed flexing as hard as. like no that wasn't the shot I was. sitting shaking flexing I was sitting on. the edge of the bed it wasn't a whole. thing but this it was a very funny show. though it was good don't try and throw.

me off killer with. swear. but was it should I I think everything. you do is good I really want my dad in. his retirement to start a handman. YouTube channel was a joke any I. couldn't do screws God damn. it just leaving the camera rolling. beating off in the room it's a seven and. a half hour video he jacks off. twice God Dam it Jes on himself [ __ ].

just live streaming live streaming dad. jacked. off he's trying to build a bird house. just keeps jacking off behind the. shed it's a goddamn. Phillips oh man. but. Psy if you're going to tell me you don't. want to like wear a ring occasionally I. don't want to wear a ring it's never. rings it's never rings it's like I do I. think like a necklace for some Reas.

necklace across my. mind no wonder you hand down on me so. hard if you ever wear [ __ ] neck I'll. be not wear v-necks what you would wear. like a v-neck and have like a yeah you'd. be weird you'd be weird neither of us. neither of us have the body type for a. chain you don't have a lot of shoulders. I have a hunched over neck half the. chain would be laying flat on the back. of my [ __ ] neck it'd be bad it is. funny without shoulders and wearing a.

bunch of stuff on your wrists it just I. know I didn't want to bring up the. shoulders but the shoulders with the. [ __ ] Johnny de would be nuts looking. it be. chaos it wouldn't be cool it be like if. you wore a bracer like that I would. think something happened to your. wrist now if you got super tan and. shaved your head you'd look like a yeah. it doesn't work Street Fighter guy I. tried. that um shaving the head yeah yeah I. have I have like a I have like an old.

Saint Christopher Medallion that my mom. gave me when I was a kid and I want to. make a necklace out of it every once in. a while I think I I will never but I do. wear like a nice thin necklace I know. but it's like it's a whole new guy that. you know what I mean I know I'm not that. guy yeah and a thin necklace also on me. looks crazy yeah and you go s I've gone. swimming wearing a necklace I look. insane yeah it's not good I always think. of really insecure dudes when I think of.

the chain with. a medallion it sounds like we're the. ones that are the actual insecure ones I. know I know but I get to put it on like. who do I think I am I never wear [ __ ]. necklace no one would care it' be to I. never a watch in my life till I got this. now I see the I see what that's about I. feel like I have a. photo that I it's like a break in case. of an emergency if I ever need to make. something up to. you what photo when I shave my head let. me see it no absolutely not please.

absolutely not first why because I. looked first I look at say but what the. plan was I was going to like you know. this was like Facebook time era yeah and. I was going to uh like say put this post. it's like I'm done trying to fight the. hair loss like you know and I was. wearing a shirt that said real women. suck dick oh my. God what the [ __ ] a joke and so I have. that photo and uh.

that's what I'm saying like if I I'll. show it to you yeah but my hair so just. to because he who gave you a shirt that. said real one suck I bought it. offline so such a pervert no it no it. was a jokeer it. was but um my hairline is like so thick. right up front and then it's thin yeah. so when I shaved it I would get like a. 5:00 shadow like here you get a little. Ronaldo yeah is that what it is I well.

no it's just a soccer player that did. that oh I yeah look doesn't work for me. I thought I could do it I've been on. this podcast bragging for years I'll go. I'll just go bald like a man yeah you. start staring it down yeah you go this. is not going to be good I thought I'd. get jacked or something if I was going. bald I can't be bald and [ __ ] fat I. there is no point to make money can't. get your hair back what I got a haircut. the other day and the lady like like. showed me my hair from the back.

not good I'm getting hair I was like. good for you I'm not going to bring it. I'm not I'm going to just stop it where. it's at that's fine I'm not going to get. like a hairline no go all the way back. it would bald no no I'm just saying fill. all the way out no get a lush I don't. like when people do that I don't like. when people have fake hair and an old. face like a wrinkled face with a. hairline it's crazy no no but it looks. so good no it doesn't yeah the pros you. to go to Turkey or whatever [ __ ] no I'm.

not no matter what I'm not going to. Turkey yeah terrible. idea it's crazy. trying do it in a would you go to Turkey. you he won't leave. [ __ ] no I for the hair of course I. wouldn't go to Turkey no you've did like. somebody there's stuff around here I. heard the best guys are overse but how. could that be I think it's just the. cheapest oh. okay I would yeah I would want yeah I. had to yeah I don't know I'm not I I.

probably won't ever do it out of. laziness yeah it's never too late. right you can't go bald and then get. hair all of a sudden yeah you can I mean. you can but it's crazy it's tough n it's. wild to not have. hair I think that's what you should do. just be really. aous let it go to my. eyebrows it' be like if Lou got hair. yeah it'd be [ __ ] up it'd be sick dude.

I don't know hairs me out a little Lou. came back with a full head full head red. hair that' be awesome like he's back. he's yeah well gery's it's amazing to. have you come out of retirement like. this no thanks thanks for having me on. what have you been up sexually would. have you been up. to don't you know I bring you on I need. to know about your sex yeah yeah I mean. it's exactly what you would imagine the. same old tricks same old tricks perhaps. a few. W but no I okay but you the table you.

know the only the only new thing that I. you know what discovered what did you. discover just that different women have. different. sensitivities on on oh in the script you. included this it's real that's real how. did you find that out research or. through Comm open communication in the. [Laughter]. bedroom yeah so what did you discover. through open communication in the. bedroom uh that different well I mean.

are we so well we'll just write. something else but different sides of. the we can yeah that's fine clitoris are. are are sensitive for different women. they' be like one side some ladies are. like I'm a lefty. yeah I didn't know this yeah and now I'm. thinking about my own dick and whether. it's lefty or. righty mine seems like a middle yeah. middle a middle. guy it's pretty sensitive in general. equal spread yeah yeah uh all right well. good we got that out of the way you.

still talking dirty do you have anything. you want to share about that I don't. want to share but I did still. talk how do you like living in. Westchester I love it yeah this is very. nice it's incredible it's so nice it's. actually a little too. nice [ __ ] I know I know it's so. [ __ ] Austin I know it's hot I don't. know it's hot okay there's no Tre this. is there's not this is doesn't exist. there interesting yes the rocks and.

dirty trees yeah you don't realize how. much of this is like a part of you until. you like leave it yeah okay you know I'm. a Northeast guy you are a Pennsylvania. guy obviously I'm a Pennsylvania man I. don't know this is like when I went to. Spain thinking I'd be Hemingway yeah I. went to Texas and immediately was like. nope I like it here but this is not for. me I don't belong here could you imagine. being someone who actually traveled by. like horse and wagon down to Texas like. [ __ ] it's hot.

go and then go [ __ ] I brought all my. friends [ __ ] and then that's probably. why they just kept gone yeah just like. no it's got to get better it's got. people by about dumb asses that got. stuck in the midwest they probably got. there in like the spring or the summer. yeah they're probably this is. great [ __ ] 12T of snow 3 weeks. later oh man but no I've I've it's it's. obviously it's great too drive driving. on the roads driving hilly like just.

rush I'm ready to get the [ __ ] out of. Philly though already yeah yeah I'm. excited to get here Philly did. take Philly did take the hit what's that. of covid wasse yeah Philly Got It Rock. everything closed yeah and scary and it. is scary yeah it I I tried to like take. uh some people to coffee shops like that. I always used to go to I went to like. four different one I just kept walking. around the city cuz they were all.

close they' all just been shut sad about. bards and yeah Irish Pup yeah those was. are Staples need. bars yeah back that's where you used to. get after it I I did yeah yeah yeah so. so we would hang out after uh used to be. a party animal not a party animal but. you know you'd have it I remember one. time we got a bill at bards and it was. um it was it was Kent and doogie and. myself and they called me Fancy Pants. like on the that's totally wear fcy.

pants and they yeah I always us tuck in. my shirt and sometimes wear a tie doing. stand up you would have absolutely hated. me I've seen it I've seen pictures and. yeah yeah brutal embarrassing sorry I. wore a Blazer once do an open. mic I haven't forgotten that that was a. decade ago it keeps me up what were you. trying to do just change it up bler I. wore one of my dad's Blazers I wore. Blazer and jeans on stage at the. Harrisburg Comedy Zone probably talked. about. probably was racist as.

[ __ ] then got blacked out and went home. not much has changed other than the. Blazer yeah. yeah still my night when did you guys. first meet uh 2012 or 13 was it just at. Helium yeah interesting yeah it would. have been helium. and. Medusa it was at uh yeah it was at. Helium you came up to me and you said. that was good nice wow yeah I'm just a.

nice guy yeah yeah you looking at me you. smashed I I had heard that you like won. the Baltimore thing yeah me yeah yeah. and you smashed and I was like holy [ __ ]. and I was too nervous to say anything I. assumed you'd be like [ __ ] you [ __ ]. yeah you knew the. real you knew you knew deep down but. instead you came up and you were like. that was really good yeah I knew you.

were a good guy you were wearing like a. North. Face I was like that guy knows. business he's just got it together I'm. not hanging out with the the rest I mean. you were the best option everyone else. there was visibly [ __ ] the open mic. scene was insane yeah it was crazy you. guys had a nice you guys were before us. yeah and that was like you guys had some. good guys yeah for sure that was mckever. and Pope yeah and that's right yeah and. I remember seeing. Kevin Ryan Foley sure all those guys all.

those guys and then there were some. crazy boys on the who's that one. dude kind of looked like Dave. Chappelle he went nuts later he came. back and like threatened to shoot up oh. nice I don't remember that or something. yeah uh even if I know the name I'm not. saying uh well other than that we're. just all working on tires well you guys. are I I stop in I say how's it going you. are and uh has Steve tried to get you.

into golf yet no I've I've been in. Philly I'll oh yeah true when I'm out. here I'll give it a shot okay I don't I. don't think I'll be. available I don't think there's going to. be a day off I know it's crazy it's very. crazy well what else we got no yeah I'm. rocking my brain trying to think of a. story I I that's all right you don't. have to oh you WR you wrote something. down well I I I I think from a long time. ago I'm trying to but I think I I didn't. see anything I was looking through it.

earlier that's all right put my glass. we'll think of something get your. spectacles back on uh one thing I have. enjoyed oh oh what's that what have you. enjoyed I I've enjoyed just like there's. a particular type of like trash person. around here that I feel safe around I. agree you know it's like I recognize. the the homeless here are ah they're. pretty bad they're pretty wild yeah I. was going to say they're better than the. Austin oh here yeah yeah yeah here's. great here's the woods we're in the. woods yeah perfect where a white man.

should be out in the woods safe talking. about clits with his. friends uh no I was I was going to say. on uh I had I actually had a wild ass. week on Monday Monday I went to the. Monday Night Football game yeah you. Chris was with me the kiss man joined me. to watch the birds crazy yeah watch the. birds suffer a terrible loss but they. look good no they didn't you yeah they. did the Falcons suck that was bad well.

they yeah whatever they they win that. game nine out of 10 times yeah and AJ. Brown coming back would have helped. there regardless I thought you know it's. like we got the table read the next day. got got to take it. easy and then we're leaving and they're. like do you want to meet Jason Kelce I. was like yes we're talking to him like. why don't you come down to the bar I. always go to he was like yes now he was. sober cuz he was working I was hammered.

and then we get to the bar and it's like. let's chug beer you can chug faster and. I lost so then obviously I was like. rematch lost again worse I got. obliterated wow it was a bad e dude he. throws him back he can throw him back. yeah and you were sheets I was right. there I'll get him next. time how long did you guys hang out. there I don't. know I don't know after the first chug I. was kaput have you talked about the.

other Bard story or boner story which. one oh no we don't need to bring that. one up definitely not bringing that up. that's not good uh so that was my Monday. Tuesday we did the table read and I. wasn't I wasn't that bad no not at all. it was. entirely yeah I would never have known. that you were hung over and this why I. said to Chris I was like he was. perfectly Pleasant and Chris was like. that's the problem he's low battery. yeah yeah your ass yeah yeah but then I.

was like all right we got to slow down. this week then the kneecap boys came to. Philly I had to meet up with them you. have to go. yeah that became a night I was I was. like. [Music]. free that was a crazy night dude Irish. [ __ ] B laava on like free free. yeah so it was good and you know things.

what are those guys like are they kind. of three the same guy or they yeah. they're awesome they were exactly who. you would hope they'd be they're just. fun what do they have to say about. Philly were they that's where all right. so I'm Mr [ __ ] up the IRA the second. somebody any Foreigner is like [ __ ]. America you guys [ __ ] out of your. minds fat the food's terrible you guys. why don't you shoot up a [ __ ] school. yeah I was. like why don't you guys do any anything. ever your country is a dump shut the.

[ __ ]. up I'll miss your [ __ ] Ireland until. yeah you realize you're in American the. second yeah Ireland is an American. colony [ __ ] right dude that's right. don't tell beap don't tell them don't. bring that [ __ ] up they're our Colony no. no no no BR we send them we send them. goods and travel don't bring that up. what they they've already got one. oppressor we got to get England no we. don't oppress we support we need England. out of there yeah out of the North yeah.

did they get support them I I I don't. honestly I'm going to show my ass here I. don't really know what's going none of. us do okay yeah yeah I got to pick a. side be obnoxious I just yeah I. literally watched that movie Hunger or. whatever and was just like this [ __ ]. British British no if you if you that's. another one depressing me if you. actually look into it it's yes the. British are awful over there yeah and if. you look into other conflicts throughout. the globe. the British not the British but just you.

look into it the people saying they're. being oppressed sometimes they're. actually being really really oppressed. Yeah by people of your. [Laughter]. heritage. well that's right let's let's get away. from this let's get back to Steve and. his clitoris talk yeah well it is funny. uh you showing up to the writers room. because it is like when you're not there. I'm very much like the cats away myle. play like I very much adopt.

your he tries out all your. moves on the rest of the writing staff. how did they like it they're probably. off they get bodied never seen what are. you doing over there H nothing nothing. major but just you know like cutting. people. off shut. up it's fun it's so much fun yeah it's. fun why don't you try to give us a. better idea yeah stuff like that that's. good I show up once a week and I go are.

we done finish. it I walked into somebody's office that. works there and they were like uh you're. not allowed in here I was like it's. funny you bring that up cuz you're. fired that's why I'm here pack up your. [ __ ] oh yeah Power I'm not handling the. power think you'll fire one person. through no I'll probably never fire. anyone. yeah it's got to be fun to fire somebody. no it doesn't what no I mean yeah I. don't know we could send this monster in.

there to fire yeah you would yeah he. nodded at you no I'd Buckle i' i'. fantasize it's like the bracelet or the. necklace i' fantasize about it but I in. what way just I don't getting in there. and actually doing it would be terrible. but like I don't know what does the. fantasy look like just to have someone. do that you're not allowed in here and. be like [ __ ] you you're gone. self-righteous yes well yes they were. obviously they were joking if they were. serious I would have actually fired them. I would have done everything I good I. don't think I have the authority to just. fire anybody but uh so how do you like.

that NA beer right there I do like it. I'm side here can I get a sip of that. yeah you had one of these I. think just fitting. it yeah just it's good I feel like one. day you're gon to break and enjoy the N. those aren't bad yeah yeah these those. tastes like hinin yeah Oprah we were. talking about Oprah there we go now we. get some topics. well I.

mean do any follow her on Instagram she. looks great is Oprah hot yes I they're. doctoring the. photos airbrushing the [ __ ] out of them. there's no way there's no way when she. gets up in the morning she's looking. good it just can't be wow how old is. opro. why you think she is no you are right. but you know I bet it's all she's. looking good in. [Laughter].

I don't see it too much there's a good. picture yeah how old is she you know. what's weird I don't know anything about. Oprah I don't either I know that she she. gails her best friend she dated stemman. for a while Gil who's best 70 she looks. incredible that's what I was saying holy. [ __ ] yeah but so does Dolly Parton it's. got to be the same Dolly Parton Dolly. Parton is like as an age by the way this. is the funniest podcast to just be like. Oprah. Winfrey I don't think any of us know.

anything about her don't all three of us. like I don't know anything I don't know. anything I don't know a single thing. about Oprah what she's done her life. other than she has that show I don't. even know what makes her popular I like. like I don't understand how she's any. bigger than the people on The. View like what does she do well she. interviews people she put together a. show she hit Oprah I'm not listening to. any of that I mean I'm not listen did. you never watch Oprah growing up no no I.

watch Like Sally I watch I watched Sally. you guys are watching those you s Sally. Jerry Springer yeah yeah Sally D. Springer is. different that's not like yeah Springer. is its own thing he was in the same Rock. block though damn Winfrey rules she was. born into poverty in rural. Mississippi to a single teenage. mother who nice yes she stated that she. was molested during her childhood and. she became pregnant at 14 what oh my.

goodness her her son was born. prematurely and died in. infancy this could all be like this. that's how I little I know about it this. could all be this is like Lord of the. Rings yeah be made up think she's lying. about being molested if anyone's going. to do it it's Oprah. bro she was then sent to live with a man. she calls her father Vernon winre at. Barber in Nashville Tennessee and landed. a job in radio while still in high. school by 19 she was a co-anchor for for. the local Evening. News whoa she's a beast dude she is a.

beast look at me at a podcast toic yes. it's not great but it's not bad yeah no. it's fantastic Oprah win at 19 yeah. that's when radio was still big. too just always remember she was like on. diets off diets yeah back when everybody. was like fat [ __ ] she was like barely. fat was disgusting fat [ __ ]. she was like the first black person.

anybody had ever. seen they were like fat ass black [ __ ]. she was incredible she was barely yeah. yeah I remember Jenny Craig you remember. that being a joke was a big joke to. everybody he like want you go on Jenny. Craig Oprah you fat. [ __ ] and she who's the um Dr uh you. know the bald guy gets a lot of uh doc. uh Dr Phil Dr Phil I think he got his. start on Oprah I don't think she's lying.

her that checks out I feel like Oprah is. yeah her first name was spelled orpa o r. p Ah on her birth. certificate but people mispronounced it. regularly and so Oprah stuck oh so. that's her is a Biblical yeah and that's. her production company name I think. Harpo it's just Oprah backwards I think. oh [ __ ] H wow this is who would have. thought yeah is she still with stemman. is it a personal life section I'll take.

a look stman yes she is still stman. Graham good for st's a beast dude what. did Stan do how did he earn Oprah he was. just always sort of in the background as. as her her guy he's just been a. long-term partner since. 1986 and now they're worth $3 billion. good for her good for her she did it she. did do it rural Mississippi did that was. pretty good oh I was telling Shane I. always had fantasies about being on. Oprah what would you say just being.

interviewed as an. actor I'm not going to lie about it I. just did that you know what did you I'm. saying what did you imagine saying you. won't do interviews you won't do. interviews now if Oprah was like Stephen. but I'm a different person now you beat. all the life out of. me you no time that I'm talking that I'm. not like what Shane. that's crazy I'm so supportive of course.

you of course you so when we put out. tires they're going to make us do like a. press run yeah and I'm I've turned down. everything un less I can bring you I. tried to bring you to hot ones that. would have been fun I tried to. everything at yeah we're GNA get you on. these it's just for me it's not for you. I just need it'd be fun to make fun of. him on like Jimmy. Fallon I just feel like this guy loves. dirty talking he knows which side of the. clits. sensitive well you got to ask it's so. funny to give you like the worst version.

of your dream. yeah I'm going to get you on I'm going. to pants you on Jimmy Val yeah you're G. be just sitting next to Jane on Oprah. just getting bodied yeah but Oprah she. gives you like at least from I remember. I haven't seen but she gives you such. like good energy to you know respond and. makes you. feel she yeah I think she just had your. girl Kamal on that's why that's why we. got Oprah on the brain okay she just did. a sit down with kimala how did it go I.

obviously a disaster. kimala great like if you come into my. house you're going to get shot she said. that she was like I'm a gun owner. man oh yeah I have a gun sounds like she. did a good. job sounds like she did a great job. you're G to come into my house you're. GNA get shot that's that's gold Jerry. gold you love kimbala I do love kimbala. I'm so excited she's in the race are you. a hottie for.

Harris no I haven't looked into it at. all but that's a drum. supporter. drala there's no way gery's votes for. 100% is in on kumala I don't listen gy. make an. endorsement yeah this is your Oprah this. is your Oprah the truth is if you're. afraid to make a presidential. endorsement we know what side your own. brother. yeah I find I'd rather not comment on.

this issue yeah so you're you're I I was. trying to Chris is openly hottie for. Harris yeah he's a white dude for Harris. yeah yeah openly yeah which is fine he's. always been a lifelong Democrat and. you're entitled to your own opinions. yeah I support that that's just where I. live that's my zone I walk. around Cala Cala that was my favorite. Trump quot that was my favorite Trump. quote recently what was it the Cala oh. Cala he's like I called her Cala. I was just joking around but they're. acting like I mispronounced it we like.

that nickname Kima it it is anyway the. Kami Kam comrade haris is a disaster he. goes right back to his speech it is it. is so fun being around you for all this. I love that his next line is comrade. Harris is a disaster cuz he gets. whenever he gets sidetracked off the. teleprompter yeah like he'll be reading. a speech he'll be he does that when he's. reading he does he's just working out of. [ __ ] and then he breaks from the. telepromter and talks [ __ ] yeah and then.

he it was funny that the teleprompter. line seemed to be comrade Harris he's. like kambala they thought I was saying. it wrong when I said. kambala I was not. anyway comrad Harris is a complete. disaster right back right back to his. speech he does do a good job though of. like even when he's riffing looking like. he's reading it off the teleprompter. I've watched a lot I know I know the. yeah you can tell when he freest cuz. he'll read the line he'll read the last.

line of teleprompter and repeat it he'll. be like and the economy is a disaster. and it is a disaster and then. go that is I I know you hate compliments. but just really quick please don't all. right fine I I want to hear your kimala. Harris impression I I don't even what. how give a shot prompt me how does she. sound okay uh Madame vers president. Madam verse president what would you do. to lower costs for everyday Americans I.

I I I don't even have her in my head. right now that's exactly pretty. good that's exactly what she would say. this is actually really good she she. hasn't answered that yet she broke the. fourth wall that she's just a complete. act she's like I don't even have her in. my head right now oh wait I do have that. the only the only F reference is like uh. you better thank a union. member you better thank a union member.

that's that's fun I wish I was a little. bit black so I could run for politics. and just adopt a 1950s preacher yeah. whenever I. wanted and have all the white people. go I like it this is a good spe. something about it so. good that was one of the most painful. Obama videos is him saying what up to. all the NBA guys did you ever see that. it's pretty fun yeah you're like oh man. dang no I he gets passed for that I.

don't know I do that do you sometimes. yeah what do you let me let me hear. every once in a while no no just. like sometimes you hit you know it's. white guy white guy black guy yeah you. go what's up what's. up what's up. brother all right that's not good Gary. what else you got dude yeah uh what. would Matt say right now you need to. channel Matthew yeah what would if I go. into that they give me the distance oh.

yeah the wrist turn to keep you away. from like they're dabbing you up out. there creams you think he'd be talking. about creams yes no that's that's more. of a throwback Matt that's yeah out of a. while ago this is new Matt what is Matt. on to right now what do you think he's. on to he's got to be channeling some. type of vibration we haven't heard of. yet I just saw him recently at Helium. yeah he's fantastic oh man I told him. that his hour right now I think is I.

think it's the best I think it's the. best hour incredibly his current hour. it's so good and also just like a such a. fun person to be around when we were in. Los Angeles it was you are so much fun. to be in a pool with that's a compliment. you have to. take it's I am I'm. blessed it's like the right amount of. like relaxation and then like I'll come. over and grab you yeah yeah little. wrestle little throw balls you know. Diddy party I'm going get.

you but yeah Matt also just such a like. pleasure to be here at yeah yeah. wonderful human being and I miss him. dearly last time I talked to him he was. track he had the ring and he was. tracking his uh his stress levels yes. that would be a very legitimate way for. me to start wearing Jewel you do no it. wouldn't I it's not good I don't like it. on Matt I don't like it on anyone Matt. is seemingly doing it for real research. I know I'll allow it but yeah you want.

see how stressed you are what I just. like I agree it's mostly it's it's not. even I want a reading yeah no but he's. like he's like he's also getting. information about when he's operating at. his highest. level and I want I want some of that. what do you me I want to see if I ever. get up there I know exactly when I'm at. the best yeah four four. beers four beers don't you want some. data to confirm that I've I've run all. the tests I've done 10,000 shows. I've done a bunch of them on 10 beers a. bunch of them on no beers four four is.

the magic number three or four Bud. Lights. three I would love to see like a rocky. four level [ __ ] lab. [Laughter]. Montage ah [ __ ] I had 12. again the it was when I filmed uh the. special that was I mean that was real a. harsh reminder I did the first show the. first show wasn't good and I did it. totally sober first show was great turns.

out the first show was most of the. special but I you know I wasn't excited. about it soon I wasn't even upset I got. off stage I was like give me a case of. butt. lights I know what I need to do for the. second show you limber up you do need a. little distance from reality in order to. be able to do that yeah tomorrow is. going to be the most insane thing I've. ever done what's that tomorrow I'm doing. Scotia Bank Arena in Toronto oh my God. in the middle. the and and do you do you not like get.

panic attacks I forgot about it until. right now but yes now now now I'm. nervous again [ __ ] dude yeah cuz he he. came back like he's seen a ghost Chris. after your first that was a scary show. yeah in Atlanta it was yeah what's it. like what are you seeing you see only. the exits yeah the tunnels so it looks. like everyone's. leaving that's all you see is people. coming out to go to the bathroom there's. thousands of people but you get to see.

150 people leave to go to the bathroom. at least so the whole time you're it. does look Mass Exodus and if there's an. ever ever a quiet part of a bit you're. just a sea of black and people walking. out in Dead Silence from like God knows. how many thousands of people with a. hawk crazy and I hadn't done standup in. two weeks and I like I just hadn't been. on the road with Shane in a while so it. was just like I just got air dropped. into like oh my God it's a tough time to. jump back in just walked right back.

up my little like parlor parlor bits. you're doing it no no cuz he scared the. [ __ ] out of me no you're doing Philly I. don't want to ruin the surprise but I. don't I don't know about that I I I need. you to do it look at the look at the. camera and tell the people you're going. to be there you're not going to break. their hearts I'm going to be at the show. backstage with for sure I mean you're. going to be there it's a Terri be on. stage you either endorse you or you or. you're a hotti for your hairs. you if you don't if you don't do the.

show you're silently a. hotti if you don't do the show you have. to wear a bandana neck [ __ ] bracelet. you have to wear a bandana bracelet. three minutes can I just take out the. one little thing and then just do a. little three or five. three five three three or five three is. too fast that's it's literally going on. stage and saying hi and leaving you can. do five we'll we'll we'll talk about it. he scared the be's out of me with that. you know the Philly show is gonna be way.

scarier. yeah that was a stage this is in the. middle again oh in the middle forget. it I'll it'll just it all right you're. doing in the round in Wells Fargo yes. but here's what I need from you cuz. you're sitting here saying you probably. see people a little bit better saying. you're going to have a panic attack yeah. that's also a plus for. me you it it'd be better than stand up. if you go out there and. collapse that's good no it's not good. it's like Coliseum you pay to watch a. Christian a good Christian.

die we're shooting that day no the. people want you to go in there and die. and just have a full-blown mental. breakdown yeah it'd be awesome I would. also like to see you try to go in the. other direction and just be like I would. knock it out of the park I can't do that. to you start that I also need that. energy you see you. see we got a lot of first pitches this. week Ian fance through one stavy baby. through one how' they do both bounced it.

they bounced it just saying it's not as. easy as it look it isn't where did where. did F do the first pitch uh Cleveland OH. nice yeah not that easy I'm just saying. it's not that easy I you know we don't. have to relitigate it we worked on your. old man throw dude just lob it in there. you can lob it in for a strike that's. part of the. criticism CH hold on a sec that's part. of you think I backed myself into a. corner why' you do this to me well to.

you yes I I was playful banter it was. playful banter Shane was playful banter. and then uh you know I I acknowledged. that it was a strike it's on a tops cart. what a type of sexual Adventures have. you been getting into lately oh I got a. good one what type of porn have you been. jacking off to uh you know honestly the. same it's I think you back on that gr. [ __ ] you never left the gr no I am off. the gr you're off the GR CU I learned. information about it that kind of you.

know uh I think grle is present when. ovulation is happening and it's not an. indicator well I thought it was like. uh an indicator of how turned on she was. oh okay yeah but other than that you. researched your way out of a. f so you're retiring as the girl you're. no longer the king of the GRL I don't. think so I haven't been to our so what.

are you the king of now our hot. wife redot just chucked on no no I. chucked on spin but Reddit hotwife no. well yeah our hotwife yeah it's that's. Reddit right yeah so it's hotwives. getting [ __ ] by other cucks well it's. mostly no it's like it's mostly just. like a a if you are looking for I I want. a porn right now on Reddit you go there. and it's just videos it's mostly only. fans people just.

Hawking do you have to see them like. leave their husband or he's filming no. I've seen hot wife [ __ ] the guy's. filming the whole time sometimes the guy. comes in and sucks the come out of his. wife's what that's like the hardcore. [ __ ] porn I don't watch that yeah no if. you watch that you're [ __ ] pedophile. yes no first of all second of all. disgusting listen it's not the hot wife. fetish time out I don't have a hot wife. fetish what it's just it's just an easy. access to on R if you're looking for. something on red so that's just your.

page you like you that's not a fetish. that's correct but what's the thing you. like when you get in there what's your. favorite I it's it's no different for. like regular you you're just regular now. I thought you were a freak bull I am a. freak bull but it's not but never in. like a you know sometimes you just come. back to the basics I've been stuck on B. back out yeah my Basics are probably I. don't like deviating from the basics I. feel like a bad person yeah that's when. I experienc it's some shame if I've gone. if I've gone to if I'm watching like a.

gang bang yeah and I go what have I. become here then you roll over yeah. don't worry I like them yeah. occasionally it's there but as soon as. you jizz you. go the [ __ ] was. that you know I went through like I go. through phases yeah I know that's what I. want to talk about oh I want to hear. about some phases you ever braak glory. hole Yeah Yeah that's regular stuff. that's a regular phase yeah we've all. gone through the glory ho. fun I think I've talked about it I.

apologize for all the that's all right. it's cuz drinking that [ __ ] geez. Louise um there was a subreddit for a. while it is now abandoned or shut down. or whatever I think I talked about but. it's our unexpected sex it's not it's. not like uh rapy or anything like that. but it's it would be like a outer course. so like the the object was like only a. hand job yeah yes yeah yes get so turned. on that you slips it in a little bit.

oh exciting stuff it's so exciting you'd. be pulling your little p to this yeah I. love it if that were a porn if that were. a porn I can't say mad at you and you. find a good one like it's the. psychological Thriller of the porn world. yeah yes and and like every time I see. something like that pop up on Reddit. it's it's a little bit but like I'm. probably like top 2% in the. world no what those videos are out there. you know anytime somebody's like look at.

this I'm like yeah yeah you know like I. got a digital library anyway um I didn't. know you this horny well no I'm not but. I mean you know for a while I didn't. have a. girl so but yeah that would still be. like my favorite if you find a good one. yeah yeah what do you do when you find a. good one you cherish it you do CH it do. you worship it for like a week straight. worship like oh should I give one TR I. give one of the listeners it sucks when. you get tired one of the listeners uh.

you now I don't want to get castigated. some of these are like obviously you. know planned sure you know what I mean. yeah like I'm not but there's an. elevator one it's like hot blonde. elevator tease [ __ ] is what I would. put this what I would put this might be. a mistake all right my bad for. tires we might have [ __ ] up here oh. yeah don't sex shame us but true we're. allowed to be sexual yeah it's not none.

of this is don't sex shame Steve yeah. he's allowed to be sexual we're not. we're not so what do you type in well. blonde elevator tease [ __ ] yeah probably. something like that oh yeah you ever. search that and it's not there and you. go no [ __ ] what was I jacking on. to oh [ __ ] they took it. down it's what was her name yep yeah yep. I actually just. [Laughter]. had a scare yeah what happened I was.

trying to find a particular cuz the. other you have your Spectacles on now I. also have to ask you have a device that. holds your phone up above. your I I don't use that you have a phone. device that goes right you know it's. like a h thing H insector Gadget hook. over the top of his bed so he can lay. down and watch his phone golf yeah yeah. to scroll and. your you talk into it you go Siri find.

blonde elevator. surprise no well it is funny literally. everyone in our apartment like broke. their shoulder over Co because we didn't. have that right everyone's left shoulder. got like a pinch ner from that [ __ ]. couch yeah yeah and just laying on your. side with your. phone should we not be talking about. because I have we talk about yeah I need. one more from you there's way where wor. out there already I was doing a pretty. intense Kamala Harris impression a.

minute ago yeah she's. beautiful anyway no it's not a porn wait. act like she isn't Cala surprise [ __ ]. elevator H come. twice yeah where yes there's no shame in. this that's what got me last night last. night came to work with us. jacking off to come twice and then I'm. shaking your hand in the morning half.

timee what you know and then it was like. half time of the Jets. game just talk to you e we were on the. phone I was like boy I need to relax I'm. kidding no no well I wasn't on the phone. with you while I was searching that no. when were we on the we were on the phone. at halftime to the Jess came uh it was. around it was around that but you know I. was on a delay you are on a delay yeah. while we on the phone you're like look. at him go I was watching the game I was. like oh he's way back. but uh I said so I couldn't remember.

like her name the the ladies. what middle of the conversation I think. Aaron Rogers had like a sevenard run. yeah he was like oh he looked great he. did look great if he's listening to this. he might be listening you're doing great. yeah Aaron Rogers rules he is oh my God. so much fun he might be listen it is. really fun watching you play I feel like. a crazy person no you get to talk to go. ahead you're on with Aaron Rogers go you. know. for it is so much by why I already said. it yeah were so excited to watch you.

keep going best of luck to after in. between come twice. you you're back to watching the how. quick does he look but he was running. yeah there's also something it's like. like him being on the Jets too really. does put in stark contrast like how much. better he is than any other quarterback. they've ever yeah sniffed it's like it's. fun watching him throw the pig skin it's. unbelievable release laser come on man. cuz they that was like their their.

previous game where they like changed it. up and was like that West Coast and when. that thing just started coming out it. was like uh oh it's crazy Daddy's home. you know I regret that take that back. who's deleting. this leave it in put it in the intro I. need that in the intro Daddy's home. that's the name of the episode you're. back the gr King has returned but but. nothing's changed you're the same guy as. you were the last time you were on the. uh a little bit yeah how have you how's. success gone to your head now that. you're it well the country club yeah oh.

you joined a country club you can't get. yeah yeah I get enough privacy at the. country club no oh why not cuz they. everybody likes you and they they like. you yeah they like me a lot they're. always like is shade. coming but uh everybody there is so nice. uh gu but I was searching for come twice. a Starlight that star yeah yeah you know.

well just sport actress but I think well. I couldn't remember right my search and. you're sitting there with those glasses. yeah with those glasses rope around the. back of your head going what was the. name of that. [Music]. Starlet what was the name of that. Starlet glasses at your nose are you in. a desktop or you using your cellular. phone for this cell phone all right over. the sink that hasn't ch over the sink. cell phone I know you at searching for a. Starlet over the sink over the oh I.

forget how tall you guys are doesn't. matter doesn't matter about height on. that that's nuts no everything's right. there never done into the sink those. slugs must be insane they're not does. you just rinse them down that slugs it. up I you know break them. up it's all I'm sorry I'm doing this no. I have no shame about yeah everybody. does it yeah you're fine everybody stirs.

their own jizz into their. sink evil witch well you can make. anything you can make anything bad sound. like that like you know a toilet paper. what have you just wipe it. up I I have started wiping but I don't. want to get that I don't want to go down. the wipe up road because of the. whole you can it does sometimes the syn. clogs but I don't know if it's for that. or not Shane I don't know if it's sinks. clog generally. but you know it's like a reasonable oh. it's going to be a ball of hair and jizz.

I'm not going down I'm just Dro it. anyway I looked up they don't put that. on the bottle the dro bottle I was I. really thought you were going to finish. that don't put that on the podcast I. like thank you um you're an open book. this is fine you're good gu sun setting. here in the woods yeah how what time how. how long talking about clogging sinks uh. almost an hour 55. that's great yeah it is great a cool.

jacket thanks Bri six loves it I told. you that before he immediately accused. me he pressure tests anything what the. moment I was like oh that's what you're. doing now you're big big famous guy with. that new he's 15 years old 15 years old. nothing's changed it's I do but it's. still it still worms around in the back. of your head you're like am I doing this. cuz I'm you're popping you're popping. that collar a little little Top Gun I do. like the collar Pops I know I do look. good in the golf outfits too thank you. yeah I love golf wear you love golf now.

I do that's some that's something that's. changed you've got it you've become a. much more Avid golfer I I have I went. through a phase in high school where I. was just absolutely obsessed with it and. then went to like City Schools did. comedy so I didn't play and then through. this I've had the opportunity. financially to really golf constantly. yeah you when we went to Top Golf him. and mckever shocked me yeah good ATL I. got to play with Francis Francis is good. he's great and unbelievable company yeah.

I love you Francis Francis rules yeah. yeah him I would have never guessed that. you could be good at golf you're great. yeah mver also mver might have the. ugliest swing I've ever SE like very. fluid it's not ugly it's like that. should not work he swings like a cartoon. character yeah it's like Jim furic kind. of thing crazy yeah and then I went. after telling everybody let's go to Top. Golf for a week and could couldn't hit. the ball I can't I can't topped it every. I was over it by a foot every swing and.

then there there's. um like the women had sort of. congregated to like one of the Stalls at. the top go golf stalls and they were all. like so supportive and cheering and I. remember being like I got to hit one in. front of them and so I went there and I. hit one and they were all like chanting. my name and I was like shut up and then. you just see Shane's head pop out from. behind the. pillar and then I went in front of all. the women and barely hit the ball and. they all fake cheered and one of the.

girls that I didn't even know was going. to feel this way it was like we have to. clap it's our boss I was like. oh F having fun I was going to pay for. this I can't make contact I can't get. you there you are you are a natural. athlete Chris throws a football. incredibly yeah Chris is very athletic. we got you are. against you the only thing I can do is. stand in people's way yeah you're lying.

you're lying you're. lying he hit me with watch tutorials I'm. sorry can I talk yeah of course uh I I. watched like d dline tutorials on how to. like you know yeah swim yeah R swim and. rip apparently like leg and arm stay. attached like you got string anyway I. tried to do that on him I didn't know he. went like half speed half the time in. the office there's nothing going on so. I'll be past by Steven yeah and then I. didn't know un to me in between come.

twice he [ __ ] he youtubed dine. methodology and tried out his swim. technique when we got to the office and. he went slightly above 50% it was. terrifying just [ __ ] threw like the. speed that the hands come up yeah it's. cool I cuz I just jammed you I he didn't. even have a chance to it happened before. I even got and think about it I was. terrible yeah in college but you were. there were guys that were those guys.

will get you yeah Johnny rubiton in. Atlanta you saw that boy dancing oh yes. he was good yeah dude one of my friends. from Elon came to Atlanta for the show. and then we went out and got drunk and. he was dancing around it was it was very. fun watch they should do like a lineman. Olympics he was really good at dancing. it was. hilarious they're they're all sneak You'. said this and it's cost me a lot it's. like shame a good dancer now people are. like dance and we want to see you dance. I'll never dance well yeah cuz you.

practic all those moves I've never. practiced moves you [ __ ] practice. moves you practice moves there's nothing. wrong with all right we haven't had you. on in a while can you please just right. here show the people little MJ for us no. no no there's. AB no no no and I no no no all right all. right we'll close I'll get up and I'll. do that oh thank you yeah at the nice I. wasn't going to uh but and there's. there's no I'm just going to break. something we'll just move the chair and. you can hit a nice MJ right there okay. um. I what was I saying oh yeah the because.

you know I got terrible Vision just. generally it's but when I lived in New. York so well I say that because like. when I go to a sporting event you don't. like see clearly what's happening yeah. so. I when I was living beard just. responding to sound yeah it's just like. kind of. fuzzy and uh I went down to the I guess. it was like the East River I'm sorry. it's like going to a baseball game with. beaser yeah he can't see [ __ ] I guess.

every single time the ball goes off the. bat he's like oh pop fly infield F like. it had the height though yeah yeah you. got [ __ ] up I think you were I I. remember being at the game be like I saw. that it was the first home run I. actually saw the one that was right in. front of us that was cool it was cool it. was right in the foul pole it was. awesome but um beaser hasn't gotten new. glasses in 12 years probably right. Beer's his own man beaser was with the. kneecap boys he had a good time yeah he.

was off the raw I go down to the East. River they had a track and I'm like. jogging and then I guess like one of the. college's track teams was set up on the. inner track and somebody got up to full. speed and was like one lane over blowing. past me and it was the first time I. apologize if I told this for the podcast. were it was the first time I was just. like whoa like had that feeling of like. watching a. human highlevel athletic performance. yeah it's [ __ ] awesome yeah it's like. somebody fast fast yeah a body move like. that if I saw somebody Sprint like a an.

actual track runner yeah that'd be crazy. being on the track my slow ass trying to. run yeah it'd be comical you like move. with the wind when they go by yeah like. I'd be mad at them yeah if they ran by. theer [ __ ] is car going fast slow down. [ __ ] piece of sh [ __ ] there kids in. this. neighborhood do we do it we did do it oh. we did it boy we did it I really. appreciate it because I I you appreciate.

it we appreciate everything that you've. done for us I need Matthew but I hope I. hope the listeners can understand we're. working on tires. and I'm trying he you're busy in a way. I'm trying my best yeah but it is your. schedule is utterly. insane to help all your friends but then. I [ __ ] around do Monday Night Football. in a concert during the week I could. have you know I know but you got to be. seen what's the point def I do not need. to be seen you got to be well the point.

want to be out there in the world you. got to do something for yourself every. once in while do a. l you got to take sh there is no reason. to make money if you can't do the things. you're do it and get hair I agree with. the hair I'm gonna get the hair I'm. probably going be I'm probably going to. be too lazy I'm going to be too lazy to. get the hair dude I'm going to be too. lazy we go together if I'm whoever you. go to I'm going to I want in on it the. whole Gru season 3 we're all going to.

have a [ __ ] win I look like I'm. wearing want to just fill me in a little. bit I was thinking about cuz it's gone. dude and it's uh season three season two. is going be I'm going to be a bald. [ __ ] this year yeah I know what. can you do it's so funny it is what it. is normally you watch a cast like age. over like 10 seasons. get young as.

[ __ ] you're getting a beard I know what. you want I can't I try I even tried. putting minoxidil on my face I I know. that's how you fix your hair right yeah. he was did you know that he was he was. trying to grow a beard so he was putting. [ __ ] on his face and it was over Co and. I was like well I might as well put it. on my scalp too and minoxidil and propa. is like how I got a. little you got back you got a ton back I. did get. yeah that was gone it was and you were. hanging on I was I was going to pull you.

aside was getting close to be like all. right dude we got to pull the plug on. this yeah you were throwing some powder. in there powder in there looking crazy. getting the powder is not good crushed. in the comments we can't do the powder. no the powder bad I had a friend one of. my I didn't even know that existed yeah. this is like eight years ago and we were. at a party and my friend started. sweating and I just noticed like [ __ ]. coming down the side of his face and I. was like oh no and we all noticed his P. we knew he had powder in we just never.

brought it up to him cuz it was it would. be mean but then he was Dripping powder. down the side of his face we had to go. bro brother just get rid of it. yeah well we've done it we have that's a. good episode now let's just top it off. little gerby send them off man of my. word and hit him with a little MJ the. boys have the dogs have missed you. there's the it's Terri every day of my. life I get a message where's gery that's. incredibly sweet he made me do this in.

in like we went out to like a business. dinner was it Netflix yeah yes and all. and like high powerful agents in the. industry and you're like do an MJ dance. right here it's good what am I going to. how can I deny. you yes are you all right yeah fine all. right CH I'm going to break something no. you're not going to break if you break. something this that'll help all right. here we go get that mic out. oh there you go I saw it I saw it.

lost e beautiful you grab your. penis all right thank you we miss you. Matt yeah God bless you.