Ep 453 - Tough Guy Heaven

wow wow West oh my mother freaking God. back in the hands of a consumate. professional Shan Gardini throwing up. Hearts bro I'm just throwing up [ __ ]. oh. Illuminati I'm [ __ ] hard ofr right. now you're hard gam you might be bam I. might be the devil dude let's get it. started I am I have a bam face right now. dude I got [ __ ] I got bam face myself. dude I got hung over [ __ ] bam. face I feel I feel bad from The Hangover.

yeah you look good thanks dog usually. when someone's hung over they're weak in. the eyes your eyes are blazing with. intensity your eyes are blazing with. intensity of purpose right now my. purpose is to [ __ ] plow through this. podcast so I can play V games. quietly yeah it' be fun though if we die. and like you get to actually do like the. real life review they talk about it just. be hours like what why are you sitting. on a couch like like talking like.

podcast kind of thing it helped people. some people had helped well people had. really boring jobs there was also people. that [ __ ] hated us yeah people's work. was so boring that rather than sitting. there focusing on their tasks they would. talk about people talking about. listening to people talking about. nothing my life yeah that does give me a. joy though it gives me a perverse. satisfaction what that like I've always. hated every job I've ever been at and. the fact that we can mentally liberate. people for just two hours [ __ ] yeah I do. enjoy that that was that was like that. was like the that was when I got into.

OPI and Anthony yeah I was I had a job. my friend brandan hooked it up right. when I moved to Philly mhm I didn't have. any jobs and he he was like he was like. manager he was a manager at an apartment. complex and he was like I need somebody. to just come. assemble [ __ ] Ikea furniture in every. single room of this gigantic complex day. after day just show up put together and. all I did was listen to podcast and I. actually that's kind of nice loved it. yeah just listening to I didn't the Joy.

of podcast it is a joy sorry you you. triggered me I was thinking of Ikea you. said assemble Ikea furniture I was. thinking of my wife yelling at me about. the instructions the whole time she dude. she's always like you got to read the. instructions and I'm always like [ __ ]. that and then I [ __ ] the couch up I do I. bring myself a world of pain every time. [ __ ] every single one up I told her. that's the point of it I was like then. you realize you [ __ ] it up and then you. fully comprehend the couch I was like if. I just do the instructions I'll never. comprehend comprehend the C you fully. see it dude you go might be.

offener you are hener I'm telling. you I saw offener I was like Matt can. never see this movie he's G to get into. I got to see it uh yeah I I don't think. I've ever put together one piece of. furniture without it being completely. [ __ ] yeah and I don't fix it you leave. I'll have a [ __ ] up piece of furniture. in my house for four years. dude a tilted Table leg you can't sit on. that yeah don't touch that just put.

together a chair that just it's a. decorative chair at this point yeah she. crushes me with that cuz there's. sometimes I like we I put together stuff. like outdoor stuff and she's like you're. missing this bar and I'm like yeah but. it's it's like you don't even need that. structurally it's not totally needed s. you didn't even notice yeah but over. time I'm like we're going to throw this. out in six months it's Ikea furniture. piece of [ __ ] yeah we're going to. [ __ ] break this someone's going to. sit on this it's going to break and. we're going to throw it out and forget. about this chair forever isn't that. weird though I thought about that before. how like as stuff stuff there's like.

more stuff to be had but I feel like. stuff is genuinely getting kind of. shittier like couches are shittier and. cheaper cuz every company is trying this. couch is obviously classic Italian. leather but every as every company tries. to go the most expensive item I have the. couch is beautiful it's actually a. nightmare of a couch oh this this couch. is comfy it's comfy to lay but to sit. with like your seat yeah to conduct. business yeah conducting business in. this couch this is. a this is a Turkish couch dude this is a. Lou man's couch just like an opium den.

couch oh yeah I should have just eat. figs no but dude it's like as every. company strives to further the bottom. line everything gets shittier like every. house has plastic composite floors which. by the way are good for flooding I'll. give them that but it's like everything. gets shittier and Faker so like as. people get like trillionaires will just. be buying like Lego houses in the future. yeah just like jerking off into a. virtual sock. which what the [ __ ] now that I say. that did you prepare that no no I think.

about this all the time every time I go. into into Ikea I'm just off into a. virtual. sock but where's the [ __ ] go then it's on. your [ __ ] another dimension dude a. plastic floor true actually that yeah. you think they come up with like a. strict containment thing for that jizz. yeah we're in the wild wild west of jizz. containment you. think you think it'd be like a dude I'm. not ready for.

I'm not ready for. this by the way to the folks listening I. woke up at. 1 yeah I woke up. to uh they're here I was like oh. [ __ ] yeah to be fair I'm Jarred out of. sleep every single day I got woken up. today with my kid just kids in your face. banging her head no no they're in the. room we have they're totally contained. and locked up I woke up to this my one. daughter's. going and it's hitting her head against. the door and I was like Jesus [ __ ].

chice just wake up like you look at a. monitor and like oh [ __ ] she's slamming. her head against the wall [ __ ] we got to. get in there I'm pretty sure that's a. bad thing that's. bad it's a hollow door so you just kind. of sit against it and go boom yeah just. rocking it it's like dude calm the [ __ ]. on and those kids they do they have a. concept of the surveillance state that. they live in yeah they they think my. daughter thinks that she think you're. Big Brother dude. you're Big Daddy [ __ ] big daddy she. thinks.

she thinks there's a robot that watches. her in her room that we can like we'll. talk in a robot voice like Maya please. go to the bathroom and she'll like she. listens to this [ __ ] robot but if I'm. I'm like hey what's up she's like Daddy. come down here right now so you have to. do a robot voice and she's like yes. robot and she's so nice to this fake. robot I that guy tricked that remember. that that [ __ ] that there was a. Netflix show about a guy who tricked a. girl he was like he [ __ ] like the. whole family and then he said he was an. alien or something oh yeah about that no.

you told me about that he he said he was. alien then he like jerked her dad off. jerked him and the dad jerked each other. off he [ __ ] the mom he [ __ ] the. whole if somebody hacked that. surveillance thing it's like this. actually is a robot I could see myself. stumbling into a gay hand job just being. like hold on who's out there watching. TV that guy wasn't wrong for that yeah. you be like wait you're an alien be like. you need a sample I mean the fact that. he the dad he jerked the dad off and. then [ __ ] the guy kids he [ __ ] the.

guy's kids his wife damn all the dad do. all the dad had to do was just say no to. that hand job I know all he had to do. but once he said yes to the hand job he. was locked in he's locked in yeah yeah. anyway I like I like where you were. headed with uh [ __ ] containment and the. future of this nation I'm saying you. think there'd be a little thing like. sheets obviously sheets could absorb or. repel it or just like like Mercury it. would all just bead together real quick. and just like Quicksilver come yeah they. figure out sheets where like come just.

like Mercury yeah Mercury yeah just. comes together in a little glob and you. just go shove it off your bed and it. turns like dust on your. floor what do you a Roomba comes around. his vacuums. room then you blackl it at night so like. some type of adhesive or like some type. of like your. Lube congeals with the jizz to make it. that's a good idea yeah that's a good. idea too to have your jizz the is a good.

point the lube could have some I'm still. [ __ ] caveman dude what do you mean. just turn yeah you still turn on your. side yeah you're still letting it rip. onto the shirt I'm more Aqua playay I'm. more of a shower man pretty much you're. an aqua play I'm an aqua. play Aqua play dude you get the temp. right you get the temp right on the. showerhead dude if the shower head's. hitting you it's like godam it's a beach. bro that's a beach. itona I used a shower and I yeah that's. other thing too it's like every you to.

start low with the temp because like. yeah you you like acclimate to the warm. temperature of the water so you you. start chasing the dragon you get into. like a real hot Temp and you're like bro. I've come too far so you got to start. low if you're going to try burn play if. you're going to try to catch the. temperature of the shower to simulate. match a woman's mouth you're going to. you're going to acclimate to it you're. want 98.5 yeah but I'm saying you're. going to get used to that you go I need. to feel that warmth again so you keep. heightening the temperature of the the. water little by little until you're just.

[ __ ] boiling your bird. dude. what you know what I'm talking about no. you get you never simulated a be you. never simulate use the temp of the. shower while fapping in the shower s you. have a shower head yeah I'm not using. attachable I'm not a pervert I'm not. using it I'm just I'm just standing. under the water that's that seems worse. why I feel like detachable is like. direct but you're you're burning your.

you're going to shoot it up your. butt obviously you shoot it up your butt. dude that's not gay it's not at all dude. if you were jerking off and shoot it up. your butt that is. gay no no I'm saying you got like. something important to do get detachable. showerhead you shoot it up your butt. real quick then head out the door start. the day yeah that's normal I'm saying. you're the the water's just falling on. you and you're just you're you're faing. your backs to the water cuz then when. you put your if you're fapping into the.

water it's you hear the the pitter. pattern you can hearone that that cursed. you your brother hearing you jerking off. has cursed you do you know that though. if you're fapping in the water the water. falls a certain way and it's very. noticeable it's like water you know what. I'm talking about the water accumulates. the water accumulates and then it just. goes sounds like you're just dropping. buckets of. water yeah so I don't jerk off in the. shower oh brother.

brother that might be the future hate. jerking off in the shower do you really. yeah love it bro the water is too it it. makes every it [ __ ] my dick. up it's like having sex in water it's. ter that's [ __ ] up I hear what you're. saying on that yeah present uh you put. your back to the water you do put your. back to the water back to the water I've. never even considered this you're being. held from behind I was a lay down in the. bath jerk off you can't jerk off in a. bathtub i s it's impossible to come in a. bathtub when was a young man back when I.

could fit in a tub now I'm like. President Garfield whoever that guy. taed yeah I think of when you when your. balls heat up from the tub you can't. crumb you can only stroke I mean prove. me wrong unless you've crumbed in the. bathtub I mean it's back when I was in. my height of crumming I could I could. crumb anywhere in the tub though I. crumbed in the tub not taking a bath. laying down in the shower you just lay. down an empty bathtub yeah yeah point. point the shower head as low as it goes.

so it was just like on my. feet oh that's different I'm talking. about being which by the way respect cuz. I'm not into Aqua. play the when the water tickled your. toes and F in the. feet well my tootsies were getting. wet I told you I got into historical. play for a while where I like went back. just thousands of years into BC mode. where I'm like I can go anywhere in my. mind why am I staying in this time time.

frame and I I went back to like ancient. Egypt and fapped as a young. prince I was young prince you never told. me this I never told you this no yeah I. got I got into like [ __ ] Quantum time. leaping when I first got off the porn I. started like time traveling while. fapping I was like young prince dude. with a servant beautiful servant girl it. wasn't even about me I was just thinking. about this situation that happened in. like 600 BC yeah servant girl.

little weird I hashed that out I hashed. that out I was like Jeffersonian sex. [Laughter]. play just a young back then before it. was like a big deal it was [ __ ] sick. to be not de Prince if you're a servant. girl to the prince that was like awesome. and what would you say to the servant. girl I would say what are you doing I. was such a young prince you're a young. prince and she was dude innocent oh so. it was basically like stepmom play where. she was like you need to be you're under. so much pressure pretty much I need to. release. let me show let me introduce you to the.

ways of the erotic Delights and I was. going but I'm just a young prince CU I'm. trying to master all the hieroglyphs. then what would you say when you jizz. would you say whoa what is this I. instantly just jumped back to the. present moment. went I have. problems it ran into my bed wet and got. scolded by my wife I get into bed so. you're you're into historical play bro. lately oh this wasn't that long ago this. was was in my yeah this was like maybe.

five months ago I get into bed wet I get. into bed wet as hell too I love getting. out of the shower I don't like to fully. dry off I like to lay in bed wet and my. wife [ __ ] hates it that's [ __ ]. crazy dude jerking off to in your mind. being an Egyptian prince and then. getting in bed soaking wet is [ __ ] up. dude that's like I hate it. I get I get b i I never I [ __ ] buried.

the Time Capsule I've never traveled. back it's too good it's too good dude I. broke the time machine you cannot do the. time machine again it's too good I might. get the time. machine good call time machine is so. nice I see myself more as a French. Aristocrat I was just say dude I was. just about to say dude I was like try. out the Napoleonic era bro Napoleonic. yeah oh French Aristocrat would be nice. powdered face.

wig what a delightful treat. oh people must have all just blown their. load in like two seconds back then right. I don't know I think they were like. really into it you think so yeah they. were all they were very they it seems to. be all they [ __ ] talked about true. was like yeah everybody was cheating on. everybody we're headed there again yeah. and you know where that ends everyone. getting their [ __ ] heads cut off yeah.

if all you hear about is the rich and. famous people [ __ ] and sucking each. other and you're some poor guy with no. food or [ __ ] yeah you're going to be like. we're getting we got to get in there. dude me and Lam listen to a modern. rendition of uh Socrates defending. himself at the trial on the way up here. unbelievable I mean that was basically. RFK in front of the dude don't you. literally I I was listening to it I was. like he has to know why doesn't he just. say I'm Socrates. and just be like you guys listen to this.

this is what you're doing to me dude it. that I watched that whole thing by the. way it was awesome the you watch the. whole I didn't watch the entirety of it. oh you watch his opening speech I. watched the opening speech I watched. several Clips you you saw the highlights. they didn't let him talk that much they. were like kept jumping back and forth. you see the girl behind the black lady. yeah have you seen that one the lady. nodding sh oh no I'm talking. about there's a white chick behind I. forget her name uh. yeah the lady who was like the leading.

the the leading spokesperson the head. she she stunk bro uh the girl behind her. clearly wrote every single question in. speech and couldn't stop lipsyncing what. she was supposed so there's just a girl. behind her there's a girl behind her. like like it's it's almost yeah it's. scary what yeah it's [ __ ] up dude that. lady she was channeling her the White. Witch behind her was say this she's like. no tell her name St see PL kit yeah.

that's her dude I watch that she's on my. [ __ ] list I watched that whole entire. thing they're like there's just some. people there people there the W RFK just. goes there being like yo you guys are. slandering me knock it off please stop. this is not what I believe stop you're. you know this is liable comes up with a. great speech like let's stop attacking. each other let's just like stop turning. on each other this is [ __ ] this is. and they're just going like you're. racist dude the whole [ __ ] time the. whole time you're racist you hate the. Jews and you also the that lady PL what.

plas whatever her name is she uh she was. like and you had the nerve to bring up. the Tuskegee trials or the Tuskegee. experiments and related to the covid. vaccine and tell black people not to get. the vaccine he's like I never told. anyone not to get it I'm saying like. let's make sure these are safe and then. she went on this whole thing like that's. just that's lower than low despicable. dude RFK Jr comes out and goes by the. way they would never let him talk yeah. finally he gets to talk every time he. talks reclaiming my time reclaiming my.

time can I respond to this can I can I. respond to this can I respond to that. that was mean she said I was racist can. I defend myself no dude and even like. some of the Republicans I was waiting. for him to volley him the dude the head. guy in charge whatever his name is. Gordon or something he was down Beast he. was down he down there was the other guy. from like ah [ __ ] the other guy the big. ball dude he's like our fetman dude he's. the man he was cool as Fu Republican. fman yeah he's we need we need a true. Republic Federman he's nowhere near the.

he doesn't come close to he's just a big. bald dude he's like nasty as hell I'm. glad we have one thank God but dude he. uh so this lady's like flaming him being. like you're telling black people you're. bringing up Tuskegee that's like the. worst race baiting blah you know this. kind of stuff he was like I never told. anyone not to get it I'm just saying. like you know make sure it's safe make. your own decision and by the way dude by. the way while the Tuskegee experiment. was happening the CDC was ignoring pleas. from the people from like leaders in the. black community being like something.

[ __ ] Up's happened and they were going. like couron RFK going like yeah yeah. yeah he's like and it was my either my. father I think it was his father or. uncle they brought it the matter to him. and they looked into it and they [ __ ]. shut the thing down he's like by the way. dude the lady was just [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah. [ __ ] again whether that happened I mean. I'm I'm sure that probably did happen. but it was funny for him to be like yeah. by the way guess who turned their Blind. Eye to the Tuskegee experiment you guys. guess who shut down me and my family my. Famiglia yeah my yeah so again it was.

some it was something of that line I. don't know if it's exactly a CDC but. it's one of those like Health agencies. you know they used to lock doctors up in. the 1950s for bringing up the Mind Body. Connection you would go to jail in the. 1950s lock them up. dude do you know a chiropractor hours or. so I'm a bit of a. mccartha politician myself well at least. you embrace it that's sick like what are. you [ __ ] communist dude shut up go to. jail dumbass go to jail dude that's the. whole time during that thing they were. going those dudes would talk and be like. we have emails of them being like hey.

I'm from the government take that down. ban that guy's [ __ ] do this do that and. they were just be like we don't talk. about active investigations so like they. had like proof that the government was. censoring people through Twitter and all. that stuff yeah which by the way have. you noticed this they brought the social. media companies to Congress a couple. years ago and we're like we're going to. [ __ ] your [ __ ] up yeah so I think they. were like we're going to anti trust you. guys or field our emails just do our. bidding I genuinely believe happened but. whatever so so now all of a sudden.

they're there and it was dude I remember. that remember when Zuck got in front of. everybody yeah and they were like he. looks so weird it's like did you ever. see the reverse angle of that one it's. 10,000 cameras just literally he's got. to sit there like this there's a million. cameras not if he looked normal he'd be. a freak well he's a freak he's he is. obviously a freak but Z's a freak 10,000. cameras directly in your face yeah dude. you're going to look like a [ __ ]. alien and he's already a sweaty butt. nerd dude he is dude he's a sweaty butt.

sweatiest butt yeah no you I know it is. soaked butt I know it is at all time. actually what we're doing here is really. really neat I don't know if you've seen. it we're bringing people together his. butt just swe harder and harder imp it's. it is impressive how much he can focus. with that sweaty ass when I have sweaty. ass the only thing I'm thinking is I. gotta leave yeah but I feel if you've. had it for 14 years probably probably as. soon as his testicles descended his ass. became just a [ __ ] rainforest so from. puberty his ass has been sweating. nonstop I get it the only time I get it.

is the mall at the mall if I go to the. mall I get a sweaty ass dude I get. anxious now imagine in the mall 45,000. cameras and they're trying to take a. billion dollars away from you that'd be. crazy yeah oh my god dude yeah but that. was they literally sat there the whole. time and were like you're racist you're. racist any they would like bring up like. very valid points and the lady would be. like uh gentle lady from uh wherever New.

York speak being like hate crimes are up. 40% since this and it's because of the. stuff RFK junor says the one guy when. they were doing the yay or nay part when. he was like when he was like no to hate. speech the one guy and then nay to hate. speech and then the one guy was like no. to this. Soviet it's like wait you're the Soviets. dude did I [ __ ] this up dude I'm telling. you it was scary watching they tried to.

Soviet poit buau or whatever they try to. cut it off right away yeah and it's also. like dude so everybody you mean. everybody God bless you God bless you. anyone who points. out corporate collusion with the. governments of racist somehow yeah. anyone who's against who thinks like. corporations might be tricking us to. make billions of dollars now hates the. Jews and black people it's like dude. it's like name me one guy who's like. going at actively going at against like. the like the current political.

propaganda like corporate Machinery kind. of thing who's not they're like yeah. he's crazy racist wants to shoot up. synagog it's like no dude yeah it's it's. insane that you do. that [ __ ] up I was deeply deeply. unsettled watch I watched the whole. thing like I spaced it out over three. nights and was like I knew you were. going to get pumped on it though dude. that's why I'm watching the [ __ ]. while I was watching it I was like see. this watch the socr trial Socrates trial. when he goes up with the penalty of. death and they put it into modern.

language so it's easy to understand. Flames his political opponents and then. he go they're like dude what what would. you okay so if you don't want to die. like what do you want to do he goes [ __ ]. that dude I'm not gonna I'm not kill me. you want to kill me kill me go ahead. it'll be worse for you guys than it is. for me do it and the [ __ ] I know fre. apart he was [ __ ] dead he didn't care. he didn't care cuz his whole thing was. like he cared dude he was like he was. fronting dude he goes he was fck and. then right before he killed himself he.

was like oh [ __ ] I shouldn't have said. this he had F he had every opportunity. to overturn it he goes nah dude on he. goes I I believe in democracy he goes. honestly I thought more people would. vote for me to die I'm pumped that so. many people voted for me not to die. although I still didn't win he goes it. is what it is they accused him of. atheism and he goes they accused him of. atheism and they accused him of uh. like not teaching State sanctioned Gods. but bringing in other gods he was like. how can I be an atheist if I'm bringing. in non-state sanctioned Gods you guys.

are clearly [ __ ] idiots and they're. just like [ __ ] you dude he crushed the. the speech is [ __ ] nasty I believe. the speech is nasty it's so nasty dude. he goes against he just rails against. dudes not telling the truth you know his. whole story was he went to the Oracle. the Oracle goes you're the wisest man in. all the land he goes that can't be true. but it is a word from the God so he goes. I have to go and find someone who's. smarter than me and he would go talk to. all the experts and he'd be like yeah. but how do you know that and they'd be. like well well and he goes oh you're. just making this [ __ ] up cool and he. would go to other experts and be what.

about this and they'd be like and he. like okay so you're just making this. [ __ ] up and they'd be like [ __ ] you dude. so finally they're like you're dead yeah. he goes I am the wisest man in the land. because I know that I don't know. anything and it was just that was his. whole thing he's like I'm just trying to. be he's like just be nice and they're. like [ __ ] you dude he said he was. corrupting the youth he goes he goes all. right so who D the funniest part of the. argument he was like so would you say. like like a Jud judges here they're not. corrupting their youth right they're and. he's like the guys like the people who. are persecuted going yeah for sure. they're not definitely not he goes yeah.

and definitely not like the prosecutors. and they're like yeah they're not. corrupting the youth he's like what. about uh the merchants they corrupting. the youth they're like Merchants are. corrupting the youth like so it's just. me I'm the only guy and I'm corrupting. the youth everyone else isn't everyone. else I'm marn Manson he was everyone. else is a net benefit. Fault by their actions is a net benefit. for the Youth but me alone he went. through like every type of dude he's. like like and how exactly am I doing. that like atheism he's like dude I love. God so much I'll die right now CU it's. probably sick or I'll sleep forever. either way I win yeah and they were just.

like [ __ ] you man yeah it was fun dude. that that uh Socrates in modern terms or. whatever the video was had me [ __ ]. gassed up. yeah but either way I'm that'll get you. going it got me [ __ ] flying this. morning dude it was so cool I'm watching. dude I'm watching these guys in the seed. of power lie it just lie and just go. racist RAC now I see why they're [ __ ]. so I'm like what what does like these.

corporations have what's like the. benefit of them doing all this weird. like promoting all this identity. politics stuff and now I see it's like. oh dude these guys are able to like. defend pretty evil corporate Machinery. by being like racist racist racist. racist and it's like that's all you have. to do yeah dude it's it's working they. did it with Communism they'd be like. you're a communist you're you're yeah. dude they do it yeah they always do it. it's totally [ __ ] working they've. always done it forever yeah it's that's. the new one this is the new one this the. emper one but it used to be what are you.

not Christian. yep yeah it'd be so. easy it's happening before our eyes I I. am convinced that's what's occurring and. it's just no it is it's crazy it's. absolutely occurring been occurring. for seven or eight years now yeah yeah. it's going it's I'm telling you though. immigrants they're going to be foiled by. immigrants are going to rise to. prominence in this country and they're. going to go [ __ ] this [ __ ] yeah and. they're going to just pull the gloves.

off and everyone's going to be like. where are we at now we're going to be in. where we're headed is it's it's going to. be an Indian gu we're headed to the. manifesto of every Uber driver every. single one of their opinions is what our. country is going to be where you're like. what do you think of this they like I do. not like black guys you're like all. right man take it. easy that's why I don't say anything I. say these guys have guns they can't even. go to the neighborhood anymore they. shoot. that literally happened to me yesterday.

yeah every time there's a dude riding a. bike with no shirt on flew blew a thing. and the guy was like going I'm like and. like they hit like he had to like jam. his brakes I'm like bro you know that. guy wasn't going to stop he goes yes but. I do not want to be hit from the back. and he's I don't say anything usually. before I say [ __ ] you but now these guys. have guns they shoot me I like dud man. yeah those Uber Drive they must be. getting hit with their algorithm must be. just videos one of those guys is going. to get hit the beer hall one of those. guys going to hit a beer it's going to. be beer hall time with just the Ubers. and they're going to rise up and it's.

going to be rough dude those guys. they're not going to take any Guff no. dude it's coming I'm telling you I saw. Vic so if you're black listen up dude. you better start being nice to those. guys because yeah they're coming they're. they're quietly taking quit mouthing off. in the. Uber cuz they're call they're going to. excu beaser too he's a. menacing he's the worst that's true yeah. he'll get it he'll be he'll be against. the.

wall is everybody's afraid of this. Chinese social credit score it's just. going to be whatever your Uber rating is. if you're below a four you're getting. you're against the. wall last meal the Cheetos P last meal I. don't [ __ ] like Mike's Hard Lemonade. Cheetos I me L talking last meals on the. way up here I'm going with a bacon egg. and cheese on a long roll I thought. about it long and hard and I was like.

that would be probably my favorite thing. to good one bacon egg and cheese on a. long roll the longest roll. too I might you also you might plan. ahead and think. about the most vicious dump for whoever. executes. you just to be like yeah you think you. guys want to deal with this when my. carcass is still laying there oh good. call I said chili dogs chili dogs yeah. after he had chili dogs all day. yesterday him and his brother made chili.

dogs you guys last meal it yesterday L. you they last that's what I was like. damn that's like a last meal L what was. what did you guys do together you guys. joined forces yesterday your. brother listen to what they did roommate. Pete we made uh we made chili dogs we. made chili fries and I made a a graham. cracker apple pie you made graham. cracker apple pie yeah chili dogs chili. fries any straight chili it was it was. people were getting in that pan D the. leftover Jil was had true true I guess.

you can't make left of Jil was had what. were the farts the farts the farts were. catastrophic dude we all parted before. we got the farts together we all like. yeah we all went to our individual homes. Dam you guys all four meet at the same. time around like City Hall that was the. Wuhan. lab you guys spread those how are your. farts in the all that rest they they're. pretty powerful they're powerful too.

God damn that was that was the Trinity. that was Los Alamos dude so you guys had. chili dogs chili fries then you make a. graham cracker crust apple pie yeah why. the wild departure from the chili that's. like yeah the departure into the apple. pie is crazy that's [ __ ] insane uh me. and jabir walking through the grocery. store and I just saw pie crust was like. I'm going to make a pie and I just. wanted I made a pie I'm telling you you. guys together are the [ __ ] best yeah. I tell you I came home to them just came.

home Lam mer is watching the dogs. appreciate that I come home to Lam mer. and jabr and I was just like there's. something about the two of them together. that's just so [ __ ] perfect yeah it's. just it's just jab laughing at Lam mer. yeah and it's feel and everywhere where. Lam mer has knowledge gaps JIS fills. them in I've experienced this for dude. how do you 12 years it's the best dude. yeah I've watched them twice a week for. 12 years I watched them interact I mean. that's why them popping [ __ ] air. mattresses is like it's my favorite and.

again I've said it a thousand times jab. tells us told a story about he was just. laying in bed looking at a spider's Nest. above him and it fell he got covered in. spiders and then the other one's just on. they're just farting and snoring on air. mattresses and occasionally an air. mattress would. just dude I think between the two of. them they know how to do everything. talking to L Lam's like I can fix to. your [ __ ] website I'm like sick dude. definitely look into that I had my pan.

was [ __ ] up I'm like a [ __ ] throw that. pan out to bre like hold on one second. uh if you put olive oil and sea salt. it'll actually put a coating I was like. yeah but that's for like uh cast iron he. like no it works for non-stick as well. he's like if this doesn't work my. [ __ ] time at culinary school has been. a. waste dude I do it [ __ ] that Pan. lives again yeah he fixed my. panf yes chef dude he's totally militant. in the kitchen totally militant yeah. they the [ __ ] Lam your video game.

show you have to do it you have to have. jab though yeah you have to have him. laughing at you lose to Pro Gamers while. he goes. ha you understand a chancell May yeah. yeah yeah he's really good. too obviously he's good dude he's black. and autistic I'm telling you they're an. all black inyang dude they fit. perfectly it's crazy. you have to you guys got a chili dog.

before every episode and then make make. a guest with stand your farts for an. hour just some Swedish gamer like oh. yeah I might to step out to a second I. was getting really sick in here what. were you eating chili. dogs so American very thick in. here yeah you every Swedish gamer that. says the n word online has to face your. Force has to yeah that's their [ __ ].

Penance they have to sit in Black. stink they have to sit in the blackest. stink chili dog farts from the Big. Brothers. dude the. brothers yeah that was what a time dude. back when we watching these two operate. like I can't I was so jealous that you. got all that time I never got so much.

dude they they were out of control. that's the best dude it was yeah you. take it for granted but I got to watch. them operate in a world of it was such. an interesting world we had it's the. chameleon the Chameleon Club yeah the. Lizard Lounge we were just learning too. we weren't like in the world we were. just learning the world you guys are. machine learning yeah what was your car. uh Ford Focus no Ford Fiesta you of. course. probably a focus that turned into a.

fiesta from all the farest dude they. also they were also both significantly. bigger yeah dude they were huge and both. of them would roll up in a [ __ ] Ford. Fusion or like the smallest car you've. ever seen yeah they would both get out. ja would have to sit in the back seat so. he wouldn't hit. shoulders so you guys are Drive Uber. style it was like when you have the. weight balance on a small plane. yeah and it is insane dude [ __ ].

cesna is insane oh god dude you guys. have no idea what a treasure I walked. the end my house and was like just was. like oh my it was the best like 20 I. think it was 20 minutes I was like chill. chill out take your time I had you boys. to hang observe Maya got to show them. music videos and it was just like God it. was so fun their mom them and their mom. came to my show in Philly you got to. charge up I've I mean the mom's the. third.

brother their mom's another one of. them oh it was awesome they got they. they're ordered food to go they ordered. dinner and then we're like we need more. to take home that was a good movie. immediately [ __ ]. smoked it's very nice to watch them all. so they put that thing on family unit. family unit ordered food and then like. get us a bunch to go then they went. outside and the three of them well I. don't want to no what you guys walk away. with what' you walk away with in terms.

of loot in terms of yeah terms of. sandwiches what kind of sandwiches I. think my mom got a steak and Jab got. wings oh it's perfect dude so sick yeah. as soon as uh we're outside smoking bees. came out and my mom like said to bees. she was like Lam mer wasn't funny when. he was a kid that was like the first. thing she said so was not funny yeah. how'd he get so damn funny yeah were you. a serious troud yes.

dude just training you got to be serious. when you could hear gunshots like around. away they would just like like we would. like uh she said we would hear her shot. and we'd like we're fine that's around. the corner we got a little bit of time. before. they you and your brother had to Waddle. yeah. put they're shooting their. shots how did you guys avoid bullets. dude they. oh oh so the gunshots would go off in.

Detroit we were just playing video games. we didn't probably it was probably. Eminem bucking off dude it it was. probably Cheddar Bob shooting. himself damn Cheddar. Bob [ __ ] trying to say Eminem Ain't from. the 8 Mile dude get the [ __ ] out of here. with that Bull's obviously from the 8. Mile Dude trailer park dude he's from a. [ __ ] trailer park and trailer park. that was sick how that became like cool. for white people like yeah the Hood's. cool how about the trailer park I'm also. from Trailer Park trailer park is pretty. rough trailer Park's [ __ ] dude it's just.

people on meth well people try to claim. he wasn't from the TP people try to come. at him like this is where he's actually. from yeah it's like I don't know man. maybe stealing trailer park value or. Valor fre that is crazy I think he spent. some time in the. TP way he Li about being in the. TP it is a sick move dud is to have like. a billion dollar industry around of a. huge lie that you weren't in the TP yeah. night collapse be gone thoughts be devil.

everybody's GNA find out that I grew up. okay not great but still not as bad as. I've been. saying everyone's going to find out it. wasn't that. hard yeah I yeah whatever I want to go. on the T that's like my dad's friends. are all about that selling all their. [ __ ] and then getting a trailer in. Florida trailer in PA and you just. chilled and like they're like that's the. move yeah two trailers TP hold it and. then you can go wherever you want do. whatever you.

want I mean to each of their own I don't. know if that's the move for myself but. yeah they're all about like everybody. talks for that game I don't think. they're about it though about that. everybody's always like I just want to. get like a cabin in the woods it's like. yeah spend a week up there yeah true. you're going to go I miss my friends. there's nothing to do up here it's. freezing that's when it's time to put a. gun in your mouth yeah wait the the. pilot light thing is I'm flicking the. button it's not coming on those things. [ __ ] those things are scary SC to. [ __ ] around with what when you're like.

[ __ ] with one of those pilot light. things like a new fireplace in a. different location yeah stand back oh. dude I didn't even talk about breaking. my [ __ ] face oh yeah Matt broke his. nose whether you're running a marathon. or you have big plans to spend all day. binge watching TV it's important to stay. hydrated you don't have to be an athlete. to care about your body liquid IV. hydrates two times faster than water. alone and is now even available in. sugarfree Matt I don't know about you. but I'm excited about that sugar-free. liquid IV need that bounce it uses zero.

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you need real people hydration yeah kind. of R Done It keeping it real real people. real people only no fake [ __ ]. [ __ ] no frauds dude don't pretend. anyway let's get back to that [ __ ]. show that we. love when you want nicotine you want it. right now lucky for you Lucy Breakers. gets you your fix right when you want it. wherever you are these pouches are. unlike anything you've tried before each. one has a jewel likee capsule inside it.

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drenched for $20 off download game time. today last minute tickets lowest price. guaranteed baby that's something nice. back to the mother something I can look. forward to now let's go back to the show. you're cracking me. up I broke my nose in two [ __ ] places. dude you would have loved it I would. have I mean I was delighted when you. showed me when you sent me the picture. when you told me what. happened it was I actually was laughing. very hard and then I stopped and I was. like I hope he's all right I was fine I.

was I was like are you all right I knew. how funny it was soon as I was on in an. Uber on the way to the hospital I went. that was kind of funny it looks fine. yeah it's all right let me see. it yeah you can't really see it that. much hold on get a better. look yeah you see. it you weren't lying it's it's re it's. like going back to where it was but my. septum dude I went to the ear nose and. throat guy yesterday he remembered he. goes you were at 25% dude he's like. you're at five right now I went son of a.

[ __ ] damn it cut me he had this he had. the same uh it was funny I went to the. ear nose and throat guy yesterday he has. the same last name as my mom like. Mother's ma name not GNA say what it is. for you freaks you hack my credit cards. my mother's n maen name the Ultimate key. to all my [ __ ] Kingdom what was the. first pet you ever owned a dog what was. it name. Sharky what's my childhood best friend. oh [ __ ] spilling this Secrets the uh. yeah so I was like chatting this guy up.

like I knew that we had the same surname. thing going on so I was like hitting him. with like kin I was talking to this guy. he he's a kin folk Kim folk he didn't. know I'm I still haven't told him I'm. GNA tell him right before I go on the. knife I say look we're kin don't [ __ ] up. [ __ ] kill me dude dude I'm go yeah so he. uh I was with him yesterday goes bro. you're at like 25% you're at like five. now yeah you know I actually floated a. couple theories I was like dude is it. true that different nostril breathing. activates different hem sphs of the. brain he just went no I was like fair.

enough and I wait it dude then he goes. he goes actually now that you say that. he goes there's a guy I like whose work. I've always followed closely he's like. super renowned he did write something. about like activating different areas of. the brain just being he's like no he. goes it's not you're not not you're not. bringing oxygen to it but there is. activation but he goes I read that and. thought like that was a weird thing for. this guy to publish but he goes so maybe. I don't know so he left it at that he. was being polite no this guy was dude he. was being polite he's he goes no and. then he was like well I shouldn't have. been that and he waited a couple minutes.

and was like actually tell you you know. heard something like that me and this. guy are basically two people we're kin. we're related we're cousins dude and our. surname also means warrior when you. translate it dude now people Crack the. Code they find out my mother your. mother's M name is. Guerrero mother's made name is Nancy. plaskin. man name is gentle lady from Vermont.

they're not called gentle ladies dude. they're called [ __ ] girls dude gentle. they're [ __ ] women yeah lady hey. [ __ ]. lady yeah hey lady make it quick okay. she's done talking erase that from the. record just while she's talking you. don't have to type you don't have to. type you're wasting your time typing. she's just being she's just mad just let. her [ __ ] the uh no dude so then. talking to this he's get dude he started. telling me what they're going to do to. first of all I broke my nose [ __ ].

body surfing to the Bros dude I I had my. family gathered to watch me I said this. is going to be inspirational to my kids. took in a wave Maya wasn't paying. attention she cried because I came off. you see that she goes I missed it I was. like don't worry I'll get out there and. do it again big wave comes you know when. you see a big wave but there's a bigger. one behind it I yeah everyone thinks I'm. crazy all the Boogie boarders why is. this guy not taking this you should have. taken this this is a sick wave said you. guys can't see the one I'm seeing let. that one go it's me out there big bigger. waves coming a lot of times there's a.

second bigger wave coming I I've studied. ocean patterns forever I'm like RFK Jr. we document all this stuff I have a. journal so I'm sitting there I hate. you I hate you my little. notebook so the wave comes I [ __ ] I. paddle as fast as I can I said please. don't let me miss this wave in front of. my kids d i time it perfectly watching. Boogie boarders just lose themselves in. the bubbles I'm [ __ ] ripping on this. thing dude. I go to pop my head I'm about the hot. dog so I pop my head out the water.

you're hot doging to look for your kid. Periscope while Ring The Wave I did it. already that week periscoping out to. look for the kids as I popped my head. out of the water it just felt like I hit. a brick wall I look and there's a. 12-year-old girl sitting there and I. come I come out of the water I didn't. even know it yet I look like [ __ ]. sloth dude I'm like my nose is all the. way over here I was like are you okay. and the girl's like yeah I'm fine I was. like what the [ __ ] did I hit that. Britney thinks that she let go over. boogie board and as the she like the. wave is so [ __ ] tibular I guess she. bailed on it she tried to catch like the.

little currents of it bailed on it let. it go and I as I came up the boogie. board flat me with the hard plastic. bottom but I'm telling you it felt like. I hit like a wall so I think the boogie. board shelf in the water I was pushing. against like a stable stable side of. there was no give to this [ __ ] thing. but who no one will ever know it's a my. forever will be a mystery could have. been Poseidon's trident dude I think. Poseidon down he saw how arrogant you. were getting with the Periscope he said. you will not Periscope on my snarly.

waves see I broke it no lifeguards. checked me out and they were like that's. [ __ ] and then they're like hold on we. have a medic a guy came and he was like. Yo dude you want us call an ambulance my. wife goes yes and I was like [ __ ] no. absolutely [ __ ] not and dude my there. was a part it was really cool where like. I'm totally [ __ ] and there was that. part of me that was like What if like a. [ __ ] sliver of my bones sitting in my. brain right now and I could die at any. second dude so I was like we got to.

hurry up I was dealing with like I could. have a bone in the perfect spot in my. brain that if I move a certain way I die. I also don't believe that you know how. remember that when we were kids yeah I. know they talk about if you hit someone. in the nose I don't think that's true I. lived it I fully was like if you get hit. hard enough in the nose your nose don't. wrong if it happened to me I'd be like I. that's definitely true I know I I had it. I don't have the my nosebone I think. just hit just slid out of my brain I'm. living right now with no consequence of. that being true or not I thought I was. going toas Gage remember Phineas Gage.

[ __ ] rail to the [ __ ] Dome yeah I. thought was like I probably went through. my prefrontal cortex I'm [ __ ] I don't. know whatever it did it Jared something. loose you're flying today you're doing. great mushroom you mushroom your coffee. although you know what happened though. after the accident I was I went to play. pool and I was nasty at pool you might. be it might have made you even better I. think so it might have made you even. better at everything I was hoping to God. I hit my nose back over the other way so. my deviated sep work when I came out and. I finally saw it it was a crowded that.

side I said that's the last thing I need. that was the last thing I need I already. had a deviated symptom dang it dude I I. was sitting there my daughter was Briny. was scared the the [ __ ] medic was. like Jesus [ __ ] Christ and I watched. my daughter's lips start to tremble. total stealed up and was like I'm fine. I'm driving to the hospital totally. stealed up yeah you have to I was proud. of that totally steal up the gu's come. on we'll get an ambulance I don't need a. [ __ ] ambulance I was like Maya I'm. fine a [ __ ] ambulance yeah I get a. [ __ ] ambulance or he's like well you.

might be dizzy I'm like yeah I'm [ __ ]. dizzy I just got whacked my [ __ ] head. had a concussion in front of my family. so then I said he goes you shouldn't. drive I said I'll get an Uber then so I. got wet and it's saw. Uber the dude was the man can you take. me to the hospital dude I just had a. gauze on my face and a towel and a. bathing suit and I brought a tank top CU. I want to be shirtless no shirt no. problem in the hospital Salt Life. hospital but dude I go in there yeah and. it was just me and a [ __ ] pregnant. lady so there's a lady about to give. birth the hospital's so shitty there. dude everyone was very nice but like a.

lady was there like the doctors like. just come like they schedule birst like. guess they were cutting her open or. whatever and uh she waited for like. seven minutes for someone to come I was. like sitting there with my nose and I. was like maybe she's just having like. birth pain she's pretty far along so. then I was like do you want to go and. she's like no no no so I went up and I. was like all right and I'm like you know. let me get seen and then they're like oh. we're bringing you up for a birth and. I'm like what the [ __ ] why did like take. this lady back yeah it was crazy but. then then no she was probably like you. have a deviated septum go you need.

urgent fa to be fair I went back to get. triage there was four nurses and they. all went oh my God and I was like you. guys please be professionals please stop. this about the septum or the broken nose. my nose my nose they were [ __ ] the. whole time going like you're at. 5% I was still I was still joking with. the lady they I'm surprised they didn't. [ __ ] hit you with the the charges. dude you were you were about done bro I. had four ladies I you think they would. have dude they you know they got to ask. me Med personal medical questions to.

which I got to respond hell no babe next. question about what it's like did you. ever get this I said to get a. what not this guy let's keep it moving. what do you mean they're asking me about. certain injectables and if I got them. and I said the what oh they asked if you. got the vaccine I said this why I don't. know they always ask you it's like you. guys don't hype they're just hyping me. up so I get to go nah yeah one no yeah. for the record it doesn't mean I'm antix.

that's very weird they ask that they ask. you all the [ __ ] time still dude. because I think they wanted they they. try to get you still they'll be like do. you want it it's like no yeah no yeah. I'll get it now I'm still waiting I'd. like to get it now I'd like to get blood. clots now dude rip to or Tory Kelly is. not rip she's still alive but Tory Kelly. she's a singer she's [ __ ] like 30. years old blood clots Hospital which. again who knows what caused blood clots. but I've never cuz sometimes when things. happen the news does make it seem like. they're happening more but also like.

dude did people ever get blood clots. like. this it's [ __ ] weird I'm with you but. either way you know who knows oh it does. it does feel like some severe weather's. headed this way hold on let me check my. nose the lady said I'm going to start. feeling it in my nose [ __ ] Dam. it that yeah I can detect weather God. all dude it was my it was literally my. dream I I think I still might be. dreaming four ladies like that's so. gnarly I was like it's nothing like did. you get the VX I went nah it was tough I.

was tough guy as cool as a GU I was in. tough guy Heaven dude it was the best. dude God what's it's nothing more. shameful when somebody's like did you. get it it's. like yeah I had. to yeah but that was equally embarass to. be fair it was equally Brave I was so. afraid of it dude if for me it was less. scary not to get it I was so SC was full. lazy I was just like yeah I'll get it if. it but I got to walk over to Dwayne Reed. that's like three.

blocks that was funny the seller called. the guy called the manager there the. owner there was like you got to get it. you got to get you're the only you're. like it's it was just me and like four. black Comics that were like we're not. getting it we don't trust the. government and he forced you yeah he. forc you uh kind of he was like you got. to get it or you can't work here I was. like fine I'll go get it right now yeah. I care he just got in there too yeah I. was like I'll just get it yeah [ __ ] it. well at least he didn't thank God he. didn't [ __ ] I only got one I never.

got the followup that was kind of that's. kind of g- [ __ ] that's bad boy [ __ ] G. [ __ ] I got one so I could get it past. the club and then shout out to G [ __ ]. Gardini only got one I filled out the. other half of his card for him write. these letters in your card [ __ ] yeah. bro Patriots are in the [ __ ] power. there's a lot of Patriots right now in. complete control can't wait for [ __ ]. X dude X Twitter X Twitter no it's not. Twitter it's X it's just X I'm going to. buy everything on X it's going to be a. Marketplace dude it's going to be a.

Marketplace I'm stoked on it dude I I. can't stand people hating on musk musk. dude if you would have saw what I saw. you saw the starlink I saw starlinks. dude if you see starlink you go actually. musk is God oh by the way he's just. trying to make the internet free for. everybody too yeah he's trying to give. Africans [ __ ] Wi-Fi please God let. them please please please let the. Africans get Wi-Fi dude please make our. job 50 times easier so we can bring up. clips of those dudes doing funny stuff. dude they're going to be the funny guys. possible.

huh that's going to be tough to compete. with African podcast bro I think those. guys got some real issues we get to lay. around complain about [ __ ] those guys. those African fellas I think they got. some real problems yeah I mean true I. wouldn't wish that on you know starving. or Dev SE them all my worst enemy D I'm. look as a sufferer myself true. what's your journey been like my journey. has been so hard is a DV septum yeah I.

think I don't even I never think about. it I'm stoked dude I'm G to have plugs. in my I dude so I got to tough guy. heaven with the ladies and they're like. how are you not freaking out I said guys. when your daughter looks at you with a. trembling lip and they said oh you you. were being brave you're being a good. daddy yeah pretty much like that's so I. was just like dude this can this just go. on forever then I went I just sat in the. back of what do these nurses look like. uh three black ladies one white lady old. white lady it's like old white old. scarecrow white lady three just.

pleasantly just kind of like rotund. black lady nurses and it was just. perfect dude I I just was perfect it. looks like someone painted them in that. triage dude it was beautiful beautiful. they were just [ __ ] you're so strong. and tough and calm and I was yes yes I. guess I am yes I guess I am the coolest. [ __ ] dude you guys ever [ __ ] met. yeah BR I tried to let that pregnant. lady going in front of me I don't if you. guys noticed that I felt so bad when I. just was like yeah she's fine I was like. I need. it hurts she's not that far along yeah.

to be seen first I'm not waiting behind. her yeah it was sick it was uh it was. very fun I got back and they were just. like it's broken into I thought they. were going to snap it into place so I. could complete tough guy Heaven be like. do it do it it's broken in two places. your nose bones floating and I was like. oh that sounds. scary can it still go in my brain yet or. what is that done and then just went. home went home that was it is your bone. still floating yeah man I just have a. bone on it to anything that's why. they're able tomorrow so the [ __ ]. nose doctor was like yeah we're going a.

piece of metal and just kind of bend. that thing forward and pry it up then. we'll go out and cut out your cartilage. in your nose and we'll straighten it out. and reinsert it into your nose and then. we'll they're going to stuff me up with. two plug so I'll just have a plugged up. nose for six days and at the end end of. the six days [ __ ] annoying it's going to. suck so bad because you know I love to. breathe through my nose I have to plug. unplug them and then it's like dude and. they [ __ ] I pull them out on that six. day and then it's on but he said your. septum can naturally curve again and. they got to cut me one in a 100.

chance I can lose all feeling in my top. my front teeth which I'm like [ __ ]. don't care he's like the septum con. curve and I told him I said dude for. when you're on that when I'm on that. table forget Aesthetics I want pure. functionality so you had to cut little. gills in the side of my nose give it to. me dude I wante total functionality. don't worry about what my nose looks if. it comes down if you have to make a. choice between functionality or. Aesthetics I want you to air on the side. of [ __ ] functionality please of. course guy's just like. you're the first guy who's ever said. we're [ __ ] Cousins bro we're [ __ ].

Cousins dude I was leaning into tough. guy [ __ ] I had double black eyes at the. beach so I would like walk into places. and just be. like these guys think I'm so [ __ ]. tough I just thought you were a. crackhead I know with my family this a. good-looking homeless. guy got two black. eyes yeah broken Boogie boarding yeah. body surfing oh body surfing all right. imagine a [ __ ] Devi septum and a. boogie board in rash that would have.

been hell that boogie board and rash is. nobody can no I that's. tough that would have sucked they would. have rushed you in the ER oh dude if I. had a boogie board like you guys think. this nose is bad check how red my. stomach is belly is I knew I should have. went in and got my rash card on but I. didn't I was Sol life myself this. weekend you did you at the [ __ ] down. Florida way I was actually it was there. for H C for my uncle's salt death he's. the salt King he's salt death that salt. caring he was assault he had a salt. death.

they my uh never mind so roll he [ __ ]. the way they he he got they built they. have these things that are like buoys. yeah for your ashes oh no stop it dude. so they took him out on a boat chop me. up burn me now put me in one bro put him. in cremated buoy that bio it's. biodegradable it goes away in the water. and uh on the way out there were drinks. drinks were. had dude this guy [ __ ] rules dudee to. plan that out my. aunt she took the Billy she's the one.

who threw it in she had had a couple. drinks and she was her last words to him. she was like okay go live with the. [Laughter]. fishies no one handles death better than. the Irish dude dude nobody handles death. better than the Irish yeah I had to. there at one moment in their life. they're forced be sentimental they can't. do it no one can do it I watched my. grandfather do it for he had to throw a.

rose in a casket and he was like all. right we're done and he just threw it in. there and walked away like I got close. to it I was there was a slideshow at the. oh dude you know coffee and donuts. everyone's hanging out SLO my father my. father was just staring at it tearing up. and I was like get the [ __ ] away from. this thing Phil don't look at it don't. look at it then I started looking at it. and I was. like crying for our family Crush got me. you know it was me and him in like. eighth grade like he was my confirmation.

sponsor that was my guy dude that was my. [ __ ] bro then they kept getting me. every single person in my family kept. kept coming up and being like you guys. had a really special relationship you. guys loved each other and I was like we. did knock it off yeah leave me baby I'm. trying to go see starlink again true I. mean see starlink race across the night. sky is as cool as it gets dude [ __ ]. [ __ ] rolls it's startling it's very. scary I never seen yet Spud saw one in. Vermont you saw one you see one it's. just it's like oh [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is.

that like a blinking red thing no it's a. string of satellites it's it's like a. long line going across the sky it's very. what are they doing are they when how do. we need like more of them to get the. internet right yeah I was I was supposed. to witness a launch I heard it got. rained out it got rained out sorry for. your L that sucks that sucks dud I mean. my uncle di whatever thought. about my uncle dying [ __ ] whatever. missing the SpaceX launch [ __ ] me up. we were right on the we had a nice. little beach house we're right I could.

see the towers I could see the Kennedy. Space Station Towers I was so excited I. was like I'm just going to [ __ ] I'm. going I I stayed sober all day I was. like I need to be sharp for this launch. you're an Astronaut training yeah you're. Astronaut training microwaved your. dinner and you didn't drink you're ready. for space I was ready to watch Cas. you're like dude our astronaut tapped. out we have anyone like I haven't had a. single drink today I haven't drank once. I had a few but not really. it doesn't count if you only have a few. I've only been drinking vodka and tangs. all.

day uh but yeah it got rained out I was. I was it would have been so but they. pushed it back it was supposed to be S I. was like ah this would be cool but I'd. rather a night launch I want to see the. whole Sky light up and then they were. like the rain's coming we got to push it. back it kept getting pushed back I was. Now by now I'm drunk yeah true I was pre. I was timing it so I was drunk at 700. yeah now they pushed it back to like. 11:30 and I was like you're just one. eyeing dist trying to see that thing's. going to [ __ ] space that's crazy you.

guys ever think about oh my. uncle yeah that was it and then they. were like launch is cancelled I was. like I'm staying another day I'm going. to watch it did you watch it no I I left. I should have extended my stay one more. day damn it oh dude [ __ ] Avis the rental. cars yeah [ __ ] got a flat tire oh that. was some [ __ ] they don't do anything. for you that be fired up they don't do.

anything I always operated under the. assumption Britney we have like check. engine light cars and all this [ __ ] and. I'm like [ __ ] them if it breaks down. they'll they'll come get us another car. and that's their problem I fix it they. literally the lady was like well is. there you you can fix the tire and bring. it back and we'll get you a new car it's. like I got to go to [ __ ] Pep Boys and. buy a tire and sit in a [ __ ] it's. like of course you was saying just take. it to the side of the road Jack it up. and toss L the donut on yeah they were I. can I don't want to do that they were. saying you can put the donut on and then.

drive I was like well I'm an hour away. I'm not driving [ __ ] that what are you. guys doing come get this goddamn car you. especially you said you left it it was. nail it was nail on the tire nail on the. tire you blew the tire out even if you. blow the tire out it's like come [ __ ] I. got the coverage dude fix it yeah also. luxury car I got the [ __ ] premium. luxury vehicle and they told was a. goddamn Chrysler. 300 what the [ __ ] dude Chrysler 300 is. [ __ ] sack of [ __ ] car dude the. interior of that car is a regular shitty.

car yes I was driving Chrysler 300 but. then dude I was upgraded to [ __ ] Jeep. thing they what did they send you like. sir do you want to have the look like. you have are selling five pounds of weed. class of yeah it was everyone who's I. watch people I watch a decent handful of. people make a good amount of money for. the first time in their life selling. drugs many of them went for the Chrysler. or the Chrysler 200 a lot of times the. baby B that was almost that was pre uh. it was the go dude then that Dodge. Charger came out then the Challenger the. charger I know one specific guy whoever.

the [ __ ] marketing guy is somebody in. there knows black dudes somebody in. there is like guys they're going to. [ __ ] love this [ __ ] it doesn't even. have to be nice let's just make it look. like this they're gonna [ __ ] buy it. dude you're talking Chargers you're. talking Chargers challenge bough that I. will give them credit that's also a. white trash vehicle yeah and that's. that's white trash yes cuz yeah the one. dude I saw in the glow up was severely. white trash yeah that is the [ __ ].

white. trash yeah then he did Fu trash black. dude Dodge. Charger scraped the side of so sick. scraped the side it was like a Greek. myth dude he was flying too close to the. Sun and his Chrysler 300 maybe did some. opiates and [ __ ] [ __ ] it up dude I. wonder what the rate of how many chryler. 300s are scraped and damaged dude it's. got to be like 85% it's got to be a 99%. of them are [ __ ] all of them are in. the junkyard which is a twisted up. driver's side.

dude just some guy like what happened. was [ __ ] turnpik [ __ ] [ __ ]. [ __ ] something happened to me they. have the rumble the rumble strip is. supposed to be 4 inches deep this thing. was probably one and a half they [ __ ]. me all right all right we need let's. switch over to the patreon oh yeah I. have also me and lame floating over a. sick idea for the patreon I'd like to. hear it patreon exclusive live stream. the whole drive up oo that'd be very. good we'll try it we I I would love.

nothing more than to see you two. operating with no [ __ ] with no me to. be like dude what are you doing I want. to hear Matt be fully untethered and. just like dude just just you can't you. cannot see opim dude I have to I forbid. you from seeing will see it dude I will. seek The Forbidden Knowledge dude I. can't [ __ ] wait you're going to be. you're going to love it dude it's it. actually opom is sick dude I can't when. when you were I got him convinced I got. him confused I thought you were calling. me Turing I was going um yeah no you're. not I was like Oppenheimer wasn't that I.

was like oh that was touring I was like. sick Oppenheimer rules dude I can't. [ __ ] wait you're going to love it. although he's a [ __ ] womanizer dude. op was banging everybody was he really. yeah he dropped the bomb on me he. dropped it yeah he was he Dro he was. [ __ ] dropping I mean he was [ __ ]. everybody's wives every scientists. around he was kind of a [ __ ] dog. that's a fox in the hen house though it. is Chad scientist making weapons being. like I'm going to [ __ ] these Chad. scientist then just he butt [ __ ] yeah.

how did he get him was he like yeah. actually you know what like he doesn't. exactly equal MC square in the big yeah. pretty much I mean it's that that's what. I was like mt going to love this [ __ ] so. it's just like dudes being intellectuals. like yeah uh oh it's awesome there's a. yeah there's Truman Truman at the end is. the best part being like give me your. bombs Truman uh whatever it's not that. much of a spoiler Oppenheimer goes into. talk to the president and he's like the. blood I have the blood on my hands M and.

Truman's just like he takes a hanky out. and he's. like nobody gives a [ __ ] about you dude. I dropped the bombs get this [ __ ]. crybaby out of here TR rules. dude that made me love Truman I think. you're supposed to not like Truman in. that moment Truman [ __ ] rules dude. that's pretty nasty you literally like. shut the [ __ ] up shut the [ __ ] up dude. we did what we had to do yeah I pressed. the button dude get out of here that's. it's kind of sick actually it's also. just I mean of course it was actually a. obvious dilemma that these scientists.

had yeah that they were like we're. creating a the the thing that can end. the world but they're such little babies. they're all [ __ ] Communists the whole. time are they really a lot of them. they're all like Germany's out of the. war we don't need to use the bomb. anymore they're having like meetings. they built it though yeah they built it. there little nerds and yeah there's. [ __ ] nerds built it yeah what the. [ __ ] don't do it you guys are smart. enough to build atomic bomb hey here's a. news flash like yeah this atomic energy. is not working for this bomb yeah don't.

do it use your brains to be like yeah. we'll trick all these dumb guys into. thinking there's no Atomic weapons they. wanted that [ __ ] to [ __ ] explode dude. get out of here they celebrated when it. went off dude of course they did I mean. that's no one was thinking about those. poor Japanese terms of pure physics dude. it's like whoa cool as [ __ ] pretty cool. but you know apparently there's more to. life than just physical laws but you. know I don't want to get in trouble with. the scientific establishment dude I'm. already mired enough dude going to get. you dude be like we have a real threat.

dude it's coming you're going to be one. of the top I can see the day you're in. front of that committee they can't they. get me trying to get you and You' be. just like dude I believe in the. Constitution believe in the Constitution. the only thing I'd ask is that if they. see my sons chasing [ __ ] objects and. power more than living a good life just. to set them straight when I die that's. what he said for his sons he goes you. have any final wish like yeah if you see. my sons putting position and Authority. or whatever before being true and good. tell him not to do that and then he just. drank the hamlock Oh I thought you were.

talking about Kennedy I was like no no. no what the I'm talking about Socrates. said that no I'm talking about Socrates. they they're going to kill him he was. they were like you he's like you clearly. you don't care about the youth he's like. what is it about and he's like he's like. clearly don't give a dude just sick as. [ __ ] speech so [ __ ] good baby we. did it we did it we're at an hour um all. right let us go into the patreon yeah. it's worth it let's go into the [ __ ]. exclusive only sorry l loers see the. rest of losers you're never going to be. able to see this it's going to be so.

much fun also sorry about last week yeah. that was a little bit that was half L. mey full full culpability over on this. end yeah we had we we thought we thought. we could do a Night cast we tried our. best we did try our best though and we. stayed up dude I I ended up operating on. two hours of sleep the next day we tried. to do it our best that sucked dick it. was just yeah it wasn't the one man it. wasn't the one no it was not we stayed. up all day and night toiling to produce. something and it just we didn't get it. we didn't get it dude and we missed a.

week it there glimpses there were. glimpses of Comedy bro there were there. were things we did reach up and touch. the heavens a couple times but we were. we spent most of our time in hell that. whole time lot of hell and we got. punished for it I broke my nose you got. slapped in the nuts by a wave I got. wrecked L something bad happened to Lam. what happened to you didn't you. something. bad yeah I had a butt cyst got a butt. cyst oh God it popped he was he was. describing it to me I'm like stop man it. was the worst smell ever when it po I.

was like enough enough enough enough God. you've got it and you got a tit sis too. don't you you have a tit. no I got rid of it I got rid of. it you've come down with severe. littering he tried a litter the other. day so L he got punished we summon. demons you would have loved see me get. [ __ ] racked in the nuts by this wave. I was just sitting there looking at a. beautiful sunset drinking I like I got. to take a piss went out went out like. way Steep and I was like I had to bend. over for this wave so it gets me just.

slap me I was leaning forward like this. and a wave just racked me in the nuts. dude what happened to that boy dude you. got. clapped it [ __ ] crushed. me yeah yes all right patreon time let. us go love you guys.

he.