Ep 451 - Damn Things Fine (feat. Tom Segura)
w w West wait till the camera gets okay. sorry sorry hi we're here with Tom. sigura hello nice welcome thank you. welcome to the podcast thank you for. having me we were just uh we were just. recapping the Beer Olympics which I. thought was going to be fun yeah I was. invited to that I couldn't make it you. dodged a. bullet that [ __ ] sof yeah I think I'm. going to see those guys tomorrow no. they're the best guys but man if you get. that many football guys together it gets.
it's yeah it got so [ __ ] competitive. you need them to do it with themselves. it's like trans athletes you guys do. your own [ __ ] thing and leave us out. this were two women we're good in the. women's league yeah exactly me and B. everyone's like Shane and bird are going. to win not nowhere near no flip what. were what were the things flip beer pong. Flip Cup Beer ball which you just throw. a pingpong ball out of beer can okay and. you got to that's that was me and Bert's. worst cuz you have to scramble to pick.
the ball up oh [ __ ] me and BT can't bend. down and the other dudes the other dudes. were so fast and trying so hard like. Shing dudes out of the way diving on the. ball they do casual when it comes to. like a a competition yeah yeah you if. it's lounging it's like you're hanging. out you're like this guy's a regular guy. and then it's like who's who do you. think is the best at this and that just. asking that question alone changes. everything and that uh oh the Chug I. blew it so the opening the opening event.
was chug a lader so I think that's like. three beers yeah and I was like this is. the one thing me and Bert have a shot at. yeah uh I tried to chug as fast as I. could it just went straight up my nose. was like I have to stop I such a [ __ ]. dude I was a [ __ ] was it bubbly. carbonated was it carbonated uh I mean. yeah get it up your nose is no [ __ ]. joke no I tried to power through it I. stopped I was like you wearing my. nose bubbles in your nose.
nothing to sneeze it was it was so. embarrassing I was just a fat [ __ ] all. day then I'm so glad I didn't go yeah. you dodged it dude although you I was. also bringing a lot of it on myself. talking I was chering you should have. called the cops cuz I was trying yeah I. threatened I threatened all the tricks. dude I said if you if you put your hands. on me I'm [ __ ] in your pool dude. don't come I said I have a gun in my car. I'm going to kill. everyone uh I have an AR-15 I'm going to.
shoot everyone in here if you keep. bullying me what is the uh so wait. what's the what's the pro lineup there. it's uh who was in was in it who was in. it um so the winners was George KD and. DeForest Buckner oh Jesus Christ De. Forest Buckner. is freak dude you see that guy you're. like holy [ __ ] yeah these guys are. retired no what no they're like pro. bowlers and they played yes and they're. getting hammered too yeah yeah they got.
sh yeah so it's like so it's like not. only that that level of athleticism but. they're also fueled they're fired up. yeah they're fired the [ __ ] up and then. so like I you guys know me if somebody. says something mean to me I try to say. the meanest thing possible yeah and uh. if you do that to those guys it's a they. will resort to violence quick they will. immediately go to violence and then. you're just how are they tempering it. was it like just like headlocks and like. Taylor gave me 10 different headlocks he.
made me tap 10 times and I was like dude. I'm going to tap every time stop doing. it and sometimes he wouldn't listen to. the tap I'd be like dude for real this. time oh and you're a big dude which just. not even I mean I was I was a baby but I. me it just goes to like about like how. what other level these [ __ ] freaks. are I suplexed him yeah I hope they got. that on camera I was I got him a couple. times in there there you go I was. holding him under water at one point you. know me in the water dude I said come.
down to the deep end dude Little Hippo. in there dude creat so. KD KD and Buckner won and who else is. there uh it was Will Will and Taylor. yeah uh the guy that really did the most. physical damage to me was a guy named. James Neil he's a he's a retired NHL. player. a and he I thought he was joking we were. playing pool basketball so we were. shoving off the ball pushing kind of as. hard as we could mhm I thought he was.
joking at one point while I thought we. were joking he grabbed me by the throat. and nailed me down what the [ __ ] dude I. thought we were joking and he was like. my bad my bad on that one I was like. holy. [ __ ]. yeah dude you're describing a scenario. in which everybody then goes where's Tom. because I would have [ __ ] left dude. like I would have been like [ __ ] this. yeah B Bert was on Bert was backing off. a little he did not play pool basket.
pool basketball wasn't the event we were. just. playing yeah I can see Bert being like I. really didn't like when you choked me. yeah yeah yeah I didn't like that I. didn't like when you shoved me also. underwater getting shoved getting shoved. dude don't shove Me by professional. shovers too like true a guy that. literally one of the best Taylor Lewan's. one of the greatest shovers yeah of all. time he shoving you he was shoving the. [ __ ] out of me dude it hurts so bad I've. Cuts all over my back from the wall.
oh conrete walls you basically this is. an advertisement to like hey don't. invite anybody who's not one of you like. to that thing ever again yep it's a. great SP you go up to dunk and pool. basketball and your older cousin just. shoves you into the wall punch directly. I went up for a dunk and a dude tried to. swat it and just [ __ ] hit me straight. in the face oh Jesus yeah I call it foul. this there's got to be one foul here cuz. I just got punched in the face this is. uh what it really sounds like is like a. bunch of a group of big brothers were.
like let's all invite our little. brothers over and [ __ ] them up for a day. that's this was the first experience of. mine where I was the little brother cuz. I was I was always big yeah so I was. never the little brother that you could. do wrestling moves to this was the first. time guys were strong enough to just. [ __ ] ragged All Me for but I was. hammered right so nothing hurt yeah. nothing hurt until the next day and I. was like oh my God covered in. bruises that's a core part of my. identity being like a super lexible.
little brother yeah that's all I knew. growing up just getting beat up I got. beat up the entire time older cousins. and brothers yeah and you got you got. big [ __ ] cousins and brothers I never. got that I had sisters I was just. beating women like like my that's kind. of nice had sisters too fifth grade is. when it things turned around in the. house yeah that's when I started dishing. out that's when it was wrestling then I. was big into wrestling at the time so I. was like all I can do moves do you ever. British B both of them at once they were. in like they're like seniors in high.
school and you're like holding come home. in a fifth grade boys like come. here you ever beat them up in front of. their friends yeah so friends would. definitely that would turn but their. friends would beat me up too when I was. a young man letting them D that you were. playing they used to hold me down this. was one move this lady used to do was. hold me down put my foot I'd be flat on. my back and tuck my foot into the back. of my underwear like so you can't get it. out you just have to R roll around like.
a little pig on the ground embarassing. you were showing her how flexible you. were D so hard. dude oh I forgot about that that's a. nice memory did you ever have you had. older sisters yeah did you ever have a. sister's boyfriend punk you out or like. try to hurt you I did no I had one time. where you know I was always kind of a. smart ass I guess so this guy comes over. and I was like oh so you know I forget. what say to him but I'm just like it's.
not like really mean but I think he was. just kind of a dummy so but I'm like oh. yeah how's the how's the season going. you guys doing all right and he was so. he's think an athlete he's an athlete. he's thinking that I'm I guess like I. I'm either mocking him or talking to him. like an older man would yeah and he was. like he's just kind of cleaning a gun. the whole time and yeah g they nobody. else sorry that's that's for me PL.
popping on the couch the couch is. against the wall it's. usually but everyone is out of the room. like they so it was just me and him for. a second and then he just he was like he. just looked at me and just real quick. just punched me in the stomach [ __ ] what. a beast dud. yeah I [ __ ] cried I cried I was. like and I just wait so were you were. you nicely being like how's your season. going or were you he was was just taking.
it I I get it in in a in a sense that. that he was like why is this kid that's. like a couple years younger than me. being like cuz I was like how and I kind. of like I sat like on the arm of the. couch I was like how's it going man like. and I think he was like how you doing. champ I think he was like he was wait he. was thinking I was setting it up I don't. think I'd said something particularly. but he he thought I was like and he. everything going on right there class. and then he just went like B like that. and I was like. like like that I [ __ ] cried dude I.
went in the other room and cried like so. he couldn't see me cry but I totally. cried yeah [ __ ] yeah someone came out to. date one of my older cousins and we were. like I grew up next door one of my. cousins so there's 10 of them and six of. us so this guy pulled up to like take. one of my older cousins out it was just. a bunch of little kids and we like found. his keys he left them in his car and we. just HIIT him from him for like hours. and this guy was trying to take our. cousin out and he couldn't he was. [ __ ] serous finally like yo here you. go dude we're [ __ ] with you and he's. like what the [ __ ] yeah you guys are the. [ __ ] you. the.
Whitaker it was Lord of the. FES it's like which one of you took my. keys obviously it was one of. you. damos just running around that would. destroy you internally yeah yeah as your. keys are [ __ ] like and then so. embarrassing you got check the couch at. a stranger's house and then everyone's. just like what are you [ __ ] sit down. your ke for five. minutes [ __ ] yeah we snatched him [ __ ].
this guy who's this guy [ __ ] this guy. the pool basketball was a mistake. overall fun trip yeah yeah and here's. where things went South I was a little. drunk obviously from the Beer Olympics. not that bad mhm I took ketamine oh you. did I didn't know that part oh wow at. the Olympics at the end after the after. the thing on the way we went sick move. it was it was just somebody cool was. doing it so I was like I want to be cool. we were driving over I was like I'll do. some cool stuff.
too and uh I've never been in I've never. done ketamine what was it like it I did. too much oh you're in the hole I. literally I got out of the car held onto. a truck I got out of the truck and just. held on to the side and I was like I'm. going home I'm not going into the party. I have to go home I can't walk and. people it was at zany so like were you. drinking and doing KY I was drinking. yeah and then I took the I mean I. stopped drinking as soon as that. happened yeah and then it was at Zan's.
in Nashville so a bunch of like. comedians the owner was there all this. is just a party an after party yeah and. all these commun like Shane hey what's. up and I was like hey how are you guys. like people were like oh my God yeah. like this guy's got a real problem I'm. on Kine I took Kine everyone's like ew. like all right I'm going to go home is. what's it is it a comparable High to. anything like is it no I don't I don't. it's like like a disassociative like it.
makes you leave your body I did it I did. it once like a little bit so it wasn't. it was like just great yeah and then. that was I did a lot I can't get high in. any social setting though and enjoy. myself but then I went home and when I. got thrown in the pool my wallet was. lost so I didn't have my room key or my. ID to get into the hotel so I'd sit in. the lobby until Bert got back cuz they. had it what soost I'm just sitting there. I can't move I was just sitting in a. chair in a hotel Bobby and.
then uh they came back and I was like. guys I can't I'm [ __ ] I can't walk I. did drugs dude I'm [ __ ] drugs my. brain's a scrambled egg right now and. then uh I was like I don't think I can. walk and they were like yeah you can. just walk over that wall and walk back I. was like there's no way my legs work. everything works fine yeah you're just. in your own head you're like I can't. move my arms like yeah you can't you're. moving your arms and then uh we sat. there for a while I just drank water for. like an hour it off it's 4 is it like 45.
off and you're fine I heard it short so. I sat there and then sobered up and I. was like what the [ __ ] was that why. would I do that that was insane but now. that you've had that would you would you. do never do that again no but because. even being aware you think it'd be. enjoyable if you were aware that you're. not unable to walk no I don't I mean I. guess people do it and they're used to. it and they really enjoy it but well my. brother has these lenes you just eat. them and you just lay down with a. blanket and you just you leave your body. for for 45 minutes and you just come.
right back into it he taking a nap yeah. that's yeah that would have been great. it's like a super nap but at a party no. you smoke weed yeah regular like yeah. and you no no I've I've got back I can't. handle weed can you like can you handle. Edibles and [ __ ] too or no you yeah I. can handle I can handle weed I can drive. on them yeah like cuz everybody I've had. this thing where like I know that like. regular smoke people who smoke a lot. then it's not always this way but some. of them have an incredible tolerance for.
Edibles like you know Ryan sickler MH. you know sickler he can he can just. munch him not just like oh 100 he can he. can eat like 600 Mill like he can do I. can't do that I'll freak out I don't. need much I'll freak out Diaz Diaz was. like there's no way that uh Ryan can. handle a star of death and Ryan was like. give it to me he ate the whole thing. it's like 600 M and that'll [ __ ] me up. he was fine I be high for like two days. but you can probably like 20 and 50 do.
nothing to you 50 no they [ __ ] me up I'm. losing my mind I'll take 10 milligrams. and I'm losing my mind oh you just can. function on it you're good at. internalizing the freak out exactly the. second I take it I'm just telling. everyone I'm like oh I'm I'm done no. I'll be like next level of my conscious. I'll be driving I'm like wow such a hard. turn to make on this. road nice turn Lancaster Avenue is. poorly designed I can't believe that can. you do stand up high no I'm terrible. i've I'll forget what I'm doing so I'll. like I'll get a joke I'll get a laugh. and I'll just go all right what am I up.
to now I go oh no like yeah for me I. wanted so badly to be able to do it high. I can't me too and one of the hardest I. ever bombed was on the road with Rogan. and he likes to like he likes to [ __ ]. like really pull like from a massive. [ __ ] like a joint that is laced and. he's just like he's like here you go and. he's like do it and I was like I was. opening for him I was like cool all. right and then I was like I'm so [ __ ].
high yeah and then he goes you go out. there like you go because I was like I. was like and I walked out there at the. colum it was the Columbus Funny Bone and. they happen to everybody when you when. you do those clubs you're actually like. begging for this guy Dave Stroop to see. you perform because he books all of them. yeah all he owns like so they're like. stroops here and I was like cool and.
I go out there and I remember that like. the first thing I said I was like. uh I said something like you know they. introduced me and it was like a it was. it was packed but it was like a mediocre. reception I was like what is this. [ __ ] like Ann Arbor like trying to be. like oh that's boo if you bring up Ann. Arbor super flat and I was like I'm I'm. about to bomb like and I bombed so hard. that when I got off. it was even worse I got off and I take.
that corner into like the back room and. the first person I see is Stroop he. goes what happened out there I was like. [ __ ] I was like I go they're [ __ ] I. don't know it's just one of those CL. sucks [ __ ] you yeah it's [ __ ]. terrible here man [ __ ] CH sucks God. damn man and I was like I go I can't. just like I can't just stand up high and. then you know Joe was high he's like.
that was cool right I was like nah he's. like yeah it's good I was like M yeah. and then I did another one high but also. with him being like here you go just. take it you're like all right and I that. one was it was the set was fine but. internally it wasn't cuz like you hear. like like a hand slap and you're like. what's up with that you know that's I. was like what is that and he's like. there people clapping I was like oh I. don't like that why do we even do that. dude I uh. I don't know I just I can't do it high.
dude I don't like to even have but I. don't like to have a drink either I like. a drink after a set I don't like it. before I can have one if I have two I. start getting like [ __ ] drunk. confidence I'm like I'm like I second. guess things what I do is I get off. stage and I go did I word that funny and. I or like even when I'm up there I'm. like I I feel like I would have said. this more clearly if I wasn't yeah but. you can do that I can drink and do stand. up yeah yeah found found out it taped a.
special this weekend and oh you did. turns out alcohol might help really yeah. the first show I was like I got to go. into this sharp so average average show. in between sets I was like I'm going to. kill give me those beers give yeah you. didn't really drink that much though did. you no not like a lot but like you know. four or five Grease the wheels yeah you. had four or five before the second show. yeah oh dude that's that's that's not. not a lot like that's not a lot that's. not chilling four five Bud Lights over. the course of 2 hours yeah but most like.
but yeah this is a different thing like. you are coming to the realization that. this is fuel for you like this this. helps I did it most people would be like. oh you're doing five beers before your. second taping so you want to sabotage. dude I can't I can have one drink it. does loosen you up I tried ites we've. talked about before I tried I did a. weekend in Tacoma and I was like I'm. just I got to not drink yeah so I was. like I zero alcohol the whole weekend. and every single show I was like this. sucks I suck and then the Saturday late.
show I was like I'm going to have a. couple beers before and I just destroyed. it what do you think it is what do you. think it is that just puts you in a. different head space yeah I think so. just more relaxed more yeah and what uh. so it was awesome I mean I could. probably get used to not drinking yeah. you do you do get used to it I prefer it. now I am a little bit sharper but now. it's like if I do have one drink I do. relax a little it's like a I save it for. the very last show of the weekend I'll. have a drink while I'm on stage and it's. like because if I have drink and I have. not a good set I just turn on my myself. I'm like you drunk you drunk you drunk I.
drink like six drinks a month you. [ __ ] drunk piece of [ __ ] a piece of. [ __ ] yeah a loser so the second one went. great yeah where did you tape at Tyson's. hall or no Tyson's Virginia Capital One. Hall it's a new theater there nice it's. very nice that was the set though it was. on that was undeniable also it it was. less the alcohol more I've never taped a. special yeah so they're having a [ __ ]. camera floating around yeah the first. show I was like I'll just stare I'd tell.
a joke and be. like straight into a camera yeah I was. like you guys see that but you're super. happy now with the second one uh I'm. happy with it but then I I don't watch. myself do standup yeah so then I watch. it I'm getting clips and [ __ ] I'm like. Jesus [ __ ] Christ really yeah looks I. can't get enough of myself I watch I'm. like man you're are you serious I don't. know why something flipped something. flipped me yeah you were showing me CS I. love it yeah you were showing me clips. of your [ __ ] and I was like. he was watching it.
like I was like dude see myself I'm like. that's been a recent development now I'm. kind of like that looks great it does. look great it's weird it does look great. I I I swear to God I want to be like ah. [ __ ] sucks but I'm watching I'm like. so funny I forgot I did that this guy's. so good who the [ __ ] is this it's gross. dude I wouldn't watch I wouldn't watch. the line cut yeah for months and then. they go you have to give us notes like. we have to get and then I sent in one.
set of notes and then they give you the. second cut and they're like we need this. one and scrap it and I you like it now. yeah I was like I go they go have you. watched it and I was like no I don't. want to watch it and they're like well. they go we're going to actually like. Miss the release date if we don't turn. this in in like a week so I I like I. wish I shot in November dude and I was. giving oh jeez I was giving notes in. like late May to get this thing ready. for like and they were like come on I. was I was like I don't want to watch. this yeah it does suck I there's parts.
of it where you start going like I did. it cuz I always be like ah I shouldn't. have filmed this I'm a [ __ ] idiot. then like I'll have that and I'll be. like it gets better towards the middle. yeah yeah yeah tough start did you shoot. yours recently too yeah where did you. shoot yours helium Philly oh that's a. great one yeah he yeah the first I. filmed a YouTube special and I watched. it first I watched it oh thank you great. I watched it by myself and I was like. this is a [ __ ] disaster really like. this is the dumbest piece of [ __ ] I look.
terrible this is terrible it's so good. though and then I watched it with. someone else and they laughed yeah while. they were laughing I was like yeah it's. good I [ __ ] played it for La May and. know on the way home they didn't [ __ ]. even didn't even laugh like hey guys I. going to rewind that part that was. actually going did you hear that part. did you get the. Nuance I was listening well that's yeah. you can't put it on with those. two Tom didn't you film your special in. Philly helium too no uh the cornrow one.
which one white girls with cornrow oh. [ __ ] where did I no I recorded that's. funny refence sorry I recorded that in. uh they have it up at Helium that's why. I asked oh that's right okay yeah they. keep they they asked for albums from. from people who play the club I recorded. I recorded it in uh in Denver I remember. that I recorded in Denver Comedy Works. at the South Club and the reason I did. it at the South Club because they. wouldn't give me a. downtown really yeah I had done it.
already so I was like oh can I come back. and do another I was like it's it's the. magic room and they were like now you. can do it at the other club cuz I. couldn't I just couldn't get the booking. you know yeah no one gives a [ __ ] when. you're trying to film a special well it. was trying so hard they don't care if. you're not I wasn't a big ticket seller. when I did it so they were like no yeah. and then as soon as you sell tickets. they're like oh yeah we can make we. we'll bump everybody yeah we'll cancel. people and you're like oh that's how. this works okay yeah they offered me.
that this time and I was like no I'm not. yeah I have a tour just pick one of. these. yeah but the yeah the first time I was. trying I was trying very hard to get a. place and everyone was like you can do. Wednesday here yeah yeah like no I need. need an audience yeah yeah Creek was a. creek was a nice spot for it though. Creek was great I was I was happy with. that yeah yeah that special so good man. I was just talking about how like you. can. tell when you watch I think every time. time I watch specials and like I first.
of all finish it yeah or I think I even. at the 15minute Mark like I remember. watching first time I watched Bert's. first special the secret time one I. called because they gave me an advance. screening on because I was going to do a. podcast I go you sent it to me and. Netflix sent it to me I was like you're. definitely going to do theaters next he. was like really I go absolutely because. it was it was really good Nate bargo's. first one I paused it and I te I go. clear your schedule like you're this is. really really good and I thought was. like that too it was really and it and.
it did have that effect like it's. totally changed your touring life. um that's changed to you oh okay instead. of I will say I did watch I never watch. specials and I was like let me see what. they're like and I was watching yours. I'm like God this was [ __ ] good I was. like tur it back on like watching it now. and I was like Jesus Christ I watched uh. I watched Sledgehammer last night oh. thanks and it was I don't watch specials. or I do but I turn you know you turn. them off turn them off I was laying. right there I haven't laughed out loud.
at a special in a very I was by myself. at like midnight laying right here. [Laughter]. like the the closer made me oh thanks I. was dying dude thank you thank you yeah. that was that was really [ __ ] good. man it is the best to hear I mean people. can tell you that they like it but when. other Comics tell you they like it. there's no comparison it is the best. yeah it's a nice feeling and the and the. round filming it there was yeah it was. cool I thought it looked awesome I.
thought dude it I deserve no credit but. when I I did want to do it in the round. cuz I I was like it's a fun different. thing i' done i' done the round in a. couple Arenas and then there's only a. couple theaters left that have the round. one's in Long Island yeah I forget the. name of that one um it's a it's a old. theater and is the Paramount yeah I. think it's the Paramount Paramount I. didn't do it it's in the round how you. just slowly rotate like dude I did the I. did that theater with bird the celebrity. yes and I first I never did a round yeah.
I Stood Still and rotated it's very. common and my feet when the cord was. around my feet at one point I was doing. a 15minute set and I got in a circle and. then half half my ACT is most of it dumb. facial expression slow dance so you make. a facial expression and only a third of. the room sees. it and then I turn around I turn around. be like you give. it do it to the other. just show you guys what you.
missed yeah I did not like it I was not. used to it but it's so cool looking it. is it [ __ ] they did a killer job of. of the set I thought it was actually the. like when I went out for the cuz you. arried early on on tapings I walked into. that room and I was like holy [ __ ] and. they go oh this isn't even like done. they're like kill the and they showed me. I was like this is the coolest coming. down was cool it was [ __ ] R yeah it. looks cool man it looks really good um. yeah they killed it that's the John. Irwin produced it he's the he's the.
[ __ ] man so he he made it look good. and um I taped four really I taped four. and I'd never done that and everybody I. who has done it was like you got to do. it you got to do it and you know your. experience is what I've always. experienced in tapings which is like you. do show one and you're like all right. like we got one but. like show and show two is always what I. use we take four [ __ ] show shows and. we used show.
one was like my man and did six I had. the whole weekend I had six shows so I. was like just film all of them wow just. in case if I miss one I'll be pissed are. you have you gotten to the edit yet are. you ready yeah we did we ended up using. mostly two of them so dude I used show. one I've never done that before and I. used the whole the that's it that's kind. of tight the Austin one I did show one. yeah but I had done I did Friday I was. trying to film four and the they just. [ __ ] up Friday yeah and then no one.
told me cuz they didn't want me to be. upset when I went on stage so I got done. I was like killed it I like that was it. and they were like we didn't have audio. I was like wait what like so we got. crowd reactions that those are going to. be good I was like oh well that's. wonderful so now I have yeah we had kind. of a similar thing where they didn't. want to tell me this and I I could tell. by the way they were. talking so like show one is it's it's. the one you saw and like the crowd like.
you know I care about obviously the. performance but like the energy of the. like you want to put one out that's like. energetic and hot so it's like a Bonkers. crowd yeah right they're really hot M so. I'm in love with it I do show two on. Friday and I was like that's you know. that's all right definitely show one and. they're like all right Saturday comes. and the show is like it's a good. performance but it's a little less. energy and I'm like well hey we're still. on show one and they're like uhuh people. start to tell me they're like no no this. one and I'm like what yeah they're like.
that you were amazing in that and I was. like what are you talking about yeah. like this feels weird that you're saying. this yeah why are you saying this yeah. I'm like yeah what's the real why are. you saying this then I do the fourth. show and they're like actually that one. I'm like wait wait wait what and then I. I I realized that show one they had a. little bit different lighting scheme it. wasn't as dark so they the producers and. like the the crew they prefer night two. because it's clean like it's more.
cinematic looking they had a little bit. of like fog in the air in show one and. they cut that and I was like okay and. then they go we didn't first of all. they're like there's more people moving. like there's people get up in show one. and they and on the rest of the shows. they tell them don't move so like that's. a distraction I go I don't give a [ __ ]. about any of that I go I don't care if. it's brighter and there's people moving. I go the show is better that's theal. and they did not want me to do it they.
wanted me to use these other shows but I. was like you can't let that [ __ ] dictate. what you pick yeah you know I was. distracted you. were no people have told me some people. have messaged me they're like what's up. with all the people moving I'm like I. don't [ __ ] know really yes yes I have. people walking in front of the camera. and [ __ ] it's like mine was more of a. learning experience than. anything I'm like now I know how you do. them I didn't know yeah it is a weird. thing it's crazy it's the most. uncomfortable feeling yeah yeah well. luckily I heard I could kind of like you.
explained me your whole thing where you. watched it yourself and we like freaking. out so I was like okay so I I just. didn't have to I was just like whatever. watching yourself is but yeah now you're. in heaven you love watching. yourself this is the best. dude I'll walk in the room and he's like. like what do you what meme is that let. me see that he's it's me it's a me dude. it's yeah it's weird it's been a weird. shift that happened internally where I'm. just like I'll catch myself doing stuff. I'm like yeah that kind of looks stupid. and I go you'll get it next time brother.
don't worry about it look at that thing. that's great it's crazy oh that's so. nice that's nice that's a really nice. thing it's weird guys stop buying boring. generic nicotine pouches you're not a. boring in generic person you deserve. better Lucy breaker pouches are the way. to go they have a liquid flavor capsule. inside that [ __ ] bursts in your mouth. and moistens the pouch oh give you a. wave of awesome flavor. Matt have you ever given a wave of. awesome flavor to someone's mouth I have.
I don't know about awesome flavor but. uh you can choose your nicotine strength. and select your flavor the ultimate in. customization with awesome options like. apple apple ice mango and espresso. there's no wrong pick there's not one. wrong pick in there uh me personally I'm. a big mango head you know that about me. dude I know that those citus citrusy. fruity tastes I'm more of a mint guy so. yeah cool I could see that you're cool.
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drench to receive 20% off and always. free shipping glad I said that twice. here comes the fine print Lucy products. are only for adults of legal age and. every other every product's [ __ ]. legal or age verified this product. contains nicotine nicotine's addictive. let's get back to the show man Thomson G. is a cool cat the. man uh life is full of decisions what. job to take where to live who to spend. your time with whether you're dealing. with the decisions about your career. relationships or anything else therapy.
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sorry aumb I didn't even catch it either. I just looked at. it yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] that ad oh my God. therapy has been life-changing for me. it's been very important just fill out a. brief questionnaire to get matched with. a licensed therapist if for any reason. you don't love the therapist you're. given you can switch it anytime for free. you know what also is a nice no. questions asked for personal endorsement. it's perfect for the babe dude you know. when your your wife or your girlfriend's.
giving you [ __ ] talking about her. feelings and [ __ ] you go babe here's a. zoom call with a guy that's going to. [ __ ] swallow that horse [ __ ] that you. he's designed perfectly to swallow all. your stupid [ __ ] you're saying and spit. it back to you like you think you're in. control you're not no one's in. control anybody that pretends to be in. control their lives is [ __ ] lying. dude life sucks but I could use better. help maybe I should get on there I can. be in complete control of my feelings. and.
thoughts to be fair yeah and I I think. they are a completely reformed company. CU they did get in trouble for selling. people's information but we've all made. mistakes that's why we need therapy. that's why therapy's good I'd sell. information if I had any [ __ ]. information I just sell it right now I. sell it I sell it all the time are you a. closer I are you a [ __ ] closer or not. dude better helps a bunch of closers. [Laughter]. dude but it is good you should talk to. someone about your problems better help. dude we love you here's the thing you.
should talk to someone about your. problems and even if dude they sell your. location for 5 cents to Mark Zuckerberg. who cares dud gives a [ __ ] they already. know where you are anyway they might as. what better help's not allowed to cash. in a little that's what I'm saying. everyone else knows where you are. already listen to your [ __ ] crap all. the. time was really [ __ ] hard for me yeah. seriously you should you know you I. swear to God you should talk to someone. about your problems you probably have. all kinds of weird biases you don't even. know and subconscious Hang-Ups you can't.
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Brothers I Jud yeah I judge my voice my. hand dude you know what know what I did. I stopped I I used to be in the grocery. store and I would see people and I'd be. like look at this dumb [ __ ] [ __ ]. dumbass and I stopped doing that I just. made an effort to stop doing that and I. got nicer to myself as a result totally. didn't even go for it that I look at. that lady's stupid head look at that. [ __ ] weirdo and I started just being. like trying to be nice in my head that. guy thinks he's better than me yeah. literally it's that look at him it's. that it's being like. he's tall and probably has a bigger dick.
than me but like I'm probably better SAT. scores that. guy yeah I cut a l nobody in here knows. I did a Netflix. special no one in that's why they're. treating me so poorly it's like cuz I'm. disheveled dude now I'm at the beach. with my family right now now I'm really. this is another test a mental test dude. we're like I'm there I got kids my wife. and you'll see like just like college. kids with beautiful women like Bing a. football back and forth there's a part. of me that's kind of like like throw me.
throw me the ball. guy to be like dude that's over for you. man yeah that's not I learned the hard. way this week dude I learned a very hard. way play is done for me yeah yeah yeah I. also what he's saying though like what. you're saying I have bit my tongue we. like it'd be really fun to throw the. ball right now yeah you I mean like. nothing to do you earned the hard way. too horse play's done dude you earn. oh dude you learned one of the hardest.
ways I've ever seen someone Win horse. play years are over Dude you can horse. play a. little cont dude. was here's the thing I [ __ ] I've gone. to do it again no yeah I know and I well. here's the thing you got to learn to fly. again I no I I stopped I stopped Sky. dude it like it was we were raising it. again and before it got to like oh this. will be a challenge I was like you at. like n nine was the last one that I did.
before I got and then we raised it and. that's where I got hurt no this time. when I went back you DED on nine I. dunked on nine and I dunked on N at 250. that's crazy yeah that was 250 that's. crazy and I also like when the when the. surgeon that's really [ __ ] impressive. that's awesome yeah and I was 42 like I. mean so that was like but the the. surgeon he goes I tried to dunk in the. Sky Zone off a trampoline recently and. just breaked on the. roof sorry. I was like I'll G on this I was like.
[ __ ] dude no I was so fired up that. thing but that surgeon he goes you know. I tore so I had a double whammy cuz I. tore this tendon and he goes you know. most people when they tear their tendon. they tear it at the connection point so. either like where it is on the patella. or where it is here he goes yours tour. in the middle he goes what you see like. in 2% oh of these things and I go so. what what he goes it just takes a. tremendous amount of force so it makes. sense cuz. 250b dude 2 jump as hard as he can and.
then it just like Snapped in the middle. yeah yeah you're like Z I look I kind of. look like him you like Zion dude. yeah how is that guy not broken blowing. out his shoes and. [ __ ] but he's like he's like [ __ ]. yeah they traded him he's going to. explode yeah yeah damn where is he. now didn't they trade him if they tra. they just signed a never mind I I. thought he was no for some reason I was.
thinking Memphis which would be you said. that baby mama Scandal yeah the baby M. Scandal oh no which was she sold him out. right like she went on social media and. was like I think he had she was like. girl what you what you say what was the. like an only fans girl and then another. only fans girl Mills I believe who is. this guy Zion Williamson he's a. basketball player is he the guy who just. got drafted or he's he got drafted a. freak he played a Duke he so fre he's a.
freak he sounds familiar yeah but he's. fat oh really he keeps getting well. every time cuz he's like not playing. he'll just gain like 80 pounds Jesus but. he can jump out of the gy like he's a. monster you know what they gave us a. tour at Cameron when I did I did a show. at in whatever Durham whatever so they. gave us a tour at Cameron and which is. [ __ ] rad because there's a bunch of. Duke haters but I'm like give me a tour. of any yeah I blew it I said I I said no. oh really yeah I just did durm and but I. was like my flight was close So Co blew.
it [ __ ] so I was talking to the guy it. was awesome it was awesome [ __ ] he gave. me he gave me sure it didn't suck was. hot in there suck it was it was so rad. and the guy one of the guys who gives us. the story he's been there for like their. whole Dynasty right like this guy who's. just like been a so we're you know. there's all these like photos trophies. everywhere and he's like talking about. each player like this guy so I was like. what's up like talking about Z because. there's a couple pictures of him that. look like they're [ __ ] AI just.
[ __ ] flying through the air and. you're and he's 68 and he's like. 260 freshman in college and you're like. Jesus Christ and he's like you know when. we did the uh the vertical test you know. they take you ever seen those for like. have them at the combine where it has. like these little yeah you jump straight. up oh you tap you tap it and the thing. moves right every inch is a little. plastic it shows which one you hit and. when you go pop it goes like that right. so and they go all the way to the top so.
he goes and he does the vertical test. and he hits the very top one so the. whole thing moves and they're like what. the [ __ ] right all the other players are. like so then they get um a 45b plate. from the weight room and they put the. vertical thing on that yeah right so now. it's it's like whatever this much higher. top one so they take a second plate so. now it's two 45lb plates on top hits the. top and they go that's it what's his ver. what is his vertical jump I mean when.
he's sub 300 oh because he's [ __ ] so. tall too yeah but still a guy that's big. doing that I mean but no if you're that. tall also that kind of hurts your vert. it starts where your hands straight in. the air I mean that's where you start. it's over 40 okay so yeah then they me. that makes sense it's over 40 yes him. being tall AI had like a 40 something. inch vert he's got a 45 in vert that is. [ __ ] crazy AI had a 40 something vert. AI is just got to be insane yeah Tommy. we were yeah this is great we were on.
the road me na and Tommy and Tommy and. Naim were at the gym and they Tommy was. doing box jumps who's this uh my friend. Tommy Pope okay and it was you no uh oh. yeah yeah we did we were doing box I. remember I remember but Tommy did a box. jump onto a 44 in box and they were like. 44in vert no they came they came to. lunch with me and they were like Tommy. has a 44-in vertical leap I was like. LeBron James has a 44 in vertical Le Tom. he did not have a 44 he lifted his knees.
up I Googled it I was like top BS was. like yeah Vince Carter 45 I was like. yeah you're pretty much. Vince I don't think you can tuck your. knees here just no they tuck their knees. jumped up it's like yeah how about Moran. what is his vertical it's got to Mor's. vertical got look so stupid it doesn't. look real actually when he jumps have. you ever seen that guy jump it looks it. actually looks cartoonish crazy people. FL like that it's. bizarre he's got 44 so him and Tommy.
Tommy andn and me are like right there. that's. [ __ ] uh the Zion I was following Zion. when he was in high school because it. was all of his highlights were every he. was from South Carolina and so he was. just playing against white dudes that. are 55 yeah and he's It's the funniest. mix It's the funniest mixtape you've. ever SE he's going through the leg dunks. on kids there's that one kid that's like. there's that famous kid oh kid who's. like talking [ __ ] to him trying to D him. up. [ __ ] dumped on and and the kid's head.
is like up in his. tit you see him going like this to. people like Zion's like what's going on. that was me that was me in pool. basketball for real I was like let's go. nothing you guys can do I'm never going. to. tap I tapped I tapped I tapped I tapped. help doesn't V anymore this when I was. in high school before he we transferred. to that there's this crazy like School. in Carolina. that's for I think it's oakill Academy.
oh yeah that's uh oakill I think that. was Carmelo yeah yeah but so Vince went. there or one of or one to one like that. but not at he started in Daytona Beach. and when I was in high school Florida. yeah I was not that far from Daytona so. like when you would watch local news. they would be like local freshman. Vincent Carter and then they would show. him do like reverse [ __ ] double pump. [ __ ] on people oh my God this is so. stupid and then he transferred up to.
that school but it was we had Kobe in. our area like my cousin had a play. against Kobe in the summer league and. was just like yeah he's like dude my. cousin was really good too and he was. just like dude it was just he's a freak. and you just felt like crazy yeah I. remember seeing a kid in high school. like we went to the gym and we uh like. the high school gym and that this was. like at this big High School in. Milwaukee suburbs you know we all played. high school we all played basketball. bball in middle school so like let's. just go to the the gym here and this kid.
does the uh the cup he cups the ball. here and then he goes like that and. dunks we were like what the [ __ ] oh we. have to go home like yeah we're not. playing basketball at all yeah ketamine. just kicked in yeah I have to go home. I'm going to sit yeah give me a blanket. let me lay down for 45 minutes till. these guys leave I didn't know you got. stuck on the cat I got stuck I was in a. ghole dude it was the most embarrassing. [ __ ] possible. after getting beat up all day I took it.
to the next level process to the next. level dude you processed [ __ ] they gave. me Pizza Hut they were like you need. something to eat I was I was like this. is the best pizza I've ever had they're. like this is disgusting it's disgusting. [ __ ] I was like it's so good it's so. good dude saved your life it did pizza. pizza brought me back it grounded your. body your spirit body needed to be. grounded with like fat and grease just. back coming down from C sobering up and. just being like what a [ __ ]. embarrassment why would I do drugs I.
know I can't do. drugs I just did iasa and did you really. the baked the baked the chocol like the. they cook so you don't have to go. through the vomiting diarrhea they they. cook it down into these CH it doesn't. taste good but it's way better than have. like the authentic version and I'm so. [ __ ] stupid that I everyone I told to. they're like what are you [ __ ]. [ __ ] like I ate it at night right. before I was like I'll ate it before bed. help me go to bed I was just like. wanting to feel a buzz and then I was.
just in bed I was. like how strong was it it was too strong. wait you took just iasa just on a whim. yeah like 11 o'clock at night I thought. you were like with a shaman like having. a guided no here's the thing the shaman. gave it sent it to me with instructions. I didn't read them I didn't look I read. them the next day and they were like go. into this with intention and like you. know I just ate it and I was just in bed. like. what the [ __ ] I need to I shouldn't be. on tour this much like I.
just like it was [ __ ] it was you're. on like DMT basically for forever I look. over at the clock and it's like 4 and. I'm like oh like I'm not going to sleep. at all tonight oh my God that's insane. wasi yeah how long last I chocolates now. I think I went to I went to bed around 6. a.m. you know and I slept like 2 hours. and then got but I mean I was whack. changed [ __ ] up yeah and then. everybody was like why would you why and.
I was like I just got it in my head cuz. I'd had these like Edibles that were. like 10 miled yeah yeah and I was like. I'll eat one of these whatever and go to. and I was out I was like I'll just eat. the. iwaska it's so stupid yeah I was so. [ __ ] out of my mind I have that Molly. in my room that someone who isn't me. gave me yeah yeah and they're just. burning a hole in my pocket dud I just. look at them every night I'm like I. should just hang out and take Molly I'm. so afraid to do it really yeah I've done.
it before and it's great but just doing. it on like a basically a school night. yeah that's insane dude I would just sit. here and play a video game. and it's coming though yeah I get scared. I do get. scared I don't think so no it's just in. like a crystalline form it should last. forever I get scared when things kick in. on me I'm like oh [ __ ] here it comes. it's like iow that sounds terrifying I. when you weren't obviously you weren't. quite sure of what it was going to do I.
well here's the thing and I had a guided. experience before okay where like that. one was cool with like the shaman and. and that was you know a whole thing. where it was [ __ ] a whole day of that. yeah um but they were like watching you. and you know so you knew what you were. getting into then I just I just got it. was just like when your brain goes it'll. be fine just being stupid it was just. I've done that with Edibles where I just. like like impulsively like and Gobble. them up and then like have to go to like. a kids party and I'm like like why did I.
do that I like kick I didn't even know I. ate that are you just tell yourself it. won't affect me like that like it does. normally I'm in a different place now I. think it'll just flow with it Matt used. to make edibles and we would he would. test them out on me sometimes yeah and. yeah I forget I would forget I. commercially I'd make like thousands of. them yeah he wasn't the dosage wasn't. precise in the early stages it's like. coconut oil so like. the skizzers were nice SK knock you out.
I almost blew our kitchen up I was. making like an Ever Clear tincture and I. was just boiling on the St on a gas. stove like an idiot ever so lightly and. it just. like I was playing xox I was just. sitting there on like a folding chair in. front of a shitty TV a giant flame Matt. Matt's Panic skills are out of control. dude the fire starts he like I run I run. in circles when I panic if I'm panicking. I just run in a circle like an animal. it's bizarre he saw me I cut my finger.
the same thing I was squirting blood out. of my finger and I just ran in a circle. just. going he's like dude dude you gotta go. to the hospital okay take me please I do. not H you I freak yeah yeah that's yeah. but yeah I'm I'm off the Edibles right. now I've been taking it easy on them. yeah I was pigging out for decades. what's your like so is is your are you. like a roll of joint guy or you yeah I. can smoking weed I can smoke it I'm like. you're fine yeah if I eat it I get. [ __ ] whack I can't I can't even tell. when you're high yeah if I like not.
really I can tell when you're [ __ ]. very high yeah yeah but if you're like a. little high I have no no it's sound like. l ly you can see it yeah true like right. now I can see his eyes he's not high I'm. not high right yeah so straight and. narrow shut down just comes in I'm a. very obvious tell I think yeah yeah I. can't hide it at all wait so what was. the Bedtime iasa experience like it was. just you the yeah what happened see. anything no well here's the thing is.
like at first when it comes when it. first comes on it does feel like an. edible is hitting you cuz it's just kind. of starting so like in other words like. you go oh okay I feel I feel a little. buzz starts a little bit of a body high. put your night cap on you're like good. like this is going to be nice I'm just. going to fall asleep now you know and. then your brain's like here's things. that you shove. and then but here's the thing then you. start to feel it lay in bed that happens.
anyway yeah that's true you see probably. magn it's magnified but also on top of. that a lot of physical like your whole. body starts you know vibrating and and. so you're just kind of like oh [ __ ] and. then the the thoughts just kind of grow. and and it was it wasn't Panic it's not. like you know how like you can get. paranoid on like a really it's not like. that but you just kind of start. ruminating and thinking about things and. there's no way to switch it off like but. also in in a way it's kind of nice.
because hours go by and you're not like. I wish this would end you're just kind. of like lost in your thoughts and. whatever you're thinking about but. you're you're physically like I remember. at one point I was like oh I can't get. up right now like I'm too high to stand. up you know and I'm just and I look over. and it's like three and I was like oh. I'm just gonna I think I think I need to. pee I just get pissed I'm going to piss. in this bed yeah piss my pants yeah yeah. I pissed in the bed nice yeah it. good yeah someone will clean it up.
pissing the bed is a nice feeling I. pissed one time in in the bed when I was. 17 did you really I I you know it hadn't. happened since like childhood and I. remember waking up and being like coming. from like a vivid dream where I pissed. in the dream and I was like you've got. to be [ __ ] [ __ ] me I couldn't. believe it and I was so mortified that I. just flipped the mattress over like I. move it is embar the sheets off flipped. the mattress and that was it if I piss.
I'm I'm obviously I'm just shitfaced. yeah uh haven't done in a while praise. Allah but uh but when you go to like the. beach or something it's fun to just piss. your pants before you get in the water. oh yeah you know what I mean awesome. it's a great feeling piss your pants is. a good feeling it is nice you piss your. pants didn't you just piss your pants as. a [ __ ] experiment the other day that. was a long time ago I it was an. experiment I was drunk and I had to drop. a bike off and it was warm it was nice. oh you did it recently yeah like two. months ago I thought you talking about. during your mental breakdown you.
yourself I think that was it you just. standing outside and you just like I'm. going piss right here no wait you pissed. twice what was it he did it one time at. a low point in his life he had a Psy was. Walmart right Walmart you standing in. Walmart yeah I was working and I wanted. to see if anybody would know and I just. pissed nobody. knew and then you're just standing in a. pool of piss no I was just Trail it it. ruined my pants okay okay it ruined my. pants Oh you soaked your pants stop.
puddle yeah I soaked my pants it didn't. make it it didn't puddle it didn't. puddle did you just say I quit huh did. you you were working and you decided to. piss I wasn't working at Walmart I was. doing like error mark like the snacks. handing out snacks and stuff I was you. were handing out snacks and you just. stood there and pissed yourself not not. the snack. thing my shift was over and I was like. all right okay I can't walk over yeah. blown Ste [ __ ] up you decided to PE. yourself before the walk czy reality.
testing you were deep in Inception no I. was mad spinning top this is a way. crazier story any of this drug [ __ ]. we're talking about that's so weird. you're just standing in Walmart. pissing what was the latest P the latest. one I was drunk you promised me you'd. never do it again I I'm not I was drunk. and I I had to drop off a city bike I. had to drop off the city bike cike I. dropped off the city bike and then I I. had to go home but it needed me to take. a pi picture of the city bike so I had. to walk back to the city bike and I. filled up with piss so quickly and I.
took a picture and I had to make a. choice it was like either piss my pants. or like pull your pants down and piss in. front of the school though it was a kids. school not an adult school what time was. it it was midnight yeah you can piss. yeah but you get the pedo charge if they. can't I mean yeah against hours yeah you. did the right thing pant you pissed your. pants for the kids yeah so wait did you. just you just stood there and pissed I. did just stand here P did you just let a. little bit of pressure off that one had.
a no I I full pissed. no it was it must have been a huge pit. if you were drunk it went in my socks it. was in my shoes what shoes were you. wearing uh defitely not these not those. are the only shoes you have I got. different shoes D I got different. shoes you lying dude those are I'm it. was a different pair of pumas I swear. Pumas your P Pumas I don't. I don't believe that piss in front of a. school thing those cops would let you go.
yeah if you get caught with that they're. [ __ ] you were doing something yeah. that's true and then you're like no I. was just taking a pit it's like no. that's a fair point actually you were. doing something else or you just thought. like or if you're like really talking. [ __ ] to a cop about it that's that's how. they get. you yeah true you're hammered you're. like what are you GNA [ __ ] do [ __ ]. well you're a pedophile now yeah. nice badge Pig you. dumbass now you're P you got to go door.
to door yeah so many people leave that. out though they leave out like they like. one of my friends always talks I've been. with him talk and I'm like what are you. doing he's like [ __ ] cops are dicks. I'm like that you you were a dick you. always start [ __ ] to that Louis Gomez. story is he did that to a cop he did he. was picking up he was picking up uh his. sister from the airport with a new dog. they his sister had to fly to pick up a. dog a that he was getting the kids so. he's in the car in the waiting line at. the airport with the kids and a cop.
comes up and he's like you got to move. you got you got to keep it moving you. can't just park here and he was like. [ __ ] you write like he just was like. write me a ticket dude I'll pay the. ticket I don't give a [ __ ] I'm sitting. right here and the guy went back and ran. his plates and he had to warrant and he. got the car and bound it really on the. spot on the spot so he had to stand. there with a new puppy in his crying. kids they took his car well they didn't. take him no they just took his car we. like yeah pretty funny life stopped him.
yeah Lewis is the best yeah I love now. that everyone hates cops I love cops. now obviously I was excited to get pull. over to get I never got uh my wife was a. cop for a while big we're big she was. yeah briefly and now I love now I love. cops it's funny when I met a lot of them. so now like I've talked to them I like. when they they pull you over it's it's. fun to chat him up like bro just I can't. believe what you do is crazy man they. let you right off you got that haircut. too now I got the cop cut remember when. I I got pulled over I got pulled over by. cops leaving our billies and they.
thought I was undercover oh yeah the. cops did the cops thought I was an. undercover cop so they were like pull. over we got a chat I look like a cop. that much they pulled me over and I was. like what the [ __ ] did I do wrong you. were probably dressed like a kid who. went to high school to buy drugs for. real they pulled me over and the guy. goes. 369 and I was like damn thing's fine I. thought he was I swear to God. I thought he I thought he said a. yin-yang twin lyric he goes.
369 damn thing's fine they were like no. we thought you were an. underc you're like these cops are doing. riddles yeah damn thing's fine damn. thing's fine that is so. [ __ ] I always had cop face and cop. hair yeah we got we look like three cops. yeah we do yeah it's pretty sick. yeah get on the [ __ ]. ground what are you doing with him you.
shouldn't be what are you two doing. together I worked at a restaurant where. they uh on Sunset and sunset has this. part that's a track so there's always. hoes and pimps walking around and they. uh I'm like 22 so I have like short. short hair and just like I don't know. this [ __ ] face yeah and they some of. them would order cuz they' order like. lemonade and sandwiches and I would go. here you go and they go thanks officer. and I. go and they just turn around walk you a.
little bigger back then actually at that. age I was no I wasn't big yet but they. were just like the bigger you get with a. cop face they go triples they're like oh. this is a seasoned. veteran yeah yeah you don't look like. you've been sitting in a patrol car no I. have a I have a big I got a big patrol. car. body I'm class 487 dude I'm new recruit. damn thing's fine 369 369 damn Shorty's. fine is that what you guys mean is that. you guys just wanted to hear me say some. ying-yang [ __ ] back to P me over to ask.
me a rap. lyric [ __ ] ridiculous yeah it was who. are the I know you're you're a big. history guy right oh yeah so what what. that's kuster and that's ulys S Grant. that's Grant you been to Grant's Farm no. I've been there really cool I haven't. even been to his tomb and it's right. here what yeah he's in New York he's. buried in New York yeah gr Farms wild in. Missour yeah it's. impressive I'd like to go what happened. while you were there tell us about it um. so I was. dating uh somebody in the anheiser Bush.
family and they. own that property they own Grant what. was his name his name was uh his name. was. Philip Philip and. bu yeah so uh lots of beer and lots of. gay [ __ ] went down [ __ ] itude I [ __ ]. so many guys there what a dream yeah no. they had like a like you so they have. like his act like you see where he was. born I think on that farm and uh so they.
have that property and then it's just. like it's also it's it's only something. that could somebody could have that they. built and established at like the turn. of the century because it's like in St. Louis you know what I mean like it's not. like oh go out it's like it's right. there I feel like it's hundreds of Acres. yeah and you know the bush people made. it like there's like they they loved. animals or or or AUST Ed so there's like. you know it's like a zoo like a private. zoo and then um and then it's just like.
be like you know streams and you feel. like you must be out in the country. you're really not you know no yeah. that's nice that was how uh Mount Vernon. was really they have like they have all. the original animals which is pretty. sick do they really yeah they're like. these are the cows they had from the but. does this like he mean something to you. or like no I just like him yeah you just. like him I'm a fan you're a fan yeah you. fan I just got into the World War II uh. uh series the Ken Burns no I don't know. if it's his or not but it's so good on.
Netflix Oh in HD or in colge one color. yeah so good that's awesome I was. ripping through that thing yeah World. War II is [ __ ] cool that's my. favorite world my wife was like you're. really an official dad now you're like. sitting at night watching World War II. [ __ ] I mean there's nothing else to. watch this is how it happens you to try. to watch something you're like this is. although I watched I watched the new. alone series what's that where they go. out in the woods and it's 10 people in. the wood and see who can. stay makes you want to makes you want to. build a shelter dude the crazy thing.
about like a good World War II or any. war dog just. saying there was a guy on there that was. such a [ __ ] on where on alone he's. sitting there he's like I'm not roughing. it you're roughing it sitting there on. the couch doing nothing I'm out here. challenging myself the whole time he's. doing all this [ __ ] his [ __ ] ass had to. go home dude I was sitting on the couch. just like hey welcome welcome to the. couch. [ __ ] he was talking to the viewer he. was talking [ __ ] to the view he was. talking [ __ ] the whole time he was like. I got he was doing all that [ __ ].
Wellness [ __ ] he was like releasing. dorphin out here in the wild. all like what a [ __ ] just like a. survival [ __ ] though yeah what tapped. him uh he ran out of food they all run. out of food yeah true yeah he just. starved I was sitting there eating. Triscuits having a good time who like. who doesn't run out because the winner. obviously like how do they not one guy. one guy snagged a [ __ ] moose early. what a moose a moose one guy one guy. stabbed a yak to death what he fights a.
yak on camera GoPro like running. like stabbing it [ __ ] Yak I would. sucked that guy's dick in the woods and. be like bro we're together yeah i' F. yeah be like dude take me start you. start slow by just like touching his leg. what the [ __ ] are you doing sweet boy. I've never had moose before guy guy got. a moose and then he had to fight off. Wolverines what he killed a wolverine. with a hat in the middle of the night. cuz the Wolverines where uh like.
Northern Canada no where do you see it. like it's on there's a new season on. Netflix it's on Netflix yeah this season. on Netflix they're just nothing too. exciting they're just killing beavers. pretty tight but on this one a dude. killed a yak a guy that one season yeah. a guy kills a yak where the yak's like. wounded and he has to run and like stab. it and keep running and then do they. actually like guy a guy is literally. sitting in his cabin in the middle of. the night and he hears the Wolverines. who have been getting all his things. he's like these [ __ ] you see.
him grab a hatchet and go out into the. dark and kill a wolverine Jesus with a. hatchet he's like I got it and then he. just lays back down it's like good God. and when he's when he when like when the. guy kills the Moose so they dress it and. like yeah yeah yeah and he knows he. cooks it over a fire has yeah God and. he's like I got to do it fast it's too. much meat for me to yeah make jerky or. something it's cool they're all really. good at it all right something new to. check out it's good it's good this. season it's fine yeah you're not.
thrilled I wasn't totally thrilled with. it mes God you got to fast forward. through all their back stories though. that's where they they try to get you oh. right right you got to watch them though. I miss my wife and family some guys. being a gym teacher I want to see you. kill an animal hands I want to see you. starve to death and die so I don't have. to think about my life before I go to. bed yeah it makes you hungry the show. makes you so hungry you're sitting there. like D I should eat. yeah they kill animals they cry when. they kill the they're like I love this.
squirrel Thank You Squirrel yeah they. just munch squirrels the whole [ __ ]. time you have to honor it yeah they. honor it yeah yeah I've killed a. squirrel killed a squirrel yeah we were. shooting we would shoot him with. BB yeah it's pretty fun though when you. hit them what sucked is when they. they're down but you're still still. alive you're like [ __ ] man yeah when you. name them just die yeah just hurt them. yeah anyway bir you you've done horrific. things you Dr The Rock on a bird yeah. you caught the bird slipping then that's.
a bird fa you get two birds I. got squished a frog he's done all types. of [ __ ] it was in a bag already so I. just squeezed it he squeezed a frog. once why was it in a he just running cuz. a kid at Camp caught it and was trying. to keep it and he his [ __ ] ass. walked up and was. just left left the bag. kid came back to his frog his frog. exploded in the back that probably.
haunts that kid he's probably a guy you. can't keep frogs in bags so probably. tells people he's like if you catch a. frog don't put in a bag they [ __ ]. explode so far we have like killing. animals for fun and pissing in stores. it's crazy dude no he's for real like. you know that's [ __ ] up right yeah. yeah I killed a lot of animals when I. was little bro it's not a big of a deal. are you from here uh no I'm from Detroit. DET you're from Detroit okay there that. water I like the way you answer. questions like you're never sure yeah um.
where you from no I'm um from Detroit. yeah like you're remembering what. witness protection told you to. say Detroit right. Michigan yeah oh man I'm from the. Detroit. [Laughter]. Lions nice yes I think we've done it. yeah I think that's a podcast that's a. good podcast man I think that's one. thanks for doing that yeah thanks for.
thanks for doing it man absolutely thank. you guys for having me man yeah Special. Sledgehammer Sledgehammer on Netflix. check it out then go watch alone. wonderful music can I tell you something. man yeah I. [ __ ] I had that thing where they go. do you want to do stock because I've. done that where they're like you want. music to play and they give you some. stock [ __ ] or they're like or do you. want to write checks for like big songs. and I was like let's [ __ ] do it did. you walk out to that song on tour the. whole time never no never you got Peter. Gabriel Sledgehammer yeah yeah and then. I got damn I got Gangstar now your mind.
to close at the end that's a nice move. so that's two two car I bought two cars. to [ __ ] have music on them yeah good. but here's the thing I actually feel. like it's one of those things where you. go it adds value to the whole exper like. you know like you hear those songs and. you're like [ __ ] yeah yeah it's going to. go to taxes anyway so it's [ __ ] that's. true yeah give it to someone else go. yeah give it to Peter. Gabriel pet gabri was great now I got. the. [ __ ] now I'm paying the.
government all right go check out. Sledgehammer thank you it's on Netflix.
