Ep 421 - Birthday Party (feat. Tim Butterly & Mike Rainey)

wow wow. West let's. go another trip around the Sun yes. another trip around the. Sun how did how did you feel about this. year for yourself I had a good year I. thought about killing myself over the. summer yeah which method um I didn't. decide on that but I was in the middle. of the field at the end of our street. screaming my [ __ ] brain is broken. while there were people there but Jamie. talked me off the lid right but other. than that a pretty good year she talked. me off the second base.

other than that one pretty tragic. experience I'm doing pretty good now. though yes Mike Rainey happy birthday. dude happy birthday brother wish for. something speci happy. birthday to. youy. birthday to. you happy. birthday. dear. Train Happy Birthday.

to you do not cry right now Happ bir. okay I'm going to blow. mouth okay it's my podcast I'm going to. blow out yeah. y happy birthday wow what a start happy. birthday do you think why do they make. the room dark you think that's to. symbolize the. AL dang it Noah smoke that Noah Blaze. that [ __ ] no put a wet towel under the. door do you think that's to symbolize. the uter in darkness.

turning the lights off yeah you think. that's to symbolize being in the womb. what's the candle then oh that would be. nice the birth canal the light yeah. light at the end of your mother light Tu. I was going talk about how funny it is. when other little kids cry when they. can't blow it out way you. like hold. back it's every time when they open. presents you dude when you see them open. presents it's so funny when they're like. four years old they'll be like what's he.

have the cousins come over and they like. start taking the box like you have to. give it back and scream cry I I that I I. was in that phase for a very long time. like late like I'd be like I'm done I'm. done opening my Christmas presents like. what's. up they got more than me why' they get. more when you were at these would you be. dressed like a Puerto Rican Power Ranger. there or is that just to dude how dare. you this is the nocta collection from. Drake and Nike you could never even.

dream of. this shoes cost more than your. life I did get drunk and order a drake. tracksuit on the internet I regret it. I'll never wear it publicly no you have. this is the only time I'll wear it you. have I'm telling you you have to be down. there chilling anytime you're outside. just go yeah I order the noct I I'm part. of the nocta it also a baklava is what. completes it I would need that be the. sickest [ __ ] possible food.

I Saida I said it. wrong like AEK guy no baklava said. Bava Mas yeah true true yeah that' be. pretty cool I just noticed the gold. swoosh on the front caught my eye I mean. it's it's gleaming this is a royal. outfit yeah that's what you wouldn't be. buried in that's the color purple of our. time this was very important to me and. I'm glad you guys are giving it. attention it's nice cu meant a lot bro.

we're we're freeze framing this for when. we have you taxidermy at a poker table. like a Dominican. guy sung lean into it and you got to. just bust out dude what do you mean. completely break out and just Rocky. tracksuit everywhere it's sick track. suit we're bakas on my head all the time. dude start wearing a white one that's. going to suck they're going to have to. eventually tell people you can't wear. ski masks and it's going to be hilarious. the white mask what's the white mask. yeah we have.

secret little. meetings when we get around and S all. the stuff you're not supposed to say. what do you got on underneath that uh. sheath. underwear nice and a t-shirt under this. a Nate Dio t-shirt nice those are my. other outfits oh thank you more free. stuff I owe you a thank you because at. skankfest you introduced Nate Diaz to my. wife yes and I had to hold her back like. a [ __ ] Rabbid Pitbull yeah that was. right before chaos ensued and oh naked. the naked K roast and Nate Diaz did not.

like it and his friends I heard thought. I was even gayer than they already do. hey guys come come hang out all there's. naked dudes like I didn't know they're. going to be here dude there was a there. was a guy on the naked roast uh his name. is Harrison Dy yeah he was very excited. to meet all the Bros and so he does the. naked roast and they make you walk off. stage and all the way back to the Green. Room naked and so he's like he goes out. everyone bombs so he goes out bombs. naked he I'm saying this a nice way he. looked like when Chris Farley drove the.

bus in Billy Madison and they they March. him back through through the crowd all. the way back to the green room and he. said uh I got back to the green room and. I opened the door and the first two. people I see are Shane and Nate Diaz and. he said Nate looks at Shane and just. goes yeah let's go somewhere. else I mean that's a nice way of him how. he said it he's like yeah let's get the. oh I don't do that impression. anymore he's like yeah let's get the. [ __ ] out of here this is gay I was like. dude it's not that gay it's got funny.

look at his I talked I I talked to I. talked to Harrison after that he said he. was like he physically repelled naate. away from the whole scene he said he. came out and the guy went oh man D they. got up Nate and his team his his Squad. got up in formation almost no words. exchanged the second and naked dude. walked in they were all like and hit the. they hit the exit immediately oh you. don't want to be the last dude [ __ ] one. of them stopped dropped and. rolled he got hit with it yeah I think I. was the opposite.

I was like a 911 firefighter going. toward the. me you're going into the. BL man so it's good to have you guys. here yeah thank you for having Dad me. thanks for having smells great in here. man thank you my girlfriend does a good. job of cleaning it this is really nice. this is if it were not for her this. place would be insane looking this is. top tier girlfriend this apartment this. is lovely this is C set up yeah that's. her spot I I dominate that corner you. can lit if you get up and look at the. cushions you can see where I [ __ ].

dominate kind of settled right it's. pretty [ __ ] sad you're sitting in the. dinosaur footprint right now actually. try my best to sit on that one. occasionally it it doesn't doesn't do it. for me I'm an L guy myself yeah L guy. feet up oh man it is a very it's a very. feminine spot it sticks your. gun your gut and bul go straight out. it's so bad if I sit there it's chaos. dud you might have to pixelate.

this you why it's your birthday it's. your birthday it's your day for real. it's your day thank you it's baby. monkey's. birthday monkey get any cool presents. this year no I haven't gotten anything. yet damn um this was very nice this was. a nice surprise [ __ ] cake yeah I'm. hoping to get a little uh. Psy oh for sure it's your day you can. literally. demand yeah it's the one day you can be. a [ __ ] brat yeah oh yeah how would you.

say it if you were. me babe she's she's right there you can. talk to her say it to her Dem man [ __ ]. from my wife. Matt don't be. nervous not be nervous I would I. wouldn't even look at you it doesn't. matter I would just be sitt there going. man that was a birthday you tired at all. I'm not tired at all sure I'm actually. kind of awake still that's crazy driving. go for some [ __ ] right now I don't I'm. glad I didn't overd do it with the cake. man I feel like I got a lot of juice. left me stuff yeah would you give me.

head I could use some head or or just. what if you went full like Valentine's. Day like did you forget what today. is were you just not going to suck my. meat I'll do one of these I just go ooh. come on okay grab the shoulder wake up. come on I know you're tired it's my. birthday or the big thing is you get in. bed and you lay there like. this like that don't show that. stop dude you're talking fully nude.

though talking you go you know what. today is I was born I Was Born This Day. years ago and now you can suck my penis. you iceing my birthday is Sunday or next. Sunday what day is today Tuesday no I. mean the date 6 oh yeah five days from. now uh laundry mat there's a dog there's. these Hispanic women that work at the. laundry mat and they have this like a. Mexican Shrine to this dog named Rocky. it's this little white Terrier that they.

love it sits on the clothes in the back. and Barks at you when you come in Fu. funny and they're like Rocky no rocky. rocky and then I came in I was like. where's Rocky CU he wasn't in there but. the shrine was up and I was like what's. what's going on with Rocky I like to. fire him up and talk about Rocky and. she's like it's Rocky's birthday this. this coming week I was like when is it. she was like December 11th I was like. that's my birthday she was like Sant. Maria she was like no [ __ ] way so. then I came back in uh yesterday I mean. they I don't mean to be racist they look.

very similar and they wear masks yeah so. I was like hey it's Rocky's birthday. coming up and she was like it's not me. but everybody knows it's also your. birthday like it's news amongst the. Mexican women that me and Rocky the dog. have the same birthday they're very. excited about you might be an honorary. Latin. pitpull I don't know why the. story no that's one of those things that. you would get so that would have me. charged the shrine is incredible it's a.

picture of the dog with. like like those types of flowers around. it Circ like the frames made out of like. paper flowers and [ __ ] it's great is it. like a doo de almost thing kind of just. to Rocky the dog yeah [ __ ] that's. awesome imagine how pumped up you're a. Mexican lady you're in the laundromat. you see your Rocky shr Shrine you're Ro. [ __ ] that guy's the best he's a life. blood of the business yeah. definitely Rocky no Rocky no he barks.

the entire time you stand there and wait. for your [ __ ] bill it's just a dog. barking in your face is he you apprach. him no no he's just no he gets scared. and runs he's a nasty little Terrier. what kind of ter you talking Jack Russ. rat. terrier do I this is a short hair Terror. there's a uh for there was a driving r a. golf course and a driving range down the. street from me when I lived in the hood. and uh the driving range was actually. back down this like very dangerous road.

behind a cemetery and you get down there. and it's owned by I think a Korean guy. who's got an extremely well. Tred is that a Westy let me say sorry to. cut Y no no no no we're talking dog. that's a curly haired oh that's a sweet. that's a sweet pup aren't they called. Westies I think so yeah that's exciting. yeah that's what Rocky looks like dude. he's a man damn and he Yips Purina dog. and you go shut the [ __ ] up Rocky that's. not a very Latin when the Mexican women. don't look I go I pinch [ __ ] Rocky he. flick his nuts flick his.

nuts Rocky doesn't. like anyway it's just an Asian guy. sitting back there waiting for people to. come hit golf balls with an extremely. well-trained aita or chb or something. but it's like how big is it medium siiz. dog not like yeah yeah okay so he's got. this thing trained he can do like shoot. it and it plays dead it rolls over but. it's completely hostile to strangers cuz. he lives in the hood I guess yeah yeah.

and also very loyal breed kind of family. first breed and he also is like kind of. like his [ __ ] like Furs all chopped. up and [ __ ] sorry. sorry anyway that's that I don't like. business dogs a lot you don't like. business dogs I typically don't like. business dogs dogs typically aren't that. great but there was a lady that oh I got. one there was a lady who own. to photography place by me I forget it. was filled with. Newlands big ass mountain or no it was. Bernie's mountain or new big boys are.

all yeah which ones news are all black. all right so it was the bernes mountain. guys they have the white patch right. here there like four of them they would. like breed them they're wonderful anyway. about you I'm just B I'm just buring on. dog knowledge white patch Brown Paws. black coat top coat yeah I'm not a dog. guy actually when my wife and we go for. walks a lot and I carry a knife in case. I'm attacked by a. dog really yeah you bring a knife to be. like if a dog comes out I'm stabbing it. there's I'm always prepared and there's.

always an instance where it comes close. really yep very territorial I'm going. I'm trying to get into are you afraid of. dogs a little bit why what happened to. you well all right the the last time. that I can remember being terrified of a. dog was I was going running I got fired. up during the 96. Olympics I was uh that was after the. blizzard wait after the bomb yeah it was. it was it was during the Atlanta. Olympics I got fired up because like I. really wanted a girlfriend and I got. very into the women's gymnastics team so. I was like all right I'm too fat I need. to run and I started running and uh.

there was a dog that took off I didn't. see him at first but he took off across. his lawn and he stopped at the edge of. his lawn but it was enough to scare me. into carrying a knife in case I come. across a dog really yeah so 30 years of. knife carrying For. Dogs what the [ __ ] yeah I haven't had a. pull it yet oh man you should have been. carrying a torch I. got true Classics is the Christmas gift. for all the Jolly men in your life true. classic are a gift for you for her but.

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to use nicotine visit lucy. and use that. promo code drenched thank you my similar. time frame probably like 95 96 I I was a. little kid it was in like second grade. and a friend's dog bit my ass it was a. German Shepherd he bit my ass and I had. like vampire scar bites in my ass cheeks. what you say he a little kid. baby it was a German Shepherd dude was. the scariest thing that ever happened so. was more.

the kington Coppertone. baby damn it punctured yeah I had two. little circle bites in my cheeks I got I. got I got bit in the gut by a corgi. dude. unbelievable why peanut butter in his. belly. butt oh too hard too. hard less teeth less teeth no they had a. dog my friend had a dog that if you went. Bang Bang his belly button eat.

now that's actually not a legal though. above the waste above the waist is fine. it's definitely legal having a having a. no it's definitely legal okay yeah I. thought yeah yeah you can put peanut. butter anywhere other than your dick or. assal I mean you can literally you can. put it on like the pocket on your groin. you could do that and the breath could. turn you. on that's street legal.

uh now they had this dog if you went. bang bang at it it would spaz and chase. you so when we were kids we'd bring it. down to the park and put it on one side. of the tennis court and go bang bang and. then you'd have to run to the other side. and it would chase you so I'm standing. directly across through it I go bang. bang it just went straight under the. net got me a corgi dude was. like to get his dog to get attacked. by you would remember this do you. remember went straight I was like I've. been outsmarted again this time by a.

corgi Shan do you remember a police dog. biting a player during a college. football game yeah there was well there. was the dog there was ugga the [ __ ]. Georgia Bulldog would snap snap at. people okay and yes there was a police. do bit somebody in the end zone yes it. might have been South Carolina okay. sounds about just saw the police dog. just saw a football player ran in the. end zone sprinted right at him the dog. was that's like born identity though if. you've been a police dog all your life. you see a black dude running full speed. like yeah manuring C like a whole.

stadium. like oh [ __ ] someone just clicked a. thing and they're. like yeah Georgia the Georgia Bulldog. would try to bite people sometimes. pretty fun yeah and then he got chased. off by the Texas Longhorn before a game. once he was yapping at the [ __ ]. Longhorn it chased him almost killed him. it would have been very fun yeah that'. be awesome how do you think they would. get that dog fired up before games.

slapping it around you can really slap a. bulldog. around it's all that's like it's your. world I think they show them like. footage of like. desegregation little the bigger the. dog's head the harder you can hit them. without it being bad yeah dude my dad. still holds down that's such a good. [ __ ] mascot dude look at this. guy that's fun that's fun stuff if. you're if you're listening at home. Google dog Georgia Bulldog and then just. swipe through IM is while you're. supposed to be podcasting yeah my dad.

still to this day holds it down like you. should definitely hit your dog I. connected with him over Thanksgiving he. was like yo man my cousin brought my. cousin brought his dog my dad's like y. I'm gonna [ __ ] kick the [ __ ] out of. this thing what do you do with little. dogs though Matt huh real little dogs. what how are you supposed to discipline. them you're supposed to beat the owner. dude those are for girls if you have a. little dog you are gay you beat their. owner yes no you can just or you can. just grab a little dog and Chuck it you. can you know it's up to you I don't I. don't hit dogs but it's totally chill. you [ __ ] grip some dogs up.

though you disciplinar I'm work in. progress. dude all right my girlfriend here. there's there's 30 people in the. background by the way white oh you got. white clawes for the gang that's. wonderful that's nice so I'm sure these. fellas will drink it by the way speaking. of white Claws and having a lot of fun. we're going to do the live stream oh. live show goodness we got to [ __ ]. promote this thing the live show dude. live show is going to be very fun we. tried to just for those of you at home. we tried to get Beetlejuice we could.

not that was I was like we can pull some. strings dude we finally have clout we. can get a big get like. Beetlejuice did you ask him or his. Handler uh I asked people that worked. that I knew from Stern and they asked. his whoever's running stuff I want to. say Handler yeah say manager yeah. sure there's got to be a lot of. situations where he's almost been. kidnapped at least attempts oh dude. that's crazy right he would [ __ ] them up.

I was beat I was talking to be the guy. shulie from Stern is and he was he used. to be be like everybody else they'd be. on the road would go out and party yeah. and he'd always get stuck in the hotel. with Beetlejuice just making sure beat. didn't [ __ ] wander off or. like he had to hang out every night in. the hotels with Beetlejuice he's an. endangered species and he would go out. and go wild he's one of one. I thank thank you oh wow nice yeah dude.

maybe I will have one will you hand him. another thank you yeah man keep my. beloved off. camera true but yeah although the hand. might be visible oh but to was. but. race no thank you it's the last thing we. want dude um but yeah so that'll be fun. the stream will be fun going there will. be is this live is this also going to be. like live in person yes there's there's. going to be people there and then it'll. be a live show we do have one guest.

right now not not going to name it big. get and an inter yeah and an interactive. stream there's an interactive stream. which it might be I really pray to God. we don't see I might have to have you're. right I want nothing what you call Sean. today hard. pie might have Hardie moderating the. live stream that's cuz Sean's uh his. lady such a [ __ ] sexual pict a. [ __ ] sex symbol dude did yo be honest. were you like babe babe take a picture. did you see it no I did not see it.

because I could tell by the photo it was. definitely post or it was post cus o you. guys were naked in a room together devil. yes I could tell I could tell that. shine did you Dr over his belly you have. your helmet peeking out the top of your. waistband well you probably were fully. nude in the photo M [ __ ] I would have. liked to have seen. that I said babe yeah right you look so. hot in it you love I said babe those. likes are on me you you enjoy that I bet.

you got grounds keeper Wily body yeah. he's Jack hariry ABS he kind of has. grounds keeper Wily head as. well yeah we have Sean Sean harp SE big. dick Sean harp look. how you see that dude oh get out of here. and it's tasteful and look at the. [ __ ] ABS poking out of the top shut. up dude it looks like you're honor she. took that in a mirror it's safe to say. you're in love dude damn wow you're way. too hot guardog came over my house one.

time and one of my daughters said uh oh. my God he looks like Jake Gyllenhaal. yeah yeah yeah my girlfriend said that. Jake jenal yeah Y and then and then in a. different conversation was like I think. Jake jillen is. hot and I was two and two. together I was like that Corgi. dude I did the math real quick and I was. like you son of a. bit that's why I don't know if you. noticed I've been mean to Shawn for the. last couple months yeah Sean I'm as mean.

as I can be to him now yeah I I have no. reason I just been jumping in be quiet. you know not to talk during the. podcast I'm not I'm definitely. [Music]. kidding that's moment.com. that is going to be a [ __ ] whooping. dude she's going to beat your ass on my. part by the way she humiliated me. no I was.

joking dude if I'm in my Drake if I'm in. my Drake outfit you can't tell me. nothing dude my heart is. cold time you're going to be building up. some social Debs dude I I had a serious. discussion last night with Britney we're. talking about like what're strategizing. for what we're going to do the night of. the live stream there's talking coming. talking not coming we're sitting there. talking it's like a we're just having. like a general like check in I was in a. robe and my balls were sweating to the. point where I was Drop Like drops of. water hitting the floor as I was like. well you got to think about it you're.

going to be up there you're worri about. the kids and it's just ball sweat. splattering the floor the end we. huged wait wait hold on what was what. was the fight we're just figuring out it. wasn't it wasn't even a fight we were. Fig we were like figuring out like are. you coming are you not coming here's why. here's maybe why you know back and forth. back and forth and that kind of suck. spiked your sack temp my sack T [ __ ]. I had a fever I had a fever on my sack. and dude I was I never had my I wear. that robe every day you wanted so bad. you wanted to go up here alone so bad.

dude your balls were. like please please please your balls. were doing this the whole time God damn. it please mat did you think about. putting a little wristband on them I. should have I need like a tennis Sweat. Band i' never had my nut sweat like that. dude it was full [ __ ] I get occasion. occasionally dropping dude especially. during a podcast I'll like I'll be. sitting down during a podcast and get up. and be like dude my dick in [ __ ] ass. is drenched yeah they've become one it's.

yeah it's just l i i i can move like a. slug on the ground I could slide when I. hit like end transmission on Twitch it's. like getting out of a pool I'm [ __ ]. soaked it's the only time really I feel. it dripping down my so dripping down my. [ __ ] tits I don't dude I usually. don't sweat man my my body's going. through changes I usually don't a man I. think I'm becoming a man going through. manaa I finally was like well here's an. idea I have to my wife and my body was. like what the the [ __ ] going on fight. my body just started [ __ ] sweating I.

was like dude don't [ __ ] share your. ideas you Matt do you get hot balls when. you get R up. sexually definitely I would say really. yeah hot balls like they heat up yeah. I'm pretty sure I like I I kind of. salivate a little bit if I get ride up. sexually my mouth Waters whoa yeah dude. it's it's a problem do your nipples get. hard yeah my nipples are very sensitive. his nipples start smoking you get your. nipples sucked on yeah dude I love get I. haven't got my nipple sucked on in a. while I'm going to get sucked on get him. sucked oh yeah didn't you used to get.

jerked off and sucked yeah dude that's. my gotoo I I can't believe that's my bir. birthday stuff that's birthday stuff. can't believe I knocked it for that how. good is that dude how good is that I'm. talking about like dude I'm not trying. to make any waves I'm like how about a. little HJ easy and it's like yo mind. sucking my nipples that's that's like. when you know people on heroin do like a. little bit of uh methadone and then. Xanax yeah getting a hand job on your ni. nipple sucked is like when you take your. method you get off it's like you're. doing when he was. like yeah your body just that that like.

short wire some sort of circuitry in. your body we like I'm getting [ __ ]. right now do you just get one sucked or. alternating well I mean ideally my left. but it's like I'll they have a health. gauge each ni has a health gauge you got. to deete that health cug and then move. on the other one while the other one. recharges I mean if she wants to move. around that's cool but if if she wants. to latch on one that's fine the left is. closer to your heart. true I'm telling you man nipple suck hjo. man Shane do your nipples get super hard. this is about me dude I'm not a sex.

perver I [ __ ] on. here I'm not a freak sex per dude I'm. off the porn still now look what's. happening you get your sucked like a gay. guy no dude it feels good why would I. fight my. biology I also Winnie the pooed the. Vaseline the other day what you got your. head stuck in the. jar is Win oh. B I need to spice it up a little bit. you're doing the right than being off. the porn is great and I support it dud.

it's been tough but it's like I can't go. back how fate are you with your wife now. more wildly wild I have in the morning. I'll stop you to go back I do a thing. where I freeze time in the morning we're. sitting there it's like we're busy and I. stop and just look at her and I just. walk towards her and hug her it's so. Timeless and then we just go back to my. we free it's freeze time I'm picking up. your slack dude I I go over and I go. babe get the [ __ ] over here I love my. porn oh really you love porn. that's good you embrace it it's too it.

doesn't for me it goes just I can fall. into the pornh hole so easily yeah I. have to stay out I have to completely. stay off the break all right how much do. you like it I watch most days the only. time where I felt like it got. treacherous was I I was spending $50 a. month on only fans that's quite a bit. but what what are you talking about like. watching days like how long are you. watching it uh once or twice no but like. length once or twice a day yeah twice a. day sometimes I would say maybe like 10. minutes at a clip. okay all right whack off session see.

I yeah. dude I I'm a big find the perfect video. head so I can spend like 30 minutes. browsing and be like is this really the. one I'm going to give myself to and like. start searching a little more it means. something to you yeah it dude and then. you know God forbid you just start. hitting up it's just look I'm big on. audio I'm not going to talk. about the audio's got to be right I mean. there's a lot like I like amateur stuff. and there's times where like you could. hear them playing like Ying yangang. twins in the background and I don't like.

that I like to hear the communication. between the two I like hearing the news. sometimes in the background they're. always like watching the news yeah some. L's. like I feel like it's always Family Guy. they're always watching. cartoons dude I feel like that's taking. over the animated porn Market Family Guy. stuff yeah I've never got into the. animated porn Market it'll find you I. don't think it will it's a call dude. it's a call I've made it pretty far yeah. it's it's all CGI now now OverWatch is. the big can't [ __ ] with the c CG ads I.

know we've talked about them before you. wouldn't last five minutes dude I. wouldn't last playing this game. [ __ ] ha her for this one trick. you wouldn't last five minutes no we. talked about was. the the lady getting [ __ ] the animated. lady y it's like my father's or my my. husband's almost home oh stop man I'm. just waiting for the thing to load I'm. like geez you're going to make me pop on. this [ __ ] pop to a cartoon accident told. you I downloaded the game one.

time that's why I can't have porn I. downloaded the game and it was just. something entirely else I don't it was. like almost like like a used car it was. something ridiculous when you download. the game that's you you're done with. porn you're off. bro I was I was on a list on auto trader. yeah I was on a list it was just is that. what uh precipitated you going off the. NOG no this was years ago rainy I. wish no it wasn't what what did it. cornhole dude what happened just an. absolute pornh hole what we in just if.

you don't want to talk about no you can. talk about it you start jerking off the. hooker. ads you start looking at him like she's. very close yes call her hear her voice. hang up real. quick maybe she gets angry calls you. back you're talking about wasting time. now no man I've done it I've done it. that's a mortal. sin hey man webcam sesh webcam sesh. that's the next morning calling the. credit card company going yeah I have. this charger on my thing that's not mine.

but they give it back to you oh yeah. they're very your credit card is your. best they'll give you back I mean you. know don't abuse it but you could one. could wander into the wash don't ask. them what they're wearing wake up and go. what the hell is that what the [ __ ] is. that thing I never called that lady I. never went I never a sa a spa not me you. could get one free trip to the Washi or. contestant be like the [ __ ] is that even. know that place they'll take it they'll. just wipe it right off I call you can't. have like the you know lady can't call. and be like I Jer that guy off if I can.

hey ax I Jer that guy off I still feel. bad about this but one time uh I called. phone sex and put him on the phone with. my wife oh wow and then uh I drank like. two pints of vodka that night so while. my wife was talking to this lady I went. into the bathroom and threw. up oh man that's pretty awesome what was. the what was like the plan uh I wanted. to hear my wife talk sexy to another. woman so like I was eating my wife out. while she talked at this uh phone hooker. and then like 2 minutes in I started.

feeling sick so I ran the while she was. still on phone with the phone hooker and. threw wait I'm sorry sorry I'm sorry I'm. sorry please repeat oh my God I'm sorry. oh dude um I spent the night drinking. vodka in my living room my my lovely. wife was like watching me and listening. to me rap in the living room what year. was this uh probably 20133 oh so em wait. this is like post it was wuang and and. MOB deep that I was that that's where. you're at now you're going with music or.

you just go yeah with the music yeah not. on my own [ __ ] dude and then uh bless. her heart nicest [ __ ] lady in the. world she came upstairs and I was like I. took her pants off and uh I started. dialing phone sex while she's laying on. the bed and then I was like here and I. just handed her to the phone without. telling her what was happening are G. dude and you performed oral while she. was on for like a minute or two then. and he came back and got to. work oh have the phone I don't feel good.

honey I had to take a half day of the. work that day oh wow yeah did you rap. Triumph iomic Le Socrates philosophies. and the like are you squiring she's like. no my husband's throwing. up now have you ever thought about. sitting her down in the computer chair. making her DM some of the only fans.

ladies I wouldn't do that man why not. that's talking about it's way better. dude that's that's the one path I would. go sorry about your boyfriend breaking. his arm or whatever gumas dud you can't. he can never let his wife meet his. beautiful gumas his internet gumas Tim. it's funny you mention that because. that's uh one of the appeals of only. fans are you an only fans man no I tried. it and I I felt badly about it it is. because a lot of times they'll mention. [ __ ] like that like hey um my special. needs son needs a [ __ ] wheelchair so.

could you guys tip special today yeah. Customs are $9.99 this month because my. you know my my son broke his arm. fighting his step orever fighting the. kids at school yeah can you hit him with. a pro. it Pi bro. [Laughter]. F pcks of your injured son if they're. lying about that that's terrible I. that's where I draw the line sex man. they yeah true the ladies I follow look.

like uh they got some special. kids that' be dly if they lie yeah I. guess they don't so you can really can. you just find like cuz there's like. probably stars on there but then there's. like women in the trenches I like find. the women in the trenches The Island of. Misfit Toys is more my. speed if you look like you've been hit. by a car and should not have survived. I'll probably subscribe to your only. fans Mike likes girls that look like. they like they're fighting a workers. conf case at. CVS just like [ __ ] crosseyed pigs.

Dirty. Feet Christ almighty guys anytime I've. shown Tim my only fans he reacts like. like he's reading bad news dude it's. terrible it's the worst [ __ ] in the. world yeah. like seen that [ __ ] where girls get like. ropes tied around their tits and they. get their boobs look like that normally. without the Rope their boobs look like. that it's dude lot of trauma tits it. looks like someone's pulling the thread. on their skin hate.

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them laugh get 20% off and free shipping. with the code drenched at manscape.com. that's 20% off in free shipping with the. code drenched manscaped.com manscape the. perfect gift that will be the holiday's. biggest. hit yeah well I appreciate how open you. are I'm an open book baby that's the. best speaking of speaking books oh man. speaking of wow speaking of books yeah. I'm this this week on perks is finally. being printed yes took me a long while. to get here but here I am but yeah if.

you go to on perks.com you can purchase. my new book and uh it is as [ __ ] as. it seems so I have about close to three. years of Facebook post I was addicted to. perks and unfortunately during that time. I was very active on. Facebook so this is a collection of a. few which is rare by the way I don't. want to cut you that's rare whenever. whenever someone's in the op ediction I. feel like they kind of fall off the book. drift off I feel like they drift off. then come back whenever I see a dude who. won't shut the [ __ ] up on maybe it's cuz. of mic but when I see a dude won't shut. the [ __ ] up on Facebook that gu's.

fighting a problem yeah see i' I've seen. dudes like completely fall off and then. they come back they get sober and they. come back on they take like one picture. with their nephew and they're like oh. yeah facebooki the cleanest white. T-shirt of all time they come back and. then they're in a they're the internet. moves so fast like the how you act on. there and then they get back on Facebook. and they're like I don't know posting. [ __ ] that you would like they're doing. like the [ __ ] ice bucket challenge. they're doing yeah like in the city like.

frozen damn forgot about that watching. your watching your uncles catch up on. memes after rehab is. [ __ ] dude watching minions hit a dude. who's on. method crush the methodone Bros I had a. friend get out of jail and be like yo. have you heard about the Illuminati and. we were like 29 I was like yeah bro I. heard about them heard about those. guys cover that N9 years. ago so any Mike wouldn't shut the [ __ ].

up on Facebook and the whole time he was. addicted to drugs I just thought he was. like the coolest guy I knew yeah I knew. he was doing drugs I was like damn. that's pretty cool I did not know no one. intervention him or anything the only. night where I know Tim was actually. concerned was the very first night that. I smoked crack whoa I called him from. Atlantic City and I went there I I took. off uh I tried not to pass my let my. wife see me as I passed her I got right. on the Atlantic City Expressway went. down there one thing led to another and. unfortunately I did smoke crack was it.

fun though I didn't like it oh it was. too fast and then I called Furious even. it was how fast was it uh Paul Walker. fast yeah you were flying dude I didn't. like it really so you got high like on. the inhale yeah I didn't like it too. much man not for you no one star yeah. definit a one star so you the glass pipe. with The Rock in the end yeah vaporiz it. I guess this is how most people end up. smoking crack but it's like you're doing. coke and then and the guy that got it. for me was the crackhead yeah and I was.

like can we get some more powder cocaine. and he's like no he's like but I had. this I can chop this up dude but why. don't we cut out the middle just smoke. it so I texted all the contacts in my. phone and asked him to send me a 100. bucks to Western Union in Atlantic City. Tim did Tim called me and he's like are. you okay I was like H yeah man I'm just. in Atlantic City I'm just having fun you. send me 100 I also by the way I also had. to admit to you that I didn't own. $100 I didn't want to send it over Tex. and make it sound insincere you did. moral support though. well yeah yeah very sweet damn yeah it.

was 4 in the. morning I just got an iPod touch and I. and I pawned that damn 20 20 bucks man. for yeah so you didn't like it but you. figured you double down I mean I was. already in trouble so yeah why not why. not let's be like let me just see if I. can get like you know it's probably like. inquired taste first couple times like. that was I think people either take to. it or or don't and thankfully yeah it. wasn't for you yeah I was too so is it. burn on the inhale what it walk me. through it has a distinct smell and I.

don't like smoking things to begin with. so like that was awkward yeah. um how do I. awkward I usually don't. do I usually don't do this but uh I am. in Atlantic City how was the dude how. was your companion super sweet guy nice. just uh just the guy that was hanging. outside of the motel sick and uh he's a.

little angel and what did you guys do. that evening it was the after the crack. what was going on well it was the first. night of the Stanley Cup Final so we. watched that a while that's nice and it. was 13 no uh yeah it was um devils and. Kings I think or wait Kings the kings. were definitely playing it was 2010 the. Fliers yeah yeah never mind so this was. 2012 actually so the kings were. definitely playing nice so you were. cheering for the Kings they had they had. those former FL yeah Richards and Carter. yeah was pulling for him yeah and you. were doing the best thing you could to. support them I was yeah smoking crack.

like come on. Kings love to see Richards get one right. now yeah that guy deserves it he was. toiling in. Philly oh happed uh the night just ran. out man yeah song came up on you it did. unfortunately one of my buddies was uh. playing poker down there so uh Danny. ozar uh I met up with him he gave me 40. bucks cuz I was out of gas too so Jesus. he gave me gas money and I had toll. money and I made it home and then uh two.

friends actually did western un me money. yeah so I got it when I got to the Kmart. bu our house just so I could prove to my. wife that I was coming home with. money like you won basically or yeah I. came home with 200 bucks cuz I knew she. was going to say like and I guarantee. you don't have any money I was like yeah. well what about this that came in handy. that was that crack brain being like. dude we got this rip off your friends. just in case your [ __ ] wife. want act like we're losers. we're not losers damn so what happened.

so that kind of a win in my book I don't. I'm not hearing the problem here no. F damn so that was was that Rock Bottom. close no you still had a couple more. years in the tank dude well that was. like three weeks before I got in the. perks oh I had sworn off everything at. that point and then um I had like a job. at a place that was like ups but not a. UPS not exactly ups and I hurt my back. and then they instantly gave me perks. and then once they determin the severity. of the injury he's like here I got.

between 120 and 180 a day a week gee and. I was Off to the Races. baby Jesus Christ holy [ __ ] had a good. time did you know what was your. knowledge of them when you got hurt were. you just kind of like I guess I'll help. I had taken them before um I had broken. my hand like four years. prior when uh I presented my wife with. earrings at my parents house and we were. in the kitchen I gave them to my wife. and I was like she's going to love these. I haven't or anything in a while she. opened them she looks at the earrings. she's like I don't even have my ears.

pierced so then I punched the fridge and. I broke my. hand and then Burks found. you yeah the universe found a way man. this guy needs perks right I. got show from a broken hand is how you. got addicted perks your hand on the. fridge that's like the red hotline phone. for. perks he broke the glass break hand in. case of.

emergency I think he yelled after. punching the fridge you definitely got. yelled after punch in the fridge yeah it. was my mom's fridge. man. Michael oh my God Michael great good I. hope you're happy oh that's look what. you've done to your hand come here let. me see you press it you you got a. necklace. Drive dude that [ __ ] so what's the Life. Alert is that the old people button yeah. there's a perk alert. someone's like.

here's there probably is if you punch. like an ice dispenser hard. enough yeah just trying to squeeze my. perk alert with my broken hand oh so. they were just like that's so funny too. that was 2013 like what you do you punch. the fridge here's. drugs here's very addictive drugs you'll. be fine you're going to tough this out. yeah that was a Jesus Christ for a. broken hand they gave you a bunch of. perks they've give to me for a sore. throat I had a sore throat time like do. you want perker sets and I was like no. they're like no seriously it's fine you.

can use them I was like I'm good yeah. dude back then you can get them for. anything yeah it was nuts I've never. once gotten them really yeah I think you. mentioned this before and I think this. is the reason why they just see your uh. Z zip zip code well you with the. ibuprofen 800 you go okay well that. surgery felt pretty. serious although I don't know Delco is. like minor leagues of opiate addiction. yeah you guys you guys are inton you. guys are a feeder neighborhood for us. yeah you guys take the train down to.

where we live and get you guys are the. Iron. Pigs for. sure those are the fightings up. in. kington under the Train That's the Le. that's the show welcome to the show dude. yeah Delo we haven't mastered openly. shooting heroin yet in the streets we're. not there the show is real though. kensington's got it down mhm it's crazy. yeah dude oh we got to figure out live. show too right we got to do cool stuff. you had a nice idea I think it'll be.

pretty fun what'd you say can you share. it we can share it I think yeah I think. so it's said plan that might to happen. we'll see I got to if anyone knows a. professional opera singer I might have. Sean harpen curate to have an opera. singer and then feed feed the funniest. comments or whatever to the opera singer. to have this guy Bell out funny words. funny things but in pure a beautiful. bear I didn't see you never told me the. funny part what was all I got was a text. it was like we should get an opera. singer and I was like. that's my bad all. right yeah I'm down actually that's an.

epic that's an epic communication for me. I was like if you want to get an OP yes. that is funny Jesus man I'm such I know. there was the joke part was involved. such a dumbass mat no you could do is uh. you know how they do Twitch Plays right. so they do Twitch Plays Pokemon a twitch. streamer puts on Pokemon and the chat. has to play the game via comments you. could stumble an. entire I want nothing to do with the. chat from live chat the chat could op. singer all right the oper yeah but the.

singer just be like Shane is a. [ __ ] this is a funny idea that is. hilarious God damn it that's. funny or he could just if he was Heavy. enough he could just pick up and like if. there's if it starts to kind of lull at. all which it won't but there will be no. LS if it ever even like felt like we. took a breath from laughing if this is. half as good as our [ __ ] skank Fest. live podcast bro that thing was nasty no. this is this is all in yeah totally. reformulate reformulated my energy into. podcasting yeah I'm all burner on now we.

got to get this thing up to 30 million. views an episode dude this is [ __ ]. absolutely dude with my blog and your. connections to power fude what's the. [ __ ] with my blog my new blog dude I. didn't. want should I talk about the text I got. or is that too intense I don't think so. you have a duty trying to get 30 mil. dude bro one of the craziest things. it was right after you guys saw yay on.

Alex Jones yeah so I'm on the flight. home. from I don't know Florida I think no I. was in Austin yeah yeah and that was. fine home and I'm watching that the. whole day just like no yay no nay. nay damn it it's like I get what he's. trying to do yeah yeah what he what he's. like Jesus would love everybody I love. everybody and he keeps trying to say the. worst things possible he's trying to get. canceled he's trying to be a martyr I.

that's what I've he's tring what I'm. hoping he's trying to show the little. dot inside the yinyang dude when he does. that he's like that one thing he did on. Alex Jones he's like you mean to tell me. that every single Nazi was bad some. weren just fighting for the country and. you're like Kanye please don't throw it. please stop making me some Nazis were. good obviously yes there yes yes the. answer is yes some were probably [ __ ]. cool Valkyrie dude that guy was cool Tom. Cruz in the movie Valkyrie he was.

awesome uh yeah dude M Bon from Street. Fighter rules so don't make me say it. out loud I hate to spill the beans but I. got a. text that said yo it's. yay and Kanye contacted me that day that. day he was that night yes and he wanted. to work on something on his media daily. storm and unfortunately I had to decline. what yeah yeah. he should be here eating birthday cake. you the views we could do that but I do.

feel like the people that are latching. onto him are taking advantage of. whatever's going on yeah and that that. looks [ __ ] lame yeah it's Sinister. cuz yay is the best well that's that. kind of sucks cuz I want to give my. views on Israel right now if you don't. mind see I already feel weird about. talking about it it is funny it's a. funny thing to have him I mean it was. crazy it gave me like my face got hot I. was in an Uber I was talking to Matt and. I was like. dude yay just texted me that's crazy did. you show that to the guy next to you I.

was in the back of an Uber just. like like he wants to talk right now I. like I'm I'm in an airport I can't. trying to trying to buy time I was like. holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] cuz I knew whatever. he said I was going to say yes I [ __ ]. love Kanye. West I love his. music you're doing the right I love his. music you're doing the right thing. you're doing the right thing it was huge. Kanye West fan stand his music. yeah I'm not into that [ __ ] crap pull.

your pants up like you're the best at. everything yeah I feel uncomfortable. with that Al although I will say Al. point out that Kanye texted you dude it. [ __ ] me up him on Jones was no one. better to interview him than Alice Jones. yeah why am I saying nais are cool I. don't like them they kind of like took. attack I'm you don't like Nazis so I. like hither the one that like he's like. we're having fun here we're just [ __ ]. around everybody's crazy here all right.

we're going to head to break then just. Kane like while all the cameras panning. past the desk he's like I like. Hitler he must have been like God damn. it shut the [ __ ] off no he was like yeah. we're going Mega final right now want me. to tweet lit it's lit he kept saying. it's lit have you thought about texting. him about other stuff no I don't I don't. want to bother him and I don't uh yeah. of course there's that [ __ ] Fame. hungry party that's like yes do it yeah.

yeah be doing it big and then don't and. do not do that and then do yeah you're. noble I was like yeah dude [ __ ] talk. to him right now you're like everybody. that was every single person's reaction. was like do it I also had no idea we. would lose everything I had no idea what. his hyinks were that day I was like yeah. dude definitely that was that was the. problem you see what he said and I. looked it up and went he had too much. soda he soda he might have surge at the. birthday party he might had jolt he had. a couple jolts Kanye easy on the.

[Laughter]. Pepsi was just super sleepy he might. have been just super sleepy yeah yeah it. sucks I mean dude it's uh it's. definitely one of the most interesting. things ever happened also that day was. we were on Rogan we did like 10 minutes. on how great Kanye is yeah we get done. with the episode that doesn't come out. until today or tomorrow yeah it's. literally like look at this guy he's a. genius I'm like dude put up this.

video of him the Amazon concert it's the. best thing I've ever seen then we get. done I'm you know anxiety from doing. that podcast the next day I'm on the. plane like oh god oh what have I done. yeah I mean then you get a text from him. and it's like damn spooky stuff very. scary times that is spooky stuff yeah it. [ __ ] me up and I was on mushrooms on. Rogan so I was on the mushroom hangover. the next next. day it was a lot that's a lot it's a lot.

to take in it was a lot dude I'm. sweating in my robe I'm trying to make. plans in my Rob dripping on the floor. I'm having a panic attack in an Uber. leaving JFK just like Matt I got to go I. got to talk to you later dude you know. going believe what's going on I'll see. you later I was saying to shame how. funny is it that Kanye in his head is. like well I'll just go on Gillian kees. it'll be. fine that's fine I'll just go on Matt. and Jase I me he is right that we do. need to preach love and forgiveness it's.

just is MH yeah I think the the SS of. time maybe you got to deal with him in. like a 500e span yes but it's like right. now I think you just got to go all right. Hitler back of the line for love and. forgiveness we'll take care of. everybody yeah get all the way to back. for sure he jumped the line but it's you. know again 90% of people are going what. did he do it's [ __ ] weird well did. you who's who's really hot blooded I've. seen so many comedians now who are like. it's anti-Semitism has no like God come.

on this isn't real stuff yeah maybe you. could do like supervised podcasting like. they do supervisor visitation just to. see if you can handle like 15 minutes at. a time than a half hour an. hour yeah just have like a a word of the. state come with you just to see if you. can keep it together for like 15 dude if. I I would join. immediately immediately he'd be like. this is how I feel like you're exactly. right you're right dude it's [ __ ]. unbelievable they're [ __ ] killing us. dude. [Laughter]. did you see his uh subreddit got turned. into like a holocaust awareness thing.

really his subreddit got yeah turn yeah. all of his yeah the the headlines are. like Kanye's fans turn his subreddit. into like a holocaust awareness. page that is one thing people seem to be. a little unaware of. [Laughter]. yeah what do they do there like stream. clips of like I think they just post. like numbers and stuff and go this is. real yeah they ran ads for Holocaust Co. a little [ __ ] up if you ask me they.

what ran ads for Holocaust Co hey hey. birthday. W down you got too much. got he's going to be on here one way or. another can you hand me another white. claw I feel like the whole thing just. launched like a two we rum Springer on. like Jewish jokes on podcast and it's. like now I'm all out I'm done I'm like. I'm out yeah it makes I'm out. yeah I was already running pretty hot. yeah it's like all right that was cool.

chill out for another you know hopefully. 30 years or so yeah does anybody else. would anybody else like a white clo yeah. I'll grab one thank you we got 10 o'cl. show that'll be fun yeah dude y y yeah. that's my my whole concern is not even. concern but it's like dude if you were. really pull a bunch of people and hook. them up to like blood pressure tests and. be like yo how pissed are you about this. I think 90% of people will be like yeah. it's [ __ ] weird I've run into a a. couple that were actually upset yeah how. um the one lady I know is from Poland.

okay and her she's old and her parents. were in they were Jewish in Poland yeah. okay during the Holocaust checks out. okay so you know all right checks out. she's like you can't you got to shut the. [ __ ] up about it don't joke about it. yeah checks out you know she's got I'd. be pissed yeah makes sense but I don't. know this whole thing's gay and I feel. stupid yeah it stks feel gay for bring. it up no that that's the only that's. what will get you when someone is. actually like that's the only time I.

really feel anything when I know. somebody who's actually a physical being. is like no it actually here's why they. go I feel bad now yeah well I won't. laugh about it when you're. around but most of it's the realm of. abstraction where you're just kind of. like dude yeah we're having a laugh. we're having a laugh we're having a goof. there's the most famous person in the. worlds denying the Holocaust right now. on a meta level it's funny on a meta. level because it's so ridiculous. yourself out of the equation it's funny. when he was like if you were like s if. you went back in time and he was like.

George Bush doesn't care about black. people and you have to sit there in your. time machine and. go oh you guys just wait what happens. wait till the L pops off of this guy. that's a funny thing to think about it. is very funny when you just get out of. the fourth dimension this whole stuff. gets kind of funny true when you can. suspend time it's like it's kind of all. kind of funny you suspend time it's all. kind of funny if you can suspend time. you go to doctor. sh like a holocaust joke there's an. alternate or funny. there's an alternate timeline where see.

oh CH close that close that that's. terrible oh close that one don't do that. one well how did I move my forearms on. that his ice cream cake sweating dude. you got to get into that you got to eat. the [ __ ] cake I spent everything on. this. thing but no I he ever you're not going. to have a slice of cake I'm definitely. going to eat it eat the [ __ ] cake I. just want to hear the rest of your Kanye. story no that was it I don't want to. delve into anymore cuz I feel like I'm. already taking advantage. of that's what he gets for texting you. that's what I mean I hate that although. all the does a screenshot conversations. and texts with other people but then. again he also I could be having a thing.

he might be having a bit of a mental. breakdown he could he could be or he's a. genius that's trying to show everybody. that you can be a martyr and lose. everything publicly well I also one of. those things it all way I think he. 200,000 I'll be honest I think this. guy's. [ __ ] yeah and I don't want to take. advantage of no I was more so on the. like oh maybe he's next level and I've. been watching and going yeah you know. and I wish I just wish musically. absolutely Next Level that [ __ ] again. that [ __ ] Amazon concerts makes me.

happy yeah it was awesome also when he. came out at the time to be like I love. Trump that was a taboo he was breaking a. taboo yeah and it was like all right. cool he got a taste of taste of breaking. taboo taboos huh going to the ultimate. one going number one what if the black. Israelites texted you on the plane would. you invite them on onto the podcast yeah. like we were just backed by a line of. black guys the swords that would be. [ __ ] sick that would be a little. worrisome the swords but yes if they.

were defending our honor yes it'd be. like Banner Lords I saw them I would. recruit them I'd say you guys you will. join my squad you join my squad and. we're actually going to go after the. other black Israelites they will the. black Israelites will hit you with the. thing that hurts you the most as you. walk by just going to work minding your. business yeah they'll get you ially may. when you already have piggish. features God they hate swine they're. like an AR they're an army of. the street what did you say they're an. army of Steve hosters they really are.

they destroy every Heckler that walks by. dude I feel like nobody bothers those. guys though you got yeah bothers every. once while a white woman falls into. their. web dumb fly white woman like you want. you're actually ignorant sh up white. [ __ ] yeah they just get down on the. ground I always try to say I always try. to say hi to them man they always act. like I don't exist I'm always like. what's up boys and they're always just. kind of like then [ __ ] get the [ __ ] on. that [ __ ] their whole [ __ ] up I can't. be like you're going out there you're. like I'm trying to B white people and a.

white guy walks by like yo a a white guy. with your energy is definitely their. Crypton I saw I saw true I saw them in. DC swinging they were swinging like the. church fume stuff in the uh frankincense. whatever yeah they were pretty nice they. were pretty nice to Tim in. Indianapolis yeah dude are you serious. those guys didn't give me the time of. day I know I was there like I think like. a month before you bro I cruised by on. an electric scooter and they were just. like okay like nothing they g a hang. loose yeah for real I hit him with I. basically hit him with a oh boys and.

there just like maybe a smoke break or. something but I couldn't get anything. out of them what do you think they would. do if you dress like a stormtrooper and. stood next to them and started yelling. at people with them like Star Wars or. real star warso or Poland one yeah. really that would be kind what would. they do if you rolled up dude that was. another thing Kan I mean they're getting. ordered from the top dude look cool. Kanye Kanye talking about [ __ ] uh The. Naz Uniforms on a fashion.

level that was killing me dude what was. it Hugo Boss H boss Hugo Boss he's like. I mean as a design Alex Jones like I. mean you're a designer you know you're. talking about design he's like I love. the N yeah. no yeah yeah I mean dude I saw a funny. tweet though it was on black Twitter. somebody who was like for real though. this fit does go hard as [ __ ] and it was. like Hitler wearing a cape walk walking. down these steps it was like for real. the fit is [ __ ] sick. I don't know maybe I have too much faith. in humanity dude I don't I I've said it.

before I don't think we're in danger of. another another they have Nazi swimsuits. probably to be fair they did a lot of. weird [ __ ] with that stuff yeah yeah. what they have like little girl camps. little boy camps and then they would let. the camps mix and [ __ ] each other cuz. they needed more people oh no like girls. your kids would go away on like woman. Nazi camp and all of them come Springer. would come back pregnant what like well. that's what the birthright [ __ ] is in. Israel you go you go on your free.

Birthright trip you get there and it's. like these hot [ __ ] are pretty into. American. guys stick around yeah oh yeah is. cool that's what you said my friend want. there back now to impress Kanye dude. yeah my friend went there said it was. lit he my friend went there for like. soccer or something he was likee dude. they live in abundance let's not talking. about. Israel about this whole thing. I don't like it it's giving me. anxiety I don't want to throw a guy he.

reached out to me I don't want to throw. him under the bus you're not throwing a. man under the bus bro it was just. surreal pretty sure he reached out from. under the bus. already the I think he already out of. the bus you're trying to say you love. his catalog and you turn mat you're like. actually I love his new stuff his new. thoughts are. really no no no no. new yeah what's his new album what do. you think his follow up to Christ as. king will be wasn't didn't we talk about. on here he tried to name a couple albums. Hitler yeah yeah what someone said I.

think it's true. although yeah that's what the news. says well then he went on the news and. that's what the media says imagine him. standing next to Mike Myers and just. saying like there's no way it was 6. million and Mike Myers oh my. God exqueeze me I'll Bing. powder okay.

scar Falls backwards in his. chair that's a funny sketch a funny sket. yeah he's looking for funny sketches. Mike Myers and Dana Carvey yeah and. [ __ ] do Wayne's World basement. interview and then hit him with those. thoughts Supreme race.

look man we're being liberated get the. net. Nyah that's a good bit dude that was a. good bit was dude [ __ ] that was a good. bit dude hole over the limo I need to. grab a yooo real. quick was it you we I was talking to. someone that was like yoo's [ __ ] head. of PR just like [ __ ]. [ __ ] dude that was the anti-semitic. chocolate milk.

[ __ ] was it really did he talk about you. or dude and he was. like cuz that was the I thought you. saying he was Carrot Top or he's doing. sweet potato. top he had a but catching net and a yooo. and he's doing net and Yahoo it. awesome you was hey Kanye we're going to. freeze all your assets. I thought he just had to you time y for. real though if I found out I had to pay. $200,000 a month in child support I.

would be dropping grenades out of a. helicopter it's I'm sorry he's [ __ ]. around too much on the internet but it's. pretty bad did he try to drink the Yoo. through the mask he accidentally. chocolate boarded. himself chocolate boed. himself I do dig that mask though CU. these are all deep fakes I mean in the. court of law you can't prove that was. ever him oh can you get you get in. trouble for that in court talking with. the mask on no just going on a podcast.

and going I like. Hitler Alex Jones got busted pretty hard. they didn't like that stuff if you would. have worn that black mask but if you. just say that one thing about school all. right never mind I'm staying out of this. I don't know I mean dude you know look. tell you what if you would have focused. on about enter the age of Aquarius never. mind we're about to enter the age of. Aquarius guys we're all trying to have. every everyone needs a good laugh you. know what I mean have a little birthday.

cake yeah dog or no you prepare Mike a. slice of this cake please the whole. subject is my whole point is the whole. subject is quicksand dude yeah and I'm. out I F you get out of it then you go. it's very thoughtful you is the ground. still you slip down to it up in your. nipples you're like thing wait wait hold. on hold on wait I got this yeah maybe. what Kanye is trying to. do well let's see what the numbers are. it was. funny it was actually funny if you saw.

it dang it no we don't have to talk. about that stuff well we. did that's fine it's something we're all. dealing with collectively right now yeah. one of the biggest stars ever just go. dude imagine Mel Gibson just sitting by. just oh poor guy Mel I mean they're. gonna form the Avengers no Mel's Mel's. totally Mel's uh he's fine no when you. bring up when when that's the hot button. issue people like and yeah you did that. too you piece of [ __ ] true true oh can.

you share the first message you sent no. okay can you share the me Gibson. voicemail I don't want to share any. messes true true true other than yeah. you're honorable Man by the way it was. hilarious mhm yeah yeah you're an. honorable man you are an honorable man. let it be known for the record thank you. Matt but many others in your position. feels sleazy well that's why you're an. honorable man because you feel that. rather than. going I did call my agent to tell him.

I'm doing. it he's like okay he he was like he said. the [ __ ] you are he was like. what he was like Shane do not do. this I put it on speaker I put on. speaker she was in a convertible I can't. hear you hung it up through the back. seat no I'm going to do it tomorrow. actually he wants to fly me tomorrow he. was like we've worked so. hard you and all your friends you can't. do this and I was like I'm doing it dude. it's going to be.

hilarious yeah and then I was sitting. around I was like dude if I was a true. artist I would do it yeah but I'm not. coward I don't think he's a. coward dude I should have been on that. [ __ ] plane dude she been me Milo. fenos and. Kanye I mean that's a tough flight to f. tough two and a half hours dud York City. dude oh my God just that picture alone. dude would.

be oh like terrifying be devastating. know on the private jet Milo is. pretending to read Bible all the people. criticizing me would have been on the. private jet to Epstein's Island they'd. be like I can't believe he's on that. plane like what about that other jet. remember that other private jet there's. pretty bad private jet that a lot of you. guys were wrong is Epstein Island still. functional for like kids or you mean. like can you live there like do they. still got the water park open I was.

there a water park oh there had to have. been yeah yeah there had to be some. kid-friendly stuff damn that's how they. delivered to your. room. kid everyone's got the end of a water. slide in the room they just go slide. just basketball court slides that. Screech noise into your bedroom floor. prince Andrew waiting at the bottom with. his mouth. open yeah people forgot about that. backwards Marco forget about that child. sex with all the elites a lot of the. elites of the world they got busted my. mind that guy hung himself in prison.

weirdly oh the security cameras fell off. in the guard took a smoke break and he. hung himself and the alts he was like. no like yeah he hung himself he couldn't. live with the guilt would you wait for. the Lifeguard go ahead on the water. slide at up down to the pedopile water. would you just be a bad respect a no. I've always respected the life card yeah. actually that's not true salute him back. used to have a lot of fun disobeying the. life cards at Williams Grove the motor. speedway used to have a theme park. across the street what now it's in every.

online is like the a haunted thing just. cuz it's all overgrown was that partial. custody Kingdom it was absolutely. partial custody Kingdom dude it was a. [ __ ] show but we used to go on the water. slide and you me and like 10 of my. friends would go and whoever went first. would be the blocker you'd go down first. and turn sideways and wait for the next. guy and wait for the next guy and then I. was the wedge breaker I'd come down last. and I would just smoke it hurt so bad it. was so funny and then 10 kids would come.

out at once and the dam you kid we be. like [ __ ] yeah oh man you work at. Williams Grove. loser go right back to the top yeah go. right to the top oh my God you guys. would have crushed at EP Island Man I. mean 10 coming down at once. just imagine Chris tuer down there at. the bottom just yeah I think I would too. much get some of these to go was he on. the. logs.

L didn't he like oh was a different. Chris tuer that's what I heard no no he. was boys with them right well he was. hanging out with Michael Jackson too. yeah oh. Spacey Spaceman Space the spaceman was. big tried and true yeah damn dude you. think they all clapped when the pilot. landed on Epstein Island absolutely dude. absolutely well with whatever free hands. they had oh that jet was popping dude. yeah true yeah cuz he like he had did.

like a 180 didn't he at one point he. like really cleaned up his act he. stopped cursing spy Tu CHR Tucker tuck. Tucker probably didn't he probably hit. [ __ ] rock bottom he probably hit the. [ __ ] yeah wow a weekend you think one. of the kids came out the water slide he. went God. damn face [ __ ] a kid do you. understand word coming never never never. touch a black man's sex. [Laughter]. do you understand the kid that's coming. in my mouth that's the what I was going.

for sorry I couldn't get it I just I. just said his line from the movie that. didn't change any comedy at all imagine. up the next Imagine waking up the next. morning with like dried kid come in your. mouth oh my god dude I got to change. man imagine getting charged for the. water you use to clean Kids come out of. your. mouth man what he say to a kid after he. roofied them. what would Chris Tucker say what would I. say after no what would Chris Tucker say. after he ruied a kid and the kid fell. asleep D yeah or you just got knocked.

the [ __ ]. out there you. go that'd be terrible if he really was. never there he's probably innocent for. real sorry Chris Tucker funny thing. about his voice as a child rapist. no now how do you how disappointed do. you child rap it is funny I I froze time. and it's funny. although that probably did alleviate. tension like if you're a kid getting. blasted and you're you hear in the Next.

Room you're like is that Chris Tucker no. I mean yeah of course it's better than. just an uncle what do you man what what. do you think it sounded like when uh. Jackie Chan had to express his. disappointment in Chris Tucker no no no. when Jackie Chan did it Jackie cha to. talk to his old friend he made three. feature films. together said Chris is not. good it's probably something like that. this is that would be a nice [ __ ]. movie Rush Hour 4 now he finds out about. the island and comes down and clears it.

out with his. karate that be such a sick movie dud. just breaks Prince Andrew's boner. yeah that'd be so good that would be. nasty that's the reveal at the end is. Chris Tucker he's like Chris come on we. got to get the [ __ ] out of here we got. to get out of here and he like goes down. to save Chris and the kids then at the. end is the reveal that Chris was in on. it the whole time one of the kids is. like like to Chris he's like man that. ain't true. [Music]. man and then like five more kids are.

like it was him and then Jackie Chan. kills the kids he's like we got to get. out of here come on they'll seal the. court documents don't worry let's go the. island explodes and they fly together. and Chris is like I'm never going to. curse or my stand up ever again I'm done. with that stuff damn the last Chopper. out of eps Island had to be like. platoon there celebrities grabbing. yeah again it's just a joke Chris. probably didn't have sex with kids on I.

really hope but what I could have sworn. he was on the flight logs the name Chris. Tucker was on there he's on the flight. logs maybe they I do think they were. getting. flights there's a lot of people on these. flight LS yeah I think he had a private. jet and was just like oh I'll fight you. had a rich famous party and he's like I. have a jet you can you can take it to go. yeah also I don't think they unless was. it to the. island you can't tell from the logs they. so I think Matt graining went too from. The Simpsons and they were saying.

like why are you. little what do you have to. write I will not [ __ ] kids I will not. [ __ ] kids I will not [ __ ] kids that was. great man that's the real reason Bart. never. ages but apparently he was on the flight. like taking his shoes off like okay. girls let's go start working he yeah he. was he made himself pretty comfy this.

was in like an. article I wish I could do a bar. homie that was great Jeffrey homie homie. that's your fifth little. boy don't you think we should go. Marge that [ __ ] sucks dude to be on. those can't be true dude I love the. Sim I used to yeah I used to they stuck. they the best then they all became like. liberal [ __ ] why do you think bro no. are you goog why Macar foot hang on a. minute I need a.

boy I need a boy ass. dude who's need a boy I'm looking for a. boy to suck on a boy to suck on again if. you're inoc was there he was on confirm. dude wait MC raining or a boy to suck on. so. what has it been graining the whole. timeing yeah gring I've been calling him. groaning my whole life he was animation. and child pornography heads know that. it's graining do you think he does all.

the simp. porn you think beat off to this what. yeah you I didn't beat off I've seen it. but I've never beat one one of Mike's. favorite gifts is. uh Mar has in like a Power Bomb position. and she's sucking on his KN that's EXA. exactly why I don't jerk off the simsons. because every [ __ ] cartoon is Marge. [ __ ] Bart yeah that's but they're not. real you want to see you want to see. Marge and Ned yeah. yo I wouldn't mind that now you're. talking you should switch to the patreon. ab yeah um guys live stream don't [ __ ].

live stream look if you want to be a. little brat about it and complain don't. watch it yeah don't but it's going to be. fun and it's going to be good and Matt. we're trying to obtain an opera singer. to uh sing funny words yeah if you know. one please get at me no oper it's not. funny words no cuz they you're going to. get some DMS they don't get that all. right yeah we dad meet yeah. Bros the world on perks.com thank you.

check out sers too yep on perks.com oh. yeah I have to sell everything uh. through my website because the um. Kanye's enemies yeah Kanye's enemies are. jaming me up at Amazon so I'm doing. everything through on perks.com uh if. you like anything I do I promise if you. check that out you'll like my book also. check out Lil sers me Delo and Jake mat. why because it's called Perks no um they. just stopped paying me for my other two. books they kept saying that my bank info. was wrong and it's been the same for. years and they just stopped paying me. royalties for my previous two books so I.

refused to do business with them good. for you man these guys Bezos is Bezos is. Polish yeah it's how he made his fortune. well they're they're downsizing I think. Amazon's hurting dude so don't you don't. want to go down with that [ __ ] think. Amazon's hurting yeah they're laying off. like 40% of their Workforce I think they. all figured out they can do it after. Twitter laid off a bunch of their. Workforce and it's fine like yeah's like. these guys aren't doing [ __ ] yeah for. sure yeah all right we're going to. switch over to the patreon thank you for. joining us.

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