Ep 418 - Street Jokin'

wow wow. West oh man G smacking with authority. this week stomach going brazy your belly. my Bell's a little question questionable. now what happened my belly's shot I. think there was cheese in those eggs. there was cheese in those eggs I tasted. I liked it but my woman prepared us eggs. and bacon they were delicious but my. belly ate my girlfriend's breakfast dude. I I was like I don't want this if it's. yours don't get me started bro I can't. believe you did that hey man I'm not. going to be rude I was I was put between. a in a hard place I was off for food but.

there was cheese and now I'm. saying you know I don't eat dairy so we. might have we might both fall hill. during this podcast we might we might. both [ __ ] ourselves especially I broke. my ankle dude I know dude what the hell. ow. ow after the extremely long late night I. got out of the Uber and sprained my. ankle oh it was a final thing 7:30 or. 800 in the morning oh it was so bad dude. and and then my woman my woman spazzed.

she was like I'm getting Chris I was. like what oh you could barely walk from. your ankle no I I got up the steps and I. was in bed and she was like I'm getting. Chris I was like what are you talking. about like she was hamr and she was like. Chris needs to take a look at this he. was going to like we need to call the. doctor call the doctor we woke up the. doctor and we like take a look at this. and he came up and I was like he came. put an eye on he came up and looked at. it and he was like dude are you I was. like I like I'm fine I'm just joking. around.

but for real I did spray my ankle and it. hurts it's big it's swollen it's huge. did did you roll it oh my god dude it's. so huge dude did you roll how are you. going to you can't go work out today. anyway mant I got a pump iron I haven't. worked down so long do a wheelchair. workout I'm just going to yeah I'll just. do arms get a wheelchair I'll get a. wheelchair you should I mean you could. you qualify for one If you flew it. wouldn't be crazy to get a wheelchair no. it would not you could get a wheelchair. right now if you and you go to the front. of the line every time I will I have fly.

Thursday get a will they can't ask. question what today Tuesday oh thank God. I thought it was Wednesday yeah it's. thank like damn I got to fly tomorrow. yeah today's Tuesday Tuesday oh get a. whole other it's a nice treat I get to. lay down for another 48 Hours that'll be. nice yes it will the rest is necessary I. left my debit card and credit card at a. bar on Saturday so I have to go into the. city to get it how the [ __ ] did that. happen your debit and credit ended at.

the end of the night ended viciously did. you Gambit like we like started tab I. don't know what happened how I I I. called and I was like did I leave a card. there and they were like two I was like. Jesus Christ you left your identity a. loser you left your every time they said. you want to start a tab I say no because. I will forget I'll leave my credit card. I'm usually pretty good at it but I have. a credit card that just is in Florida. somewhere I don't know where it is I. still I still use that credit card it. exists it's on like the beach in Florida. if anyone finds it.

yeah have a ball but yeah it's it's at. the beach in Florida somewhere and I. Britney's like you have to close it down. I like I can't yeah I don't want to cuz. then it's like I have to remember my. like Apple password to do it's like dude. no way what's done is done there's if I. I'm I'm done I if I have to there's like. three passwords if I have to reset it's. I'll never do it yeah I'll fall into. ruin that's what I said with this I. thought it was my One debit card and I. have another one I was going to call the. bar and just be like can you throw that. out.

just rip it in half I have another. one cuz I'm not coming into the city. just to get two cards at a sad bar see. this can you send an Uber to do that. like yo call an Uber when he comes to. pick you up be like Grand Theft Auto. mission be like bro I think you can I. think there's a job like you can do that. task rabbit task rabbit. yeah that's not bad that's not bad it'll. cost so much money Uber there and back I. know that'll be100 $100 I've always to. do that with Uber like if I want to send.

something to my boy just be like yo. here's an envelope it's for my boy just. drop this off of this house and let him. come I was going to send ounces of weed. like that to people a long time ago. don't open this it has to go to my. friend yeah don't get pulled over yeah. you get pulled over it's not it's on. yours yes it's on you I thought about. that for a while my ankle send an ounce. of weed to your boy in Uber is nice. yeah yes yes yes good stuff this weekend. huh dude that was fun unbelievable that. was awesome thanks to guys thanks to.

everybody that came out to town hall. that was a magical two. nights felt really nice that was. something else yeah I was telling you. when when you have uh the attention of. 1500 people it feels it's pretty nice. pretty scary it's very nice yeah yeah. when they get quiet and you're like oh. they're all listening and you're like. that was a good point I just made I. guess I am kind of a [ __ ]. genius now that I think about it second. show I thought was going to be my my. demise dude second show was great it was. fun it was great it's funny both of us.

thought we didn't do as well it's just. cuz we weren't as nervous I think so I. was nervous Friday I was nervous. Saturday I hit a point where I was like. I literally thought I had an internal. mon my internal monologue was against me. on Saturday Friday was with me for some. reason my internal monologue turned. against me it in the mid dead middle I. there was I there was a joke I just. didn't do that I usually do I skipped it. and then my mind went into like. something's wrong like I'm missing. something and I just instantly went into. different stuff and my brain I pause.

being like where do I go from here my. brain goes dude what if you totally just. melted down right now and had to be like. taken off a state and I had to be like. no shut up dude yeah not in front of all. these [ __ ] people skipping a bit. skipping a bit sucks I've done it I've. skipped a bit and then been like I I can. still do it and then you realize it like. requires a tag from the just a second. ago this happened to me when the first. time I a when I auditioned to like host. at Helium years ago eons ago I did this.

where I told half a joke didn't tell the. punch line told another joke and then. went back and tried to like force the. punch line from a joke and a half in ago. on the crowd and then. went for like 30 seconds and then it was. like and went in my I thought that was. going to happen in front of all those. people I did it with I used to do it. with godamn it too deep in the [ __ ] and. Jackie Robinson I would forget to tell. too deep in the [ __ ] and then just. randomly at the end of the Jackie Robins. be like you don't want to go too deep. into [ __ ] you were like what the [ __ ]. I'll be like.

uh I did that and then sometimes you do. it and you you really you don't even. know you didn't set it up so you're like. oh okay what's your guys's [ __ ]. problem that joke usually kills you guys. suck I started out that way because. usually I say I'm both tired and horny. as a parent I didn't say that I was like. I don't know after the show I'm going to. collapse into a puddle of. come and everyone looked I had, 1500. people be like why did he just say that. I was at the end oh I didn't say the.

first part dude [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm sorry. Shane no it made me when you were on I. was I was back there with butterly and I. was like it's great dude it's great just. seeing Matt in front of a theater is. just espousing insane. statements just the whole C the worst. part you're like you want to come to New. York and I was like yeah I'll do a show. there what's it called you told me the. place and I went I Googled it went oh. boy that seems like a large place it was. a big one it's nice to see I was like oh.

that's a I like Shane why are the seats. red in there is that a the a good sign. is that a theater is there a. chandelier where we performing do you. think they'll like my travel buddies. H I will say though the Green Room. Before shows I I get very stressed yeah. when there's that many people well. Friday there's nobody there yeah that. was nice Chill Zone but then Saturday. all the Bros all the the the Jays yeah. the Jays assembled it's intimidating. dude [ __ ] 20 Jewish people yeah 20.

Jewish people in your green room just. like you're so great they're friendly. friendly Bunch unbelievable you're a. genius yes I mean they're like walking. Talisman of success so you have to look. at them be like don't be weird don't be. weird and they're all very they're sharp. dressed cool they but laid back too yeah. they're laid back they're in the cut I. mean I'm I think they should wear. tuxedos it should be like their trash. man suit like a instead of like a one. piece jumper they should wear tuxedo.

and it's be like come here yes and my. agent now he cut his hair he looks like. a 12-year-old he did look young he's a. young boy he did it was pretty hot. actually he how he looks yeah I like the. way he looks he's small I'd like to get. my paws on him I want to cheat on him I. want to cheat my wife. get yeah it was it was a how much of a. mess would your life become if you had. sex with your agent if I [ __ ] my. agent it had to have happened in chiz. certainly just a dude just [ __ ] his. what happens to child.

stars nonstop true true I think if I if. I got so inebriated that I [ __ ] my. agent yeah that would be that is a blood. pack though that would be. rehab or going for mon truly the top. that's a blood pack now now you have a. skull and bones arrange Arrangement. where it's like dude dude yeah get me in. the next war movie or I'm telling. everybody I [ __ ] I should be in a war. movie get me next to LA boof dude true.

or I'll tell everyone or I'm going to. [ __ ] you in the ass again like I did. after the Town Hall. Show when I said come here we need to. talk business [ __ ] [ __ ] you I grabbed. you and ripped your pants. [Laughter]. off yeah it was good everything was good. it was truly a blast it was a nice time. and then Matt and I went to the SNL. after party that was so. fun it is it's nice that's part was nice.

yeah that was uh I was curious dude I. was curious to see what looks like dude. it's a dungeon it was it's like wet yeah. it's always dark it's always like. there's always like it's not lighting. it's always like red lighting or like. well the entrance is guarded by ladies. who are being friendly mean we're like. oh yeah oh yeah can I see your name like. your name's not on here that's weird I'm. like just give me a second I'll call my. friend and I had a stand there also I. wasn't on the list so I I walked out. like yeah he's with me they like what. who is that guy.

who the [ __ ] was that they're friendly. mean dude they guard those places being. like am I so here do is who you again. Supreme confidence you just come out and. go he's with me and then you turn around. and walk back in yeah they're like I. don't want to offend whoever that was. dude literally it work he seemed. confident they went like oh my God I'm. sorry I was like oh that was somebody. important okay yeah there's so many. important people here I don't want to. offend one it's the only thing you do is. you have to guard the place like I'm. sorry. like in there just give it could you. wait out here I was like I'll wait hold. tight for a second I'm going to be yeah. true yeah they don't they don't know I.

could be I could be like a like a. grizzled child star they just have one. time Kanye came to the stand and he. showed up by himself and I think it was. Joe I forget which one it was there was. a manager at the stand that was like no. they they couldn't he he walked by. himself at like 2 a.m. to an Afterparty. and he was wearing like a hood he. wearing a Kanye outfit he literally did. he do the sock thing he had some kind of. he was wearing like a mask cuz I think. it was during Co and like he looked he.

looked like a homeless guy yeah and. they're like no absolutely not and then. he like took his hood off and they were. like please come inside we're so s yeah. funny funny uh can you just wait out. here for a second we're going find out. I'm Kanye West all right sorry about. that I'm going to start bar physically. barging through those next time that. situation happens I'm going physical but. there is always a was two huge St. bouncers dude yeah there was it was two. friendly mean ladies and like St. ponytailed Jack the martial like opera.

singer martial artist that I was like. that are going to [ __ ] you up if I could. just maybe just m all stop take a. fullback dive up the middle all you have. to do is pass the threshold it's the go. just extend the ball bre the plane it'd. be nice to to slow just give a slow. wedge. like no get off is anybody going to. help yeah they would rip you apart they.

would beat my ass dude that's their job. their job's there for just in case a. dude tries to all stop just lower the. shoulder they're like no you can't get. in you can't meet the. cast I just want to shake hands with the. cast. member get your [ __ ] hands off I just. want to mide my. hoodie yeah that was went in there and. spazzed on anyone I know and like oh. [ __ ]. a dude bun be Bun B was there it was.

crazy bun I kept trying to site him dude. and it my thing was I got wobbled when I. left cuz the dude who might have been. CEO green I was like is there another. fat black dude with a high pitch voice. cuz I saw him outside I was like that. might you call that was CEO it might not. have been him I think it was just a. black dude in a green suit I think so I. think there was I was like is there. another fat black dude with a high pitch. voice and that like yeah kind of wobbled. me I was outside and I was like I might. have got [ __ ] I might have tricked.

myself I might have you like all the. a-listers are here CEO is probably here. CEO's definitely. here there's no way CEO's not at this. part I didn't see him I didn't see him. but it's funny yeah it's comic it's kind. of like Comic Con basically it's very. you get to go to Comic-Con for free it's. very odd be like yeah [ __ ] that's that. guy [ __ ] I go get go say hi to him dude. I'm going to go say hi. walk up and.

go put her there bunby my Escape was. nice though dude the hotel room I had my. whole family in a hotel room and I just. [ __ ] I deposited the babe put [ __ ]. put pennies over her eyes dude and I was. like I'll see lat she crossed the river. sticks put the Pennies on her eyes and I. was like I'll be back later yeah what's. the boatsman name in the river sticks. it's not Hades Hades is the place wait. who's the guy whoes is a god who's the.

guy who takes you yeah who's The Boatman. Pluto I like the guess I forget sticks. Boatman who is the person who takes you. across never would have guessed. shony what's Pluto is Pluto something to. do with the realm of like. death I thought I thought it was but I. don't know either way yeah true I don't. even know which one stick I am a Roman. amongst Greeks right now. you're Greek am you.

pedophile Roman dude huh shck of. wine you say I'm more Greek you're more. Roman I would say I'm more Roman I'll. take that there's a funny meme that. makes me laugh it's like it's like weed. weed and mushroom civilizations and it's. like Huts it's like alcoholic alcoholic. [ __ ] civilizations it's just Rome I. mean it's funny you bring that up that's. the one book I'm reading six beverages. that changed the world. I mean I only listened to half an I.

shited on better and listen to like two. hours on the way up but I was. bullshitting but dude the invention of. beer is sick as [ __ ] it was enough where. I called I called my brother and I was. like dude like how hard is it to brew I. and I know I was in my head I'm like. you're not going to brew beer you should. start brewing beer I dude I got a bug. I'm like yo is it like could I just like. Brew myself a six-pack dude have you. ever had someone's [ __ ] brew beer. always is disgusting we have uh it's my. cousin's husband he's been doing it now. for I think like 15 years he's nasty oh.

really but every other time someone's. giving me beer it's they're literally. handing you piss in a bottle and you. have toass [ __ ] disgusting bottle. like yeah I got a brew kit last year for. Christmas it's the worst this is my. first one they're dude they're truly. like [ __ ] 90%. alcohol just you go. blind but yeah I was listening to like. how they I just dude I had such a. [ __ ] uh it sounds so dumb but but I. like listening to it I realized how sick.

beer is I'm like beer is sick yeah I. mean the anxiety post hangover is what. drives civilization you wake up you go I. got to do something I got to get. something done I've got to become great. dude I explained that to my cousin one. time and he just kind of looked at me. like I was the biggest [ __ ] in the. world what do you mean a long time ago I. was like yeah something about we're. talking about like this was like before. I was in college or I might have just. been in college and I was like yeah dude. I was like smoking a lot of weed. obviously at the time and then I I. started drinking a lot more and I was. like yeah something about like if I'm. drinking a lot I wake up and I'm like I.

didn't realize even what anxiety was I. just like feel energized and I want to. get stuff done he just kind of looked at. me it was like cool dude and I was like. [ __ ] am [ __ ] said something dumb to. my older. cousin I'll never live this down I never. yeah I I'm always jealous of the dudes. who don't get hangover anxiety yeah no. there's guys that just are like yeah. last night was crazy that was F is that. good though to not get the hangover. anxiety no you know what I mean probably. not. but that's your higher Ence dude I am.

jealous of the people that are like that. was fun Stone people I can I can almost. never do that they're called wooden. people even if it's a great night called. wooden people. dude yeah it requires it it has to be a. true like Saturday was fun Saturday was. fun oh dude stayed out too late rolled. my. ankle and that'll be the last SNL. Afterparty for a very long time yeah. those are never good well you could get. hurt you could hurt your you can hurt. yourself really hurt you stayed up too. late late and you hurt yourself that can.

happen you need to go to bed I had to. drive home dude I was [ __ ] oh my God. I pulled the plug at four in but I was. actually dude I don't know how that. night I munched a whole chocolate bar a. whole dark chocolate usually I have like. little squares yeah it'll wake you up a. party dude it was party time yeah. chocolate bar Coco dude I basically did. Coco yeah some people were really doing. Coco some people you were eating an. entire dark chocolate you at a dark. chocolate candy bar at the SNL. Afterparty you nuts I ate it before you. dude. you.

that's you're crazy I'm basically Farley. dude dude I ate I ate it before that's. why my [ __ ] inner monologue turned on. me yeah I ate like I ate like the half. of a 70% chocolate bar and then ate the. other three I was like what's the point. afterwards and ate the other three. quarters and just I was up you hit me up. at like 3 in the morning and I was like. yeah I'm up I was wide awake yeah it's. how senstive surprised you were awake. yeah I'm a sensitive instrument dude um. it just reminds me before I get speak. and Farley we were talking about Adam.

egot came over on Sunday and we went. watched some football telling funny. stories he was telling me a story about. I forget who the guy I forget the guy's. name so I'm going to [ __ ] it up but the. guy who I think co-wrote dirty work with. Norm but he said he told so he worked at. SNL and Rodney Dangerfield was hosting. and he was like I got a joke I'm going. to run it past Rodney and he was like. all right there's two gay guys and. they're they're going to play. hideand-seek together and the guy goes. let's play one guy one gay guy guy says. to the other guy goes let's play.

hideand-seek and if you find me you can. [ __ ] me I'll be behind the. couch you go apparently go he's like I. got to tell you kid I'm not a big fan of. jokes just stonewalled him what but he. knew I mean that joke's incredible yeah. it's awesome be behind the. couch if you find me you can [ __ ] me. I'll be behind the. couch I was like dude how do you even. come up how do somebody come up with a. street joke it's genius I honestly it's.

like a weird level of Genius it's like I. get tripped up thinking about whoever. came up with those things where I'm like. it's the same thing I'm like dude did. anyone ever even come up with those. things they just have they just been. floating around yeah it's crazy to think. someone made that up yeah like even like. Little Johnny jokes I'm always like. what's a little Johnny joke it's there's. like a whole genre Little Johnny joke. you ever heard of little Johnny joke. there's a whole genre of Street jokes of. like uh Little Johnny who says something. very inappropriate to a teacher do you. have do you have one that you remember.

can you Google a little I have there's. like a I can't remember any of them but. it's always him like saying something. very inappropriate to a teacher if you. can find one Guardian that would be. fantastic it's always hard to remember. Street jokes 23 best you don't want can. you read a little Johnny joke into the. microphone for us Sean you have a good. Cadence for a little a nice little John. for a street joke thanks guys uh what. did the Chen say to the uh.

what you. got um I'm trying to find a good one. there's a lot of ones that just rip them. just of them dude they're really look. how long they are oh really build it up. I'll give you a long. one uh finding out one of her students. uh finding one here I'll tell you what. why don't you read it we'll talk and. when you're ready to tell the joke give. it a read through for a minute or two. sorry Sean that's what you're were. trying to do I stopped you um did you. show your ass.

but yes what else is going on dude oh. let me the um so I'm listening to that. on the way up and dude did you ever get. into like when they discover how they. discovered beer no it's actually really. sick it was from Hunter gather it's like. the it was tied to the dawn of. civilization burying like [ __ ] they've. gathered and then it fermented sort of. like kind of like that where they were. so they were like just hunting and you. know moving around moving around and. there was Wild Grains so every now and. again they'd cut some of them off like. if we keep this on us if like it just.

prevents us from all dying of Salvation. so I started keeping the grains on I'm. like this is nice and they started being. like yo let's just stay by the grains so. that's where the villages started. popping up you know pretty standard. stuff but then in order to store them. like you were saying they they dug holes. in the ground or sometimes they would. like hollow out tree sumps yeah so you'd. have that [ __ ] just sitting in there. then it would if it like rain or. something they would get wet and then. the grain Sprout and that like creates. sugar so they're like dude this rues so. they like eat the sugar like the sugar. from the gra like this is like crazy. this is they had no idea what was going.

on this is like otherworldly [ __ ] and. then if they would make these like. basically bowls of oatmeal that would. sit out for like 3 days and they'd be. like and they'd sip it three days later. and it be B [ __ ]. [ __ ]. literally be like you've been a [ __ ]. [ __ ] that's literally how it started. that that was you're [ __ ] better than. me it was just oatmeal just would get. ferment it and they they would sip it. out of like a [ __ ] turt shell and. then be like the [ __ ] [ __ ] dude.

[ __ ] you've been such a [ __ ] [ __ ]. dude you're such a [ __ ] but yeah then. they started getting like real into it. and then there was guys that would carry. around these big tubs cuz there was like. fermenting tubs and they didn't realize. that like the yeast would like start. like living in the tub but they're like. for some reason when I used my they'. obviously attri to themselves magic. magic like I'm magic here's and they. would just these dudes would luck around. big tubs and be constantly mixing up. drinks and they did have light beer what. they did have light beer in Egypt [ __ ]. they had all they have like these. uniform Egyptians were on to something.

dude they had light beer back then yes. so they had these uniform tablets of. like all the different recipes they had. like sick names too they that does. settle it the Egyptians were. white that settles. it that's pretty great yeah I was pretty. pumped on that just and I was like dude. that's and they would so you would take. like um you'd have like the shell or. some sort of bowl and you and your. friend would put straws in it cuz like. there was they had like so much [ __ ]. floating in it of course so they had to. sit you sit there's your boy and sip. straws damn they had straws yeah dude.

they would sit there with straws this is. like I think 600 BC yeah you got to. watch Ancient apocalypse oh I heard. Graham Hancock dude you told me about it. my brother told. about good turns out civilizations are. old older than we think perhaps really. but are. they knows we never find out it's got a. hint of Ancient Aliens does it yeah cuz. there's nothing really to film yeah so. they just film Graham Graham Hancock. just walking and staring at things.

pretty funny on you once you realize. that's the formula of the show it kind. of ruins the show cuz it's just Graham. Hancock like on a cliff. like this looks old there's something. peculiar about the Bluffs on this River. perhaps the river was bigger than they. think it was maybe we've been here for. 10,000 years longer who knows I know God. such a sick thing cuz no one they're. like well we dude a Hos was hitting me. with climate stuff recently. nice and he was hitting me with like the.

he's like they radioactively carbonate. the thing and then it's actually the. Earth's been cold and hot like 20 times. over and the way the river froze and. it's like dude whatever you got to do to. keep yeah it's funny that it's funny. that the the the big oil is so good at. you know they they the way they trick us. the whites m is to be like it's actually. a conspiracy theory yeah big oil is not. that bad well get this dude did you know. we're currently in an ice age no.

technically if the if we have ice caps. on both sides that's we're in an ice age. oh okay so we're in an ice age right now. and the the idea is that those things. have melted and refroze a 100 times and. that when they melt like the Antarctica. and all that stuff becomes the Fertile. Crescent then you just we'd have to. migrate up there that why there's what's. the name of the civilization in anara I. don't know I've never heard of it warma. talks about it oh uh not tartar it might. be tartar tartar tartaria I don't know. I don't know apparently they said.

there's a big hole in the ground. in and the giants live in the in the. hole in the ground in. Antarctica yeah climate science is such. a sick thing to get into yeah especially. without like with zero science I mean. carbon dioxide 50 years ago carbon. dioxide was at like 300 parts per. million now it's at like 415 parts per. million tell me that's respon yeah you. tell me it's our fault it's. not anyway there's aliens under the. ground in there. possibly yeah that that's a sick piece.

of knowledge like you know we're in a. nice age right people like what yeah. dude we're in a nice age this episode of. Matt and Shane secret podcast is brought. to you by Hamilton. devices this is a Hamilton device.

Thank You Hamilton devices for. sponsoring the show innovators in Vape. technology they make so many good vapes. uh the Starship Vape which is like a. bunch of Vapes in one the gamer. Vape which is a vape that you can use. handsfree in case you want to like uh. masturbate and smoke weed at the same. time and they even have Vapes that look. like old timey tobacco pipes like this.

one go to Hamilton devices.com and use. code drenched 30 for 30% off buyers must. be 21 or older that's Hamilton. devices.com and use code drenched 30 for. 30% off manscaped this Thanksgiving be.

sure to shave all of the hair off of. your tiny little penis before dinner. this way you can bust out your perfectly. shaved. genitals your cherubic penis and. testicles you can bust them out on your. family and say w baby wants some mashed. potatoes baby wants some uh cranberry. cranberry. sauce and you can go pee pee on on the. table manscaped this holiday season I'll.

be giving thanks to our friends over at. manscaped by presenting them with my. tiny little. penis that's perfectly shaved manscaped. is making sure you have everything you. need to stay fresh below the. equator uh I love man I'll tell you I. love manscaped and so did Matt and Shane. from Matt and Shane secret podcast. manscapes performance package 4.0 has. got it all the lawn mower 4.0 body. trimmer and weed whacker nose ear and.

hair trimmer and it features skin safe. technology to protect your holes and. guess what they're waterproof too get. 20% off plus free shipping with the code. drenched at manscape.com that's 20% off. plus free shipping with the code. drenched at manscaped.com be thankful. this holiday season for the best gift of. all from. manscaped uh your tiny little balls and. penis will thank you Hancock was on to.

some good stuff though what was he. saying he was saying that uh he thinks a. asteroid or meteor whatever whatever. hits the Earth meteor M hit the ice cap. that's why we can't find it and it. caused all that ice to melt like like. that and it caused the Great floods that. are in every civilization's mythology. really. yeah and that's and that's why destroyed. all these.

civilizations that were around 10,000. years before that were that were around. longer than we we assumed so what's his. what's the connecting dot to like the. ones that got destroyed and then us like. we just people escap I don't know it was. always like how did they build these. pyramids you know yeah [ __ ] like that. they like if you look these pyramids are. older than they say the so-called. experts he always he hates. archaeologists he calls them socal's. like these guys think they're so [ __ ]. smart I know that is sick though to be. like I I'm not an archaeologist I've.

never got a degree in this but listen. what yeah what's his credentials what. does he do I don't know they he does. look he brings up some good [ __ ]. points I'm not I am I am being cynical. yeah for sure but I I there are dudes. that's just me that's cuz I've got a. history a bachelor's degree in history. oh he's so when I see a guy like Graham. Hancock he comes at the intelligencia. like myself yeah you're in an ivory. Tower I'm up there saying Graham good. luck with that I'd like to see your. citations. is this MLA style Chicago style deep.

dish I was thinking about this the other. day whenever I was in school even when I. went back as an adult I don't think I've. ever used a real Source in a paper I. always make up sources I just Wikipedia. and then I just make up a source yeah. every single time it's a good move I've. never once dude I've never anytime. they're like well it's not APA style I'm. like just deduct the points for not. doing API I refuse to [ __ ] read and. [ __ ] it do I put a period here there. like does it really [ __ ] matter no it. does not that was my thing it's like.

what if I don't want to use sources what. if this is all coming from me why AR why. aren't I a source yeah why do I need. three how did they come up with it. that's what I'm saying it's like that. dude that [ __ ] pissed me off so bad it's. like I would just never use it I would. just write stuff write stuff then be. like yeah Wikipedia and then I go to you. go to the bottom of the Wikipedia. sources and I just claim that freestyle. history papers make it up yeah I just. give my ideas and I go and uh Wikipedia. the subject there's something go from. that book cuz they have their sources in. Wikipedia so then I use Wikipedia I just. rather than being Wikipedia is my source.

to say the source that came Wikipedia is. my source that's. fair never use sources bro never use a. sour I've hated that since I was a kid. it's like so you're going to make me. just in just inject three different. dudes for no [ __ ] reason into my. paper it's like what if my Lo what if my. logic stands by. itself why do I need three [ __ ]. things that I'm going to just but it is. nice for the word count if you're. sweating a word count you hit them with. a nice block quot. there's 250.

words sorry you're good checking texts. get good there supposed to be a press. release today really about me and it's. going to probably result in some some. old quotes what oh for the tour for the. tour not yet you think your enemies are. going to look it up I think my enemies. are going to go don't let him back in. they can't touch the shows though they. try yeah your live shows your live shows.

they can't touch the live shows yeah but. if it's cool shows on TV or something. they'll start oh I see I think they can. say you [ __ ] pieces of [ __ ] this. guy's a let them squabble dude I know. let them squabble sometimes it hurts it. makes me feel bad cuz they T they. publish that I'm a bad person yeah that. stinks it makes me feel bad no that's. that's literally a written article like. you know this guy sucks. playing.

Xbox yeah they're just it's just the. eight win turn out my in monolog is. right you got to ignore all the eight. wins dude just let them blow over you. just. [ __ ] maybe I'm you're ackad today. tomorrow I'll be the man it is what it. is truly irr I mean it does suck reading. something that's your words then be like. this guy sucks and you're like I was. kidding but um I was joking I was just. messing around yeah yeah that's got to. be anxiety inducing nonstop podcast give. me so much anxiety now it makes sense.

that's all I think about not all I think. about but I think about a lot I'm like a. [ __ ] I said this about this person. they're going to be so [ __ ] pissed. yeah no one ever cares no but or or it's. just kind of like yeah I don't think. people give a [ __ ] no one does it's only. this most slithery of creat that is the. the most slithery of creatures going. around and [ __ ] sifting through P. they're like old gold miners sifting. through podcast there's one jackpot. there. jackpot there's gold in these.

parts they do a 49er dance yeah that's. their plot yeah man I mean dude I don't. know I'll be all right for sure I mean. dude you're [ __ ] what strong would. you say what hashtag strong would you. say would you say your jersey Strong by. this point or would you say more Florida. strong are you Florida strong I'm I'm. Florida strong nice no doubt yeah I get. crushed by a hurricane no one cares or. talks about it I'm just like Florida's. quite happy to see that people happy.

that it happened [ __ ] idiots yeah. that's what they get for living there. yeah they should live where we live. Michigan a [ __ ] hole yeah it is. unfortunate Michigan's beautiful people. are fighting for like some weird. territory right now no one's really even. thinking about it like that yeah are. they they are still gone people are. fighting for people are fighting for the. internet right now yeah Elon musk's. Twitter I don't know if anything bothers. me more than people [ __ ] on Elon. Musk mus dude it [ __ ] pisses me off. it's so [ __ ] look I'm not saying you.

shouldn't make fun of Elon Musk but like. that it's become like a polarizing like. the left is like oh we're going to have. to pay to be verified now [ __ ] you it's. like what do you care you psycho yeah. what what are you talking about what if. the money go to support it's like do you. all really feel strongly about it or did. one person that you all follow say it. yeah dude I i' i' people B me yesterday. when I posted the NPR article about.

Chappelle and it was like Dave Chapelle. that was a great little tweet thank you. man people started going it's implied. that it's an opinion it's like no dude. when they do opinions in the news they. say opinion Dave Chappelle disappoints. that way it's not representing it as. like a an idea that like they're telling. people how to think yeah so when you say. Dave Chappelle disappoints you're. stating it as an objective fact rather I. watched the monologue it was great I. know it was that when I saw that I went. I bet it was good because literally. [ __ ] Central sorry. [ __ ] [ __ ] Central [ __ ] Central dude.

[ __ ] Central breaking. news um yeah it wasn't that good it. actually disappointed me dude it it. disappoints you're and it's like there's. my I didn't respond to this guy but my. whole thing was like he's like it's. implied that it's his it's an. individual's opinion it's like no then. when it's an opinion piece they say. opinion Dave dis disappoints this is why. I think that you represent it as an. objective fact and there's enough people. in the world who go. okay I got the signal I didn't like the.

way Dave Chapelle did the thing or I. heard he actually was Prett and they. won't look into it any further and it's. like they shouldn't be allowed to do. that because people dude I I've talked. about this before the St Stanley mgrm. experiments like I think like 70% of. people would keep turning up the [ __ ]. dial and shocking people yeah when you. would shock people so we have to accept. the fact that like yeah and there was. just there's a guy in a lab coat going. you must go on and dudes would be like. [ __ ] hurt this guy so let's accept. the fact that the majority of human.

beings are can't [ __ ] think for. themselves it's what they're paralized. under just like fear of disappointment. and everything and it's like that's. being taken advantage of nobody wants to. talk about it dude the prison. experiments same thing they put people. in those things and they were just like. what am I a guard okay [ __ ] you you. [ __ ] was I think there was. there another thing that came out that. the Stanford Prison Experiment. was false like it was that's not how it. went uh I heard I forget what it was. well dude you they had people so you. signed up maybe but you had they had to.

cancel it like 5 days and it was too. much yeah but what happened was got. after it people signed up for it and. then they had real police officer they'. be like yeah I'll do a thing but then. they would so what happened was they. didn't know this a real police officer. came to their house and arrested them in. front of all their neighbors and they. were like what the [ __ ] going on the. cops would be like get in the car get in. and wouldn't answer any questions they. were like what the [ __ ] and then they. got deposited into the jail and they. were being like humiliated and like. they're being they're getting yeah they.

were in pal Alto but there there was. like one dude who had like a real. psychotic break in there and they had a. cancel the whole thing what a [ __ ]. you're like completely freaked a. prisoner [ __ ] freaked trly to go home. all right well now you ruined the entire. experiment yep ruin it for everybody you. cried he one dude cried and the whole. cried the experiment if you got dude if. I accidentally signed up for something. and you had to be there for like a week. like dud imagine a cop coming to your. house and you're like getting walked out. by your neighbors and they have no idea. you signed up for the stupid thing I.

didn't know that's how it started I. didn't know they I read something. recently it was like they were pretty. hardcore about it they had the local. police department in on it and they came. like shut up get in the car yeah and. they just dropped you off this weird. place but yeah I wonder if it was a. fluke I know the guy there was like a. ton of flaws with it I guess but they. should let you go if you cry in. prison as soon as you cry it's like all. right that guy's sorry it's a fair point. very sorry dude at least yeah like every. time you cry you get nicer and nicer.

that is your brain recognizing that like. something's wrong yeah I don't know if. it's guilt as much as you just are. frustrated one. out but if you cry on the I always felt. bad for the guy you know in the movies. when they're like fresh fish when you're. all walking in for the first then one. guy's. like and they're all like we going to. [ __ ] you. [ __ ] all right he gets out yeah. it's got us I mean I think it it's like. cuz you are probably on some like Jesse. James Renegade stuff you might have like. especially if you're younger and like.

you have like a kid you're like and then. all of a sudden it's like you're not. going to see that person for two years. and it's just. [Music]. like I'm not an outlaw I'm not an outlaw. turns out dude I thought I was a. Desperado yeah that must suck I'm just a. [ __ ] loser [ __ ] although there are. the people that get in there and they go. I kind of like this better than that's. that's dangerous that's that's a scary. boy yeah man I don't have to worry about. any of that other stuff yeah like it's. kind of I just got to handle my [ __ ] in.

here yeah I just got to do push-ups and. [ __ ] guys yeah get I'll be behind the. couch cop head do drug you literally are. just completely cared for it's like you. just like get drugs in jail do drugs the. doctor sees you every now and again but. every once in a while you get stabbed 78. Times by a [ __ ] shaved down. toothbrush dud the way they stab is so. funny. I. know it's so scary dude dude Bert saw a.

dude get stabbed to death in the county. jail oh and it was like over [ __ ]. like he like there's like there's like. gang there's like young gang members in. county jails now so like you will get. like dys or like get [ __ ] up in there. and they're with like the hardest of. criminals and the youngest of dudes who. are like in just they're just ridiculous. yeah and there one guy went and was like. clowning these like 19-year-olds and he. was like later that night they came and. stabbed him to death and they all just. caught life sentences and we're like. whatever he's like dude it's so [ __ ].

up in there dudes like jump dudes will. try to jump from the second floor and. he's like it's pretty common Tred to. Swan Dive to yeah little dowlo from the. top actually that was Ben Wa was the. headbutt really yeah his move was he. would headbutt you from the top ropes. oh I know how that ended yeah true you. can't do too many flying headbutts told. you my other bro was walking around and. caught a mattress from the second floor. just walking just walking. jail dude so one of the guards was doing. a thing and just threw a mattress off.

the second level and hit him in the head. and the doctor was like nah you have. arthritis bro that's not from us oh dude. dude right now too like yeah like the. the heat will break and they won't fix. it there's not enough guards there now. because of covid so like if you're if. you have like a health issue now in a. County Jail they won't come like you'll. die cuz they were like hitting buttons. to see cuz they like they would they. were so cold they didn't want the guards. to sleep cuz the dude just [ __ ] pass. so they like we're hitting a button all. night CU like dude come in here and fix.

the Heat and the guard she's like we. were hitting it all night and nobody. came and he's like dude if and there's. older dudes in there he's like dude if. if you got like sick or had a heart. attack you're done like you're just. you're going to die in jail they'll find. you in the morning he said they were. like going on strike he was like it was. getting ugly they were like fight it. he's like it's really nasty with Co now. dudes just get stuck in there and like. that's it and like Co will spread. through the wings and like dudes are in. there just like hacking their lungs up. and they're just like like jail sucks. yeah delor County dude blows jail stinks.

yeah dude it's I'm always afraid of. getting arrested. here they like you get on a bus to. [ __ ] Riker's Island you wake up like. oh no is that yeah is that where you'd. have to go I think you get you get. arrested in New York you're [ __ ] I. didn't think about that you're like a. DUI in New York you wake up at Riker's. Island ah I could be wrong about that. but yeah there's got to be some sort of. like holding place I think there are. holding cells throughout New York that. are also that's got to be the worst.

they're pretty bad it's got to be up. there they're pretty bad new's. disgusting yeah everything small dirty. and old homeless guys it's like a subway. station like it's like tile you'd be in. there with the the housing challenged. yeah that' be difficult the housing. challenge guys would be those guys smell. housing challenge guys smell really bad. and they have to be pretty bad to be in. there yeah cuz there's a lot of housing. challenge guys that are up to no good. that are just out. yo yeah you got to get you're the worst. of the worst housing challenged and then.

you with a. hangover waking up. like the beds are supremely uncom. they're supremely uncomfortable too so. you're just laying on a metal like a vet. table [ __ ] sucks guard did you get. that joke yet all right well let's see. if you've mastered. one all right well they're not they're. not don't the most titillating. jokes but why are you making fun of Matt. Matt said he like I'm sorry Matt I mean.

some of them are kind of funny it's fine. it's just you know this one's pretty. amusing attacking my sense of Comedy was. funny it's a very deep insult so you're. disappointed you're disappointed by Matt. no I wouldn't say that Matt's monologue. you're disappointed by it yeah what you. got come on bud the teacher called. Little Johnny to her desk she said. Johnny Go what's Little Johnny up to now. I can't believe what he's up to the. teacher said. wa this essay you've written about your.

pet dog is exactly the same essay your. brother has. written Johnny said of course it is it's. the same. dog oh my God little cheeky bugger so. that was it that was what about the. dirty joke that's a joke there's one. there's okay so there's one uh little I. work blue yeah I know you work. blue Little Johnny's father walks into. the bathroom and catches him. masturbating there we go all right. he says son every time you do that you. kill an innocent baby the next day his.

father walks into the bathroom and. catches him again Johnny says Dad bow. your head can't you see we're having a. funeral in. here hilarious good I like that that's. just that's the genre dude usually. usually he's in class like talking about. the teacher titties yeah there's some. good ones about class man I used to like. the street jokes are very fun we get. them going do you know any good ones. Sean I know a good one but let me hear. it it's a little offensive so that's. okay it's a little blue but you know the.

one where it's like what's the. difference between a Jew and a canoe. never heard of that before. Jesus dude what the [ __ ] are you talking. about and now Sean are you that tone. deaf during these. times why'd you do that you asked me if. I had a street joke yeah just a nice one. yeah dude I know I'm of those I'll give. you one yeah sorry so there's a a. comedian on a cruise ship actually I'm. sorry he's a magician on a cruise ship. he's a magician yeah and there's the act.

before him is a comedian and a clown and. they they have a parrot as part of their. group so every night they go first and. they got to clear out but the parrot's. always still in the back of the room and. they do the same act every night so. every night the magician goes on and he. starts doing his act and the parro's. like B it's in his pocket B he's like. [ __ ] he just keeps ruining every trick. every night he's like there's a. mirror then one night the crew ship. sinks mhm and the only survivors the. magician just sitting there.

floating days go by three days go by and. he realizes the parrot's floating. getting closer on another raft day three. the parrot comes up and goes all right. [ __ ] where's the. boat that's pretty good dude that's. pretty. good cuz the parrot thought it was a. disappearing. trick you see how everyone can laugh and. have fun that an alienated a whole group.

who are already on edge right now true. me for that all right there's a. paratrooper I tell you this one there's. a paratrooper in in the war yeah and he. comes home from boot camp and his paws. like man how'd you do how'd you do. jumping you I knew you were afraid of. heights and all that and he goes well. before before I jumped out of the plane. my drill instructor got behind me he. said if you don't jump I'm going to [ __ ]. you in the ass right now and his dad. goes did you jump he I mean a little at.

first yeah I did he I did hear that I. did hear that come on that's a classic. that's just guys have grabing each. other's shoulders yeah none of that. anti-s you know sorry I'm still learning. and growing okay jeez man you really you. thought you were about to give you. thought you about to rip the [ __ ]. ultimate one yep you're going bring the. house down I thought that was a good one. what's I don't even understand it what's. the point of. it yeah what do you mean yeah I have no. clue no I heard it I I heard it. somewhere else I'm just repeating it wow.

man that's you know this is not what. this is about yeah I didn't mean to. crush the V it's. okay we can delete it yeah we we'll. black your whole joke out and we'll have. uh whole a different joke huh I'll put. in a different joke. true like what I don't know I can't. think of any other not racist oh do you. know the about the chickpea and the. garbanzo bean let's hear it let's hear. it and what's the difference that sounds.

say I've never paid 50 bucks to have a. garbanzo bean on my chest yeah that's a. good one yeah nice that's good yeah it's. like what's the difference between jelly. and jam yeah I don't know I can't jelly. my [ __ ] down a kid's. throat I I added the kid part that a. good T make a little blue that's that is. a little blue work. blue I tell you that time uh. it it was at the Second Street comedy. club in Harrisburg I said an.

anti-semitic joke did you yeah it was uh. Carlos man I was opening for Carlos it. was a big deal the mind of the master it. was a big deal the master was on stage. and the way he ended the show is he. brought up his openers and they were. just [ __ ] around telling Street jokes. and I was standing in the back with his. manager and I told him a street joke and. he was like you got to go up there and. tell that that's [ __ ] hilarious and I. was like all right I'll do it and I went. I told the joke it was a terrible joke.

I'm very ashamed of it and I finished. the joke and they turned the lights on. and ended the. show what was the. joke this is an extremely inappropriate. bad joke that I deeply regret something. Sean would like it was actually very. similar to yours that's why I said. what's the difference between Jewish. people and Santa Claus. we can't you.

[Music]. can't w wow West did it murder that's. good stuff no they they turn the lights. on it no speak of the devil one of. them's calling me down hey folks you. f my boy agent that I want to have my. way. with and they just turned the lights. away they literally turned the lights on. everyone no one was. happy they yeah they're like. a woman that was one of the first times.

ever somebody came up after a show and. was like I was really offended by what. you said I was sitting at the bar after. a lady came up and was like what you did. was wrong I was very deeply offended by. that what did the master himself say uh. I don't know I forget he was nice I I. remember that I remember him being cool. he was like dude I [ __ ] why' you take. my joke dude why'd you ruin the whole. yeah he's like that was a good. joke he that was crazy when everyone got. mad me for saying that. joke yeah damn dude yeah that's wild I.

know why I thought that was acceptable. well at least you teach Sean before he. goes out there and yeah devastates. himself thanks for that guys yeah just. because of you and your buddies laugh. behind closed doors doesn't mean the. whole Public's going to think it's great. you're right I figured the Second Street. comedy club in Harrisburg that crowd. would be all for it yeah would turns out. they were not excited getting the lights. turned on lightss on music people all. right thank you very much for coming. yeah it's like [ __ ] you're looking at. like half eaten appetizers all the table.

also I had just started it must have. been delivered so. poorly it must it just. yeah that a tough. night oh my God yeah it's were you. driving did you drive yourself home from. there no I that was at Second Street. Comedy Club downstairs was a bar that. had. $1 $1 you call it oh so the whole bar. was $1. for an hour yeah I would go down and. drink as many ipas as I could in one.

hour yep we we used to have that at uh. kavanau when I was in college it was. five bucks to get in then drinks were I. think like 50 cents yeah between I like. believe they were doing that 10 in. Midnight yeah and you just go there and. just drink as much as you could and. shots over and over again shots you. would get so I would get so hammered. that I'd like be ordering or drink like. that'll be $14 and I'd be like what time. is it and they're like it's 12:30 like. [ __ ] and then I would spend like 150. bucks like [ __ ] [ __ ] rul D like it's.

12:05 be like come on dude help $7 how. about one please just for $1 could I to. go to the bar in gym shorts stand there. get hammered and then like try to get. [ __ ] that's the [ __ ] it was so [ __ ]. sick sh you dress like fedman yeah I was. FedEd out hoodie blacked out you were a. stroke Federman yep and I I would like. it like Nell dude Nelly would come on at. midnight I'd be like blacked out and. start dancing like I'm going to get I.

might get [ __ ] I'm definitely going to. kiss I'm going to find my love yeah that. was sick that was very fun that was a. fun time in life that was a fun time in. life it was it was a pretty painful and. confusing time of life too but it was. very high points were very sick but in. hindsight you do kind of forget about. the painful anxiety you do and you're. just like that was sick that was fun. yeah it it was it was honestly the best. it just suck though you have no idea how. awesome free time is and then all of a. sudden you lose all your free time and. you go yeah free time is tough though.

you think it is I will free time in. Mount Veron was tough for me when our. old apartment oh yeah yeah yeah that was. tough yeah yeah yeah now I can enjoy. free time pretty I'm like nice I get. [ __ ] three days off that's true let's. go no that's a fair it's free time you. saw what I was doing little Battlefield. 1 yeah I'm nice with the sniper dude. everything else I am horrendous I you. just I'm probably AB absolutely. horrendous dude that is impossible it's. kind of selfish of you not to sniper.

yeah I was here my team you saw what. happen when I sniped cleared that whole. [ __ ] house out it was crazy dud that. was a lot of people were very excited my. boys were trapped yeah that house was. killing us you were you were [ __ ] uh. I'll take care of it they were tra that. was pretty sick to see that was neat. where we at. time 22 minutes oh nice this thing. flying yeah we ripped it up man this was. another [ __ ] hit Shane we ripped it. up man we keep coming up with big hits. we got in here we [ __ ] ripped it up I.

mean every time we're at the plate. they're like they can't do it again it's. been done it can't be another home run. it's been done gone out it's out out of. the park it's out of here dude the. carsman see a story out of the park. that's not going to come back to haunt. me no I mean it was no disrespect to the. king yeah oh you're talking about what. you did yeah what I did I mean dude I. was genuinely remorseful I remember a. woman coming up and being like what you. did was wrong and I remember genuinely. being like I'm really [ __ ] sorry. about that yeah there's a thing my bad.

on that dude I mean I grew up hearing. all kinds of [ __ ] like that so for me. it's like here we are we having fun this. is how I have fun go I have fun I say. the worst thing I can think of what the. [ __ ] yeah yeah but people don't. understand dude I try to explain to. people dude I'm like don't understand. dude I remember when I was working with. uh I was working with my dad and like my. uncles were sitting out there and I. think I've told this before that a truck. driver ended his life tragically and we. all caught the news of this guy's. suicide and we just went we [ __ ]. laughed at him he was like he was a. short he was like really really short.

yeah so him killing himself was funny. one of we all paused and someone was. like what he hang himself in the door up. everyone laughed at me just like went. back to like pushing rocks with. bulldozers the only way it's the only. way you can survive pushing rocks with. bulldozers like oh that guy we used to. make fun of all the time hung himself. went what a loser. [ __ ] that's not our fault blood's not. on everyone's hands in this. room yeah it was like right after lunch. we all that like lunch post lunch tired. energy standing around like a just a a.

sidewalk post lunch tired at work is. [ __ ] awful dude you get cold man it's. the worst you eat lunch inside in the. winter and then you come back out. outside and you you're [ __ ] freezing. everyone's sluggish and it's just like. dude what [ __ ] time is it that's the. worst cuz then cuz I would I would hit. lunch as early as possible I get to work. and just be like dude all I got to do is. get to lunch have like 10:00 a.m. lunch. be like [ __ ] I'm still here for 7. hours [ __ ] I used to try to do the.

opposite take a British lunch if you eat. lunch at 1 the afternoon so you can hold. out it really is like that 10 till 12. time is the worst at the the last place. I worked at the Toyota place in the. garage everyone would take lunch at the. same time so the place would just be. [ __ ] and then like you'd be the one. stuck down there you'd have to go to. lunch early to beat the rush yeah cuz. then that's the that's when people go. get their cars fixed they're at work. they're like I'm going to drop my car.

off I'll pick it up after work. everyone's chilling there's one guy at. the desk it's me and you have to be like. we're actually we're all I'm like I. don't know how cars work like well. what's wrong with my car I'm like. honestly I have no idea I can't even. read what the guy wrote I'm trying to. communicate this to you I'd have to run. back and be like what like tell him it's. this like all right it's this like how. much is that cuz I'm here for an oil. change be like way it's going to be. $0000 otherwise I recommend you don't. drive the car it's a safety hat like.

you'd have to like do you have kids I. wouldn't drive that thing unless you're. comfortable with your kids dying you. should give me. $1,700 to fix a part that I don't and. then they'd be like what does it do the. part that I need to fix what's it do I. it turns smoke into Platinum yeah smoke. into Platinum [ __ ] not do that if. your car doesn't have enough Platinum. it'll break. yeah this this episode of and Shane. secret podcast is also brought to you by. fitbod fitbod is the personal trainer in.

your pocket start an exercise routine. wherever you are no matter what. equipment you have I used to have a gym. membership but then I was caught having. gay sex in the showers then my. girlfriend found out and she was really. pissed about it so now I use fitbod. which allows me to work out at home. alone away from all the sexy men this. steamy little sirens in the gym. showers that got me in so much trouble.

before the app switches up your. exercises to avoid overtraining and. burnout a full year of fitbot is less. than the cost of a single session with a. personal. trainer that's a good deal so join. fitbod today and build a routine that. grows with you without slimming down. your. wallet get 25% off your subscription or. try app for free when you sign up now at. fitbod.

me/ drenched that's 20% off your. subscription or you can try it free at. fi TB o d. fitbod. me/ drenched first person taking that. first step towards better cognition and. improved brain help is easy with first. person just take President Joseph R. Biden for. example he uses first person and that's.

exactly why he was able to come out. victorious in the ongoing proxy war with. Russia first person is made with. functional. mushrooms the supplements stimulate the. body's natural production of triggers. that improve energy mood and sleep man. I'll tell you I absolutely love first. person the. Sunbeam the golden hour or the Moonlight. they all help me with Focus joy and. sleep and I love I love taking them and.

so to Matt and Shane from Matt and Shane. secret podcast first person uses 100%. grainfree organic mushroom Source from. the best inclass vendors start improving. your brain health and cognition with. firstperson get 15% off your first order. by going to get firstperson. docomomo drenched for 15% off your first. order get firstperson dcom code drenched.

these statements have not been evaluated. by the FDA these products are not. intended to diagnose treat cure or. prevent any disease but they have helped. President Joe Biden a lot I've. heard now enjoy the rest of the podcast. mat Shane Seeker podcast yeah I I held a. rental hostage one time over a dispute. with a dealership nice yeah they're like. bring that back I was like no bro they. gave me a laner car and I was like not. until my terms are reached what were.

your terms they [ __ ] me on my air. conditioning and my air conditioning. wasn't working I'm like yo let me know. what's up if it's over 100 if it's over. a th000 bucks I'm not fixing my AC so. make sure and then they fixed it you. diagnose it no they didn't even do it so. they were like it's this it was like a. condenser or something it was like 500. bucks like cool and I'm like if it's cuz. I knew there was another thing or maybe. it was like the fan there was something. in there that was like 1,200 bucks I was. like cuz I had like resarch it's $1,200. dude always dude every single thing and. then you look up cuz I work there the. parts nothing I know it's literally.

labor for some psycho in the. back and they're all like I'm not doing. it dude my job was to force dudes in the. garage to do the [ __ ] job they were. going to do I got in fights non I'd have. to go back and be like dude they're. waiting what [ __ ] do. it and they be like what are you what. the [ __ ] so [ __ ] funny it was it was. there was some there was some actual. physical altercations were there really. yeah it was wild what were they doing.

they'd have like you know they'd have. like four jobs yeah yeah and they'd be. like I can't do it and i' be like well I. sold it so you doing it you have to do. it you have to do it they're here yeah. and i' be like do do I need to get our. boss be like I'll go get him dude he's. in his office like [ __ ] you that's so. you [ __ ] like slam their tools. down that a spaz Job full spaz everybody. every day was spazzing yeah that's there. wasn't one moment there was a couple. cool dudes that would like that were the. they were the best at their jobs that. wouldn't spazz but everybody else was.

new MH and I was new so they had me in. the Quick Lane so all my guys were brand. new and all they were doing was [ __ ]. like oil changes that's all they could. do that's the only thing I knew about. yeah so I would have to battle those. dudes every day though like we got four. more oil changes how many of those dudes. fake the oil change that's my biggest. fear and I always say it to them I go. guys you didn't just fake my oil change. did you like we would never we would. never no they they wouldn't do that but. they would like they'll come back and be. like your oil Pan's leaking yeah and. then you'd look at it and be like is it.

yeah no it's fine dude I'm not paying. yeah three grand for a new oil thing. just I don't need oil the car is going. to run dude yeah they hit me with some. [ __ ] where was I was like yo if it's. this thing replace it if it's not that. thing no dice if you diagnose it and. this is something that it's going to. cost me 1,000 bucks I'll just ride this. thing till it dies no AC yeah they're. like no no no for sure for sure and they. they went into it it it like it's a. little thing I'm like cool they replace. that I get in my [ __ ] car I'm blowing. the air and I'm like air is coming out.

like 80° yeah they're like no no just. drive it it should be good when I was. like okay so I started driving nothing I. call back I'm like dude my Air's still. [ __ ] hot and you guys charge me 500. bucks I'm coming back they run the test. and like H weird yeah it [ __ ] is uh. they look at it oh you're going to need. that thing and I was like dude cuz they. gave me a loaner they called me back and. they were like you have to pay and I was. like dudes give me my 500 bucks back cuz. I didn't I wouldn't have done it if I. would have fixed it blah blah blah so I. held the laner hostage and there I was. like I need your manager they wouldn't.

give them to me I was like I'm not. bringing this [ __ ] laner car back. like fine the guy dude the guy the. managers rule you get to the managers. dude they sweep shout out Josh what up. yeah they swe if you can get to a. dealership manager they sweeten the deal. yeah he he was like I'll tell you what. we'll split it man let's go halves what. do you say I was like I respect you yeah. that was and and all my guys were. Africans really they from African dudes. from Philly that were just they're. usually hardworking they are but they. they'll turn on you they'll give you the. evil eye I'm not doing this they give.

you the evil eye do. it I didn't even see that coming yeah no. they would battle me oh you got call an. evil eye yeah they [ __ ] it would then. the one dude got a he got my number so. he would text me like. memes insane [ __ ]. memes be like a chicken with like a. human smile I'd be like. nice thank you that's that's that one my. favorite thing about you battling. African dudes over World changes it was. tough I'm busy it was a dark time I'm.

very busy um let's switch over let's do. it guys keep listening over patre. patreon maybe this week will be the. fabled uh hardcore history of the. Crusades really I have it yeah all right. nice guys let's learn about the Crusades. on the pat promise we'll do it this. we've been [ __ ] people on the. Crusades we'll see I got in a bit of a. World War I. hole let's do a mix let's do a [ __ ] I. don't really know anything about back. and I've been listening. I've been watching all qu on the Western. Front on repeat playing Battlefield 1. and listening to Carlin every night yeah.

so you're I don't know anything about it. though I I doubt. that let's let's do like a we'll just. jump timeline and again when I when I. lose where I'm at in the Crusade jump. into World War I and then I'll jump back. into the Crusade it be the same thing be. like they invented. barbwire what the [ __ ] all right thank. you guys goodbye. he. [Music].