Ep 414 - The Winter of '87
the w wow. West hi you guys ready for a. podcast guys we're about to do that. right now what what do you what do you. like more than podcasting nothing it's. time for podcasting it's podcast time. God you ready for a reprieve from your. job for a podcast yeah get ready strap. in the next hour maybe a little more. than an hour you're going to get to have. a little fun instead of your [ __ ]. monotonous [ __ ] job now it's time to. enjoy things what is that thing from the. Shakespeare play Horatio the jester.
would bore me upon his wings and lift me. to the heights of Heaven oh yeah that's. what we're going to do yes bear me upon. your wings lift me send me to the he you. better Lift Us Matt I want to try try. your. best I'll try I mean dude I actually did. I do have I did come equipped with an. interesting story I have one interesting. story but I think I've told it before. who cares but it's a spooky tail I was. trying to find spooky tails for a. Halloween Ty you want to hear spooky bro. do you have spooky Tails yes dude okay.
okay you got a spooky tail very spooky. tail oh nice I got a spooky one too. really let's say at the same time make. this podcast the best all. right double. spookies that would be too scary true. true let's not do that this guy might. tearing his Fork what if we got canceled. for being too spooky dude like dude that. thing was way too. spooky that'd be pretty sick that'd be. crazy dude they're like we can't put if. YouTube took this down ser Down Yay.
fully they took him off they took his. episode he did where he was he did go. Defcon 3 he actually what do they. finally I guess they looked into that. thing saying George Bush doesn't care. about black people and they're like you. know what this is just that's fine oh. yeah they finally took a look at it yeah. like that was out of. hand yeah they're getting them that. that'll happen man yeah the only I mean. I don't care that much but JP Morgan. taking his money away is pretty [ __ ]. intense yeah that's you're not allowed.
you're not allowed to have a bipolar. breakdown on [ __ ] on and hold a. microphone and do it you lose they take. your money they say take it somewhere. else pal I'm sure another bank was like. yeah for sure definitely I heard someone. tried to say they took it before all. that anyway why oh really he's probably. doing some wild [ __ ] I don't know yeah I. like the victim blame he's the victim. Kanye West in that particular instance. yes yeah the bank taking his saying no. my thing is he was punching.
up he was punching. up is that I mean has anyone ever laid. out the clear cut like what exactly is. punching up and what's punching down I. know like white guys we not you know. we're punching down that's what these. we're not allowed toch that's what these. racist Libs say I think I'm I'm just. throwing horizontal punches in my. buddies like this cuz we're all on the. same plan we're not even punching we're. giving a little dead arm going hey pal. dude this life's hard isn't it we're all. in this together dude it's fun laid out. of is can is a black is it is.
it it depends who you. ask it depends who you ask. Matt we're not doing this right away. sorry oh yeah tell spooky story you're. starting to look up for me again dude. Punch. Regular. yeah [ __ ] dude you [ __ ] killing me I. watch that [ __ ] video you sent me I. was like Jesus Christ oh I know uh all. right what's your spooky tail spooky. tail.
dude so last night I wake up it's 3:00. in the morning no that's the scariest. hour pretty scary dude isn't that the. witching hour I mean Midnight's scary. waking up the witching hour was three it. could be it definitely is it's like the. I think 3:00 is like the absolute of. Darkness yeah but it's also against God. 3:00 in the morning for some. reason 3 to four is the witching. hour so I'm up dude it's the witching. hour does that mean the witching hour is. in witches or is that just a word.
witches demons ghosts yes 3:00 a.m. that's when they appear and the most. powerful yeah yeah why is it because. it's against God oh yeah you should say. that in no mic whiches demons ghosts are. most powerful 3 to 4 a.m. I believe that. East Coast West Coast time they do. follow time zones they're like well it's. 3:00 in Denver it's Cali. time yeah dude witch an hour I'm up Maya. wakes up pretty standard stuff so I go.
down I you know you do the thing where. like sometimes they put themselves back. to sleep which is nice cuz they do. sometimes you're like yes and then some. you hear them cry and then they. pass and they pass back out so it's like. some so I'm laying there I'm playing the. monitor sitting there like laying. chilling and then it's like you get like. two minutes of quiet you're like right. on and all of a sudden it's you're like. [ __ ] so I go downstairs it's spooky as. hell I go down lay with her for a little. bit kind of fall asleep a little bit she. passes out I go and I'm building all up.
because when I disrupt my sleep during. the witching hour and go back to bed. around like 4:30 it's sleep paralysis. time almost every time oh man dude so. but I like it I'm a sicko dude yeah but. what type of sleep paralysis are we. talking Visions no here's what happens. to me so I don't pull myself out of it I. know it's coming cuz when I'm laying. there it goes I get these like and like. it I can't explain it but it doesn't. it's not like a brain shock or brain zap. but it's like a it's just like sensation. that like goes it'll happen then like a.
minute later it'll happen again it. starts going faster and faster and. eventually I enter the sleep paralysis. tunnel where it's like I'm [ __ ] up I. used to get scared and I'd pop myself up. out of that lately I've been going into. it yes let me tell you that was a spooky. spooky experience dude what happened so. when I whenever I go in to sleep spooky. skeletons s sending shivers down your. spine yes dude this is what happened. whenever I like when you first go into. the sleep paralysis it's nothing but. like the spookiest [ __ ] possible I went. went into it and it was just.
like and you see like the scary [ __ ] and. I I was like I can't breathe and I'm was. laying there just. like and all of a sudden I'm like oh. thank God I woke up I'm still dreaming. what type of stuff did you see just like. SC I always see like scary figures now. this is in your room correct this is. eyes closed I'm completely it's it's. like my eyes are closed I can't open my. eyes I can't move I used to I can if I. fully fight it I can get out of it but. I've been like just trying to sink into. it and see where it goes dude it's. spooky dude it's just like like scary fa.
like you know those masks people put on. there like a big scary like [ __ ] like. that scary faces and like it's like. weird Figures it's it's this is all with. my eyes closed yeah and I have opened my. eyes before and seen it in my room for a. second more so like the shadow figures. shadow figures are the scary guys spook. I used to I see them in three I always. have three that's a very common thing. yeah it's crazy did you know that was. common no I didn't know yeah the one guy. in the documentary season three really. usually one guy's wearing like a top hat. yes dude and it's [ __ ] big Square.
shoulders Top Hat. dude so dude so I'm spooky that I knew. that the guy in your dream wore a. [ __ ] hat that is [ __ ] up isn't that. [ __ ] scary that was the first time I. had I like woke up and was in my room. but hallucinating with sleep paralysis. that was the Hat man that was with his. two [ __ ] minions dude he is two. minions right on either side of him yeah. man it's so scary what the [ __ ] is that. what the [ __ ] I don't know it's it's got. to be [ __ ] but see that's the thing. it's not so like if you want to talk. about like it's some weird thing that's. deep in every that it's like we're all.
scared of snakes this is what we think. why the [ __ ] would it be wearing a hat. that's hats are relatively new when it. comes to human evolution in our gentics. yeah probably epigenetics but like top. hats are pretty new yeah dude that's not. something our ancestors would have also. thought of you know what I mean yeah. it's [ __ ] up what the [ __ ] is this. thing dude you're talking talking about. the collective unconscious these are the. archetypes that are built into the base. of the human psyche so for some reason. dudes in top hats with two with two boys.
three Bros coming right at you three. Bros one clearly the boss two. without it's so scary but dude so I uh. so I'm laying there d i I go with it I'm. like all right cool I I pass like the. scary spot and this is what I get. Inception to where I I'm like oh that. was weird thank God I woke up but then. what happens is I'm like the the thing. rattles me so much that I lose my. bearing so I wake up and I'm walking. around my room and I'm like man I can't. use my feet that well and I'm like the.
[ __ ] going on and like I and now I'm. like a totally different place I don't. realize I'm Dreaming I'm just walking. around like a different house and. there's like three kids in a bed and I. was like Hey guys and they were just. completely different kids and they were. like and I was. like I start getting like super confused. like where the [ __ ] am I and I'm walking. around it was that and I'd wake up oh. thank God I'm awake and I'd walk out of. my room and back into some weird setting. I did this like five times last night. within it was like five successive. dreams and then finally Britney tapped. me with her foot and I was like okay.
cool I'm in my room well you must have. been bro I was fully I was. fugged I'm sorry as you were kids who. are these kids dude it was not it's kind. of cool though CU when you finally come. back dude it's like wake up dream wake. up dream and you get like really. disoriented and when you come back too I. was I had a glow all morning I was just. like man this is you're so happy to be. to be back in life you're happy to be. back dude in this Dimension you see me. now after a full coma I slept for 11.
hours did you really I woke up an hour. ago I'm. like do you remember your dreams podcas. thing I did not remember last night we. got to start sharing our Dream journals. the only dream I I did tell you I had a. recent dream about you and you were sad. in the dream in the dream really and for. some reason I thought it was cuz you. were getting made fun of on the internet. probably just probably called you like. sh probably once a week one of us are.
like [ __ ] these guys and the other guy. has to go dude [ __ ] them you're the best. literally every week be like dude [ __ ]. that they don't know what the [ __ ]. they're talking. about but yeah dude it's that's become. all of our friendships yeah all of our. Bros have a podcast yeah and all of them. occasionally get [ __ ] crushed and you. just got to talk to each other and be. like dude you're the best I love you. don't worry about it I'm telling you man. it's [ __ ] uh it's cold dust and every. other every time it's not you you you go. look dude I'm I'm pretty good at it now.
I don't let the comments bother me and. then two months later it's. like comments are so [ __ ] mean. telling you man it's just new it's just. new Enterprise this is what we'll be. breathing in for a while want to get the. black lung except that will just go I. think I am. G finally yeah [ __ ] get away from me boy. eventually it kills you I'm down these. podcast of mine for too long turns out. I'm gay as hell and. annoying eventually you die of it go to.
college and save. yourself you too will become you won't. know that much about. psychology. yeah yeah you'll run out of things to. talk about which is such a weird. feeling when you see your friends and. you've already exhausted all. conversation you just got of sit there. and be like hey what's up man what's up. brother how are you I'm all right hold. on we got to talk about chewing gum for.
a second. boys this conversation's brought to you. by manscape to. where having a regular conversation at. lunch just like breaking into be like oh. [ __ ] where are the. ad my God but yeah I was this whole. morning I just couldn't stop just. absolutely reving in how blessed I am to. be back in this Dimension [ __ ] that. never have that I'm jealous of that I. had it this morning I had a big time. case of the positives dude I I was I was. driving this morning dud I might get.
four real one minute Glimpse at positive. it's so sick that's terrible no I get. one minute of positive where I'm like. it's nice it's usually coming home from. doing something cool yeah I get one. minute you go usually during a Drake. song where I'm. like we did make it and man it's back to. what the. [ __ ] the [ __ ] who the [ __ ] I'm pretty. sure somebody sigh up the entire Earth. po population I think I think someone.
completely made up the idea of Happiness. I'm convinced it doesn't. existed it doesn't exist you get it once. every [ __ ] For Me 3 weeks you get a. nice little [ __ ] window of like nice. yeah and then it's back to just. like I think they made it up to sell. stuff to people like yeah dude you're. happy you need some people are happy Lam. mer and Nate they were happy this. weekend true the Bros were happy this. weekend yeah skankfest it was nice to. see dudes being happy that's true but I.
do think there's a direct correlation. with like hard years you spent crying as. a child and like being happy as an adult. like if you've like cried so hard for. years as a child I think you can be. happier as an adult unless you become. completely unhinged true I did have a. sick childhood yeah I had a pretty sick. one yeah it was awesome yeah so I think. if you have like a decent childhood. [ __ ] you it [ __ ] you for the rest of. your life cuz so fun dude yeah cuz then. it just I peak in eighth grade and it. was just play games I know and sports. dude class dodgeball I do feel bad for.
kids that can't play dodgeball in gym. class never know that just the absolute. just ecstasy hitting a dork that's not. looking making them cry just the sublime. Rapture of just pegging some lady in the. head from your class knocking your. glasses off her head and having the gym. teacher be like you're out bit catching. one catching one falling down you skting. your knees but everybody saw you catch. it who care yeah. dude not a big. deal pop right back up oh yeah. adrenaline going yeah man I do feel bad.
yeah we used to I mean man my. neighborhood mhm touch football one kid. had a gorilla basketball hoop a glass. backboard lower it down dude we had. [ __ ] my backyard is where we play. touch or tackle football touch footb. [ __ ] I almost said touch yo what the. hell my bad dude my. bad Jesus that would have been so. embarrassing you know how embarrassing. it' be if me and my friends played touch. football growing up I thought you said. it the first time and I was like that.
was responsible I did say it yeah when. the very first time you talked foosball. you talked about touch football today. yeah just now before you said that I. almost said touch there second time then. yeah no touch fo is preposterous for. kids yes crazy it's outrageous I I would. honestly come out and flock if I saw a. bunch of kids playing touch I'd come out. and [ __ ] say hey start hitting the. [ __ ] out of here lowerer your head lower. your shoulder yeah lower yeah not your. head lower your shoulder then my one. friend Mike Conelly got hit puberty he.
was not allowed to play anymore said we. started secretly playing tackle football. started secretly playing football. without him and occasionally be like hey. can I come over we be like dude get out. of here yeah no way that was so good. dude peeping out dude's armpit hair in. the pool was always just devastating Mak. fun of him being like dude what do you. you come. e see I wasn't equipped with any of that. I would see them and be like we made fun. coming where the [ __ ] is my hair. why can't I come dude I was trying to.
come way of course but it was he was the. first one so we were like no we were all. jealous that he could come I yeah that's. funny I didn't think about that Playbook. I was just kind of like I just I turned. it in that's been my playbook since day. one a sick mood once I realized I wasn't. good at basketball I was like. basketball's so [ __ ] gay I would like. do layup lines of trious just throw it. against the back for be like this [ __ ]. sucks dude. yeah so second I realized I'm not really.
good at something I'm like dude anyone. who does that is [ __ ] gay for. sure oh my God that's such a sick move. dancing what am I [ __ ] homo not gonna. dance or. sing then someone's like you're a good. singer I'm. like yeah I guess that's kind of singing. is [ __ ]. s dude I was watching Michael Jack I. watched I was trying to watch SP spooky. videos with my girlfriend hisory was I.
like to Spook I like to make her very. spooked at night even though I spooked. myself at last night I was. scared I got scared before bed wait and. I was like brush my teeth like looking. in the mirror like dude what the [ __ ] am. I why am I scared say Bloody Mary three. times dude it was so scary I'll never. dude I watched Thriller the Thriller. music. video scary M the juices flowing it's. after midnight what was the thing that. took you over. uh that music video is so [ __ ] good.
though oh it's awesome I was watching it. like for real this is like this is it. this is like Peak America yeah that was. it we did it the whole world must have. seen that just like what are these guys. doing dude true America is the best can. you imagine too if like they just during. the Cold War yeah right wasn't it like '. 87 80 wait when did that come. out you guys should know this kind of. stuff you guys should know this but yeah. dude the. 822 what the [ __ ] you heard it here.
first I'm dumb as. hell 1982 Thriller Dam 87 that seems. like an 87 activity it does seem like. there's a lot of cool [ __ ] happening. while we were just T oh you weren born. yet I was born in 87 December of '87. yeah okay that was a good December I. remember that one that was a good that. was January of ' 86 that was a cold. winter I remember just being like God. damn it's cold out here you could feel. it I could I could feel it you knew. something I feel like something you felt. something happening what the [ __ ].
going on dude I was just rolling around. in a little onesie just like the [ __ ]. going. on very evil. force really negative Force just. entered did you have a pacifier blankie. or a thumb sucker I'm not sure I did you. probably didn't then yeah you if you're. thumb sucker you'll you'll suck like. into your memories someone has to pull. that thing out of your mouth no I don't. think I that you weren't a thumb sucker.
you probably didn't have a pacifier and. if you didn't have a blank you know you. have a blankie too I'm the same way it's. pretty sick we both didn't need any sort. of consolation no I I knew this world. sucked from the start I knew no blanket. or thumb was going to get me out of it I. was just going to have to drift through. it saying everything sucked until I. di thumb sucks what the [ __ ] the point. why I even use this. thing not bad but I'm not going to do. it um yes so I was watching spooky.
videos I ended up getting scared what. was the one that tipped the scales. um we watched Annihilation yesterday I. love that movie she had never seen it I. was excited to show it to her was that. an alien movie yeah oh it was offputting. Annihilation yeah yeah you telling me. you got a some off-putting moments in. there um talking the music or the film. itself music the film itself man is a. little offputting really yeah it's a. very scary movie too much scary scary. aliens are that's kind of yeah that's.
spooky cuz it's like you know there's a. what do you think's a a greater chance. of possibility scary aliens or ghost. encounter I don't know cuz scary aliens. scary aliens isable it's looking like. it's headed that way they had the. [ __ ] uh see the government's not. coming out like hey ghosts you know they. better not the Navy saw a bunch of. ghosts they are saying like hey we've. been seeing UFOs a lot yeah they said. there was Life on Mars there was actual.
bacterial life and they they say now. that it um it like produced the wrong. type of G it was like put you know we. put off carbon dioxide they put off some. other gas I don't know what it was it's. probably [ __ ] oxygen or something but. they uh they [ __ ] up like the green. they needed the Greenhouse Effect and. they [ __ ] up their environment it. could just be [ __ ] liberal propaganda. but they're saying the uh most likely. it's probably liberal propaganda but. they were saying like those whatever. that uh that thing was they think it. could have [ __ ] up its little. Greenhouse thing to keep it hot but it.
got very chilly got too cold and those. little sperm cells or whatever they were. died dude the jiz that was on there yeah. the mar yeah they [ __ ] died yeah. although I I'm reading I'm like thinking. about this I'm like like this is one. Theory it's like okay dude yeah you're. making this [ __ ] up man here's my theory. you should introduce theories dude I. want to I want to get I mean no one I. don't think any uh journals will publish. me I want to start writing for social. work journals technically I could start. submitting articles. I have my masters you need a pen name.
true what would your name be Billy. badass. what I I should start entering stuff. into those journ I could do that I mean. I used to write like a really profound. good article and save your title or your. author till the last yeah under the. final P the variant people read it. they're like damn that was good who WR. God damn [ __ ] it was [ __ ] [ __ ] wrot. I've been thinking about I've been dude. I've been thinking about that a lot. about just constantly naming my alma. moer and being like they stand fully.
behind me they have full support I have. full support I'm so grateful for their. unwilling I think Westchester actually. does support me that's what's up I think. Westchester definitely supports me like. we got ashero Shane Gillis got a pretty. solid stable Bros that is pretty sick. mailler was it MC Miller from. Westchester no he's a Pittsburgh bro. Pittsburgh all right but I don't think. he went to college graduated high school. put out kids yeah yeah. he put out a rap album in in a a bunch.
mix. what what you know about it nothing oh. you don't know anything about kids no. but I I did used to like that song. Donald Trump he used to do and the song. about Nikes on My Feet make my Cipher. complete that's on kids oh so I know a. little bit about Gardini was producing. Gardini was producing you he was trying. to give you the. mic uh in high school he did macadelic. and Best Day Ever and kids damn Senior. Skip Day Senior Skip was when.
kids yeah that came out when I was at. Westchester that was cool that was you. were a young man you don't even. understand it's like I was at I was at. uh track and field in eighth grade. bumping it o eighth grade would have. been a good time that was a good time. was your was your event what' you say. yeah quick how old are you I'm 22 22. dude. 22 do you have boners every morning you. wake up. currently yeah nice I'm not that hard. but I'm definitely like bigger than I. usually am when I wake up.
yeah looking it's hanging big ass sack. long sack long so nice it's so nice to. show your girlfriend like be like oh. this old thing dude I love yeah getting. out of bed in the morning being like. yeah otherwise sometimes I'll get out. whole packages in one hand. just you get a small Leaf I get the. whole thing get a. leaf. Lea curvy real. curvy I've been hitting my baby with. just like the smallest bird and being.
like do something I dare you to I dare. you to say something say one thing [ __ ]. dude I'm telling you I'll criticize your. body right now if you talk about my. penis I'm ready I've got 10 insults. about you right. now and I know you're weak enough that. it'll hurt dude she was I didn't realize. she was I was on speaker phone yesterday. and I was talking I know I didn't have. any I didn't have any underwear on I. these sweatpants and I was like well I. was telling her like my plans like I'm. going to come straight home to put some.
boxes on before I go to the grocery. store so my tiny penis isn't sticking. out of my sweatpants and she was like oh. oh hold on let me put you we had a. babysitter was there I like oh no she. claims like she's nowhere around I'm. like yeah rightz the way she oh hold on. I was like so then I walked I walked in. with my sweatpants and I stch she looked. and I was like what the [ __ ] you looking. at what are you looking at eyes up here. uh not my my wife obviously not my BBS. not my BBS but the uh [ __ ]. well I'm like what are you looking at.
BBS babysitter. BBS uh. BBS I thought the first one was what an. ethnic designation a. BBS yeah babysitter would be BS yeah but. BBS was black babysitter my BBS. technically it's also a black Babys BBS. it's a BBS it's black my black. babysitter I'm being factually correct. it's important in this time of. your babysitter's ethnicity is she.
filled out sense is black yeah and your. children as well yeah so you have. basically a me too I think I can black. black babysitter yeah. true black black baby babysitter black. black baby babysitter black black baby. babysitter it's pretty sick yeah I mean. yeah we have to be in this age of. disinformation we have to be as like. factual as possible I'm excited yes as. possible but yeah I had to go home and.
[ __ ] put some boxers on cuz I was P I. didn't realize my penis was just penis. total Karma on my point it was I I like. thought about it too because there was a. comic used to come to the open mices who. would constantly have like Little Turtle. heads taking out sweat pants you. remember that one guy with the full. cocaine oh yeah different gay dude that. with. pants was crazy I thought I was at the. deli counter a couple times I started. ordering I was like oh [ __ ] that's. just that's not the F that's not Bor.
head dude I uh yeah there was this dude. I would on stage be like give it up his. dude and his [ __ ] dick sticking out. his little dick sticking out of his. sweatpants then I was walking home like. go St hands in my pockets like [ __ ] did. you ever see my little [ __ ] cold. little penis in my. [Laughter]. penis oh man yeah that was uh that was. just yesterday. actually you want to know what I was. listening to the spook [ __ ] got you you. never I knew about this story but then I.
also that's pretty spooky you withheld. for that you withheld for that long what. you built the tension up you you were. like I asked you and I saw you go hm. should I reveal this hinter kek the. farm what is. that uh I've definitely talked about it. before uh it was a it's a very unsolved. old. [Music]. murder you watching on there on this. very T I tried to and every video on. there sucked [ __ ] so I just read the.
Wikipedia to my girlfriend at night. said literally the I literally finished. telling the story. went in bed I was like do you want to. know a very spooky story they you like a. grandpa from a scary movie and she said. she was like yeah sure I was like you. well wake up idiot cuz this is. [Laughter]. scary Matt let me tell you something. about this yeah I want to hear about. this it's just a family in this Farm M. all right she's a widow her husband died.
in World War I oh maybe what all right. maybe that's one Theory but on record he. died in World War I he's not there he's. a. German she had two children with him I. think and then a newborn that was. allegedly with her father they were. accused of incest so there's a a. 2-year-old baby that now the girl and. her three kids live with their parents. and. very happy father and a very loving 67y.
old father that's Little Joe Biden. kicking around really and they just. hired a new maid on the day that this. happened. but leading up to it this the old man. noticed some some tracks in the snow. leading from the woods into their house. into their barn and not coming back out. he reported it to his friends he was. like somebody and there's no tracks. leading out so and then they the the.
previous maid quit because she said the. house was haunted they could hear. Footsteps in the Attic So Many somebody. was up in the attic so much that the guy. went and checked he didn't find anyone. but they heard some footsteps he found a. newspaper from Munich they didn't even. live there what he was like and he asked. the postman he was like did you drop. this he was like no one orders that. around here I think somebody's just. living on your property there's a ghoul. on your property that likes the news. the the mic.
[Laughter]. times all right then one. day uh somebody or a group of people or. ghoul mhm lured like the family one by. one out into the barn and smashed all. their heads with a pick what and then. went into the house smashed the. 2-year-old's head with the pick in his. crib and then killed the maid in the. house with the pick and then but you. know this is in the 20s no one's coming.
by the [ __ ] house yeah so one guy. walked by the house like a few days. later. noticed lights were on and the the oven. was burning somebody was somebody was. clearly still living in there uh and. that's. it. what no there's more but it was like a. spooky abrupt ending yeah very abrupt I. say and then that's it what but um lot. spooky stuff the the investigators. noticed somebody fed the animals for. like 3 days and like it's got to be that.
H it's got to be that hus dude he came. back and saw that boy and said then. after World War II after World War II. some some German soldiers reported that. one of the Soviet general or one of the. Soviet guys in the prison camp one of. the guards claimed he was that guy and. that he did it what that it was the. father that allegedly died in World War. I he escaped to the Soviet Union killed. his family then came back to kill his. family he's probably like go I [ __ ] you. won't believe it he was like what the. the [ __ ] my dad [ __ ] my wife her dad.
[ __ ] her I'm going to kill everybody. oh her dad her dad [ __ ] her that's. even worse right yeah it was ins yeah. not your dad I mean if you had choose if. my dad smashed my girlfriend and be like. you thought I was dead that's fair than. yeah thanks for you did the right thing. thanks for stoking the Flames she needs. this Gillis. dick it's the only. way I mean dude which would you rather. I'm I'm on you dude I like did not. that'd be dis by pass away the only one.
that's allowed to have his way with. anybody I love is my father my father. for sure for. sure E I tell you my Dad tried to read. my book and he made it five pages in and. went ew and just closed it that's. [ __ ] weird man he's like I to stop. that [ __ ] was weird my D yeah there. they're very negative entities fathers. my dad my dad called me this week and he. was like I got some new material for you. when you come home cu the stuff you're.
doing now is a little. stale I was like all. [Laughter]. right [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] that's so. [ __ ] funny dude what he hit you with. like four old Street jokes no I wish he. he didn't give me he left he left it. open-ended I got to go home to get my. new material true I'm doing it you. should spread the rumor that fills with. ghost frighting this whole time ghost. all of it sitting at that computer in.
the. basement damn how do you. [ __ ] there's been a printer in my. parents basement next to his computer. that I think his not it's a bluetooth. printer that's just a decade has sat. there totally never used. once still it's brand new it looks brand. new cuz he has no idea he keeps trying. to send [ __ ] to the printer. that's so funny CU that's the glasses.
come down for that operation glass come. every single day he's down there. just [ __ ] he's got a desktop down there. just so slow I can't believe he still. has a job I. know like they got to fire him no dude. they made dude the Boomers made so much. money that it's just like whatever it's. just they are truly just the Bros. hanging out and that's how that's all.
his he's a Salesman all his Partnerships. are just other dudes yeah none of them. can operate computers they have to tr he. has to drive to Syracuse to be like did. you get that. thing like there's no emails he's got a. Ford Taurus he's got to take up to. [ __ ] Buffalo to be like is everything. good they're like yes but now all the. old dudes are getting they're getting. ousted so now it's young kids now it's. my dad working with dudes like our age. how is it he's got to be so [ __ ]. funny I'd be so pumped if that was my. one of my sales reps was Phil coming and.
be like let's go to casino oh it' be so. fun dude yes yeah that'd be fun Phil's. coming we're getting [ __ ] wrecked. this weekend dude uh it's the only way. you can keep sales relationships alive. true is you go out go fellas let's go. get [ __ ] up let's have a good weekend. oh yeah they're trying to outlaw that. who a lot of like companies are like you. can't go like business expenses you. can't write off like you guys going to. the bars anymore bull that's B yeah. that's [ __ ] that's bull yeah that's. our whole economy is going to collapse. our whole economy is based on Bruce keys.
and handshakes and then one guy one of. the guys [ __ ] a stripper hopefully. for the company that you're selling to. hopefully you Honeypot them oh yeah then. you're like bro I'm not look I don't. want I didn't want to have to pull this. car but if you guys stop buying from us. yeah yesh yikes maybe snap some picks I. write a little postcard to your wife oh. maybe I drive to your wife's house cuz I. don't know how to even send mail oh. that's the last thing you want to hear. is a Taurus crunching gravel dude coming. up your driveway like [ __ ] it's Phil.
he's here the angel of death you hear. the Ford tourist crunching up the. driveway you look at a car that's. clearly just driven through the snow for. 12 hours from Harrisburg to [ __ ]. Syracuse send you a pil dude stra. dud he gets out you see him adjust in. his belt for like a minute and a. half you can visibly see a burp and a.
fart from from out there you just see a. guy. go just give like a two degree Bend in. his knees. [ __ ] to see a for it's really funny. dude I told you I hit Britney with the. ultimate the other night yes of just. she's talking to me she's who knows. she's being serious about something and. I'm looking at her and I lit I'm. standing up and I just go she goes don't.
and I just slowly let my body Bend. backwards she stop and I pushed out a. fart as hard as I could hard as I could. and she just was like that's not fun I. was just crying laughing like I mean of. course funny and I was laughing cuz I I. was like you go upstairs I'm sitting. there doing the dishes and I'm like dude. even if it's true if we live in like a. absolutely mute just pointless cold. Universe farts are funny within that I. thought about that doing the dishes I'm. like God damn it even in that context. it's like they're still funny they're.
still so [ __ ] funny yes I was like. even if we are just a gigantic mistake. God damn it how funny is a [ __ ] fart. yes the best yeah I mean of just and. leaning all the way back like you better. not and it's. going you're right you're on to it very. deep philosophical. truth I think this is like a Thomas. aquinus level like proof of God probably. dude like proof of God I think so that. like there are these moments even in the.
darkest of times yeah that are still. like I mean dude I was making weekend. plans of my wife it doesn't get any. darker than that that's for. real oh God I'm up against it right now. I'm getting frush dude I told her I. would go to her parents for Thanksgiving. nice that'll be. fun be funck Annihilation music me. thinking about going to what do you do. all day cuz that's the thing a lot of.
times there's like all day well now it's. now there's an argument of how long how. many days bro you you highlight a. calendar for a flight I'm always. knocking off a couple Shad days here's. the problem here's the problem I got to. go from this will be a little plug 17th. 18th and 19th I'll be at the Dan Dan. Beach Improv Dania in Florida November. of November 17th 18th 19th then would I. fly home. the 20th stay in New.
York for one or two days and then fly on. the day before Thanksgiving that blows I. already have to fly the day after. Thanksgiving to go to La oh cuz I'm. going to the [ __ ] not Dame USC game. sick yeah. which you know after not Dame's abysmal. season so far I wouldn't mind cancelling. but then from La I got to fly to to. Texas to Austin Texas Aus so it's God. damn dude so tired so [ __ ] tired you.
might as well go early then I know but. then I'm at her her parents house for. like six days post up dude post up I. don't want to have to be on Decent. Behavior for six days get at your own. Airbnb for two days and say you just. need time to yourself I'm sure they'll. be. very everybody would understand like. guys I need my own space tell me draw. boundaries but guys it's time we draw. boundaries it's time we set up. boundaries in this family I'm going to. get an airb by myself and I don't want.
to talk to you guys it's just tell me. you talk to your therapist dude you have. to take set up boundaries with an Airbnb. by. yourself but then do you fly from. Florida to New York for a few days and. then to I would cut out the flight the. extra flight would be kind of deadly. especially flying out the day before. extra flight but then I'm here for a day. or two by yourself oh okay now you're. entering a different laying on this. couch for 48 hours. charging that might be that.
now you brought that in the now I'm. ready to go have dinner conversations. true yeah you're going to sit here and. think about stuff and talk what's going. on with your career like yeah you know. it's good always like you're you're in. the middle of cutting a thing yeah. things are good this wh what's. [Music]. that I don't even talk I don't talk to I. don't talk to anyone now you're going to. get he's a comedian oh well let me tell. you something bud I got how do you think. of that stuff I got well yeah you guys. are different you guys are odd. bird what do you think of Jeff.
Dunham I go Jeff's great I think his. puppets are racist but you know who am I. to judge true it's. crazy I don't think RAC I don't think. the racist Jeff Dunham does rule he goes. wow really wow that's so oh man that's. uh how about that when I was year I. liked. uh who was that cable guy he was. something you ever get to meet him we.
saw him oh God yeah you ever meet him. you ever meet and then they there's. never a real comed it's always an actor. yeah I was like you ever meet [ __ ]. some you know like oh. yeah I met him like I saw him [ __ ]. rape a lady at a. party that's really just so neat I. mean yeah it's just got to be cool to do. what you want what do you do you got to. oh you put the comedy on YouTube that's.
nice how do I find that yeah if you're. like don't just don't look at it please. are you going to keep doing it you think. no I quit no I don't I quit right now. I'm I'm going to commit suicide at my. girlfriend's. house let them clean up the. body heavy [ __ ] body jump down from. the third level of the Notre Dame. game you should [ __ ] you should. attempt at Notre Dame if it just attempt. don't do anything crazy but it's attempt.
they small Drop Like severe injuries. just eat like a bottle of children's tyl. all make people carry. you carry you. out the LA Coliseum if you attempted at. the LA Coliseum like a real [ __ ]. high school girl attempt like dude come. on slight cut very slight cut on my arm. on FaceTime it's. like that I might start I might start. toss it in one a year one just one.
attempt one attempt a year and then you. have to just go to the hospital. constantly with bandages in a. wheelchair just like attempted suicide. attempted suicide at the notame USC game. not didn't didn't make the Music City. wall imagine sitting across some a. psychiatrist in like a 48 Hour full lock. down and be like and their [ __ ]. quarterbacks their backup quarterback he. [ __ ] sucks and the guy backup. quarterback I knew he sucked and. everybody said he didn't new coach is.
young as hell only one the new coaches. in over his [ __ ]. head but it's year one and I got to wait. three years before I can judge. him cuz I think he could be pretty. good but I'm sick of waiting dude. waiting my whole [ __ ] life dude I. know just give me one dude dude greate. flavor child children's town all D you. can just chug a bottle. you have to like squeeze it into your. mouth because they have that the liquid.
one has that little slow draw literally. do nothing i' would be. fine it probably would [ __ ] up my my. body though my liver liver and kidney. they're already on there they're already. hanging by a thin will [ __ ] your liver. up that can it can literally kill you. like you see the medifin if you take too. much it'll shut your liver off so yeah. maybe not that one but maybe some. DXM robotos it's just robot trip it's. just suicide robot trip at the [ __ ]. what the. DXM well the LI the the LA liver the LA.
trip is uh it's become slightly a. business trip really yeah somebody I'm. going with. is is a big wig oh so you can't attempt. to kill yourself at the game so now it's. even. funnier if I I should try my best to get. as drunk as I can yeah the worst I can. get why just to sabotage the business. meeting true just get ham literally. throw up in the stadium just be one of.
those guys. that's straight. down just attack the guy like the fourth. quarter just being like [ __ ] know. your problem is you [ __ ] know your. problem is dude yeah for real you don't. know your. [ __ ]. just start. swinging I just open my eyes and wiping. them. dud.
ja he punched me in the [ __ ] faceid. what the. [ __ ] dude you got to get someone in the. face I'm so. sorry you got to get someone in the face. I might sock you deserve you deserve to. get sock one yeah one sock might get. yeah might sock someone some you might. sock someone here right. now MH. what makes you think I wouldn't want. citus skull you know I'm addicted to it.
you know you're my only chance of. getting it I thought you figured it out. I thought you had I thought you had a uh. a supply a backup Supply backup Supply. since when I I got you last why you. think that I got you some last time I. saw you you got me three a week ago I'm. sorry you know I'm sorry and they're all. expired I still. tried I let you down you know what it. mean to you did let me down what the. [ __ ].
dude I it's just an easy task you're. driving past it is 6 minutes and it. changes my whole week I'm. sorry I'm very sorry you know how sorry. you no I. don't it's Tuesday Wednesday when do you. leave when do you fly Friday I gotta go. to Houston on Friday that's skull Town. though at least maybe there're skull. they most cities don't have good skulls. yeah they don't have the sites yeah we. have do some wintermint I have to I mean. I just have to grip my teeth true and be.
it speaking of [ __ ] uh nicotine. Edibles ads yeah speaking of nicotine. Edibles Gan where are we at in this. little. Voyage. beautiful guys let me tell you oh nice. we got some good ones this week nice. guys let me tell you about true classic. most t-shirts are way too tight and they. make your gut look way too big true. classic is the One-Stop shot for casual.
crew neck Polo Fu and fat guy active. what is this it's fat cloes got me what. for Jack they for Jack they got me. [ __ ] up yo boy you got me [ __ ] up. you got was way [ __ ] up dude why are. you laughing what's so funny about it. man just laughing why do you think it's. funny I think it's funny dude cuz I've. had i' I'm up and down to my weight loss. Journey myself dude I'll be back I'll be. back in a true classic in no time true. Classics are nice dude they're good. they're good they they accentuate your. chest that's the thing my my shirts are. too small for my.
chest mandatory personal endorsement I. do have did you get them in the mail I. got three I like them they're nice I. actually bought them before yeah they're. good I just bought black t-shirts true. classic true Classics aren't just for. fat guys dude I know I'm kidding so you. looking at me with these eyes I'm not. looking at you at all like anything you. love to bring me down dude you love to. make me feel bad dude what the hell dude. dude no they're good dude it's all their. gear Shane all their gear feel L what. you say Shane all you do is wear true.
Classics cuz you can't fit I didn't dude. I I wear true Classics I have three in. my closet I wear them I feel great in. them dude they make my dick look bigger. too I all their gears top-notch quality. at great prices try their polos and. workout shirt oh wow for all you fat. [ __ ] out there they have a longbody. option and up to sizes up to 3XL they. wrote that yeah they [ __ ] wrote that. guys don't drop the ball upgrade your. wardrobe with true classic get 25% off.
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yeah exactly so you can kind of get a. [ __ ] big doofus you like I'm not fat. I'm a [ __ ] Jack Simone guy. Sim yo what's up o yeah what's. up NBA fans the waight is over. basketball is back what we're sponsored. by the NBA I wish dude so tip off the. season with draft King sports book let's. go an official sports betting partner of. the NBA NBA starts tonight Matthew does. it really 76ers opening up against at. the Boston Celtics I can't wait tonight.
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were talking about actual organs eating. them no no no no these are pill they're. oh yeah the pills I have. desicated rock hard [ __ ] bonus bro I. will say that's that's true facts I've. been W it does make your penis actually. feel mentally that's all it is true but. most of the time losing interactions is. a mental game take some of these bull. testicles you'll be like dude my test is. so high bull I'm a bull god dude I am. bull but dude I will say I look himself. I four doors there there's a there is.
there is stuff about do Eating bull. testicles raise your testosterone and. apparently the the consensus is only if. they're raw like desiccated organs which. I looked up heart and soil is so they. will raise your test a little if you eat. the bll the B and I dude I was eating. them not thinking about it that's why. you've been so [ __ ] mean to me what. the [ __ ] are you talking T so high you. like people ate organs for thousands of. years and never saw suffered from. obesity heart disease autoimmune issues. or infertility because they were eating.
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and use code drench 10 for 10% off your. first order that's heart and. soil. and used code drenched 10 offer. applies to onetime purchases not. subscriptions try them today and see how. you. feel give it a shot would you I will say. I do like I do take those things I like. them I take all that stuff dude I've. been pigging on subies you got watch out. is what it is who knows what you're. doing to your brand. chemistry definitely improving it no. matter what it's not the.
best who knows where your mind's going. to be I don't know I don't know what's. going to happen to me although you never. know dude maybe I'll die on the way. home car accident people happens all. time to people what the [ __ ] I could. statistically I could die in a car. accident on the way home I don't think I. will I sure hope not but cuz I'm paying. attention yeah knock him no don't knock. them would that's superstition yeah. don't knock on what it then do the sign. of a cross yeah it's crazy bro that's a. Superstition sign of a cross is very.
very real sorry I was just worried I. appre no I appreciate Sean we we we've. been going confus wops confused. Superstition or religion quite a bit. they they got civilized kind of not as. yeah not as recent as everybody. else uh. Sean how was your skankfest experience. we didn't even talk about that it was. fun what'd you do well you know what. happens there stays there what happened. I don't know what happened to you no. nothing happened I just. hung with the Bros hung with the Bros. yeah we had a nice Saturday was great.
Saturday Satur watch the not name lose. but still seen that Chick-fil-A was nice. to hang out the Bros that was nice then. you abandoned me and I lost all control. well I texted you actually you went to. bed I lost all my control I texted you. no response it's all function I got the. [ __ ] receipts bro you left I I ended. up taking [ __ ] drugs dud yeah I. watched your last show and you're like. that's it for me I'm going to take Molly. bye. guys you standing after though what sang. after the Molly yeah I took Molly and. then I sang on stage fck I didn't know.
it was broadcasted live I didn't know it. was Min yeah they streamed everything. recorded everything got I didn't even. know I was going on I was just standing. there and then they were like do you. want to sing it real quick and I was. like were you saying drag yeah I sang. Dragula and half the time literally I. was on Molly just standing there. like like turning and just watching the. band I was like Dam y these guys r and. all my buddies were in the back so I was.
like yeah it was fun I had early bedtime. both those nights the first night I. genuinely was like I was fried yeah. first night was tough and then the. second night I was like oh first night I. got [ __ ] obliterated yeah I got oit. Nate Diaz showed up I got obliterated. yep y that was tough that was that was. my bad all the Bros abandoned I was. asleep all the Bros were gone when Nate. showed up with his Bros I know so him. and 10 other dudes showed up his sad yep. I'm thinking we're going to link the. Bros going to be crazy we're going to.
have a wild turns out none of my Bros. are around I'm literally by myself the. green room's locked cuz they're doing. the [ __ ] naked roast there's nowhere. to go other than in the room where the. naked roast is going I'll tell you who. doesn't like naked roasts not only us. Nate Diaz it doesn't like them yeah so. then finally the green room's open we. get in there it's it that's nice we're. drinking having a nice time some of the. naked Roasters these [ __ ] [ __ ]. naked dudes walk in with. penises the squad is.
furious also all of them that is the. funniest BR all of them no hesitation we. just like we're getting the [ __ ] like. didn't even communicate with one another. just got the whole Squad knew exactly. they're like this is not our Vibe yeah. this is let's get the [ __ ] out of here. got to be so they extracted me they're. like we got to get the [ __ ] out of here. damn we went to. Caesar's and I I at that point I had. drank too much yeah so I just sat there. and played blackjack for a while I did.
very well that's pretty SI but then. Caesar's chips that I just have ah they. ready for next time mhm ready ready to. go back there ready to go back to. Caesars and play little. Blackjack I said you know what I'm going. to stay and they go well the rule book. says you should hit I go yeah [ __ ] that. you're going to bust dude trust me oh. [ __ ] [ __ ] busted [ __ ] dude said. you're about to bust. um yeah that was uh yes Kang was good it.
was very good it was fun time those guys. do such a good job it's such a fun time. um dude how about people passing the. [ __ ] out people were passing out during. our shows that was crazy I you know what. I don't like I was a bit of a loudmouth. on a couple. podcasts I was not happy with myself why. I don't know on that that one uhhuh I. didn't like it I was too aggressive. which one the the YK the Bobby Kelly one. with all those guys yeah you did what.
you had to do for the cast that's the. thing people don't they don't see the. [ __ ] the force of the show yeah you. can't you don't have it in you to go. down trying so hard to just quietly take. it you can't you don't have it in you to. go down with the and just let a cast not. be the best it can possi to close my. eyes and swing at people as hard as I. can it's Warriors blood I was sitting. there I was peeking through a curtain. dude just watching and is going he's got. no other choice he has no choice he has. to do he got no other choice. yeah cuz it would start to kind of get. like the dude when a live podcast starts.
being like I don't know uh yeah it's. it's sheer [ __ ] Panic it's sheer. panic and that's when I just say all. right I got to pick one of these guys. yep and I say hey what the [ __ ] wrong. with you [ __ ] you dude you're ruining. this yeah but it's so funny I know it's. clearly a joke but sometimes guys don't. know I'm kidding yeah true and they're. like dude why were we being a [ __ ]. [ __ ] yeah I mean and then I go you're. right I mean I literally I was being an. [ __ ] I thought it was I thought it. was clear that that was but it's fun.
it's funny then you can just go what the. [ __ ] is what the hell why you attacking. me yeah whoa whoa I was joking dude dude. it's I think someone I I don't know if. it's Louis but someone's like he'll. [ __ ] say something about you and then. make you feel like you're the aggressor. I don't understand how he [ __ ] does. it leis is the aggressive every [ __ ]. time dude true he started aggressive he. came on he was like [ __ ] this you guys. are Che for Shane [ __ ] Shane wa and then. immediately it's like all right well I'm.
going to attack you viciously the well. we kissed I regretted that me and Lou. pecked on the lips what yeah I don't. know what happened what I don't know. somehow somebody said I wouldn't do it. something along those lines damn Warrior. blood dude I felt badly about that I. woke up like I didn't know. that I didn't know that yeah I didn't. know it either I got that right after. woke up the next day there's a photo of. me ah pcking. Lewis tell you what that was a big.
regret damn I didn't know that yeah. there's a lot going on that I. regretted yeah well I like got done I. did a I did a spot in the tank and I got. done I said let me go see my buddy. Shane's off to was funny Soder was high. as [ __ ] during that I know so he was. like yeah Soder was very positive he was. like cuz I get done and of course. standard standard get done with one of. those I'm like dude I'm such a [ __ ]. loudmouth [ __ ]. [ __ ] like dude no you did good you did.
make I'm telling you I was watching I'm. like damn you made it so funny you store. to the you steered it towards cathol. Catholicism towards the end very funny. very funny yeah was like dude you don't. [ __ ] believe that [ __ ] and you're. like yes I actually do very seriously I. love it so much that was that was a sick. moveie like you don't go to church every. Sunday I go to church every. Sunday like N I was like yeah for. real we'll see we'll see how that one. turns out I'm sure I won't like it yeah. I mean just don't watch them that's the.
thing never watch it and don't ever read. any never watch it never make any. adjustments continue doing exactly what. I'm doing yeah don't take any feedback. no feedback ever but I will say in that. situation I thought it was funny at the. time but Pal's having fun pal like it I. mean and that's fun sometimes when. you're giv a little side punch on the. arm you might stick out a little knuckle. but it's like yeah there's some nasty. ones in there there's a couple some. there were a couple mean ones was anyone. actually upset. yeah oh that stinks it's a shame not. really upset just like just like dude.
you don't have to do that yeah and they. were that person in particular was. correct yeah yes and I felt badly that's. right um but you know what we live and. we learn dude no don't learn don't learn. one thing I'll be on a podcast in a week. calling someone the a [ __ ] in front of. a crowd and they'll be like dude why did. you humiliate me cuz he was a joke dude. oh it is f it is kind of funny though.
it's so funny it's so. funny it is funny or just be like I'm. not a [ __ ] yeah I mean there's that. side of it yeah or turn on the entire. crowd if if someone called me a [ __ ]. and the crowd laughed I would just turn. on the crowd and be like [ __ ] you guys. yeah you guys the crowd didn't like my. jokes during our podcast very much which. one a couple times I'd be like you you. know you guys are the dumb asses that. was funny though they would literally be. like dude that is funny I know it's. funny but that's so funny sometimes I'm. too meta dude you know what I mean we're.
we were talking about just the the like. what I always get that mix that's the. 11th century peasants in 11th century. just getting whipped into a frenzy by. uhb by like just people making [ __ ] up. and they all got Shane was like you know. you guys would be the ones the guys. watching you guys would be the idiot. peasants being sent towards the holy. lands they you just watch people. like dude that was that was most people. laugh was the worst setting for a live. podcast of all time crazy great setting.
for comedy and all and the other rooms. were perfect for live podcast movie. theater was sick movie theater was. incredible awesome you were just looking. into the darkness the other what you. would our setup was our was you were. looking at a crowd of people right here. everyone's faces everyone standing up I. don't know if you know about those guys. like two% of them can't pilot their own. bod successfully they'll just [ __ ]. pass. out shut down God oh I haven't dring. both shows there also once they faint.
everyone was scared it's like don't be. scared he was standing for too long yeah. you can't some people are ready for a. fent all overdose I feel like people are. like waiting for the F the [ __ ] up. standing for just that's how that's why. people faint at every wedding yeah not. at every but you know what I mean I know. what you mean you get [ __ ] F you chug. whiskey before you stand for an hour. you're going to faint something yeah. lights are going off but yeah that was. funny dude's fainting I I met the one. guy who fainted by the way I'm sure he. was fine he was cool he was he was all.
right I'm sure he was like I'm back a. guy fainted and then a girl fainted the. second girls fainting they're like goats. dude they faint. go yeah they pass out all the time let's. switch over to the P SL the patre I got. some uh I got some talk what do you mean. a little more I got a little more. Crusades talk dude a little more I got. I'm G to pick up slide us back into uh. mea very good stuff. goodbye thank you for listening to our. podcast.
[Music].
