Opening Up About Our Mental Health.

I never told about I wanted the most. severe OCD out of like 10% of the world. 10% we went to another therapist and. that therapist didn't work because more. things were coming in my mind and I had. to tap on things or else my family would. die I had to do things to myself so my. family wouldn't die I'm sorry no don't. be sorry so last night we were at my. sister's birthday dinner and we were. almost done with dinner and then we just. hear like gunshots right below us it was. like bang bang bang and we were like. those were gunshots. [Music].

you don't think you can afford a pink. Bronco no I already got it you already. have it okay okay you from I'm not I. don't know if I can get it my dad's. going to have to buy it for me to I. already have it within an hour sometimes. Harper gives me the uh energy of catch. me outside how about that girl catch me. outside how about that you give me. energy of Danielle boli Danielle boli. looking. likeit Danielle boli I'm coming with.

your head with how does that song go I. don't know Daniel bie what it time to be. alive Daniel now it's time to cook out. the OM me trying to bring back the OM so. Harper when are you getting this pink. said my head sh like a pineapple but I. can call my barber up real fast but take. your ugly attitude on Dr fil not a. single thing that can fix that oh yeah. that's Swinging with your head with. punch lines the baby not the baby no no. it's the baby oh yeah it's the baby look. I'll show you my Bronco I made a Tik Tok.

of it on my what that's not your no you. didn't okay how much do you think that. pink Bronco. costs boy that's a good question I'm. with you har I don't know how much a. Bronco cost Danielle batti she's a. buatti no no no how Daniel Bugatti the. pink Bronco cost 200,000 that's close. I'm going to guess a pink I'm going to. guess a. Bronco wow all right 200k I'm going to. guess a Bronco if y'all fly with me over. this I will take my SC protector off. crack it make make sure some glass.

shards get in your. eyes that is Danielle boli energy you're. right that is a crazy threat I'm going. to say oops my bad I hit my mic I'm. gonna say a brand new Bronco cost a. 60,000 no like. 45 I don't know look it up 40 40. actually I'm locking in 40 I'm locking. in wait I'm trying to look up sorry I'm. going a pink Bronco is $880,000 880,000. I'm.

no let me go bronco.com never mind I'm. going no no no what does that look. Alex. 95,000 is like7 B Bronco 57,000 I was. right you know who wasn't right har you. 200,000 you were off by like an insane. amount I'm getting the sports. Bronco Sports Bronco is 100 the for. Bronco Raptor wait we can't really hear. him for Ford Bronco Raptor no I'm. getting the for Bronco sport okay that.

one's not as expensive I do even know if. the top where are you going to are you. going to get the Bronco and then get it. wrapped pink or wait you told me you. wanted a pink Tesla I don't know what I. want anymore I'm what about Harper what. about a pink Range. Rover it doesn't matter they're. expensive I want to hear. 37 okay 40K I was right that's what she. was showing me was the sport every every. time we ask Harper what car she wants. for her sweet 16 she goes pink Tesla. pink Mercedes pink Bronco anything like.

that pink something do you want a pink. Range. Rover why is your no it was him it was. him no no no please no please Harper why. why stop that's your screen protector. for your phone no I Do It full that baby. it looks like people are Tik toking you. won't break your screen protector don't. don't break it don't break it just break. it m break it no just look inside of it. look inside does it look like I'm a Tik. Tok person TI kind of does you look. funny wait let me see let me see is this. a privacy one.

gosh you kind of look like you're on Tik. Tok right now Tik Tok live I want to. listen hello oh. sorry well you tried that was a good try. with uh but when we were in the car on. the way over from from school you were. about to show me some card and you said. you were going to show me on a podcast. can you like un tilt your hat I feel. like people can't see you you look like. a mysterious figure you're like I am a. mysterious figure look he talks like. this yeah well I'm a mysterious figure. you think you're a cowboy I don't think.

I'm a cowboy because if I was a cowboy. you wouldn't you would know what that's. what I said so moving on from Maverick's. terrible country accent just like his. girlfri wait wait wait that was. atrocious wait what were you gonna say. oh I don't know I just wanted to move on. from the country she wanted to say. something in a country. accent what did you not hear she's like. moving on for Maverick's country accent. oh you just wanted to sound like a. country accent no do your best do your.

best country accent I said moving on. from Maverick's country accent okay do. your best country accent. Harper what does that mean Harper I. don't know when country people always. break things into two syllables they're. like Jay. Le okay but what was Harper Harper oh. trying to break trying to say Harper. Harper Harper get back here it's like. they always break it into two syllables. do your best country accent oh what. would a country person say right now I'm. going to go catch. my I would not say that as a country.

person you wouldn't what the then what. would you say as a country person well. say whatever you would say as a country. person I reckon that dinner will be. ready in about 5 minutes y'all better. come in rinse off oh she like Little. House on the Prairie kind Vibes that's. just fre I got it here's my country. accent this is my country accent. readying bring it on Home JN bring it on. home bring it. on what is the B you know the Bell his. dad used to ring you don't know what. bring home jie is be like bring it on.

John Bring It On he like goes outside to. his porch and he's like he would ring. the bell and he's like bring it on Home. John B Bring It On did you I thought you. said my dad no John B okay Johnny Johnny. B John B what dude are you even. cultured no she just got caught laging. so hard what is it what is it what is it. what is it in the heart of. Alabama a what she just played a song no.

cuz I was trying to act like I was. Conjuring lipsing to. it we can't play the song we can't play. his song anyways cuz heop he'll take all. our. Revenue dang we would do the same to him. if he did that to us dang man yeah why. acting like we would do that where the. sweet everen we've been trying to get. that kid on our podcast how come you're. on another guy's podcast that's like not. even top 17 in the world yeah dude all. his comments. were up there who who the freak is Theon.

man the never heard the the I can't. believe she just said that he's not even. top 17 in the country I think he might. be top three I'm I think he's above us I. think on overall charts we're like the. top the important part the top 20. podcast the important part is in the. world is I'm pretty sure we passed the. ovon on the Spotify podcast charts also. if you guys haven't at one point we did. if you guys haven't subscribed to us on. Spotify please go subscribe to us on. Spotify we can try to chart higher um. it's just oh the LOL podcast on Spotify.

go subscribe be huge see wait I'm going. to check and then when this episode. comes out I'm going to remember and I'm. going to come back and check later and. see if y'all actually listen to us what. the why you guys stay so hostile got to. follow up with them like a mom also if. you guys want to see all our other. channels go to the. link what are you. doing if you guys want to see all our. other channels go to the description and. you can see all of our personal YouTube. channels and all that if you want to go. subscribe to all of our channels I don't. know just saying you could what happened.

to that little ticket you bite it bite. it B it it don't bite it go guys I don't. mean to break everyone here you swear. I'll bite it but do this in cuz then. don't work should I bite it do it um I'm. heart broken you. should yeah you should wait wait wait. wait let me let me let me let me let me. are you ready to hear the. stats what are you talking what our. charting where we're charting right now. oh where we charting bite it here we are. it doesn't matter where we're charting. he's about to bite this oh this is way.

more. important well I guess since I'm a. snapchatter I have to take snaps of this. dang I feel like come on bite it I feel. like I got all the attention on me now I. got like a greasy camera all I am going. oh no to bite this screen protector not. yet not yet camera yeah I got to get. ready are you guys ready yet oh we're. ready now I got to redo my intro now I. got to restart my video okay I'm going. to bite this green protector glass is. going to shatter all inside my mouth.

and then I'm going to swallow it no okay. that's crazy don't swallow it here we. go y'all think glass is going to get on. my tongue no I do I me think you're fine. okay just bite it bro okay I'm going to. do it now oh he's so. dumb what an. idiot you wouldn't let me do it right. okay okay okay okay okay it's fine it's. safe it's not safe here we go it's. totally not safe I'm going to bite glass. now. yeah that's what I'm going to do okay.

it's plastic. bro crunch that baby come on get the. canines in. there nothing's happening come on. oh I wish I knew what he was feeling. what an. idiot that was 30 seconds in my life I. will never get back.

he's rude dude that's horrible for your. mouth oh that's got to be so bad for. some particles got on my tongue but I. think I'm good do it again do a bigger. bite I'm okay fine dang that thing. shattered oh oh glass is falling. everywhere horrible I don't nobody touch. us cuz glass is falling everywhere who. are you texting me my friend is it mad. why is mavick so obsessed today on the L. Bros podcast every time Alex picked up. his phone M was like Alex who are you. texting to show us now well see I just I.

have a girlfriend now so my life my. life's not as interesting so I gota I. gotta see what other people are doing. well now that everyone's having a great. time I will let you guys know that hold. on oh my gosh do you need water no don't. oh that would just make you swallow the. glass well if he's gone um what do you. want to talk about want to talk about my. girlfriend she's pretty. cool well sure let's talk about me and. how I had a mental breakdown in class. today what happened why it was so bad so. as you know I have pretty bad OCD oh and.

OCD yes ADHD ADHD OCD. dyslexia what are you doing huh you. freak sit down. okay what was that I was going to do. something but not now okay continue. Harper so let me know when y'all want to. see what I was going to do I do now now. no it's okay tell your. story what what's wrong with me okay. that was weird anyway that was. horrifying what's it called. you were in class today you were having.

a mental breakdown I can't confirm I did. spit out glass just now by the way. anyways go so my teacher Miss don't say. her name Miss butterfly Miss Johnson. sounds like a teacher's name Miss. Johnson we're gonna call her miss. butterfly but yeah can you call it Miss. butterfly miss butterfly miss butterfly. like Cartman from South Park miss. butterfly miss. butterfly name well miss butterfly. mhm okay all right all right so.

basically miss butterfly or whatever is. my first period teacher okay okay you. know who you are okay you see it no just. continue just tell St but my mom I was. she kept coughing and I think she was. doing it on purpose I am not teer your. mom and the teacher kept no no let me. show you my text. momart from the forget the text with. your mom just restart the story. sometimes you you were so scatterbrained. when telling stories Harper okay so I. said okay mom right now my OCD is really.

bad with Miss butterfly I'm sorry honey. um just a few more weeks of school you. can try um Erp in her class which is Erp. therapy which is exposure therapy cuz. what do you get exposed to like just my. brain tells me things that y'all don't. know my brain tells me things it's it's. really hard yeah you have voices Bas. yeah and and then and then um she said. maybe we can get wait what is that not. what she was saying maybe once my. medicine regulates cuz I changed. medicine. um it will work and then I said I need.

to get out of this class she keeps on. coughing and then she said you can maybe. ask the counselor or go see Miss zebra. um just take zebra her name is zebra. it's it's my it's my SP teacher like my. special aded teacher that comes and. checks on me every now and then and um. you can see me zebra or just take a deep. breath and do the opposite of OCD is. telling you I know it's hard but you can. do this I said she keeps on coughing and. looking at me I swear she's doing it on. purpose honey I promise she's not. directing her C to you your OCD is. telling you that she might be concerned. for you because you might seem. uncomfortable able right now I said no.

she's not she came over and breathed in. my face she came over to me and was. like yeah see me personally I wouldn't. do that either am I the only one that's. not confused by the story and what I. know exactly what's going on butterfly. miss butterfly was breathing down. Harper's neck and Harper was like that's. not cool miss butterfly I'm a child so. then she went was going to go to miss. zebra but you didn't no I did y'all are. all confused Harper was in Miss. butterfly's class and butterfly was. coughing too much like yaking Harper in.

her head thought that this teacher was. directly coughing at her and it was. freaking her out so then she I don't. think y understand no y'all are all. confused back up we need to back up to. the original how serious this OCD like. I've had you that's what I've been. trying to say I tried to interrupt the. story and get clarity but I couldn't get. clarity so now understand so now I'm. unclarity oh my gosh no she doesn't have. voice as she has OCD I never told. confused because I wanted the most. severe OCD out of like 10% of the world.

10% I mean that's like a lot of people. yeah but like it's severe like it's. insane like I see things like sometimes. I think things like y'all I don't think. what you see no like y'all don't like. it's Vision terrifying things like your. face today I was crying at school I was. no wait questions who I have she's not. joking right now cash those aren't real. questions what do you mean I have. questions I feel like you're being a. little insensitive I was C I feel like. you're just running your mouth right now. just to hear yourself talk literally. crying today literally does it sound.

good your voice does it sound soothing. to your ears okay I would love to sit. here and say if I said I see things like. y'all all would to jump down my throat. huh no look at me guys Harper's opening. up about something and you're you're. just pretending y don't understand like. seriously listen no don't take away my. no don't take away my mic take away his. is his mic taken away okay good no. listen listen listen no one can hear you. I as okay no one can hear you keep it. off no one can hear you no one can hear. you your mic's off my mic's on. talk to youall about my OCD wait listen.

let Harper open up let me ask a question. oh my gosh ask your question my goodness. maybe you should learn to. listen you're just talking and talking. and talking and you're not letting. anyone else talk stop talking ask your. question and then stop. talking oh my. gosh ask your. question ask your question no you don't. understand this is serious okay I. wouldn't ask your question whatever your. question is I keep it to myself it's.

going to. pass has your mom ever talk to you about. it wait okay I got a. question no I don't understand why. you're so mad she said I stop cash yes. cash here's what happened I no y'all. stop y'all stop screwing me right now. everyone's trolling listen look at. Alexis's face does he look like he's. trolling you no one yes listen she said. I see things all I said out it's called. listening let her elaborate instead of.

interrupting what do you see that's. exactly the problem is she's. mid-sentence and you're interrupting her. and then when she doesn't she started. moving on she said and then coming back. to it she would come back to it but you. have to let her finish and then when she. doesn't answer your question right away. you keep talking and you don't stop. talking y' run it back she was moving on. to what her teachers were doing and. stuff is it me am I the problem am I the. drama never going to say she I want no. no no I want she maybe she would have. and maybe when she finished talking you. could go back then ask her well maybe I. wouldn't always have to ask questions if.

you weren't always ignoring the podcast. and you weren't always reading your book. or no no on your phone shut them up Kate. no I'm not doing that I was literally. listening I was listening I was caught. up I just want to hear Harper okay if. y'all were listening what did she see. she never. said the question I can't you're yelling. and it's so annoying you're you guys are. being annoying let's all just be friends. and calm down haror wasn't even like why. are you interruped she was like she was. like oh she was going to answer my. question on what she sees and y'all were. like cat be quiet C be quiet cat listen.

I'll admit I was just griping at you cuz. the group was doing it okay but listen I. don't see but look now I see that see. those eyes on me right now listen. obviously there's some conflict. resolution that needs to happen between. you two but for now y'all got to just be. calm and relax. holes okay and let Harper tell her story. so we can all be enlightened by her. personal life experiences that you don't. know about because you keep. talking y I don't think listen to a lot.

more you talked like that no I I. actually don't think yall understand. like like this has been a like a major. thing do one thing for me though as you. tell your story talk slower it'll help. you tell your story I don't think you. understand how you just went back to. fast okay try to talk slower stop. interrupting her I'm just trying to help. no. stop let her. talk you're going to make her leave the. podcast she's going to leave bro what. that's just what you did to me I was. like wait CU you wouldn't stop talking.

you you did not shut up for 5 minutes. straight I was asking for was your verse. voice for 5. minutes obviously there's some conflict. resolution that needs to happen so just. be calm holes listen hey Harper Harper. let's hear your story this time trying. to talk slower okay no basically guys. like literally I don't think youall. understand like cuz this has been a. thing in my life for like a really long. time and like I like don't like like. since fourth grade. I so do you guys want me to tell you all.

the full story if you are comfortable. sharing it and your parents are. comfortable with you sharing also don't. say anything your parents don't want you. to say yeah I mean it's my mental. disability and also Kate might cry well. like it I mean yeah it's. my like and like the let me show youall. all like like my parents like they want. me to open up because I feel like people. can relate oh they do yeah I mean like. they they're like when you're when you. feel like you're ready you can but let. me show you this is all about my OCD oh.

let me read that no you can't it's so. bad it's too bad and then and then. there's just a lot of different things. and like so I'll start off from the. beginning in fourth grade I realized. that something was wrong with me I was. like okay what's going on like like I. don't know why I like why I think these. things and my friend put G told me a. story I'm not really going to say the. story cuz it's a little bad why are you. laughing cuz he wants to interrupt and. say what things were you think yes I. really wanted to say what things.

St but M had to interrupt so Harper now. that M interrup she had to ask why you. were laughing at her story that's very. sensitive and personal to her shut dude. nobody can see you take your hood off. everybody can see you're turning. sideways we no one can see you take your. hood off well why are y'all sitting over. there then why don't we move my camera. over there okay there there's things we. can do here all right so basically in. fourth grade this my friend put a story. in my mind I can't really say it and I. thought things that I shouldn't be. thinking of in fourth grade and it just. started from there and we didn't know. what was going on like I I never really.

knew what was going on with me my mom. didn't know my mom just saw a change in. me and cuz I used to be like I still am. but like I know how to cope with it now. I used to be like a fun girl and like I. used to not really care and I used to. have a really great relationship with my. family and I'm really trying to build. that back and stuff and like it's hard. it just like me like it I can't really. say it because like my mom would. probably like not really like hurt me to. talk about my relationship with her or. my dad. but um yeah basically um we we I went to.

counseling from 5th to 6th grade and the. counselor wasn't working she didn't um. she didn't really train in OCD so we. went to another therapist and that. therapist didn't work because more. things were coming in my mind that I. didn't want to come in my mind and I had. to tap on things or else my family would. die I had to like do things to my sorry. spit I had to do things to myself and.

make sure and so my family Wouldn't Die. I had to do so many different things to. make sure that I wouldn't hurt anybody. or like I just felt like there was a. system going on like in heaven and I. felt like God was like putting points in. my head like okay if I hurt myself this. way then God will help me and put a. point in my mind so then I don't have to. hurt myself tomorrow or I won't have to. do blah blah blah to make him like I. don't know it was just super confusing. so that happened in fifth grade I was in. a really B mental spot and then I.

started to go on OCD medication and ADHD. medication at the same time and um when. I was on the ADHD medication it. conflicted with the OCD medication. because those two chemicals don't mix. together well so it put worse thoughts. in my mind which made me a little like. crazy like I started getting really bad. mentally and I started to like what's it. called I started to do things like if. you know you know like. yeah I don't think I'm allow to say on a.

kids podcast but like sure I started to. do things to myself that you shouldn't. be doing to yourself we could just leave. it there yeah and then um and then in. seventh grade it came back and I I went. off my ADHD medication my Mom finally. found out I have OCD obsessive. compulsive disorder I mainly am in the. obsessive part where I think about. something it turns into something I. asked my friends about it they make me. feel something like I it's just it's. really con confusing and then in seventh. grade it got really bad did the same.

thing over and over again I kind of like. relapsed on my mind again and kept on. thinking about different things and then. um I did things to myself that I. shouldn't be doing and then my mom was. like okay this is getting out of hand so. we went to a different therapist and and. I'm at the same therapist now and. nothing's really helped but like I'm. better so it's been like just a long. yeah but and you're saying hasn't helped. but you're it does like I've switched.

between between different medications. but what I'm trying to get at is like. OCD puts things in my mind that I don't. want to be in my mind and I mean I'll. tell youall after the podcast I just. can't say it on the podcast and like I. don't know it's just like it's it's just. like like people probably think OCD is. like oh yeah you have to clean up your. room all this stuff no it's it's like. it's not that at all it's like like. literally I have to like if somebody. flicks at me or does something then I. have to take it off my chest three times. and then one two three 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2. three and then flick it off and because.

I feel like bad air is coming in and. then if I don't do something else then I. feel like I'm going to get poisoned or. something else is going to happen to me. and I don't know like and like some it. just it's just all that so then when. miss butterfly was um breathing down my. shirt or coughing at me I thought bad. air was getting into my system and I. couldn't do it anymore and like it was. it got to the point where I was like oh. my gosh like I was like shaking so I had. to go out of the classroom and my mom. had to text my um Miss zebra and um and. talked her about it yeah and to get me. out of class and stuff but like a lot of.

people don't know that about me so like. yeah yeah you kind of talked to me about. it like one time but yeah well I'm sorry. to hear that that's thanks um yeah yeah. and I hate that like it affects you like. just daily like in school yeah like you. like have to leave class because of. something like that yeah it's fine. though like that's not necessarily like. I know you mentioned like um feeling. like it's like affecting like trying to. earn a way into heaven and that's not.

like you are God's daughter and you're. his creation and he values and loves you. and there's not like a um anything that. you have to do to earn your way in yeah. um he loves you for who you are just. like your dad loves you for who you are. yeah yeah um so there's no stop. Harper are you. okay you can't cry on the podcast yes. you can so embarrassing I can't you. going to make cash cry I've cried plenty.

of times on the. podcast come here swe no I love you so. much this feels like the wrong moment to. be wearing a toilet seat I love. you I'm sorry no don't be sorry it's not. embarrassing you don't need to be. embarrassed we can cut it out if you. want to cut it out no if you want yeah. we don't have to put any of this out if. you out we will cut it out I don't want. you to think we make jokes and Stu but I. don't want you to think that we have to.

put this in there for the views because. no actually I don't care people will. relate yeah it's up to you if you want. to share it so that that's so. embarrassing I've never got on the. podcast that's so embarrassing oh my no. it's not it's okay hey I've cried plenty. of times on the podcast and off the. podcast and a lot in front of lots of I. mean you just know that like like if you. change your mind pray about it if you. don't want this episode going out then. it doesn't have to it then people will.

relate to it and stuff you know yeah. also it's it's your story to share. whenever you're ready and you decide. that you don't want to share it yet like. we don't have to put this out at all. like don't think that we're going to be. mad because sure like you know we film. like lots of episodes stacked up yeah. guys this is so embarrassing I can't bad. embarrassed goodbye to one of your. lashes oh crap where did it go I think. it's in your hand I don't know one of. your clusters just fell out on the what. one oh no no it's fine they look good. there was just one that like fell out. but it's F okay okay yeah wait guys. sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry it's.

called LOL yes oh God that's so. embarrassing doesn't have to be always. LOL but guys that's so embarrassing I'm. so sorry yeah I mean it's I think things. like that are good for our podcast. though because like 95% of it is this. yeah and uh just so you all know we all. have real life issues and things that we. deal with on The Daily and our lives. look like that sometimes too so it's not. always.

LOL podast it's so embarrassing guys I'm. so sorry don't be embarrassed it's not. Harper you know we are literally. especially me and you we're women we are. built to have emotions like that like. we're going to be more emotional than a. man like we probably won't ever see them. cry on a podcast unless something you. have not unless something super serious. happens but like yeah I mean we just. feel everything differently and that's. like why we cry the way we do like it's. normal yeah yeah and no one's no one's. judging you or thinks it's embarrassing. you're LED you're valued you're known.

nice it's so bad though like people are. going to think I'm depressed. no like we said if you change your mind. and you don't want this to go out we. won't put it out no I I want people to. relate yeah you know yeah I mean it's. good it's good for people to know that. like yeah it's not always sunshine and. rainbows for us c c hey you're touching. your mic with your toilet seat my friend. but no you're okay you're good so bad. bro no but when when M started talking. about it was so bad I I was I was like.

oh God keep it in it was so bad well M. was lucky trying to make you cry no I. was not oh my God saw I was not I was. just telling her that like she's known. she's loved you're not like yeah and and. God loves you too I mean 1 Philippians 4. 6 through 7 do not be anxious about. anything but let your requests be made. known to God and with prayer and. supplication with Thanksgiving May the. peace of God which surpasses all. understanding guard your heart in Christ. Jesus and he loves you he loves you and. you can give those anxious thoughts unto.

him and he's just just give those to God. and don't don't try not to dwell on. those Harper the last few weeks I have. been like and both of the boys have been. telling me they're like this is bad Kate. but it's gotten to where like I'm so. scared to like I'm I'm scared like out. in public all I think about is how I'm. going to die yeah like and I constantly. just think of like the worst situations. like if cash leaves and he's in a car. I'm like oh my gosh he like he's going. to get in a car accident and die and. it's like I told you I'm not going to. die like that cash doesn't think he's. going to go out like that but are organ.

donors yeah yeah. same my mom made me put all my uh liist. okay yeah do you want do you want. tissues no I'm good I'm sure yes yes yes. I wasn't crying that hard I swear all. right yeah but no I mean like I If you. want to take a second and you'll step. out you can it's good thank you though. yeah but no like I mean like myself I. constantly like I'm going to die just. yesterday we were in a situation and it. like l literally set me off and like the. rest of the night I was just thinking.

about how that's how we're going to die. in that way and it's like in my head. like and a couple months ago it was. really bad and like I don't can we talk. about the situation at all you want to. talk about it right now what happened. last night um you could talk about it. just keep it uh kind of big I talked. about it on my Snapchat story but um. pretty much we were at my sister's. birthday dinner yeah I I saw the videos. but I because I was in school yeah just. talk about it please well we were it's. up to you what are you it's so. embarrassing for me to just be be the.

one who's. crying Kate I can make Kate cry if you. want please okay I bet M can make Kate. cry in probably 60 seconds or less over. or under that would be the bet I'm not. saying to do it I'm pretty good at it. I'm not I'm not saying to do that I'm. just saying M's very talented at making. Kate cry it's a gift it's a gift it's a. gift making women cry honestly what they. just look at M and they cry I don't know. why but it's not true yeah I have the. opposite of effect I look at women and. they get mad cring they run away they're.

angry oh you make a lot of women. everyone gets mad dude in sad usually. you say things like yeah I understand. you're a female athlete but I'm better. than you at every sport like you'll say. something crazy like that but no I'm. talking in sad. situations you have a toilet seat on. your head I'm sorry that just feels. inappropriate now in sad. situations the only thing that comes to. my head and I'm being so for real the. only thing that comes to my head is. jokes Comedy yeah yeah we know hey.

that's how you cope know I don't know if. it's coping I think it's more. suppression but suppression what I'm not. suppressing nothing I think you do. suppress things. what I'm not a woman you can't just make. me open up and cry but I'm not I don't. suppress nothing no I I mean well you do. what the you suppress things with comedy. but it's fine what do you mean I. suppress things with comedy I we all. know that's been your coping mechanism. since you were a child ask Mom and Dad. no no now just gasl this is what. gaslighting feels like I I don't want to.

say they talking about that cuz Harper. did just like be very vulnerable for a. moment and I feel like we're just kind. of like no pushing it to the side no but. please please tell me please tell me the. story last night just be vague about it. um what do y'all think what do you what. do you. think I have. chosen this will be good. see listen I'm literally just not going. to I I genuinely just I'm not going to. talk the rest of the episode because the. only thing that people are going to say.

to me are mean things and people are. just going to be mad at me so I'm I'm. just not I'm genuinely not going to talk. I'm genuinely asking should I talk about. what happened last night now or should I. wait a little bit and talk you. understand babe when you ask me those. jokes are coming to my mind right now. that I can't say or else everyone else. is going to be. mad okay so should what are you guys. talking about I was trying to figure out. if we had enough time to jump into that. story because it's a long story we have. enough. time but T just just just spit it out. okay we'll get that second. but I feel like I feel like we just kind.

of like like you were very vulnerable. and opened up about something and we. were just kind of like ignoring it what. do you mean we just huh I mean we like. are you okay yeah yeah no this is just. like a normal day thing yeah yeah yeah I. know like I'm not like it's just like o. like that like I was just trying to like. say what OCD is and like I'm like I'm. not really an emotional person but like. when it comes to that stuff I'm I just. am why well it's had such a big impact.

on your life yeah like that's such a big. part of your life that like I mean it. like circles around and stuff like it's. like OCD is the Sun or the moon I don't. know what one circles around or the. world the Earth yeah yeah yeah yeah so. it's like OCD is the Earth and I revolve. around it like it's so annoying I it's. it's fine it's fine like literally like. I get like a lot of people watching this. probably suffer with OCD too but like. yeah like but they just don't know how. to like like speak about it and stuff so. it's like like yeah yeah so what are. things you do to help with that um to to.

the kids like that I mean like I just. don't really know yet like I don't. really know like figur it out like like. just expose it I guess like maybe you'll. get poisoned maybe you won't maybe. you'll die maybe you won't you just have. to have uncertainty in your life like. you do and like you yeah you just have. to always live within certain certainty. because sometimes it'll turn out good. sometimes it will turn out bad it's just. God's plan I guess you know so yeah yeah. I will say like for me like cuz I mean I.

have not been diagnosed with anything. I've never been tested with anything I. just know from like my personal. experience like for like a couple months. ago it was like really bad like I was. constantly like when cash would leave I. would like start like internally. freaking out like I've like I've never. been like a super anxious person but. like I was like full of anxiety and I. would like gosh I am going to cry I. don't want to. cry K's okay. um.

so it's fine tell me about it we can. both cry on the. podcast well I want to know what. happened. okay this is so bad I've never been able. to like okay so I would pretty much just. like constantly worry that like he was. going to die and M. I hate it I don't like it like and I.

always told him I was like I'm so scared. like I don't want anything to happened. to either of us like and I was just in. my head about it like so in my head. about it because sorry do she was. laughing first I didn't laugh so she. laughed and then you laughed butt holes. what you have you look like one right. now yeah you got a toilet seat on your. head listen. no anyways so. okay I'm so sorry you're talking to me. about this I'm I'm like the worst person.

to say this to no okay so I've made fun. of you about this for like a year yeah I. know but it's fine I'm no it's fine so I. was constantly just like scared I was. scared when I was by myself like if I. was gone I was like I have to get back. home like just to be okay like I need to. be home now because like it's it's I'm. not dependent on cash like I can. function by myself but it was almost. like I was so like I can like go out and. do things by myself but I felt like if I. wasn't with him like something so bad.

was going to happen and that we just. constantly needed to be together yeah. and so I was like talking about it and. and then finally a couple months ago I. was like I'm so tired of feeling like. this like I prayed about it and stuff. and there was like something else going. on and I was like it was like two. separate things that were like happening. in my life and I finally was like okay. I'm tired of feeling like this and one. morning I woke up and it was like 6:00. a.m. and I just couldn't go back to. sleep so I literally just like went to. my living room and I just started like.

writing in my prayer journal and like I. write in my prayer Journal a lot but. like I wrote like pages and pages and. Pages like the most I've ever written. and I was like I can't do it anymore. like I can't feel like this I wake up. just like hoping that we're going to get. through the day and like I go to bed. like hoping that we both wake up in the. morning and like just this constant fear. in my life that one of us is going to. die and I don't want us to die right now. I don't want to die I know no and so so. I this was like probably 2 months ago.

this morning I just like wrote like a. bunch in my journal and I was literally. just like begging God I was like please. like I can't do it anymore like I've. been praying about it and like right in. that moment it was like I've like. experienced like like I felt God move in. my life so many times but like in this. moment it was like I'm like shaking. because I'm just so full of anxiety and. like literally out of nowhere it just. like washes out of me and I'm like so. still and and I'm like so full of peace. and I was like I have not felt this.

peaceful in months and like I'm just. like crying out to the Lord like please. just like Make It Stop like I hate this. and he so quickly was just like okay and. he like did it and I was like like and. right after that like for like it's been. months since that since that and I've. like haven't worried like I'm out and. I'm like I'll get home when I get home. cuz like we're both fine and I think. another part of it is just that I'm so. worried that one of us is going to die. and like I think about how that would.

just end up with one of us having to. live without the other for years and. years and years but then I think about. eternity and like cash has always told. me he's like when we die like we're just. like we can't think of it as dying like. we're relocating and like eventually the. other one's going to relocate too and. we're going to like it's going to be way. better is the same place is the. question yes yeah see that's yeah I. light-hearted joke yeah but so I don't. know it's just like I feel like the Lord.

has brought me a lot of Peace just with. that but recently the last few weeks. it's kind of gotten bad again and I. think it was because I got so. comfortable like just living like that. that I wasn't I wasn't really praying. about it to God I wasn't like saying. like like I wasn't asking him to like. help me not feel like that cuz I wasn't. feeling like that and then la like the. last couple weeks it's kind of been like. on my mind a little bit more but like. not as bad but then last night we were. at dinner and um. um can I like talk about it oh wait.

about dinner. yeah uh I don't talk about it right now. just something happened okay there wait. wait why can't we talk about it because. we have yeah we have another like that's. not no this is our last episode for the. day I just we're almost out of we're not. going to talk about it next time you. sure yeah we're not going to talk about. it again we can go long if we need to. okay well last night we were at dinner. and it was my sister's birthday dinner.

and. um Alex is. crying Alexis is crying wait pause wait. our cameraman's crying oh dude I know. mom's crying right now not to put him on. blast but our cameraman is crying I. didn't realize it was that bad I thought. I was just. yeah yeah Al so last night like like I. said the last couple weeks has kind of. been on my mind more like and the boys. have like been telling me I'm like guys. like I'm so scared like just something. bad is going to happen and like it's not.

just like dying it's like I'm scared. someone's like stalking me or I'm scared. I'm going to get sex trafficked or just. like I'm terrified that something bad is. going to happen to me and so last couple. weeks it's been more like that kind of. stuff and the boys have both been like. you have to stop like you like this is. not healthy for you to just constantly. live like that but I don't think you. knew how like serious it was for me and. that's why you kind of always made jokes. about it but I've never held that. against you like I've never talked to. you about it but it wasn't even jokes I. was just like are we serious right now. like like like and yeah yeah no I've. never little insensitive well I've never.

talked to you about it I can't just. expect you to know but um so last night. we were at my sister's birthday dinner. and we were out on a patio like it was. like a balcony SL patio setting and we. were just like the dinner was fine and. we were at the table closest to the. railing my family so like me my mom my. sister my brother our backs were like to. the street behind us and we were almost. done with dinner and then we just hear. like gunshots right below us and it was. like bang bang bang and then we were. like it stopped for a second and we were.

like those were gunshots and then a. second later it was like bang bang bang. like like literally like eight more. gunshots went off and it was like right. below us it was like below us across the. street and so everyone on the balcony. like jumps up and they run inside and um. we all were like you know the the. restaurant locks the door and they. brought down the blinds on the patio and. stuff and everyone ended up being okay I. literally think it was just like a. driveby shooting like two people like. got mad or at something but like.

automatically when you like think about. like gunshots and stuff you just think. about like mass shootings and like all. the terrible things that have happened. and like people that just go out to hurt. people like that and so then I was. thinking like like we were the ones. right on the right on the edge like if. they wanted to they can easily just like. pointed their gun up and like you know. shot us like we were like the closest. ones it was like us and another table. and no one's even sat at the other table. so then I was just thinking about that. and I was like well now that's how like. and I like I'm scared I already when I.

like go out in public to like grocery. stores or malls and stuff like I already. like subconsciously have that in the. back of my mind that like something like. that's going to happen but and then cash. was talking to me about it and he was. like just if we were ever in that. situation and like I was protected like. I would try to help the people around us. and I was like I don't want that though. and it's so selfish of me and I hate. that I think like that but like I don't. want to think about him going towards. somebody with a gun you know like it.

terrifies first of all I'm not that. stupid okay I'm not just gonna go walk. out a guy with a gun no but it's like. like yeah no but I don't know I just so. then I was just thinking about that all. night and just like I just all the ways. you can die and so I don't know lately. I've been feeling more like that but I. also know that like I haven't really. acknowledged that I've been feeling kind. of like that more often than I had been. so like I think I really do just need to. like talk to God about it because I know. that like if I come to him like he's. going to take it away like he always.

does it's just yeah yeah you don't want. to let fear control your life yeah and. it has been like for like literally. months it was it was like I couldn't. function I was like I leave the house. and I'm like I have to get back as soon. as possible like it was bad so like when. you talk about just you being in your. head like that like I understand it in a. different way and like I'm sure there. are people watching that understand it. um but it's just it's a weird feeling. and it's something that I'd never really. felt before like up until this last year.

I don't think I'd really ever felt like. this before it was super random but yeah. yeah well I appreciate you guys sharing. I know that you guys are both Y what. well no I'm just saying like they're. both I know that was like difficult to. be vulnerable say no I'm just saying. they're both vulnerable guys Shar yeah. thanks for sharing thanks for. oversharing no I'm kidding um uh yeah I. mean you guys are both Christians you're. both a 2 Corinthians 57 a new creation. in Christ Jesus and you guys are um.

loved and known and when you're talking. about being scared of death and fear it. is scary to think about like like going. like like leaving this Earth or somebody. else leaving this Earth and it's part of. us living in a fallen World from Genesis. 3 that we're live in a fallen world that. has death and it's sad and it's and it's. difficult but the joy we get to know is. that when we do go to heaven that there. is there is an immense joy that we can't. even describe or EXP. one guy explained it to me like there's.

in this world like try explaining to a. 5-year-old that there's something better. than chocolate yeah they can't grasp. that there's anything better than. chocolate they're like a an intimate. relationship with a spouse uh anything. in life like they don't understand that. there's some that there's something. better than chocolate they can't. comprehend it in their brain and that's. us with heaven heaven is such a joy you. can't fit it it's like trying to fit the. ocean into a five gallon bucket yeah you. can't fit that much joy into your brain. you can't understand it I just can't. imagine living without OC like it's just.

like constantly always in my like I. don't know how free I'll feel once I get. to heaven you'll feel super free I mean. you'll have a new resurrected body. without any stars like I mean when we. get there like things like this aren't. going to be a part of us like it's only. we only live with these things because. we are in a fallen world and like when. we get to heaven it's not going to be a. fallen Fallen World it's going to be. perfect so that's why we live like this. because like we live in a world full of. sin death just darkness like that's why. we have these things but there will be. no OCD desires yeah it'll be a and I.

think like world yeah that's kind of. what um I feel like that kind of gets. when I think about death like I. literally just think about dying and I. don't think about what comes after and I. think that's why it freaks me out so. much is because like I don't think. deeper than that it's like oh one of us. is going to be gone but I don't think. about how it's only going to be for 60. years and stuff like that and that's. kind of like what I don't know when I. was getting better it was like like when. things like gotten better and I wasn't. thinking like that it was like when I. thought about death it was like exciting.

almost it was like I get to go be with. like the Creator and stuff like that but. I don't know lately it hasn't felt like. that so that's why it's been worse but. as you guys are also here on Earth like. I mean you're here for a purpose and. maybe that purpose is to one day help. little girls that also have that you. know what I mean so like there is light. at the end of the tunnel for everybody. and you can find that by trusting in. Jesus as well yeah and giving that to. him yeah before. yeah.

uh so is there anything you'd like to. add me this quietest you've ever been I. told you I'm going to be quiet okay yeah. I would rather not the comments be all. like how could Cas say a joke in an. inappropriate moment well I mean you do. need to know to read the room and I'm. glad that you've been reading the room I. can't wait to see the clips on this or. like oh Michael if you do me dirty. um I will be so. mad I think that's the.

episode um yeah we'll see you guys next. time and maybe next time it'll be a. little bit more LOL yeah sorry. [Music].