Harper Returns And Opens Up About Her Mental Health (Part 1)

This is like a really hard one because. [clears throat] um sorry. >> No, you're good. I was out at dinner. with my sister and then I got back home. I looked into the living room and I saw. my family and friends and they're all. talking to me. They're all crying and. I'm like, "What is happening?" And so my. sister started reading a note. It was. like, "Harp, we love you so much and. we've seen OCD take you away for the. past like seven years. Tomorrow morning. at 9:00 a.m. you're going to be taken. away to a treatment center." And I. freaked out. I don't even want to. remember how it was. But everybody was. trying to calm me down, but I couldn't.

stop. I just like remember that night. was probably one of the hardest nights. ever. >> ALL RIGHT, WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER. EPISODE. >> BARBARA'S BACK. >> She's [cheering] back. >> Yeah. Yay. [laughter]. >> Well, are you as excited as I am? I'm. excited. Really? Yes. I'm so excited to. actually be home. >> Dude, I'm excited. I had to sit next to. Cash. >> What?

>> Yeah, I saw He wasn't in the middle. chair anymore. >> Yeah, they kicked me out. >> I'm just kidding. I really wanted to sit. on the couch for a little while because. my chairs got uncomfortable and now I'm. here again. Yeah. So, >> wait, Harper, did you watch the episodes. while you were? >> I like secretly watched them because we. weren't allowed to like watch anything. unless it was Showtime and so we I like. went on my school computer and we had. Spotify on it. So, I got to watch the. podcast on Spotify. >> Oh, so you watched it. >> Not just listen. You could watch. >> There's like a tiny mini screen in like. the corner and then every time the.

teacher would walk by, I'd have like. click black back [laughter] on my. screen. But yeah, I watched it. I. watched like all the episodes. >> Did you see our predictions of how you. would come back? >> No. >> Oh, I think that episode was later. I. think we filmed that when she was. already home. >> Uh, >> yeah. >> I I watched like one full episode. I I. couldn't get through one. >> Does it feel weird to be back? >> Yes. Oh, really? >> Really? [laughter]. >> Why Why is there a staring at us? >> It felt Yeah, it feels really weird to. be back because it's like I mean I.

wasn't gone for terribly long, but it. was a good chunk of time. So, >> when was when was the last time we. actually recorded together? All five of. us. >> It was like the mid to beginning of. October. >> Long time. Beginning of October and it's. January. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> That's crazy. >> I mean, since last year, we haven't. filmed in a year. >> But today, we have a lot to talk about. >> Yeah. But first, before we get into. that, >> oh, okay, >> get stuff. >> I I kind of ruined the surprise. >> Let's do it now cuz she knows it's. there. >> They're getting me a basket.

>> You can kind of see it right there, guys. >> Well, she didn't see. Did you know it. was there? >> No, Ashley didn't see. >> I was never told it was a surprise. >> Ash, I promise I didn't see it. >> We made you a little welcome home. basket. Thank you. >> Yep. I picked out all the things. >> No, you didn't. >> It was my idea to do it in the first. place. >> I love it. >> Yep. >> Ash, I'm so excited. Wait, give a hole. Give a hole. >> Okay, first a star. entire hall. Kate. >> Yeah, >> if ever. >> Okay. >> Paper. >> Okay. Um, what is this? >> Oh, lip balm. I need that right now. because [laughter] trapped.

>> There's a lot of stuff in there. K. >> Well, I know. But there's chocolate. Hurry up. Hurry up. A candle. >> I almost got you a different candle that. said life of the party, but then we. decided that one smells better. >> You think I'm the life of the party? >> Yes. >> But it didn't smell super good. >> Okay. Hand cream. >> Yay. Just Just honestly, you can do the. Dubai chocolate bar. That's all I want. you to shoot. >> Dubai. [laughter] Dubai. Okay. I'm going. to drink one of these cuz I had one of. these and they're so good. >> What's in a candy cane? >> Twix. >> Her favorite candy. >> No. >> Could I? >> That's her favorite candy. >> Cat. I just What? I.

>> I can't have a candy. >> You would steal candy from a baby, wouldn't you? >> What do you mean. >> he would? >> You would. You're that guy. >> Uh FYI, Maverick I made I got Maverick. candy for Christmas and Kate ate it. >> out of the box and then boxed it back up. before she gave it to me. >> It was a rough week though. I'm just. like I'm sure Matt won't talk about. that. But today we have a lot to talk. about. Um. >> I have a bunch of stories I want to. tell. >> No, no, we're not going to listen to. your stories. >> No, thank you. >> What? >> Well, I don't think we're going to. listen to your stories. Like we want to.

hear. >> I have so much to tell you while you've. been gone. >> We do have a lot to share with you. >> Should we share first? >> I miss so much. >> That feels wrong. >> Imagine. Should we tell her the news? Kate's not what? No, [laughter]. >> I was gonna say that's. >> all it took for her to think. [laughter]. >> What? >> Kate's not pregnant, man. I was going to. I was going to tell you that, but then. you jumped to the conclusion. >> Cuz on the couch earlier, Kate was like,

"This is the perfect time for me to get. pregnant." AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT? [laughter]. Why are you saying that?". >> What do you mean this is the perfect. time? On the couch. [laughter]. >> No. >> Why are you saying that? >> Okay. You know what? Moving on. >> Wait, no. Seriously, this is a big. concern for me. What were you What was. she saying, Harper? >> Oh, she was talking to my mom and she. was like, "This is a perfect time for me. to get pregnant.". >> Dang. >> I did not say that, first of all. >> You say you're calling her a liar. >> I think she misheard. I don't think she. >> I feel like you could have said that.

>> I could have, but I didn't say that. I. remember what I said. >> So, what did you say? >> I'm not repeating what I said. >> What the. >> I'm pretty sure it was a touchy subject, Cash. >> Oh, tell tell us what you said. >> I'm not. No. >> Okay, fine. I'll eat my Twix and shut. up. >> Yeah, you should. Well, >> the last time we filmed with you was. August. >> No, >> October. >> October. That's a long time. >> That's the last thing I care to talk. about right now. >> No, but I was just I was just pre not. pre I was I don't know. I was using that. to segue to.

you left in October. >> Yeah. >> For what was it like was it two months? >> 61 days. >> 61 days. Yeah. >> Bro, none of this is a news flash. No. >> Mom, do you think you could go home and. get my journal? Your journal. You have a. journal. >> I wrote all of everything in it. Like. everything that ever happened is in that. pink journal. >> Did you write in it every day? >> Yeah, every day. >> Wow. For restrictions. >> And you're going to let me read it? >> No. Nobody's Nobody's ever going to read. it because it has some very terrible. things in it. Um but. >> why do you want it?

>> Because I want to show y'all how many. days I I like had to scratch down a day. every day and then all the. >> You did show us on FaceTime that one. day. >> It was It It was. >> You should keep doing it. >> Yeah. >> No, you didn't enjoy it. My hands got so. tired. It was bad. >> You know, Matt, were you here when. >> Yeah, he like journals. >> Yeah. >> What? Journaling's good. >> It is good. >> Why is liking journal? >> What Matt did was not journaling. >> He first of all, journaling is. >> he does like his devotional in the. morning and writes down his thoughts. That's not necessarily like. >> it's kind of like journaling.

>> kind of, but it's not it's different. >> No, journaling is not [snorts]. >> like it's not bad. It's a good thing. >> I don't know. But all this I was getting. to the point of like everything changed. like what was it like. >> when you started journaling? >> No. Well, yes. Yes. [laughter]. >> But like 61 days ago. But there's a lot. of people I know that are watching that. don't understand why everything changed. and don't understand the the weight of. it. >> in that sense. Yeah. >> And so I don't know. I was thinking we. could start y'all in like a 100 days. >> Yeah. >> No, not like 80 days.

>> Wait, I think we saw you the day before. >> The day before Chicago. No, it was. before Chicago. >> Oh, you're right. So, it was like four. or five days before you left. >> I got home like 11 days ago. >> Yeah, but we have but right the like. right when she got home, everyone left. for Christmas. So, we haven't seen each. other until literally today. >> First day. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Well, I'll start. >> So, we haven't seen you since August. >> October. >> October. >> October. >> Are you trying to be funny? >> No, I'm just saying what map says. [laughter]. >> Okay. All right.

>> Like, no. That whole conversation we had. that Map just had was useless. [laughter] No, I was getting back to. like when she left and like. >> Okay, we can get back on track. >> Okay. >> Okay. [snorts]. So, basically, um Okay, I'll just start. I'm just going to tell my full story. Um. and then Yeah. So, >> fourth grade was when I started having. like OCD thoughts. By the way, OCD is. obsessivecompulsive disorder and it. makes you obsess over things and then. you do compulsions and then you have a. disorder. So, that is how it all is. So.

basically when in fourth grade I like. started having these bad thoughts. I. didn't like my family anymore. I thought. that they were like poisoning me. They. don't poison me actually. But like in my. mind that's like what it was. I was like. there's no way that they don't poison me. and all this. And it was just super. random and weird. And I've told the. story like so many times. So if y'all. have questions just keep asking because. like in the facility and stuff I had to. tell the story like how all this so. much. But so yeah, in fourth grade I had.

um like these thoughts and mind you I. was like 10 years old so it was weird. [snorts] So my mom signed me up to go to. therapy and. >> Can I stop you real quick? >> Yeah. Just for the people listening who. don't really know what OCD is. I think a. lot of people think of it as and we. tried to explain it but obviously we. don't have OCD so we can't explain it to. >> everyone yells at me when I try to. explain it. >> Yeah cuz cash is just I don't know. But. I think a lot of people, at least me, like before I ever met you, when I. thought of OCD, I was like, "Oh, someone. who's a clean freak and they're like.

cleaning all the time.". >> Can you explain either what your OCD is. like or how like there's different types. of OCD and people can be compulsive over. different things? >> Exactly. So, yeah, there's different. types of OCD. Like the cleaning one is a. OCD type. I have contamination OCD where. I'm scared I'm going to get poisoned or. bad air's going to come in. It's one of. the hardest things to. >> Hey guys, WE ARE OFFICIALLY STARTING OUR. OVERSEAS tour very soon. And if you live. in Manchester, you're going to want to. listen to this because tickets for.

Manchester are finally on sale, baby. So. go get your tickets to Manchester. We. also have London, Ireland, Melbourne, and Sydney, Australia. All these tickets. are officially on sale right now. So. guys, go get your tickets if you want to. see us on tour this March. Guys, we are. so excited to see all you guys and we'll. SEE YOU ON TOUR, BABY. GO TO the. lolodcast.net. Peace. Like explain like depression is pretty. easy to explain. Anxiety is pretty easy.

to explain. Like [snorts] but OCD is the. one thing where it's like it's. everywhere. Like all the disorders kind. of combine into one because what falls. under me is I have OCD, but then under. that I have depression, OC or anxiety, um ADHD. But it all comes back to your. OCD. >> It's kind of a root cause. >> Yeah. So when I don't have OCD, I don't. have all those other things. So it's. honestly OCD causes so much. But um. basically Yeah. So people can have a lot. of different types of OCD. Like some. people are clean, some people like just.

can't be around anybody because they. think that they're going to die. Like I. don't know. There's so many types of. OCD. Just look it up. I don't know. I. can't really explain. >> But um so yeah, in fourth grade that. happened. My mom signed me up for um. therapy and um she was the therapist. didn't specialize in OCD. So, I was. going to her for like a couple of months. and it it didn't work at all. And I just. told my mom I was like, "I have a bad. mind. Like, I don't have a good mind. Something's wrong with me." And my mom. was like, "No, it's just it's something.

Like, we don't know what it is, but it's. something." Sorry, my nose itches. And. um so then the um the the therapist was. like, [snorts] "Well, we think that she. has stuck thoughts or I don't know, something not OCD.". >> Wait, a what thought? >> A suck thought. So where you like think. of something and. >> you just can't stop thinking about. >> stop thinking about it, which kind of is. >> over analyzing something. >> Yeah. But um so yeah, they they thought. I had stuck thoughts and then um she was. like, "I recommend you do this, blah. blah blah." And that didn't work out. So. we were like, "Okay, we need we need a.

new therapist." So, we got a new. therapist and then she was like, "Okay, well, we think you have OCD and we can. uh tell you like who to go to and stuff. like that." So, for like two years, I. was on and off like different medicines, going to different therapists. None of. it worked. Nothing worked unfortunately. Like, I still to this day have terrible. thoughts. Like, I I I I don't know how. it goes away and I still struggle with. it every day, you know? But I'll get to. that part. So, um, so yeah, so we were.

going to a bunch of therapists, all. this, and I tried medicine, and none of. it worked. And it got to the point in. seventh grade where I tried to take my. own life, and it was hard. And am I. allowed to say that on here? >> Yeah. >> Oh, I think so. >> I think Yeah. Yeah. So, are you worried? Are you saying. >> We can cut it out later if you want. We'll talk. >> If if you want it cut, we can cut it. But are you saying for the sake of like. YouTube not liking it? >> Yeah. >> Oh, >> I think it's fine. >> I think that should be fine the way you. said it. So, in seventh grade, I was.

super done with everything. And I was. also at school with drama and all the. girls. I was not in the best headsp. space and I was like, well, I'm living. I'm living with OCD. I don't like my. parents. I don't like anybody. I can. barely go out of the house. Like, I. [snorts] can't do cheer anymore because. my thoughts are getting too much. Like, I can't like even do like a roundoff. because I have a mental block or. whatever, you know? So, at one point I. was like, "Okay, like I'm done." And so. I like tried to take my own life and. obviously it didn't work. And then I. told my parents about it later and they.

were super upset. But we still just. continued to do therapy medicine. Nothing really worked for me. I didn't I. was like on one of the highest doses of. medicine and I know for some people. medicine does work a lot but for me I. just I don't want to be on it. I don't. think it really helped me in the past. >> [snorts]. >> Um, so then basically, uh, >> at this point, you know, you have OCD in. seventh grade. >> Yes. So, seventh grade we were like, "Okay, yeah, I have OCD.". >> And have you found a therapist yet that. specializes in OCD? OCD? Yes. But I've.

never really liked therapy. I never. really want to do it. And okay, this is. all sounding like I'm just unmotivated. And to be honest, I was unmotiv. unmotivated. Like, I didn't want to do. anything. I don't want to be home doing. therapy, and I still don't want to do. that. Like, I don't know. So, um, yeah. Yeah. So then my parents were like, "This is like getting out of control. Like our daughter is like losing herself. completely and like we don't know what. to do." And so um over the next few. years, now I'm in 11th grade. So from. like literally fourth grade to 11th. grade, I've struggled with this like for.

my like basically whole life. Like. everything has just gone down the drain. Like I've lost friends because of it. I've lost like my family's relationship. because of it. I've lost like [snorts]. being able to eat certain foods because. of it. Like so many different things. And so, yeah, like that just all falls. under like OCD and like how it's. literally taken over my life. And so, guys, our holiday merch drop is now. available. >> If you guys want to go check it out, go. to the lolodcast.net. We have a bunch of.

new designs for you guys. One of my. favorite designs ever. The sketch tea is. now officially on a crew neck and it is. so cute. We also have a hoodie and a. t-shirt with one of our favorite Bible. verses, Isaiah 41:10. and also a LOL Pod. baby tea and long sleeve tea for you. guys. So, if you guys want to get these. merch pieces, make sure to go to the. lofcast.net. >> Yeah, that's basically my upbringing, but I I feel like there's more to talk. about about it. Like I don't. >> Yeah. Well, like in seventh grade, like. what was like a day in your life of like. you said like it was tough on you and.

your parents and you were kind of was it. was it on and off medicine or was it. just like you were on medicine during. seventh grade? I was like on medicine. from like sixth grade to 8th grade and. none of it really worked for me. I've. tried different medicines and I at one. point I was on ADHD medication and OCD. medication and those mixed together. Well, the doses that I was on that was. the one time where they mixed together. and I like blew up and that's when I. tried to take my own life because like. [clears throat]. >> Yeah. That was in seventh grade. So.

>> you were in seventh grade and then was. it eighth grade is when you started. doing Tik Tok. >> Mhm. So, I remember when we had talked. about this before, you had said that in. 8th grade you'd started doing social. media and it was kind of like an outlet. for you. Yeah. And you feel like that. kind of I don't know if it necessarily. helped you in a way, but it almost like. >> gave you sort of a sense of purpose and. a sense of like you were making videos, you were having fun. We started the. podcast like. >> Yeah. >> And at the time you were on a medication.

at the time, I remember. >> Yeah. Yeah. And then I know at some. point, I don't remember exactly when, but I remember you had switched your. medication sometime in the last since. we've known you, you switched your. medication. >> and then you didn't like that. medication. I don't remember the reason. for it, but you you wanted off of that. one and so you switched. >> and then you ended up on your most. recent medication that that was the one. that you really really didn't like. I. remember. >> Yeah. I like I haven't taken medication.

since like 8th grade or 9th grade. >> Well, no. So, were you on medicine when. we met you? >> Yeah. >> And then you switched medication, >> I think. So, yeah. I like I forget so. much. Like I don't even remember. anything, but like. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> In June. >> So, in June. >> Okay. June of this year or 2025. >> In June 2025 is when the the most recent. medication you were on, I remember you. said you were like, I felt like I had no. personality. I didn't feel like myself. I hated it. And so, in June is when you. had stopped taking your medicine. And.

like medicine is really helpful because. like it didn't in my mind it didn't. really help me because [snorts] it helps. you kind of calm down and you can do the. exposures and exposures are like going. against the compulsions. So for me like. I had I have to like flick off bad air. like 13 times and four times 13 times. four times like so many times. I would. spend like hours a day just on. compulsions just overdoing them so many. times. So medicine helps you overcome. those and actually do them I guess. But. I was never in the right headsp space to.

even do exposures. I just didn't want to. do anything. >> Yeah. [snorts]. >> So that's why I got off medicine. And. then I went like totally like cold. turkey, which is like you don't do any. medicine. Like usually people lean off. of it, but I just stopped taking it. Like I went behind my mom's back and I. just stopped taking it. I would act like. I took it, but I didn't actually take. it. >> And do you feel like cutting it cold. turkey like. >> almost in a sense was like worse for. you? I don't know because like I like. >> I don't I don't really know because I. felt better. >> You don't have anything to compare it.

to? >> Yeah. Yeah. Like I felt the same on. medicine as I was off the medicine and. like. >> I don't know. I just like Yeah. >> Well, you felt different off the. medicine cuz I remember when you stopped. taking it. >> Yeah. And I don't know. It's just it was. weird. But like also while I was on. medicine I it was so hard for me to be. around my family. Like that's my main. thing OCD is just my family. My mom and. my dad. They're great people, but I. can't be around them because I don't. want them to poison me. Or if they. cough, I don't want that to go down my. throat and poison me. Or just so many. random things.

>> In theory, you know that that's none of. it is true. Like you know it's not, but. you just get in this head space where. you're convinced of it and it kind of. leads you into this spiral. >> Yeah. Like I it's like a radio. Like it. won't stop playing in my head over and. over again. Like it won't stop. So. that's why I'm like I like just can't. stop thinking about it. And it's. honestly become a dayto-day thing where. it's like at this point like I've tried. to get better and it's really it's super. hard like recovery is a really hard. thing. Um so I'm not really completely.

better but you know I I know the skills. to get better. So. >> yeah. So yeah, >> just to kind of like because we we kind. of have the backstory of like when you. had developed the OCD in the fourth. grade and like how throughout middle. school and high school like it's it's. been like a significant part of your. life. And even though you don't you talk. about it on the internet, >> but social media doesn't even really. know how much of your life. >> like it consumes. >> And it's so easy because like everyone.

always says that they're like, "Oh, you. only see 60 seconds of someone's day.". And that's like so true because it's. like. >> you will see like the best 60 seconds of. someone's day and I feel like that's. kind of almost where you were at is you. were coming on the podcast, you're. filming um Tik Toks, you're doing live. shows and it's like those are like your. peak moments but in your downtime when. you're not filming or working or. traveling or whatever, you're like. really suffering. Exactly. >> And people. >> people around you knew it because we saw.

it every single day. But people on the. internet, I feel like, didn't see it as. much. And even some people may have. picked up on it. Some people could maybe. see like your body language in a video. or something and realize like, "Oh, Harper's not doing too well this week.". >> But I feel like people didn't really. know how severe it actually was. >> For sure. Yeah. And so can you kind of. just go into maybe specifically more of. like the last year because I feel like. >> 2025 specifically was just extremely. extremely rough on you and your like. mentally and like you don't have to if. you don't want to, but if you want kind.

of share about like what the last year's. looked like for you and like felt like. >> you're talking about before she left. >> Yeah. Before you left. >> Um what's it called? Okay. Yeah. So. before I left like I Okay. So like two. months leading up to me leaving were. super hard because like so I've like I. obviously had a boyfriend and he didn't. have much to do with anything of me. leaving. Um like obviously I was pretty. sad when he like cheated on me but he's. not the reason that I left and a lot of. people think that. Um but yeah so like.

the two months leading up to me leaving. things were getting really hard. I. didn't want to be around my family. I. couldn't be around my family. Um, I like. had a pretty bad eating disorder for a. little bit. I couldn't I didn't want to. eat. I just basically slept all day. Um, and then so then when I met Benny, we. were really good for like two months and. then then he cheated on me and then I. crashed my car and then I lost some. friends. All this and that all kind of. piled up and. >> and that did all happen within literally.

a span of like two months. >> Yeah. Yeah. Literally two months. And so. that was why things started getting. scary. And then like one night I was in. the car with my mom and I almost took my. own life again and things were just. getting to the point where it was like I. like this is hard like and my parents. were super scared for me. Um and. obviously like I I think I was going to. be fine. I don't know like I really. don't know cuz when you get into these. cycles or the these episodes of like OCD. you it kind of takes over you. You can't.

really control your own head space. So. that's why I was like. >> I don't know what to do. And so like. also like tour was getting pretty hard. cuz it was like I had to stay with my. family and like y'all could see too how. it was affecting me and stuff like that. And so. >> yeah, >> that's why it was like it was hard. because like everybody around me saw me. like hurting and like. >> going into this path of like not being. okay. And so. >> yeah, and then like the the Tik Tok. comments were getting hard too. They. they've always been pretty hard, but.

it's like like ever since I was little. um like well started TikTok like the. comments hurt pretty bad, but I also. love doing it. Yeah. >> And so that's why I was like, you know, I'm going to keep doing it. But. >> yeah, and now it's like I I don't know. I hope they like understand that like. people do go through things. Um even if. they have like. >> followers and stuff like that, like. people still go through. >> Wait, what type of comments are you. talking about? specific comments or. >> no just like hate comments like just. like rude comments like she's so. annoying blah blah blah like I'm just. trying to be myself on the internet like.

you know. >> it's one thing when you don't even have. OCD if like one thing after another bad. happens in your life and you're like oh. my gosh like why are all these horrible. things happening to me and it's just one. thing after another you feel like you're. being beaten to the ground and then you. see all these comments on social media. about how horrible of person you are or. why is she not funny enough or why why. does her eyebrow look this way or. whatever the comment might and it's just. one more beat into the ground. But when. you add OCD on top of that, all those. things seem even bigger than they. actually are cuz your mind is telling.

you they are so much bigger and it adds. a whole another layer. >> And it's not even just like. >> that stuff and the OCD. You're also just. the fact that you're only 17 right now. >> Oh yeah. >> Or 16. Are you 16? Yeah. You turned 17. in like two months. >> I got scared for a second. >> No, I know. Oh my gosh, >> that sounded like really old for a. second. But um the last like I mean like. 15 16 17 at least for me was like. extremely extremely like like the that. time period everything in your life.

seems bigger than it actually is. >> Yeah. Like when I was 15 if my. relationship before I was actually. dating Cash like if my relationship with. Cash that specific day wasn't good. because he had told me he doesn't want. to talk to me anymore. My week I mean. everything was ruined. I was like so. sad. I'm like extremely upset and it's. like I couldn't function because I. really had nothing other than cash in. school in sports in reality. And so now. that I'm an adult and there's so much. more going on in life and like I have so. much more to do, it's like things don't.

hit me as hard as they did when I was in. high school. But you're in high school. and you you have work and you have all. these things, but your brain is still. just like you are very you care a lot. about your friends and living life. normally like as a teenager and stuff. And so these things hit you even harder. when like you go through a breakup or. when you're overwhelmed with school and. work and traveling. And your life even. now just as like a 16-year-old girl is. not the norm with how much you work and. how much you travel and the life you.

have on the internet and stuff. Like. it's not normal at all. And it's like. very very very few people your age can. relate to what you're going through in. life outside of OCD. And then throwing. OCD on top of that is like. >> hard. >> Extremely hard. >> Yeah. >> And I think that it's very easy for. people to like look at your life and be. like Harper like millions of followers, traveling, doing live shows, meeting. thousands of fans at these shows, like. all these really cool things. And it's. like I think that was something that.

like us and your parents was we were so. sad to watch that you've had this dream. of just like being some sort of. personality in the world and like having. like people that want to watch you and. follow you and listen to you sing and. stuff and it's like all these things. happened to you this last year like you. released your first song, you were on a. billboard in Times Square, you won a. Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award for best. podcast. We went on tour. We were. touring all across the country. >> Made a movie. >> Yeah, you were in a movie. Like all of. these things happened to you in the last. year and it's literally like you should. be celebrating. Like in theory it was.

such a good year for. >> it should be like the best year of your. life. >> It literally should have been. >> and it it just wasn't because of OCD. And we watched everyone around you. watched OCD take that from you. Exactly. >> Like the joy you should have felt from. all of these like huge monumental. moments in your life were just literally. stripped away from you because of OCD. Yeah. And it was so hard for everyone. around you to just watch. Like you're. getting to live your dream getting on. stage and like performing and all of. these things. And you're going to a show. and you're like, I can't even get up to. do this. Like there were some days you.

couldn't even get out of bed. Yeah. >> Cuz you were struggling so bad. And it's. like you you made it there and you did. it, but you were going through the. motions. >> Yeah. For sure. >> And you weren't enjoying it. >> And it was so like heartbreaking to. watch that. And so do you do you feel. like from your perspective, what was it like to kind of just like. feel like you were going through the. motions in situations like that? >> Yeah, it I don't know. It like it just. felt like I was being dragged along like. this like journey. Like.

>> some days I just wanted to stay in bed. Like for one day like um we were doing. the podcast show or whatever and I. didn't want to get out of my hotel room. Like I couldn't like I couldn't ride in. the car with my dad on the way there. So. at [snorts] like 10:00 a.m. we were. supposed to leave at 8:00 a.m. but I. left at 10:00 a.m. and I just went in a. way um to the venue and stuff like that. and. >> and everybody like my my dad was pretty. mad at me because like he wanted to ride. with me and stuff and all that but it. just felt like I like life didn't feel.

like worth it anymore. And like. >> yeah, >> I don't know. I feel like a lot of. people go through go through this too. It's like it's [snorts] so hard to keep. going and I don't know like it just felt. to me like I was like what is this even. worth it? Like yeah I have everything I. really want but like am I having fun. doing it? Am I actually like wanting to. do this? Like I don't know. It was just. super hard to even like get up and go on. a show and do all that. And like Yeah. On stage I was super happy because I saw. everybody and like I had this like.

>> you you had there were moments where you. did have fun on days like this. >> But like and like with my friends I am. so happy like literally like I it's like. when I'm with friends or with people. that I really like like it goes away, you know? And it's I can like turn off. my OCD and stuff and like in situations. where I'm actually like having fun. And. so it's not like it ruled my entire. life, but when I'm with the people I. love most, like my family, it it turns. back on and I can't be around them at. all, you know? So. >> that is like why they got so scared. And.

like I don't know, I feel like a lot of. people would be scared if their own. daughter was not like wanting to hang. out with them. Yeah. >> And obviously I'm a teenager, too, and I. don't want to be like hipto- hip with my. parents all the time, but like. >> I just like I don't know. Like looking. at my sister, it makes me like so. jealous seeing her having this really. good relationship with my parents. And. I'm over here having to like be in the. background hiding from them because of. OCD and stuff like that. >> So you said um earlier that when you're. on your medicine, it helps you when.

you're going through like exposure. therapy. That's what it's supposed to do. at least. >> So exposure therapy. is that like let's say you feel like. your dad might be poisoning you. What. does exposure therapy look like in that. situation? Like are you sitting in a car. with him and you just have to sit there. with him for an hour? >> Yeah, basically. Yeah. You just have to. go against what it's telling. >> whatever the bad thing is that it's. telling you is technically bad. >> basically. Yeah. >> Okay. So, whenever you stopped taking. your medicine and I think your mom said.

it was like June of 2025 when you. stopped taking your medicine, we were. still on tour, so you were with your. parents all the time and technically. that's doing exposure therapy without. your medicine. So, did that make it way. harder when you got off your medicine to. kind of cope with being exposed? >> Yeah, kind of. You know, like it was it. kind of felt the same though. That's the. thing. Like I don't even know how to. explain it. It kind of felt like the. same as like me being around my parents. like. >> on medicine and off medicine. Like I.

just kind of felt the same way. >> So what the medicine was supposed to do, you don't feel like it was doing for. you? >> Yeah. No, I don't think it. Yeah. But. >> yeah. And medication and exposure. therapy. together. >> Oh, I don't know if you guys heard her. mom said, "We've never really done. medication and exposure therapy. together.". >> Yeah. >> So, yeah. >> Yeah. Makes it tough to compare results. >> That's true. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Um, there's definitely like when. we were going on tour and we're. traveling around and doing all these. things, there was like we all.

>> we're so excited when we'd see you like. on stage and I think your parents were. too and everybody cuz we could see that. that OCD like turn off. >> Yeah. >> Because it's like, oh my gosh, look at. her. She's in her element. She's working. the crowd. She's having a good time. when you're meeting. it off and it's like oh my gosh you're. this happy you're so excited to meet. them and you're so joyful. >> Yeah. >> And it's it's so amazing.

>> and I think that's it's so strange. because everybody online that watches. you. >> pretty much only sees that side. I mean, there's a couple maybe podcast episodes. out where maybe you were having a rough. day and people can kind of see into that. a little bit, but for the most part, I. don't think anyone understands like what. really happens when like like when you. say like, "Oh, I feel like I can't be. around my dad." It's like not like, "Oh, hey dad, I'd rather just ride in another. car.". >> Yeah. It's more just like. >> it's like it causes it to be where you.

guys have to get different hotel rooms, you have to take different cars, places, you have to do things and it changes. your entire way you guys do life. >> And it's and it's it is sad and it's sad. and it but I we know that it's like it's. it's hard cuz I don't feel like it's. your choice in some ways. Yeah. >> You know what I mean? It's not like. you're sitting here choosing like like. an angry teenage daughter that's just. like, "Oh, I'm rebellious and I don't. want to be with my parents today.". >> Yeah. Exactly. >> It's not like that. Um, which I know me. and Cash for a long time, we were like,

"Man, Harper says she has OCD, but she's. probably just being a rebellious. teenager and doesn't want to like. >> Yeah. >> see her parents. Like there was times. where when we first met you, we didn't. know. >> We had no idea what what that really. meant." Um, and it wasn't something you. shared with us the first time you met. us, you know, like. >> um, >> but it was hard to watch some of those. things happen. Like when we were in LA, there was a time where you were your dad. wanted to like bring you food and you. were like, "No, like I'm not eating. this." And I was like, "I don't. understand." Yeah.

>> Like it didn't it didn't it was hard to. understand. >> Yeah. >> Uh but I think now over this past year, watching you like and just observing you. when you're working with kids and you're. like having a good time filming or. having a good time with friends. It's. like I can see this like this like this. sounds cliche but like this light inside. of you. Yeah. That is so like. just vibrant like when you're with. people that you love. Uh even with your.

family like I've seen you laugh and have. good times. Um and it made me so happy. to even just hear like that some of the. things went well. Like I think there was. mo like since you've been to therapy uh. the last two months there's been moments. where you guys have got to share. together that you guys wouldn't have. gotten to share before. >> sure. >> which is just such a blessing that like. even though you still may have a long. way to go there's like these moments. that you guys are getting to to have.

together that y'all didn't have before. >> which is just such a blessing and it's. so amazing and I know you were talking. about like your purpose like you feel. like there's no. >> at times like there's no purpose. And. that makes me so sad to hear. >> Yeah. >> Because like you're so loved by so many. people. You're so loved by us. And it's. something that most people watching. wouldn't even fathom. >> that you'd struggle with. Yeah. >> Like nobody would assume you don't have. a sense of purpose. Like you're Harper.

Zilmer who has millions of followers, goes on stage and influences people all. around the world. >> Like you inspire so many people. >> Yeah. and and just even make so many. people laugh and just have a good day. Like for the girls that are literally. like you struggling, they get to watch. your podcast and laugh some of them and. even relate to somebody like you. And. it's just. >> the idea that you don't the idea that. you don't have a sense of purpose and a. sense of meaning in life is like hard to.

even fathom for me and I know you. >> yet alone people watching. >> Yeah. And I just I just can't I just. can't even hardly wrap my head around. like not that that should be your. purpose. Like your purpose in life is. not to to just make everyone laugh. That's not your purpose. Your purpose is. not to to go on stage and influence a. bunch of people uh for like your own. ego. Like that's not what your purpose. is. And I know we've talked about this. offset and different times like your.

purpose in life um is Matthew 28, you. know, to to go out into the world and. make disciples. And I can see you do. that with your friends and with your. family and things like that. And even. with us, like there's so much we've. learned from you. >> that's been huge to us. Exactly. And. like I know you probably sometimes think. like, oh, we're like older and like we. don't like learn things from you, but. we've learned so much from you being. here and you've taught us so much. Um, and it's been such a blessing for us to.

just have you as a friend and have you. um as a podcast host. Like we've enjoyed. every moment of it and it's been so fun. >> Thanks. Thanks guys. Wow. Yeah. Well, thank y'all. But like like seriously. like even just being on the podcast and. being able to come here almost every day. like helps so much getting away. >> from everything and it's just it's I. don't know it just helps it has helped. out a lot. >> There's also I also do know that there's. times where like you've had to drag. yourself here because you are like I.

don't want to film today. I mean there's. times that we've all dragged ourselves. up up to this podcast set and we're like. okay we're going to film. we don't feel. like filming right now, but we're going. to do it and we get it done. And. ultimately, we are so happy that we. continue to do the podcast, even on the. days that we're like, "Oh, we don't feel. like doing it right now, but like we we. love doing the podcast." But I know that. >> most days I'm excited. >> Mo I would say I would say on average, yeah, most days we are all pretty. excited. >> No, no, you you guys are always moping. your pants getting ready to shoot. I'm. talking about. >> moping your pants. What is that?

>> I don't know. Is that not [laughter] a. phrase? >> No. Hoping your. >> sounds inappropriate. >> Put it on a t-shirt, though. >> I [laughter] thought that was a thing. >> No. >> Um, well, anyways, what. >> you're saying that we don't have, you. know, that the days that we're like not. excited to shoot are the days where we. feel like we have nothing to talk about. >> That's when it gets fun. >> Interesting. >> for cash cuz you say random things like. your pants. >> In your pants. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Um, how did you know how did you know in. the fourth grade.

um that you had OCD? >> We didn't. She had stuck thoughts. She. >> cried. >> They They said that I had stuck. thoughts, but like. >> So what age? >> Basically OCD without a label. You said. stuck. >> Yeah. >> So what age were you when you. >> thought she just couldn't stop thinking. about I thought you were saying suck. thoughts. I was like what is that? [laughter]. >> So what age were you when you were like. diagnosed officially with OCD? >> I think like 13 or 14. >> Oh, so in middle school. >> So wait, so that would have been. >> sixth grade. Your mom said maybe. >> So 11 years old. >> Yeah.

>> When did we meet you? 14 13. >> 13. We met her when she was 13 and she. turned 14 like a couple months later. >> So it would have been. >> No, y'all met me when I was 13 and then. on March. >> No, [laughter] you didn't eat. >> on March 19th. >> Do you remember the exact day? >> On March 19th, I met them and then March. 20th I turned 14. >> No, we did not meet on March 19th. We. met in February. >> We met in February. >> March. >> I don't know. March 19th sounds pretty.

specific. >> We met in February. We went to we went. to dinner with you and your mom in. February. >> Yeah. And then we filmed together March. 19th. >> March 19th. Yeah. We filmed. >> So, >> yeah. >> So, but by then you knew you had OCD. >> Yeah, I think so. Yeah. >> For a while. Yeah. >> Yeah. Cuz her mom said it was maybe. around the sixth grade when she was like. officially diagnosed with OCD. >> Yeah. I feel like these past like years. have just literally been a blur like. that. I don't remember when I started. medicine. I don't remember when I got. off of it. Like. >> I just I kind of just remember like the. hard things where it's like oh well like. I could have died then. I could have. died there. like, but I'm still here.

So, yeah. But, um, >> yeah. So, should I start talking about. how I got there or should I do that. later? >> I [laughter] got there. >> That's up to you. >> Yeah. I mean, this is your story. You. can tell however you want. >> Well, wait. Before you do that, let's. talk about the months leading up to. >> Like, I know we talked about like you. got off medicine in in June and then. >> Wait, wait, wait. What? I coughed. I. >> You coughed and you couldn't hear. anything? >> Yeah. >> Check that out. um the months before she. left.

>> Yeah. >> We talked about it a little bit, but you. got off your medicine in June and then. you had like tornado one thing after. another like snowballing over the two. months. >> October was like the worst time. >> Yeah. So, let's talk about September to. October. >> Well, hold on. Let's go back. So, in. June. >> No, no. Let's go back further. >> No, no, no, no. Listen. >> When were you born? When was your. [laughter] mom born? Come back. >> No, listen. in June. June was it was a. it was a really good month and that. because like that was.

>> because what your birthday was on your. what anniversary. >> Okay, let's talk about [laughter]. favorite month every year. >> I got married. Anyways, no in June you'd. stopped taking your medicine but also at. the same time we had gone to the kids. choice awards and we had won and then. the week after we had started officially. started touring. We went to Atlanta for. our first show at the end of June. And. so during that time, were you already. off of your medicine? >> Yes. >> And did you were you already like. feeling the effects of that during those. the last two weeks of June when we were.

work doing all that work? >> Well, if I'm going to be honest, I like. I feel like a lot of people can see. differences with medicine, but I didn't. So, I kind of felt the exact same way. >> Well, did you feel like downsides of the. medicine though? Like it made you just. feel like drowsy or like mopey or I know. some people. >> were on medicine or off medicine? Were. >> you medic when you were off medicine? I. mean, I pants. >> moping. >> I I felt I felt the exact like sort of. the exact same way when I was on. >> I didn't I don't I will say just from. like my perspective, I remember.

>> we noticed. >> I I I noticed because I felt like you. had You had said this before, too. You. said that that medicine made you feel. like you had no personality, no. emotions. >> It felt numbing. >> Yeah. When you'd gotten off that. medicine, I specifically remember in LA. at that Airbnb, you were very emotional. that week. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And I remember like you came into my. room like crying like once or twice cuz. you were so just like upset over and it. was it was all back to OCD. >> It literally you were upset over. something that your OCD was causing. And. I remember that week I was like. >> thinking that you seemed more emotional,

but I don't even know that I knew that. you were off your medicine at that. point. >> Exactly. Yeah. >> And so just that that was the first time. I noticed when you had started kind of. like being emotional again like you. said. You said I had no emotions. And so. you had started. >> having that again. And then, you know, we kind of went on tour and the first. few shows were really exciting because. it was like we just started tour. We're. really excited about it. >> And then in July, we went to New York. and that was when you had started dating. somebody. >> And then you kind of like were super. lively because you were super excited. about that relationship. And.

>> I don't want to say that that. relationship was what was necessarily. making you super happy, but you were. finding a lot of joy in that. >> Yeah. And so can you kind of talk us. through like your almost like emotions. through the like what after you got off. medicine through the months leading up. to you. >> uh going to treatment? >> Well, hold on. If we're getting into. first of all, do you want to get into. that? >> Yeah, I don't care. >> No, no, no. If there's anything you. don't want to say, don't say it. >> I don't care. I don't care. Wait, so so. [laughter]. basically you're asking like.

>> Harper. No, listen. It is your story. If. there's something you don't want to say, you don't have to. >> No, I know. I know. If there's any. questions you want us to cut, we can cut. them. >> Okay. Okay. Perfect. >> Okay. Okay. Perfect. >> Well, if if you're going to get into. So, you do you want to get into you. leaving is what you're saying? >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Well, I don't care. I can tell you all. about the months leading up to me. leaving. >> Yeah. >> And then about me leaving? >> Well, it's up to you. Whatever you want. I just want I the reason I asked that. originally was cuz I want them to see. like how much of a roller coaster it was.

for you in your head and like how bad. things were and why you ended up. >> I don't want people to think that it was. just like. >> a random like send her off. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It was a tornado. >> It was. >> Yeah, it was. It was like So yeah, like. I was super happy when um when I was. dating Benny and I was like, "Oh my. gosh, like this is amazing. I have a. boyfriend.". >> And you were off the medicine. >> Yeah. And I was off the medicine. I was. >> And if I'm wrong, I'm assuming that you. were like, "Oh my gosh, this boy likes. me and he likes me off the medicine,".

which probably felt good. >> Yeah. Yeah. And like And so basically I. was like, "Yeah, I don't know. I was. just pretty happy cuz I was with my. friends and I was like um dating Benny.". >> Yeah. It was summer. Like you weren't in. school either. >> I wasn't in school. Like everything was. fine. [snorts]. >> Teenage dream. >> Yeah. And then I started up school and. in um like Septemberish or August. And. then I went through school. Um I slept. through school every day almost like it. was. >> So even though like you said like you.

were extremely happy, you were having a. lot of fun like dating Benny and stuff, it's not like the OCD wasn't. >> still in your life at that time. Like. even even like like when you weren't. hanging out with Benny and. >> like even when I was dating Benny like I. tried to hurt like myself again too like. I Yeah. Like. >> Yeah. like it still was there, but you. were also just now experiencing some. sort of joy. >> Yeah. >> At the same time. >> And so it gave me something to look. forward to. So my parents, they were. like, "Okay, like you if you want to go. up and see Benny for homecoming, then.

you have to chill out on your OCD. Like. you have to actually lock in and um do. exposures with us and. >> yeah. >> Yeah. Try hard. So that's what I did for. a good three days." And it was fine. Like I actually tried to work hard. >> and then I went to go see Benny. And. then when I got home, I found out that. he cheated on me. And then everything. started like snowballing from there. I. was super upset that that number one I. couldn't get out of bed. Um. >> yeah, >> I didn't eat anything. Like I don't. know. I was super upset.

>> and then. like October 10th I crashed my car and. then. >> and you're and you're off the medicine. during this whole time and you've been. on medicine since you were 14. >> I don't Yeah, I think so. So. >> since the end of sixth grade. >> Yeah. >> So like 11ish. So, um, I crashed my car. and mind you, while I was also on. medicine, I still had all these terrible. thoughts. Like, it didn't make it go. away. Like, I it didn't really help with. a lot. And so, >> no, but I think it did. >> regulate emotions. >> Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I.

think your highs and lows were more. dramatic. >> Yeah. You were, like I said, you not. that even even just you crying, that's. not like you being like super dramatic. That's a normal thing. >> But you you know, you kind of had these. like moments of like like almost like. outbursts. Like it's like everything. hits you so hard at once that you would. get like so like you would sobb. uncontrollably or you would. >> yell and be mad and it's like kind of. just like super emotional and that's. what Mav was saying like the your. emotions were constantly like either. super high or super low. It's like. >> it's why I keep using the illustration.

tornado cuz you were literally like up. and down and everywhere like all at. once. >> It was very unpredictable. Yeah. And. like even on medicine when I was in like. seventh grade, I would have these things. where I'd be crying upstairs for like. hours on end and like freak have big. freakouts with my parents. So. >> yeah, >> I don't I think like if y'all find the. right medicine, it will help, but I. wasn't on the right one for me. So then. two months go by with Benny, blah blah. blah, all that. I crashed my car and I I.

couldn't get out of bed. Then the. Chicago show came and my mom was like, "You don't have to go if you don't want. to." And I was like, >> and that wasn't just like a casual. thing. >> I was really struggling. >> like that was like the way like at the. show before the show before Harper was. like really really struggling at that. one. And you don't want to force. especially a teenage girl. You don't. want to force a teenage girl to go. entertain thousands of people when she's. like barely surviving above water. Yeah. >> Like that was like not even like. fathomable for your mom. She was like I.

remember your mom was really struggling. with that. She was like, I just I can't. make her go to the show. >> when she's literally drowning. >> I mean, you didn't want to let down. thousands of people that are excited to. see you. >> Yeah. Like that was like extremely. extremely difficult. >> I know it was extremely difficult for. you and your family to have to like make. that decision. >> But just so that the audience knows that. was not like a decision that was made. lightly at all. Like that was like. >> I took like at least like three days to. think about it. Um. >> and even then you were like I have to. go. Like there's people waiting to see.

me. >> Exactly. Yeah. and like I just I. couldn't go. And so then even if I did. go to the Chicago show that Sunday, I. still would have like been sent to Utah. So I'm kind of glad that I didn't go. because I still got to hang out with my. friends. But [snorts]. um so like this is like a really hard. one because um Sorry. >> No, you're good. >> So no, we can take a break if. >> No, no, don't worry. Um, so like when I. um my parents they were like thinking. about sending me away for like a long.

time. >> You want a hug? >> It's okay. Don't worry. Sure. >> I got tissues. >> Thank you. >> Just had those prepared. >> So basically um I didn't know that I was. going to be sent away until the night. that I was um going to be sent away. [snorts] And um I'm so sorry. >> You're fine. If you want take a minute. to breathe. >> No, don't worry. Don't worry. Um. >> Harper. Harper. It's okay. Just like. >> I'm okay. I'm okay. Um, okay. So, basically, I um I didn't know that I was. going to be like sent away to Utah. Um,

so on October 19th, I um my parents told. me that or October 18th, they told me. that night. Um, I was out to I was out. at dinner with u my sister and um we. were eating and then I got back home and. I walked upstairs and um I saw I looked. into the living room and I saw my family. and friends and um I was like, "Hi guys, like what are y'all doing here?" And. they were like, "We just want to talk.

with you." And so um we talked and they. were like, "I I really think you should. go to treatment." And um I was like, "No, absolutely not. I'm not going to. treatment. I'm not going to do that. [laughter] I'm not I'm just I'm not. gonna do that." And so um I was like, "I. can do therapy at home." And um all. this. But then um my my parents were. like, "My parents couldn't even be in. the room with me because I um my. >> during this whole thing, they're not in. the room.". >> No. So [snorts] it's just friends and. family. It's like my two best friends.

moms, not my coach, um my uncle and um. my two family friends. And um I thought. this was really weird. So I sit down and. they're all talking to me. They're all. crying [snorts]. and I'm like, "What is happening?" And. so um we're all like in a circle kind of. like this and um I'm sitting next to my. sister and we all go around in a circle. telling like what they love about me and. like why I should get help and I just. kept saying no. Um, and [snorts] then I.

got to my sister and she got out a note. and um, she was like, "By the way, like. I don't want to blame anything on my. parents cuz I know this was scary for. them and this felt like the only thing. they could do." And so my sister started. reading a note. And um, it was like, "Harper, we love you so much and we've. seen OCD take you away for the past um, like seven years. And um tomorrow. morning at 9:00 a.m. you're going to be. taken away to a treatment center in Utah. and I freaked out. I don't even want to.

remember how it was, but I [snorts]. freaked out and I I scream and I was. like I don't I was like freaking out. everywhere. Like everybody was trying to. calm me down, but I couldn't stop. Like. I just like remember that night was. probably one of the hardest nights ever. And then I didn't know what to do. Like. I wanted to run away. I was not going to. be sent there. And so I was like. screaming and I didn't want to be sent. away. And then I went to my room and. talked to my friends and like my windows.

were bolted and so I couldn't run away. or anything. And like my dad's friends. were there so I wouldn't run away. either. And um and then I um I like. resorted to TikTok because that's the. only thing I have. So, I like posted a. video of me like saying like I'm going. to be sent away and then it wasn't it. wasn't it was a little too much. So, I. had to delete that and I got my phone. tooken um and so my phone got taken away. from me and so [snorts] I didn't I.

didn't really get it back until um I. finally calmed down and so I calmed down. and um I got my phone back but it was it. was just it was a terrible night. Um, >> yeah. >> And I my parents, they couldn't take me. because I probably would have ran away. with them. So, they decided to get. people to take me. Oh my gosh. Like, they decided to get um people to take. me. I think it's good to clarify that it.

wasn't like it was just like a like a. medical transport team. It wasn't like. some officers came in the house and. like, you know, handcuffed you or. anything. Like it was it was arranged to. get you there in the safest way. possible. >> Yeah. And like I'm sure they've worked. with kids who um have ran away before, so they're super like high high tech or. whatever. >> And so they were they really made sure. that I wouldn't run away or anything. Um.

>> Well, you you even know yourself like. you just said like you check the windows. and stuff like you wanted to run away. Anybody probably would want to run away. It's a scary thing to have to. >> go away for a few months and to have to. do this what seemingly feels like all by. yourself. >> You're like, "My parents are sending me. away and I'm going to be with complete. strangers.". >> Yeah. >> And. >> from your perspective. [music].