World-Renowned Neuroscientist Explains How to Finally Calm Your Brain

how much do we actually know about the. brain and its. potential we have years of knowledge but. there is an enormous amount that we. still don't know there are brain areas. we have no idea what they. do every ping of the phone is anxiety. producing which then launches your. stress response and that keeps us. stressful for way too much of the day so. many people are appreciating at a higher.

level stress and anxiety and depression. a little bit of that is actually good. for the. brain you want to live a long healthy. energized life start paying attention to. all the things you need to do to make. your brain work beautifully it defines. everything that we do and everything. that we. are the number one Health and Wellness. podcast J.

J shett the one the only. Jett Wendy thank you so much for being. here I'm so grateful to have you on on. purpose I was really looking forward to. this and even just the few words we've. exchanged now I'm like all right click. record ASAP like we need to capture all. of it thank you so much thank you for. having me I'm thrilled to be here oh. well let's let's Dive Right In yeah the. first thing I wanted to ask you. was how much do we actually know about. the brain and its potential.

that is such a great question um we have. hours and semesters and years of. knowledge that we have gained about the. brain since we've seriously been. studying it but there is an enormous. amount that we still don't know there. are brain areas we have no idea what. they do um my favorite is called the. claustrum somebody asked me what's the. most mysterious brain area that you know. Wendy this is a brain area that connects.

to everything cortically subcortically. it should be integrating something. critical we have no idea what it does we. have little idea of how Consciousness. works we know a lot about Vision so it. is a beautiful bag of information and. mystery that our brain represents. there's something about that right that. there's so much we've learned but. there's so much yet to uncover yes but I. feel when we talk about the brain and.

what's relevant to us I think about what. does a healthy and unhealthy brain feel. like and how do we know whether we have. a healthy or unhealthy brain I think. that um uh the answer to that is so many. people are appreciating at a higher. level their stress and anxiety and. depression a little bit of that is. actually good for the brain chronic all. the time can't get out out from under.

the cloud or the big rock around your. neck that anxiety can feel like that is. not good for your brain high levels of. stress overall will start to First. damage and then kill some neurons in. your brain that is not good so if you. are at that level that is not good for. your brain what about someone who says. and I'm sure you hear this all the time. Wendy oh you know stress doesn't really. affect me you know I can just keep going. I don't really notice it how would you. what would you say to someone who says. that I would say I said that a lot to.

myself and when I sat down to write my. second book good anxiety I realized how. much stress and anxiety that I was. dealing with in my life and also uh I. think the the the key was there were. simple tools that one could use to um to. address not all forms of your stress and. anxiety but but a lot of those forms of.

stress and anxiety and so um the first. step is awareness yeah so becoming aware. why why are we in denial about our. stress I think well I live in New York. City people like to wear a badge of. stress oh you know you every time you. answer how are you oh so stressed out so. much to do it's like a badge of uh a. badge of honor so I think that that. becomes has become part of our. individualistic society and and that's. not good I mean what what you should be.

able to say at least a good chunk of the. time is actually I'm doing well I feel. good I feel energized and you don't hear. that response all too often and not. that's not just in New York but I think. all over the country and all over the. world yeah for sure no I think you're so. right I think people are used to saying. surviving yes just surviving just. getting through this day I'm just moving. forward and I think that's why we're. doing this episode because we want. people to be able to turn around and say. oh no I'm doing well I'm energized but. there's almost like we carry this guilt.

if we are about to say that right. there's a feeling of like or there's a. feeling of shame that I'm not working. hard enough right so going back the. other way with the badge of honor. there's a feeling of if I said oh no I'm. actually doing okay that's me saying I'm. not working hard enough right I I've. noticed that as well I've noticed that. in myself and and my colleagues and it's. about stepping back and. realizing you know I think one of the.

most profound pieces of advice that. somebody gave me early on is making me. realize how important and how complex my. brain was it defines everything that we. do and everything that we are and making. that work well should be high on our. list chronic stress and buying into that. I'm busy all the time culture is not not. conducive to brain health so you want to.

live a long healthy uh energized life. start paying attention to all the things. you need to do to make your brain work. beautifully yeah no matter how much you. think you've got away with it up until. now yes exactly it's not good to keep. pushing that and testing how far the. brain can go exactly walk me through the. difference between anxiety and stress. and why is it important to know the. difference uh they are intertwined in a.

really complex way so physiologically. the stress response is um enacted by the. sympathetic nervous system and it's all. those feelings that we are very familiar. with increased heart rate increased. respiration rate our eyes dilate uh. there's a upset stomach because actually. blood is rushing away from our digestion. and reproductive systems towards our. muscles because the response is to get. us ready to run away to physically flee.

now anxiety is the emotion of fearing. something that is coming up in the. future that could that we we don't like. that that could harm us in his Essence. it is protective so um you know a woman. 3.5 million years ago trying to protect. her baby wanted to use those feelings of. anxiety to keep that baby safe from. those physical dangers that were there. the problem is that in today's world. every ping of the f bone is anxiety.

producing which then launches your. stress response and that keeps us. stressful for way too much of the day so. the key I think is learning how to turn. the volume down on those anxiety cues. that then launch stress and learning. what they are for yourself but also. using the tools of science to turn that. volume down it's it's a simple first. step that everybody can take how do we. do that so um the first thing that you.

can do is first realize you said to you. how do we know we're we're. stressed self you know self-reflect for. a moment am I am I telling everybody I'm. stressed all the time um do I not sleep. well because of stress when you do that. there are my number one and number two. tools that I immediately go to and I. know you've talked about this um so many. times on your show number one because it. is immediate is deep breathing breath. work.

why because breath work activates the. equal and opposite part of that. sympathetic fight ORF flight system the. parasympathetic system uh I told you all. the things that stress activates heart. rate raise respiration raise you know. your your blood rushing I can't control. where my blood rushes and I can't really. control my heart rate but I can control. exactly how deep and profound and. frequent my breathing is so that's why. just deep breathing just to two or three.

times can you know try it out it can. really calm you down and if you practice. it it gets even more powerful that's my. tool go-to number one and it's number. one because if I'm getting anxious about. this interview I could actually do this. in the background you don't even know. and and I can calm myself down even in. the heat of a um this is not a stressful. conversation at all but I'm pretending. that you know it could be yes number two. two is moving your body and so um 10.

minutes of walking outside or anywhere. up and down the stairs down the hallway. has been shown to decrease your anxiety. and stress levels it's one of the. fastest way that you can use physical. activity to address your Stress and. Anxiety levels those are my number one. and number two go-tos anybody can use. you don't even have to change your. clothes that first one I'm so glad you. brought that up and it's it's a practice. I do still till this day if I'm going on. stage or if I'm doing something that's.

anxiety inducing and I think people are. always like Jay wait a minute you. experience anxxiety I'm like of course I. do it's it's a part of everyday life and. if I'm about to do something that feels. that way I can notice the same thing but. now that I've noticed that cue which is. like you said it's easy for me to think. okay well I know I need to breathe in. for a four and breathe out for more than. four which is a pattern I like are there. any patterns that you suggest or is it. just deep breathing you know the easiest. is just deep you know for for three or.

four counts in three or four counts out. but I like box breathing which I know. you know about uh deep breath in for. four counts hold it at the top for four. counts deep breath out for four counts. hold it at the bottom for four counts. it's funny every time I even say that. and I often say that in these kinds of. interviews I feel. myself um de-stressing as as I do that. cuz I the the muscle memory of of when I. do do that comes comes in but yes it is.

such a powerful technique that everybody. can use and how do we spot our cues more. closely because so for a long time I. used to say I don't get stressed and. then I started to realize when I was. actually still that all my stress was. stored in my body so I wouldn't get. stressed mentally I wouldn't experience. it in my mind and I wouldn't experience. it in my chest or my heart but then I. started to notice that my upper. shoulders or my neck is always tight and. it took me a while before I started to. recognize that stress existed in. different ways.

how do. weeres think's two questions one is how. do we get closer to our cues and the. second is when you feel that cue or. trigger how do you remind yourself to. breathe I think to get closer to your. cues the easiest answer is um to spend. time in open awareness of your own cues. and just as you said and it's the same. for me they don't suddenly appear on a. list in front of you you have to go and.

seek them out because for you it wasn't. in your head it was in your body I'll. never forget multiple times I've had the. experience of deep tissue massage in. certain places that triggered just. crying in me and I'm I'm so sorry what. what's happened they said no I've just. touched a a point in your body that you. store a lot of stress um you mean like. actually crying actual physical crying. and it wasn't like I couldn't help it.

and and it's happened it's happened just. twice but that was my very clear cue. that I also store a lot of stress and um. anxiety in my own body you have to go. and look for that and you have to notice. it and you have to remind yourself when. you've been covering up your own Stress. and Anxiety which I am also a master of. it takes a little exploration and I. think that listening to other and and. and actually asking a friend do you.

notice times when when you think I'm. more stressed than others and sometimes. you might be surprise that might be a. really good you know moment of of. realization and so then your second. question was once you realize you're in. this moment how do you remind yourself. to breathe and that's a hard one and I. think the best way is don't wait until. say oh I'm I'm um I'm anxious I need to. breathe but never having any practice.

with this breathing it is wonderful to. take to take a class time and go to a. breath meditation class you learn so. much because there is literally. thousands of years of breath work. technique to learn and um i' I've been. exploring that as well but you don't. have to get super fancy sometimes it's. just about you said you like the um. inhale and exhale for a longer time that. is a very basic but powerful one explore.

that on YouTube that there are thousands. of free meditations you can do that I. always send people there practice it see. which ones you like sometimes it's it's. too long of a hold for people and you. have to find the one that you like. practice it get it comfortable with. yourself and then it'll be easier to. call it up when you do notice that. moment coming up yeah I agree I think I. think that's great ad advice it's you. can't have something help you it's. almost like I remember being at school.

and they'd always train you with what. happens if there was a fire yeah so. you're training when there isn't a fire. and so it's like hey when there's a fire. you're going to walk through this door. you're going to line up outside you're. going to do this and it's almost like we. need that for when the fire is appear in. our mind exact and you've got to do the. routine before it happens in reality. right and if you do do it really think. about how that made you feel do you feel. that difference. and um it's important to to keep.

exploring how different things make you. feel because maybe you chose just a bum. breath technique it doesn't work for you. and there are those that that you know. just won't hack it for you so so try. other things but stay aware and that. practice of self-awareness I think is so. important for our the rest of our lives. I think it's really hard to put the. phone down but that could be such a. GameChanger go what am I going to do.

have a conversation with the real person. when you practice the meditation you. realize how powerful that is for your. life it's fascinating to me just how. everything that's good for you seems. hard and everything that's bad for you. seems easy what's actually happening to. the brain when we ignore anxiety and. stress for long periods of time stress. uh very physiologically releases stress. hormone cortisol cortisol goes through.

the blood brain barrier goes into the. brain and the the danger is that there. are key brain areas that you want to. keep healthy and thriving and growing. throughout your life that high levels of. of of consistent cortisol will damage. and then eventually kill cells and the. first brain area I I'll focus on is. called the hippocampus critical for. memory function and here we know that. long-term stress for example people with. PTSD uh monkeys that have low rank in.

the pecking order male monkeys have tiny. little hippocampi because those cells. have gotten damaged and then um died and. that is not good we need a what I like. to call a big fat fluffy hippocampus for. the rest of our lives this is the area. that first gets attacked in Alzheimer's. disease and you want to keep that. beautiful and healthy the other brain. area that is attacked in stress is your.

prefrontal cortex critical for. decision-making uh being able to shift. and focus your attention and so you are. starting to damage two key areas you. know I I lead 9,000 students the two. brain areas I want to work best in these. students are the hippocampus and the. prefrontal cortex and it kills me that. during finals all that stress that comes. up is damaging their ability to show us. all the beautiful knowledge that they. learn of course not just my students but.

all students around the world how can we. how can we de-stress that process and. and thereby help learning help help. recall help their professors know what. they do understand about the topic yeah. what what are our daily activities that. are damaging the hippocampus and the. prefrontal cortex yeah I mean it is that. everyday stress it's the anxiety. provoked by scary news that we read.

every single day by social media and. here I'm thinking about younger younger. people well known how much it damages. self-esteem to spend too much time on. social media all these things we all. know these stressors in our lives but. it's actually hard to put the newspaper. down it's hard it's really hard to put. the phone down but that could be such a. game Cher for both adults and children. and you just ask well what am I gonna do.

have a conversation with the real person. which is what I always try and um push. people to do that is uh such a joy and a. privilege in our lives to be able to do. yeah I I've really found also. that if we can just find a gap between. when you wake up and when you pick up. your phone yeah it just rewires the. brain and I think we have to think about. it physically very. okay well if I don't put my brain in.

this you know noise in the morning just. as I would never wake up to like volume. 100 on any song or whatever it may be if. I just allow my brain some time to like. speed up naturally and catch up with the. pace of the day then actually I'll be. better at doing everything else rather. than when I Rush my brain from zero to. 100 miles hour with 50 emails and 30. notifications I'm expecting so much of. my brain and no wonder I'm stressed out.

immediately because my brain is trying. to compute and formulate it's like it's. like if your partner turned to you in. the morning and said I want to have a. really deep discussion about life first. thing in the morning it's like you'd be. like oh I don't think I can handle that. right now and it's shocking to me how. many of us are putting ourselves in. stress by looking at our phones first. thing in the morning yeah I have a. morning routine that I've come to love. which is um about a 45 minute meditation. um when I first wake up so that's the. first thing that I do and I do a tea.

meditation which is meditation over the. brewing and drinking of tea because not. teabag tea but but you know loose leaf. tea where you have to seep it for a. certain amount of time or else it. doesn't taste its best and then you pour. it and then you drink it and then you. Reep it so for me that ritual uh really. keeps me in meditation and uh what do I. mean by meditation just I I do body. scans uh I have prayers uh that I that I.

go through every morning which is I. think the antithesis of looking at your. email um and then I do a 30-minute. workout um which is I do it online so I. do open my computer but I'm not you know. looking at the newspaper at the same. time I'm doing my workout I'm focused on. that workout and that really prepares me. for the day and if I miss either one of. those I feel it the rest of the day yeah. definitely I love hearing that how long. have you done that for I've done the. meditation for for 9 years straight and.

I've missed only a few days when I have. those 400 a.m. you have to get on the. cab at 4:00 a.m. to get to the airport. um and exercise I've been doing for even. longer I've gone through lots of habits. with my my exercise but having the. morning habit and really forcing myself. not forcing it's a habit um um having. the habit of even when I only have five. minutes I'll do some sort of you know. stretch or something for that 5 minutes.

every single day and feel good about. that um in addition to my good 30 minute. cardio strength workout where I really. sweat so I mean I think we're both. talking about the habits that we choose. for ourselves that that um that improve. our mental health strengthen our brain. this is what so important to choose for. ourselves yeah absolutely and and I. think the point is you'll get so much. more out of your day yes and your brain. yes I think often we think well if I ski. that I used to be like with my wife she. was the one who kept drilling into me.

how important physical activity was and. I was just like no I'm fine and she was. like imagine how alert you'll be imagine. how focused you'll be and I didn't. believe her and then when I started to. do it I was like oh she's right and it's. such an interesting thing it's so easy. to think I'll accomplish more yes if I. don't make time for meditation breath. work and working out but you won't. you'll actually accomplish less you'll. you'll accomplish is that what you found. is that does The Science Show that too. you know the science shows that um.

exercise improves your mood it improves. your ability to shift and focus your. attention uh long term it will improve. your memory and so um compared to. subjects or you know animal subjects. that don't do exercise uh there is. better brain function in those people. that are exercising so yes the science. is behind it and there's beautiful. science in meditation showing that um. there are brain areas that are enhanced.

with in Monks for example that that's. going way I'm I'm never going to be a. monk but um the AC of meditation is a. Act of learning how to focus better so. that I could focus on your questions and. not be distracted by whatever is going. on on the outside I mean we have a nice. quiet room but sometimes you know I live. in New York we're on the subway and. there's so much noise and when you. practice the meditation you really iiz. how powerful that is for your life that.

I could choose to focus on you that's. all I'm focused on I'm listening to you. deeply I'm thinking about it deeply and. that is that is an experience that not. enough of us are having on a very. regular basis yeah why does it feel like. when we're trying to do that it almost. feels like it hurts right like when. someone's really trying to focus it's. like you're trying to P all your energy. and people can feel like oh God it's so. tiring.

a certain but's and resistance back what. are we experiencing what's going on you. know I think part of that is our lives. are um uh have been focused on getting. pulled in 10 different directions at the. same time we get used to that and so no. I can't focus on you for a whole hour. because I I have 30 other things that I. usually get pulled into and that becomes. your habit if that is your habit I think.

you need to rethink that and it's a it's. a muscle that you build I remember my um. undergraduate advisor uh the woman who. made me want to become a neuroscientist. she used to say that new learning and. this is a new habit that you're learning. will hurt it'll make your brain hurt. because it's those dendrites that are. growing and and stretching out and. making new connections it's not an easy. thing it's a metabolic load it is an.

effort to build new Pathways but that's. what we're doing when we're trying to. focus and connect for longer periods of. time than we were used to okay so it's. okay if it hurts oh yeah absolutely it's. supposed to hurt right it's almost like. you're walking through a path that. doesn't exist yet yes and so you're. having to pave that way exactly you're. the first person walking in there's. nothing ahead of you you're chopping. down the trees and leaves in front of. you you're building the bridge the. pathways and that's why it hurts and.

it's so interesting when you think about. it that way because you go oh okay so. every time I walk over that bridge it. will become stronger yes and every time. I step on that step that path becomes. clearer and now it's going to be easier. for me every time yeah yeah it's it's. fascinating to me just how everything. that's good for you seems hard and. everything that's bad for you seems. easy well yes I think at the certain at. a certain point of the journey that is.

absolutely the case but at a different. point of the journey when you've when. you've you know cut down those trees. with your machete um it feels glorious. to be able to have these deep. conversations with your friends and. build that habit with your friends and. your loved ones and build that habit of. of first thing in the morning um no no. phone and meditation you know how much.

better you're going to feel and that. that is the part of the Gratitude yes I. have a gratitude practice it is that. it's like being grateful for all those. good habits that I have been forming and. throwing those away that I don't and. being grateful that I threw that away. yeah I talked a lot about going back to. your point around monks brains I talked. a lot about the science B monks brains. in my first book think like a monk and I. remember a simple practice that we used. to do when I lived as a monk that was. really helpful to me so we would often.

meditate on beads like beads and we were. always told because we'd be meditating. on those beads sometimes for two hours. at a time four hours at a time even more. yeah and so we were always told when you. hear the word two hours you're just like. God how am I going to get through two. hours and we were always told just focus. on one bead at a time one Mantra at a. time just one at a time and all of a. sudden it became so much easier where it. was just like it's just about this bead. it's just about this Mantra it's just. about this step it's not about 2 hours.

and I think sometimes when we're. thinking oh gosh I got to build this new. habit I've got to work out 5 days a week. and I've got to it's like that just. feels so insurmountable yeah why does. the brain work better with small steps. and habits and changes that's such a. great question I think that um uh it is. part of the effort that goes into. something new the novelty of praying on. a single be. and and um kind of fighting away that.

instinct like oh I didn't get through. 100 beads I'm a failure um that's a lot. of cognitive noise and I always say for. exercise and meditation those those two. things that could immediately decrease. your Stress and Anxiety levels it's. great in fact I tell you I tell. everybody to start small 10 minutes of. walking don't even have to change your. clothes or your shoes just a minute of. of deep breathing just put your phone on.

you know just the clock and just so you. know how much that minute is and just. doing that is is um is good enough and. the effort comes in batting away all. those feelings of failure and and the. difference between your one minute and. um 10 hours that you really wanted to do. definitely what what's the difference. between everyday anxiety and then having. an anxiety disorder yeah so anxiety is a. normal human emotion everybody has.

anxiety I think it's been kind of. clinical IED oh I have anxiety yeah. everybody has anxiety But anxiety exists. on a very very large Spectrum so we all. have anxiety and yes the highest levels. of anxiety that prevent you from doing. the everyday things that you need to do. in your life and having a job and having. relationships and going out and doing. things that's clinical and it is just um. kind of going down that rabbit hole of.

anxiety and and um needing more help uh. clinical help to get you out with. cognitive behavioral therapy so many. different techniques that you could use. so it's it's all part of a spectrum. which uh you know I I hope that makes. people feel better because you can come. back everybody has it let's just pull. you back from that highest level um and. let you take advantage of um I think one. of the things i' I I love the most uh of. from my book good anxiety is that it's.

not about anxiety is so bad let me just. tell you the tools to get rid of it in. your life it is the acknowledgment that. anxiety is a protective. mechanism my invitation is can I invite. you to try and use your anxiety to help. protect you to actually give you some. gifts or superpowers because there's a. lot that we can learn learn from our. anxiety and all our uncomfortable.

emotions I think when people hear that. they may think oh that's cool but I. don't believe it like how could I. believe that anxiety could be my. superpower how how do I do that how do I. make that switch from going I'm scared. to actually I'm prepared yeah yeah so I. start with I think the easiest to. implement so this one is the superpower. of productivity that comes from a very. common form of anxiety that everybody. has which is the to-do list that comes. up at in opportune times it's like oh.

you get overwhelmed for me it comes up. um right before I'm going to go to sleep. and so it prevents me from going to. sleep so annoying and so the flip for. that is to take the Todo list and first. I want you to notice that all of these. things are things that you care about. doing well they're usually about your. job or your relationship or money money. things um all good to be concerned about. them the trick is to take that um whatif.

list and turn it into a Todo list and so. for me I don't do it in the middle of. the night I wait till the next morning. but I've trained myself that I'm going. to take care of each one of those. worries and do something active uh if. there is a um an issue at work I'm going. to talk to three people about it and try. and get input for that there's something. active that you can do for every single. one of your worries and the more people. people you talk to about it you realize. that very productive people are already.

doing this so take advantage of that of. that trick those anxieties are really. telling you what you hold dear in in. your life the flip side of your anxiety. and the flip side of grief is deep love. trying to kick them out the door and. never experience them again that that is. not a full life is it possible to. prepare for future trauma or is the only. way to be prepared for it to go through. it do you want healthy greatl looking.

skin without spending a ton of time on. it if you answered yes and let's be. honest who wouldn't Dove men plus care. body and face scrub is your ultimate. hack for fls skincare when I say hack I. mean it this scrub does it all. exfoliates cleanses and moisturizes all. in one simple step no extra steps no. hassle just better looking skin made. easy plus it's made with natural. essential oils it's vegan and free from. Power and sulfates designed specifically.

for men's skin so it does exactly what. you need it to the best part it's easy. your skin will look better feel better. and it won't take up more than a moment. of your day just hack your grooming. routine and add the dove men plus care. scrub into your shower yeah I really. like that and one thing that's really. helped me is I always look at my anxiety. as revealing to me a skill I haven't yet. developed yes and I really believe that. it's like a it's a muscle that you need. to develop so I go. if I'm anxious about going to this event.

and having to do small talk it's because. I haven't built the skill to be able to. do small talk so maybe if I read a book. or I spoke to someone or I sat down with. an expert or I listen to a podcast with. an expert on how to have good. conversations all of a sudden now I know. what questions to ask and at least it. makes me feel comfortable or if hey I'm. nervous about the fact that I've been. asked to do something at work and I know. nothing about it hey let me go and take. a course on it or a class on it and I. feel I always look at anxiety is just a. sign of what's a skill I don't have a.

quality I haven't developed an ability. or a priority I haven't made and now let. me do that it could be the skill of. having tough conversations the skill of. learning to say no the skill of setting. boundaries whatever it may be it's just. this one skill away to not not that I. won't feel that anxiety ever again but. that I can actually better manage that. anxiety when it arises right I love that. because you've just um created a new. superpower of anx anxiety which is the. love of learning so so can you turn your.

anxieties into the next learning project. that you have and and then get better at. small talk or whatever you're you're. anxious about I I love that yeah no it's. it's the only thing that's ever helped. me for so many years subconsciously of. just I've always experienced anxiety but. I found that it just got less and less. and less as my skills develop and. developing those skills was hard and. that took time and effort and it wasn't. easy but as those skills grew now it was.

just like oh I can manage this I know I. can deal with this and of course there. are always going to be things that. surprise you and then you go oh God I. have no skills for this one and that's. okay too but even if the skill is. resilience or even if the skill is. learning to develop how to deal with. grief I feel these are all skills and. muscles and if they're looked at that. way we can deal with them better. absolutely I mean those anxieties are. really telling you what you hold dear in. in your life and think wow that sounds.

good I want to know what I hold dear in. my life because the flip side of your. anxiety and the flip side of grief is. deep love and so I think that all of. these more difficult emotions when seen. in that light can be embraced in a new. way instead of trying to kick them out. the door and never experience them again. that that is not a full life if you you. don't have grief because it suggests you. didn't have that deep love that turns.

into grief when when something goes away. not that I'm wishing people grief but. but that helped me so much in my periods. of grief to realize that that grief. would never be so deep that I could. never even imagine it before it happened. unless unless the love for those people. were were so deep in the first place and. it's like wow I I I love them more than. I even realized which was um a gift to.

to realize that and pulled pulled me out. of my grief wow that's so beautiful. could you share more on that from your. perspective of how you actually got to. that realization and how was it before. you felt that way so that. realization really really defined the. way I wrote this book good anxiety. because I started the book before these. events and it was going to be a. neuroscience-based book on anxiety and I. was going to explain the science of it. so everybody could understand and it was.

going forward in an exciting way and um. and then my father passed away and he. was 85 and um he had dementia and he had. a sudden heart attack and it was just so. so sad and um I remember um being so. grateful that my brother did the eulogy. because that has been my biggest fear in. in life to have to do ulog and have to. stand up and talk about somebody who's.

just passed without you know crying. uncontrollably he did such a beautiful. job but the the the next tragedy tragedy. was that 3 months later my brother who's. two years younger also passed away of a. heart attack sudden he was the the most. fit person and that you would ever know. and that. was devastating to to to lose both of. them of the same thing within 3 months.

and I was trying to go through it and I. stopped writing the book cuz I couldn't. cuz I was grieving then I realized I had. to I had to do his eulogy because there. was nobody else left it was it was only. me and uh and so a lot of soul searching. what am I going to say how am I going to. get through. this and it was in that search that I. realized that um that that. grief was coming from a good place and.

it actually was inspired by a workout. that I was doing where the instructor. said in trying to get us to work out. harder she said with great pain comes. great. wisdom and I was like oh my God that's. what I need to know right at this moment. what is the wisdom that's coming from. this huge pain that I've never felt. before and I realized that the wisdom. was that the Deep grief was showing me.

how much I loved them and so I it was. still hardest thing I've ever done to to. write this eulogy and stand up but um I. basically invited everybody uh to cry. along with me at the one point that was. hardest to get through and I I got. through it that way but it allowed me to. approach grief in a very different way.

and um I want to say I'm almost thankful. for that. experience um because it made me search. for the beauty that comes from the pain. in our lives in a brand new way well. thank you so much for sharing that and. um so sorry for that period in your life. I can't imagine. how yeah how how challenging and. stressful that is talking about Stress. and Anxiety yeah and I really appreciate. how you connected the dots for us.

because it's one thing you know you're. this incredible researcher Professor you. have so much amazing Insight but then to. apply it in real life yeah in extreme. cases is so hard what did you learn. about the brain when going through that. that you didn't know already I learned. that my brain was more resilient. to more resilient than I thought it was. I expanded the range of my emotions that.

I had experienced in my life which is a. good thing I think that relativism is. beautiful that dark feeling of of deep. grief helps me appreciate the the joyous. moments better and and I think about. that a lot um you after after this has. happened it really it that was part of. the gift that that I got um and yes and.

it it changed the way I looked at cuz. then I I did the eulogy I came out of it. I was feeling better okay I have to go. back to um this book on anxiety but I. couldn't write it in the same way. anymore I had to find the gifts or the. superpowers that came from anxiety which. I I've already shared that with you but. that's the reason why I never would have. like I don't know what the gifts are. well I did learn not. trick I learned that lesson through.

through that experience and I applied it. to the emotion of anxiety and I think it. changed the book well I know it changed. the book uh I wrote it in a completely. different way and I've used those. blessings in a different way in my life. since that experience wonderful and what. did you know about the brain already at. the time that helped you get through it. yeah as a nerdy Neuroscience I. neuroscientists I know all about the. mechanisms and the recept involved in. stress and not that I studied grief per.

se but grief is one you know that gives. you a lot of stress when you have grief. um I think it I think you my whole life. has helped me bring my more academic. study of Neuroscience to life there is. the lessons uh that that I could teach. and that I do teach the students about. what we know about the stress system the. memory system your prefrontal cortex. decision-making all these fascinating. topics but then there is life that comes.

in and I I think that what I've been. doing more recently in my career uh I I. did a very traditional academic career. up to a certain point and then I started. to try and apply kind of life's lessons. to neuroscience and so what does that. mean that means um going off book and. thinking about you know other ways to. convey anxiety not just the clinical.

part but the um useful part for your. life so that's how I would describe it. absolutely how do traumatic events like. that what you went through over a period. of three months and I know so many. friends who've been through similar. things and and different things that may. maybe are not to do with grief in that. way but even grief of a life you could. have had people who've had breakups like. how does emotional trauma actually. affect the brain what's going on yeah so.

you know emotional trauma um also. there's a relatively simple formula with. what happens which is going back to the. stress hormone cortisol depending on the. um the actual stressor and the duration. of that it is going to first kind of. alert your brain like I don't want this. to happen again it's like this will not. happen again and that's what it was. supposed to do it's supposed to uh. heighten your senses so you can escape. from the burning building however in.

these other life circumstances a breakup. or or or death that that um you know the. the emotional effects linger for a long. time um they they they might um um. actually cause what's called um fear. memories uh to develop these are. memories dependent on a structure called. the amydala that again are trying to. protect you like don't have this happen. again um uh and steer you away from. events so so I might have been steered.

away from eulogies or speaking in front. of crowds which I do all the time but. yeah I I would have been steered away. from. eulogies when when you have. these broader realizations about what. what's going on you could actually learn. in a deeper way from them and instead of. being steered away instead of developing. a fear memory that is very strong and. hard to get rid of you can have a deeper. learning that sharing those very.

personal very deep very difficult. emotions to feel talk about new synapses. forming is a. deeply cathartic. process that brought me closer to my. family and to everybody that was there. including all my brother's friends many. of whom I didn't know so um yeah yeah.

yeah is it possible to prepare for. future trauma or is the only way to be. prepared for it to go through it can we. build resilience before a traumatic. event yeah I think um I wouldn't. recommend that everybody goes out to try. and prepare for trauma but but you know. everybody has some form of trauma and I. think going back to your superpower. anxiety and learning learning from that.

um and also realizing this was another. big realization for me you're not going. to get rid of that deep negative emotion. it's there for reason to warn you. against this is a bad time if you didn't. have this warning you would be walking. in the middle of the freeway with no. care in the world so you're not going to. get rid of that but to focus yourself on. the learning that comes out of it and. and that that yes it might take some.

time and to give yourself that time. maybe what I'm trying to get at is the. self-compassion that can come from any. trauma that you have and learning to to. apply that to yourself I think is a is a. really good thing that that you can. prepare yeah I think when you lose. someone you love yeah that painful. feeling inside is a reminder that life. is sacred yes that you should tell the.

people that are close to you that you. love them yeah that you should really. value and. prioritize time together and moments. together it's a reminder that Pain's. just pushing you in the right direction. nudging you in the right direction to. say don't make the wrong priorities. don't set the wrong focuses in your life. right and if it went away as it does we. also forget that yeah as the dist grows. from when you've lost someone and the.

distance from that pain it's not that. the pain goes away but it gets less and. less and less we also forget that yeah. and then all of a sudden something else. happens again and we've reprioritized. right does yeah absolutely why do we. forget lessons that we. learn well if I could answer that uh. that would be uh that would be the $64. million question and and actually part. of the answer is um the brain evolves D. to help us. remember those lessons around dangerous.

situations that we have so we don't go. in that direction anymore yes we might. forget but but actually our brain is has. evolved to make those kinds of fear. memories or difficulty memories uh the. hardest to get rid of that is why PTSD. is so hard to get rid of and those you. you don't want to be carrying around so. I would ask ask a flip question which is. how come we don't relive our most.

glorious memories more. often in our lives and in fact I think. of that because that is my favorite. brain hack uh from uh good anxiety which. are tools that you can use to decrease. your anxiety um and this this tool is. called Joy conditioning and it is. designed to to specifically to counter. fear conditioning dependent on the. migdala Joy conditioning is dependent on. another structure called the hippocampus.

which allows us to form and retain um. our everyday memories for events and so. Joy conditioning is simply using all the. tools that we know about Neuroscience. that make those kinds of memories stick. which is reliving them I just went on a. beautiful weeklong yoga breath work it. was actually not yoga breath work. Retreat and I completely unplugged and. so what I'm practicing my joy. conditioning on is what it felt to be in.

that Circle every day every morning. every afternoon I remember the the ocean. was so loud we were right by the Sea the. heat was so hot um the food with the. fruits were so amazing just the flavor. of the fruits and those are the things. that that um that re vivification of the. what where why when the tastes the. smells um the sounds. that's what strengthens the memory I am. strengthening this joyous memory and um.

I do that consciously and I invite. everybody to do this um to kind of. counteract all those negative memories. that are hard to get rid of let's let's. fill our brains with all the most joyous. funny fun memories of Our Lives yeah I I. love that Joy conditioning such a great. hack and habit there was when I went on. tour last year we went to nearly 4. cities across the world and at the end. of them I'd lead a meditation and I.

didn't I didn't have a name for it but. that's exactly the meditation I'd do i'. ask everyone to go back to a moment. where they experienc the most love and. joy in their life yeah and to relive it. in the feelings and I was thinking about. earlier this year you reminded me as you. were talking about your breath work. Retreat yeah earlier this year I visited. Bhutan and I'd never been before and for. anyone who doesn't know Bhutan is this. tiny beautiful country landlocked. between India and China right in between.

and it's got a beautiful culture they're. famously known for measuring g& not GDP. and g& is gross national happiness and. so it's the culture of Bhutan is very. very much Mindful and being present and. I was asked to lead a session there and. I remember we'd gone inside one of these. old bhan buildings it was we're in this. beautiful Courtyard surrounded by. candles it got really really dark where. even though I was giving a presentation. no one could see me they could only hear.

me yeah and before it got dark when it. was just the sun was about to set I. asked everyone to take a mental picture. and I always Lov that technique the. 54321 technique yeah and so I asked. everyone to look at five things they. could see four things they could touch. three things they could hear two things. they could smell and one thing they. could taste and I was like this is how. we take a mental picture and now. literally if I close my eyes can go back. there right now to that moment because I.

took in the colors like you were just. saying took in the shade of the sky took. in the shapes of the banese architecture. like all of these and as you were. describing the fruits and the colors and. the bre and I just feel like if we all I. I love what you're saying because I do. think we have so much joy in our lives. but we relive the negativity. more if if you had a tough Journey. coming here or I did did we would talk. about how tough it was the whole day but.

if we had the most beautiful Journey. coming here we wouldn't talk about it. once exactly and we just ignore it and. feel like well that's normal and but. what's become normal is US repeating our. challenges right when does talking about. our problems and our anxiety actually. help our brain versus hurt our brain I. think it depends on how you talk about. your anxiety and I think again going. back to this learning process can you. talk about your anxiety as what it.

brings you what you learned from either. the Fantastic way you handled your. anxiety or the nonoptimal way and and. and then think about well how will I do. that differently the next time that is. the classic growth mindset and if we can. learn how to talk about our fear our. anxiety that way um that is beautiful in. my meditation this morning actually um.

it was a auditory you know I I was. listening to a a guided meditation they. asked me to think about four things and. I just loved it I didn't know this was. coming up it was what do you. fear what scares. you what brings you. Joy and what brings you hope and I. thought wow what great things to ponder. and it really really kind of brought. things into Focus for me when I the.

first thing that came to mind what do I. fear um who do I I fear losing more. people um what am I scared of and there. it was you know I I get scared of. people's opinions about myself um what. brings me joy all the friends that bring. me joy and what do I hope for what I. want to build in this world so it's. about approaching and there's anxiety in. in that list that everybody will do when. they if they choose to do those four.

things but again anxiety is pointing you. towards what you hold dear and all of. those questions point out what you hold. dear and what your what Your aspirations. are so so to. summarize mindset is so critical as we. are living even as we're talking about. our bad day uh you know our bad parking. experience or Driving Experience is it. to learn or is it to commiserate or just.

to you know or or you're not realizing. you are focusing too much on a negative. thing um mindset and awareness yeah I. and and also what you're saying is this. overamplification as well of something. that actually was quite insignificant or. if it was significant you're talking. about looking at our challenges or. talking about them in a way that takes. accountability and Future. accountability and that's what I love. this idea of well let me talk about what.

went wrong today and maybe I shouldn't. take that route to work anymore or you. know maybe let me talk about what went. wrong in this conversation with someone. I love and maybe I've got to set better. boundaries it's always about a solution. oriented growth Focus as you said but so. many of our conversations today. especially about anxiety and stress are. victim based yes and how do we make that. switch because when you feel like the. victim it feels so real to you it and. you do feel so hurt that if someone said. well what could you do differently You'. be like nothing I did everything the.

best I could so how do we open up that. switch from anxiety to growth yeah so um. I think that something that has really. helped me is to pay attention to who you. are talking to who is feeding you. information in your life and if it's too. negative and if it you know you know. this person is the best complaint. in the world and and you you join in uh.

because it feels good to complain you. know with a with a friend about. something step back and and instead. choose somebody who has that growth. mindset that can open up other possible. ways to to think about that um do it. yourself think okay you know you can do. an exercise do the complainer mindset. for on yourself by yourself and then do. the growth mindset. and ask yourself how does that feel what. does it feel if I just go down the road.

of the complainer versus what it's like. oh I actually like that idea what if I. do that next time can you inspire. yourself so many different roots and and. coaches uh um therapists can they're. experts at doing this as well so um. that's another route to go but podcasts. are another this is a common Topic in in. in podcast uh world the these days. definitely what what does. healing actually look like in the brain. from trauma like from a chemical.

perspective like what's actually. happening when we're healing I must say. I'm more of an expert not on healing. from trauma but on um growth uh in the. positive direction and so here's what. growth can look like based on the things. that we've already talked about so we. talked about the effects that um the the. fact that moving your body can have an. immediate positive effect on your. anxiety on your depression decrease your. stress response what's happening there.

every single time you move your body. you're releasing a whole bunch of. neurochemicals in your brain I like to. call it a neurochemical bubble bath for. your brain I love that and so you're. giving yourself this bubble bath what's. in that bubble bath well you've heard. some of these neurochemicals before. dopamine I know you love talking about. dopamine you and so many other people. talk about dopamine in in such. interesting ways serotonin noradrenaline. endorphins that's what being released in. this bubble bath and so not surprisingly.

you feel better after you walk that is. why you're feeling better um but the. other thing that gets released is growth. factors growth factors get released and. they go to the hippocampus um and they. actually build new brain cells in the. hippoc campus they help new brain cells. grow in the hippocampus now you want as. many shiny new hippoc cample brain cells. as you can get which means that and they. don't pop up like mushrooms takes a. while you need to keep up that uh. physical activity and for that the best.

way to get high levels of growth factors. in your bubble bath is to do an aerobic. workout any workout that increases your. heart rate now this gives you lots of. options you like to dance go dance like. to take your dog for a walk go take for. your dog for a for a power walk like to. walk go for a walk anything that gets. your heart rate up I don't care what it. is um will help with this but keep it up. and it's like I picture a watering can. with growth factors going on your left.

and your right hippocampus making it big. and fat and fluffy and that is one of. the um harbingers to Great Brain growth. the other brain area which I'm sure is. huge in you is your prefrontal cortex. living a life of a monk and doing that. deep practice of focusing your attention. keeping it there makes your area 10. which is right behind your forehead. enhanced enriched not because of new.

neurons but likely because of new. synapses and so basically what a healed. brain looks like is a bigger fatter. fluffier brain that is um kind of flush. with good neurochemicals and is building. new synaptic connections that is kind of. the beautiful picture of what I call. positive brain plasticity you make it. sound so simple in terms of what we need. to do when you talk about breathing and. moving yes like it's as simple as that.

what if we're doing breathing and moving. and we're still not feeling positive. benefits what could be at play there. well you know I think that sometimes. it's hard to appreciate what's going on. um it could be that you're not moving. quite in the same way I think it's easy. to get in a habit of of moving and so. sometimes you need to push yourself a. little bit more if you're doing 10. minutes of walking Maybe try 15 minutes. and it's it's you know there are some. pillars that not just me but so many.

neuroscientists have shown are so. important for brain plasticity which is. actually what my undergraduate adviser. um discovered um as she was a young. neuroscientist in the 1960s at UC. Berkeley Mary and diamond and so. exercise was one of the pillars um. stress reduction that comes from. meditation um social interaction we are. so social beings I'm sorry um social. media does not count personto person.

interaction that is what humans were. evolved to do sleep which we haven't. talked about but is so critically. important and the fifth pillar is um. good nutrition social interaction sorry. I need to add that social interaction. doesn't mean um just conversations I. include love there having love in your. life life is something that. neuroscientists don't often talk about. but it is absolutely critical for the.

health of your brain and how do you. define love from a neuroscience. perspective well so uh you can study the. neurobiology of love and compare the. brain areas that get active when you. look at the picture of an acquaintance. versus the picture of somebody that you. might have what would you see you would. see uh you would see reward areas. lighting up but other areas social. interaction areas as well and one of the.

most interesting findings that I love. from that neurobiology of Love fmri. study of Love literature is that they've. also started to look at how does the. brain response to your loved one change. from the the first throws of romantic. love when you can't get enough of each. other to a relationship that has evolved. to something stable but but very very. loving and what happen happens is it. goes from um um just lots of lots of.

dopamine and lots of reward areas and. kind of a suppression of the amydala and. and kind of the fear you're Fearless. when you are first in love and I know. you know I felt Fearless I don't know if. in a good way but but we we feel. Fearless um and it starts to evolve into. a pattern that looks like the maternal. or paternal pattern that is that. protective El El and we can't see. everything from fmri but I thought I.

thought that such a a beautiful pattern. to think about that that yes I can't. sustain that first you know flush of. love for the rest of my life but that. deep love that you you do feel for a. child that is what comes with with. long-term wow I'd never heard about that. from a neuros that's so interesting. that's so interesting that romantic love. yeah but the way it looks afterwards is. more paternal and protective in that.

sense yes not in every single you know. morcel but when you look at the um. relationships that you admire you know. those long-term relationship there is. the devotion that is there that of. course you see what for you know. protection for your young child it's not. identical but that devotion is is. beautiful that's what's moving about. those kinds of relationships yeah and I. feel like. today it's become harder and harder and. harder even just in how people gather.

yeah like I feel like I was just. watching what did I just see Gladiator 2. and uh and and I remember watching. Gladiator 1 and I was just while I was. watching it I was just thinking about. the fact that the Roman Coliseum was so. big yeah and that people would gather. every week I mean they'd gather for the. worst reason whatever but the idea that. so many people would gather yes every. week or I think at one point it was. every day and I'm like first of all what. is everyone doing in there spare time. but right so many people would gather so. many people would be together of course.

if we look at whether it's Community. senses churches temples the places of. gathering today we have less and less. places of gathering yes even though. there's millions of people going to. listen to this episode yeah they're not. in the same place listening to it and I. know that if we did have a million. people here right now even if we had a a. portion of the people that listen to the. episode here they could then talk about. it and discuss it and exchange it and. they could look at each other's eyes and. be like oh you feel that too oh my gosh. I went through that grief and how.

amazing would that be and we're losing. that and so the ability to create love. and connection is becoming harder and. harder and harder because our places of. similar value are now digital yeah right. if this is a place I know everyone who. listens to us has similar values cares. about similar things but they're not. meeting each other and you know we we're. trying to do that by when I go on tour. that's really one of my biggest goals. I'm hoping when everyone walks out. they're all going to just talk to each. other and ask each other questions.

should we be forcing ourselves to have. places together of similar value like. should we make that a priority. absolutely and I immediately think of. the university and that is a natural. place of gathering um in-person. universities you're Gathering every. single day multiple times a day but. sometimes I see the stress and the worry. of do I you know am I smart enough you. know in this room uh pushes people apart.

and then they go and they go on their. phone and it's it's more comfortable to. do that that is what I'm trying to shift. so that we take full advantage of this. personto. person um place of gathering at our. University that they feel connected to. each other they feel like they belong. there for whatever thing that you want. to promote I as Dean want to promote the. joy of learning that is what I want to.

teach them that is what I want them to. feel like and so yes all of you. University professors out there you have. this power to make your place of. gathering one of these places where. people are talking and interacting and. of course we all try that it's harder. because because of the pandemic and. we're not used to being together as as. much uh in Society or or you know um in. our growing up so uh the answer to your.

question is yes we it's our. responsibility to do that how can we do. that more yeah I love that example I saw. I read a study that said 80% of us pull. out our phone in a crowd just to avoid. conversation and contact and so I love. what you're saying about building it on. a college campus and I think the same. applies inside a corporation if people. are coming to work even if they're. coming to work three days a week as a. dean how do you do that when you've got. targets I'm sure there's results you. have to get to you've got things.

deadlines you have to meet you've got a. ton of stuff on your plate as does a CEO. of a major corporation or an. organization how do you prioritize a. love for Learning and belonging and. connection yeah yeah not just as nice. things that you say but actually to do. how do you do that because I see it as. very genuine from you real yes. absolutely and so um how do I prioritize. it I just make it a priority and I. decide the actions that I'm going to do. to get to that goal so for example I am.

literally strategizing about how I could. get in front of as many of those 9,000. students that I have multiple times. during their four years with us I see. them all every single first year student. I see every single one graduating I see. there's a lot of time between that what. can I do to have a meaningful. uh how should I go on tour just like you. do but but talk to the first years the.

second years the third years I loved my. college experience because I was imbued. with the love of learning and so I do. that through the um coursework that I. provide for my students that is um. actually I'm trying to develop it right. now it is an online class but with an. in-person component so that I could kind. of gut up to scale the first time I did. it was called it's called The Fluffy. brain course so I want to give all the. students in this course a fluffy brain. teaching them a lot about what we've.

just spent the last hour talking about. but there's always going to be an. in-person. component and uh the goal of this class. is to inspire them to do person not. Inspire them it's part of the class uh. that's a great thing about a class I. could assign things to you so your. assignment is to do a personal. experiment about exercise how are you. going to up your exercise for the next. week but first you're going to just. notice your mood your regular mood state. so that self-awareness and the next week.

you are going to propose something do it. increase your exercise and then um. self-reflect about that and we will we. will explore that and talk about it. together I love that they have to do it. BR yeah I'm really happy that you're. saying this because I do think as. leaders in different institutions and. organizations there's such a there's a. responsibility but there's also just a. vision for what an amazingly happy. fluffy brain Community looks like yes.

and when I think about it coming from. college it's hard because people are. coming from so many different. motivations yes right someone's coming. there for the best job in the world. someone's coming there for an amazing. social experience someone's coming there. to compete with everyone else right you. get you've got all these drivers and to. kind of take everyone's drivers and. point it in One Direction. of everyone's their of and remember the.

Montery similar to what you said our. senior most monk would always talk about. three qualities above all qualities and. it was humility tolerance and compassion. that was it and so if you went to one of. his lectures that's all he was going to. talk about and what you realized slowly. was that at least for me I found that. those became qualities that I aspired. for because I recogn they were most. valued in this place even though I may. have come from a different set of values.

before I would have come from like. ambition drive whatever it was and all. of a sudden it's humility tolerance. compassion and then you saw those who. accepted and those who rejected it as. well there were some people who just. went oh yeah whatever who cares and and. then there were some that went no that. seems to be the truth and so what do you. find is the healthiest way to encourage. people in the right direction because. people don't want to be told and people. don't want to be preached to yeah so how. do you do it in a way that actually the. brain digests so um I start with the.

official greeting of the College of Arts. and Science which is Jay you have a. beautiful brain and and so I invite all. the students when they see me on the. street to come up and say you have a. beautiful brain and of course I will say. it back to them and and I love starting. from there because that is love the. truth the neurobiological truth that. every single one of the brains of my. students is beautiful your brain is.

beautiful my brain is beautiful and no. matter what your motivation for being in. this space with me it has a beautiful. brain and from there we go from which. hopefully uh provides a sense of of. belonging we go to let's share let's. share what you have to give from your. beautiful brain because your brain has. something to give that is different than. what my brain and let's just provide um. a situation and an environment that's.

open to all of that sharing and talk. about the fact that no it's not about. competition it's not about getting the. highest Mark it's learning the deepest. for whatever class you are and I know. these are hard um priorities but um I'm. building them over the last two and a. half years and it's really a joy to be. able to do that they're so lucky to have. you oh thank they they really are that's. such a you know to leave college with.

that mindset with a love for deep. learning I think will set people up for. so much more success yes than just a. great job that eventually may end up. being the job that they don't want to be. in right and a career that they don't. enjoy and then when you realize that and. you don't have a deep love for learning. yes that becomes really really hard and. that's kind of what I see I I feel like. I speak to a lot of people who are kind. of got the job that thought they W out. of college and then 5 years in maybe. even quicker they're like it's actually.

not what I wanted and now I'm trying to. find meaning in life but the problem is. I didn't have that deep love for. Learning and so now I have to build it. later on so it's so lucky to have you oh. thank you it's it's really amazing I. wanted to ask you when you say that. affirmation I love that you have a. beautiful brain does positive thinking. and positive affirmations do they. actually work absolutely I mean there. are studies showing that um if you take. a group of people and have them do. positive affirmations not just just. saying them a certain number of time.

every day versus people that don't do. those positive affirmations their affect. is better it's higher you know less uh. less negative AFF effect and and more. positive affect yes it does have an. effect which makes sense our brain takes. in everything that's happening to us so. you know this is why we talked about. looking at the people that you are that. you're that's feeding you information. are they cynical are they Nega negative. or are they giving you a growth mindset. are they are they giving you interesting.

new possibilities to go to very. important to ask yourself that I wanted. to ask you Wendy if it's okay A couple. of questions from your first book about. memory yeah sure uh because I just think. it's such a fascinating subject and when. we think about the brain and memory I. think there's there's just there's so. much connection there that I think would. Fascinate people I wanted to ask you why. is it that we can remember different. things about the same event when you're. there with the same people. does yeah um so sorry to say but our. memory does not work very well generally.

we think oh you know I'm young I have a. great memory no our our memory is not. great uh and so the reason why um two. people at the same event remember. different things is that we are focused. on these different things and let me. just go over the four things that makes. memory stick um this works at all ages. um based on the neurophysiology and. biology of this hippoc campus that we. talked about critical for um forming and. retaining new new long-term memories so.

what makes memory stick repetition so. you and I might be at the same event and. you're focused on one thing and it's the. same event but event is Big I'm focused. on something else so you're repeating. something that I that I never saw and. I'm I'm seeing something that you never. saw repetition Association we remember. things better when they're associated. with other things that are in our long. long-term memory so we might be easier. to remember a friend um of a friend that.

we know really really well and they. introduce us versus somebody that you. don't know at all and you're trying to. remember them from from anybody. Association novelty if it's really novel. you've never experienced this in your. life it tends to be more um memorable. because our brains are focused on. novelty it's a it's a danger kind of you. know we have to pay attention to novelty. and maybe there are things that the. event that were really novel to you that. like I've seen a million times and my. brain just completely ignores them and. the fourth thing that makes memory stick.

is emotional resonance so so we remember. the happiest and the saddest points in. our life uh that's what this structure. the amydala helps with it kind of uh um. helps those really emotional memories. stick better and again at this same. event you might be moved by something. that either I didn't see or just I. wasn't moved by because that that wasn't. in my in my life exper experience so so. there's lots of different reasons why. two different people will have um.

sometimes very different memories of the. same event yeah and I have a friend who. is very present like you know in the. moment but if I was to say to them to. remember something from one two years. back even from like 15 years back they. cannot recall it at all is that an issue. you know memory is also there's a lot of. variability and um I I remember at um uh. I met somebody with something called.

highly Superior autobiographical memory. I don't know if you've heard of this. they they did this great show on 60. Minutes about people uh it was actually. discovered by colleagues of mine. neuroscientists at UC Irvine and these. are people that have extraordinary. memory for detail so they could remember. when they were 8 years old what was on. TV at 700 p.m. 7:30 8:00 p.m. and this. this uh um uh this incredible memory it. gets in the way but but uh there's on.

one end that form of memory and then all. the way to there's actually um um. particularly poor memory in that same. vein um I'm not sure if two years ago. memories uh don't stick as long as the. person can you know live their lives and. and they have you know regular memory. for the things they need to live their. lives for but um there yeah there's a. there's a wide variet of memory levels. that that can exist in the world so. that's not a sign for de Dementia or.

Alzheimer's or like no how old are they. no they're young they're young yeah so. so so many people have this fear of Dem. I have dementia in my family um it's uh. uh our memories also um here's a tip for. everybody they get worse as a as we age. because we know and we've experienced. more in our life it's called. interference so I didn't know anything. when I was in high school my memory was. better because I had nothing to. interfere now I have so much to keep.

track of I don't I give myself some. slack when I don't remember certain. things um that's why I have an assistant. to tell me what I really need to. remember but I'm not worried because uh. there there is a lot of interference in. my life and I take that into account. yeah and and if we want to strengthen. our memory what would you suggest yeah. so strengthening your memory is all. about being present to what you really. want to remember using those four um. techniques now you can't make something. emotional emotionally resonant um unless.

you try and make it funny so that's. actually one technique that I've used if. I really want to try and remember. somebody's name or something I try and. create a funny image about it but sorry. repetition repetition repetition will. help your memory no no problem. Association can help so if you can. associate this person or this name or. this concept with something that it. reminds you of to help those kind of. recall uh um uh um lines that you can.

have to this memory that can help as. well you can't make something novel if. it's not completely novel but uh it's. it's not uh unfortunately a Magic Bullet. Wendy you've been so kind and gracious. with your time today I feel like I've. learned so much we've talked about. absolutely everything I really hope that. everyone goes and grabs a copy of your. book good anxiety uh it's brilliant I. think there's a need for us to use use. anxiety in the way you're saying rather. than this desire to avoid it we end.

every episode with a final five so these. questions have to be answered in one. word to one sentence maximum okay so. Wendy these are your final five the. first question is what is the best. advice you've ever heard or received. your brain defines who you are take care. of. it question number two what is the worst. advice you've ever heard or received put. your head down and work as hard as you. can and until you reach your goal I I'm. the one that told me that that bad. advice so I love that uh question number.

three what's something you can't wait to. discover about the. brain I would. love to. discover how to en enhance joyous. memories more easily I love that. question number four what's something. that you used to think was true about. the brain but now isn't oh well we used. to think back in the early. 1960s that the adult brain had no.

capacity to change or grow and my whole. Neuroscience career has been showing how. that could happen how do you make it. happen more and what are those. activities that you can bring into your. life to do that um beautifully why did. we believe that where did that come from. it came from the um uh the point in time. we were in Neuroscience there was just. no evidence that there were overt. changes we didn't have deep enough. microscopes to see the molecular changes.

even the structural changes that we can. now see very easily with our mo more um. powerful tools and so understandably. they said oh I I see no evidence for. change once you reach adulthood I see no. change and so of course that was the. Dogma until somebody said hey I think. let's look at this in a different way um. and um of course that wasn't believed at. first but then with with effort uh that. was the concept of brain plasticity and. now we know that so much can change in.

the brain is there an age at which. certain things can't change you know yes. for certain things language there's a. language uh um uh change yeah uh I think. it is don't quote me on this uh around. 10 years old it's good to learn the. languages before that that could be a. little bit on the low side um also. Vision it's really really important to. get bilateral good vision and so if you. have amblyopia you it changes your.

vision um so uh um those are things that. that change with age yeah all right. Fifth and final question we ask this. everyone who's ever been on the show if. you could create one law that everyone. in the world had to follow what would it. be you must make at least five deep. friendships in your life it's. beautiful thank you so much Dr Wendy. Suzuki you are incredible that was so. much fun I had a great time with you. thank you for being so uh personal as.

well and open about your own Journey. with grief and I hope you'll come back. on to the show I would love to thank you. so much thank you very much thank you if. you love this episode you'll enjoy my. interview with Dr Daniel aan on how to. change your life by changing your brain. if we want a healthy mind it actually. starts with a healthy brain you know. I've had the blessing or the curse to. scan over a thousand convicted felons. and over a hundred murderers and their.

brains are very damage.