The MOST EYE OPENING Speech On Why You FEEL LOST & UNHAPPY In Life! | Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

We confuse success and happiness. Now, success and happiness can overlap, for. sure, but more often than not, they. don't. Happiness is happiness, success. is success. You're going to end up. chasing society's idea, more money, a. better holiday, a nicer phone. But, I'm. not saying those things aren't. necessarily wrong. The problem is is if. we chase them too much at the expense of. what our happiness is.

Hey everyone, welcome back to On. Purpose, the number one health podcast. in the world. Thanks to each and every. single one of you that come back every. week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, today's guest is one of those few guests. that we've had on twice now today, and. it's because his last episode was so. special, so powerful. I know it impacted. so many of you, and his books have as. well. So, I'm so excited to talk once. again to the one and only Dr. Rangan. Chatterjee. Now, he's regarded as one of.

the most influential medical doctors in. the UK, and wants to change how medicine. will be practiced for years to come. His. mission is to help 100 million people. around the globe live better lives. He. hosts the most listened to health and. wellness podcast in the UK and Europe, Feel Better, Live More, which regularly. tops the Apple podcast charts. The. podcast has received 50 million. downloads to date, and is consumed by. over 2.5 million people every month.

He's known for his ability, and this is. why I love him and why you'll love his. latest book, to simplify complex health. advice and finding the root cause of. people's health problems. If you. remember his last episode, you'll. remember we really got into how doctors. can differ and change their perspective. about how they view their clients and. patients. And of course, today we're. talking about his brand new book, which. I'm going to hold hold up the virtual. digital version, which is the world we. live in now. Happy mind, happy life. And.

I really, really hope that all of you go. out and grab a copy of this book, 10. simple ways to feel great every day. Rangan, it's great to have you on the. podcast again. It's great to see you. Honestly, congratulations on this. amazing book. And all your incredible. success. And I can't wait for people to. read it. But thank you for coming to. talk to me about it. Jay, thanks for having me on for a. second time. Your show is fantastic. It's a real honor. And looking uh really. looking forward to this conversation.

Yeah, me too. Me too. And when I was. reading your book, I love how you're. changing the way. we perceive doctors and how doctors. perceive patients. It's like this really. interesting cycle of here's a doctor. talking about happiness. And how happiness is at the core of our. health. And that was one of the things I. really appreciated when you last came. on, when you were talking about when you. often see your patients, you'll ask. them, "Well, how many times do you see.

your friends?" How many How many times a. week do you get together with the people. that you love? And I was thinking, "Wow, this is really a fresh perspective." And. you've done it again. I want to dive. straight in. You talk about this. connection between health and happiness. I want to start off trying to understand. because often we find that pursuing. happiness is actually bad for our health. as well. So, how are you seeing it. differently? I'm not necessarily saying. that we should be pursuing happiness.

directly. I think happiness. is a byproduct. when we do the right things. There are. all kinds of things that we can focus on. on a daily basis. And if we do those. things, and we can talk about some of those. later, for sure, I think happiness comes as a side effect. of that. So, it's not really, I think, the destination we should be aiming to. get to directly. It's more a kind of. direction we might want to take in life. It's It's something that I think we do.

want. But it's becoming quite unfashionable. these days to talk about happiness and. that really really interests me. But in. terms of the relationship between. happiness and health. for me as a doctor it's always how can I. get to the root cause of my patient's. problems, right? Yes, what symptom have. they got? But actually what's going on. behind that? So they might come in with. a headache or a migraine and sure. I can diagnose them and tell them what. that is, but. I want to help them understand well,

what is going on in your life and your. lifestyle that might be contributing to. this? And for many years I have said. publicly on many occasions that. about 80% of what we see as doctors is. in some way related to our collective. modern lifestyles. But then I began to wonder a few years. ago Jay, well. is lifestyle the root cause? And when I. say lifestyle I mean things like food, movement, sleep and relaxation. And I thought is there something that's. even more important, even more upstream?

And that has consumed me for a few. years. And I really think there is. It's our. happiness and our mental well-being. So. when we are happier. with our lives and in our lives, we. naturally become healthy. And I think. there's two main reasons for that. Happier people, so people who are more. content, who feel more in control of. their life, who are living more in. accordance with their values. actually they naturally make better.

lifestyle choices. So if you feel good. about who you are and what you're doing. in life. you're less likely to feel the needs. to comfort eat and open that box of. chocolates in the afternoon to get you. through. You're less likely to dive into. the tub of ice cream in front of the. sofa in the evening. You're less likely. to open a beer or half a bottle of wine. to help you drown your sorrows if you. feel happier and more content. So, I. think that's one component. Our. lifestyle choices become better and it.

becomes much easier. But, I think there's another component. as well. Research shows us there was a study um. called the nun study and they follow. nuns across the duration of their life. and essentially once you had controlled. for lifestyle, so same diet, same sleep. patterns, same exercise habits, once. you'd controlled for that, the happier. nuns lived longer and they were. healthier. Right? So, it's independently. linked with good health outcomes as well.

and I've seen this with my patients Jay. that if I can help them think. differently. But, if you're someone who. allows the actions of other people to. overly influence how you feel, you know, an email from your boss makes you feel. really angry and annoyed and you don't. know how to process that. That is. creating stress and tension in your. body. That is also absolutely relevant. to your health and your health outcomes. We don't think of that. People don't.

realize I think or not enough of us. realize. Certainly, I would say with the. public but also within my profession. that an inability to forgive, holding. onto anger and resentment, holding onto. hostility is absolutely associated. with all kinds of negative health. outcomes, autoimmune disease, heart. disease, cancer, you know, strokes, all. kinds of things. So, what do I want to do as a doctor? I want. to help people and I know I'll I'm going. to be able to help them better.

if I can help them become happier. The reason why we're unhappy and it. would be interesting to go down that. path because the reason why you're. working on these things, the patients. that you work with, why you wrote this. book, is because we are to some degree. unhappy. or dissatisfied. or discontent with who we are. And we. don't know what our values are because. we've never been trained and educated as. to how to develop them. And we don't.

know how to be aligned with ourselves. because we don't even know what that. means. We never really were exposed to. that vocabulary or those words up until. the last few years even in mainstream. society. When you're looking at the root of our. unhappiness, where is that root of our unhappiness. that you're seeing it come from? I think. much of it. comes from society. And. this idea of what success is. Right, so.

I think one of the big problems is is. that we confuse success and happiness. Now, success and happiness can overlap, for sure, but more often than not they don't. Happiness is happiness, success is. success. And unless you intentionally go. through. a process to actually define what those. things are for you, you're going to end. up chasing society's idea, more money, a. better holiday, a nicer phone, you know, a better hotel when you go and stay away.

with your family or your partner. Right, I'm not saying those things aren't. necessarily wrong. The problem is is if we chase them too. much at the expense of what our. happiness is. And many of us fall into. that trap. I have fallen into that trap, Jay. Right, I have absolutely, you know, I start off the book, I think, with a very powerful story about my dad. You know, dad was. you know, he grew up in India. He came. over to the UK in the 1960s in search of. a better life for him and his family.

Yes, us here in the UK, but also for his. family back home in India. And dad worked incessantly. You know, dad was a doctor. There was. all kinds of discrimination he faced. He. had to change specialty because actually. you know, he was unable to progress in. the specialty that he wanted. Many. Indian doctors will tell you the story. from the 1960s in the UK. There was a. glass ceiling for you. You couldn't go. past a certain point. So, dad moved specialty to help provide.

security and stability for us as a. family. When dad was consultant, my. dad's life for 30 years. was he would do his job in Manchester. Royal Infirmary as a consultant. physician. in the day. and. three to four nights a week my dad's. wouldn't sleep at all. So, he'd come. home at 5:30 in the evening or 6:00 p.m. in the evening. Mom would give him dinner. He'd go. upstairs and shave and then there would. be a car picking him up at 7:00 p.m.

Now, dad would be off all night. He'd. come back the following morning at 7:00. a.m. Again, have breakfast, shave again. I remember he would only he would shave. twice a day. Go to work. Dad did this for 30 years. And here's the problem, Jay. My whole adult life. until 9 years ago when my dad died. was being a carer for my dad. I moved. back to the northwest of England to help. mom and my brother look after dad. This. kind of idea of what success is,

it killed my dad. He chased it. He got. it. I had a fantastic education, right? I couldn't want for a better education. But, I never saw my dad. You know, my dad died very, very early. And the last 15 years of his life were. hell. I think that story, whilst. potentially not as extreme for some. people, there will be people right now, Jay, who love your content, who are. listening to this show or watching it, and probably thinking, "Yeah, I'm sort. of I love my job, but.

maybe I'm working a bit too hard and I'm. I'm kind of sacrificing the things in my. life that are really important. So, I. kind of feel. society. gives us a false idea of happiness. You. know, we we think happiness Jay is that. billboard, you know, that billboard. image of the smiling couple on the beach. with their children with the ocean. behind them. We think that's happiness. Now, that's not happiness. That's a a. pleasurable experience. That can form. part of a happy life, no doubt. But,

that's not happiness. You know, I've got two young kids. Like, I've got 11-year-old son and. 9-year-old daughter. And, you know, all of us I think as. kids, younger than that, when we're. really young, we've got that inner happiness. You. know, we're present. We're in the. moment. We're playing. Maybe with our siblings, maybe with our. friends. We're not worrying about the. future. We're not fretting about the. past. We're right there in the moment. So, that happiness is there inside us, but somewhere along the line in the book. I call it the adulthood contract. We.

sign this adulthood contract, and things. start to go wrong. And, I already see it. with the kids. Like, school doesn't. teach us how to be happy. I don't think many of our parents teach. us how to be happy. Society doesn't. teach us how to be happy. In fact, society probably. teaches us the wrong lessons about what. happiness really is. And, that's the key message behind this. book Jay is to help people understand. that happiness is a skill. Right? It's a skill that you can. practice just as if you. go to the gym and you do bicep curls.

every day, you're going to have bigger. biceps. Well, you know, my contention is. I feel I've broken down the skill of. happiness into 10 very easy steps for. people, and if they practice them a. little bit, they're going to be a little. bit happier. And, as they become. happier, they're going to become healthier as. well. Absolutely. Thank you so much for. sharing that story as well about your. father, which really, you know, encapsulate this idea really well. I. think for me. when I think about what happiness means.

to me, happiness is. the, as you said, ability, the ability. to know how to navigate uncomfortable. and uncertain times. Because when you. know what you have to do, it's more. important than wanting to know how. things will end up. So, we think our. happiness is, well, how will this end. up? How will What will the result of. this be? Will that make me happy? And to.

me, actually, I go, no, actually, happiness to me is knowing what to do. right now in the moment and having that. sense of reflection and introspection. and the stillness to be able to carry. that out. Because the search, as you. said, for that billboard happiness. that's out there, that's a projection, again, a societal projection, we're trying to invent and create that. in a world that doesn't allow for that. every day or every moment. And so,

knowing what to do in the moment, to me, is where happiness begins, of knowing. how to behave, how to think, and what to. do. And that's what these 10 habits do. You break down what you call core. happiness as a three-legged stool, contentment, alignment, and control. I. want to go through each of these because. they form the tenets of these these 10. habits or principles you give us. But. let's let's start with contentment. And. you describe contentment here, I've got. it in the book. Feeling content means.

being at peace with your life and your. decisions. That's really hard because. most of us, when we look back, especially at the past, we think, wow, I've made a lot of bad decisions. I wish. I tried that thing. I wish I never went. out with that person. Well, I should. have left that job a lot earlier. So, most of us actually have a very negative. view of our decision-making process. Let's talk a bit about decisions, especially decisions of the past that we. regret. How do we create contentment.

around those? Specifically around decisions in the. past, if. you know, we have a deep regret, let's. say, or I wish I'd done something. differently. I think the first step is to really try. and get to a place of acceptance. You. were doing the best that you could at. that time with what you knew. Right? If you could have done it. differently, you would have. And, you know, it depends how deep you. want to go with this, but. certainly for me,

one of the things that's really helped. me with my happiness and my contentment, in particular, is real acceptance of every single thing. that has ever happened to me or I have. done, whether it's something I'm proud. of, whether it's something I'm not proud. of, whether it's something that actually. I could make a case that I made the. wrong decision. No, actually, I made the very best decision for my. growth, because actually, if I look back. now and see that it was potentially a. negative, it's about reframing it to go, "Oh, what.

did I learn from that?". Right? What did I learn from that? Oh, I. never would have learned that had that. not happened. Had I not gone to that job. that I didn't like, you know, I can. think of one particularly in my mind, you know, early on in my career as a. doctor, I was like, I worked in a. practice that I hated the framework and. the structure there. Right? I would get. frustrated. I would come home and. complain to my wife every day. She kept. saying, "Hey, babe, you know, if you. don't like it, why don't you leave?" I'm. like, "I can't leave, you know, this is. pays us money, it does this, you know.".

Story. I created this kind of almost. like a victim story around it. You know, I I know and I know the word victim. can be very triggering for people, and I. don't mean it to be. Certainly, if. you're talking about my own experience, what I've learned, Jay, is that you can always write a different. story. about any events in life. So, you've. always got a choice in what story you. put onto something, and you can practice. this and train it. So, one of my sort of tips to people is in.

any bit of friction you encounter in. life, see if you can choose a happiness. story around it. And there's a couple of ways that we can. think about this. So, you know, if we. remember back to March 2020 when the. whole world was sort of going into. lockdown and people were getting scared. There was lots of images of supermarket. shelves being empty, and there'd be no. toilet roll there, right? So, these are. big headlines, and the amount of people. who were like criticizing, "I can't. believe this. Who's doing this? You. know, who's taking more?". Okay, you can tell yourself that story.

for sure, but you can also see if you can write a. different story around the same. situation. So, okay, what was going on there? Well, could it have been that every shopper. that day. took one extra roll? And so, by the end. of the day, the supermarket shelves were empty. Okay, that's possible. Could it be that. actually one person went in, and yes, they did buy loads and loads of packets. because actually. they look after four elderly. grandparents, and actually they're.

really worried about what's going to. happen. Maybe it was someone who. actually went in, and they wanted to buy. as much as they could and sell it on. eBay. Okay, how do you create a happiness. story there? Ah, you know what, what must be going on in. their life? Maybe they really don't have. any money. Maybe they are so desperate. they don't feel they've got any. opportunities in life, and actually this. is an opportunity for them that they've. seen to make a bit of money. You know what I've realized when it. comes to most bits of friction in our. life, the truth actually doesn't matter, Jay.

For your happiness, the truth doesn't. matter. Write a happiness story that. works for you. And this is something I try my best to. do. It's probably the thing that's had. the most impact on my. feeling of contentment is that every day. if I get a bit of social friction, let's. say someone leaves a negative comment on. my social media, for example, right? Instead of wishing it was other than the. way it was, oh, I can't believe they. answered like that. It's like, oh, okay, let me go through a a process here, you. know. Number one, is there any truth to.

this? Uh-uh, okay. Yeah, there's a bit of. truth here. I can learn here. I've been. given an opportunity to learn. If. there's no truth here, oh, well, why is this bothering me? And. it's like putting the mirror up and. instead of looking out there, it's like, what is being triggered within me? Is it. my insecurity? Is it my need to be liked. and loved? You know, what is it? Because. then you start to take control of the. situation. Do you know what I mean? It's I think. it's I think it's. you can rewrite a story on anything.

I'll tell you when this is really. brought home to me, Jay. Have you heard of Edith Eger? Yeah, I. don't know if you've interviewed Edith. If you haven't, you absolutely should. You would absolutely love talking to. her. But Edith came onto my podcast last. year. At the time she was 93 years old. I. think about that conversation pretty. much every single day. It had such an. impact on me. When Edith was 16 years old living in. Eastern Europe, she was getting ready. that evening. She was going to go on a. date with her boyfriend. There was a. knock on the door.

and before she knew it, her and her. sister and her parents were on a train. to Auschwitz. She gets to Auschwitz. Within 2 hours of. getting there, her parents are murdered. Uh she's there with her sister. She. doesn't know what's what's going on, what's happening. And then later that day she had to. dance, right? She had to dance for some of the. prison guards there. And the last thing. her mom said to her was, "Edith, nobody can take away from you. what you put inside your minds." So, the.

first thing she told me was, "When I was. dancing, I wasn't dancing in Auschwitz. I was dancing in Budapest Opera House. I. was dancing, there was a full orchestra. there. The the crowds were there. That's. where I was dancing. So, that's the. first lesson I learned from her that you. can create a story in your mind. And. then she told me, "Dr. Edith Eger, when. I was in Auschwitz, I wasn't a prisoner. The prison guards were prisoners. They. weren't living their life. I was free in. my mind.". And it and it just went on and on. And.

the words I think about every day, Jay, are when she said to me, "Rangan, listen. I have lived through. Auschwitz, but I can tell you the greatest prison. is the prison you create inside your own. minds.". And I thought, "Okay. If. Edith Eger. can write a different story about. events, a happiness story if you will, about events in the hell of Auschwitz,

then I'm pretty sure I can reframe most. of the small frictions in my own life. And it's uh it's it it's been so. powerful for me, Jay. It really has. I. mean, do you ever You know, how do you. deal with friction? Is that something. you try and apply in your own life? Or. or how do you see it? Yeah, I mean, I. just everything you just shared right. now and I had come across Edith Eger's. story and I I didn't realize you. interviewed her, which is which is. fantastic. And. so phenomenal to hear about your. experience with her. Everything you just.

said, I'm fully aligned with. And I. don't think you could have picked a. better example because. to share it from someone who has been. through the worst of the worst of the. worst, and for that person to be able to create. a reframe at that time, gives us all an opportunity to realize. how powerful it is. And so, I am fully. with you, like fully aligned, fully uh. in agreement with you. And in my own. small way, in my life, I do the same.

thing. And I I think when we look at our. life as a story. as opposed to a. uh checklist or as opposed to a hit list. or as opposed to a list of goals, right? Like it's a very different approach. When you see your life as a list of. goals, and if you don't reach them, you. don't feel good about yourself, you're. missing the story. Right? If you look at. all the people who've achieved goals. that we admire,

they all got there because they lived a. story. They didn't live a goal. They. didn't live a journey to a goal. And so, I do it all the time as well. I'm. constantly. reframing my experience of life. And. what you said is so true, that there in one sense, there is no. truth in one sense. to any of our stories and journeys. because. what is objectively the truth is just a. perception. Yeah, I mean, I think you'll like this.

one, Jake, cuz I know you're a football. fan, or I should say soccer fan, as I'm. on your show. Um but they they did this study, right? They look They were talking to football. fans. Same incident, right? Everyone can. see the incident. And they interviewed. both sets of fans on different sides, what happened? Completely different version of reality. over the same incident, right? Think. about any, I guess, marriage or two. partners, right? When they have a disagreement,

there are two versions of reality, right? You know, it depends on which. side of the table you're sitting on. determines your reality. And I've learned, actually, and it. sounds quite controversial, that for. your happiness, I think sometimes the truth doesn't. matter. It's the spin you put on it. The. You can put a spin on it that's going to. make you feel disempowered and a victim. And I Look, I want to be respectful. I. understand there are some pretty. horrendous things that happen in life to. people. I understand that and sometimes.

it's harder than in other times. But. this is something you can get better at. You can always put a new story on it and. and what happens then, Jay, is that. every day becomes a school day, right? Every day you're you're being given. you're being gifted opportunities by the. world around you to learn something. about yourself and a a a tip maybe for. your audience if they think, "Okay, this. is quite difficult, right?" You know, someone's done this and I don't like it. Something that I found really helpful.

is this idea that. if I was that other person. I'd be doing exactly the same. And what I mean when I say that. is. if I were that other person with their. childhood, with their childhood. experiences, with their parents, with. the bullying they received at school, with the the boss that they had, if I. were them, I would absolutely be making. the same decisions as them. Yes. And. Yes. I honestly feel that if we don't.

think we would, you know, I invite. people to consider maybe it's our ego. talking because. Yes. decisions, that's their version of. reality and I and I find that. gives me this ability to be. compassionate, much more compassionate. to every single person that I meet. whether I agree with them or not. And. Jay, look at the state of the world at. the moment, right? It's seemingly pretty. divided. Certainly online it seems. pretty divided. And I think this. approach not only makes us feel better.

but I think when we can exercise this. compassion to everyone, even people we. disagree with. I think that's what's going to make the. world a much, much better and happier. place. Definitely. And you reminded me. of that. I'm sure you remember that. famous Prince William meme where he's. holding up his fingers like this. And so he's actually saying, I think. he's like number three. And if you look at it from the other. angle, it looks like he's putting his. middle finger up. And and it's like.

these two pictures that are put next to. each other. And one of them looks like. he's putting his middle finger up to the. press. But actually when you see it from. another angle, he's putting three. And and he obviously means something. else by that. And so I I love that when. we talk about contentment, that makes a. lot of sense. Let's shift to alignment. I I really like the way you define. alignment. You said, "Feeling aligned. means that the person you want to be and. the person you are actually being out. there in the world are one in the same.". And I remember a very beautiful thought.

by Gandhi whenever I think about. alignment. And. I believe he said that when you. experience peace and harmony, when what. you think, what you say, and what you do. are aligned. And whenever I think about. that or whenever I share that teaching, I find that most people. think something but say something else. We say one thing but then we do a. completely different thing. And so we're. living in this very divided world even. inside of ourselves because it's. completely disconnected. How do we start.

creating a more aligned life because. often we're scared of saying what we. think and we're even more scared of. doing what we say. And then we're. worried about what everyone else thinks. of all of that. So alignment becomes a. really big challenge. Walk us through. that for a bit. Yeah, I mean the first. thing to say it's not going to be. super easy in the sense that it's not. something you can just listen to us. having a conversation and then. immediately afterwards go, "Okay, cool. Right, now I'm going to go and act.

aligned in the world." No, this is a. process. It's a very fun process, but. it's a process nonetheless. So. you know, alignment, this idea that our. inner values and our external actions. are matching up, whatever that is. And. the reason I guess I'm so passionate. about this Jay is I've really. this is something. like I've really struggled with pretty. much my entire life. I feel that. what I'm really trying to do these days. is become more and more aligned and. actually to.

really tune into who I actually am, which sounds like the easiest thing in. the world to do. But actually for many of us it's one of. the hardest things because since we were. kids, we started to do things to gain. the approval of others. Right, I know. for me for much of my life I only felt. that I was worthy. of love and acceptance if I achieved if. I was successful. And I think for me. well, I know a lot of it comes down to.

my upbringing and you know, I love my. parents to bits. I think they did. I'd like to think they did a pretty good. job with bringing me up. But there were some things again, there's two versions of reality. Right, I remember and I think there's something. in the immigrant mentality here. I I. don't know if this echoes your. experience or not, but if I came back. from school with 19 out of 20 in. something. my mom would say, "Well, why didn't you. get 20?". If I came back with 99%. my mom would say, "Well, yeah, why. didn't you get 100%?". And I didn't realize it at the time, but.

I took on this perception that I'm only. loved and really seen and valued. when I win and get top marks. And that's very toxic because on the. outside you can appear quite successful. You can appear as though you're. achieving and doing things. But on the inside. you know. there's nothing. There's a real deep. insecurity. I've had that for much of my. life, I think. You know, external. success looks good, but on the inside. you know, you don't feel good. And so.

you go to what I call these junk. happiness habits, whether that be, you. know, drinking or gambling or you know, these days Instagram, potentially. overusing it and this sort of stuff. So. for me the process of alignment started. with recognizing why I behave the way. that I do. And. it was a very rewarding process. It's. taken a bit of time, but this is not one. hit, Jay, that people are going to just. think, "Oh, I need to do this and now I. can." The first step in any change is. awareness. So, even if someone's.

listening to this conversation and. going, "Yeah, you know what? I'm not living an aligned life. Like I'm. I'm not being the person out there who I. really am." Okay, that is progress. Okay, you may want. more, but that is a good start. At least. now you know. And then you can work on. the next stage. So, there's many ways in which people can do. this. I think uh doing some sort of values. exercise is really, really helpful. I. know we spoke about this when you came.

on my show. You've done a great job of. this in your own book, Jay, of talking. about values. In Happy Mind, Happy Life, there are some simple exercises to help. people understand, "What are your values? Can you choose. three values from this long list?" And. you know, maybe once a week you. reassess. You go, "Yeah, I think that is um that doesn't. fit quite right. I'm going to tweak it.". Right? So, you can keep tweaking until. you really understand what these values. are and then you can, you know, look at. your life and go, "How much of the time.

am I living. in accordance with these values?" And. it's so simple, but just the act of. writing it down and reassessing is. really, really powerful. You start to. make subtle shifts when you do that. So, I think that's an important piece. Around alignment also, and I'm very, very interested in in your. thoughts on this as well, Jay. This whole idea of core happiness, which. has these three components, is basically.

I was trying to come up with a model for. happiness that actually people find. genuinely practical and useful. Not like a lofty concept, but can I come. up with a model that holds true in every. single situation? And I you know, I think I cracked it. with this model. Of course, I welcome. hearing where I may not have got it. quite right, but I really think that. this encompasses. this deep sense of happiness, these. three components, contentment, control, and alignment.

And then. I remember thinking, what about meaning. and purpose? Because we keep hearing, of. course, you know, your your show's. called On Purpose. You talk a lot about. purpose. I thought, well, where does meaning and. purpose fit in here? Because a lot of. people these days say we shouldn't be. chasing happiness, we should be chasing. meaning. I just spent weeks trying to. solve this, and. the the way I came down on it, what I. think underpins this all together, is. that meaning and purpose comes with. alignment.

So, meaning and purpose. is important, right? It's a necessary. ingredient for happiness, but I don't think it's happiness in and. of itself. And the reason I say that is. because let's say this could be you or. me, for example, or it could be someone. listening. Let's say you have a job that. gives you meaning and purpose, and you. love it, and it it's helping the world, it really nourishes you. Okay, great. You've got meaning, but maybe you're working too hard. You're getting back too late each night.

Maybe you're not spending time. nourishing the important relationships. in your life. Sure, you've got meaning, but you don't have core happiness. And. then you could take it to another. extreme. Let's say in World War II, you. might make the case that a soldier. fighting against the Nazis. was living a meaningful life. But I'm not necessarily sure you could. say that they were happy. So, I'm all for meaning and purpose, but. I think it comes under the alignment leg.

of the core happiness model, the core. happiness stool. And then I think it also takes the. pressure off people. Jay, I'm I'm sure. you get messages like this, but. people often say that, you know, yeah, I want to find my I want. to find my purpose, but I don't know. where to start. You know, what is my. purpose? And they see people on online. and they think, oh man, they've got. their purpose, I don't. You know, have you heard of the Japanese concept. of ikigai? Yes, it's beautiful. Yeah, it really is beautiful. And I. remember.

in in my second book, The Stress. Solution, I I wrote about it. This idea. that ikigai is these four things, you. know, something, you know, we should be. looking to try and find something that. we're good at, that we enjoy doing, that. the world needs, and that also makes. money. And I thought, what a beautiful. concept. I want some ikigai in my life. And then I remember, Jay, I was giving a. talk in London. And I remember it so well, because at the end of the talk, we were. doing Q&A, and.

you know, a young lady at the back put her hand. up, and she said, "Dr. Chatterjee, I'm. an 18-year-old Japanese student living. in London. And I grew up with this concept of. ikigai. And frankly, I found it demotivating, and it really put me off. It seemed like. a too lofty bar for me to meet.". And that really hit me, Jay. I thought, yeah, that's interesting. These nice. ideas, for some people, they're very. off-putting. I think that's where. alignment and values can be really. helpful, because if you're struggling to.

find your meaning and purpose, right? I would say, focus on your values. So, let's say you hate your job. Let's say. you work in a call center, you don't. like it, but that pays you money, and it. helps you feed your family and put a. roof over your head. And you hear this stuff about meaning. and purpose. I say, okay, focus on. values. If one of your values is. kindness, let's say, then if you get up in the morning and. you're kind to your partner, you get a. coffee on the way to work and you're. kind to the barista. You get on the bus.

and you're kind to the bus driver. And. whilst you're at work, you're kind to. your work colleagues, then you're living a life of meaning. That is a meaningful life. You may not. love your job at the moment, but the. more you act in alignment, that meaning, that purpose is going to come as a. byproduct. So, like that's where I think. meaning and purpose kind of fit center. this core happiness idea. I mean, did. that make sense? You know, do you do you. have any thoughts on that? Do you agree?

You know, I really welcome challenging this still. cuz I kind of think it holds true in. every situation, but you know, I'd love. to know your view. Yeah, I mean, my my. honest take is I think that. a lot of these discussions. can be explained just through different. terms and different language used by. different people for words that appeal. in different ways. So, there are certain. words that when you unpack them, I can.

see that we're trying to say the same. thing. But you may use certain words that I. don't use and this is exactly what you. were saying before that if I don't take. the time to listen, to understand, and to. take a moment of stillness to say, "Well, let me understand what Rangan's. really trying to say even though we use. different words." We may actually find. that we're trying to say the same thing, whereas if I simply look at the words, I.

may say, "I don't I disagree with you. completely. I think you're I think. you're wrong and I have another. opinion." And so, I think we have to be. so careful with language because words. mean so so many different things to so. many different people and this is why I. always say to people that we need more. faces and voices in the world of health. and. or or in any field for that matter. because everyone needs to hear from a. diverse set of voices and faces.

Everyone is not going to connect to my. language and that's okay. And everyone's. not going to connect to your language. and that's okay because there have been. times where I've heard a piece of wisdom. one time, twice, three times, four. times. I hear it the ninth time from. some random person. But the way they. said it, the penny dropped and it hit me. like it just hit me. And I was like, but. I've been hearing that since I was a. kid. But hearing it from that person at. that time and that voice in that moment,

that had an impact on me. And so I've. become of the belief that I love the. word alignment. I think it's fantastic. And I would say that a li- an aligned. life is a purposeful life. Agreed. And that you are spot-on when. you say that if we can start living and. practicing just one of our values, that. that will grow into a purposeful life. And so so we're in alignment. We're. yeah. We're in alignment and and I'm very. content with the language that you use. is different to me, but that we are of.

the same uh ethos and spirit in what. we're trying to share. But of course a. language will be different because we're. different people, right? You We've had. different experiences. You've gone off. to be a monk. You know, that's something. that in my head I think, well, wouldn't. that be incredible to go and do that? So. although I can't see that happening. anytime soon, especially being married. and having two young kids who need me. But. you will be informed by your life. experience. I've been a medical doctor. for, you know, nearly 21 years now. Seen.

tens of thousands of patients. My view to this topic of happiness is. informed by the tens of thousands of. patients I've seen and their struggles, right? So we're going to say it. differently and go you know, putting together alignment and what you. asked me right at the start, which is. what are the. you know, why is it we struggle so much. with happiness and this idea of. happiness? Another exercise that I think. is really useful for people that also. helps them to be more aligned, it's a two-part exercise, right? I I.

love it and um. I don't know if you want to try it on. yourself actually, but yeah, sure you. want to try it? Okay, so the first. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. The first part of the exercise is write. down. or you can just tell me three things. that if you did them each week would. give you a deep sense of happiness. Okay, yeah, so I'm not going to say. stuff I already do. So just just to. clarify for everyone because I already. meditate and exercise, I'm not going to. include those because they would be they. are huge ones for my happiness. Uh I'd.

say one of the biggest things is. uh. doing something fun and playful with my. wife. So whether that's going to an. escape room or whether that's going to. an assault course or like some sort of. like fun outdoor activity with my wife. brings me a lot of happiness. So that's. one of them. Okay. I'd say another one is spending. time outdoors in nature in the sun. Um. I'm going on a hike on Saturday, but. that is something that I know if I did. more of I'd be I doubt it would increase.

my happiness. Uh and the third one would. be spending even more time reading. I. love reading and making notes and. learning and I do plenty of it, but I. know I could always do more. So those. would be my three. Okay, so that's three things there. Okay, now the second part of the. exercise is called write your happy. ending. So. fast forward to the end of your life. Imagine you're on your deathbed. Looking. back on your life, what are three things. you will want to have done? So then it comes to uh I would say you.

know, serving as many people as possible. through the work that I do right now. That's that's number one. Um the second one would be to have felt. that I was able to purify. my heart and my mind of ego, of envy, of. jealousy, of of any impurities that lie. in my mind and heart. That would be my. second one. And and my third one would be that. I.

was able to express compassion. towards all the pain I saw and not. create more pain. I mean, that's lovely. Um so wonderful to hear. Now, the the. next part is you go back now. to your first three answers. And the. idea for people is, okay, if you do those three things that you've. stated initially weekly, will that get. you to the happy ending that you have. already said that you want? And I've done it with so many people and.

they find it really useful because, you know, for example, you know, you've. already mentioned you meditate and. exercise, you want to do something fun. and playful with your wife, spend time. outdoors in nature, and reading. Now, if. you do those things, let's say those. five things every week, does that get you to that happy ending. where you've served others, where you've. purified your mind of ego, and you've. managed to practice compassion? You. know, do you see those things as. aligned? Yeah, definitely. I mean,

especially and and now and that's why. it's useful doing the activity with. sometimes things that I already do. Uh yes, I I think that a lot of those. elements like personal time for. meditation and practice, a lot of the work around the reading and. study that I do, which is really. powerful for. cleansing the impurities within the. heart. Uh and and even that play is so. integral because that playfulness is. what keeps it fun and exciting. And so, absolutely, yes, there are lots of links.

in between. Many people when they do. that exercise find that they're not. aligned at all. Like, at the end of the. life, they say, "Yeah, I want to have. spent time with my friends and family. Uh I want to have engaged in passions. that mean the world to me." They say all. kinds of things, and then you look at the three happiness. habits, and they don't match up at all. It's a. fantastic exercise. That is a brilliant. exercise. And and and all the it's not. about making people feel bad. It's. it's about bringing awareness to their.

intention. Like, if you say you value. your friends and family, yet you're too. busy working, let's say, to find time. for them. Okay, that's okay, but. you need to start making a small shift. there, because you ain't going to get to. that happy ending otherwise. And so, you know what I'm about, Jay. It's. always about, how can I simplify a. message, simplify an exercise that. people can actually do, reiterate, and. hopefully result on them living, I. guess, a more intentional and a happier. life. Rangan, the reason why I love that.

activity and exercise, like, it's. brilliant, by the way. It's It's. absolutely fantastic. And I think. everyone on the everyone who's listening. and watching right now, not only should. go and get the book, because the book is. full of lots more activities and. exercises like this one, but do this one. with a friend this weekend, because. what you've explained so beautifully. there is the difference between. circumstantial. and existential happiness. And so, there are a lot of things we do. every day because circumstantially,

situationally, they make us feel better. But, the existential. core happiness, which as you described. is alignment, contentment, and control, that can only be measured when you look. at the gravity of a moment like death. And and when you're doing that in this. activity, that's what you're putting it under a. microscope and going, "Well, how is this. affecting your existence. as opposed to your circumstance, right?". And and that in in of itself is a really.

fascinating way of thinking and I I know. that I I don't do that activity, but I. think about those questions very often. And for me for so long, I I always ask. myself that. I'll I'll sit there and. I'll go, "How is this going to make me. feel when I'm dying? Will I regret doing. this or not doing this?" And everything. that I'm doing on a daily basis and the. commitments I make and the priorities I. make are all dedicated to that purpose. that I've committed to because I know. that that's what brings me joy. And.

there are a lot of sacrifices with that. and there are a lot of things that you. forego for that. But I realized that. health was so integral to your purpose, no matter what it is, that that's. something you can't sacrifice in the. pursuit of any alignment or contentment. you chase because if you're not healthy, then all of it falls apart. So, you know, I I really love that activity. and I'm so grateful you put that and. many others in the book. Yeah, thanks. And you know, it's something that I use. myself, you know, I. I'm keen to to I don't want people to.

feel that. I haven't got it yet. I I'm not there. yet, you know, I'm not aligned. That's. okay, right? That is absolutely okay. I. would guess by anyone who's listening to. your podcast, Jay, I guess naturally. would feel drawn to this sort of concept. anyway. They're wanting to live a more. intentional a more purposeful life, right? So, they're already that way. inclined and. it's not this thing, like I said, it's. not this destination. that you get to. It's a constant process. of tweaking and then society, life will.

pull you away, you know, I definitely. have times where I work too hard and. I'm not as present as I might want to. be, right? You know, just cuz I know. what I should be doing, it doesn't mean. I'm not human and I'm not susceptible to. the same mistakes that that many of us. make. Jay, I've never felt this. calm. and good and at peace with myself and my. life. Like when I last spoke to you a. few years ago in LA, you know, about the.

stress solution book, I was a different person. Like, I really. was. It was a different version of me. I'm just a lot more. content these days. I've done a lot of. work to rid myself of ego and the need. for external validation. I've also. really let go of. this idea that I need to be right. I. think for much of my life I define. myself what are you right? Are you. winning? And letting go of that it's just made me. happier. Like, I'm no longer attached to.

being right. I'm attached. to learning. I wouldn't even call it. attached. I'm committed to learning. Right? Every day any friction that comes. in my life, anyone that sends me a rude. email, it's all an opportunity for me to. go in and then go, what can I learn. here? What can I learn about myself? How. can I be compassionate about that other. person? And it keeps life fun and interesting. Right? It really does. Yes, I feel calmer and content, but all. kinds of little niggles and things that.

you know, I used to get, they they're. just sort of going cuz there's less. emotional tension in my body. I love that, Rangan. That's And by the. way, on a personal level, that's just. really beautiful to hear. I mean, you. know, I think hearing that that's the. journey you've been on in the last few. years and that's what's brought this. book about is really beautiful. And I. want everyone to know, you know, we just. scratched the surface today, but Rangan. goes on to talk about a ton of great. habits in this book. Eliminating change, treating yourself with respect, making.

time stand still, seeking out friction, talking to strangers, treat your phone. like a person, having maskless. conversations, which I love the sound of. that one. Uh go on holiday every day, give yourself away. These are beautiful, beautiful uh breakdowns in each and. every chapter with exercises, with. things to reflect on and think about. And Rangan, I want to congratulate you. on writing this beautiful book, Happy. Mind, Happy Life, 10 Simple Ways to Feel. Great Every Day. I want to ask you your. final five, which are our rapid-fire.

fast five. round. So, these questions have to be. answered in one word to one sentence. maximum. Uh let's go. Are you ready? I'm ready. Feeling trying to trying to maintain. that level of calm and contentment. whilst I whilst I get ready. All right, great. All right, here we go. So, here. are your final five. Question number. one. What's the best happiness advice. you've ever received, heard, or given? Spend time with friends and family. Second question, what is the worst piece.

of happiness advice you've ever. received, heard, or given? Do what makes you feel good in the. moment. Fascinating. All right, question number. three. What is something that you used to value. that you don't value anymore? An attachment to being right. Question. number four. What is the kindest thing. someone has done for you recently? Just. my daughter coming back from school, giving me a big hug, big smile, saying I. love you, Daddy.

I don't think anything makes me feel as. good as that, and that was super kind. I. love that. I love that. All right, question number five. If you could. create one habit that everyone had to do. every single day. in the world, what would that habit be? No question, a daily practice of. solitude. Beautiful. Everyone, that is Dr. Rangan Chatterjee. The book is called Happy Mind, Happy. Life. It is out now. When you hear this. podcast, make sure you go and grab your. copy.

Rangan, it has been a joy talking to. you. I look forward to being in person. with you again. I congratulate you on. all the self-work you've done. internally, it sounds like, but also the. amazing work you're putting out there. into the world, and I appreciate you, man. I'm so glad that we finally got to. do this and get together again. So, thank you for your time, and thank you. for your energy. If you're watching or. listening, make sure you tag me and. Rangan on Instagram, on Twitter, on. Facebook, any platform you're using. We. love to see what you're learning, what. you're taking away. There were so many. great pieces of wisdom, nuggets of.

advice, and insight today, and I want to. make sure that we see those, so we know. what you're taking away. Thank you so. much for listening to On Purpose. I'll. see you again next time. If you want. even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the. boxes over here. I'm also excited to let. you know that you can now get my book. Think Like a Monk from. thinklikeamonkbook.com. Check below in the description to make. sure you order today.