The Confidence Experts: 7 Proven Ways To Build Confidence & Self-Worth

The number one health and wellness. podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The. one, the only Jay Shetty. Welcome back to On Purpose. Today we're. talking about something that impacts. every decision we make, our confidence. and self-worth. We all struggle with it. at some point, questioning if we're good. enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it started in childhood, or maybe. over time life's challenges have made us. second-guess ourselves. But here's the.

truth. Confidence isn't something you're just. born with. It's something you build. And. self-worth isn't just about your. accomplishments or success. It's about. how you see yourself at your core. In this episode, I've gathered insights. from some of the best minds to help you. quiet self-doubt, recognize your true. value, and step into the confidence. that's already in you. Because when you. truly believe in yourself, everything.

changes. So often when we're searching. for confidence and self-worth, it's easy. to feel pressured to try every new trend. or practice as if there's a perfect. formula for feeling secure in ourselves. But real confidence isn't about. following the crowd. It's about tuning. out the noise and figuring out what. truly works for you. Kendall Jenner knows that pressure all. too well. Having spent most of her life. in the public eye, she's had to learn. how to protect her peace, set.

boundaries, and find joy in the simple. things. In this conversation, she opens. up about her journey to staying grounded. and true to herself. Let's get into it. Had had a lot of people coming to me. telling me about meditation and how it. changed their life and therapy and so. many different things. And I was a bit. overwhelmed cuz I was like, "Oh my god, what if this is going to suit me?" I I. it's a very personal experience. I think. everybody has a very different version.

of all of that stuff. And so, it was a. little overwhelming. So, I think I. really just took the time to be off for. a second. It was even the little things. It was like being able to go to my. friend's birthday party, which I. wouldn't have been able to go to before. cuz I was working a lot. I I love hearing that because I think. that it is those simple things like. you know, giving yourself that space, whatever it is that you needed to do. Yeah. When you needed it. And And like. you said, sometimes it's like that's. when all the subscribe buttons come up. in front of you and it's like, "Try this. and try this." And it's like, "Well, no,

no, no, let me just take my time." It. was also, now that I think about it, Yeah. 23, I'm 26. I've had my horse for. So, around that time is when I bought. the horse that I have now, who is my Like I I jump her and I like. have I I have a two other horses, but. they're like retired, so I don't really. ride them the same way I ride her. So, yeah, I guess it was around that time. too that I was like, "I'm going to do. this cuz I love this. And like I want to. get back into it, and this is what I've. loved my whole life." So,

So, it was around that time that I feel. like all of that started happening and I. bought my horse and I like started. taking more time for things that made me. really happy. Yeah, what what I what I'm. noticing in you and observing or at. least from just these. No, in a good way. In a good way. It's. okay. I was just saying it's like it feels. like no matter what's happening in your. orbit, there's this pillar of belief. that. it's important to be happy. Yeah. Like. it You know, that's like this core. center belief in your life where it's. like it's important to be happy. It's. important to be happy. It's.

That has to be the goal. For sure. And, you know, it's not always easy. We live in such an interesting industry. and in such an interesting time with. social media that it can be very hard. sometimes. You can fall victim to so many things. that. don't serve you and that don't make you. happy. If your happiness depends on the. actions of others, you know, you're at mercy of things that.

you can't control. Mhm. And that's never. where I want to be. So, I I always want. to live in like me and my therapist talk. about like my higher goddess, my higher. self. Like I always want to live there. knowing that. you know, when I'm there, you can't take. that away from me. That That's mine. And. no matter what you can disagree with me, you can agree with me. That's not going. My I'm not changing. I'm not shifting. I'm here. I'm in my higher goddess. So, I kind of I always live by like.

keep holding my happiness and not. letting anyone else affect it. And. though I fall victim to it at times, yeah. as we all probably do. Absolutely. I um I strive every day to. live in that place, so. What What are. some of the qualities of your higher. goddess? So, that that kind of. avatar like. She is awesome. Like I said, I don't love a pity party. I also like, you know, sometimes it. feels weird to like say good things. about yourself, but I've also learned a. lot about talking to myself and a lot.

about looking in the mirror and being. like, "You're great. You're gorgeous. You're amazing. You're loyal. You're. positive. You're so many" Like I love. words of affirmation. I love just. sitting there and reassuring myself of. who I am because that's another thing. for me. You know, there's so many false. narratives about me, about all of us, I'm sure. Like so many people think they. have you figured out when they don't. even know the half of it. So, sitting.

there and being like, you know, you get. frustrated sometimes. It could feel. really unfair. You could be reading. something that someone is saying about. you or hearing something that someone is. saying about you and being like, "That. is so unfair cuz that's not who I am.". And that really gets to me sometimes and. that really sucks. But then looking at myself in the mirror. and being like, "But I know who I am.". Mhm. And that's all Why does anything. else matter? And my friends know who I am. And my. family knows who I am. My dog knows who. I am. My horse knows who I am. Like, why. does any of everything else is just.

noise? I I do this exercise I don't. think I've shared this before, but I do. this exercise with some of my clients. where we'll go on a walk and we'll be on. a hike wherever we are. And I'll ask them what they think a. piece of, you know, maybe there's a. little leaf or maybe there's some a. flower or something that looks a little. unique on the path. And I'll say, "What do you think that. feels like? And what do you think it. would feel like if you picked it up in. your hand?" Mhm. And they'll be like, "Oh, it looks really rough and like it. might scratch me and like it looks like.

a bit, you know, like uneven or whatever. and it looks kind of hard and strong.". And then I'll ask them to pick it up. And nine times out of 10. it's completely different. Like they'll. pick it up and it will just dissolve in. their hands. Interesting. And sorry, the. shape the shape's really soft. and the color's totally different on the. other side. And I do that exercise to. help us realize just how multifaceted. humans are. Today I've got to meet you and and. obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable time together. So,

you learn faster about someone, but if. someone only follows someone on social. media or only sees someone at an event. or only sees one interview, it's so easy. to create such a singular view of. someone. Right. And I think and I want to say. this because I really think we all feel. it. I don't think anyone wants to be. seen Mhm. in a singular way. Mhm. If you. had to choose one word that had to be. you for the rest of your life, I don't. think anyone wants that. I think we all. know that we're messy and complex and.

and different. course. But we like to put someone else in a. box, whoever that may be, because it's easier than to live life. and say, "Okay, well, that person's A, B." Right. Yeah, I know. So, there's this beautiful. piece of wisdom that I always share from. Charles Horton Cooley and he wrote this. in 1890 I think it was which just shows. how true this has been for such a long. time and obviously long before that as. well. And he said the challenge today is. I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what.

you think I am. I am what I think you. think I am. And we'll let that blow everyone's mind. It gives me chills every time I say it. He uh Charles Horton Cooley said, "The. challenge today is I'm not what I think. I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." And. what he's trying to say is that we live. in a perception of a perception of. ourselves. So if I think you think I'm. smart, then I allow myself to feel. smart. Right. It's like we need that validation.

or like. Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then I feel hurt. Yeah. And and the challenge is I don't. know what you're thinking at all. especially outside in the world. And so. I find that what you're saying around. like, "Well, what do I think about. myself? Like how do I feel about myself? How do the people that actually know me. Mhm. feel about me?" I think that's. really empowering. There were times in. life when we feel disconnected from. ourselves as if we've lost our sense of. who we are. It can happen after a big. life change, the grind of a demanding.

job, or even just getting stuck in the. routine of everyday life. For Vanessa. Hudgens, that moment came after filming. a series of emotionally intense movies. She found herself questioning her. identity and searching for a way to. reconnect. Instead of staying in that. uncertainty, she took a leap. One that. felt scary, but ultimately led her back. to herself. Let's dive into how stepping. outside her comfort zone helped her.

rediscover her confidence and. self-worth. I I like my first solo trip. was when I was like. it was right after I did a stint of like. really heavy emotionally demanding. movies. Um, I think Gimme Shelter was the last one. of that. Um, and I came home and I like genuinely. did not know who Vanessa was. I had like.

gotten so off on becoming this other. person and then like genuinely changed. my mindset the way that I looked. I put. on like 20 lb, cut off all my hair, like. all the things that made me me were not. there anymore. And I was like I need to. do something because I'm like scared. cuz I don't know who I am. And I was. like, "Okay, we're going to go on a yoga. retreat." And my my publicist at the.

time was like, "Hey, there's this. retreat. They're doing it at the Four. Seasons.". Um, it was like a practice and I was. like, "Okay, I'm just going to like go. on my own. because that scares me." And I was very. much in that place of like do the things. that scare you because you will evolve. Like you're forced to. Um, and I was. like, you know, like a yoga retreat in. Hawaii like that gives me an excuse to. be in Hawaii. Um, but also like have. something to do and like know that I'll. be around people because like.

filming as well as an adult like when I. hit 18 I would go off to film things all. the time and I would be on my own. And. so like if I wanted to go to dinner like. a lot of times I would just go by myself. and like bring a book and like I. definitely would have those moments. where I'm like looking around like kind. of trying to like lock eyes and engage. with anyone. Um, preferably would sit at. the bar so I could like talk to the. bartender cuz like I love I love people. Like I love I love just like talking to.

people. Yeah, but you start using a. different part of your brain when you do. that. Like you start using a different. part of your energy where it's like, "Oh, I'm going to see if I can make. something out of nothing.". Oh, yeah, exactly. that you lose as we get older because. most of your life is surrounded by the. same people, same work people, same life. people. And so like when you're like, "Oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender. or I'm trying to lock" Even the idea of. locking eyes with someone random. Oh my gosh, it's my favorite thing. Yeah, but it's like. favorite thing. I literally will like be. driving and like will like turn and just.

like look at people if I'm stopped at a. red light and like try to like dance. with people. The other day this guy was. like listening to a song. We had our. windows down, he had his windows down, and me and my girlfriend were just like. body rolling like just like locking eyes. trying to make this person laugh. Like. it's I I love that. But the trip the. yoga retreat in Hawaii ended up just. being like so freeing because I was just. like, "Okay, like I'm here on my own. Like I'm just going to like talk to. people that I connect with and like go.

from there." And like genuinely forced. me to stay as present as possible. because I was engaging with people I. know nothing about. I feel like that's. the thing I love about talking to people. that you don't know. Like you're forced. to be present because it's like if. you're actually trying to engage, which. not everybody does. Mhm. Mhm. Yeah, but. then those are the people you don't need. to engage with. Um but when you find. people who you can, like it's it's you. say you're so present cuz you're. actually listening.

Yeah. Confidence is something we all. struggle with at some point. But where. does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels. genuine and lasting? Claudia Oshry, comedian, podcast host, and social media personality gets candid. about her journey with self-image and. how love played a role in shaping her. confidence. I really want you to hear. her story. Like what would you say to someone who. maybe doesn't have. doesn't want to go on his MP because.

they're scared or whatever may be but. like. what would you say with them? So I feel. like people don't like my answer because. when I was like struggling with my. self-image I feel like I'm going to cry. now, sorry. Um. So much of my confidence I would say. like all of it came from the fact that I. had a husband or a boyfriend at the time. fiance who loved me so much and he. thought I was like the greatest thing. and so if he thought it and look at him. like I just I love him so much and so he. thinks I'm so great like that's not that. you should get your confidence from a.

man whatever but like I did. Just to be. loved so um. unequivocally by somebody who I think is. so great um that gave me a lot of. confidence like he thought I was the. best he thought I was the smartest he. thought I was the prettiest so like I. was cuz his opinion is only one that. matters but also like I look at him and. I think of him as like so. charming attractive like who wouldn't. want to marry him and he likes me like. oh my god I must be like the greatest. thing ever and and I really feel like so. much of my confidence and it's so funny. cuz he says. that he gets confidence from me which I.

feel like really happy that it's a. two-way street but. having a relationship that I felt really. solid about but also somebody who just. loved me so much really um it just made. me believe like what he was saying. Do. you know what I mean? What's interesting to me is just so much. of. how whether it's body shaming we do to. ourselves or that society does to us how. so much of it is built up around. aesthetics and visuals and how health. and vitality are actually not based on.

simply visuals. No but I will say visually at the top. like if you were to just compare me. visually now and me visually then like I. was very unhealthy. Like I had a lot of. random medical issues that like a. 25-year-old girl shouldn't be having so. I agree with you that like a lot of. times we judge people's health based on. their weight and that's not the case for. everyone but to be clear like it was the. case for me. Yeah. Like I was not healthy. I did not. walk to work. Like I was really like. living a very inactive unhealthy.

lifestyle. That's not the case for. everyone you see who's overweight, but. that was 1,000 the percent the case for. me. Yeah, and now what's the new schedule? Oh well now I'm pregnant so like. it's kind of reverted back, but so not. pregnancy wise. I just really like lead my day with. little pockets of activity. I think that. like me going to meetings, going to work. like I'm always being like okay I'll. walk. Um I worked out like before I got. pregnant. I worked out like you know. three to five times a week. Um I would. spend my weekends like doing things that.

I enjoy whilst being active like going. for walks in the park with Ben. Just. like making sure that. I wasn't rotting in bed as much as I can. I'm capable of cuz I'm capable of a. great deal of rotting. Um and then with. meals that's really where I probably. struggled the most, but just. just trying to be a little bit more. well-rounded. I feel like I eat like a. six-year-old. And so I do like I eat. rice and chicken fingers. And so just. changing sometimes to like brown rice. and grilled chicken, you know, thinking. a little bit more, but it's hard cuz I'm. such a picky eater that you know, I'm.

not going to be making branzino on the. weekends with like an a tapenade, you. know, that's never going to happen. I don't even know what tapenade is. And then I mean as I'm hearing you. speak, I'm just like is there a a lot of. people talk about this right now like. this idea of. when you become pregnant is there like a. loss of the life you had? god, 100%. there a feeling of like wait a minute. just a few moments ago, a few months ago. I was I would say I don't feel I I.

really I mean I've been married for a. hundred years and we decided to wait to. have kids and I think that because we. made that choice, I am now not spending. my pregnancy and you know, hopefully the. next year or two mourning a life. I feel. like I lived life to the fullest and I. really, really waited till I was ready. So, the only thing I feel like I'm. morning is my body. Like that a bit. Nobody talks enough about like what it's. like to lose significant weight and then. get pregnant. I don't know how I feel.

about it. I don't have like fully. fleshed that out. I'm like struggling. every single day. But no, I don't I don't feel sad about. like a life left behind. I feel like. I lived every minute minute of my 20s. like on the edge of cliffs, going on. trips, partying, like doing everything I. wanted to do. And when I turned 30 over. the summer, I was like, you know what? I. I'm done. Like I really feel and that's. what I'm so happy about. Cuz yeah, I. like see my friends with kids and I'm. like, oh, I do wish I had like, you. know, joined them. But I feel so. fulfilled in that one chapter of my life. that I'm really ready to start the next.

chapter. We often think about self-care. as something external, our skin-care. routine, our diet, our exercise. But what about caring for our soul? How do we create rituals that nurture. not just our body, but our peace of mind. and self-worth? To share her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy-winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate for soul. care, Alicia opens up about her. struggles with anxiety, how stress. affected her skin, and how she turned.

her personal healing process into a. philosophy that helps others. Listen to this. I think often those of us who live. spiritual lives, we can be quite. negligent of our casing. Mhm. And you can you can kind of Disconnect. from it, maybe. Disconnect from it. Yeah, disconnect. from it. Right. Right. And so I wanted to ask. you, how has your relationship changed. with your skin that was something that. brought you anxiety? Oh my gosh. I mean. in your skin? I mean it I it was.

forever. It was literally forever. um that I really struggled with my with. my skin. And and you know, you're a. teenager and your hormones and you get. it and it's cool. And then all of a. sudden I was like 18 and then I was 23. and then I was 28 and then I was 30 and. then I was like 35 and I'm like, "Whoa, when does this thing stop? Like when?" I. thought like 16, 18, 21 maybe. Why is it.

continuing? And it was really hard to. especially to be in spaces where you. would present yourself and you would. feel just so self-conscious. I would. just felt so self-conscious and I'm. like, "But there's a big bump right. here." And then most people are like, "I. don't even see the damn bump." But I see. the bump right here and it's huge. And it feels really uncomfortable, you. know? You You just feel uncomfortable. You want to know why, too. You want to. know what's the matter. Is something.

wrong? Why am I thought I'm. What What can I do to help this? And um. and so that definitely caused me a lot. of anxiety. I I started in the music. world when I was uh 18. And so that was. right at kind of at the precipice and. then the the stress of the whole. universe of music was just so much and I. was trying my best to play it cool and. I'm like, "I can handle it. I can do. it." But it was stressful. It was a. whole new world. I had to carry a a new.

weight on my shoulders and and try to. you know, kind of like be calm while or. cool while doing it and it and it was. tricky. And my skin I I learned that my. body reacts to stress. Our bodies react. to stress. My personal body physically. reacts to stress. Many of our personal. bodies do this, which is obviously why. even many diseases come to us from. stress because physically it's a. physical manifestation of this feeling.

um which is why it is so important for. us to figure out like what gives you. peace, what calms you down, what makes. you feel. safe and. like you're in your skin and you're. yourself and these type of things. And. so, of course, I didn't know what that. was for a long time, but I realized that. it was these relationships I was. attracting and it was the, you know, the. level of commitment I was. um. agreeing to that left no space for me to.

reflect or to sleep or to be with my. friends and, you know, do those have. those outlets that do give you a sense. of of. calm. And And so, my skin was so. reactive that I said one day to myself, "If If I one day I'm going to make. something that. fixes this this.". I'm going to do something about this. because I know I'm not the only one. And. I realized as I began to, you know, live.

and experience so many different parts. of my life, motherhood. and, you know, raising young kids and. finding time for yourself. I real- and. getting rid of those toxic energies that. were attacking me in real life, I realized that you really have to take. care of your soul. Like Like you have to take care of your. soul. So, this philosophy of soul care. really came from all of these. understandings and all of these.

realisings that no one's going to do it. for me. Like no As much as I really. really wish someone would stand up and. be like, "You, you're not good for her. Get out of here." That thing, you, you. need to stop. No, I have to be the judge. of that and therefore I have to find my. way to the understanding of how do I. hear myself to know what is good and. what is not or what is real or what is. true or. And so, there were many things that. brought me to that place. Some of them. were meditations that brought me there. and really brought me to a more. intuitive space. Some of them were just.

practicing the art of like, "No, what do. you think?". "No, I know six friends said this.". "Well, I know that very strong energy. that always tells everybody what they. think said this, but what do you think?". And that became the practice of soul. care and and also these ideas of ancient. rituals and. what are some special ways that we can. have peace and calm and I was attracted. to crystals and their powers and their.

meanings. I was attracted to journaling. and I have a very difficult time, as a. kid I had a difficult time expressing my. truth. And I realized that when I would. journal or do these stream of. consciousness, I could I could actually. just release it. I could let it go and. if I'm not good at doing that to someone. else cuz I didn't trust as fully, um I can do it with myself, you know? And so these these practices of how do. you kind of like depend on yourself to. find your own grounding became my idea. of what soul care is, which eventually.

became how I said, "I'm going to make. that thing to fix that thing.". became this key soul care. And and the. idea was to me is a philosophy. It's a. way of life. It's a lifestyle. To me, you know, um you know, the beauty. industry or skin care industry, just. like the music industry, all of it is. kind of creating how to live within the. chaos. And so, how do we do it? Nobody. teaches us normally. It's a blessing if. someone does. But normally it's not. So,

finding these ways through affirmations, through the idea of really connecting to. yourself and using the affirmations are. on every bottle because the idea is you. wash your face, you do that every day. with the golden cleanser, you can also think about how I'm devoted. to this moment because so many times. we're over here, over there, back there, over there. How can you just be right here with. yourself right now? And so, the idea is. like creating this mixture of ancient. rituals and where skin meets soul.

and soul care cuz we have air care, hair. care, nail care, body care, home care, but we never had soul care. Why? So, we wanted to I wanted to start it. Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I I. couldn't agree more as someone who. was very negligent of a lot of this. stuff like growing up and not really. thinking about it. I've seen the value. of. I'm a big fan of affirmations. I think even when it comes to. cleansing my face, what that means, what.

that feels like, how different I feel. internally because of it, how it can be. a reminder to continue to cleanse and. detox the soul as well as that which is. around me. There's there's so much of. that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul that that I think we we lose. and we don't realize how interconnected. they all are. Confidence is something we. all strive for, but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking. action. But what if the key is to act.

first, even when we don't feel ready? What if confidence is something we build. as we go, not something we wait for? To help us break through the myths of. confidence, we have Lisa Bilyeu, entrepreneur, bestselling author, and. co-founder of Impact Theory. Lisa's. journey from stay-at-home wife to. powerhouse businesswoman has given her a. unique perspective on what it really. takes to build confidence from within.

Let's hear what she has to say. So, I think confidence is such a. important and powerful topic. I wanted to ask you because I think. there's so much material and you do so. many interviews around confidence and. what it means and what it feels like. How do you define confidence. for you? And what does it mean to you? And what is something that people can. think of? Because I think everyone has a. different view of the word confidence. Yeah, I think most people actually have. the misinterpretation of what confidence. actually is. Because they usually, and I.

was culprit of this when I was a. stay-at-home wife for 8 years, I thought. I needed it to get started. And I. thought I needed the confidence to live. out my dreams, to actually go towards my. goals, and I was waiting to have the. confidence. And that I think is a. complete misconception is what actually. is holding so many of us back from. trying anything. And what I realized was. in my own journey, I actually just need. to take action. I need to to go into. something very insecure, not knowing. what I was doing, practicing, practicing, practicing, you know, wax. on, wax off, my favorite movie, Karate.

Kid. And get so damn good that I build the. competence to then lead to confidence. So, the truth is the confidence is the. byproduct of taking action. And a lot of. us don't think of it like that. We think. it's going to be the magic bullet that's. going to get us to actually take that. action at the beginning. Um and so, that's where I actually reshaped in how. I rethought of the word confidence. And. then also for me, confidence is like a muscle. If you don't keep practicing it, you. won't actually get strong at it. And if.

you stop practicing, you will get. weaker. Yes. And just like when you go to the gym, you may practice like your biceps or. your legs, it's a different mechanism to. practice working your calves than. practicing your biceps. So, that is what. confidence is. It's not like you get. confidence in one area and you're good. to go. Yeah. It's like you get. confidence maybe in being in front of. the camera, but being in front of the. camera, as you know, Jay, is very. different than being on stage. Mhm. So, when someone sees you, maybe you've got. confidence in one area, it doesn't mean.

that you've got confidence everywhere. else. And I think people if it's you and. you're thinking about it, you may then. think that you're incompetent or you're. no good or like it's just well, I don't. have the genes, so I may as well not get. get started. But the truth is, identify. where you can't the confidence, get. started, build that competence, and then. eventually it will breed confidence. Yeah, absolutely. I I couldn't agree. with you more. I remember once looking. at the definition of confidence. in the dictionary, and one of the. definitions is an appreciation.

of one's own abilities, skills, and. qualities. Mhm. like, I really like that definition. Like, it's actually self-validation. Like, confidence is being able to look. at yourself and say, "I'm good at this. I'm actually a kind person. I'm a. thoughtful person. I am a good public. speaker. I am a. best-selling author." Whatever it may. be, and you're almost validating a. skill, quality, or attribute you have by.

yourself. And I think it's so. interesting, and you're right. I think. we viewed confidence as how do other. people feel about us. So, we look at it. as like, "Oh, that person looks so. confident cuz they're like walking out. their car. They got that swag. They're. like dripping in great clothes.". Whatever it may be, and we see that as. confidence. But, we know that that. person could be sitting in there going, "Oh, I'm I'm not the right size. I'm. overweight, underweight. I'm whatever. else it may be." and criticizing. themselves. I was wondering, what is. something that.

took you the longest in your life to. build confidence around? Ooh. I'm ever evolving, but I think it really was to believe in. myself that I'm capable. And that was started from because I was. a stay-at-home wife for 8 years, and I. want to make sure that I say this, though. There's nothing wrong with being. a stay-at-home wife at all. It's. actually one of the hardest jobs. That. was for me, but I didn't want it. That. actually wasn't my dream. It was I felt. like it was sucking the life out of me. So, as that staying-home wife, I didn't.

make any change because I didn't feel. like I was capable of anything because I. was so insecure. That voice in my head. was so negative, Jay, telling me all the. reasons why I was no good to try. anything. And so, in order for me to build my. confidence to move forward, I was like, "Well, what if I am bad? Who cares? You have to actually practice. Why do I. think that I can be amazing at. something, right? If someone looks at. you and they're like, "Oh my god, he's. such an amazing podcaster." How long. have you been doing it? Years and years. and years and years. So, when someone.

looks at you and let's say they're. comparing their beginning to your middle. or your end, you will feel incompetent. And so, for me, I had to stop looking. outside of myself for all the amazing. people because I believed I wasn't good. enough to try. And so, I had to build. the internal confidence to take that. action, to actually just try, and. understand that it's going to be a. process. And without that, I never would. have got out of what I call purgatory of. the mundane, where my life is just. mundane enough. And so, I'm just stuck. there day in and day out. And that idea.

that even if you don't feel good enough, you can still take action, I think was. the biggest thing that was the hardest. for me because I didn't want to get. bullied. I was already bullied as a kid. for my looks from other women. So, you. can imagine me trying anything, that. fear of being bullied from other girls. was so petrifying that I didn't even. want to take a chance. And so, realizing. A, I have to build that within myself, and you said the word validate actually. earlier. That word really sticks with me. with me because I think a lot of us wait. for validation, external validation. We.

wait for someone to tell us that we're a. good Greek wife or an amazing husband or. a fantastic wife. And that can actually hold us where we. are. Because I was so seeking validation from. everybody else. And at the time, I was. getting validation for being that. stay-at-home wife. And so, you can imagine I have low. self-esteem, I don't believe in myself, I don't think I'm good enough, and. everyone's validating me for this one. thing, even though I don't like that one. thing. That validation, that feeling good about.

yourself, is what kept me there. So, I. think the trick is is how do you make. sure that you validate yourself? And. that became the path for me building my. confidence every single day. What am I. going to do today to validate myself? Not get validation from my partner, from. my boyfriend, from the extra how many. likes I got on Instagram. No, no, how. can I validate myself? And that became. my North Star versus everyone else. making me feel good about myself. Absolutely. Confidence isn't something. that just appears overnight. It's built.

through experiences, setbacks, and. self-acceptance. For Meghan Trainor, that journey started. with a song she never thought anyone. would hear. What began as a fun personal expression. turned into an anthem that resonated. with millions. But even after hitting. number one, she found herself still. chasing validation instead of trusting. her own instincts. Let's hear how she. learned to let go of expectations and.

embrace her true confidence. Well, back. then. I was a songwriter writing for other. artists. So, I was thinking like, what's. not on the radio and what. what could be on the radio. But I when I. wrote All About That Bass, it was like a. joke. Like it was like I was like, "No. one's going to cut this. We've wasted a day of work, and we'll. just write a therapy song for us.". Like cuz the co-writer was like a man, and it was the first time meeting him. So, it's kind of like a blind date, and.

you're like, "Where did you grow up? How. were we both were like we were chubby. kids, and we had to learn how to love. ourselves." And I was like, "How funny. would it be that was like, I ain't no. size, too, but I can't shake it, shake. it." And I'm like, "I'm not a confident. dancer that dances in front of everyone, but imagine if I was.". Yeah. And I remember being like, "I'll. sing the demo, who cares?" And it was. like a raw demo with no auto-tune and. nothing, but the lyrics hit so many. people that they're like, "This is going. to be huge. Who's singing it? We'll just. let her do it.". So, it was really from like a.

a weird raw place. Like I wasn't chasing. radio. I wasn't And I fell into that. before when you talk about competition. I didn't know about charts and all that. stuff. When they're like, "You're number. one." I was like, "Fantastic. Like what. is that? Like number one everywhere.". They're like, "Everywhere." I was like, "Well, that was easy." So, then anytime. I did another song, I was like, "It's. not number one everywhere. What do you. mean?" Like. And then I was like, "Oh, maybe I'm not. doing what's on the radio." And then I. caught myself chasing radio and just.

falling on my face. So, with this new album taking it back, I was like, "I'm going to go back to. when I did doo-wop and just didn't care. about any charts and anything and just. do me." Yeah. And you'll hear that come. out. And the first song they put out was. a. emo toxic relationship song. I was like, "Oh, okay. Coming out passionate." Yeah. And so it. sounds like it's always been a raw. emotion that's that's gone out. And now. you're taking it back and you're going. back to that and you're really owning. that. Like with this with this new album. would you say that we're hearing you.

through the healing process? Are we. hearing you healed? Are we hearing you. you're hearing you're hearing you're. hearing a healed mature mother. who um is just ruthlessly honest, you. know? Like one song, "Don't I Make It. Look Easy" that I teased today on my. Instagram, um is like. talking about, "Don't I make this look. easy?" Like everything's perfect cuz. everyone who interviews me is like, "You. are so fun and you have the best family. and best life." And I'm like, "I cry so. much. You just don't know it cuz I don't.

film myself and post it, you know?" So, I say in the first verse like, "I posted. a picture. I read all the comments. I. hearted the good ones. And if I'm being. honest, I probably spent an hour on it.". Yeah. And then I'm like, "And it's just like a fun way of being. ruthlessly honest ruthlessly." That's. not a word. But brutally honest. Yeah. True confidence doesn't just come. from winning. It comes from how you handle the losses. It's about resilience, picking yourself. back up when things don't go your way,

and having the determination to keep. pushing forward. Kobe Bryant understood this better than. most. He wasn't always the strongest or. the fastest, but he built confidence by. prioritizing long-term growth over. immediate results. He knew that. self-worth isn't defined by where you. are today. It's about your commitment to. improvement. Let's hear how he developed. that mindset. And and you talk about it. because you talk about, you know, when. you talk about missing five throws and. you talk about.

getting over yourself. Yeah. Right? Like getting over yourself. How did you get that mentality of just. being like, "I need to get over this. Like I need to get over myself.". You know, trial and error. Mhm. You. know, you grow up and you make. game-winning shots and it's awesome. You. come back the next day and miss a. game-winning shot and it's misery. And. then the next day comes and you're back. playing again and you understand that. life has a cyclical nature where it's. you know, what you do on Monday, it's. fantastic, but then Tuesday's a bad day, but guess what? There's Wednesday. So, are we just supposed to live our lives. like this the whole time?

You know, versus just staying like this. and understanding that it's really just. a journey of. evolution. Every day is just constant. improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results. don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Yeah. And we all get obsessed about the. results. Yeah. Like we get obsessed. about like the output, not the input, of. not figuring it out and not like. changing things. What you said trial and. error, like the experimenting. Yeah. We forget to do that. It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a. lot of players, especially now in, you.

know, in youth basketball dealing with. that. Um yeah, players that are like. bigger and faster and stronger and you. know, their coaches are just coaching. them for results. You know, we're just. going to use your size that cuz you're. bigger than every other 12-year-old out. there to dominate today. But they're not growing. Mhm. Right? So, they're just based on that result, but. they're not focused on growing this. young child. Yeah. into becoming a better an athlete. and through that teaching them how to. become a more well-rounded person and.

we're missing that. Yeah, see what. you've said that just. I want to ask you this and I'm not. saying cuz I you know like you know. yourself best and you know how you've. got that. So I'm asking it from a place. of humility of learning. When I look at. you I'm like. you know, your superpower isn't just. your work ethic. Your superpower isn't. just like figuring things out. Your. superpower is like you think. strategically. Like that's a very. strategic thought of saying this person. could be this in the future if they were. developed as a whole individual Right. rather than just like let's use them for.

the short term. Right. Where did you. develop that from? That ability to see. beyond, to think deeper, to to reflect. deeper. Where did that come from? Well, I had to do that because, you. know, I grew up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there it was, you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't have. any friends. You know, I had the game of. basketball and through sport and playing. soccer I was able to make friends and. build connections, but there was a lot. of time spent alone and and when I came. back to the States I wasn't the most. athletic kid. You know, I was really. scrawny, like really really skinny and.

had like major knee issues cuz I was. growing. So I was the dorky kid with. high socks and big old knee pads. It's fashionable now. It's fashionable. now. It wasn't then. It wasn't then. And. so. I had to look long term because in the. here and now I couldn't compete with. these kids. I mean, there was kids that. were like 12 years old with beards. Like. I can't. I can't What am I supposed to do with. that? Like they're they're doing. windmills and dunking backwards and I'm. happy to like tap the backboard, you. know? So I had to look at it from a long.

term cuz I wasn't going to give up on. the game. Right. So I had to say, "Okay, this year I'm going to get better at. that. Next year, this." And then so forth and. so on and then patiently I was able to. catch them. Yeah. That's I love hearing. that because I think so many of us kind. of you believe like when you when you. see people like yourself it's like it's. so easy as an excuse to ourselves to. just be like oh you're destined for it, right? You were made for it. Kind of like that kind of you know like. oh yes, you know, but but when you talk. about saying oh actually when I started. I didn't have the Yeah. physicality.

that meant that I was going to make it. Like you had to figure it out and I love. it. Yeah, figure it out, man. It's it's. just piece by piece and it's the. consistency of the work which. I feel like a lot of parents are missing. today because we're not teaching that to. our kids. We tend to say like kids don't. want to do the work but in reality it's. when we're failing them because we're. not. leading them the right way and teaching. them Yeah. you know, how to fish, you know what I. mean? And so like the consistency of. work Monday get better, Tuesday get. better, Wednesday get better, right? And. you do that over a period of time, you.

know, not like 1 month or 2 months. I. mean it's. 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 years and then you you. know, you can get to where you want to. go. Confidence isn't about walking into a. room and thinking you're the best. It's. about not feeling the need to compare. yourself to anyone. True self-worth comes from knowing who. you are not just what you accomplish. It's built in the quiet moments. How you. show up for yourself and the way you. speak to yourself when no one's around.

I hope this episode helped you realize. that confidence isn't about having all. the answers. It's about trusting. yourself to figure it out. If something. resonated with you, share it with. someone who needs to hear it and I'll. see you next time on on purpose. If you. love this episode, you'll really enjoy. my episode with Selena Gomez on. befriending your inner critic and how to. speak to yourself with more compassion. My fears are only going to continue to.

show me what I'm capable of. The more. that I face my fears, the more that I. feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining. wisdom and I just want to keep doing. that.