Taylor Tomlinson ON: The Quarter-Life Crisis & How to Let Go of Toxic Relationships

my grandma will say things like your mom. would have thought this was so cool. Your mom would have been like in the. front row. And I go, I don't know that. I'd be doing this if mom was still here. I don't know. It's it's so strange to be. sad. that a parent isn't here to see your. success, but also know that. a big reason you're successful is this. drive to become somebody they would have. been proud of.

Hey everyone, welcome back to On. Purpose, the number one health podcast. in the world thanks to each and every. single one of you that come back every. week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, you know that I get to sit down with a. lot of exciting, interesting, fascinating people, but sometimes. there's someone that I reach out to that. I'm just a huge fan of. And actually, it. was my dear friend Adam Grant who gave. me an excuse to reach out to this. individual with an opportunity that he. had for her which I even forgot what it.

was. And he's been an amazing guest on. the podcast, too. This gave me an excuse. to DM her and say, "Hey Taylor, would. you like to do this thing?". Which is my way of sneaking in and. saying, "Hey, can you come on the. podcast, too?" I've been a huge fan of. today's guest since her first special, her Instagram, her social media, her. TikTok's incredible. I have sent her. videos to my wife, my family, my. friends, my trainer this morning. I. mean, she is one of those people that as. soon as I watch her, I start laughing, I.

learn something new, and I just feel an. incredible sense of joy. And in the few. moments that she's walked into my home. and into our studio, I love her even. more. I'm speaking about the one and. only Taylor Tomlinson who began. performing comedy when she was 16 after. her father signed her up for a stand-up. class. She became a top 10 finalist on. the ninth season of NBC's Last Comic. Standing in 2015 and was named one of. the top 10 comics to watch by Variety at.

the 2019 Just for Laughs Festival. Her. first Netflix stand-up special, which is. where I discovered her, Quarter-Life. Crisis, premiered in March 2020. In. 2021, she started her own podcast called. Sad in the City and in the same year, she was placed on the Forbes 30 under 30. list. Now, her second stand-up special, Look at You, is now streaming on. Netflix. I want you to go and watch it. straight after this and she will be at. the LA Netflix Comedy Festival show at.

the Ace Theater on May 6th, 2022. So, make sure you grab some tickets. Uh, welcome to the show, Taylor Tomlinson. Taylor, thank you so much. Thank you so much. I We were just. talking about this before we started. recording, but I was like, "What am I. doing here?" Like, truly, I your podcast. is just full of so many interesting, wise people teaching you how to live a. better life. And so, to come in as a. stand-up comedian and you're like, "I.

can't wait to learn things from you.". I'm like, "Uh, yeah, absolutely. I have. so much to teach.". Uh, I'm I'm coming into this fully. hoping to I almost brought a notebook to. take notes. Cuz that's how I feel every. time I listen to your podcast or watch. any of your TikToks, like, I'm still. thinking about the video where you talk. about checking your phone first thing in. the morning where you're like, "You. wouldn't just have a hundred people come. into your bedroom." And I'm like, "Oh my. god, that's That's exactly what you're.

doing every morning." And I'm still. terrible at it. And I do it every. morning, but every time I do it, I think. about you telling me not to. Yeah, well, I genuinely feel that not. only do I laugh at everything you put. out. I mean, I can name my top three. favorite moments in your special easily. I think for me, I also learn from you. because I think. what you do so phenomenally especially. when it comes to love and relationships, but also life, is you're able to get. inside people's minds as to how they.

think about situations and how they. navigate relationships and how they make. certain decisions in their life. And so, I do think you teach. I'm not expecting. you to teach. I I want to laugh with you today. I want. to get to know you better. This was just. an excuse for me to be a fan and for me. to hang out with someone that I admire. and adore so much. And and genuinely, from even the few moments we've spent, I'm just so happy meeting you and I hope. this kicks off a wonderful friendship. So, that's kind of why I do this whole. podcast is to. I love that. is to be able to lure people into being.

friends with me, but but I I'm so. excited. I want to start by talking. about a lot of your journey because I. think I discovered you, like I said, through your first special. You've been. doing this for a lot longer than that. and then I kind of went backwards and I. was like, "Oh, wait a minute. Like, this. person's incredible and it's such a. fascinating story." And I am interested. in stories because what we were just. talking about now, that sometimes when. you see someone second Netflix special, sold out tours, like, you look at that. person and you go, "Oh, yeah, that.

they've they've always been that way.". Mhm. And when I look at you, I go, "Well, wait a minute. Your father signed. you up for a stand-up class." Mhm. Why. did he do that? That sounds like a. painful thing for a father to do. I. think a woman at our church wanted to do. it and she told him about it and then he. brought me along thinking I could write. for him, maybe. Like, he was like more. of a performer, so. I'm very glad he did, you know, for. whatever reason and yeah, it is a very.

strange thing because I didn't I didn't. get into this. super intentionally. Like, it it was. something I sort of fell into. as a result of just this one woman. going, "I'm thinking I'm going to take. this stand-up class." Cuz she was like a. retired school teacher and did some. public speaking events and wanted to. inject some humor into it. So, it's funny how something as small as. that, like an after-service. conversation, just. snowballed into my entire life, my.

entire career. And you and I were talking earlier about. just you being very young as well and. you being so successful in in what you. do and how it seems like, you know, maybe you've only been doing this for 5. years online and you're like, but I've. been doing this. there were 17 years before that that I. was teaching and and interviewing and. learning and and I've had all these life. experiences. And uh I think a lot of. people. look at my career.

similarly sometimes where they go, "Well, you. you blew up very quickly or you got all. these opportunities very quickly.". And I I think I feel very self-conscious. about that sometimes because 28 is very. lucky and young to have two Netflix. specials. It was not something I ever. anticipated uh. achieving at this age. I've just been. very fortunate. But then I I think back. to. when I actually started and I'm like, "Oh, I've been doing this for 12 years.". Yes. So, okay. That's It's not like I I just.

started yesterday, but I think when you. are younger than what people expect from. someone doing what you do, there can sometimes be a little bit of. like, "Oh, well, it's just been easy. Yes. You just did it. Yeah, and it but I. also find it it's quite a untraditional. journey and it's so funny because we. shared that. My parents forced me to go. to a public speaking class and drama. class when I was 11 years old because. they thought I was too shy and I didn't.

have any confidence. And so, my parents. signed me up to LAMDA, which is the. London Academy of Music, Drama, and. Arts. And they said they forced the. school to allow me in because they. missed the sign-up date or something. like that. And they like begged and. pleaded with one of the teachers saying, "We really need our son to do this. because he's shy and he doesn't have. confidence." And now I look back and I. think, "Wow, my parents made this. amazing decision, just like you said, that has impacted my whole life." And I. think I I would have I wouldn't have had. that opportunity if I didn't do that.

So, but even for you, it's it's a. after-sermon, after-service. conversation. Like that sounds very. untraditional, at least from my external. ignorance. Oh, absolutely. It's the. thing people ask about the most because. it's it's not an origin story. I think many stand-up comedians have. And if they do have it, they are. generally still in the church world. because there is a. there is a comedy church circuit. That's amazing. I love hearing that. I.

mean, yeah, it's it's a different it's a. different path that I did not choose to. go down. Um but yeah, I mean, it's there. are so many different ways to. do stand-up professionally. Like I think. that's what we forget. Like I also had a. year in my early 20s where I did like. eight cruise ship weeks, which is a. whole other thing. And there are. comedians who only do that. Like I feel. like I've been very fortunate in my. career that I have experienced kind of a.

lot of different. Mhm. pockets of this industry that is. more than just. getting the Netflix special, getting the. HBO special. I've done corporates and I've done. colleges. That's how I went full-time. initially when I was 21 or 20 is I was. doing all these college gigs. It's why I. dropped out of college to go perform at. colleges, which is sort of funny. And cruise ships and churches. Yeah, I. mean, I've I've kind of done.

everything you could do and then also. all the bars and and strange shows you. do in backyards and whatnot. So, uh yeah, it's there's a lot of different. places to exist and and do what you love. to do. It's not just this one path that. you see on TV or in movies or. documentaries. So, I think that's. important for people to know as well who. want to do something creative, whatever. that may be, that it can look like a lot. of different things. Yeah, definitely. And I think. obviously you know on this podcast that.

we try and get into the psychology and. mindset and the way people make shifts. And what I find fascinating about. stand-up comedy and what you do is that. it really requires you to overcome some. base fears. Mhm. Like the fears of what. will people think? How will I look? How. will I be received? These are huge fears. and personally I think stand-up comics. face one of the hardest things because. it's like you're introducing, this. person is going to make you laugh, and. this person is funny. And then it's like.

it's the expectation is so much higher. Talk to me about that first time or. maybe something you learned in that. stand-up class that started to be a that. you started to be okay with that fear. and dealing with that or did you never. feel that fear at all? Oh, I was. terrified. I mean, do you feel like you. were shy? Yeah. Was that it? Like. Definitely. Massively. How long did it. take for you to sort of feel like you. weren't or do you still feel on a base. level you're shy and you've just figured.

out how to not act that way? Yeah, I I. find that so from 11 to 18 I went to. public speaking and drama school and. those years gave me the skills, but I. didn't have anything I was passionate to. talk about until I lived as a monk. And. until I understood the wisdom the Vedas. that I studied and now I share. So, to. me it was almost like you have a. toolkit, but I never used it because I. still didn't feel confident. I actually. got confidence because of what I was.

sharing. I have so much more faith and. confidence in the ideas I share than I. do even in myself, and I think that's. what gives me so much excitement and. enthusiasm. But, having said that now, I. would say that even today, I feel really. confident when I'm one-on-one with. someone, and when we both know what role. we play. But, if I turn up to a random. event that isn't my event, that is. someone else's event, I will just try. and find one person that I can have a. really deep, intimate conversation with,

as opposed to go up to everyone and. introduce myself and make sure that. everyone knows I came to the I'm not. like that because I feel more. comfortable getting to know someone. deeply. So, I would still consider. myself If it's my event, I'm not shy. because I know what role I play there. and I'm doing something, but I would say. I'm shy when I'm at an event where I. don't have a role. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. So, I think that I. think that is on a base level, I'm an. introvert and I'm shy. I feel the exact. same way, and I felt like that for. years, and I still feel that way. I have.

I think a lot of social anxiety. Um I. think that when I started doing. stand-up, I I always liked performing, but I. once I found stand-up, I was like, "Oh, this is where I feel. the best is on stage doing this thing. This is where I feel like myself." And. actually, when I first started doing. stand-up, I felt like. the version of myself that I was on. stage was who I wanted to be in.

life all the time, but I couldn't cuz I. was too shy and I didn't have the. confidence. And then at a certain point, it it. became. more true to who I was. out in the world, and and now. I'm I'm at this weird place where I'm. like, "Is that. even me? Is that the most Is that the. purest version of me? Is that the most. sort of polished version of me, like. it's very strange to be in this business.

and see so many videos of yourself and. so many photos of yourself and it can. feel very like dysmorphic where you're. like, who who am is that? Who is that? That's not me. Especially when you're. you are achieving these goals you've. always had like you know, when I got on. Conan or something. Like I was like, I'm. in the thing I've been watching for. years since I was a kid and you're it's. sort of this strange out of body. experience, but. I was I was terrified of performing when.

I first started doing stand-up. I mean, I felt sick, like physically sick for. days before I went on stage. you push through that? Like how did you. get through that? I just loved it so much that I. I just wanted to do it more than I was. scared to do it, um, which is. sort of how you have to be if you are. somebody who's not. naturally extroverted or what have you. And I think really what helped is once I.

graduated high school and and was. doing stand-up consistently in San Diego. once you're doing multiple spots a. night, it takes less pressure off of it. and you don't have as much time to be. nervous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good point. Because I'm sure you feel the same way. where you're like, I do a podcast every. other day. Like I'm not going to get. nervous to meet somebody new again. It's. a muscle. It's really just a muscle. And. if I don't go on stage for a few weeks,

which doesn't really happen. Like when. we had lockdown and I didn't go on stage. for 5-6 months, the first time back on. stage even for a Zoom audience was. terrifying. Yes, yes, yes. Like it'll come rushing right back. It's. not like I'm. like, oh, I'll just go on stage. And I. get nervous to do spots in town. I get. nervous to try new stuff. I mean, I'm so. lucky to be on this tour where people. have paid money to see me specifically. because for years it wasn't like that. For years it was.

people got free tickets or they got. barked into a club in a mall and they. were like, "Yeah, we'll go see comedy. and maybe it's not what I want, but. we'll check it out. We'll give it a. chance." Obviously, all of that makes it. a little easier to go out on stage and. know you have that that grace period at. the very least. But I think just the consistency and. knowing that you can do the job, that's where you get the confidence. And. like you said, you have more confidence. in what you're saying. When I was first.

starting out, I was a teenager. I didn't. feel like I could talk about anything. with any sort of. Yeah, wisdom or experience. yeah. I I And then I started talking. about the fact that I had no wisdom or. experience. And that's what Quarter-Life. Crisis is because I was like, "What am I. going to talk about? How about the fact. that I don't know anything?". Yeah. And so many people came up to me. after shows going, "Oh my gosh, this is. exactly how I feel. I don't know what. I'm doing. I I hate being this age. It's. so confusing." Because I had always just.

assumed everyone's having a great time. in their 20s. Everybody's killing it. And I didn't have a traditional college. experience cuz I dropped out to do. stand-up. So I I I didn't feel like I. was doing my youth correctly. Yeah. And so to start talking about that. on stage thinking it was like a new. angle. and then to have everyone go, "Oh, we. feel the exact same way." Even like. people who looked like they. were killing it in that area where I'm. like, "You look like you go out on the. weekends and everything's awesome for.

you.". Yeah. Uh was really validating for me. And the same with the new special, Look. at You. I mean, so much of it is about. my own struggles with mental health and. uh. finding out that I was bipolar and and. all these different things and losing my. mom at a young age and getting the. feedback from people that they relate to. it or they've. dealt with similar things if not the. same things. In a selfish way, it makes you feel. better about it and it makes you feel. more confident in talking about your own.

experiences because. you know, with the internet, you can. find your audience now. Maybe not. everybody relates to what you're talking. about or wants to hear you talk about. something, but the people who do really. appreciate it and really do connect with. it and so that's that's how I try to. write now is I just try to write about. things that I want to talk about or I. want to hear about and and find other. people to relate to me about. Yeah, I.

love that your special was called. quarter-life crisis because even in the. work I do, I find that that is such a. key pillar of a lot of the people I. connect with. So, they come into you to. to laugh and understand and feel heard. and and today a lot of people will say. to me, "Well, Jay, I'm stuck with where. I am or I don't like my career." What. was that transition like of saying I'm. okay with not going down the right. correct path of staying at college,

completing, but I'm actually going to go. and do off do something that I enjoy and. love. Like what was that transition like. for you? Was it one welcomed by yourself. and the people around you with. excitement and joy or was it surrounded. with worry and anxiety and and a sense. of oh, this is going to be tough or I'm. actually scared about this? I think when. I left college, I had booked enough work. Right. that like I would have never just. quit college to see, you know, like I. had enough work booked. I I physically.

couldn't go to college anymore um. because at the time the school I was at. didn't have enough like online options. So, I just I just couldn't and I had. already taken a semester off to. audition for all these colleges. There's. something called NACA where you. essentially audition for a bunch of. college bookers. And so I had booked. like 50 colleges in the winter and. spring. And I was like, "Oh, I'm going. to be gone for like 3 weeks at a time. performing at these schools mostly on.

the East Coast, so I can't." And I think. I just told myself, "Well, you can go. back. You can go back." And I told. myself that for years. I told myself. that until I got the first Netflix. special. Once I got the first Netflix. special, I was like, "I think I don't. have to go back to school." And then the. pandemic hit and I was like, "Maybe I. do.". So, I really wasn't like all in. Like I. was like I held on to that because I was. I was a good student. I really.

thought that I was going to college, I. was going to finish. Like a lot of it. was tied up in like being a a good kid, I suppose. So, that wasn't something. that I made a hard decision on. It was. something that I sort of over time. accepted. as long as everything was going well in. my career. What was harder, honestly, was just. moving away from being a clean comedian. and and that transition from I never.

performed in churches exclusively and I. didn't want to perform in churches. exclusively or even mostly, but to move. away from. being somebody that could and was this. like squeaky clean. act that you know, your family isn't. embarrassed to watch or anything. was was really difficult and that took a. couple years as well cuz there's a lot. of internalized shame that comes with. that and. feeling like you're. not good enough for the world you grew.

up in, but then also being too. feeling too like inexperienced for this. like rock and roll stand-up world. Uh cuz it's, you know, I don't drink and. I don't really I didn't really do any. drugs. Like I was just wasn't fun. So, I. was like, "So, you're not going to be. clean and respectable, but you're also. not going to party?" Like, which is. again a huge part of quarter life is I. was like, "What am I doing? What am I doing?" Because I'm I'm boring.

enough to be someone who should be like. married right now, but I'm not. Like, where's my person? Like, you know, it's. just it's it's a strange time in your. life. And I've had friends tell me that. somewhat harshly where they were like, "Hey, I know you're complaining about. whatever relationship not working out. romantically, but your career is going. really well and you are in your 20s and. people have this idea like everything's.

supposed to line up by whatever age they. choose. as the end the end goal. And I was. certainly guilty of that and I've had. friends very very bluntly say like, 'Hey, maybe. just be happy with one area of your life. going great. and trust that the other areas are going. to catch up or focus on the other areas. instead of this one that you've been. pouring all of your energy into.' That. is probably the most real answer I've.

heard to that question. I really. appreciate it because and and that is. such great advice even though you didn't. know you were giving advice. Because. when you started to talk about how when. you made that shift, you always knew you. could go back. Mhm. And that the next. stage was developed instead of just. throwing yourself into it. And I think. there's a such healthy concepts. I mean, I even say to my partner this even at. this stage of my life, I'll sometimes be. like, "I can always go back to the. corporate world if I need to to pay the. bills." Like, just because and and it's. not I'm actually not joking about that.

at all. I genuinely say that because it. gives me the freedom. to not live in a what if world of well, what if this doesn't work and what if. this it allows me to let go of that and. say, I would have an amazing life. because I'm so fortunate to have had a. great education that that would have got. me a particular job and a job that I had. or for you to say, hey, you know what? Even beyond all this, I could go back to. college and study again. And I had a. friend recently and I'm encouraging a. lot of my friends who are in that. quarter-life crisis where they're stuck.

in jobs they don't love. Or they worked. really hard for a career, but it isn't. what they wanted to do truly in their. heart. They did it out of society. pressure, family pressure, whatever it. may have been. And a lot of them are now. making pivots. So, one of them's at film. school in LA. One of them went on to actually become a. stress coach for his own industry of law. and and they're making these pivots at. like potentially some of them between 25. to 30, some of them 30 to 35. And it's. fascinating seeing their journeys.

because it's exactly like what you're. saying. They're like, "Oh, but I can go. back if I need to." And going backwards. isn't as taboo as we make it out to be. Like we make it seem like if you're not. moving forwards, your life's falling. apart. It's like, well, no. Sometimes. you have to go backwards to to. re-navigate and reconfigure. And so, I I. love that answer. And and even more so what I really. appreciated about what you said towards. the end there. is the idea that when you're feeling. accelerated progress in one area of your.

life, we've also been somewhat. trained to believe that everything. should move at the same time. And that. your relationship and your career and. this and and I it's shocking to me how. much we have in common despite being. very different people. So, when you. talked about switching and I want to. talk about that more, for me when I left. being a monk, and which I lived as for 3. years as a fully ordained monk, most of. it in India, and living a very different life to the. life I live today. When I first left, I.

had so much shame and guilt about how I. wanted to share what I'd learned. Because I wanted to share it in a. non-sectarian and a universal way, and I. wanted to share it with anyone and. everyone without anyone feeling any. pressure that they had to have a. spiritual or religious belief to connect. with my work. And and that came with. certain levels of of criticism or. or judgment too, because it's like, "Well, wait a minute. You were a fully. ordained monk who has studied these.

5,000-year-old literatures and. scriptures and texts, but wait a minute, you're not sharing those. Like like how. does that fit?" And I know it's. different, but there's there's that. similarity. I wonder how did you How did. you get over that shame and guilt? Because I feel like that can be so. restricting, and I even know people in. my own community who would who would. feel restricted by that judgment. How we How did you receive that? And how. did you have the confidence again to. break through that and say, "Well, this. is still something I really want to do. despite all of this?" Yeah, I mean, that. is so interesting that you drew that. comparison cuz yeah, TikTok is about as.

far away from being a monk as you can. get, I feel. Literally. It's so. interesting to me that I mean, what a. perfect example. you are of of a huge pivot, but still. it's all connected and it's all leading. to the next thing. Uh. anyway, to your question, I. How did I get past all of that? I have a lot of therapy, I suppose. I. mean,

when we were talking about you can. always go back to what you were doing. before, I think what you said was so. great. I mean, yeah, I do think people. see it as giving up, but actually it's. it's really confidence. Yes. It's. you saying, "I'm confident enough that. if this doesn't work out, I'll make it. work.". Yes. And if that means doing what I was. doing before, that's fine. I have I have. a good friend, Delaney Fisher, who I. used to do Self-Helpless with. She. said to me.

when I was, I think, moving in with. somebody, she she had given a few of our. friends this advice where she was like, "You can always. move out. Like, you can always It's okay. if things don't work out." And I think. we've we totally forget about that. As far as moving past. the shame of it, I will say. there is no like, "I can always go back. to the church. market." Like, that was not Yeah. ever. something I ever felt. Yeah. Um because.

that's a decision you make. And I felt. very good about that decision, but. that is a small pool of comedians who. can do that. And it is. in some ways easier to achieve a certain. level of financial success in that area. There's a ceiling on it because. It's a It's a. a certain community, but. I just knew that.

I wanted to talk about more difficult. subjects. And yeah, I wanted to do jokes about. sex. Like, I wanted to talk about. whatever I wanted to talk about. And the. the expectations are so rigid in. in church comedy. In In any sort of Yeah. church situation because. they just want you to be. what they expect you to be all the time. It's not enough to just come in and be a.

clean comedian for an hour. They want you to. be a Christian all the time. They want. you to be a role model and a perfect. public figure. And. I would open for people and they would. get emails from someone going, "Well, I. saw her do a set somewhere and she said, 'Damn.'" And I was like, "I cannot stay. here. This is not sustainable. Even if I. try to be perfect, I'm going to slip. up.". And I don't want to feel like this the.

rest of my life. And I wasn't sure. that I believed. in Christianity. I just didn't I had. felt that way since I was a kid. My mom. passed away when I was eight, and as. soon as she did, something kind of. shifted in me where I realized nobody. knew for sure. My family's very religious and. a lot of people I grew up around, and I love my family. I have very. open-minded extended family. But a lot. of people I grew up around. act as if they know for sure.

what happens, what the answers are as. far as religion goes. And I just realized like, "Oh, nobody. really knows.". And. while I feel very open to the. possibility of something else, something. greater, I I know that even if I devote. my entire life to it, I will never. figure out exactly what it is. And so that always rubbed me the wrong. way, and I didn't like the way that it. can be used.

to judge and manipulate people. And I. just I just wasn't what they wanted, and. I started to feel like I was lying to. anybody who hired me in that space. So, at a certain point, I I got taken off of. a show for something I tweeted that had. like innuendo in it. And I just told my. manager, I was like, "If we get any. offers for churches, I can't do it." And. then they sent me a few more like, "It's. this much money, do you want to do it?". And I was like, "I can't. It's It's all.

or nothing with them." And that's fine. They can They can. make those. those demands for whoever they want. Those people exist. Those people. absolutely exist. Um my friend Dustin. Nickerson, who goes on the road with me. is very clean and. can perform literally anywhere and. that's who should be doing. you know, certain gigs that I'm not. right for. I mean you don't you don't. have to be right for for every single.

thing and it's okay if you're not right. um. for for a certain role. Yeah. Definitely. I I I think that's great. advice and it gives you such a again. freedom to recognize there is an. audience for what you want to do. It. does exist. It may be smaller, it may be. larger, it may be different, it may be. here, but but there is one. You touched. on there and you mentioned it earlier. obviously like losing your mother at 8. years old and I, you know, I can't begin to imagine or.

understand what that feels like as an. experience. You said that that was one of the things. that opened up. Was what else was there. that that opened up for you? It sounds. like you've spent a long time with. therapy and reflection and being on a. journey with that. What would you feel. comfortable sharing with us that that. opened up for you? Oh, I mean I talk. about it a lot in the new special. It's. it is such a. it's it's the most important.

thing that happened to me, you know, not. the best thing that ever happened to me, but it's if anything the worst thing. that ever happened to me and. it's it's hard to. I don't know who I would have been if. that didn't happen. Like I I I I don't. think I would have been the same person. I mean I have. I had a conversation with my therapist. the other day where I was like. it's so funny because my aunt or my. my grandma will say things like your mom.

would have thought this was so cool. Your mom would have been like in the. front row and I go I don't know that I'd. be doing this if mom was still here. Like would I have I certainly wouldn't. have lived where I lived because my dad. got remarried and that's why we lived. there and that's why I took that class. is because we were in that area where. that woman suggested it. So. who knows? Maybe I would have found it, but also maybe I would have written. children's books, which is what I wanted. to do when I was younger. So.

I I don't know. It's it's so strange to. be sad. that a parent isn't here to see your. success, but also know that. a big reason you're successful is this. drive to become somebody they would have. been proud of or like it's weird. I'm. like chasing the approval of a ghost in. a way, but then when you achieve those. things. you're there's there's a sadness to all. of it cuz you go oh this is this doesn't.

really fill. that that hole I guess. Uh. But I do think it it certainly. it it made a lot of things much more. difficult and I'm sure it. made me. shyer and I'm sure it. made me very made me very very anxious. and it burst that bubble a lot of kids. have. Maybe not kids now cuz they lived. through a pandemic, but a lot of kids. have where you think you're invincible.

and nothing bad's going to happen to. you. Um. And when something like that happens to. you really young, you're like okay. Yeah. So at any moment the piano could. fall on my head. or someone else's head that I love. So. that's sort of when I like started. having really bad nightmares, which I. still have and. it. it it definitely affected me in so many. ways, but the positive ways it affected. me is I think it made me. I think it made me more empathetic. I. think it.

made me a hard worker. I think when. something. tragic happens to you as a child, you. sort of retreat into your imagination. cuz you have to, which I'm sure made me more creative. because living in my head was better. than living out in the world where my. mom was dead. Uh. so yeah, I think I think as I've gotten. older, I've learned to find the positive. aspects of that loss.

that exist alongside the really. difficult things about it. Thank you so much for sharing that by. the way. You know, if I find it so. it's so incredible to. hear just the journey you've been on and. and from that experience and just and. it's and to me it's not about, you know, the positive or the negative or or how. it feels. It's just interesting to hear. you think about it openly and and.

I can hear just how much how much work. that's taken and and what that process. looks like and I really appreciate you. sharing that with us. Like genuinely, it's it's so inspiring and it's. hope-giving and I know that, you know, there'll be countless people who are. listening right now who. who just feel so connected to that. So. thank you so much for for going there. and and sharing that. Oh, thank you. Yeah. the world, yeah. I think when I was. growing up, it was so. hard to tell other people, but again, it. feels like such an important thing to. know about you, but I it made other.

people uncomfortable who hadn't. experienced death or loss. So then you're like, do I just tell them. my parents are separated? Do I just kind. of skirt around the issue? And I. it took years of like almost like. rehearsing with new people how to how to. give them that information in a in a. palatable way. Yeah, exactly. No, it's. such an important. part of the story to to understand. someone and and to be able to receive.

them and connect with them properly. Yeah. No, I'm I'm so grateful you spoke about. it and I want to I want to go in another. totally very different direction now, but only because. you said something earlier. I'm trying. to bring it back. So, we're talking about love and. relationships and and even that. relationship with your mother and with. your parents is so important in how it. impacts your relationships moving. forward. Uh. one of your favorite clips that I love. is where you talk about um I believe.

it's the boyfriend who cheated on you. in your head. And that clip to me, I've I've sent that. clip to more people than I could. possibly imagine. And I have a funny story to tell that I. don't think I've ever shared publicly, but I have to share it with you. So, I've had a very clear value around. cheating my whole life. That if someone. was to cheat on me. or if I was to cheat on someone, I don't. think I'm personally It's not that I. don't believe I'm capable. I don't feel.

enthusiastic. about trying to continue on that path. because to me it's such a big core value. of who I am. Again, I don't project that onto anyone. I wouldn't judge anyone for staying with. someone or breaking up. It's everyone's. personal choice. That's That's where my. personal choice stands. And my wife knows that and we've had. this conversation. We've been together. now nearly 10 years and married for six. and so we've we've known this for a long. time. And so, me and my wife do this thing, well, we used to do before the pandemic. We haven't done it since, but we used to.

do this thing where every 30 days we. would drive somewhere 3 hours from where. we live and stay somewhere like an. Airbnb or wherever we can for 3 days. We'd lock our phones in a safe and we'd. just spend time together because we. found that every week we got so busy and. I have a crazy schedule and so does she. And so like on a a weeknight, it's like. you're not really getting that deep. intimate connection. And then the. weekend comes and maybe you see friends. and maybe you see family or whatever, and time just flies and then all of a. sudden you've been married for 10 years. or longer and you're like, "Well, do I.

even know this person that well?" And I. saw that in the people I coached, I saw. that in the people I worked with, and I. was like, "Okay, well, what's a habit or. what's a" I love coming up with like. these and I love numbers, and so I was. like, "30 days, 3 hours, 3 days.". And so we're on this one of these. journeys and we're driving our 3 hours. and we're listening to music, and this. may surprise people, but we're listening. to Future, the rapper, right? So me and. my wife I sitting listening to music, listening to Future the rapper for. whatever reason, I've no idea. I do not. know him, I've never met him. We're. listening to Future on the way. We get. to the hotel that we're staying at, and.

then we maybe watched a movie and went. to bed and. I I wake up in the morning. and I've had this dream. that my wife is having Future's baby. And she's in the shower, I can hear her. that she's in the shower in the hotel. room. And. I wake up and it feels real. So I wake up and there's no part of me. that is cognizant that that was a dream. I am fully in the reality that my wife,

rather this this, you know, beautiful. abundant human being has. had an affair with Future of all people, and now she's pregnant with Future's. baby. And I woke up with like this. brick on my heart. Like that's how it. felt. Like it genuinely felt like there. was this massive brick on my heart. And. it was weighing me down. And in my head. I said. I'm going to take care of that baby like. it's mine. Like I was just like, I just. have to like I was just like, I love my. wife so much. Like I love her so and it. was so weird because I had this value.

Yeah. And then when you think that this. thing's happened, all of a sudden that. not that value's gone out the window, but that. you my my love and my connection and. attachment to my wife was stronger. And. she she was the hotel room had one of. those like, you know those window doors. that open into the from the shower. bathroom into like the the bedroom area. So she opened she looked at me she was. like, "Are you okay?". I was like, "Oh, I just had a dream that. you were having Futures baby." And she. just burst out laughing at me like she. was just cracking up. And I've never. told that story anywhere else apart from.

now, apart from to friends and stuff, but it's it's fascinating to me. how interesting it is that we can have. these views on love, we can have these. perceptions of love, and then when you. get into a relationship how these. perceptions can change, how other. people's music, thoughts, ideas. infiltrate our mind, and and and dreams and messages and all. of that. I wonder for you, what have. been some of the. would you say misconceptions on love. that you think you had growing up that. have been broken down or that through.

your comedy that you've learned or maybe. you've heard an amazing story from a fan. at an event that has sparked some. thoughts, but I'm always fascinated by. things that we believe to be true about. love, Mhm. but as we grow older we go, oh, they're not they're not the truth. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. Um, it's so funny you say that. I have a. friend who's been in a relationship for. I believe 7 years now and is like my. oldest friend and I had I had asked her. a similar question.

I I don't remember when, but I had asked. her, you know, what would you do if your. partner cheated on you? And she was. like, "Honestly, at this point. I. love him so much, I trust him so much. I. would. probably go to therapy and figure out. why it happened." And I was like, "Oh, but you wouldn't just leave?" And she. was like, "No." She's like, "Not at this. point. Like we've just been through so. much together. I would There She's like, "I know him so well. If he did that, I. would know there was a reason and we. would need to figure out that reason.".

That's beautiful. Oh my gosh. And I was. like, oh, okay. So, we're all mature. now. Like I think I thought, well, my. friends in this relationship, that. relationship, they don't fight or this. would never happen in so-and-so's. relationship. And then as I've gotten. older and I've dated more people, I've. I've spoken to friends of mine and said. like, "Well, this happened." And they. go, "Oh, we we dealt with that. Like we. had the same thing or my partner did.

something like that or I did something. like that and it took a while for us to. unlearn it and get through it and. that's I think the hardest thing about. dating. in your 20s and and honestly into your. 30s now as people are getting married. later. It It's so hard to know. what is like a deal breaker. Yes. and what is. something that you can work through. And. it I think the thing I've learned from. friends of mine and and.

truly talking to audience members cuz I. do ask people who have been married a. long time for advice and most of the. time they're like, "We don't have any. Move on.". Uh we just didn't leave. We know that. But so many people it just seems like. find somebody that they love so much. they're like, "Well, I'm going to make. it work with you." Yes. Yes. And whatever. things I had in my brain of. if this happens, I'm gone. If this. happens, I'll never get over it. Once you find somebody that you love and.

respect so much and you've been through. enough with them, if you trust somebody, and I feel this way with friends of. mine. I should say that because I I. don't have that marriage or partnership. that I can point to in my own life, but. I have. several friends who I've had for a very. long time who are there for me so. consistently. that when they hurt me or disappoint me, it is over very quickly Mhm. because. I'm like, "You're family and you have.

been there for me. so many times. Mhm. Hurting me once is. not going to phase me. Whereas if. somebody that I didn't trust as much or. hadn't been there for me for as long or. as deeply. did the exact same thing, we would not have a relationship. anymore. We would be acquaintances now. So, it is so dependent on the. relationship you have with the other. person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely. And. that's what I mean that. for me it just, you know, it ultimately. it's knowing your value but then having.

compassion for other people's values. because I think it's so easy to project. your. own ideas of what someone should do and. how they should react and Yeah. what's a. good boundary for themselves and then. almost going, "Well, wait a minute.". Like. just got to have compassion and empathy. for that person's decision and their. relationship with that person. When you. look for, I'm interested by by dating. and relationships a lot myself because. it's it's a part of my work, it's part. of my coaching, as you know, it's part.

of what I think about. What What have. been the the funniest, most interesting. date situations you've been in or ones. that have given you hope or ones that. have broken your hope or anything that. you feel to share? Well, it's so funny. you bring up that joke from Quarter Life. because. It's so funny cuz in the new special I I. have a joke about an ex cheating on me. and it's that that guy that I talk about. where I go, "Well, he never cheated on I. say I do that joke where I say he. cheated on me in my head." I go, "No, he.

never cheated on me, but he did this. thing." That guy did cheat on me and he. told me after I filmed that special. Yes, he finally told me and it was like. obviously years later, but like he and I. had dated on and off for years and he. had sworn up and down that he never. cheated on me and really made me feel. crazy and to his credit apologized. very late, but really like sent me this. long apology where I was like, "I was. gaslighting you." Like.

really a beautiful I almost made it my. iPhone background. That's all you want is just I was wrong. and I gaslighted you and I'm like, you. yes. Yeah, send it out as a template for. everyone to use. But also really messed with my head cuz. I'd been in therapy going, I you know, I. always was so suspicious of this guy and. he never did anything and I just created. in my head. So for them later for him. later to be like, no I was and you were. right and I'm sorry. It It just paid for. my therapy bill for the last 12 months. But also I got so many jokes out of that.

relationship. I really can't I really. can't be mad. I am. It really is paying the bills. I have no. regrets. But after he you know what's. funny in terms of like. I thought that if somebody cheated on. me, I would. hate them and never speak to them again. And especially in that way, which is. pretty messed up. Um. but there's obviously. more to the story circumstantially that. contextualized it for me. Um but if you.

would just told me 10 years ago like. this is what's going to happen with this. person, I would have been like, well I'm going. to hate them forever. And once he told me that that's what. happened and I I did know him so well. and I knew what he was going through and. what he was dealing with. Um I think it actually. improved. not our relationship because we don't. really have a relationship, but improved. our. feelings about each other.

Yeah. in a in a. you know, just a just an existing in the. world as memories to one another. Like I. wasn't angry at him anymore. because I. finally knew for sure. And it does take a lot to admit to. somebody that you did that. Yeah, and. and. you can judge however long it took or. the way in which it was said or or.

whatever you want, but at the end of the. day I was like, you know what? This is. somebody who is really important to me. and really encouraged me in my career. and and really. yes, hurt me in some pretty deep ways, but also made me better. Yeah. And. I I felt like I was able to sort of. put that chapter of my life to bed and. really care about him as a human being.

Um and I had just lived longer and I had. made my own mistakes in other. relationships and obviously I made my. own my own mistakes in that relationship. with him um that were not okay. So I. think. time, age, compassion and empathy comes with all of. that. Do you know I had this really. strange vision while you were saying all. this deep profound stuff? I was like, how amazing would it be to see you. making this joke next to this clip of. you talking right now? And I'm just like literally I'm like, "Taylor, like you're this mature,

amazing individual." And then when I see. you on stage, you're like this, you. know, you're like picking fights with. everyone. And I love it and I love that and I love. that. I love that paradox, too. Like I I. love that you're able to. speak so lightly of so many of these. things and of course, you know, make. make so many millions of people laugh, but at the same time, when I'm getting. to know you today, it's it's fascinating. to hear just how much thought and. maturity and work and and reflection. because what you just said is is so. massively.

uh evolved. look, I wouldn't have raised Future's. baby. I'm like, you're okay over there. Literally, that was like the only thing. I said, "Oh my god." Like I literally. felt that. Like it was I felt it in my. gut cuz yeah, because I was like, "That's my wife's baby. I love her so. much." Like it was just yeah, it was. just one of those moments, but I'm glad. it's not true, of course. Yeah. Did you see the video on TikTok. that went viral about that girl being. walked down the aisle by her stepdad? No. It was the exact same thing. She was.

like, "My mom had an affair and got. pregnant with me, and my stepdad raised. me, and he is my dad.". Oh, wow. And this is him walking me down. the aisle. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's just Yeah. And then And that's. the kind of. that's the real life version, right? You. can have all these ideas and thoughts in. your head and make all these commitments. to yourself, and then it happens, and. then Yeah. Yeah. You You change. No, I. love that. I I think. if if if Taylor Tomlinson had any dating.

relationship advice, mistakes, thoughts, what would they be. right now? Oh, my advice is to not listen to. stand-up comedians. for relationship advice. Um my advice is to listen to your. podcast uh. and follow whatever you and your wife. are doing. Um. I don't know. I'm currently in this. place in my life where I'm sort of. coming to And I'd like to talk about. this on stage in the the new hour I'm.

I'm working on is. um I have. I have been in sort of like back-to-back. relationships um throughout my Mhm. entire adult life in a way that I don't. think is particularly healthy. Mhm. Uh and I have had friends. I have a. new joke in the hour about um. you know, a lot of my friends were like, "You should maybe be single for a bit. and maybe get a cat or something." And I. was like, "Hard pass. Cats don't make me. feel good about myself.".

But I am I am reaching a point now where. I'm like, "Okay, we've put off doing. this work. Yeah. on being alone for a long time, Yeah. and I think you need to do it. now.". Yeah. And it is so difficult because I. I'm I'm not. I'm not a casual. person. I'm much like you where if I'm. at an event I want to talk to one. person. Uh so I'm not like that in any of my. relationships, friendships, or. otherwise.

Yeah. So I'm generally in a relationship if. I'm dating. I'm not like a casual dater. I don't have that in me. But as a result, I'm. always getting into these, you know, year to two year things. Yeah. Um. and I I'm. I've also just been so focused on my. career. So anytime. something. wasn't working out or or I was having. problems with somebody, I was like, "Well, I can always focus on my career.

and that's fine and focus on the next. relationship." And And now I've reached. this level that I. truly always dreamed of. Like doing a. theater tour. and having specials on Netflix. Like. that is all I have ever wanted. And if. nothing else happened from here on out, that is this is more than I could have. ever dreamed of. Mhm. And so now I'm like, "Maybe it's time to. get some hobbies.". Maybe it's time Maybe it's time to work.

on who you are as a person. Like you're. very good at comedy. Maybe get good at I. don't know forgiveness. Like maybe just work on that. So Yeah. I. think. you know, what's that quote that people. say like you have to be somebody that. you would want to be with forever? Like. I do think that I have had moments of. that over the years, but I'd like to. really. I'd like to really focus on that. And I. I I don't agree with the statement a lot.

of people make, which is you have to be. totally okay by yourself before you get. into a relationship. I know so many. people Yeah. who got into a relationship. three days after they ended one and. they've been together for 10 years. I. know so many people who got into a. relationship when they were really not. in a good place financially, spiritually, whatever, and now they've. been together for 20 years. I think. it is so. case-by-case, but I do think that if.

you can show up for yourself and take. care of yourself, you are going to show. up for and take care of someone else. Yes. much better and not put so much on. them to take care of you and. I I would like to. I think before I get into a relationship. again, which I don't know when I'm going. to be comfortable doing that, I would like to. feel like I am someone who.

brings a lot to the table. Mhm. I love that. Not just in a purely. superficial way of like look how much. I've achieved. Like my career's going. well, which for a long time, I think on. some unconscious level, I thought that. if I achieved all of my. career goals, I would. be proving. to. someone, whoever it was, that I was like. worth loving, like I was worth being. with.

Yes. And then you achieve all these. things and you reach that place and. you're like, oh, this didn't this didn't. do it. That's not what it's about. So, I. I I'm really trying to focus on. that right now. I'm trying to. focus on who I am as opposed to what. I've done. Mhm. because that has not been my. approach the last 10 years to my life. And And to go back to my mom dying. young, I mean, I talk about that in the. special as well as like I had this.

irrational belief that I was going to. die at 34 cuz that's when she died. And it's very common, a lot of people. have it when they lose their parents. even if their parents are, you know, 55. when they when they pass, they get. nervous coming up to that age. And then. if you That's real. I've heard if you. get to that age and you surpass it, you. you actually. feel sort of guilty. You have like. survivor's guilt. So, I have that to. look forward to. But, I think. that was not just affecting my.

career goals, it was affecting my. personal goals as well where I thought. I only have this amount of time. not even from a fertility standpoint, from just a this is when I'm going to. die. Yeah. That I have to rush everything and I. have to. um. become this ideal person. And uh that's. not how you become your highest self as. it turns out. Yeah. I I mean. you know, when you said that, I'm like. listening to you today going, I think I. think Taylor you you really do know who.

you are and there's there's so much. you know, there has been so much. investment in that part of yourself. Yes, there's been of course amazing. acceleration in your career, but from. the little time we've spent together. today, I'm I'm I'm hearing so much. self-awareness and you know, so much. great introspection and so much amazing. energy around that. So. you. I'm I'm sorry if I'm rambling. No, you're not. This is beautiful. I I'm. I'm No, no, no, you're not rambling at. all. I mean, I'm also reflecting back on. what you just said and and it gives me.

great reassurance in hearing that. because something I ask a lot of clients. to do in the relationship spaces, I ask. them to write down the amount of days in. their adult life or years in their adult. life that they've spent single versus. they've spent in relationships. And when. you look at those two numbers next to. each other, I know people that are 55. who will say that the amount of time. they've spent in their adult life, of. course, cuz we all No one's dating when. they're born, right? Well, maybe not, right? So, I'm like, yeah.

Um but the idea that in their adult life. even people who are 55, 60 years 55 is. probably where people that I've spoken. to they would say that they've spent 6. months alone max in their whole adult. life. Alone as in single without being in some. sort of relationship. And when you hear. that and when I started to think about. it for me those 3 years living as a monk. being single of course but I look back. at those and I think wow those were like. really important Mhm. formative years in.

my relationship with myself and I fully. agree with you too that that never stops. or is never complete. So it's not like. check did that now I'm ready for a. relationship. I have completed level one. of life but I've started level one of. life. And and I think that's you know. going back to your point that you're not. going to have fully love yourself and be. good alone before you can be in a. relationship but you've started that. journey to some degree and ultimately.

all that does is it removes certain. obstacles. Right? So someone could. definitely go from one relationship to. another and they could be together. It's. just we would remove certain obstacles. if both people had had done a little bit. of self work. And that's all that that's. all it is but it's never that yes you. come to a relationship as this perfectly. complete person. That is just a romantic. view of what it looks like and and I saw. that with me and my wife like you know. when when we met and we fell in love as. well and you know falling in love is not.

a logical uh you're not planning it all. out and you're not logically going. through the steps. There's attraction. and then there's affection and then all. of a sudden there's attachment and. you're like okay I I. think I love this person and then now. I'm like wow I think sometimes when I. proposed to my wife I didn't even really. know her compared to the person I know. today. I'm like I didn't know her. And. and I think the problem becomes when we. think we know before and then we stop. trying to know. Mhm. And so you kind of. go, "Yeah, I know who my partner is. We.

got married." And then it's like, "But. I've never tried to get to know them. again." Mhm. And for me it's been the. other way around, where like, "Yeah, we. dated and we were together for 4 years. before we got married, so plenty of. time, but I'd say I've learned more in. the last six of being married than I. ever did in the first four." So, the. knowing of that person was far more. important than the belief that I already. knew them. Right. Well, and you're both. changing all the time. I mean. All the time. That's the thing when people are like, "Well, they're not who I married." It's. like, "Of course not.". Of course not. Yeah. Of course not. You're not who they.

married, right? Like, you like me. talking like I know? I'm like, but marriage is like this. Uh yeah, I I think that. I I it's it's interesting what you said. about the time that people spend. actually alone as adults cuz I've I've. spoken to friends of mine who have. gotten out of really long relationships. Like that's such a that's such a common. thing that I've never experienced where. you know, somebody was with somebody for. the bulk of their young adulthood. Like.

maybe someone was with someone for 8. years in their 20s, and then they break. up, which seems so devastating, because. I've never been in something that long. that ended. Um. or, you know, people get divorced after. however many years, and and. those friends realizing like, "Oh, I. didn't I never lived alone. Like I've. never lived alone, and I'm. in my 30s now, and I'm sort of in a. similar place where I'm kind of like. surprised.

how much I'm appreciating it right now. Like I'm really. I'm I'm really like every night I'm. like, "Oh, I can just do. whatever I want." And I love being in a. relationship. I love being in a. relationship. I love. the the people I've been in. relationships with. I love hanging out. with someone. I I love having that. person to talk to and share with and cuz. you really do just become best friends. with that person. But I have spent very little time.

just. with myself. and I I really. have spent years like dreading it where. I'm like I don't I can't imagine just. coming home at night or going back to. the hotel after shows cuz that's very. lonely and just like being by myself and. not having someone to call, not having. someone to watch a movie with and. now I'm like oh this is actually kind of. peaceful. Like I I was so scared to not. have someone else to count on but I. still have me to count on.

And and and when we don't have that that. those are the triggers that come out. I. mean even in marriage like. right now I won't have seen my wife for. the first four months of this year. She's in London working on stuff. I'm in. LA. Uh she can't be in LA right now for. the work she's doing and I can't be in. London. And so I'd say in our marriage. we've spent probably before pandemic we. spent completely together which was. wonderful. We loved it. It was actually. great for us. But before that I would. say that we've spent at least. three to six months apart a year because.

of work on and off, not always in one. go. This time it's been in one go. And I miss her. I cannot wait for her to. come back. Like I feel like I have to. throw her a party when she comes back. because I miss her so much. But at the. same time I'm also really happy because. she's been able to focus and I've been. able to focus and we've had this moment. to like really go all in on our careers. again and then to come back again and be. together and go all in on that. And it's. just I think it's so healthy because. marriage will also demand separation. especially with careers that we have.

where you could be on tour again and you. know or and you're in a relationship and. so that aspect of coming home alone is. such a hell even now like I've I mean we. were together every day for two years. during the pandemic and now we've been. apart for four months. It took days to. get used to to fact that I didn't have. someone's head on my chest going to. sleep. Like just that process of like. wow, like even I was like, well, I need. to get a weighted blanket or I need to. like put that brick back on my heart or. something like to feel like that weight. Like I don't know. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, because it.

was just not it it was it was so strange. because of habit, of course. And the and. the the the habit with that. But you. raised something really interesting and. and I've actually not had the fortune. yet to go on tour. I do a lot of events. uh speaking, but I haven't been able to. go on tour because I was meant to when. my book came out in 2020 and then I. didn't. And but I do remember starkly. and I and I work with a lot of musicians. and artists who perform to many, many. people on stage. And they always told me. about that lonely journey home. And I've. had very few experiences of it, but when.

I have, it really did hit me that when. you have an audience of people that are. fully immersed in everything you're. saying and showing you so much love and. showing you so much energy and you you. dropped every joke right and everything. fell and everyone's just in place. And. you have this meet and greet and. everyone just showers you with more love. and tells you how much they connected. And then you get into that car ride back. home alone. It's a really, really strange feeling, right? And you you brought it up there. and that's why. I remember that. And I remember I got.

home and my wife had thrown me a party. with all our closest friends as a. surprise for when I got home and I. didn't even know. But it was really. fascinating. I remember that drive. I. was at the Ace. I performed at the Ace. which was the only show I've ever done. which was my own show. And then when I. drove home alone in in just a hired car, it was really interesting to see that. settle down and be happy with myself in. that moment. Mhm. Tell walk us through how it's felt. for you because I do think that when we. live in a world where you're showered. with validation and attention, to then.

leave it. Hopefully. Yeah. Yeah, hopefully. But. when when you're showered with that. genuine love from a lot I I know that my. community I feel so much genuine love. from them. But when you go home, you've. got to have that relationship with. yourself. Can you just walk us through. that a bit? I want to hear about from. your thoughts. Oh man. I mean, uh in. terms of like being on the road and. going back to a hotel room or. journey. I feel like that is such a. unique experience. because not everyone performs on stage. and not everyone It's like going home. from a party is one thing, but going. home from a party that was you on stage.

and everyone. Right. It's like it's just really interesting. and I'm always fascinated about hearing. about that lonely journey for artists on. the way home. Yeah, there is sort of. like a physical. at least for me, I feel like there's a. heavy sort of like. Yeah. after I get off stage. And now on this, you know, this tour, I'm usually doing. like a meet and greet afterward. Yeah. And so that's sort of like a. little extension of the show is how it. feels cuz you're you are meeting people.

face-to-face and uh taking pictures and. sometimes hearing very personal things. from them. I guess it depends because. some days are are very hectic where. you're just traveling all day and then. you have to go on stage and you're kind. of like just frantic this this frantic. energy all day. And so when you hit like. 10:00 p.m. and you're back in a car in a. hotel room, it's so nice to just finally. be still and quiet and not have anybody.

looking at you. Yeah. You know like how everyone was. looking at me for a long time. I mean, I. have really strange moments. where I almost feel like I'm like. outside of my body on stage where. sometimes I'm like. I'm everyone There's 1,500 people here. just sitting Yeah. quietly. Yeah. looking at me. Yeah. while I talk. Like do you have. that ever where you're just and you're. just in sort of you kind of go into. almost like autopilot.

Yeah. while you just sort of watch your. hands move. Yeah. and gesture to ideas you have. And it's it's so I'm so incredibly. grateful for it. I can't imagine. I I couldn't have imagined. that. I I don't know. I'm obviously at a loss. for words, but it's such a strange. feeling to. have all of that love and validation. coming at you as you said.

and then. just be back to being you. Yeah. Because that's a version of you. Yeah. But it's not. It's not that it's not you. Like when. people say like, well, that's not who. you really are. That's not I'm like, no, that is who I really am, but it's a. piece of me. So well said, yeah. Yeah, it's a it's a mode I go into. Yes, yes. So it's not that like, well, they like me, but in my in my darker. moments, I've talked about this in. therapy, I go. sometimes I feel like people only like.

me for this like trick I can do. And she. goes, but it's not really a trick, it's. a skill you have. It's a it's a job you do. And so that makes me feel better, but. sometimes I feel so like. I you know, cuz nobody knows you really. Yeah, yeah. Like they think they know. you. Especially like doing a podcast. like this, I'm sure. your listeners feel like they just know. who you are, but. nobody actually does. I mean. it it's it's a strange.

lonely. space that's hard to explain. Yeah, yeah. No, I I thought that was a. good explanation and yeah, I think a. study I was I was looking into this. I. was like cuz I was I I love. building new friendships and new. connections and deepening relationships. and and I really enjoy that as and even. as I get older because I find that a lot. of the friends I grew up with, life. changes and you move on and I've moved. city twice. I lived in New York. I now. live in LA. I lived in India for a first.

my life's been very fragmented, and so. I've had to rebuild community and family. wherever I've landed. And so I really. value that as a as something I try and. invest in, especially when I think about. one day having children and wanting them. to have other children to play with and. people's homes to go to and things like. that. I think there's an issue when you. say, "This is me." or "This isn't me.". Mhm. So, it's like when you say, "This. person on stage or this person who plays. on the field or on the court, that's me. That's me. That's all of me.".

Or the opposite where we go, "That's not. the real me. This is the real me when. I'm on my couch and I'm in sweats and to. And And you put it perfectly. You said, "No, both of me." And that's just. reality. Like, if I'm Am I silly and. goofy with Radhi, my wife? Yeah, I am. But am I also really thoughtful and. intentional and focused in my. meditation? Yes, I am. And do I love. being on stage? Yes, I do. Uh do I love. business and strategy and growth? Yes. Do I love being a monk and being really.

simple and minimalist? Yes. I love all. of those things. And yes, they're. paradoxes and oxymorons and. contradictions. But I've learned as. time's gone on to stop trying to force. myself to choose one Mhm. and accept all. parts of myself. And that has been the. most freeing, the most authentic version. I can find when I'm not forcing myself. to live one truth and accept that I'm. just made of a bunch of them. And And. that's okay. Like, I don't have to live.

a certain way or act a certain way to. fall because I don't feel happy there. If I was forced to either be one or the. other, I think I'd be really sad. And I. consider myself to be quite a a joyful, content individual, and I would say. that's because I've allowed myself to be. okay with the paradoxes within me. Yeah. Uh if that makes sense. And And even. with you, like, when I'm listening to. you, I'm going, "There's There's a. paradox right here." where it's like. a lot of people talk about how. stand-up comedians use, you know, use.

comedy to heal and cope and and deal. with things. I think that's been like a. long-term myth that kind of gets thrown. around probably a bit too much without. ever asking people in the industry. Mhm. And and then when I look at you, I'm. like, but here's someone who's doing. like therapy and work behind the scenes. and like think about it and then the. comedy is more. expressed through that learning as well. and all of that with that. How do you. find that because you mentioned earlier. obviously in the new special you speak. about bipolar and you speak about mental. health uh a lot more in your work. You.

but you've been doing mental health. work. So I'm So at least and I don't. want to assume anything, I'm asking. It sounds like comedy to you is not an. outlet or a a healing tool or a or a. expressive tool. I guess it's more of an. expression tool than it is a healing. tool. Yeah, you. feel Yeah, sorry if I'm messing up the. question, but. no, not at all. I think What's funny is. I think maybe I used to think it was a. healing tool. Not in that This is where. I talk about it, but I think I thought. that if I could.

make fun of something or turn something. into a joke, Yeah. then that would be the same as me. getting over it. Right. Like that's dealt with because it's a. joke now. Like I turned this into my. career. This has turned into something. that's going to make me money. Yeah. So. now it's not a bad thing that happened. to me. It is an experience that I turned. into something that other people enjoy. and you know, that I think in that way I. thought I was feeling. But in going to.

therapy consistently and seeing both a. therapist and a psychiatrist and and. recognizing that. just because you know something about. yourself. doesn't mean you've dealt with it. Yeah. completely. Like I was. so upset when I figured out that knowing. something logically. did not mean that it was healed. I was.

like, "Well, if I just untangle it, I'll be great now." But it's all that. stuff about trauma living in your body. and when like you. you're like, "But I know what this is. I. know this is a traumatic response to X, Y, and Z that happened to me. Why am I. still feeling the brick on my chest?". Because it's it's more than just. something you intellectualize. It is a. physical, emotional, emotional.

spiritual thing that you have to work. through and spend a lot of time working. through, not just. figuring it out and going, "Awesome, so. that's done. Check the box." So, I think. that especially with this special. I at first I wasn't going to do any. jokes about some of the aspects of my my. mental health journey in the last couple. years. And then. I think my brain just works this way. where I just kind of think in jokes. So, as soon as I started thinking of jokes,

I was like, "Maybe I should try these.". And I was like, "I won't do them, but. I'll I'll try them." And then once I. started doing jokes about it, I started. getting messages from people who were. like, "Oh my gosh, I just got diagnosed. with this or I've been trying to get on. antidepressants or or I've been feeling. this way or you really encouraged me to. go back to therapy." And I was like. okay, then. maybe we can just do it. But I was. really nervous before the special came. out. I was like, "Did I. share too much? Did I put too much out.

there?". But my therapist was like, "You're You. are doing the work. Like it's That's. what I'm seeing. Yeah." So, I think as. long as you're doing the work, it's. it's not going to be fixed. by you posting about it on social media. or. even talking to friends about it. Like. you're good. Like you are going to have. to do that work Yeah. privately. So, I. think. I think that's the only way that I've. I've been able to.

talk about it in in my material. And I. wish I was more of like a. I don't know, just generally. observational comedian, but I'm not. I. draw from my own life and I write about. stuff I'm going through because again, I'm insecure about talking about things. I have. no experience with. Yeah. Um. so that's just kind of kind of how I. come at it and the sort of the sort of. writer I am, I suppose. Well, it comes. out great. I love it. And I love what you said there like like. when you said I think in jokes. I get. that cuz you think in jokes, I think in.

quotes and it it makes sense. Like. whenever I hear something I'm like, okay, how do I turn that into something. really memorable and simple that I will. keep in my brain that allows me to use. it as a tool later on. And that's kind. of how I think. And then I think, okay, well, how do I find a quote or hear a. quote or share a quote with my audience. so that they can remember it so that. that clarifies an idea for them as well. And so it makes sense cuz you're like, okay, well, how do I make it a funny so. that it's memorable from a from it so. that you remember, they remember it. So. that feels very real. I get that. Like. that's how you try and.

it's almost like that's how you try and. capture an idea so that it sticks and. stays and and becomes something that. people can share. But Taylor, you've. been so generous and kind with your. time. It's been such a joy getting to. know you today. Honestly, it really has. Oh, this was so nice. This is not like. most podcasts I try to leave a cushion. afterwards to sort of recover as an. introvert where you're like, okay, I got. to and this was just like refreshing and. and this like really just felt like. hanging out with someone I wanted to. hang out with.

Oh, thank you. like invigorated after this. This is so. nice. That means the world to me. Thank you so. much. No, genuinely like. as I said, I've been such a huge fan for. such a long time. And to get to know you. today is just it's. it's even better than I thought it was. going to be because. I. feel like I already had high. expectations and that's what I'm saying. that you just blew through them and just. who you are as a human and how you think. about things and how you making this. like it's just it's amazing and I'm so. grateful that you you said yes to coming.

on the show and and being here. Uh we. end every On Purpose episode with a. final five, which is meant to be a fast. five, which I always ruin because I get. intrigued, but. try and do it fast with you. So these. are five questions that have to be. answered in one word to one sentence. maximum. Ooh, okay. and I will ruin it. So it's it's it's my. job to ruin it and you pretend and try. and stick to the rules. Okay. So. question number one is what is the best. advice you've ever received? You can always change your mind. Nice. That's a That's a great piece of.

We've never had that. That's a great. piece of advice. Yes, I found a new one. Yeah, you did. Yeah, that's that's a. great I love that. What's the worst. piece of advice you've ever received? If you take time off, everyone might. forget about you. Wow, that's so good, too. I love these. We've never had that. either. That's great. not great. That's that really I just. remember that cuz it really tapped into. like the workaholic in me. Yeah. That I've always Yeah. I've not always, but I've really tried. to move away from. So the idea that. somebody would say my worst fear out. loud. Yeah, definitely. I mean, when I.

first came here and I was I was first. started coaching here, I had talent tell. me that they were told by their first. manager that you look you've got a. three-year career. Yes. You've got a three-year career. You've. got to make the most of three years and. after that you'll be irrelevant. And. it's the same thing like you just get. you start And I remember even when I I. remember when I got to 1,000 when I was. first starting out 1,000 subscribers on. YouTube, which I was really happy about. and excited about at the time. And and. still am. And uh I remember my friends. going to me, "So this is the peak, basically. Like this is it. Like don't. never be more than this. And so you. should just make the most of it cuz.

that's And I remember like that it was. that fear mindset that every time I hit. a new peak, people around me would say. to me, "Oh, that's the peak then. So So. that's it now. You've done it now." And. I was like, "Wait, only if you think. that." Like, you know, so great great. answers so far. All right, question. number three. What's something that you. think people value that you don't value? Maybe this sounds sort of dumb, but. whether or not people think I'm cool. Yeah. I guess. And that's probably. pretty like entertainment industry.

specific, but I do think that there's. like a lot of like. insecurity in this business and there's. a lot of. like hoping other people like you and. like think you're cool. And. I don't really care about that anymore. Like I really just want to be happy. Yeah. and find my people and focus on. those relationships. And everyone else. is kind of like, feel however you want. to feel about me. But I definitely used.

to be very concerned about that. And it. actually, I think. made me far less cool and less likable. because I was. really just terrified of everybody. So. then I would be too quiet and then. everyone would assume I was mean. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm just scared. So yeah, I think I think yeah, what just. what other people. think of you and really I just care. what's the people I like think of me. Yeah. Uh question number four.

Uh this has been a question I've been. asking recently cuz I want to help. people who are listening as well. Like, how do you think about. how you choose your friends and the. people around you, whether it's personal. or professional? I want to surround myself with people. who work really hard, are kind and empathetic, and. that I trust in every way, but. mostly that if we ever have a. disagreement or.

miscommunication or argument, we're. going to talk about it and deal with it. and get through it. So, I think that's I. want I want people around me that. make me want to be a better person. and put in the same level of energy and. effort into our relationship that I'm. going to. Love those. Uh fifth and final. question, Taylor. What is. if you could create one law in the world. that everyone had to follow, what would. it be? Ooh, one law in the world? Yeah. We ask this question to every.

guest ever. Oh my gosh. I want to I want to know what the best. answer you've gotten. I don't think They're all surprising. Like you you get everything from. something really simple like be kind to. some really specific thoughtful stuff. And so, I I don't I don't think we've. had a best answer, but I am currently. compiling every answer we've ever had. cuz I think it'll be fun to like. look at like the breadth of answers. Ooh. One law that everyone had to follow. Or one habit that they had to do every. day. One habit that they had to do every.

day. I mean, everyone should be journaling probably. Yeah. I guess that maybe. Have you been journaling for a long. time? You know what I've noticed, this. is going back to the relationship single. thing, when I am in a relationship, I'm. terrible about journaling. And then when I'm single, I'm great. about it. And it makes a huge. difference. Wow. And I remember the last time I got out. of a relationship, I had been telling. myself, "Okay, well, I'll I'll get back to journaling." I've.

been telling myself that for months. And. I thought I hadn't journaled in like. two, three months, which is still bad. And I went back into it after my. breakup, and I my last entry was like. going on a date with the person I Wow. in a relationship with. Wow. Which is. I mean, again, I thought I was like, "Ah, it's been like 60 days. I'll get. back to it." And it had just been so. long. Well, that has so many lessons in. it. Mhm. That is That is such a great answer. because I think we we leave so many of.

our best habits when we get into. relationships and then wonder what went. wrong. And so So, journaling and no. yelling, I guess. Yeah. Unless you're. happy and excited. No mean yelling. No mean yelling. I love. that. Very deep and profound. Thank you. Thank you. Uh. Taylor, you are incredible. I think. you're cool. Uh I I I would yell in excitement I did. when you first came. Uh no, I am so so happy that we got to. do this. I'm so happy to get to meet. you. Uh for anyone who's been listening. or watching at home, make sure you uh.

tag Taylor and me on Instagram, on. Twitter, on all platforms so that we can. see what resonated with you, what. connected with you. I love love love. knowing what Taylor said that is going. to stay with you, is going to stick with. you, that connected with you, that moved. you. And of course, I highly recommend. that you go and check out Quarter Life. Crisis and Look at You and follow Taylor. on every single platform so that you can. stay up to date and so that you don't. have to see me send these uh scary. videos everywhere, funny videos, and. exciting videos but that you can uh you.

do it yourself. But Taylor, you are uh. continue to be my. uh the comedian that I follow the most, that I love the most, that I watch the. most. And uh I'm so honored. so so excited to see what you do next. I'm convinced. for for someone as talented as you and. someone as grounded as you and who's. doing the work so early that anything's. possible and it's, you know, more and. more is going to happen as time goes on. So, really really excited for you, excited to be. uh an observer and a and a cheerleader. on the journey. So, so much. It was seriously so so nice to.

meet you finally in person and I'm. obviously such a fan as well and um I. can't wait to meet your wife as well. So, you have to be friends with me now. Yeah, when she comes back in like a. month. So, yeah. Yeah, definitely. But. thank you, Taylor. Thank you so much. And thanks everyone for listening and. watching. Uh make sure you share this. with a friend who would love to hear it, would benefit from it. I hope that you. pass it on and it changes someone's day. today as well. So, thank you everyone. If you want even more videos just like. this one, make sure you subscribe and.

click on the boxes over here. I'm also. excited to let you know that you can now. get my book Think Like a Monk from. thinklikeamonkbook.com. Check below in the description to make. sure you order today.