Tamsen Fadal: ''How to Lose Weight, Stop Brain Fog, and Take Back Control During Menopause!''

Over half the population is going to go. through menopause, yet we don't talk. about it at home. We haven't learned. about it at school. We don't talk about. it in the doctor's office. We often feel. like our body is betraying us, and we. don't know who we are anymore. She's a powerhouse in women's health. Tamsen Fadel is the Emmy winning. journalist and New York Times. best-selling author of How to Menopause, fiercely changing the conversation on. women's health. Why is menopause still. treated as such a taboo topic? >> Ageism and sexism. We've just kind of. said goodbye to women after the. reproductive years. We look at women.

that are in midlife and we say, "Wow, their best years are behind them." And. that's kind of what the medical system. has done, as well. What are the symptoms? What are women. experiencing? What are they going. through on a biological and chemical. level, but also on an emotional level, as well? Brain fog was the most. debilitating of the symptoms. Mood. swings, weight changes, joint pain, itchy skin, dryness all over, low. libido. What happens to a woman's sex drive. during perimenopause? Nearly 60% of. women say that menopause has negatively. impacted their sex life, and I would say.

that number is even higher. They. experience painful sex. There's dryness. that happens all over your body, and it. didn't feel good. Why is it doctors still dismiss these. symptoms, and medical research is not. investing more? The number one health and wellness. podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The. one, the only, Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On. Purpose, the number one health podcast.

in the world, thanks to each and every. one of you that come back every week to. listen, learn, and grow. Today's guest. is going to talk to us about a subject. that I've been fascinated by for a long, long time. It's something that I have a. lot of questions about, something that I. don't know that much about, and. something that every single person we. love is going to go through. Today's. guest is Tamsen Fadel, an Emmy. Award-winning journalist and the New. York Times best-selling author of How to. Menopause. She's also the producer of.

the acclaimed documentary The M Factor. and host of The Tamsen Show podcast. If. you haven't subscribed yet, make sure. you do. Tamsen has become a leading. voice in the global conversation on. midlife, menopause, and reinvention, and. helping women navigate this transition. with knowledge, confidence, and. community. Please welcome to On Purpose, Tamsen Fadal. Tamsen, thank you so much. for being here. I said this to you off. camera, I'm going to say it again. I'm. so excited for this conversation. I feel.

so much has been lost when it comes to. women's health, men's understanding of. it, and the ability for women to take. charge of their health, but also for men. to be understanding, supportive, and. recognizing what a big thing it is, and. I'm so grateful that you wrote this book. How to Menopause that I highly recommend. everyone gets. But, thank you so much. for being here, truly. Thank you. I'm so. happy to be talking about this because. it is so important for men to hear this. conversation. Yeah, I mean, I want to. start off by I have I have a ton of. questions for you, and like, usually.

when I interview someone, I have some. understanding or some knowledge of the. area. I have nothing, which is a really. great place for me to be in because I. feel like it's going to give a lot of. people the opportunity to learn. And the. first question I wanted to ask you is. why is menopause still treated as such a. taboo topic when it comes to everyday. conversation and everyday life? It's. such a great question, and I I think I. have struggled with it for so long. myself. Like, I think it's wrapped up in. a few things. I think it's wrapped up in. ageism and sexism. And I also think this.

is a time in life where we've just kind. of said goodbye to women after the. reproductive years. We look at women. that are in midlife, and we say, "Wow, their best years are behind them.". Society has done that for a very, very. long time, especially here in the US. And that's kind of what the medical. system has done as well. So, we have put. the word menopause and taboo together. for so long, and my goal is to separate. those two things so we're never saying. those two things together. It doesn't. get the spotlight it deserves when. every woman we know is going to.

experience it at some point in their. life. And talk to us about how long it. lasts. Like just just break down the. break down the taboo of how long is it. going to last, when does it happen? For. everyone who's like starting from. scratch like me, like what what is it. like? >> Help somewhere, right? >> Yeah. I I'll tell you what, it was. really shocking to me. I spent 30 years. in the news business and I had never. said the word menopause that I remember. on television. Wow. >> And that tells you a lot. We talked. about all sorts of studies, we talked. about health studies, we talked about. diets, we talked about everything.

Menopause and women's health were not. the things we discussed. And that goes. to your first question about how taboo. it has been for such a long time. When I actually found out I was in. menopause, I got a very simple note from. my doctor saying, "In menopause, any. questions?" And no real answers after. that. So I started digging into it to. figure out what was going on, and I. quickly learned 1 billion women across. the world were going to be in menopause. by this year. And I thought, "Okay, well, what is it?". So we'll break it down really simply.

because I always think it's the best way. to do it. Perimenopause is the time. leading up to menopause. 4 to 10 years of struggle, of hormone. changes, of not knowing exactly what's. going on with your body, of all. different type of symptoms, not just hot. flashes. When you hit menopause, that means that. you've gone 1 year without your period, and then everything after that is. postmenopause. All the symptoms haven't stopped yet, but that could be a third to half of. your life that we're talking about. So. when you think about how long a woman is.

going through this transition, this next. season, and the fact that we have such. little information about it, it was just. shocking to me. And talk to me about. what are the symptoms? Like what's. someone experiencing at this time? Because as a man, we're so disconnected. from women's health already, and then. this is a like you said this is a. unspoken about area. Like what are the. symptoms? What are women experiencing? What are they going through on a. biological and chemical level but also. on an emotional level as well? I'm glad.

you said that cuz emotional is the is. the big thing and I think it gets. overlooked quite often because we talk. about hot flashes and we talk about. irregular periods and we talk about. brain fog and I think for me brain fog. was probably the most debilitating of. the symptoms because it gets wrapped up. with a lot of things. I had anxiety, mood swings. A woman can go through. weight changes. When you talk about brain fog, you could. be reading a book and not remember the. plot of the book. You could be having a. conversation like this. I could be. sitting here Jay across from you 3 years. ago, I probably wouldn't be able to have.

this kind of conversation with you. without feeling like, "Hey, can I stop. and try to remember what I was talking. about?" You go through joint pain. You. can go through itchy skin, dryness all. over, low libido. So if you think about. one day you're going along just fine in. life, right? You're in your 30s, you're. doing great, you're maybe in the height. of your career, you're on your way to. wherever you want to be, you're in a. relationship. and you might start to see some of these. symptoms crop up. You're not sleeping as. well anymore. That's a big one. You're. gaining weight around the middle but.

you've been eating the same and really. working out. So you wake up and what I. heard over and over from women when I. was researching this is that I don't. feel like myself anymore. I look in the. mirror and I don't recognize myself. And that to me was one of the most. hurtful things that I could hear because. I understood exactly what they were. talking about. One day I woke up and I. was like, "I'm a I'm a shell of who I am. and I don't know how to find the light. switch in this room. I just am in the. dark." I mean that sounds like. truly one of the most difficult.

challenging experiences anyone could go. through. And we're saying everyone's going to go. through it for. nearly a decade potentially. And so. the fact that every woman we know is. going to go through this, The fact that. it's going to affect them physically, mentally, and emotionally to the point. that it can be debilitating to how you. just spoken about. What are we seeing a correspondence with. when we look at women's health at this. age and when they're going through this. process? How is that affecting their. work, their career, their family, and.

everything else that comes with it? Like. what's happening when Because I think. sometimes when we talk about health, we. kind of talk about it in this silo of. like, here's what's happening. chemically, here's what's happening with. the hormones, but this is having. real-life impact. Is there any. correlation between menopause and. divorce, break like talk to me about the. the real-life impact of it. It's such a. good topic because it doesn't just. happen in the doctor's office. You could. go to the doctor's office and have the. conversation, but once you leave there, you have to think about the whole 360 of.

it. And it really is what I get excited. to talk about because I think that we. feel very lost during this time as. women. We are we're in our career and. maybe we're hit with perimenopause and. going into menopause. And we could be showing up to work not. being able to have a conversation. We. don't know how to How do you go into. your boss and say, "Hey, I might be in. perimenopause for 7 years.". I think that for a lot of women, they're. starting to realize that we're. normalizing the conversation. We're. definitely. not having the silence that we had.

before. But it can really impact you at. work. It can show up in a lot of. different ways. And what I've been. fighting against is making sure that it. doesn't penalize women, either. We don't. want that to hurt women. Women at this. point are at the height of their. careers. We want companies to retain. women, hold on to women. They have some. of the greatest wisdom they could ever. have during these times and beyond. So, I think it's really important for women. to be able to get a hold and understand. what's going on so they're not going. through this journey just kind of. blindly, which is what's been happening. And then I think when it comes to. relationships, it has a real impact. You.

know, we see a lot of divorces happening. in the 40s. And I don't think that. that's a coincidence. I don't think it's. a coincidence that somebody wakes up all. of a sudden and feels very differently. or maybe their libido's low so their. partner doesn't understand what's going. on or all of a sudden something that. didn't bother them a long time ago. they're snapping like this. And that's. what's really happening out there. I. think we're getting to a place starting. to get to a place where we're starting. to have this conversation more and more, but it's really where we have to bring. everybody into it. It can't just be. women having this conversation with each.

other. What's a myth about menopause. that you think's lasted too long? That. people are still holding on to and when. you talk about it that's their first. reaction because you know, I I feel. really embarrassed saying this, but I. know a lot of men who'd say, "Oh, yeah, there was just this period where my wife. was acting out and she was being a bit. crazy and she was a bit mad." Like. language like that. And that's one of. those myths that I think people just. like, "Oh, just during this phase." Like. all the kids left home and everything. just what you know, and it becomes this.

lifestyle thing. What are some of the. myths you're seeing that you're coming. up against when you're talking about. this? Yeah, I mean, I've seen so many. myths with this. I think the first myth. is that your best years are behind you. and that's just not true. I really think. that you're coming into a whole new. period and even if you look at some of. the data and the the scientific studies. out there, we look at women that are. postmenopausal and those are some of the. best years that they can have in their. lives. So that's exciting. I think. another big myth or something that women. feel and they've said this over and. over, "I don't feel like myself and I.

feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like. something's wrong with me and I just. can't pinpoint what it is, but I know. this isn't me anymore." And so, you. know, I I start the book saying that you. are not alone and you're not crazy. That. is not what's going on. You've got. something happening to you biologically. and that's affecting you in a whole. bunch of different ways. And as soon as. you understand that then you can take. those steps and deal with those. symptoms. And I think it's important. also to know that, you know, everyone. doesn't have the symptoms that we talked. about. Everybody goes about this.

differently and I think that's what can. make it so confusing to so many women. What what's happening. to the brain and body during. perimenopause and menopause? Like what's. chemically going on? >> Yeah, chemically we're losing estrogen, obviously. Also losing progesterone. And. so when you're going through these. hormones, I mean, think about what we. went through when we were in puberty. Your hormones are all over the place. I. think of perimenopause as kind of this. wild ride. It's sort of unexpected. You. don't know what's going to happen. And. you definitely feel that in your head. when you've lost that estrogen. We have. estrogen receptors all over our body,

and the brain is no exception. We have. them everywhere. And so I remember when. I was going through perimenopause, and I. didn't know I was even going through it. cuz I didn't have the vocabulary for it, that I would sit there and I'd read. something, I couldn't remember it. I. would look at a word, I couldn't I knew. the word, I recognized it. I knew I knew. how to say it, but it wouldn't come out. of my mouth. And those are some scary. things that happen because you think, is. something going on with me? Is this. dementia? Is this Alzheimer's? Is this. something very serious? And so I know a.

lot of women who have gone to the doctor. saying like, there's really something. wrong with my head. I I don't know. what's happening. Or they walk into a. room and don't remember why they walked. into a room. I I talked to one doctor in. the course of doing research for the. book, and she said, I forgot my medical. number, which is something we say like. our social security number. We say it. all the time for years, and I sat there. and I couldn't remember it, and I. actually went to the neurology. department, and I made them do brain. scans on me. That's how serious it can. be. Wow. Women have been told like if.

you eat perfectly, if you work out. perfectly, if you do all these things. perfectly, you're going to be okay down. the line. But the truth is, we hit. perimenopause, and there are some real. long-term health concerns that you have. to pay attention to. Maybe it's not. stress. Maybe you don't need to just go. home and, you know, and take a walk. outside. Maybe it's something more than. that, and it's not just you that's going. through this. If you're in your 40s or. thereabouts, and you are not able to. sleep at night, you have irregular. periods, you're feeling anxious or. you're feeling a little bit moody, maybe.

you're gaining some weight around the. middle even though you're not doing. anything differently, you can pretty. much rest assured you're in. perimenopause. You've probably been. hearing about AI everywhere, and we all. need to be mindful of the tools we trust. in this new chapter of technology. Claude is the if you know, you know AI. assistant that just feels different. While other AIs often sound like robots, Claude has been created with special. research that informs its character, meaning that Claude just gets it when it. comes to empathy and emotional.

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That's c l a u d e .ai/purpose. It really hit me when. I was at a Time 100 health event, and I. know Halle Berry, who you've. collaborated with at your events and. multiple other places, I remember her. speaking about this, and I know she's. been a big advocate from the celebrity. side to talk about this topic. And she. was talking about how she really. believed she was just going to be too. fit, too strong, too like yoga'd out, and you know, she.

she really believed that she had a. workout regime that would beat menopause. and that it wouldn't be a reality for. her. And when she said that, there was. no way you could outwork or out yoga or. whatever it may be, that there wasn't a. method to avoiding or just pushing. through this. What are some of the lies or things. women have been told growing up that you. think have tripped them up as it as they. come into perimenopause and menopause. Yeah, I think it's so important to. realize that and and Halle Berry has. been an incredible voice in normalizing.

this conversation and getting out there. and having real honest talks about what. she went through and I think that's. really helped in so many ways because I. think women see that and go, "Oh my. gosh, if she's going through that and. she can talk about perimenopause and. menopause, then maybe it's okay for me. to do the same thing." You know, I think. that women have been told like if you. eat perfectly, if you work out. perfectly, if you do all these things. perfectly, you're going to be okay down. the line. But, the truth is we hit. perimenopause and there are some real. long-term health concerns that you have.

to pay attention to when it comes to. brain health, when it comes to heart. health, when it comes to bone health. especially. I mean, they're real serious. things. I know you've had Dr. Vonda. Wright talking to you and she talks. about bone health. It's one of the. scariest things. I didn't think about my. bones at 20 or 30, even 40 years old, it. wasn't something I was thinking about. So, I Things that young women have been. misled in a lot of different ways to. think that this is something that. happens to older women and you don't. have to worry about it. We see women. coming into perimenopause in their late. 30s and beyond and I don't want them to.

be afraid. I want them to be really. inspired to get a hold of it, know. what's happening, and be able to handle. it so they don't have these bumps that I. think a lot of women have had leading up. to this time. And let's let's talk about. some of those. What are the early signs. of perimenopause that And I know you. said there's lots of different, but and. and everyone has different experiences, but what would you say are the early. signs of perimenopause that you see. across women? Yeah, I would say the. three big ones that I've seen across. women are irregular periods. You're. going along just fine and then all of a. sudden you have your period very heavy.

or you don't have it at all and you. don't know what's happening. A lot of. times women will go to the doctor and. the doctor will say, "It's just stress. Calm down a little bit. It'll be okay.". Instead of, "Hey, you're 41, you know, have Do you have. any of the other these 30-plus symptoms? Maybe it's perimenopause. The other big. one I would say is sleep disruption. That's huge. I was somebody that used to. be able to sleep all the time. I've. heard women that say, "Oh my gosh, at. 3:00 in the morning, I'm up and I can't. go back to sleep." Or I can't even get.

to sleep. And that again is something. else. Try to go to work and you'll have. 5 days like that of not being able to. sleep and then you start to understand. what's going on. You start You just. don't feel like yourself. And um you know, I think the third one. is more of mood changes. There can be. anxiety, there can be rage, there can be. uh depression. And there was a lot of. things like that that happen during this. time. So, I think those are the top. three that you see in perimenopause. And. the other ones come along, you know, we've all heard of hot flashes. Um we. know a lot about weight gain that starts.

to happen, but those are three big ones. And I think that those are three very. difficult ones as you're coming up. against those. And what's the difference. between perimenopause and menopause? Yeah, so perimenopause, you're still. getting your period. It's all the time. leading up to menopause. When you hit. menopause, that's that one day after 12. months without your period, and then. you're not getting your period any. longer. So, these are still your. reproductive years, but you're in. perimenopause and this can overlap a lot. of things. You know, women can get. pregnant in perimenopause. Once you hit. menopause, you're no longer having a.

cycle and then everything after that, you're considered menopause. And some. people call it postmenopausal. I just. say menopause cuz it's easier for me to. remember when I do have brain fog. Um. but you know, I think that it's. important to know that perimenopause. feels very unpredictable. It feels very. confusing because you've been fine up. until then. And you could be in your late 30s and. you're thinking, "I'm I'm too young for. this. How can I be dealing with this?". But when those hormonal fluctuations. start, you start seeing some of these. changes. And I don't think we were. really ever taught that. You know, you.

asked earlier, "What are some of the. things that young women You know, they. were taught you're going to get your. period, you're you know, if you decide. you want to have children, you're going. to go through your pregnancy." And then. we kind of fall off the map, not only in. society, but also in the medical system. Yeah, and then what are the symptoms of. menopause then? So, the symptoms of. menopause, you can still have a lot of. these symptoms that can go right. through, and some start to wane off a. little bit, and some women can have hot. flashes in their 80s. And it just. depends if you decide, you know, how. you're going to treat them, what. symptoms are important for you to treat.

Hormone therapy is one of the options. that has been named and deemed by the. Menopause Society as one of the most. effective treatment for hot flashes and. vaginal dryness. But, I think that, you. know, it's important to know what works. for you. Not everybody, as we said, is. going to be able to do everything or. want to do everything. So, I think it's. been important first for me to go out. there and educate women, because I'll. tell you, I was clueless. I had no idea. what was happening, and I really felt. like I was crazy, and I would wake up in. the morning and think like, "Oh my gosh,

I got 2 hours of sleep, and I've got to. go to work." And I'd get to work and not. remember what was going on or remember. where I what I was supposed to be doing. And I hear so many stories of women in. different, you know, places of work, or. women that are also raising children at. the same time, or taking care of elderly. parents, or they're in a relationship, or they're in a new relationship. So, it. can be really difficult, and I think. it's important to know that menopause is. not just for older women. Young women go. through menopause. I consider late 30s a.

young woman. To me, it's just. mind-boggling how women have been so. resilient and strong to move in a world. that isn't aware or is not talking about. what they're going through on a daily. basis. And just how many relationships. that touches. And having so many people in your life. who don't know what you're going. through. Like, we talk about, I feel in. the wellness community around how it. feels to be misunderstood. I mean, this is the deepest form of. feeling misunderstood because.

you're going through something. physically, mentally, emotionally daily, and everyone you meet has no context of. why you're behaving that way. And then. you get labeled oh, well, you know, she's just going through something or or. whatever it may be that. that that disassociates you from the. exact experience. The truth is is that. you don't even know you're going through. it yourself sometimes. It's not like you. went into the doctor and they said, "Hey, at 35 you should start thinking. about perimenopause cuz you might be.

going through some of these symptoms.". Right now, we're trying to teach women. to go to the doctor proactively and say, "Hey, these are my 10 symptoms. Could. this be perimenopause?" And that is my. hope and dream that one day there will. be this baseline, like we talk about. mammograms, like we talk about other. kind of tests that people are supposed. to get when it comes to to health and. wellness, that we say, "Hey, maybe this. is what you're going through. Maybe it's. not stress. Maybe you don't need to just. go home and, you know, and take a walk. outside. Maybe it's something more than.

that and it's not just you that's going. through this." If we can get to that. place, it would be just a really. beautiful place. And I think it would. end a lot of the suffering because I. don't think women should have to suffer. during this time. So, that's really the. first step. And I know in the book you. give a list of 34, is it symptoms, that. people experience? And so, I guess the first step is if you feel. any of those 34 things, go and have the. conversation because chances are your. doctor or someone may not have the. conversation with you proactively if you.

don't raise it. 100% A lot of doctors. aren't trained about this. And that was. the other thing that was so shocking for. me to learn. I think I was who went to. the doctor, this is what the doctor. said, I went home, and that's what we. did. And what I realized over time is. that as we looked into menopause and. perimenopause, because of the fact that. women's health has not been a priority. past a certain age, in midlife mostly, after about 40 years old, a lot of. doctors weren't trained about this. And. to their own admission, OBGYNs, their. specialty, sometimes got a day of.

training in medical school to talk about. this. If you can imagine, all those. years. and they've had to go out and learn for. themselves. And so there are a lot of. doctors that leave medical school and. don't feel comfortable talking about. something like this. So, about 75% of. women go in and are their symptoms are. left untreated as a result of that and. that number is staggering to me. That. was something I saw as well. I remember. at a conference I was at and you can. correct me if I'm wrong, but there was a number that said. something like only 2% of.

all medical research goes towards. women's health. Was it Is that right? >> I would never correct you on that. That's so right. >> That's right, right? >> Yeah, it's unbelievable. And then if you look at that percentage, a tiny, tiny, tiny sliver of that goes. to menopause and perimenopause. And I. don't know about you, but I never heard. the word perimenopause until I started. saying it. I I've heard it since I. followed you probably, so Yeah. So, I. mean, I I went, "Wait, what's. perimenopause?" And so I think that the. more we can say the word, the more we. can get it out there and it doesn't.

sound like this scary word. When I first. started talking about it, I was told, "You're going to blow up your career. talking about menopause. You're going to. age right out of your career." Because. that is what we thought about when we. thought about this word. And so I'm. hoping that perimenopause has a little. bit of a lighter context and so that. women can say, "Okay, this is the stage. I'm in. This is where I'm at. It's going. to be okay and I know what to do and I'm. not afraid to say the word out loud.". Yeah. What what the before we get into. some of the solutions and what women can. do, what are some of the risks of not.

managing or not treating these symptoms? So, if you just feel the symptoms, but you didn't think about it, you. weren't aware, they didn't No one read. your book, you weren't conscious of it, what happens? Like what's the worst that. can happen? Yeah, you know, I thought. when I went into it, "Okay, I don't. know. I I lost my mom to breast cancer.". So I was very scared of doing anything. And I think that for me, I never had. that conversation with with a parent, with a mom. I've heard that from a lot. of women. But I think one of the big. conversations that we miss in all of.

this. are the long-term health ramifications. that can come from that. When we talk. about osteoporosis, one of the big. silent killers of women. When we talk. about heart disease, we talk about so. many women dying from heart disease. It's unbelievable when we look at those. numbers. And then we talk about brain. health. We talk about Alzheimer's. More. women are diagnosed with Alzheimer's. than men are diagnosed with Alzheimer's. And so we have so much more research to. do on all these things, but some of. those are long-term health risks that we. have to at least pay attention to. There. have been studies that done that say,

"Wow, you have more hot flashes, there. could be a correlation to your heart. health. Pay attention to that." And I. don't think those are the conversations. we're having enough of. And we're all. learning as we go right now and trying. to get as much information out there as. we can, but those are big risks that I. don't want to take when I'm older. I. don't want to live to be much, much. older and be suffering during that time. because I didn't know about this time. And it's also, when I think of my 30s, in your 30s, that's the best time to. start protecting your bones and paying.

attention and having great, healthy. habits. There are so many things I wish. I had done when I was younger now that I. understand this is a stage I'm going to. go through. Mhm. And do do women of. different ethnicities. does. perimenopause affect them differently? You know, there are a lot of studies. that have gone on. There is a SWAN study. that's that's gone on for a long time. There is a lot of research that has. shown that black women have more intense. symptoms of menopause and often longer. symptoms and start earlier. And so. there's so much more research to done.

There has been a lot of research done in. different countries to look at things. Um for example, women in Asia get fewer. hot flashes but more joint pain. But the. question is, why? And so there's a lot. that still has to be done to look at. that and pull this apart and really say, "Okay, we're looking at menopause, but we kind. of start looking at perimenopause. because these women went through all of. these symptoms for 7 to 10 years. So, what happened during that time? And what. was happening differently? What were we. talking about when it comes to. environment, when it comes to food, when. it comes to genetics? It's so hard.

because it's so varied. Yes, so varied. >> By ethnicity, by what age it starts, by. the symptoms you feel. And so, no wonder. people just call it stress and call it a. day because it it takes so much. You'd. have to be very knowledgeable to be. actually diagnose it effectively, I. imagine, and to to really be able to. speak to what someone needs to do. Well, that's the interesting part is, you. know, a lot of people go, "Okay, what's. the blood test I can take to figure out. if I'm in perimenopause?" But, if you. think about this, most doctors say, "You. don't really need blood test. You need.

to know what your symptoms are." And. that's how you can pretty much diagnose. If you're in your 40s or thereabouts and. you are not able to sleep at night, you. have irregular periods, you're feeling. anxious, or you're feeling a little bit. moody, maybe you're gaining some weight. around the middle even though you're not. doing anything differently, you can. pretty much rest assured you're in. perimenopause. Now, if you're dealing. with heart palpitations, you're dealing. with much more intense symptoms, you. probably need to make sure it's not. something else, but most of the time. that's what you should start looking at.

there. And the sad thing is is that what. I've learned from women is the band-aid. that a lot of them are given is. antidepressants. A lot of women are. given antidepressants right away when. they walk into a doctor's office and. say, "I'm dealing with stress, I'm. getting some weight, I'm not able to. sleep." And the truth is, they might. need antidepressants, but they should. also be talking about perimenopause or. menopause. Wow, I mean, I can't imagine. I mean, Halle tells that great story of. how Yeah. uh you know, her doctor. thought she had an STD. >> Yeah. Isn't that unbelievable?

>> crazy. Like, I when I heard that story, I was like, "Wow." That's one thing, but. then to be told, "Oh, it's probably. depression and you should be on. antidepressants." What does that do to. menop- So, if you were given antidepressants when. you had menop- of. what does that do to your perimenopause? I was given them. That's how I know. >> Oh, wow. >> And that's what was so shocking. So, I. didn't know I was in perimenopause. I. didn't understand all these symptoms. I. just knew I was feeling really off. And. then I finally landed on the floor of my.

studio at work in the bathroom. with my heart racing out of control, sweating profusely, not able to catch my breath, trying to. calm my body down, and I went to the. doctor and I found out I was in. menopause because once you hit. menopause, you can do a blood test. because now you've kind of leveled out. there. How many years were you. struggling without knowing? I was. probably struggling about 7 years. You. know, I'd gone through a divorce. A lot. of the stress I attributed to that. I. had hair falling out. I had I wasn't.

able to sleep. I went to a doctor and I. went to a doctor a couple of different. times and it's funny I ran across some. of my papers recently that were about 4. years before I realized I was in. menopause and it said complaints of. moodiness and weight gain. But no one ever said the word. perimenopause to me. I was given. Lexapro. That's what I was given. I was. given antidepressants. And so. antidepressants, of course, can help. with mood, but it's not going to help. your hot flashes and it's probably not. going to help your Maybe it'll help a. little bit in your sleep, but it's. probably not going to help some of the. other thing irregular periods. And so I.

just think it's so important for all. disciplines, not just OB/GYNs, to have. this conversation and be aware of it. And I'm proud of women because I think. women are really The onus is on women. right now to stand up and say, "Hey, I'm. tracking myself. I know what's going on. I've written down my symptoms. I'm. aware." And I think women are more aware. than ever. You know this better than. anybody of their health and what's. happening in their lives to walk in and. say, "Maybe this is perimenopause. Can. you tell me if it is? And can you tell. me if you're comfortable having this.

conversation with me? And if not, I need. to find another doctor." Tell them what. do we do? I know it's I'm so glad that we've. talked about just. at least to get a basic understanding of. what's going on, the. the types of symptoms to look out for, but I can imagine a lot of women that. are listening to this right now who are. already there saying, "Jay, I'm 3 years. into that. I've tried everything. I. don't know what to do." Or you've got. women who are coming up to it, some of. our audience are younger going, "Oh. gosh, I've seen my mom go through that.". Or I've seen my aunt go through that, or.

whatever it may be. How can I help them? What can I do? So, where do women start? What do they need. to be doing after they've figured out. their symptoms, they've talked to a. doctor about it? What's the plan? What. do you What's the strategy? First of. all, I don't want women to be afraid. I. don't want younger women to come into. this thinking, "Oh my gosh, for a third. of my life I'm going to deal with that?". There are some incredible things that. happen during this time. I think. menopause gave me purpose. I can't even believe I say that, but. that is really the truth. I had no idea. what was going on in my life, and I had. no idea what was going to happen after.

But I found something really different. in myself, so I want women to not feel. afraid. When it comes to what to do, as. we know everybody goes through it. differently, but I think the most. important thing is to be able to have. that conversation with a doctor or. somebody who specializes in menopause. and can give you some of the options. And there are some different options. Some women opt for lifestyle changes, solely lifestyle changes, that's what. they want to do. Other women say, "You. know what? I need something more. I'm. dealing with brain fog, the hot flashes. I'm having 15 of them a day, I can't.

deal with this anymore." Hormone therapy. is a very viable option for a lot of. women. There was a study that was done. in 2002 that scared a lot of women. The. Women's Health Initiative headlines came. out that said estrogen causes breast. cancer. That's essentially what the. headlines were. That's what the media. took away from it. And it scared women. to death. About 44% of women in this. country were on hormone therapy at the. time. Literally after those headlines came. out, it dropped to about 4%, and we're. right around 5% right now. That was. 20-plus years ago. So, that's why it's so important to get.

this message out. So, hormone therapy is. one of those options if you are eligible. for hormone therapy. There are certain. women, certain risk groups that are not. That's one option. It was very helpful. for me. It was also something I wasn't. sure about. I. went back and forth and struggled for a. long time whether or not that was going. to be something I did and at one point. my symptoms got so bad that that was. what I opted to do. Before we get to the. others, what is hormone therapy and what. does it include? Hormone therapy is. estrogen and progesterone and both of.

those things have been extremely helpful. for me with regard to mood, with regard. to sleep, with regard to hot flashes. And you know, we lose so much estrogen. Our estrogen doesn't go like this. It. just kind of goes all over the place and. then goes down. And so that has been. very helpful, estrogen and progesterone. There's also testosterone if a woman. decides to do that if she's dealing with. a low libido. And for me that was. something that came about a year later. I wanted to start on the two. I was I. was a little nervous, honestly, because.

I didn't know what was going on and I'd. never done anything like that before. And then there's also vaginal estrogen. which is a fourth component which is. helpful for painful sex or for low. libido. So those are those are hormone. therapy, menopausal hormone therapy you. can see it referred to as or hormone. replacement therapy. Are there any side. effects to hormone therapy? It's been. great for me. There's different women. that have different things that you. know, they they some women feel like. they've been more emotional on it. There's some women that feel like the. patch, if they're on a patch that has.

the glue, can be irritating to them. Look, there's always risk that comes. with everything. But according to the Menopause Society, this is the most effective way to treat. these symptoms and for some women these. symptoms are debilitating, life changing. and not things that we can say, "Oh, get. through these years and then you'll be. okay." And I think that's what's. happened for a long time. You know, women in perimenopause don't think that. hormone therapy is an option for them. and it can very well be an option. And. then what were the other solutions? There was lifestyle choices. Yeah, so.

lifestyle is so important I think to. talk about because as we see. only 4% of the of women really are on. hormone therapy. So we look at the rest. and we're saying what are they doing? Are they struggling every day? So I look. at couple of things. I look at sleep as. the number one priority, no matter what. I don't think you can do any of the. other things if you don't get sleep, if. you don't figure out how to prioritize. that. And that became something really. important to me, you know, I had to. figure out a bedtime. I hadn't done that. since I was young, but I really had to. figure that out. I had to figure out a.

wake up time. I had to figure out what. not to do before going to bed. I started. taking magnesium as a supplement because. that was helpful to me before I was. doing hormone therapy. Progesterone. eventually really helped me get a good. night's sleep. So sleep was my number. one priority and that took precedent. over everything. And then after that I looked at some of. the other things. The second thing I. really paid attention to was the protein. I was putting in my body. I grew up as. one of the ones that was like, I'll stay. on the treadmill all day long, do my. cardio, and I guess I'll lift some.

weights, but I don't really want to do. that. Strength training now has risen to the. top of my list. It's really, really. important to protect your bone health. Like I had no idea and I don't think a. lot of women did know that for a very. long time. So that's important to figure. out some type of routine. There's a lot. of women that say like, all right, I've. been working out for a long time, but I. think if you flip it a little bit and. put strength training up there first to. protect your bones, that's really. critical. And then I think the third thing if we. look at some of the lifestyle changes. that you would take, obviously we look. at food. And we look at inflammation. We.

look at trying to get control of that. because that is very, very real. And I. didn't know how important that was, you. know, in my 20s and 30s I'm like, I'll. eat what I want, I'll do what I want, I'll play how I want to play, and I'll. worry about being older when I'm older. And so I get excited for women who are. in their 30s right now that can say, all. right, I'm going to look at inflammatory. foods. I'm going to try to increase my. fiber. I'm going to try to pay attention. to what is causing bloating because. bloating is a big problem during this. time. And I I think also making sure that.

you're balanced, too. Like, I don't get. everything right all the time, you know? I try to establish as many healthy. habits as I can, but I know it's not. always going to be perfect. So, you got. to give yourself a little grace. And then I think the final thing would. be a stress management, which I know is. easier said than done, but I think it's. really, really important. And I think. part of that comes with having somebody. to talk to. I think it's having. community, having loved ones understand. I feel. very sad when I look at the decades of. women who felt they didn't have anybody. to share this with. They didn't share it.

with partners, they didn't share it with. families, maybe they whispered about it. with other women. And we went to DC at. the end of last year, and we sat there. with um one of the lawmakers who said, "This is the first time that we've. uttered the word menopause out loud in. this building." That's unbelievable to. me. So, the Wait, so that's hormonal. therapy, lifestyle choices? >> Yes. >> And those are the. >> I would say lifestyle choices, and I. would say stress management, and. community. I think community is really. important. I don't know that I really. ever understood community. I understood.

friends for a very long time. I. understood friendship groups. I didn't. understand the importance of having. people that were going through something. I was going through. And when I realized. that, it changed everything for me. I. have a core group of women right now. where I can pick up the phone and say, "Hey, like I am not myself." Or, "Wow, I. feel terrible." Or, you know, "This. weight is just making me feel. different." Or, "I can't sleep anymore.". And so, I think that that's a really. important part of this process, and I. I'm excited to see how groups are coming.

together. One of my friends told me she. started the hottie hotline with all. these women that are going through. perimenopause right now from college, and they're sharing their symptoms and. going back and forth and and having a. conversation about it. And I think. that's important. That's such a great. distinction between friends and. community. I love that. I don't think. anyone's ever put it that way before. It's. Your friends may or may may be going. through the same things as you, but your. community is that chosen group of people. that are going through the same thing. and therefore you can share notes, share. your heart. I mean, I think one of the.

biggest challenges. that I can say as a man is I just feel. like part of that community or your. friend needs to be a partner. Yes. And. it's really hard as a man when you're. completely unaware about this subject. I want to be educated because. the woman I love most in the world, my. wife, is going to go through this. The other woman I love most in the. world, my mom, has already been through. this and I probably wasn't I was maybe. too young to be helpful or supportive, but I wish I was more understanding. And.

then I have a younger sister who's going. to go through this. So, when I look at. it through the lens of my life, I'm. thinking, "Wow, there are three women in. my life that I love so much and they're. all going to experience this. One of. them's already gone through it and I. probably have no clue what she struggled. with at the time and, you know, in one. sense it's quite hard to reflect on. that." What do men need to know about. menopause? I love, first of all, that. you understand all those touch points in. your life and it's pretty amazing when. you think about it. So, I think it's so. important for men to understand what. menopause is. I really think it can be.

that simple. And then I think it's also. really important to understand what to. do during this time. And I never want to. say to him a guy, like, "You've got to. solve all the problems." But you I think. awareness is a huge part of it. I think, "Hey, what's going on right now? Is. everything okay? You know, what's the. hardest part of this for you? Is there. something I can help with? What kind of. habits is your partner or your sister or. your mom trying to take on to help that. you can be a part of that you can jump. into? Is it walking in the morning? Is.

it trying to go to bed a little bit. earlier? Is it just simply. understanding, you know, I I think that. we've laughed in society about hot. flashes so long. We've always made it. seem this hysterical woman that's trying. to cool off or can't fall asleep or. she's ragy and upset about everything. That's not the picture of menopause or. perimenopause anymore. Halle Berry, Naomi Watts, you know, those are the. pictures of of perimenopause and. menopause. So, this is happening to all. of us. If we're lucky enough as women, we're. going to go through this stage of life.

And so, I think it's important for a man. to know what it is, what perimenopause. is, understanding how long that could. last, and understanding some of these. symptoms. Because I think sometimes the. person outside of you can see those. better than you can see them yourself. Yeah, I think awareness is definitely. the starting point. If you know your. partner is going to go through this. between. early 40s or late 30s onward, to be mindful of it, to be present for. it, be patient for it. I I think the challenge is. we assume that if everyone's going.

through it, then it can't be that bad, right? There's a human trait of just. like, "Oh, well, everyone's going. through it. Like, what's the big deal?". That's what I was asking, like, what. what's the worst that it can get to? Like, what have what have you seen the. worst case scenario of? I've seen. couples going through divorce, you know, not knowing what's going on. I've seen. men not understanding what's happening. because perhaps his partner doesn't want. to have sex and has not wanted to have. it for a long time, and he doesn't. understand it. I have seen women that. get osteoporosis as a result of this, women who are not treating their heart,

women who have heart issues as a result. of this. You know, I I think that we. have to pay attention to our health, and. I don't think that knowing that you're. in perimenopause doesn't mean that. you're going to prevent heart disease, but you'll start paying attention to. those things. I had never had heart palpitations. before. As a result of that, and it. turned out that it was menopause, I. wound up seeing a cardiologist to just. understand where my baseline was, and I. think that's really, really important. Because the last thing that I want women. to do is suffer, one, and two, not be.

aware of what's happening in their lives. during this time. What happens to a. woman's sex drive during perimenopause? Yeah, let's talk about that because. listen, you're still getting your period. during perimenopause, and so, your. hormones can be all over the place and. sometimes you can really want to have. sex and sometimes you might not want to. have sex at all. And I think that some. of it's emotional, too. You know, I lost. my sex drive completely toward the end. of perimenopause. Like I had nothing and. I got remarried at the age of 50. So, imagine I went into this brand new. relationship and was like. yeah, I've no interest in it anymore.

And I think that my partner, my husband, was like, what happened? Is it me? What. what happened? And so I think that that. can really cause some problems and I. think that can cause unspoken problems. and that's the big issue with a partner. not understanding what's happening. >> disappears. It disappeared. Like I was. going along, we were dating, everything. was great and then. it disappeared and that was really why I. turned. >> you want intimacy and then I love it. I. want to kiss you. I want to be with you. You know, you're amazing. I want to be. close to you, but I didn't want to have.

sex because it was painful, quite. frankly. And that's what a lot of women. experience. They experience painful sex. There's dryness that happens all of your. body and it didn't feel good, quite. frankly. And I hear women talk about it. now openly, but it wasn't something we. were ever told to talk about or to. express or to sit with somebody. I mean, I couldn't imagine sitting here talking. to you about this 3 years ago, 5 years. ago, right? But I think it's what we have to do so. young women understand it and so that. men understand that something might be.

going on with their partner and it might. not just be that she's lost interest. And I think that's the take from a man's. perspective. It's like, oh, well, maybe. this relationship doesn't exist anymore. Like there isn't attraction, there isn't. a desire for intimacy and then if you. don't understand that there could be. this hormonal shift that's causing this. desire. I think I think it's so. interesting, isn't it? Like we we grow. up thinking a lot of this is purely. mental Mhm. and not. biological. We do. And and not hormonal.

and not chemical in that sense. It feels. was oh, it's a choice or an attitude and. some of this is not a choice. You didn't. make a choice to not want to have sex. anymore. Like, it was just. it was almost like there was an off. switch. It was an off switch, and it it. scared me to death. It scared me to. death cuz I thought, "Wow, is this like. is this it? Do I And it made me. question, do I do I not have desire for. him anymore? What what's going on?". >> like. Yeah, that's really interesting that. Yeah. >> it scared me, and I and that's really.

why I turned and I you know, I I started. to treat these symptoms, but I really thought it was something. that was going on with me, and I and I. was scared to say it because I didn't. even know how to say it. You know, how. do you say like, "Hey, I just. I don't want to have sex anymore, and I. don't know why, and all of a sudden it. doesn't feel good anymore." And so, I. think that those are really tough things. to contend with as a woman, and I think. it's really hard when a partner doesn't. know what's happening, and they feel in. the dark. And so, that's why I love when. men want to understand this. conversation, they want to hear about.

this conversation, and they want to know. what they can do. I wanted to tell you a quick story. You. know, I was I was doing a book signing, and I it's always women in the room, you. know? And so, cuz I don't know very many. men that are going to be like, "I'm. going to go to the how to menopause book. signing. I can't wait." And so, this one. man was sitting there next to who I. assumed was his wife, and he was just. watching me, and he didn't really have a. reaction. He wasn't nodding so where you. feel like, "Hey, is is this okay that. I'm talking about all these things?" And. uh he came up afterwards, and he said, "Hi, I need to ask you a question." And.

I said, "Yes." And he said, "How old is. too old to be about this, or how old is. too young to be learning about this?". And I said, "Women at all ages should be. learning about this. This should be. being taught in school. People should. understand this at all ages. Doctors. should be talking about this when women. going into the doctor's office. There's. no question." And he said, "How. important is it for men to understand. this?" He said, "Because I've never even. heard any of this, and I think it's. really important." And I said, "It is.". He came back to me, and he said, "I'm. going to take two of these books, and. I'm going to give them to my daughters.

and their husbands because I'm going to. insist that their husbands read these. books. And I was blown away and I thought, "Wow, like one man has now shared this. message with two other men and that's. how the conversation starts to happen.". Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I I've been. thinking about it. I've been having a. lot of conversations about it with my. male friends who are older than me. whose partners are probably. in that space right now and just helping. them become conscious of how it could.

affect them because it's a human trait. again that when you haven't experienced. something, you have no idea how it. impacts someone and that applies to. anything whether it's your parents. getting divorced, whether it's visiting. certain countries when you were young, whatever it may have been. Like as. humans, we're bad at knowing how. something can affect someone else. And. you know, even even to the point of, you. know, me and my friend were just talking. the other day. We have three friends in. our generation who have cancer right. now. And. >> Sorry. you know, and it's and and you're.

having this conversation, you're. thinking about it and you have so many. friends who don't understand how hard it. is for that person because you're like, "Oh, it's stage two. Oh, it's stage one. Like you'll be okay." But then when you. really think about it, that word is so. loaded, it's so heavy, it's so hard. Whatever stage it's at, it's it's tragic. to go through. And I think that's part. of the challenge here as well that when. it comes to menopause, I'm talking to my. male friends about it a lot because. I think looking at it as the source of.

some of the struggles in a relationship. and the challenges that they're going. through, communication challenges with. their partner, is helpful to both of. them. Because otherwise, like you said, you were thinking it was all your fault. that there was something wrong with you. And that person, if they're not. understanding, could feel the same way. Oh, it's all your fault. How did your. husband help you? Like how did What did. that process look like? Because I'm. assuming you weren't this well versed at. the time either. When you talk about. that, you talk about um cancer, that's. life altering, whatever stage it's in, just to hear those words.

My husband helped me in a lot of ways. and it was really interesting when I got. the first, you know, was told I was in. menopause, we were boarding a plane and. I said uh Oh my gosh, I just got a note. in my patient portal that says I'm I'm. in menopause. I'm too young for. menopause. I was 48. The average age is. 51. I wasn't too young for menopause. I. was just clueless. I just had no idea. and I couldn't believe it and to me I. associated that word with old age and. like somebody whose best years were. behind them and I realized it was. anything but. And as I continued to.

learn, I would talk to him about it and. I'd say, "Hey, listen, I found out that. like. there's not just three symptoms, there's. 30 plus symptoms of menopause and now. they're in the hundreds, you know, we're. counting more and more. As we learn. more, we're learning more and more. symptoms of menopause.". And then eventually when it came to sex, I had a real I had a real conversation, you know, because I went on my honeymoon. to Hawaii and I had no sex drive. It was. really awful. It was really it felt it. felt emotionally awful for me, but also. I felt for him and then you know that. feeling where you're going, "Oh my gosh, what's he thinking? What's she.

thinking?". I had to have the conversation though. with him through the process and I was. really grateful that he was open to. listening to it and it wasn't like, "Hey, you get that taken care of and you. know, then let's talk because what's. going on." Um and I talked about it with. him through everything. With weight. gain, with not being able to sleep at. night, with sleeping on the couch, you. know, for almost a month at one point. because I couldn't fall back to sleep. and I was tossing and turning and. tossing and turning and then eventually. decided that hormone therapy was going. to be the the choice for me and it and. it really changed everything and my.

lights kind of came back on and it felt. very very different. But we go back and. we look at that time now and I said, "Gosh, I I was a shell of myself, wasn't. I?" And he said, "You were really. different from the girl I met. You were. totally different." And I felt so sad. because I I didn't know what to do and I. didn't know what I had done. And that's really what I I want I wish. that every couples counselor, anybody, any coach, anybody that people are going. to for help or advice would educate. themselves about the changes that happen. during this time in a woman's life.

because I think it would solve so many. problems. >> It really would. I feel like there's a. lot of trends in society that are. changing like. women are having children at an older. age. What happens when perimenopause and. fertility kind of, you know, overlap? Those periods that you're experiencing. it, what does that look like? We're. starting to have that conversation a. little bit more and I'm I'm excited. about it because I think it's important. I don't think that any of us, or I. certainly didn't, as a as just a regular woman, you know,

I don't I'm not a doctor, I'm a. journalist. I didn't understand that it. started in these early years. I didn't. understand in your 40s you would be. dealing with any type of symptoms of. perimenopause because I didn't know the. word. But there have been some women. that said like I didn't know the. difference between having my child and. then all of a sudden I was postpartum. and then the crossover between. perimenopause. Like what what was it? What was going on in my life? I didn't. even know what was happening. And then. obviously in perimenopause. you can still get pregnant. So, you.

know, some women think that their. period's gone away for 6 months, then. all of a sudden, you know, they realize that they can. still have children and so then we have. children, you know, they're having. children later in life. So, there is. definitely, I think, more of that. crossover than we've ever seen before. because we're having seeing women having. children later in life. Are there any. implications? What should people be. aware of if if that's what they're going. through? I think to be aware of the. symptoms of both because I know there's. a lot of women that are like I didn't. know what was happening. I didn't know. if it was after I had a child that I. wasn't able to to get the weight off or.

I was feeling this like very a lot of. emotions going on and not going back to. sleep and some of those same things that. I was dealing with when I was pregnant. in my reproductive years are the same. symptoms of perimenopause. So, which is. which and I think that that's where you. really have to have that relationship. with your doctor. I really believe that we've done a. disservice to women because we've kind. of said like, here, when you're in your. pre-reproductive years, here's what your. OB/GYN looks like. And then after that, you can go to the doctor and have your.

appointments and everything. But there's. a real crossover in those years from 35, 38 years old to. to when you hit menopause. And I think. you have to be having both of those. conversations at the same time. You. could get pregnant. Some of those. symptoms could also be perimenopause. If. there are younger women listening right. now, how would you best recommend that. they plan for perimenopause? Is there a. way you can plan or prepare? If I were a. young woman right now, best thing could be to pay attention to. some of these health habits. You don't.

have to be perfect. I'd pay attention to. the strength training. I'd pay attention. of how to get habits to sleep well now. You can go have a good time. I promise. it's great. Go have a great time. But. pay attention to some of these things. that I think you need to put into place. Protein, adding that to part of you what. you have going on, and figure out a way. to manage stress. I think all those are. so important. And I would also do this. I'd also get a bone density test, which. was nothing I'd ever heard of before or. anything I thought I should get. Most. women wait till they're 60 years old to.

get something like this, but I'd want to. know what my baseline is for my bones. Mhm. Because that's really important, and the last thing you want to do is. break one. Yeah, so it's it's amazing to. me how. the habits do help. Like getting good. sleep, your nutrition, these things do. matter. They do matter. >> it's not going to It's not going to stop. this from happening, right? It's not. going to cure it. It's not going to cure. it, right? Yeah, you can't avoid it, it. won't cure it, but it will help you. Yeah. >> It will help you move through it. I.

think it'll help you manage your. symptoms, and that's the most important. You know, perimenopause and menopause, this isn't a disease. This is a a. transition that we're going through. And. I think it's really important to know, you know, I I wish that when I were. younger, I was thinking a little bit. older. I wish that I was thinking that, "Oh, I. have time to do all those things." If I. had established some of those habits. when I was in my 20s or my 30s, then it. wouldn't have been so hard in my 40s and. 50s to try to figure it all out so. quickly. And I think that's the. advantage that younger women have today,

and I feel really inspired by that. I. feel really motivated for them that. they're going to get a hold of this, and. I don't think that perimenopause and. menopause is going to look like this in. 5 or 10 years. Yeah, I I definitely. think that, especially with all. listeners, but there's such a culture. now of trying to get into those healthy. habits earlier. And and it's good to know that that will. fair people well as as they move through. this transition. What what's the impact. of the pill. uh and birth control drugs on.

perimenopause? It's interesting. Some. women have said to me, "Oh gosh, I went. to the doctor. I They said I was in. perimenopause according to my symptoms, and I was given a birth control pill.". Well, the birth control pill often times. is given because you had irregular. periods. If you went in there saying. like, "My periods are irregular," then. the birth control pill is there to kind. of regulate those. And so, some women. will be on that for quite some time. They'll be eventually weaned off of that. if they're in perimenopause, and then. they can start hormone therapy. And any. of the doctors I've talked to say that,

you know, both of those things are. possible options depending on what what. your symptoms are. If you go into the. doctor and you're saying, "Hey, I've got. hot flashes and I can't sleep in my my. joints hurt right now, and I'm just. feeling a little bit of brain fog.". They're probably not going to give you. birth control. They will start you on a. low-dose hormone therapy most likely, and tell you to add in those lifestyle. practices to be able to help you. But, birth control pill with regard to doing. anything to perimenopause, I think more. often will help regulate your period.

You're saying there's not a negative. impact between. younger women being on birth control and. then how they experience perimenopause. >> Not that I know of, except that some. women say, "Oh wow, I don't know if my. period has stopped or started. I don't. know where I am." So, a lot of times if. a woman is a little bit older, a doctor. will oftentimes wean them off of that so. they can figure out kind of where they. are in their in their cycle. Because. again, if you've gone 12 months without. your period, now you're menopausal, and. then you would be doing hormone therapy. You wouldn't be doing birth control cuz. you wouldn't need it any longer. What. else if there's there's a funny video I.

saw on TikTok. It was it was funny, it was comedic, but. it was making a really big point and it. was showing. how men's hormones kind of stay steady. and how women's hormones. go, you know. Yeah. And and just the. amount of cycles that women have to go. through and the experience of it all and. what have you heard from your community. that's given you strength, hope, encouragement? What have What have you. noticed about people who have. transitioned effectively? What What are the success stories. almost? The success stories of women who.

have gone into this stage successfully. are, I feel like myself again. I feel really bold and I can't wait for. this next chapter. I'm feeling good. about my body. And I think what they. feel more than anything else is. knowledgeable and they feel like, "Wow, I know what journey I'm on. I understand. what's happening to me now, and now I. can tackle these different things as. they come along.". I never understood that knowledge and. community were so important to something. like this and I think it means. everything. When a woman hears, "Hey,

this is what you're going through". versus, "Oh my gosh, could I be dealing with dementia? Could. I be dealing with Alzheimer's? Why is my. heart racing out of control? Why am I. gaining weight?" When you are in the. dark and you don't understand what is. going on, I think that can be the. scariest thing happening. And I think. that's what so many women have been. dealing with for so long, which makes me. really sad. I I go back and I think. about my mother. I lost my mother to. breast cancer when she was 51 years old. and she had a surgical menopause, meaning that as a result of her surgery.

and chemotherapy, she went through. menopause early. She was 44 years old. when she was diagnosed, so it was pretty. early. And we used to go into. restaurants and we'd have to leave the. restaurants because sweat would be. literally pouring down her face. Like. she just she couldn't stay there and her. heart was racing out of control and. she'd be throwing water on herself. And. she'd laugh along with the rest of the. family. We'd be like, "Oh, mom's hot. again. Haha.". And it wasn't This was years ago. My mom. died in 1990. And it wasn't until maybe.

three, four years ago when I really. started researching this I realized that. that was my what was my mother was going. through. It made me so sad to go back. and say, "Oh my gosh, she was laughing with all. of us, trying to play it off, and she. was really suffering on the inside.". That's the hardest part for me. Yeah. >> Is knowing that there are so many women. that I care about and that I love. >> Yeah. that I would have been it would. have been useful if I had this context. that I could have shared that with them. They would have found better support and. help in their journey, whether it's. lifestyle changes or hormonal support,

or stress management, as you rightly. said. And and I would have been. you know, understanding and empathetic. to to the change that they were going. through. I think it would it would. change so much. Why is it. that despite everything we've talked. about, doctors still dismiss. these symptoms. and medical research is not investing. more? I just can't wrap my head around. that. I can't either. Honestly, I think part of it is. societal. I think part of it is that we. think women in midlife are kind of best.

years behind them. I think that sadly. when it comes to research, you know, we. did a lot of research, we do a lot of. research about reproductive years, about. what happens when you're older, even. what happens when you're, you know, younger. All ends of the spectrum. And. then there's this kind of chunk of women. in in a time in our lives that we're. just sort of. we've kind of fall off the radar. We're. just not there. And so that happens when. it comes to research. And then I think. with doctors not being educated about. it, you know, it's not the doctor's. fault. They're there to help. That's.

what they want to do. Doctors have good. intention. But unfortunately, if they didn't learn. about it, if you've got a woman coming. in there, and you've got a woman saying. like, "Oh, I'm I'm tired. I'm not able. to sleep. I'm gaining weight." You know, a doctor will often be like, "Okay, it's. a part of aging." Or it's, you know, "Take this and call me. Take an. antidepressant or try to get some more. sleep or practice winding down." And so. sadly, you know, we've got doctors that. are dismissing women, women feeling they. leave a doctor's office and don't know.

what to do. And I've heard from so many. women every single day, Jay, I get. messages saying, "You know, my doctor. told me it was because of my age." Or my. doctor said I couldn't possibly be in. perimenopause yet. Or. "If your symptoms aren't bad enough, you. don't really need to do anything." And I. think that's the one that bothers me the. most. I really get upset when I hear, "Your symptoms have to be so much worse. for you to do something about it." Cuz. that's not true. It's just not true. And. it's that there's so much that can be. done about this, and there's so many.

different ways to help women. And so my. hope is that we start getting this. training, and we start making sure it's. mandatory, and we start making sure that. all disciplines, not just OBGYNs, learn. about perimenopause and menopause. If. you go to your cardiologist, they should be talking to you about. perimenopause and menopause. We know. doctors can't know everything. But that's where it comes upon the woman. to be educated about this, too. And. right now, I think it's the best thing. we can do. We're not going to be able to. get a whole bunch more studies right now.

in a short amount of time. We're not. going to be able to get tons of money. poured into women's health all the time, specifically perimenopause and. menopause. And we're not going to be. able to get all doctors trained so. quickly. But what we can do is get this. message out to all women, young women, older women, daughters, mothers, sisters, aunts, anybody that could be. going through it or has somebody that. they know going through it. And now. especially men. Yeah, well said. Well, I'm happy to be a part of that and and. and have this conversation because. it's what you said also just about if.

you're if you care about someone, you. know, it's so important to be aware of. what they're going to go through. And. and to me that's especially something. that is something they can't control. You know, something that they don't have. that influence over. I have to say I'm. so grateful to you for this because I. know it's not an easy conversation. because it's like, well, I don't know, where do we even start? >> to you about it. Thank you. Yeah, you have you have. you've like just given us a masterclass. on it. Like I'm just so much more well. versed. I'm so glad.

>> Just from speaking to you because you. make it so simple. You make it so. understandable. I'm glad that people. have the book so they can check the 34. symptoms. I'm glad that people have the. book so that they can actually figure. out where in the course they are so that. they can turn to the doctor or turn to. their partner, find their community. I. mean, the way you laid out the three. really simple steps people can take. whether it's lifestyle changes, stress. management, hormonal therapy. It's It. makes it feel manageable. It doesn't. make it feel like this is something. insurmountable.

It feels like something that we can at. least grasp and know what we need to do. to take the next step. So, thank you. for being such a great messenger for it. and and having the courage to do. I'm. sure it's hard being you to as you heard. your career was going to go nowhere if. you became the the the poster child for. this, but I I actually think it it's. going to help so many people who are. unaware, unconscious men or women. And. people who are just struggling and. suffering with it. >> Thank you. You know, I um I didn't have. children of my own and I I always for a.

long time I went back and forth about. that and I realized going through this. and having this conversation and talking. to so many young women about it and. trying to help them help their moms or. help them help their self. I was like, wow, I do feel like a mom now. You know, I do. feel like I'm helping young women and so. I figured out a purpose through. menopause. How menopause gave me a. purpose I but you know, it really did. change my life. So it did a lot it did a. lot for me. It let me. trust myself more and it let me realize. that there are some changes and it's.

never too late and I think that's the. most important thing of all that it's. never too late to make these changes. If. you didn't make them in your 20s or 30s, it's not too late to make those changes. I love it. Tamsen Fidalgo, thank you so. much for writing this book how to. menopause, take charge of your health, reclaim your life and feel even better. than before. That's my favorite part. about it is hearing you say that. we've got to get over this belief that. women are past their best years and your. best years are behind you and you've.

already lived it and it's that part of. feel even better than before. That's a message that I love. So thank. you so much for writing this book. I. highly recommend everyone goes and grabs. a copy men included. So important for us to be informed and I. really hope that this. saves your relationships, helps your. careers, helps your purpose and your. passion, your children and and. ultimately helps yourself. Thank you so. much and thank you Tamsen again. Please. follow Tamsen, subscribe to our podcast, follow her on social media platforms and.

we will put all the links in the bio and. in the comment section for you to follow. along. Thank you so much again Tamsen for. joining me. >> Thank you. Thank you for writing this. book. Thank you so much. It's wonderful. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy. my conversation with Meghan Trainor on. breaking generational trauma and how to. be confident from the inside out. >> My therapist told me stand in the mirror. naked for 5 minutes. It was already. tough for me to love my body, but after. the C-section scar with all the stretch. marks, now I'm looking at myself like. I've been hacked. But day three when I.

did it, I was like, you know what? Her. thighs are cute.