SELENA GOMEZ: “I didn’t recognize myself anymore… then I finally let go and found who I really am”

There's blessing in the breaking, even. if it's just road rage. As simple as. that to maybe losing someone that you. love. There is no perfect way to heal. author and host. The number one health and wellness. podcast. with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On. Purpose, the number one health podcast. in the world, thanks to each and every. one of you that come here every week to. become happier, healthier, and more. healed. And you know that I love sitting.

down with guests who allow us into their. lives, who allow us into their journeys. to understand more, to help us not feel. alone, to help us feel connected in our. pain and in our purpose, and to. recognize that we have so much more in. common, and that when we work together, we can truly find the light in our. lives. Now, today's guest is someone who. I believe does this with every step, every word, and everything she takes on. in her life. I've had the fortune of. getting to know her over the last few.

years, and I can honestly say that not. only is she one of the most genuine and. kind-hearted people I know, she's also. just one of the most loving and soulful. people who truly wants to change lives. I have to start the episode by saying. this, I believe today's guest is someone. who's extremely on purpose. I'm speaking. about the one and only Selena Gomez, one. of the most globally and culturally. celebrated artists, actors, producers, entrepreneurs, and most importantly, I.

know to her, philanthropist of her. generation. As a recording artist, Selena has sold more than 210 million. singles worldwide and has over 45. billion global streams. Her upcoming. biographical documentary, which I want. you to go and see, Selena Gomez: My Mind. and Me, is out right now. I got to see. it earlier, I'll tell you all about it. And in 2019, Selena launched her beauty. line Rare Beauty exclusively with. Sephora. As part of the partnership, Gomez announced the Rare Impact Fund.

pledging to raise This is outstanding. Pledging to raise $100 million. for mental health services for. individuals in underserved communities. Philanthropy and activism have been key. pillars of Selena's career, and she's. used her platform to advocate for many. important causes. Selena has raised. millions of dollars for charity, including Global Citizen and the Lupus. Research Alliance. Please welcome to the. show Selena Gomez. Selena, it is so.

wonderful to be with you. That was so. nice. I felt very like. emotional, and I felt so. I felt so honored. Thank you for saying. those kind words. I I meant every word. I think. whenever I've sat with you, we've always had a conversation about. purpose, Yeah. always had a conversation about. service, Mhm. always had a conversation that's. reflective. But I wanted to start with. this because I we are going to talk. about lots of deep and meaningful things. today, Yes. but I also wanted to start with. this because.

it's my first memory of meeting you. And. you've you've probably forgotten this, but at least for me it's. Here we go. Okay. So, uh you'd come over for dinner. Mhm. That's the first time we met. And I. remember that we were about to eat. My. wife had made dinner for us. And. we say a prayer before we eat. Mhm. But the prayer is chanted and sung. somewhat in Sanskrit, which is a. language Yeah. that that's a lot of prayers are in for. for my practice. And I remember having to do it in front.

of you, and then afterwards opening my. eyes and go, I just had to sing in front. of Selena Gomez. Right. I actually do remember that. how bad it was? Yes. You were like, I. don't know if I should sing in front of. you. I was like, please. I thought it. was beautiful. Aw. I thought it was. amazing. And also, just to say, the food. was incredible. I remember that more. than anything. I love that. Well, I wanted to start off. by just saying to you that I truly. believe that this documentary is so. special. Genuinely,

Thank you. it is. it's powerful, it's inspiring, and it's the work that we so deeply need. right now. And your voice in the conversation, the. global conversation around well-being. and mental health. is the most powerful voice there is. It. really is. Thank you. And so, when you put out a piece like. this and you let us in, it only strengthens the conversation. across the world, and that's something.

that you're doing. So, I want to just. start off by saying that from the bottom. of my heart, I'm so grateful to you. Thank you for sharing that. I think that. is. a huge part of why I decided to release. it after having an internal battle, I mean, daily at at one point, maybe I. shouldn't do this, maybe I shouldn't. release it, and this is too honest, this. is too much of myself. Until I realized that ultimately it was. meant for something bigger. It wasn't.

just about me, it was about. other people, and it took a life of its. own and became what it is now, which I'm. still nervous about, I'm still anxious. about, but. I think releasing it is a huge healing. um a healing process for me, and it's me. letting go of that version of myself. Wow. Yeah. That's so powerful to hear that. I mean, when I hear you say that, that I feel. like you're one of these people that.

you serve in order to heal, and you give. in order to let go. And that's such a. beautiful cycle because I think often we. think when we're going through things. that the more insular we go, Right. but. you're someone who opens up and says. here it is. I think you know. being. in moments of my life whether it was my. health or personal life, friendships, relationships, I feel like giving myself. completely to something is just the best.

way I can love. But I never wanted the pain that I. endured to put some sort of guard on. myself and armor if you will and I never. I never let that happen because. I still believe and I still hope. I hope. for love and I hope for healing and I. hope for change and I never want to lose. that. Of course there are days where I. feel so far away but I would rather.

continue to get my heart broken than to. not feel at all. That's the greatest. sign of strength. I mean that is such a. powerful statement and. I think with a statement like that. you're encouraging so many people. to feel heard. I mean I think most of us. feel far away from those things. Right. And we're scared to admit that. I mean. you start the documentary with the. promise of I'm going to share my darkest. secrets. Yeah. And when I heard that I thought. wow like. I was thinking Selena what was why is it.

that when we share our dark What happens. when we share our darkest secrets? Not. just for you but for any of us. When. you're with your friends, when you're. with your family is like what what does. that do? I think at first it's. frightening. but I feel like if you surround yourself. with people who. support you and love you. you have to be careful with who you. share your story with. I think that can be dangerous. Sharing something that maybe was really. hurtful or sharing a story about your. internal struggles to someone who may.

not be giving you the right advice or. guiding you in a different way that will. only lead you to more pain is scary. So. first and foremost I would say making. sure you surround yourself with great. people. And then I would say, learn. everything there is to learn once it's. out. Once you say, okay, I'm. dealing with depression, then find out. every single thing you can about what. that means. And when you have a. relationship. with depression as opposed to.

you know, allowing it to keep sinking in. and inside of you, it's it's a little. bit more freeing. I think to understand. yourself better. I want to know what. triggers me. I want to know why I get. depressed and start asking yourself. questions to open up yourself instead of. you know, it's easier said than done. though, I should say, but instead of, you know, keeping it in, I find that the. biggest reward is letting it go. Yeah, I. I think there's that statement in the. documentary that says.

you said your mom would always say uh. if you're afraid of something, learn. more about it, and then your fear will. go away or something according to those. She definitely did that when I was. younger. I lived in Texas and we were. huge with um. the tornado scene. That was what was. happening and I was terrified. So, I. would bring like a cross and I'd bring. like a big pillow and I'd lay in my. bathtub cuz that's what I googled is. supposedly going to help. And my mom. would just kind of smile at me and she.

the next day, remember she got me a. bunch of books and it was all about. thunderstorms and different clouds and. formations and all this stuff and. she just she just told me, she's like. it's not that scary, you know, it's. especially. when you know that it's just a part of. the world and I I guess they are still. scary, but now I understand what happens. and yeah. But I love how you're applying. that to depression. You're applying that.

to different things in your life. I completely agree with I mean, my. favorite thing. that I say in the documentary is that. I I have bipolar. I just I learn how to. live with it and I just have made it my. friend because that's truly what it can. be to me now. Yeah, and tell us about. that process of when you first discover. something like that. Like you said, it's. easier said than done. The voices are so. loud. There's so much inner judgment. You know, our inner critic is. so painful to live with. And now when.

you're saying I've I'm trying to work on. making it a friend, which is a beautiful. transition. Tell us a bit about that. journey of inner critic to inner friend. Well, to be honest, I've been to four. treatment centers and. I have a lot of opinions on, you know, rehabs if you will or. being in a places to go. There's a lot. that I don't agree with, but um. what I will say is. throughout all of it, learning lessons.

through dialectical behavior therapy or. um cognitive behavioral therapy, there's something that's always been. embedded in me throughout all of those. different moments in my life and that. was always to. recognize when something was happening. to me, accepting it and. I think once I realized that this was. something that wasn't going to go away. This wasn't something that was going to. be fixed by going to these places. It.

was more so. what can I know about myself? Okay, if I. if I kind of go down this road, I'm. going to get triggered and I know that. feeling and I know how to avoid it. However, I go to therapy. I also have, you know, medication that I fully am on. that I believe in wholeheartedly. and it helps me stay. balanced. But I I have to deal with it,

you know? I still. have days that are pretty low and. moments that I'm just too over the top. and I'm like, I want to buy everyone a. house and then I want to save the world. Um. but I just I've learned to kind of. understand it and the best part about. that is also my family and friends. learning how to live with it, too. They can be great friends to me in that. way and that took a lot of time as well. Yeah, I know these are such you know, I.

I know that you do so much work in this. space, but today when I'm hearing you. share all these insights and they. genuinely are insights, they're so. powerful because. even you just saying like, I had to. realize that I don't have to fix it or. that it's not going to go away. Like. these things make. difficult things livable with. Right. Uh and when we look at the. seasons or we look at the weather, it's. like you know it's going to rain one day. and you know it's going to be dark one. day and you know it's going to be sunny. another day and when you know that, you.

stop trying to fight it and change it. You can accept it, which it sounds what. from what I'm hearing from you. Yeah, I. mean, it's taken me a long time. It's um. that's not 6 years, that's probably 10. years in reality, but it it really. it's really been interesting and I feel. better and I feel great now that I can. talk about it. Yeah. Yeah, the thing you. keep mentioning today is letting go and. I think all of us are trying to know. how to let go of old selves, old parts.

of ourselves or or parts that don't. serve us anymore. And I remember when I. when I lived as a monk some of the areas. that we'd live in, they were often we'd. come across a lot of snake skin. Uh and we'd always use snakes as an. analogy of how. we leave behind. So snakes don't break. out, they don't rip their skin off, they. slither out and their skin just kinds of. like falls away. Yes. And then we would naturally not. find snakes thankfully and find snake.

skin. But that analogy always like really. resonated with me. The idea that when. we're shedding, when we're letting go, it's not a aggressive process. How did. you learn to become. compassionate and calmer with yourself? Because at first we can really feel like. we're trying to break something off. Yeah, I think I I tend to blame myself. when I can't let something go. I feel. maybe something is my fault or I should. have done more of this or less of that.

And it starts to become, you know, just like a really it I I kind of turn. sad. Um one thing I've noticed when I. watched the documentary back for the. first time, I didn't even recognize that. girl anymore. And it broke my heart. because I was talking about my body and. my image and. and I just hate that I ever felt those. feelings. And. I think because I have a younger sister,

there's been this huge responsibility. given to me in a way that has helped me. And I say this about my fans as well or. or people that have, you know, grown. with me. I've almost had to get back up every. time more so for them than myself. And that's something I've learned to. really understand. It's it's healthy to. want to be strong for other people, but.

I needed to recognize I needed to be. strong for myself. And that took a while. and it took things like making myself. uncomfortable and changing my. um my thought process, changing the. things I watch on TV, changing the music. I'm listening to, little things that I. can adjust that will perhaps change my. mood or make me feel better instead of. worse, you know. Mhm, it is some of. these small things, isn't it? Yeah. Oh my gosh, I love scary movies,

but I can't watch them all the time. I'm. like happy and I'm like, "Guys, let's. watch a scary movie." Everyone's like, "Why? Why on earth do you want to do. that right now?" And you're kind of. like, "Yeah, you're right.". Do they manage to persuade you? Yeah, most of the time. But it was Halloween, so I got my way for for a few weeks. You did? What did you end up watching? Oh, we. watched Halloween, we watched um Freddy. Krueger, Nightmare on Elm Street. Which one ruins your mood the worst? Like which one makes you feel. Oh my goodness, probably like. Hereditary, something really dark. But.

it was it was fun. It was Halloween, we. were just celebrating. Yeah, no, that's I always call it. cliffhanger chemicals. Like I feel like. when we watch things that put us into. states of anxiety. Oh yeah. or stress, we release all these. cliffhanger chemicals. And now you're. like, "Well, why can't I sleep?" Like. Yeah, exactly. Why am I having bad. dreams? like that. So my wife's like that. She. She can't I have to She always gets. really excited to watch things like. that, too. I'm like, "Radhika, we can't. do this cuz you will not let me sleep.

for the rest of the night." So. funny. Yeah, yeah, but I I think it's really. beautiful to hear you say there's these. little changes because I think that's. what people feel hardest to change. And. I think when I watched the documentary, the the greatest challenge you really. empathize with is having to do this when. every time you're in a car and then. every time you get out of the car, there's cameras, there's people, there's. opinions, there's you know, that's. something very few people can relate to. But I think what's so brilliant about.

the how the documentary's made is that. you really feel like we're living that. with you. And so you're like, "Wow, that. even though I can't relate to what. Selena is going through, I can. understand how it must be really. challenging and really stressful." And. so. what's it like having to deal with all. of this that all of us are dealing with. too, but you're dealing with it with an. added layer of. you know, exposure? Yeah. Uh to be. honest, I don't know any different. Yeah. That's what's really scary.

Sometimes I think that's really sad and. other times I just think, well, this is. what I've been given and this is the. path that I I want to continue to walk. in and I know any moment I can. you know, quit and walk away and you. know, that's just not really how I was. raised to be. So, maybe if it had happened to me later. in life, I would have had a different. outcome. But because I was raised in it, I I really had to learn the hard way on.

how to deal with it, on how to. not give, if you will, that clickbait. that people want. Mhm. And I mean, I I think I do my I do. my best to try and eliminate these. negative stories or this. or ill or other people illustrating my. journey. It just I interrupt them with. my truth and that's what I will always. continue to do and that's what this. documentary does as well. It's It's.

going It's going to be me taking control. of my story and no one can change that. or say any different. I I actually I'm. so glad you addressed that because I've. always found that with you that you. always. lead with love Mhm. and and I always am so. in admiration of that and in awe of that. because I see that whenever there's a. narrative that whenever there's any. narrative, your your choice will always. be to lead with love and inject love. into that. Absolutely. recalibrate. When did you find the.

strength to start taking control of that. narrative because I think that's an. amazing skill that today people need it. more than ever. But when Yeah, when did. you start developing the confidence. around that needing to do that? Um I. would probably say. I started beginning to gain that. confidence when I went through a breakup. and. that's something that was super public, but all of those things that I had felt.

so bad about myself and just so. terrible, every day I wanted to debunk those. feelings. I wanted to take control over. that narrative because I did feel that. way. But, the greatest gift I got from all of. that was. me actually being honest with people, sharing my story, and gaining the. confidence to know. I am enough and.

I actually work really hard at being a. good person and I know I'm a great. person. And when people paint these. unnecessary stories, it actually gives me pleasure to to just. combat it with love, like you said, or. kindness, you know, I think. it's it's actually fun for me because. it's. it is who I am. I don't I don't I can't. waste my time if I'm to be honest with. everyone in this room. I don't want to. waste my time being upset or um.

taking in all of the negative things. that I hear online and. I don't even hear it. It's It's just. when it gets really bad other people. tell me and then I see inhumane things. happening and people talking negatively. about other women and it just drives me. absolutely crazy and. I think I'll just always be that kind of. person and I would say I'm grateful for. my past because it's made me a lot.

stronger. Yeah. Well, I want I want you. to know that. you know, we we see you for that. Thank. you. Like it is it is. whenever you do that, I am. completely mind-blown because it it. requires so much self-assurance, it it. requires so much. uh. commitment to your truth, and then also. for for everyone else. So, thank you so. much for leading the way even in that. like in that other thing. Like no, it's. so hard to do. It's so easy to.

it's so easy to be defensive. Uh and you've found because it's your. truth, you found a way of. sharing your truth without making it. defensive. Mhm. Of course. That's I mean, thank you. I I don't know. if I intentionally do it, but it works. really well, so I'm sticking to it. Yeah, stick to it. Don't don't change. it. Don't change it. Teach it. Teach it. Teach it. The new masterclass. Yeah, no, I I I I genuinely mean that. I genuinely. mean that. Um. one of the things that comes through in. the documentary is.

we're just getting full access. Like. that's what it feels like, like full. access at all times. Um and we get to. see all of your relationships, and you. get to see the relationships that are. long-term, you get newer relationships, you get all these different people who. are interacting with you, and they're interacting with you in. every element. Like we get to see you. straight after an interview, straight. before an interview. And and I could. tell there was a time when. you you. feel a bit of angst because you get. asked.

poor questions or or like, you know, and. I and I could see that in you. And that really hit me because. the reason we set up this conversation, this this podcast in the first place was. I was hoping that it would be a place. where people like yourself could share. your true purpose. Right. And seeing you share on screen. just how hard it can be to deal with. just. Does it minimize the work you're trying. to do? What what happens? Tell me what. what happens when you're asked I. actually just feel it like insulted.

sometimes. And like. I sit in what I worked I mean I worked. so hard. I love what I do. I love my. job. I love talking about my job. There's different facets of my job that. I love talking about. for different reasons. And when I. sit down and I have to do press from you. know starting at 8:00 a.m. till you know. whenever the night ends, it's. it's frustrating. You want to spend that.

time talking about meaningful. meaningful moments and. I just I wanted that to be in the. documentary because I felt like I know. that a lot of artists maybe not. everyone, but I know a lot of artists. and people in my position feel that way. And I hope that it will only. you know maybe shift that a bit and. maybe stop asking people what word you. associate with Marshmallow and maybe ask.

them how they're doing. Um you know maybe just having a bit of. an inspiration to do more and be better. and. and yeah it actually is pretty crazy cuz. that that happens. It's weird. Yeah it. is really weird and and it's. it's interesting because I feel like. there's such a trend that's been created. about asking people click bait a buzzy. you know moment questions and then you. think what but this is a human Totally. with emotions and ideas and views and. and I think often people think oh well.

I've only got them for 10 minutes so I. better just ask them all this stuff but. you you forget that. that there's a whole person behind that. The documentary really humanizes you. What parts of you did you really want. people to understand better or see more. that you think they haven't been able to. see over time? Just I guess where I was. meant to be. I. in the beginning it really made me. kind of sad. I I wanted it to be a.

documentary that was really fun and. about me doing this big tour and. instead I felt so bad cuz we were. filming these really intense moments and. then I had to stop filming and. I think I really ultimately wanted. people to realize that I'm not really. that put together. I I can be. and I feel much better now, but I don't. want people to ever look at me and think. she has it all and she's figured it out.

and she is you know. perfect or whatever. I I hope no one. thinks that, but I. I just don't ever want to be that kind. of public figure. I want to be someone. that hopefully could be a friend that. could. just. de-disarm you from the celebrity-esque. part of it. I just want to be someone. that people can. genuinely walk up to and say, "Hey, I. kind of I understand what you walked.

through. I did, too." and have a. conversation with. Yeah, and why is why. is that important? Why do you think it's. important that. I guess for a long time your people did. consider celebrity to be perfect or. maybe it was portrayed that way. sometimes, maybe it wasn't, but why do. you think it's important for people to. see that no one in the world including. me, anyone we're talking about. There's. no one who's perfect, but why is that so. important? It's important to me because I felt like. I had to be. When I was, you know, when. I was going through.

relationships, I felt like I had to be a. certain way. That's why in 2016 I was. talking about. my body and talking about my appearance. and and talking about how, "Oh, everyone's going to see me as this. Disney kid. No one's going to take me. seriously." All of those moments, that's kind of. where. Yeah, that's where all the confusion. came from for me. Yeah,

makes sense. No, that does make sense. That's That's. a really fascinating answer because. yeah, it's almost like you've had to. live that way. Yeah. And then you're kind of unpacking. it for everyone and and breaking down. that image that's created and I think. that definitely comes across. One of the. things that. stood out to me in that unpacking of. the perfection element that you're. talking about. We're so scared of. imperfection because. it reveals there's parts of us.

that. are not ideal by some external. comparison or. by some. internal trigger or some past experience. where we we have that feeling. How do. you now deal with your imperfections? Like how do you feel about parts of you. that that are not perfect? I'm okay with. that. I actually. think a lot of who I am are. just a few things that are not perfect.

Even down to. my laugh. Sometimes I used to be. insecure about my laugh or you know, the. fact that I'll always talk during a. movie or you know, I always do something. minuscule and. I think little things like that. make me happy because. I feel like everybody else in the world. They know recent For example, very small. example, but this Halloween I was I was. a banana and I and I and I genuinely.

just like got the cheapest outfit, put. it on and roamed around Times Square. with my friends and had the best time. And everyone kept sending me these memes. cuz every Everybody else kind of went. all out and maybe I could have painted. my face and done a little more, but. everyone looked really sexy and fun and. and literally I was a banana. That's basically sums up who I am um to.

a T and it was um that that to me. means that I don't have to be perfect. all the time. I'd rather be that girl. and how does that apply to work? Like. how does that perfectionist mindset work. in terms of like music or creation or. acting? Like because that's beautiful in. your personal life. It sounds like. there's this acceptance of, you know, we. can be Yeah. we can be more in flow, but then how does that apply to like. writing or creating or building? Like.

Well, I think how I I don't I I Well, I. always say this in any session, there. are no stupid questions. I always have. to say that out loud because sometimes I. genuinely will think, "Well, what does. this mean? And how can I unpack this and. create a a song from this?" Or how do I. impact this scene and do the best I can? You know, there are mistakes that happen. in the studio and on set that actually.

end up becoming a part of it. You know, me Yeah. messing up a line actually. ended up being funny and we kept it in. the show or you know, there's something. I said in a lyric that was wrong and it. ends up being the biggest hook that. we've got and I and I look for those. moments. I crave I crave those moments. That's a great example. I love all of. those. Yeah, and and it just that's what. feels like magic, right? Like it's it's. when the imperfection can somehow become. a part of the process.

Yeah. Where you're just like, "Wow, this. this this actually feels like we got. somewhere.". And so I think when we start I love that. idea applied both personally and. professionally because. I think even the parts of ourselves that. we consider to be imperfect, the parts. of ourselves that we consider to be. broken, when you start seeing use. in those, when you start seeing purpose. in those, it's. I always say that there's there's. blessing in the breaking.

And every moment that you encounter in. your life, even if it's just road rage, as simple as that, to maybe losing. someone that you love, there there is no perfect way to heal. There is no perfect way of dealing with. something. It's more just. how am I going to be a better person? How am I going to make the best choice. for myself so that I don't end up angry. at that person on the highway, so that I.

don't end up ruining my day because of. what someone did to me on. the 405, you know? I I want to also say. that. how can I turn something like losing. someone I so dearly love into Well, how. can I celebrate that person and the. great things that they're. that they provided me or that they gave. me? That takes a lot of work, so I don't say. that lightly, but I try my hardest to do. that and I try to have my friends hold.

me accountable to. reminding me, "Hey, let's try to flip. this and try to turn it into something. else." Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think. what I'm what I'm gathering from. listening to you is that. again, it's you're not saying I've. arrived and this is how I think now. You're saying this is what I'm trying to. practice. Like this is the this is the. approach that I'm mining in my own life. and. Absolutely. This is practice. Every day. is practice. I I even said it last night. at the premiere. I was saying, "I don't.

I don't have anything figured out. I'm. definitely not like, 'I'm sold. I'm. good. It It's It's more just. This is a continuation. My story's not. done, and I can't wait to find out. what's going to happen next, and doesn't. mean it's going to be easy, and. sure there's going to be bumps that. happen, but I'm going to learn how to. live with them. Yeah. As someone who's. so committed to moving forward, what did. it feel like going back to like your. school and and all these old places? I.

won't give away too many, but in the. documentary you go and visit. You know, what was that? What What What does that. do? Well, going home is is like. to me, it's it's untainted territory. Right. It is safe. It is simple and kind. Where. I'm from, it is all about. you know, being together, loving each. other. I go home, and people are like, "Welcome home, Ms. Gomez." They're not. you know, treating me any differently,

and I enjoy. and I enjoy visiting you know, what made. me who I am. And it always gives me the a good sense. of. of like, "Oh, I hope I can inspire. people from where I'm from, cuz there's. not a lot to do where I'm from, but I. hope I can inspire just one person to do. something bigger than that.". Yeah, was there any particular place. that you went back that almost gave you. a. a a special feeling or a or something. surprised you that you're like, "Oh, I. didn't think this was going to be Yeah.". Well, my snow cone place. I really I.

loved that place. I would go with my dad. all the time and my cousin, and we would. get the pickle snow cones with like, you. know, grape in it, and it would just be. so yummy and amazing, and it just, you. know, brought me back to when it would. be so hot in Texas, and I was with my. family, and we would just stop there and. sit outside for an hour and just talk, and. it was just the best. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's that's that's great to. hear. I think there's always I I have.

this park in my hometown. It's called. Broomfield Park and it's. it's still charming to me even though I. don't think if anyone else went there. they'd find it that charming. They'd be. like, "Okay.". But but when I go back I know where I. used to go and buy my my ice cream from. and you know where the truck would be. and there's there's all these special. moments that you. that almost but it it sounds like again. like it sounds like it's not like you're. like, "Oh, I miss that." It's almost. like that was a part of me and it's a. beautiful thing. But now I'm happy to be. newer and I was even today when we were.

just walking over here and we were. talking about just you finding places. that. fuel you. and you it seems like you've become open. to saying, "Okay, it's okay that life is. changing and transitioning and there's. new places that feel more like home than. old places." I hate change. I really do, but I felt in the past year. which is pretty just it's pretty new. Yeah. I have really really embraced.

um the uncomfortableness. of change. And I think it's because I. get so exhausted of the same thing over. and over again. And. it scares me, but I did learn that my. world can be bigger. by being in a different destination. I. work on my show Only Murders in the. Building. It's in New York where I shoot. and I never I've never spent more than a.

week or two in New York and I'm there. for months and. just that alone was an uncomfortable, you know, experience. But I loved it and I loved the. friendships I made and the knowledge. that I was gaining, the people I was. around, the park and walking and just. how like precious life is. It's. celebrated. There's culture. It just.

becomes addicting to to want to put. yourself in these situations and see. what happens. So, I will say in the past. year I've felt more comfortable with. change and. I'm grateful for it and I just I'm going. to continue to do that and I want that. How do How did you get comfortable with. that discomfort, I guess, in the first. place if you're someone who said, you. know, like hate change, didn't like. change? Like, what? I guess, obviously, naturally work and. everything like that, but was there. something internally where you're like, "Okay, now I need to" Because you've.

done this You've done uncomfortable. things your whole life, right? Like, you've had to do so many difficult. things, whether it's going on tour when. you're young or transitioning careers. You've constantly done uncomfortable. things. Yeah, but I think I had always kind of. returned to the same behavior and the. same pattern of maybe. well, I'm nervous of going out cuz I. don't want to be seen today or I'm going. to just stay in because. I feel anxious or I don't want to go out. to that event because I don't want to.

get seen. It just I was I was finding. myself just being terrified of the world. and that just isn't a way of living. And it's easy to go to a job because. well, I I'm with a bunch of people. They. help me look good. I do my job. I smile. and I'm done. But taking spontaneous. trips or you know, getting out and going. to the Balboa Park, which is a very. simple park. It just doing that kind of. stuff is necessary and I I noticed that.

New York really helped me. It just really opened me up. The show is. really great and I think. being around a bunch of New Yorkers, it. does something to you, man. It's good. Yeah. Well, one of the biggest changes. in atmosphere that you talk about in the. documentary is you go to Africa. Right. And that's like a that's a big change, you know, even if it's a shorter period. of time, but you were still there for a. considerable. for a week. Yes, but I mean that. definitely wasn't the first time that I.

had taken trips. Um. in in the in the vein of wanting to go. for a mission and it was one of the most. beautiful moments of the film for me. because. we actually thought we were just going. to make a quick little video about, you. know, what we were there to do. And then. we fell in love with the people, we fell. in love with the story, and we started. noticing. that everywhere in the world mental. health is.

very very real. It's very much. something that's. affecting everyone. Um. and then you kind of realize that the. world is. it's it's it's a small place sometimes. because you're all kind of walking. through pain and you're all looking at. things in a different way, but. ultimately you all want to be happy. And. I felt like they inspired me more than I. could have done anything for them.

It was a really beautiful trip and yeah, it was one of my favorite moments of the. film. People don't always understand how. mental health exists everywhere in the. world. When you said that they were also. experiencing mental health, what was. their experience of it compared to what. we would understand as our experience in. the US? So Yeah, well, I was I was. talking to a woman named Betty and she. was, you know, basically kind of the. person touring or giving us the tour. around the village and the schools and.

she was lovely, but when we stopped to. have a conversation, we just were. sitting down and she. she told me her story and how she was. dealing with suicidal thoughts. And that how she went to a lake and. sat there for 2 weeks contemplating. Not a day or an hour of moment, it was. 2 weeks. And that was something that I felt.

floored by because. that's different. Obviously, we can have. those thoughts, but. she dismissed herself from everyone and. she had to find it with herself when so. many people don't need to walk through. that alone, but she did. And she did it. well and she's proud of it and now she. is in. an incredible school and she's going to. grow up to be the best influence for her. village, for her sisters, for everyone. that she's around. That's so so special.

and I I'm just having those. conversations with someone from across. the world, it's mind-blowing. You don't. really know what people are walking. through until you do stop and have a. conversation. Uh 2 weeks, that can't. imagine that feeling, what you must be. walking through for 2 weeks to just be. sitting there. And did she feel the same. from your deeper conversation with her, did she feel the same feeling that a lot.

of people do here where it's like I. don't know who to talk to and I don't. know who to open up to and who I don't. know who to trust? She She thought that. she needed to be everything for her. family and she felt like she was letting. them down. Same thing of not feeling. good enough, not feeling like. her being there would even be helpful. and. you do find the similarities in. in it and that's how I felt like I. bonded with her. It's incredible, right? Like cross-culture, cross-world to have a human moment like.

that with someone. What what purpose. have those missions played in your life. in terms of like you said, this is not. the first time you've been out and I'm. I'm sure it's not the last as well. It's. something that you want to continue to. do. I mean there was a moment in the. documentary where you don't want to. leave. Yeah, I don't think I necessarily will. always be broadcasting when I'm taking. these trips or wanting to do more and. help and travel. So, I think that I will probably have.

these quarterly or even just maybe. once a year. I kind of have to set time. apart for that and I make it a priority. Just because I feel personally that. everyone is my brother and sister. We're. all here together living being and. you know, wanting to navigate life. together and. I want to continue to travel the world. and and be able to spread some sort of.

message or bring change in some form. I. don't know. Something, you know, I want. to be able to continue to always do. something and eventually I do believe my. life will. will end up being something. along the lines of doing the things that. you do, you know. I got a few more. things to do first, but eventually, yes. Well, you're already doing them. You. don't you're already doing them and and. I yeah, there's that moment there's a. moment in the documentary I think you're.

asked through a mirror envelope. question, uh what is the what is your greatest. dream or your ultimate dream, I think is. the word. And. this is exactly what you say. You say, "I want to find a way to change lives. and and I want to find a way to impact. lives." And I think when people think of. their ultimate dream, that's not the. natural thing that comes to their mind. When did. serving when did helping others become. such a big understanding others as well. because it's not just I know you feel.

you're growing from these experiences. When did that become a ultimate dream? Like when did that What was your What. was your dream a a little girl? And. then, you know, how did that evolve? I think that I I was just I was just. going to say my mom. I mean, from a very. young age, we we didn't have a lot, but. it didn't matter. It was. every Thanksgiving we were going to, you. know, we would go and and help out in. soup kitchens. And my mom would talk to.

me about, you know, why we were there. and explain to me the way of the world. And we would, you know, see see really. hard things. And Texas, you know, can be. very, you know, very uh conservative. And my mom would. just break those barriers for me and. explain to me how beautiful people are. and how complicated and complex things. are about the world. She never protected. me in in a way of not showing me the bad. things. She.

showed me everything. And that's what. has always been a part of my life. I. mean, down to I'd be on set and I'd be talking. to the director and someone would come. give me a water. And if my mom noticed. that I didn't say thank you, she would. just remind me gently in a way that was. like, "Hey, next time be aware and be. thankful." And it's kind of like, "Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry, Mom." But. you're you're right. You're you are You. got to be aware of of people and you.

have to be aware of. what people are walking through. Yeah, I. mean, that's such a. Yeah, yeah, no. And it's such a I think. that's such a beautiful message to. anyone who. is growing up with a little bit more in. terms of anyone who's grown up even, you. know, everyone goes through so many. difficult things, but I felt the same. when I first went to India. I was around. 9 years old when I first went to India. Wow. And and I remember we didn't have a. lot growing up, but we were still. traveling to India. We were in a car and. you look out the window and and you see.

kids your age. I remember, you know, just seeing tons of kids my age on the. streets and just it was just. Yeah, it just made me aware that there. was a whole other world out there of. experience that I only learned about. later on. Yeah. But I I couldn't agree with you. more that. when you feel like you're part, even a. small part of the solution, the problem. starts to feel more within reach. Right.

And I feel like sometimes when we push. the problem away or we try and keep it. out of sight, it just feels bigger and harder and more. difficult. Absolutely. Ignoring it is is not fun. I've done that before. It just. you end up coping in ways that you never. thought that you would and you end up. feeling disappointed because. you just you don't want to ever feel. like you're. doing the wrong thing. Mhm. I believe.

that everyone deep down knows what's. right and what's wrong. And when you're at your rock bottom, if. you will, because I believe that. everybody. does eventually have one of those. moments, hopefully it's just going to get lighter. and lighter because you can start to. attack it in a way where how do I. approach this and figure out how to get. myself out of this state of mind. And.

I've learned how to do that in the past. few years and I'm really grateful for. it. It it's a choice sometimes, but then. I also hate when people say that because. sometimes I genuinely wake up in a. depressive state. and I can't get out of bed, but I allow. myself to have that day and just focus. on things that can make me feel better. instead of pushing it away and saying, "No, it's fine. I'm going to go out. I'm.

going to go do something. I'm going to. go get my adrenaline up. I'm going to. ignore it and ignore it and ignore it.". It doesn't help at all. Yeah, and it's. you just said that that everyone goes. through a rock bottom moment. Like. everyone goes through that in their life. in different ways. How have you become. more mindful of your fears and rock. bottoms? Because I think often we ask. people like would I look at your life. and I think you've you've gone through. so many difficult things and. you know, how how do you deal with fears. now? Because we all still have fears. We.

all still have worries, but I feel like. you've found a way to become mindful of. those things and become a bit more. prepared for them. Well, thank you. I I. think maybe you are seeing a good side. of me because I have the hardest time. doing it. I don't know. My fears are. relatively, you know, they're quieter, maybe I should say. You know, like for. example, this documentary coming out, I. am still. nervous. I'm nervous for the reaction,

um, even though I know that I have good. intentions behind it. I think that I just have to understand. that my fears are only going to continue. to. show me what I'm capable of. The more. that I face my fears, the more that I. feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining. wisdom, and I just want to keep doing. that. And I just hope to get better, hope to get smarter, I hope to. become stronger and be a great person.

Yeah, that's I mean, that's a phenomenal. answer. And it's Yeah, I don't think I'm. seeing the I don't think I'm seeing a. good side of you, Selena. I think I'm. And I'm like, what do you I guess so. I I think, uh, you know, I. I don't think it's a good side because I. don't believe you have a bad side. And and but I but I think it's a. it's your truth that we're seeing, you. know? It's It's It's this It's the. It's the essence of us that that I'm. trying to see in you and myself and my.

anyone around me, anyone I meet, whoever. you bump into. It's like when you see. someone's essence, that essence is pure and is genuine and. is like strong and powerful and capable. and it's the everything else is not a. side of us, it's just stuff that covers. us up, right? Right? Like doesn't it. feel that way, like You're absolutely. right. Yeah, like I feel like I don't. have a You don't have a I don't have a. side of me that I don't like. I have. stuff that's covering over who I really. am. Exactly. And it's how do How do you.

navigate controlling those things and. taking control of your yourself? Yeah. Yeah. And I And I love what you just. said about how confronting your fears is. what gives you a sense of confidence and. strength. Because when you get through. something tough, It does. It feels. incredible. I mean, walking through all. of those moments that I'm, you know, sharing with everybody else, it is really great. I mean, it's so sad. to watch, but I would not be who I am,

of course, it's such a cliché if it. wasn't for that, but facing your fears. and and tackling them, it's the only way. to get through them, I feel. Yeah, you. said intention is so important there and. I think that anyone who's in the public. eye, sometimes all you. have is your intention because you can't. control anything else. Yeah. What role. has intention played in your life and. then with this work more clearly, what is your intention for everyone.

who's going to watch it? Like. what is your. hope and wish for the different people. that will see it. But first of all, what. role has intention played in your life, especially as things have continued to. grow? You know, I I I maybe in the past. 5 years. I had I felt like. projects I was a part of even. endorsements, something like that. the intention behind me being a part of.

anything needed to be good. If I did if I got a lot of money, I'm. just being super transparent from doing. this line for a t-shirt and I'm just. making this up. There's a huge part of me that actually. feels uncomfortable with the whole idea. And that's just me. I I have to think, "Okay, this is thank you, but I need to. figure out how this is also not going to. be just about me." Mhm. It's going to be.

about everyone that's involved in this. How can I turn it into, "Hey, we're. going to do some percentages to this and. this is how we're going to do the deal.". I then feel more comfortable stepping. into a situation and accepting it. But. I've never based my decisions on what. will get me to the top quicker, what. will. what will make me number one, what will. I break records. All of those things to. me are just bonuses. They're just great. If it happens, it happens that way, but.

that's never been my intention. And some. people in my position would think that's. kind of stupid, you know, it's it's the. whole point of doing it is to break. these records, is to do all that stuff, but for me and I think the reason why I. am who I am is because. just enough is what I am. I think that I just want to be enough. and that doesn't have to be me killing. myself trying to be number one at. something. Mhm. Um or striving to be number one for.

something. It it's exhausting. Yeah, how. do you define being just enough now? Like what is what is that evolved and. I'm sure it will change and I'm sure it. will grow, but right now what is that? I feel and you know, I feel. I feel open. I feel ready for. relationships and. change. I will be shooting season 3, so I'll be. in New York for quite a bit and. I can't wait to see what will happen and.

all the people I'll meet and all the. people I get to spend time with again. like Steven Martin and. it'll be fun. Yeah, I love that. That's. Well, Selena, this has been such a. beautiful conversation and the good. thing is we don't have to end it here, but we get to invite We get a very. special guest who's joining us today, a. very special gift for my audience here. and and our community and everyone who's. listening and watching. We get to have. your mom on the show, which is amazing. It's really fun. So, I am so excited.

about this because to be able to talk to. you both about the incredible work. you're doing together. her incredible lessons that she shared. with you over time that you spoke about. so beautifully today and I got to talk. to her before we started recording as. well and just hearing about how. innovative and creative she is. Yeah. I. mean, it's amazing. So, if you're okay. with that, I'd love to. Oh, I would love it. bring out your mom. Please. Mandy over in a second, so we. will go and grab her. Yeah, let's do it. AMAZING. MANDY!

SO, WE'RE SO EXCITED TO HAVE YOU HERE, MANDY. This is amazing. This is really. special when when I heard that I was. going to have this opportunity, I I. think it's always interesting hearing. about someone's journey through someone. else's lens, especially your mom, like, you know, who else in the world? And now. now my mom's going to be upset that I. haven't had her on the podcast. I haven't. So, now now I feel the. pressure. She has to be the next. I'll have her on. on a I'll make my podcast. I'll just.

make one. have her on there. I love it. I love it. But, I was going. to say, you know, it was just so. beautiful. uh the documentary and even just now. hearing what Selena had to say about the. amazing impact you've had on her. Hearing about you going to the soup. kitchens when Selena was younger uh in. the documentary as I said before hearing. about how you always encouraged her to. learn about things that scared her. Yeah. And and that would help her. I. mean, these are really. I hope you feel extremely proud Mhm. uh. of this incredible human being.

I just. you know, from an outsider's point of. view just how incredible it is to see. someone sharing their truth with so much. bravery, so much courage, and impacting. the lives and saving the lives of. millions of people across the world. And. and I'm sure you feel a big part of. that, sir. I mean, honestly, I I always. hope to be a role model as in the sense. that I was honest about everything with. her and and who I was and.

as a person because I feel like. sometimes if parents project. a perfection, then their kids feel like. they have to like live up to that or or. achieve more, you know? And I I just. wanted her always know I'm a person. I'm. going to mess up. And at I was 16, so I. was even more of a lost person. So, I'm. kind of surprised she came out as great. as she did. To be honest, but yes, I'm very proud of. her and. you know, I played a little role in it.

and then she's like navigated herself. into a wonderful adult and there's been. ups and downs, but it's just been. it's been an honor to be her mother. What what is what does that feel like? I. mean, that's a whole another experience. having a child at 16. I mean, that's that that's a very, you. know, challenging, stressful. thing for yourself to go through. You're. obviously not mentally in a space to be. raising a child because you are a child. and you're trying to figure out.

who you are and even in some of my. really hard times, I feel Selena came. into this world at the perfect time cuz. I was really lost myself and I wasn't. going down the right path and then when. I found out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, I have someone who's going to I am. responsible for and they're going to. look up to me for guidance and even at a. young age that hit me and I'm thankful. that that hit me and that I dealt with I.

did allow that pressure to make sure. that I was trying to do everything right. for her, but that was a moment that when. you're 16 in that phase, you're trying. to figure out your path in life and I. think I kind of lost a little path of my. life because I had something more. important to to like take over and I. think that the delayed adolescence is. something that. I felt like even now, you know, I still. feel like I'm a little bit youthful even.

though I'm like creaking and popping. when I walk, you know, I I still. sometimes feel like I have a little bit. more adolescence in me and still things. to learn and so as as a teen, it was um. it was really challenging and it was. really one of those beautiful like. vortexes of of being young and being. able to keep up with a child and having. that energy. So, I was able to go to.

school. I went to a conservatory after. and so I would take her to school and. when she started kindergarten and then I. would go to school and then I would go. to work and then I'd come home and do. her homework and put her to bed and do. my homework and do it all over and I. think about that now and I'm like no. way. No way. I'm like I have a hard time. getting up for my my little one now. So, it was like I was way too young then and. I'm like way too old now. No, stop.

No, but you know what I mean? It's just. like where was the sweet spot? I just. kind of skimmed by it and you know, accepted the challenge. No, that's. incredible. Moms are amazing. I don't. know how moms do it. Moms across the. world, my my mom included, just. unbelievable resilience, unbelievable. found tolerance, like you know, that I. mean that sounds like. such an incredible journey. And you. know, as you were telling me earlier, you haven't yet managed to watch the. documentary. You've seen parts, but you.

haven't been able to bring yourself. to actually watch it. Tell Tell us about. what that feels like and how how hard. that is. Well, first everyone's told me. how fabulous it is it is, so it's like. making me making me more and more eager. to kind of put that guard down. But, the. reason why is cuz like we lived some of. that together, we've went through that, and we found healing, and we've moved. past them of it. And even if it's. something that she went through and I. didn't know she went through it, it's as.

a mother it's going to affect me of like. oh, it's going to hurt my stomach, it's. going to put me in that mindset, and I. I'm going to wish I could go and protect. her. And she, you know, she was amazing. and came through so much that I already. feel like I protect you a lot, and I I. was like maybe I could just get through. the holidays to not where I'm going up. to her all the time going, "I'm sorry, I. didn't know." You know, cuz mothers do, like you know, you want to take away.

your kids' pain. You don't want them to. have to experience that, even though. that is part of developing who they're. going to be, and you know, who we all. are is our pain and our suffering and. our growth. So, it it's like I I. either I'm going to have to be in that. mood. where it's that time where I'm just like. I'm not getting out of bed today and I. already know I'm going to be a little. funky. and then watch it and then just be alone. and kind of cry and then call her and.

tell her I'm sorry that I wasn't there. in that moment but you know. you just can't helicopter parent. So it. just it just feels. like her first break out she ever had I. cried. Yeah. I was like I was like oh. they're both hurting. They're both. hurting. These poor kids I wish I could. take their pain away. our date was like a chaperone us to like. the movies. Like they didn't make it.

I love that. So good. Mom's hot though. That's a mom's hot. like unless you're a mom you can't you. don't you know it's hard to it's hard to. fully understand like. Yeah. just everything you just said. there of like wow like we've already. lived through that we've healed through. that to revisit that again that's. painful to feel a sense of guilt that I. wasn't there for someone in a certain. way I didn't know what they were going. through. That carries the same guilt. I. mean Selena hearing that from your mom. like what does it feel like when she's. like she hasn't been able to watch it. because of all of this. How does that. feel to you? it's not far off. I've only seen it.

twice. Wow. Um and I I've premiered it a. few times for people and I've stepped. away from watching it. Yeah. I think I. relate to my mom because. some of those moments were really hard. and it's not so much if you don't mind. me like saying this it's not you not. being there it was me not. letting you be there. That was the. hardest part. And it was also not.

letting. most of my my people like my family in. because I was in so much pain and I was. walking through all these things and. and in a way I am glad that I walked. through some of it alone because it made. me who I am but at the same time it. breaks my heart to know that I had to. walk through that when I didn't need to. do it alone. Um, so it's very much. it's I relate to her. I understand why. she feels that way for sure, and I get.

it. So. Yeah, it's wonderful hearing both your. perspectives on it because I think it. again just just you being here, Andie, I'm so grateful that you genuinely are. here because it. it just grounds us back into we're not. watching a TV show. Mhm. Right? Like I. think such a great job with it because I. I even though I'm not sitting as mother. it's like I I can feel what you're. saying through the way the story's told, but I think often when we watch things. like this we're like, "Oh yeah, that's a. TV show. It's not someone's life." And. then when I'm sitting all of a sudden.

with. you, I'm like, "Oh no, no, but this is. real life. Like this is someone's actual. life and emotions." And that, you know, that. have having your voice in this. conversation is so useful for that. Well, I mean I look at at like kind of. go when we were we were going to um, the. premiere last night, I I had a moment. before where I was crying. I'm like, "I'm going to need to cry and just get. it over with." Even though I was just. there to support her, and I didn't watch.

the film. Um, the power and the fear, which I always call fear, the false. existence of fear and real. And so, like. I the fear is like everyone is seeing. you in your darkest moment. And that it's out there for the world to. judge. And and they will judge it. however they will because even, you. know, again not seeing the documentary, I hear it's very real and raw and honest. and open. To do something like that,

it's it's. for me, I cry out of fear of like how. you were feeling and like how I could. protect you, and then I was like, I know. that the little bit I did in in the the. interview, I was down a week afterwards. cuz it did put me back in that place. even though we weren't there and I I. blacked out the minute, you know, Alex. said action and he was so nice about it. and my lovely friend, dear friend Emily,

who does my hair and makeup, she was. like she was like they're going. She's all crying and she's like, I. didn't know. And I was. like, I'm like, well, now everyone's going to. know and there's something beautiful to. that because it's. you're exposing a lot and that can be. fearful, but you're also giving a lot if. that's how you look at it and so I think. it can make those dark moments really. beautiful. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think. that's something you as a family.

seem to have definitely embodied the. idea of. using your pain to serve others, figuring out a way to make sure that. these stories are not just told in. silos, but they help other people feel. connected and you know, with what you're. doing with Wondermind, like tell us a. bit about the mission behind why you. founded them, why you brought that to. life because I feel it comes from the. same place of like, we're going through. these things personally, but we also. know this is a collective global. challenge and so we want to be a part of.

supporting those communities. When I was. really young. and I was about 7 years old, I did have. my first and only suicide. attempt. However, you say it and it it. it didn't happen obviously, 7 years old. and I think that would trace us back to. time of always not feeling like I like. nothing around me made sense in my world. and it was just like I felt like I was. you know, nothing bad was happening.

It's just like this seems wrong to me, this seems wrong to me. I seem wrong. Like how how do I fix this? But from. that moment, I've always carried I think. that moment in my life in my mind of. like not wanting anyone to ever feel. that way, which is what led us to 13. Reasons Why and some of her fans opening. up to us. When I read that, I knew that. needed to be a conversational piece. And. from the response of what it it did and.

opening those conversations, I it inspired me to do more, but it was. like about the timing of what what we. wanted to do and how we're going to use. it. And so. collaborating and and figuring out. what's missing out there. uh as a support system was the ecosystem. that we're we're, you know, planning and. working relentlessly to create where all. of it is cohesive and you have one place. to go to see that, you know, we actually.

target it really a filter of feelings. So, everybody has feelings that might. not be a diagnosed um medical condition, but also how can we put out content. every day that you know, keeps it light, but keeps it real, and keeps it open for. conversation, and build a community. where everyone will feel safe and not. ashamed of like a feeling that they're. having, and not ashamed um I heard you.

guys talking about perfection. It's like. I I I don't like to pretend there is. perfection, you know? I I like I think. perfection kind of puts a little bit of. um. pressure whenever you can just be. Like just be and like so. I, you know, I'm not a big social media. fan, but um definitely go to Wonder Mind. where we share positive messages. But um. I think what, you know, inspired me was.

creating this for everyone in content. for people to be have access to that. can't afford to get treatment or don't. need treatment, but they need someone to. say, "Hey, check this out." You know, so. it's really for everybody. Yeah, thank. you so much for sharing your personal. experience though because. I can imagine that. you know, the fact that you've held that. close to you for this long and now. that's coming out in this beautiful way, but when you're holding on to it, it. doesn't feel that.

beautiful always. I mean, Selena, how. how how old were you when you first. learned about Well, I. I don't think and this is probably fair. enough to say like she she never really. hid a lot of stuff. Um when I was younger, I I never was. aware that we didn't have enough. I was. never she did such a great job of I feel. we're talking about you in your right. here, but you did, Mama. You did of of. being. this woman you speak of? Um of like. explaining situations to me that we.

would be in and um and I feel. around 18, I kind of started to realize. more of her story and obviously. it broke my heart and there are things. that I never knew were going on and she. did such a great job of just letting me. have. a really great childhood and um. then once I realized we could be open. and honest with each other, that's kind. of how Wondermind started as well. We we.

really you know, ended up working. together on an interview and. we we shared such interests with you. know, the person that was interviewing. with us and we thought, "Hey, this is. something we could probably do. together.". And it happened that way and it was it's. been really fun. I I do want to I know. this is like a love fest, but like I do. want to there's a moment that um. like you touched me during that time.

that I don't even know if you remember. I remember I was doing that going to. school, going to work, trying to get her. out of the the neighborhood I grew up in. and try to give her a better life and. this was pre her doing anything besides. directing films with kids on the street. Yep. But she wasn't doing anything. professionally. I was sitting in front. of a mirror and I was trying to get. ready and I just started crying. I was. crying. I was crying and she come up. behind me and she was so young and she.

like started playing with my hair and. and she's like, "What's wrong?" And I. said, "I just don't know why I'm doing. what I'm doing." And she goes, "You'll. figure it out. Just keep going." Mhm. And I and it was like I was like. she's already smarter than me. So, yeah, I it's like it's it was like a. really good like strong moment. Like you. don't ever want to you know, I I think. being vulnerable in front of her allows.

you know, the vulnerability to you know, be welcomed. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think that's I. think that's so true as we're growing. up. It's like we often look at our. parents as perfect unless they let us in. or by the time you figure out that. they're not and and it's interesting. that you're saying that. at least you felt you were just always. open and and honest with what you were. going through and. with with your own challenges and your. own struggles when you're when you're. going through your own stuff and you're. watching your child go through their.

stuff, like. what's going through a mother's mind in. that situation? Like how are you dealing. with your own stresses and pains. and trying to be there and often as as. Selena said and you said. children don't want their parents. involved at a certain time, right? Like. I I can relate to that completely. Like. I think. you know, I listened to everything my. parents said up until I I was 13 years. old and then from like 13 to 25 I didn't. want to hear from them and then after 25. I was like, "Oh, you guys were the. best.".

You're right about everything and you go. through that journey. So, you know, when. when your child doesn't want your help. when when your child is not allowing you. in like what goes through a parent's. mind especially when they're going. through their own work themselves? I. just needed more therapy and and and a. feeling. um and you you feel. because. I I I want to use this term lightly like. you feel like you failed in some. capacity. So, then you're like, "I know.

I took that opportunity to try to see. maybe where were the missteps I took as. a parent. Was I too open with her? Was I. too liberal with her? Or you know, should I have not let her do Barney?". You know, like it it's just all these. decisions that that you know. you make you would just reflect on and I. think. I think um as parents we have um this. capacity to decompartmentalize.

your feelings and then prioritizing. everyone else's. Like I was telling you. earlier when we were we were talking it. was it's easier to bury your stuff and. then kind of focus which then becomes. unhealthy for the receiving party and. for yourself because you're not taking. care of yourself. So, um I I was uh I. went through it. Um lot of days didn't. get out of bed. It there was just like a. lot of crying, a lot of therapy and I.

had a a therapist cuz I also I had a. miscarriage during the madness and you. know, I had this therapist who gave me. the best advice ever. She's like, "Just. I need you to leave your house once a. day and go go to the movies, buy a. ticket. I don't care if you watch it. But every day you need receipts that you. left your house. And so I I would like. walk through the mall just like crying. being lost and you know not knowing what. to do and I would buy stuff and I'd have.

to go and take it to her in each session. and I didn't I didn't even ask her the. purpose. I was like she's trying to get. me to get out of the house and. um. then I realized the whole like after. about 6 weeks of doing that I started. feeling more comfortable with. being even more vulnerable because I'm. crying and I know the world's going to. be okay and nobody's judging me. People. are asking me, "Hey, are you okay?" That. kind of thing and you know I was like, "No." And then you know you just keep. walking but like that judgment that.

everybody's afraid of it showed me that. you know cuz I was mad that I failed as. a mother and this is in my eyes not like. you you know like I failed as Selena's. mother and then I also my body hurt my. other baby. So I was like angry at. myself completely and I needed to see. that oh the world's alive and there is. forgiveness and I can still find. happiness for myself because I was just. like being a mom was something and the.

only thing I really knew to do since the. age of 15. So when that's gone you're. you're just like oh. Mhm. I'm supposed to have hobbies. That don't tell my child. I'm supposed. to do things you know. So it was a lot. of growing you know and. it's hard when you're in it but when you. get out of it it's fantastic. It really. is. It's just. you feel lighter and you feel like more.

hopeful you know and that then when you. have that next opportunity or that next. you know downtrodden moment you know. you're going to get out of it. It's. like, all right, I just got to get. through this, just got to figure it out, got to vibe through it, and and then. it'll it will pass. Yeah. So, I think yeah, you were talking. about rock bottom a little bit earlier. Yeah, definitely hitting rock bottom, it. does it feels like you're breaking. through. What's really refreshing.

hearing both of you together is just I. feel like this is going to heal a lot of. parent-children relationships like. listening to you both today because. I'm just thinking so often we think our. thoughts to ourselves and we never share. them with the people that those thoughts. are about. So, you know, I'm sure. there's so many children out there who. their thoughts are like, oh, I wish my. parents did this better and my parents. could have done this and those are valid. thoughts. And then there's parents out there at. the same time having the same thought of.

like, I wish I didn't do that to them. and I you know, and often we just never. find out, we never know because we don't. get to have these open honest dialogues. And so, I really think this on top of. everything you both are doing, this is. really going to inspire a lot of parents. and kids. Thank you. Yeah, it's. it's even even listening to you, I'm. just I'm thinking of my parents and I'm. I'm thinking of my friends' parents and. I'm thinking. that everyone needs to be able to open. their heart because somewhere everyone's. painting themselves the villain and.

someone's painting themselves as the. person who messed up and got everything. wrong. Yeah. And in our head we're thinking, oh, they got away with it or you know, they don't they don't know or aware of. it. So, I find I mean, did you were you always open to therapy. and always open to this self-work? Was. that a part of who you were as well. always and that was or or was there. something you kind of turned to at a. certain point? Well, I will tell you a haunting little. secret that um when I was really young. in junior high, I wanted to be a. criminal psychologist. So, um that's.

that's why I always say that she's. making fun of me and murders. If you guys know that was that I am that. person. But um I I was already reading. on serial killers at that age because I. was fascinated with the. the mindset. And I didn't come from, you. know, an environment where therapy was. even talked about, but I just at a. certain age I really felt like super. depressed and so I had to go out and.

explore myself and go through tons of. doctors and you know, you would say one. thing and it was just like they go, "Oh, hey, are you seeing things?" I'm like, "I saw a black butterfly the other day.". And they go, "Oh, so you're. hallucinating." And I'm like, "Am I?" So. like I had to go and I wasn't, but it. was a real black butterfly. So I had to. learn like how to understand myself and. and my mind. um on my own and um finally I also I I.

did I went away to a facility and it was. the first time I got to really spend all. that time. It's best 28 days that I I. spent uh. you know, on myself. And um. yeah, you just like you have to kind of. build that relationship with your mind. And and I think uh people are so afraid. of being honest with themselves because. then they have to face it. But what like. helped me is I realized like, you know,

in this relationship I was parenting her. the way I needed to be parented. Not. what she was needing. And that is how I feel like I made my. contribution to healing this. relationship is like, okay, pull back. I need to know her and her needs, not. like be the mama bear even though I. still haven't lost that completely, but. like, you know, sometimes I just need to. listen and not fix it. And and so that.

was the biggest thing I think um. I really went on a little tailspin there. but that was the biggest thing that I. learned through you know that whole time. that we were separated. It was like. seeing who I was and how other people. see me and I do that every day. I'll say. something and I'm like okay. How did. that come off to someone else? You know, cuz I have ADHD so I'm quick to like. spurt out whatever's in my brain and. then I'm like they really didn't need to.

know that. But it's out there in the world now. The self the self work in this room is. is amazing. The amount of like self reflection and. self awareness in this room is really. strong. This is. yeah, this is very powerful stuff. No. and and you did not get lost on a. tangent at all. I think everything you. just shared with us even you just coming. to that conclusion of knowing that. you're. parenting someone that you deeply love. in a way that you wanted to be parented. I think that is at the core of so much.

of how we all live, right? We're all. loving people the way we wish we were. loved and we're all hurting people the. way we wish we weren't hurt and it's. it's so. it's it's just fascinating when we. finally, you know, look beneath the. surface and uncover why it's all there. and where it is and to do that together. and separately. I love this idea that. there were times when you had to do this. at a distance from each other as well. I. think that's such a healthy message. to be out there as well in the world. I.

think we're often all trying to solve. all our issues in the same place. And. definitely I think there are moments. even. you know, even in friendships where it. was necessary for me to take a step back. and. figure out what is serving me, what's. not serving me, what makes me happy, what's challenging me, what's. helping me move forward versus what's. not and it's really important. I think. when we're looking from the outside in, we we limit people to.

certain experiences. We remember them. for certain people we expect them to be. with, people that they're meant to be. around, the way. families are meant to be, like there's. all these meant to be's. And and then it's like, well, no, in. reality, there's space, there's. distance, there's reflection, there's. there's there's the need for all of. these things. We. with the work that you talked about. earlier with me as well in terms of how. you're now taking these messages on. screen. Yeah. You know, what you're.

sharing, which I know is such a big part. of the work and I I feel so excited. about that. Like that fills me with the. greatest amount of joy knowing that. we're going to see better representation. of mental health on screen. I think. that's that's huge. Uh. where did you start to realize that that. from 13 Reasons Why, as we spoke about. earlier, like where did you start to. realize that was so important for people. to see that representation on screen? Well, I think it comes back to not. wanting people to feel like I did at 7. years old. It's like I'm so open like.

with, you know, oh, I'm bipolar or that. I have ADHD. You know, I was. misdiagnosed for a while. So, like I was. always so open with it and, you know, even in a town where they're so. accepting in certain capacities, it it's. still like, well, she she's not stable. And I even would joke and go, yeah, I'm. crazy. I'm crazy. I'm crazy. And and I. was like. not supporting myself in that and I. didn't want anybody to feel that way.

So, you know, during 13 Reasons Why, we. worked tirelessly, the entire team, to. make sure we were executing the. the whole point of it and that, you. know, we're losing teens every day to. suicide and it's it's horrible and. unnecessary and, you know, how do we how. can we as adults and that's why it was. so important I think for me and Selena. to go out and talk about it so parents.

would watch it together, you know, and. once that got the reaction it got, you. know, I heard different opinions and I. wanted to hear everyone whether they. thought it was a bad idea, a great idea, it touched them, it offended them. Like. I really like listened to everything and. all the you know, data and I've always. been someone who enjoyed storytelling. and so. I I like to tell stories and if I can.

you know, show and like I was telling. you earlier, I like using Silver Linings. Playbook because they're bipolar but. they're having a life, they're having a. relationship and as it may come with. challenges, every relationship comes. with challenges. It's not just a mental. a mental issue that someone has that. causes those challenges. We're all. people and if we just learn to. understand each other there'll be less. fear of it and then people will get more. treatment and there'll just be more.

happiness and I know sometimes I I feel. like I'm being like the world's going to. be happy, you know, kind of like that but you. know, and again like my adolescence, that's still there but I I that's what. inspires me is to. I scared off people by talking about. myself in a negative way and by you. know, not sharing enough so it's like or. sharing too much. So then it's like.

navigating that and like you know, like. I I mentioned like One Flew Over the. Cuckoo's Nest and Girl, Interrupted, favorite films, love them but that's not. the reality Selena or I live in every. day, you know, I have been in a facility. and but it was not like. what's being portrayed. It was It was a. beautiful experience and and made me a. better person for it. So, it just like. media loves to, you know, tell all of.

the bad stuff, it's like we could use it. as as like educational without preachy. And so, like let's just tell stories of. real people dealing with mental health. issues in different capacities and show. that you can. that you're all right. You're going to. make it. It's like and you just need to. give yourself. that that permission. Mhm. And then once. you give yourself that permission, you're going to come out a happier.

person. I like I embrace my ADHD. Like I. really do. Yeah, you guys have a. a lot of fun together. Well, I think this is painting a. beautiful picture of just how like we. always want growth to be this. perfect line. You know, we expect expect. growth in families, individually, to. just look like, "Oh, we're just all. growing at the same time and isn't this. beautiful?" And it's like, "Well, no, growth is not that way.". Right. And growth is being patient when.

Mhm. my daughter wants to grow this way. and I'm trying to figure this out or I'm. going to be patient while my mom Right. pivots and shifts and that's what growth. is. Growth is being patient with each. other and growth is holding space and. being okay when we're not being the. nicest people to each other. Like. there's so much more to growth. And so, I want to thank you both for displaying. that and sharing that with us today. No, thank you. Because Thank you. it's. Yeah, it's it's special seeing it from. this perspective, for sure. Mhm. Um. rather than either or. I We we end every.

On Purpose episode with a final five, which I'm going to ask to both of you. Um so, you'll do one question at a time. each. Okay. Uh and these are one word to one. sentence maximum. Great. Um they are not. questions like what's your favorite. color. I promise. Uh, they're all thoughtful questions as. you would expect. So, yeah. Okay. So, uh, question number one is. what is the best advice you've ever. received or heard when it comes to. mental health? I'm sure it's like in a Brene Brown. book. You're greatly.

It's right on my wrist. I think though, the best advice that I've been given is. is probably what I have thoroughly said. throughout my documentary and speaking. with you. is is learning how to make it. a part of your life. Like that's why I. say make it your friend. Because I think. you have to understand why and. sometimes you may not always know why.

But if you can understand that it's a a. feeling like my mom said where maybe. this will pass and. and maybe you just got to go through it. and you have to have the day in bed. crying. You have to do those things in. order to figure out. what it is that's going to set you free. from it. Maybe that would be it. Make it a practice, yeah. Um, I think mine was. uh, take your time. That was what I was told when I went to. That's freeing. Take your That's really.

good. What's some of the second question? What's some of the worst advice you've. ever heard or received when it comes to. mental health? That it's all in my head and I can just. control it. Like stop having bad thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say somewhere. along the lines of like. you're fine. I mean, yeah, I had someone say to me. literally like you're so dramatic. You. make up everything. You know, that was.

so hurtful. The worst. I felt the worst. Calm down. It's like does that works. Good answers. All right, question number. three. How would you both define your. individually your current purpose in. life? I fully feel that I'm exactly. where I'm meant to be. I am meant to. share my story and in this season of my. life, I want to be. loved the way I love people. I want to.

give the way people have so generously. given to me and I want to continue to. work on becoming a. becoming a better and a happier person. every day. It's a beautiful purpose. I've received, so now I want to give. Powerful. Wow, this is this is really beautiful. answers. Uh question number four. Uh. what's something you used to value that. you don't value that much anymore? Uh. people's opinions. I agree. It's so exhausting. I would say.

it is nice to hear great things, but I I. I accept compliments in a in a in a. manner where. I can appreciate them, but I. I have to learn how to. just know that. I got to keep a straight head. I got to. like understand that everything is a. gift and not to let things get to my. head. Yeah, because I I always say. um. if you accept all the compliments in.

internally. then you'll have to accept all the. negative. So. just Be careful. Just like be selective. with what you let in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a beautiful quote. I can't. remember who said it, but it says uh. uh don't let compliments get to your. head and criticism get to your heart. Yeah, I love that. That was very poetic with what I was. trying to say. Thank you. Thank you for. Just repeating it. No, no, but I think. it's such a beautiful.

and yeah. And and I think that's also. when we're mindful of giving compliments. to others. I think something that I've learned is. that I I enjoy. and we've talked about this today. I I. really enjoy the art of learning to see. someone's essence. It's something that I. try and live by because. and then when you want to compliment. someone, it's like how do you give a. compliment that isn't empty flattery or. that isn't just surface level. And I. think when we get compliments like that,

they don't go to our head. They do go to. our heart. You know, it's just it's. different. So, I hope that we can also. learn to compliment each other in more. Yeah. beautiful and. genuine ways. Fifth and final question, question number five is if you could. create one law that everyone in the. world had to follow, what would it be? Practicing forgiveness. Wow. I I probably would would say something. super simple and cheesy, but treat. others the way you want to be treated.

Yeah. And then we throw in the. forgiveness. Yeah. One Honestly, that's. the biggest thing. Yeah, forgiveness. Yeah. Yeah. I say we campaign. All. right, let's do it, Mom. Forgiveness campaign. That's right. Wait, can I ask you a question? you can. Yeah. Okay. When is the last. time you did something for the first. time? Ooh. Wow, where did that come. from? Okay, when was the last time I did. something. for the first time? The The most interesting answer that. came to mind straight away even though. it was a couple of months ago now, uh I.

went trekking with gorillas in Rwanda. Wow. And it was it was it was. Yeah, it was a few months ago and it was. most. incredible experience of my entire life. wild. Yeah, so they're mountain gorilla and. they're not you don't they don't have. any technology on them or you know, they're not treated a certain way. They're not in a zoo or they're not. trapped. You're in their home. And you have to set out early in the. morning to go and look for them and the.

people that are doing these tours they. know where they usually are so they take. you in that direction. Oh my god, so. beautiful. finally discover like this. family of gorillas and I thought I'd see. one or two. I was very No, I wasn't. skeptical but I was kind of like who. knows, you know. Right. We saw 18. gorillas like a family just Oh, did they. cuddle you? So no, so you know, I wish. All I want to see is Jaden Cuddles the. Gorilla. They cuddle each other. Yeah. Uh but they don't they the guides tell. us that the only thing you have to do is. maintain your distance. You're not.

allowed to try and touch them or their. kids cuz they see that as violent. Of. course. The gorillas are just so. peaceful and they're so calm and they. have this sound that they make. This is. my favorite part of the experience. So. we were told by our guide that if you. make this sound it basically tells the. gorillas we come in peace. And so this sound is. So you have to make that sound and the. gorillas make it back to you. No, so. cute. Or they'll do it to you as they. come closer just to let you know, hey, we're not trying to harm you. We're just.

going to walk past you. I love that. It. was really special. So that was the most. recent memory of something Well, that's. a hell of a one so I know. I was like, oh my. No, no, this was a time this was a. beautiful. Yeah. It was really it was. really truly special. It was uh. you know, it's just being with another. creature Mhm. that another form of life. that is. uninterested in you. Yeah. It's it's. very humbling in a good way. Yeah. Wow,

this form of life doesn't even care that. I exist. We're like staring at it, taking pictures. And the gorilla's just like, yeah, whatever. Yeah, like, okay. That's a good question. though. It's a good question. Well, Selena, man, you have both been so gracious with your. time today. You've been so kind and. generous with your energy and. this documentary is. going to change so many lives and it is. going to shift. the culture of how we share our pain in.

a way that. truly positively impacts the lives of. people across the world and so thank you. both. Selena, thank you so much. for sharing your heart for years, for. sharing your soul and. for taking the time to create something. that's. truly going to be talked about for years. and years to come. Thank you, Jay. You're the best. Thank. you for your friendship as well. Of. course. Mandy, thank you for opening up.

so vulnerably with us today about your. experiences. about you know, all the gifts and the. challenges that come with loving family. and each other and. also for leading as part of this. movement and everything you're doing. with Wonder Mind and trying to help. people all across the world with mental. health and wellness. Thank you so much. for your commitment to that. No, and thank you. Thank you for. everything you do. Yes. All together we can make it happen. I love it. Thank you. Thank you guys.

Thank you both. Thank you so. much. If you enjoyed this video, you. will love my interview with Kendall. Jenner on insecurity and finding. confidence. Can't wait for you to watch. it.