Reneé Rapp OPENS Up On Traumatic Past: "I Was Missing For Seven Hours"

I was. drugged, and just like missing for like. 7 hours. I didn't want to find out what. happened. I want revenge. Her EP is. called Everything to Everyone. It's. Renée Rapp in the building. Let's give. her a round of applause. I was shamed for so many years for being. so hyper-emotional and crying so much. and like getting angry so fast. I just. am so afraid to celebrate myself and. then be like slapped in the face. I. don't want that. I value like being very. true to how you feel, whether that's a. good feeling or not. That's powerful. Before we jump into.

this episode, I'd like to invite you to. join this community to hear more. interviews that will help you become. happier, healthier, and more healed. All. I want you to do is click on the. subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see all your. comments, and we're just getting. started. I can't wait to go on this. journey with you. Thank you so much for. subscribing. It means the world to me. The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness. podcast. with Jay Shetty. I feel like you've been through so much.

change, so many, you know, career paths. And then I was. like, you're so young as well. And I was. like, wow, like it's so much that you've. been through. And I guess my first. question is, how do you feel about where. you've landed now? Like who is the Renée. today? What version of this is you? How. are you feeling? Yeah. My manager and I were just talking. about this in the car. Every couple. months, I get into this like new wave of. like where like something really settles. in where I'm like a new.

level or I feel like personally I'm at a. new level or I'm at like a different. level of visibility. Typically in the. past it's felt really good. Right now, to be honest, it feels very, um, scary. in like a lot of ways. I just like in a. I'm really aware of myself all of a. sudden. Um, so I love the changes. I. feel very grateful right now, um, for. everything I've done and hopefully knock. on wood or whatever continue to do, but.

there's new the new the newness and the. new levels when they come it they it. knocks me. Yeah. It knocks me. What's. scary? I. am. becoming much more aware of how people. perceive me. Mhm. And whether that's. um good or bad or in between, I feel. some kind of way about it. And I'm. trying to like let that go really bad. I'm trying really really hard. It's not. been working.

I'm like we had like a bunch of like. stuff come out this morning about like. the album and granted this is all like. fairly good news, but I like immediately. just started having such an anxiety. attack cuz I was like oh I just don't. want anybody to ever speak about me. again, which is exactly why I'm here. today. And exactly why I keep doing this. Um. yeah, it's it's a weird thing. I I don't. know. I don't know. It's it's. interesting. It's never really sat with. me before in that way. Like this really. hit me about a week ago where I was like.

oh I've actually. chosen to like have a very visible life. Mhm. It just really hit me to be honest. Yeah. okay. Yeah, in my own small way I can. relate to that as well. In my own world. like. same thing though. What's really. interesting is I think from the outside. in Yeah. a level up looks quite. at least from the way I perceive it, my. opinion. Sure. I think from the outside in most. people's careers level up look very. orchestrated. and manufactured when in reality they're.

a lot more organic Yeah. a lot more natural. I think so. I think so. Especially like. especially of course I'm such like an. internet rat. Like I really have to get. better about like not reading. everything. I'm I'm so bad at that. I. like commend people who are good at. being like I'm going to turn my phone. off and not take this to heart. I cannot. do that. I care so much and I got to let. that go. Um, but I I definitely feel.

that way cuz I read things sometimes. again that I shouldn't be reading, but. that are so interesting to me. Like. somebody somebody the other day. called me an industry plant and I was. like, bro, I wish I was an industry. plant. I was like, that would be. amazing. I was like, that would be. iconic. I was like, if like my father. was like some like industry mogul, that. would be lovely. He went into like. medical sales. Like he didn't help me. out like that, you know, so yeah, it's. always it's always interesting and I. find it really silly and funny, but. yeah. Yeah, and then it must be hard. I.

mean, obviously I think everyone's seen. it, the video where you sadly have a. stalker coming up to you and Drew on set. on stage and then it's almost like looks. like you've been notified and you kind. of see it coming and then you're. protecting Drew. Like I mean, like when. you have moments like that happen, does. that almost make you feel more. vulnerable and susceptible or I feel. like even just saying that out loud, it. sounds so silly and so like woe is me, but I really was so weirded out by that. whole thing and I that's not to say that.

like it it shouldn't be. I just like I. don't know. She's such a G and she's. such a pro and sadly has probably had. that happen her entire life. I've never. been in situations where that has. happened to myself luckily or anybody. around me. That was so scary. I I cuz. Understandable. know. Like you never He had like a bag. on him and I was like, okay, I just. don't know where this could go. Also, I'm I live in fighter flight just by the. nature of having so much anxiety.

So like when you see me like twitch in. that video and like go, it's like half. of like A, I'm like a pretty like. transparent person. Like if somebody. like scares me, you're going to know. And also B, like that was so jarring for. me. Mhm. But yeah, I don't know. I just never. been through anything like that before. To me, I'm like, I know it sounds very. woe is me and silly, but it did scare. the hell out of me. Yeah. No, it's. very weird. Fully understandable. I'm glad that, you. know, it didn't go any further than it. did. Same. And yeah, it's always worrying. Again, I think it's the unpredictability.

of it. I was reading a study that was. saying that humans would rather know. 100% that a bad thing is going to happen. as opposed to have a 50/50 chance of it. happening or not happening. Oh my god, yeah, probably. Right? Like. we we would rather know that something. bad's going to happen rather than live. in this world of like it could or it. couldn't. Like that uncertainty. You've. been doing this for a long time. What. parts of your anxiety have. you got better at dealing with and but. what parts of anxiety are like still. just flaring up? Well, it's funny cuz I.

think that I. 100 I get what you're saying because. 100% of my. decision-making happens before I do. something. Like this morning, right? Like when like chart data or things are. coming out about like the album, before. anything was even posted, published, out. there, whatever, I had already made the. assumption and was already like, "Okay, people are going to be. upset about this. This is going to be. not real. And I've already decided that. it's bad before it happens so that I've.

I can prepare myself to at least not be. so disappointed. Mhm. Um so, I definitely do that. Uh. And does that help? I actually don't. know. I don't know because for everyone. around me, like all they say is like, "We really want you to enjoy things.". And like, "We want you to be having fun. and we want you to be able to celebrate. yourself.". I just am so afraid to celebrate myself. and then be like slapped in the face. I. don't want that. I would I don't know. And I don't know if it's not great to. say I would rather live in a state of.

like just like chilling and like hope. that nothing horrific happens, but be. prepared if it does. Mhm. I don't know what's better or. worse. I'm not sure. No, I don't think. there is. I just wanted to know how you. yeah. I I don't know. I mean, don't get me. wrong, I would love to enjoy things a. little bit more. I'm not really there. right now. I still I still I think have. like the same anxieties as when I. started. It's just more that I'm I'm. much more aware of how I'm perceived. now. Mhm. And you feel before you just weren't. aware and so. Yeah, I just kind of was like, "Oh, this.

is me. I'm so. out here and don't care and whatever.". Um I also was just so hungry to do this. and to be doing music that it was just. like run for it. And now I kind of feel. like that I'm embarking on whatever. music looks like in my life, I'm much. more nervous about it. Um maybe just cuz. I'm in it and experiencing it, but it's. definitely weird. It's definitely weird. Do you have to Do you have to turn down.

the outside noise when you're creating. and when you're making and are you able. to do that or is it just so hard and. It's not something that I really think. of when I'm creating. It's something I. think of when I'm acting. I'm more so thinking about like for me. like do I feel like I'm doing the best I. possibly can. I'm so hypercritical of. myself when I'm writing. that I'm not even worried about another. person cuz I don't even have the space. in my brain to think about someone. else's opinion, if that makes sense. Mhm. Um which I guess is nice. Yeah, it.

sounds great. It sounds good to me. It's a little nice though, yeah. It's. bad when I write like a really bad song. though. Cuz when I write a bad song, like my like worst critic is myself and. it's like oof. What's What's the thought you think you. repeat the most at those times? That I. will never write another good song. again. It goes to that extreme. Oh my god, in 2 seconds. And that. everybody around me is lying to me and. that everybody who is kind enough to. work with me and um. put their time and energy toward things.

that I really want for my career and how. sweet that is that they're all making. ginormous mistakes and this is all a. leap of faith that they've taken that. they're going to regret. Mhm. Immediately jumped into that. Totally. And then how long would you sit in that. for? Uh long time. A long time. Like this morning again, good things were happening and I was. just like in my head I'm just like. they're all lying to me. I'm like. there's no way. Mind you these are. people who I trust and love and who are. giving up time out of their lives to.

work toward a goal that I really want so. deeply. Like these are lovely people. It. has nothing to do with them and. everything to do with me. But yeah, I. sit in that all the time. And then what. gets you out of it? I just keep going. Like resilience and also just. I want it so bad and I also like I want. to succeed for myself but I also really. want to like. prove to everybody who is working with. me or who believes in me or even like. consumes my music from two seconds of a.

song to like listens to everything I put. out. Like I want to do well for those. people. So I don't know. Maybe like drive. Things like that. Yeah. Fear of failure really motivates me. I. love her. Do all of these characters in your head. have names and voices and hers and his. and theirs? My god, they're all they're. all they're all me. They're just all. different versions of me. Like the like. fear of failure is like. me as like a kid. Yeah. I think cuz I.

like I used to set like such obnoxious. goals for myself as a child. Like and it. would keep changing. I would be like if. I'm not Beyoncé by the time I'm 18, I. have failed. Wow. Insane. It It used to. be things like that. It used to be and I. And when I was really really little I'd. be like if I am not on Disney Channel by. the time that I am 13, I might as well just end it all. Like. they were just such extreme extreme. things. Um so they're just all different. versions of myself that just kind of.

coexist or lack thereof. Yeah. They. don't have that. And do you find. yourself still repeating those. audacious goals even now or Oh my god, every day. Yeah. Every day. And they're they're Let's be. clear. They're things I'm not. necessarily proud of. No, no, I get. that. Yeah. Yeah. across. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100 Okay, fabulous. Cuz sometimes I like say. something and I'm like, "No, no, no, that's not how I like feel. That is what. I think though." Um like this morning, like these are great things that are. happening. Yeah. Okay? And like we we.

had like a top 10 like debut album. and everybody's like, "This is amazing.". And in my brain. I was like, "I could have done better.". Like all I could think of in my head was. like, "I could have done better." And I. cried and I like beat myself up and then. I like kind of came to and was like, "Oh, no, this is actually like very. exciting.". And then I would like go back down. again. You know that movie Talladega. Nights? Yeah, yeah, of course. It was. where he's like What a great reference. I was thinking of that. If you ain't. first, you're last. Yeah. Like that's.

all I think of in my brain, which is so. silly and so stupid and I wish I didn't. feel that way, but I really do. Mhm. I. really do. No, hearing you explain it. and I want to clarify what I was. reaffirming with you was hearing you. explain it is a really good breakdown of. how I think so many of us think. Totally. So, hearing you articulate it. with so much clarity. Yeah. I'm listening going, "I know there. are times when I think exactly the same. way as that.". Absolutely. And I know everyone who's. listening is going in their own way. Sure. the same thing.

Yes. And all know how debilitating that. is because now number two is the same as. 99. Yes. and it makes no difference. And by. the way, 99's great, but 99 is not you. know, we're looking Exactly. So, it just. keeps going and it's it's a perpetual. cycle which can be so paralyzing. Insane. I also would never hold someone. else to the standard that I hold myself. And I'm very aware of that. It doesn't. change how I feel sadly, but I never in. my life would say to somebody if they. were like, "My debut album debuted at.

5,600, whatever." I'd be like, "That is. amazing. What an incredible amount of. work, blood, sweat, and tears you and so. many other people around you have put. into this, and this is an accomplishment. that you should celebrate for years and. years on end.". Mhm. And believe every single word of. that. For myself, I'm like, "Could have done better. I should have. done more." I'm just immediately like, "What should I have done better?". Yeah. Which is silly. Yeah. But it is a. kind of like a human thing, I guess. Yeah, and I think it's that almost.

It's interesting, isn't it? It's like. that's the same mindset that will make. you improve and get better, but it's the. same mindset that can slow you down and. drain you. It is It is also the lifestyle that I. have been like praised for by like adult. figures in my life since I was very. young. That's where it comes from. Oh my god, absolutely. Absolutely. Like, I don't blame anyone or think this is. like a negative thing that somebody, you. know, put in my brain, but I do always. think of it. Like, I used to like finish. like basketball games or like.

any sort of competitive thing that I. would do, whether it was like sports or. like some like showcase for like. singing. And like my first like comment. from like my parents, who I love and who. are so supportive, but my first comment. from my parents would be like, "Okay, what could you have done better?" Even. if I would have like crushed. Mhm. And so like that is honestly my. thought every single time, which in a. way is really great, cuz I'm always like. trying to make myself better and also. like hold myself accountable for places. that I um slipped up, could have done.

more, didn't do enough. Yeah. But then also it becomes this thing. where you just like beat yourself up for. every little like tiny place you could. have had a little celebratory moment and. congratulations internally that you then. don't have. Yeah. Very weird. Mhm. It's almost It's taking that. question, Mhm. if all of us were first. asked, "What did you do great?" Not what. you What could you have done better? I. got to be great. Like it just positions it so. differently. Like if someone said to.

you, "What did you do great?" And you as. a kid were like, "I think I did this. right, and I think I got this right, and. I think I did this right." Now you've. celebrated. You've got a moment. What. you were just saying earlier, you've had. a moment to. celebrate and know yourself and know. that you've won and that you're powerful. and and great. And then it's like, "Okay, well, what could you have done. better?" And now it's like, "Okay, now I. have Absolutely. Happy balance of the. two. Exactly. Whereas if you don't have the. what you did great, you only have the. critical, judgmental, questioning Oh my. god. When I first started doing therapy,

I was 20. So this is like maybe 3 years. ago now, 3 and 1/2 years ago. And I will. never forget like they would therapists. would like ask me, they'd be like, "Okay, what is something you like like. about yourself? Or what is something. you're proud of that you do?". And I could not for years like answer. that question at all. I would just start. sobbing. Every single time. Every single. time. I was just like, "I cannot. compliment myself in any sort of the. way.". Which sucks.

Sucks. How about now? I can I can I do I do a. better job of it now. I do better job of. it. I love the people in my life really, really hard. Very glad. Yeah. beautiful. Yeah. You found it. Yes. Woohoo. No, and you've attracted them. Yeah. Yeah, and they're They've attracted you. Yeah, it's like it's it's a two-way. thing. It's like they're around you. because they love you and believe in. you, and you're around them because you. love them and believe in them. Mhm. That's that's special. And you.

know, I'm I'm going to definitely miss. you on. Sex Lives of College Girls. Like I I. your character is awesome. Me and my Me. and my wife watch the show all the time. and absolutely loved it. Thanks. What What you were just talking. about earlier, like acting was actually. a space that made you feel a lot more. Yeah. like anxious and everything. Was. that the reason to switch over or what. was it for you that made you go, "You. know what? I need to step away.". No, I mean, to be honest, like I. inevitably like one day I'm like very. excited to to talk about it. I can't say.

a ton about it being with the SAG. strike. That being said, acting to me. was always just so scary. It was just so. scary. It was just something I had no. confidence in and thought I was just so. so so terrible at. It was something that. came later on in my life at least to. this point, later on in my life. I was. like 18, 19. That I just didn't think I. could do. And it became like a really. amazing opportunity to like get people's.

attention, to pay attention to me, to do. music. Which I didn't feel like I was. getting when I was younger or at least. it was harder for me to. But I just. really really wanted attention. musically. And I wanted to like get. signed and do like the whole thing. And. when acting became a conduit for that, I just was like, "Okay, I guess I got to. do this." Like I would be silly not to. do this. I still felt. so so incredibly insecure around it. I.

just was like, "I cannot do this." I was. like, "I'm going to get fired from any. job that I have when it comes to. acting." So it's something I developed a. love for. now, later on. Actors are so so so. thoughtful. So thoughtful and so like. careful and articulate and like you. really have to like. rid yourself of like the judgment. And I. struggle so so hard with that. So it's. it's just something that I was always so. insecure about. That's actually a really.

powerful lesson though. And I'm glad you. shared that detail because. most of us have one goal and we think. there's one path to it. And we're just. walking in that direction. And often. that door doesn't open at a certain age, at a certain time, at a certain point in. life. But we don't realize that a pivot at. that point, doing something that you're. even massively uncomfortable with. god, so uncomfortable. But that's. actually helped and been a productive. and proactive use of time as an.

investment in doing what you really want. to do, which I loved as a life lesson. Like that's incredible. That's huge. Yeah, no, it's it's been the best. I've. like not only like in a in a career. sense have I. grown so much and learned so much and. been able to work with really incredible. people. I've also like met like my best. friends in the whole wide world. Like my. best friend in the planet I met on TV. show, Aleah. And you know, so it's like. it's it's given me. a lot. And it's been like a really,

really big catalyst for my music career. And that is not at all lost on me. That's fantastic. What what's been your. most difficult insecurity to channel in. music? Like what's been the hardest. thing to actually communicate and. express? And why do you think that is? It's interesting. I feel like I express. most of my insecurities and things that. I think. Yeah. pretty well and. it's pretty openly. Absolutely. No, I think you do. That's. why yeah, yeah. Totally. But even though I do,

I still constantly feel like. I'm so not communicating anything well. Anything at all. Even though I know I do. that, you know? Like that is the entire. basis of like my like songwriting is. like exactly how I feel and like letting. that go. Again, whether it be something. I'm like proud of this thought and. opinion I have or whether it's something. that I'm not proud of. But at the end of. the day, that is how I feel and that is. my art and that is the reason why I put. it out there. Whatever. I still.

judge every inch of it so harshly. Like. I cannot let it go. Like, I. wrote like a bunch of songs on my album. and I'm really like proud of the things. that I said and like proud of the place. that it comes from and then I'll. panic about having written it and be. like, "Oh my god, I shouldn't have said. that. That was so stupid." Like, "Am I. just like sending the wrong like message. or something?" Or am I, you know, going. against everything I believe in? And. then I'm like, "No, that is actually.

just like how I felt in that moment and. like not everything I say is like Bible. and like how you should live your life.". Please God, don't. But like, I don't. know. I I communicate it all and I'm. proud of how I do, but I don't let that just be. Like, I that just never exists. So, I. can over-communicate. as much as humanly possible. and still be incredibly insecure. um. about what I'm saying or like how it is. received. Absolutely. Just sitting with you for a. few moments, I really feel like when you.

do describe what anxiety feels like. Yeah. A lot of the time when people talk. about anxiety, it sounds like that here. Uh-huh. Or it sounds like here. Like, their chest is tight or they feel. uncomfortable. Sure. But when I hear you speak about. it, you speak about it from here, which. really helps because it's kind of like. making sense. Yeah. There was one lyric that stood out. that I wanted to share with you. I'll. make it through the winter if it kills. me. I can make it faster if I hurry. I'll angel in the snow until I'm worthy, but if it kills me, I tried. If it kills.

me. And. when I was There was a couple of lines. in there that I wanted to kind of break. down with you if that's okay. Yeah, no, please. So, one was. I'll make it through the winter if it. kills me. Uh-huh. And I was like, when do you feel like you're most in. winter? Like, when does it feel the. coldest? In the moments of me getting so. riled up and so. um. panicked and freaked out about my.

career, my family, being a good friend. Like when I'm just like really, really, really, really, really, I don't know, just coming for myself, to be honest. I I never feel like I'm going to like. stop. Like I just always feel resilient. In a sick way, honestly. In a way that. has really, really, really helped me, but is crazy. Sometimes I think about it. and I'm very confused. Like I genuinely. don't know where it comes from or like. what it is, but like I could be having. the worst day of my life. And I would.

still be like. "Yeah, this sucks and like this is the. worst day of my life and I feel like a. terrible person and I feel like I've. done something really, really horrible. and. I'm still not going to stop what I'm. doing." Not that behavior, I guess. Like. I'm still not going to stop like making. music or doing the thing that I love. And it's silly now in retrospect cuz I. get it, like you're kids, you say dumb. things. But like I would like post these. singing videos online when I was in high.

school and like all these girls would. like go on Twitter and like say how. terrible of a singer I was and how I was. just so silly and I looked stupid. And I. remember that so, so well. And I. remember really hurting my feelings. But. at the same time. I still kept posting videos. It wasn't. like it didn't hurt my feelings, but I. was like, "You're not going to stop me. from doing the thing that I love to do. and that I want to do." So Winter is. always But Winter is resilient and so. Angel as a whole is just full of.

resilience. Absolutely. What what makes. you feel worthy now? I feel. I feel worthy when the people around me. are happy, which I guess is something. inherently that's like, "Oh, that sucks. Like I should feel. worthy when I feel good about myself.". But I really do at this point in my. life. I feel I feel worthy when the. people around me are happy and proud of. me. Mhm. If I feel like the people. around me are happy and proud of me and. they're okay, then I feel okay. And that.

goes for like our like kind of like. community and like fandom, too. Like if. they like things and they feel good, then I feel good. And if they don't, then I don't feel. good, which sucks. I I know that's. something I have to inevitably work on. and find some sort of equilibrium to. like be balanced and stuff, but. right now it's really just like it. sucks, but it's when other people are. proud of me, then I am proud of myself. I don't do well finding that.

internally. Mhm. Which is not ideal. Yeah. Um but it is like what it is right. now. Yeah. Yeah. And And starting from. where you are is the only thing you can. do. So, Yeah. being honest about that and. knowing where it's at. Absolutely. And it's interesting both. times, even earlier when we were like, "You know, what are you proud that you. have around you?" You were like, "Yeah, the people.". And then even now it's like the people. It's like, "Yeah, it's No, it really. does go like. Yeah. anything else. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And there's something beautiful in that, and it's the idea that.

what makes you worthy is that those. people choose to be in your life. Yeah. Because they see you as worthy. Absolutely. And that And it's like if. you can just connect that dot, like it's. like that, but it's hard. But it But it. takes a while. It takes a while for all. of us. We've all been conditioned, whether it's. everyone around me matters, everyone. around me doesn't matter. Like whichever. way we are, we're all at some end of. that spectrum. Yes. What are the. experiences in your life that you think. have made you become resilient? Like. when did that. When did you start to look at your life. and go, "I've been through a lot of.

tough stuff." Yeah. And that's built up resilience. What. were some of those events or What was a. moment that you felt. made you resilient? Yeah. It's interesting Whenever I start. to like again like compliment or or like. like pat myself on the back in any sense. of the word, I get so like my immediate. like response, to be frank, was to be. like, "Well, I've had a very easy and da da da. da da. and don't get me wrong, I have in many, many ways, but. I think that.

I I feel like my resilience comes from. like two different things. A, like. things that I actually go through. B, things that like how I speak to myself. I'm very resilient when it comes to how. I speak to myself. Like if I had the. the inner monologue that I have that was. from another human being, oh my gosh, like that would suck. That. would suck, but for whatever reason I. keep pushing through and keep going and. that doesn't really change that much. Like you keep going. But like situations. like. for.

instance, like so Snow Angel, which is like the single of this album. and is now like the album title and. everything, is something that I've like. talked about for for months, really just. being like, "Okay, this is a situation. that happened to me and this is. something that like I'll eventually talk. about, but like I want you to like have. the song, sit with the song, interpret. it in the way that you. need and feel like it can like sit on. you so that you have it because like the.

situation of that song, A, is something. that I pray and doesn't, not something. legit that everybody can like relate to. in the sense that I went through it, which I'm very glad about, but like that. was a huge moment of resilience for me. And even writing the song, I feel like. was resilience. And then. in a way, holding back from then talking. about it for a couple months was. resilience. So it shows up in my life in. a lot of different ways, but for that.

specifically, it was January, maybe late January or. early February of 2022. and I had just gone through like a. breakup and it was really tough and it. was like the first time I'd ever been. really in love with someone and then. experience like a breakup. and I had. always I'd been in relationships back to. back for like 5 years. So my like later. teen years were all that. And so this. point I'm 22. and I started like having like freedom. in my life kind of for the first time.

and I was living here in LA and I was. like hanging out in a new group of. people and they were like they were. partiers and they like really sent it. really sent it. I like had heard from. like my family and like my friends. around me that like. this isn't really like a good group we. don't think for you and that's not to. say that these are bad people cuz I I. don't I don't believe that. I think that. people can do bad things and be so be. good people sometimes.

So a couple of them. but I was I was in this group of friends. and we were just like sending it and it. was the first time in my life where I. wasn't working. I was fresh out of this. relationship. I was just going there and. I think that I had. always had to like really like nail. myself to the ground and I'd always been. just so incredibly nervous and for the. first time I just like didn't and I like. really let my judgment go. when it came to the people that were. around me and.

we were all out and it was just. situation after situation where. they were just not trustworthy and then. like the next thing you knew I was face. up like laying down in like a bathroom. stall. in a hotel. um bar just waking up like 5:00 in the. morning like completely alone. and I woke up and I was like I was just. so confused and I had like. blood on my pants and I was really just.

like so. caught off guard and I like looked down. I had my phone and my purse and I looked. down and I was completely alone in a. bathroom stall and I looked at my phone. and it was like 5:00 in the morning. I. was like what happened? was like, I was. out at like a party with like my friends. and I had missed two texts from two. people that I was with at like 10:30. the night before, which was like 7 hours. had gone by. They were like, "Hey, I. guess you left. Like, we'll you know, see you when we see you." And mind you,

I was dating somebody in the group at. that time. And so, I didn't go to this. place alone and I had like a boyfriend. or a situation or whatever, somebody. that I was at least with. That just was nowhere to be found. And. so, I. still have. no idea what happened. No clue what. happened, but I was. drugged and just like missing for like 7. hours. And. I stopped being friends with those. people.

and stopped doing as much partying as I. was and. told my parents, told some of my friends. and. just kind of explained it in like a. really matter-of-fact way. And they were all very concerned and I. didn't really even understand what was. happening cuz again, I didn't recall. anything that had happened. And then a couple months later, we like. really delve into it and like I kind of. started to like have to like deal with. everything that happened. and was just crying and sobbing at and.

very confused and then resentful that it. was friends that I was with. But all that to say, then like a year. later, we wrote Snow Angel and I had. been saying to Alexander, who I did this. whole album with, like, "I really want. to write a song about this." I'd. recounted the situation so many times. and after like the 10th time of telling. like a group of people that you know. through maybe just music sessions that. you were like drugged and you have no.

idea what happened and you were like. kind of into drugs at one point, but you. don't really want to talk about it, but. you do want to write a song about it. And then just being like. "The then you kind of stop wanting to. write that song naturally. So, I was. like, "Okay, I guess I just won't write. anything about this.". Um and then eventually Alexander like. came back to me and was like, "I really. want to write that song that you were. talking me about and I think you and I. should just do it together.". And I was like, "Okay.". And then we started writing it and it. was just the two of us and frankly the.

whole time we were writing it I felt. nothing. Nothing. Like I was explaining all this. stuff and I was like, "Yeah, and you can. like reference like the snow is whatever. you want to reference it as and things. like that." And I felt nothing at all. Until we like had recorded the song, the. whole thing was done, and I played it. for a bunch of my friends and my manager. and everybody was like, "This is. insane." But for me, that whole. year of my life was inherent resilience. because not only was I like fighting.

through an experience I have. no idea what happened to me, lost friends, felt like I couldn't go out with anybody. and trust anybody, and then was like trying to explain the. situation in a way that I understood it, but I didn't really understand it, and. then wanted to write a song about it and. wanted to write an album about it, but. was also afraid to be judged for having. something like that happen to me. But. it's also like what did happen? So, it. was a whole thing. Up until we decided to like name the.

album Snow Angel and have that be the. song. That to me was all resilience. because I was just like kind of cold. face like fighting through. everything. And I still don't really. know how I feel about it. I just know. that I feel weird and very resilient. Mhm. That's resilient for sure. Yeah, that's resilient. Yeah, for sure. I mean, have you ever. been able to piece anything together. from the night or not at all? Like just. nothing? That's That must be so.

That's almost like so disconnecting from. this. stuff. Yeah. weird. Yeah, I know I have no idea. And. I just stopped talking to the group. people. I was like, I don't I don't want. to know what you know or don't or what. you claim to know or don't know. I just. wanted to let it go. Yeah. What what. made you. trust them in the first place that you. now look back as a red flag and go, I. should have been aware? I really wanted. to have fun. I really wanted to have. fun. I had just gone through this. breakup and I had just.

changed a lot of my life and I had just. you know, become visible in like a. different way in the career thing and I. just wanted to like party and have a. good time. I didn't go to college and I. didn't have that experience like to like. let loose and just like chill. And these were people that I saw were. really partying too much to a point. And. I just I wanted to have fun and I wanted. people who knew. none of my friends, who knew nothing.

about my life, who didn't know my ex, who didn't know two exes ago, who knew. nothing about me. And I was just like. fresh new into the group. I don't know, it was just like it was. exciting to have a group of people that. just did not care. about anything else other than partying. Cuz I cared so much about everything. else. I wanted that like level of just. like escape and not dealing with it. And. then I just escaped too far. Yeah, how. did they react when you kind of started.

to disconnect? To be honest, like. it wasn't a big deal. Like it was. it was nothing. to them to lose a friendship like that. It was It wasn't a big deal to them. And. that's. you know, whatever, I guess. The only. time that I ever heard like anything was. like when I started to like really. release music and started getting more. attention for it. Somebody was like, "Hey, you know, I would love to talk to you.

about like the time da da da da da." And. I'm just like, no, you don't. Like, no, you don't. No, you don't. And I feel like that. person obviously I mean, you don't just. disappear like randomly. You just don't. Mhm. As far as I'm concerned, I could be way. wrong and silly for thinking that, but. um. yeah, it wasn't a big deal to them. Mhm. It was just nothing. And I've I've made. peace with it to just be like, okay, if that is how you react to something.

like that happening to me, then you. don't value my life, friendship, and safety um in the way. that I would value yours. So, as best we. just part ways and then we just never. really talked again. Mhm. That's hard as well to like. Yeah. Yeah, how does that feel to you now? Um. I trust people really fast. And then. when I don't trust someone, I don't. trust them. Mhm. And I think it's very jarring for people.

around me um sometimes, but I'm good at. letting go. Very good at letting go. And I don't. know if that's something that I'm really. good at because I've been burned one too. many times. I mean, I would rather be like with my. group of friends now and like not be at. risk to like be left alone and hurt and. have whatever happened. happen than like be with those people. Yeah. I think I'm doing like pretty good. in my life. where I don't really feel like I need.

that. Mhm. And also the idea of like wanting to. party and have fun is not a bad thing. Yeah. But it's like, you know, it's like. it's almost like. it's so that wanting to have a great. time and your intention is just like, "I've got through this breakup. I want. to party. I want to have fun." Like, that doesn't seem like a terrible thing. And so. No. And and I also I was worried about. how my friends and people who were. immediate in my life would like view me. for then having all this stuff happen to. be like, "Yeah, okay. So, I was out with. this group of people, X, Y, and Z.

happened, whatever.". I was very scared about how that would. look. How did they respond? They were. at the time they were much more worried. than I was aware of what was happening. cuz I really just brushed it off. Mhm. And honestly, I think I was just in. like kind of like a fight or flight. thing. I was just like, "Okay, well, this happens, got to move. on." To be honest, the next weekend I. went to Coachella. Like, I was just. like, "Okay, whatever." Um my friends. were very concerned and were really. weirded out and were I guess talking. like amongst each other more so than to.

me, but were really protective. Did you. feel like you had to move on fast. in order so that people didn't take it. too seriously cuz you wanted them to be. okay with it and you didn't allow. yourself to feel it? Yeah, I also really. didn't want to know. what happened. Mhm. I didn't want to find out what happened. And still, yeah? Nope. Um and in a way, I kind of do cuz I also am like. vengeful, to be honest, and I like. in a way want to know like who let what.

uh you know, um. but also I was just like, "Okay, move. on." Like, I don't want anybody to see. me sweat in that way cuz then that would. be admitting that something Mhm. that. actually did happen to me. And I've. never had anything specifically like. that happen to me before and I thought. it was a very like a a long shot of an. idea. Like, that's something you hear. about happening to like girls and people. out who like. get drugged and things like that and.

that's not ever something that would. happen to me. Mhm. Um so, I just I. wanted to move past it Yeah. quickly. Yeah, it's that denial as well. of like, "Yeah, I don't want to get. that." Absolutely. How has that changed your way of now. having fun and being able to go out and. being able to trust? Like, how has that. impacted I have better friends now. Tell. me about that group. Yeah, I'm very I'm. very lucky. I have good people in my life. I also am. really. I think I'm a more like honest version. of myself. Like if I don't trust. someone, they will know.

And odds are they won't really be around. me. But also like I used to want. everybody to be my friend so badly. And. don't get me wrong, I still kind of do. But I like I wanted everyone's approval. in a in the worst way when it came to a. friend group. I don't necessarily feel. like that anymore. Yeah. I feel like I got taken advantage. of, obviously, a lot in many ways. But. now I don't really feel like that. happens to me as much. Yeah, it's almost. like how far are we willing to go away. from ourselves to get someone else's.

approval? Oh my god, I would have ran to the ends. of the earth. Yeah. Once you made that song Uh-huh. How did as you were saying you were. trying to put it in and you were trying. to get. your team finally Alexander, you said? Yeah, finally like, you know, understood. and was listening and. how did it then feel to put that out. there in the world to then obviously. you've talked about it with your family, your friends, and now for everyone to. hear it. How did that. feel? It was honestly weird for the first. couple months cuz I was like. I.

what I wanted was for the song to live. on its own and have. its own kind of existence without my. experience attached to it. So that people could take it in in a way. that they weren't listening to the song. and feeling like pity for me in a way. I. wanted everybody to have their own. experience with it. Cuz again, this is a. very specific song. Sure. I also, however, would find myself.

like getting so frustrated. like wanting to like talk about it and. just like blurt it out before I was like. fully like. not ready to, but like before I was. ready to like actually like make this. like, "Okay, this is a thing. Now the. album is out." It was like a weird back. and forth. Cuz also I'm still very like. angry from the situation. As much as I. want to like move past it and push past, it would it would just float between. like. I really like nobody knowing what this.

is about. And also like I want revenge. Like you know what I mean? And and. revenge for me is just like talking. about it, I guess. But yeah, it went it. went both ways. I am however really. really really glad that people got to. sit with it and take their kind of. experiences with it. But it was really. interesting seeing people's. interpretations of the song. Because somebody was like, "Oh my god, yeah, when it's cold outside it's. brutal." And I was like, "Yeah, girl. Like that is amazing that you. feel that way." I was like, "Art really.

is subjective.". Yeah, it was weird for a minute. It was. so weird. Have you ever had people reach. out to you and talk tell you about their. experiences of similar things happening. or Nobody has and not that I've seen. anything. Well, cuz I don't even feel. like I it's really suggested incredibly. in the song, but um unless. you like know. Mhm. Um you won't know. Yeah, you won't know. But I have however. had um. had a couple people talk to me about. like their own experience with because.

these are people who have been through. some sort of like drug or. alcohol-related like thing or what have. you and been like, "Hey, like I really. really like this song for my own. reason." And I've been in and out of XYZ. situation and this has been really. helpful for me. And there have been a. couple times where like obviously I. haven't like said anything, but like you. know when you're talking to somebody and. you're like not saying exactly what it. is, but like you can kind of both tell. in each other's eyes that there's like. something.

much deeper happening than what you're. both saying. It's that kind of like. camaraderie and like I see you without. like saying it. Yes, absolutely. Which has been really. comforting. It's sad that you can. connect on that or understand each. other, but but at least you feel. understood and held in that moment. Totally. Thank you for sharing that with. us. I mean, it's like it's just. it's just I mean, you know, I think that. whenever we go through things go through. things where we don't have control and. we don't have.

consciousness even. you know, what to speak of control, it's. it it's so disconnecting from the self. because you are disconnected from a from. a period of time from yourself. What. have been the things today that you feel. connect you to yourself? Like what are. the things that you love to do that make. you kind of, you know, smile and laugh. and, you know, bring joy to you? I am I love talking to. people. I love I'm I'm such a. like extroverted introvert. I I really.

like I relating is my favorite thing in. the whole world. And and whether it's. like actually relating or having someone. else or myself feel understood even if. it's not necessarily relating, I love. that. I love writing songs. Writing. songs is my greatest weapon in this. life. It's my favorite thing in the. whole wide world. And I also honestly. the thing that I like love most in my. life right now is like I love watching. my little brother grow up. That's kind. of like a complete segue, but. yeah, he's like he's only a couple years.

younger than me, but he's like totally. my baby. And so I'm like really trying to like. cherish watching him like grow up. So, yeah. Again, it's like the all the like. people connections. I'm like, I love the. people in my life very much. Yeah. Yeah, my my youngest sister's like 5 years. younger than me, and so I remember like. when she was born, I remember holding. her, and she's getting married in a month, and she's 30 years old 31 now, and it's. just like such a.

you know, it's I feel the same way. Like. she's like my baby and my baby's getting. married. Like it's it's a. it's a crazy feeling. It's insane. Yeah. Is it Were you like a. like a like an emotionally That's kind. of an invasive question, I guess, but. were you like an emotionally available. older sibling uh so older sibling? I. have a really good relation with my. sister and like she sees me that way as. well and so yeah, definitely. I would. say I was. Good. Good. And I would say that as she got older. though, I kind of intentionally I. wouldn't say distance myself, Yeah. but. I intentionally gave her space to build.

up those skills herself. And so I. started. I'm not doing that with my brother. Well, you still have time. I'm not doing. I'm like, Charles, how do you feel about. everything? That's actually very smart. Yeah, I just realized over time where it. was like I didn't want her to wait to. wake up one day if I wasn't around or. whatever it was or even right now I live. across, you know, the world. The idea that she didn't have the tools. and skills herself. And I was really. trying to help her build those tools and. skills herself and I'm really proud that. she's been able to do that and it's.

taken years of doing that. But it's almost like I wish it's almost. like when, you know, when you first. start riding a bike you have the. stabilizers and your parent push the. bike. Yeah. And then your parent stop holding. onto the bike and you just have the. stabilizer and maybe fall off and then. you put the stabilizer and then they get. taken off, but it isn't like. your parent like pushing you on a bike. like when you're 21 years old and so I. feel like. it with mentorship, with coaching, with. anyone that I work with like the goal's. always like how do they develop the. tools themselves? cool. What what kind of tools do you.

think you're you're wanting to pass on. or what are the lessons that. god. Cuz there's only a two-year gap, so. Yeah. You're like accelerating your learning. god, I know. I I like I really want God, my brother is so much like me in my like. worst and best ways. I just want him to. like not beat himself up so much. I went. through so I Granted, I'm telling you. that I still absolutely do. I don't. however to the extent that I used to. I. used to beat myself up into bad bad.

places. I It was tough. Like I Again, like I couldn't sit with myself. I. couldn't say to something that I was. proud of cuz it would be every thought I. had would be met with something else I. didn't do. Um and I really want that for him. Really really badly cuz I don't I don't. want. I don't want anybody to beat themselves. up the way. that I beat myself up, Jesus Christ. It. was It might It was exhausting. I can. tell you firsthand, it's very. exhausting. Nobody Nobody else should really have to.

go through that, I don't think. What age. was that do you think you were like the. harshest critic? Oh my god. I mean, I. feel like it honestly just started To be. honest, when I started doing music and. when I got signed like in June of 2022, my life changed a ton. Mhm. A ton. Because also, I was working in uh. environment with a bunch of people who. were choosing to be there and choosing. to show up for me and choosing to help. support and and and foster the thing.

that I wanted so badly. And I felt like. I had. big support. Like I felt like I had big. guns behind me, which was a huge huge. boost of confidence and also made me. want to work really hard to prove to. everybody that believed in me and was. investing time and and money, let's be. clear, into me um that I was worth it. And I don't know, I just felt really. like uplifted. And I hadn't really felt. that in a lot of like working situations. before. I felt like everybody actually.

really cared what I had to say Mhm. for. the first time and I had never felt that. specifically in work. Never. So, it was. really nice to have that. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's. it's amazing, isn't it? It's like we're. we're constantly looking again for that. external just kind of stimulus. Just. make me Yeah, and then it's hard and. it's Always. It's we're so programmed. that way. I write music for a living. Like I make songs for a living for. people to listen to. Like you know what. I mean? Like in a way that's inherently.

that. And that's not to say that I don't. do it for myself at all. I absolutely. do. But like. you know. Yeah. I go to a concert to. perform not for people to not have fun. Yeah. and not enjoy it. Yeah. What do you think that. when you were obviously you didn't you. didn't go to college because you were. trying to you know get into the. industry. You were just saying that when. you were young you wanted to. you know figure out the Disney thing or. figure out this thing or whatever it may. be. Yes, absolutely. Like imagine you were.

sitting with. 10-year-old Rene right now. Mhm. What does she need to hear? I. similar to have. lived with a lot of years of beating. myself up. I used to just live with this like. inherent like guilt and regret like the. cloud over me. Like just in a big way. And I used to think that like oh I would. tell my younger self to do like this and. this and this better or like this and. this and this or da da da da da. I am.

now like really deciding to like not. regret any of it. That's not to say that. I don't want to hold myself accountable. for things that I've done that aren't. great or for things that I inevitably. will do that are not good um or that you. know don't serve myself or other people. That's a separate conversation. This is. more about I'm really so incredibly. proud of like such a lively spunky. monstrous little like 10-year-old girl. who was so. fearless. So fearless. Like I was a. rambunctious kid. I was crazy. I was.

inviting everybody in the neighborhood. to my concerts on the fireplace. I was. forcing people to come and listen to me. sing. I was. screaming for people to pay attention to. me. And I'm really really glad that I. did that. And I I would just say like do. everything how you feel like you're. going to. And when you mess up, just. listen to yourself that you've you've. messed up. Yeah. I would honestly just say like. everything she did was great. Happy to be here in in, you know,

failures and in wins. You've talked. about being so self-aware and you can. hear it when you're, you know, when I'm. talking to you today. I'm like there's. there's such an awareness of who you. are. There's such an awareness of True. who you are, what you're feeling. At. this stage in your life, what are you. hoping to unlearn for the future and. learn for the future? If there was one. thing you had to unlearn. that you've developed and if there was. one thing you had to learn, what would. you say they are? I would say something. that I would like to learn is how to. like. I'm I'm so hyper aware of when I do this.

in situations and I try so hard not to. Whenever someone is talking about. something that they've experienced with. somebody else, like if somebody has hurt. their feelings, right? Like if my best. friend is talking to me about someone. who has hurt them Mhm. or harmed them or. done them wrong in the smallest or. biggest sense of the word, all I can think in my brain. is like when have I done that in my. life? And just start like spiraling down. this like I remember when I did that to. so-and-so and like I need to call this.

person and be like I am so sorry for. what I put you through when we were like. four. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I really would like to not. center myself in what somebody else is. talking about. And it's not at least. it's not consciously a selfish thing. Like I'm not actively trying to make. my friend's grievance about myself. Totally. It's just automatic. and I hate it cuz then I'm also like, "Oh my god, now I'm not as present with. like my friend who's being so sweet and. vulnerable with me." Um and now I'm. doing a disservice to her by by not, you.

know, listening to her fully and and. being so hyper conscious of like how. I've acted or how I could have possibly. showed up that way. I really want to. unlearn that. I'm trying so hard not to. do that. I hate when I do that. Um. Granted, if I just keep beating myself. up for it, then I'm going to do it for. the rest of my life, and then I'm never. going to like give myself grace for it. Um something that I want to Oh, I guess. that's kind of learning and unlearning. Another thing that I want to like learn. or unlearn, I need a little more like. internal patience. Mhm. I need internal.

patience. I need internal patience and. external judgment. Mhm. Really quick. Like I really need a lot of internal. patience. I also need to like not give. people who have hurt me or done me wrong. as much slack. Like it's okay to like. say that like. no, thank you. I'm good at like being. done when I'm done, but it takes me a. second. Right. Like I think like with that group of. friends, like I should have taken maybe.

two things that happened before I ended. up like face up, you know, before that. Yeah, it doesn't need to get to that. extreme. Correct. Correct. Those are great. answers. Those are great answers. How. have you How have you kind of navigated. the the You know, again, we're talking. about change. You've talked about before. like I think you were struggling with an. eating disorder when you were 10. You've talked obviously about how you've. had the. you know, the gray area of your. sexuality, like figuring that out. Like. how have you got comfortable navigating. like the gray? When it comes to like.

eating disorders, I think at least and. this is not necessarily everyone else's. opinion, but how I perceive it myself is. eating disorders are something that you. are. always going to deal with and always. going to have, right? And this is not to. compare it to alcoholism cuz it is in no. way. the same or different or whatever. It's. not a comparison, but it is to say that. like with alcohol, you can decide to put. yourself in situations where there is.

going to be alcohol there or not or like. you are going to decide whether to drink. or not. you are never going to decide. whether you can eat or not. You have to. You have to. And again, that is not to. like put down or make little of. alcoholism or any sort of struggle like. that. My dad has been sober my whole. life, but is an alcoholic. Um and this is something we talk about. constantly and try to better understand. each other. It's hard with an eating. disorder. That is just constantly going.

to be around you. You have to eat to. survive. Um so that's a constant gray. area for me. I feel like I talk about it. every day. So it's always just like, how. did I do with it today? Or how am I going to do with it. tomorrow? mindset. It's like living in a gray. area, which is really frustrating, cuz I. think to myself a lot like I would love. for this to be gone. But it is just not. something that I'm never going to deal. with. If I want to. continue to be alive, I'm going to be. eating. And I'm going to have food around me,

and that's going to make me feel. crazy some days and out of control and. insecure and really proud of myself and. in full control other days. So there's a. gray area with that constantly. When it comes to like sexuality, that's a whole other gray area, but like. at least for me, I over the last like. six or seven months have become less. gray, at least right now.

But I think I at least this is going to. sound so silly, but like. I try to and granted, this is also very. easy for me to say, cuz like I am a. queer person who like. is still at the end of the day like a. white woman and is cisgender and like I. also am bisexual, so like I'm going to. be in heteronormative relationships. inevitably, just based off of being. bisexual, potentially. I think for me, it is easy to say, but I try to like.

view like the gray area or. times when I'm like struggling for like. a label if I don't feel like I'll go. through conversations with like my like. girlfriend constantly of I'll be like. I actually feel incredibly not bisexual. right now. Like and it's it's silly, but. there are things we talk about all the. time both of us with each other. And I'm. just going to try to view it as like a. little pink area. Like it's all good. It's all cool. It's pink. It's good. It's good whatever it is. Like if I one. day feel like this label or whatever or.

lack thereof does not suit me, then. that's great and that does not suit me. I'm very fortunate to be able to make. that decision and have that not affect. my life in an incredibly massive way. A. lot of other people are not, but I view. it as a little pink area. It's just. good. I'm trying not to be so. angry with myself about it. I struggled. to like want a a rhyme and a reason and. a label and a season to make sense every. single day. And I'm just not there.

Yeah. And I don't think a lot of people. are, so I think it's fine. Like straight. people at least as far as I'm concerned. don't like wake up every day and are. like, "Oh my god, what level of straight. am I today?". And then if you are one of those people, you're likely queer. So, you know. Yeah. Yeah. We're so hardwired to be like you. have to choose an answer. Oh, yeah. whether it was school, whether it was. parents it was like there was always one. right answer. You had to figure it out. There were no other options. There was. no gray. Yeah. You're either right or wrong.

Yes. And so I think we still live in the. right or wrong. And so it's really hard. to be like, "Well, if I don't have the. right answer, I must have the wrong. answer." But I know this isn't wrong. because it's how I feel. So, then how do. I make it right? And it's so confusing. And so I love the pink. I love the pink. Yeah, that's great. is a little pink area. I'm just chilling. in the pink. It's nice. I love it. Renee, you've been so vulnerable, so. gracious, so kind with your time today. I'm so grateful to get to know you today. and thank you for letting us into your.

mind. You know, I really feel when I was. sitting with you today, I was like, you. really just kind of opened up your mind. and and let us walk in and I appreciate. that because Thank you. it's hard to do that and I felt like you. opened up some cupboards and some. drawers and some, you know. Uh but. Renee, we end every On Purpose episode. with a fast five. Uh-huh. These final five have to be answered in. one word to one sentence maximum. Okay. I may ask you to expand and I'll let you. know. All right, so Renee, these are. your final five or fast five. Question. one, what is the best advice you've ever.

heard or received? Integrity over. everything. Mhm. Okay, great. Okay. Second question, what is the worst. advice you've ever heard or received? I'll just stop trying to care. Mhm. My god, I used to hear that all the time. growing up. God. Yeah, you are going to care. I'm like, are you kidding me? No, I care. more cuz I care about not caring. Ridiculous. Oh god, that's a good one. We've never had that on the show before. like that. All right, question number. three, what's a part of yourself that. you're most deeply trying to love?

This is very two things for me. First. first and foremost, my mistakes, things. that I've done that I don't agree with, the things that I've done that I'm not. proud of. I'm trying to like make peace. with them, I guess, is a better word and. do better from them. And second, like. honestly, is is somebody like with. incredible incredible, you know, lengths. of difficulty of eating disorders, like. my like body and like the like skin that. I like live in and like my like that. that I just like operate in. Very, very hard for me. So hard for me.

Mhm. Yeah, thank you. Okay, question number. four, what's something that. you think people value but. you don't really value? Keeping it cool all the time. Uh interesting. I'm very pro and and. this is just who I am and I guess maybe. how I was raised or how I work, I'm not. sure. I I love to just like let your emotions. get the best of themselves sometimes. I. think that's. really important. At least it is for me.

I'm very very anti keep it in and deal. with it and like try to regulate your. emotions. I think that like if you need. them to be big in a way, let them be big. in a way that feels like safe and and. careful for like yourself and the people. you're around. Cuz. if not, then that's just so stupid. I. was I was shamed for so many years of my. This is not a short answer. I was shamed. for so many years of my life for being. so hyper-emotional and crying so much. and like getting angry so fast. Um and.

that is something I just I don't value. the like being quiet and like the. controlling your emotions and keeping. things at bay. I value like being very. true to how you feel, whether that's a. good feeling or not. That's powerful. Yeah. That's And how have you found a. way of doing that in a way that it. doesn't You said You said a statement. you were like to be mindful of like You. didn't say mindful, but you said to be. aware of how it affects yourself and. people you love. Like how do you kind of. get that? Because sometimes, like you.

said, an emotion could be so big and so. real and so visceral, but then how do. you kind of. Yeah. How have you found a way to do. that? Or at least how are you trying to. find a way to do that? I have in beating. myself up less, I'm not like a physical. danger to myself, um which is great cuz. I used to like get really really really. angry and like I would like, you know, so many people do. I don't know like. what it is or what it isn't. My dad and.

I have talked about this at length. because he said he did the same thing as. as as I did as a kid. But like I would. either like like bang my head against. the wall or like like hit my arms or. things like that or like tweak out or. freak out. And the more I've stopped. like beating myself up for it and the. more I've just been like, "Oh, these are. just things that I feel, and I feel in a. really big way." And the more I'm around. people who allow me to feel in a big. way, the less I hurt myself. Mhm. Mhm. The. less I like feel the need to like bang. my head against a wall. I feel like.

if I'm around somebody who's like, "Oh, this is upsetting you. That's okay that. that's that upsets you." I don't even. get to that point. So, for me it's about. like the company I keep and the things. that people are saying to me. Um That. being said, I also know that like. certain people in my life, like. my mom, for instance, is the greatest. My mom does not like to see me. incredibly upset all the time. And. that's not to say she can't deal with me. upset, but that is to say that I'm an.

adult, and I know that I don't want to. put my mother through turmoil every day. by calling her and telling the telling. her the 10 things that upset me, because. she lives 3,000 miles away from me and. will panic. You know, so it's like it's. about going to the right people. And I. go to her, of course, but like not in a. way that is going to upset her or or. hurt her day, cuz I, you know, she's my. mama, but. yeah. Yeah, I think the company you keep is. important. Fifth and final question.

Okay. If you could create We ask this to. every single guest who's ever been on. If you could create one law that. everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? What's a lore? A law. What is that? A law. A law. Sorry, my accent. My. accent. A law. What is a law? Folklore. No, no, no. A law. That is the right law. A law. A law. No, no, no. No, say law. I like. it. Um. What is one law or lore. that I would like everybody to follow?

I grew up in North Carolina. I grew up. in the South. Like, I would love like a. law where everybody was just like not so. um. hateful. Personally, I would love that. The town. that I grew up in, like you drive right. out of the neighborhood and that's like. a dangerous place for like friends of. mine to be in. I would love if we just. like maybe weren't like. incredibly hateful. That's a good look. Mhm. Rene Rapp, everyone. Snow Angel. I'm so grateful to have your time and. energy and Oh, thanks. I know everyone's.

going to be streaming more and more and. I can't wait to. Thanks. have you back on years from now. and to learn more about what you've. unlearned, what you've learned, what. you've gained, wisdom along the way. Love. And tell me about your brother, too. Oh my god, he's the cutest. Thanks. Thanks. it. Rene, thank you so much. And. everyone who's been listening or. watching, make sure that you tag Rene. and I with the things that stood out to. you, the words that came from her that. meant something to you. Maybe you've had. similar experiences or things you've. been through that you want to share back. with us. Please do tag both of us across. TikTok, Instagram, and across any social.

media platform that you're using to make. sure that we see it. Rene, thank you so. much again. Thank you. You're the. sweetest. Oh my god, such a sweetheart. Thank you. you. Such a pleasure. Thank you. Appreciate it. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Meghan. Trainor on breaking generational trauma. and how to be confident from the inside. out. My therapist told me stand in the mirror. naked for 5 minutes. It was already. tough for me to love my body, but after. the C-section scar with all the stretch. marks, now I'm looking at myself like. I've been hacked. But day three when I.

did it, I was like, "You know what? Her. thighs are cute.".