PARIS HILTON ON: Overcoming Abuse, Toxic Fame & Finding REAL LOVE | Jay Shetty

When that happened, you know, I was 14. years old and he completely took. advantage of his power as a teacher at. the school and to be doing that to a. little girl was just so wrong. The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness. podcast. On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On. Purpose, the number one health podcast. in the world thanks to each and every. one of you that come back every week to. become happier, healthier, and more. healed. Now, you know my favorite thing.

in life is sitting down with people who. are able to be open, vulnerable, and. honest about their experiences in a way. that we can all learn from, in a way. that we can all. feel inspired by and empowered by in our. own lives. And today's guest is someone. who has a new memoir out. Now, I've read. this memoir cover to cover and I can. honestly tell you it is one of the most. authentic, open, genuine accounts that I. feel allows someone to claim back their. narrative and I recommend you read it as.

well. And I'm going to tell you who I'm. sitting down with today. I have the. fortune and honor of sitting down with. the one and only Paris Hilton, CEO, New. York Times best-selling author, philanthropist, DJ, designer, recording. artist, actress, host, model, and. influencer. Paris has defined and. dominated pop culture, commanding her. position as one of the most recognizable. faces on the planet. I grew up watching. her, so I know very well. Paris has. masterfully harnessed her self-made.

spotlight to architect a thriving. entertainment and consumer products. empire which spans an impressive range. of businesses and verticals including. TV, film, audio, music, publishing, licensing, consumer products, brand. partnerships, and so many more. In 2006, she created Paris Hilton Entertainment, a multi-billion dollar company. consisting of 45 branded stores, 19. product lines, and 29 fragrances that. has amassed over $4 billion in revenue.

In 2001, Variety declared Paris Hilton. as a billion-dollar entrepreneur in. recognition of her successful business. and global brand. Paris' new book is out. now. It's called Paris: The Memoir. I. literally just finished reading it and. today we have Paris Hilton in the. studio. Paris, thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you for the. introduction. Oh, I meant to and congratulations. You. know, I whenever I sit down with someone. who's written a memoir. and I want everyone who's listening to. really understand this because I think.

people see memoirs coming out and they. see books coming out and you just you. kind of think like, "Oh yeah, someone's. just telling their story.". And I think what I found really. fascinating about yours is I can't. imagine how hard it was. to retell so many of these stories. and to relive so many of them. And I. just wanted to thank you for being able. to go there so many times because I. think. even though as in your own words where. people may.

think that they don't relate to you, I. actually think that the stories you tell. are so much more relatable than people. would expect. And I just want to thank. you for for sharing them so vulnerably. Thank you. Yeah. definitely. very difficult and emotional, but. extremely just therapeutic. Just. putting it all out there cuz it's so. much that I've held onto for so long and. so many things that I've never. told anyone. Like things I've never even.

wanted to say out loud because I didn't. even want to think that they were real. But um. it's just been um the most healing. experience of my life. So you feel it's. actually been healing even though it was. uneasy. Yes. It's actually been something that has. been therapeutic. It's been healthier. than unhealthy. Were there parts where. you like, "Oh gosh, I just need a break. from this." Like Definitely. So many. parts just cuz I've been through so many. traumatic experiences in my life. So. just to have to write them down and then.

doing the audiobook was even That was. even harder having to say things out. loud, especially in a room with. three strangers I've never met before. and having to tell my story. But I'm so happy that I did my audiobook. as well because I think it's important. for people to hear the story from the. person who wrote it. Yeah, that's such a. great point, too. Even having to say out. loud for yourself, I think so many of us. we hold our truth so deeply buried. inside of us. And we might think it,

but we never actually speak it out loud. and that's that's such a great example. I never thought about it like that. I. think the other thing before we dive in. I wanted to mention which I loved about. your memoir is. you were so phenomenally observant. I. almost feel like you had a Hawkeye. Well, like you were able You're like. able to like find all these details. You're incredibly smart. Like. phenomenally like astute at just. spotting these tiny details and patterns. and connections and the stories you tell. and the history you tell and I was I I.

really enjoyed it. I literally felt like. you were talking to me and I read it. I. didn't listen to it. And now I'll have. to listen to it, but I read it and I. literally felt like I was like this. talking to you. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. So it's it's hard to do that. It's. hard to pull that off. So I just want. everyone to know who's going to read it. that you're you're really going to feel. that. Where I wanted to start was. you talked a lot about how and I think. this is completely true. You said most. of us regret things that we. didn't do, not things that we did do.

But you said in your 20s there are a few. things you do regret. And I was. wondering were they regrets that you did. do or didn't do and what were they? For. me, I feel that everything that I've done in. life has made me who I am and I'm such a. strong person, and especially after. writing this book and just seeing my. life story and everything that I've been. through, I feel that I don't have. regrets in life cuz it's made me. the woman I am today. What made you say.

that that chapter? I think you were just. like, "Ah, I've got a couple of. regrets." Like even if they were silly. ones, like I'm guessing there weren't. any big ones. relationships. Like I wish I didn't meet. certain people. Like I I wish I didn't. let certain people in my life that. shouldn't have been in my life. People. with bad intentions. Because I. especially growing up was just always. just so trusting every of everyone and. would let anyone in, and there's so many. people who just didn't deserve that. Do. you think you've got better uh. assessing and evaluating energy and.

intentions around you because of all. your. bad and negative experiences that you're. saying? Do you feel like you've found a. better radar, or is it just something. that we all keep making mistakes on. because it's so hard? Because what I. read is you want to be a trusting. person. You want to be a a loving. person. You want to feel love, like we. all do. But have you found that you've. got better at it? And if so, what would. you say you've got better at in terms of. sensing people's energy and intention? I think in the beginning I was just.

unexperienced in life, so I. I really didn't know, and I had been. through so much in life, so I think I. was just after the trauma that I. experienced as a teenager, I was not I. don't know. I think in the right. headspace to make decisions on being in. a relationship. Like the first person I. started a relationship with, I was not. ready for that, and. because of so many things that happened. to me, my heart just had this huge wall. around it for a very long time. And so.

many things had happened that it made me. not trust anyone. And it wasn't until with my husband that. I. had those walls come down, and I. actually let someone in. But, that took. me a very long time just from. so many life experiences that made that. me that way. Yeah, and I want to and I. want to get to that because I want to. talk about a lot of those things you. just mentioned, but one line that really. took me like kind of spellbound me in. your book was everyone was under the.

spell of love and money. And when I read that, I was thinking. about it and I was wondering kind of. aligns with what you're saying here is. that a lot of people with negative. intentions or. unhealthy intentions are often under the. spell of love and money and that makes. them do. crazy things. I mean, what was some of. the craziest thing you saw people do? Maybe not even to you, but what were. some of those things that you saw when. people are bound by the spell of love. and money as you say? What What lengths have you seen people. go to? I just have seen people.

change where money can just take over. their mind and. who they are as a person and. any like values they have would just go. to the side. Just seeing people change, especially. fame and money. I've just seen so many people come into. this town, some people come and go, and. the fame and the money get to their head. so much where they become a different. person and start thinking that they're. better than others and treating others.

beneath them and that's something that I. hate more than anything. I When someone. is unkind to someone and treats someone. as if they're lower than them, that's. like one of the things that is one of my. pet peeves. Yeah, it's interesting, right? Like you can't buy class. Mhm. Like fame and money can't buy class. I've always felt that way that. Yes. when you see people come into those. things, it doesn't change your taste or. your habits or your values. It kind of. just amplifies who you already are. I. think I've heard many people say where.

it almost just. it almost exposes you for who you really. are when when those things come your. way. Yeah. Yes. I think you said in the book or or. you've said once before when asked about. self-esteem and I really want to talk. about the things that happened in your. teenage years, but I think self-esteem. is such a big topic in the world today, especially because of social media, especially because of so much. self-judgment and self-criticism. And. when you've been asked before, you've. mentioned like you're good at pretending. sometimes or you have been good at.

pretending. And I wonder. when was it that you allowed yourself to. to stop pretending and really start. working on it? Like like what did that. take? Because I feel like most of us, it's so much more easier to pretend and. we hide behind it. But I feel like you. claiming your narrative back in this. book was almost saying. well, I'm not going to let what's. happened to me define my self-esteem. Would you say that's fair or Definitely. everyone goes through that and. it took me a while just after what I had.

went through. My self-esteem was just. destroyed from the things that were said. to me and the abuse that I suffered. um when I was a teenager at these. troubled teen schools. Try to I don't. even like to call them schools. And it. wasn't until my documentary back in 2019. where I really started doing this. just. whole path of self-discovery and.

really just talking about so many things. I had never told anyone and. then with now my book, that was the. second part of it cuz I wasn't even. ready at that point to open up in ways I. did, but I've just grown so much in the. past couple years and. then getting married with my husband, it's just my life has completely changed. and I'm. going to be always forever so grateful. to Alexandra Dean, the director of my. documentary because. that film literally changed my life.

Making it changed your life. Yes, in so. many ways. And now really just turning. my pain into a purpose and helping make. a difference in other people's lives has. just been so rewarding and I feel that. people understand me in ways that. they didn't before. Yeah. Yeah. And it. just feels really good to finally be. understood. I want to tap into some of. those. events. because I think. I actually think there's more people.

suffering in silence than people who are. vocal about the pain and what they've. been through. And I think that what I. meant earlier, which I said this to you. offline, but I want to repeat it here on. the show that. I think a lot of people for a lot part. of your life see parts of your life as. unrelatable, but then when you open up. about these things in the book, I. actually think I have a lot of friends, and especially women that I know, that. have been through similar things, but. have never opened up and have held it.

tight or opened up to a couple of. people. And so I'm hoping that with you. opening up in this way, a lot of people. will look at that and go, "Well, maybe I. need to talk to someone, or maybe I can. reach out." So, I I wanted to talk about. some of them. I mean, the first one that. comes up is. you have your teacher who you call Mr. Abercrombie, who's like manipulating you. and grooming you and and making you. think in a certain way and. it's really interesting because our. teenage years are these years where like. we wait to be liked to feel likable, or.

we wait for someone to desire us to feel. desirable. And I think you're in like. eighth grade. Yes. And he's he's preparing you in this. way, and then, you know, he takes you in. his car one night and he kisses you and. pulls you into him and like, you know, it's. completely against your will. You don't. know what's going on. At the same time, it's nice to be like wanted, and you. talked about that before. I can't imagine that being someone's. like, you know, first kiss to to that degree and like. you talk about how like your parents. kind of caught you and of course the.

book goes into a much more depth. I'm. just synthesizing it for the for the. question. But. you didn't want to talk about it with. them and they didn't talk about it with. you. Like what does it feel like when. you hold on to uncomfortable things? What does that feel like and then what. gave you the courage to actually say. I need to talk about this. For me. um. that's just how my family was like we. didn't like to talk about things and.

for the when that happened, you know, I. was. 14 years old and he. completely took advantage of his power. as you know, a teacher at the school. and to be. doing that to a little girl was just so. wrong and um I'm so glad that my parents. ended up driving out the driveway cuz. who knows what he would have tried to. do. And. after that happened, I just. didn't ever talk about it with my family.

up until a few weeks ago when I asked my. mom. and I said. that night that you caught me in the car. and you were chasing me. in the car and everything, did you know. who that was? And. she said, "No." I was like, "Oh, I. always thought my whole since I was a. teenager, I thought that she knew that. it was that and she had no idea until. now. She just thought it was. some teenage boy. Wow. Up till like couple of weeks ago. Up until a couple weeks ago when she.

read my book. And what was her reaction. to that? I mean, what did. in shock. She just couldn't believe it. She was in shock of so many things in. the book. She. my sister and her. we just spoke about it like in my house. a few weeks ago and they were both just. crying and saying, "I can't believe it. You didn't tell us any of this. Like I. wish you could have came to us, but it's. just. it's hard to talk about things. And. especially when you're raised in that. way where you don't really.

talk about anything that's hard. It's been difficult. Um. but I'm so glad that I finally got the. courage to do it. And. I know that my story is really. important, and I wish that I had this. book back when I was a teenager because. I would have definitely. not felt so alone and. misunderstood. Yeah. Yeah, I I mean, I. it's really interesting, isn't it? Family. Like, we feel so close to We all. feel, and I think you do a.

I think you. really healthily talk about how like no. one's family's perfect, but you love. your family, but then there's complex, and that's that's just I think a lot of. us have that experience where it's like. our families would say the same thing, like, why didn't you tell me? But then. at the same time, it's like, well, if I. told you, you may not have reacted in a. way that was helpful. Did Do you feel like Did Do you feel. like when your mom read that, she like. felt some guilt? Or like Or how did she. carry that? Like. Definitely felt guilty, but I I think as. a kid, you just you're scared, like, oh,

I'm going to get in trouble. And. I think that's. something that shame is such a powerful. powerful thing. And that's a really. important message in my book. that the shame shouldn't be on you. It. should be on the person that hurt you. And I've felt like I just held held on. to so much shame my whole life because. of other people hurting me. And it feel I think. other people who've been through the. same thing need to hear that as well.

That is so powerful. I just want. everyone who's listening or watching. right now to go back and listen to that. because that what you just said is so. true. I'm going to try and repeat what. Paris just said so beautifully that when. someone else does something to you, the. shame should not actually be something. you have to feel and experience. It's. actually on them. And yeah, I was noticing that I actually. was when I was making notes, it was like. shame and embarrassment are these. constant themes in the book. And it's so. interesting because all of us in our. lives, we always feel embarrassed for.

someone else. What will my parents think. of what I did? Or I feel so ashamed of. myself for what someone did to me. When actually what you just said is. they should be feeling shameful of what. they did, but like Mr. Abercrombie that. day in the car just drops you off. and runs away because they want to like. just run away from that and you start to. realize actually that person is feeling. so much shame. Yeah. That they're trying. to they have to lie to themselves about. it in order to escape it. But I love.

that. I hope that everyone who's. listening just feels freed by. recognizing that that the shame you're. feeling is actually for the person who. hurt you to feel. And what what really hit me was also. just again talking about vocalizing. things. You said it took you so long to. even use the word pedophile. Yeah. Because you didn't want to. explain to us why it was important to. use the word, but why it took you long. I think that I had just been so. manipulated by him. and I didn't want to think of myself as.

a victim. But now as an adult, I look back on that. and think of when I have a daughter one. day and she's a teenager and. if someone had tried to do something. like that to her, I couldn't even. imagine. And it just angers me and. I never had told anyone that story, but I know it's an important story. because I know that's something that. happens every day to people. I literally read your book as if I was. reading it about my daughter. Like. that's how I was like. and I don't have a daughter, but I was I.

have a younger sister who I've always. been very protective of and. to me when I was reading your book, that's literally the lens what you just. said is how I read the book when I was. just like if this happened in my like my. younger daughter or younger child son, like whoever it is, I can't imagine. how upset I'd feel if I didn't keep that. door open for them. And I just want to, you know, if there's any parents. listening as well, I just hope that this inspires you to. really keep that door open with your. kids because it's so easy to judge them.

and it's so easy to make it out like you. made every right decision and your kids. are making bad decisions, but. I promise you you'll be so much happier. if the communication lines are always. open. I mean, speaking of communication. with parents, you you said there were some things that. were difficult for your mom to mom and. to discuss. Obviously, this was one of. them. Like, what were the other things that you felt. your mom really. like was just shocked by and just felt. like she wished you could have spoken to. her about it. My mom had me when she was 19, so she.

was a kid herself. And that generation, like. I think a lot of people really didn't. talk about their feelings. Like, no one. was talking about mental health. It was just I think that generation is. just how they were raised. So, I could. understand. why she was that way. And now, ever since. she's read my book and watched my. documentary and has learned so much from. me in that way, we've just never been.

closer. So, it's been uh. a really healing experience for both of. us as well. Yeah, and I hope that. encourages. anyone who's felt like that for a long. time because, like you were saying, most. of us are not going to tell our parents. what we're doing when we're doing it. Like, I I was the same. I had so many. secrets from my parents. Like, my. parents never knew about any of the. girlfriends I had. My parents never knew. about anything that I was up to because. I was scared of them. being mad at me and upset with me. because the the line in my house was. focus on your education, don't worry.

about girlfriends. And so, as a young. boy, all you care about is having. girlfriends. And I was like, "Well, as. long as I can get good grades, I'm just. going to carry on doing all this other. stuff." And it's interesting because I. feel like even as we get older, we're. still scared of our parents, right? Like. it's almost like it never stops. And so. it's it's all it's so frustrating. Like. me and my wife talk about this all the. time. Like she talks about how like. she's still scared sometimes to tell her. parents. about what she's up to or whatever. Right?

It's just how it is. Yeah, and all of us. feel that way and there's this uh. There's it's so important that I think. we get the courage even as adults. because a lot of us are like, "Oh, that. was the past. It doesn't matter." But. actually it will it will actually change. the relationship you have with your. parents when when you can actually open. up the lines of trust. On the flip side, you have the beautiful relationship with. your grandma. Like that comes across in. the book so like strongly and. beautifully. And when you speak about. her, I feel like it just comes out the. page and it's beaming and like your your. appreciation and your admiration for her.

is just this amazing thing. What would. you say is a lesson that you think has. stayed with you that she taught you that. is like that you still. carry with you every day. Like what what. would you say that would be if you had. to pick one? She was just a force of. nature. Like would just walk in a room. and light it up and. always made me feel so confident. And I. remember when. I was a little girl, she told me. that she went to a psychic and the.

psychic said, "One day your. granddaughter is going to be one of the. most famous and most photographed women. in the world.". And she said, "I know that's going to. happen one day and I just want you to. always remain the same sweet. down-to-earth girl that you are with. such a big heart and so kind and never. let that get to your head." And that was. something that I always. kept close to my heart. And nothing ever. changed no matter what happened in my. life. I always remained the the sweet.

person. And I think that's so important. to be kind. And that's something that she really. instilled in me my whole life. Yeah, I mean that that sounds like a. great thing. Everyone should tell their. kids like I I love all of that because. it's almost like I believe in you. I. know you're going to be successful, but. don't forget where you came from, who. you are, and how you treat people. Like. that's what's what's foundational and. really important. And. yeah, it's it's we all need that figure. in our lives. Like whether it's a. grandparent, an uncle, an aunt, a friend. who who reminds us of.

who we need to continue to be because. it's so easy to get distracted, but. what I think is really interesting is. how you kept that mindset when. so you go and I know you don't want like. calling it a school and and I agree from. your description of the CEDU, right? CEDU. CEDU, yeah. Yeah, one of them. Provo Canyon School. Yeah. Cascade and Ascent. Yeah, so like. looking at all of these facilities, even when they're taking you there, it. almost feels like you're being. kidnapped. Yes.

handcuffs walking through an airport. when you're not a convict or, you know, you haven't done something illegal. I. know. And then it's even like when they. explain it, they're like, "We're going. to this place to fix you.". And your reaction is. that there's nothing wrong to fix. Like. what are you fix What I'm. fascinated by is like how did you. hold on to the idea that there was. nothing to fix when everything around. you is programming you to believe that. you're broken, you're wrong,

and. you're. needing fixing. Like how do you not take. that all in? I knew that I didn't. deserve to be there. And. you know, I wasn't a bad kid. I I lived. a very strict life, um very sheltered. Then I moved to New York City, started sneaking out, getting bad. grades. And my parents talked to a therapist who. recommended that I go to these emotional.

growth boarding schools. And they had no idea. They just thought. it was a normal boarding school. And um. the way they take kids to these places. is they have two men come into your room. in the middle of the night and say, "Do. you want to go the easy way or the hard. way?" and literally hold up handcuffs. And this is how children are brought to. these places. And. um. it's extremely traumatizing. That's. something that I had severe nightmares. for.

two decades. It wasn't until my documentary and all. the advocacy work that I've been doing. that those nightmares have finally went. away. But. for me, I just. always thought to myself that I am I. know that I'm a good person. I don't. deserve to be in here. And. that was only thing that kept me keeping. kept me going was who I was going to. become and what I wanted to be when I. got out of there. Did you see other people break down? Like did you see other people around you.

just like because I I find that to be. one of the hardest things where if. you're being told you're broken, if. you're being told you're wrong, if. you're being told. you're. wrong and you know, letting your parents. down. And then by the way, you're doing. very normal things at this point. Like. there's like you know, like I think. sneaking out, you know, getting getting. bad grades, getting in trouble is. actually pretty normal for any teenage. kid. And I had the attention deficit. Yeah. disorder, which no one knew. because no one was talking about that.

either. So, that's the reason I couldn't pay. attention in school and was getting bad. grades. And no one knew why. They just. thought that I was purposely trying to. not pay attention, but I just really. couldn't focus. Yeah. Yeah, and it's. incredible to think that and this I. think this is what's coming out so much. today where people who weren't able to. focus at school because of ADHD or or or. other challenges that they have are. doing phenomenally well in business Yes. and in life and it's like you start to. recognize that there isn't this. correlation between it it's not like oh.

if you did got good grades you had a. great career or great profession. It. could very well be the opposite. How how. do you find you've been able to. What's different about business than. school I guess that you've been so. passionate about and been so prolific at. that you feel is different about how you. were approached school? I feel that my. ADHD I consider it my superpower. and I think that's why in business and. everything that I've done I've always. been. very future thinking and thinking.

outside of the box. and. being a risk taker and someone who. is an innovator and pioneer. and I really attribute that to. my superpower of ADHD. Yeah, but how how do you how do you I. guess. not how does not always being able to. force yourself to focus actually become. a superpower in business? Like that how. does that work? Thinking in a different way Mhm. and.

with ADHD my doctor Dr. Hallowell says. that it's like having. the. brain of like a Ferrari with bicycle. brakes. So you're kind of just always. moving really fast and thinking really. fast and I think that's. why in business I've done so many things. first because I just. I don't know just took a risk and I'm. impulsive. Yeah, and that can so and that's the. interesting isn't it because it's almost. like in school everything has to have a.

process and a method and a approach. where sometimes in business actually. trying something out and being impulsive. or making a intuitive decision can. actually work out where is being. intuitive school is not valued at all. Yeah, I think I just found it to be. boring. Besides, I loved art class, but. music class, but math was not my. favorite. Yeah. Yeah, my favorite subjects at. school were art and design, philosophy, and I I was I I enjoyed economics.

because of how how it was taught, but. art and design and philosophy were by. far my favorite subjects at school. And. it's really interesting because when I. was at school, all I'd ever hear is, "Jade, those are dumb subjects to focus. on. Don't focus on those subjects. They're not going to get you a job." And. now when I look at my life, I feel like. my entire life is art and design, philosophy, and economics. Like that's. that's literally it. And so, it's. interesting how we all have strengths. that that we miss out on. I wanted to. roll back a few years because. the experience that you described about.

meeting the guy in the mall, and then. it's almost like you go through this. experience and you wake up that. you wake up and you're like you know. what's happened, but again, it's another. moment. where you don't want to tell anyone. about what's happened. And I just feel every time I was reading. your book and I read these points, it. was like a punch in the gut for me. I. was just like, "I can't believe it that. something keeps happening. that is not something that you're.

inviting or encouraging, and it's. someone taking advantage. It's someone. going far beyond any point of consent. Yeah. And again, you're having to hold. on to it. Can you walk us through that. and just talk again about what it feels. like to have to hold on to something the. second time around, especially when this. is like from your first kiss to your. first sexual experience? How does that keep accelerating. internally? Like what's going on. internally? That was another thing in my book that I.

had never told anyone. Like. after that happened, I had never said it. out loud again and just tried to forget. it. And um. my friend and I were at the mall when I. was. 15 and a half, yeah. Okay. And we had met these two older guys that. we had seen like every weekend there and. they'd got our numbers and invited us. over. And I had never drank alcohol in my life. before and he had these. wine berry coolers, these wine coolers.

and kept telling me to drink it and. pressuring me and I kept saying no and. then he was like, "It's open, just do. it." So, I had a couple sips and then. I was roofied and knocked out and woke. up with him on top of me and. whispering, "You're dreaming, you're. dreaming." And um. that was just terrifying to go through. and. something that I.

felt ashamed for when again that was not. my fault. This was. someone who took advantage of a young. girl. And and how did it feel like a second. time thinking, "I can't tell anyone. again?". I guess my question is with with shame. and embarrassment keep cycling in this. way. Do you feel like you literally held on. to that shame and embarrassment until. the doc in the book? Like, would you say. you've carried it for that long and what. does that feel like as it festers?

It's extremely. it's isolating. You just feel alone, just like that no one knows, but it's. something that you're holding on to and. yeah, it was something that I held on to. until I wrote it in my book because I. know that has happened to so many other. people and ever since I've released my. book, so many people have written me. letters and contacted me on social media. or met at my book signings that have. went through the same experience and.

they were all thanking me for. them not feeling alone and them being. able to talk about it for the first time. and. hold people accountable for what they. did to them. And why do you think we do. that? Why do you think. we don't keep those people accountable, but we see it as our. mistake or our. Like, you know, you walk away thinking, "Oh, I'm such an idiot. Oh, I'm so. stupid. I shouldn't have done that.". Like, why do you think that is? Why is. it that we just reflected back onto. ourselves, seeing as you've gone through.

things like that? I don't know why we do that. I wish I. knew why. But, I think. when people can talk about things like. this and. it makes others feel safe to be able to. talk about it as well. And that's something that I'm working on. every day. Just. all of this This is. Like, I've been healing, but there's so. much. there and I've now put it out to the. whole world and it's just.

It's been um. hard. Just talking about it and just. thinking about it. Yeah. But, again, I. know it's important for others to hear. We're so quick to judge others. So, when. we hear about these things, if it's. never happened to us, we always think, "Oh, but they could. have avoided it.". And then when it happens to you, you. reflect that judgment onto yourself and. you think, "Oh, I could have avoided. it." Yeah. And so, it's almost like the. more we judge others and we're quick to.

judge others, we actually judge. ourselves more. And the more we judge. ourselves more, the more we are judging. others and it kind of becomes this. vicious cycle where we judge ourselves, we self-sabotage, we self-criticize, then we judge others, we criticize them, we point fingers, and it just keeps. going round. And it's almost like if we. gave ourselves more grace, we'd give. others more grace. And if we gave others. more grace, we'd give ourselves more. grace. And I do think that. when people tell their stories, like, I. I can't relate or say I've gone through.

anything that you've gone through, but. hearing your story. and I'm sure for the people who have. been victims and have gone through these. things, I'm hoping that it creates a sense of. empathy and compassion and grace for. everyone because I think the reason we. don't tell everyone is because we think. that they somehow think it was our. fault. Mhm. Would you. you. Yeah. And have you felt this time. when you've opened up through your book, do you still feel that there's been. judgment back because I know in the past. when things have happened, there's been. a sense of.

Like you've talked about before, like. the idea of when you were when you're. seen as a sex symbol, it's like you're. like, "I like the symbol part because. that's like iconic.". But it's like when people start labeling. you, would you say that this time when you're. sharing the book, you felt that people. have really received it well through the. book as opposed to other ways or do you. still find that there's still some. judgment that's always going to be. there? The reaction to the book has just been. incredible, just overwhelming with so.

much love and support and. just the things that people have said to. me at the book signings and every single. interview and people are just. It just feels amazing to. finally be understood and. have people respect me and. have empathy and kindness and. I feel because I had played a character. for so long, people had no idea and now.

they know that there's so much more to. me and. that's been incredible. I I haven't felt. any. any negative energy at all, so that's. just been. the best feeling ever. That makes me so. happy. I'm so happy to hear that, honestly. Congratulations, you deserve. that and little Paris deserves that, too. And you know, I'm so happy to hear. that because. I think being understood is is the. hardest thing and. especially being understood for the. trauma that's unseen. Like everyone sees.

the page six, or sees the front cover, or sees whatever, but no one really. really sees the inner child that. actually went through all of this. because. that's that's the part of you that the. character's covering. The character's. not covering the truth. It's covering. the inner child that's experiencing all. of this and is not mature enough, and. not smart enough, and not ready enough. to endure so much suffering and and so. much pain. Yeah. Does your inner child. feel safer now? Does it Or Or how do you.

think about your inner child with the. healing work that you're doing? Finally, I feel safe just with. everything. My husband is just so incredible. Having. my little baby boy, I just feel that my. life is Thank you. Complete. Finally, I. just feel that I've built a real life, and I'm. just so proud of everything that I've. accomplished, and. just reading my story, I'm. a survivor, and I'm. a badass.

I love that. That's I mean, it's. you definitely are. You definitely are. It's uh. But And And you see it, you know, it's. like it's challenging because. you know, there's so many people that. the media kind of. naturally picks on in that way, and. sometimes it's good for business, and. sometimes it makes sense for the. character, and. but. there's always more going on, and I feel. like you and. you know, even someone who's your close. friend, like Britney Spears as well, like you've both had.

the kind of tabloid clickbait articles, etc., etc., etc. And I think you went to. a wedding last year, too. And you've. you've stayed strong even though. sometimes the media pits you against. each other, or does that. How have you. managed because I feel like there's. something really interesting that's. happened in in culture when you started. influencing, using that word from your. book. there was a lot of like Even Even for. actors back in the day and musicians, what I've heard is it was like, well, you can you are the only influencer and. everyone else can't be. If they come up,

then you're going to go down. I had a. lot of actors tell me. that what they were told is you have to. be the number one black actor, and if. you're friends with the other black. actor, then you can't be friends because. people are going to choose one of you. And I feel like that happens in culture. and race, it happens in careers, it. happens in industries. How did you. manage to keep a real friendship with. Britney during a time when all of this. is happening to both of you at the same. time? Like, how do you keep a genuine. relationship at that level where you're. both. these these huge tabloid targets?

For me, cuz we understand each other, and she is. one of the kindest, most down-to-earth. people, and is. just so lovely. I think it's important when women. support each other. because we're all in this together, and. I think the 2000s were definitely about. trying to pit women against each other. in the media, and. they were so cruel to us and targeted.

us, and it was really difficult to have. to deal with just the constant. pressure from the media and people. inventing stories and paparazzi chasing, and it was just. really. crazy time, but. it's important when you can have friends. around you that can understand that cuz. they go through the similar experiences. Yeah, I think I think that's the hardest. part, right? Like, there's only like 1% of people who are.

having any given experience, and that. applies across the board. And it's like, if you're not friends with people who. are going through the same thing and. have the courage to open up to each. other, you can feel so alone. Yeah. And. it's amazing that you've been able to. maintain that because it almost feels. like as more rumors get told, you're. more scared. Is that Would you say. that's fair? Like, do you feel as more. comes out about you that's not true, you. become more fearful of people view you? I think in the book you talk about one. point like you're like every room I go. into, I know what people have seen or.

what they know. I guess my question is. how is that stopped you from just. closing off and hiding and actually. going, "Well, no, I'm still going to be. who I want to be." Because I can imagine. that when you walk in already feeling. like you have a big sign on your. forehead, it's it's hard to walk in a new places, but you keep doing it with business. You. keep walking in boardrooms, you keep. walking into new environments. Like, how. have you found that strength? Just from being in this business for so. long and also what I went through as a.

teenager at these schools just made me. I think prepared me for Hollywood in a. way because I had just been through. such abuse that literally I could take. anything. You build a tough skin when. you're constantly around this, for sure. The abuse in the schools was worse. Yes. So, it definitely prepared me for. anything. Are you still friends with anyone who. went to the schools that you kind of. stayed connected with? And have they. kind of found themselves again or.

I reconnected with some of the people. that I was there with. Um. and it's just been amazing just to. come together and tell our stories and. just have made so much impact. And now. I've changed laws in nine states and now. going back to Washington D.C. in 2 weeks to introduce our new bill to. push for federal legislation. So, it's just been. really empowering just to.

meet with people that have been through. the same thing as me and who knew me. before all of this. And now to really used our voices and. I'm now saving children's lives. I'm I'm. so glad that we're talking about this on. on purpose because I feel like that is. such a journey of pain into purpose and. I think you said in your book that. actually when you started helping and. doing this work and. not just doing this work of trying to.

help the people who went there but. trying to change laws so that people. never end up there in the first place. Like that approach. is. when you actually started to feel like. you were healing. Like when you're. actually not just trying to heal. yourself but when you're trying to help. others, that's when you really felt it. Can you walk us through how hard it is. to try and push forward a new bill or. change legislation in nine states? Like. can you walk us through like just how. technically challenging that is and and. what you come up against because I don't.

think we always hear these announcements. but I don't think people know what goes. into that. This is every day of my life. I'm. working. I have Rebecca Mellinger who's. my head of impact. at 11:11 Media and we are constantly. speaking with senators, traveling, going and telling my story. I've been back and forth to DC and this. is a multi-billion dollar industry. So. there's The schools. Yes. There's.

thousands of these schools. There's. hundreds of children that have died in. these places. Just. the reports we have of abuse and. people there's no regulations and um. it's just a lot having to go in there. and. and really push for this because people. don't understand. They don't know what's. happening behind closed doors. And since it's such a. profitable industry. it's also difficult because there's so.

many people that are trying. to fight us against it. But when I. actually go there and speak to them. face-to-face and they hear the stories. of myself and the other survivors that I. bring with me, that's when they understand what's. happening. And when people know that. that's happening, they. can't just ignore it. So, everyone that. we've been speaking to, when they hear. and we actually go there, that's when it. really makes a difference and I think. that's why we've been so impactful.

What do you say to survivors or. of the schools or even that you've been. who've been through abuse? Like, what do. you What do you. What How can a friend. help someone, a friend in their life. who's gone through some sort of abuse? Like, how do you be a good friend to. that? Because I can imagine that a lot. of people are listening right now going, "I don't know what to say to my friends. cuz I don't I've never been through it. I don't know how to connect." Like, what's helpful? It's just helpful to.

know that they can. tell you and. they'll be there for them and not judge. them and. let them know it's not their fault. And. just think of being able to talk about. it and having a safe space where. you can make them feel. supported and just know that you're. there for them and whatever they need. And what do you think like really. creates that safe space? Because I feel. for so many people we think we're so. close to so many people, but you almost.

figure out that you're not. There's only. a few people you can And then you you. even name some of your closest friends. who've kind of been through the same. stuff. But like, what really defines a. safe space for you? You know, what is. You've talked about the relationship. that you have with Carter, your husband, and the space you have right now. But. what has made it safer? Like, what's. actually created that. environment differently now than you've. ever had? Because I have people around me that I. can trust. and.

It's definitely about knowing that when. you say something that people are not. going to go and repeat it. So, that's. something that. I've just learned over the years. Even. before I would test people in my life. and tell them some fake rumor and then. just see if it would end up in page six. or in the media. And that was a big test back in the day. that I would do with people and a lot of. people failed that test. And. now I have I don't have anyone around me.

that I would even have to worry about. that with. And that's something that's. really important to me is trust because. trust and loyalty is priceless to me. That's such a great test. Yeah. That's. such a great That's such a great test. Yeah. If anyone's wondering if you have. a real friend, tell them a fake rumor. about yourself and see who See if it. comes back to you. Exactly. That's like, wow. What was the fakest. thing you ever said? Do you remember? What was like a rumor that I don't even. Like the ones you pushed the boundaries. on. I don't even remember. Maybe just like,

oh, there was like a guy or something. Like, I have no idea. Just something. stupid and then it would end up and I'd. be like, oh, man. How does it feel because at one point in. your book, I think, you know, you talk. about this reputation that you developed. in the media of like, oh, she sleeps. around. She's always with lots of men. And then it's like. and you're like, well, that just wasn't. the case. Was there a part of you that. it was just that was part of the. character and it worked or was there a. part of you that just felt, no, that's.

not true. I want people to know. Like, how how did you process that? I just. knew that it wasn't true. And in the. media, anytime I was seen with someone. at a party. or what Whatever, people would just. assume that that was the case. But. no one had any idea what I had went. through that had made me. really fearful. Like, even though I was. known as the sex symbol, I didn't feel. that way inside at all. And I was so. scared to let people in. That's why a. lot of my relationships didn't work. because I.

was like. a teenager in a way, right? I only would. want to kiss and make out and that was. it. And. a lot of people wouldn't be able. for themselves to stay loyal because. all I would do is kiss and they wanted. more. And then with the media, they just. assumed. that it was a lot more. wilder than it really was because. in reality, it was actually quite. innocent. Yeah. And did you just accept. that? You just realize you couldn't. change that narrative and it was going.

to be what it was going to be or. was it something you didn't pay. attention to? I I just. tried just to not pay attention to. things. I just felt that the. the media just always was constantly. inventing rumors about me and I just. felt. like a target a lot of the times cuz I. just felt that it was a myself and then. a certain group of girls that they would. do this to. What I find most amazing thing is even. in this interview so many times you've. said I'm in a better place now, I'm in a.

And and I know you're saying there's. still healing. I know you're not saying. it's. figured out and it's perfect. I don't I. don't think that's what you're saying. Uh but what I'm hearing is like. you know, I've worked through things, I've found a good partner, like I'm in a. healthy space. I think the hardest hardest thing after. going through all of these things from. an outside perspective is how do you. trust another man? Like right? Like it's. like you have all these men who've. abused you, mistreated you, who've exploited you with the sex tape,

who've who've who've used your image in. ways without even ever consulting or any. sort of. consent and complete you know, so and. it's like you've gone through all of. this. How do you even think about dating. someone, let alone marrying someone for. real? Like because I feel like that. requires so much of yourself. And. although you're sitting here and. obviously, you know, you're a new mom. and like and I'm so happy but I can only. imagine that I've had and I've had. people by the way ask me this question.

when I'm on tour. where they'll say to me, "Jay, I've just. been so abused or misused or mistreated. How do I love again? How do I trust. again?" How have you continued to. believe in real love and real trust and. loyalty when you've seen the complete. opposite your whole life? It was. extremely difficult just not being able. to let anyone in for so long and. with Carter. I wasn't even looking for love at this. point. This was back in 2019. I had went.

home. to the Hamptons for Thanksgiving and. I saw Carter that day at Thanksgiving. lunch and. he was just so sweet and kind to his mom. and was just so different than all the. other guys. And he's Midwestern boy from a town of. 800 people. and he's just. like this sweet nerdy like cute like.

just kind person who's. doesn't care about fame or any of this. He's just. so the opposite of everyone that I've. ever known. and just has this incredible family. values and is just. this angel. Like I really believe that. my grandmother and his dad are up in. heaven and. planned for us to meet. because right away it was just. so different and this like electricity. that I had never felt.

and um. it was literally like we were. inseparable right away. We moved in with. each other and. the just. then the world shut down in March so. then we were really together. Before. that I'd been on the road and traveling. over 250 days out of the year for two. decades. So, I never really had time to. get to know someone because I was always. on a plane. So, just having to be in one place and. not the world shutting down and it was. just me and him together and.

feel like times during COVID one year of. that is like seven years of like my. normal life because. my life is usually so um. busy with everything I'm doing. So, all of that has just been like I don't. know, it's just been so different than. any other relationship where I just felt. like. this is. my destiny. That's beautiful. Congratulations. I'm. so so happy to hear that. I can see you. come to life and you like There's a. There's a There's a glow when you're.

talking about Carl, which is which is. really beautiful to see, but how how and. when did you start feeling comfortable. with. talking to him about what had gone on. because. I'm guessing. that was a safe space, probably the. first time you'd felt it from someone. you were close to. Mhm. What was that. process like because I can imagine it's. also really scary to be like I found a. really great thing. Now I'm going to. share what my real trauma is and. challenges is and how does this affect. like will that person stay? Will they.

run away? These are like the real things. real people think about. How did you get. how did you start sharing what you'd. been through and. when did you start feeling like you. wanted to do that? It was just I feel. that timing is everything and I had just. finished filming my documentary when we. started dating. So, I was already going. through this whole just. like emotional journey and then I showed. him my documentary and he was the first.

person I had showed it to. So, he. learned so much about me from that and. then he just started asking me so many. questions and. since I had already opened about it in. the film, I felt I feel like that really. prepared me for. being able to speak about it in real. life to people. Do you remember an. interesting question he asked you about. your experience that you felt like. really brought you both closer together? Like was there something specific that. he asked about that when you were and. what was your answer and one that. something that brought you closer.

together than you were before that? Yeah, I think it was just. the way he was. He just actually. listened and. he. started crying during certain parts of. our conversation cuz he was. felt just so emotional for what I had. went through. And just to see someone cares that much. really just. made me trust him even more. Just to know that he. cared so much to even.

I don't know, have a conversation like. that cuz I feel like I just had never. really had such a deep conversation with. someone before. Mhm. You You said that you don't. cry about a lot of this much anymore. But. when did you really allow yourself to. cry about it and feel it through? When. was that opportunity you gave yourself? A lot of times I would cry just just uh. after going through things in life and.

just feeling so alone, just coming home. at the end of the night and having no. one to talk to about it. Um. just a lot of times in my life and. especially after. my documentary and writing my book, just. rereading all of that has just been um. so emotional just to have to. feel it all. Yeah. Yeah, you even spoke about. you know,

hiding your pregnancy from your family. and that was something that you and your. you know, you and Carl kind of kept to. yourself and I I always when I when I. first learned about that I was like that. was so interesting to me because it. seems like in one sense your life since. you were young has been so public and so. broadcasted and so. overly commented upon and been out there. and then almost you're having this. really precious personal beautiful. moment. And my interpretation was that it was a. protection of like no this needs to be.

personal and private and sacred and and. special. Is what is that what was going. through your mind of why you wanted it. to be so private? Like what how did that. decision come about where it's like no. well actually this is the one thing that. is going to be that way. I just felt that my life has been so. public for over two decades of being in. this whole industry and. with my baby I just felt that this was. something that. I didn't want all the outside opinions.

from the world or. just the online trolls or anyone talking. about my son until he was here. on this in this planet world and healthy. and safe and. I just I don't know I just feel like I. wanted to keep that for me. So no one knew about it till he was. literally a week old. Wow. Mhm. What's the pleasure in. public broadcast and what's the. sweetness in private.

sacred personal experience? Talk to me. about the difference of the joy you get. from like being in media and being on. stage being in front and center and then. what's the difference in how it feels. when you get to have a special. experience like that? I just want. everyone to hear. because I think those are two things we. crave and chase. For me I love to make other people happy. and. feel that energy and love and.

it's just. and feeling. Um. but then to be with my baby boy and just. have him. laying on my chest and looking up at me. at night with those innocent eyes and. just. this little sweet precious angel who's. just my world. So, they're two different feelings. Like one. is just. exciting, but then the other one is. actually just.

true real love. Mhm. And I feel that for so long I always. considered all of that type of attention. love, but now I know what real love. truly is. Wow, yeah, that that hit. Yeah, that. hit. I want everyone to. take that away that. we often think of attention as love, we. think of validation as love, we think of. compliments as love.

But love actually isn't any of that. Those are just almost like fake currency. or fake money. Yeah. And. yeah, real love is is what you're. experiencing now with. your baby boy and with Carter and with. yourself at the deepest level. Like do. you feel that we hear these words like. self-love and self-care all the time. now. They're they're all over the world, but. how do you define self-love now? Like do. you feel like this is the first time in. your life that you've allowed yourself. to love yourself or. have you loved yourself throughout all.

of this? It's the first time I've. gotten to know myself, so therefore I. could really love myself. Because I feel that for so long I was. just. very lost and. I had been through so much that I was. just. living such this fast-paced life that I. never even had time to think about. anything and I think I purposely. made myself so busy that I wouldn't have. time to think about anything that that I.

had went through in my life. Um. and now just I've gotten getting to know. myself and. just feel so many different feelings. Now I. truly can. love. and know every part of me. Mhm. Absolutely. Absolutely. How are you. hoping to. be as a mother now like having you know, you've had. an interesting relationship with your. own family which you talk about in the. book so much. I think we all have complex.

relationships with our own parents and. family and. we love them, we appreciate them and. then there's certain decisions, there's. a you know, you talk about how like you. know, at one point you wish that your. parents would just say sorry we did that. but then you've learned to understand. that they may never get there. How does. that How have you become okay with that? We'll get to the mothering part but how. have you become okay with that because I. think for a lot of people that's the. hardest thing where it's like my parents. were wrong, they made a mistake, they. should be sorry, they should be. accountable but you're actually saying I. do feel all those ways but at the same.

time. I actually feel like that's okay, that's. their journey and that's their story and. I'm okay with that. How do you cuz. that's a real nuanced subtle place to. be. How do you How do you become okay. with that? For me. just knowing everything I know now, I. think for when I was a teenager and I. was sent away, I. was so just sad and I was angry but now. being an adult and just I've. doing all my research and.

now finding out that. these schools are completely. manipulative and. they lie to the families and have all. this false advertising and. fake brochures and just it's. such an evil industry and my parents had. no idea, and they were tricked, and. that's something that I.

realize now, and um. so I can't be angry at them because they. were just trying. to do what they thought was right. Yeah, that that requires a lot of. maturity, though. Like that requires a. lot of. looking at the context. Because I find that when you don't have. that context, it's so easy to be in. conflict with someone. But when you actually create that. context, and you zoom out, and you go, "Wow, like this is a big industry. So. many people have been brainwashed. So. many people have been marketed to, and.

so many people have been made to believe. that this is the best thing for their. kids." To the point that you're on the. phone, and they're still saying, "No, no, no, just work the program.". And. how does that affect how you want to be. a mother? Because I can imagine. that. it makes you want to be really. protective, and at the same time, like. you've also lived a life where you know. the benefits of. exploring. Like you you talk about the. book multiple times of like you're happy. you partied. You're happy you went out. Like you're not you're not upset with. that. And then it's like, how do you how.

do you think about it with becoming a. mother, and how you plan on raising a. child? Like how do you think about. protecting versus also exploring and. curiosity, and how that how how you help. a child with all those crazy decisions. we all have to make? Now that I'm a parent, I can completely. understand just. if I had a daughter, and she was. sneaking out in the middle of the night. in New York City, and. I had no idea where she was, I would be. so terrified. So I can completely.

understand just. how my parents were just. scared because they were just trying to. protect me. And I think that's. a hard part because you just want to. protect your children so much, and. I think when you're so strict, it just. makes them want to rebel. So. I don't know. I think I'm definitely. going to be strict. I hope that my little Phoenix does not. rebel, but. at least I'll be more prepared because. of everything that I've went through.

And also, I won't be able to be tricked. about sneaking out or any of that. because I know everything. Oh, good. But, I'm hoping that he will just feel. so safe that he'll be able to tell me. anything where he won't want to hide. anything because. I think that's when. kids will sneak out or do things or lie. because they feel like they can't talk. to you. Yeah. I think that's what it is. That that. really resonated for me. Every kid in. the world is going to make bad mistakes.

and bad choices and bad decisions. I. mean, it's I don't know anyone who. hasn't, but. if you feel safe enough and comfortable. enough to tell your parents and you. don't feel like you have to hide from. them, then you can actually solve stuff. with them and you don't feel judged by. them. That that makes the world of a. difference. I Yeah, it's it's funny what. you said there. Like you're like he's. never going to be able to get away with. anything because you're you're the. you're the ultimate But, he is your son, so you never know. Like he he might be. he's going to be super smart as well and.

know exactly how to play the game. Exactly. You You said in your You said in your. documentary that you don't believe you. will be truly happily happy until you. have $1 billion. Uh how's that goal changed? How How is. that. metric changed? I think before I. had such a focus on. money because I really saw that as. freedom. cuz that was something I said to myself, "When I get out of here, I'm going to. become so successful, make so much money.

that no one will be able to control me. or tell me what to do.". But, now I've. just become so successful and everything. I've created with my media company and. all of that. And I'm so proud, but. that's not my main focus. I care more. about babies and billions. Babies and with billions. Yes. Yeah. Or. I can have both. Yeah, both. I love that. One of one of the things. that I really struck me in your book and.

I'm I'm happy to hear that shift in uh. goal. That's beautiful. I think one of. the things that shifted, you said this. you talked about how you got robbed of. time. And then you said the only way you. got through and I thought this was so. true and so powerful and that's why I. want to share it with everyone. You said. the only way you got through the school, specifically talking about the school at. that time, but assuming pretty much. everything in your teens that you went. through in your 20s, you said. I created a future world, a future self, and a future life without boundaries.

And that's how you survived. Can you walk us through what that means? Like how were you in this almost in. prison. like it sounds that way the way you. described it, but creating a future. world, a future self, and a future life, what does that look like when you're in. prison, chaos, like pain? How are you doing that? I was just so. just. sad and depressed and it was just so.

horrible of what I was going through. every single day that I just. started. just creating in my mind of this whole. life that I wanted and what I wanted to. do when I got out of there and. just building this kind of almost a. fantasy life of who I could be. And um I really do believe in. manifestation and really manifesting who. you can become because I really believe.

that I did that. And it all started from. just so much pain. and then wanting to turn it into. something positive. How much of it happened the way you. imagined it versus how much of it has. actually been better than you imagined. or less than because. yeah, I'd love to know. I just I always had big dreams but I had. no idea that it would ever be on this. level. And.

I was just um. it's been such a journey just everything. that I've went through like. when I was a little girl I wanted to be. a veterinarian and then. moved to New York and just saw just this. whole other world of business and. everything and. I think that. just sitting there and having time just. to really think about everything and. I always dreamed of having one perfume. and now I'm about to release my 30th and.

it's just that I feel like everything. I've really put my mind to is has come. true. And that was just your focus. So when. you're in that school facility. and you're going through all of this. your mind's just there. Is is that. literally you just sit there and. visualize it? It was like an escape. Definitely. It was. otherwise it would have just been so. hard to go through if I didn't have. dreams. of what I wanted to do. And would you say that was the same. technique with one of the things that.

hit me was like. you know, you felt good things happening. in a row before and then you know, specifically in the example when you're. talking about Simple Life comes out it's. it's going to come out. It's you're. excited about it. The Sex Tape comes out. straight after all of a sudden. everyone's, you know, tearing you apart, taking you down. It's. the worst things happen where, you know, it's put up in a grocery store sign. You. know, there's you talk about all of this. in the book and I'm thinking you're just. feeling like you've got through the. tough time, your life's on track and.

then all of a sudden it's like this. something goes back in your face again. I'm like, how did you just I I. constantly when I was reading the book I. was like, how do you get up from this, right? Like. was it again the same visualization and. manifestation that helps you break. through that or what helps you overcome. and reframe that because I think that. would just knock people out forever. I. that was one of the most painful. experiences to go through.

Just. to look. been with someone and really loved and. trusted them and. something that was one night of your. life where you never thought anyone. would see it and then the whole world is. watching it and. judging and. just being so cruel and it was just. mortifying and I didn't leave my house. for like. months and I didn't want to see anyone. I canceled the press tour for the simple.

life. I. just was. it was so just painful to go through. that and. just to have the whole world just. knowing that everyone was watching it. and. I just felt like he took away something. from me because I. I had always looked up to these. amazing women and like Princess Diana. and.

just felt that because of what he did to. me the whole world would have. always assumed that I was was something. that I wasn't just based upon one night. with someone who I really trusted. What's the first step you took outside. your house? What gave you the courage to do it and. how did you realize I'm not going to let. that person define my narrative? It definitely took a while for me to.

feel. brave enough to go out there. And. my first thing that I did was actually. Saturday Night Live. with Jimmy Fallon and. I feel like I took control of the. narrative there just with that script. with how they wrote it. I thought it was. just really Yeah, you share in the book. really well. just a funny way to. I don't know how to describe it, but I. just felt like I was taking control of. my narrative in that way. Mhm.

Yeah, when I when I read your story and. when I listen to I'm like here's someone. who has just never backed down, like. never given up and I think this book. which I encourage everyone who's. listening to read I I really do because. I think when we see things in the news, they're very different to when you see. it from the viewpoint of the person. going through it. Yeah. And. I just want everyone to think about for. a second just how you feel when your.

friends think something differently than. the truth or how you feel when your. parents or maybe you live in a bigger. community and they all think something. of you that wasn't true or they see. something about you and they react to it. differently. and you know inside of you how you feel. when your narrative is taken away from. you and it's stripped away from you and. another narrative is placed on you. I. think everyone in the world knows what. that feels like on some scale and some. level. And. I hope that it allows us to.

see that nuance in everyone else. It's. not saying that anyone's perfect or. anyone's amazing. It's saying that. can we just accept that. there are two sides to every story, that. there are. there's countless hidden truths that we. never discover, that we're not aware of. and that there's nuance to everything. There's subtleties to everything and. that everything isn't how it's made to. seem in the way it's presented. And if. we could just give people the benefit of.

the doubt, we'll probably give ourselves. the benefit of the doubt as well. Definitely. Don't judge a book by its. cover. Yeah. And and uh. we all do that all the time. Um. Paris, it has been such a joy talking to. you today because I really appreciate. your trust. I know you haven't done a. lot of interviews and you haven't I I. really appreciate and value your trust. and your team's trust in me and having. this conversation with me today really. means a lot to me having read your book. to actually get to sit with you. And we end every episode with a final.

five. These are five questions that have. to be answered in one word to one. sentence maximum. So, short answers. You're You're very good. at taglines and all the rest of it, so. this should be easy for you. But uh. Paris Hilton, these are your final five. Question number one is what is the best. advice you've ever heard or received? You only live once, so make the most of. it. Okay. And what's the worst Second. question, what's the worst advice you've. ever heard or received?

The worst advice that I've ever seen. is when people say to care so much about. the opinions of others. And I feel that. in my life that. I used to just care so much about what. others think and I think it's just. important. to care only about people in your life. that love and care about you think and. not others who are not good people. Amazing. Question number three, how would you. define your current purpose?

My current purpose is. to make the world a safer place for. children. Oh, that is a beautiful purpose. Thank. you for doing that. Like I'm I feel so. grateful that that's your purpose. I. think that's such a need in the world. right now. And. the legislations and the bills and you. know, it's that's the only way it's. really going to happen to. to make sure that it doesn't happen in. the first place in a proactive way. So, that's really beautiful. Thank you. If you had a message or an intention or.

a something you would say to the people. that. have hurt you. and made you feel like you were the one. who had to be shamed and embarrassed, what would you say to them? You should be ashamed of what you've. done. And I hope that. you read this book and. you never do it again. Thank you. Uh great answer again.

Uh I think it's so interesting like to. really. to really. feel remorseful and to really. feel. sorry means to really try your best to. live through the pain you caused. someone. I don't think you can. you can never really take you can never. take back what you did and you can never. to be honest, your sorry and your. remorse can never really.

repay the other person. And I'm guessing. you've had to do all this work without. any apologies or remorse, right? Or has. there ever been any apology or remorse. from any of these people or never? Mhm. No. Never. Mhm. I think that's the uh. that's probably one of the most. incredible lessons from this book is.

that there's a famous quote that says we. should learn to accept apologies that. we've never received. Mhm. And it seems like that's what your work. is doing. That you've learned to accept. apologies that actually never came your. way. And I love what you said about. people reading the book to really. understand how much they can. potentially wreck and ruin someone's. life, especially a young person. Uh fifth and final question, you'll like. this one. If you could create one law in the world.

that everyone had to follow, what would. it be? My law would be that everyone has to do. one kind thing every single day. Beautiful. And I feel that the more. things that people do, the better place. the world will be. I love that. Paris, thank you for being here. Thank. you for writing this book. I want to ask. you a question. Is there anything that. anything that's on your heart and mind. that I haven't asked you about that you. really wanted to share that.

I want to open it up, give you that. space. Is there anything you'd like to. share, anything I haven't asked you that. you feel is really. front of mind or front of heart for you? Doesn't have. I can't think of anything. That's good. That's a good thing. That's That makes. me happy. That makes me happy. I just I just. wanted to honor it and because I, you. know, I I really feel you've been so. giving and kind and generous to your. story and I want everyone out there. who's listening and watching to go and. grab a copy of the book, Paris: The. Memoir. Uh give it to a friend who's gone. through something or.

you might know they've gone through. through something and they're not sure. how to process it and. they're thinking about it, they're. struggling with it. I think that this. book is going to open up some incredible. conversations about abuse, about ADHD, about connection to our families and. parents, about rediscovering ourselves, and I hope it starts that conversation. for you and your friends. Uh Paris, thank you again. Thank you. Thank you. So happy that I came on this. You're awesome. Thank you. You're very. sweet. Thank you so much. I appreciate.

it. If you love this episode, you'll. really enjoy my episode with Selena. Gomez on befriending your inner critic. and how to speak to yourself with more. compassion.