MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY ON: Before You WASTE 2023 Away, WATCH THIS! | Jay Shetty

when do most of us go to a diary when. we're having problems I think I need to. start writing stuff down to make sure I. take the time to write stuff down when. things are going well so I can dissect. my successes when you won the Oscar in. the in 2014 and you gave that speech I. had a ritual at that time in my life. where I listened to your speech every. day for 30 days and maybe even a bit. longer and it was so powerful and. profound and when I read your book it. was exactly what I was looking for.

because I wanted that speech to never. end I wanted it to kind of like go in so. many different directions so anyone who. hasn't heard that speech go listen to it. if you have heard it you know what I'm. talking about and the book literally. feels like a never-ending version of. that speech which is beautiful Bravo. great I love hearing that translation. it's it's very true so I wanted to start. there uh and and before we dive into the. book in chronological order I was going. to pick this out uh because on page 17.

E3 you say I started to believe my. life's calling was to become a monk now. now I don't know if you know this but I. lived as a monk for three years in India. and so when you s when I read that I was. just like I have to find out about this. and so I wanted to hear why was that. you're calling or why did you feel that. was your life's calling at one point and. and have you ever thought about it again. yes uh well that came to me at a time. when I was having a very introspective. forced winter of a year in Australia as.

I was exchange student. um and it was a very unsettling year for. me. um I was alone in a foreign Place uh I. was you know struggling with my own. identity I didn't have all the crutches. or things I could rely on around me. friends car cash a job Mom Dad I didn't. have any of those things so I was forced. to rely on myself. um. and forced inward it was it was a real. year of resistance now in that. um and I was going to tad bit and saying.

I think it's fair to say I started to. create daily disciplines for myself. um and as you as you know when we're. sort of lost creating daily discipline. to give you a a tangible measurement of. okay I I ran six miles today. um you know for me I was a runner I went. vegetarian I didn't know how to do it. and was looking for my calling and at. the time I was like oh I'm going to go. over to South South Africa and help. freeze Nelson Mandela I'm going to. become a monk I think that's my calling. and I talked to a very good friend of.

mine a story brother Christian who's a. monk about that and he was like well do. you have really great communication. skills Matthew I think that I I admire. what you you're calling to go do that. but maybe your way is to be in in what. you're doing in life to communicate more. and not become a Hermit or a monk and as. your last question it is something that. I still consider and remind myself that. I still have time to try and do it. that's that's my goal I love that I love.

that man that's that's beautiful and I'm. glad you stayed on the path you did as. you've gone on to definitely use those. communication skills extremely. effectively and and with the book so the. book's called green lights uh like I. said it was a joy of reading it and this. analogy that you create of green lights. uh 12 talk to us about what is a green. light but more deeply for me what I'm. fascinated by is how do you know when. something's a green light and sometimes. do we miss them like do we miss green.

lights as well absolutely we miss them. all the time. um. sometimes they're right in front of us. we don't see them daily because we're. not in a place to receive them to. recognize them to be aware of them to. see a certain situation we that. sometimes we see red and yellow lights. where they're actually. green light sometimes we slow down and. stop or feel like we're getting stopped. when it's actually no it was it was free. there was no glass on the on the on the. floor you could pass through that dark. hallway it was it was it was a free ride.

whatever that may be a lot of times I. think I know that we can create Green. Life engineer them for our future by the. choices we make daily. um I call it since it's a version of. delayed gratification uh it's a version. of rli return on our investments it's. like teeing ourself up being kind to our. future self teeing up more green lights. in our future. um they're based on a mix of. responsibility and Freedom the choices. we make compounding assets of our future. um if we for instance because sad to say. I'm gonna lie cheat still get it get a.

short money green light right now for me. well you're actually teeing up yellow. and red lights in the future because. everywhere you go you got to look over. your shoulder and go oh is someone here. that a lot cheap stole from and the cop. traffic or whatever that may be as a. metaphor if we take care of our business. today it can be simple simple thing. here's a simple green light thing put. your coffee in the coffee field to the. night before you go to bed you're so. happy the next morning just to press. that button because sometimes it's hard. to make a coffee when you hadn't had. your coffee so there's there can be. simple little green lights where you tee.

yourself up for for. um be more success and ease in the. future and then like I said sometimes. you can engineer them sometimes they. will just fall in our lap. um and how do we how do how do we find. them I've found that we find them by. either enduring through something. or pivoting and having on having another. look at something a different way or. raising the white flag and saying I give. I'm going to live to fight another day. because I'm going to fight another. battle here the tool for getting that to. them that I bring up in the book is when.

faced with the inevitable get relative. so when do we deem something inevitable. a situation like now we're in coveted. it's inevitable. so you and I can sit here and go oh my. God when's this going to end I wish this. was over I wish we were back in the good. old days nothing constructive than. anything I just said nothing leading. towards the green line but can we say. and recognize like you did offline. before we got on this hey I've really. it's really been a still quiet time for. me right now I've been taking inventory.

that's recognizing a green light in the. red light we're in right now. and setting yourself up for more for. that to remain a green light to make. this useful time in whatever way you can. you're already cultivating and building. a green light for your future in this. red light time. so in that version the another truth. that I believe is that every red neon. light does reveal itself to be green. somewhere in the rear view mirror of. life sometimes we notice it today. sometimes next week next month next year. sometimes on our deathbed sometimes. maybe our great great great great.

grandkids will actually be the first. recipients of the green light of some. red light we had in our own life that's. beautiful I love that I love the fact. that it may outlive us like we may not. even get to see it like I think that's. that's some real power in that because I. think we have such an obsession with. seeing feeling holding experiencing. grabbing having and and what you're. actually saying is that if you're.

planting that seed right now for that. green light you may never actually. experience it as the green light but. someone in that Legacy or lineage will. get to experience it my father died in. 1992. major red light in my life. red light for all quite a while. I read in going through writing the book. I looked at the Diaries I was like. oh with him passing away. the values that he had you kind of had. learned from him that you were doing you.

know a decent job of living by but not. really why wasn't I really. doing a good job because I had him to. rely on he was alive he was my safety. net he was above government and law to. me so dad's there I'll be I'll be okay I. don't have to really commit I don't. really have to man up to this situation. I don't really have to cut the courage. to do this because my dad's here he's. got my back oh lost him oh he's not here. uh oh. um and all of a sudden everything that I. revered all the Mortal things in life. that I revered came down to eye level. all the things that I was condescending.

and patronizing looking down upon rose. up to eye level the world was flat I. could see further wider and clearer I. gained courage confidence uh kindness uh. um became more of my true self and was. more truthful I don't believe I would. have done that. I know I wouldn't have if my dad was. still alive at that point maybe I would. have done it another time in life but. his passing that red light passing. revealed early green lights for me and. now in hindsight I'm like I don't know.

if I'd be here. I don't know if it had the family I have. I don't know if I'd be who I was if my. dad would not have passed so it's not. about denying the red light it's not. about covering up and saying oh it. didn't happen no it happened and it's a. red light but even the one we're in now. there's a great chance we have the. opportunity to look back at 2020 the. most awkward and tragic year that we can. remember has a banner year of rebirth. and change in a year that really moved. our floor. it's not a guarantee that we we use it.

but we have an opportunity to and. secedes of those green lights we're. living in them right now we may not know. what they are yeah no that's a really. it's it's the most empowering. perspective that we can live with and. and it's not even just and you know and. I know you consider yourself an optimist. I wouldn't even say that that. perspective is just being optimistic. it's actually being the most. introspecting and like you saying going. inward to try and change that experience. but tell us about you talked about your. father and your relationship there tell. us about how that was like in your.

childhood when obviously you wanted to. make him proud you wanted to you know. make him feel something and he had these. expectations how did you align with. those expectations or or was it. different I don't think it aligned with. those expectations for a while. um so I've got two older brothers yeah. um my older brother rooster who's 16. years older than me my dad was a you. know he's trying to raise his young boys. into men and he. did a good job of that he had. expectations of that he also believed to.

write a passage and initiations. um. and. sometimes those were physical. um and and physical encounters with him. or at least he always told us hey you. want to Buck you don't like how things. are being run under this household you. know where to find the boss I'm right. here ready whenever you are my older. brother took him up on that. at about young 20s and from that day on. they were best friends and my Dad loved. he was looking for his boys to just it.

was more that we would accept the. challenge have the courage to accept the. challenge that was it that would have. made him I failed to do that a couple of. times early in my life I chickened out. and. you know in Heinz decided I kind of. regret that that I did because. he would have probably hugged me as soon. as I said all right pop I'm taking you. on he'd about me like that's my boy and. gave me a great hug and then it would. have been over and we'd have moved on. so I was raised more by My Mother My dad. became more successful at work so I had.

to be on the road more. um he and I kind of got to know each. other for the first time. um well it was one summer. in the middle of my Mom and Dad's second. divorce where he and I lived in a. trailer park together and I kind of got. to know him pretty good them and I was. very young man. the first time I really got to know him. is somewhat of an adult was around. 18 or 19. um and we we had to spend some time. together and I was of age to go have a. beer with him at the bar or hang around. his friends and be a part of the stories.

I was hearing instead of just. hearing about the stories the next day. um and one night we were walking out of. this this bar and I remember he was. rocking right behind me and that as I. passed out the door frame. and head into the parking lot uh this. bouncer stepped behind me and put his. hand on my dad's chest and said you pay. your tab sir my dad was a big man and I. saw my dad kind of look down at his hand. and kind of Slough it off and go yeah. bud because we had paid the tab we did. pay the tab but as he moved that hand I.

I and and and the image. I had looking over my shoulder of. another man putting his hand on my dad's. chest as my dad was about to go tell. that to tell this guy hey Bud don't put. your hands on me before that could even. happen I pounced this guy I pounced this. bouncer next thing I knew. I was being pulled off of him and he was. down on the floor 20 feet back in the. bar over a table on his back what and it.

all just happened and I remember that. night I got pulled off and I'm kicking. and screaming and groveling and I hear. this voice in my ear that's enough son. that's enough. and it was my dad. well. that was a bit of a rite of passage for. me in his eyes I remember him calling. all of his friends oh hey the youngest. one he's gonna be okay I was well. worried about him he's gonna be okay you. got to watch him he's got a bit of a. Berserker switch and I remember that. being like that act of of taking that.

chance and that risk physically. um was a rite of passage for him and and. that's when he and I really became more. buddies and he was less my father to son. but then the you know sad thing is he. moved on quite soon after that. um um. after I went to college but yeah he's in. a few other great stories where he gave. me some real privilege and freedom and. approval of what I was trying to be in. life. yeah that's beautiful man thank you for. sharing that with us yeah it's uh it's.

it's interesting because you speak about. in the book so many almost challenging. situations that you went through early. on whether it was you know being. blackmailed for sex uh you know uh. molested like you know but but one of. the things you said after that was like. you were like I've never felt like a. victim in my life and and I was. intrigued by that juxtaposition because. one could look at a lot of those. situations and feel that it was valid. where were you able to not see yourself. as a victim or what was that and how.

have you done that in a healthy way yeah. I mean. we could argue you know and it's worth. its worth the world right now it's in. the conversation defining victimhood. yeah. could you say in those situations I was. a victim. sure. I said I chose I never felt I was a. victim I never chose to say oh I've been. victimized. that may mean in your book or someone. else's book legitimately I was a victim.

so I'm not trying to illegitimate the. the word victim no I didn't think it was. not to feel like I was a victim and I. did not I understood. when I got molested that time that that. was a bad thing that that was not how. life worked I was old enough to not be. super confused about it I was old enough. to be pissed off because I had just come. conscious and this person was in this. situation I was old enough to go whoa. whoa whoa I was also old enough to know. that's not how the most of the world. works you know so it wasn't a confusing.

thing for me so I was able to go oh glad. I came too you know uh when I did and. got the hell out of there you know. another what was the other one the uh. the black metal yeah. ah geez it wasn't ideal man and and I. write a really interesting thing after. that do you remember the line after that. I said at the time. I was sure I was going to hell. yeah. I only hope that that isn't the case yes. yes yes yes yeah that was yeah that was. funny that was the worst part about it.

is I was I thought I was going to be you. know I thought I was raised to be a. virgin until you're married yeah and not. only did I was I no longer a virgin. until I was married I had been. blackmailed into it and I felt guilt and. shame and and and and and and all this. stuff and ah it was not it was not ideal. but I chose not to say. well that's my lot that's that's what my. relationship with sexual intercourse.

will always be uh I chose not to do you. know to just feel victimized in that and. chose to try to turn the page found. healthy relationships healthy sexual. relationships. um and you know. enough my mom was like oh no we were. just trying to make sure you weren't. gonna you know we were preaching that. but I figured you might do it before you. got married. and so and that's another thing right. there what we're doing right here I. think a part of why I never felt like a. victim is. you and I just laughed at that.

and on paper you go wait a minute. where's the joke there's nothing funny. about that but let's recognize what we. just did did you and I just deny the. severity of what happened not at all if. anything we dealt with it and I can see. it more clearly. humor is such a revealer of Truth and. and and it's uh I think it's good for us. all to remember and I gotta remind. myself all the time and if you laugh at. something does it you find humor in the. situation.

it can be incredibly great truth now. some of the best truth comes out it. doesn't deny the crisis. it doesn't erase it it doesn't wax over. it and say oh I'm just living in the. clouds I'm a foolish Optimist no it's. more than a survival technique it's. actually a way of understanding. um anyway that happened right there. that's that's another thing that's been. real. a real good uh. um intrinsic value that I've had and. been raised around and which is in. having a sense of humor to reveal the.

truth in situations and the book has. that the book has that moment as you as. you're reflecting or recalibrating on a. lot of the themes that are there in the. book and I I was thinking about that the. other day that I I feel I was talking to. someone about it I was like I feel that. way about both laughter and Tears like. that there are almost two things we try. and hold back like we're like oh you. can't cry about that or you can't laugh. about that and and actually sometimes. those are the two best things to do. about most of those scenarios in life. and why not do it more and more you know.

I know we're trying to raise our kids to. say Hey you know I tell them a story and. this is part of why I got into it went. into finally went to film School in. college. I started keeping a diary because. I would go to the. theater and it'd be a packed house. and I would laugh at the joke that. nobody else in the theater laughed at. the whole theater would laugh at the. joke that I was like I didn't think that. was funny. I was fine and I was not crying when. people. someone close died I was crying when.

someone was born and I was going is this. okay am I weird am I often I was like no. that would lean into that it's okay and. let's start writing these things down. about how you feel about particular. situations Matthew and and started to. write those down and then find some. confidence to go that's okay talk to my. parents talk to friends about them they. were like no that's different but that's. you know keep writing down those unique. sides of yourself and that that's a good. point we try to raise our because hey. laugh cry whenever he said come on let. it out let's be part of the conversation.

it goes along with people say oh don't. you know that old adage don't talk to. yourself yeah what no do talk to. yourself just remember to answer talk to. yourself all you want just answer I love. that just answer that's true that's a. great way of putting it yeah it's and. actually that's that's half the off the. challenge right like all of these like. old kind of rules or statements or. whatever it may be kind of block that. thinking but what you were doing by. writing it down and I love that and I. love how much of the book is like. literally looks like scribbles of your.

writing and your journals and your. annotation which which I get fascinated. by but that was you when you when you. talk about the concept of knowing who. you are is hard and eliminating who. you're not first it's when you start. writing these things down that you start. constructing who you are and. deconstructing who you're not yes that. that was it and it was look I look at my. early Diaries. I was writing when I first started like. 15 right before I started writing those.

things down like a you know a theater of. how my personal response was the. situation. when do most of us go to a diary when. we're having problems. dear diary I so I'm so broke up with me. it broke my heart the stuff I won't say. to anybody else is just between me and. you hard times. early 20s I started to notice that. when I would find my groove and get. rolling on something and was successful. and was waking up in the morning looking. forward to heading out into the day and. having good human interactions with.

people and was succeeding at schools. I was like you hadn't written in your. diary in a while. just like when do when do we pray. usually when we're in trouble right and. you've got to say well all right I've. been dissecting my failures. I think I need to start writing stuff. down to make sure I take the time to. write stuff down when things are going. well so I can dissect my successes in. the hopes that when I get into another. rut again in the future which I will I. can go back to my Diaries and go what. were my habits back then when I felt. like I was rolling yeah and you can find.

a bit of science to that satisfaction it. can be who you're hanging out with where. you were going how late you were staying. up. um what you were eating yeah you know. what I mean it can be all kinds of. things you can find a science too I'm. gonna get back in that Groove again and. it can help nudge you back it's never. the same but it can help get you back in. your lane. so you know this identity who are you. it's a tough question to answer. what is easier and and more fun is to go. all right if I'm not sure who I am let.

me answer who I'm not. what are those people places and things. that are giving me a hangover or not. feeding me back or not bringing out my. truest self well you know what I'm going. to eliminate those from my life I don't. know where I'm going but I'm getting rid. of where I don't want to go be anymore. and by process of elimination you end up. with more things that will feed you and. feed your good wolf right in front of. you because you've eliminated the things. that were feeding the bad wolf yeah. that's that's brilliant you've reminded. me I believe I came across it when I was. looking at Christianity and I'd heard it. and it was a statement of like you know.

don't make god of the Bible your spare. tire make it your steering wheel right. like that kind of right way of thinking. about it like you know it's not just for. a bad time and I love what you're saying. there because you're spot on that we. struggle to get into a Groove again. because we fight we forget what we did. when things were good because we never. thought when you're going good you think. you're never going to forget them. because you think oh this is it this is. the mean this is how it will always be. trust it that Hill's coming yeah and we.

we remember the bad times more than the. good times because when something good. is happening we celebrate for a day and. when something bad's happening we cry. for a month and we get so immersed in. that pain that you remember that pain. you have a good memory for pain but we. don't necessarily have a memory for for. movement and joy and growth. pleasure and success and those things. yeah and I know I'd have to watch this. with me when things are going really. well I'm like aha this as I said this is. the mean this is as it should be and and.

you can just sustain this and if it goes. below this that's a debit but it it. should always be the size and it's just. not fair to ourselves or anyone else. because either we're going to create our. own crisis for ourselves or the world's. going to give us one yeah that we didn't. ask for and we're going to have to adapt. to something and be beneath that mean. again and it's good to have a little map. if you can of wait where was I where's. my head where's my heart how aligned. were they.

in the decisions and choices I was. making when I felt like life was one big. green light and you can go back and you. can see how you can engineer them by our. habits yeah it's it's like I mean using. your beautiful metaphor it's like. remembering a route or a path to. somewhere like when you knew you found. that really cool path up that really. beautiful road and it was quicker and. faster and if you never wrote it down. you just forget it but tell us you you. said like we all have three choices you. were like persist pivot or concede how. have you how have you decided in your.

life when to persist when to Pivot and. when to concede because and tell us. share some examples for those that you. think would help people understand well. let's bring up a situation and if you. can think I want to shoot it at me we. can we can deconstruct these three on. that yeah look well maybe growing up to. become a lawyer like you know you. thought you wanted to become a lawyer. that may be one yeah so I started I want. to become a lawyer that was that was the. in-house in family. Credo that was it I was a great debater. I would win arguments I I was tireless.

in them I was in school debate in high. school this is it family business is. going well shoot the joke was you go. become that you'll defend the family's. business Matthew go ahead great I'm. heading off great idea. I go to University of Texas headed. towards law school well the first two. years in school what are you taking. you're taking liberal arts filling out. some credits after that sophomore year. you better start knowing where you want. to go because you those credits you have. to they have to fill fulfill the. direction you're heading and if you. switch your Majors junior senior you can. lose credits. well I was not sleeping well with the.

idea that I got to finish school here. then I got to go to law school then I. got to try to get a job and then if I'm. a practicing lawyer I'm really not. making a Mark or experiencing anything. until in my 30s I said I really don't. I'm not excited about the idea of. spending my 30s getting educated in a. classroom about something before I can. actually practically experience it so. I had been writing as you know and I. started sharing those writings with a. friend of mine who was at NYU Film. School those names Rob bindler he said.

he the writings were good and he also. said you know what you got great. character and confidence you should. think about in front of the camera too. well that part I kind of was too didn't. have the courage to even embrace the. idea of being in front of the camera it. was too avant-garde I came from a blue. collar worked your way up you had to be. an actor I mean that's like that's so. European you know what I mean or. whatever and so oh what is that that'll. never fly but I could grasp the idea. that I'll go I want to go be a. storyteller. behind the camera now I gotta call dad.

mom who are paying my schooling for this. um I gotta pivot all right now I could. have kept my head down and just gone no. this is just a pipe dream you got right. now lawyer of work just follow it. through you'll be a damn good lawyer. which I believe I would have been I. could have persisted but I said no I I. got I gotta pivot here. now how do I pivot here I got to get the. approval of mom and dad especially dad. and I don't think this is gonna go over. well with him so let me make a plan how. to reapproach this situation.

I'm gonna call him Tuesday night 7 30. he'll be home from work he'll have had. dinner he'll be having a beer on the. couch with Mom he'll be in a great mood. he'll be able to digest this and from. this this question better I call him up. and I said Papa I said uh he goes hey. little buddy I said dad I don't want to. go to law school more I want to go to. film School I'm gonna hear this pause. five seconds then I hear this voice. I'll sign you sure that's what you want. to do. I said yes sir. another pause for five seconds and then. I heard three words that were a launch.

pad for me coming from my dad at that. time. I couldn't have said anything better and. I did not expect this three words were. huh. don't half-ass it. oh thank you not only did you approve. got me out of a shotgun and said this is. more than privilege you got your freedom. here and you better do a damn good job. at it whoa it was freedom and I was off. went to film school got confidence in.

telling stories started working in front. of the camera and here I sit whatever 20. 30 years later. so I made a pivot at that time because. the idea of continuing on to go down the. path of being a lawyer just it wasn't I. wasn't sleeping well it's always a good. way for me to explain to me how you. sleeping with it what's waking you up at. night the idea of doing it or the idea. of losing or missing it it's a good way. to measure kind of choices we got we. want to make in life well you know I do.

it with scripts all the time or I really. want to do this well let me sleep with. the fact that I am going to do it for. two weeks and I'm going to see what. wakes me up at night am I waking up. because I'm going oh man I'm not sure if. I trust that director of that script now. I'm going to sleep with the fact that. I'm not doing this now what keeps me up. at night waking up going no I've got to. do that project I can't go without it. it's a good measuring stick for going. well I think I'm gonna do it you know. what I mean so what I wasn't sleeping. well with the idea of being a lawyer it.

would have things would have worked out. in another way and probably okay if I. would have done that but my soul was. itching and I was uncomfortable and I. made a pivot at that time yeah that's. that's a great one everyone's listening. and watching right now I literally want. you to write these two things down. because these are practical things that. you can do and I know that my community. loves stuff that they can actually do. the first one here was write down your. wins write down those grooves write down. when things are going in the right. direction uh the green lights and what's. going right and how you're doing it who.

you're around what's happening and the. second one here I love this piece of. advice like sleep with it as if you are. going to do it right or sleep with it as. if you're not going to do it like both. of those are great yeah great ways of. testing which one you woke up feeling. more excited about or nervous about or. anxious about and what part of it like. that's such a I love that like that's so. practical I've never I've never thought. about it like that and I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna play with that one too it's a. cool decision making Paradigm if you can. give yourself enough time to really. commit your mind like I'm doing this and.

you'll start to realize well what does. that mean for the next six months of my. life the next year what am I going to. miss out on uh or God or are you are you. thinking about everything you're going. to do with that I mean it's more of a. reason it's waking up at night because. you just can't wait to get up and work. on it that's another thing that's saying. yeah you probably I'll do it there's. there's good scared and there's bad. scared you know yeah it's nice on any. situation and be scared but you let your. Spider Sense to say wait a minute am I. scared because. this is a great Challenge and I'm not. sure what I'm going to do but I'm got.

the courage to dive in or am I scared. because. the pedigree around it isn't maybe up to. the Excellence that I want and that's. another kind of scared you're like I. need to listen to that maybe that's a. reason not to do it yes yes yeah I love. that distinction between the two and. that links nicely to one of the other. quotes that stuck out to me in the book. where you were like you know when you. can ask yourself if you want to before. you do and I thought I was like yeah. that's that's real right there because. there's a lot of things and and actually.

it's one of the biggest things I hear a. lot of is I'm always encouraging people. to move towards their their purpose and. things that fulfill them and and moving. in that direction and pivoting as you. did and and a big part of that question. is but I can do so many things right and. that's a common thing with people like. oh but I could do every I could do this. I could do that I could do this but you. have this really distinction ask. yourself if you want to walk us through. that and why that was such an important. one to write down and push out well it. worked its way into a nice little. Limerick riddle as it laid out and it's.

got you know there's different ways to. look at the the line. um. look too many options can make tyrants. of all of us you know yeah the the. devil's in the yeses. more than the nose you know what I mean. yeah I mean I've been there where let's. say me you know after I got famous in. the Time to Kill. my life. to the 180. the Friday before time to. kill came out there were a hundred. scripts I wanted to do and would have. done anything to do.

but 99 or no you cannot do them and one. of them was yes well over one weekend I. got a movie that does well time to kill. that Monday out of those 100 scripts all. of a sudden it was 99 or yes they're. yours go for it please they're all green. lights please do them one of them's no. and I'm going oh wait a minute in a. matter of 72 hours. I three days ago would have done any of. this and couldn't do any and now you. tell me I can do all of them.

well all of them look great I mean you. asked me to be Discerning right now and. to ask inside my soul when my head is. just spinning going wait a minute two. days ago I would have done any of these. how do I. know what I want to do I want to do all. of them but wait Matthew's only 2 24. hours in the day I know but I need 90. hours in a day anybody given that nope. they're not giving that still 24 hours a. day uh what I gotta do well for me I had. to get the hell out of Dodge get out of. now Hollywood and go hear myself think. let me let my let my memories catch up.

let my brain get reconnected to my heart. and soul and get an autobond in there. because at the moment at that time there. was a there was a one lane Gravel Road. and it was bumpy driving you know. between the old head and The Head and. the Heart. so I took off and had to go listen to. try to listen to myself and get some. just you know some sort of demarcations. between all this frequency of options. that were now on top of me. um. I don't know if that answers your. question. it does it does it does I was going to.

follow it up with um what's the hardest. no you think you've ever had to say like. what was like the one which you like. this was like this challenged me where I. I wanted to say yes but but I had to. follow my own advice and say no well the. heart is no for me and I'll base this on. Career yeah was about 14 years ago and. the stories in the book of when I was. rom-com King yeah yeah okay yeah.

um they were fun they were easy I love. doing them I was getting paid big bank. for doing them we missed them my wife. does for sure you know I mean I hope. maybe I still got another good one in me. in me out there. um they were making money for the. studios I was the go-to rom-com guy and. like I said they were Saturday. characters they were easy there was. nothing wrong with that but. I was feeling very vital in my life I. just had a newborn son I'd met the woman. that I'm now married to and I I loved.

harder I I I had I was could get angrier. harder I laughed louder I my life was. like vital. and I was like boy my my life's so much. more vital than my work I wish I could. find some characters that would. challenge the Vitality of my own life. the man I'm in the man I am in the life. I'm living. so I learned dramas I was looking for. these dramas well those dramas weren't. coming. so this goes back to the process of. elimination. if I can't get what it is I want to do.

I'm going to stop doing what it is I've. been doing that's not filling me up. right so I made a staunch stance and. said I'm not going to do the rom-coms. anymore I'm not doing the action. Adventures. well guess what if you're not going to. do those I'm kind of you may not be. working for a while and that was true. for 20 months I didn't work. for 15 of those 20 months I got offered. zero not a zilch I was gone I thought. Hollywood may have forgot about me.

so it was a big no. the hardest to know because I'm sitting. there this time getting offered 15. million dollar offers for well-written. cool romantic comedies I'm like pretty. damn good and by the way it's even. better the version of 50 million dollars. is a better script than the the one that. was offered at eight million dollars. even though they were the same words I. was like you know so I I looked at those. things but I said no I I made this. Choice with myself I made this Choice. with God I made this Choice with my wife.

Camilla uh my family knows about it uh I. really need to go through this dry. period I don't know how long it's going. to last I gotta hang on to the belief. that if it's to be something will come. up the work I want to find will come up. and find me and sure as heck 20 months. into it all of a sudden I was a new good. idea so I had an unbranding two-year. phase I didn't Rebrand I unbranded I was. gone I wasn't in the rom-coms you didn't. see me on the beach without a shirt. where's McConaughey I don't know he's.

forgotten forget it don't even send. another subscript because he's not going. to do it it's wrong con all of a sudden. someone's going you know what would be. good for Killer Joe Magic Mike mud True. Detective the house Buyers Club Makai be. a good idea it's kind of an interesting. it's a novel idea now it wasn't novel. two years before. you know so that was a big time where I. I dug my heels in and said no. that's eliminated what it was I was. doing to then. find and be found and offered what it is.

I wanted to do and who I wanted to. become that's a great connection to that. onset like I wasn't thinking of that. when I said that that's uh that's that's. a great connection to that because. almost unbranding or unlearning or. almost like you said disappearing is is. the hardest way of refining your. identity because you don't know what the. next step is so there's a leap in that. Darkness there's that you're you're. you've thr you're. consciously and deliberately and. intentionally throwing yourself into.

limbo yeah which is the worst thing. we're all in a certain limbo right now. it's the most uncomfortable part it's. part of the reason our country's divided. so wide right now because people need. purpose identity and something to cling. on to so they're clinging onto the. fringes just to have a sense of. okay at least I'm about something I. don't know if I agree what it's about. but at least I'm about something yeah. yeah and it's it's it's you're throwing. yourself into a limbo and then look I. had help I had I had a great wife next. to me helping me out I had a newborn son. which was my North Star Compass every.

day every time I get antsy what am I. doing I have no significance in my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do I was. like well look at look at your family. look at that young look at that young. man right there that you were part of. creating and that you can raise as a. father it's a brand new day for him. every single day let's try and see what. he's seeing or put things in front of. him that are going to make him go ah I. like this next day so that was that was. that gave me an anchor during that time. when I was getting what I was had. sometimes being quite wobbly yeah no.

that's that's beautiful man I I think. that that is is a great lesson for all. of us and it's so funny that you know. when I was reading your book and. literally in the last couple of weeks. I've been talking to my team because. I've been coming off like I was saying. to you earlier my my book space and and. I was looking at 2021 and and I was kind. of having this moment where I was like. and it's it literally timed when I was. reading your book I was like I need to. start saying no next year like that's my. next challenge like my challenge next. year is to go deeper in what I've.

committed to and do it better. and and go into just immersing myself. into it rather than trying to do ever. you know trying to do all these things. where at one point in my life it was. really important that I was trying to do. a lot of things and and now well you're. probably being offered to do things. you've never been able to offered to do. before totally and and it's like yeah. please thank you I'd love to yeah yeah. and I'm literally in that I'm in that. phase of my life right now in this phase. of it where I'm like okay well actually.

I need to stop that so it just came so. perfectly timed and it was so. interesting I was saying to someone the. other day I was like there's all these. opportunities but you know it's not. gonna work if I if I just keep chasing. them and I loved how you brought that. back to relationships because this this. part of it I think and you know the. relationship you have with your your. kids your wife is beautiful but it's. like it's it's really interesting the. way you explain it like The Arrow. doesn't seek the target the target draws. the arrow and and you said that you. weren't even in a space where you were.

seeking partnership you weren't even you. weren't even looking for it and I think. this is you know when you just said that. like even though I didn't know what was. next and I unbranded myself but I had my. son and I could look at what I've. created I think for a lot of people. they're struggling because even their. relationship world is in limbo whether. they don't have the right partner or. they they don't have a partner and and. you know their work life's kind of going. but they don't have that where was it. for you where you felt you attracted. your wife like where did that come from.

so. I am. you know we all have our biological. clock and our idea when we're younger. when do we see ourselves. having a meeting that that woman or that. man and then having a family you know. and then those years come up on us I I. I've never really been a time clock. keeper. um but subconsciously I I I I I was at a. time in my life where. I assure as heck didn't want to date.

anybody unless I thought it had. possibilities of becoming a full true. long-term relationship yeah I didn't. want to I wasn't wanting to Waste My. Time dating someone unless that. potential is there. um and if there wasn't. you know it's time for us to move on and. we had some amiable breakups with some. wonderful women that we just both saw. hey this is not gonna. we both we both want to find the one. that we have more potential we've gotten. to a point as far as I think we can go. so you know. um. but I did find myself.

looking I found myself. in the produce section at the store. looking down I wonder if she's gonna. bring Murphy I want to maybe I'll say hi. to her I was I was looking you know at. the red light at the at a club or a bar. or a friend would introduce and what I. did in my own thoughts and meditation. and prayers on what came to me was. it's okay. Matthew don't try so hard to find the. right woman to start a family I know.

everything you've always the one thing. you've only known you ever wanted to be. was a father but you don't don't try so. hard to find the right woman to get. married you might end up an 80 year old. 88 you're a bachelor with a bunch of. kids and I'm not going to judge you on. that but quit trying to make it happen. as soon as I quit trying to make it. happen and what I was out and not sort. of. measuring women like maybe it's a. possibility maybe not objectifying well. I don't know I was more present I was. more fun I was more me. and as soon as I quit looking that's.

when she came. the same way I did but when she showed. up and I saw her now by now I put on. moving across the room. uh right to left in my eye line and I. remember I saw this woman and and under. my breath to myself I said what is that. and say who was I said what is that I. got up introduce myself. spoke the best Spanish I've ever spoke. I've never spoken I go to Spanish since. one and since that night I met her.

there's never been another woman I. wanted to to go on a date with uh spend. the night with uh anything and she's now. mother of three of our children and and. we've been married now for. shoot what are we coming on um. eight nine years and that's when I was. able to found it find her that's when I. was able enough it goes back to a little. one of those earlier lessons with my. father moving on be less impressed more. involved yes yes that's when I was I was. comfortable to be myself and and give.

her her space because I wasn't like. trying to dissect wait are you the one I. wasn't playing I wasn't measuring her I. was able to be myself hold my own. Constitution she was able to be herself. and we naturally came together so it. drew the I the the uh the target drew. the arrow yeah when I quit looking I. then that's when I found the one for me. I have to ask do you dream a lot Matthew. do you remember your dreams a lot when. you dream like well I remember ones like.

that. um I do dream a lot. um and like most people most streams I. forget most of them. but. I have had a few that are consistent. that have that that have. been recurring dreams and when I have a. recurring dream that is note for note. shot for shot exactly the same dream I. take that as a sign Celestial suggestion. at least that my subconscious is trying. to tell me something or my God is trying.

to tell me something. um and and I try to back up and go okay. I need to listen to this and you can't. go to someone else for advice about it. because it's only your dream and it was. a dream so you have to really go how. much Merit do I give this yeah you know. and you were talking about it earlier. the truth sometimes we don't we miss the. green lights around yes. they're there yeah are we in a place to. receive them are we in a place to be. patient enough to make them personal and. see why they came to us then are we. courageous enough to act on them.

and preserve them and make them part of. our daily habits and inner being yeah. they come around all the time and as you. know you can't listen to every sign no. or you're running Miracles you know I've. done that before yeah and everything you. know you've seen art everywhere oh my. gosh I got that quote in there about a. man full of ideas needs to be need some. starvation a man full of Truth needs to. be fed well I've had those times where. I'm full of so many ideas ever I'm. inspired everywhere and I'm going I. gotta cut some of this out because. there's too much inspiration yeah I.

can't focus there it's a shotgun spread. and I need a little rifle here. um and at the same time. we don't want to be so closed up that. you're missing them or you let them pass. and you don't give them credit when they. when they come yeah you know yeah yeah. you're one of your dreams obviously not. not a dream while you were asleep was to. become a father like that was always. been a big thing for you what was it. that you dreamed of about being a father. that you look forward to so much and how. is it being on like how has that been. completely surpassed in reality yeah so.

because I'm not a father yet so so I'm. not I'm not yet not yet yeah exactly. well so I remember when I was eight. years old just having this romantic. realization that the reason my dad. wanted me to call the men that he would. introduce me to sir and shake their hand. and look him in the eye which I was. looking up at their eye as a young. eight-year-old boy it came to me that. what's the one consistency in all these. men that I am giving them the respect of. yes sir why am I call him sir.

because they're fathers um. and I remember eight years old going. oh that's it. that's when you've made it. success. as a male on Earth to become a father so. to me that was like one day. then you've made it Matthew it was. always very clear to me since I was. eight years old and the one thing I. always knew I wanted to be. now I have children you have the first.

if and when you do have. I write about in the book the first six. months after you have your firstborn. don't double down triple down on any. Instinct you have man is never more. masculine and clear the man's heart and. head and spirit are never more aligned. than right after he has firstborn triple. down on any Instinct you got career-wise. relationship-wise everything you're in. the zone good to know. um and so then you have them the the. thing that one of the surprising things. in all parents I think know this is that.

before having children I thought it was. more about environment than it was DNA. you know you have children and you. realize we're early no it's more about. biology than I thought they kind of are. who they are I can nudge them and. Shepherd them and move them their way. and put in front of them what turns them. on and try to keep them from from. dangerous harm but they are who they are. um. best thing that I didn't notice about. having children before I had children is. that now I'm immortal. no moral hopefully they have kids and.

that's the lineage so now when whatever. perceivable Shadow we leave when we're. gone. that's my that's the shadow I want. to leave that's the shadow that will. keep me alive forever that's to just. keep living Shadow right there you. become immortal when you become a father. or a parent a mother becomes Immortal. um. that's great advice that's that's. beautiful what's a skill or uh what's. what's a skill or a quality that you.

think you're most wanting to see them. develop or or or and and vice versa. what's something that you think they've. taught you about yourself that yeah you. didn't expect. um. I Camille and I are trying hoping to. raise them. so whatever they individually. uh known individual ways. to be uh. conscientious autonomous and confident. people.

um. we value. [Music]. family we also value self-reliance. um I wanna you know and you'll see if. when you become a parent you you have to. measure kids aren't afraid to fall fall. off out of a tree until they fall. so. how high on that limb do you let them go. before tell him no no no no no no no no. come down yeah because for the first. time when you do that they're like what. what's the big announce and they get. nervous yeah so you measure in life and.

it's a metaphor the treatment but you. measure well I'm going to be cool. because if they fought from that one. they may just scrape their arm and. Bruise himself and that'll be worth it I. don't want to I don't want to ruin the. Innocence impurity that they have then. all of a sudden they get up to let them. tall and feel like dude if they sell. from that that's we're going to hospital. I think I may need to tell them to come. on down but for the first time you're. going to make them conscious yeah. they're gonna have to put on the Fig. Leaf yeah you know what I mean. um so to measure that and let them.

negotiate situations on themselves for. themselves let them the three of them. don't interrupt every time the three of. them are arguing or they're arguing with. their friends let them negotiate that's. real life they're going to get out the. world's not just going to lay out a. carpet for them yeah in my life we're an. affluent family I want to give my. children a lot of them to own up to. where the affluence that we have but. damn sure not rely on it yeah and then. also how do we define success. it's a very interesting thing look up. the earliest web search dictionary.

version of success to today's version of. success. today is about it it mentions like Fame. and money and all these things and the. original version talks about integrity. and and so so what is success what do we. what do they want to be relevant for. they're all three very kind. children some more one of them's more. conscious than the other two one of them. is the the the the the the the. the comedic relief in the family but. smart as well the other one is very.

creative but dog on it doesn't know. where. she put her glasses in there on her face. the other one when you're looking for. your glasses she reminds you on he. reminds you they're on your face you. know what I mean so yeah there are. different they're just some of them are. very practical times some of them are. very Whimsical they're all very very. kind. um and uh I hope them be that they're. conscientious autonomous and confident. with who they are and have the ability. to. you know we still say we never we never. say don't talk to strangers no we travel.

the world we're like yes go introduce. yourself go ask don't I'm gonna I'm not. gonna do it for you go I'll be over here. watching Engage The World's a good place. there's evil in it we have to but but I. don't wanna. don't want to get you gun shy about the. Harms in the world before. you know you realize some of them. yourself and let them engage in some way. they may have the bruise or the scrape I. don't want to engage them the ones that. send them to the hospital but engaging. the ones that you come away going ow.

that didn't feel like what I thought as. I said don't now you know. you know so. selfish you know. well that's another thing I can get into. what I feel about that word selfish and. unpack that because I'm a fan of that. word because yeah go for it most selfish. is actually being the most selfless. um. people you know look at what we're in. now and all the change we're going. through I don't know how to make. systemic change I don't know how to. write policy.

but each one of us know how to look. ourselves in the mirror and say how can. I do a little bit better yeah how can I. value values a little bit more for. myself and if I do that you do that. and another person listening does that. well all of a sudden. we start forming a collective and that. Collective will be better it will be. more valuable Society yeah so what is. that spot where the choice I call it the. egotistical utilitarian where's that. spot where the choices we make for us. yes I'm doing this for me my ego wants.

to do this where does that eye meet the. we yes where does the want meet the need. and the need meet the want yeah where do. we look as good as we feel and feel as. good as we look you know where do those. overlap and that seems to me to be the. honey hole yeah I'm trying to unpack and. continually Chase knowing. I'm never gonna get there hmm. but I think that's what it's about. totally chasing yet. that's what our lives are about. that's what America is about.

you know it's an aspiration and if we. have the will and to want to go you know. what I want to incrementally I. incrementally believe life is can have. an evolutionary small Ascension but. things can improve just a little bit. or what the hell are we growing older. for what's Experience for if we're not. you know if there's not at least a. little Ascension. um and keep chasing it stay in the race. commit to the chase of that. and that is as close the destination has. a kid you know again maybe it'll be.

realized two generations later. you know yeah yeah there's a few things. in that the uh there's a Sanskrit word. called Dharma which which has lots of. translations but one of them is is. purpose and and purpose is seen as the. meshing of passion and compassion and so. what you were saying there of like that. understanding of like you know that. egotistic utilitarian of like you know. where is it that I feel like I'm winning. and we're winning like and it's and it's. having an impact because you're not.

gonna find it in either or like if you. get obsessed with just your egotistical. Pursuits we all know where that goes and. if you just get obsessed with trying to. make a difference and trying to serve. but you don't feel like you're playing. your part in a way that fulfills you. it's you know you it's unsustainable too. and the point you're saying about yeah. the point you were saying about you yeah. the point you were saying about children. true I I found that really interesting. because something I always kind of. wonder about before I have kids is like. fragility and like what is my fragility.

uh. barrier or limit for my kids because. what you're saying there is like we. reflect our fragilities and insecurities. onto them and and I remember I had a I. had a couple of friends who I remember. they their daughter probably I don't. know like two years old was like on the. other side of the room and there were. candles then she was just playing with. the candles like her hands were over the. fire and my and I don't have kids but my. instinctual response was like guys she's.

gonna burn herself like we need to go. save her and they're like no no like. that was their limit like they were like. nope let her play with the fire it's. only a tiny candle if she hurts herself. she'll know she'll and I was like wow. like you know I'm not recommending that. I'm just saying. yeah I mean. she'll go out she'll remove her hand. from the fire before she's actually. really burned and she'll know from now. on that that glowing thing is hot. and it won't you know we'll do it again. usually won't do it again yeah and you. know we don't we don't we can be told.

what to do we can be taught people can. give us advice but really we don't like. to be told what to do no nobody does. kids don't even like to be told what to. do no one does if you go experience. something and you have a parent you have. friends that let you go give it a shot. maybe you can pull it off I didn't pull. it I wasn't able to pull up sometimes. you'll see him pull-offs if you're like. oh you just changed my reality yeah I. couldn't pull that off but you did yeah. you can jump further I didn't think you. could make it over that Creek and you.

did. whoa Bravo okay you've read redefined uh. my measuring Paradigm for the situation. now um so sometimes they can surprise us. yeah because they have a more they have. a talent true more of a talent for. something than we ourselves do yeah um. the other thing to answer that question. about what they taught me. um. you know when we first had kids before. we had kids. Camilla said to me. one condition. so what's that she goes Hugo we go.

which means my work takes me all over. the world and up to that point I had. always gone off on my own lived in my. Airstream trailer with my dog. I don't go out on school nights I go to. work in the morning I come home fix my. meal have a drink study tomorrow's work. go to bed over and over and over I don't. see anybody nothing also my family there. wait I can't be an artist with my family. and but of course the The Good the good. voice the smart voice my other ear said. you better say yes ma'am right now yes.

ma'am anyway it turned out to be the. most wonderful thing. for creativity as well yeah when I'm. doing as you know I've done a lot of. Hardcore dramas that happen to be like. R-rated that my kids cannot see but how. it's been great for me when I come home. with my kids five-year-old so what's. this what's this movie about. and I've got to tell them in the version. that can make it sound fibelic or make. it sound we're there with it and they. think it sounds really really cool and. interesting in a G-rated way. so that's been really good for my.

creativity to answer those simple. questions from my kids when I get home. from work or why are you doing this job. why why are you taking this role. uh great thank you for asking that let. me see if I can give you a satisfactory. answer and if I can't it's another. measurement that we see earlier well. maybe I don't have this down yet yeah. you know yeah I love that that's. beautiful because I think especially as. someone as as successful and artists as. you it's so easy to get wrapped up in. like this is how I get the most creative.

or this is my Optimal Performance level. or I know how to get in the zone and and. that can sometimes be our greatest block. to actually getting into the Zone in a. completely different way yeah I'm very. much I had a great mentor of mine who. would tell me. Matthew you you work so hard and prepare. so hard for scene you love to go in any. situation. balanced both feet balanced you'd love. to go in like this she goes I'm going to. tell you this I dare you to start.

looking at life and your work right. before you go into it get on one leg and. see if you can find your balance because. in finding your balance. balance is when you're most alive and. finding the balance the the stable. position is when life's a verb and you. see Life come and it's life really. happens you know um and it was a great. note not just in work but in life. go into a situation and instead of. coming in set locked in.

do the work that you know how to be. sturdy and balanced but go into it. intentionally off balance and find your. balance that's beautiful that's. beautiful I love that again in my head's. like applying that to a million things. right now that is so beautiful I love. that I love the fact that when we're off. balance that's when we're most alive. it's one of my most animated searching. seeking like looking like as soon as you. feel like you've got it you know it just. Ah that's beautiful that's really. beautiful I love that and you're in your. in your book in the last chapter you.

talk about the 10 goals you set out to. achieve and we were just talking about. your kids achieving things that you. didn't see yourself achieving you had. your life goals written out. have you surprised yourself have you uh. did you always feel convinced it was. gonna happen uh which ones have been the. ones that uh surprise you and which ones. are the ones who are like yeah I I saw. that well it's it's a funny thing. here's why I didn't surprise myself. because when I wrote those 10 goals down. in 1989.

I forgot about him the next day I never. looked at him again God I had written. them. but obviously I didn't forget I wrote. them because I accomplished all ten. although I consciously never looked at. him again or remembered them even in a. mentalist in my mind wow. so. I guess the best I can tell is that oh. you wrote down some really true goals. for yourself McConnell hey because you. didn't even have to write about they. were written inside you with the. unwritten word.

because you accomplished them now look. there's some in there that I pulled off. I'm like what in 1989 you didn't even. know you were going to be an actor you. wouldn't even admit you wanted to be an. actor and you wrote down you wanted to. win an Academy Award for best actor what. didn't look at that for 28 29 years and. found it writing this book and I went. uh okay. want to be a father keep God in my life. family look live a life I could look. forward looking back. I had some pretty cool aspirations that.

for the most part I've I've have. succeeded in some way in achieving. yeah it's special to see that and I love. that that it was again planted as a seed. but you weren't obsessed about it in in. a in a in a practical way because it's. that it's that Obsession that almost. makes you feel so far away from it uh. you know if you're constantly like. looking at every day going oh where is. that where is that and you're only. looking at the Oscar whereas actually. for you it was that you know that pivot.

of like I've been doing these types of. movies and I feel like I need to unbrown. my you know all of that was what got you. the Oscar it wasn't obsessing over the. Oscar you're exactly right and look your. word purpose. it's let's deconstruct that in this way. for myself as well as everyone else. because. that Clarity of purpose to see something. and go accomplished I love that yeah I. need that it gives me significance. achievement oh I can measure it I wanted. to do that today and I got that done.

this is what I wanted and I got that but. it's a dance because not everything is. like that and I don't if if. if you have a for instance in my work I. wouldn't of. gone and done work that was deemed. excellent I'll win an Academy order done. whatever work I've done that anyone May. deem excellent I wouldn't have been as. good at it. I wasn't as good at it until. I had a family. that came first.

when it was my top goal I was more. result in a it was more about the result. when I had family and I was like ah well. there we go now I've made it acting was. number two. didn't mean I worked any less hard at if. anything I worked hard at but I was all. about the process I've gotten so many. more results when I didn't give a damn. about the result. it's like that uh um you know best. rounds of golf. you know when you walk off the 18th. though and you're headed to the next Tee.

Box and they go no you finished the. round you're like oh I didn't even know. it was over the Run oh yeah you said 63. what yeah you know my best work is when. we rap and I'm like okay everyone I'll. see you tomorrow morning they're like no. there is no tomorrow morning the show's. over I'm like oh that's it. you know it's the Bo Jackson he didn't. run across the goal line. he ran across the goal line through the. end zone up the tunnel yeah you know. what I mean it's like extend your Finish. Line. to or to to a place that you're like oh. it's like now dealing with coven I think.

it's very good for us to think. what if this is going on for another. three years. um. we'll probably be able to gauge engage. somewhat normally before then yeah but. if I. I think that moment I'm already starting. to get my my purpose and survival skills. are coming to the Forefront I'm. preparing if I'm thinking I hope it. comes over tomorrow. I'm wasting 30 of my energy thinking is. tomorrow the day and then I wake up oh. not today yeah okay maybe tomorrow.

no not tomorrow you're wasting energy so. it's a good practice I think to put. things way out in front of you that are. beyond your reach yeah so then they. don't they don't stay in that first. place you can't quite grasp them you. can't they're not tangible and you'll. actually probably achieve them have a. better chance of achieving them if you. just put your head down and stay in the. process I love that I love that man. everyone that is green lights uh by. Matthew McConaughey make sure you grab. the book we're putting the link in the. comments I highly recommend it if you. want to be entertained enlightened and.

have an experience at the same time it's. uh it's a perfect journey in that and if. you want to learn more about someone. that you've been watching for so many. years and loving and appreciating then. uh this is the book to go to uh Matthew. we end every episode with a Fast Five. these uh the final five questions and. they have to be answered in one word to. one sentence maximum so that that's the. deal and you've always been already been. very generous with your time so this is. this is the last thing so your first. question is what was your biggest lesson.

from the last 12 months. make sense of humor your default emotion. nice I like it awesome all right. question number two what's something you. know to be true but other people would. disagree with you on what's something. that you're like very confident about. but people may may not agree with you. spending time alone and not enjoying the. company. is a. healthy constructive practice because.

there's only one person we're stuck with. in this life. spending time alone and not enjoying the. company is a constructive. stick with it don't pull the parachute. in the discomfort. you will work it out the monkeys on your. back will finally start playing and then. then swinging from the trees in a right. way and you it will get organized don't. pull the parachute in the discomfort. stick through it because if you pull out. too early.

when you're not getting along with. yourself it's gonna Bubble Up in awkward. ways later on and you're going to be. forced to go through the pendant so. stick with it you'll come out the other. side you'll shake hands with yourself. and you'll realize there's only one. person I can't get rid of and that's me. we better get along. I love that that's great advice I had. many moments like that in my monk life. so I I could definitely relate to. sticking through that okay question. number three uh if you could have one. superpower what would it be. invisible that's the one yeah I gotta I.

gotta just take the the easy low-hanging. fruit and go and then and then just say. okay now that you're invisible let's see. if you can handle this great free yeah. that's a real tester there that's one. that'll challenge somebody the most but. what can you do with that power it is. true it is true can you be trusted with. that power. yeah can you trust yourself with it and. can you deal with what it exposes you to. yep yeah those are the challenges. absolutely all right question number.

four when does a risk not make sense. because as you were saying your father. when you take risks you started to take. you've taken loads of risks in your life. you know there's there's plenty of. examples in the book when does a risk. not make sense when it's for risk's sake. um. it's like. you know. an eccentricity for eccentricity's sake. yeah like what the hell is that for yeah. I I like to see is there is there. construction is there is this a.

constructive risk yeah is taking this. risk what can it pay what can I get from. it yeah what will be the green light in. this what is my Roi return on investment. of taking this risk and. like I said it's not a risk unless you. can lose a fight um. it's not really a risk unless you can. lose a fight yeah. well I said all right Fifth and final. question if you could create a law that. everyone in the world had to follow what. would it be. it's not a law but I'll say this great.

question for for all of us to ask. ourselves. every day. and it will change this answer changes. great question to ask ourselves is this. two words. I value. question mark. yeah because we all you know I I bring. this up in the book about we all want to. be relevant damn right we do but let's. not forget to ask relevant for what what. really matters what's going to think. long money not short money.

what's the long Roi what's the big. Eternal green light you know. um tee yourself up. for the future you know as much as you. can. you know. um yeah I value is a great question that. uh. I think it's prudent for all of us to. ask ourselves I didn't know it'll change. it'll change the answer will change. thank you so much for watching that. video If you enjoyed it you.

Pick Your Love. do you talk us more on the past. the present or the future we all do all. three but we tend to have one we focus. more on or do you think more people. Focus cost that's right and Achievers. focus on the future and happy people on. the present.