LILI REINHART ON: YOU ARE STRONG - Anyone Who Feels Stressed & Anxious, WATCH THIS! | Jay Shetty

I have been in fight or flight mode. for most of my life. What that has done. to my brain and my body, my mental. well-being is, if I continue at this. rate, catastrophic. Hey everyone, welcome back to On. Purpose, the number one health podcast. in the world, thanks to each and every. single one of you that come back every. week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, I.

find it really an amazing fortune that I. get to sit down with incredible people. who are so open, vulnerable, let us in. to details about their lives so that we. can feel a sense of connection to them, but also understand that we're not alone. in some of the pains that we go through, some of the challenges that we have, and. also that we can learn from some of the. changes they've made, from some of the. transitions and transformations they've. been through as well. And today's guest. has a truly inspiring story that I.

cannot wait to share with you. I'm. talking to none other than Lili. Reinhart. Lili has quickly amassed an. impressive resume as one of Hollywood's. most exciting young actors on screen and. is quickly becoming a multifaceted. talent with projects as an executive. producer and author. Lili will next be. seen starring in the incredible next. Netflix film, which I want you to go and. check out, Look Both Ways, which she is. also an executive producer of. Lili will. star as Natalie, whose life on the eve. of her college graduation diverges into.

two parallel realities. I find that. fascinating, can't wait. One in which. she becomes pregnant and must navigate. motherhood as a young adult in her Texas. hometown, the other in which she moves. to LA to pursue her career. I can relate. to the latter. Lili recently starred and. executive produced the coming-of-age. drama Chemical Hearts, based on the. best-selling novel Our Chemical Hearts. And Lili starred opposite our dear. friend Jennifer Lopez in the film. Hustlers, which went on to make over 150.

million at the box office. And of. course, Lili plays our favorite Betty. Cooper in the TV series Riverdale. And. for her performance, Lili won 17 Choice. Awards and has been nominated for three. People's Choice Awards. On top of all of. this, I don't know how she has the time, and we will ask her that. As an author, Lili wrote Swimming Lessons, which is a. collection of poems. I'm a huge fan of. poetry, so can't wait to dive into that. Beyond all of this, the part that I'm. really excited about is Lili is an. activist for mental health and body.

image and uses her platform to raise. awareness to these deeply important. issues. Please welcome to the show. Lili, thank you for doing this. Thank you. You have to live it. Well, hearing it. all in front of you is is a little bit. like, "Oh, right. I forgot about those. things." Um but thank you so much for. having me. It's truly such an honor. I've. I'm a fan. My friends are fans. They're. stoked for me to be here. So. hearing that. That means the world. Thank you for sharing that. I'm deeply looking forward to this. conversation. I do like to remind people.

of the incredible awards and accolades. and the incredible success that you've. achieved because. you've been on your own path to get. there. It hasn't come to you. You've. made changes, shifts, transitions, as I. said. But I wanted to start off kind of. how we did when you first came in. because I love that we discovered that. you're addicted to junk food and sweets, and I can relate. And so I had to ask. you, what is your favorite junk food to. start off with? I mean, I'm a like a I.

love Taco Bell. I'm a fast food I grew up having fast. food. I'm a fast food and of course it's. the most addicting thing in the world. So, very addicted to fast food. Well, you said to me you had something on the. way in. I had McDonald's. Okay. Regrettably, and I and I said as I was. pulling into the drive-thru that I'm. actively hurting my body and my brain as. I'm participating in this, but sometimes. you need fast food. I was like, I need. to I'm I have my podcast. I need to be.

I'm sure it'll actually be slowing down. my brain, but I. but I needed to I needed to eat. something. It was there. I could have. stopped into Erewhon and gotten. something, but I've actually never been. inside an Erewhon in my life. So, you. know, we we had to keep it real today. I. got it. I got off a flight the other day. and I was exhausted and I had to drive. home from the airport and I got myself a. Sprite and I got myself a burger and. fries on the way home at 10:00 p.m. always, you know, even when you're. trying to make the healthiest decisions.

in the world, it's just convenient. Yeah. That's the hardest thing. And wait, you love sweets too and I want. I wanted to find out, does that mean. like sour candy? Does that mean sweet. tooth? Like what what is sweets? Is that. chocolate? Is it. Sweet. I'm not I mean, I love ice cream. I love everything. I love I love candy. I'm I love like. Milk Duds are my candy of choice, but I. love Sour Patch Kids. I love savory ice cream like Savory ice.

cream? don't know. I don't know if that's the. right word, actually. Probably not the. right word. I just love ice cream in. general. Yeah, yeah. I'm always happy to connect on this. these truths because I think as soon as. we start talking about health and. wellness, everyone everyone thinks that. you live this perfect life and I know I. don't too. I Like I said, I'm looking. forward to Sunday to kind of ordering my. burger and fries, but. Right. One of the things that I find. fascinating about you when when we were. doing our research is that. you started out and you've had multiple. jobs before this. Right? You've had.

multiple different careers. Uh, and things I looked at was like you. were a hostess at a restaurant, you. worked at a bakery, you're a sales. associate a role at Pier 1 Imports. Yeah. And when I saw that list, I was like, this is incredible. Talk to me about. what you learned from each of those. roles and each of those jobs. It's funny. because I was literally a hostess at a. restaurant for 3 hours and then I quit. cuz I had a panic attack in the. bathroom. I worked at a bakery for one. shift, 5 hours, had a panic attack,

quit. For some reason Pier 1 Imports is. the only. it's like the only job that I was able. to have outside of acting where I didn't. have a panic attack. Although I'm pretty. sure I did have a panic attack, but I. didn't quit that one. But yeah, I mean I. had to make money. I I I wanted to. pursue my career in LA and you obviously. need funds to move across the country. and do so and support myself, so I I. struggled through a job there. It wasn't.

that It wasn't that bad. It was mostly I. I know how to break down boxes really. well. I I worked in the stock room. breaking down boxes. It was fun during. Christmas time opening all I was like, "It's Christmas. I'm opening all the. Christmas stuff." But I also. did the I was like enjoyed the cash. register. I remember it was so weird. I. I was so used to saying my full name for. self-tapes. Like, "Hi, I'm Lili. Reinhart. I'm however old and I'm. auditioning for". So, the phone rang at Pier 1 once and I.

was like, "This is Lili Reinhart." And I. just thought that was the like the worst. I was like, "This person's probably like. who?". Like that was such a weird. thing. Like let me This is my full name. How can I help you? Yeah. Very Yeah. I'm I am sure that person remembers it. quite well, yeah. That would be amazing. If that person is watching this or finds. this somehow, please let us know because.

we would love to Yeah, I would love to. know. love to discover you. Yeah. Talk. to me about those episodes. I mean, to. start a job and in 3 hours to have a. panic attack, to have 5 hours and have a. panic attack. I mean, that's you know, let me know how old you were in both. those jobs, but like what was the cause. of that? Where was that coming from? Uh how did that happen? was 18. So, I was living in North. Carolina at the time. We had moved from. Ohio to North Carolina for my dad's job.

when I was 16. So, I was prepping to. move to LA obviously needed to have. money to do so. So, was trying to find a. job. My anxiety at that point really stemmed. from. Oh my god, this is so not what I want to. be doing, but it's the means to make it. happen. So, the anxiety came from. This is absolutely not where I want to. be, but I know I have to be here cuz I.

need money. I have to make money. So, the anxiety was like, don't have money, need it, have crippling anxiety and can't hold a. job, but I need a job. So, it was very. very isolating and I I've you know, I. have I've been fortunate enough I have. really terrible anxiety, but I don't. suffer from too many panic attacks, but. I obviously have had them. I know how. they feel. It's the worst thing in the. world and having those in those.

environments was so awful and and I. always immediately text my mom. I don't. know how she does it. She she has been. very much the person that I turned to. during these moments in my life of of. panic and anxiety. She's always at the. other end of the phone or the other end. of the Skype or the FaceTime or whatever. I need her in, she's there. So, I feel. very lucky to have such a grounded I'm. like, if I'm having a panic attack, you. know Amy is going to know about it.

I I really appreciate you sharing this. because I think so many people can. relate to that anxiety. I I remember when I came out of the. monastery, left India, moved back to. London, took me about 10 months to get. my first job. Mhm. Finally got a job. I was working at. this, you know, big consulting firm. I. was back in the professional corporate. world, which is what I would have done. if I hadn't become a monk, and. I was working at a client where I didn't. really understand what we were doing.

I'd been out of the working world for. like. 4 5 years at that point, so kind of lost. a lot of my training in that world. I. struggled with small talk. I'd I'd come. back from this, and I remember feeling. so anxious that I would take the longest. lunch breaks. Like I would disappear. from work for like 2 3 hours because I. just couldn't have those conversations. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't very. good at my job, and I remember going up. to our senior manager at the time and. saying to him that I know there's a.

space for me in this company, but I. don't think this is the right role or. this is the right client because the. work we're doing here I feel really a. deep lack of confidence, and I'm really. just feeling anxious. Yeah. And the way he responded increased my. anxiety. I was going to say, was he. comforting? No. And so I did this you you were there. 3 to 5 hours, and you knew yourself. I. lost it 2 weeks, and so this was after 2. weeks. He said, "Jay, you realize people work. really hard to get this job, and then. they do as they're told.

And they don't decide to shift after 2. weeks." And he said, "If you shift after. 2 weeks, you'll pretty much be ending. your career with us. Like that's what. it's going to be like." And I just still. knew that this was just not where I. needed to be. And so what ended up happening was they. told the client that we were servicing, so my company gave services to a client. They told the client that I wasn't. performing well, and so that they were. going to let go of me. And they literally walked me out of the.

office as if I'd just been fired. And I. wasn't fired. I was just let go of that. client. But they made me feel like I was. fired. So I had to pack my box up. It was so painful. How did you. communicate You obviously texted your. mom, but how did you communicate How. were you received by your the people you. worked with, the person who was the boss. or the owner? Like How How did they. respond to you? they didn't know me, and I didn't know. them. It wasn't even like a 2-week. thing. It was genuinely nice to meet. you. Here's this shift. Oh, now she's. quitting. So, I genuinely don't even.

know what their impression was. I. remember the bakery I worked at, the man. the boss was just very concerned with. getting the apron back. Uh it was like a very like, "Okay, well, make sure you return the apron." I was. like, "Okay, I will make sure the apron. gets back to you.". Um so, that was strange. Did you give the apron back? I actually. don't know if I ever did. Um. sorry, but I think I felt more shameful. about it towards like my parents and and.

my sister, my older sister, cuz my my. little sister was young and didn't have. a job, but I think I just felt like, "Oh, look how pathetic I am. I can't. even Like my anxiety is really that bad. I can't even hold down a job." when I. know my sister at the time was like a. hard-working waitress at at a restaurant. and had been for multiple years. So, I. just felt pretty pathetic. at the time, which is obviously a very. shameful feeling. I mean, that's so. tough, and especially for it to happen.

twice. And when you start judging yourself, and. you start. causing pain towards yourself verbally. or you become internally abusive towards. yourself, and as you said, you start. comparing yourself to to siblings and. and partners or whoever else family. that's in your life. Yeah. How did you. get the courage to try again when when. you've got into such a dark space of. And you And not It's not just a dark. space. It's like you're actually. experiencing physical panic attacks. So, it's not just mental, it's physical and.

mental, it's emotional. How are you still getting the courage to. go, "Okay, I'm going to go Pier 1. Imports." or "I'm going to go even into. acting, of course." It was my drive to. be an actress. It's It's something that. has truly lived so deep inside me. It's. the core of who I am. Um which we'll. come back to that cuz but I but it was. truly my undying ambition and drive to. be an actress where I knew I needed. money. I needed money to make this. happen. And the anxiety was just going.

to have to I was going to have to find. something that I could handle, tolerate, I think was the right the right word. You know, I obviously couldn't be going. to work and having panic attacks every. day. So, I just needed to find something. that I could tolerate. And Pier 1 ended. up being a situation where I was working. around mostly older women, which I think. also says something about who I am. I. didn't I wasn't comfortable working. around these young people who I felt cuz. I have social anxiety and at the time it.

was pretty bad. I was living a very. isolated life. So, being around these. young girls who were also there made me. feel. even more out of place. And so, I found. myself more comfortable in a job where I. was around middle-aged women who like. weren't judging me, weren't necessarily. interested in talking to me about my. personal life. I just really wanted my. job to be my job. I didn't want to make. friends. I didn't want to create. relationships. I just was there to make.

money and then bounce, basically. That's. a great lesson for all of us because I. think we often feel that you can get. into such a dark place that nothing can. get you out. But what you're saying is. actually your drive to where you wanted. to be and who you wanted to be was able. to pull you out of that space to try. again. It was and I'm very thankful very. thankful for that. I never really gave. myself a plan B. I didn't have a backup. option. I knew I was going to be an.

actress. I didn't know what my career. would would look like at all, and I. still don't know what it's going to look. like, but it's cuz it's still, you know, a hustle, and you're still always. working working. But, but I really knew this is my dream. I. have to do what I have to do to make. this work, and. I had moved to LA when I was 18. I had had such bad anxiety while I was. here, tried to hold down a job in LA.

I was hired, didn't even work a shift, had a panic attack, and quit. Wow. Um. and that was the moment I decide I. Skyped my mom, literally. hyperventilating in a paper bag, and. said, "I need to come home. I'm not. okay." Cuz I'd been there for 5 months. at the at I'd been here for 5 months at. the time, and. wasn't making any money, and I clearly. could not handle the stress and anxiety. of holding down a job here. So, moved. back home for 6 months, went back to Pier One,

worked as many shifts I think I was. working two to three shifts a week. because my anxiety could not handle. more, saved up very little money. We're talking like $1,700. in the span of 6 months because I just. could not work that much, but I moved back to LA because there was. no other option. That's incredible. Thank you so much for going into detail. with me. I know we like really unpacked. every job and every role, but it's but I. feel like it's so needed for all of us.

to hear that because obviously when. people see you doing your thing, and you. know, now you're like executive. producing, and you're an author, and you. know, your acting career is booming. It's like it's easy to believe that. you're just confident, and you just, you. know, it's easy, and it's effortless, and. and and even today I've met you. You're. you're you're wonderful. Like you have. great presence, you have great energy, and it's like it's been so easy to. connect with you, but to hear that. that's the journey that it took. to get slightly more comfortable with. these things. Yeah. uh is is really useful to everyone.

who's listening, and of course hard when. you're living it, but tell me about the. role you played in your home. You have. two sisters. I do. And you spoke to a bit about your. mother, who I want I want to focus on in. a second, but. what was the role you played in your. family? Like or or what is the role you. played in your family? Has it changed? Middle child, two sisters. My parents. are happily married after 30-plus years, so very happy to have them as beautiful, loving role models in my life. I was the kid who was very stereotypical.

performer kid, did the theater, did at. dancing classes, loved recitals, loved. perform I performed in front of my when. we went on big family vacations, I would. make my cousin sing with me in front of. the family. I was that kid. And like I. was terrible at sports. That kind of. like we have this kid is meant to be an. artist, for sure. And I began struggling. with anxiety at a young age, when I was.

like 11. is when it got really bad, which sounds. so young thinking back on it. Like I. really was feeling such complex anxiety, and my parents had no idea where it was. coming from. My older sister was bullied. very badly, and she struggled with her. own issues, and so it was sort of like. very hard for my parents to understand. why I was struggling so badly, because.

there were no real external factors. that made sense. Nothing was really. adding up. Like, "Oh, you have you have. friends, you. have extracurriculars, you don't have. any of these any glaring issues. It's. just. why are you so anxious? Why do you hate. school so much? Why why are you feeling. this way? And so. I felt a lot of isolation. at that age from the kids around me to. my own family. It just felt very.

misunderstood and that's really when I. started going to. therapy for the first time and I really. don't remember a lot of the journey. because I think you're just so young. You only remember so many things, but. also I was in such a. a weird tunnel vision stage of your life. where you just are in fighter flight. mode and you're not really taking in. your surroundings or really living. You're just surviving. And so it's it's interesting to think.

back on those times because I barely. remember. All I remember is. crying before school every morning. begging my mom to let me be homeschooled. because I couldn't stomach the idea of. walking through the doors and sitting. through an 8-hour day with the people. the kids around me. Everything was a. countdown. Constantly counting down how. many hours left, how many hours until. this class is over, when can I go to the. bathroom so I can have 5 minutes to be. alone, when can this happen, when can I.

do this, blah blah blah. Always counting. down to something. So very much not. living my life. It was always rushing. through it. One of the hardest things. about mental health I feel is that it's. invisible. Mhm. Like no one can see it. Yeah. No one understands it. Mhm. And often people feel. well, you have this, so why would you be. anxious? Yeah, it doesn't add up. You have this, so then why would you. experience depression? And it's hard. when it's your own family and you know,

when you're talking about being that. young, it's probably when the mental. health conversation wasn't as open as it. is now. all. Where I'm hoping today that at least. parents are hearing about it, are more. open to the fact that they could be. providing a beautiful loving atmosphere. at home and a child could still be. struggling with something. And I think. that's one of the hardest things for. parents is that it's almost like they. see it as a reflection of them. Mhm. It's like what am I doing wrong? wrong with my kid? What did I do? What did I do? Exactly. And and that. idea of what did I do stops us from.

thinking about the other and thinking. about that person when that's really the. moment where a child is saying, "I'm. struggling with something." And and the. ego inside all of us, not just parents, the ego in all of us goes, "But no, no, no, but that's not my fault. Like I did. or I don't want I don't know what I'm. be right. This can't be right because I didn't do. anything for that. It sounds like your. parents are wonderful, right? Like from. what I'm hearing. Yeah. And so obviously for them I can. imagine it's hard. When you start going. to therapy at that young age, when you. start getting exposed to this, when do. you start to feel like you're gaining. tools, clarity, insight that you're.

like, "Oh, I can cope with this.". Because it sounds like from what we were. talking about, it's not something that ever goes away. It's not something that ever just. disappears, but you start coping better, you start managing it better. Is that. accurate or. Yeah, no, for for sure I think the. therapy was a really beautiful. for 1 hour a week I was talking to. someone who just got it. She was an older woman. I instantly. really loved her and connected with her.

I still felt like it wasn't okay for me. to be feeling what I was feeling, like. it wasn't justified and maybe I would be. looked as crazy. So I remember. even in my therapy sessions would be. like, "Oh god, my allergies are so bad.". As I had tears streaming down my face. I'm like, "Girl, you're in a therapy. office. You're allowed to cry.". And it's interesting like the messaging. from when I was a kid to to what it is. now is so radically different compared. to even, you know, 20 years ago. How. insane, but even just from when I was a.

kid. being I feel like you heard the thing. you heard the term don't cry. You don't. need to cry. Crying is the most beautiful thing you. can do. I encourage people to cry. I cry. all the time and I think it's the most. healthy expression of how you're feeling. and I I sometimes wish. I just could have been told. you can cry. There's no shame in that. There's no. shame.

in how you're feeling and also you don't. need to always be justifying it because. I think I was constantly trying to come. up with reasons why rather than just. being accepted for what it was. I have. anxiety. I have depression. Okay, but. why? Well, sometimes there isn't. And and and navigating that space when I. was so young and trying to defend. myself, having my first panic attacks.

and not knowing what this feeling was, how I could escape it, what resources I had. I you know, I was. too young to really be going on the. internet looking for. help elsewhere. I just really had like. my parents and I guess the kids around. me at school who had no idea what to. tell me or how to help. You know, my. friends at the time. It's not like they. got it. They just didn't. So, I was so. isolated and I'm I'm happy that now this. is a space we're moving into where.

we are saying feel your feelings and. that they're they're justified. You. don't need to defend yourself. I'm like, damn. That's the kind of environment I. want to raise my future kids in to where. it's it is a beautiful thing to cry and. you're allowed to. feel. You're just allowed to feel. If everyone would just listen to do over. and over and over and over and over. again every day like our lives would be. so much better because.

telling someone not to cry is like. telling someone not to laugh. Right? Like It's the worst advice. It's it's such bad advice and because. yeah like telling someone not to cry is. like telling someone not to laugh. Not to laugh. there's a natural expression that needs. to be released in order to feel an. emotion. Yep. And you're being told to. block it and not feel it. You would. never do that with any other emotion but. when it comes to crying and especially. as a man too, you know, that's a big.

part of. how boys are raised. cry. Boys don't cry. Right. And boys. never cry and you know, you'll be fine. You're okay. There's nothing wrong. And. so it's like oh, if I cry that means. there's something wrong. And that. association of crying is bad is actually. the biggest issue because. Yeah, it's so toxic that crying becomes. a negative emotion. Yeah. So now when I cry I feel sad even if. crying was going to actually make me. feel better. Which it does usually.

It does. Yeah. And and we cry when. there's happy tears too. At the end of. the day it's a release. Yes. And. there are so many things that need to be. released from the body, the mind, the. the heart. Mhm. And. everything you just said I I wish. everyone would just listen to that part. again and again and again and play it to. their children and play it to their. family members because. if if that's all you take out from this. conversation it will change your life. and I know there's so many more but but. that was truly truly powerful. Oh,

sorry. Go on. No, no. I mean I just to kind of go. deeper into that. I feel. the last 2 years have been a very large. spiritual awakening for me. Uh really became. awakened to the spiritual side of life. and really what wellness means and I. thought I. new who I was before and it was. confident, but really I was. so much of my identity was based off of. pleasing other people and.

putting my identity in other people's. hands and. the concept I read a lot of self-help. books. Uh you know, did a deep discovery on all. those things and and the biggest. takeaway I was gathering was. how vital it is to sit with your. feelings. and experience them, which again just. goes along the you know, the concept of. don't cry. Not you're you're pushing it. away. rather than doing the opposite, which is.

how you heal. I was on a very big. healing journey 2 years ago, which is. how this all really started and. the biggest thing I kept reading was. feel like feel your feelings. Sit there. and let the feeling be in your body. Ex-. like let it flow through you. Observe. it. Don't judge it. Let it happen as it needs to to happen. Let it flow through you and. so that's what I. that's what I did and that's what I.

my perspective has changed quite. dramatically over the even the last. couple months and. I sort of look at things this way as. someone who very much struggles with. anxiety and depression. When I feel very overwhelmed by those. things and sort of like I'm being. burdened by these things. I like to think of it as if I started. out as this celestial being, this just. energy and the universe or God or.

whomever said, "Hey, do you want to go to Earth for an. incredibly short amount of time, like a. blip, and experience every emotion that you. could possibly feel as a human? You get to have all these experiences. Love, heartache, anxiety, joy, euphoria, whatever. All of it. Do you want to do that? Yeah, I do. And so, when I am feeling these intense.

feelings, it's sort of like a reality check to. step outside and say, although this is a very uncomfortable, painful feeling, it's quite beautiful that I have the. capacity. to experience it. Just in general. Like, I. am so lucky to feel to the extent that I. feel, and to feel as deeply as I feel, because it can often feel like a curse.

when you're having heartache. And you. know, when you're experiencing love, it's absolutely euphoric. And then when. it's the opposite, it's a curse. And so, understanding that both of those exist. in the same timeline and in the same. life. And. that is sort of something that I use to. ground myself when I am stuck in a. feeling of. darkness. That is probably the best description of. that I've heard before. The idea of if.

we were given the choice to have this. diverse set of emotions, experiences, feelings. And what you rightly said was. that if you're experiencing loss, Mhm. it means you've experienced love. Yeah. And if you've experienced pain, it. means you've experienced joy. It. actually means that you've had the. fortune. Yeah. of receiving a glimpse of.

greatness. Yeah. And. I lost my mentor to stage four brain. cancer. Mhm. And I lost him a few years before that. because of how brain cancer works in the. sense that he wasn't. mentally there. mentally there even though he was. spiritually there. Yeah. And. what I always referred to him as which I. found fascinating was. so when someone has stage four brain. cancer obviously they start to lose. aspects of their memory, they start to. lose aspects of identity. Yeah. And his memory became so short. He had.

long-term memory and he lost his. short-term memory. So if he'd see me. he'd be like, "Hey Jay, how's it going?". and then 30 seconds later he'd be like, "Hey Jay, how's it going?" as if he'd. just seen me. So he'd still know I'm Jay. and he'd still remember our relationship. for many, many years but in the moment. he you couldn't have attention. But what I found fascinating was that. all he did was thank people for their. service to God. Oh, wow. So all he'd do. if he saw you and he was a he was a. community leader, he was he was a priest. in his own right and.

if he saw you he'd be like, "Thank you. for what you're doing for others. Thank. you for your service." Wow. And I was like, "How special was that?". That that was his broken loop was. gratitude. That's the most wholesome thing I've. ever heard. Literally. And and and to. experience that was just unbelievable. and it's what you're saying that yes, I. miss him. and yes, of course I wish he was there. I feel like calling him up every day to. tell him what I'm doing and and. different things that happened in my. life but the fact that I can experience. that I miss someone.

Yeah. means that I just had something really. special. I'm not saying that makes it. easy, I'm saying that it reaffirms the. point that you're making that we're. fortunate to have both experiences. because they only come together. Yeah, and I do think no one really talks. about how people leave your life. You know what death is, you know people. are going to die but you don't really. until I think you're in your 20s. honestly experience how often people. come and go. just in general.

and. it's loss. It is grief. It's not death. but it's but it's loss and how profound. of a a feeling that is and. I almost wish and I don't know what this. looks like or what the teachings look. like or what the advice is, but just. that there could be more of a. conversation of when you are growing up, like people are going to come and go and. let's find ways to accept that because I. think. the last 2 years I've had.

what feels like a revolving door of. people in my life, new people that I've. tried to make connections with and then. they leave or people that I've been. maybe not make a connection with, so. there never really is one and then. the relationship kind of just ends, but. but, you know, there have been obviously. meaningful relationships that come in. and then they end. And so it's weird because you are going. on this journey of. loss and grief, but it's not death and.

the person still exists. and they have their their own conscious. mind that you're sort of trying to. figure out, well, how are they. experiencing this? Because in in death, the person's just gone and you can think. whatever thoughts you have and they're. yours and no one can take those away. from you, whereas when someone leaves. your life. and they're still around, it's like, oh, there's two sides to this story and what. is this person's experience and I just. think that's like a very interesting. concept is how do you.

deal with the loss of someone who's. still around? Still around, yeah. I especially when. we've been trained in society to believe. that length of time equals success. Yeah, or that's the measure of love. Correct. Yeah, that the measure of love, the measure of success is. importance. longevity, length. We know plenty of. people that have been in a job for 25. years that they hate or have been in a. relationship for 15 years that they. don't love.

Right. And you constantly find that, but. also what you're saying I think more. deeply the idea that. we actually deal with coming and going. and the seasons of relationships far. more. Mhm. And it's like we know that when. it's winter you put on a coat. Right. We know when it's summer you get to put. your shorts on and when it's spring you. may carry if you're in London especially. you carry an umbrella and if it's fall. you get to wear fall colors like you. know it's like with the seasons of. nature we know how to adapt our. clothing, our preparation. But not with.

the seasons of life. Absolutely, it just doesn't happen. Like. you don't you don't ever talk about the. winter of life. No. As what you're saying if you talk about. loss or death or grief as the winter of. life. Yeah. Uh you don't ever talk about it. and then you're unprepared. Yeah. It's almost like I feel very. ill-equipped. Genuinely. And and as I've been in my. the last 2 years dealing with so much of. it. I'm like there's got to be some. solutions out here. There's got to be. people who are talking about it because.

I know I'm you know not the only woman. in her 20s who's going through cycles of. relationships and and and meeting new. people and then having. those people. leave or me choosing to leave. So it's. like uh. Come on guys, let's rally and and. brainstorm and be there for each other. because I don't want to turn to Google. and read stupid articles that tell me. that when someone leaves your life you. should go on a hike. Because if someone tells me to go on a. hike one more time.

I'm like. uh okay. This is what people say. They say when. someone leaves your life when when. something when you're going through. something pick up a new hobby. Oh. Okay. Sh- sure. I'll do that and that'll take. up 3 seconds of my time and probably. like $400 to buy all this equipment for. this new hobby whatever it is. Maybe. I'll try crocheting and you know all of. a sudden I'm spending $300 on all these. things and it lasts 2 seconds. It's like.

there's. There's got to be What else can I be. doing? Yeah. Yeah. So, what I've personally. been dealing with is the struggle of. what is my identity outside of. everything else? What is my identity. outside of. everyone else, so just me, and outside. of work because I'm a workaholic, and I. since I was a kid. as a survival. as a coping mechanism, had to basically.

make acting. my identity to push me out of the. situations that I was in and launch me. into my career. So, I feel that I have. been in fight or flight mode. for most of my life. And. what that has done to my brain and my. body, my mental well-being is. if I continue at this rate, catastrophic.

I, you know, I will lose my brain power. There's no way. Humans are not meant to. continue living in that state of. your adrenaline is always going, you. know, just that fight or flight. response, and I'm basically on this. journey right now in my life of trying. to calm that down, and. trying to just simply exist, Mhm. and. sit in stillness. without feeling like I need to fill a.

void. Mhm. And that is the biggest That. has been like waking up with anxiety. I'm not working this summer. I'm not. filming anything. I'm promoting my. movie, very thankful for that. Um you. know, I have my own production company, so I'm, you know, I'm doing a lot of I. do a lot of Zooms. I do all the things, but. there are days where I have nothing to. do. That's amazing. Well, that's the. challenge. Is is where I'm thinking, what do I do with myself? Because I have.

been programmed to constantly. go. Pick up a new hobby. Go on a hike. Yeah, let me do that. I'm going to do. that. Besides that, I'm like, how do I. find serenity. and acceptance and peace. without running away from myself. Because even and I'm stopping myself in. these tracks because the past. week I've had such bad anxiety about not.

working and and being bored. The the. fear of being bored has been haunting me. and I've been thinking, what trips can I. go on? Okay, I'm going to reach out to. like literally everyone I know. When are they available? I'm filling my. I'm looking at the calendar on my phone. going, I. I'm alone that day. Need to fill that. up. Like genuinely, how can I fill my. time so I'm not alone because loneliness. equals. my existential crisis thoughts and I'm. going to spiral. Yeah. So, I'm very much.

on that journey of. because I know I don't want that. I do not want that. I do not want to be. someone who has to fill that void. I. pride myself on being someone who will. never. just succumb to that and be the person. who always has to have friends around, always needs to be doing something. I. don't want that. That's not the identity. that I want. I want to be able to be. okay. by myself.

And. that's a really hard thing to do. It's sort of like, how do you do that? But even hearing you verbalize and. vocalize is so powerful, right? Like. even to have that as an aspiration. Yeah. is an unbelievable power. because it's a recognition of. your true feelings. Going back to what. we were speaking about before, you're. actually responding to and listening to.

how your body, mind, and heart feel. Mhm. And so you're already making so much. progress because if you weren't. listening, then you would be going. against the advice that we should be. allowed to cry and we should be allowed. to do this. And so you're saying, "Well, I just need to take the next 3 months or. however long it is off because that's. what I'm feeling I need." And even if. you don't know yet what that looks like, you're still deeply responding to that. need. And so I think there's a real. power in that because identifying it is.

one thing, then implementing it, which. you are, is another thing. And then, as. you said, building your identity as this. new identity is almost like step three. I want to dive into that and and how we. do that with you and how you have found. ways of doing it because I'm guessing. that you've had glimpses. in these last 2 years where you have. felt at peace with yourself or you have. had moments where you recognize the. value of solitude over loneliness or. there are moments where you're starting.

to realize, you said it in your own. words, "I don't want to live based on. the opinions of others or for others.". So there are glimpses of what this looks. like and you're piecing together the. puzzle. But you were saying that, you know, you're going through this transition. in your life right now. and our identity gets wrapped up in. other people, our jobs, our work, everything around of us. And so when. you're saying you're trying to. understand your identity beyond this. as Lilly Pulitzer today.

who are you beyond those things right. now? It's a process for me of. I'm trying to take it. day by day because I. overwhelm myself by trying to fix it all. right away. I'm a very all or nothing. person and I'm a very compulsive person. Like once I find out what's wrong, oh, got to have a solution immediately. Can't I don't want to wait for time. Yeah, I don't want to That's the worst.

when people say, "Just give it time.". No, I don't want to do that. I would. like to do it right now. Yeah. To be. honest, I was just in Maui recently and. one of the most beautiful moments I had. there was when I was in a very spiritual. uh it was like a spiritual shop. They. had crystals, they had but they had a. labyrinth like a a maze on the ground. that that you. could walk in and just sort of it was.

this it took you like. good 15 minutes to walk through all the. little pathways and then you get you get. to the center and you can meditate or. and then you can and then you walk out. and it's it's a it's there was like a. whole. book about about the ideology behind. this labyrinth and and I didn't I didn't. read it but I but I took it as an. opportunity to use it as just like a. just meditating a moment of meditation. and I felt so close to myself when I was.

doing that. Like it was. so true to who I was in that moment to. just be doing this activity. Mhm. It was so comforting. It's hard just. like anything. You can lose yourself in. something, you know, you can lose. yourself in. becoming overly like. awakened and your whole identity becomes. I'm a spiritual guru and I'm.

healing like all about heal like it's so. easy to just fall into that trap and I'm. obviously trying not to do that as well. and I'm definitely not but I my friends. would never would never. would never let me do that but. but I do find so much. therapy through even just talking about. it even if I don't have the answers. Yes, yeah. I don't have the answers to who really. am I outside of.

Mhm. my fighter flight mode and who who. am I outside of being an actor? I don't. really have the answers to those. questions but just even. saying that out loud makes me feel like. I'm closer to figuring it out. Yeah. And I really appreciate that. honesty because I agree too like I'm I'm. hearing you speak and and it feels the. same way to me where I'm like okay, you're not forcing yourself at least in. this moment to arrive at an answer or to. give an answer to.

complete the sentence. But at the same time I'm I'm seeing a. self-awareness. I'm seeing a acceptance. of that path and that's what's so useful. and you are right that if you've never. allowed yourself to be yourself, how. would you know how to describe it? So if. I ask you to describe yourself as an. actress you'd be able to describe. yourself. It'd be pretty easy because. you've been an actress plenty of times. or you could describe those roles that. you've played. But then when someone. asks you who are you to pretty much.

99.9% of people on the planet, we can't. answer it because we've never actually. let ourselves be ourselves. So it's not. alien to not know. Yeah. Well, I think. we we know who we are in relation to. other people. Yeah. Into things. Our. roles. roles. Yeah, 100% but then when you take. like take the roles away. what are you? Yeah. What whoa. Whoa. I. do not know. I do not know. is the beginning of figuring it out. Like that's yeah, that's the biggest you.

now can go, "Okay, am I playing Lilly. the actress. Mhm. or am I playing Lilly the daughter, friend, whatever, or am I trying to. discover what Lilly would do?". Yeah. Right? And it's And it is that. conversation of It's kind of like with. my sister when I'm giving her. relationship advice and she'll be like, "Stop being Jay Shetty." Like, you know, like, "Be my brother." Right? And it's. like, that's what my sister would say to. me cuz she doesn't want a. coaching conversation with her brother. She wants me to be her brother. Mhm. And.

so then I'm like, "Okay, so she gets the. brother version." And then there's this. version that this community gets. But. then it's like, "But then who am I. beyond all of those things?" And I. really realized that when. I left the monkhood because even so much. of my identity has beca- had become. wrapped in being a monk. Yep. And the whole point of being a monk. was to not have an identity that you're. wrapped up in. Yeah. That was the whole goal. Everything you're talking about is. exactly what we were working on for when. I was there for 3 years.

Yeah. But even then, it was so easy to. get wrapped up in another identity. And. so when that identity collapsed after 3. years, when I. when it all fell apart for me, that was when I allowed myself to learn. about who I was beyond that identity. And even now I have to hold on to that. self. do it? I'd say that the first of it was a a. sense of. and this sounds painful, but it and it. is, there is a sense of.

role destruction. Yeah. And like panic. Panic and feeling something and a part. of you that you use for safety to. dissolve. Yep. And that's the hardest. part. It's hard to let go of the false. identity because it's a sense of safety. that being a monk is a sense of safety, being an actor is a sense of safety, being whatever is a sense of safety. And. unless you're willing to go. I'm letting that safety go,

to some degree, it's very hard to say, "Okay, well, I'm open to what this is.". So, that was the first part. It was like. letting go of that identity externally, in my language, in my intellectual. thoughts about who I was, in how I. thought people perceived me. And then the next step was saying, "Rather than who am I was who do I want. to be?". So, what I realized was we're trying to. figure out who we are rather than create. who we are. And we do this as humans. We. go into finding and seeking rather than.

creating and being. And finding and seeking is the. never-ending journey because there's. nothing to look for. There is only. things to be and create. And so, I. realized that everything I was currently. being and creating was based on values. I'd adopted from family, friends, or. society. So, I literally made a list of. what are my current values. I then asked myself, "Where did they. come from?" And so, it was like my. parents, some kid in school who bullied me, my.

teacher who told me I wasn't this or. that, a friend who thought I was cool or. uncool based on whatever. And then I. asked myself, "Do I still have that. value? Do I still want to live that. value?". And so, I shifted to creating a new list. of values and principles that I wanted. to live by, and I just started. practicing them with everyone I met. And. that's how I started to create and be my. new identity rather than subscribing to. an old one, if that makes sense. That's.

a very quick version. No, it makes perfect sense because I. recently I've been having those. thoughts to myself as like, "Who am I. really? If I were to explain myself, describe. myself in a couple words, there are. characteristics that I use that I don't. actually like. I don't like being a. negative person, but I think I would. describe myself. I I or I used to. describe myself as a negative person, as. a pessimist, as a full realist, not.

entirely hopeful kind of person. And recently. was thinking, "Well, I don't like that. I don't I don't. actually, if I had the choice, I would. choose to not be that person. I would. not I don't want to be a negative. person. I don't want to be a pessimist, but it's safety. Yes. It's not getting my hopes up. It's. protecting my heart. It's shelter. And how do you.

part ways with something that you have. identified with for so long? And that's. obviously a challenge in itself, but. it's something that I'm very much trying. to do even with my food choices, like. someone who has enjoyed really food. that's really terrible for you your. whole life and now making that conscious. effort to. change that and and fuel my body and. treat my body in a better, healthier. way. It's it's all just making these. conscious decisions of, "Oh, do I I'm.

just fully in autopilot right now, just. choosing the same thing because that's. what I've always done. Oh, I'm just. being pessimistic because that's what. I've always done." And it takes. pausing and reflecting and making an. active effort. to shift that behavior, and that's so. hard. hard. We're simply living patterns. Yeah. Right? That's that's literally as. simple as it is. It's like we've adopted. a pattern. Mhm. And now we have to choose to.

practice a new pattern based on who we. want to be, and that's why I think the. journey of who am I is really who do I. want to be, who do I want to create, who. do who do I want to live as because. we've never known who we are. So, trying. to figure out who we are is is a fool's. errand cuz you just keep getting stuck. and then like you just said now, you. accept oh, I'm a negative person because. that's who I've always been not. realizing it's just a pattern you. developed. It's just a habit you. adopted. It's just what you absorb.

through your environment as opposed to. selected it. That's truly I mean it's. such a profound thing that's just like. settling into my brain now is is even. the last couple days been thinking. I need to find out who I am. Like find. I need to find it. I need to search for. it rather than I will never get anywhere. if I do that. It's a matter of. who do I want to be and then actively. doing that. Yeah, and selecting those.

values, selecting those principles, selecting the habits like you just gave. for your food. It's like if you just. said who am I, you'd I'd be like, yeah, I'm someone who loves chocolate. Like. I'm someone who loves ice cream. I'm. someone who loves junk food, fast food. But that's not who I am. That's just a. pattern I built and I can change that. pattern. Yes, it's hard. I'm I and I'm. I'm with you on that. Like it's been. when I met my wife, she's the one who. transformed my diet because I was always. someone who is focused on mastering the. mind and I kind of neglected the body.

and kind of didn't care. And my wife is. a nutritionist and dietitian and. Ayurvedic chef and so her whole world is. food. Quite convenient. Very convenient. Hugely convenient. If. you want to change your life. No, yeah. And and it was like she got me off. refined sugar. She got me off the wrong. oil. She got me off like packaged and. processed food on a daily basis and it. was so much education and so much. coaching that I received from her that. allowed me to make transitions where I. the first thing I said to her was like,

I don't know how I would live without. sugar. Like I don't know. And it sounds. ridiculous now, but it's like yeah, when. I met when we got married six years ago. and I was like, yeah, I don't know what. you want me to do. Mhm. Then we started. looking for alternatives and and now if. you ask me I pretty much would eat like. I guess refined sugar maybe like once a. month. Oh. And and so. That's amazing. And that's amazing for me. Like that's a. big thing for me. Wow. Because I didn't know. I grew up. eating four chocolate products a day. My. mom gave me a chocolate biscuit, a.

chocolate bar, a chocolate yogurt, and a. chocolate ice cream every day. And I was. addicted and to sugar. Yep. And so. it's pattern formation though. And yes, you're so right. It requires discipline. It's painful. It's it's hard. But I love. that that's dropped for you like and I. love that you took us there today. because. I think too many people are finding and. looking and seeking and searching and. it's being and creating and building and. forming. Yeah. Uh which is where our energy needs to go. because you've seen yourself build a. career. Mhm. You've seen yourself create.

your your roles. You've seen yourself. create a book. You've seen yourself. create a show. Like you created those. things. You didn't find them. Very true. didn't search for them. You didn't seek. them. So you know you have creative. energy and creative power. Yeah. Like. damn, got to create myself now. Yeah. How How exciting. It is very exciting. And then there's a. sense of selection and control and not. controlling in a control freak way but. in a sense of like I can choose. Yes. Yes.

can make. the choice and and my first step was. definitely the epiphany of. Oh wait, I actually don't want to keep. identifying with this. Yeah. Yeah. Were you always. you used the word spiritual. Was that a. word in your vocabulary always? Did it. arrive two years ago? Like how did that. become a path to a lot of this healing. and journey that you've been on as. opposed to something else? Like I think. there's so many options. Why this? Why?

How? I mean I grew up Christian. Uh it was I went to a Presbyterian. church which I. definitely do not. uh align with those teachings anymore, but I do believe in God. I I I do call. myself a Christian, but I also call. myself very spiritual. And I think 2. years ago, the the lockdown was was forcing me to. go through this. this healing journey by myself. And.

my journey through healing was through. spiritual healing. And through. uh working with actual healers and and. energy. And I studied and I started to. study Reiki, and I'm. going to get my mas- my master's. I. mean, I'm going to going to be a Reiki. master Yes. at the end of the summer. I'm taking my. Thank you. So, it became a I'm going to. look inward is sort of what what what it. was. And And I found that that became.

Oh, that's clearly a very spiritual. route. You're looking in towards your. spirit, towards your soul. You're doing. shadow work, soul searching. So, I was. like, "Okay. Okay. Spirituality is the. word that I'm resonating with." And I I. actually went to Mount Shasta, which. which is a very high vibrational, highly. spiritual place in Northern California. And I went there by myself, and I worked. with a She calls herself a sound healer. Uh and I and I worked with her and found.

the experience I just again felt I felt. very much like I was. so at home with myself while I was doing. those things. So connected to myself, connected to my higher self, the person. that I want to be. And so, I thought, yes, this is the right path for me. And. so, it kind of ever since then, I've. been very. into. spirituality. And you know, I've always loved.

crystals. Everyone loves crystals. But. like, looking past that into a deeper. form of energy healing, and that led me. to Reiki, which led me to sound healing. and going to sound baths, and and then. meditation, and and I took a course in. and I learned TM, transcendental. meditation, which wasn't. really. the It didn't super resonate with me. It. hasn't stuck with me, but it is. something that I tried. So, it it's been. a trial, you know, trial of just.

different things, and. uh I guess that's just what I call when. I say I'm spiritual. I'm on I'm on that. very. uh personal journey with myself, looking. inward. Yeah. Yeah. of what I mean by that. Yeah, but I but I love those examples. because it is a practicing of different. methods and techniques to find what. works for you, and you've obviously. found, you know, both in Reiki and sound. healing what what really suited your.

soul and your your your healing, which I. think is such an important part of it. I. think spirituality or healing or any of. these terms can often get. They they're so big, and they can get a. good or bad name based on a particular. practice, and the idea is that it's just. such a big umbrella term for so many. practices that it's so important that. people keep an open mind to finding what. works for them. And you're right, there. may be a certain aspect that just. doesn't, you know, float your boat and. doesn't make you feel great, but there's.

other parts that could reveal it to you, you know, very powerfully, I think. When. I lived as a monk, we traveled a lot in. southern India, where a lot of temples. are around. 2 to 5,000 years old. And I never had been anywhere that old. Like, my school was 500 years old that I. went to in England, and so that was. pretty old. But then when you go into. like 80 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My my school is. literally 1573, I think, was the year it. was founded. By the queen. of England. And so.

Yeah, and so our school was pretty old. and had this big history, but when I. when I went to these temples that were. like 2,000 5,000 years old and you see. this incredible architecture, it's you. know, it's maintained. I never realized that I found going on. pilgrimage to be so. deeply healing and for me Yeah. because. I would go into these chambers where. sound. it similarly has been maintained and. preserved for thousands of years. People.

have meditated, chanted, played bowls, gongs, whatever it may be in these. spaces and you can still feel the. reverberation when you walk in. Oh, that. sounds so amazing. And it's and it's. really powerful. Like it really feels. like, you know, and so again, that was. something that I never would have known. growing up in London and. you know, having to go to that. experience. And those temples are mainly. in southern India. Mhm. Where you see. Sounds like I need to go to southern. India. Yeah, where you see that like real. ancient history of of spirituality in in.

southern India. And so those kind of. places for me were like things that I. never thought I'd discover and. Yeah. And then there's parts that I'm. like, yeah, I would never go and do X Y. Z. So, how did you find these things or were. there friends? Were there. recommendations? Was it the internet? Like how were you discovering certain. things for you because I feel like. that's quite difficult for people to. Yeah. I mean, it's easy in LA because. you're surrounded by people who are. you're there's a crystal shop on every. corner, genuinely. And and.

There's a tarot card reader. Truly. And. I think I was always like. oh, tarot's interesting. That happened a. you know, a couple years ago. I bought. my first tarot deck and Reiki actually, my a makeup artist on Riverdale who. worked on the first and second season, she was a Reiki master and she was. telling me about it and one day. performed Reiki on me and I was like, "Whoa, this is so cool." And so I was. always super interested in diving into. that and then the lockdown just kind of. gave me a.

a boost to explore that because I was. like, "Damn, I could use some healing. Maybe I should heal myself.". And then it also just came from I think. the word wellness. Like what is well. wellness? And I. Googled wellness retreats in California. And I was like, "Okay, maybe not a. retreat. I don't really want to be doing. yoga and eating vegetables for a week. Like not necessarily my vibe. I wanted. to be a little bit more personalized and. grounding for just me." And I found my.

sound healer in Mount Shasta. And so I. went and saw her by myself and really. kind of had a first-hand experience of. sound healing and past life readings and. cord-cutting ceremonies and not astral. projection, but just sort of your astral. bodies and and things like that. It was. like this world that was suddenly. opening up to me that was so I've always. just found. this. kind of the the afterlife, I guess, very. fascinating. I've always.

been terrified and intrigued at the idea. of ghosts. And like what what are what's. that? Like what is. talking to a spirit, you know? It's so. weird and. I've always felt like I've been very. highly intuitive kind of in-tuned. person. Oh, I see symbols and I see. things are very serendipitous and. there's not there's all these. coincidences that are happening. And And. so I also was looking into. and to be honest, Tik Tok was.

After all of that, that was not what I. was expecting. I was not expecting Uh. there is such a spiritual side of Tik. Tok that is so vast. me on to that side? Yes, I mean it's the. algorithm. You start seeing one video. and then and seeing a million of them. And and I was stumbling on these pages. of just like highly intuitive people. And I reached out to one of them and. said, "Do you offer mentorships or. something?" And and she said, "Yeah.". And so I did a mentorship with a psychic.

for 3 months where she taught me. how to heal my ancestral trauma. And I. believe we all have psychic abilities. It's a matter of training your brain. Some people are just born being more in. tune and tapped into that skill, but I. do believe that we all have the ability. to tap into them. So I was really just. trying to learn how to do that cuz I. thought that was so fascinating. She did. teach me how to talk to the deceased. Uh.

not that I can do it well. I will say. I've only I feel that I've only. successfully done it. like twice or three times. And even. then, while you're doing it, you're sort. of like, "Am I doing this?" Like Most. people when they would hear these. things, there's judgment about, "Oh, that's just wacky." Or that's whatever. Like and but what I'm seeing in you, which I'm appreciating, is just, "Hey, I'm I'm trying to be me. Like I I'm. right now I'm exploring this. Right now I'm experimenting with this.

I'm learning this. Maybe it's something that I believe is. true. Maybe it isn't, but I'm at least. doing what I want to do now without. worrying about what everyone else thinks. and believes. I mean, when I chose to. become a monk at 21 going on 22, 99% of. my friends thought I was absolutely. insane. Because they're like, "Why would. you do that? Like why would you not want. to go make money and date more women and. get into another relationship and get a. home or whatever it was." And so I know. what it feels like to make a decision.

that most people around me feel doesn't. make any sense and is completely against. the grain of But it was the the best. decision I ever made in my life. And I have zero regrets about that. decision or how I spent that 3 years. And I look back at it all the time and. but at the time everyone around me. thought I was making the worst decision. My family said I was committing career. suicide. You know, my friends were. completely confused. My society and. people in our community were like, "Oh,

you're letting your parents down and. you'll never get a job again." You know, there's just so much judgment. Yeah. But I was just trying to do what felt. right. intuition at this time and it wasn't. harming anyone and I think that's the. you know, that to me is like the the. barrier or it's like, "Well, you're. trying something that's not harming. anyone. It's not harming you. It's not. harming anyone around you." And if if. that's allowing you to explore a part of. yourself, you just never know where it. could go. So, it's very comforting for. people to hear about being into unique. things because.

we all it's almost like we all follow. the same people. We all watch the same. things and there's nothing wrong with. that, but it's nice to have a few things. that are unique and a break from the. norm. Exactly, a break from the norm. I. want to talk to you about. a bit about, you know, this this new. show and we were talking about this. idea of you get to play these two. parallel lives which kind of with. everything you're talking about Yeah, interesting. connected. And I love that idea of parallel. universes, of multiple lives, of the.

multiverse right now is a big. big thing and a big talking point. When. you're playing these roles, how much of these roles are you. identifying with especially I guess like. moving to LA for a career that's very. much in line with you? Yeah. Uh and then obviously becoming a. pregnant mother. Yeah, that one you haven't experienced. like. when you're doing that, how much of what you've just talked. about that you're interested in kind of. feeds into those roles and when you're.

playing those roles and becoming these. new identities? Well, for the I mean for. the film people are people ask like, "Was it so hard to play two. two different character? No, that's the. same woman. So, it's the same girl just. experiencing two very different things. And so, that was amazing to play. this this woman. And and I knew who she. was and I created her as a character. I. knew what she valued, what she wanted. And I was, you know, we're fortunate. enough as an audience to see both things.

play out. It is weird because I I'm very. into I do have those existential, like, if I did make this decision, what would. have happened? doors. And and how, you know, how how. would things have panned out? And the. reason why I I loved the script so much. when I read it was. she's okay in both lives. She ends up. being okay. Wow. And there is no one path that you. go, oh, that was the right path, or that.

was the wrong path. It's truly just two. different paths. And I think. especially in your 20s, things happen. every day. Relationships end, things, you know, people you can get pregnant. and you think, oh, my whole life is just. gone, or or my whole world is shifting. And I don't think that's always a I. don't think that's a has to be a bad. thing. Yeah. I think there are. millions. of ways your life can turn out. It's.

based off decisions you make every. single day. But in the end, things are okay. Yeah. Things end up okay. I think if you. stop and put too much thought into every. decision you make, you're going to live. a very treacherous life of feeling like. you're walking on eggshells. I think. it's it's a a matter of saying, I mean, I personally like to look at it. as the universe has my back. Yeah. And. so, I think this film also resonates. with how I feel in that regard of.

this woman had two she had a positive. pregnancy test and a negative one and. you see. two possible scenarios out of a million. of what her life could have been and. and you see the journey she goes on. through both and how she still has the. same ambition and she doesn't lose. herself in in. in in having a child. She still stays. who she is and she doesn't lose her. ambition and when she goes to LA and. goes through the hardships of trying to.

make her career work she doesn't give. up, you know, it's sort of a. perseverance story and and how you don't. have to lose yourself in the things that. happen to you. You can still. stay you. Yeah. The thing that resonates. most with me with that message and the. whole conversation we've had today is. this. idea that even in one life you can be so. many things. And I think we always are. trying to make this choice as you're. saying like it's like well do I do this. and how will that impact me or do I do. this and it's like.

you could probably do both. I mean we've. probably you've lived so many different. lives and I know most people. So have you. Yeah, so have I. And most. people I know have lived loads of. different lives and I think we feel. forced to live one life and one truth. Mhm. And I don't think that's true for. anyone in reality and when you force. yourself to live one life and one truth. you actually limit. what you started with was with all these. experiences and all these experiments. and an openness to all these feelings.

So you know, I I like that idea of the. two lives into. ultimately that both work out okay and. recognizing in one life you can live. three lives or seven and. things can be okay. Yeah. With that in. mind I want to shift towards you've made. so many changes in your diet, your. health, you've experienced chronic. fatigue, you know, and we haven't talked. about that so let's let's dive into that. actually deeply. I've been through chronic fatigue it it. a long time It it led to uh deeper gut. issues. It It's led to so many lifestyle.

changes. It was stuff that also just. snuck up on me without me even being. aware. Because I was living so much in the mind. and my heart that I wasn't even aware of. what my body was going through. And so I was, you know, grounding back. into my body. How does it feel to live your career and. experience chronic fatigue? You know, actor days are sometimes 18-hour days, if not more. Early mornings, late. nights. I think people don't realize. the lifestyle of making a movie or. making a show where you're in a trailer.

all day. It's not the most comfortable, inspiring atmosphere as people think the. career may be. How does that work with chronic fatigue. and diet and eating on time? I mean, I say to myself, I'm like, "Damn, I'm in the wrong career." Not I. don't actually believe that, but, you. know, when I when I I'm someone who very. much needs at least 8 hours to function. So, sometimes when it's. a 4-hour turnaround or I have to get up. and go on a plane quickly, I'm like, "Oh.

god, this is a challenge for me." But. because it's something that I love to do. so much, I truly. just run off of the pure joy I find in. what I do. And it's not so like, you. know, I I take naps when I can. But I also am very much under like now. at this point in my life really taking. my gut health seriously. Trying I've. treated my body like a junkyard for a. very long time with what I've been.

eating. And. it it's it's got to a point where. earlier this year I knew I needed to. make real changes because I was so. unhappy with how I looked one, but also. I felt that I was doing a great. disservice to my body. I spend so much. time trying to better my mental health. and I don't put any of that into my. physical body. And there's all this new. research on how depression is directly. related to your gut and and all these.

things, and I'm like, okay, we're going. to take this seriously. And it is a truly reprogramming of bad. patterns and habits that I've grown up. just immediately going to the fast food, to processed foods, and and it's truly. been about educating myself on the. better options and reading ingredients. and choosing. the less convenient alternative. And I. actually think that the chronic fatigue. has slowly started to improve because of.

it. happy to hear that. I mean, me too. It's been I've been. dealing with this basically since I was. diagnosed with depression when I was 14. So, it's it's just now and it it's. always I don't know if it'll. fully cure itself with my with my diet. We're getting there. We're trying, but. it is a it's an everyday thing, small. steps, not trying to completely change. everything all at once. And I think. obviously in these hard times, food is a great comfort and offers a lot.

of. to me at least it's it can be very. comforting. So, I do turn to food. sometimes to to fill that sort of. emotional need, but again, recognizing. that, not judging myself for it, just. trying to make healthier decisions. overall is what I'm. very much trying to do. Me, too. Yeah. Yeah, I can relate to everything you. just said. So, It's a daily practice. it's a daily practice. How would you. describe your current purpose in life?

Like, you know, as in where you're at. right now or even today or. purpose. and the reason why I asked that is. because. I believe that. you know, when you're healing, when. you're growing, when you're going. through all these journeys, like there's. somewhat of an intention, Yeah. if you. will. Mhm. is your intention then if. that's easier? My intention. and I've actually had this intention. for a very long time. And I I I don't. really believe that, you know, you make. a birthday wish if you you don't tell. don't tell someone your wish, you know,

like I. ever since I can remember every time. I've seen a shooting star, blown out. birthday candles, my wish. always has been I want to be happy. Mhm. And. I my intention is to find true happiness. and and peace. with myself. Mhm. And that is my. purpose. Yeah. Right now. To to find that. And.

that's a big task. But um. but it is but that's the that's the. intention and and to I find it so the. spiritual journey has has been so. encouraging to me because once you. start, you never stop. It's it's not. something that one day you're going to. go, "I'm healed. I'm good. I'm done.". It's truly a for the rest of my life I. will be seeking out growth and that is. so.

I'm so happy about that. It is. I'm like I will always there's. always more things to learn. There's. always something else to explore within. myself and that is so exciting and. wonderful. Yeah. I love that. I am I. you're so right. Like the feeling of. something ending or figuring something. out is where all the pressure comes. Right? When you're trying to complete. something or you're trying to end. something or you're trying to get. something over the finish line. Like. that's where all the stress and pressure. and intensity comes from. Whereas when.

you say. "Well, I'm pretty much going to live. with this." I had someone the other day. ask me actually it's just jogged my. memory. Someone said to me they were like, "Well, how do I. forget my past so I can move forward. I was like, you probably won't forget. your past. And it's probably not a useful place to. put your focus. Right. to forget your past. Yeah. And knowing you'll never forget it. liberates you, and then you can actually. move forward and keep developing. And I. find that sometimes our fixations are on.

completely the wrong target. I agree. And so we spend all this time trying to. forget something. Yeah. Not And knowing that pretty much none of. us can actually physically do that. Well, that's what I I feel about our. conversation. I'm like, damn, I truly. have been thinking I need to find. myself, and now I am Oh, I actually need. to just create it. Yeah. So that's been Yeah. Thank you for. that. That has been a Well, you led us there. impactful. Yeah. Thank Well, you led us there. Well. We we got there together. We got it.

together. All right, now we'll go to the. final five. These have to be answered in. one word to one sentence maximum. Okay, one word to one sentence maximum. One sentence is I don't know what the. official breakdown is, maybe seven. words. I don't know, I'm making it up. Okay, okay. All right, so. what is the best advice you've ever. received? I will say my dad always told me growing. up, find a job that makes you happy. Have a career in something that makes. you happy. It makes the world of a. difference. That's grace. Yep. Uh second. question, what is the worst advice. you've ever heard or received? Probably. don't cry.

Yeah. Question number three, uh. something. special that your mom did for you when. you called her all those times, something that you remember that stood. out. I think just her telling me that. she would be there whenever I needed. her. Sometimes just hearing that is so. calming. Mhm. So her her reassurance that you can. text me when you need me. Mhm. Okay. Thank you. Absolutely. I love that. Uh. question number four, something you. think. people misunderstand about you if they.

don't know you deeply. I think my outspokenness. I think is sometimes misinterpreted as. ignorance. Whereas or attention-seeking, whereas I. just. sometimes. can't keep my thoughts to myself. Yeah. But it's never from a bad place. It's. from a place of let's have a. conversation, not. this is my opinion and it's right. It's. no, I'm just trying to add my bit to the.

conversation whether it's helpful or. not. Yeah. That's going to be there. I love that. And fifth and final. question, which we ask every guest since. day one is. if you could create one law in the world. that everyone had to follow, what would. it be? Yeah. Could be anything. Take your time. Take. your time. This is a Okay, one law. anyone had to follow. The law that I would create is you are. not allowed to tell another human being. what they can and cannot feel.

Period. That's a great one. We've never had that. before. Okay, good. I was going to I bet people. probably said that before. No, no, no, no, no. That's And it's And it's. completely aligned with with this. episode. Yeah. Uh everyone, Lili Reinhart, so. grateful to have had this amazing. conversation with you. I could talk to. you for hours. We have talked. It's It. was so much fun getting to know you and. honestly hearing about your journey in. such a intimate, vulnerable way was so. special for me personally. me as well. Thank you. I've been so. looking forward to this. thank you. I had such a great time. And.

everyone who's been listening or. watching back at home, I want to make. sure that you share what stood out to. you. I think there were so many. incredible things that Lili mentioned. genuinely. So many amazing points, so. many insights, so many great. reflections that she had and I love. knowing what connected with you because. And I know she'd love to know too. She's. nodding along if you're not watching. Uh. she she'd love to know too. So please do. tag us on Instagram, on TikTok, on. Twitter. You're allowed. Uh TikTok,

Instagram, Twitter. Like do you us to. let us know what stood out, what was the. point, what was the part because this is. one of those ones that I think you're. going to listen to a few times. And as I. said before, there are moments in this. episode that I want you to repeat and. listen to over and over again, maybe. multiple times a week because that. repetition to hear that message again is. what really gives us that permission to. do it in our lives. Lilly, any final. words, any thoughts, anything you want. to share? Yeah. Just thank you. Thank you for. having a space to talk about things that.

I 2 years ago didn't know were things to. talk about. So, I'm very grateful to. have. come into this world of wellness. genuinely and. uh that you create this environment for. the conversation. Thank you. I I deeply. appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. If you want even more videos. just like this one, make sure you. subscribe and click on the boxes over. here. I'm also excited to let you know. that you can now get my book Think Like. a Monk from thinklikeamonkbook.com.

Check below in the description to make. sure you order today.