Lil Nas X On Navigating Society's Expectations, “J CHRIST” Controversy & Embracing Authenticity

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Please welcome to On Purpose, Montero. Lil Nas X. Thank you so much for being. here. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to. talk about stuff. I'm happy to talk. about stuff, too, and I wanted to start. off with I know that you love time. travel. Yeah. Yeah, I heard you were obsessed with. time travel, and when I heard that, I. was like, "That sounds like something. I'd love to hear more about." Where does. that obsession come from? come from? I love the idea that you can. go and change anything in the past, or. go to the future to like to see what's.

going on. I guess it's. it's like a form of escapism that I just. really enjoy, you know, and I like to. explore it in my art a lot. Yeah. Where. have you explored changing things in the. past? Like, what what would be. fascinating for you to visit and see? Changing in the past. You know what? When I was younger, I always thought. like that's something I would want to. do, but as I grow older, I I don't think. I want to change anything in the past. I. guess I want to go to the future and. maybe ask myself like, "What do I do. now?" I mean, cuz it's kind of like.

where I'm at in my life right now. It's. like, "What did What did What did you do. to get to where you are?" Cuz I know I'm. in that place, but I'm not there right. now. Yeah. Yeah. Where did the. fascination come from? Where did it. originate from? Where did it originate from? I'd say the. Back to the Future II movie, not the. first one, but the second one, and a lot. of Family Guy episodes when Brian and. Stewie like go to the past. Yeah. Yeah. One of the things you said in the. documentary was you said that Lil Nas X.

helped you understand more about. Montero. Uh-huh. And you know, the. documentary's called Long Live Montero. I wanted to understand from you who is. Montero and who's Lil Nas X? I think Montero. was at first like this very shy, super. insecure kid. And. you know, had big dreams but I guess. was just very afraid of like even being.

like himself. And me becoming Lil Nas X, it was almost a persona, you know? And. he could kind of just do whatever he. wants and he can do anything and he can. move on to the next thing and and not. really be pigeonholed to like anything, you know? And he helped Montero. morph into that person. Mhm. Mhm. If. that makes sense. Yeah, it does make. sense. And was Lil Nas X, even if not by. name, was that a.

character, an energy that you harnessed. when you were young? Was that a feeling. you had when you were young or was it. something that evolved through time? I. think it's something that evolved. through time, like through music. I. think my. enthusiasm or just like my. hunger to grow musically like pushes me. to do things in my personal life that I. would not do. And it's like not even. just my personal life anymore because. it's like public now. And I know if I'm. not able to do those things, I can't.

continue to be Lil Nas X or at least. that's how it works in my head. Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people. can relate to that. I think we all have. the little kid inside of us that's. insecure and anxious and doesn't know. how people are going to react. And I. think we all feel like we wish we had an. alter ego or a version of ourselves that. was stronger and bolder and more. courageous. What what kind of qualities. does Lil Nas X have that you love and. adore? I feel like Lil Nas X knows how.

to navigate. any situation. He knows how to find his. way out of things that may seem like. very like dark and daunting. And. he helps Montero do that. I feel like. that's one of the reason why. I call it Long Live Montero cuz I I. still hope that innocent. little boy inside of me like. remains, you know? Because I think you. need that balance of, you know, that. courageous.

and you can do whatever and still like. scared, like fearful, but excited, you. know? Yeah, so it's not like you're. trying to remove the fear. You just You actually want to protect. that innocence. I want to protect that innocence and I. don't I think it's less like removing. the fear and more so. being able to do things even when you're. fearful. And I it's like I'm showing the. the younger me that exists within within. me like, you can do this. You can do this. We can do this. It's. going to be scary, but.

but let's go for it and see what. happens. So, there's this quote in the. documentary where you said, "My mind is. hardwired since I was a kid that if you. eff up one time, you have to quit the. whole thing.". And my question is. when have you felt that you've done that. in life? Or have you ever felt that kind. of. fear and then pushed through because Lil. Nas X came through? You know, after the. success of like Old Town Road and. whatnot, I had like this dark like period of.

like, oh god, like. what do I do? And I put out like my song. Holiday like before like right before. Montero came out. And. it just wasn't living up to what I had. hoped for. And like I was in a hotel. room and I was just like. telling myself like how much like. I hate myself, you know, and just like. how do how did you let this how did you. mess this up and. Wow. and how did you get here and.

like it's nothing we can do now. Like. there's no reason for us to be here and. I guess that's like the childish like. like brat inside of me that. is not comfortable working from the. ground up, you know? And in my. introduction to the music industry was. already at the top, you know, like. Yeah. It's it's a hard thing to live from and. in a sense, you know what I mean? Abs- abs- absolutely. Yeah. So It's the. hardest thing to follow up with one of.

the most successful. drops of all time. Yeah. How did you process that? I knew I was going to do it. I didn't know how I didn't know how I. was going to continue, but what it took. was me bringing out another side of. myself, which was like Montero call me. by your name. And with that though, I. had to let go. of this um. this like childlike innocence like the. public had with me, I guess. Yeah, I. want to dive into your uh childhood.

actually. I was going to ask you like. what what would you believe would be. your favorite memory growing up? Like if. you were to close your eyes right now. and think about Atlanta, Georgia, what's the vision or the visual that. comes to mind or your heart that. resonates and connects with love? I went. immediately to this one, but I don't. even know if it's mine. But. it's like me in front of my like. grandma's house. and I'm just like running around a tree.

like. I don't know. But I feel like that's one of my first. memories, you know? Yeah. And it's just like bliss. Where was. that? Like what where was that house? What did it look like? What are you. seeing? It was actually an apartment and. it was um. it was in Bankhead Courts, Atlanta. It. was like basically the hood, you know. what I mean? But. at that time, you know, everything felt. all right. So, yeah. Yeah. And how old. are you in this memory or this. like I was maybe like five. Wow. It was.

right before the tree got cut down, too. Yeah. Kind of symbolic in a way. In what way? I don't know. I guess um. life increasingly. became more like real. Mhm. Things started to happen. within like, you know, my family life. and also at that time. recognizing even at that age like, you. know, my sexuality and whatnot. Mhm. And I feel like it, you know, became.

like a. rocky like ship Mhm. that moment. Is. that when you started to become more. aware of your sexuality? Was that an age. that. it started to become Yeah, I mean cuz. that was the the age I started to become. like aware of myself and it was also. like becoming aware of the world around. me, you know? And it's like, oh, this. thing. that's really bad that nobody seems to. like Mhm. I happen to be that thing. But maybe I'm maybe, you know, maybe.

it's not that bad. But also, you know, God's like probably super mad at me. And. I don't want God to think I'm like being. disrespectful or anything. I'm and it's. like. you know what I mean? All those things that. I feel like I shouldn't be thinking. about at like six. Definitely. That's a. lot. That's heavy to be thinking about. at six. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot, I think. for anyone to be processing at six years. old. It's a lot of things to be. questioning. I mean, you in that memory. you talked about your grandmother. and I know that your.

when your great grandmother passed, that. was the first person that was close to. you that you lost. Yeah. And that was. when you leaned into music. Mhm. How old. were you when that happened considering. that memory you have that you just. visualize? How old were you when that. happened and how did that make you lean. into music? You you know, I actually that actually. happened when I was maybe 18. So. Wow. But at that time my dad had already. had custody cuz I used to live with my. grandmother from like when I was like uh.

like five until like. 11 and I was just like the golden child. I was like spoiled and like I got so. much love and I was like. you know. I was the baby of the family. So once my. dad got custody of us, you know, he. played like much more like hardball kind. of vibes and I didn't see my grandmother. as much but she was still like number. one person in my heart when I like. thought about like love and. you know, around 16 or so like I was.

told she had cancer and it was. it was like the it was like this thing. that I was like, oh, it it can't be true. and I kind of just like tried to forget. like it exists. I'm like, oh, she's. still alive. Like, you know, maybe that. was just like Denial? Yeah, I think it. was like a lot of denial even like when. I was around her like, you know, noticing that she was like getting. skinnier and like. like looking different and she would. like say things. like, you know, I'd be like, "Grandma, I. love you." and she'd be like, "You know, I don't love myself." and and stuff like.

that. And it was just. it was really hard to like hear and. listen to this person. that you have so much love for like lose. like faith in life. and just like the world in general and. it's like it's also the person that. has took on a role of. being the back of the family for so many. people like, you know, of the the person. you know, the grandmother like she has. like the family reunions. She has. everybody over for Thanksgiving. She. watches the kids like that's like a big.

thing in the black community and. whatnot. And. and now like, you know, she I guess like. feel feel cheated by life. And, you know, I guess I could feel that. through the way she would carry herself. at that time. And so it was really hard. when she passed and then it was. something I tried to like brush over. Yeah, yeah. I It's interesting. I. actually lost my uncle when I was around. around your age at that time and he was. he also was diagnosed with throat. cancer. So I was really close to my uncle. He.

was He taught me how to drive. He helped. me get my first job. He used to own like. a news shop and, you know, sell. newspapers and stuff. So he would like. let me work out in the work in the shop. and make a little pocket money. And and. then when he died it was really. interesting for me because I was getting. more into spirituality at the time and. he was really angry that I was getting. into spirituality. And so he was so mad at me. And like, you know, when he was really really. unwell he'd be like, "I hope you're not. going to get spiritual and I hope that's. not going to be your path." And so he. was kind of losing that.

positive spark. He was always like this. positive energy and then towards the end. of his life. he was more angry than anything else. And it was uh yeah, it was a really. interesting experience going, you know, going from someone that again loved me. so much, helped me so much, someone that. I was very close to, to then feeling. like he actually. didn't like who I was becoming. How did you feel your grandmother's love. evolve for you? I'm sorry for that. I'm. sorry about that. Oh, no. Thank you for You You You.

inspired me to be vulnerable and share. back with you because Yeah, I guess we. both lost someone that we cared about at. a similar time. Um but yeah, how did your grandmother's. love evolve for you from that 5 to 11. age when you were living with her? Like. How do you How do you think she loved. you that stayed with you? I guess that's. like afterwards five um or like during. the time? Both. You know, my grandmother's um. like one of those things that that she. really loved when you know life.

I guess wasn't like great like where we. lived and. you know our like financial situation. and just like you know the what comes. with you know getting older in life. I you know I got I got all the love I. got all the love and you know sadly my. siblings. got the other end of that stick I guess. And. you know around the time my dad got. cancer I didn't feel like that. special child anymore which is probably.

good for my young ego you know like. feeling like I had to be like that one. all the time and I guess I. kind of stopped seeing my grandmother as. much. Mhm. I'd go over there like a lot. of the weekends what not but you know it. was just like the thing that I I can't. be there anymore. Mhm. And and then. eventually like she passed away and it. was just like. just very confusing. Mhm. Do you. remember the first song that you made. after her passing or anything that any. music that came from that? I made a song.

called like carry on and I was it was. pretty much about. how I like felt like very selfish about. not being there. when she passed away. Mhm. When I was. supposed to be there that day you know. but I was so stuck on. social media you know what I mean and I. was so. like really like into Twitter and trying. to. you know build that even though I know. my grandmother's like on her last days. and it was just like I just felt like.

very. selfish because it was you know like. this person that showed you so much love. showing you so much love and. you're not there because you're like a. trying to get these people's attention. online. Mhm. Yeah I think a lot of. people can relate to that too. You get. so. obsessed with your career or direction. or path and it's working and it's. winning and there's momentum. Yeah. And. and we all kind of, you know, and you.

and you were young when that happened. for you, but a lot of people into their. 30s, 40s, 50s will, you know, attest to that and put their. hand up and say, you know, they've done. that where they've over-prioritized. their career to their relationships. How's that shifted how you've lived. since then? Like that reflection or. realization that you've had? I'll be. honest. I'll say. I was still kind of like that way up. until these last like maybe 2 years Mhm. of I guess my break from like music or. whatnot. I've started to really.

actually like cherish like being with my. family and stuff cuz it's like. these people are growing up so fast. Like the like the my nieces and nephews. and you know, you see that on TV and you. feel like it's like cliche or whatnot, but it it's happens like so fast and I. feel like the older I get, the faster. these years like somehow go by. Mhm. And. uh yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, that's. a wise realization to have at 24. I'll. tell you that. Like that's that's early. I think most people that I speak to,

again, like you're saying, we hear the. cliche, we see it, but I'd say most people don't get to. that realization until they're like. 30, 40, maybe even later on in life, you. know? It's it's a weird one because you. kind of feel like you'll be the. exception. Yeah. Right? Like everyone. feels like they'll be the exception. Maybe their life will go slow where. they'll have time for everything. Uh. there was another line in the. documentary that really resonated with. me. There were so many things. I I can't. wait for everyone to watch the. documentary, honestly, because as. someone who.

knew your music, was aware of you, I. felt like I got really invited into your. stream of consciousness during it. And I so appreciated I found your. thinking out loud to be extremely. comforting. even though we've never met each other. and we don't know each other. Yeah. And. there was so many things that you said. where I was like, oh, I can relate to. that in some way and this was this was. another one. You said, a lot of the. times when I'm scared, it's when I'm. about to do something that will change. my life drastically. And I was going to.

ask you, what scares you the most right. now or what do you feel fearful about. right now that you think might be on the. verge of changing your life drastically. Huh. I think just like my place right. now in my actual like career in like. these last like couple of weeks. You. know, I've never been here like. mentally and actually like physically, you know, where. you've like been so like focused and. like zoned in on what you're doing and.

you push your art out into the world and. it's kind of like received negatively by. like. the majority. You know what I mean? Mhm. But then like. also understanding why, you know, and. and having to like see it through. So I. guess that's. that's where I'm at right now and my. next move, you know, the things that I'm. planning on right now, I. I feel like somewhere in here there's.

going to be this magical moment that I. can't even take credit for and it's. Yeah, I feel like that's that's going to. sweep. I feel like that always happens. So. Yeah, there's always magic in the. messiness. Yeah. But it's not fun. No, not at all. That's it's been a lot. Yeah. No, we'll we'll get to that as. well. There was there was another line. that kind of sparked what you just said. now. You said you talked about wanting a. little bit of chaos. Like there's a part of you that likes a. little bit of chaos. And I was going to. ask you, what does positive chaos look.

like to Montero and what does negative. chaos look like? I think that the thing. is. it's usually when I can control it. I I've lost I don't I don't think I have. the grip on controlling it. It I feel. like it does. a lot of what it wants now, you know? Yeah. I'm usually like strategic with. things and. I can kind of like move the. conversation, but. that's the chaos I like. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's it's kind of like a kid that. starts a fire and it's in the under.

control. Yeah, and then As opposed to a forest. fire. And then it's like in the it's. like, oh, this is not this wasn't. supposed to this is not my chaos. Yeah. But yeah, I like to keep. things interesting or whatnot and. Yeah. Yeah, lead the conversation around it, but Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think what I. think all of us love that. We I love and. I appreciate the honesty. Like I think. we all love chaos that's under control. and that we can control. Yeah. Drama. that we can control, but then as soon as. it and and it's funny because it always. starts like that, right? Like even a.

forest fire starts because there was a. little controllable fire, but then it. spread really really fast. Yeah. And that feeling of things leaving. your grip is like the most uncomfortable. feeling in the world when you feel. something just like. It's the worst. It's it's the worst. feeling ever. Yeah. When when you feel. that way, when you've created something. and then it takes a life of its own, so you've experienced it positively and. challengingly. How do you process that. or how do you allow yourself to be okay. with creating something controlled and.

then it becomes fully chaotic and out of. your control? allow it. It can get almost like. depressing, but you know, actually depressing and it. can. you can become like super angry with. yourself as I said like earlier or. whatnot. Yeah. And. yeah, I mean. it it it gets that deep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, cuz you said recently and as you. brought up the last 2 weeks, you said. you said you felt like you really messed. up this time and I was like, you know, and you were saying that it affected.

your mental health, right? Like it. really felt like it affected your mental. health and I'm like, why did you feel that way and and in. what way does it affect your mental. health? I already kind of like explained the. situation, you know, in that video. But. it was. it was this thing that artistically it. was just supposed to be like I'm. returning. Like I'm back. I'm back like. him, you know what I mean? And it turned. into this whole thing where. it was me trying to dunk on Christians.

or something. And. that was never like what it was, never. And then and then I then I looked at the. video with me like eating like the. communion or whatnot. And I was like, "Okay, this looks really bad on paper, this thing that I thought was just like. a little. jokey fun video. I also had to think about like how many. of my family members are like Christian, like my grandmothers and stuff and, you. know, like aunties and and things like. that. And I'm like, "Wow, like do they.

see this as that, too?". If they do, like, you know, that's. that's really messed up and it is. you know, it made me sad. And then, you. know, on top of that, like seeing like. actual fans like. turn and. say like, "Whoa, why is he doing this? Why does he keep messing with these. people?" And I I think another thing was. messages got turned around and because. one got turned around, the idea of. Montero Call Me By Your Name, which is.

me like taking ownership of this place. everybody tells you I'm going to go, and. that was just turned into, "Oh, he's. teaching Christianity a lesson." When. that's not the case, you know? And now. this thing was just like, "Oh, I'm. Jesus. I'm I'm back like Jesus." Which. is if anything, it's it's it's like a. homage to Jesus, like this guy that made. the greatest comeback of all time. And. I'm not the first artist to do such a. thing. That message like turned around and I. didn't know. I didn't know how to like do anything.

with it. It wasn't my chaos anymore. It. was the world's and anything anybody. said was true because that's who I am as. a person. I'm I'm this troll and I want. to make these people mad. Mhm. And so everybody can run with that. Mhm. And there's nothing I can do about that. I can I can say as many things as I. want, but knowing my history. they look right, I look wrong. Yeah. Yeah. But I think the way you addressed. it and you're addressing it right now is. is helpful and useful to people because.

I think it came across very clearly to. me and it does today, too, even sitting. with you like. it's not something. you're trying to disrespect or mock. But. for people who feel that way, what would. you say to them? Like for someone who. feels that that is what it is, What. would you. them? Yeah. What would you want them to hear? It's probably a better question. You know what's You know what's crazy? I I I I feel like I've said, you know, I. apologized for the communion thing. On. on on that note, everything else. I'm not sorry about. I don't I don't.

think I did anything wrong. You know. what I mean? And it's like I've also. been making like a lot of like gospel. music like to. to like God and and like like my. spiritual side. And I hate that this whole thing has. turned into like a mockery, which it. isn't, you know. Mhm. Yeah, no, thank you for sharing that. I. appreciate it. And and I think there's. also like. I was going to actually maybe maybe. that's a good thing to talk about. Like. obviously your father's a gospel singer,

right? Yeah. What I would love for you. to talk about your relationship with. your father to give kind of context to. the conversation we're having right now. because I'm not sure how many people are. aware of your deep Christian roots. So. walk walk us through some of your. relationship with your father and how. that's evolved. Which comes across in the documentary. for sure. I feel like me and my father. has have grown closer as I got older cuz. the version of me that he saw wasn't. really me. It was the version that I. presented.

to him. So, as I've like come out and whatnot, like. even before I came out though with my. dad, um. well, when I did initially came out to. when I initially came out to my dad, he. was just like, you know, the devil may. be tempting me or whatnot. And it's. definitely taken its own journey because. now like my dad is like, "Yo, do you. have a boyfriend?" kind of vibe. Like. you can tell me about that stuff. Like. you can let me know that any You know, he even came to me he even came with me. to like a gay club with like my brothers.

and sisters one time just like dancing. and stuff. It's It's been a complete. like, um one eighty. that feel like because from going from, you know, coming out to your parents and. your father saying, "Yeah, you know, the. devil" I mean, that is a really extreme, obviously, reaction on one end. And now. coming with you to a gay club, like how. does that transition even A, how does. that transition happen? B, how does that. feel? I feel like it was an over time. thing. And also him like learning me as. a person. Like I feel like him seeing me.

in interviews and stuff like that was. like the same for everybody else. Like. every I feel like the entire world. started see me. My brothers and sisters, my family, everybody started to see me. at the same time. You know what I mean? I feel like before that I was just very. like meek about everything. So, over time, you know, with Call Me By. Your Name coming out and and like the. entire like Montero album like roll out. and me inviting him and like listening.

to my songs on my last album, that's how. he learned about me. And I feel like him. hearing me from my own mouth and like in. the world and seeing me in the world. like help him understand me more. And I. feel like over time he was like, "Okay. I I I understand now. You know what I. mean?". It feels like you've also always had. this compassion. for people who don't always understand. you. Like even when. you say when you when you when you first. told your father like and he had that. reaction of maybe the devil's tempting.

you, you actually understood that. Like. there was a part of you that went, "Oh, I get that." And then there's other. parts in the documentary true when you. have protesters outside. and again you're like, "I'm actually. happy that they have something that they. belong to and they stand for." Like. there's a there's a compassion and. context that you seem to have. even when you're the one who's trying to. express yourself, you can see how it's. hard for people to digest that. Would. that be fair to say? For sure. I mean.

the truth is I feel like over like the. last couple of years. I've learned that everybody is against. you is just like against you, you know? There's a lot of like learned things, you know, a lot of things over time. people have latched onto and in their. brains it's hard to let go of. So, they. see you as this way because of something. that was, you know, far beyond their. control, things they've been taught. since they've like grew up, you know, like my dad has been taught and like. shoved in his head, you know, and and. everybody in the world like we all have.

like ideals like. put into our brains and I don't want to. like try to be a thing which is easy to. paint. people who don't like you as like haters. or just like evil and like bigot and. whatnot, but it's like these people just. genuinely. don't understand you and inside of their. mind like it's. it's like fear, you know? It's like fear. and it's. it's like discomfort and there's all.

these things that the human mind wants. to run from, you know? And I understand that cuz I still have. those things. Yeah, we all we all see. things in others that we don't. understand. And as soon as we don't understand. something, the most human emotion is to. feel fear. Any sort of change. makes us feel fear. Any sort of. uncertainty. And so, if someone we look. at someone and we feel uncertain about. them, it generally sparks fear. That's. how we've almost been conditioned as.

humans to just feel fear. And so, as you've said before, you said some. people see me as the satanic devil that. is going to ruin the world. Like when you when you say things like. that, what are you actually trying to. do? When people see you that way, like. what I'm interested in is when people. see you that way, what are you actually trying to portray. that sometimes gets seen that way? It's. more so um. taking all these things. that I believe.

have been used to like demonize me. and a lot of other people. and these conspiracies and it says, "Okay, this is what this looks like. Is. is this what you actually want to see?". You know what I mean? Is this. is this who you think I am? Okay, I'm going to do those things. I'm going. to do those things you think I'm like. this, so I'm going to do these things. When you're building a new album, building a new song, making a music.

video, what's your artistic process? Like where does it start? Like what like. what happens? Is it you taking notes? Is. it journaling? Is it working with your. team, your dancers? Like how does how. does new work get created in Montero's. world? Can I can we pause for a second? Yeah, of course we can. Of course we. can. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm with you. You I want to. step outside for a second. Of course you can. Yeah, absolutely. Of. course you can, man. Of course you can. Let's open up the door. Take your time. Got you.

What would you like to say? Where is it. where's your heart? Well, first say what I said out there. Um. I'm trying to be authentic. and say, you know, words from my heart, but you. know, I feel like it ends up. sounding rehearsed. And I guess um.

Yeah, I I I'm trying to get there. But yeah, I'm doing my best. But we can move from We can move from. this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And And all you can ever be asked for is. doing your best, so. can't ask for anything more. And I think. we're all in that. We're kind of all in that. pressure of trying to be authentic. selves, but then. you know, there's that There's that. famous meme on social media that I see.

all the time that says, "Society says be yourself.". And then society says, "No, not like. that." Yeah. And I think, you know, we. all kind of spend some time. Oh, that's so. That's authentic. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, society doesn't really. want like people to be like themselves. and stuff like that. Just like to a. degree. Yeah. We Yeah, we want everyone to be. authentic. in a way that makes us feel good.

And the the truth is is if everyone was. authentic, oh boy, this world would be. insane. What would it be like? It It. would It would have some great things, but definitely like some terrible. things, too. Yeah. Yeah. So, it's. probably better that everyone's a little. less authentic. It's an interesting conversation. Authenticity is an interesting. conversation. it depends on what you see as better. Like, positive and light, does that. automatically equals like better? Like, cuz it's I feel like some dark things.

help bring light, you know? Mhm. Balance. Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's almost like I feel like even. internally when you're doing the work. Shadow work and stuff like that. You. have to go through a lot of darkness. You know, you got to. understand like what you are capable of. and Mhm. and like who you are and decide. not to do like. like that that bad that you could do, you know? Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. Do you do a lot of inner.

work? Is that kind of I know you became. spiritual and you got involved in a a. bit of your own spirituality. What is. What does that look like exploring your. own spirituality? What does that look. like in your definition in your words? Yeah, I do a lot of like inner work and. understanding like who I am and but also. like the and like trying to let go of. the pressures of I guess. what I feel like society a lot of times. will want me to be. Mhm. You know, like. this big. brave like champion for.

the community which you know, I can't be. at all times. You know what I mean? I. just want to do me sometimes. Of course, like I want to do what I can, but I want. it to come naturally and Is there a lot. of pressure sometimes it feels like? To always have to be. I was joking about it with someone else. the other day like whenever I'm around. someone I always feel the pressure that. I have to say something wise. Because because that's the the kind of,

you know, and so like when I'm around. someone it's kind of like being around a. comedian and you they have to be funny. Yeah, like yeah, I think it's exactly. that. I think it's exactly that. Even. like with the funny thing sometimes, you. know, cuz I'm online trolling and stuff. I'm like I don't want to be funny right. now. I want to. I want to I don't know. I want to. eat this food and and you know, not. really talk to you. I want to scroll on. my phone a little bit and eat this food. But the whole thing like even with like. Montero still like riding on my back. like we're talking about it right now. and.

me like featuring. the video and stuff and it's like. that's just what I want to do. It wasn't. I'm not always trying to like make a. deep message I guess like I guess. if that makes sense. Yeah. So sometimes you're just trying to have. fun. Not even just trying to have fun. It's. just a lot of things I do. most things through my art. are for me and just thankfully other. people can. see it as helping them. It's coming as a. form of self-healing and. self-expression.

Mhm. And then if it connects with people then. I like I pray it connects with you. Yes. But. I don't know. I'm not I'm not trying to. be a martyr if that makes sense. Yeah. I mean Rick Rubin was here a few. months ago and he was saying something. similar. He was saying that he thinks. that true art and true creativity is not. made for consumption. Yeah. In that it is consumed and it is loved. and it is connected with but it wasn't.

created thinking well how are we going. to find the thing that connects? It's. creating something that comes from. within. Would you agree with that? Does. that I agree I agree completely. I like. Rick Rubin. Yeah. Yeah, I like his book. I only I only skimmed I only like. skimmed through it but I like it. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great book. Did you. When when do you feel you're connected. to your most authentic 360 self? Like. what are you doing when you feel that. way? Because I know in the documentary. it seemed like when you're with your. dancers who are to your friends that.

felt like a form of self-expression and. connectedness where you feel like you. can let go and be funny and be larger. than life and be creative. Would you say. that's where it comes through? I'd say. if anything. it's when I'm creating music. and I guess that's like. the thing that an artist should say or. what not but it's the truth when I'm. like making a song. and when I can completely like let go of. how it's going to be received, I just.

feel like. one, you know, I feel like everything. has come to me. All of my energy is not. like all out into the world. Like every. like I feel like just one being like. connected to everything. It's a feeling. like I I I can't describe. Like no. amount of success will ever like equate. to it. I don't know if I'll ever like find love. that strong. I hope so. But. but yeah. That's the I think that's the. thing we're all looking for, right? Like. we're all searching for like.

And and it's almost like you can't. manufacture it. Like you can't engineer. it. It either happens or it doesn't. fake it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You feel it sometimes. and sometimes you don't. Yeah. Yeah. You said you wanted to stay the. acceptable gay person at first. And you didn't want to be the one that. shoves it down everyone's throats. And. then now we're talking about again being. authentic. I think we're all always. trying to. we're always trying to play again to. what people around us wanting to be. And. then and then it comes out. How did you. kind of go, "Well, no, no, no, I'm not.

going to do that. I am going to allow. myself to free myself." I feel like it's. a push and pull, you know? Because of. course. there's still parts of me that, you. know, want to please. the people around me. You know, I mean I. I feel like that's the whole idea of. like something being successful a lot of. the times. We got to make sure it's. packaged enough to be authentic, but. also able to be like digestible at the. same time. I almost feel like that's.

where we're all trying to exist. There's. this You You said something that. resonated with me. That I was going to. read something from F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yeah. And so he has this beautiful quote. that I'm I'm fully. obsessed with right now. And it And it. when I look at you as an individual, this is. and you can reflect on whether you how. you feel about it. So he said that the. test of a first-rate intelligence. is the ability to hold two opposing. ideas in the mind at the same time and.

still retain the ability to function. In his words, one should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless, yet be determined to make them. otherwise. But what the way I'm reflecting on you. is this idea of like. you want to be. doing things that are for the self, but. then at the same time it needs to. connect to people. Like you want to be. able to. be who you are with your friends and. your family. and you realize that sometimes you got. to tone down parts of yourself, but then. sometimes you don't want to. Right?

We're constantly trying to All of us are. trying to be two things, almost. Yeah, for sure. Why is it so hard then? I don't know, and I feel like that goes. back into the whole thing of like. we are like not in control completely of. things. Like no matter. what you do, how much preparation or. whatnot, it's not something you control. Like people going to love stuff or they. won't. Absolutely. You said about love. there, you mentioned. How do How does. finding love play a role in your life. when. you know. It's not always.

This year. is the first year since 2021 that I'm. going to be open to like finding love. cuz I was kind of. very closed off to it. It's like, "No, no, no, I need to focus.". I have these I have really, really big. dreams that I don't want to share with. everybody. Yeah, yeah. I have really, really big dreams and it's like. I feel like anything that I can can see. as a distraction can get in my way, but. at the same time, like that whole. contradicting thing. love can help inspire you to make life.

even greater art. Mhm. But but you know, I wanted to just have. my like phase of. being young and having fun with a lot of. people if you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I know what you. mean. Yeah. But don't you think again, it's it's. interesting, right? Like it is daunting. I agree with you. And yet I find that. most people, of course, everyone wants. to have a good time. I'm like that, too. Like I love laughing. I love having a. great time. And at the same time, again, talking about the paradox or the. contradiction, I also want to have. meaningful connections because the last.

thing I want to do is have a. superficial, artificial like. conversation with someone. So, it's like. this it's funny how the things we find. daunting are often things that even that. person's kind of yearning for. Like I. don't think anyone's ever had a really. deeply meaningful conversation and then. walked away from it going, "That was a. waste of time." Right? Like do you know. what I mean? Like you're never going to say that. Like you're never going to you know, like I had a dinner with someone in. London recently and it was a group of us. in a in a similar industry and everyone. was being vulnerable and we were.

laughing and connecting, but everyone. was sharing their pains. And we walked. away and no one was walking away going, "God, that was the worst dinner.". Everyone's going Yeah, everyone's going, "That's the one of the best dinners. we've ever had." And and I find that. with artists it's it's it's hard to have. that, I guess. Like it's hard to find. that. And so, do you do you feel like. the dance is a way you find that? Like. is that a place of safety and a place of. joy? I feel like that's definitely a. place of joy. Yeah. And I don't got to get super. serious with them or. barely like anyone for for that matter,

you know, it's like. Only me. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You know, I I feel. like I share most of my like therapy. sessions at home alone with myself. Mhm. And my cat's in the distance. Mhm. But yeah, like talking out loud to. myself when all the voices in my head. are saying like the most crazy, terrible. things you would ever hear a person say, it's useful. It's helpful. How how. ridiculous can the voice inside your. head get? Like what how far will it go?

Ridiculous as in like, you know, that. time that I told you about like the. hotel incident. Like it's easy. when you're like down or in like a. in like a hard place for all those. voices in your head to like gang up and. say like, "Okay, this is the time." It's. like, "Everybody go, go, go." And. talking out loud can be that saving. grace of a factor like "No, this isn't. that bad. This thing isn't that. terrible. We're going to get out of this. thing. We've been through worse. We will. go through worse. So, we got to make.

sure we get out of this thing so we can. know about the worse." Yeah, yeah. You. know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, like that that helps a lot. That's a great technique. Yeah, I fully. agree. I think. when you're lost in your head and in the. silence, oh my gosh, you have no idea. which voice to follow, which voice to. let lead. It's the worst when you're. like, "Oh, this terrible voice has a. point." You know? This one this one's saying something. maybe I should listen to. It's like, "No, he's not." Like, that's. a terrible idea. Yeah. Have you ever.

used that technique where you label. certain voices that you see as recurring. and you give them a name and a and a way. cuz they say that that's a great. technique of your inner critic, like. giving it a name, giving it a. personality. Have you Have you noticed. certain ones that keep coming back? I. don't give them a name per se, but as I. said like I'm a spiritual being and I. feel like just like me, like I have my. thoughts, my wants, and my purpose, that voice in my head was, you know,

created by the universe. It It has a job. and I think its job is to give me just. enough to fight against. You know what I. mean? Yeah, yeah. So, it's like I don't hate. this voice. It's like, "You're a part of. me. We're one. We're together. We're in. this together. You're doing your thing. I'm trying to do my thing, you know, but. I can't listen I can't listen to you on. this." That That's powerful. That That. the ability to. not Yeah, the more we right there's that. famous saying that says the more you. resist it persists. Like, it just keeps.

persisting if you keep kind of butting. heads against them. What you're saying. is actually I don't hate it. I just I. recognize it's a part of me. I see I. know that's that's your thing. That's. literally why you're here. I can't be. mad at you for. for filling your purpose. Like. Yeah. Yeah, you that is that you do have. that quality like the ability to. recognize that everything has its place. and everyone has their place. Where does. that come from? The compassionate like. parts of me. trying to make sense of. everything. I feel like it's so easy to.

label everything as. as like. as like a demon or just like a like a. terrible just like dark thing. But it's. like this thing. It's it exists. It has. emotions and it has feelings just like. you and it's just trying to do its. thing. Yeah. There was this one. statement that reminds me of what you're. saying now. You said people feel a lot. of things about me. but boy do I love this kid. Yeah. In the. dark. How is how is that journey of I.

love this little Montero, this kid. inside of me. how is that developed? Like what is that. taken. for you to get to a place of being able. to say that like I love this kid because. I think that's a journey we're all on. I. think. and it's like something everybody knows. but we we forget a lot but we're. literally just all. like the same person in like. a different life path. You know what I. mean? And once I can really just understand. and recognize that every single person.

has like these thoughts or form of like. these thoughts that I have in my head, I. know I shouldn't like feel bad about. where I am or what I think. and. you know, what I'm doing because that's. what this version of me is doing. Like. that's that's where I am and I have to. love him through it and like understand. that he's going to make these. you know, mistakes and he's going to. have accomplishments and he's going to. have great times and he's going to have.

bad times and he's going to do amazing. things and he's going to do terrible. things and and it's like um. I have to uh allow him to grow through. that and me joining the world or anybody. else and being hard on this kid is not. going to help. Yeah, I was just saying the other day, I. was saying to someone, you can't guilt. yourself into growth. It's impossible. Like you can't shame. yourself or embarrass yourself into. becoming better. Like when was the last. time you made someone feel guilty and.

they were like, "Yeah, I'm going to be. the best person in the world now." Like. it doesn't work that way. Yeah, I think. cliche as it is, like, you know, love is. really the the answer for that. How does. it feel? I know you're going to go today. or tomorrow to show your family the. documentary. Like. how does that make you feel to be able. for them to be able to see this? I want to be very like self-conscious. You know? The whole time, like Yeah, just just like, "Oh my god, like. what are they thinking about this?" You.

know, I've I've said things in this. documentary that they've never heard me. Wow. like say, you know, or my perspective on. like a lot of different things. And even. them, you know, talking about them and. how I feel. close or not close with them. Yeah, it's. a lot Although it comes. yeah, it comes across. I'm hoping in a way that they can digest. it. There's a lot of love you have for. your nephew. Yeah. And and your. relationship of him not wanting to see. you differently.

Uh how is how is that relationship like. progressed and cuz how old is he? He's. young. He's 11. He's about to be 12 this year. I feel like, you know, he's he's one of. the only people in my family that calls. me like 24/7. And I just really. like appreciate that cuz, you know, before they get to like their age where. they're just like too cool and whatnot, I'm happy to have like that person. that's still. I don't know, is inspired by me or still. like loves me like all the same.

And and yeah, yeah, through all. everything. What would he say to you. when he's calling you up? Like what's. the What What is he doing? What's a. 12-year-old saying? You know kids like he he will call and. kind of just like say, "Yo, what's up?". And then just be like silent for a. minute. And and then And then he's like, "Yeah, I've been on Fortnite." And like. stuff like just like kid stuff. And I I. love that. It would It It makes things. much smaller cuz in my head where I have. all these things that I feel like are. the big. grandest like problems of my life and.

blah blah blah, you know, he's. he's like in school like trying to get. his grade up in science. You know what I. mean? It's like these things. Yeah, it it it keeps me. it keeps me like down to earth. Yeah. Mhm. Yeah, it's like when my mom calls. me up. and I've been doing, you know, whatever. crazy thing and then she's like, "Have. you eaten today?" Like that's what she. cares about. Yeah, all those stuff. It's. like. It makes everything much. Like have you taken your vitamins?" Like.

that's what my mom would say to me. And. I'm like, "Mom, like I'm at the White. House." Or whatever it is. She's just. like, "Yeah, have you had your. vitamins?" Like it's the best thing. though. Yeah, it keeps you grounded. Keeps you connected and you're right. Like so often we just start getting lost. in this, you know, this big vision of what we're doing and. what we're creating. And it kind of just. pops the bubble where, you know, they. come along and just go, "Yeah, it's not. that big.". it much like smaller and easier to. maintain in a way. Yeah. Yeah. You said. something about the family.

that really resonated. You said, "How can we get everyone in a house. within 5 years without me paying for. it?" And I was like, you know, what does. that new level of relationship of desire. mean to you? Like what is What are you. trying to create there? Or where does. that thought come from? I feel like that. opens a bigger. like question or like current like. problem in my life. I'm like not a little boy anymore. Like. I'm a grown man and I have to take on. like this this like leadership role and.

I feel like once you break society down, everything is still like tribes and. whatnot. And I have tribes, you know, like like on my family like like this is. my tribe or you know, like my my team. around me in my career like this is my. tribe. I have to. get in the front of this and try to. figure things out and like try to. understand like how do these people work. best? Like how can I get you you know, to doing your best thing and how can I. get you to doing your best thing so we.

can all progress? Cuz of course you. know, I got to get myself right first. before I do anything but it's like also. I have to understand like how can I help. you? I'm in this place. I believe the. universe sent me here. to try to try to fix things, you know? It's like how do I. build your confidence up like with my. brothers and sisters? Like how do I. build your confidence up us all these. people that grew up in these places. where we've been told over and over in. our life I even each other and our. family members and and the world that. we're not like how do I get you the.

confidence to to chase your own dream or. if your dream's not something like grand. grand, you know? How do I get you to. I don't know, be on my team and just. something where you're happy and it's so. hard to get people. organized and organize things and. realize that this is something I have to. do. it cuz if I don't do it it may not get. done, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And but yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm at that place where I'm. trying to figure that out. Yeah, I can understand that. It's it's.

hard cuz you got so many roles on your. team. Then there's family, there's friends. coming up. I mean, it's it's hard and. it's hard to put everyone on too. I. mean, I've spoken to so many people who. you know. today like top musicians, artists, actors who've had that years ago where. friends wanted to move from their. hometown and come and join the team and. then sometimes they didn't want to put. in the work and sometimes they did and. sometimes they made it. Like I know a a. friend of mine who's this person used to.

seat people at his shows 30 years ago. and today she's directing documentaries. with him. That's amazing. Right? And it's like a beautiful journey. and it's amazing for them to have, but. then on the other hand you've also got. friends who are given a route out but. then they let the money and the fame and. the drugs and alcohol and everything. consume them and you recognize it's. almost like you can only give people. opportunities but they've got to take. them for themselves. Yeah, and that's. that's hard to like come to grips with, you know? Like you can give as many like speeches. or.

or talks or like as much guidance as you. want but it's just so hard to. help some people up. Yeah, it is. It is. But that's something that feels. important to you. Yeah, something that. feels important. It's also something. that, you know, it crushes you a little bit. it's back. to that whole like factor of you can't. control this thing. Yeah, you can't. There's nothing you can do about this. Yeah, I feel like this is this is not a. question that me and you can solve here. at all because it is almost a question. of life but it's like.

how do we how do we deal with. our lack of control every day? Like how. how do we deal with the fact that we. can't control things or how do you deal. with the fact that you can't control. everything in in all of these areas, yeah? Have you have you found any coping. mechanisms that. I have. Oh, cool. Okay. And. I have one main coping mechanism and. it's so silly but it helps me through. life a lot. I'm excited. And it's and it's like, "Dude, you're a. gummy bear." And I know it doesn't make. sense I love gummy bears so I'm.

listening. but it's like all of this. is in our head. It's all like a journey. and in the grand scheme of things. as this individual I am just a gummy. bear. It's not that serious. It's not. that deep. Keep moving for Of course. it's a contradiction because it's. everything to me. It means everything to. me. It's It's. It's my whole being. But it's like But. I'm also a gummy bear. So it doesn't. really matter if this thing, you know?

It doesn't matter. Like, dude, relax, you know? So it's like a fight between. those two. But that me being a gummy. bear is like. one of the only things that's going to. get me through this really hard thing. that I'm fight fighting or facing, you. know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I. like that. I've never heard it put that. way. So I like it. I like that it's. silly. It's uh Yeah, the idea of. embracing our own insignificance. It's. like we have our significance. We know. what we're doing is important, but at. the same time we've got to embrace the. insignificance of the irrelevance. Yeah,

like relax, like Yeah. It's not that. serious. It's super serious, but it's. not that serious. Yeah. Yeah. That's a funny conversation inside, for. sure. Yeah. There was another thing that. came up was you said that. if I settle into a house, I feel like. I'll have to be there forever. And. there's this idea of like, you know, there's a shot in the documentary with. all your suitcases there and you're like. not sure about the couch. And I was. wondering like where does the fear of. being somewhere forever come from?

I think it's like the whole idea of like. becoming comfortable, you know? And of course I do have like couches and. stuff now. I have like a new couch and I. have like my cats, which I was very like. hesitant to do. But you know, I was I was very afraid of. getting like super comfortable with my. like Hollywood life. You know, I have. like my house and stuff. And now I'm. going to get all my my Grammys over here. and I'm going to put my couch right. there. And here's my Mona Lisa painting. Like stuff like that.

I was very fearful that once I did that, I'm just going to like. relax all the time. But now I I I see it differently. It's. like I want to relax sometimes. to keep myself sane. And I am going to. like put my house together cuz there's. nothing wrong with that. And I have to. live because as I said like this goes by. so fast. Yeah. I'm 24 like going on 25 and I feel. like like 2 days ago I was 19. You know? Yeah, I I feel like your home has to be. a sanctuary for you. Whatever that means.

for you. Like it feels infuse you up for. the crazy life you live. Cuz I'm sure. you're going on tour again. You will go. on multiple tours across your lifetime. Like. the time that you are spending there, you want it to be comfortable. You want. it to be re-energizing. What does that. look to you? What does rest look like. for you now? Like what does taking a. break look like to you? Because you are. someone who's ambitious and hard working. and driven. But now to get back up on. that. I think I have one main thing and. it's super simple. It's going to see a movie. Mhm. I like.

to go and see a movie like I don't know. Some once, maybe twice, sometimes even. three times like a week. And that's like. my escapism moment. Or like my moment of. like rest or away from everything. You. know, like during my time. you know, when I dropped the artwork uh. for my last single and like it was like. a hellscape. I went to see this movie. called Migration, which is like this. animated movie about like birds like. flying places. And it's just like this. fun like childlike movie. And I was.

there. I was in that movie. That was my. rest. That was my peace. That was my. sense. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I love. going to the movies, too. Was that the. most recent thing you saw? Was there. anything else that kind of. Uh. What's been the best movie you've seen. this year? With the Oscars are coming. up, too. I want to see like Poor Things, but it. was very dark. that, yeah. but very dark. What was yeah, what was it like? I. haven't seen it yet. it like? Yeah. It was like um. Emma Stone just giving like a an amazing. performance. It was also like this movie.

that was so weird. Nothing like what. I've seen before, like very like Ari. Aster like vibes, you know what I mean? Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you're not giving it away. I. really want to see it. want to give away the entire thing. really want to see it. Yeah, I'm looking. forward to it. I love going to movies, too. I'm a big, big I loved Oppenheimer. last year. Have you seen that yet? Oppenheimer, but it wasn't for me. It. wasn't for me. I'm a Nolan I'm a Nolan fan, Christopher. Nolan fan, and like every movie he. makes, I'm like I love it when Well, Oppenheimer I got more of Tenet was the.

one that was the hardest one to get. I. don't know if you ever saw that. Tenet. I didn't get it, but I like it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He makes movies. I love his movies cuz he's always. creating things where. it's not set up to be consumed like the. average movie. Like you got to. You have to think about it. You have to. look up and go on a forum or something. and try to understand it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm that guy like looking at every. little graphic explaining like the time. frame and and and everything else that. comes with it. Montero, what is it that. you know, what are you what are you. excited about of the next you know, 12.

months for you? What's something that's. inspiring, pulling you in. pushing you forward right now for the. next 12 months? I think the main thing. I'm I'm focused on is. picking myself up out of this. this. hole that I like feel that I'm in, you. know what I mean? And. trying to figure out which songs out of. the hundreds or whatnot I've been. working on suit me best for.

going forward. Mhm. Yeah. And what does that process look like? Like how do you. how do you. actually do that in an actionable, practical way? I guess trying to feel. which ones feel real to me and back to. the other thing, but are also like. consumable, you know what I mean? Yeah. And how do you judge that? Because I. guess like how do you as an artist even. Are you just trusting intuition? Is. there data? Is there prayer? Like how, yeah, what is that? Intuition plus like.

I feel like spiritual like signs. Mhm, yeah. Walk me through the spiritual. signs. I like that. For example, in my my last song, you know, um my last. single, uh J Christ, like I I was kind. of hesitant. I was like, is this is this. where I'm going to get me to the next. place? And every time I would think. about it, I would magically like see a. cross in the distance or something like. that. I was like, okay, this is a part. of my journey. This is something This is. a threshold I have to cross through to. get to the other side. Or.

for example, um another one and I was. worried about like releasing Call Me By. Your Name. I was just like, oh my god, I. don't know if I should. And then Good. Days by like SZA comes on the radio, you. know? And I'm just like, ah, and then. the most beautiful like sun sunrise. happens at the exact same time. I'm just. like, okay, this is You know what I. mean? And I guess it's like things that. are in everyday life, but I don't. mistake that for just being everyday. life. Like this is. meant to be. Yeah.

This has to happen this way. When did. you start looking for those or noticing. those in your life? I think when I first moved to LA and I. felt like, um. communicating, you know, I felt like I. was talking to my angels. I It wasn't It. was like magic, you know what I mean? Like like seeing like angel numbers. Like I believe in angel numbers a lot. I'll give you a story. So, I'm like sitting at this cafe. It's. breakfast time. Old Town Road, you know, just hit like number one on the charts. I'm already thinking in my head though,

I'm moving to LA. I'm not going to. really like be super, you know, with my family and whatnot. Like I'm going to do my own thing now. And I start seeing like this number. It. was And then I looked up what the number. meant and it was like, you need to, you. know, bring your family together, basically. It was like, you need to. spend more time with your family need. bring your family together. I was like, um. I was like, um no, I don't I don't think. I'm going to do that. And I just started. seeing that number over and over and. over. And then I called my.

I called my uh my siblings. I was like, I'm going to I'm going to have our first. like uh what's it called? Family. reunion. And I did that thing and I started. seeing a different number. And I looked. up what that number meant and it was. just like, you're on the right path. Like and and I kept seeing that number. over and over. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, it was it was something. it was something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. And and and that's. and that's been almost a discovery for. you as opposed to something you were. taught or trained or heard or learned. It's been self-taught almost.

Yeah. And it it and it's also like. something that felt very real because, you know, at that time like I wasn't. spiritual at all, you know, I didn't. believe in any of the stuff and I was. just like, okay. Yeah. I see I I feel. like you guys are there. I don't. understand you completely, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what do you like when you like. can't see the sign or you can't find the. answer? Is there something that helps. you kind of realign or reconnect? I feel. like at that point. I just have to trust what I feel in my. heart, you know? And I feel like there's a.

there's a common sense. when I know something is right. There's. like a. there's like a washing of okay, this is. good. Yeah. I can't explain it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. I. mean, that that's the beauty of trying. to explain in words things that are. experienced intangibly, right? It's it's. hard. It's it's challenging, but. I think anyone who's I I know a lot of. our community and our audience.

is able to see signs or knows what their. signs are and their experiences and what. they are. And I officiated a wedding in. December. And the individual who's getting married. always loves the. color blue and sees her father's. presence as a butterfly. And when I was. leading the ceremony, there was a moment. in the ceremony that I asked everyone to. close their eyes and meditate with us. And then we open our eyes and some of us. still had our eyes closed and a blue.

butterfly literally just flew right. through the garden. There was only one. It wasn't like we were in a butterfly. park or or something like that and I can. see that you you can sense your belief. and it was just it was beautiful. Like. it was one of those moments where. everyone afterwards like, "Did you see. the blue butterfly?" Cuz they how. important it is to the bride. And it was. just this magical moment of, you know, for her to have her father's presence at. her wedding who is no longer with us. Like. man. Yeah, it was really really special. So. yeah, I think for those for those who. are on that path, who are aware of those. things, I'm sure they'll they'll.

resonate with what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. It's beautiful. Montero, we end. every episode with a final five. Yeah. Uh these are the fast five. They can. only be answered in one word to one. sentence maximum. We ask them to every. guest. Uh and you've been such a kind, gracious guest with your time. So, Montero, this is your final five. Question number one is what is the best. advice you've ever heard or received? Do it scared. I like that. Uh second question, what is. the worst advice you've ever heard or.

received? I don't know about that one. You block it out? Yeah, I I I I don't have that one. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Uh question number. three, what's the first thing you do in. the morning and the last thing you do at. night? First thing I do in the morning, um I get my cats off the bed and the. last thing I do at night, um. I try to move my feet in a place where. my cats won't scratch it in. Yeah. Nice. Uh question number four, what's something that you used to value.

that you don't value anymore? I guess approval from everyone around. me, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You've allowing yourself to. let that go. Yeah. Yeah. All right, fifth and final question. We. ask this to every guest who's ever been. on the show. If you could create one law. that everyone in the world had to. follow, what would it be? Can I have a different one? I love that. That's That's brilliant. I. don't even have to break my law with. you.

Um. what advice would you give to your. younger self? Make sure you love yourself. enough, more. than than anybody else in this entire. world like ever could. Yeah, I say that. That's it. Long live Montero, the. documentary is out right now. Montero, Lil Nas X, it has been um. I know I know for you, however the. experience goes, I'd love to hear from. you, but. honestly, I think the depth, the.

openness, and I want to thank you for. showing up when you didn't have to, of. your own accord, and trusting me and. giving me this space and time. So, I'm. grateful to you and thankful to you for. showing up in the way that you did. Thank you. I'm happy to be here and I'm. appreciative of, you know, how you've. like helped me through this. Thank you. Cool. Thank you, man. Thank you so much. If you loved this. episode, you'll enjoy my conversation. with Meghan Trainor on breaking. generational trauma and how to be.

confident from the inside out. My therapist told me stand in the mirror. naked for 5 minutes. It was already. tough for me to love my body, but after. the C-section scar with all the stretch. marks, now I'm looking at myself like. I've been hacked. But day three when I. did it, I was like, "You know what? Her. thighs are cute.".