LAYLA TAYLOR EXCLUSIVE: The Truth She Kept Hidden Her Entire Life

Ila, you came here today because there's. something you haven't shared. >> It's something that I have known since I. was little. It's just something that I. honestly didn't really know how to. formally address for a long period of my. life. We're only on this earth for. however long we are here. And I'll be. damned if I'm not able to be fully who I. am. Hey everyone, welcome back to OnPurpose.

My guest today is Leila Taylor. Many of. you know Ila from her show, The Secret. Lives of Mormon Wives, where she shared. her journey through motherhood, divorce, dating, and navigating faith in Utah. Today, she's opening up about. experiences she hasn't fully shared. before and the journey that brought her. into a new chapter today. Please welcome. Ila to OnPurpose. Leila Taylor, welcome. to OnPurpose. >> Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be. here. >> I am so grateful that you're here today.

People know your work. They know parts. of your story. They see you on TV. But. you came here today because there's. something you haven't shared before. >> And I wanted to give you this space and. ask you what's on your heart. >> Yeah. It's just something that I. honestly didn't really know how to. formally address for a long period of my. life. Um, and that it's I'm gay and I'm. by and date women and men. And it's just.

I think growing up I didn't fit in for a. lot of reasons in my childhood. I grew. up in a very predominantly white area. and being a little black girl, I already. stood out so much to my peers and kind. of took that on a lot more than I feel. like I realized. And I always kind of. had these thoughts and I kind of laugh. about it now cuz I would be watching. shows like Pretty Little Liars and I. would watch like Shane Mitchell kissing. a girl. I was like wait like why is that. like hot? But I didn't know like what.

those feelings were cuz I didn't have. queer representation around me of like I. could look at it and be like, "Okay, like this is normal." And it wasn't. necessarily that I had parents or I was. I was Mormon at one point, but I didn't. necessarily have that pressure to not do. that. I just didn't have people around. me that modeled that. And it's just it's. just something that I for a long time. didn't know if it was just. a phase or something that you know maybe. I'm just curious and I would just kind.

of underplay it for a long period of my. life. And I don't know I just feel like. I'm finally in the era that I I'm over. not being truly myself and I'm over not. showing every part of Ila to the world. And yeah, I'm very proud to be by and. I'm very proud now to be out. And I hope. that if anyone's in a situation that I. am as well that for a long time there, I. didn't know if I could come out and. truly be myself, I hope that they can.

feel safe to do so and proud to do so. >> First of all, I'm so happy for you. >> Thank you. >> I can't imagine how good it feels to. >> share it out into the world. This is the first time you've talked. about it publicly, right? >> Yeah. I haven't addressed it yet. >> Why was now the right time for Ila to. share this? >> Honestly, I went through a breakup at. the beginning of this year and I feel. like for just a long period of my life, I was constantly living my life for. other people, whether if that was, you.

know, being a mom or I was in a marriage. at one point. I was married and I just. feel like I was always fulfilling other. people around me. And it honestly just. caused me to never really focus on. myself and never be able to like really. just sit alone with who I am as a person. and my feelings and kind of just really. get to the root of why I felt certain. ways. And I just kind of always just. pushed it aside. And again, just I was. just like, "Oh, this is just like a. phase. Like you're not actually. attracted to girls. Like you're just. you're drunk at a party and you kissed a. girl. Like it's no big deal. Like you're. not you're not gay. Like just ignore.

that." And I just feel like I just never. was in a place that I feel like I could. truly authentically focus on it. And I. think honestly that breakup was like a. blessing in disguise cuz I feel like now. I've been fully able to just focus on. Leila and yeah, just focus on who I. truly am. >> How does it feel to actually say it out. loud and get it off your chest? >> Good. Honestly, I just feel like it's. like, girl, this should have happened. forever ago. I don't know why for so. long I was so afraid, but it I mean. there are people that are probably going. to judge me and there's people that.

aren't going to be supportive of it. And. luckily for me, like I'm in a position. that I'm surrounded by so much love and. so much support. And I know that I. haven't told a lot of people around me. that I am. So this is honestly they're. going to be finding out for themselves. on this podcast. And I know that they're. going to be nothing but supportive. though. And I know that's not the case. for everybody. And I'm so grateful that. I am in the position that I am that I. can truly be myself and feel the love. and support. And I just wish that was. the same for like everyone. >> Yeah, you're so right. Who Who was the.

first person you told? >> My best friend Kate. Okay. >> Yeah. We were actually on a trip. together for Miami Swim Week and I was. getting a text from somebody and she's. like, "Who's who's this person like. texting you and calling all the time?". And I was like, "Oh, like it's no one.". At first, she thought it was my ex and I. was like, "No, like no, I I I'm don't. circle back with exes. It's not an ex.". But I was like and I finally was like, "Hey, like Kate, I have to I have to. tell you like it's a girl. Like I'm I'm. by she's like, "Oh my gosh, like I'm so. excited for you. Like that's amazing.". So, I she was obviously the best person. for me to tell first because she's just.

she just knows me so well and yeah, she's very supportive. >> It must be so relieving when the first. person you tell actually sees you. >> Yeah. Yeah. I feel like. >> she's just like, "Okay, awesome." Like, "Cool." I don't know. I just feel like. she didn't really like care. Not in a. bad way, but she's like, "Okay, awesome." Like, "I'm glad that you know. you're happy. That's all I care about.". >> Yeah. Have you shared this with any of. the other cast members of Secret Lives? >> No, we've been kind of not in a bad. place, any of us girls. I know that. there's some friendships that are like.

in different places than they have been. in the past, but I think right now we've. just been kind of a little separate. since just, you know, going on that. pause from filming and everything like. that. So, I just haven't seen any of. them in person. And I feel like me. coming out, it's not really like a text. of like, "Hey, I'm bye." Feel like I. kind of want to see them in person to. like let them know. So they might see. this before and then I'll talk to them. in person the next time I see them. But. yeah, right now no one no one from the. group knows. >> Wow. How do you hope they'll react or do. you have no expectation? >> I think supportive. I don't think that.

anyone would not be. I think that I. lucked out with like a cast that we all. have our things and we're all supportive. of each other regardless. >> That's actually amazing. >> It's awesome. I'm really I'm lucky for. the group of girls that we have. >> Yeah, that's incredible. Tell me about. the first time you've realized you were. into both men and women. >> I feel like I can't like necessarily. pinpoint those kind of like those. memories that I said that I was like. watching Pretty Little Liars and I was. like okay like huh or just like you know. again like I would have like drunk. moments. I would like kiss a girl but I.

would get always just downplay it. But. it wasn't until recently actually that. the girl that I'm talking to right now. DM'd me and then we met up and we hung. out and it was just kind of like that. first kiss of like it wasn't this wasn't. like a drunk moment like this was me. intentionally going into a moment. knowing how I felt about women and the. first time you know actively dating a. woman that I was like okay like this is. what I want to do also. So, I think it. was like that moment that it wasn't just. like a oo gotcha moment and like a this.

is where I want to be. >> Wait, did she just send you a DM hoping. that you would. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, I actually I liked one. of her TikToks that it was like I don't. even know what it was. I think it was. just something it was a thirst trap or. something and I like liked it and she. ended up just sending me like eye emojis. and I was like, "Hey." So, I don't know. She just went on a whim. She told me. she's like, "I didn't know if you were. cuz I feel like on my page you can't. obviously I feel like no one would know. that I am into girls. Obviously not. until now." She just kind of went on a. whim. Maybe like a gut feeling. And I'm.

Yeah, I'm really glad she did. So, >> wow. That's awesome. Wow. Look at you. That's like you you haven't even got out. there yet. That's amazing. >> Did you talk about sexuality growing up? Like was that a conversation in your. family in your home? >> No, not at all. I think honestly that's. one of the reasons why I probably got. pregnant at such young young age. I got. pregnant when I was 19 and I feel like. it wasn't necessarily something that. they avoided cuz I feel like there was. like some moments that they would make. small little comments but they never. really sat me down like ever had like a. talk about anything so I kind of just.

figured out everything on my own. >> Wow. When you look back now at that time. >> what do you wish little Ila had that was. different? >> I think just a little bit more support. I think I spent a lot of my childhood. hiding things from my parents cuz I was. just really afraid of like their. reactions. just even small small things. like I lost my virginity when I was 15. and that was something my parents. probably still to this day don't even. know and I was very like terrified to. tell them like little small details so. even like these when I started to like.

have these feelings and have you know. these thoughts I would have never gone. to them in a million years and I think. that's honestly probably why for such a. long time I felt like I had to stay. closeted cuz I just didn't have the. support system around me that I wish you. know as a child that I did have. >> and was that around the same time as. Mormonism came into your life as well. >> Yeah. So, I converted to the church when. I was 16. >> Wow. >> What was it about losing your virginity. at 15 and converting at 16? >> I feel like I kind of went through like. a I don't even know, just like a phase.

that I was kind of rebelling a little. bit from like probably like 14 to like. right before I converted. And I don't. know, it just kind of set me back on. track for like a second. But I was still. kind of doing I was still like sleeping. with my boyfriends in high school and. stuff like that. It almost just kind of. gave me a little bit of like a moral. compass I feel like I didn't necessarily. have before. >> I can relate to some degree because I. got deep into spirituality when I was 18. years old and I obviously went and lived. as a monk after, but it became part of. my life so young.

>> I have such a love for the wisdom I. learned and I have such a love for my. teachers, but. >> I'm not as much of a fan of the. institution. >> Yeah. >> And it's just a really interesting. experience as I've got older and older. and older. I'm older than you, but as. I've got older and older and older from. that stage, it's just I have such an. interesting relationship at that time in. my life. And I'm like, what what was it. that you were seeking apart from. rebellion? What were you seeking at that. time that Mormonism met or or made you. feel? >> I think for me, one of my biggest things.

just having a very messy childhood where. I didn't have that family consistency. that like a lot of families did have in. the Mormon church. I feel like I spent a. lot of times at my friends houses kind. of avoiding what was going on at home. And I feel like a common theme I would. notice between all of them was how. strong their families seemed together. So I think just being 16 and being young. and kind of optimistic about the world, I was like, "Hey, like I'm missing that. one thing that would make me have a. happy family one day, and that's being. Mormon." So I just it was everyone.

around me is Mormon. I think 98% of my. school was enrolled in seminary, which. is like an hour block in your schedule. that you can go and like learn more. about the church. So, everyone around me. is Mormon is like all that I knew. And I. just thought that that was that was the. way that you're supposed to live life. >> Yeah. When you look back on that, what. what are the lessons that you feel have. really improved your life, bettered your. life, things that have stayed, and then. the things that you're like, I need to. unlearn that, need to leave that behind? >> I honestly I feel like I didn't really. take a lot away from my experience being. Mormon. I think I would go to sacrament.

meetings and I would try my best to like. attend, but I just feel like my heart. was never fully in it. I was really only. just there to fit in and to just have. one less thing that people would notice. was different than my peers, you know, like already being black and like, you. know, having these thoughts in the back. of my head of like liking girls but not. wanting to admit it. It was just like. one more thing. And I was like, "Hey, if. I check this box off, I'll fit in a. little bit more with everyone around. me." So, I honestly I don't feel like I. really took a lot out of going to. church. I truly would just show up to.

say that I was there. And yeah, like but. it pulled me out of a really dark place. I was dealing with a lot of mental. health issues in high school and. obviously dealing with things at home. So it gave me a lot of purpose to kind. of keep going and to have motivation. that it was going to work out. So I am. grateful for the church in a lot of ways. just cuz it did pull me out of that dark. place that I honestly don't think I. could have pulled myself out of on my. own. Obviously, there's a lot of things. within the church that I mean, now being. openly gay, like obviously that's not. something that they're supportive of. So, there's a lot of things that like I.

don't love and I wasn't obviously aware. of them at the time when I was little. and converting. Um, but I'll always be. grateful for the positive impact it had. on me. >> It's such a natural experience when. we're in our teenage years to just want. to fit in. >> Yes. Exactly. just want to belong to a. place where you don't feel different, you don't feel otherred, you don't feel. >> like there's something hard to. understand about you. And you mentioned. then, I know you've talked about it on. the show as well, being a black woman in. predominantly white areas, white.

experiences. Talk to me about what that experience. was like for you. Like what were the. questions in your head or what were the. things that you were struggling with, grappling with internally? I think I. just didn't have a lot of black peers. around me. So, it's just all I saw was. just pretty blonde girls with blonde. hair and blue eyes or green eyes. And I. just think being young and very. impressionable, that's what I honestly. for a long time thought that that was. the definition of beauty. I truly. thought that that was what I needed to. like look like to fit in and for guys to.

like me and all those things. And it was. just so sad. I remember one of my like. worst experiences in high school is one. night I actually attempted to bleach my. skin, which is so sad. >> that I even did that, but I just thought. I had to do all these extremes just to. fit in. And I just wish that someone. would have just told me that I was. pretty and that I was worthy regardless. of what color my skin was. And just. because I don't look like people around. me doesn't mean that I'm any less than. them. Honestly, no. But being a mom, I. feel like having little boys of my own. that look up to me, I'll make sure that.

they have those affirmations about. themselves that like I wasn't taught. And it's just honestly taught me how to. be a better mom. >> Wow. Talk to me about the process of. even trying to bleach your skin. Like. how did that. >> even come about? >> I just again me just being little. I was. like 10. I thought that if I drew a bath. and I put a bunch of bleach in it and. then I sat in the bath and scrubbed, it. would like cause my skin to lighten. I. just think I I was just very young. I. didn't know how that would work, but. just anything I could possibly do to. like fit in, I wanted to try to do. I.

mean, even just like my hair, I went on. to this on my show of me kind of just. finally like owning me being black and. experimenting with my hair, but my whole. entire life growing up, my mom taught me. that my curly hair was just hard to. manage for her. So, the second that she. could, she started straightening my. hair, and that's all I knew for a long. time was just, okay, just straighten. your hair. Like, don't if it starts to. get curly, like straighten it really. quick. again like you don't want people. to know that your hair is like actually. naturally curly and has texture and it's. something that I hid for a long time. So. I just think any part of myself that. would show that I was black I was so.

afraid to and that breaks my heart to. say but I think it's caused me to do a. complete 180 now being even though it. did take me 25 years to get to this. point that I'm so incredibly proud to be. black and to represent a huge community. of the world on the show. I feel like. I'm in such a unique position being the. only black cast member and I'm just. really really proud to be able to. represent a lot of people. >> Talk to me about that journey from was. it a sense of shame? Was it or was it. just a sense of feeling otherred and.

different. >> and then how do you even get from going. there to actually developing a sense of. as you just so beautifully said a sense. of pride a sense of representation a. sense of I actually am standing for. something and that's more important than. fitting in. Talk to me about that. journey that you've been on. >> I mean, it was hard. I think again, I. would just shy away from anything that. made me feel different. And I honestly. think the biggest shift for me was. having my own kids cuz they're a quarter. black. But either way, they're still. black. And I don't want them to feel the.

things that I felt. And just seeing them. and, you know, seeing how beautiful they. are and, you know, I want them to be. proud of themselves and proud of every. single part of themselves. And I can't. do that if I'm not proud of me. And I. think that was where the big shift for. me happened. And yeah, I mean, it was a. hard thing. I remember the first time I. wore a wig, I was like, "Oh my, take it. off. Like, I hate this." I just, it felt. so foreign to me. But I think the more. I've been doing it and the more I've. just been fully just loving myself. I.

like love it and I love, you know, just. owning me fully. I love hearing about. how your kids have inspired you to. >> to want to stand on your own two feet. and really represent who you want to be. and what you believe in and for them to. experience that and it's fascinating how. when you're caring for a little person, there's almost like all of these lessons. and reflections that almost make sense. almost immediately. >> I feel like it just honestly alters the. way you just handle life and you go. forward and just Yeah, it changes the.

way you think about a lot of things. You. got pregnant at 19. >> What was your emotion like when you. first find out? >> Oh, terrified. I actually have kind of. like It's funny now in the moment. It. was not funny. I was obviously not being. safe with my boyfriend now or ex-husband. now. Um, and I knew what, you know, would potentially happen if we weren't. being, you know, safe. But I didn't. think it was a possibility that I would.

actually be pregnant. And I went to an. urgent care because I thought I had some. type of weird stomach bug and they're. like, "Is there a possibility that. you're pregnant?" I was like, "No, there's there's like literally no way. I'm pregnant." Like, "No, no, that. wouldn't happen." And they ended up. testing me. That's how I found out was. in an urgent care on my own by myself in. Provo, Utah. And it was the most. terrifying day of my life at that point. I didn't have a lot of family support. I. was kind of not isolated in Utah, but my. boyfriend at the time was like all I. really like had. So when I found out I. was like, "Okay, like I don't know what.

I'm going to do at that point." Like I. didn't know if like I should move. forward with pregnancy. I don't know if. I should put the baby up for adoption. I. didn't know if I should marry this guy, date this. I didn't know what to do. I. think I had so many questions in my head. and didn't know how to proceed. But I. they changed my life, both my kids, for. the better. And I'm so so grateful to be. their mom. But it's definitely a. terrifying experience to get pregnant. when you don't really have the support. around you at such like an young age. How did you decide that marriage was the. option and not to actually open yourself.

up to other experiences or explore? >> In my head, I felt like I almost messed. up some steps by getting pregnant before. we were married that I was like, "Hey, at least like let me give my family like. a chance of us being together." I think. coming from a broken household and. experiencing divorce and kind of the. very toxic dynamic my parents had. growing up with each other, I wanted the. opposite of that for my kids. And I. think just being so terrified of being a. single mom, I was like, "Okay, like I I. have to marry him." And now I'm a single.

mom. So obviously that didn't, you know, pan out exactly how I was envisioning. it, too. But I'm still happy that we. gave it a shot. I think that obviously, you know, divorce isn't easy and it's. not fun. Um, but if we wouldn't have. gotten married, I wouldn't have had my. second baby. So I think everything. happens for a reason. >> Big news. Juny just launched at Kroger. and we're celebrating with a free can. for you. Because most of us hit that. point in the afternoon when our energy. dips and the focus starts to fade. Well, that's exactly why we created Juny. A.

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>> Whether it's conversion, whether it's. becoming a mom, whether it's. >> moving from dating to marriage. Like. there's so many. I mean, >> when you look back on it now, do you. kind of go, God, how did I even do all. of that? >> Oh yeah. Sometimes I'm like, I don't. know how I'm still standing. But I think. it made me who I am. I wouldn't take. back anything that I've experienced in. my life. I feel like truly I've been put. through those challenges to be able to. help other people. I say this all the. time, but I feel like having a platform, you're put in a position that you can.

use your platform for good or bad. And. truly, if I'm able to just help one. person by sharing my story, I feel like. that's why I do what I do. And yeah, I'm. just everything has led me to where I am. today. And I wouldn't change a thing. >> Yeah. You've said that at one point your. marriage became manipulative. Yeah. >> Was that something that was always there. and you kind of ignored it and didn't. notice it or was it something that kind. of came later on? >> No, unfortunately we had a very toxic. relationship from the start. I just. think that we never really knew each. other on a deeper level. I think it was.

very surface level for a long time and. then when we got pregnant it was just. kind of we felt like we had to get. married like I said. Um, and I just. think we never had the proper foundation. of a relationship to be able to, you. know, withstand being married and, you. know, taking on challenges that you. obviously occur that occur when you're. married. So, I think it was always. there, but I was so scared of being a. single mom that I was like, "Okay, this. is this is what I have to do." Like, make your husband happy, you know, take. care of the home, have the babies, take. care of the babies. And that's kind of.

all that I was doing for that time that. I was married. So, I just think I. ignored everything. You were saying a. few moments ago that you didn't want to. be a single mom. That's why and you were. like, I deserve to give this a shot, which is why you got married. >> I can't then fathom how hard it was when. you're like, well, this isn't working. It's toxic. It's manipulative, but the. only other option is being single. What. was the final. straw that made you go, "No, it's okay. to accept this fear." The reason I'm. asking is there's a beautiful piece of.

Zen wisdom that says that we'd rather. accept the pain we know than the pain we. don't. >> And so the pain you have right now when. it's toxic and manipulative, it's like, >> well, that's better than leaving and. being alone. And a lot of people stay in. jobs, relationships with parents, family. for so much longer. >> Do you think you stayed too long? And. what made you shift finally? What was it. that really made you go, I'm willing to. accept the uncertainty? >> I honestly I don't think I stayed for.

too long. I feel like I truly wanted to. step away from the marriage knowing that. I gave it my all and attempted as much. as I could to, you know, put in place. more healthy coping mechanisms when. they're going through fights and like. all these things. I feel like I just. wanted to make sure that like I really. gave it my all. And I think my final. straw was just the word divorce would be. held over my head a lot. And I think he. just knew that that was my biggest fear. coming from a broken household and. seeing that happen in front of me as a. little girl. I think that that was just. terrifying for me, that concept. And it.

was kind of a way to get me to fall into. line of like where I think he wanted me. to behave. And I think he just said it. for the final time that I was like, I. can't keep begging you to stay with me. I know my worth and I know that like I. am a good partner and if you can't see. that, then like it's okay. Um, and I'll. always have a place for him in my heart. I think that he is a phenomenal dad. Truly one of the best dads I've ever. like seen and witnessing him love my. boys is amazing. But I think in terms of. just us working out as a partner. Um it.

just wasn't for us. But yeah. >> What was his reaction when you told him. that? >> Like the he was actually the one that. brought it up and normally I would kind. of fight back and I was like no don't do. this. Like let's talk this out. Like. let's go to therapy. Let's do this. Let's do that. But he just said it for. the final time that I was like okay yeah. like you're right. um probably go pack. your stuff and we'll start to figure out. like the next steps. So, I think his. reaction wasn't what he expected me to. do. I think he normally he was just used. to me just begging and graveling and.

wanting this to work and all the things. So, I think when I finally was like, "You're right. Like, let's let's make. this happen." I think it probably caught. him off guard. But, I mean, I think he. had to have known deep down like enough. would have been enough at some point. >> Gosh. When you finally left and were a. single mom, how did it feel compared to. how you thought it would feel to be. free? >> I think there was so much good around. it. Like I wasn't in a toxic. relationship. And you know, like me and. my babies got like this fun little night. routine that we would do every night,

but there was also so much hard things. that came at the beginning of my single. motherhood journey. >> Tell me about this. >> Yeah, I didn't for a little bit there. I. didn't have an income. This was before. the show came to be and before I started. making money on brand deals. And there. was time periods that I was borrowing. money from family and I would be grocery. shopping and I would buy $30 worth of. groceries for the whole week. And my. kids would get food, but I would eat. like their scraps after they ate cuz I. couldn't afford to buy that. And I was. getting eviction notices flopped on my. door. And this was right around the time.

that we started filming for the show. So, while all this was happening behind. the scenes and I was terrified to let. anyone know cuz I was so embarrassed. that I was like mad at myself. I was. like, "You should have just stayed. married. At least at least married, you. had food on the table. At least married. your lights weren't getting shut off. At. least married you could pay your rent.". So, it was almost like a shame thing. that I was Why did you do this? You. should have just stayed with him because. now look at you now. And I was trying to. almost keep up a facade cuz I was just. embarrassed to tell the girls. I don't. honestly even think that some of them.

know this to this day of like how badly. I was struggling at the beginning and. then I was showing up to filming every. day trying to slap a smile on my face. not letting anyone know what was. happening behind the scenes. So I think. yeah my start of single motherhood was. not good and I'm very very grateful to. be in the position that I am now. I. can't even put into words how grateful I. am for the show and for the people. around me like my team that you know. they believed in me from the start and. have been by my side throughout all of. this. Um, it Yeah, it was definitely a.

rocky start, but grateful for it though. It taught me a lot. >> God, I had no idea. >> Yeah, >> that I mean, you're saying it with a. smile on your face right now, but. >> yeah, I think it just taught me a lot. and it taught me to be very, very. grateful for what I have. I will never. ever take for granted the position that. I'm in. I think it will never feel real. even just doing small things that coming. today to do this podcast and being able. to like buy a flight for myself. That's. something that, you know, when I was at. the start of single motherhood, I. wouldn't have ne never been able to do.

And yeah, I just I'm just so so grateful. and I feel like that's why I'm able to. look at it, you know, positively now is. that I've seen how hard it can be and. I'm just really grateful that I got to. the other side. >> Talk to me about a night during that. time which was the worst night. like the. memory that when you think about it, you. were at rock bottom. >> I don't even know. There's just so many. nights that I would just sit there just. thinking and questioning how I was going. to keep going for The Boys. And there's. times that like I was debating just.

texting my ex and being like, "Hey, like. I need you to like take the kids and I. might need to go move in with my. sister." Like I just at that point I. didn't know how to continue on the road. that I was on. And it was scary cuz all. I wanted to do is just be a mom for them. and to show up for them because that's. what they deserve. of their innocent. little babies. They deserve to like not. have to worry about where their next. meal was coming from. And it was hard. and it was scary cuz I just also just. didn't want to tell anyone around me cuz. it was just a lot of embarrassment. And. I shouldn't have been embarrassed. I. wish I would have asked for help from.

more people. But I think I'm such a not. prideful person, but it's just so hard. for me to ask for help. I think growing. up I never asked for help from like my. parents for small things. When I was. dealing with my mental health issues, I. really had no idea when I was dealing. with my eating disorder issues. I had no. idea. So, I think I've just been like. ingrained since a little girl to just. kind of like shut your mouth and suck it. up and it'll maybe work out. And yeah, I. think just yeah, there's just a lot of. nights of just I didn't know how I was. going to move forward. >> Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I. mean, I I feel like we don't realize how.

easy it is to end up in a position like. that and how difficult it is. And that's. why so many of us will stay longer in. relationships or wherever we are because. the alternative is a path that you're. like, >> why did I do this to myself? Like, why. am I putting myself through this pain? >> When did you start to be open to the. idea of dating again and meeting someone. new? And how were you starting to. navigate that? Honestly, I dated pretty. quickly after me and my ex separated. I.

think for a long period of my life, I. used to seek validation and other people. really bad. And I think it was almost. like because I had those, you know, those abandonment wounds that I, you. know, suffered from from when I was a. little girl. I just always put my self. worth into how other people viewed me. and how other people perceived me. And I. think I would put that a lot into my. partners. So, I just feel like I never. really knew how to be alone. And that. honestly it would like scare me like I. don't have someone that I can like rely.

on all the time. Not even just like you. know physically or like you know. financially. It's more just like. emotional like I didn't want to be alone. with my thoughts. I didn't want to be. alone in general. And I think I would. just always jump into relationships and. I feel like I would see comments on life. people like oh just she's in another. relationship other every other season. Like I actually like you guys are right. for that. Honestly, there was a long. period of my life that I just felt like. I couldn't be alone with myself. And. that's, you know, that led me to not be. able to be authentic to me because I.

didn't know who I was for such a long. time. >> Do you think you feel more comfortable. being alone now? >> Oh, yeah. I feel like I honestly value. my alone time. I feel like that's how. how I've been able to come, you know, to. the conclusion and, you know, finally. accept that I am by. And I wouldn't have. been able to do that if I was with. somebody. So, I really do value my alone. time. I feel like it's given me a lot of. perspective and just yeah, being able to. find out who I am. >> What was it about being alone that gave. you that confidence to look within and. actually be comfortable with saying that.

out loud? >> Yeah, I think again just not living for. other people and just being able to. fully. focus on me and I don't know, I feel. like Yeah, just not having to do things. for other people's approval I feel like. really helped me. Yeah. It's only when. you switch off all the noise from. outside that you can actually hear your. inner voice. >> And then when it gets louder, you. realize, oh, that's what I should have. been listening to all along. >> Not listen to all of these other. opinions and ideas and expectations and.

everything else everyone wants me to do. But you're so right. You have to find. that alone time. And. >> I often ask people how many months in. their life they've actually spent alone. And when I say alone, I don't mean. >> dating, pursuing with someone. I mean, where you weren't thinking about that. >> Yeah. >> And it's quite shocking to me that if. you speak to an adult, they'll be. they'll be like weeks like people are. constantly looking for relationships or. in one and you don't actually get the.

space to do what you just said. >> 100%. Yeah. It's it's hard to be alone. and it's hard to be like alone with your. thoughts and to be able to just feel. emotions, especially like post breakup. there's people that, you know, rebound. and do those things to kind of like, you. know, mute those thoughts that you have. and all those things. And yeah, I just. think it's very, it's really good to be. alone sometimes. >> One of the story lines on the show is. this idea that you're not satisfied by. your male sexual partners. >> Was that difficult to say out loud? Like.

were you scared to. >> I honestly when I said it in the moment. I was just I forget that the cameras are. there half of the time and I'll just be. like oh I'm just like with my girls and. I just shared something I didn't think. it would have the impact that it did. until the season came out and I had so. many DMs of women being like I haven't. and thank you for sharing this and. making me feel less, you know, alone in. that situation. And yeah, I just didn't. think it was going to be such a big. thing for me to share. And probably a. good thing that I didn't realize that in. the moment cuz then I probably like, "Oh.

my god, no wait, cut that." But I'm I'm. glad that I did cuz I feel like it. opened up a really big conversation for. people that have dealt with that. >> Talk to me about that wider conversation. because I think it's almost like all. those men are going to feel terrible. about themselves obviously. >> Yeah. I mean, it wasn't I did get some. comments like that of people being like. like I feel so bad for her exes and like. that wasn't my intentions to like throw. them under the bus. Yeah. And be like, "Yeah, you like never made me." It was. more of just like kind of breaking that. taboo that I think especially I don't.

know if everyone feels this way but I. think for me dating men for so long I. would view sex as I needed to make sure. the man always was pleasured every. single time and like I don't really. matter as long as like they're good and. taken care of and like it's good and. like that's all in my head I thought sex. was for such a long time and it opened. up that conversation that I feel like a. lot of people felt the same way and. Yeah, >> it's such a fascinating conversation. because of how patriarchal society has. wired us, how porn is wired us.

>> A lot of that is so wired that way and. geared that way that sadly it naturally. ends up resulting in how we feel sexes. in real life. And I think men are kind. of trained in that way and conditioned. to think that. And then like you said, women end up getting trained that way. >> And then you end up in this position. where until someone calls it out. >> Yeah. And I didn't realize that it was. like a thing. I just I was like I I. didn't even know what it felt like cuz I. have never experienced that. And knowing.

that like people are like, "Oh no, like. my boyfriend makes sure that every. single time I do, I'm like, what are you. talking about?" Like I I just never. experienced that because I just didn't. think that that's how it worked. And I. think it also relates back to what I. said earlier like I didn't have like the. birds in the bee conversation with my. parents. Like I didn't know how any of. that worked. And I think that probably. led to that as well of me just having. like this. >> preconceived idea of what sex was in my. head for such a long time. >> It's almost like when you were pregnant.

from having sex was the first time you. actually. >> honestly. Yeah. Cuz like I knew what it. was. Like I know like how sex should. like end, but like I just didn't know. like the details I guess. >> Yeah. Yeah. Sex education in America. obviously isn't doing any good. >> Yeah. at school. Like it's I think about. that all the time. I'm just like how is. it that it's taught so poorly in schools. and no one really has a clue? >> Yeah. I didn't get any sex classes. growing up. >> Oh, you didn't? Not at all.

>> Not one. Yeah. >> So I I think it just. >> is that because of where No. >> I think maybe where I grew up was again. like very predominantly Mormon. And I. just think that again people a lot of. people think that if you don't address. it then like people won't be curious. about it. But I think if anything it at. least from me and my perspective being. you know very young and having sex for. the first time I think it made me more. curious if anything. So I think me going. now being a parent like I want to. address these things with my kids and. address and be like we're all going to. have those urges and like this is what. you do if you're in this situation and.

like teach them how to have safe sex and. all the things. So again, I think all my. experiences in life have just really led. me to rewire my brain on how I want to. be a parent and hopefully, you know, other people same thing cuz I think. yeah, my faults, not that they're. faults, but I think those experiences. have led me to want to kind of do things. differently. >> What's the Mormon approach to sex? >> Don't have it until you're married. >> Okay. >> Yeah. Yeah. But then still kind of the. point of sex a little bit when you're. Mormon is just to procreate,

>> right? not really for the enjoyment. I. don't know, maybe some people would like. argue differently with that. But I know. like a lot of members of the church that. don't even have like toys or like they. things like that like they it's just. literally just to make babies for some. people which is unfortunate cuz I think. it's you know a great thing and. >> and do people actually follow through. with that. >> with. >> like are there are people in the church. actually stay strict to that? >> I think so. Yeah. Like a lot of people I. know, >> you know, the first time they have sex. is when they get married and. >> they get pregnant really fast and all.

the things, which I also think is, you. know, that's what we're taught is to. just make babies. So. >> I saw in a lot of religious institutions. the opposite where it was there was the. rule of no sex before marriage. And then. there was the same as what you're. saying, only for procreation, but the. majority of people were still having. sex. They just wouldn't tell anyone. >> So then there was like this shame and. guilt attached to it. and everyone's. pretending. >> Yeah. >> But saying that they're not because. that's what the standard is. And it's.

fascinating to me how you kind of get. stuck in these. anti-authenticity loops. >> where you think you're being authentic. because you're trying to live up to this. ideal, >> but then no one's actually living up to. it and we're all pretending we are. So, >> I've always found it so interesting how. humans because this isn't about it. actually isn't about religion or God. It's how humans can gather to kind of. set a standard and people either pretend. to live up to the standard or they don't. know what to do with it.

>> Yeah. And they fake it. Kind of keeping. up with the Joneses, I feel like, is. like a phrase that we have in Utah that. everyone, you know, we all have our. secrets and like our things that we. don't share. And it's just kind of to. keep it that facade that you, you know, are this perfect member. >> Yeah. When did you let go of that. wanting to be the perfect member? >> I haven't been active probably for. four or five years now, but when I was. married, u me and my ex would go. sometimes like here and there, but we. weren't really active members either. It. was again kind of the same thing to kind.

of keep the facade up and you know keep. with what we thought we had to do. But. when we separated, I was like, "Okay, like I finally am like I'm able to not. have to keep up this facade that I know. that I tr truly don't believe in," which. was Yeah, that was nice. >> How did you decide that you were finally. ready to start dating women? >> I don't know like there was like an. exact moment that I remember like it. just like dawned on me. I think. just it felt right. Mhm. But did you.

feel like there was you said earlier. like there was this sense of. >> like you you should have done this the. whole time. >> like is there a sense of like lost time. or that I held myself back? >> I think everything played out how like. it was supposed to. I think obviously I. wish I would have, you know, came out a. lot sooner, but I also think I was going. through so much that it would have been. still swept under the rug like it did. for so long. I just think a lot of. things just were not more important in.

that moment, but just took precedence a. little bit, like becoming a single mom. and like things that I dealt with in. childhood and all those things. I just. think it just never felt like the right. time to like just dive into it. And I. think honestly just like the concept of. coming out in general is just kind of. something that I've never really. understood. And obviously like I can. hold space for people that like are. taught either in their homes or like in. their religions that you know love is. between a man and a woman, but I think.

the concept that we're all just born. straight is something that like I've. never been able to fully like. conceptualize. And coming out and just. having to say like I like girls and boys. is just I never could see myself like. sitting down at a podcast and saying. this, but I also understand like the. position that I'm in that there's so. many people that look up to me and. maybe, you know, resonate with my story. And if I can help someone feel just more. comfortable to be able to be true to. themselves, then I want to do that. But. yeah, I feel like I just never could. picture myself like coming out in this. way, I just thought that maybe I would. just show up with a girl one day and.

people would be like, "Oh." And I'd be. like, "Yeah, what what about it?" But. yeah, so I just think I just never had. like an idea in my head of like when it. was going to happen. I just think I just. always thought it was going to happen at. some point. >> What was your like biggest fear in your. mind with what it would feel like to. come out? Like what was the thing that. you were like, I keep getting close. >> Yeah. I'm about to say it. I'm about to. act on it, but I this keeps blocking me. >> I think it was just so foreign for me. because I, you know, dated for men for. so long, my whole entire life. And. that's all I knew. Like I obviously had.

like, you know, experiences with women, but like I never in depth, you know, got. to know women on like a intimate level. and all those things. So I think for me. for so long it was just very foreign and. scary. Um, but I think, you know, you. can't get over that without getting. through it. And I think I just was like, "Hey, like you know that you are. Stop. being like scared of like the whatifs. and like the unknown and just you could. just got to dive in." So, >> yeah. What What surprised you about.

dating women compared to men? >> Oh my gosh. Everything. Not like. surprised me, but like already just like. more like emotionally aware about. certain things and very patient. I feel. like at least who I'm talking to right. now, she's just been very understanding. and kind of letting me take this at my. own pace because it is just so foreign. to me and it is so so new. Um, and yeah, I just think the level of like. understanding and just like being there. for me. Yeah.

>> How do you feel about certain people who. may disagree, may not be happy about it, may have different views? Like I'm sure. you've thought about that and had to. think about it being so public and. >> yeah I think I have tried to like play. by the books you know in certain ways. I. feel like looking back on like my. experience even on the show, I feel like. season one and season two, I tried so. hard to do everything right and I still. had people that hated me. And now, you. know, being more vocal and being more. outspoken, I still have people that hate. me. And I just think we're only on this.

earth for, you know, however long we are. here. And I'll be damned if like I'm not. able to be fully who I am. And if you. don't like that, then that's okay. And I. can understand if like you were raised a. certain way and you have certain values. and standards maybe. But I think for me, I just Yeah, I just it shouldn't bug you. if people choose to love whoever they. want to love. I think it's just it's. nobody's nobody's business at the end of. the day. >> Yeah. Is there is there any of it that. does affect you or get through to you? I. know. I know. For me,

there's always there's always something. that kind of just like creeps through. and you're like, "Oh, man." Like, I just. I wish like I always say, I wish I could. sit everyone down and tell them what my. intention was and how I feel and who I. am. And if they got to spend like an. hour with me, then maybe they'd feel. different. But is there anything that. ever just like gets to you sometimes and. you're like, "Oh, this keeps me up at. night." I think the only insult that. people can ever say to me that like. actually like is like that hurt a little. bit is anything to do with parenting. I.

think that's like the one thing that I'm. like I'm so protective over my baby. So. that's something that like I didn't get. growing up and I think that's the one. thing that will always just kind of hit. home is if someone says something about. like my parenting. I think everything. else like looks say what you want to. say. Now if I'm being gay and that. offends you say what you want to say but. I'm like my babies don't say anything. about them ever. >> Yeah. I feel and I feel like the. internet is good at talking about. everyone's babies and mothering. motherhood. I feel like. >> I get it's so I can't imagine how hard.

that is as a mom or a dad or a parent. Like I can't imagine how difficult that. is because everyone's kind of telling. you like this is the right way and. that's wrong and. >> yeah, >> I mean that seems exhausting. >> Yeah. I think parenting is just it's. such a one-off experience for every. single person. Like every child is. different, every parent's different. And. there's no textbook for how to parent. properly. There's no textbook of how to. handle situations of, you know, how to. just be a parent. It's hard. It's it's.

challenging every single day. It teaches. me new things about myself that I didn't. even know before. And yeah, I think. that's the one thing that I'm like just. parents, we're doing our best. And. ultimately just as long as your kids. health and you know mental health is. being protected in the day and they're. happy and healthy that's all that. matters. So. >> you've you've mentioned that for your. kids right now. You've talked about. health and mental health a couple of. times. Like what do you do for yours and. your kids health and mental health? Like. what are the priorities? >> Definitely a lot of affirmations. I.

didn't really hear a lot of that growing. up. I feel like I honestly had very. negative selfworth. I don't think I. know. I had very negative self-worth for. a long time cuz I felt like I heard the. opposite a lot growing up. Even just. small things like my mom would be. looking in the mirror and she's like, "Oh, I'm so fat or this or my dad would. say, you know, mean comments to my mom.". So, I just felt like I never heard. positive selft talk about themselves or. others around them. And I think my. biggest thing for my boys that we do. like affirmations that like I have them. sit in front of the mirror and say like, "I'm handsome and I'm smart and I'm. loved and I'm cared for and like all.

these things that kind of just like set. their mind already of just being. grateful and loving themselves." I think. that that's just so important and that. honestly can set you up for success in. your life in so many ways. Whether. that's, you know, your career path, school, um, confidence in sports, you. know, confidence in relationships, just. so many things. I just think that. uplifting yourself is so so important. and so undervalued. And I just think that that's like my. biggest thing with my boys. I just want. them to love themselves and love.

everyone around them and just be good. people. >> That makes sense. And when you said. selfworth, I was wondering, talk to me. about the moments in your life where you. experienced low selfworth. >> A lot of it stemmed from, like I. mentioned, just growing up just being. the only black kid in a room full of 30. students and I'm the only only kid there. that's black. I think that triggered a. lot in me just not valuing myself and my. individuality. But I think also I. struggled with an eating disorder um. throughout high school and then it.

resurfaced here about probably. a year ago and I feel like I'm kind of. in remission from it right now. Um, and. I'm really really proud of myself for. getting that to that point again. But I. think I've always had a very jaded. perspective of, you know, my worth and. my image and all those things. And I. think I'm finally in a position that I. am realizing that like again those those. negative selft talks can affect my. children and they view their mommy as. beautiful and kind and you know all.

these good things and I want to be able. to say those things about myself back. and I try to look at myself as like a. little girl that I would never like see. a little girl saying there be like. you're ugly or you're fat or no one. likes you at school. Like I would never. do that. So, I try to talk to myself as. if I was like that little girl. >> I have such a concern for young women. right now, especially in terms of what. they're exposed to online, the name. calling, the criticism of women's. bodies. It just it just feels like we.

we're going backwards. >> Like, we haven't gone in the right. direction. >> And I can't imagine what it feels like. to be a mom and have kids. And whether. they're young boys or young girls or. >> young children that are having to grow. up right now and be exposed to all of. that, I'm like, I'm sure you feel so. protective. But also, what do you do? >> Yeah, I think it's inevitable, but. hopefully setting them up with the right. tools to handle those things properly, I. think, is what I'm trying to do for my. kids. I think I don't think I would have.

maybe not experienced the things that I. would have or I did. I mean either which. way I couldn't change the circumstances. of where I grew up. But if I had those, you know, coping mechanisms that were. healthy, I think I would have been able. to overcome those a lot better than I. did. Um, so I think just being able to. instill those in my boys and, you know, in everyone, I think that that's how you. get through those things is just being. able to have the proper tools to handle. them. >> Yeah, it sounds like you're investing in. all the right stuff. I mean, >> you can hope, right? What I find.

phenomenal is just it just shows us that. as soon as you feel responsible for. someone else, you realize how valuable. it is what you put in your mind, your. body, and everything else, >> right? Like that's what it comes from. As soon as you realize that your actions. affect someone else, you start to take. so much more accountability and. responsibility for everything you eat, consume, read, listen to. >> Yeah. Honestly, even though even on that. too, like having a platform as well. I. think that there's so many, you know,

young women, men that watch our pages. and watch the show and I wouldn't want. to affect them and have my poor choices. affect them as well and they, you know, mirror those. So, I think being in the. position that we are, um, all of us. women on the show, I think that again. using our platforms for good is it's. beneficial for like a lot of people. >> Yeah. What's your if you could say this. is what I want to use my platform for. right now, what would you say it is? >> I think owning single motherhood and.

being proud to be a single mom. Um, owning being a black woman, owning being. a woman, um, and now owning being a by. woman. So, yeah, I think just being. truly authentic to like who yourself. I. hope that that's what people take away. from my page. >> Yeah. Have you spoken to your partner. and potentially even your children about. your new relationship? >> They aren't really involved with it. right now. I think obviously I'm still. kind of exploring and kind of trying to.

navigate this. So until I feel more. steady cuz it's not like I'm going to. change my mind like I know that I am. Um. I think I'm just going to kind of just. handle it on my own until Yeah. until. the time feels more right. >> Yeah. And and what's co-parenting like. in the situation you were talking about. how your ex is a great dad and so good. to the boys. Like what does that setup. look like for you right now? >> We're just finally in a place that the. emotions have died down. You know, the. initial adjustment period of like.

getting into a good swing of things with. co-arenting has finally like set in. And. I think that at least I can say from my. behalf, I just I want the best for him. Um, and I think we're in a really good. place with co-arenting that we just we. want the boys to be happy and we're. doing that, you know, coincide next to. each other. And I think that, yeah, we're in like a good rhythm, which is. nice. >> Yeah. If there's someone who's listening. right now and they're struggling to come. out, they're struggling to leave a toxic.

relationship, what would you say to. them? I think for me personally, I think I've. just been in survival mode like my whole. entire life. Whether if it was surviving. my childhood, surviving becoming a. single mom, surviving now single. motherhood, surviving my eating. disorder, surviving just all these. things. I just feel like I've just. constantly been in fight or flight. And. life is not meant to just be survived. You're supposed to enjoy life and you're. supposed to live it to its fullest. And. I think to do that, you have to be. authentic and fully yourself. And it's.

scary and it's hard to do that. But who. are you living your life for if it's not. for yourself? And I, you know, it took. me 25 years to fully be completely proud. of every single part of myself. And I. wish it happened sooner, but I think. everything happens for a reason. So I. just think if you're out there and. you're you're afraid or you're scared, be more scared of not being who you are, >> I think, is like my piece of advice. Yeah. >> How old are you now? >> 25. You're very wise and strong.

>> Thank you. >> You're so coherent. I'm like, what? Like, how? Like, how did you just say. that? Like, >> thank you. >> It's unbelievable how much life you've. squeezed into 25 years. >> I know. I'm like, I need a little bit of. a break. I don't know. I'm like, a. little bit less challenges, please. I'm. just kidding. No, I'm I'm grateful for. everything that I've gone through. I. think it made me who I am. >> Yeah. But also, it's like you're saying, I wish I learned it sooner, but I'm like. 25 is. >> pretty early to have some of this. There's so many people out there that. are 65 and they still haven't come out.

So, I think I'm very grateful that I. felt safe enough at this point to do. that and I hope that for everyone. >> Yeah. Did you talk to other people who. had come out and asked them about their. experience? Like have you. >> No, not really. Honestly, like no one. really like knows. I just think again. like I mentioned earlier, I think my. thing was for a long time I just I. didn't know how. to do it and I just thought that one day. I would just date a girl and just be. like, "Hey, this is this is my. girlfriend." And just, you know, see how.

people would react there. But. >> I the platform that I have just I want. to be able to help people that are in. similar situations. And I think that's. why I wanted this to happen the way that. it is right now to just be able to help. people. Are there any other friends that. you know that have come out or people. that you. >> Yeah, I have so many friends that are in. the community as well and the people. that like do know have been like nothing. but supportive and just like so excited. and they're just like you're connecting. with another soul. It doesn't matter if. they're a guy, if they're a girl, it.

doesn't matter. We just want you to be. happy. >> Yeah. What What are you most excited to. do now that you're out and. >> Oh my gosh. >> able to say out loud. >> make out with her in public and not have. someone be like, "What is going on?" Is. that Leila from Secret Life with a girl? Just Yeah. Just be able to be like fully. me and own it. >> I'm sure after this hopefully you feel. safe and you know I think I think that's. what I always wish for people when. they're making big changes in their life. and. >> making these moves is that people feel. safe. I think that's something everyone. deserves for their choices. When people.

are not breaking the law or doing. something wrong or. >> it's almost like can people just feel. safe for their choices that are true to. their soul and their heart. And I I. really hope Ila that you feel safe. >> and that you know you get to explore the. life and experience the life that you. really really want. >> Thank you. I appreciate that so much. >> Ila, we end every episode of On Purpose. with a final five. These questions have. to be answered in one sentence. >> Okay. >> And so Ila, this is your final five. Uh. question number one, what is the best. advice you've ever heard or received?

>> Your love for yourself has to be. stronger than your desire to be loved. >> That's great advice. Who told you that? >> I think I just saw it on like Pinterest. actually, but I feel like it's like it's. a really good one and I think it applies. to a lot of things. So, >> say it again. >> Your love for yourself has to be higher. than your desire to be loved. >> That's great. I love that. Great piece. of advice. That's an awesome one. Never. had it. Uh, second question. What is the. worst advice you've ever heard or. received? >> I think it relates probably back to. what we were talking about earlier that. I used to be in a toxic cycle of.

constantly, you know, putting my work. into other people and being in a lot of. relationships. I think one cheesy saying. that when you're going through a. breakup, I feel like people throw this. around like casually. They're always. like, "The best way to get over someone. is to get under somebody else." So, that. one, I'm like, "Oh my gosh." No. Take. time to yourself, girlfriend. >> Pick up a book or something. A hobby. I. don't know. >> That's great. That's awesome. What a. great answer. >> Uh, okay. Question. You You're killing. these. You're You're killing these. People usually struggle with that one. That's a great answer. Uh, question.

number three. How do you define a good. friend? who I think someone that loves. you through all stages, >> every phase of life. >> In every phase of life. Yeah. Every. chapter, every challenge, just. everything. Yeah. >> Uh question number four. I'm going to. add two parts to this. Uh repeat after. me and finish. This is about. overthinking. So, repeat after me and. finish the sentence. I think I think too. much about. >> I think I think too much about. perception and how people view me. >> Is that something you're still working.

on right now? >> Yeah. I think that's something that like. in the space that we are in, I think. that's something we see every day, you. know, people's opinions of us and it's. hard to not take things to heart. But. I'm just yeah, stepping into an era that. I just want to be authentically me and. you either like it or you don't. So. >> yeah, good for you. I love that. Okay, fifth and final question. We ask this to. every guest who's been on the show. If. you could create one law that everyone. in the world had to follow, what would. it be? You're not allowed to convert to.

Mormonism until you have a greater. understanding. >> Wow. Just kidding. >> No, that's you can't No, I like the idea. that you can't I I get the point you're. making is you can't make a commitment to. something without actually. >> knowing enough about it. >> Yeah. Because was it was it you I'm. assuming it was easy as it was. >> It was five lessons you have to do and. then you disagree at the end if you want. to and I had no understanding of a lot.

of things. I feel like I get the. question a lot of like oh do you not did. you not know about the history of like. this about that and I was like no they. did not teach me that in my lessons. they're teaching me like very minimal. So yeah. >> Yeah. I mean that's all history. everywhere I feel like everything they. teach. Yeah that's uh that's a good. answer. Uh Leila Taylor, thank you so. much for your time, your energy. I'm so. grateful you came all the way here. I'm. thankful to have this conversation with. you. I feel so lucky and. >> uh appreciate so much that you chose us. to share this big news. And as I said, I.

really hope you feel safe. I hope you. feel uh the love of our community and. everyone else that sees this podcast and. hope you feel the support. I know that. >> the GLAD Awards in LA are my favorite. event. >> of the year. Like the community is just. unbelievable. I know every year when I. go to that event or every time I have. been, sorry, not every year. Every time. I go to that event, >> honestly, the community is just the most. fun. I don't know if you've ever been. >> No, never. I hope you get to go. Yeah, it's awesome. Thank you so much. Thank.

you. >> If you're feeling inspired by this. episode, you won't want to miss my. conversation with Wicked's Cynthia. Arivo. >> We are afraid to let a person go, and we. need to be okay with letting people go. We don't know what path people are. walking on when they walk into our. lives. We might just be a stepping stone. in their path just like stepping stones. in their.