KIM KARDASHIAN: You're Not Selfish, You're Just Finally Choosing Yourself

Wait a minute. I'm trying to make. everyone happy. I'm doing all this stuff. for everyone else but myself. Let me. just like. pull back a second, focus on myself, and. then it seemed like everyone else was. happier. The best-selling author and. host. The number one health and wellness. podcast. On Purpose with Jay Shetty. When was the last time you went. somewhere where someone didn't know who. you were? Or actually, was there a. moment where someone said to you, "Who. are you? What do you do?" Like, when was. the last time you had an interaction. like that?

what? In Japan, it's like that. You. know, everyone's really respectful. Even. if they might recognize you, they don't. ask for photos, and it's a really. amazing experience. I think it's. important, you know, just to Listen, I. love my life. I love everything that. comes along with it. I am not. complaining. But, um a little glimpse of. that, I think, especially for the little. ones is so good. Yeah. No, that's that's that's. definitely a beautiful experience. I. think it's nice for everyone to feel. wanted and loved and then also feel.

unseen. Yeah. Like, we we almost crave both of those. I was thinking about it today. You're. always surrounded by film crews, and you. know, you have like 352 million people. that follow you on Instagram. I. wondered, do you ever. do you prioritize time alone? Do you get. time alone? And what does that look. like? I do. I get up really early. My. morning workout really is my I don't. want to say therapy session cuz it's not. like I'm really communicating things, but even if I'm quiet and I'm in my. zone, that's my mental health check. Every morning, I love my workout. It.

keeps me sane. I can't say that enough. That's my time in the morning. Then, as soon as everyone starts to get up for. school, the madness happens, and it's. about 2 hours of madness from getting. four kids ready in the morning, fed, out. the door, on to school. I drop off school every. day, and then I have a little bit of. time, I'd say about 20 minutes driving. back, where I just blast my music. I. don't take any calls. That's my alone.

time. I love it and then I get to the. house and I start my full work day and. I'm committed and focused. And then the. madness of bath time, bed time, dinner. time. And once four babies are asleep. and I just cherish that time at night. when everyone's asleep and I can watch. whatever show I want and just have some. alone time. So I do take the time for. myself. I think it's really important. Yeah, absolutely. You you said something. beautiful before we started recording. and I I definitely want to go in that.

direction because you were talking about. the different platforms and how you can. show different parts of yourself but you. came here because there was something. specific and I'd love to hear that. because I want to go in that direction. with you. I love your podcast. I've seen. it and I've seen I think I just love. seeing the the reals that pop up with. just a quick message that'll get you. through the day, that'll remind you who. you are, remind you what you need to. come across and see at that moment in. that day and carry you through the day. Yeah. So I think it's important for. people to express like how they feel and.

who they are a little bit deeper and. what's in their heart. And I think that's kind of what this. podcast is about. Yeah, and I think. thank you for trusting me. I I really do. value that and I don't take it for. granted. Uh but the. interesting thing there is I feel like. there's a beautiful statement in. Japanese culture says that we have three. faces. One face we show to the world. The second face we show to our friends.

and family. And the third face no one sees. Mhm. And. I wonder when you're talking about your. values and who you are, what's the part of you that you think no. one gets to see in all these other. places that you want to share today? Mhm. I definitely think I show all my faces. But I do think that people pick and. choose what they. want to take from you. I do share. journeys of mine that have been.

challenges, whether it's like law school. and different projects and how starting. a business and all of that. I definitely. weave that in throughout, but I think. that anytime you have the opportunity to. express yourself in a more meaningful. way, I think it's always a good thing to. do, especially since I'm just a big fan. of you and what you represent and who. you are. So, I always love to share my. tips and anything that I've learned. along the way cuz God knows it is not. easy. Yeah. Like parenting is so hard,

family dynamics, relationships, it is so. hard. It's really interesting you say. that because when I was speaking to your. mom, she was saying that about you. She was saying that you're the person. that for anyone in your family, no. matter how busy you are, you'll go. completely out of your way. She was. telling me about a particular incident, but she was just saying that you will. just. dive in, book everyone on the flight, get. everyone there, get to that person, help. them, support them. And and even when.

it's someone who's not directly. connected to you, but is indirectly. connected. And I'm sure you know what. I'm talking about, but the idea of just. you you reach that far out. And when I. was hearing that about you from her, I was thinking that that takes so much. compassion and care. from your side. And those are not two. words that on some of the other. platforms that people may. hear about you, but but that's what I'm. getting talking to your mother about. you. And I wonder.

how have you I feel family is the cause. for so much stress for people, it's the. cause for so much anxiety for people. And as you said, it's hard. How have you. continued to lean in to compassion and. care. even when it's easier to compare and. criticize and complain? Well, with. family, I mean, I was always raised like. no matter what, blood is thicker than. water. There's no other options. So, we. definitely go through our things as. sisters. There's no other options. Like we will. work it out. Like we are family. We are.

sisters. We will figure it out. And I. think you just have to I think also more. compassion comes with age and the more. things that you've been through and. especially I think my heart has opened. up so much in that space. Just spending. time even with people behind bars that. I'm fighting for and I might not have. even had the slightest idea. of what someone's gone through or even. understood taking the time to listen to.

people. more than maybe speaking and making it. about yourself and my compassion has. just grown and my empathy has grown on. another level. You can't really judge. people for their pace. on when they choose to really want to. dig deep into their own compassion and. empathy and when people choose to grow. and evolve, but it's so nice to have people that. support that journey and grow with you.

because once you realize that this life. really isn't about you and it's about. helping as many people as you can, all these like doors open up for you and. your mind just opens up and it's a. really great place to be when you feel. like you have enough. When you would chase things for so long. and when you just feel content, it's. such a good place to be and it's such an. like allows for so much more compassion. I think and I want everyone to go back.

and listen to that part. I feel like you. just beautifully defined compassion and. I'm going to try and reiterate what you. just said. Yeah, it was just it was so. well said because I think people think. about compassion as care and you just. defined it by pace. Mhm. And I think. when you're patient for the pace at. which people grow and evolve, that. actually is compassion. Yeah. There's nothing worse when someone. is like so woke and they've. they're on this therapy journey and they. expect you to be right there with them.

But it's a beautiful thing to sit back. and watch people. make mistakes, learn from their. mistakes, grow and evolve and just be there to. hold their hand and support them. I. think that's what anyone would want. I've seen so many people. on these like self-help journeys that. just. aren't as happy. You know, and I think you just have to. like sit back and do what works for you.

and move at your own pace and understand. that it's okay that you're not at the. same level as someone else. Yeah. I. mean, I'm just such a Well, like. everything happens the way it's supposed. to. I love just people in their own. journeys and I I never try to be so. preachy or to think that someone has to. be in my place. and at the level where I've evolved to. It's great when your friends have the. same kind of epiphanies as you and you. want the same things, but then sometimes.

it's just not like that. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. There's you. brought two things to my mind. One was. what real love is, like when you really. love your family, you don't love them. because they change. Yeah. You're. patient with them as they try to change. That's what love is because they may or. may never get to the other side and the. other thing that came to mind is. something my teachers would often tell. me, my monk teachers, they would often. repeat to me that you're never trying to. get someone to the next step in your. journey, you're trying to get them to. the next step in their journey.

Yeah. And I think you're so right that. when we're doing self-work, we are. constantly preaching to other people. about the things we want to hear. Yeah. And the things we want to do. Yeah, and. like self work can just be so different. for so many people, you know, like my. morning workouts, I swear that's my self. work. My drive in the car every day. blasting whatever music I want to, like. that is my meditation, that's my zone. And that works for me. You know, when I need help and I need.

help figuring out different parenting. things and different methods that I can. use, I will reach out and get the help. that I need when I need it for sure. But I also think there's just. there's no like right method of what. works. for. everyone, you know, it's like whatever. works for you. Good for you. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I feel like when when people. see you and even even now as you're. talking, you have so much trust. in yourself or trust in your inner.

voice. That doesn't mean you're I don't. believe you're saying I always get it. right or this is the only way. What. you're actually saying is I've learned. to trust my voice and I wonder was there. a time when you. didn't trust that voice and or can you. remember the first time where you. started to hear it? Like I remember the. first time I really started to hear my. voice deeply was probably when I was 14. years old and that's when I could hear. this voice inside of myself that was. like, Jay, this is who you are, this is. what you care about, this is what. matters to you. You don't need to be. this or be that or do it this way. And I.

remember I started listening to it then. and now that inner voice is really loud. Yeah. It's always there. God, I wish I. listened to my inner voice at 14. What do you remember when you first. started like because when I'm speaking. here's doing you now, you just like, yeah, like I'm very comfortable with. people being themselves and I'm. comfortable being who I am, which is. beautiful, but when did that I feel so. many people want to live that way, but. that's the thing we all struggle with. It definitely didn't come right away, you know, I was a people pleaser and I. would make.

decisions based off of other people's. happiness for so long. And I would say honestly in the last few. years, definitely at 40, you know, I figured it. out of just following my happiness, which was really I think an important. place for me to get to because I always. put other people's happiness over my. own. And it doesn't mean you disregard other. people's feelings, and it doesn't mean. you don't care, and you don't love them, but it is a great place to be when you.

finally put yourself first. And I will. say that took a long time. And that was. like relying on other people for. confidence in business decisions. And. it's it's great to have your team and to. always like bounce ideas and make sure. that you're collectively picking. the right choice and and work thing for. you, but true confidence where you feel. you're making the right decisions, you know you got it, you are thinking. about yourself first and not just in a. selfish way, but like in a.

protecting your heart way, it feels really good. And I might not. have gotten there until I was. literally 40. And what do you think it was about the. last few years where you had to turn. towards that? That pushed you there? I've never been an unhappy person. I'm. always really happy with my. surroundings. I don't need people to. make me happy. I'm not really ever. searching for something. I'm really. content. My babies make me happy, my family, my.

life, you know, experiences make me happy. But when you just look around and when. there's like tension and stress that is. just not necessary. from work, from relationships, from. friendships, and you just decide to be still. and. not try to please everyone, it becomes just really clear. And you realize that you just want to be. happy and you want to share this life. and that these experiences with your.

group of people that you trust and you. love and who are super loyal. Like life is always going to be. stressful and you can't control half of. it. But if you can control what you put. out and how you react to all of life's. stresses and your response to all of. that and realizing that. you could eliminate a lot of those. stresses with making yourself happy. first and choosing yourself, then you. know you're on the right path. And once. I did that and once I chose.

to choose myself and be happy so many. opportunities just opened up. Things. that I never thought in a million years. would come my way. It seemed like. clear as day that the universe was. rewarding me. for choosing myself and like elevating. like getting to the next level in the. video game. Like I had to get here and I. was always like here just in my growth.

process. And once I chose myself it was. like, "Oh my god, the whole the universe. is opening up for you and all these. opportunities are coming my way." And. those were the confirmations that I was. heading in the right direction. I. remember saying that to one of my. sisters. I was like. "Oh my god, it is so crazy. I got this. opportunity, this opportunity, this is. changing, this is changing." And it. seemed like all these amazing things. started to happen in my life. When I just took a second. was still. realized, "Wait a minute, I'm trying to.

make everyone happy. I'm doing all this. stuff for everyone else but myself. Let. me just like. pull back a second. focus on myself and then it seemed like. everyone else was happier because all. everything was just falling into place. And that was like I saw it clear as day. and that would like push me and motivate. me to continue to just. be happy. and do what I wanted to do instead of. what other people wanted to do. And that was like it was like a good. feeling.

It really like. showed me that I was making the right. decisions. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. Genuinely. And uh. a good place to be when you're genuinely. a happy person, you know? Like no complaints. Yeah. Like not taking things too seriously. Not taking yourself too seriously. is also a a little key to happiness. Yeah, I think the energy that gets lost. in. worrying about something versus working.

towards fixing it or solving it Yeah. can just drain. The worrying If you worry about. something, it's not going to change the. outcome. Let's just come up with a solution. Like let's say what the problem is, not. complain. I'm not a complainer. So it's. like let's just get to the solution. Let's figure it out. And let's move on. Mhm. Absolutely. Absolutely. Nothing worse when you complain every. step of the way. Yeah. And and it's and it's natural and.

it's easy, but it we all know it doesn't. get you to where you want to go. And and. I think that's that's a big reason. What's the uh. I wonder with what you were saying, one. of the big things that comes out as you. were talking about family and people in. your life and you talked about your life. as chat. Like there's this loyalty is. such a big value for you. Yeah. across. your life it seems. Yeah. What have you learned about people. that you wish you learned sooner? Was. there something that you started to. learn and recognize patterns in people.

and that. has made you better now, but you wish. like ah if I learned this a couple of. years sooner, then it could have saved. me a lot of the the stress and. challenges that came up. Don't take. anything personally. I've been really. blessed to have really great solid. relationships. I have the same group of. best friends we went to preschool. together. We talk every single day. My. best friend is my best friend since the. day I grow up, you know, when I was. born. The people I work with, my family, my sisters, but my best friend's sisters.

also, you know, and everyone I trust. 100%. Everyone is so loyal 100%. You. can't come up to me and tell me. something about one of my friends. If if like someone were to say, "Oh, this person said this about you." and. they're in my circle, I would be like, "Absolutely not." Mhm. Like I would. trust that 100%. And I think that's so rare. Or what I've.

seen is so rare. And I just feel so. lucky to just love everyone around you, trust everyone around you, they trust. you. My friends know they can call me. any hour. I'll be the first one to pick up and. help. All of my friends would drop. everything to help me in a situation. And to have that real support and love, I think is everything in life. To have. loyal supportive people around you. And. I think you can also tell so much about. a person that has really long-standing.

relationships. That's stability. When I look to hire people, I look at. their previous. jobs and how long they've had those. relationships for. And think about it, if there's someone that's bouncing from. job to job, obviously there could be. other situations that come into place, but I value people that have these. long-standing relationships with people, whether it's their employer or family. And that's super important to me to have. all my friends have really. important relationships in their life. I.

think that says a lot about you and the. family because I wonder what it takes to. hold on to a relationship like that when. when on a rocket ship. Right? I feel. like all of us. deal with shifts in our life, transitions, and family and friends that. we want to hold on to, but it gets. harder and harder, especially when. there's success, when there's envy, when. there's competition. And sometimes it's. not because someone doesn't love you, doesn't care about you. It's so natural. in the world we live in. And so, what.

does it really take? Because I think. this will help a lot of people. What. does it actually take to hold on to. someone you love and continue with all. the noise and all the challenges and all. the stress that comes with it. What does. it actually take? Because it's. there's those friends that you don't. have to talk to every day. I mean, thank. god for group chats where you can chime. in and heart something really quick, you. know? But like, your real best friends will. also support you. And it take But it's. it takes that mutual respect. Because. what my friends are doing, if they have.

something that's important to them, it's. just as important for me to show up for. them as it is for them to show up for. me. I might have a more colorful life and a. bigger event that I'm asking them to. show up to, but it doesn't mean that. theirs isn't just as important. So, I. think just having that mutual respect, treating people with respect is just. a given. I truly think someone is such a. solid person when they have really. grounded relationships. Grounded in love and.

And relationships can be different. things, you know? Sometimes you have. your group of girlfriends that you love. to go on vacation with. And then. sometimes you have, you know, your other. friends that. you work really well with. Every. relationship can be different. If you. have just a mutual respect around the. across the board, that's I think the. number one thing. Yeah. It takes two. Yeah. It takes two. That's the point. It's. you're not going to be able to create it. or falsely hold on to it someone who. doesn't Totally. want to give you that respect. It's not. going to happen. Yeah. Where you talking.

about earlier about parenting and you. brought up a few times that I wonder how. you. have kids, do you? I'm not yet. Not yet. Okay. We'll have this conversation again when. you do. absolutely. That's why I'm asking. That's why I'm asking parenting. questions. What was your vision like for. what you thought parenting was going to. be like versus what it actually is? Everyone says. the days are long and the years are. short. And that couldn't be like a more. true statement. Mhm. So, like when you're in it, I mean,

especially when they're babies and. you're. feeding and you're there's madness going. on. It's like. full madness. It's the best. chaos though. Like my mornings, you have. no idea what's going on. It's like I. always have to do one of my daughter's. hair and it has to be perfect and it has. to be a certain way and then this one. needs me to put his shoes on and then. they all need you and they all It's like. full crazy madness cooking, running around like it's it's wild.

That's why I need my workout in the. morning just to like prepare for the 2. hours of craziness. I'd say parenting is the thing that has. taught me the most about myself. It has been the most challenging thing. There are nights I cry myself to sleep. like, "What just happened?" you know, with all the moods and the personalities. and. sometimes they're fighting and there's. no one there like it's it's me to play. good cop and bad cop. So, like that is.

definitely a challenge. When, you know, something I'm working on is being a. little bit firmer, you know? There's nothing that can prepare you. Anyone, any person that says, "Oh, we're. waiting to. have X amount of money in the bank. Oh, we're waiting to have a home before we. have kids. Oh, I'm waiting for this job. to come in before we have kids.". I don't care how long you wait. I don't. care what you're waiting for. You are. never prepared. But, you will figure it out. And. it will make you so proud of of.

that you figured it out and that you got. through the day and sometimes it's. nights where it's just we are going hour. by hour to see if we're going to. survive. Night by night. If a tantrum comes in, oh my god. Your life is completely upside down. But. it teaches you so much more about. yourself. than I think anyone, any parent could. have ever anticipated. I mean, there is.

nights when. you don't wash your hair for days as a. mom and you have spit up all over you. and you're wearing the same pajamas, you know, and there's just nothing that. can prepare you for this experience. It is the most challenging, rewarding. job on this planet. When was the moment. when you were looking into your baby's. faces and said I want to run away? I'm. I need to hide for a night.

Every night. I'm just kidding. No, no, yeah, no, thank you. It's I. mean, it's honest. I think I think. there's a there's a little bit of truth. in that feeling that a lot of parents. have. What's what's the hardest. when you've been looking when you look. into their faces and you had one of. these moments where you were learning. these lessons, what was the hardest. lesson you had to learn about yourself. that made you go. woah, I didn't. I didn't see that before. If it wasn't. for that kid, I wouldn't have seen that. Yeah, it happens all the time. I always. think everything in life comes our way.

to really teach us something. And it's a really hard task when you. have four kids and you know, they all. want to be put to bed at the same time. by the same person. and they all want to do it individually. and have that experience and no one. wants to wait and I'm locked in a room. with kids banging outside of the door. because they want me to put them to bed. and I'm like, I can't cut myself in four. pieces. So, we're going to have to. schedule this out and we're coming up. with a schedule and none of them want to. listen to the schedule and then they all. start crying.

and that's like a typical night, you. know, and so I like sit them outside of. my one daughter's door and I'm like, I'll pick you up next. We're doing this. for 15 minutes and they can't be patient. and they're banging on the door. Come. on, it's been 5 minutes, you know. It's. like those nights are every single. night. Big school projects, big things. that are happening and they don't. understand that I work or I have a. school schedule, too, or, you know, stuff kids will never understand. So, I. think it's just those nights.

when you can't divide yourself and you. have to just work with what we have and. try to bribe two of them to get put to. bed at the same time, you know. I think. unless you're a parent, like so much. respect to parents. So much respect to people also that. aren't parents that want to live their. free life. Enjoy it while you can. I was at Easter in Palm Springs and I. looked at my mom's house and she had her.

table set for all of her kids, all of. her grandkids. and we're all staying in her house. and I was like. it's it's a forever thing. It's not. like, hey, okay, you're 18 and you're on. your own. It's a forever thing. And we're in our 40s and we're still. coming at her and fighting and asking my. mom to resolve everything and I look at. her and I'm like, how did you do it? I personally can't wait for my kids to. get a little bit older. Everyone like is. so afraid of the teenage phase. I'm so.

excited for it. Play this back for me when they're. teenagers and I'll probably, but I see. the relationship I have with my mom and. I knew the relationship I had with my. dad and how comfortable we were talking. to them. about all of our problems and all of our. friends stuff and all of the drama and. all of the high school stuff and even. the stuff I talk to my mom about now and. how open I am about life and. relationships and how close we are. Even if we didn't get it as a kid, I can. look at her now and say,

"I get it. As a mom now, as an adult. now, I know why you made those. decisions. And I love having that. relationship and that is why I wanted to. have four kids. I saw my mom, you know, and my dad had four together before she. had my two little sisters and I. loved the big family and I always knew I. wanted to have four kids. And I I just love so much our. relationship with her and my grandma. And I just can't wait to have that with. my kids. I can't wait till they're old.

enough to understand so much that I can. never explain to them now that they'll. get one day and we can laugh about it. That's so beautiful. Yeah, you reminded. me of a. a beautiful old saying that says, "The day you realize your parents were. right, your kids are telling you that. you're wrong." Mhm. So true. Yeah, and it's like that idea. of just you're when you're a little boy, you like adore your mom, at least I did. up until like 13 years old. Then you. become a teenager and you think you're. too cool for your mom. Yeah. And then in.

my 20s. Yeah, and then. I have like contracts with my sons. I'm. like, "You're never going to leave me. We always have to be besties. You're. never going to be too cool for me." And. they always say yes. Yeah. I'm like, "You can live with me in your 20s, your. 30s, never move out." They said okay. They've signed the contract? Yeah, and. they've no idea. They'll They'll breach it. It'll It'll be okay. Yeah, you won't sue. them. Yeah. But the I I wonder how in your position. like, you know, what you just described. is what so many people go through and.

like you said it's so hard for them to. experience that, but when you're. explaining things like the paparazzi or. like you're saying that when you're in. Japan like you didn't have that. experience and that was so nice for the. kids. Like, how do you walk them through. the nuances of the life that you lead? And I'm guessing a lot of their friends. also have similar lives, but I'm sure. they have some friends who who don't. have parents like yourselves. And so how. how do you help them reconcile or what. are the kind of things that you talk. about with them or what can they. understand at this age? And what are you. like, well, that's just going to have to.

wait? I'll talk to my kids about. anything they want to ask me about. I am. so open and honest with my kids. I think. that's the only way to be. And it could. be things that they might not understand. and I'll wait to find the appropriate. time to talk about it. I think they grew. up seeing the cameras and they grew up. seeing that even as babies. You know, we'd walk out and there'd be paparazzi. So it's not really something that they. acknowledge a lot, but you know, my. daughter's really vocal. She'll tell.

them when she doesn't want them around. and to leave her alone and to stop. And. I love that they use their little. voices, but they also have such a normal. life and such a different life away from. all of that, too. And that's why I love. that my sisters and I all had babies at. the same time so they can be with each. other and have these experiences. together. Absolutely. I When I'm. you know, there's all the words that. come out from you are like togetherness, loyalty. It's it's it's incredible to. see in family, but I think what you've.

then done, which when I saw you do this, it it really moved me. When when I saw. you kind of move into that direction of. justice reform and using your voice and. training to be a lawyer to make these. these changes in the world out there. because. I find that you know, there's there's a. natural sense of survival as a family, but then when you start taking into. account the survival of others, there's. an extension of love and, you know, what. goes out to the world. And I think it.

was really special to see that. This. podcast is called on purpose for a. reason because I think everyone's. searching for their purpose. Would you. say that that was a expression of. purpose or Absolutely. I mean, I think that's one of those. moments like by chance I happen to be. looking on social media and seeing a. case that I just didn't understand. And. I'm always a really curious person. So, I'll never let something go if it's. weighing on my heart to not at least try. to figure out how it happened. I've.

always been really interested in crime. stuff and solving things and figuring. things out. So, when I saw a case of a. woman that just didn't make sense to me, I was really curious and I sent this. little video that popped up on my. Twitter to attorneys that I knew really. well that could answer questions for me. And then when it seemed like I couldn't. just sit there, it was really weighing. on my heart when I felt like it was so. unfair, I didn't know that there was.

like thousands of cases that were so. unfair. I just thought, oh wow, like I. have to help this person. And then when. I was successful in doing that, on my. journey I realized like wait, there's so. many more people like this. Like I can't. not do something. And I think that that also goes with. whatever's meant to come to you at your. own pace for your own learning levels is. what's meant to be because that came to. me. I wasn't like searching for that and.

that changed my life and it changed who. I am. I just can't sit around and see. this happen to other people that aren't. deserving. of. um. their freedom. I think just everyone's. on their own path and things will come. to you when you need to be like elevated. to that growth level. And I'm really. grateful for those experiences cuz I. definitely think that that's my purpose. Mhm. What internal changes did you see. in yourself that that maybe you didn't.

see before when you started doing this. work? Like what what did you have to. grapple with internally? Was there. anything that you had to break through. inside? Yeah, what were those things? I. would say I always felt like I was a. compassionate person and a caring. person, and I always cared about. people's feelings. But my level of. empathy was at a completely different. level when I started. I might have been. way more judgemental, and I would think. that someone that was behind bars,

especially for a really lengthy or a. serious crime, that they probably were. absolutely guilty. I had no compassion. I was just really judgemental. And then when I started to hear about. these cases and people's backstories and. their histories and realized that so. many people really didn't have the. opportunities to be better and didn't. know better, it really changed my whole. life. And like my level of empathy is.

just so different than what it was years. ago. And I think that's why I fight so. hard for people to get second chances. because. people make really bad choices and. really bad mistakes. Some way, way worse. than other people, but if you're never. given the chance to change, that's. really sad. Especially if you make a. really bad decision as a teenager and. then you're in your 40s and you're given.

no shot to change when you really. already maybe have so much. It was really important to me to express. that and help people that have made. those changes. And I love how I'm I'm. assuming that when you do something like. that in the outside space, it kind of. applies to your whole life where all of. a sudden, you're so right that I think. we all, not even people behind bars, I. think we all judge people all the time. And when you're almost doing it in such. an extreme way and. raising your empathy in such an extreme.

environment, you can now extend that and. express that to so many more people. Yeah. Because you've had to do it in a way. where you were like, "Oh, definitely. that person deserves it." Yeah. And all of a sudden you start realizing. maybe they didn't deserve that, and so. maybe we don't deserve this. I think, But in all levels of life of judgment. I. used to judge people in like their. relationships and. how people lived their lives, and now. I'm like, "Whatever makes you happy, why should we judge? Who are we to say.

how people should live their lives?". My My judgment is just I don't know if. it comes with age or experience or. just going through so many things, but. just be happy. You know, isn't that what life is about? Experiences, making people feel heard and seen and. appreciated and just having gratitude. for. the things in life that we're so blessed. to have and work for and. we're surrounded by the people we love. We are That's real success. Yeah. You.

know? I agree. And And I feel that a lot. of people. start getting better at that with the. judgment outside, but one of the things. that people struggle to deal with the. most is the judgment in their head. And. I wonder, do you find that you ever. catch yourself judging yourself and. being hard on yourself and being. heavy and harsh on yourself? No. You've been able to give that up? I'll. be like competitive with myself. I think I'm a really competitive person, but I'm pretty I'm pretty easy on.

myself. Wow, that's incredible. always like really calm, really. easygoing. That's a real achievement. Yeah. And I'm sure you see people judging. themselves all the time. I was grabbing. some coffees for my team couple of. months back or something and uh I. remember like I was at paying the. cashier and she gave me the change and I. was grabbing the change and walking off. and she was like, "Wait, wait, wait, I'm. so stupid. I'm so stupid. I got the. change wrong.". And I was like, I didn't even notice and. I looked and I was like, oh, okay. Like.

I was like, you're not stupid, like easy. mistake and you can see the look on her. face, like she was judging herself so. harshly for something so small. And I guess when you see people judge. themselves, then how do you How do you. respond to that or how do you support. them? Honestly, I really haven't experienced. that much. Mhm. That's fantastic. Yeah. That's amazing and I and I love hearing. that because I think it is so true that. you can curate and create a community. around you that has similar values and.

then almost you don't even. a lot of like determination and a lot of. like creativity, a lot of hard work. Mhm. Like if I were. to go. on vacation with my girlfriends, we'd all be getting up probably at 6:00. a.m., all want to go on a workout. I. don't think there's that one girl that. would be like, I'm sleeping till 10:00. and I'm not working out, you know? So I. think that obviously everyone around you. is different and has different. personalities, but I think a lot of my. core friends are really like-minded.

Mhm. Yeah, and sometimes that positive. positive peer pressure can be really. healthy, too. Like. Yeah. even if you have that one friend. who's struggling, as soon as you're. added to that group, Totally. you see them elevate. I've seen that. with so many of my friends that. Totally. even if there's one person who's. struggling with something, as soon as. they're in that pack, Yeah. all of a sudden you start to see them. break through their ceiling. Yeah. And and it changes for them. Yeah. I think something that I've learned. maybe the hard way. because I feel like I'm at a really good.

place now where the people in my life I. feel really solid. I think this is the. first time in my life, obviously I've. had really long relationships with my. girlfriends and friends since elementary. school, but. something I learned is that you cannot. help people that don't want the help and. don't. You can't force your beliefs and project. that on someone that thinks something. totally different. And it's okay to have. those different views. It's why the.

world goes round, you know? But if you. don't align in the same values and. morals. and things that you're core, then it's. okay to realize that this life is so. short. And you should go and find the people. that do align. with what you really believe in. And I think sometimes there's so much. going on that you can be blinded by so. many other things. that if you don't stop and think about.

what someone's true values and morals. are and how they want to live their. life, so much other things are going on. So, I. don't blame people that don't really. stop and think about those things. I mean, those are some of the lessons. that I would teach my kids when they're. looking for friends and partners and. relationships. Yeah, you can't really force things upon. other you can't expect them to be where. you're at at your level. And sometimes that could really coexist. really well. But then sometimes it really can't.

You have to let go of the idea of. molding people into what you want. Think. about if there's something about. yourself that you really want to change. The expectations of going into something. and thinking you're going to get a. different result or thinking you have. the power to change someone is so. selfish and so crazy. And everyone does it. And everyone has to learn on their own. And that's something that I've always. like sat back, helped friends, given.

them advice, but never really pushed. because even if I were to say, "Hey, don't walk down that path. Trust me, I've been there. You don't want to go. there." And they say, "Okay." And they. follow you and they go on a different. path, they'll never learn that lesson. They have no clue what I'm talking. about. You know, I could say parenting. stuff to you all day long. With all due. respect, you have no clue until you've. been through it. Mhm. I welcome people's journeys and. their lessons, and I'll always be there.

to the people that I love to help them. through that, but they got to go through. that. in order to grow on their own. What's. the biggest lesson you learned from your. mom that you're trying to pass on to the. kids? I think just how she makes people feel. really heard and welcomed. She really is. the most warm welcoming person, and it's. just like her overall it seems. superficial, but it's not. Like her. party planning skills. It's not even that. It's just the. welcomingness. of I don't even know if these are words.

I'm saying, but like just her ability to. be so warm and to make everyone feel. like they were invited here. I'm going. to create this like special Easter. dinner with like the things on the. table, you know, that she had when we. were growing up at my dad's house. Like. she just has all this like really. special nostalgic stuff around all the. time and always tries to make everyone. feel so special, but with like a. gathering so that everyone feels. comfortable and can hang around. Like.

she just loves people in her space. and loves to create these memories, and. I think that we all got that from her, and we will all if I can just pass that. on to my kids. just the the experiences that we have as. a family, whether we're just sitting in. our pajamas and hanging out, we make the. time to be together, and I hope that my. kids want to make the time to be. together when they grow up with their. cousins and their aunts and just the.

whole family. I'm sure they will. Yeah, I think they will, too. Yeah, I think I think you've managed to. hold on to it in your entire generation, and so they see that. I think kids. mirror so much of yeah, what they see. around them and I remember when I met my. wife her grandma is her favorite human. on the planet. And it's really. interesting how when someone you love, you know who their favorite human is. Yeah. You automatically start loving. them. Yeah. And I wasn't really close to my. grandparents, but I'm closer to Rothy's. grandpa like grandma than I am to my own. grandparents because you see your love.

for the person that you love and so. I think when your kids see the love that. you have for your sisters and your. cousins and your aunts and uncles and. stuff. If only all my kids can love their. siblings, that would be amazing. They're in a fighting phase. Yeah. Yeah. Did you and you guys went through that. phase? I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. still going on. fight Yeah, still going on. Never ending. That's never going to. stop. Kim, I feel like you travel so. much. You have so many businesses. You're now going to be on a TV show like.

you another TV show. I mean, you've got. so much things happening in your life. and I'm sure there's moments where. whether the kids say something or don't, I know a lot of people in my life feel a. lot of mom guilt. Yeah. And moms carry it with them. Have Have. you experienced that with your friends, your family? Absolutely. Mom guilt is probably the. hardest thing. I think that you have to. also separate though and. understand that you need your own bit of. sanity. So, you have to do.

what makes you happy. You have to if. working for me, I love working. So, that. makes me happy. Anytime I think. something's really hard, I dive into. work. And or if there's challenges, like. I love to dive into my work and that's. like a bit of my therapy and my routine. to keep me going. But I think you know, I have chats with my girlfriends when. our kids are having tantrums and there. could be things going on. that we don't even know about and you. feel like you're the worst mom. If.

something's going on and you can't fix. it, you have no idea how to change it. Your kids are fighting, whatever it is. And my friends and I will text each. other and be like, in tears, literally. locking ourselves in the room like away. from a kid having a tantrum, when that's. not what you should do. You should go. and lean into them and but sometimes. it's so overwhelming. That was probably. the only time I'd be hard on myself. Is.

am I a good mom? I try to do everything. And I think how. to balance work with that is when you're. home being really present. Kids, all. they want is time. Mhm. They just want your time. Yeah. You can. give them all these amazing big. experiences and they'll remember them. and they're great. But they'll always. remember you being present. Mhm. And I think that's just the most. important thing in all of your. relationships. Think about what a kid. wants. A kid just wants your time. So. why wouldn't everyone else?

You have to kind of treat everyone like. that if you want these like meaningful. relationships in your life. Yeah. have to be present. And it's okay to. feel like you are not. 100%. at. being the best mom. I say this all the time. We There's no. manual. They do not come with a manual. Everyone's doing the best that they can. And I just feel so lucky that I have a. good group of girl friends. And all of.

our kids are experiencing different. things from I mean, imagine all the. things that they a divorce, everything. that they have to go through. We're. okay. They will be okay. And they will feel the love and support. and that's all you can do. It'll be. okay. And I'm sure that's hard for you. because you were saying that you're so. competitive with yourself. Like you want. to be the best at everything. But I feel. like being the best mom must be the. hardest thing to ever live up to. Absolutely. And I'm very confident. So every year I.

write each one of my kids about a four. or five-page letter about on their. birthday about what the year was like, who their friends are, silly words. they're saying, their favorite foods, all the silly things that they do. And a little journey of what the year is. like. And it's so fun to see from the. first year, now, you know, one of them almost 10 years old and just. to I know that they'll appreciate this. I know that they'll.

appreciate everything that they might. have thought I was being a little harsh. on, me protecting them. I know that. they'll they'll get it cuz I got it with. my mom. And I know they'll get it with. me. You've reminded me of something. beautiful that I want to share that So, my mom and dad were both immigrants in. London, which is where I was born and. raised. And both my parents worked ever. since I was a kid. And so, I'd get. dropped to daycare, get picked up in the. evening. But what I remember is. something you said. My mom would come. and pick me up. And I still remember the.

look on her face when she'd pick me up. She'd have this big smile. She'd give me. the biggest hug. She'd take me home. And. we'd sit down together while she was. cooking. We'd just talk to each other. And it's almost like I never had a lot. of time with my parents growing up, but. I felt so much presence. Mhm. And I. honestly believe today that I have so. much love to give because my mom infused. me with love. Like my mom just like, you. know, bathed me in so much love. Totally. That it's it's so easy for me to be. loving because I've always had infinite. amounts of it from my mom.

Yeah. I couldn't imagine. I love on my. kids so hard. They are so annoyed with. me and I love it. What I find genuinely. inspiring about you and the way you. think and focus is that. you want to be this incredible mom, but. you also want to show the kids. what a passionate, purpose- Mhm. driven. person looks like. And I think we forget. that that's also parenting. Like, I'm. not a parent, but I can honestly say it. that.

when I saw my mom working late at night. and waking up early in the morning, I. look back at my mom and I think my mom. is a superwoman. Yeah. And I look back. at that as inspiration. kids think that of me one day. They. will. They will because they'll see. that. And I think same with my dad, like. I saw my dad and how much he had to work. and and and there was something powerful. about that. I think I always like to. show them like I drop my kids off at. school and then I have two or three. hours of of law school. So, I got to go. I'm on time because. I have my school and they have been on.

the journey with me. They saw me take. the bar exam. They saw me open my. results and not pass. multiple times. They saw me open up the. results and pass and I was crying. and they felt my hard work and it paid. off. I want to show them that. finding a passion and working to me is. something I love to do. And there's so much joy in that for me. and I want them to feel that positive. experience and I I encourage that from.

them. Like I want to just show them as. many positive experiences as I can and. show them that. you know, you can work hard and you can. love it. And I just try to live my life. and be a good example for them. I think. it comes through and I and I do believe. that. Like when I look back at my. parents, all I can do is appreciate my mom. Like. all I can do is. do. Sometimes they tell me I'm the. meanest mom in the world because I won't. buy them Roblox every day. You know, it's like I'm like, it's okay.

I can be the meanest mom in the world. Yeah. You know? Well, I think that's. what moms do. Moms are willing to be. anything their kids need them to be even. if it's that for a short period of time. Yeah. Kim, you've been so gracious and. kind with your time today. We end every. On Purpose episode with a final five. The first question is, what is the best. advice you've ever received or heard? Something that I've learned about time. is just that we never have enough of. time. So, really be present and make the.

most of your relationships. because we're not here very long. And we. have one life. Was there a moment that made you realize. that or something that happened that. made you realize that? I mean, I think. when you lose a parent, you're always. really mindful of. time. And my mom talks about it all the. time. I think she's like probably the. one thing in life she's scared about, you know, and and keeps her up at night. sometimes. So, just making sure that you make the.

most of everything. because it'll go by so fast. Mhm. Second question, what is the worst life. advice you've ever received or heard? I think maybe the worst advice. could be almost too much advice or too. many opinions. If you really trust your gut and you do. what you want to do and if you're in. your bubble and when the world gets to. that little piece of your bubble and. there can be so many opinions,

I think sometimes all of the conflicting. advice can just be bad advice. That even. if you're supposed to make your mistake. and maybe. do what you want to do with any bad. piece of advice, that's still a part of your journey. So, sometimes just do what you want to. do and not take in all of the advice is. really healthy. I think that's great. And don't ask for it in the first place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We all have that one friend who Totally. messages like 25 people with the same. question. Totally. Yeah, definitely.

Good answer. All right. Question number. three, if tomorrow, not wishing this, no. intentions, no energy towards this, but. if if tomorrow you had to restart, Mhm. what would you do if tomorrow everything. went away and you had to restart, what. would you do business-wise? Like, how. would the How would that shift? I think. I would probably. be a lawyer and just focus on that and. go to law school and focus on being an. attorney full-time. Because? I just.

think the feeling of being able to help. people. is really powerful. and necessary. And I would just focus on that. That's such a heartfelt answer. I love. that. That's That's beautiful. I'm I'm. glad I I'm glad I asked you. It was like. Yeah, I just feel like it's really. interesting. I was having a conversation. last night with a with your with a. mutual friend of ours, Scooter Braun, and. Oh, yeah. together last night and we were talking. about this idea about how we often think. that our experiences.

make us who we are, or is it that you. are just going to be who you are anyway. because that's who you were meant to be? I think it's both. Yeah. Think about it. You can be the most talented person, but. if you don't have that determination. and drive, then. what will become of it? You know? It's. not just going to magically happen. because you're talented. Of course. So, I think so much of it is the effort and. what you do with that and figuring that. out and who you are and what you want to. put out in the world. I guess my point.

is that I think you have that energy of. wanting to be the best, of wanting to do. things really well, of wanting to do. things with that quality, and whatever. you ended up doing with it it would have. been that. And it is that already. I. mean, you're doing that anyway. you have to, no matter even if this. isn't the job that you want, no matter. what it is that you're doing, you have. to be fully your best. You have to put. in 200% You have no idea who's paying. attention. You're at that place, exactly what where.

you're supposed to be at that time. There's nothing worse than someone that. doesn't want to give it their all, no. matter what it is. Mhm. And it could be. That's like you know, business advice. that I heard that always stuck with me. and always was even when I was working. at a clothing store, I was so happy to be there. I did my Yeah, I did my absolute best. that I could selling everything and. steaming everything and hanging. everything and I think those experiences. just show you what you want to do in.

your life, show other people really what you're. made of. I'm just like a I'm a really. competitive person. So, no matter what. it is that I'm doing, I want to be the. best at that. I want to learn everything. about it and I'm just a super curious. person. Beautiful. Uh question number four, since we've been talking about values, what's something that you used to value. that. you no longer. feel you value anymore? Definitely material designer things.

I used to value I mean. stuff. I live in an area where there would be. fires a lot and there was probably four. times we had to fully pack up the house. Everything out. Houses catching on fire. Property caught on fire like really. close to losing everything. First time, packed up my entire shoe and bag closet. And a lot of them cuz they were memory. stuff from my dad, stuff in high school, but all designer stuff. Also.

videos, photos, whatever. Digitized. everything, put everything important. somewhere else. Second, pack up. the designer stuff, but leave some leave. some of the clothes. You know, I don't. really need all the clothes. But, I. packed a hotel for months bags and every. designer thing that I had had to come. Third time, leave all the bags and. shoes. I don't I don't need them. We got. all the We got all the photos. We got. all the. my little blanky when I was little,

you know, the kids stuff. Fourth time, leave everything. Me and my babies, that's all I need. You know, I have all. my photos digitized. I have everything. digital. We got our passports, we're good. Yeah. And that like evolution of like, they had to go in and get all my. designer stuff or I'm not leaving my. house, you know, it's going to catch on. fire. And now I'm like. nothing is worth it. Nothing is important.

And I think that comes from life. experiences, scary experiences, things shaking you to. your core to make you realize that. nothing is important. You can't I know. everyone says this, but like you can't. take it with you. None of it is important. Yeah, there's a beautiful Islamic. proverb that says detachment doesn't. mean that you own nothing. It means that. nothing owns you. Mhm. And I feel so. often we become owned by I love that.

dreams, our desires, our pursuits, our. Yeah. It doesn't mean that we have to. give them all away or we don't have. those things. It's just if and when we. have to let go, Totally. willing, are we able to let go? Totally. Even with work stuff. I mean, it doesn't just have to be. the material things. Mhm. Like you said, like your dreams and. it's okay to be able to let go, but work. so hard to like the opposites are okay.

Mhm. Contradicting yourself a little bit. in those ways. Yeah. You know, it's like in in. relationships, you can love a person, miss a person so much, but still have the wisdom to know. they're not your person and you're. better off. not together. That like opposite connection with. everything, I think is really important. to have that awareness. in everything in life, relationships, material things, all of that. Yeah, I I I I officiated a.

wedding a few years ago and someone came. up to me. from the audience and. and said to me. "Jay, I realized from what you were. saying that they'd just gone through a. breakup recently." And they were saying. "Jay, I realized that I loved that. person, but we didn't like each other. anymore." Mhm. And it was that essence. of like there'll always be that deep. love for each other. Yeah. But we just don't. Like family, you know? Like you love. people and. but it's okay to to feel.

a protection of a person, but then also. protecting yourself and realizing when. you have to. Mhm. And when it's time. And. it's okay to feel all of the opposite. emotions, you know? I think as long as. you're really well aware Mhm. and go. through the motions and feel things and. don't hold things in, it's so important. Whether it's, you know, breakups, deaths. I've always been really clear-headed.

And like gone through the feelings, gone. through the emotions, more in those. relationships. More in those lifelong. relationships that you hope for. And then also be okay and calm and. realizing. I've always been someone. like, "Okay, my dad died. What why is this happening? What was his purpose here? And how are we going to grow and learn. from this experience?". And I always said that, like right when.

he passed and I was felt it and super. emotional about it and. you know, cry all the time when great things. happen that I wish he was here. But also. I had a wisdom at like a younger age to. understand that this is like a part of. our journey and a part of our like. evolution and. this happens. And this is why you have. to hold on to relationships even more. precious. But. don't let things destroy you at the same. time.

If that makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. I can tell. just from your energy. Like, I just want. everyone to know who's listening and. watching. Often, people can say. something, but. the time I've spent with you, even. today, I can tell from your energy that. you are content and you are at peace. And you are I I I can feel that just. just yeah, peace. Like, that's what when. I'm with you, I I sense peace. And I. think doing an interview with someone. just it's a different environment that. you can I remember when I interviewed. Kobe Bryant and I almost felt like time. stood still. And his word that I saw.

with his energy was gravity. I could. just felt like everything was just And. then when I'm sitting with you, I'm. feeling peace. And a lot of the time, people try to. find people when they're not at peace, hoping that someone else will put their. pieces back together. You are at peace. Do you ever. feel like you want to be in love again? Do you Do you long for that? Or or are. you so at peace that. that isn't a consideration? I think I'll. always be a hopeless romantic and always.

want to be in love. And. definitely love sharing my life with. someone and love creating a life with. someone. I definitely will take my time. And I think there's so many factors, especially when you have kids, and being. mindful of. people that enter your in your life, and. if I can look at everything that I did. wrong. and try to not make the same mistakes. and really take my time, I think it just.

has to be different for me. You know, it's obviously. such a hard place to be in cuz. how do you go back? Who do you You know, it's like so there's so many factors. But, I'll always believe in love and. I'll always want that. And I think. that's such a magical part of life. But, I think. I'm so. comfortable taking my time. to not rush it. There's so much going on.

that I'm not lonely. Mhm. And I think. that that is really important. And. I believe like I always believe, you. know, and I think that um. whatever's meant to be will be. Mhm. Fifth and final question of the whole. interview. If you could create one law. that everyone in the world had to. follow, what would it be? Take your time. That's a good one. Just second chances. and fairness. I think.

it could be something as simple as just. whether it's in our system or judgment. in life, just making sure that everyone had like. a basic human right to what's fair. I. think would change a lot in the system. Mhm. Would change a lot in life. And. a law for everyone to be kind. It's that simple. You think about like. all I want to do is raise kind,

thoughtful, grateful, mindful. human beings. Kim, thank you for being. so open, so honest, so generous with. your time. Everyone who's been listening. and watching, I hope you tag us both on. Instagram, on TikTok, wherever you share. your insights that you gained. I'd love. to see what you took away from this. podcast. I'd love to share that with. both of us. Uh thank you for listening. to On Purpose. I'll see you again next. week. And Kim, thank you so much again. for this energy of yours today and being. so present with us. Thank you.

me. Thank you. If you loved this. episode, you'll really enjoy my episode. with Selena Gomez on befriending your. inner critic and how to speak to. yourself with more compassion. My fears. are only going to continue to show me. what I'm capable of. The more that I. face my fears, the more that I feel I'm. gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that.