Julia Fox: "I Was Begging God to Send Me a Sugar Daddy" (The Truth NOBODY Will See Coming!)

You see me who would go to jail, get. arrested, get into fights, steal stuff, break stuff, trespass, overdose a. hundred times, just a mess, and then to. see me be successful, and I'd probably. hate me, too. Julia Fox is known for many things. A. fashion designer, actress, author, you. know, from films such as Uncut Gems and. No Sudden New, as well as the host of. OMG Fashion on E. Julia Fox. What's a. childhood experience that you feel left.

a defining mark on your life? My parents. always fighting like horrible, horrible. fights. I would just like go into the. bathroom and I would just turn on the. haird dryer and I just lay on the floor. for like 6 hours. At 17, you decided to become a sex. worker. I could really disassociate and. detach. I think that's why it was so. easy for me to enter an industry like. that. And I actually found the whole. experience really empowering. For the. first time in my life, I actually kind. of gained some selfworth. Where did you.

get addicted to heroin in that journey? It's akin to like what being in your. mother's womb would feel like. Heroin. kind of became a replacement mommy. You say in the book that motherhood. saved you. If there's one thing I'm. determined to do is to not give him a. childhood. What was that journey for you. to actually get clean? I had to do all. that messy stuff and be that girl to end. up in this chair today.

The number one health and wellness. podcast, J Shetty. J Shetty, the one, the only J Shetty. I'm so excited to finally share the live. interviews from my very first podcast. tour presented by Chase Sapphire. Reserve. The first episode features an. unforgettable conversation with none. other than Julia Fox, recorded live at. the iconic theater at Madison Square. Garden in New York City. Special thanks.

to MSG Entertainment and the theater at. Madison Square Garden. I want to start. by saying this. Me and Julia were. talking about this on the way down from. the green room. We're talking about how. you wouldn't expect to see me and Julia. on the same stage together. And we're. from very different worlds, very. different backgrounds. But over the last. few days, I've been listening to her. audio book, Down the Drain. Her book, her memoir. I listened to it and I can. honestly say that her story was so. powerful. It was empowering. It was.

fascinating. And if I'm completely. honest, the reason I built on purpose. was to have conversations like this. where you might be surprised, find it. unexpected, but to find the common. tissue that we all look for as humans. And so I'm so grateful you said yes and. thank you so much. Thank you. Um, that's. actually something I want to say is like. a lot of times we're more alike than we. are different, you know, and you kind of. have to make the effort sometimes to to. ask questions and be interested and cuz.

a lot of times we're all kind of going. through the same stuff, you know, and I. feel like we're so programmed to see the. differences and especially, you know, we're getting so much influence telling. us that these people are bad and that, you know, and we're just constantly. being divided, but really we we all have. very similar feelings, you know. Yeah. We're going through so many of the same.

emotions, the same ups and downs, the. same challenges, and I want to dive into. some of those with you, but I wanted to. start off with something funny that I. thought you said that I love. You once. said, "I've always been the main. character in my head." And I wanted to. ask, seeing as we're in New York, how do. you channel main character energy? I. mean, I think everyone living in New. York feels that way, you know? It's like, why me? I think we kind You kind of have to be.

that way, you know? And also, we are. that way just naturally, you know. I. just some people admit it and some. people don't, you know, but totally, you. know, especially here in New York where. like, you know, no two days are alike. and some days it feels like everything. is going wrong. Like I remember I would. have this game that I would play with. myself where like if I went cuz I'd go. to school, I'd take the subway and if. like I was getting down to the subway. and the door would stop right in front.

of me, then I knew it was going to be a. good day, you know? And it really like. it did set kind of a precedent for the. rest of the day. But. well, Julia, before before we dive into. the the deeper work here, I wanted I. have to ask you this question. Seeing as. you have been a lot of people's muse, who's your muse? My muse is. me.

[Applause]. No, but like in all seriousness, it it. changes, you know. I'm I'm just really. inspired by the life experience, you. know, just the everyday. things that we overlook. I think life is. just one big gray area, you know, and I. think for a long time I really thought. in black and white, but now I realize. that there is no truth. everybody's. truth is equally valid for the most. part, but like there's, you know, we.

we're just all experiencing and our. perceptions, you know, everyone's valid. in some way or the reason that they. think that way is valid in some way. I. just try to really keep an open mind and. especially open eyes and open heart and. I just get inspiration from everywhere. I really love people. I'm definitely. like a avid people watcher. people. watching in New York sounds fun. It's. amazing. Tell me tell me about your. latest venture. I mean, even just like.

going out to the grocery store or like. going to a party, like sometimes I'll. just like sit back and watch. I mean, it's kind of hard cuz I get a lot of. people talking to me all the time, but I. prefer to just kind of be like a fly on. the wall. I can definitely be the life. of the party, too. But sometimes I just. want to like watch all the little micro. things happening all around. It's just. like fascinating to me. You've lived an.

extremely fascinating life as I was. saying when I was listening to your. audio book. I want to dive into that and. I want to start as I often do on on. purpose talking about childhood because. I learned very early on when I was. researching and studying just how those. years are so formative when we look at. the psychology of what we pursue, what. we chase, what we fear, what we worry. about. And it's something we all go. through. We can we all have a reference. point to that time in our life. I wanted.

to ask you what's a childhood experience. that you feel left a defining mark on. your life especially when it comes to. your relationship with your parents. You. know, there were many experiences, but I. think the overall thread throughout all. of them was really feeling like. unimportant. And I still carry that with me very much. today of feeling like I'm not like worth. it, you know, and and that is so hard. because I could get so much validation. and so much affirmation and you know,

but I still have that little voice in. the back of my head that's like you're. nothing, you're not important, you're. not worth it. So, I just want to say. like yes, you know, being in the public. eye and it looks like fun and whatever, but it's like no, we're we're still just. people and you know, I I still. definitely have days where like I don't. want to get out of bed and I feel like. just not not worth it. Like life's not. worth it and I'm not worth it. And if it.

weren't for my child, I probably. wouldn't get out of bed like most days. actually. So, I still definitely carry a. lot of that. trauma, I guess, if you want to call it. I definitely carry that with me today. And people are like, "Go to therapy, like do something about it." But it's. like I'm not worth it, you know? It's. that like same cycle. It's a cycle, you. know, but it's not all the time, but I. definitely, you know, like even when. something good happens to me, I'm like,

"Yeah, but I don't deserve it, you. know." Yeah. That's that's what's. fascinating about that thought cycle is. that when something negative happens, it. affirms your belief that you're not. worth it. And then when something good. happens, it's almost a feeling of, well, I didn't I don't deserve it. I'm still. not good enough. It's a fluke. It's a. fluke. Yeah. I got lucky. I I always say. that I just got lucky, guys, you know. But then I know that if I really were to. like, you know, look at all the hard. work and sacrifice that I I do deserve.

it, you know, and and my logical mind. can identify that. But my emotional. mind is still very much like. no. Yeah. And those two minds, I mean, how many of you can relate to that, right? Everyone can relate, right? It's. it's something that that cycle of when. something good happens to us as humans. We're so good at being like, "Yeah, I. got lucky this time. Oh, when is it. going to go?" Right? That's another When. is it going to get taken away from me? When are they going to realize I'm a. fraud? When, you know, like it's crazy.

Yeah. When are people going to find out. I'm an imposttor? When are people going. to find out that I I don't belong at. this table? Yeah. It's it's such a. thing. What was it in your childhood. that that you think did that? like what. what do you think of when you think of. that? Where where is that? You know, I. think my parents were dealing with a lot. with each other and. they couldn't really, you know, it's like boomer parents. They.

were just very caught up in their own. stuff and always always fighting, like. horrible, horrible fights. And I. remember I would just like go into the. bathroom because it was the only room in. the house that had a lock on the door. and I would just turn on the haird dryer. and I just lay on the floor for like 6. hours until it was like quiet and then I. could go back and like reintegrate into. the household. But it was just a very. kind of isolating oppressive. childhood. I mean there were moments.

like that were great. I had a great. relationship with my grandparents. I. feel like I would not be here without. them. My grandma encouraged me as an. artist. Like she saw that I had a. talent. So we would always be, you know, making art together, going to museums, going to galleries, going to plays, ballets, you know, all the things I. didn't do with my parents. And then my. my grandpa on my mom's side, he just. made me feel really loved and kind of.

that was more of an emotional bond. Um, so if I didn't have that, I don't think. I would be alive today. It's so. fascinating as I'm listening to you, I. can relate to that. So, I grew up in a. home where me and my sister would wake. up to my parents going and it's crazy. how much parents fighting affects kids. Sorry, not to. It's crazy. It was I grew. up in an emotionally, physically abusive household. And often. when people meet me, they just think I. had the most perfect childhood and it's.

why I do what I do today. And I often. explain it's the opposite. I spent my. whole childhood mediating my parents'. marriage. And so the work I do today. comes from having years, meaning since I. was like 7 years old, of listening to. challenges, carrying pain, listening to. emotions. And thankfully, it made me. stronger. And through the work I've. done, it didn't create a lack of, it. allowed me to create self-dependence. Yeah. And that took a lot of work. It. didn't just happen. But it's so.

fascinating when I see how did that. affect someone else I love whether it. was another family member. And to your. point, one thing that stood out which I. recommend to anyone who's a parent in. this room or wants to be a parent, it's. what you just said about the. relationship you had with a grandparent. My mom's love was like a shield. Like my. mom's love was like this shield where. like she just gave me so much love that. I would never have to question whether I. was worthy of love or lovable because. that's how powerful a mom's love is. Yeah. And and when I think about as. we're sitting here and finding these.

similarities and commonalities in our. life, I wanted to ask you, your life in. your teens took a very different turn. And as I heard at 17, you decided to. become a sex worker or became one. And I want to understand just what that. journey looks like because for you to go. from feeling not enough to feeling. unloved to feeling not worthy. Talk to me about how that connects to. that decision and how you walk that.

path. Well, I think from a really young. age, I just really learned to. compartmentalize. So, I could take something I didn't. like, put it in a little box, and put it. in a shelf all the way in the back of my. brain. And I could really disassociate. and detach and just be on autopilot. And. I think that's why it was so easy for me. to enter an industry like that because I. could just shut down like that. It was. my superpower actually. And I actually. found the whole experience really.

empowering, especially becoming a. dominatrix where I could really channel. a lot of aggression and a lot of anger. that I had toward men or toward. me or toward any, you know, anything. that was going on. I could really kind. of find um an outlet for it. And I. actually, you know, for the first time. in my life, I actually kind of gained. some selfworth. Weirdly, I always say. obviously there's different pockets of. the sex industry. I found one that.

worked for my specific issues and it was. very therapeutic. And when people ask me. like, "When did you get into acting?" I. always tell them, "Well, first of all, I've been acting my whole life." You. know, acting like you're okay when. you're not. You know, acting like the. class clown to like make people laugh. because you feel like such a piece of. [ __ ] And then in the dominatrix engine. where I play a nurse, a teacher, a mom, a nun, you know, six times a day, different characters, I just became.

really good at like improv and and you. know, doing that. So, you know, back to. what you were saying, how you had this. kind of tough childhood, but you were. able to then use all those skills that. you inadvertently learned to now do this. and help so many people. It's like you. have to sometimes take those like bad. things that happen to you in life and um. you know find your purpose in it in a. weird way because it's the only way that. it'll make you feel better for the.

things that happen or it'll like make it. not as bad or something that you can. actually be grateful for. You know, there are times today where I'm like, you know, I'm grateful that I went. through all those things cuz I have the. wisdom and the experience and I can now. pass it on and give other girls hope, you know, and I feel like that's the. difference between the people that make. it and the people that don't, you know, there are some people that just can. never really find a way to make it like. their purpose or their calling or and. and then it just kind of never finds an.

outlet from their soul and it just eats. them up alive or then they become the. abuser and perpetuate that cycle. Absolutely. Just like as I'm listening. to you, I'm I'm actually just how how do you. even discover the industry? Like how. does someone Craigslist, baby? Craigslist. Seriously? Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh, you're not joking at. all. No.

No. But like how did you even So I knew. about it because in the seventh grade I. had this one of my many codependent. besties and I would live at her house. and it was three sisters and an. alcoholic mom and the older sister was a. dominatrix and the only full-length. mirror was in my bestie's room. So she. would get dressed. She'd buy all this. stuff from like the sex stores and come. in and put them on and it was the black. platforms and the thigh highs and the. fishnetss and and then that's when I was.

informed, oh, she's a dominatrix. And. you know, at that point, like I figured. it out or something. So, I always kind. of knew that it was an option that I. could always like just do what she did. And she looked so hot and cool and it. just seemed like just seemed fun and. exciting. And listen, at the time I'd. already, you know, worked in the service. industry. I had so many jobs. Waitress, pastry shop, ice cream shop, shoe store,

you know, and listen, you're never going. to be able to support yourself on $7.15. an hour. It's ridiculous. Like, raise. the minimum wage. God damn it. Um, and. and I had to move out. Something. happened at home and I literally had to. move out with the clothes on my back. And you know, I could only really like. stay at friends houses for so long. I. had to contribute in some way. So that's. what I did. So it was a fully survival.

thing. Yes, definitely survival. I don't. think I would have just chosen to do it. Um, but I am glad that I did. Yeah, I. feel like I really kind of learned a It. was like a crash course in the male. psyche. Tell us. there's a lot of people. Tell us tell us about the male psyche. I. mean it's just like all the different. fetishes and stuff like I they're just. so I imagine and they're so weird like.

belly buttons, blue jeans, hair like on. your head, not even down there. Like. they just men get so infatuated with the. like. weird random things that women possess. on them. And I also found actually. interestingly enough that the more. powerful a man was. in his career, in his life, the more. submissive he would be with me. Like it. was almost like this these scales were.

tipped. And and in order for him to find. that balance, he'd have to come to me to. degrade him and tell him what a piece of. [ __ ] he was and tell him that his. employees hate him and his wife hates. him and you know and just beat the [ __ ]. out of him and and it. and it really got me thinking like. humans really need balance and I learned. that really. but I saw that I was able to see that.

firsthand, you know, and I thought that. was really interesting, you know, how he. can go out there and be this tough guy. and then here he's like crawling on all. fours and drinking drinking my pee out. of a dog bowl. and it it was just really interesting, you know. I I love that balance is what. you took away from that. Like it's just. amazing. It's amazing. Uh.

we uh I I was I was going to say that um. I learned about balance but at the. monastery and it was a completely. opposite. We came to the same conclusion. though. Um once I lose 10 lbs then I'll. be happy. Once I get this promotion I'll. be happy. Once I get this car then I'll. be happy. Or this watch or this bag. But. really, life is all the little things. and you have to get those things in. order because yeah, you'll get that big.

thing, but then it'll be okay. What's. next, you know, because it'll never fill. the void. It's really hard to accept. things that we can't change. You know, the control freak in us wants to like. change it and fix it and make it okay, but you need the other person to also. put in the effort, too. Live your truth. like even if you're messy or wild or. cringe like like don't hide that because. you never know who's watching. What do. you think are the misconceptions about. sex workers or what what did you learn. by actually being in the industry that.

you think is relevant for people who are. not connected, may not understand, may. not know, whatever it may be. What would. you say those are? I mean, I would just. say to anyone thinking about it, obviously now today with Only Fans and. there's so many ways to be in the sex. industry without ever touching a man, which is like amazing. But back in my. day, that was not the case. Um, I would. just say like set a firm boundary in. your head going into it and don't cross. it. And the moment you cross it, just.

stop because then it'll just keep. happening. And I I made that mistake and. it it kind of does like wear on you a. little bit, you know, it and then it's. like, well, nobody will ever know, but. you will know, you know, and and that. you will never escape, you know. It's. almost easier to have other someone else. know and not you. But your clients, they. will take and take and take and take. So, you just have to be really firm in.

in what line you're not going to cross. It's quite remarkable. you learned so. many lessons. You've learned balance, boundaries, uh you know, acting like you were just. saying, like role play, like why and. when did that end? Like why did that. period of your life come to a close? And. then where did you pivot to? And I'll. tell you another thing that I learned. then was manifestation through prayer. So I would pray every single night. I'm. not kidding. I would pray for a sugar daddy. like.

long prayers, long long prayers, a lot. of bargaining, a lot of bargaining and. begging God to please send me a sugar. daddy. And he did. He did. He did. Um the best one ever. Also, I got really, really lucky. Um. we're still friends. I love him to. death. Um, and that's that's kind of how.

I got out of that. Was that always your. get out like get out card? Like was that. your thought in your head when you were. praying? When you're in that kind of. lifestyle, you're not really thinking. long term, you know? I feel like having. the ability to plan and do all these. things like that's something for like. welladjusted people. When you're living. like I was, it was very much like. survive the day, get through the day, um, and maybe something good will. happen, you know? So, I was really just.

kind of looking for like a means to an. end. And and it was really only kind of. after my situation with my sugar daddy. broke up that I actually started to like. live for me, you know, and and try to. make it on my own. And and like all my. blessings and everything I've been able. to achieve only happened once I got out. of that, funny enough. So, and was your. faith in God something you always had? You said always. Yeah. Where did that. come from? You know, I'm not really. sure. I know, you know, I'm Italian. I I.

lived in Italy for some of my childhood. with my grandpa and and he was very. faith-based and we prayed every night. and I always kind of knew that that God. was there or something was there, a. presence was there. And it's like you. can only have two like so many. coincidences before you're like, "Okay, there's something cosmic here, you. know?" And also, I feel like when you're. kind of in desperation and and not. feeling so great, I find that those are.

usually the times or the people that. really turn to God. And I was very much. like unwell for a long time. So, I I. needed to believe that God was real. It's incredible to hear you talk about. it from both sides. Like I know a second. ago we're we're all like belly laughing. and then at the same time there's like. this real survival, desperation, stress, trying to get through every day as you. just said like just trying to make it. through till the end of the day and the. reality of just not how would you feel. at the end of a day like what would be.

going through your mind? Would it just. be I didn't feel no like I did so many. drugs like every single drug under the. sun. I was smoking pot all the time like. before like literally wake up first. thing like digging a roach out of an. ashtray to you know like just that level. of numbness at all times. So. like feeling is still kind of fairly. like a a newer thing for me and I still. have a lot of trouble articulating how.

I'm feeling. Like I just kind of shut. down because that was the only way to. get through it was to just be numb. Yeah. and to just not feel because if. you were to it would have it would just. open a floodgate and who knows what. could happen you know cuz usually when I. would be emotional it'd be kind of like. a meltdown and then I'd end up in like a. hospital or something so it was just. better to not even go there at all. Yeah, that that's so fascinating to hear.

that. I think so many of us feel that in. different ways where we find a numbing. agent whatever that may be for us. For. some of us it's TV, sugar, alcohol, drugs, whatever it may be. There's some. sort of way of just kind of not. self-regulating but externally. regulating our emotions and feelings. because we just don't want to feel that. For you as you were doing that where. where did you get addicted to heroin in. that journey? because that became quite.

a big part. That was when I found. heroin, it was like it I would say that. it's akin to like. what being in your mother's womb would. feel like, like the warmth and that. everything is going to be okay. And you know, I think I probably liked. it so much because of the disconnect I. had with my own mother. So, heroin kind. of became a replacement mommy or. something, you know. And yeah, I. discovered heroin in high school and I.

took it all the way into my mid20s, you. know, on and off, on and off. I. sometimes I'd be off for years and then. I'd always go back. So, you know, it. only really took my best friend, the. love of my life, overdosing in 2019, for. me to, which is fairly recently, for me. to really be done cuz that really shook. me to my core. And I felt like her dying. had to had to at least do one good. thing, you know, and and if that could.

just be me not getting high anymore, I. know that she would approve of that. I. know that she it would make I don't. know. It's not that it would make it. less horrible, but I just had to find. some kind of silver lining or something. to attach myself to. So now I, you know, don't do that anymore in honor of her. So So sorry to hear that. How How long. did you both know each other and how. were you? We actually met in AA and it.

was a funny story. Um, I we were sitting. next to each other and my like horrible. ex-boyfriend was also there and we. hadn't seen each other in a long time. and he was there with this girl who had. like cyberbullied me on Instagram and I. just stood up and I said, "Hey, this. room is unsafe for me. There are abusers. in here." And I just made such a scene, which is like fairly uncommon and and it. doesn't really happen. So, but I did it.

and she loved it. Like she was like, "Yeah, yeah, tell them. Tell them." And. and then I just sat back down and and it. was that was it. We were together every. single day after that. Like it was like. we really found each other. But, you. know, with every kind of relationship. like that, it was only a matter of time. before we both left to go get high. together, you know? So, it's pretty. cliche, but it's still a beautiful love. story nonetheless.

What was that journey for you to. actually get clean from her? And like. what was that journey like for you? I I. can't imagine it's easy and like you. said, you used. the loss of her as as fuel, as. inspiration, as a guiding light during a. really really tough time. But what did. it actually take from you to now be able. to sit here and say, "Well, that's not. something I do anymore." Well, well, she. died and then I got pregnant 6 months. later and had my son. And if there's one.

thing I'm determined to do is to not. give him a shitty childhood. And in. order for me to do that, I have to be. sober. So, yeah. So, it all happened pretty. quick and and honestly, I don't think I. would have even had my son if she hadn't. passed away. But at that moment, it was. like anything to fill that void and that. heartbreak, you know? It was I just. wanted to feel better. And actually, funny story, when I was about I can't.

remember now. I put the the I put it in. my book, but like a couple weeks into my. pregnancy, I had a dream. She came to me. in a dream and I told her, "I'm. pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm having um I. want you to come back as as my baby. I. want you to be reincarnated as my baby.". And she said, cuz she was always really. funny, she was like, "I don't want to. come back as a boy.". And that's how I found out I was having. a boy. I went to the doctor and I told. him, "I think I'm having a boy. My dead. best friend came to me in a dream." And.

he was like, "You're psychotic." Um, but. then we did the test and and I was. having a boy. So So she was right. So I. I still feel like like she's with me and. in in everything I do. Yeah. You say in. the book that motherhood saved you. Mhm. Cuz I just don't have time to do. anything else. Like it really is like. three full-time jobs. So, but it did it. did it did save me. Yeah. When you. finally found the sugar daddy and you.

got out of, you know, sex work from your. prayers, where did that pivot happen from that. getting you out of there and then moving. into acting? like how how did that. happen? You know, people knew who I was. Like I was like a hood celebrity, you. know, and and these directors. heard about me and wanted to meet me and. they were writing a part for this young. girl who has kind of a sugar daddy. situation and that movie would go on to.

become Uncut Gems. So I, you know, I. auditioned like everyone else. Unfortunately, even though they had. written it for me, the studios were. like, "We don't know her." Like what we. like they wanted like Scarlett Johansson. and you know, all these other women, beautiful women and established. actresses and and at the time I didn't. even know if I could like actually act. act, you know, but I had a hunch. Um, and so you know it I I did a screen test.

with Adam Sandler and it went really. well and they were able to convince the. studios to let me do it. Yeah, absolutely. But that's why I always tell people like. like live your truth like even if you're. messy or wild or cringe like like don't. hide that because you never know who's. watching, you know? Like I was so. embarrassing like like truly so. embarrassing. But tell us it caught. these people's eyes, you know. What was.

embarrassing? What were you doing in. those? Well, you know, everyone knew. that I was living off my sugar daddy's. money and and every There you go. It was. like everybody knew it. It was, you. know, but they it was like frowned upon, you know, like people would talk [ __ ]. about me or didn't want to be my friend. or it was just like I was always kind of. looked at it like as this spectacle, you. know, and I was known to like cause a. scene or just be loud and sometimes. violent. And violent. Yeah, definitely.

Tell us about the violent. Well, I grew up in a violent home. So, that's kind of how I learned to like. problem solve. like if I want an is. problem to go away you you know. so I you know I've definitely been known. to throw hands but you know now I'm like. gh it's so embarrassing you know but at. like I I had to do all that messy stuff. and be that girl to end up in this chair.

today speaking with all of you. So just always be yourselves. It's so fascinating for me seeing that. in my home made me never want to be. angry, never want to be violent, never. want to raise my voice and never kind of. create that atmosphere again. And and. it's so interesting just how as humans. we make those choices at at different. stages in our life and and where they go. from there. I one thing that really.

stood out to me in your in your book uh. down the drain that is when you. mentioned when you were young you said. to your mom you wanted to be a rock star. and she laughed and then when you booked. Uncut Gems she laughed again. Yeah. Talk. to me about those two moments and why. you remember them so vividly and what. they because it's like you'd expect your. parent to be so like happy and so. supportive, but she could just never do. it. She could never do it. And you know,

I think like now that I'm also a mom, I. can see her as a human and I see a woman. who came from nothing and did everything. she was supposed to do. She went to. college, went to university, she worked. as a nurse, she did all the things to. become a doctor. and was just always a good girl. And. then to see me who literally did the. opposite, would go to jail, get.

arrested, get into fights, steal stuff, break stuff, trespass, you know, just. overdose a h 100 times, you know, just a. mess. And then to see me be successful, I'm sure is a mind. Yeah. Like I'd probably hate me too. Like I'm sure there's like a human, you. know, jealousy is very real even between. mothers and daughters. I see it all the. time. Like I couldn't fathom it because.

I see my loved ones as an extension of. myself. But with my mom and I, it was. always very clear that we were on two. opposite ends for some reason. And we. could never bridge that gap. I don't. know if we ever will, to be honest. But. I know that I have to protect my peace. and not keep trying just to be. disappointed all the time. You know, I. just can't do it anymore. As I'm looking. at you, it feels like you've tried a. lot. Not that much, but not that much.

Um, but there have been a few times. Yeah. What have you tried and when did. you try and just trying to mimic what a. mother daughter relationship is supposed. to look like and playing that part, playing that role, acting that part only. to be met with, not her playing that part back, you. know? And and I realized that, you know, we can't just like turn it on and be. mother and daughter and there needs to.

be some unpacking. But every time I try. to talk about things, it's complete. denial. It's almost like she lived a. completely like she lived in a different. house. Well, she really did live in a. different house. She lived in Italy my. whole life, so I only saw her twice a. year. So, that also played a big part. But, um, but there were obviously. prolonged periods as well that we would. be together. But, even then, it just. always felt like she was just very.

uninterested. Yeah. And and I could see that it wasn't. like that with my brothers that she had. way more of a connection and she put the. effort and had more of a genuine. interest for them. So, and I picked that. up very very young. How have you. reconciled that now? I'm sure there's. lots of people in the room who have. challenges with parents, potentially. even challenges with kids. Like, how. have you reconciled that? What have you. how have you come to as close to peace.

or a boundary that you've been able to. set with that? You know, I I wouldn't. say it's forgiveness because how do you. forgive a betrayal like that? But there. is an acceptance which I think is the. closest thing to forgiveness. And it's. so hard to accept because it's really. hard to accept things that we can't. change. you know, we we the control. freak in us wants to like change it and. fix it and make it okay, but you need. the other person to also put in the. effort too. So, you know, I think really.

for me, I'm at a a place of acceptance. that this is just the way it's going to. be. And if if I keep trying to fight it. or change it, I'm really only hurting. myself. And, you know, I have a child I. have to show up for. I have to be happy. and positive. So, like, why am I going. to let her have that too, you know? Like, I'm not going to I'm just not. going to do that. It takes a lot to draw.

those boundaries with the people that we. love. And sadly, especially your. parents, especially your parents. Yeah. Like, now that I'm a parent and I have. parents, it's like you can have more. than one kid. You could have 10 kids, but you can only have one mom and one. dad. like in that way like you know. obviously there's people there's blended. families but it's a really really really. important relationship and and I take it. to the highest level of importance to me. it's sacred nothing comes before my.

child. So I mean I just don't understand. how. for her it's not the same. Did she ever go to therapy? She's a. psychologist. Wow. Yeah, that's why I don't trust them and. I don't want to go. Wow, that's fascinating. I know. When you. were addicted to drugs or even when you. were a sex worker, did you ever have any. near-death experiences? Dangerous. Yes, many. And actually, my my best friend.

Briana once called my mom in Italy and. was like, "Your daughter's dying. Come. here and get her." She hung up the. phone. What happened to you? I lived. No, no, no. I mean I mean that day that. that she had to make that call to your. mom. I honestly don't even remember. I. think I probably just like ODed on. heroin or something. Was that a regular. occurrence or Yeah. But that was the. only time that they called your she. called your mom. Yeah. I think it was. like the first time it ever happened.

Yeah. And my friend just got so scared. I was living at her house at the time. and and she just like found me like that. and freaked out and just didn't know. what to do. But her mom stepped in as my kind of. surrogate mother and helped me a lot. Oh, her mom. Mhm. Oh, wow. Yeah. The. beauty of having that kind of void is. that I really attracted so many amazing. women with that kind of instinct or that. ability to kind of sniff out like, oh,

this child needs mothering. So, I've had. so many kind of, you know, pseudo. maternal figures in my life and and I. feel like when I think of my mom, I I. think of all of them, you know, my my. adviser in high school who like saved my. life and a lot of them were my my. friend's parents and and they really. took me in and moms are just amazing. Like having a horrible experience with. mine doesn't take away that I can. identify that moms really are amazing.

You know, I understand that my mom's. like an exception. Yeah. You you have one of the most fascinating. minds and lives of anyone I've ever. interviewed. Honestly, oh my god, I I. find it so incredible that despite the. challenges and trials and tribulations. that you were going through in your. life, you were able to at the same time. identify goodness and pray, look for. ways out, see sacredness in your friends. and other people. And it's a survival.

instinct. It's like you don't even. realize you're doing it. It's that will. to live that we all innately have. Like. I didn't I didn't set out to do any of. that stuff. I didn't realize I was doing. it until after. But I really I think a. part of me as much as I wanted to die, I. also really wanted to live and I had to. find love and goodness wherever I could. cuz I think as people that's really all. we want, you know, we want to be seen. and we want to be loved. Did you have. any dangerous encounters as a sex worker.

or were you the one inflicting the I was. the one. They were in danger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. And and obviously I. understand that my experience is very. unique. You know, obviously I had some. clients that were better than others, but for the most part I I always had. very good instincts. If I felt like. something was weird, I would just leave. You know, I'd leave the room and and go. get someone else. You know, also SNM is.

a very, you know, it's it's really the. only place in the world where like the. women rule. like I'd never seen that. before. I'd always kind of seen the. opposite of that. So, I think being able. to to be in that so young really kind of. shaped how I see the world today cuz I. see so many discrepancies and. disparities and and how unfair this. world is for women. But in the SNM. world, we were the the people in charge.

calling the shots and and you know, and. men were just there to. drink pee out of a dog bowl, you know. It was amazing. It was heaven. It was. paradise. It's um. we'll just let that sit for a second. No, there's this recurring pattern that I. could hear about when I was listening to. your book. This idea of proving.

yourself, proving yourself to your mom, proving yourself to men you were dating, proving yourself to the industry, proving yourself constantly and I still. am all the time. But that's never. ending. You know, I think it's so hard. for a woman to show up in a room and. just be given the benefit of the doubt, you know, whereas men walk in and. they're just given the benefit of the. doubt until they prove otherwise, you. know, whereas women, it's always the. opposite. We kind of have to to work a.

little bit harder. So, you know, especially if you're like an. unconventional woman or a weird woman or. a neurode divergent woman or a loud. woman, it's like, oh my god, the odds. are so stacked against you. But, you. know, that's not going to stop me from. being who I am. A big part of what we've been talking. about here this evening before you came.

out was this idea of how we feel judged. when we walk into a room or how we think. others think of us and how we worry. about that. I'm sure when you're walking. into rooms to audition, act, meeting. directors, producers, I'm sure that there's so many things you. think people think of you. M how have. you found coping mechanisms. to that anxiety, stress, nervousness. that naturally exist and people shared. earlier so vulnerably and beautifully in. front of 5,000 people. We had people.

standing up and really opening their. heart. What goes through your mind and. what techniques, abilities, practices. have you developed in order to allow. yourself to walk into a room and not. feel that anxiety and stress? Well, first of all, I think everyone's feeling. that way, you know? I think people are. so just worried about themselves all the. time anyway. Like, they're probably. thinking the same thing about you. And. and another thing is also like it's. really not that deep. We have the.

attention span of a goldfish. People. will forget like nothing is serious. Like just don't take it so seriously, you know? And also, if you walk into a. room and they don't like you, it's. probably cuz they're whack. Like, you know, I've come to find honestly. like people that don't like me are kind. of people I wouldn't even really want to. like me anyway, you know, like they're. just not cool. So, I think just lead. with that mindset. Yeah. I remember. seeing this uh this meme. I I don't know.

who wrote it or where it came from, but. it it says confidence isn't everyone. will like me. Confidence is I'll be okay. even if they don't don't like you. Yeah. And and it's that idea of just we think. confidence means everyone likes me, everyone notices me when I walk in the. room and that I can control the crowd. and it's like well that's not. confidence. And also if you try to. please everyone you just end up pleasing. no one. So it's just better to just be. genuine because at least like I always. tell people like take the mask off, be.

yourself. So then you can attract people. that are like-minded and then once you. have your tribe and your people, you're. invincible. You know, it doesn't matter. what happens to you because you'll have. your fam that understand you and agree. with you and know that you're the bomb. You you've said that you don't you're. not afraid of being alone, but you've. been afraid of being truly seen, which I find to be really interesting.

because I think a lot of us are scared. to be truly seen in all of who we are. And how where are you on that journey? I. mean, I feel like even being here. tonight and, you know, going so deep and. talking about things that are, you know, kind of things I usually just put in a. compartment in the back of my brain and. just pretend like they don't exist. Like. this is a big part of it. Also, I find. that when you share a secret or share. something that's been weighing you down,

you share it with somebody, you're also. sharing that the weight with someone. else. now we can all carry this together. and it's less of a a burden for you. So. I think just like don't hold it in. It'll eat you up. Like just if you're. feeling something, tell somebody. otherwise you're just going to it's. going to eat you up and and you're going. to feel so isolated and so alone and. it's just no no way no way to live. Well. said. I fully agree. It's one of the. reasons I've been encouraging everyone.

tonight to to share their heart and so. many brave brave souls have. I I love. that you were saying that recently. feeling's been a new phenomena for you. How recent is that? And what have been. some of the joyful, positive, healthy. feelings that you've been experiencing? Probably when I quit smoking weed. two years ago. So very, very recent. But, you know, that's not to say that I didn't feel. things before. I obviously did, but I.

would just feel something and then pick. up the pipe. Now, I just. do that. I always say like, I'm strapping my seat. belt on and I'm going to and I'm going. to move through it. It's going to move. through me. I'm not going to go over it. I'm not going to go around it. I'm just. going to let it do its thing. And it's. going to pass. It's going to pass. It's it's really remarkable to have gone.

from that extreme to this. And like you. just said, you're not on drugs anymore, not smoking weed, and I believe you're. celibate now, too. Yes. We I I was. celibate as a monk for 3 years. I'm on. three years, too. You're on three years? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. All right. So, you're. going to you're going to beat my record. Yeah, I think so. Unfortunately. What. made you make that? Sorry, what did you. say? I said unfortunately. What made you make Was it always a. commitment longterm? Was it No. No. I.

didn't even realize that I was doing it. until I was doing it, you know, for I. was like, "Oh my god, it's been 6. months." And then it was like a year. Oh. my god, three. You know, it just the. time goes so fast. But I've honestly. found that that was another toxic. relationship that I had with sex and. with men. I don't think right now that. I'm able to have a healthy emotional or. romantic relationship with anyone to be. honest. You know, I think I'm still.

really coming to terms with who I am and. learning every day. like sometimes, you. know, even though I was so precocious, in a lot of ways, I feel like I was a. late bloomer, you know, because I just. wasn't really living authentically and. and I was self-medicating and I was just. in survival mode for so long. So now. that I can like, you know, sit back, I'm. okay. I have a roof over my head. I have. my my family and everything, but it. still feels like fairly new. So, I think.

right now I just need to like be okay. being with me and and that's okay. Yeah. What have what have you learned from. cutting out so many of these things you. were dependent on or had unhealthy toxic. relationships with in the past? Like. what has it felt like to almost stop, you know, drugs, weed, practicing. celibacy? Like what is what has that. done for you? Like what are you. experiencing from the detox? I mean like.

I can go grocery shopping and I can go. to sleep when I'm supposed to and wake. up when I'm supposed to and I can show. up for people and I can be reliable and. responsible and dependable and you know. I can be someone that somebody can count. on and you know I'm I I think I'm a. great mom. you know, I can just build a. home like a healthy, happy home with. lots of snacks in the kitchen and and. it's warm and nice and, you know, just.

just like all the basic things that all. of you guys do for so long. I just. wasn't participating, you know? So, like. as people were always kind of focusing. on like the big things like once I lose. 10 pounds then I'll be happy. Once I get. this promotion, I'll be happy. Once I. get this car, then I'll be happy. or. this watch or this bag, but really life. is all the little things and you have to. get those things in order because yeah, you'll get that big thing, but then.

it'll be okay. What's next, you know, because it'll never fill the void, you. know, you have to get all the little. things together. And that's as little as. eating healthy, sleeping enough, meditating, just spending time alone, recharging your batteries, and um seeing. your friends, and laughing, you know, like those those are the things that. happiness is built upon. So, you know, that's where I'm live trying to live now.

because I was very much like, well, once. I'll get a nose job, I'll be pretty and. then I'll be happy, you know, and it was. just always this cycle of trying to find. the thing that'll make me happy without. realizing that it was right in front of. me. But, I just needed to like water the. damn seeds. So, that's what I'm doing now. Uh Julia, for our tour, we created a. segment that we wanted to do with guests. called past, present, future. And it. starts with a series of cards, just so.

that everyone knows that are marked. past, present, and future. And Julia has no ideas what. these questions are. So Julia, what I'm. going to ask you to do is I'm going to. ask you to pick. Okay? And these. questions will ask you either something. I'll come closer to you. They'll ask you. something either about your past, present, or future. They're marked. So, we'll see which one you pick. So, do you. want a past card, a present card, or a. future card? Do I pick at random or Oh, no. It's up to you. You can see which. one. Okay. You chose a present card. What.

does it say? What's the last photo in. your photo roll? I didn't bring my phone. out here with me. We kept it away. But. you'll have to You'll have to post it. later. Okay. I'll post it later. You'll. have to post it after the show so you. can go. I'm trying to think. Follow. Julian. figure out what you posted as. long as you can post it. Uh, all right. Okay. Okay. What niche hobby will you take way too. seriously when you're older? Knitting.

For sure. I cannot wait to be at the. nursing home. Leave me the hell alone. I. just want to knit in peace. What's the. first thing you're going to knit. yourself? a blanket so I can like put it. on me as I knit. I just want to knit. myself into a cocoon and be left alone. for all eternity. Doesn't that sound amazing? I want you to pick one of the past. cards. Okay.

Where was your first kiss? Okay, guys. I have a confession. I don't remember my first kiss. I know that's part of like being, you. know, in the trauma. I don't remember a. lot of stuff. Like I genuinely have no. idea who it could be. Could be like a. hundred different people. To to end our past, present, future. segment, uh I want to show you a picture. if we can get the first one up behind.

you in a second. Do you do you remember. this? She was always hustling. Do you know Do you know where you were? You know what? Yeah. I was in front of. my my dad's building and I used to sell. lemonade all summer long and just stack. paper. I had so much money. What how old were you? Do you remember. that? I'm probably like eight or nine. here. What uh what advice would you give. to your younger self that you look at in. that picture? Keep stacking paper, girl.

No, I'm kidding. Um to just like. everything is going to make sense, you. know? Just hang in there. Uh, second one, please. This is your. present. What do you need to hear right now? What's the. words that you need to hear right now in. your life? You are worthy.

Do you feel that's like a daily reminder. right now? Yeah. And uh oh god, we have a f thanks to AI, we have a. future version behind me. Okay, not so bad. Okay, I think you look. amazing. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Uh, what do you hope and intend that.

you'll think of yourself and. the people who really know you will say. about you at that age? What do you think. the people who deeply knew you in life. that really got to know you beneath the. surface will say about you at that age? That I'm a boss. I'm a boss aspect. Yeah. Oh, Julia, you've been you've been so uh.

brave, vulnerable, thoughtful, hilarious, inspiring to to come here. today. And it was so funny. We were. walking up when when Julie and I were. walking up and she said to me, she goes, "I'm pretty sure we don't have a lot of. crossover in our audience. and our community." And I'm hoping that. this has been a positive experience for. you. It has. Uh my my greatest joy is in.

all of us learning so much about each. other that we're able to see each. other's humanity despite how we look, how we present ourselves, how we dress, what country we came from, what. background we have, what walks of life. and paths that we've been down. Because. to me, that's what the world really. needs is the ability to look at. someone's heart and soul. and. you've allowed me to try and give that. opportunity to myself and and everyone. else who trusts me to do that today. And.

just want to say a big big thank you and. I I hope this is going to be a Thank. you. Thank you guys so much. And thank you too, Jo. Thanks for having. me. I I hope this is going to be um the. most surprising friendship of 2025. And uh I I actually wanted to ask you. one last question because you've talked. so beautifully about your son and being. a mother and the audience has you know. really felt that and responded to that. tonight. And you actually went through a. miscarriage too, right? Mhm. And was.

that before or after? I was 17 and it. happened in a bar. I'm pretty happy I. had that miscarriage. I don't even know who it was who the. Yeah. How did that experience affect you. at that time? Like I even remember that. I was once um at a pregame when I got a. call that my grandpa had died and I. literally like shut up the phone and. went back to the pregame because like.

there was just no way that I was going. to deal with that. And I still have like. breakdowns like violent breakdowns about. it. I'm just I was just very good. I was. trained to just shut it off, you know, like shut it off. It didn't happen. Nobody knows. It's okay. Move on. But, you know, like I said, it's like, you. know, you know, so, you know, even. though that particular miscarriage was.

probably God looking out for me because. I was no way ready to take on such a. sacred. role. It still does kind of feel like a. little piece of you is, you know, chipped away at. Yeah. Whether it's like. you said being protection or whether it. happens sadly and tragically, it's it's. still a part of you that was Yeah. was. connected to it and it's totally and and. hearing about it from that perspective. and how you've been able to just this.

this recurring theme in your life of. just revisiting and tonight I feel like. you've and in your incredible book you. know down the drain your memoir you've. revisited some of these moments that I. can't imagine rethinking reliving. rebathing it was actually so cathartic. it was probably the closest I'd ever. gotten to actually cuz I've had a. hundred therapists But then I stopped. going, you know? But having to sit down. every day and write that book. I mean, there were so many times that I was.

like, I'll just call a ghost writer. Like, it's fine. Everybody does it. Like, it's okay. And I would just just. force myself to like sit there and sit. with the pain. And and I remember like. I'd be flushed. Like my cheeks would be. red. I'd be sweating cuz I'm like, "Oh. my god, I can't believe I'm like. actually writing this." And it was like. I could have not written it, you know, but but a part of me felt like like I. needed to, you know, like I needed to. talk about it or release it in some way.

And actually, ever since writing the. book, I do feel like lighter, weirdly, like I'm not carrying all that baggage. alone. And and also the the response. that I've gotten from it. And you know, every time a young girl comes up to me. and she tells me that she broke up with. her boyfriend cuz she read my book, I'm. like, you know, doing God's work out. here, just it doesn't get better than that, guys. Um, but you know what I mean? It's. it's like that's really what it's all.

about, you know? I think the the most. times I've ever felt close to happiness. or joy, like real pure joy, was when I. was able to help somebody without. getting anything back. Like that's. really when when I feel so at peace, you. know, and so happy and joyful. So, you. know, I think that's just that's what. it's about. And and also I have this. thing where it's like I don't want to. burden anyone. I don't want to be. annoying. I don't want to ask. I don't.

want to be a problem. But it's like no, people like it. People like it when you. ask for help or ask for stuff. Like I. that's something I really also would. tell my present Julia like ask for help. Like like people like to be of service. and people like to help. You're doing. them a favor too, you know? So cuz I. always think like I'll do it myself. I'll do it like that's my whole thing. I. did it myself. But like it's not. sustainable. I want to thank you so. much. Is there anything you want to. share? Any last words? I actually do want to say one thing.

because you were mentioning meditation. as I was walking out and um in the third. grade my teachers and social workers. told told my dad that I um was probably. ADHD and needed to get medication and. and my dad actually um put me in. transcendental meditation classes. Oh. wow. And in that same year I was failing. all my classes. I was I I was like a. complete 180. I started getting A's and. sitting at the front of my class and. raising my hand. And if only I had stuck.

with it. That's all I'm going to say. But it really works. Meditation really. works. Are you back to it now? I It's. always on my to-do list. And I never do. it. But now, because I've told all of. you, and I hope you guys hold me. accountable and write in my comments all. day, I hope you're meditating today, Julia. If you guys could do that for me, you have no idea how much I need it. Um, I will definitely pick pick back up. All. right, that's that's the first thing. we're going to do together is meditate.

on that. Julia, as as our on purpose. audience knows, we end every episode. with a final five. These have to be. answered in one word to one sentence. maximum. Okay, so Julia Fox, these are. your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever. heard or received? The best advice I've. ever heard or received is actually from. my mom who said, "Be nice to everyone. cuz you'll never know when you need a. favor." Question number two. What is the.

worst advice you've ever heard or. received? To like stop doing so much. Yeah. To not be so extra. And I think that's horrible advice, you. know? That's like asking someone to like. dim their light, you know? It's just a. wild ask. I think you you have to be. extra and you have to be cringe and you. have to be yourself. It's the only way. you can really live authentically. Okay. Went over the word count on that. one. I'll give it to you. Oh my god, I.

forgot the one word. Question number. three. What's something that you used to. value that you no longer value? Drugs. It's great answer. I love it. Uh, question number four, what's the first. thing you do in the morning and the last. thing you do at night? Tik Tok. Honest answer. Uh, and question number. five, we ask this to every guest who's. ever been on the show. If you could. create one law that everyone in the. world had to follow, what would it be?

Be nice to women. Julia Fox, everyone give it up. If you. love this episode, you'll love my. interview with Will Smith on owning your. truth and unlocking the power of. manifestation. Anybody who hasn't spoken. to their parents or their brother, call. them right now. Don't think you're going. to have a chance to call them tomorrow. or next week. That opportunity with my. father changed every relationship in my.