How to Stop Saying Yes When You Mean No | Jay Shetty

If you're watching right now, it means. to me that you're ready for a reset. You're ready for a clean out, you're. ready for a refocus. Maybe you're like, "Jay, I just need to. press that reset button so that I can. restart and focus in the direction I. want to go.". I have used each of these habits to. reset when I've been tired, low on. energy, feeling no momentum, and feeling. no motivation, and I have no idea how. anyone functions without them. In 7. days, you'll notice that these habits.

don't fight your life, they fit inside. it. Each one meets you in the exact. moment your mind starts to spiral. They. don't demand more time, they reclaim the. time your stress is already stealing. Small habits don't just change your. days, they change the way your days. feel. The number one health and wellness. podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The. one, the only, Jay Shetty.

I have no idea how people get through. their day without these habits. We all. experience so much stress every day, whether you're running late for work, or. a family member is creating drama, or. you just had a falling out with a. friend. These habits help you. emotionally regulate, no matter where. you are. You can do these in bed, at. home, in the car, on a bus or train, even in the bathroom. Number one, breathwork, specifically the three. breath reset. We've all heard about.

breathing, we've all talked about. breathing, but we don't realize the. value it actually offers. I remember my first day of monk school, when I saw a young monk teaching younger. monks. And I was observing from afar. I then spoke to him afterwards, and I. asked him what he was teaching. He said it was their first day of. school. And I said, "Well, what did you. teach them on your first day of school?". He said, "Well, what did you learn on. your first day of school?" I said, "I.

think we learned like 1 2 3 or ABC. I. can't even remember.". He said, "Well, I was teaching them how. to breathe.". And I said, "Wow, that that's. incredible.". And he said to me, this 10-year-old, 11-year-old monk, he said to me, "When. you're happy, what changes? Your breath. When you're sad, what changes? Your. breath. When you're stressed, what changes? Your. breath.". He said, "Your breath is connected to. every emotion you experience in life.

Your breath is the only thing that stays. with you from the moment you're born to. the moment you die. Your country you. live in change, your family changes, your friend will change, but your breath is always there with. you." He said to me, "If you learn to. master your breath, you master your. life.". We undervalue. how useful our breath is in managing. emotion, in regulating stress. Here's when to use this trick. When your.

phone buzzes with a message that makes. your stomach drop. When you're stuck in. traffic and you're already late. When. you're about to say something you'll. regret. Here's what I want you to do. Take three deliberate breaths. In for 4 seconds. and out for 6. The long exhales stimulate the vagus. nerve, lowering heart rate and cortisol. It's the biological equivalent of.

hitting save before your emotions crash. the file. And I know what you're. thinking. Gee, I have heard it before. Three deep breaths, it didn't solve the. problem. I still had an argument with my. partner. Here's the reality. It doesn't fix the problem. It fixes the. state you're in while facing the. problem. Running late for work? Take a deep breath. Stuck in traffic? Take a deep breath. Disagreement with your partner? Take a deep breath.

An email you can't stop rereading? Take a deep breath. When you're blamed for something small. or ignored for something big, take a deep breath. When the phone doesn't buzz, when the. message doesn't come, when the plans. fall apart, take a deep breath. When you're halfway through explaining. yourself and realize you don't need to, take a deep breath. When you feel like. you're falling behind, falling short, or.

just falling apart, take a deep breath. Because that breath is a border. between reaction and response, between who you were a second ago. and who you still have time to be. You don't need to fix the moment. You just need to pause inside it. Think about all the times you've said. something you didn't mean. Think about all the times you've looked. back on a moment and thought to. yourself, "I could have done that. better.".

That breath allows you the ability to. make something out of a bad situation. It is bad. The breath doesn't make it. better. You are late. The breath doesn't. make it better. It just allows you to. not make more mistakes. It stops you from taking things down the. wrong angle. Breath work to me. has been my companion whether I'm about. to go on stage and I'm nervous, or when I'm running late and I'm in the. back of an Uber and I know I'm going to.

be late for this meeting that's really. important, all the way through to when I. feel like I'm having an argument with. someone I care about, or even someone that's new to my life. It's really powerful. Even if you think about working out, what allows you to lift more? Your. breath. Right? What allows you to. function when you're running? Your. breath. If you think about athletes, they can run for the amount of time they. can and exert the energy they can.

because they monitor their breath. If. you think about singers who hit. incredible notes, musicians who play. wind instruments, they can hit those. because of the control of their breath. So much beauty and life exists because. of the control of our breath. Even if. you look at boxes, they can hit with. more energy, more precision when they. master their breath. Breath is the single most underestimated.

tool and asset that each and every one. was gifted with since the moment we were. born. It can manage stress, give you. energy, refocus you, make you present. If you invest in one. habit this month, this year, focus on breathing. It will change the way you sleep, change. the way you work out, change the way you. eat. It's such an undervalued part of human. life. And you don't have to pay for it, and it's easy to learn.

Breathe in for four and out for six to. start. Number two. Morning light, no scroll. When you're. already scrolling before you've even. left bed, here's how it works. Go. outside, outside of your doorway, outside onto the lawn, outside onto your. back tiny balcony, whatever it is, even. just a window, for two to five minutes, expose yourself to natural light.

Morning sunlight aligns your circadian. rhythm. This is chronobiology. in practice. Your body clock resets. through your eyes. Why does this matter? You stop starting the day in comparison. and chaos. Light before screens tells your brain. it's morning, not a crisis. Think about. this. Most of us don't wake up to light, we wake up to sound. And that sound is.

usually an alert or an alarm. Now, let's. talk about those two words. You need an. alert when you need to be jolted. You. need an alarm when there's an emergency. Every day we wake up in a state of. emergency because we wake up to an. alarm. The alarm triggers you to wake up. with stress, with pressure, maybe even. feeling tight-chested. And all of a. sudden you grab your phone in that. moment, and now you have everyone. telling you what you didn't do. yesterday, what you've got to do today,

and what you forgot to do last week. We start our days at zero if you slept. well, and now when you pick up your. phone, you've added news, negativity, and notifications. You're at a minus. three, and then you add noise to it, minus four. For the rest of your day, you're simply trying to climb up back to. zero. And you may be saying, "Jay, I. don't live in a sunny climate.". Outdoors, being in the light, right? Just being exposed to it. Remember the sun and the moon and the.

darkness and the light were the way we. knew whether it was night and day, and. that's how we functioned. Today we work. in the night and sleep in the day, but. before we followed that natural rhythm. The alignment you create when you don't. look at your phone first thing in the. morning, just for 5 minutes. Just for 5 minutes. Your brain actually has the time to warm. up. What's incredible is the ancient. traditions of India talk about the. practice of Surya Namaskar, which. translates to sun salutations, to salute.

the sun. This is how people started their day. It. was a ritual, a practice. Today, science. has proved that starting your day off. with sunlight. is great for your circadian rhythm. Don't underestimate this free. opportunity. to start your day better than stressed. We all want to feel better, to have more. energy and more focus throughout the. day. That's why I co-founded Juni, a. sparkling adaptogenic drink made with. powerful ingredients like ashwagandha.

and lion's mane. It's designed to boost. your mood, support your focus, and give. you natural energy, all without the. crash. A new classic reimagined. We're. so excited to officially launch our new. lemonade iced tea flavor. When we. created Juni, my goal was simple. I. wanted to make drinks that help you feel. balanced and energized without. compromise. Our upgraded take on the. classic Arnold Palmer is crisp, refreshing, and crafted with adaptogens. to support energy, focus, and mood, all.

with zero sugar. Be among the first to. try it, available exclusively at. drinkjuni.com, where you can use the. code onpurpose20. for 20% off your first order. Cheers to your daily mood boost. Number. three, I call this the two-minute tidy. Maybe. after a long Zoom call, when your desk. looks like a crime scene. Maybe when you feel emotionally. cluttered but don't know why. Here's how it works. Pick one small.

zone, your counter, your bag, your. inbox, and give it two clean minutes. Visible order creates internal order. Small actions restore a sense of control. and dopamine flow. And here's why it matters. When life. feels messy, your environment becomes. your mirror. Straighten the mirror, the reflection. follows. Right, if you looked into a. mirror and it was slightly tilted or you.

have one of those ones that kind of move. back and forth, you're not getting an. accurate reflection. That's what your space can feel like. Have you ever noticed how clearing your. space empties your mind? How when you can't focus on your work, if you clear your space, your thoughts kind of get clearer and. order. If you can't focus on your work, clear your space. If you can't hear your own thoughts, clear your space. When everything feels heavy for no clear.

reason, clear your space. When your mood dips, but nothing's wrong, clear your space. When the day feels stale, when your mind. feels stuck, when your energy won't. move, clear your space. When you don't. know what you need, start by creating. room to find out. Wipe the counter, fold. the blanket, open the window, let light. in, let air in, let you back in. Because your space is an echo of your.

mind. Cluttered rooms equal cluttered. thoughts. You can't always control what's. happening inside you, but you can shape. what surround you. Every time you clear your space, you. tell your brain, "We're safe now.". Every surface you clear gives your mind. permission to breathe. When I was in the. monastery, I learned this statement that. I want to share with you that changed my. life. Location has energy, time has memory.

When you do something in the space every. day, it carries the energy, and when you. do something at the same time every day, it carries the memory. But sometimes our spaces where we spend. a lot of time get cluttered. We eat. where we're meant to sleep, we sleep. where we're meant to work, and we work. where we're meant to eat. The energy is. disorganized, and so is the space. No. wonder you can't focus on that table. No wonder you can't sleep bed. because the things that are around it,

the space that's created, the energy. that it holds doesn't allow for that. rest or that focus. Two-minute tidy. We always say to. ourselves, "Oh, I'll do it on the. weekend. Oh, I need to find that one day. to fix that space. I'll clean the whole. house on the weekend." Two-minute tidy. Just sort your desk out. You'll feel focused. You'll be ready. Two-minute tidy. Just put the duvet. right. You'll be ready. Two-minute tidy. will solve so many challenges in your. life. Give it a go. Number four, the gratitude text. Here's.

when to use it. When you're lonely scrolling on social. media, send a text instead. When you feel unseen, undervalued, or. quietly angry at everyone, send a gratitude text instead. Here's. how it works. Send one genuine message. No long essay, just a few honest words. Hey, I just wanted to say I appreciate. you. Studies show that gratitude boosts. serotonin and strengthens emotional. bonds. Here's how gratitude works.

It shifts attention from what's missing. to what's present. In a world of constant comparison, gratitude is rebellion. Did someone hold. the door open for you? Say thank you. Did your coffee taste exactly right this. morning? Say thank you. Did a friend text you just to check in? Say thank you. Did you wake up next to someone you. love? Or simply wake up at all? Say thank you.

When the sky looks ordinary, but the air. feels kind, say thank you. When plans fall through, but peace shows. up instead, say thank you. When the lesson hurt, but it taught you. something true, say thank you. When nothing special happened, but. nothing terrible did either, say thank you. Say thank you when it's easy. Say thank you when it's hard. Say thank you when you have enough. and especially when you think you don't.

Because gratitude doesn't change what. you have. It changes how you see what you have. Every time you say thank you, you remind. your mind that not everything is. missing. And every time you forget, life waits patiently to show you. something else to be grateful for. I know gratitude sounds soft. I know it sounds weak. But studies show that when you're. present in gratitude, you can't be. anywhere else. If you're having an.

anxious thought, replace it with a. grateful one. If you're having a. worry-filled thought, have it replaced. with a thankful one. You can't live in. both places at once. It's an incredible, incredible trick of. the mind. Write a 2-minute message to one person. personally, one person professionally. And if you can, be expressive, be. specific, and be personal. If you get a message that just says. thank you, that's nice. But if you get a message. that says, "Thank you so much for.

taking care of my friend when they were. visiting and I just want you to know. that they felt really loved and cared. for.". You're allowing that opportunity for. that person to repeat that behavior. When you reward something, that person. will repeat it. We reward drama by paying it too much. attention. We reward stress by paying it too much. attention. Let's reward good behavior, even if it's.

small. When you notice it, you'll notice it. more. Number five, the 20-second cold rinse. I know what you're thinking, Jay, I. don't want to get in the cold. It's. going to hurt. It's terrible. Here's when to try it. When you finish your shower, just right. at the end of your shower, the last 30. seconds is a great place to do it, whatever time you shower. When you're. hitting an energy slump, it's a great. time to give it a go. When you're. anxious before a big meeting or a call. And by the way, it can just be cold.

water on your face. You don't need to. get in the shower if you're at work. When you need a reset, but you can't. take a break, it's a great reset. Here's how it works. In the morning or. the evening, end your shower with 20. seconds of cold water. That shock floods. the body with norepinephrine, sharpening. focus and mood for hours. Cold exposure activates resilient. circuits, a microdose of discomfort that. trains your brain for bigger stress.

Here's why it matters. You start. teaching yourself discomfort isn't. danger. I can do uncomfortable things. This one belief, this affirmation, I can. do uncomfortable things. When you prove. that to yourself in the morning with 20. seconds of cold, you come out of there. with so much confidence, so much. clarity, ready to hit the day. It. doesn't make the day better, it gives. you the inner confidence of dealing with.

the stresses that your day will throw at. you better. And it's just 20 seconds. Number six, the one sentence journal. You might have heard about journaling. before, but I feel a lot of us struggle. with it. You struggle with, well, what. do I write about every day? You struggle. with like, how much do I write? Oh my. god, there's three pages here, I've only. got three paragraphs, maybe even less, three lines. I want you to try the one. sentence journal. Here's when to use it. When you're lying in bed, replaying. conversations or worrying about.

tomorrow. When your thoughts feel. heavier than your day really was. Here's. how it works. Write one line. Today I. noticed. That's it. This simple. cognitive reappraisal helps your brain. file away experience instead of looping. it. Here's why it matters. Your brain. doesn't need a perfect ending to rest. It just needs closure. Today I noticed. that gratitude isn't a grand gesture.

It's a glance you decide to linger on. Tomorrow I'll notice something else. The way someone laughs, the shape of the. moon, the way life keeps offering tiny. miracles disguised as ordinary moments. Today I noticed how quiet the morning is. before I look at my phone. Today I noticed how good the first sip. of tea was when I'm not multitasking. through it. Today I noticed the barista. knew my name. And then it made me smile more than I. expected. Today I noticed my friend's.

laugh on a voice note they sent to me. Today I noticed a song I've played a. hundred times and still makes me feel. something. Today I noticed I complain about the. weather no matter what it's doing. Today I noticed how nice it felt when. someone asked how I was. and really waited for the answer. Today I noticed how much of life happens. while I'm staring at a screen. It's not profound, just practice. The practice of looking up instead of.

scrolling down. Of paying attention before life becomes. background noise. Of realizing that small moments don't. stay small unless you ignore them. The truth is noticing won't fix your. life, but it will remind you that it's already. happening right now. in the middle of your ordinary day. Number seven, the 30-second future you. check-in. Here's when to use it. When. you're about to say yes to something you. don't want to do. When you're debating one more drink, one.

more scroll, or one more online order. Here's how it works. Pause and ask, "Will future me thank me for this?". That question activates the prefrontal. cortex, the rational part of the brain. interrupting impulse circuits. Here's. why it matters. It reminds you that. discipline isn't self-denial, it's. self-respect delayed by 24 hours. Will. future me thank me for hitting snooze.

again? Or getting up and taking care of the day. before I get behind? Will future me. thank me for saying yes to everything. or for finally saying no and sticking to. it? Will future me thank me for spending. money to feel better. or for saving it so I can actually be. better later? Will future me thank me for sending that. message in anger. or for breathing before replying?

Will future me thank me for scrolling. through other people's lives. or for living my own for a few quiet. minutes? So, before you decide, before you speak, before you spend, before you scroll, ask once softly, "Will future me. thank me for this?". In 7 days, you'll notice these habits. don't fight your life, they fit inside. it. Each one meets you in the exact. moment your mind starts to spiral. They.

don't demand more time, they reclaim the. time your stress is already stealing. Small habits don't just change your. days, they change the way your days feel. If. you love this episode, you will also. love my interview with Charles Duhigg on. how to hack your brain, change any habit. effortlessly, and the secret to making. better decisions. Look, am I hesitating. on this because I'm scared of making the. choice, because I'm scared of doing the. work, or am I sitting with this because.

it just doesn't feel right yet?