How Ambitious People Waste Their Best Years

I was lost, lazy, and unmotivated until. I did this. What I'm about to share with you today. is a step-by-step formula for how to not. be lazy, to find motivation, to discover. discipline, and actually make a shift in. your life. Now, if you don't, you can. often get into the spiral of feeling. like you're ruining everything. Let me. break it down for you. I'd wake up. tired, scroll for hours, lie to myself.

about tomorrow, and still wonder why. nothing in my life was changing. I. wasn't broken, but I felt like I was. wasting my potential every single day. The truth is, I almost let it all slip. away. My purpose, my drive, the people I. love. What I'm about to share with you. pulled me out of that spiral, and if any. part of this sounds like you, you need. to hear it. Step number one, lower the. bar. Way lower. The hardest part isn't.

doing the thing. It's starting the. thing. Set the smallest possible action. step. So small it feels ridiculous not. to do it. Now, why should you lower the. bar? Everyone's always telling you to. achieve more, to think bigger, to do. more. Why is Jay telling me to lower the. bar? Well, here's the truth. We don't fail. because we're not capable. We fail. because we set the bar so high, we never. get started. We imagine we need a.

perfect plan, a perfect morning routine, a perfect burst of motivation. But perfection kills momentum. And. momentum, not motivation, is what. actually changes your life. Now, here's. the psychology behind it. It's something. known as the activation barrier. Behavioral science shows that the. hardest part of any task isn't doing it. It's starting it. That first moment. takes the most mental energy. So, when.

you lower the bar, when you make the. first step laughably easy, you bypass. resistance. Don't work out for an hour, just put on your shoes. Don't write 10. pages, just open the document. Don't eat. healthy forever, just drink one glass of water. Once you're moving, your dopamine system. kicks in. Effort itself becomes rewarding.

Action creates motivation, not the other. way around. I can't express to you just. how big a point this is. The goal is to. get started, to do the smallest thing. If you're thinking, "I need to start a. business." Well, the first step may. actually just be registering a company, or getting a trademark on a name, or. building the minimum viable product. version, which may start with a phone. call to a friend who could be a mentor.

The point is to write down what you want. to build, and then write down every step. to get there, almost thinking of it like. a step ladder. And just like a step ladder, you now. place one foot in front of the other, and then the next. Another reason why. this works is because it's called the. tiny habits effect. BJ Fogg, a Stanford. behavioral scientist, found that habits. stick when they start smaller than your. resistance. When you make the bar low.

enough to win even on your worst days, you train your brain to associate action. with success, not shame. That's how you rewire self-belief. Lowering the bar isn't giving up. It's. giving yourself a chance to show up. Now, this affects your confidence loop. Every time you follow through on. something small, you build self-trust, and that trust becomes confidence.

Confidence isn't built by big wins. It's. built by micro promises kept. You start. to think, "I can rely on me." And that's. how you shift from lazy to consistent, from overwhelmed to grounded. And here's the truth. We raise the bar. to impress others. We lower the bar to take care of. ourselves. One is performance, the other is peace. When you lower the bar, you start.

winning again. Not in a way that looks good, but in a. way that feels good. And the real result, lowering the bar. isn't lowering your potential. It's raising your consistency, and. consistency compounds into results that. perfection never delivers. One of my favorite quotes is that you. should start so small it's impossible to. fail, and then repeat it until it's impossible.

to stop. This leverages the Zeigarnik. effect. Your brain hates unfinished. tasks and will naturally want to. complete them once you start. Momentum before motivation. Remember, action before enthusiasm. Just take one. step forward. One small step. Do the easiest thing you can. Do the. simplest thing you can. Do one thing,

not everything, just one thing. Step number two, focus on building a. ritual, not a routine. Routines rely on. willpower. I remember times in my life. where I just didn't have any willpower. I would just feel like I would break. down even before starting. Rituals are different. They rely on. association. You do the same cue before the same task. every day. Same place, same playlist,

same coffee mug. For me, I know that if. I listen to meditation music from the. moment I wake up, I can now lock into my. meditation quicker after brushing my. teeth and having a shower. I know that I. work out straight after meditating, so. my brain and body are already prepared. and ready for that. Over time, your. brain links that cue to productivity. through classical conditioning. It's Pavlov's dog, but you're the dog. and the bell.

One creator lights a candle before. writing. The brain learns candle equals. focus mode. The point is that you're. creating a cue that leads you to that. activity. I'll give you another example. You get home from work, you walk in. through the door, and you have jazz. music playing because jazz music tells. your body it's time to relax and calm. down. Otherwise, you walk into your home. and you're still carrying all of that. energy with you. That simple cue can. make a shift. I remember one of my.

clients telling me that they loved. leaving their yoga mat already rolled. out next to their bed so they could. literally roll off their bed and onto. the yoga mat and start practicing yoga. Other people leave their shoes by the. door, their running shoes, so that they. remember to put them on and go for a. jog, go for a walk, or maybe even a long. run. What does this do? It makes the cue and. the association. easier for you to follow through. Right, if you have your vitamins and.

supplements right near your breakfast. every day, you're more likely to take. them. If you have them in a bottle or a. jar that's. somewhere else in your bedroom or in. your house, it's going to take you. forever to get there. How can you make. it easier and simpler on your brain and. your body to make the shifts you want to. make? Step number three, break the dopamine addiction cycle. Laziness often isn't lack of motivation. It's dopamine burnout from cheap.

rewards, scrolling, snacking, streaming. The reason these are cheap rewards is. that they feel good in the beginning, but they feel terrible afterwards. This. is known as something called rajas or. the mode of passion in the Bhagavad. Gita. When you do things in the mode of. passion, they feel amazing at the start, but they feel like poison in the end. We. all know what that feels like when. you've wasted so many hours scrolling, you've just been eating junk food for.

the whole weekend. You flooded your. reward system with micro hits, so real. work, which pays off later, feels. impossible. Here's what I want you to try. Do a 24-hour. dopamine detox. No endless scrolling, no junk food or. background noise, no passive. consumption. Your brain resets sensitivity to effort. and reward. Suddenly, reading, writing,

or lifting doesn't feel like pushing a. rock uphill, and you'll actually notice. how even your taste buds change. I've. noticed that if I go a week without. sugar, my taste buds are re-wiring. If you go a. week without junk food, it doesn't even. taste as good afterwards. Because what we have to recognize is you. have to notice what's numbing you. Ask yourself, what do I reach for when.

I'm bored, anxious, or tired? That's. your cheap dopamine. Usually, your. phone, snacks, or endless scrolling. You can't change what you don't notice. The next thing you need to do is do that. 24-hour detox. One day, no social media, no junk food, no background noise, just. a reset. And you'll be amazed how. quickly your brain gets quiet again. Here's a tip, delete the apps for a day. Not your accounts, just delete the apps.

Lower the barrier to starting. Remember. that point number one. The next thing you have to realize is we. have to replace the quick hits with real. ones. One of the biggest mistakes we. make in habit change is we try to cut. out the bad stuff, but we don't replace. it with anything. When you cut the fake. dopamine, you need real reward. Move your body instead. Cook something. Walk outside. Call someone. Don't forget. that point. You want to do activities.

that feel good after, not the ones that. feel good before. Cheap dopamine numbs you now and drains. you later. Real dopamine costs you. effort, but gives you energy. It's so interesting to me how so many of. us are numbing ourselves from pain. The escape, rather than elevating, energizing, and being able to cope with. it. Step number four is add friction. Just.

like we wanted to make good habits. easier, make bad habits a little harder. to do. Keep your phone in another room while. you work. This has worked wonders for. me. When I'm trying to go do deep work, I will be on my laptop, which is not. connected to any of the apps, and I will. leave the phone in my bedroom. This has. transformed my life. Truly has. transformed my life. I can actually do. deep work again. I can actually sit. there and write and process my my.

without something buzzing every 15. seconds and grabbing my attention away. Don't look at your phone first thing in. the morning. You would never let a. hundred people walk into your bedroom. before you've brushed your teeth or. washed your face or put on makeup, but. you will happily let a hundred people. walk into the bedroom of your mind. before you've even woken up. It's like. someone's telling you to reply to this. report, someone's telling you to reply. to this message, someone's telling you.

what you didn't do yesterday. Imagine. everyone crowded around your bed. screaming and yelling at you. That's. what it feels like. Turn off. notifications. Log out every night. If scrolling takes. five extra seconds, you do it less. because your phone is away, it's in. another room, it's that simple. And. look, here's the thing, I know it's hard. to. leave your phone out the room. I know. it's hard. to focus and do the work. I'm not saying.

it's easy, it's actually been built. against us. The algorithm is designed. to target our flaws and weaknesses. The algorithm's goal is not to make you. happy. The algorithm's goal is not to make you. successful. The algorithm's goal is to keep you. glued and keep scrolling. It's going to. keep showing you things that are. engaging. It's going to keep showing you. things that it thinks are going to keep. you there because it kept your friends. there. That's how the algorithm thinks.

You're not going to beat it by. willpower. You're going to beat it by. distance. When you have distance from. this, you can actually detox. The next step is to relearn boredom. Boredom is not the enemy. It's a reset. button. Let yourself be bored for 10 minutes a. day. No phone, no music, just quiet.

That's where your brain remembers how to. focus again. I remember Yuval Noah Harari coming on. the podcast, and we talked about, maybe. around 5 years ago now, 6 years ago, the. importance. of boredom. We have filled our spaces of boredom. with apps, with social media, with. distractions, not realizing that boredom. can lead to curiosity, rest, and.

breakthroughs. Allowing yourself to. practice boredom for 10 minutes a day. You're not reading a book. You're not distracted by the television. You're not on your phone talking to. someone to truly do nothing for 10. minutes a day. And notice how in the first day you'll. feel pretty uncomfortable. Day two, you might actually be going. crazy. Day three, things will start to settle. Day four, you might actually feel more. alert. Day five, you might have some amazing.

ideas. Day six, you'll think, "Why. didn't I do this earlier?". And day seven, you will have reset. yourself. See, so many of us are making mistakes. in our life. because we haven't reset. We keep making the same mistakes again. and again and again because we've never. reset. Allowing yourself to truly reset the. system. Think about your devices. When they've been overused, overworked, overwhelmed, they need to reset, to. refresh.

Humans are the same. We do it every night when we sleep, but we also need to do it away from all. of these devices. The next step is. reward effort, not outcomes. You. finished the task? Take a walk. Stretch. Write it down. Small wins release. dopamine, too, and train your brain to. crave effort instead of escape. So many. of us stop doing things that are good. for us.

because we don't remember how good they. were. You'll remember when you went to work. and there was traffic, there was an. accident, your brain actually holds on. to it. But when the road was smooth, you never. remember it. You don't remember how you felt after. you worked out. In a week, you do. remember the stress you feel you go to. work out. The brain holds on to negative. experiences. We have a negativity bias. Because as, you know, back in the day,

if you missed a berry, it didn't matter, but if you missed a tiger, that meant. life or death. So you're wired to notice. negativity more. We remember the bad. times more than the good times because. when something bad happens, we cry for a. month. And when something good happens, we celebrate for one night. We don't know how to deeply immerse. ourselves in what's going well. So it's so important to recognize small. wins, to recognize small moments of.

growth, to really take a step forward, and. give yourself. an honest acknowledgement. of the amount of work you're putting in. We don't give ourselves enough credit. And when you don't give yourself enough. credit, you don't give yourself the. momentum, inspiration, and enthusiasm to. continue. But hey, we're the quickest to blame. ourselves. We're so quick to guilt. ourselves. We're so quick to shame.

ourselves. But notice how we're not as quick to. credit ourselves. We're not as quick to. notice our growth. We're not as quick to acknowledge the. steps we've made forward, and it's. because of that that we stay held back. It's because of that that we can't move. forward. Because we don't recognize. that we've already been taking steps. The next step is to protect your first. and last hour. No phone for 60 minutes. Move, stretch,

or go outside. At night, your screen off. 60 minutes before bed. Let your brain. rest and reset. You'll sleep better, focus faster, and feel human again. Starve the fake dopamine so you can. taste the real kind again. You're not. lazy. Social media is truly addictive. You're not unmotivated. The algorithm controls you.

You're not broken. You're being. manipulated. You're not failing to focus. Your attention is being farmed. You're not the problem. You're the. product. So, let's take our ownership back. The. next thing I want you to try is use the. 5-minute rule. Now, what's the 5-minute. rule? It's simple. Commit to doing. something for just 5 minutes. Then you. can stop if you want. That's it. You. tell your brain, "I'm not doing the. whole thing. I'm just doing 5 minutes.

I'm not doing a 1-hour workout. I'm just. doing 5 minutes. I'm not going to write. for an hour. I'm just doing 5 minutes.". The trick, once you start, you almost. never stop. Here's why it works. It. bypasses resistance. The hardest part of. any task isn't doing it. Psychologists. call this the activation barrier. The. mental energy needed to shift from. thinking to doing. 5 minutes is too. small to trigger fear, perfectionism, or.

overwhelm. Your brain says, "Fine. 5. minutes is nothing. I can do that." But. once you're in motion, inertia takes. over, and it's easier to keep going than. to stop. The brain resists starting, not. continuing. Listen to that again. The brain resists. starting, not continuing, which is why. if you convince yourself to do a. 5-minute workout, you might do a. 10-minute workout. But if you convince. yourself to do a 60-minute workout, you. might not even show up. Research from.

behavioral activation therapy shows once. you start a task, your motivation. increases because of the task, not. before it. One of my favorite quotes from Zig. Ziglar. is you don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. So, make starting easy. Don't make it optional. Here's how you do that. Step number one, choose one task you're resisting. Something specific. Answering an email,

working out, cleaning your room, writing. Step two, set a 5-minute timer. Physically set it. The act of seeing the. countdown helps focus. Step number three, tell yourself you can. stop when the alarm rings. Give yourself full permission to quit. after 5 minutes. And step number four, start and watch what happens. Nine times. out of 10, you'll keep going. If you. don't, no problem. You've still built. momentum and self-trust.

And if you really want to make this. work, create accountability that hurts. We overestimate self-discipline. and underestimate social friction. Make. the cost of inaction visible. Tell a friend your goal. Post a daily update on social media. Bet. $20 against your friend as to who's. going to get there to the gym. We're wired to avoid loss. Loss aversion.

is 2.5 times more powerful than reward. seeking. So, make doing nothing painful. Here's the rule. If it's easy to skip, you will. Make skipping expensive. And here's the final step. End each day with a 3-minute review. Write down three things you did right, no matter how small. This trains your reticular activating. system to notice progress, not problems.

So many of us will end the day and think. of all the things we did wrong, all the. mistakes we made, all the things we. should have done, could have done, would. have done. This rewires us to notice what we did. right, so we can be better tomorrow. Progress equals dopamine. Dopamine. equals momentum. Momentum equals. motivation. Celebrate consistency, not. perfection. When you're focused on perfection,

you'll never feel like you're moving. forward. When you focus on the word healed or. fixed, you'll never feel like you're. healing or growing. When you focus on growth, which means 1%. better every day, one step further every. day, your life will start to change. I really hope this helps you take. action. I really hope this helps you get. out of feeling lazy, and I really hope. this helps you shift. Remember, I'm. forever in your corner, and I'm always rooting for you. Thank.

you so much for listening to this. conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll. love my chat with Adam Grant on why. discomfort is the key to growth and the. strategies for unlocking your hidden. potential. If you know you want to be. more and achieve more this year, go. check it out right now. You set a goal. today, you achieve it in 6 months, and. then by the time it happens, it's almost. a relief. There's no sense of meaning. and purpose. You sort of expected it, and you would have been disappointed if.

it didn't happen.