Give Me 30 Minutes and You Will Know Exactly How to Find Your Purpose

There's a question that follows people. around their whole lives. It shows up at. 2:00 a.m. when you can't sleep. It shows. up on Sunday nights just before work. It. shows up when you scroll past someone. who seems to have it figured out and. your stomach does that small quiet thing. it does. The question you're feeling is. is this it? Not is my life bad. Most of us have. lives that on paper are fine.

The question is sharper than that. It's. is this what I came here to do? I want to talk to you today like an. adult. No vision boards, no manifest. your dream life, no the universe has a. plan for you because if it does, it's. been weirdly quiet about the details. I. want to talk about how purpose actually. works, where it actually lives, why you. probably already know yours and why. you've been pretending you don't. And. what to do this week, not someday,

but what to do this week to start moving. forward. This is the episode I wish. someone had played for me 20 years ago. Let's go. Let's start by clearing some. rubble because the reason most people. can't find their purpose is that they've. been handed a map to the wrong country. Lie number one, follow your passion. How. many times have you heard this? This is. probably the most repeated piece of. advice of the last 50 years and it's.

quietly ruined a lot of lives. Because. here's the thing, most people don't have. a single burning pre-existing passion. sitting inside them waiting to be. uncovered like a fossil. They have. interests, they have curiosities, they. have things they kind of like. And when. they look inward expecting to find a. roaring fire and instead find a few. small flickers, they conclude something. is wrong with them. Nothing is wrong. with you. You were just told to look for.

the wrong thing. Passion is not a starting point. It's. what you feel after you've gotten good. at something, after you've struggled. with it, after you've put in the years. and started to see the shape of what you. can do. Lie number two. There is one true calling and your job. is to find it. This is the soulmate myth. applied to work and to passion and. purpose. The idea that somewhere out. there there is one perfect thing you. were meant to do. And if you just search.

hard enough, you'll find it and the. heavens will open and a choir will sing. Real life is not like that. Most people. who appear to have a singular calling. actually arrived there through a winding. road of small choices, accidents, pivots, and things that didn't work out. The calling is a story they assembled. looking backward. Forward, it just looked like a series of. next steps. You probably don't have one.

purpose. You have capacities, you have. themes, you have through lines, and. those will express themselves. differently in different seasons of your. life. The thing you're meant to do at 30. might not be the thing you're meant to. do at 50. That's not failure. That's being a human. being who's alive. Lie number three. When you find it, you'll know. You won't. Actually, not in the way you. think. There usually isn't lightning. There's just a quiet sense, often after.

the fact, that something fits. The. feeling of this is it is usually built, not delivered. It comes from doing the. thing, not from contemplating it. If. you've been waiting for certainty before. you start, I've got bad news and good. news. The bad news is certainty isn't. coming. The good news? You don't. actually need it. Nobody who ever did. anything meaningful had it at the start. They had a hunch. They had enough, and. then they moved. Here's line number.

four. Your purpose has to be your job. It doesn't. Some of the most. purpose-filled people I've ever met have. very normal jobs. They teach, they drive. a route, they run a small business, and. then, off the clock, they coach the. kids' soccer team. Or they write the. novel, or they show up for the people in. their neighborhood. Purpose is not a job title. Purpose is a way of being aimed at. something.

You can aim at it from anywhere. Conflating purpose with profession is. one of the cruelest tricks our culture. plays. It tells you that if you don't. get paid for your purpose, it doesn't. count. So, put all of that down. The map you were given is wrong. Let's draw a better one. Here's. something that took me an embarrassingly. long time to understand. Purpose is not a thing. It's a direction. It lives in verbs, not. nouns.

When you ask, "What is my purpose?". looking for a noun, looking for a label. like, "I'm a writer." or "I'm a healer.". or "I'm an entrepreneur." you get stuck. Because labels are downstream of action. Nobody is a writer before they write. But when you ask, "What do I keep doing. even when no one's making me? What do I. gravitate toward when I have an. unscheduled afternoon? What do I do for. free and have always done for free?" you. start getting somewhere real. So, let me.

give you four places to actually look. Not abstractions, specific places. Place. number one, the thing that comes easy to. you that other people find hard. Most of us discount our natural. strengths because they feel effortless. We think if it's easy for me, it must be. easy for everyone. I promise you, it. isn't. The things you do without. thinking, the way you read a room, the. way you organize chaos, the way you. explain hard ideas, the way you make.

people feel seen, the way you can sit. with a spreadsheet for 6 hours without. losing your mind, trust me, I can't. These are not nothing. These are exactly the somethings. Your gifts are the things you don't. notice you're doing. So, go ask three people who know you. well. What do you think I'm unusually good at? Don't argue with their answers. Write them down. Read them back to yourself. There's a clue in there.

Place number two, the thing that breaks. your heart or makes you angry. Pay close attention to what you can't. stop caring about. The injustice you. keep returning to, the problem that when. you read about it, you don't just sigh. and move on. You feel something heat up. in your chest. That heat is information. It's pointing. at something that has your name on it. People who do meaningful work are almost. always pissed off about something. specific.

Doctors who fight for the patients no. one listens to. Teachers furious about kids being. failed. Builders who can't stand. watching a thing be done badly when they. know how to do it right. What frustrates. you? What breaks you a little when you. see it? That's not a flaw to manage. That's the compass. Place number three, your wound. This one's harder, but it's true. The thing you suffered through, struggled with, almost didn't survive,

there's often a clue in there about what. you're meant to offer. Not because suffering is good, it isn't, but because once you've walked through a. particular fire, you become someone who can find others. who are still in it and you can hand. them a rope. The person who fought their way out of. addiction often becomes a beacon for. others trying to do the same. The kid. who grew up unseen often becomes the. adult who sees other people fully in a. way that changes in their lives.

The person who lost the parent at the. wrong age often becomes the friend who. knows what to say at the funeral. Look at your scars. Don't romanticize. them, but ask, "What did I learn that. other people now need to learn?". Place number four, this one might. surprise you. Envy. Envy gets a bad reputation, and there's. truth to that. We're told it's a low emotion, something. to suppressed. But honest envy is one of the most.

useful signals you have access to. See, envy when you want to take something. away from someone else, that's negative. But envy when you want to study that. someone else, that's positive. Pay attention to who you envy and for. what specifically. Not the surface. stuff, the house, the car, the. vacations, the deeper layer. Whose life makes you feel that. uncomfortable squeeze? Whose work? Whose. courage? Whose freedom? That squeeze is. your soul saying that I want that. I.

want to be doing something like that. Envy can be transformed to study. Anyone you envy choose to study them. Envy isn't telling you to copy someone. Envy is telling you something true about. your own desire that you've been trying. not to admit. So, make a list. Five. people who make you uncomfortable in. that specific way. And then ask, "What. specifically are they doing that I'm not. letting myself do? And how can I transform my envy into.

study?" Now, here's the thing. If you do. this work, if you actually look in those. four places, you'll not find one. perfect, shining answer. You'll find. overlap, patterns, a few candidates, some hunches. That's how it's supposed. to work. You're not looking for a. verdict, you're looking for a direction. A good enough direction. Because the. next part is what really matters. Here's. the truth that almost no one wants to. hear. You are not stuck because you.

don't know what your purpose is. You're. stuck because you do, and you're afraid. of what it would cost to honor it. Take a breath. Sit with that for a second. I've talked. to a lot of people about this, and nine. times out of 10, when someone says, "I. just don't know what I'm supposed to. do.". If you press them gently, if you ask the. right follow-up questions, if you give. them enough room, something comes out. They've thought about going back to. school. They've always wanted to write a book.

They've been quietly daydreaming for. years about starting the thing, leaving. the job, telling the truth about who. they are. They know. You know. They just don't want to say it out loud. because saying it out loud means it. becomes a thing they're either pursuing. or actively avoiding. And right now, the. fog of I don't know is more comfortable. than the clarity of I do know and I'm. not doing it. Big news, Juni just. launched at Kroger, and we're. celebrating with a free can for you.

Because most of us hit that point in the. afternoon when our energy dips and our. focus starts to fade. Well, that's. exactly why we created Juni. A sparkling. drink crafted with natural ingredients. to lift your mood, sharpen your focus, and give you smooth energy all without. the crash. Now available at Kroger. stores, including Ralphs, Fred Meyer, King Soopers, Smiths, and Frys, where. you can grab a free Juni on us. So, head. to drinkjuni.com/kroger. to claim your free can in store, so you.

can feel better and live better. So. let's talk about what's actually in the. way. Obstacle one, identity. You have built a self. That self has a. job, a role, a story, a set of people. who know you a certain way. To pursue. your purpose often means threatening. that self. It means becoming a beginner. again. It means people in your life. looking at you sideways. It means your. mom not understanding what you do at. parties anymore. Most people will not.

pay that price. They'd rather stay. legible to the people around them than. become someone strange in pursuit of. something true. That's the trade, and nobody can make it. for you. Obstacle two, the fear of being seen. The moment you put your real work into. the real world, you become visible in a. way you weren't before. People can judge it. People can ignore. it, which is sometimes worse. The thing you made, the thing you. actually care about, can fail in public,

and you have to keep going anyway. Most people would rather not put it out. at all than risk that. So they keep. their work in a drawer. They say they're. still working on it. Some people are. still working on it for 9 years. Obstacle three, the fear that it won't be enough. There's a quiet, terrible fear. underneath a lot of avoidance. The fear that you will finally try the. thing you secretly believe you were. meant to do, and you'll discover you're not actually.

that good at it. That the thing you've. protected as my real dream will turn out. to be the ordinary like everyone else's. Here's the honest truth about that. Yes, you might find out you're not great at. it yet. Almost no one is great at the. start. One of my favorite quotes from Zig. Ziglar is you don't have to be great to. start, but you have to to to be great. Skill is built, but there is something. so much worse than finding out you have.

to work to be good at the thing you. love. And it's reaching the end of your life. having never tried, having to wonder. what you would have been. Don't pick the worst one. Obstacle four, comfort. This is the most boring obstacle, but. the most powerful. Your current life. works. Maybe it's not exciting. Maybe. it's not what you wanted. But the bills. get paid. There's a rhythm. You know. where the coffee is in the morning. Comfort is the single biggest killer of.

purpose, because comfort doesn't feel. like a problem. Misery would push you to change. Joy. would draw you forward. But comfort just. keeps you slightly numb, slightly. distracted, slightly entertained for. years and years and years until one day. you're 70 and you're trying to remember. what it was you wanted to do. And it's. still not too late, by the way. I want. to say this gently, because I'm not. trying to scare you. I'm trying to wake you up. Time is doing. a thing, whether you participate in it.

or not. The years are passing. They have no. plans to stop. The question isn't. whether you'll get older. The question. is who you'll be when you do. So, before we talk about the practical. part, I want you to sit with this. question. Don't answer it out loud, just hold it. If I'm honest with myself, do I actually not know what to do? Or do I know, and I'm afraid? If the answer is the second one, you.

don't have a clarity problem. You have a courage problem. And courage problems are solvable. They are solved one small step at a. time. Okay, let's get practical. If you've. followed me this far, you're probably. either nodding along or you're a little. uncomfortable or both. Good. Now, here's. what to actually do. Step one, stop trying to find it. Stop. trying to test it. You're not going to. figure out your purpose by thinking.

harder about it. You're going to figure. it out by doing things and noticing what. happens. Action produces clarity. Clarity does not produce action. So, pick one of those directions you noticed. in part two. Not the perfect one, not. the right one, just one and design a. small experiment around it. Not a. five-year plan, not a complete career. change, a test. Something you can do in. the next two weeks that lets you find. out a little more.

If you think you might want to write. something, write something. Not a book, a single piece. Publish it somewhere, Substack or something like that. See. what it feels like. Send it to a few. friends. If you think you might want to. coach, mentor someone for free, for one. session. See what happens in your body. when you do it. If you think you might. want to start a thing, do the smallest. possible version of it. In tech, this is. called a minimum viable product. The.

products that we all use today were not. fully fledged the first time you used. them. They were test versions. Get one customer. Solve one person's. problem. See if you want to do it again. tomorrow. The point of an experiment is not to. succeed. The point is to gather. information. You learn more from one small attempt. than from a year of journaling about. whether you should attempt it. Step two, the 1% test. Most people stay. stuck because they think pursuing their.

purpose means burning down their current. life. The amount of people that come up. to me and say, "I think I'm going to. quit my job." Do not quit your job. Do. not sell your house. Do not move to Bali. to find yourself. Just start building what you want to do. alongside the life that you have to do. You don't need to burn anything down. You need 1% of your week. 1% of a week.

is about an hour and 40 minutes. That's. it. Can you give 1 hour and 40 minutes a. week to the thing that might be the. thing? Of course you can. Anyone can. Even you. With the kids, with the job, with the chaos, you can find 1 hour and. 40 minutes. What changes when you do it. consistently? Everything. Because in 6. months, you've put in 40 hours. In a year, you've put in 80 hours. You. will know things at the end of a year of.

1% that you do not know now. You will be. a different person. The work doesn't. require you to bet everything. The work. requires you to bet something and keep. showing up. Step three, build evidence, not declarations. Don't announce. Don't post about your. new chapter. Don't tell everyone you're. a writer now. Just write. Quietly. Disappear. For months.

Build a body of evidence that you do. this thing before you tell anyone that. you do this thing. Declarations create pressure, guilt, and. shame. Evidence creates identity. People often. ask me, Jay, how do I build confidence? Confidence equals. competence plus evidence. Building. skills, using those skills, and gaining evidence. that you have that skill. As the famous.

quote goes, you become what you. repeatedly do. But I'll add in the dark without. applause. By the time the world notices, you've. already become it. That's the order. Don't get it backwards. Step four, find. your people. Probably not the ones you. have. Look at the five people you spend. the most time with. Are any of them. already doing some version of the thing. you want to do? Are any of them the kind. of person you're trying to become? If. the answer is no, that's not a small.

detail. Your environment shapes you more. than your willpower does. If everyone. around you is running in circles, your. impulse to run in a straight line is. going to feel weird and lonely. And. eventually, you will conform back. because human beings are tribal animals. and we can't help it. You do not need to. abandon your current people. You don't. need to leave all your friends behind, but you need to add new ones. Find. communities online, in person, anywhere. where the thing you're trying to do is.

normal. Where it's not impressive or. weird, just what people do. Within that. environment, your aspiration stops. feeling like a fantasy and starts. feeling like a Tuesday. Step five, get. familiar with discomfort because that's. the whole game. I want to be straight. with you. The path toward your purpose does not. feel good most of the time. It feels. uncertain, feels like imposter syndrome, it feels like nobody's clapping and you. can't tell if you're getting anywhere.

Feels very often like you've made a. terrible mistake. You haven't. That feeling is not a sign that you're. on the wrong path. That feeling is a. sign that you're on a path. And any path. worth walking has that same feeling for. a long stretch of it. The people who get. to where you want to go are not the ones. who felt great about it the whole way. They're the ones who learned to keep. walking even while feeling bad. That's the whole secret. It's not. glamorous, but it's true. Let me leave you with this.

There's a version of you that already. exists. Not as a fantasy, as a. possibility. A version of you that is. doing the work, walking the path, becoming the person you were quietly. meant to become. That version is not far away. That version is not waiting on a sign. That version is not waiting for you to. feel ready because that version knows. you're never going to feel ready. And they're moving anyway. The only thing standing between you and. the version of yourself is the next.

small action. Not the whole life, not the perfect. plan, the next one thing. The text you've been meaning to send, the page you've been meaning to write, the conversation you've been meaning to. have, the application you've been. meaning to fill out. You know what it. is. Whatever came up in your mind just now. when I said that, that's it. Don't override it. Don't reason with it. Do that one thing. Not because it will change your life,

though it might. Do it because of who you will be on the. other side of having done it. Someone who acted on the quiet voice. Someone who didn't betray themselves one. more time. Someone who at the end of all. of this will be able to say, "I tried. I. actually tried.". That's it. That's what doing what you were born to. do actually looks like. Not lightning, not destiny, just one honest action, then another, then another, then another.

until one day you look up and realize. you've quietly become the person you. were always going to be. if only you'd been willing. You are willing, you always were. Today is a good day to prove it to. yourself. There are a few models on. purpose that I love. One of them is. ikigai, the Japanese word for the reason. for being. It says that purpose is found at the. intersection of what you're good at,

what you love, what serves the world, and what makes. money. Where I want to place our emphasis is. these three paths to purpose. One as we. talked about earlier was passion being a. byproduct. Sometimes you already know. what you want to do, what you're good. at, what you value. Could be organizing, it could be painting, it could be. building, creating. The other ones are. fascinating. We talked about pain. A lot of the times you find your purpose. because you want to remove someone.

else's pain. Could be a pain you went. through yourself. It could be a pain that you experienced. along your journey. and you want to make sure that other. people have the pathway to navigate it, to deal with that challenge. I've seen. people create incredible. charities, businesses, organizations. that solved the pain they themselves. experienced. Whether it's to support people who went. through a miscarriage, to support people who don't have food. and water or homeless,

to support people who. dealt with the burnout and stress of a. corporate job. What you want to do in. the world doesn't have to be the biggest. or the best or the first. It just has to be truly yours. And I. think we're living at a time right now. where our pursuit of being first, biggest, and best. takes away. from your truth. The greatest thing about your purpose is. that it is more likely to come from you.

being yourself. than you pretending to be anyone else. Albert Einstein famously said, "Everyone's a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability. to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing. that it's stupid.". We are all fishes trying to fly. We're birds trying to swim. We're trying to be what we think we. should be. We're trying to be what we see others. being,

forgetting that being yourself, in your authentic story, your journey, all your quirks, is exactly what the world is looking. for. What some part of the world is looking. for. What a group of people is looking for. How many times have you ever seen. someone on the internet and just. thought, "I really relate to that. person.". And if you ask them, they'd say when. they put that out, they had no idea it. was going to resonate with anyone. The Bhagavad Gita famously said, "It is better to be a bad version of.

yourself. than pretend to be a good version of. someone else. It is better to do your duty imperfectly. than to attempt to do someone else's. duty perfectly.". When we try to become that which we are. not, I want to clarify this point. We. think anything we can't do is because. we're not good at it. But often it's just inexperience. So, don't confuse inexperience with. weakness. Try everything.

Give it a go. Shadow someone. Pick up the phone, ask. questions, learn. But recognize that your purpose is just. making you a better version of who you. were meant to be and getting you closer. to who you are, not trying to make you someone else. Remember, I'm forever in your corner. I'm always rooting for you. I hope. you'll share this episode with a friend. who could benefit from it or maybe share. something that you've learned with a. partner. I can't wait to see you on the. next one. If you love this episode,

you'll love my interview with Kobe. Bryant on how to be strategic and. obsessive to find your purpose. >> What I try to do is just try to be still. and understand that thing. Emotions come. and go. The important thing is to accept them. all.