Give Me 30 Minutes and I’ll Teach You How to Let Go of the Past

The first lesson of trauma is that it. always leaves a mark. Even if you can't. see it. If you've ever asked yourself, "Why do I react like this? Why does this. sadness feel deeper than it should? Why do I carry a pain I can't explain?". Then this episode is for you. 70% of adults in the US have experienced. at least one traumatic event in their. lives. But trauma isn't always loud.

Sometimes it looks like overachieving, people-pleasing, or even emotional. shutdown. 61% of patients with first-episode. depression and 51% with recurring. depression reported childhood or recent. trauma. But here's the good news. You. can literally rewire your body's. relationship to the trauma it carries. So today, we go deeper to understand. what trauma really is, how it hides, and.

what it takes to finally heal. You're going to hear from Dr. Gabor Maté. on the emotional cost of hiding who you. are, John Legend on grieving without closure, Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Perry on the power. of rethinking trauma, and Anita on inherited wounds and. generational fear. Here's the lesson. You're not broken. You're carrying.

something that was never meant to be. yours to begin with. Let's get into it. The number one health. and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay. Shetty. The one, the only, Jay. Dr. Gabor Maté delivers a powerful. truth. When you hide who you really are to. survive your childhood, that survival. can turn into lifelong trauma. That. suppression can show up later as. anxiety, chronic illness, or.

disconnection in your relationships. For. example, nearly 80% of autoimmune. patients report a significant emotional. stressor before onset. Studies show that. burying our emotions early on can. increase our chances of developing. depression or addictive behaviors in. adulthood. The good news is that. suppression doesn't have to be. permanent. Healing isn't about changing who you. are. It's about coming back to the parts.

of yourself you had to leave behind. I. often say to people, "You're going to have pain one way or. the other." Yes. "Which pain would you like?" Mhm. Mhm. Cuz sometimes in life there's no. pain-free options. Mhm. You can have the pain of suppressing. yourself. >> Mhm. for the sake of being accepted, or you can have the pain sometimes of. being yourself and not being accepted. >> Mhm. You can have pain one way or the other. Mhm. And I have my own bias. that the pain of not being ourselves.

ultimately is by far the greater and the. more chronic pain. Mhm. And that the. pain, the short-term pain of being. ourselves, brings liberation Mhm. >> and genuine independence, which means I. can have genuinely independent. relationships with other people who are. willing to accept me as independent. Mhm. You know, but in the short term, which pain do you want? Mhm. Not. there's no pain-free option. You know? >> Yeah, for sure. That you reminded me of.

this beautiful. idea that Thich Nhat Hanh shares that. there's familiar pain and unfamiliar. pain. >> Mhm. And these are our two choices. And the challenge is we're so scared of. unfamiliar pain. >> Yeah. that we would rather choose. familiar pain. >> Yeah. and go through the same pain. because we know how it's going to feel. Exactly. >> And we think, "Oh, at least I'm aware. At least I I'm conscious of how bad it. can get." Exactly. But hearing you.

speak, being independent or being. dependent both has pain. Yeah. And but. the pain of dependence. far outweighs the pain of independence. >> Well, let's put a bit of a nuance in. there. Ultimate I mean I mean Thich Nhat Hanh. also talked about interbeing. Mhm. How. we all inter are. Mhm. So in a certain. sense, we do depend on each other, you. know, and and that's okay. The question is do we depend on any each. other authentically or inauthentically?

The fact that I'm independent doesn't. mean that I'm not going to reach out for. help Mhm. or that I won't offer it. Mhm. But it. does mean that. I will be honest with you. and I won't pretend to be somebody else. that I'm not so that you'll accept me. Mhm. You know, so. there's an interesting. word difference between. two phrases that sound very familiar. One is called individualism. The other is called individuation. Mhm.

Now, rugged individualism is I don't. need anybody and I you know, it's me. against the world and this is the North. American. capitalist ideal, you know? Well, human beings never would have. evolved had we been those rugged. individualists. Mhm. The rugged individualist wouldn't last. more than one generation. Mhm. But individuated means. that we can be ourselves, truly. ourselves, in genuine relationship with others.

>> Mhm. Not rugged individualists. >> Mhm. I I mean, the most boring people. are rugged individualists. cuz they all look the same, you know? So so you can be um. individuated and be truly yourselves. >> Mhm. and still belong and still. vulnerably Mhm. desire human contact. >> Mhm. You know? Yeah, I I couldn't agree. more. I think. there's a lot of rhetoric around, "Well,

don't care what anyone else thinks and. it doesn't matter and you just do your. own thing." And it's almost that's. almost a bitter response as well because. we do have to care what people think. If. we lived in a world where you didn't. care what anyone thought, >> Yeah. it wouldn't be that healthy. because we would do all sorts of. obscene, horrific things. I'd phrase it. differently. >> I'm intrigued. Yeah, I'm intrigued. Yeah. I don't care what anybody thinks. But I do care what I do and how it. affects other people. Mhm. You know, so.

there's another uh spiritual teacher, Gunaratana. He wrote a book called uh. Mindfulness in Plain English, Mhm. which. I've just been working through recently. and um. he's talking about a higher morality. that comes from being truly yourselves. and in touch. And he says, "Well, you. don't need rules anymore because it's. like St. Augustine said, uh love and do. what you will." Mhm. So if you actually. love the world, you don't have to give. yourself rules because that love will.

dictate Mhm. how you act towards other. people. I can't worry about what other people. think. Look, if I worried about what. other people think, I would not have. written any of my books cuz each of my. books challenged the the reigning. orthodoxy in in say medicine, you know, or whether it's surrender tension that. I've said or stress and disease or. addictions. Every time I write a book, I'm saying something that. I'm not saying that I invented it, but. that I I've come to understand and. fervently Mhm. believe and want to.

communicate. But I can't worry about. what other people think. Mhm. Or when I. make a political statement, I'm responsible for what I say, how I. say it, but not what other people think. about it. But I But that doesn't mean. that I can that I can ignore other. people's experience. Mhm. So as long as. my intention. is purely to speak a truth. and I do so with integrity, I can't. worry about what other people think. I I. I can't. >> Yeah. But that doesn't mean I'm going to go. around just doing terrible things cuz I.

don't care what what you think. As As. long as I'm. convinced that what I do and if I if. I've done that kind of inventory, >> Mhm. and I haven't always, Mhm. but if I do. an inventory about, well, what is my intention here? Is there a. hierarchy of pain or hierarchy of. trauma? What do you mean by hierarchy? I feel. like people feel like, "Well, this. trauma is worse than this trauma and. this trauma is better than this one." We. often hear about that as a conversation. Is that accurate? So.

one could say so. uh cuz if you look at a child who's say. sexually abused. as opposed to a child whose parents. just can't honor and accept and and and. validate their emotions, well, my god, you're talking about two. different set of experiences. So that. there's certainly. horrific things happen to some people to. wound them and other people suffer. wounds. in a very.

different way. But the question is, is it useful to. make that distinction? It's one thing to. recognize it, but let's say let's say. you were my 4-year-old. You come to me and you say uh. "Dad, I'm afraid of so-and-so." And I. say, "Snap out of it. Only cowards are. afraid and then get out of here and take. care of yourself.". And then you went to your mom and said, "I tried to talk to Daddy, but you know, would it be helpful for your mother to. say, 'Oh, snap out of it. Think of all. the kids that are being sexually abused.

Think of all the starving kids. Think of. all the kids that are being bombed. What are you complaining about?'". Would that be helpful? No. So that it's. not a helpful game to play. I don't. compare people's traumas. Uh trauma simply means a wound and. people are wounded in all kinds of ways. When I try to help people, the least. helpful thing I can do is to tell them. that somebody else's trauma is much. worse than mine or much worse than. yours. So, objectively, yes, practically,

it's not a helpful distinction. Mhm. Uh. people are wounded, and you have to tend. to the wound, whatever it is. You know, if you. came to me with a. cut on your arm, and you asked me to stitch it up, it wouldn't be helpful for me to tell. you that, "Oh, what are you worried. about? There's people with broken arms. out there, or people with broken you. know. So, no, it's not a helpful thing to. engage in, even though. there's truth in it. Yeah. In this next. conversation, John Legend opens up about.

the intensely personal loss of losing a. child, and how he and Chrissy didn't. avoid the pain, but rather walked it. together. One in four pregnancies ends. in miscarriage. I've had so many friends. and family members over the last 12. months tell me about that in their. experience. Yet, the silence around pregnancy loss. can be just as painful as the loss. itself. John's story is a reminder for us all.

Grief isn't something that can be. solved. It just needs to be seen. The point isn't to get over it. The. point is to get through it without. losing the love, the honesty, and the. connection that makes you whole. You. mentioned grief in the new. uh the song Pieces in the new album. There's a There's the beautiful lyric. let your broken heart learn to live in. pieces. And I just I literally just haven't. stopped thinking about that because I. think that there's so much about us.

that's constantly trying to get. everything to fit. Mhm. And even with a. heart, we're trying to become whole. again. Like there's always that concept, but you're like, let your broken heart. learn to live in pieces. Like where did. that come from? Like that idea. >> idea of the song is uh. we never completely shed or forget this. trauma that we may go through in life, this loss, this heartbreak. Like we'll. remember it. There'll be times when. we'll feel those pangs of of memory and. that it'll come back. Um it doesn't mean.

you can't heal, it doesn't mean you. can't recover, but it does mean that. that grief will will still be a part of. who you are, a part of your story. Effectively recovering from that means. not forgetting it, not that it didn't. happen, but learning to live with it, and learning to continue uh to live with. it, and and and experience life and joy. and pain and all the things that come in. life afterwards, um continue to like.

live on. Yeah. Um despite the fact that. this grief won't ever leave you. completely. Yeah, it's almost it's. almost like we're asking the wrong. question. We're always like, how do I. move on? How do I get over this? And you're saying, well. >> saying you're going to I'm saying you're. going to carry it. It's It's It's part. of your life now. It's part of your. story, part of who you are. Like I said. with Chrissy, like I've seen. so much growth. through our grief and through our. tragedy. It's always going to be part of.

who we are, and. I'm fine with that. Like it's part of. who we are. It's we carry it with us, and it and it's okay. Yeah, and that And. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm you. know, that. I mean, I don't think there's pretty. much anything harder to go through than. than what you went. >> Yeah, I've never been through anything harder, but it just means, you know, when you. live long enough, you're going to go. through something like that. And. figuring out how to continue to live as. you carry that with you Yeah. is um is.

what the song's really about. >> Yeah, and often we find that those. traumatic and difficult experiences can. break people apart, but you you you. focus on growing closer together. What. What do you think is that difference? Like you Your values are so clear. I can. tell in this interview, I'm like, values. of children, of family, of love, of. kindness, of connection. Like how do you. in moments like that? Is it that your. values just drive you forward, or like. how do you make sure because I think. sometimes people just have experiences. that derail their everything else that's.

going right. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't. know because like I think part of it is. just we are we were already on a great. foundation where we really respected and. loved and enjoyed being with each other, respected each other's values, and the. ways, you know, the things we saw in each other's. character that we fell in love with are. still there. But I think you also have. to like commit to. working through pain, you know? Um and I. think we both committed to doing it,

like doing the work that we needed to do. to get through it. Yeah. No, I'm happy. to hear that, and you know, my prayers. and Thank you. >> wishes are with you and the family. because. >> And I think having already had two kids. together was. um definitely helpful because. they just bring so much joy into our. lives and and laughter and. fun, and they they're great focus for. our energy. And so, even when you're. going through deep grief of on losing a.

pregnancy, you still have these two. beautiful babies that you love. And I. think that was certainly helpful. Next, we'll hear Oprah and Dr. Perry, who. challenge what we think trauma should. look like. You don't need a violent or. dramatic event to be traumatized. Neglect, lack of validation, or. emotional absence can be just as. damaging. In fact, emotional neglect is one of the. most common and overlooked forms of. trauma. Oprah reframes the question for people.

exploring their own traumatic history. from what's wrong with me. to what happened to me. That small shift, that one question, can. completely transform how we see. ourselves and how we heal. What do you. think was something that you. misunderstood. or had an incomplete understanding of. about trauma that has now become more. complete or more deep?

Oh, what a great question, Jay. I thought trauma, prior to my conversations with Bruce in. in doing this book, I thought trauma had. to be a big gigantic. thing, experience. You had to go through. a tsunami, literally a If not literally. a tsunami, a tsunami-like crisis in your. life. A fire, a hurricane, a tragedy, a. car accident, a stabbing, somebody died.

And it was through co-authoring this. book with him that I understood that it. was the consistent little things. It was. the aggressions and microaggressions. in a person's life that causes them to. have their own worldview. Whatever that. worldview is for you is different from. me. So, the biggest the biggest learning. for me is that trauma doesn't have to. have a great big old capital T on it. It's really how you were loved, and that.

neglect and trauma are hand in hand cuz. both are equally as toxic. And so, I always, you know, just like you with. your, you know, millions of listeners, I. over the years. of interviewing people, it was my greatest classroom. I was. always paying attention to what people. were saying, and paying attention to. their lives. And what I understood and. could articulate,

not through science, but just through my. own observation, is that, oh, people are. as dysfunctional. as unhappy as disoriented in their lives. based on how far they are from the. center of themselves. And the center is. where wholeness lies, as you know. And. so, where there is no. where there is no center and there is no. sense of wholeness and love for. yourself,

there's going to be uh disarray, chaos, confusion, and, you know, dysfunction in. your life. And I saw that over and over. and over again, that people behave based. on how they were loved, and then how. they were able to process that that in a. way to love other people. And so, Bruce. just gave me the science for that. What. this book did is gave me the science for. it. I love that. I I I think it's a a. brilliant distinction between,

you know, what we think is trauma and. what what trauma can be for all of us. I. I have one last question I wanted to ask. you before we dive in to the. conversation with Dr. Bruce Perry. It's. this idea that you've interviewed so. many influential, successful people, and. people of all different backgrounds and. walks of life. And so often, their success is actually. built on their trauma. And so, their success doesn't often. satisfy them. What have you seen has. been that transition when they go beyond.

their success, they heal their trauma to. actually find true success for. themselves? That's deep, layered, complex question. So, this is what I. This is what There's many layers to. that. What I What I realize is that if. you come into success and fame, and particularly fame, because fame has its own world and. definition, because it really is based. upon what other people think of you.

So, fake because. fame isn't what you think of yourself, it's what other people think of you. Um. when you If you come into that, and you. don't have a grounded, centered self, you will be controlled by the outside. instead of the inside. And if you come into that not in the. fullness of knowing who you are and what. you're supposed to do with that fame,

it whenever somebody likes you or. doesn't like you, that determines. whether or not you're having a good day. or a bad day. And you are you have lost. control of your your own life. So, I. think. what. fame teaches you quickly is to grow. the wholeness within yourself so that. you're not controlled by others outside. opinions of you. That is a beautiful. answer and and I think it will resonate. with so many because so many of us are.

on that journey to. you know, be successful or be famous or. be rich or whatever it may be, but to. hear it from that perspective is is. truly refreshing. I want to ask you both. this first question to start with is why. is it so important to make this switch. from us thinking what is wrong with you. to what happened to you? Well, I I let me answer that because I. first. came across this question of what's.

happened what what what what what. happened to you when I was doing an. interview with Dr. Bruce Perry a couple. of years ago for 60 minutes story I was. doing. Now, I've known Dr. Perry for. over 30 years. I first started. interviewing him in the early '90s, late. '80s, early '90s on the Oprah show when. we were talking about uh raising. children and how important it is those. first zero to six years. So, I've been. hearing about what it means to nurture. and support the brain early on. It.

wasn't until that conversation a couple. of years ago. I don't know whether I. think it's because of where I was in my. life at the time. Um I opened a school in South Africa. I've had these wonderful brilliant girls. who come from traumatic backgrounds grow. up and have really serious mental health. issues. And I was trying to at the time. figure out what are we doing wrong at. our school. Something's really wrong.

here. And in that interview with Dr. Perry he said, you know, most people ask. the question when kids are not behaving. the way you want them to behave of. what's wrong with them. We really should. be asking about what's happened to you. And something went aha aha. aha. in my brain. It was like a major moment. like I got it in a way that I hadn't. received it before. And I realized that. it's not just for children that you ask. that question, but it's really. everybody. And that moment, Bruce, as.

I've said to you many times, Dr. Perry, changed the way I saw my relationships, how I saw my own life, how I interacted. with people, and even in politics where. it was so crazy in the past four years, and everybody's always talking about. what's wrong, what's wrong, what's. wrong. I would always say, I wonder what. happened to that person. I wonder what. happened to them younger that caused. them to be this way. So, all of the. labels that you just gave, Jay, there. there is a world of labels. There is,

you know, overachiever, there's, you. know, obsessive compulsive mom, soccer. moms. There is the desire to, you know, please people all the time. There's a. multiple multiple multiple multiple. labels that refer back to what happened. to us. And so, I will just say this, one. of the things that Bruce says in the. book, each of us comes into the world with our. own world view. And that world view. is actually shaped from the crib.

And you get from the world what you. project into the world, and you project. into the world what you were raised with. and what you were raised around. So, that's why what happened to you is the. essential question. So beautifully said, and I I wish my. brain had aha moments that sound like. that, Oprah, too. So. [Laughter]. I love that.

And Dr. Perry, I'd love to hear your. thoughts. Well, I I come at this from a slightly. different perspective because I have a. long history of being a history fan and. had studied history growing up and was. very well aware of the relationship. between. the things that happened in the past. playing a major role in how things were. functioning currently. And I think that. that's. I think most people are able to kind of. make that connection. But as I became a.

biologist and learned about the. development of the human body and the. human brain, it became clear that we have our own. personal history. And that the things. that happened in our life shape the. systems in our brain that influence how. we think about things, how we feel about. things, and how we behave. And it really. it it leads to a completely different. approach to getting to know somebody. You're you you you enter the interaction. with a curious mindset. You're curious. about like what. what's going on? I mean,

and and it really I think is as Oprah. says, it it really opens up this. new perspective on understanding a. person. You can be much more empathic. with them as opposed to being so. judgmental. Yeah, for me that reframing that you. both have so beautifully illuminated in. this book is is so subtle, but it's so. powerful because it removes that. judgment, it removes that. negative observation, that criticism,

that that fear that people feel on the. receiving end of that as well. To me, just that switch of question is is so. powerful. And you know, when I when I. was diving into the book, there were. there were moments where I just. I was so grateful to you for what you. shared. And you know, you open up about. a story about how your grandmother used. to whip you over the smallest, most. insignificant things like spilling a. glass of water. And this harsh Mhm. Right, exactly. Breaking a plate. And.

this harsh. this harsh behavior was normal for you. as a kid. And you said something in the. book that really stood out to me. You. said that. the long-term impact of being whipped. turned you into a world-class. people-pleaser for most of your life. I want to know, how did you become aware. of that connection between that. experience as a child and how it was. being lived today, and how did that. start to help you on your journey?

Well, thank you so much. I'm so moved. that you were touched by that story. because I until. I was a full-grown adult and I met my. best friend Gail. Gail is the first. black person I ever met who wasn't. whipped as a child. I mean, she was the. first person I ever encountered. So, it. is a part of the black culture to not. just spank your children. Uh almost. everybody you run into of a certain age. was whipped as a child. So, that was.

such the norm for me that writing about. it um. for the first time is the first time I. actually recognized, oh, this is not a. normal thing. Um so, to. really, I was in a boardroom. having to confront someone. in my 40s. and I had so much anxiety about the fact.

that I was going to have to have this. confrontation with somebody. In a it. just just just the most um. normal disagreements would cause me a. great sense of angst and worry and oh my. god, and what's going to happen. And I. just said, what where is this coming. from? What what why am I so afraid when I am. the one in the power seat? I am Oprah. Winfrey running the Harpo Studios, my. name spelled backwards. I'm the person.

in charge, and in order to have a. disagreement with somebody, I go through. so much angst. And I realized, Jay, that. even though I had the power, I still. felt that every confrontation I was. going to get a whipping. That a whipping was going to result. That that thing that that used to come. up inside me when I had to walk to get. my own switch. Oh, where is this feeling.

coming I'm feeling like in every. confrontation I'm going to get a. whipping, and at the end of it that. person's going to be mad at me, and at. the end of it that person's going to. say, you better not act like you're mad, you know, all the things that happened. to me as a kid. So, it wasn't until I. was a full-grown adult in my own seat of. you know, perceived power. feeling those feelings of anxiety and. anxiousness having to have the slightest. bit of confrontation. So, what I say in.

what happened to me is that being beaten. as a child um having to be subservient. to other people's ideals of what it. means to be a child, meaning you are. seen and not heard. So, I've grown up to. have this big personality, but being. raised in an environment where children. are seen and not heard, and your. opinions do not matter. So, what. happened to me taught me that my. opinions do not matter, keep your.

opinions to yourself, and do whatever. you can to please other people so that. other people will like you. So, that. other people will not be upset with you. And I will have to tell you, it is also. for for not for everybody else, but for me, one of the reasons why I was. so susceptible to sexual abuse. Because I had been taught and trained. not to speak up for myself, that.

whatever somebody wanted to do who was. older than me or in a position of. authority, that they had rights I that I. did not. So, that what happened to me. was ingrained in a way that, you know, literally. uh caused me to be a major people. pleaser for for a great deal of my life. Thank you for sharing that that full. journey. And just I really gravitate. towards that statement you said around. how we. when we normalize something, we don't.

actually even recognize the trauma in. it. Uh we we don't even realize that. it's that there's any It was just normal. to you. You just expected it. Did you. know that maternal stress during. pregnancy can increase the child's risk. of illness by up to 60%. In our final conversation, Anita shares. how she discovered that her fear of. losing everything, despite all her. success, was actually inherited from her. mother's anxiety and stress during. pregnancy.

With Anita, we see that just because you. inherited something, it doesn't mean you. have to carry it. Healing is about choosing what moves. forward with you. and what stops with you. What what were. the biggest traumas that have stayed. with you that have come up for you that. you feel you've carried because you. obviously grew up in the favelas. You. grew up, you know, not in the easiest of. circumstances. I think you mentioned. yourself that you're almost treated like. trash in Brazil, the people in the. favelas. >> And so, like.

tell me about what are the traumas you. felt you've held on to from your. childhood that are now coming up that. you're healing now. So, there is this. one interesting. situation in the path of this healing. thing. There was this one thought that was. always coming to my mind, right? I was. here being Anita. I have three different. houses. I have everything I need. Okay, if I want to retire right now, I. can and I will live comfortably. for the rest of my life. But,

all of a sudden, I was just here, minding my business, and a thought would come to my mind. What if I get pregnant and I lose all my. money and I don't have money to survive. and then I need to. work in the streets to get food to my. babies and to. And then I would be like, "Why am I. thinking this? Why am I doing that? Why?". And then I did the session with. um. my shaman, and she said, "This is not. your thought. You got this thought the same way we get.

DNA from our parents and like the hair, the eyes, the body. We can get from. thoughts. and the energy, behaviors, and we don't. realize that.". So, I told her, "Oh, for real?". And then we did a session to clean this, right? To remove this from me cuz it's. not mine. It comes from my family. So, I did the session and I talked to my. mom. I said, "Mom, have you ever had. this thought of like that you were going. to lose everything or not going to have.

money, this and that?". And that was like right before my my. birthday of 30 years old birthday. So, she said, "Yeah. Um. when I got pregnant from you, your dad lost his job. and I felt like we were not going to. have money to feed you guys. and I would need to work in in houses as. like a housemaid or something. to buy food.". And I was like, "Wow, that makes to And.

she just spent the whole pregnancy with. this fear of not having the money to. feed us.". So, she was fearing it and there is like. I I produced a movie with a friend of. mine called Me. And um it talks about this the the the. thoughts the negative thoughts that your. mom carries in the pregnancy becomes um. neuropeptides. in your in your in your brain. So, that's why you have these thoughts.

And I was like, "Wow, Mom.". And I did the the session with the lady. and I got I never had this thought. again. And then. I was doing my birthday. It was 30 years. old, so special, da da da. And I I I had this place that I wanted. to do in Brazil. and for some reason every place I was. trying, it was not available. I was trying. everywhere. Oh, not available because of. this. Not available because of that. I. closed one place. No, not available. anymore.

So, there's this this one place, just. this one spot. And I said, "Okay, let's go. What can we do? It's the only spot. Let's go let's go.". So, I sent my dad the invitations, sent. to my dad. I said, "Oh, Dad, the party. this year is going to be here.". And he was like, "Oh my god, daughter. This address. is a My dad didn't know about the the. talk I had to my mom, nothing, right? And he's my best friend, but I I didn't. mention him. Um he goes,

"Oh my god, daughter. This address. used to be the company's address that I. got fired when your mom was pregnant.". And I was like, "Oh, Dad." Wow. >> Like, we're here celebrating my 30 years. old with a party like full of everything. that we were always afraid of not having. That's crazy. >> in the same address. That's crazy. Where in life does it That for me was. such an answer from the universe,

right? And I was like, "Wow, this is so. meaningful." And life is full of these. these situations that for me are not. coincidence at all. Yeah, that's that's. incredible. >> It is. >> That's really powerful and I love that. full circle moment. >> Agree. And and and I love I mean, the. movie that you made, is that out? Where. can we watch that? Me? >> The name is Me. My my a friend of mine, the one that introduced me to this. shaman, uh she did it and then she called she. asked me to help her producing it and.

um. sharing with the platforms and. everything. So, I was helping her on. this final uh. touch of the movie. And it talks about. this, about how you can get heritage. from your parents, >> Yes. not only in your blood, Yes. >> physical, but also mental. >> Yes. >> and karmas That's brilliant. from your. mom, from your grandmother, from because. it comes from father to daughter, you.

know? And um it's important to clean it, to to work on it because otherwise we're. here with no purpose. Mhm. We're not we. we get we spend all this time here and. we don't figure out what's your purpose. What are you here for? You know? And I always had in my life. this um. desire to understand and when I was a. kid, I was very like that already. I used to dream a lot of about a lot of. things. My mom tells me that I used to.

wake up and see. people. and um. I was always very connected. I used to. tell them everything that was going to. happen in my life. Yeah, you had visions. of her, you said. Everything. I used to. tell them like, "Oh, I'm I'm going to. sing here. I'm going to do this. Our. house is going to be like this like. this." I I used to. give them details of everything. And um. my my dad, he was always very stressed. with work. And he tells me that I used to come to.

him and say, "Dad, don't worry. In the. end, everything's going to be great. You. will see. You're so smart. You're so cute. You're. so nice. In the end, you will see you're. not going to worry about any of this. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to. do this and this and that." And it's so. fun when he tells me because I was. actually describing so precisely what. precisely what was going to happen. Yeah. I mean, you've It sounds like. you've made so much spiritual investment.

in transforming your mind, your heart, your energy, your space. And at the same. time, you've also made physical changes. Like I was learning that you also were. on birth control and then you left birth. control. And I feel like even those. types of changes Yes. >> were linked to this kind of internal. change that was going on, right? So many. of us carry pain we didn't ask for. Grief that feels unresolved, patterns. that don't make sense until we look. deeper.

What these conversations show us is that. trauma doesn't always look obvious, but. it always leaves a mark. But here's the good news. The moment you. begin to understand it, you've already. begun to heal. The healing begins when we stop blaming. ourselves and start reframing to. understand it more deeply. What am I. carrying? Where did it come from? And what would. it look like to let it go? Whether through self-reflection,

therapy, spirituality, or storytelling, every step toward awareness is a step. toward freedom. Thank you so much for watching. I hope. you'll subscribe so that you never miss. a video and continue your dedication to. feeling happier, healthier, and more. healed. I'll see you soon. If you love. this episode, you'll love my interview. with Dr. Gabor Maté on understanding. your trauma and how to heal emotional. wounds to start moving on from the past.

Everything in nature grows only where. it's vulnerable. So, a tree doesn't grow. where it's hard and thick, does it? It. goes where it's soft and green and. vulnerable.