Give Me 30 Minutes and I'll Make You Confident & Remove ALL Your Self Doubt! with Jay Shetty

People don't want perfect. They want authentic. People don't want flawless. They want. vulnerable. People don't want polished. They want. real. People don't want the highlight reel. They want the human behind it. People don't want performance. They want presence. People don't want someone who has it all. together. They want someone who's willing to. figure it out. Because perfection may impress.

But vulnerability connects. The number. one health and wellness podcast. Jay. Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty. Welcome. back to On Purpose. Today's episode is. all about what to do when no one. believes in you or supports you. The sad truth is, I hear this wherever I. am in the world. When I'm traveling, when I'm meeting people, when I'm.

connecting, one of the top things I hear. is, "Jay, the people around me don't. believe in me. The people around me don't support me. The people around me don't encourage me. Actually, I'm scared. that if I launch my company, if I start. my podcast, if I write my book, if I. build my business, the people around me. are going to tear it down before I even. have the chance to build it up." And a. lot of us are walking through life. feeling alone. Maybe you've actually.

felt disconnected from your community. Maybe you felt isolated. Where you. think, "Why does no one help me? Why. does no one believe in me? Why does no. one support me?" If you've ever felt any. of those things, and you're struggling. with that self-belief, that self-doubt, this episode is for you. Here's the first thing I'm going to say. Stop seeking support. Start creating. proof. The science says we experience a.

cognitive bias called the false. consensus effect. We overestimate how. much people will understand or agree. with us. Here's why that's counterintuitive. We think we need validation before we. act. But in reality, people often. believe in you after you prove the idea. works, not before. Imagine this. You're at a party.

You say something you think is obviously. hilarious or smart or interesting. Crickets. No one laughs. No one's impressed. You're confused. You thought everyone. would get the joke because in your head. it was obvious. It made sense. It was. normal. That moment, that awkward silence, that's the false consensus effect in. action. The false consensus effect is a.

cognitive bias where we assume that. other people think the way we do because. our opinions feel obvious, logical, even. universal to us. In other words, if I believe this, most. people probably do, too. Spoiler, they don't. And science proves. it. The science says this term was coined by. psychologists Lee Ross, David Green, and. Andrew House in the late 1970s.

In one famous study, they gave people a. tough moral choice, then asked them to. guess what others would choose. Every group believed their choice was. the majority option. But when the. results came in, the actual opinions were split. Nobody was as obviously right as they. thought they were. Now, why does this matter? This bias shows up everywhere, especially when you're building.

something new. You assume your idea is clearly. brilliant, but others don't get it. You. think people will obviously support you, but they don't. You expect everyone to. see what you see, but they're not in your head. The problem isn't your idea. It's that you overestimated. how obvious it would be to someone who. hasn't lived your experiences. Here's the takeaway.

Just because it's clear to you, doesn't. mean it's clear to others. And that's not a flaw, it's a reminder. You're early. You're unique. You're. supposed to be misunderstood at first. Instead of expecting everyone to agree, get curious. Ask more. Listen better. Explain. smarter. And when people don't get it, don't panic. That's not a red flag. That's the.

beginning of something original. Try this today. Make something small and. tangible that shows your idea works. A. sample, a deck, a demo, a pilot, a. mock-up. Stop pitching. Start proving. Don't try to convince people. Show them. what they didn't expect to see. Don't try to impress people. Show. yourself you can do it.

Don't explain your vision to people. committed to small thinking. Protect your energy and prove it through. action. Don't beg to be understood. Stay focused long enough to become. undeniable. Don't wait to be believed in. Become the reason they rethink what's. possible. We have to start. We have to begin. We have to get going. People won't believe in you before you.

start. They might not even believe in you after. you start. They might not even believe in you when. you win and succeed. Just start. Just get going. Just move. If you wait for people to believe in you. before you start, you could wait forever. If you wish people supported you before. you start,

you'll be wishing forever. And if you want someone. to think you're going to do something. incredible before you start, you'll be wanting forever. Don't wish, want, and wait your way. into never moving. Make that change, make that shift, and. notice how your life changes. The second thing you have to understand. is rejection is usually protection.

Studies on psychological projection show. that people often reject others' ideas. because of their own fears, insecurities, or limitations. This is surprising because their no may. have nothing to do with your idea, your. potential, and everything to do with. their past and their issues. The reason someone says no to you. is more likely that someone said no to.

them. The reason someone rejects your idea. is because they rejected their own. The reason someone. doesn't think you're going to make it. is because they didn't have someone who. believed in them. Their projection. is not a prediction of your potential. It is simply a mirror of their past.

Don't let someone's projection. become a prediction for your future. You don't have to do that. And recognize maybe they wanted to quit. their job at one point. and they couldn't. Maybe they wanted to start an app at one. point and they didn't. Maybe they had an idea. and someone told them not to do it. They're simply reflecting what was. projected onto them. onto you.

We don't have to reflect it back. Try this today. Next time someone doubts you. don't internalize it. Ask yourself. is this about me. or about what they've told themselves? People will project their limits onto. your vision. Don't let people break your dreams. when they haven't even built theirs. Don't let people who haven't done it.

create doubts for you. Don't take feedback from someone living. a life you don't want. Don't confuse loud opinions with lived. experience. Don't take direction from someone who's. never moved. They're not wrong or bad. They're just trying to protect you. But don't project that fear. onto yourself. A lot of the times when I've shared.

risks I wanted to take and I'd family. members or friends tell me that it. wasn't going to happen. I realized they. just wanted me to be safe. I remember. when I wanted to quit my career and. potentially pursue some postgraduate. study, and everyone around me said, "Jay, well, how will you pay your bills? How will. you pay for your wedding? How will you. take care of your future?" Those were. not signs that I shouldn't do it. Those were just reminders that they. valued those things. They were showing me they valued.

security, they valued safety, and they. valued stability. And those are not bad values. People are not being mean. They're simply sharing what they care. about. And it's your job to decide. whether you care about those things or. whether you don't. Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, didn't tell her family about what she. was building because she didn't want to. hear that opinion. And that's something I'd encourage you. to do as well. Too many of us share our.

ideas with too many people. We want. everyone to get around this. We want the. validation and the approval. And what. does that do? It does two things. The first is it opens you up to lots of. feedback from people who don't. understand that industry, understand. that business, or understand that area. You've opened yourself up to everyone's. emotional baggage. That was your choice. And the second thing is, whether they.

support you or not, you've taken energy. away from the decision. I learned something really important. when I was in the monastery. That. if you share something before it's. happened with someone who can't help you. do it, you've taken away 50% of the energy from. that idea because you have searched for. validation and approval before you've. even put in the work. Put in the work first. Don't look for approval. before you've put in the work.

Don't look for validation even after. you've put in the work. because chances are you won't get it. both times. Get it from yourself. Do the work to prove what you're capable. of. Take on the challenge to show what's. possible for you. Number three, use doubt as a focus filter. According to the challenge stress model, a certain amount of pressure and.

resistance can increase focus and drive. See, this is why it's counterintuitive. We think support makes us stronger, but actually resistance can make us. sharper. Use the no as a tool to clarify the yes. Try this today. List every reason people. said your idea won't work and build. solutions around them. Turn every criticism into a checklist.

Doubt doesn't mean stop. It means refine. Doubt doesn't mean give up. It means. redefine. Doubt doesn't mean this is the end. It means start again. Support doesn't always make you. stronger. Sometimes resistance does. Support doesn't always make it easier. Resistance makes it sharper.

Support feels good. Resistance shows you what you're made. of. Support cheers you on. Resistance dares you to keep going. without applause. Support says, "I believe in you.". Resistance says, "Prove it to yourself.". Support can carry you, but resistance. it builds your muscle.

Don't resent the resistance. Use it. Let it shape your focus, sharpen your. edge, and remind you. if you can do it without the noise, you're ready for the stage. When we're. waiting, and I see this happen to so. many people when I travel and speak to. them, we're waiting for the stage, we're. waiting. for the invite in order to be our best. self. Not realizing that when we become our. best self, we get invited onto the.

stage. By the way, I remember this. I did the. same thing to myself for years. I used. to think. "Yes, when I get the opportunity." And. then I realized, just take every. opportunity. I remember speaking in rooms not much. bigger than the one I'm in right now, speaking to empty rooms. No one there. Just four walls, and I would practice my. speech. as if it was full. of. 100 people. And now, when I have the. fortune of.

being live at the Greek Theatre with. 5,000 people, doing an event recently at the Theater. at MSG with 5,000 of you as well, I often think back to that moment when. there were zero to five people in a. room. And the reason is because my. enthusiasm and energy. was pretty much the same. What I mean by. that is. if you're sad that only 10 people. watched your video, switch it to 10 people watched my video.

If you're sad that you got 100 views, think about that for a second. When have. you ever had 100 people turn up to hear. you speak? If you're not happy that you. only have 10,000 followers, ask yourself, have you ever even seen. 10,000 people in one place show up for. you? It's when we become grateful, thoughtful, and focused. on the growth that we've already made, that we gain more. energy for the next phase. When you're climbing a mountain,

there's two important viewpoints. One is looking up and ahead, and the other is looking down and. behind. You look down to see how far. you've come, and you look up to see how far you have. left to go. Both of those viewpoints are important. When you look down as to how far you've. come, you get energy to move forward. And when you look at how far you have. left to go,

you feel grounded and humbled by the. challenge. If you only look up, you'll feel discouraged. And if you only look down, you'll feel. arrogant. Ego. and discouragement are two sides of the. same coin. They'll keep you trapped and stuck, and not help you move forward. What we actually want. is humility. and proof. Humility and proof become the best.

allies for a lifelong journey. Number four, build a belief battery. from strangers. The Ben Franklin effect shows that when. we engage with others in small. reciprocal ways, trust builds faster. even among strangers. It's really surprising. Your biggest supporters might not be. friends and family. In fact, research shows strangers are.

often more likely to champion new ideas. because they're not attached to your. past. This is Adam Grant's research. Imagine this. You post your new business. idea, podcast, or personal project. online. You're nervous, vulnerable, hoping your. friends and family will hype it up. Instead, silence. No comment from your cousin, no reshare. from your closest friend, not even a. fire emoji from your roommate. Then, someone you've never met DMs you.

"This is exactly what I needed. Keep. going.". Why does that happen? Because here's the truth. The people. closest to you. aren't always the ones most likely to. support your growth. The people closest to you. are not the most likely to believe in. you. The people closest to you are not the. first to cheer for you.

Because it's the strangers, the others that you didn't know, that actually are coming from a place. of neutrality. to remind you that what you're doing. matters. According to organizational psychologist. Adam Grant, strangers are more likely to. support new ideas than friends or family. because they're not emotionally tied to. your past. Here's the psychology behind. it. Your inner circle knows your before.

They've seen your doubts, your failed. attempts, your unfinished drafts. So, when you evolve, they subconsciously. compare it to who you used to be. It's called identity anchoring. They. unconsciously anchor you to the version. they're most familiar with. "Oh, that's. just Sarah. She always starts things, but never follows through.". Or they look at you and say, "That's not. like you." Or, "Since when are you a. podcaster?".

They don't mean to limit you, but their. memory of your past gets in the way of. their belief in your future. Their memory of your past gets in the. way of their belief in your future. But you don't have to let that stop you. There's an amazing scene in the movie. The Founder. If you've not seen it, it's. the story of Ray Kroc and how he built. McDonald's into the powerhouse that it.

is today. Now, whatever your thoughts. are on McDonald's, it's an interesting. story. He's sitting at a table. at a members club sharing his new. business idea, that is the franchise. model for McDonald's. And all of his. friends have seen him get excited and. enthusiastic about so many businesses. and failed. And they list them off. Ray. knows this is different. He feels it's. different, but he can't convince them. He has to show it. He has to prove it.

He has to go and do it for them to come. around. Meanwhile, strangers, they're re-meeting your present. They don't know how many times you've. hesitated. They don't care about your. high school GPA, your failed blog, or. your awkward first try. They see your. work, your message, your energy as it. is, not as it was. And that gives them. the clarity to say, "This deserves a. shot.". So, here's the takeaway. Don't be. discouraged when support doesn't come.

from the people you expected. Be proud you showed up anyway. And. remember, your audience might not come. from your past. It's waiting in your future. So, keep building. Let strangers become. supporters. Let your results rewrite. your story, and let the people who used. to know you catch up. Because often, the. people who will believe in your next. chapter haven't met you yet. So, try. this today. Find three people online.

doing what you want to do. Comment, share, message. Start building. belief outside your circle. If your people don't see it yet, find the ones who already live it. Step. number five, create before you're. confident. This is the most important. step. You don't become confident before. you start. You don't become confident before you. try. You don't become confident before.

you fail. You don't become confident. before you do the thing. The science shows this, too. It's called. the competence-confidence. loop. The competence-confidence loop. shows that action builds belief, not the. other way around. We wait to feel ready, but confidence is a result of. experience, not a requirement to begin. Choose one micro action that represents. your idea. Launch the first draft, post.

the first video, offer the first. service. Confidence doesn't come first. Commitment does. Now, here's the. confidence myth no one talks about. We've been sold this idea, "Once I feel. confident, then I'll start." But here's. what psychology proves, that mindset is. backwards. According to Albert Bandura, Stanford psychologist and the father of. self-efficacy theory, confidence doesn't.

come before action. It comes because of it. Now, what does. it mean? When you take action, especially on something new, you build. competence. A sense of I can do this. That competence creates evidence, and. your brain uses that evidence to build. confidence. So, every time you start. imperfectly, awkwardly, messily, you're. not just doing the thing, you're. training your belief that you can. We.

wait for confidence like it's a. permission slip. But confidence is more like a side. effect of showing up. People think. public speakers are born confident. Nope. Most of them were just the first. ones willing to bomb and come back. They. earned it through reps, not readiness. Bandura's research shows that. self-efficacy, your belief in your. ability to succeed, increases when you. have small wins. These are known as.

mastery experiences. It also increases when you see others. succeed. Vicarious experiences. We think. seeing others succeed means we have less. chance of succeeding. Actually, it's the. opposite. When you see others succeed, it gives you more opportunity to succeed. because you realize it's available. I've. had so many of my friends start social. media channels, podcasts, YouTube. channels, and it's incredible to watch. their rise. It's incredible to see them.

give their gift to the world. And what. I'm encouraging my community and the. people around me to do is say, "Hey, when you see people, celebrate that. success." And then, of course, verbal. encouragement. Social persuasion helps. as well. This reduces fear and anxiety through. exposure. Confidence doesn't require perfection. It requires evidence. Try this today. Instead of asking, "Do I feel confident. enough to start?" ask, "What's one small.

action I can take to build proof that I. can do this?". Send the email. Record the first minute. Write the first. sentence. Show up even if you're. shaking. Remember, affirmations don't build confidence. Likes and views. don't build confidence. Being told you're great. doesn't build confidence. Watching motivational videos.

doesn't build confidence. There are only three things that build. confidence. Choosing discomfort builds confidence. Keeping promises to yourself builds. confidence. And building competence builds. confidence. Step number six, make failure public. strategically. The signs shows that. imagining failure before it happens.

actually increases your odds of success. Also, vulnerability builds trust. People. support you when they see the risk. you're taking. Instead of hiding your risk or hiding. your fear of failure, name it, own it, and invite people into the ride. Here's. what I want you to say. Here's what I'm building. Here's what might not work. I'm doing it. anyway. That honesty earns respect even if.

people still don't fully get the vision. I remember when I started my journey, I. posted on Facebook saying, "Hey, I'm. trying this experiment. I'd love for you. to join the journey. If you want to be a part of it, great. If you don't, I totally understand." And. all of a sudden, it let people know that. I was launching without launching. When. you kind of drum up this build up to. this big launch, it almost feels like. too much pressure. And now everyone's. expecting it to be perfect. When.

actually, when you soft launch and go, "Hey, I'm trying something. I'm giving. it a go. I hope it does well." you get. far more energy. You don't win support by hiding risk. You earn it by owning it. Because. people don't want perfect. They want authentic. People don't want flawless, they want vulnerable. People don't want polished, they want. real. People don't want the highlight reel,

they want the human behind it. People don't want performance, they want presence. People don't want someone who has it all. together, they want someone who's willing to. figure it out. Because perfection may impress, but vulnerability connects. It's one of. the reasons since my first videos why I. left me scuffing words, why I may not. perfect every delivery point, why you.

may see me thinking sometimes in. interviews and podcasts, it's because it. was real. It actually happened, and it's. why I do a lot of things without a lot. of editing because I just want you to. see my thought process. I want you to. hear it as I'm discovering an idea. because that's when it's powerful. It's. that inception moment of discovery, of. clarity, of connecting that resonates. because it's real. It's heart-to-heart, it's human-to-human. So, don't feel that. you have to be a perfect public speaker.

or a perfect coder or a perfect. podcaster or whatever it is to get out. there. Here is number seven. Don't try to prove people wrong, focus on proving yourself right. People with intrinsic motivation, driven. by personal meaning, outperform those. with external motivation like proving. someone wrong, especially in the long. term. Here's why it's counterintuitive.

Revenge success sounds good, but purpose-driven success lasts longer. Revenge ultimately leads to resentment. Resentment of what you focused on, resentment of that person, and. resentment for lost time. Purpose-driven. success. builds confidence, helps you understand your potential, and creates passion. So, try this today.

Write a mission statement. Not for. others, but for yourself. You're not. doing this to make them look bad. You're doing this to find what you care. about. You're not doing this to prove. them wrong. You're doing this to find. something that you like doing. You're. not doing this because they didn't. believe in you. You're doing this. because you want to learn to believe in. yourself. Keep it somewhere visible. That's your.

anchor. So, if no one's clapping for. your idea yet, good. That means you're early. That. means you're building something most. people can't see. Support may come. later, but your belief has to come. first. Because at the end of the day, if. you don't believe in your idea enough to. stand alone for a while, you're not going to be ready for the. crowd that comes after. Thank you so much for listening to On. Purpose. If this episode helped you, the.

best thing you can do is pass it along. to a friend, share it on social media. I. love seeing what's resonating with you. on TikTok and Instagram. And most. importantly, back yourself. Loud, quietly, relentlessly, even if no one. else does. And remember, I'm always. rooting for you, and I'm forever in your. corner. If you love this episode, you'll. enjoy my conversation with Meghan. Trainor on breaking generational trauma, and how to be confident from the inside.

out. My therapist told me stand in the mirror. naked for 5 minutes. It was already. tough for me to love my body, but after. the C-section scar with all the stretch. marks, now I'm looking at myself like. I've been hacked. But, day three when I. did it, I was like, "You know what? Her. thighs are cute.".