Give Me 30 Minutes and Finally STOP Feeling Behind in Life

Life isn't a race. It's a relay. Some. people sprint early, others save their. strength for later. Some are still. building their skills. Stop comparing. your life. to the lives of people you don't even. want. Stop comparing your progress. to someone else's performance. Stop comparing your worth to numbers, likes, or applause. Stop comparing because the more you do.

that. the less you see what's in your favor. The number one health and wellness. podcast. Jay Shetty. JAY SHETTY. THE ONE. THE ONLY Jay Shetty. [Music]. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, author of. New York Times bestsellers Think Like a. Monk and Eight Rules of Love. I'm so. glad you're back here. Today we're. talking about what to do if you're. feeling behind in life. If you felt like everyone else has got. their career right this episode is for.

you. If you're feeling like you should have. been married right now and maybe even. had children this episode is for you. And if you're feeling like everyone else. is crushing it but you've been left. behind this episode is for you. I think. it's really natural in life to go from. feeling like you were on track to off. track. But what's also natural is to feel you. were always behind. Now, where does this come from? It comes. from the fact that for potentially 16, 18, or 21 years of your life if you were.

in formal education you moved at the. same pace as everyone. So everyone went. from seventh grade to eighth grade. A lot of people went from high school to. college. and you went from college into your. first job. But it was at that point that. the timelines changed. Maybe your friend. got promoted first. and you got promoted last. Maybe your other friend got proposed to. first. and you're still single. Maybe your.

other friend had an amazing wedding and. you're sitting here just trying to plan. your weekend. Maybe another friend is already had a. baby and you're here just trying to. figure out what you're going to watch on. Netflix tonight. It can often feel that. after high school and after college. there was no system that kept you on the. same page. So you could watch what everyone else. was doing and feel completely behind. This episode is to remind you that. you're not late, you're not behind. Lesson number one.

You're not late, you're on a different. timeline. You're on a different clock. We measure our worth by comparing. timelines with others. In 1954. psychologist Leon Festinger noticed. something simple but profound. We don't judge ourselves in isolation, we judge ourselves by comparison. In. other words, we don't compare our life. or ourselves to who we were yesterday,

we compare our life and ourselves to who. everyone else is today. Or at least what. they tell us. Think about this. You might feel fine. about your career until you see a. classmate on LinkedIn with a fancy new. job title. You might feel proud of your apartment. until a friend buys a house. You might. feel good about your relationship until. you scroll past someone else's. engagement photos. This is social comparison theory. Our.

worth gets measured not against our own. progress but against the timelines of. people around us. This study absolutely. blew my mind. This study at Harvard gave graduating. students two options. They could either. earn $50,000 a year while everyone else. earns $25,000. Or they could earn $100,000 a year while. everyone else earns $200,000.

Which one do you think they chose? Which one would you choose? Most students chose the first option. Less actual money but more status. relative to others. It didn't matter how. much they earned in reality. What. mattered was how much they earned. compared to the people next to them. A. 2010 study by the University of Warwick. found that life satisfaction is more. influenced by relative income, what you.

make compared to your peers, than by. absolute income. Social media has magnified this effect. According to a study in Computers in. Human Behavior, time spent on social. media correlated directly with increased. feelings of inadequacy due to. comparison. But here's the truth. Colonel Sanders launched KFC at 65. There are so many amazing entrepreneurs. who built their dream at 40, 50, 60, 70.

But because we live in an influencer. economy we all feel that if we're not. multi-millionaires by the time we're 21. or 30 that we're too late. The reality. is there is no universal timeline. What feels like late is usually just. different. Life isn't a race. It's a. relay. Some people sprint early, others. save their strength for later. Some are. still building their skills. Stop.

comparing your life. to the lives of people you don't even. want. Stop comparing your progress. to someone else's performance. Stop comparing your worth to numbers, likes, or applause. Stop comparing because the more you do. that. the less you see what's in your favor. Reminder number two. Endings define the story, not the start.

Think about a movie. It can be slow at. the start uneven in the middle, but if. the ending is powerful that's what you. remember. You leave the theater saying, "Wow, that was incredible. It blew my. mind." Psychologist Daniel Kahneman. proved this with his peak end rule. We. judge experiences not by how long they. lasted or even by how they began but by. their most intense moment. And above. all, how they ended. In one study.

patients undergoing painful medical. procedures remembered the experience as. less awful if the ending was gentler. Even if the procedure itself was longer. The ending rewrote the story in memory. And the same is true for our lives, our. careers, our relationships. A rocky. start doesn't lock in a bad ending. A slow decade doesn't cancel out the. power of where you finish. A failure.

today doesn't stop you from closing with. a win tomorrow. So if you're feeling. behind if you're feeling stuck in the. middle if your start has been messy. remember. people won't remember every stumble. They'll remember how you finished. And most importantly you haven't. finished yet. Don't quit in the middle of your story. Keep going until the ending makes your. struggle worth it.

Because the science is clear. It's not the start that defines the. story. It's how you choose to end it. according to Kahneman's peak rule. You. can spend half of your life behind. and still end happy. Because that's what matters. One of my favorite quotes from John. Lennon is everything will be okay in the. end. And if it's not okay. it's not the end.

We end before we've even got started. We finish and quit before we've even got. going. If you're in the messy middle. you don't have to feel stuck. No one cares how long it took you. They care that you kept going. Reminder. number three. Comfort is the real cause of delay. People love to say they're behind in. life because the world is unfair.

And yes, life can be unfair. But often. that's not the real reason we're stuck. Here's the harsh truth. We're behind. because comfort has us sedated. You're not behind because the world is. unfair. You're behind because comfort is. controlling you. Take the parable of the. frog in warm water. Don't actually do. this. But if you drop a frog into. boiling water it jumps out immediately. But put it in lukewarm water and heat it.

slowly it won't notice the danger until. it's too late. That's how comfort works. It doesn't scream, "You're wasting your. life.". It whispers, "You're fine here.". Don't push. Maybe tomorrow. Before you know it years. pass. This is called the status quo bias. Our brain prefers the safety of what's. familiar. even if it's not serving us.

Research shows that when faced with. change most people would rather stick. with a mediocre situation than risk the. uncertainty of a better one. That bias. is why people stay in unfulfilling jobs, toxic relationships, or unhealthy. habits. Not because they can't change. but because comfort tricks them into not. wanting to. One of my favorite quotes is. from Thich Nhat Hanh.

He said we will choose familiar pain. over unfamiliar change. We will choose something that hurts us. because it feels familiar. instead of choosing something that we. don't recognize that might be better for. us. A 2017 study published in Frontiers in. psychology found that over 80% of people. choose the default option in experiments. even when better alternatives are.

available simply to avoid change. Gallup surveys show that 85% of. employees worldwide are disengaged at. work. Yet most don't leave. Not because. they lack ability, but because comfort. feels safer than growth. So, if you feel. behind, don't just blame someone else. Ask yourself, am I truly trapped or just. comfortably stuck? Because comfort is. more dangerous than failure. Failure.

wakes you up. Comfort puts you to sleep. You don't get ahead by waiting for. perfect conditions. You get ahead by. breaking free from the sedation of. comfort by choosing growth even when it. feels awkward, risky, or hard. Life is unfair. You don't need fair. You need focus. Life can be unfair. You don't need guarantees.

You need grit. Life can be unfair. You don't need perfect conditions. You. need persistence. Life can be unfair. You don't need equal chances. You can make good choices. Life can be unfair. You don't need luck. You need leverage. Life can be unfair. You don't need comfort. You need. consistency. I agree with you that life can be. unfair. I agree with you that things.

need to change. I agree with you that we. need to try and change them. But we also need to take control of our. lives. Number four, most people ahead of. you might not actually be ahead of you. They might actually be unhappy. We look at people who seem ahead, the. ones with the money, the titles, the. perfect photos online, and assume. they're happier. But here's the counterintuitive truth. Most people ahead of you. could be unhappy. This is called the.

hedonic treadmill. Humans adapt quickly. to changes, good or bad. Promotions, new. cars, dream houses, they spike happiness. for a moment, then become the new. normal. That's why someone can be ahead. on paper, but feel empty. They're. running faster, earning more, collecting. trophies, but the treadmill keeps. moving, so they never feel satisfied. The hedonic treadmill shows that. external success doesn't equal sustained. happiness.

Here's the truth. That person you're comparing yourself to. may look ahead, but may feel empty. Fast success often collapses because the. inner foundation wasn't there. Now, this isn't true for everyone, but. it's important to understand. That. person might be ahead, but at what cost? At what sacrifice? Maybe that was a. sacrifice they were willing to make, but. are you? Stop envying a highlight reel. and start studying the life they're.

living. You don't know the price that. they paid. You don't know the sacrifice that they. made. Reminder number five, struggling. means you're in the arena. When you're. struggling, it's easy to think you're. failing. But the truth is, struggling means. you're in the arena. In 1910, Theodore Roosevelt gave a. famous speech in Paris. He said the credit doesn't belong to the.

critic, but to the one actually in the. arena whose face is marred with dust and. sweat and blood. A century later, psychologists are. proving him right. Take startups. Data shows 90% of new. businesses fail. That's brutal, but. here's the twist. The people who try, even when they fail, are far more likely. to succeed in the next round. A Harvard.

Business School study found. entrepreneurs who failed the first time. were more likely to succeed later than. those who never tried at all. See, that's the interesting thing. If you're. sitting there on the sidelines, you may. never ever win. If you failed the first. time, you could probably win the second. or third. Failure wasn't a dead end. It was. evidence they were in the arena, building resilience, building the skill, and building knowledge. Psychologists. call this stress inoculation and.

post-traumatic growth. Facing challenges conditions the brain. and body to handle more. Struggle. strengthens coping mechanisms, emotional. endurance, and problem-solving skills. Neuroscience shows that when we're. tested, our brain re-wires. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for. decision-making and regulation, actually. becomes more resilient through struggle.

Hence, struggling the first time, failing, and losing sets you up to win. A study in Psychological Science found. people with moderate adversity reported. better mental health and higher life. satisfaction than those with no. adversity. Too smooth a life actually weakens us. I. love this quote from Michael Hopf. Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times.

Good times create weak men. And weak men create hard times. It's fascinating to me. how some of our best times can actually. weaken us. And how some of our worst times can make. us strong and powerful. Resilience. research shows that exposure to struggle. predicts adaptability. in future crises. That's the skill you.

develop. So, if you're struggling, it. doesn't mean you're losing. It means. you're brave enough to step into the. arena. The ones who never struggle, they're in. the stands, safe, comfortable, and. potentially stuck. Struggle isn't a sign. of weakness. It's a sign you're doing. something real. Every bruise is proof. you're in the fight. Every setback is a. scar that makes you stronger. The dust, the sweat, the blood, that's. the price of the arena. And it's preparing you.

Don't confuse trying. with failing. Don't confuse practice. with losing. Don't confuse learning with weakness. Don't confuse falling behind with being. out of the race. Don't confuse starting. over. with starting from zero. And don't confuse scars with shame. They're proof you showed up. Reminder. number six,

you're not behind, you're developing. skills. When you feel behind in life, it's. usually because you're comparing. outcomes. Someone else has the job, the. relationship, the house, and you don't. But here's the truth. You're not behind. You're developing skills, and you're. developing your story. J.K. Rowling was a single mother living. on welfare before she wrote Harry. Potter. From the outside, she looked. behind. No money, no stability, no.

career. But those years weren't wasted. They. gave. her the persistence to keep submitting. her manuscript after 12 rejections. They. gave her empathy, which poured into her. characters. They gave her grit, which. became the foundation of her She was. building muscles she couldn't see yet. Think about the most beautiful building. you've ever been inside of. A home, a castle, a hotel.

No one ever went in that building and. said, "I love the foundations of this. building. The foundations of this building must be. amazing. They must be so deep." You. never see the foundations. But the taller the skyscraper, the deeper the foundations. The taller the building, the deeper the foundations. Right now, you could be working on the. foundations. that no one sees, and maybe even you're.

missing. And one day, when everyone sees that. building, you'll remember the. foundations, and everyone will forget. again. Psychologists call this latent learning. Knowledge and skills that don't show. immediate results, but surface later. when conditions change. It's also tied. to the concept of deliberate practice. Anders Ericsson's research shows that. expertise isn't just about time spent, but struggle invested. The slow, unseen.

grind is what creates mastery. Ericsson's research found that. world-class performers typically. accumulate 10,000 hours of deliberate. practice before breakthroughs. Most of. those hours look invisible from the. outside. You know, sometimes we talk about. whether athletes have a gift. or whether they developed it. I promise you. every athlete that I've spoken to, every.

athlete that I've worked with, the best. of the best, they don't doubt that they have some. God-given talent. But they would be offended. if you didn't count the hours they put. in. If you didn't notice the work and. struggle they put in, the amount of. intensity, because when we say. God-given, we want to imagine like they. didn't do anything. But if you sat down and spoke to them, they would remind you of showing up. When I had the opportunity to interview. Kobe Bryant, he talked about how he was. training before anyone had even walked.

into the gym. How he was training even. after everyone had left. When you hear. the stories of Cristiano Ronaldo, there. were players who were coming early to. training, Cristiano Ronaldo was there. earlier than them. That's what it takes. A study from Stanford found that people. often underestimate how much their. skills compound over time. Progress. feels slow in the moment, but. accelerates later like compound. interest. So when you feel behind, it's.

not that you're failing, it's that your. skills are incubating. The world only sees outcomes, but psychology shows that invisible. skills, resilience, persistence, patience are the very traits that. predict long-term success. Stop measuring your life only by. outcomes. Start noticing the skills you're. building in the struggle. Because you're not late, you're.

preparing. And preparation always looks. like you're behind. until the moment it doesn't. Thank you so much for listening to. today. I hope you'll pass this on to a. friend who may be feeling behind. As. always, I'm sharing with you research, science, spiritual wisdom, and insights. from a 360-degree perspective. And. remember, make sure you subscribe so you never. miss an episode. I'm forever in your. corner, and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this podcast, you'll love my.

episode with Lewis Hamilton. Lewis and I. talk about why you should stop chasing. society's definition of success, and how. to be more intentional with your goals. You don't want to miss it. >> Like it's not about being perfect, it's. about just every day one step at a time. trying to be better, trying to do more, and learning a lot about myself. I have. to break myself down in order to be able. to be better.