FIND YOUR PURPOSE - How To Manifest SUCCESS & ABUNDANCE In 2023 | Lewis Howes & Jay Shetty

The key to finding someone is to write a. list of all the things that you want in. that person, become the person of your. dreams, and you'll attract them. You've. been through some incredible. transformations and transitions in life. Still doing it, man. Every day. Every. day you got to I got to grow and. transition, man. But but let's take it. right back to the beginning. Yeah. Because I think that there was. obviously when you took out the mask of. masculinity and you started talking more. about your childhood and experiences. you'd been through that had formed your.

life today. And you started to get this. courage to be able to share it, which. took so much vulnerability and humility. and so much from you. Yeah. Tell us. about how. that and coming to grips with that. opened up more growth in your life. Well, I think we all have some type of. trauma that we've dealt with, whether it. may be neglect or abandonment, uh sexual abuse, emotional trauma, something or someone just said something. to us that we felt like we've held on to.

for decades that we can't forget. Some. kid, a friend, a parent that said. something to us. And so I don't want to minimize or. maximize anyone's trauma cuz everyone. has their own stuff they've been. through. Personally, I grew up in a. small town in Delaware, Ohio, which is. uh as middle America as it can get. And. my third memory is being raped by a man. So I have very few memories from my. childhood before five. But when I was 5. years old, I was raped by a man, it was.

probably 16 or 17-year-old uh guy who. was the son of a babysitter that I would. go to after kindergarten. My mom was working, my dad was working, they I was the youngest of four. And so they were always working till. later at night. So I would go to a babysitter's every. day, and um that was one of my first. memories is this experience. Except for 25 years, I never told anyone. cuz I was so ashamed that if people. actually knew this about me, they would. not love me. They would not like me. No. one would want to be my friends.

They would look down on me, all this. stuff. I would be less than a human if. they actually knew that I was sexually. abused. And I think that was a lot of. the conditioning of just growing up. in the '80s and '90s, especially in Ohio. and I think in the Midwest in general. Not everyone had this, but I think where. I grew up, I wasn't allowed to put my. arm around a buddy of mine. You know, when we hang out, it's like we hug each. other. I pick you up. Like I We put our. arm around each other. I jump on you. I. know, you jump on me. I'm like, "Yeah, I. love this.". And but that wasn't acceptable as a kid.

growing up for me. Like I wanted to put. my arm around people and like hug my. friends, but. in school, they would push me off and. call me names. Don't be a little girl. Don't be gay. Don't be this. Don't be. that. Like it wasn't cool to be. affectionate. even in a non-sexual friendship way. And so, when I saw that, I was I was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 that. other boys didn't accept me for putting. my arm around them as a friend. I was like, if they actually knew about. me, what I've gone through,

they would disown they would reject me. from society. It was kind of the story I. told myself. And I also just didn't have examples of. I was in sports and I never saw athletes. opening up about sexual abuse. I just. never ever saw it. I never saw them. opening up about mental health issues. what they're which was what was. happening now. More are doing that. But. as a kid, I never saw that model. And. so, I just said, "Okay, I got to act. like this didn't happen. I got to be as tough as I can so no one. can hurt me again. I have to be as big.

and strong as possible. to make sure that no one ever abuses me. again." And that was kind of the. the story of my life for 25 years. My. brother then went to prison when I was 8. until I was 12. He He got caught up in. the war on drugs in America in the in. the '90s for selling drugs to an. undercover cop. So, in a small town. there wasn't a lot of people in the. neighborhood whose kids went to prison. that I knew of. He was the only one.

And on my block. everyone knew that my brother was in. prison. So, that meant the other parents. wouldn't let their kids hang out with me. for 4 and 1/2 years essentially. So, now I have this time where I'm not. hanging out with people. I'm essentially. trying I remember one time I. I had to spend money to hang out with a. couple of kids who had a club in their. basement. They had like this little. private club. And I had to either answer. a couple questions that they asked me. and if I got it right, I could be in the. friend club or I had to give them money.

And they asked me a couple questions. which I still don't know the answers to. today and I remember feeling like, "Okay, I'm so dumb that because I'm not. smart, people don't want to hang out. with me.". And I went home and begged my mom for. money. She put it in a little shoe box. all the change she had to give them so I. could hang out with them. And I remember. after that day spending that time with. them, I was like. I felt really low. I felt really sad and. depressed. I was like, "Man, I'm just. like a nothing. Like no one cares about.

me. If I have to pay money to have. friends, how horrible of a human being am I?". I think those moments like really shaped. me and I said I'd rather be like. isolated and alone than being around. people that don't care if I'm like, you. know, that I'm so dumb they don't want. to hang out with me or if I can't. provide them with money. I was like, "I'd rather be alone.". So, I spent a lot of time alone. observing people. and dealing with my own insecurities for. pretty much throughout my teens. And I. really like look at my life in four. phases like preteen, teen to 22, my 20s,

and then 30 to now which is 37. It's. been kind of like four phases which has. been very confusing up to the last 7. years. And it wasn't until I finally opened up. about sexual trauma and sharing it out. loud. First with a small group of. people, then with my family and friends, then to my platform into the world. It's still the most downloaded thing. I've ever shared out on my podcast. You. know, it's.

it's still something I get every week. from people where they're sharing in. about how they're opening up for the. first time because I didn't have a model. growing up. And I felt like once I. started to share my shame about sexual. trauma, it no longer had power over me. It took. some time to heal, but it no longer became a thing that. crippled me and made me insecure. It's. kind of like, you know, in 8 Mile where. he's like, "This happened to me and they. cheated on my girl and this and I shot.

myself and the whatever." It's like, once I started to share a lot of. vulnerable things that I didn't want. anyone to know about me, then I learned. who my real family, who my real friends. were, and I could start to fall in love with. myself more. And I don't think I ever loved myself. fully. I loved the mask that I wore. I. loved like that I'm a jock, that I'm an. athlete, that I'm successful in. business, but I didn't love the inside. And I think it's a hard life to live if. we don't learn how to love ourselves.

So, that's that's been the journey and, you know, I was also in the special. needs classes. I almost flunked out of. English senior year. So, it's just a. challenging I just remember remember. really happy times growing up because I. never learned how to love myself. You. have great videos that say, you know, they teach us how to memorize things in. school, but they don't teach us how to. deal with failure. They don't teach us how to deal with a. broken heart. You know, those are the. things that I struggle with the most. Like, I was always failing in school. I no girls liked me. You know, I was.

always heartbroken, all this stuff. And. I didn't know how to lose gracefully. because my whole identity was tied. around winning and gaining acceptance. from people when I won in sports or when. I broke a record. It was like people acknowledge me and. they saw me for the first time because I. had a talent. Whereas I never felt seen as a kid. You know, my parents saw me and they. were there for me, but I the story I. said is people don't care about me even. when they did. And I and I think I just never learned.

the skill of loving myself. until 7 years ago really, the process. You know, if people could fully love. themselves. and be proud of themselves, there'd just. be a lot less mental and emotional. suffering. So, that's been kind of the. journey. in a nutshell. I mean, that's phenomenal, man. Like. it's, you know, when when I know you as. you now. over the last 3 years, you have one of the most kindest hearts. I know. You're one of the most open and.

loving people I know. You're without a. doubt one of the most generous people I. know. And and to me it's like I can't. ever imagine you not being those things. Yeah. Because. you do it so effortlessly in one sense. It can appear that way. So, if I would. have met you 10 years ago, I probably. wouldn't even recognize you, right? It's. like you're a completely different. person, but I didn't see that life. I've. seen only the last 3 years of you being. like this incredible source of wisdom. for the world that's gone viral and a.

great heart and a thoughtful mind. But I. think. a lot of us go through these challenges. Yeah. You know, and we're we're in the. public, so we're talking a lot about our. our life. And so, it's it can be very. scary if we haven't accepted ourselves. to then say, "This is who I am." I know. Michelle Obama talked about mild. depression, I think it was a couple days. ago or recently based on when this. podcast comes out, where she's like, "I'm struggling." And she shared it. publicly for the first time, which I. think is really courageous. But when.

people in the public eye, it's almost. like we're forced to tear down our our. masks and our walls, Otherwise, we're being inauthentic to ourselves if. we're only putting out this perfect. image. And for years, I put out a. perfect image or this ideal of like who. I wanted to be in the world. And I was afraid of what if people. really saw who I was, they would never accept me. Kind of like. when I was a kid, if they truly knew. what happened, I wouldn't have friends.

And again, when I And I realized like at. 30, enough was enough. I was dealing. with so much inner suffering. On the. outside, everything looked great, making. great money, sold a business for seven. figures, uh you know, had girls that were. interested in me, I had cool stuff, I. was playing sports. People were admiring what I was. accomplishing on the outside, but I was. never proud of who I was on the inside. and what I was afraid of. I had such. deep insecurity.

that if anyone knew who I was, no one. would ever love me. And I think once I. got to a place of fully accepting. myself, starting a healing journey, and sharing it with people, and. realizing I'm not dead, like I'm not. going to die here, and people still love. me, and people still care about me, even. more they like me because I'm being more. real, it creates a deeper connection. And that's when I started to realize. like, oh, there's this thing called. vulnerability that is actually probably.

the biggest superpower in the world that. most people don't use. And that's kind of all I've just done. It's just been more and more open, more. and more real, and it's still hard, you. know, it's like it's still hard to do. sometimes, but. I feel like it's the only way. And there's certain things that I'm not. saying you should just publicly talk. about everything of your fears and your. insecurities. I think there's a time and. place for everything. I just felt like a. responsibility 7 years ago to open up. about these things because I didn't see. another model. I didn't see another,

you know, jock white man opening up. about stuff. And now when I see guys. like Kevin Love talking about uh having. mental breakdowns on the court and. actually writing articles and speaking. being an advocate for this. I'm like, "Great. Now there's more athletes that. look like him who might feel comfortable. opening up at 10, at 12, at 14.". I saw a young NBA player. um I'm forgetting his name recently like. shaved his head on Instagram and said. he's. doing this and he feels free because he.

was sexually abused over and over as a. kid. I think he's a rookie NBA. basketball player and I'm like, "This is. amazing that someone is posting this on. Instagram who has a platform. cuz he's starting to heal and maybe. there he's a he's a young black guy. I'm. like, "Maybe there's other young black. men who would never open up about this.". And now they have the permission. to to share. And I think that's. incredible. So I felt like a. responsibility. to to start opening up publicly about. these things. And I think you do such a. great job on your videos of like. addressing all these scary things that.

are hard for us, depression, mental. illness, cheating, relationship breakups, divorce, like all these things that. people are scared to go through, you're. addressing and I think that's what's. helping heal the world. Yeah, man. When you When I hear you say. every example that you're sharing right. now, it's almost like you had to choose to do. the hardest thing. The scariest thing is. like. the way, you know, like whereas Ryan.

Holiday says the obstacle is the way. Like your greatest fears is the way. This is something I've been doing as a. kid. since my teens of realizing, "Okay, what. are my fears?" Because these are holding. me back from being the greatest version. of myself. So every year I would create. a list of my biggest fears. I remember. when I was a teenager, it was girls. I. think every teenage boy is afraid of. talking to girls, getting rejected by. girls, like all that stuff is very. scary. And for me, I remember it was. like, I don't have confidence around. girls. I don't know what to say. I'm a.

stutterer. I don't have anything funny. Like I just stumble over my words. And I. said to myself, okay, this summer when I. was 16, I said, every day when I see a girl that I'm. interested in or is attracted to, I'm. going to. run, not in a creepy way up to them, but. I'm going to run towards them and start. a conversation. When it gives me little. butterflies, like I don't care if I'm at. the pool or the gym or the walking down. the street, I have to go up to them. It. was a challenge. it. For 90 days to do this. You should have.

videoed it. I should have. I wish. And. for 90 days I did this. And I tell you. what, the first couple weeks I was just. humiliated. It was. the worst feeling in the world because. you're I faced my greatest fear, rejection, humiliation, uh not being. enough. They don't like me, whatever it. is. And by the end of the summer, I kid you. not, I must have had, I don't know, 50. phone numbers and just lots of fun. You. know, I'm not acting on any of these. things. I'm just like having fun and. overcoming a fear. And I think if human.

beings were able to create more. contained challenges for themselves to. overcome their inner insecurities, that's the greatest game you can play. Like I used to play a lot of physical. sports, but this is the greatest inner. sports that you can play. is writing a list of your biggest fears. and then giving yourself parameters. and a a time frame. So, I did this with. girls. And I was like, oh, it worked. I. feel confident. I can say hi to people. without being afraid. Then when I was 23, I did it with public. speaking. I could not stand up in front.

of three people and say anything without. sweating, without trembling. It was that. crippling. And I know public speaking is. a big fear for a lot of people. And I met someone. who was a professional public speaker. And I said, tell me what I need to do to. overcome this fear. He said, you need to join Toastmasters. You need to go every single week until. you're not afraid. So, I gave myself a. year. I said, "I'm going to do this. every single week." I would film my. speeches. It was horrible, but I every week I would get better. And.

at the end of the year, I remember being. able to speak in front of this group of. 15-20 people in the club, and speak without notes, you know, remember my speech, give it with poise, give it with everything I needed to do, and. I was like, "Wow, I'm not afraid. anymore.". And I've done that with salsa dancing, you know, for salsa dancing I spent 90. days all in on salsa dancing. I was. terrified that I could not dance. But I did the same challenge for myself, and I constantly do that, you know. I.

did this with opening up about sexual. abuse. I was like, "I'm terrified. For. 25 years no one knows this except for. me.". And I never thought I would tell anyone. But I knew I was cheating myself by not. at least processing the healing, because. it was something inside that was holding. me back. And every year I'm luckily I'm faced. with challenges every year that force me. to address my fears. It forced me to. level up, to own my mistakes, to take. accountability and responsibility, and. and improve. And I think that's a.

beautiful thing of life is like, I never. want to be not afraid of something, because then I'm done. So, I always want. to have something where I'm like, uh. right now it's Spanish. I have been wanting to practice to learn. Spanish for 20 years. Now you have to. Now I've got a Now I've. got a Mexican girlfriend, and even the first year of our. relationship I said, "Okay, I'm going to. do this." But I put it off. Like I keep. making excuses, because every time I. jump into a new app, uh a new class,

whatever it is, I get my brain hurts so. much from learning something that's. challenging. This is why I didn't do. well in school, cuz I was just like, "I. can't do this. I I give up. Let me go. play a sport.". And I was just like, "This is going to. suck for a couple of years. It's not. going to be easy, but I'm going to be so much more proud. of myself from accomplishing it in a few. years, and what I'm going to learn about. myself in the process is going to be. greater than actually being fluent. But I just keep thinking back to like. if I died today, would I regret not.

going after this fear? Would I regret. that I didn't share this with my. girlfriend, my husband, my wife, my. kids, that I didn't go back to school, that I didn't write the book, launch the. podcast, whatever it is. That whatever. regret it. And for me, I just never want to regret. So, I'm like, "Okay, I've now found a process. I've hired. someone. to do 3 days a week. I'm fitting it in. my calendar. This is a priority every. day, and it sucks right now cuz I feel. like I'm not learning any I'm.

I can't speak still, but it's like it's. going to take years, and I just need to. trust the process. and appreciate all the little wins. And don't try to be fluent right away. Just be like, "Okay, I know a couple. more words today.". And that's what I think if people could. do that, their life would be that much. more magical. If you wrote down your. biggest fears, and you started tackling them every. year. Lewis, you're in flow, man. This is. amazing stuff. Become the Batman. This is a Become Batman. This is amazing.

stuff. Like I want everyone who's. listening and watching right now to do. what Lewis is saying right now. I. literally want you to get out a piece of. pen and paper. If you're not, then take. a screenshot of where we are right now, come back to this later on, and do this because what he's saying is. so powerful. Like literally, it's so. profound. Like I love the fact that. you've just consistently challenged and. challenged and challenged. And it just. starts with writing down your fears and. finding one thing you can do for 30. days, 60 days, 90 days, whatever it is. for you, and just doing that one thing.

every day. And it's doing it. Acting. It's not just thinking about it. And so, those are. next book is going to be act like a. monk. And it's going to be the actions. you need to take. But uh Yeah, would you. say is your over the last 3 years? What. were the biggest fears you had. that you had to conquer or what and. what's the biggest fear you have right. now that you haven't conquered yet? I. think that. the first thing that came to mind was. after my first video went viral. Yeah. So It had a million views. So yeah, the. first one got a got a million views in.

like 7 days. The second one got like a. million views in 24 hours and then ended. up getting like a total of 160 million. views across pages. This is when the. HuffPost was sharing it. Yeah. It's 2017 2016. Mid-2016. And my first fear became I don't want to. make any more videos. What? Because I. was scared that they wouldn't do as. well. Oh my gosh. And this is the crazy thing of the fear. of. See, when when you're starting, your. fear is a failure. And then when you kind of have a.

breakthrough, your fear becomes of. success. It is. I mean, it's like who said this? Uh. I think Liz Gilbert says something like. well, I'm never going to be as. successful as my last book that sold. like 10 million copies and Eat, Pray, Love and it's like how do you live life. knowing that you may never hopefully you. keep creating stuff, but but that didn't. happen with you. You've been making. videos that have got 300 million views. and beyond, right? Yeah, so that was the first fear I had. to overcome was like the the fear before. that was well, who's going to care? So.

that was the biggest fear before. starting, but you talked a lot about. that. So I see well, the opposite end of. the fear of you've had your little. breakthrough, you've got a little taste. or a glimpse of. people now caring and now you're like, well, what if they don't care the next. time? So did that did that uh. you from wanting to create more. or less or. I I made less. I I think at that time I. was making one video per month. because I was so scared. When I met you at Nasdaq, were you still. only doing one a month? At that time I.

had just started getting more One every. 2 weeks or something. Yeah, it wasn't I wasn't When I met you. when I after that I was like, "You need. to be doing three a week." I was like, "You need to go hard like all in on this. cuz you were like, "Yeah, maybe I'll. start a podcast and write a book." Then. I go, "Wait and go all in on video right. now. Tunnel vision on just how can I. This was your gift." I think people get. distracted too early where it's like, "Okay, this is my gift. It's working and.

let me do this, this, and this cuz it's. cool." But you went all in and you you. freaking crushed. Yeah, so that was that. was one of the fears. The the other fear. was, you know, in when we were in New. York and we've talked about this before, me and Roddy had moved there 6 months. ago. Yeah. I decided that I had to. venture out into creating my own thing. and I was 4 months away from being. broke. We had 4 months left to pay rent. and groceries. That's it. That's. literally all we had left. And you were like, "Okay, I'm going to. go leave HuffPost be part time and then.

go create more which takes money, time, and energy." Yeah, and and I realized. that I had to make that journey to start. building and creating because I wanted. to create stuff that I really wanted to. create and put out. But at the same time. that came with the risk of, "Hey, we. just got married a year ago. We moved. here 6 months ago. I know no one in New. York. No one really knows me and now I'm. trying to create something from scratch. in a city where I was full of unknowns.". Right. So that fear came out The only solution.

to that fear was literally I woke up the. next day and I emailed, just like you. did kind of with the with the girls at. that time, but I emailed every person. of girls? No. Can you imagine? I emailed every person. I'd ever had any interaction with that. may need a video. And I said, "I will. edit your videos. I will shoot your. videos. I will create videos for you.". And so I just started creating. Full on hustle scrappy mode.

Literally, just to survive. Yeah. Just to survive. What happened when you after like a week. of sending those out, what happened? I. was getting a few people emailing back. and I realized that it was all a game of. odds. That I got back as much as I put. in. So, if I sent 100 emails, I got 10. responses. If I sent 1,000 emails, I was. getting 100 responses. And I was. literally trying to find any way through. to like seeing people who'd retweeted me. on Twitter and reaching out to them and. Smart. Like just any. DM, "Hey, do you need some video work? I. can help you.". just looking at someone's job title on.

LinkedIn and going like, "Who's this. person?" Because I wanted to build. something for myself, but I wasn't sure. that people were going to allow me to. create what I wanted to create straight. away. And also there wasn't like a. monetization plan 3 years ago on. Facebook or I guess maybe YouTube, but. it wasn't like a way to make money with. your content. You were just I'm. impacting the world and. that's why maybe I'll do a book and this. and that to make some money, but you. couldn't monetize really then. No, and. and and it was monetization's never been. my goal. Like in the beginning, the goal.

was simply to make an impact. And then I. realized that without money, you can't. scale the impact. It's true. And that. was the clear decision that I had to. rewire my relationship with money. Mhm. I had to rewire my relationship. fear? That was a big fear. We've talked about this a bunch before, but why was money a big fear for you? Well, I think I grew up in a family. where we always had just enough. So, the language around money was, "We. have just enough. We have just enough. We have just enough." And almost there. was not necessarily through my parents,

but there was a negative kind of. narrative that I grew up with that to be. rich or wealthy, you had to backstab, lie, cheat, steal, or do something. dodgy. Or not be there for your family. or, you know, Correct. sacrifice time. Totally. Like it. couldn't be done in a healthy way. Mhm. You couldn't become wealthy in a healthy. way, right? Something like that was kind. of What was the switch for you then when. you realized, "Oh, no. Like money is a. good thing to make more of an impact and. I actually need to focus on this or add,

you know, overcome this fear. Well, I. think being in a place where you're 4. months away from being broke You're. like, I need to make some money. You you. realize that fear doesn't help you be. creative. So, your creativity actually. shrinks. when you're under immense pressure and. fear because creativity, of course. creativity also comes from pain, but. creativity also needs abundance. to to really flourish. That's true. You. have a great part in your You have a. great chapter or section in your book.

that says follow the pain in your heart. Mhm. And it sounds like you had a pain. in your heart like, I got to pay for. rent and I've got this creative endeavor. that I really want to take on and so you. went all in on that. Yeah, exactly. The. fear now that I think that I'm I'm. really I theoretically understand, but. I'm still working on. done that I haven't done yet is. I wish I could talk to every person that. followed me on social. and share my heart with them. Like I.

wish My fear is that people don't. understand my heart. Mhm. And. theoretically I know that. no one will ever fully understand me and. so I have to be able to let go of that, but I think it's hard, like you said, when you're living a public life and you. want to be able to share your truth with. people and you want everyone to. understand you. Like, for example, if me. and you are talking. we can give each other time of day to. understand each other. Yes. Context, conversation, I'm back and.

forth. Yeah, depth and like reflection, but when you have even if you have a. video or you have a podcast. speaking to someone one-on-one is a. totally different experience. That's why. podcasts work because even though we. know other people are going to hear. this, really it's a conversation between. us. What is the thing that you really. wish people understood about you? About your heart. If you had 60 seconds. to 2 minutes to share that directly to. your audience. What would you say that's you really. want them to hear? Yeah, I'd say that.

I'd want people to know. that my intention has always been to. serve. It always will be. That's the. place I come from. And that I try my best every single day. to do what I love in a way that can help. other people grow. Yeah. And that. I am not perfect. Uh I I'm I don't have. it all figured out. But I'm learning. along the way and I'm sharing what I've. learned. Yeah. And that to me is, you.

know, that to me is probably in. 60-second version. Sure, sure. What would you say yours is? What would you say Well, I think it's a. lot of pressure for. especially since you're a monk, you. probably have more pressure because. people assume that like you're supposed. to be this perfect spiritual I don't. know, I'm just making assumption, but. that might be part of the pressure. And I think people need to understand. that we're all human beings is trying to. like figure it out. And and I know your. heart and I know what you've been. through and I know the challenges and. things people overcome. And I think it's it's unfortunate that.

anyone with any size of an audience has. a pressure to be perfect with everything. in their life. And there's so much. happening in the world right now where. they're just canceling everyone where it. seems like it's exhausting. Like you. have to be perfect. That's why people. are more afraid than ever to be. vulnerable because it's just another. thing to knock people down. Yeah. Well, that's what I was going to. ask you. Has there ever been a time. where you felt you were vulnerable and. open where actually you found people. took advantage of it or distanced. themselves from you or have you always. found that vulnerability.

has acted in the superpower? And there's. no right or wrong answer. I really want. to know. Like have you always found that. vulnerability? And then and then what is. that vulnerability if that's the case? How was it done artfully that. Um the first thing that's coming up is. I was really worried. I didn't think. people would receive me for opening up. about sexual trauma. I didn't think they. would I thought they would like say. nasty things or whatever, distance. themselves, but it was like the complete. opposite where that vulnerability really.

And again, I wasn't doing it for some. type of marketing strategy. I was just. like, I need to get this off my chest. and I wanted to share it. Um gosh, I'm trying to think of like. being vulnerable. A time where it didn't work. I feel like it always works out. I think. you know, a year and a half ago I was. going through a breakup and that was a. very vulnerable time for me because I. had. people that didn't have the full context. and weren't actually reaching out to me. to ask me questions. They were just. making assumptions.

And that was more of a painful challenge. to go through of realizing, oh, here's. who my real friends are. and here's who people who have just like. always taken for years. But when I'm going through something. where they don't really know what's. going on, they make assumptions and they don't. become vulnerable with me. So, that was. like a a moment where I was like, man, that kind of sucks that. you know, but it was also great in the. fact that I learned who my friends were. And so, it was like I got to purge a lot. of people and you were really. instrumental in helping me like, you.

know, people are going to come and go. You can't hold on to relationships and. you don't want to hold on to a. relationship if they're single-sided or. if they're judgmental or if they're. whatever, righteous about something. without actually taking the time to be. thoughtful, ask questions, listen with an open heart and hear. what's actually really going on. And I think that was a that was a time. where I was like, it's hard in the moment when you're in. it, but I kept saying to myself, I'm. going to have hindsight now. Hindsight. now. Hindsight now. But they end of this.

year, it's New Year's Eve, like I'm going to be in a completely. different place and this is all going to. be happening. It's all going to be happening and. serving me in a much greater way that's. going to set me up for something that I. would never been able to do in the. future. And I feel like. the adversity that we go through sets us. up for incredible things, but it's so. hard to see it and go through it in that. moment. But by the end of that year, I was with a woman the woman of my.

dreams. I was. purged relationships that were takers of. me for years, just wanting me to promote. them and help them and make. introductions who are only single-sided. I purged these judgmental people out of. my life. I developed deeper. relationships with the people I had who. were there for me, you being one of them, and I freed. myself of the need to please other. people. Yeah. And that was a that was. another fear of mine, which was like, I want everyone to like me. Mhm. I want.

everyone to understand me. Kind of like. you, it's like, "Ah, but they if they. actually knew what was really happening, they would know what's going on in my. heart and all these things, but". And so when I freed myself of that, it. was like, I'm in a I'm in the healthiest. relationship I've ever been in. And I'll tell you why. She's the woman of my dreams, yet if we broke up tomorrow, I'd be okay. Because I'm at such a peace knowing that. this is happening for me, and she's in. my life for a reason right now, and.

hopefully it lasts a long time, but if. it doesn't for whatever reason, we weren't supposed to force it, and. it's setting me up for something that I. learned to to use in the next. relationship or the next part of my. life. And I've never been in a I'm. getting chills right now cuz I've never. been in a relationship where I've been. able to say like I'd be okay if it. didn't work out. And that's why I stayed in relationships. too long because I was too afraid to let. it go and feel alone and feel insecure. And I'm just like, if she broke up with.

me or if we decided it wasn't the right. fit, I'd be at peace because. I'm not attached. This is something you. me is about really being unattached to. the outcome. Like being unattached. to whatever it looks like and knowing. that if I keep focusing on my heart, if. I keep focusing on giving, if I keep. focusing on growing, if I keep focusing. on loving people and loving myself, then I'm going to reject and attract the. right things in my life, whether it be. my relationships intimately, business. partnerships, friends. You're going to.

repel people that don't want to be in. that energy and you're going to be a. magnet to beautiful things. And that's why like the first time in my. life in my mind, I'm like. my mind is calm and my heart is at peace. because I'm not attached to something. needing to look a certain way. It feels beautiful. What a beautiful. place to be, man. be sad Listen, I don't want to end the. relationship. I'd be sad. I'd be like, okay, I'm sure there'd be some grieving, but I just like I feel like I've been. through so many hard things.

in my life emotionally, internally that. I'm like I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm alive. I'm here. And it's actually. it's almost like that thing that didn't. work out pushed me up higher to the next. greater thing. And that relationship. taught me this lesson that's allowed me. to do this thing. And. this person is getting me to actually. learn Spanish, which has been something. I want to do for 20 years. And this. person got me to open my heart and talk. about sexual abuse. And it's like it's. all helping me and serve me to then.

serve and give more energy to the world. And I think that's what people need to. look at is like the challenge that I'm. facing right now, the adversity you're. facing, whether it be COVID, a. relationship, you're you lost your job, like you need to look at this as the. greatest gift of your life because it. is. If you look at it as the greatest. adversity, then you'll stay in that. space for much longer until you realize. this is a beautiful gift and it's. serving me. Where do I find the lesson and how can I. lean into the lesson and grow from. there? That is beautiful, man. Well said. Like.

that is truly just You're speaking to. our hearts right now. Like, that is such. a beautiful place to live, it sounds. like, because it is a complete. relationship with yourself. Gosh, man. First, which is what you started with. I. think. the most interesting relationship we. have is the relationship we have with. ourself or. source or God or higher or power, but I. think the the self-image we have. Like, I remember looking in the mirror. as a kid and not loving myself. And if.

if you can look in the mirror without. narcissism. but actually like pure love. for all that you've had to overcome, all. that you've been through, all you've. accomplished, your way of being, how. you've been kind to human beings and. kind to yourself. And if you can fully. look in the mirror and say, "I love you, and I'm grateful for you, and I'm proud. of you." Those are three of the most. incredible things that a person could. say, cuz most people can't say those. things today. I bet if you're listening or watching. this right now.

that there's a lot of people that can't. look themselves in the mirror. take their clothes off down to their. underwear and say. "I love you, I'm proud of you, and. you matter." Like, those three things. are probably things that it's hard. Maybe you love some things, we don't. love everything. And I There's a lot I want to work on. I'm not perfect. I There's a lot of. flaws, but it's like, at the end of the. day, ask myself, did I show up and do. the best I could like you? Did I give to the best that I could? And.

am I following my mission, my purpose? You know, I think like a monk, you give. a clear outline of how to discover and. follow your purpose. Without a purpose, we are really feeling. lost. And we're going to feel like we're. never enough, cuz we're chasing a bunch. of things that aren't the mission. So, that's why I I keep going back to. your book, cuz I think it's really like. the the handbook for living a great life. for people. that if, you know, I got an early copy, so I blessed about it, like learn this. stuff now and apply it to my life, but.

you know, it wasn't until a few years. ago when I really was able to look at. myself in the mirror and say like, "I'm. proud of you and I love you and you. matter." And I think that's sad, but. also. exciting at the same time because I. think if people can learn that quicker, they're just going to have much more. peace in their heart and that's what we. all need. Lewis house, man. This is literally. everything you're saying today is just. like it's hitting the heart. Yeah. Like I'm hearing you speak today. and we speak often, so I'm I'm used to.

having conversations with you. We always. have like three, four-hour conversations. whether we're walking or sitting, but everything you're saying today is. like going straight to the heart. Like. it's just decluttering for me. Yeah. And so I'm hoping that everyone who's. listening or watching right now, you're. listening to Lewis going, "I need more. of this guy in my life because he's so. clear, so crystal clear.". Yeah. And and I can tell that it's because. you've done the work over the last few. years. Like this isn't just See, saying. those things that you. Not just theory. Yeah, it's not just.

theory and it's also not just reading. the lines, right? You're not just saying. that to yourself in the mirror. to say it to yourself. Yeah. You're doing the internal work to. be able to say that to yourself in a. genuine, authentic way with the. understanding still that you want to. grow. Yeah, listen, I'm not in front of. the mirror every day saying these things. to myself. No, I'm not like I'm not like in my. underwear, but. but I've done it before and I think you. need to ask you could be a reflective. question, could I stand in front of the. mirror and look at myself? And every day.

I I think about something every day. that is, you know, I don't meditate. every day, although I try to. You know, I wish I was as disciplined as you, two. hours in the morning, but I I do about a. 15-minute meditation almost daily. um called the soul sync that's really. worked for me, but every day it might. just be a few minutes, but every day I. think about. the greatest version of myself. What is. like the greatest version of Lewis Howes. look like? And if he was from a distance. walking towards me,

if I could soak that in for 10 seconds, the way he walked, his posture, his. energy, his aura, his love, what would I. be feeling? What would I be. experiencing? I try to imagine myself. the. greatest perfect version of myself. walking towards me and then staring me. straight in the eyes. And I try to imagine what are the things. that I'm not doing. that are not getting me closer to that. right now. How can I eliminate those. things? What are the things I am doing that's. going to get me closer? How can I do. more of those things?

And I'm a big visual guy. So, for me, visualization. allows me to paint a picture in my mind. and then and then hopefully apply it in. the real world by taking action. Um but I try to That's my meditation. It's like, what's what's holding me. back? What's missing? And what does that greatest version of. me have when he walks close to me? And I think if we look at our lives like. that, where we start to imagine what. could I do? Not that I'm ever going to. reach that, but what could I be doing. better?

And am I closer every single day to that. great image of myself that I want to be, the thing that makes me proud, the. things that make me feel like I matter. and that I love myself? And I think um. it's a it's a powerful. uh. technique that I use daily to to help me. get there. Dude, that's so powerful. It's fun. That's so powerful. Because we visualize it Most of us are. visual thinkers, or at least the ones of. us that are, and all of us love visuals, whether it's movies or music videos or. and you're so right that when you start. to see it clearly in your mind, and.

you've always talked about this. I've. heard you talk about this on Ellen. I've. heard you talk about this uh on multiple. interviews, where you always talk about. like it starts with the dream. Yes. But it's like the dream is. something you have to see first. Yeah. Right? And that is what a dream. is. When you go to sleep and you dream, it means you saw something. Yes. And and that's where it starts. And and. I want to start here by talking about. something that you've got that started. as a dream, that started as a visual in. your mind, that now is about to reach. its 1,000th episode.

Yeah. Which is your podcast, The School. of Greatness, which is what the first. book was uh based on. For those of you. who haven't read it, this is uh. Lewis's first ever book, New York Times. best-selling author of this book, The. School of Greatness, but you're on your. 1,000th episode. Crazy, man. Yeah, I wanted you know, I. remember. as I started to go through my healing. process 7 and 1/2, 8 years ago, I had an idea. I was like, I just want. to interview great minds and cuz I'm. learning from so many great people. I. was a great networker and I would.

get a seat at the table and I would get. the one-on-one call with them. I was. like, man, I just wish everyone could. hear the information that they're. sharing. And I always thought I was. asking the dumbest questions when I. would talk to them, like the most basic. dumb questions. But for whatever reason, they were like so grateful that I asked. them. And I was like, God, but I just feel. like no everyone would make fun of me if. I asked these questions. So I had it, you know, I was like, I. feel like I'm doing a disservice by. getting all this knowledge and not. sharing with other people. My dumb. questions, right? And um I was like, I.

just want to launch a show. This was way. before podcast was pop popular. 2012, I had the idea and I was like, I. want to launch this show. I want to do. it once a week. And I had one episode with one listener. to start. And now we're 250 million. downloads, 1,000 episodes in. And I didn't know. what would what would happen from the. dream. It was just like, I just want to. create this thing and start it and I. want to do it for a year. It was an. experiment, just like everything else. Cuz I wasn't a polished interviewer. I. didn't have radio skills. I wasn't like.

an on-camera host. I was none of that. But I was like, this is an experiment to. overcome fears, to put myself out there, and allow people to hear me ask dumb. questions and hopefully, based on me. learning, they can learn. And I think a lot of people that. have a dream of doing something, they're. they're just wrapped up in so much fear. that if you could just get it started. and be consistent, you'll see so many. beautiful things that come from it. I. never knew I would launch a book from. the podcast, or the second book, or a. live event, or coaching, or like I.

didn't they all stemmed from people. saying, "We want more. Can you create something. else?" Yes. Same thing with you. You. probably never knew when I I'm going to. do these videos once a month and inspire. people. You never knew that you would. have this book that is going to be a. number one New York Times best seller, international phenomenon. I'm calling it. now before it comes out. You didn't know. you'd have a podcast that's now one of. the top 50 in the world on iTunes. You. didn't know these things would come come. from it, but you had a dream of like, "I. just want to create videos and inspire.

people." And because you leaned into. your your talent, your skill set of. being like a great learner. from your your education years to monk. life, to then being a great teacher, and. your love for movies and creativity and. putting it into your creation in a. unique and different way, you had the trifecta, the perfect storm. that allowed you to share your gift with. the world, and it worked. And so you kept leaning. into it. And then because of that. impact, okay, you're going to have this.

book, the podcast, TV shows, movies, like whatever you want to do is going to. happen. But if you never overcame the fear of. putting out that first video, and then. the fear of success of doing it. consistently, you wouldn't have the rest. of this. I think about that all the. time. I consistently think about what my. life would be. if I listened to the rejections and the. failures and didn't put that first video. out. And I wonder how you would feel. And by the way, anyone who's listening. or watching right now, you can tell that. Lewis is a really good interviewer cuz.

he keeps making it about the other. person. And that shows you why he's such. a brilliant interviewer. Like it's like, "Why are we talking about me again? Why. why do we keep talking about me? And I'm not trying to make it about me. at all, but this is Lewis. This is why. he's such a great interviewer. And when. I. you know, me and Lewis we've interviewed. a couple of people together or been at. tables where Lewis is asking question. I. actually believe that you ask the best. questions. Like when you ask a question. it it's often a question I've never even. thought of. And I definitely don't think it's. stupid, but but there's a depth to the.

way you answer because you really want. to hear the. You really want to learn. And and you. have that and I remember my my one of my. monk teachers teaching me that he said. that if you ever feel you gave a good. class. or if you ever failed that you feel that. you gave a good sermon or a lecture. he should you should always remember. that it it is because of the sincerity. and eagerness of the audience. And he said that if you felt that you. delivered, it's because that audience.

was so receptive. to hear. It's like we've both been at. conferences where we've spoken where. audiences were not engaged and you might. have been like I'm up here dancing like. a monkey freaking sweating, jumping. around, telling the best stories ever. and it feels like crickets still and and. everyone's on their phone and you're. like but when you go into a room uh. where it's just like they're just. sitting on the edge of their seat cuz. they're just excited to hear you. whatever reason the context was set up. You're just like you can say whatever. they laugh in a moment. It's probably. like a comedian where it's like you.

know, you go into a comedy club. and if they're not receptive you got to. work. Yeah. It doesn't matter if you do your. best stuff. It's about the audience. that guy. You're you're that receptive. audience always. I love to learn from everyone. You know. what I think you have a chapter in your. book on how to learn from everyone. And it's I've been I as the This is one. of my I guess as I reflect back like. every adversity is for us if we find the. lesson in it. I just felt like why am I. so stupid? Like every year in class I. never got above the bottom four in our.

in our grade cards. So, they used to. rank us. I don't know if they did this. in London, but they used to rank our. grade cards. And I never dropped or never got. past the bottom four. Ever. Ever from what I my memory. And I. remember just. it was just a confirmation of how stupid. I am. It was just like, "Well, you suck. It doesn't matter how many tutors, how. many special needs classes you're in, you're never going to be smart." It was. like the story. But I was like, "Ah, but I feel like if.

I observe people differently and if I. learn to connect with people in a. different way, and if I ask different. questions, and I just observe human. behavior, people will still want to connect with. me not based on how smart I am or my. grade card, but because I just care.". And I remember hearing the quote, I think it was from Roosevelt, that was. people don't care how much you know. until they know how much you care. And I. heard that as a teenager and I was like, "I have a chance like in this life. because.

I'm never going to know as much as. anyone else. I'm always going to be the dumbest. person in every room, and in fact, I try. to be. And yet, it's not a competition of who's smarter. or who's not, and it's not a competition. of who cares more or not, but just. showing that you do care is always going. to be to your advantage. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely, man. Absolutely. But I. want to do a quick activity with you. with the thousand podcasts. Okay. I'm nowhere near so I can't imagine what. you on right now? I think we're on like. what, we've nearly reached 1 and 1/2.

years. So, and we do two a week. Yeah, so 150, is that right? Yes, we're like at a 170, okay. We're. like a little like tenth or a fifth of. what you've done. Yeah. So, when you look at a thousand. episodes, and I really do want to focus. on this because, you know, you wrote a. whole book about the podcast with with. interviews. Yeah. I I want to focus in on. a few and and I know it's not going to. be an easy exercise cuz you know what's. coming. But but the reason why I'm going to ask. these questions is because I want to. hear how much these are not just.

questions for you. They're really like. you're in your own classroom. Yeah. Like, you know, you We're in. Lewis's classroom, which is the school. of greatness. Yep. Which is what's so beautiful about. the name. because it's almost the school you. didn't have, the school I didn't have, and the school no one has. School I wish I had. Exactly. And so, you've created that. So, let's start with. who do you think. in your podcast would have made a. brilliant school teacher? Which guest. would have made like the best school.

teacher that you would have had? I mean, that's pretty easy. I think you. would have been the best because cuz you. were a teacher and you. struggle I'm not just saying this cuz. you're here. You're probably the first. one I thought of even if you didn't say. that. But because you just know how to. structure challenging things into easy. concepts. And for me, that's what I'm. always trying to bridge the gap from. This is a challenging idea concept. I. don't understand this. So, let me find the expert who can make. it simple, and then I can ask a question. dissect it and say, "Okay, so you're. telling me that if we just do this,

this, and this, we'll be happy." Right? It's like, "How. can I solve these problems?" And so, I. think you do such a brilliant job of. showing it through visual and through. quotes and through your own uh. experience. to make it something we can see, feel, and experience. uh as a teacher. So, I think you're. you're one of the best. I Let me think. I mean, Brené Brown cuz she is a. teacher. Yeah. She's a professor. Yeah, so I think she. is great of of that.

Uh. this guy just had on Dr. Ivan Joseph, who's a sports psychologist, professor. I think he's brilliant. So, I've had a. lot of professors all from Harvard and. stuff like that, but Yeah. the. non-teacher I think you. Um. Yeah, Brené, but she's a teacher, so. The next question is, who. has taught you the most and what is it, the most fascinating relationship. lesson. So, who have you had on that's really. given you a relationship insight? Um the first thing that comes to mind is.

Rob Bell, who is a I don't know if you. know who he is. He's like a spiritual. pastor. he is, but I've never I've never met. him. I've had him on a few times and I. every time he comes on it's like speaks. to my heart. He told me about relationships and. marriage. I'm probably going to butcher. it, but he was like. you create love in the space between. when you guys are together. It's not when you're together where love. is created. It's the space between. between when you're thinking about the. person. Wow. And it may reminded me of a quote.

by I think it was Yo-Yo Ma who said like. harmony is in between the notes. Like in music, it's like it's in between. the harmony is made in between the. notes, right? It's like that's where the. music is actually. heard in between the notes. And I think. when he said that it connected me to. that. I was like, "Yeah, it's. interesting. that love is like the the space you have. apart. And that might be like 30 minutes. or days, but it's the space in between. So, that was really insightful and I'm. probably butchering it, but it was about.

something like that. And um I really remember. when I had Matthew Hussey on. I've had. him on a couple of times. He said. you know, the key to finding someone. great, someone you love, like your. soulmate, the person you really want to. be with. is to write a list of all the things. that you want in that person. and then go become all those things. Mhm. So, it's like in order to find the. person of your dreams, become the person. of your dreams and you'll attract them.

Yeah. So, I thought that was really. cool. It's just like taking. accountability for your own life and I. and you see. like all these. pro people talking about like online. dating like the profiles people put on. there are like. you need to be this and you need It's. talking about the other people like what. they're looking for and don't be this, but it's like are you those things or. you just expecting someone else? Yeah. So always becoming a better version of. yourself in relationships. I love that. These are already great ones. Like I. mean that both of those are beautiful, but that first one especially about how.

love is created when you're not. together. The space between. I mean that that's. that's really like I'm going to have to. take that and meditate on that cuz. that's. Yeah, my girlfriend's you know, at home. right now. She's not here. She's in Mexico. She's in Mexico right. now and um. you learn about like how deep is your. love? Are you getting distracted because. they're not there? Are you. paying more attention? You know, are you. proud of yourself for. the actions you take when they don't see. you? Mhm. So I'm I'm thinking of those. things more and more and I think it.

could be easy to be excited when you're. together, but then when you have time. apart out of sight out of mind, do you. still care and think about that person? Do you still show up with details and. attention and love and commitment and. compassion? Cuz it tests you when you have a lot of. time apart. Yeah. And so it's a. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. Yeah, what it what it says to me also in. agreement with everything you said is is. also like I feel like real friends. are people that even if you don't see. them for some time.

Could be years. It could be years. You. just pick up where you left off because. the relationship was so strong in the in. between. Mhm. The space in between. didn't affect it because you care about. that person, you get their heart, and I. have friends like that back in London. that I know that even if we don't talk. for months and right now I haven't been. back to England for like 7 8 months. Pick right back up. But you just pick it back up and I love. that statement. I think there's so much. truth in that. Okay, great. One more thing about relationships. unless you want to cut me off. Yeah. I. just did an interview with a guy named. Stefan Speaks who I love his stuff. who.

shared a concept that I believe you. shared something very similar in one of. our interviews. Where he said. he said three things. I asked him about. three things. I said. chemistry, connection, compatibility. And you've talked about chemistry and. compatibility before, and I think. chemistry, but I said, "Can you be in a. relationship? Can it work long-term where you're truly. fulfilled. um without one of these things?" And he. said, "Yes, compatibility. You don't.

need compatibility to be fully like. magnets." He's like, "But you can't do. it with just connection and. compatibility alone. You need chemistry. Otherwise, it's a different type of. relationship. It's It's like You need. the chemistry because connection He was. like, "Connection can be. like you can get a group of people, a. sports team together, and they may not. like each other, but you can teach them. how to build connection, like to work. together. They may not be compatible, but you can.

teach that, and they can be successful.". Um but in an intimate relationship, you. need chemistry. You need to be drawn to. each other. You can't just say, "And. this is why you hear all these people. say, these girls say, 'Gosh, he looked. great on paper. Like he checked every. box off my list. He was the perfect guy, but there was just something missing, that spark, that chemistry.'" And it's. you can make it work, but you're never. going to be truly like, "This is the. person I want to be with.". Yeah. Because of chemistry. So, that was. interesting of of his perspective on it,

that you need chemistry and connection. You don't necessarily need compatibility. because sometimes the opposites attract, and you can If you have chemistry, you'll sacrifice and go to the ballet if. you don't want to. You'll You'll watch a. movie in Spanish because you you love. your partner. It's If you don't have. chemistry, you're more resentful of. trying to do more for that person. Interesting. because you don't have the. chemistry. You're just like, "Okay, well, I have to do this." Right. to, "Of course I would love to do this. cuz I love We have so much chemistry.".

So, that was his perspective on it. I. thought it was interesting. I love that. This is This is great, by the way. Okay. Now, the next one that I want to ask you. is who has given you the best money and. finance masterclass advice? Um. I know you've had some incredible like. Yeah. Um. gosh, man. It's The first thing that. came to mind is. Sara Blakely and Grant Cardone. Um. There's a lot of them, but those are the. ones that just popped in my mind. Sara.

Blakely said something interesting to. me. She said, "For years," I think it was 7 years she. was working as a door-to-door. fax machine or copy machine salesperson, where she would go to offices, knock on. the door, and say, "I'm selling you this. fax machine." 7 years, I think it was. how long it was. She had an idea. to do this legging thing for women. called Spanx. And. she said the idea would have never. happened without my dad asking me a.

question every day. uh when I'd come home from school and at. the dinner table. She she said, "My dad. would ask me, 'What did you fail at. today?'". And she wouldn't really be celebrated. unless she failed at something. And her dad instilling that in her said, "I would not have gone and kept failing. at this idea. I would have kept my job. and been door-to-door for probably 30. years or whatever. But because. I had this idea of it's it's all. learning, it's not failure, that allowed. me to grow, and now she's a self-made.

billionaire. So, that is kind of a. mindset thing. And I would say I think money is all. about mindset. Grant Cardone, um when I. had him on, he had a a fund that was. like a $100 million fund that he turned. into $1.3 billion, I think, in the next. year and a half when I had him on again. And I challenged him. I said, "Why are. you not. at a billion dollars when you're at 100. million?" And I said, "What would it. take for you to get there if you needed. to get there in the next few months?". He's like, "It's just not possible. It's. not possible to go that fast, that big,

that fast." And I go, "But what would it. take if you had to? If your life was on. the line, your kids' life, or whatever. Like, if there was a way, what would. that way be?". And I remember sitting there just being. like kind of frustrated that I was. asking the question, but also like. he's like, "Okay. Um. Well." And he starts thinking. He's. unlocking his mind. Like, "If I had to. do it, what would I do?". "Well, I would. find this person. I would do this." And. I He just started unlocking something. new. It was almost like he never thought.

of it that would be impossible that. quick. That he didn't allow his mind to. imagine the possibilities. So, I I truly believe that money is all. around imagination and mindset. Cuz I. never was. never thought I'd be an entrepreneur. I. never thought I would make any money. I. was like, "I'm going to get a job and. I'll just take whatever people give me.". I was like, "Why would anyone ever give. me money?". A lot of it was I just didn't believe in. myself and I didn't think I had skills. that I could package and sell. And once I shifted that and just started. learning about money more and what it.

really is, I was like, "Okay. This isn't. that hard once you get past that initial. like someone giving you $100." Then I. was like, "Oh, I can do this over and. over again. And how do I multiply?". So, I'd say those two ideas. That's a brilliant, man. This is great. Everyone's getting recommendations. So, we've already had recommendations of. Matthew Hussey, Rob Bell, Stefan Speaks. episode, Grant Cardone, Sara Blakely. Like, these are all great. recommendations of episodes to go and. listen to right now. Anyone is listening. or watching and is asking questions.

about relationships, money. For me, it's. like I always think of like the three. biggest decisions we make in our life. are. how we feel about ourselves, who we give. our love to, and what we do for money. Like, those are three biggest decisions. you're going to make. See, you just have a great way of. framing everything, you know? It's like. So, what we What was the first one? The. first one is how we feel about. ourselves. Like, what you said. Like, that's one of the biggest decisions you. make. The second one is who you give. your love to and who you get love from. And the third one is what you do for. money. And and the and the fourth one is.

how you serve the world. Who have you. interviewed that you think is really. found a unique or different way cuz I. know you've interviewed like. philanthropists and charity people. Like. has there been anyone who like I would. say I would add a fifth one to that. Yeah. All right. What do you do to take. care of your health? Yes. Like mental. and physical health. Like how are you. taking care of your physical body to. have the energy to then Absolutely. give love and receive love. But sorry to. cut that question off. No, no, no. That's good. No, it's good. So those Actually, let's do both those. questions. So who's given the best uh. advice around service and making a.

difference in the world? Not just. advice, but someone who may be doing. something really amazing. Adam Braun for me is is someone I think. of instantly. He. had the idea to honor his grandmother. who was um Holocaust survivor and say, "I wanted to do something good in the. world. I want to build a school for. kids. I want to help kids in need. I. want to honor my grandmother by having. it named after her, the school." He. built one school and now I think they've. built I don't know, three or 400. schools. And when I interviewed him, just his way. of thinking about service was so much.

greater. than me at the time. I was just like, "Man, his life is truly on purpose.". Like this is the essence of on purpose. is Adam Braun and his. commitment to serving. his cause which was education for all. cuz he believed that educate if we're. educated, we can make better decisions, we can have better tools, resources, we. can help our family, help ourselves. And there's so many people that aren't. educated in in the world. So. And you've been out to Guatemala?

I've been to Guatemala four times. I've. been to Ghana once. I've been to Laos. once to build schools and just be a part. of it. And I've been doing it for 7, 8 years. now. So. you know, we we can't solve every. problem in the world. There's a lot of. causes that we could serve and I think. you have to find out what. lights us up. Like the pain in our. heart. I go back to your book like you. find the pain in your heart and lean. into that. For me, being in a school. that didn't work for me. is painful. Like school is a painful. thing. So, how do I make it fun? That's.

the podcast. And how do I give back to. kids who just don't even have a. structure or a teacher. in their setting? Like who don't speak. my language? How can I serve in that. way? And so, that's why I I was drawn to. Pencils of Promise and and Adam and how. he's just like such on a mission for it. So, for me, that is pretty inspiring. Yeah. I love that, man. And then you. added the fifth one which I agree with. Who's given you the most interesting. like physical well-being insight? Because you've been an athlete you are.

an athlete. You've consistently you. understand your body really well. You. know, you you love taking your body to. the extreme. Yeah. Who's and your mind, too. Who in the podcast has given you. like physical health advice or insight. that kind of changed the way you saw it? I had someone recently run Dr. Rhonda. Patrick who is really inspiring. She's. been. She's like a human guinea pig. She wears. like a I think it's like a glucose meter. or something where she everything she. eats she tracks like her blood levels to. say like okay, she's studying food and.

nutrition all day looking at every. research paper. So, Rhonda Patrick was really inspiring. Mark Hyman I've had on a few times. He's. great. I think you've interviewed him, yeah. Just 2 days ago. Oh, you did. Yeah, he's great. So, um Dr. Gundry's. great. There's a lot of great experts. out there. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. What what I love about your podcast is a. thousand episodes is no small. achievement. Like genuinely like I'm. glad that we're celebrating it together. And and I want this to be a celebration. Like I want everyone who's listening to. this podcast to go and listen to an.

episode of Lewis's podcast. So, everyone. who's listening to this one go and. listen to an episode of. Go listen to the one that we did. The. recent one. You can. It's pretty amazing cuz I feel like I. get the best out of you from. You I mean, you you You. more out of me that day and then we're. doing a round two as well. Yeah, yeah. It's amazing and it was such. a weird day, too. But uh It's crazy. But. But no, I I really feel like the reason. why I asked Louis these questions is I. wanted you to hear the breadth of. guidance and the depth of audience. And.

the fact that you've done a thousand. episodes and you still remember insights. and you didn't do well at school shows. that you've built the school that you. needed. Right. Because because you know you you you you. you you you you you you you you you you. you. and you find the right teacher. and it inspires you, you're willing to. retain more information. And I trust me, I've forgotten way more than I've. remembered. But um But that's what it's about. Yeah. I think it's I think something I. learned from you is like we should. always be learning. Should always be. learning. from everyone. We should always be learning from.

ourselves on what's working, what's not. working. We should always be seeking. different ways to learn, whether it be. like, I'm going to discover, I'm going. to listen to something new that I. wouldn't normally do. I'm going to read. a chapter in a book that I normally. wouldn't read. I'm going to. go schedule a a meeting with someone. that normally is not in my industry. Yeah. And I think if we can learn in. those ways. we're always going to be full of life. Mhm. It's when we stop learning and. start thinking we have it all figured. out in our space or in our life and. relationships, that's when we start to.

lose our life. But we become full of. life when we have more knowledge and. richness to it. So, Yeah. you're a. you're a great mentor in the fact that. like you have. dedicated your life to learning. You. know, you went you. you went away. to essentially stop normal life to go be. a lifelong learner as a monk. And then. you came back and you continue to do it. and then you share with the world. Which. is. a beautiful life, man. Well, no, I I. thank you for paving the way for.

podcasts like mine. Like genuinely, like. without the School of Greatness being. such a legacy podcast, like podcasts. like mine that are newer wouldn't You. know, you you're part of creating the. community and audience of people. aspiring to learn these things. Right. Like you've been a part of that. and and that's not, you know, and and. whether you like hearing or not, I want. I wanted you to know that. it. Because. you know, I used to watch you do your. thing before we even knew each other. Right. So, I had seen your books, I had.

seen your work, I followed you on social. media, right? You know, for me it was. like you were and are a leader in this. space. And and it paved the way for so. many more people to do it. Yeah. And you know, you've interviewed. everyone, like you said, from doctors to. health experts to Kevin Hart and Kobe. Bryant, Dennis Rodman, Mike Tyson, like. you know, the the the breadth of the. people that you've interviewed and the. depth, the Brené Browns and you know, so. many incredible guests, Brendan Burchard.

and so many other of our mutual friends. Like I just feel like it takes a lot to. keep going for something for this long. and I It's not easy. Yeah, and I I've. shown. been doing it for a year and a half now. You know how much work it is just for I. mean, the podcast is potentially some of. the hardest work. It's so much energy, time. energy and time and and. longevity is something that. you. it it's not easy. It's so easy to run. and I've heard you say this before, like.

you start a podcast for like six. episodes and no one listens so people. close it down or you make videos for 10. and no one likes it so you close it down. and. you know, to keep going for a thousand. episodes and to keep growing, like you. just said to me, you know, we just had I. was saying to you, we just had our. biggest month last month on the podcast. and you said you just had. and it's like the fact that after a. thousand episodes. you're still having your biggest month. shows that you're doing something right. It's crazy, man. I just feel very. grateful because it's something I still. enjoy and at the moment I stop enjoying.

it is the moment I'll have to shift what. I'm doing because I think. or you know, have someone else host it. or whatever it may be, but I I see. myself wanting to do this for another 5. years because. I was asking questions, dumb questions. as a 5-year-old, 15-year-old, 25, 37. now, and I don't feel like I'm ever. going to know the answers. Yeah. I'm going to know some answers and. I'm going to have some tools. There's. always going to be a different tool or. different way to look at things. And as our society evolves, I mean, look.

at everything that's happened in. Black Lives Matter and political world. and as as things just our health with. the coronavirus, like as things evolve. and information becomes more. accessible, we need to learn these. things to evolve as a society. Mhm. How. can we be better human beings? How can. we strengthen our bodies and our immune. system? How can we heal ourselves when. there's so much seeming trauma in the. air? Mhm. How do we. protect our own. inner thoughts? Mhm. There's always. going to be something we need to learn, and that's why I'm.

I'm always going to be a humble student. and servant. I love it, man. The perfection. perfection of life. That's the. perfection of life. Your humble servant, man, and the humble. student. Yeah. I love it. Lewis, I want. to give you your final five, which are. the final five questions that we ask on. On Purpose. Uh and these are the fast fives. The. questions are usually answered with one. word or one sentence. One word or one. sentence? Correct. Okay. Uh we'll probably go into a few of. these answers because I know I'm going. to love them and be interested. What are.

the top three questions that you think. you ask a lot of guests. that give you their heart, and how can. people also ask those questions in their. own life? Um. It's usually before the interview. Mhm. I ask everyone, "Is there anything off-limits?". And if they say no, then I say, "Then do I have permission. to go anywhere and everywhere to make. this the most powerful conversation. you've ever had?" Mhm. To ground them. Mhm. So, asking people.

for permission, I think is a great. question. Do I have permission to ask. you some challenging questions that are. going to help me and help us connect. more? Do I have permission to maybe talk about. stuff you would never talk about like. asking for permission I think is a. powerful question. Second question that I. I'm such and against the. question of. what do you do? Where did you go to. school? What's your work? I'm just like over. that question because I've been to so.

many networking events and that's what I. get all the time. That I try to just ask a question that. most people would never. think to hear or get when they meet. someone new which is. simple stuff like what are you most. grateful for right now? What are you most excited about in your. life right now? What's something you wish you were doing. that you're not doing right now that. would excite you? Any one of those three gets people to. like stop pause and they they almost. always look up huh? Cuz they have to. search for it. It's not a quick response so I'm in.

marketing I'm in this IT I'm whatever. It's let me connect to like a higher. source to my heart to like. and dream for a second. If you get. people to dream and connect to the heart. they're always going to get deeper into. the relationship and deeper into the. conversation that by the end of this 5. 10 minute conversation they're going to. go away saying that's the most. interesting person I've met today. and you didn't have to say anything. You don't have to show off you don't. have to talk about yourself you just. have to ask a better question.

So that would be the second one the. third one. um. what are you most proud of in your life? I think people really like to. think about the things they're proud of. and it also thinks about what they're. not proud of. So get them focused on how. they can become better. So those three. things. I love those man. Okay so number. one challenge everyone listening or. watching right now I want you to ask. those three questions to someone in your. life. Yeah. Cuz they're such easy questions to. ask and actually even the permission. question is so beautiful because it's.

going to allow that person to open up to. you. To be more vulnerable. Yeah, I love. that. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to it's going to. improve vulnerability in your life. Yes. So everyone, I want you to find one. person this week that you're going to. ask those three questions to because. they're beautiful. Okay, great. Uh. second question for you is what do you. what is something in life that you're. certain about. that you think other people would. disagree with you on? I mean something I grew up in which is a. uh. a philosophy, a religion, a mindset that.

um. two things. One, I grew up in a religion called Christian. Science which is the which is actually. the same religion that Ellen grew up in. Mhm. Her her dad passed away a couple years. ago and he was a Christian Scientist. till the day he died. She did a nice. little memorial on TV talking about it. But Ellen had some challenges in the. religion because. um. extreme Christian Scientists I would say. do not support like same-sex. relationships. Right. So I think there was some. challenge there that was really like.

uh struggling for her. And I'm no longer. let's say a you know, in the religion. per se, but I believe in some of the. philosophies that it taught me early on. I don't believe in all of it, but. there's some of it. And number one is. we are just an idea. We are thoughts. And we. are spiritual thoughts. And we can heal the physical body. through spiritual thought. Mhm. So. that's one thing, idea that I think. people would say, "Well, I don't agree. with that because we're matter and this.

and the Right. Right. Right. And um. my grandfather used to tell me. that Christian Science also stands for. CS, the letters, also stand for common. sense. Mhm. And that if you are in pain, if you've broken something, you know, go. to the hospital, get it set, take. medicine if you need to so you can get. back to a place of a peaceful mind. and then heal yourself with your. thoughts. Yeah. So, it's funny coming back and doing the. podcast now hearing guys like Joe. Dispenza and Marisa Peer and all these.

other great and yourself talking about. like it's all in the thought, it's in. the mind, it's in like how you think. about yourself and how you reflect about. yourself and your imagination. That I'm like, this is all stuff I heard. growing up in this religion. So, I truly. believe that we are spiritual ideas. even though I wrestle with it sometimes. when I feel physical stuff and I'm in a. physical body. But, we are led by our spiritual thought. Uh. the second thing. is a some a lesson my dad taught me as. well. He. never celebrated my birthday and I think.

you've seen a video of me talking about. this. And I remember when I was like 9 or 10, I was upset around my birthday time and. I was like, "Dad, why don't we celebrate. my birthday? Do you not love me? And uh my friends have uh the kids in. school have like birthday parties and. this and that and they get cakes and. balloons and presents and I never got. anything. And I was like, "Do you not love me?" And he said, "I. love you very much. Yeah. But, I. I love you so much that I don't want to. celebrate your age cuz I never want you. to be limited by how young or how old. you are because so many people that he.

knew would always say, "I'm too old to. do this. Wow. I'm too young to do this. I could. never do this. My time has passed.". And I was like, "You can still buy me a. cake, Dad. Like, take me out to ice cream." And he's he. did it. He just celebrated me in other. ways, but. that lesson has stuck with me because it. was painful. and it hurt me that it didn't happen for. many years. But, when I learned the lesson, I. started to really appreciate and say, "You know what? You're right." Like, when I was an early.

teenager, I was like, "Screw it. I can. be a varsity as a freshman. Like, who cares if these guys are 4 years. older than me? I've been working harder. for the last 4 years. I can play with. these guys." Like, I never doubted. myself and my abilities. to have a shot at something. Mhm. And I. I. it was like this. I don't know. It was just. I just didn't have a programming that. limited me early on in certain things. I'm sure I'm limited in other ways, but. it wasn't holding me back from going. after what I wanted. And I think that never has held me back.

from like launching a book or a podcast. or events. Like things I've never done. in my life and didn't know how to do. It. didn't stop me from trying. So, I was grateful for those ideas. Those are amazing, man. Yeah. Those are big ones. They're deep. ones. I love those. It's interesting. what you were saying about your father. And and it's really about understanding. why he did it, which is what makes it so. interesting. And and whether. explain it for years until I came to him. and said, "Do you not love me?".

And and and I felt that was so with my. parents, too. Like we never really. celebrated my achievements. So, we. always celebrated my birthday. But if I achieved something, we didn't. really celebrate it. So, if I got good. grades, it was like, "Okay." If I. straight A's, they were just like it was. expected. Expected. It was expected that I would. do something like that. Not because I. always did, but just because it was kind. of taken not taken for granted, but. expected is the right word. And so, I don't think they did this consciously, but what it did for me,

and this is partly why I think it's. always about how you perceive something. The way I took that is it stopped me. seeking their validation. Because they never had a big response to. what I was doing, I just started having my own response to. what I was doing. Right. So, I stopped wanting them or. needing them to be proud or to be. excited for me or anything because I was. like, "I'm just going to give that to. myself.". was a Was that a good thing then that. they did not acknowledge your. accomplishments or anything? for me, I took it as a great thing. Uh.

and and then the other thing that it. gave me was I always. stopped being complacent. Because. because we didn't over exaggerate a. celebration, I could always gradually go and go, "Okay, what's next? What am I going to. build next? What am I going to focus. next?" And I think my wife definitely. has brought more of a celebratory aspect. in my life. You've been to my. You've Yeah, we do need that. Cuz me and you are just like, "Okay, it's done. Go. Next. Bigger. Better. It's not good enough." Like we need to. like, "Okay, let's take a moment.".

Yeah, exactly. You were at my surprise. party uh 2 years ago. By the way, if you. want to get on Jay's good side, he loves. birthdays. So, send him a nice gift or. something or just a a nice card and he. will remember it for sure. It is Yeah, meaningful. Yeah. Ask me. something that I would Like my my my. definition of a gift is something that I. wouldn't get for myself. Right. Like And. so, it doesn't have. card is a meaningful gift. Totally, cuz I I wouldn't write a card. to myself. Jay you're amazing to myself. No, I appreciate birthdays cuz my.

parents always did a big thing on. birthdays. But But yeah, you've been to. my parties and my wife has really. brought celebration to my life cuz she. comes from a family where they celebrate. a lot. Um But anyway, okay, that is question. number two. I'm rambling here. Going. back to it. Okay. Number three is a question that I know. people would love to hear from you. If someone. wants to uh start reading, what are. three books that you would recommend. that have had a big impact on your life? I mean, I've only read about 15 books in.

my life probably cover to cover. So, the. ones that have been impactful to me is. The Alchemist, which I think is one of. your favorite. Love it, yeah. The Alchemist I think uh. you know, comes back to like the. treasure in our heart and what's already. within us and like just discovering that. and finding that. And I think so often. we get comparison game, we get off. track, we get distraction game where we. don't remember like what's. our true legend inside of us. So, that's. That's one. I would say. I'm not going I mean, I'm not saying. this cuz you're here. I think your book.

Think Like a Monk is seriously just like. an amazing Like I want to keep going. through it because it's just like every. two pages has an example, a model, a. framework where it's you can apply to. your life. So, I think that's the modern version of. probably like 10 to 20 books of the past. in the personal growth space and in this. kind of mindset space that I think is. going to be the the standard for the. next 10 years. So, I'd say that one and. then I would say. um.

There's a book that just popped in my. mind called Influence by Robert. Cialdini. Oh, yeah. I've seen I've never. heard. Which. which I just believe. so much about life is understanding. human nature and human psychology and. human behavior. You know, you and I. study human behavior for a lot. And so much of this is. doesn't matter how talented you are if. you can't influence someone to see your. talent or to buy your talent or to. watch your talent or read your talent. It doesn't matter unless you learn how.

to influence in an ethical, moral way. other people to desire something that. you can create, whether that's. uh influence people to desire you in an. intimate relationship, a friendship, uh. you know, your family members so they. desire you. Like all these things, understanding these are I think it's. seven areas of how to influence Oh, wow. people on anything. And I learned this back when I was. learning online marketing. When I was. making no money, I read this book and it. gave me the tools to then say, "I have. an idea. How do we get people to buy. into this idea?".

It's the same strategies that. politicians use and you know, when when. people are trying to build a campaign. So, Amazon uses these strategies. Like every. big company uses these kind of seven or. eight key factors of influence. And so, I would say that book. It's a much more. dense kind of like research-based book. Probably stuff you would like. It's not an easy read, but it's like it. tells all the research behind it all. So, those three. All right. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Question number four and five. Four is.

what's the biggest lesson you've learned. in the last 12 months? I'm trying to think of the right word. I. think it's. I think it's patience. Mhm. Uh. it's it's probably patience. coupled with. What's the word? Just not trying not to react and. constantly put myself in another. person's shoes. It's just like. a lack of patience and perspective. and not reacting when someone else is. trying to come at you.

Yeah. So I've It's been really. challenging, but it's like teaching I've. been learning how to do that better. To. just breathe, make sure that And when I. react, it's like, "Oh, I didn't follow. the meditation this morning. I need to. meditate more." It's like. So just having patience and more. perspective has been the big lesson. I. love that, man. Okay, and fifth and. final question, if you could create a law that everyone. in the world had to follow, what would. it be? Gosh, the first thing that came to my. mind was.

you have to believe in yourself. Cuz I. believe that. Oh, what a law. I believe that. self-doubt is the killer of every dream. And so many of us die with our dreams in. the graveyard. We don't have dreams that. We have imagination and we don't. manifest the imagination. We don't. become the alchemist of our life and. create something beautiful, our talent, our gift, our purpose. because of doubt. And if we. believed in ourselves more, we would be. ruthless in our actions on creating it.

or at least going for it. So I'd say. the law of believing in yourself and. that there is no such thing as. self-doubt. Um that's the first thing came to mind, but I would also say like just loving. and having more compassion, like the law. of love and compassion because that. would end every war and every fight and. political issues, like just having that. law of love would be amazing. Thank you so much for watching that. video. If you enjoyed it, here's another. one I think you'll love.

If you're listening to this and you're. in an unhappy situation, I get it. I get. how hard it is. One of the things that. can help is to say this demon would come. out with another person, too.