Apple Music’s Zane Lowe ON Manifesting Your Dream Life & Finding Your Life Partner

just pull the car over stop driving in a. direction that you think you should go. in because you're directionless right. now stop let all the cars drive past you. and enjoy the fact that you're actually. stopping Zan low Zan low international. DJ that's right Apple music's creative. director I love you Z I'd rather just. start I don't really have a big. introduction I really genuinely thought. I'm just going to live with these aches. this will be it for the rest of my life. why would you want to live with pain. harder you work the more you achieve the. more you achieve the more you tell. yourself you're okay the more you tell. yourself you're okay you're not dealing. with the.

before we jump into this episode I'd. like to invite you to join this. community to hear more interviews that. will help you become happier healthier. and more healed all I want you to do is. click on the Subscribe button I love. your support it's incredible to see all. your comments and we're just getting. started I can't wait to go on this. journey with you thank you so much for. subscribing it means the world to me the. bestselling author and host the number. one Health and Wellness podcast on. purpose with j. shett how do you describe what do you do.

how how do you like to choose because I. feel. like when you have a role that is public. like I always get asked what do you want. your lower third to say and I don't like. being defined by the lists of roles and. titles so how how would you describe. what you do or what you believe in I. agree I mean I think roles and titles. make it easier to work with other people. with roles and titles um but I think in. in life it's different in my life I'm. just a fan I'm just a I'm a fan I'm I'm.

someone who discovers something very. early on in life that stuck with me um I. knew it was going to be very special and. important to my development um to my. identity to helping me find my way in. life and once I kind of made it a. singularity rather than a one of many. hobbies it just I just tried to immerse. myself in as much of it as possible like. almost obsessively and so um I'm just a. big big fan of what I love which.

outside of my family and friends's music. so I'm just I'm just a super fan that is. I love that that's such a great cool way. of defining yourself with uh with that. you've sat down with obviously so many. incredible artists and beautiful. interviews I've watched your one of my. favorite interviews is yours with Harry. stals actually that was I thought that. was brilliant but when was the first. time you felt like a fan when you hadn't. met someone like when was the first time. you felt like a real fan when you didn't. sit opposite that person and you didn't. know that person and do you remember. that moment you mean at a concert and.

stuff at a concert or like when you. bought your first record or like where. was that experience of your first moment. what a beautiful question out the gate. bro like what an amazing question um the. first time I really I really realized. that um it was. chemical it was um it wasn't really. a something by design it was uh it was. reactive um. was. probably going and seeing.

being a band called split ends which is. um arguably New Zealand's most. influential and legendary band um they. were around predominantly in the 70s and. had a lot of success in the 80s um in. the in the in the late 80s they they. sort of splined off and Neil Finn left. to go and form Crowded House and of. course everyone knows Crowded House and. Neil F Don't Dream It's Over and you. know he had a huge he's had huge success. in huge career has have other members of.

that band but in their Heyday when I. went and saw them as a kid with my mom. um I I think being in that crowd and. reacting the way I did to the music. which I don't really remember my mom. always told me that it was it was almost. like an out of- Body Experience like it. was like I was in church or something. like I wasn't I wasn't listening to the. music in the same way that she'd seen me. at home or she she was looking left and. right I was somewhere else for the. entire yeah in a way in some kind of. trance and so that's when I think she. realized oh this it grabs this kid and.

then I think also going and seeing stop. Making Sense the movie by Talking Heads. was when I realized like I wanted to get. as close to because it was different. with split ends they were right there on. the stage but seeing Talking Heads on. that screen and I made my mom take me to. that movie two days in a row as a young. person but a little bit older that that. was when I was like oh how do I get to. them like they were on a big movie. screen right now how do I get to. them like split ends is down the road.

but Talking Heads is somewhere like they. may as well be on Mars you know yeah. that's a beautiful answer yeah I I love. the I love the idea of first I remember. I think the first movie I saw in. theaters was Cool Runnings which I loved. such a great first experience at the. theaters and I was like w I don't know. anyone who doesn't love their film I. know it was just it was such a great. like first experience and then my first. album that I properly listened to so I. it's weirdly I I talk about this I. haven't talked about this a lot but it.

makes sense talking about it with you. like I grew up in a home where I was. encouraged to learn how to play. instruments but we never listen to a lot. of music interesting so it was more. discipline than an enjoyment level. correct it was more like an. extracurricular academic activity. because it would look good on my resume. when I applied to a better school later. on and it really hampered my ability to. to love instruments and so I grew up. playing the piano I did grade up to. grade four in the piano I did grade five. Theory I played percussion all the while.

not really knowing what listening to. music the feeling is yeah there was no. feeling and then I turned 12 or 13 when. I kind of stopped doing that and I was. introduced to Eminem for the first time. through a friend at school so you went. from studying an instrument and not. really being exposed to the enjoyment of. music to listening to Eminem yes. literally that was it that was exactly. it and I we don't want you eating any. sugar in the house and then eventually. look here's a six tier chocolate Death. Cake decadent and delicious and just.

yeah and I remember getting from a guy. at school and he and he had he had like. the he had the infinite album too which. was awesome yeah the first one and I. remember putting it on and feeling like. such a fan where in a way that I've. never you know felt again maybe even and. that first is so important but with you. what do you think's changed about your. relationship with being a fan you said. you're still a fan but like what was it. like being a fan back then and what is. it like being a fan back now when you're. so close to the industry you are the. industry in so many ways you Define what.

takes off what doesn't like you're so. close to it all what what has changed in. being a fan a lot and nothing I mean you. know the the simple question is very. little I mean the distance between who I. was in that concer and who I am today is. very it's a very short distance um I. still get the same sense of um I still I. can still find myself in that space. where I'm lost um you know I can still. put on music in my headphones and go for. a walk and end up in floods of Tears. quietly on my own you know um it's it's. something that is deep affects me deeply. and I haven't had to work to hold on to.

that that's how I know I'm in the right. place in my life you know um in terms of. the industry side of it that's a whole. other conversation I mean everything's. change there and I think finding myself. in any room or in any seat or behind any. microphone or in any conversation or in. any studio um to me was always a. privilege I didn't know how to get in. those rooms I didn't know how to do that. um I didn't come from a background where. um the kind of music industry I wanted. to move into or the area I wanted to. move in my life made sense my dad from a. radio background so okay you can say. that makes more sense but um that wasn't.

my intention as a kid I I I didn't wake. up and want to follow My Father's. Footsteps he knows this um I wanted to. be in recording studios and make music. my whole life and I didn't know how to. get there and I didn't know what a music. industry was and I mean there was no. music industry really in New Zealand and. and some might even argue that there is. but it's specific to that environment. it's not London it's not New York it's. not Tokyo it's not Germany you know. wherever so that is a journey that I. can't even put into context text myself.

I think you know this more than anyone. right like stay in the moment absorb the. situation learn and move. forward and um I think I was doing that. without him realizing it because I I I I. couldn't have chartered this this path. well that makes your journey even more. fascinating to me because you're right. you didn't grow up in a space that. naturally lended itself to the career. you have today do you remember if you. could track back for us even before what. consciously comes to mind what was that. first step you took to say I'm going to.

pursue this because I feel today it's. really fascinating that there's even. more choices in one sense there's even. more access but people who are listening. today even myself a few years ago I. found myself having the limiting belief. and. the hopelessness almost of my dream's. really far away I don't think it's. possible those kind of things don't. happen to people like me I'm not set up. to SU. well because I think at that in that.

moment in time and I've felt that many. times in my life I think that what. happens is we're at our most effective. when we have some kind of Singularity to. focus on you know it's like this is what. I love this is who I love this is the. person I most want to have this. conversation within my life right now. this is what I need to do to be healthy. and I think when we when we're focused. on things that are ultimately giving us. purpose uh it's it it we manifest. without even realizing it you know and. and I think when we get into that place. of hopelessness that you've been in I've.

been in others have been in um and are. in it's it's when we um split that. Singularity up into 55 things 100 things. a thousand things a million things at. best they contradict each other or. counter each other at worse they. actively fight for fear attention you. can't give your attention to to. everything and so that's where you end. up just standing still questioning your. own purpose your own. abilities because it seems hard just to. take a step forward because there's so. much noise that that's around around you. when I've been at my most effective and.

best for myself is when I've been least. affected by that noise and the most. focused on what I know is moving me. emotionally and inspirationally in my. life yeah that's I've never heard it put. that way but that resonates deeply I. remember I sat down with one of my. spiritual teachers probably when I was I. don't know maybe like 10 years ago and I. said I've got all these ideas I want to. do all these things but I don't know. where to start it was what you just. described that like fragmented. distracted yeah static static yeah and.

and I said to him I just I don't know. where to start and he said something. beautiful to me he said he said open. every door that you possibly can and. then he said the doors that close let. them close and just keep walking through. the ones that remain open that's amazing. and it was it was the best advice I've. ever got in life because I felt like all. of us were just standing at one door or. 10 doors just trying to open all of them. you know what my wife says to me when I. get like there she's like pull not. literally and maybe sometimes literally. but she says pull the car over and what.

she means is is that um just pull the. car over stop driving in a direction. that you think you should go in because. you're directionless right now and. you're actually possibly driving. yourself further away from where you. should be pull the car over stop let all. the cars drive past you and don't worry. about where they're going let the. traffic go past you don't worry about it. just enjoy the fact that you're actually. stopping ignore the traffic ignore. everyone else focus on where you want to. go choose your direction and focus on it.

cuz right now and this I mean you know. when she's at her most L she's like cuz. right now you're veing all over the. freeway you're like you you have no idea. where you're going and you know it's to. me that kind of it it speaks a similar. truth which is it's we're all in. everyday life entirely capable of of. being distracted and distracting. ourselves and allowing us to ourselves. to be distracted and um it's a part of. life because it's noisy it's really. noisy and especially the older you get. the more you see the more you absorb the.

more you try to own the more you try to. Define yourself through the things you. own this is an awesome space but you got. stuff in here right it's some point if. you leave you got to figure out where. the stuff goes do you take it do you. leave it these are all decisions right. everything's a decision and I think that. you know when we're probably most. capable of making the decisions that. ultimately Charter a path of of of true. holistic and and spiritual and also just. am ambition level value is when we're. focused on Simplicity simple things yeah.

it's true simple doors it's true yeah. and it's what I found really attractive. is a peaceful mind and an internal. Simplicity allows. for navigation of external chaos it. makes us more capable yeah of moving. through that thrash yes correct yeah. like I've I've always thought about what. I've tried to work on a lot and I work. on every day because I'm not there yet.

is to refine my internal intention to be. so simple and. clear that then the external. complexity which naturally comes with. being an entrepreneur and running a. business and everything else that comes. with trying to make an impact and and. trying to provide for your family and. the people you love but it's like the. reason for doing it is just one little. dot oh dude when I met my most. indecisive yeah I probably had a few. nights drinking some wine um my work is.

really busy and I'm not really seeing. I'm not I'm not seeing it I'm not seeing. the playbook for that week um and. someone can call me and ask me the most. simple thing and I can't make that. decision and it's it's because to your. point I've clouded my own ability to be. decisive um and sometimes it's not it's. not my it's not my decision sometimes. it's just stuff going off around you I. mean the thing is as well about about. trying to find that. internal balance that Clarity internally. is that that's where the most noises I.

mean that this all pales to that like. think about every experience and every. memory and everything and whether it's. trauma or joy that we're absorbing all. the time like that's why I love therapy. so much and and if you can do it and you. can afford it and it's something that. you would are willing to try I'm I'm a. big believer in it because it's it to me. it just creates space it just helps you. like down like 30% the trash and now I. have space to fill it with stuff based. on my learnings and what I truly know. about myself that is of value to me.

versus the stuff that I either inherited. that I never wanted in the first place. or stuff that I thought I wanted that is. not actually good for me like just get. rid of all that right and U it's a good. great way to clear out and because that. is to me the noisiest for me that is way. noisier than what's outside this door. mhm way noisier so you say you're not. there yet I'm never going to get there. Jay but I love I love the process the. pursuit but I I like the way you. describe therapy as a clear oute because. I don't think that's how it's of of. always seen and it's really interesting.

right we all know I need to clean my. wardrobe out I need to get rid of some. of my clothes it feels good when you do. and it feels good when you do but we. don't think about our thoughts that way. yeah and we are finite we have finite. space I think we have finite ability to. be able to process certainly emotionally. yeah and way that we process information. and how it makes us feel um a lot of our. feelings are wasted are a waste yeah. because we get driven by ego we get or. it takes us back to a time in our life. we weren't happy or it triggers. Something That We're is unresolved and. and our feelings then dictate our.

actions but if we're not creating space. for us to be able to fill ourselves with. good things then our then our feelings. sometimes again our feelings just won't. be they won't honor us I don't think wow. yeah that you reminded me of a study. that I read a while ago that. said and it may it may be different now. because of just how fast things are. changing but it was saying that the. human brain has the ability to compute. like 74 gigabytes of data a day. but we are just filling it up with like.

we're easily consuming that much that. isn't selected cleared out curated it's. just being filled up with what's coming. through and we're always going to have. to because we can't like controls a. fallacy and we can't dictate how our. life Works in terms of who gives us what. information and how we process things. and who tries to you know how we unload. energy on each other and that's that's. just part of being a human and living in. a society but um what it does allow us. to do is to be conscious of that and to.

um allow ourselves the way I always look. at it is like a meteer in the red right. if if you look at those old kind of like. I don't know if the G gigameters. whatever whatever You' got like the. needle here and and the last kind of 10%. is red it's always red right the rest of. it's white everything's gray bad you. know all good bad right and and and if. you you haven't got the ability to be. able to process it properly then then. even if you wake up in the morning and. you're sort of back to sort of 30. because you're restless and you got some.

anxiety when you wake up if you haven't. got the space figured out the smallest. thing in you back in the red what I. tried to do is have it go like that and. then when it gets to about 70 figure out. how I get it back down to 30 so if it. does get in the red I've just I've got. more of an ability to process and to. manage those feelings you know yeah yeah. definitely one of one of the things I me. I wanted to go back a couple of steps. was something you mentioned that was. beautiful where you described your trans. like experience almost of being lost and. it reminded me of the visual which I. think baz lurman did a great job of in.

the new Elvis movie like when you see I. like that movie yeah I I really like the. visual storytelling of it I thought it. and the music was spectacular but I. thought the scenes of young Elvis having. those trans like experiences was was. really really special and I wonder what. did it feel like when maybe when you. were DJing you were creating that you. saw people having that kind of. experience to you how was it like almost. being on the opposite end well the. reason I I chose to DJ in the first. place place was because I think there's. always been a performative part of my.

nature that um I I I sort of turn turn. my back's too strong a term but as I as. I found myself in the in the media side. of things and I guess connecting the. artist to the fan which I love to. do it it meant I didn't really have so. much of an outlet for that until I got. to radio and then I guess that started. to come out in the way I broadcast and. the way that I played records it was. very I was very sort of like and I still. am but very much during my time at the. BBC I was very active with the music I. liked to use a fit and reverbs and sing. along to the songs and pull them up and.

explode them and in them early and I. just saw them as things to kind of play. with rather than just press play sit. back think of something to say wait for. the song to end say it press that is. actually the most respectful way to. treat music in the media and and my. favorite DJs do that not all of them but. but some of my favorite DJs are the ones. who pull a song up and play it five. times in 30 minutes and scream over it. and get me excited and make me connect. to the music in a different way that's. an example of the the performative side. of who I am and so I started to get that.

outlet in radio and then and then I was. like well you know I miss being on stage. I miss that that being in front of. crowds how would I carve up a space for. myself as a. DJ and when I started to sort of carve. out my Iden as a DJ I was trying to do. so in a way that was um built out of the. the kind of chaos that I love about. music the um genre indefinable genre. violence of the Clash like I don't know. what they make half the time right the.

way the bomb squad made Public Enemy. records and Ice Cube records and just. like whoa is that a chainsaw like what's. going on like how did hang on what did. they just do they stopped that the way. the Beasty Boys did it with Paul's. Boutique you know um you. know and I got all my stuff I'm going. back to New York City what the heck I do. believe I've had. enough like what are they dropping in. where are they going what's happening. why is this happening what's going on. like it's just full of surprises left. turns right turns the whole thing is. just completely unpredictable and I.

tried to do that so I say all that to. say that I I had to learn how to put. people in a trance because most of the. time I think I was just hurting. them their sensibilities at least you. know I was just like that was like waa. and some kids got it and we're like this. is awesome and some kids were like man I. just want a house mix like can you just. like mix something and blend something. you know so I mean my I mean for for me. like the joy I got out when I was DJ of. watching the way people reacted to music.

was just realizing that in that in that. moment in. time whatever else was going and I'm. sure every artist would tell you this. who who gets to step on a stage and and. do anything in that in that environment. knowing that in that moment in time. whatever else has happened before or or. they're worried about happening after. does doesn't really matter that as far. as being in the moment is. concerned you get to share in that with. people and you get to try to create an. environment where that matters and every.

DJ that I've ever played with or toured. with the greats of all time right. through to you know my. friends that's what really is the if you. boil it down to its to its primary. source I think it's about creating a. community experience that exists in the. moment that is free of the thrash of. life and is really there to just inspire. people to um yeah go into that space. that I was in as a kid yeah that and not. have to socialize with people which if. you're socially anxious like me then be.

a. DJ it protects you yeah you never have. to speak to anyone again for the rest of. your life you don't want to no one. expects you to I I was going to ask you. that actually like you you talk you. touched on like the importance of. therapy and you're saying that's worked. for you what was it initially that. guided you in that direction a how did. you why did you specifically choose to. therapy as a modality to support you in. whatever you looking and what were you. looking for from it uh Parenthood you. know I became a father and um I realized.

in that moment that I was Ill prepared. to be to to share my. best um and so I had to do the. work in order to be a my best and I'm. incredibly grateful to my wife and to my. friends and my family for encouraging me. to do that um at the time I. was at at my lowest point I think.

um and it was really hard but in doing. that work my life just changed like for. the better in every way and um and. ultimately you know gave me the ability. and the tools to be able to like and. love myself enough to love the people. that I love more than anything in the. world. completely and. without.

compromise I think if I hadn't done that. work I think I would have always either. felt compromised in my ability to love. others certainly love my kids and my. wife and um be loved and I think that. you know that is the thing that really. ultimately makes me the saddest is. thinking back to that alternative and. how that feels for people I think to be. loved and to love completely is the is. the purpose I think that is it someone. who is feeling that sense of love and.

commitment has to let go for us to exist. and we have to let go to move on and. somewhere in the middle it's just. about the ability to be loved and to. love do you think. that you fell out of love with yourself. or that you were never in love with. yourself in the first place I don't know. that's a great question I don't know I. don't know I don't know I was definitely. loved my mom and my dad and my brother I. mean I come from a very loving family. but I think that it was a compromised.

environment in terms of it was a. divorced environment and so you see. sides of relationships and life and the. family structure that um are shocking to. you as a kid and it's hard to figure out. what your identity is to yourself let. alone what you need to be for everybody. else you know I wanted to fix it and I. couldn't I didn't have the tools I was. too young I didn't know what to do and. um guess somewhere along the line I just.

just lost lost touch with the. simple Ambitions of Life which are. like put try to put yourself in an. environment which is as joyful as. possible around people that you love and. just try to find as much balance as you. can and I I just think I yeah I don't. know man I mean I I definitely came from. a background that was it wasn't a. similar to in terms of the the cause and. effect as billions of people I mean. relationships start relationships end I. love my parents in the end it was the.

right decision for them it was very. tough for me as a kid at that moment in. time and I and I think what I had to do. was take responsibility for that rather. than um either ignore it or or project. some kind of really pointless blame on a. scenario that was completely out of my. control it's like okay and and so the. only way I could really sort of the only. point in my life I could do that was. when I realized that I had something. that was more important than the blame. or more important than the ignoring and. that was being a dad. it's like all right.

like I need to take responsibility for. how I'm processing this or. not. otherwise this beautiful future is I'm. not going to get the most out of it and. neither are they well what kind of dad. do you want to be in why I want to be a. father that and hope I am a father that. provides our kids with a sense of. unconditional love a very trusting. father who really leans into the.

principles that I hold dear which are. you know just love and support and. honesty and I I you know I just I I want. our kids to know that um and they do. that um I'm happy if they're happy and. I'm I want them to work hard and I want. them to be focused on if they're lucky. enough to find something they love which. both of them seem to have done I want. them to know that there's no substitute. for The graft and for the work and you. know for the dedication and and being. respectful and and of your opportunities. and making the most of them and keeping. a Keen very sharp radar for when the.

door opens ever so slightly know how to. walk in and know how to stay but equally. I just want them to be happy and I and I. want to be someone who they they feel. like I said they feel unconditionally. understood that takes a lot of work on. your part well especially considering. that I didn't even understand myself. yeah so but I'm I'm very lucky I mean if. we're going to go there I will just go. there like I you know I have this. incredible partner for life and my wife. who um has been. I don't know how to tell you man I mean.

she's just incredible and sounds it for. sure yeah I mean you get it even through. the advice that you said she but you get. it but you get it you get it you find. someone in your life that makes you. better and then you start to figure out. how you can make them better because it. can't go one way and then you've got. then you've got something special yeah. my my wife has exposed to me floors that. I would have hidden for so long from the. world because I could and then all of a. sudden in a very non-judgmental and.

non-critical. way someone helps you realize not even. it it's so subconscious as well it's not. even like a teacher it's not like having. a coach or a guide or someone who's. telling you or showing you it's just. someone who effortlessly reveals to you. parts of yourself that you know they're. the only one that sees it well love is. an unspoken language a lot time I mean. that's why families if if you have a. very loving unit around you um you're.

able to communicate without saying. anything and I think in in a different. way when you when you develop your own. family your own relationships that you. know ultimately grow with you over the. course of your life it becomes more of. an individual um experience that that. that builds from within that out um the. language changes again but it's still an. unspoken thing I mean how did you meet. oh wow I mean KY and I met when we were. kids and and um you know I always say it. was like first sight for me it just took. her like 10 years to figure it out but.

we we weren't together took her 10 years. we we weren't together for that time we. just newal small and we knew each other. in certain circles and we were just kids. growing up and running around and um. then I moved to London and she followed. about 6 to eight months after that just. on her own and just looked me up cuz we. knew each other from back in back in the. day and back home and she didn't really. know anyone out there and she's like hey. I'm out in London if you want to get a. beer. and this a true story we went for a beer. at a pub which I think is called the.

famous I mean there's a lot of. in in London that serve beer yes. right there's famous and there's. roosters and and there's like you. know the the TS on Henley and. there's lots of yeah so um we went. to one of those uh I think on. Regent Street and it was me and I hope. she doesn't mind me telling you this but. I'm sure she wouldn't because it's a. great footnote in our story it was me. and a and a good friend of ours who. still is a good friend of ours called h. and Cat Dey who I who I knew from.

MTV um who was just getting her break in. MTV and doing some great stuff as a even. as a as a young person on TV and so we. all went for a pint and that's how I. reconnected with her and then from there. our story started to unfold and and we'd. have to drink wine to tell the tell you. the rest of that but uh you know it's. just long and Brilliant and you know. unique like everyone's story but yeah I. mean i' know I've known who I mean I. always joke I had to move halfway around. the world to marry someone I'd known. most to my life from home how do when. you've known someone for that long I.

always wonder how you allow that growth. on both sides because I guess when. you've known someone for that long. you've you've been three different. people or at least more of who you are. and she's becoming more of who she. really is like how have you continued. because you said you've been over. together for over two decades or. something like that yeah nearly 24 years. we've been married yeah 24 years we've. been married you said exactly which is. really long time congratulations like. how was that conscious and intentional. or you've both just been flowing to stay. together that long to stay together but.

more importantly to it seems and it. sounds from what I'm hearing that you've. kind of grown together during that time. and allowed the growth I think you can. stay together unless you grow together. otherwise you grow apart well you know. we got we got married quickly you know. we were together and it was like oh this. is meant to be and then for one reason. or another our marriage was really. dictated by other things it was like a. Visa issues and she'll have to go home. and because you know we didn't we didn't. have a I could stay in London she.

couldn't and so you know really came. down to like look if there's a future. for this then this this has to be the. only way forward and so we got married. and it was a in a registry office and. with two witnesses you know and it was. short of telling our parents which we. did about two weeks beforehand I mean it. would have been we would have eloped I. mean it was it was so fast and you know. I think both of us felt like it was. forever but I think it's kind of too. simplistic to say that we were dead you. know we I think we were just trying to. keep the keep it going yeah I think we. were just like look this is really great.

we don't know what the future holds but. if you have to leave and I stay it's. going to make it that much harder for us. to find out and in a way that works for. the kind of people that we are I mean. not to speak for her I'm very conscious. not to do that because she's her own. person but um you know I think I think. both of us just liked finding out and. we're still finding out and I think. that's what's cool about it is that um. we didn't go into it with some kind of. major pressure with no dis respect I've. been some incredible weddings and I. think you should be entitled to. celebrate your union however you want. but for us not feeling there were sort.

of 150 pairs of eyes on us you know like. this is for Life everybody like I mean. it just it just suited us to just get. going just get to work like we just woke. up one day and we're like let's just get. to work and we have and we've been. working at it ever since and it takes. work but as someone said to me once you. know um even even the days when it seems. like it's really hard work um the next. day um like anything in life the hard. work pays off yeah absolutely so just so. you know we had 400 people our wedding. and I'll tell you why cuz in an Indian.

household your parents are obliged to. invite every person that's ever invited. them to their kids wedding so it's so. you could literally you could start the. bull rolling early and just invite. everybody with you know them or not and. then just be like I am set for the rest. of my life I have so many great. experiences I'm going to have literally. and they only get better right so so. it's like literally my parents and my. wife friend have list of people that. have to be invited to the wedding. because they've been to their kids.

weddings love that and so half the. wedding list is like who are these. people I we don't know like my wife. still talks about we're like walking. around at our reception saying alone my. wife's like I have no idea who this. person is and so and that's small for an. Indian wedding like I have friends who. had like 500 to a thousand people at. their wedding we we were somewhat given. in a way it's not to similar because. it's not like you're signing like some. kind of emotional contract for these. people you know yeah no no it's not at. all comes down to it just comes down to. the Union to the to the team and it's.

like it either works or it doesn't I. don't hold my. parents I don't have any ill will. against toward my parents or hold them. responsible for the end of their. marriage it it just it ceased to exist. yeah and it happens all the time I've. got good friends going through it right. now same yeah I I I just think for us we. we try to keep things really simple we. make each other laugh like a lot and if. it's not the same thing it's it's it's. at each other. yeah yeah she gives that to me like she. really dishes out a lot you know like.

you're a kind of you know and I am. so it's it's an easy joke and then I. think beyond that we like each other's. company and we know that we're not. always going to agree but we know that. it's not going to it's it's not going to. get in between the simple principles. that keep us together she's just. smarter better way. harder you know she's just yeah I.

definitely married up it's beautiful you. talked about having uh social anxiety. and you know being a DJ and talking. about how we were joking about how it's. easier to get away with that but. obviously in your career there's been so. many opportunities as you said with your. children you want them to be able to. walk through the door and stay there and. that requires one to kind of negotiate. through that social anxiety sometimes. I'm sure you've had to walk into the. rooms and Pitch yourself and hold your. own and negotiate and then stand your.

ground and whatever it may be talk to. lawyers and you know there's so much to. it when you're in and I feel like. there's so many people who are listening. and watching where social anxiety is at. a point where it cripples them it stops. them from walking into rooms starting. that conversation what was what were you. saying to yourself what were you working. on in order to move through some of. those uncomfortable experiences it's. Case by case you know my friend was. having a function the other night. beautiful function a reason to celebrate. and I I I I nearly was like I can't go.

there wasn't any valid reason for me to. not go in my mind from a cerebral kind. of oh that makes sense none of it made. sense and then there are times when you. know I'm skipping out the door it just. depends I mean for me in terms of like. breaking it up into two things cuz you. make you made some good points like in. terms of like the social side of it I. try to be kind to myself I try to allow. myself the space to make a decision. that's as pressure-free as possible and. then more of often than not I find good. valid reasons to continue forward I feel.

that if I apply too much pressure on. myself most of it's unreal and then I'll. end up just not going anyway and then. I'll feel bad cuz the unreal will. evaporate and I realize that I made a. decision that wasn't based in the real. so I try I try to I know myself enough. to get ahead of that and just be like. you don't have to do anything don't go. and once I just tell myself that I'm. like oh well there's couple of good. reasons to go you know and I start to. bring myself forward on that in terms of. the work side of it and and getting in. the room I don't know what to tell you I. mean the few times when I've when i' I.

know that I've had to step up and do. something that's ultimately helped. change the shape of my journey and. therefore my family's Journey or. whatever that's when you start getting. into the intangible a bit for me into. the sort of the magic of the moment and. what makes performers. athletes. surgeons I mean I'm going lofty but. anybody I mean some Heroes people do. outof body things it's nowhere near on. the same level and I'm not trying to put.

like getting in a room and pitching your. best at the same thing but it it. exists in the same space of like I don't. quite know why what's motivating this. extra gear but I'm using it and I think. true greatness comes from people who. know how to access it more consciously. than I do at this point in my life. um you know you're talking about you. know the Michael Jordans of this world. who can the Beyond says of the sword who. are like I can you they don't shy away. from the occasion they level up they see.

it they know what it is they understand. and I'm just talking about the Arts now. respectfully to everybody else like cuz. if I start you know going and. apologizing for every other Outlet or. occupation or thing in life that's more. important than the Arts to everyone else. then I'm just going to end up in like. the fer position and this podcast is. going to be over so I'm just focusing. based on your background I know how it. goes I know how it goes there's more. important things in life than music and. the Arts I get it and I respect it but. for me that's the world I'm in so I'm. just going to focus on that so so um in. the Performing Arts you know I watch I. watch people all the time Step Up.

further than they have before and I just. think it's something in us that um is. there and sometimes the occasion. requires it and sometimes you meet. someone who has found a way to harness. it and that is when you start dealing. with like the greats like the people who. just they see it they manifest it it. happens but then they recognize that. it's happen. and then they recognize the feeling and. then they remember that feeling and then.

they practice that feeling and then they. get the ball in with three3 seconds to. go every time that's like that's when. you're dealing with just another level I. not there but I've had a few moments of. my life when that Gear's kicked in and I. love it I mean you know the job I'm in. now I mean I I I I nearly got on a plane. and flew home CU I just was like I don't. know where this is going and I'm unhappy. I don't think I don't feel I don't feel. like I can do this and I had a big. meeting the next day and I went the next. day and I had a great meeting and it.

changed everything so who knows man I. mean it just comes out of nowhere but. I'm I'm more interested in the people. who just somehow know how to like kick. that into action yeah yeah because. they exist yeah absolutely they exist. yeah there's a beautiful book called. flow don't know if you've ever come. across it I forget the author's name. it's like. Mii I think his name if I mess it up. everyone please do not be mad at me I. think it's cheek sent me high I think. that's how it's said Mii cheeks sent me. high the book's called flow and that's. what you're describing this Flow State.

that people experience where you see. freestylers rappers musicians you know. athletes artists. where time stops but it's really fast. and no one knows what's happening like. it almost feels like time slows down and. speeds up at the same time I've had a. couple of conversations in that state. weirdly like on the record like like. interview situations where it's like. there's been such a nice mood in the. room and I feel there's such a strong. like two and fro going on until the. question the answer and then the.

question the answer and it's just been. I'm like wow and then someone's like. okay time it's been going for like 2. hours I'm like was like that yeah I mean. you must have done that too it's lovely. it's really cool when it happens like. that too because it's a human experience. with somebody else so it feels really. nice I also you know my social anxiety I. think I think it's it's it's Unique for. everybody I mean I have no problem. walking in a room and being around. people but there's a difference between. being present and fitting in or or or. playing a role that you think is going. to serve a purpose for that environment.

or that party or whatever and just being. able to be comfortable in yourself. that's what I'm talking about like I'm. not always and and very. often entirely comfortable I just I've. just have figured out how to. maintain but there's always something in. me that's feel bit like my Skin's a. little bit too tight or my brain's not. really focused on what someone's asking. me and I'm yeah just I guess that's what. I'm that's my form of social anxiety you. know yeah and I think I find that most.

people at events especially in the. entertainment and the Arts feel that way. I don't know many people who don't feel. that way or one of these that's good to. hear I mean I definitely do yeah whether. it's at an award show or whether it's at. a red carpet or whenever I speak to. people behind the scenes that's the. number one emotion that people are. experiencing and everyone's feeling it. in a different way about do you think. that is I I think it's. because the way events are organized. they're not not crafted for community. and connection yeah so the challenge is.

that the way it's been built is not set. up for people to come in and feel so I. went to one place that was I went to can. lions last week I'd never been to the. Lions Festival before it my first time. there I've been to can and it was. crafted for Community like I felt like. you could walk into any space you. connect with people you could hang out. with people you bumped into people. walking in and out of stuff no one had. an ego where people were like you know. on a high horse or like maybe that's. part of a evolutionary State I mean we. was 75 years of that FAL that's what I'm. saying and maybe we need to actually. just start looking at every single micro.

experience rather than like we're all. going to evolve like something's going. to happen we're all going to evolve it's. like maybe we are and maybe it is just. like right down to the smallest thing. like an event like that where being able. to walk in there room for you to feel. connected to people and like you came. away with something that was meaningful. not just valuable maybe that that that's. going to inspire people to do to do it. in multiple different places I mean I. would like that I've gotten better at. just maintaining like when you're. younger it's like oh my gosh everything. risks on this night and then after a. while you're like can we go you know.

that's exactly what it is your your spot. on that's exactly what it is like when. you first I remember that when I first. moved to LA I went somewhere it was like. oh my God if I don't make this move. right now that's the end of my career. and then like years later you're like. actually it didn't affect it at all. someone asked a friend of mine who I was. working with at the time someone in the. industry was like is z afraid of success. when I first got to La cuz I wasn't in. 65 parties a night running around doing. everything and then yeah and my goals. become very clearly my intention is. always was like can I find one person. tonight who I can bear my soul to like. is there one person that I can fully be.

myself because then at that event I. fully been myself so how do you know who. that person is I know it changes but is. there a constant to that you can get a. sense pretty quick obviously and like. we're saying it's respective to what you. personally are interested in so for me. I'm I'm hoping that I can have a. conversation like I'm having with you. today which is Meaningful it's. purposeful it's vulnerable it's it's. open it's thoughtful it's about growth. it's about being better like but but. when I when I walked in the house today. and we met for the first time and and we. sort of have each other's gaze for a. second and it was like all right cool. we've got this moment here like it's.

it's it's more than just like. transactional like all right if we're. going to do this let's do this and let. start and see where this relationship. goes in the future right it's not just. going to be like good to be on your. podcast next like is that like is there. a technique to how you do how you you. find people think I wouldn't say it's a. technique I think it's more of a. intuition like I do believe it's. energetic as opposed to like ask these. three questions you know like I don't I. don't think I have like a a formula like. that but I feel like you can usually. tell by someone's language body language.

and emotional languages to whether. you're on the same frequency or. vibration I find over time I've been. able to to sense that and and and I've. also realized where your ego wants to. force it with someone because there's. personal gain or there that's big that's. big self- awareness energy right there. yeah you can tell when it's like oh. there actually isn't a frequency but I'm. pretending there is or hoping there is. or trying to manufacture it because I. think this person can do something for.

me or I'm useful to them or I feel. significance because I'm being useful to. them yeah I think also realizing that. you don't want to be that to someone but. also someone's trying to be that to you. correct is really important um for. anybody going into any any area of life. and it's something that I think um. people should try to develop that radar. from a young age because it'll save you. so much time yeah and energy yeah yeah. and also it's fine to acknowledge that. you're doing that to me and I'm doing. that to you because we're in a trade. that's totally fine great work great. things come out of that but friendship.

is different like I'm really realizing. how important my friendships are and I'm. and and there are multiple types of. friendships there are people I love to. just hang out with and sometimes some of. them I like to talk industry with and. music with but they're not the people. I'm going to call up and have a heart to. heart with about someone else uh and. there are others that you know I know I. can call up when I'm at at a low point. or they can call me and and and there is. that I think it's just understanding. that you know we all serve we all serve. a purpose and if you're in someone's. life you've got a purpose just. understand try to understand what that.

purpose is that's what being thoughtful. with your thoughtfulness is to me like. maybe I'm not the person to pick the. phone up and check on someone's. wellbeing because that's not the kind of. friend I am to that person but they have. those friends doesn't mean I'm not their. friend correct yeah yeah we have. different relationships with different. people in our life that that serve Us in. different ways and we serve in different. ways and knowing how you do that for. someone is is so important it's really. important and yeah it's that's that's a. big self-awareness lesson I think you. know it took me a while to figure that. out I was always trying to like be all. things to everyone I think yeah for a.

lot of my life trying to fix everything. be all things be this be that be funny. be caring this like sometimes just be. funny or not just try that's a great. point I love that yeah that's that's. actually really powerful to think that. like I think you're so right we want to. be all of ourselves to everyone yeah and. well cuz we're covering all the bases. yeah yeah covering all the bases yeah. and and we there's that subtle ego in. like we want to be considered funny and. this and smart and this how do you. manage your ego in a situation like this. where you where you I mean you said at.

the very beginning you have the number. one Health podcast in the world. Congratulations by the way like that's. that's a real thing to have a number one. of anything but to have a number one in. an area where you're adding so much. value and support to people but the very. nature of a number one anything is. really that's just like you know bourbon. for the ego right it's like number one. is like by its very nature is connected. to an ego experience um how do you. continue to build around success but.

manage what's your relationship like. with your ego in this environment yeah. it's a I would say it's a constant. conversation on a daily basis between my. conscious self and my ego self I think. that it's something I have to be. vigilant of on a daily basis because of. the world we live in and the the. environment we're in just someone that I. I Mentor messaged me this morning and. he's kind of having a real moment in his. career and things are going well and he. was saying the same thing to me goes Jay. I don't think this is healthy for me. like I'm I'm worried about my ego and I. was like this is amazing the fact that.

you're even aware and you're conscious. and you're because 99% of the time you. have the success and then it falls apart. and then you think about your ego and so. for me I there are a few things that I. do the first thing is. that I always look. at how I compare. to the work I really want to do so the. impact I really want to make in the. world is not just downloads or views or.

whatever else or numbers it's actually. I'm trying to create a journey for. everyone that connects with my work from. entertainment through to education. through to personal Enlightenment in how. they Define that term and to me it's. like I'm trying to create that journey. by building steps that I know from the. journey that I've been on the journey. that I'm still on and the journey that. I've learned from the great and trying. to put those building blocks in place.

for people and my goal is unless I'm. helping people walk that Journey the. number is is insignificant but but but. the beautiful thing is cuz by the way. I'm not anti- ego like ego serves an. important role this a great conversation. you know there's egoo and it and those. two things need to be managed in in in a. way that with with like I said a sense. of self-awareness and understanding of. what is going to press your buttons both. positive and negative but what I'm. interested in is like it's interesting. cuz CU you're building this thing. internally from within your own Vision. your own what inspires you it's come. from this tiny little fire that you're.

building into this beautiful thing that. helps people but you can't help more. people without your ego serving a. purpose a role yes absolutely and so I. think engaging it and being aware of it. are the only two options you have. because I think that when you try and. ignore that there were probably even. times in my life where I tried to. suppress the desire to do and make it. impact because you think it's ego not. realizing that then it's just brewing.

and now you're envious of everyone else. see that's why the word humility is so. interesting to me right because we kick. around humility all the time like it's a. really important positive part of our of. our makeup and it is it's it can be. there's a time to be humble and there's. no universally sort of positive humility. and there's no universally negative ego. complexities cross both of them but it's. interesting isn't it like you can find. yourself If you deny your ability and. what you love and your talent and and. and your ambition too much you find. yourself in a false state of humility. and you can't help the people you want. to help so ultimately turning your back.

on what you should be doing yeah and and. to me ego when it gets dangerous is when. you feel better or worse than others and. so I feel like there's a difference. between doing what you think you're. meant to do and doing it well than. thinking you do it better like I am. friends with so many people in this. space who do who are who are number one. in their fields but and and even in a. similar field in a different way like I. know a phenomenal set of scientists in. this space who are doing incredible. health and wellness work and a number.

one in the way they do it but it's like. I have my own version and I have my own. way and Method and that's what I'm. excited and have an ego about I guess is. the idea that I'm doing what I'm doing. but it's not a it doesn't make me better. than someone or worse than someone and I. think so interesting isn't it though. because growing up like in music there. is an innate competitiveness of wanting. to be the best and in sports you won't. that will look you in thee and tell you. that that attitude is going to get you.

to be the best in the world right so. it's so interesting how we relate to. this thing that I think we know very. little about yeah which is which is why. I think some of the best athletes like I. know that Cristiano Ronaldo who's the. biggest football and soccer star in the. world for anyone who is he though I mean. him and. messii we just did a little Rolling. Stones. Beatles exactly the world is divided my. Tik Tok feeds me Cristiano Ronaldo Miss. there you go we complete human being and. now we're in the US and so Messi. everyone's excited cuz Messi's coming.

into Miami and he's awesome and and my. point being that whenever he does an. interview I always see him say I have to. think I'm the best in the world like I. have to think that way is what he'll say. yeah and I think that's really. interesting language because he's not. saying I am or I definitely am he's. saying I have to think that way in order. to perform at my best so he's he's he's. dividing it into a mentality versus a. reality correct yeah exact that's. beautifully said yeah exactly and I. think that that's what's so fascinating. that if you sat down with Michael Jordan. or Kobe Bryan who I had the pleasure of.

interviewing or today LeBron it's like. I'm sure they have to feel that way but. it's whether like if they were you know. all things said and done behind closed. doors you know I'm sure they have an. opinion on on stuff that you can say. when you retired too that you couldn't. say when you were playing are you a. manifestor I would honestly say I've. been an accidental unintentional. manifestor so I don't believe that I. ever set out to say okay I believe in. manifestation I know how it works and.

I'm going to do it I don't think I ever. had that I've just had things happen in. my life where I can track back when I. first visualized it in my mind and then. it came to fruition but I never intended. for that to happen and so when that. happened did you ever have the intention. to try to kind of do it more or Master. it or anything else or were you just. like I love the Curiosity of that I like. to let it happen I love the Curiosity. and I love the magic of it because that. also makes me realize that it's beyond. me and I like that humility I love that. okay so the mystery of it is is that's.

cool that surrender of it that I don't I. love the idea that it's happening and. it's happened in my life so. subconsciously yeah that it also makes. me recognize that there is more than me. I was saying I'm I'm more like you than. I am like some of the other people who I. know who you know are continually. searching for that feeling that they can. then and with some success be fair yeah. oh yeah yeah I know people who I. consider to manipulate material energy. like. they have that ability and I don't Ryan. Reynolds Ryan Reynolds is a master.

manifestor I'm so sorry but you cannot. take. rexim and do that unless you know how to. bend energy forms yeah absolutely but. that's the point like like I S billion. dollar telecom companies oh yeah that. mint yeah I I and and I don't think. there's a right or wrong again like I. don't think someone who focuses on. manifesting in the in the sense that the. way it's been packaged or marketed is is. a bad thing it's just not the way. function can I ask you another question. is it cool if I ask you a question of. course this is a real conversation I'm. loving I I I want to I want to talk to.

you about ambition like what your. relationship is with your ambition. because you have a big you have you. you've already built something massive. and you want to continue to reach more. people um so how do you manage your. ambition into something that is balanced. with your life I think it's evolved over. time so I've always honestly said that. when I first started I was working 16 to. 18 hour days. and seven days a week but I never missed.

meditating and that was always my. grounding practice I was like I'm going. to meditate and I'm going to work my. socks off because I kind of had that. moment of or at least what I heard when. you were saying that about your kids. like I remember the first time I felt. the door open and I was just like I. never believe this door would ever open. like I have to be so grateful and. responsible for this and that was. through meditation that was no no no. that was oh no spiritually that had. happened I mean like externally with. with building a platform got got it like. when you realize like wow I have a shot. I have an opportunity to do this in a.

like I was happy and content and anyone. who knows me back then would verify this. like I was happy and content doing what. I do today for the 10 people that showed. up every week for 10 years yeah and I. was so happy I didn't feel like oh. there's not enough people or like oh my. God I'm not like I just felt grateful. and happy that even 10 people would show. up and I loved it and then at one point. I did feel I was like I feel this. message matters the people that are. coming are having great success from it. I think it should reach more people so I. should attempt to and when I attempted. and it and it and I had that first.

Glimpse then I was like wow I'm so. grateful and I should be responsible for. this and I shouldn't take this I should. take this as a gift and I should give my. heart and soul to it not just live off. this momentary you know success so for. me that's to me the graft was me. expressing my gratitude back to the. universe to say I see that you've given. littleit all me a shot. and I feel my only way of expressing my. thanks and appreciation back to you for.

this gift is to show you that I'm. willing to work for to make the most of. it correct so that was like a couple of. years where I did that as soon as I. started doing that and things started to. grow externally I started to realized. all right this not sustainable like on. an energy level and so then I cut back. so then I was like I'm only going to. work five days a week so I took my. weekends back I was still working. evenings now I'm at a point where I've. taken my weekends and my evenings back. cuz that cuz that to me is like that's. that's the crucial moment where perhaps. some like maturity and some life and. some some distance between youthful.

ambition the desire that I've got to go. and take every opportunity I can versus. where you were at that moment in your. life really served you yes because. because that that's the moment when I. think it can consume people yeah and. relationships yeah get hurt and or or. get torched and we Chase something so. far down the road that we forget where. we wanted to go in the first place. totally so yeah I mean that's a really. great point and and I think for me it. was like that was a turning point for.

you that moment yeah and at the. beginning it was just like all right all. that matters is this and my wife like. those were the only two things that. mattered I don't really have time for. anything more than that and now I'm at a. point where working backwards where now. my I only work not I have the privilege. of only working 9:00 a.m. to 6 p.m. and. don't work evenings or weekends and now. I can take care of my wife and my. friends and my because you're in the era. of no yeah and and that's and I think. there was an era of complete yes and. there had to be and there's there's an. era there has to there has to be and I. don't want to lie about not like Perfect. Balance you can't get to know without. figuring out like where your line is and.

you can't figure that out unless you. push yourself and that's what work is. that's what the working era is like when. you just grind grind grind grind grind. grind grind and and but yeah I'm I'm a. fan of. of balance I was talking to someone. about this the other day about ambition. cuz I have friends of mine who are never. going to stop and I love them for that. and they just to them to them it's all. out there and why would they ever not. grab grab every opportunity or explore. the next thing and no numbers too big. and no opportunities too too far away.

and I and I love it and I've definitely. been that in my own way but I I'm. reaching a point in my life which isn't. to say I'm going to turn down. opportunities or I'm going I'm not. winding down I'm not in semi-retirement. mode I want I want to do my best work. over the next 10 years but I want to do. it in a. way that is joyful mhm and to your point. really make gratitude like the number. one driving force I think to be truly. grateful you need to allow yourself.

space to be grateful I think we kicked. the word gratitude around a lot I know. I've been definitely the kind of person. who's like done 100 things in a day and. then when I've had two minutes the end. of the day gone I'm really grateful uh. thank you so much for and it's like it's. not a checklist item like you got to. feel it yeah and I think to do that and. I guess that's what meditation provid. I've never been able to find the space. to meditate and calm my mind down enough. I know I will I just can't force it yeah. you have a naturally Zen energy though.

that's cool yeah it's like I I would. have thought you were a meditator which. is quite nice yeah yeah which is yeah. you you have that the I always said like. I mean and Kobe Bryan did meditate but. he was the most like he had the most. gravity around him of any person I've. ever met like he was just like time like. things Stood Still when he spoke and. there was that but he did meditate but I. feel like you have a real like there's a. there's a peace around you even though. it's not you know if it's not from that. which is really beautiful in OB hard. earned peace yeah hard earned peace yeah.

but but I I think it's true like I think. also you know it's what we're saying. about the yes and no there's also a. different time in life for sometimes. it's scale sometimes it's speed. sometimes it's strategy sometimes it's. sincerity sometimes it's you know like. it's I I think what you realiz is that. if you just go speed speed speed speed. speed like that doesn't actually make. any sense well you miss your. opportunities more than you actually. grabbed them I think yeah you think. about like being a Formula 1 racer it's.

not speed at every turn that helps them. Master the track speed's a massive part. of it but only when you need to go fast. only when you need to go fast like Round. the Bend if you just go fast cuz you're. like no no no I just got to beat the. other guy you could potentially turn. over and throw the you know the the race. away that's why I love boxing so much. like I've just started to like like do. boxing training and stuff it's my wife. bugs that's the most fun it's the it's. the greatest exercise I've ever done. I've struggled with exercise my whole. life fits and starts like everybody else. no pun well pun very much intended um. but yeah this is a whole other level I.

love it right and the reason I love it. is because like my mom has dementia and. and she's in the lat stages of De. dementia I feel and it's it's it's been. really tough to to witness but I've also. watched Church sort of want to hold on. to memories and the whole cognitive. awareness thing has become very present. for me and what I love about boxing is. that it's really it's it's it's 100%. mind and body and it's about strategy. and it's about people just think you. just B stuff it's so not the most tiring. thing I do when I'm working out boxing. is the inside work where I'm I'm not.

actually punching anything I'm just. trying to push this guy off like that's. the most exhausting thing out of any of. it like that punching the MS is like. just Rhythm that's the driving fast. correct yeah and that's what I mean I. think we just live in one mode of like. speed or or slow we think we think those. are the only two things to play with. yeah yeah and when you box or if you. drive a car or whatever maybe you start. going oh wait there there's so many. other dials to play with here and so I. think I'm trying to you know I've. realized that and I also realized that. it's the same as a hike like getting up.

the hill is different to staying at the. top and getting down again and going. deep into the valley like it requires a. different skill set and so I try and you. know I I try and live a very disciplined. life health-wise in order to be able to. be high performing and I value all of. that like the high performance world. like I value all the do you have cheat. days though do you allow yourself a. chance to slip out of routine always I. mean you have to like this morning was. one of those morning. I you just got back off tour for a start. so you were all over the show right no. no no no I wasn't that's the thing I I I.

allow myself like small windows and then. I go back but like this week I haven't. missed a single workout and this morning. last night I told I told my my friends. that I was going to work out with today. I go guys I'm sleeping in tomorrow burn. I'm not going to be there I'm tired so I. I woke up an hour and a half later than. I usually wake up today and was the best. thing I ever did and I loved it do you. sleep well I sleep yeah that's a big. thing for me I actually read you that's. been something you've had to work. through right like dude I've never been. I'm not a good sleeper I hav't been a. good sleeper you know what's crazy and I. was telling a friend of mine who's in a.

band about this this morning cuz she was. like I'm just trying to kind of come. down off tour and I said listen man let. me give you a bit of advice and I don't. know if it's going to work for you but. I'm telling you like I read somewhere. something ages ago where Rick Ruben said. that he goes out every morning when he. wakes up and exposes himself to natural. light the first thing he does is expose. himself to natural light and then I. someone someone else said it and someone. else said it and I was like all right. this is like too many things pointing in. this direction so and I haven't had a.

good night's sleep in a long time and so. I started going outside and it was so. strange it was such an alien experience. for me to stand out in my yard at like. 6:30 in the morning like in my boxer. shorts like like I feel like a weirdo. this is really weird and then the second. day felt less weird and the third day. felt less weird and I started putting. shorts on on cuz I was like you know I'm. going to enjoy this and I have been. sleeping like like I wake up and my head.

is just like heavy on the pillow and I'm. just. rested like that works yeah yeah yeah. yeah that's Cadian rhythms thing yes. yeah it's crazy like yeah yeah I know. they're all ancient practices though I. know you do yoga too and so the ancient. yoga as is called the sua namashkar so. what that means is is sun salutations. and so the ancient practice was the. first thing you do in the morning is you. salute the sun right which was that.

bathing and gazing and and paying. respects to the sun yeah and that was. the that was what was happening like. your circadian rhythm was kicking off. yeah now you're on that you know and we. and we sit there and we read that and we. think oh it's it's it's only a worship. to the sun it's all worship based but. actually it can be worship based and it. can also be lifestyle related they were. figuring out how to get a good night's. sleep exactly yeah they were figuring. out how to get vital. and that's what they were pay gratitude. to the for and your day started with. gratitude but for everything not just.

for being the Sun but for the light the. heat the warmth I mean for everything. that it provides right so so we have all. this literature and all these these. opportunities like even in this. conversation to be able to just dive. into all of this and and there'll be the. people who roll their eyes and they're. probably not listening or watching and. there'll be the people who are open and. absorbing and ready to sort of try and. make positive changes and help others. further down the line but where do you. think we're going wrong like like if the. ancient species were saluting the sun.

increasing their ability to be able to. manifest good things understood the. power of gratitude understood the power. of rest understood what they needed in. order to maintain that this is thousands. of years ago mhm why do you think we. seem to be getting either further away. from that or trying to get back to that. but we haven't actually gone on from. that yeah I mean it's a it's a big. question and one place I really. experienced it beautifully was when I. was in Hawaii and every morning we which. island we were on the big island so in.

Kona Kawai is like I've heard I need to. go I need go I've never ever been to a. place where the the energy the lay lines. and the oxygen coming up from the. ocean it's amazing I need to go next. year and you'll have to give me all the. recommendations but no I've got no. recommendations it's not that kind of. place the beautiful thing is it's a Lo. it's just pure local like it's not like. go here go here go just rent just get a. really awesome little Airbnb near the. to. the anyway no no no no and so I remember.

in Hawaii we'd get like a kayak every. morning one of their I forget the. official name but this big like Cano. kayak they have a name for it we jumped. in we'd go out they they'd PID their. respect to the sun they had their own. offerings which I loved learning about. they' offer it to the water like so what. I find that where we've gone wrong is. that we've unlearned and reconditioned. to a new way of working so hard and so. strong and for so long that undoing that. and resetting our habits to be healthy.

for us is the biggest challenge so. discipline is 99% of the challenge and I. think the problem is that because if you. think about school which was the only. thing that had the opportunity to. discipline us and parenting those are. probably the only two things that you. have certainly our introduction to it. your introduction to it as school. discipline you always knew what you were. going to do you always knew what the. next grade was you knew what the next. class was it was all mapped out for you. you never actually had to discipline. yourself and so when that runs out at.

age 18 or 21 whenever you finish school. you now are left to your own devices to. figure out discipline and you've never. actually been taught how to build a. habit how to break a habit how to grow. discipline how to end discipline right. you just and that's really what's. missing like my wife has single-handedly. coached me to better eating habits than. anyone ever has in my life and I had to. live with her every single day. you know for the past seven years for. her to do that for me and I'm like well. if I didn't live with her I don't think. I would be able to do these Health.

changes like to me eating pizza Burgers. you know a Sprite or a seven up like. that was my like every other day and. then all of a sudden I marri my wife and. she's just like you know sugar that yeah. you know like and I'm like well wait a. minute it took that much coaching and. guidance and steer so I don't think. anyone's at fault I think it's more that. Society set us up to not know how to the. biggest skill you can learn is how to. build a habit and how to break a habit. yeah yeah because because one of the. best things that we're capable of doing.

but we tend to use against ourselves is. the ability to absorb and translate. absolutely and it's like all right if. you can manipulate that if you know how. to put things in because we're really. complex but also quite simple totally. everything's a routine right. everything's a pattern it takes one. person to do something cool and we're. quite a sing We we live in a singularity. pretty quickly it's just like you know. what I mean it's just like that's cool. let's all do that right we all do it and. so yeah it's it's interesting isn't it. like I think you're right we allow. ourselves and and to your point about. discipline we need to have the. confidence in our own abilities and in.

our own um determination to be. disciplined enough to do what's right. for ourselves yeah right yeah because. otherwise I think we are susceptible to. the the shiny lights yeah of course and. and I think that discipline comes. ultimately through going what is truly. valuable to me it goes back to what you. were saying that that Singularity of not. having this fragmented approach to I. want to be this and I want to be this. for that person I want to do that you. know it's it's well what do I what do I.

care about you used to overwork too. right like that was a big big thing for. you what was did it lead to did you ever. get to that brink of burnout and pain. and that's what shifted absolutely man I. had physical pain for like 5 years. chronic pain like I wouldn't say it was. chronic it was a consistent there were. consistent pains wearing the body like. arm finger um neck lower back hip wow a. lot yeah a lot of plac a lot of pressure. points and um a lot of it really was.

well there's a couple things going on. there there was some there was some some. stuff I had to process from one side of. the brain to the other that I hadn't. done so it was stuck in my body so once. I actually started to work that through. in therapy and you did that all through. therapy that 100% yeah my guy put. me to sleep once he basically broke it. down for me I was like for 20 minutes. woke up and 3 weeks later things started. disapp at but also I was I absorb I was. absorbing a lot into my body through of. the of the work and the stress and the.

overwork um cuz I I didn't have anywhere. else to put it and so my body was trying. to protect me it was like well we'll. store it but after a while that body. gets filled up and then it starts to. ache and hurt and and the pain starts to. happen and I really genuinely thought. I'm just going to live with these aches. this will be it for the rest of my life. right as long as it doesn't kill me I. can live with it why would you want to. live with pain so I'm so glad that I was. able to kind of start to unlock that so. verbal release mhm you all the therapy. you did was traditional therapy or it. was more even just a concept that. actually in my mind in my brain I have.

been storing it in an area where my. brain is telling me to put it all in. here and what I need to do is is to. create space in here to put it somewhere. which has infinitely more ability to be. able to process and distribute and. remove and and and release so I need to. get it over there and and as simplistic. as that sounds it just worked for me I. mean it was a concept and perhaps it's. rooted in truth and perhaps it's not I'm. sure there' be people who are saying. what are you talking about other people. who' be like Ah that's exactly right but. you know the way that it was it was it.

was explained to me was that I had been. storing it in my brain because I didn't. have the ability to be able to deal with. it emotionally and so I didn't want to. and so once I figured out that I didn't. have anything to be afraid of just talk. it through get it out release it let it. go it started to transfer and the pain. started to disappear that's the first. time I've heard about that in therapy. that's cool but I was working through it. yeah like working around the clock. because again it's a great distraction. isn't it you know getting up and going. to work is a great way to spend your. time avoiding things that you don't. really want have to deal with and it's. also more productive so the harder you. work the more you achieve the more you.

achieve the more you tell yourself. you're okay then when you tell yourself. you're okay you're not dealing with. absolutely so it's like okay you know. and and the opp the opposite is also. true which is why back to your argument. of balance like the opposite also true. where if you're too idle and there's no. direction and there's no Pursuit and. there's no work yeah for sure there's. there's an infinite amount of ways to do. it I'm just that's how I did it and um. and you know there's a difference. between work and hard and and working. and working hard right like like for me. it's like I love to work and I love to. work hard but I don't have to work hard.

to be working well right I can I can I. can do it in a way that is like you know. efficient and good for my balance excuse. me good for my balance my decision-. making got better my ability to delegate. got better I became less stressed out. about the things that I didn't have. any reason and or um right to be. stressed out about I stopped feeling I. needed to respond to every single email. and every single thing and I start to. trust the process and I don't know you. have to ask my colleagues but I feel.

like I'm happier and better at what I do. so yeah I'm I'm a big believer in in. just because you're putting the hours in. doesn't mean you're actually getting the. most out of it absolutely absolutely. you've sat with so many of the you know. most iconic artists of our. time and and this generation and you. know you you're a brilliant interviewer. you ask awesome you listen so. effectively like it's fun to watch like. genuinely fun to watch who do you feel. was like wise beond their Years or or.

like an old soul but because most of. them are young like a lot of a lot of. them are very young who did you find was. kind of like you know I find the. conversations that leave me most. inspired. and feeling like something in my life. has changed and I've I've learned. something new tend to come from the. people who reached a point in their life. where they're not trying to. sell something. anymore.

and they don't have to do. this it's there's some value in the. conversation and perhaps they're looking. for learning themselves the truth is. more often than not I find elements of. that in everybody because I'm. not trying to squeeze juice out of the. lemon mhm mhm I'm genuinely not trying. to sell anything at this point in my. life I love music so it's easy for me to. talk about it and to say it's great and. to back and forth about it but I don't.

feel any need and I don't feel there's. any requirement for me at this point in. my life to try to sell anything when I. go into the conversation and I don't. know if I going to ask your question. because no one immediately sprang to. mine because I think I'm I'm not I'm not. existing in a hierarchy anymore yeah. yeah yeah that's a beautiful I'm not I'm. not thinking like this person surprised. me or this person was not Charming or. this person was wise beyond their years.

if you'd ask me that 5 years ago I could. have given you an answer like that. that's a beautiful answer I love that. but I'm trying to go into every. conversation whether it's little yachty. or Neil Young or Billy ish or you know. whatever I'm just trying to go into a. conversation from a position just like. us of what is the most interesting and. human experience that I can have and I. remove as much of the cell as I can and.

I try to get into a place with people. where like I don't really have questions. anymore and I don't really go in with a. high with a with a with a framework. anymore I just try to feel the music. retain how it makes me feel and just get. to that as much of that feeling as I can. in the conversation and so. everyone is surprising and everyone. catches me off guard with their. observations because I'm not going in.

with any prior observations or any kind. of premeditated framework yeah I'm not. coming in going I think I know what. you're like and I will say that the one. only time I've ever had a proper like. long form conversation with Justin. Bieber changed that's what changed it. for me because I thought I was going to. get a great conversation focused on an. album that served the purpose that the. label and the management and the artist. wanted it to serve and serve the purpose. that Apple music wanted it to serve and. I would get something out of it too and.

that conversation became something very. different very quickly and I realized. that he wasn't interested really in. selling anything. either on that day and that was the. moment that I learned how to. listen and stopped trying to control the. narrative and gave myself the the space. to go with it and not panic mhm. it's just a moment it's just people yeah. stay present listen observe and try and. figure it out so from that point forward.

everybody that I've spoken to really I. get there with everyone in some way. shape or form that if that makes sense. makes so much sense makes Beyond sense I. love it I every every time I'd have a. conversation with anyone before that I. would come in with so many different. metrics of you know questions and orders. and this and that and expectations and. whatnot and you know if you ever get a. chance to sit if you haven't already. opposite Neil Young you cannot go into. it with that he has no.

interest it's like this is all that. matters and if you think you're going to. be able to sort of carve out some shape. with him then he's just going to be like. look man like it's not what I'm here for. I'm not interested in it so I really. like this yeah me too yeah I love that. thank you for saying that I don't know. what to do with the old meth anymore I. used to have one I just don't know what. to do with it yeah yeah and every now. and then I myself falling I find myself. falling into it cuz I'm. worried and I can't stick to it.

everything you need to know is in the. answer right every question you need you. have a structure when you're untrained. and then when you're trained it's spont. spontaneous it's like a I just wasn't. listening Jay I was just going in and. trying to figure it all out before it. even happens which is very in line with. who I was and who I've been through how. people train too I think sometimes right. like yeah I'm just Terri I'm a very. anxious person I got to know the you. know my therapist always says you know. anxiety is based on not knowing the. outcome right you're scared of what the. outcome is going to be and so you know I.

need to prepare for every outcome and at. the end of the day what I really need to. do is just start and listen and it will. be what it will be Z this has been such. a special honest open conversation I've. loved every bit of it and uh we end. every onp purpose interview with the. Fast Five so these are questions we do. ask everyone okay and every question has. to be answered with one word to one. sentence maximum okay so it's short. answers suzan Lo these are your Fast. Five the first question do they change. every time no okay they stay they four.

out of five stay exactly the same okay. hit me okay so the first question which. we've asked everyone who's ever been on. the show is what is the best advice. you've ever heard or received uh be. yourself cuz everyone else is taken nice. second question what is the worst advice. you've ever heard or received eat that. it's not that. hot all right uh question number three. hot ones at me seriously hot ones call. me my kids won't ever respect me until. I'm on that show. I I love that uh question number three.

uh what is the one thing that if you'd. want your children to remember every day. what would it be you are. loved. and you can love love that question. number four what's something you're. trying to unlearn right now that I don't. have to wash my. hands every time I a surface and they. don't have to check the Taps I'm always. trying to unlearn my OCD compulsions how.

does that affect life what is that it's. been my life for so long that um I think. the most frustrating thing is I'm just. I'm used to it that's what frustrates me. the most if I ever stop and take a step. back and realize and actually try to. have step back for myself and realize. what I'm doing and what it must look. like not that I'm ashamed of it or that. I worry about what other people think of. it just for my own sense of awareness I. get very. frustrated and really try to tell myself. like if you don't do this routine the.

world is not going to end and I have. varying degrees of success that's hard. but I'm always trying to unlearn it. Fifth and final question that we ask. every guest on the show if you could. create one law that everyone in the. world had to follow what would it be. that we would allow ourselves the. privilege of listening to each other. before we act that we would do our best. to understand the many points of view. and that that level of understanding and. ultimately that knowledge would allow us. to come together to fix.

things and not keep breaking things so. needed Zan L everyone if you've been. listening or watching wherever you are. whether you're walking a dog whether. you're cooking driving uh whether you're. at home whether you're at work wherever. you are thank you so much for listening. and tuning in uh I hope that you'll tag. me and Zane with the things that you. love the things you're going to talk. about this week because of this podcast. the things you're going to share with. your friends and your family that. resonate strongly with you please tag us. both on Twitter on Instagram on Tik Tok. on any platform you use uh sharing your. favorite Clips I love seeing what.

connects with you all and I hope this. conversation is connected with you all. as it has with me so thank you for. listening and Zan thank you for your. generous time and energy and presence. and I'm really grateful that we got to. listen and connect with each other today. so thank you so much man same Jay thank. you thank you if you love this episode. you'll enjoy my conversation with Megan. Trainer on breaking generational tra. and how to be confident from the inside. out my therapist told me stand in the. mirror naked for 5 minutes it was. already tough for me to love my body but.

after the C-section scarf with all the. stretch marks now I'm looking at myself. like I've been hacked but day three when. I did it I was like you know what her. thighs are cute.