And You'll NEVER be Broke & Stuck Again | Vishen Lakhiani

Compassion is not something you do for. other people. That's a great side. effect. Compassion is something you do. for yourself. It changes the way you. function and show up in the world. So, The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness. podcast. On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to the number. one health podcast in the world. Thanks. to each and every one of you that come. back every week to listen, learn, and. grow. And you know that I love. introducing you to the thinkers,

leaders, people who can inspire you to. change your daily habits and make. shifts, small shifts, that make big. differences in your daily lives. Now, today I'm talking to a guest who's. already been on the podcast before. He's. a favorite here. I know you enjoy. listening to him. And some of the videos. that we've done together, when I've been. speaking on his platform and he's been. here, have gone absolutely viral. So, I. know you're excited for this one. I'm. talking about the one and only Vishen. Lakhiani. Now, Vishen created. Mindvalley, one of the world's most.

powerful life transformation platforms, that now has a following of 20 million. people across 195. countries. And today we're talking about. his brand new book called The Six-Phase. Meditation Method. And for those of you. want to know how much I love and endorse. this book and this human, I have a. testimonial right on the back of the. book. Uh this book is a practice. It's. not just a book that you'll read. It's. not just a book that will sit on your. shelf. It's a book that you'll actually. implement that will shift the way you.

think about meditation and the way you. think. Welcome to the podcast, Vishen. Lakhiani. Vishen. Thank you, Jay. Such. an honor to be back here. I love the new. podcast setup. I love your new place. This is amazing. Well, yes. seeing you grow and grow and grow. Oh, well, it's such an honor because I've. had so much fun with you at multiple. Mindvalley events, whether we were in. Italy, Sardinia, whether we were in LA, where we did so many events together. I. mean, I think the community that you've. cultivated at Mindvalley is so special.

and the people there are so special and. whenever I'm there I feel so much love, I feel so much genuine sincerity to grow. and and my community here loves you too. at home purpose. I can I appreciate you for one thing and. many people don't know this about you. and maybe you don't know this about you. as well, but when I first met you in. 2018 in Sardinia, you were speaking at. one of my events, I was not on. Instagram. I was not on social media at. all. I felt I was too old. I didn't have.

no I felt imposter syndrome. I felt I. don't know anything. I felt I'm too old. and you were the person who convinced me. to get on Instagram. know that. know that, but before then I used. Instagram just to share I used Instagram. as a gratitude wall. I would share. pictures of things I was grateful for, never for an audience. And you showed me. that it was possible. My Instagram blew. up. It's now like 800,000 people at. Vision and now I use it to to curate. this this this community and to talk. about my discoveries in personal growth,

but you were the person who inspired me. to get on. Oh, thank you, man. I had no. idea. That's that's beautiful. I'm I'm. happy for the world that you did get on, so. My first inspirational Instagram post. happened 1 week after we spoke and you. don't even remember this, but we spoke. over dinner. Yeah, I I remember I've. remembered all our meetings, but I think. what you've done with Mindvalley, what. you've done with your work has been. incredible. Today I want to dive into. parts of this book, but I want to dive. into it with your experience because. I think everyone can remember or has a. distinct memory of their first.

meditation experience. What was your. first meditation experience ever? Do you. remember it? Like the first time you. were ever introduced to any form of. meditation? So, the first time it happened to me, I. was 14 years old. I was a young kid in. Malaysia. and I decided to try a form of. meditation that I learned from a book. called The Silva Method, a really old. 1960s, 1970s book. Back then, I was 14, so must have been like 1990. There was. no internet in Malaysia. We had four. television channels. So, really to pass.

the time by, all I did was I would. browse all of the books in my father's. bookshelf. And I discovered this book called The. Silva Method. Now, the book captivated. me because it spoke about how the mind. can heal the body. What was happening. with me back back then is. I was having a really horrible skin. problem. My face was covered in acne. I. had very little confidence. I considered. myself ugly. I had difficulty making. friends at school. You know, even if I liked a girl, I had. no confidence to even talk to her. And. so, when I read in this book that the.

mind can heal the skin, I was game on. I. want to figure this out. So, I tried. practicing, nothing happened. I. continued practicing, nothing happened. And there was very little results, but I. read and reread and reread that book. over and over and over and over again. Then I started picking other books from. Bob Proctor, from uh Wayne Dyer. I. started reading these books, it became a. passion. And slowly things begin to. click. And one day, applying the Silva Method, at this point.

I was 17 years old, things had finally. started clicking. I begin to understand. it's not just about hoping and wanting. your skin to heal. There was a process, there was a method, there was a. psychology. When it clicked, in 5 weeks. I completely healed my skin. 5 years of. skin disease healed in 5 weeks. Today, science talk about this as a thing, it's. called psychodermatology, how your mind. influences your skin. But that was my. first evidence that we can use our minds. to influence our bodies. Now, the next. thing I did was I decided to see can I. use my mind to accomplish a really big.

goal. For me, that was qualifying for. the US Open Taekwondo Championships. Taekwondo is Korean karate. I was really. into it, and I managed to qualify. My. first ever trip to the United States, which was my dream land. Since I was. like a kid, I wanted to go to America. My first ever trip was to the US Open to. represent my country. It was in Colorado. Springs in 1993. My first time I fell in. love with America, but it became because. I visualized that in my mind and that.

was my beginning. The The beginning of. my fascination with the human mind that. would later lead to me starting. Mindvalley and writing this book. That's. amazing. I I I love that story for so. many reasons. A because. Well, let me just break this down for. everyone. You had an intention that was. very clear. Even if it was to save your. skin or to impress a girl or whatever it. was, you were clear of why you wanted to. meditate. The second thing was you were. happy to read the book again and again. and again. And I think that takes a lot of. resilience because most of us when we.

try something once and it doesn't work, we give up. And the third thing is you. didn't just test on something small. Once you saw a small result, you were. like, "Well, does this apply to. something bigger?" And I think those. three lessons in and of themselves are. so powerful. What has changed in the. benefits to you of meditation today? At. that time it was solving your skin, it. was getting focused around the Taekwondo. championships. How do you view. meditation? Like what is its use in your. life today? Because I feel like so many. people keep telling us to meditate and.

there's so many benefits, but for you. personally, what what's the reason? So, I grew up in a Hindu family in Malaysia. Meditation was never what I was taught. The style of Hinduism I was taught was. very dogmatic. You had prayers, you had. chants, you had mantras, and I found it. oh God, so boring and irritating. I. hated being dragged to temple to listen. to a priest speak in Sanskrit, a. language I didn't even understand. So, when I was 19, I gave up Hinduism. I. decided the religion was not for me. I.

read a quote by Gandhi that said, "I'm a. Hindu and I'm a Muslim and I'm a. Christian and I'm a Jew and I'm a. Buddhist." And I thought, "That's it. I. want to study and unite ideas from all. of these different spiritual practices.". And so, that was my beginning. I got. obsessed with spirituality. I started. reading books by Esther Hicks, by Neale. Donald Walsch, and I became particularly. captivated by the spirituality that was. emerging from the United States. From. everyone from Paramahansa Yogananda, who. was an Indian who crossed over over.

here, to Neale Donald Walsch, to. especially José Silva. Now, a lot of. them spoke about spirituality. What made. José Silva's work different was that he. broke it down into actionable steps. And. that's what fascinated me most. So, a. lot of people spoke about meditation, about sitting still, about going within. José Silva would teach the method. You're going to do this method to reduce. your brain wave frequency to the alpha. level. This method to get it down to the. theta level. This method of positioning. your eyes to activate alpha frequency in. your brain. This method to reprogram.

your subconscious. This method to. manifest a goal. This method to do. healing. And that structured approach. captivated me. Now, we call that active. meditation. That's the word José Silva. used. Osho used the same word, active. meditation. This means it's different. from passive meditation, which was more. the meditation from Hinduism, from. Eastern cultures, where you focus on. your breath, or you go within. And. there's a usefulness in that. But what I. loved about active meditation is, in the. words of José Silva, you use it to solve.

problems. You do not push your problems. away. You turn your problems into a. project. You have skin disease? You're. going to heal it. You need to achieve a. business goal? You're going to make it. happen. And you would apply different. tools to solve these problems. Now, when. I was in Silicon Valley, I applied the. Silva method, and it completely. transformed my career. I was able to. hold on two jobs. I got promotion after. promotion after promotion. At the age of. 26, I was vice president of a booming. dot-com. And I was meditating using the.

Silva method and other practices I would. combine with it. And one day, I suddenly. had a. I realized that meditation was the most. powerful thing I'd learned in life. It. was the reason why I was successful at. my career. Yet, my university degree, for which I paid almost a quarter. million dollars for, taught me jack. It. wasn't really helping me. So, I decided. I wanted to do something that could help. the world. I decided to quit and become. a meditation teacher.

Now, as I started becoming a meditation. teacher, as I started compiling all of. these methods, I needed something for. myself. And I look at meditation from as. a tool, okay? So, a lot of people say, all right, meditation is a form of of. self-awareness, of prayer. Yes, yes, yes. But, meditation is also a tool. The. point of meditation, in the words of the. great teacher Emily Fletcher, is not to. get good at meditation. It is to get. good at life. And so, I use two. different types of tools. Now, let's. think about our home. We have coffee. makers and we have electric drills. We.

use a coffee maker every single day, or. a tea kettle every single day, to put. ourselves in a good state to start our. morning. An electric drill is a power tool. You. don't use it every day. You use it when. you have a problem, when you have to. drill a hole in a wall, or threaten. someone, I guess. So, in meditation, the style that I teach, there are two types. You would use a. power tool like the Silva method, which. now sits on Mindvalley, for a really. tactical problem. For example, healing. Right? The Silva method has been proven. by Dr. O. Carl Simonton as a very.

effective form of imagery therapy for. accelerating healing. You're sick, you. want to do it. If you are suddenly. feeling like you have a migraine, you. want to use it to help reduce your. migraine. The Six Phase is what I. developed as not the electric drill, but. the coffee maker. Something you use. every single day. Even if your life is. amazing, you use it every single day. because it helps put you in a peak state. for work, for happiness, for human. connection.

And it puts you in this beautiful state. where almost feels as if the universe. has your back. Like you have, you know, the Tinkerbell fairy following you. around blessing everything you do and. making your life magical. This is how I. view meditation. It's an active approach. to tackle the most complex problems in. life, but also as a daily approach to. put you in peak states of humanness. This is why I love talking to you. because I love that explanation and I. think that that breakdown of how.

meditation can be used differently for. different challenges is fantastic. And I. love the analogy with the with the tea. kettle we'll go with and and and the. drill because. I I do think you're right that we've. made meditation what you just said is. about becoming good at meditation, which. is absolutely irrelevant to life. And. with the six-phase method, what I love. about it is that. you have the same thing that you loved. about how the Silva method taught you. it. You figured out your own method that.

people can take. Now, in this book, when. you talk about This is what I want to. get into some of this and everyone who's. watching and listening back at home or. wherever you are, I'm only going to be. giving you a tip of the iceberg, but I. want to give you this insight because my. hope and goal and intention is that you. will go and order the book right now. while we're having this conversation to. really dive deep into it, but I want to. give you just enough to recognize how. practical it is. So, you talk about how we need to start with. the circle of love and compassion.

When I hear the word compassion, and I. think when a lot of people do, compassion feels like a tall order. because I feel like it's been removed. I. think before compassion, we think of. criticism, we think of complaining, we. think of comparing. Like those are more. natural thoughts. Can you talk to me. about how you had this epiphany that. compassion was a beginning when often. our beginning place is criticism, complaining, or comparison? So, compassion is not something you do for.

other people. That's a great side effect. Compassion. is something you do for yourself. It. changes the way you function. and show up in the world. So, there's a lot of science right now. on compassion practices that derive from. Zen Roshi Buddhism or even from the. HeartMath Institute. For example, the. HeartMath Institute found that if you. just close your eyes and you see the. face of someone you love, you see their. eyes, you see their nose, you feel that. love for them, you feel it in your heart. area, it changes your heart resonance.

And your heart resonance is a biomarker. of health. In short, giving love to. someone else instantly physiologically. changes the. heartbeat that you're having and puts it. in a better state that shows that your. body is in a healthy mode. Heart. resonance correlates with health. And I found this fascinating. That is. how we start the sixth phase. Then we. move to a more advanced compassion. practice where we extend love across the.

world. Not to We start with our family, our neighborhood, our city, our country, and then globally. Now, why is this. important? Compassion is like a muscle. You can train it and when you train it, you become more loving. If you think. about all the great saints and sages and. mystic, compassion and love was a key. part of who they are. Whether it's. Yogananda or Jesus, it was compassion. and love. But this is how it shows up in. your world, right? So, I remember after.

the pandemic, I went for breakfast with. a friend. All the restaurants had been. closed for 3 months and finally, that. weekend, everything opens. And so, we. are waiting in line for around 20-40. minutes to get in. Finally, we get in. It's really busy, so they can only seat. us at the bar. And all I'm craving is. coffee, eggs, and some and a side of. avocado. So, I order my coffee and 20. minutes later the waitress hasn't. brought the coffee. The waitress is. currying around. There's a lot of people. over there. She's wearing a mask. And. she left the coffee on the bar and I can.

see it. And it's 20 minutes. I can't get. her attention. Finally, she brings me. the coffee. Just puts it down. Doesn't. even say anything. And it's gone cold. So, I have to order another coffee. That. other coffee comes 10 minutes later. Then my omelet comes 40 minutes later. They forgot the avocado. And all of this. chaos. Now, at the end of that as I was. tipping the waitress, I still had a. smile on my face. And I gave a tip worth. 50% of the entire bill. So, my friend. looked at me and goes, "What are you. doing? Like, the service here was.

horrible. She doesn't deserve 50%." And. I said, "Really? Well, I thought she. did." And I explained it to my friend. I. said as I said, "Look, it's all how we. see it. To me, I'm just happy to be. here. To be able to eat outdoors again. It doesn't matter we had to wait 20. minutes in line. It was just nice being. able to step into a restaurant. After 3. months, that waitress, she's been. running around. with a mask on herself for gosh, maybe. 12 hours. Look at the line. She's not. even getting a break. And probably for.

the last 3 months, she didn't have a. job. She was probably worried about how. to put food on the table. And that's why. I gave her a 50% tip. I don't care if my. coffee was cold or my avocado came late. That didn't even register for me. Rather, I was in a state of. appreciation, of love, of awe at the. humanity around me, even if it was a. little bit messy. Compassion had put me in that zone. When. you see someone else, even if it seems. like what they did is wrong to you, you.

look at them with a sense of empathy, with a sense of understanding. And it is. that understanding that changes and. reframes your definition of the world. So, I'm not saying do compassion so you. become a better tipper. I'm saying do. compassion because the world becomes a. more beautiful, alive, connected place, and your life becomes more peaceful. Now, the side effect is everyone you. come in contact with, you bring. happiness into their lives, and the. world needs that today. What I love. about that example is that it shows.

something in a personal way that we all. experience. And it's so fascinating because I've. been experimenting with something. similar in a professional setting. So, a. lot of people would say, "Oh, yeah, you. can do that with a you know, with a. waiter or a waitress at a at a store, but then what about someone in your. workplace?" And I realized that. if you go. hard on people, and people experience. this I think we've all had experiences. of it. We've all had bosses who are hard. on us.

And I found that when my bosses were. hard with me. it closed me off. It didn't open me up. Whereas if someone checked in with me. and said, "Hey Jay, you look like you're. struggling a bit. Is everything okay at. home? Like, is your family okay? Like, is How How are things going? You don't. have to tell me, but if you feel like. telling me, let me know.". That allowed me to have a safe space and. want to deliver more for that person as. opposed to if that person came up to me. and goes. "I'm not really happy with your. performance right now." Like, hearing.

that from someone didn't open someone. up. And so, even your same approach in a. professional setting still works and. applies. That when you approach someone. or someone approaches you and just says, "Hey, I can tell that you're dealing. with a few issues or or something must. be going on. Do you feel like telling. me?" I think that compassion is such a. superpower, and it's so underestimated. Where did we lose that? Where did we go. wrong? I I think we underestimated it because. for the longest time in society, we. thought kindness.

is associated with weakness. Strength, power, even to put power over someone. else was a sign of strength. But today. we know that's not true. There was a. Gallup study done on two 10 million. employees. and they found that the employees who. loved their jobs more, who were most. engaged, who were most productive were. one of the highest correlations with. revenue growth. answered yes to the following question, my supervisor or someone at work cared. about me as a person. Wow. And that's. compassion. Now, I remember a funny.

story about you, Jay. So, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shows how. compassionate you are. So, so may I want. to share this with the audience. We were. having dinner at Mindvalley's Festival. A-Fest. This was that festival in Ibiza. and you disappeared to use the restroom. Oh, yeah. And then we never saw you for. 2 hours. So, imagine you're having. dinner with someone. There are about six. people in the dinner table and that. person goes, I have to go use the. restroom. 2 hours later, he hasn't come back and. so you're thinking, gosh, what a jerk. If he was bought by my company, he. should have just said, Vision, I'm going. to go to sleep. He had to make that.

restroom excuse. And so, I was mildly. annoyed by you and then I realized what. happened. Jay went to use the restroom. and as you were coming out of the. restroom, one by one people were coming. out to take photos with you or ask you. for advice and you stood there for. almost 2 hours. talking to everyone, taking photos, giving them the advice they needed and. then you were so tired, you went to. sleep. That's compassion. And and see, you you may have done that almost just. organically, but I'll never forget that.

and that put you at hero status in my. mind. No, what I I I honestly have to. say it's it's because you attract the. best people. Like the the culture and. community of the quality of individual. that comes to Mindvalley events is. really special and you know, I'm I know. that I know so many A-Festers in my. personal life as well, like Ervin, who's. one of my closest friends, Ervin. Valencia E. and it's like he's been an A-Fest I. think he's like I don't know how many. A-Fests he's been to, maybe like nine or. something. I don't know, he's been to a. lot. think he's he's the health director for. the New York Knicks.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. He's the. director of training and conditioning at. the Knicks and it's just like he's the. embodiment of everything we're talking. about in a beautiful way and I think I. did that because of the quality of the. people you attract. But I appreciate you. remembering these things. Obviously, meditation gives you a good memory, too. so I I I say that because compassion. today, kindness is the ultimate flex. I. remember 15 years ago when people wanted. to sell you stuff on the internet, do. this to make money, do this to build a. business. They would pose with their. Lamborghini or their car. Today, nobody. gives a damn. Today, the stuff that we.

share on Instagram are very often. inspirational stories, people doing kind. acts, people saving animals, people. doing great things for kids. Compassion. is the flex in today's society. What is. the. difference between a technique. and a pure intention in the sense of. I I we know each other well and I know. that you've meditated for God knows how. many years now and I know how much study. you've done and how many incredible. people use this method like so many.

celebrities and athletes use this. method. What have you found to be the. difference between someone who uses. compassion as a technique to get what. they want or to present themselves a. certain way versus what is the. difference in result and practice in. someone who's doing it from a pure. place? I'm just fascinated by. Absolutely. Okay, so the technique is. not compassion. The technique is the. circle of compassion, which is the. specific exercise we do inspired by Zen. Roshi Buddhism and the HeartMath.

Institute to expand and open your heart. Right? So that is the technique. The compassion itself is a quality of. being. So the Six-Phase is six specific. techniques that layer on top of each. other that open up six different aspects. of your being, which I believe are. really important for you to show up in. the world not just as a good human. being, but to crush it at work, to hit. your goals, to get things done, and to. do it from this state of just absolute. bliss and equanimity. The point is.

you're making is that you can't even use. compassion. for lower means or lower requirements. because that's not compassion, yeah. kindness, right? You're doing something. to get something. But the technique that. we are doing actually trains your brain. to understand how deeply connected you. are. If you do this, you automatically become. nicer. So yeah, you're talking about the. actual change in your consciousness and. like transforming your character as. opposed to like what we're saying like.

I'm talking about marketing versus. meaning. Like the idea of like oh, I can. market this stuff versus this actually. makes sense. There was one thing. specific I wanted to ask you. You talked. about happiness and gratitude. I wanted to ask you your take on after. all these years, you've helped so many. teachers share their work. You've helped. so many like that's one of the most. special things about you that I. appreciate about you is that. you're not just presenting what you. know, you're supporting the work of so. many other incredible people. And you've. supported mine, too. You know, you've.

supported me, too in in such a deep and. beautiful way and what I'm intrigued by. though is out of all the reading you've. done, all the studying you've done, what. is happiness? Is happiness in your eyes. still a goal? Is it a pursuit? Is it a. byproduct? It what is happiness? Because. I feel like we still don't know. We. still hear people talking about I just. want to be happy. Well, I'm a goal is to. be happy. What's Vision's take on that? So, happiness is not the goal at all. In. fact, happiness is not even what we care. about. What we're looking at is.

a concept called blissipline. Blissipline is not being happy. It's not. forcing yourself to be happy. Look, I am. a person who can be prone to depression. It's actually in my DNA. Wow, I had no idea. Um you can measure. these things now with DNA. And I've been. in depression in my life. I'm also a. person who is prone to melancholy. Melancholy is when I want to when it. typically it happens when it's raining, I want to sit by the fire, listen to.

sad music, and just be by myself, and I like that. I'm not happy, and neither am I sad or. depressed. I'm just melancholy, and it's. a beautiful feeling, and we all feel. that sometimes. If you've ever seen the. Pixar movie Inside Out, it shows that. sadness can be a superpower. You can be. sad when you miss someone. You can be. sad when you're grieving. There's a. beautiful quote from the the Disney show. WandaVision. What is grief but love persisting?

The goal isn't to push away sadness. Rather, the goal is this is to remember. this. When we are showing up. with people, when we are showing up at. work, the thing that matters is the. concept of blissipline, and that is. having the discipline to ensure that you. are you are nurturing your positive. emotions. Now, positive emotions doesn't mean. you're fake happy. Positive emotions. mean that even if you're sad, you you. can observe it. Like, I love that quote,

"What is grief but love persisting?". Because if you're grieving someone, that's a beautiful emotion. You can grieve someone who has left your. life, but you're not beating yourself. out of it. So, you're still in a way. blissful. Now, why is this important? There's a study called PQ, and there's a. book about it by Shirzad Chamine, and PQ. means positivity quotient. It's your. ratio of good thoughts versus overall. thoughts. Now, what they find is that. the higher your PQ, the better you. function at your job, the better you.

function at your work. We spend 70% of. our work of our waking hours on our. work. And so, if we can practice. blissipline and elevate our PQ, we get. more done. We are happier as we work. The quality of our work is better. But, you know, the studies on PQ fascinate. me. They found that the number one thing. that determines how well a team. functions is their PQ. Is what is the. ratio of positive emotions within the. team and between the members of this. team. And so if we can train for.

blissipline, if we can put ourselves in. these blissful states, we simply do. better. Now one of the most beautiful. things I read was in the book Titan. It's the biography of John D. Rockefeller. He was the richest man who. ever lived. And at the age of 83, John. D. Rockefeller wrote a beautiful poem. that illustrates this idea of. blissipline. He said, "I was early. taught to work as well as play. My life. has been one long happy holiday. Full of work, full of play.

And I left the worry along the way. And. God was good to me every day.". And that's really what we're talking. about. Now if the richest man in the. world could pen that, imagine what this. quality, what this essence can do for. you. It's amazing, isn't it, how what we. read or what we think about become the. scripts of our life? And and I feel just. as you were quoting people that have. inspired you, I feel like for me half the thoughts in. my head are thing I've things I've. absorbed. Right. and like held on to.

that then create my story and my script. I didn't know what you just said about. you. That's actually such interesting. news to me. I don't think we've ever. spoken about that. I loved how you. talked about how melancholy isn't. happiness or isn't sadness, but you. enjoy that feeling. I feel the same way about solitude of. spending time alone. Like I often look. forward to spending time alone. I try. and make time to spend alone. I'll often. choose being alone as opposed to doing. something else. And that's not because. I'm happy or ecstatic about it or I'm.

not sad about it. It just brings me joy. But what I didn't know about you was. this bend you said towards depression or. depressive thoughts and I want to go. there. What has been. the most depressing state that you've. been in that the Six-Phase Meditation. Method and other methods that you. practice and even teach today have. helped you out of what has been that. point of Yeah. So So So first you got to understand. phase one compassion, phase two. gratitude, phase three forgiveness. All. of these qualities have been. scientifically proven to lower risk of.

depression and lower situations where. you're feeling anxious or panic. But I. have gone through depression in my life. I have gone moments where I was. profoundly sad. That hasn't happened. much in the past decade or so. Wow. And part of the reason is because. of the six phase. But it doesn't mean. that I don't get sad. All of us are. going to go through troubles in life. I. miss people. Yesterday I was sad because. it was my son's birthday. He turned 15. and I couldn't be with him cuz I was. doing a big event in LA and my son lives. in Estonia in Europe.

And there's nothing wrong with being sad. about that, right? Uh but through that. sadness, I left him I think one of the. most beautiful voicemails I've ever left. my son about how much I love him. So you. can channel sadness into love, into. compassion, into. into vulnerability and help you connect. with yourself and other people. Yeah, how do you stop sadness. from developing into guilt? Because I. find that you could have easily gone the. other way. You could have been like, all. right, I'm sad that I'm not with my son.

on my birthday. I'm a terrible dad, which I know you're not, but I mean to. you could say I'm a terrible dad and. people do feel this way. I'm a terrible. dad. I care more about my work by my. actions than I do about my son. Someone. could I'm saying could think of this. story. They could think I should have. flown back. I should have been there. So. these are These are the things that I. hear from parents all the time. Exactly, right? So this past This past. four weeks I'm on a I'm on a four-week. book tour right now. This is the longest. I've been away from my kids. Wow. But the reason So I get that and.

I've never been traveled this much away. from them because of that guilt. But I. realized that was silly. I know that I'm deeply connected to my. children. I've learned since then that. it's not about being with them all the. time, it's about when you're with them, how do you feel with them and how do you. make them feel? Mhm. But how do I. overcome that guilt? Well, that's where. phase three comes in. Guilt is one of. the lowest human emotions, guilt and. shame. From a consciousness vibration. point of view, if you look at the. Hawkins scale, right at the bottom, guilt and shame. You don't want to get.

there. Phase three is about healing from guilt. and shame. So, when you practice. forgiveness, and in the sixth phase, we. teach you a eight-step forgiveness. protocol that you stick right in. You forgive yourself for mistakes you've. made in the past. You forgive yourself. for things that you may feel shameful. for or guilty for. But you also learn to. heal and forgive. the acts of others. It turns out, if you want to develop the. brainwave of a monk, so they've actually. measured the brainwave states of monks,

and you're a monk, so I bet you fall. there as well. yeah, I used to be. So, monks have high. left-right brain coherence. That means. your left and right brain are kind of. vibing at the same level, and high alpha. amplitude. So, they found this in Zen. Roshi monks who have spent 20 to 40. years in meditation. So, at the. BioCybernaut Institute in Vancouver, where they map the brainwave states of. monks, they found that these were the. two qualities that you want to create. But how do you get that? Well, forgiveness. Forgiveness and forgiving people who. hurt you, as well as forgiving.

mistakes that you made in the past, is. the number one hack to get you in that. level. This is why forgiveness is phase. three, cuz I've seen miracles happen. through the practice of forgiveness. Forgiveness has been proven to not just. improve back pain, increase your heart. health, improve the quality of your. sleep, reduce depression and. anxiousness. A study showed that it improves your. vertical jump. Another study in Israel. showed that it improves your endurance. And. for people who believe in manifesting, it's quite possible, cuz I've heard this from many spiritual.

teachers, it increases your rate of. manifesting. That's why forgiveness is. phase three. Because I practice. forgiveness in a very rapid way every. day, um so each phase takes about 2 minutes. of practice, I don't experience guilt. I. don't experience shame. It doesn't mean. I've never made mistakes. I just don't. beat myself up over it because you. understand that we're all human. I love. that principle and I'd say that that. applies to marriage, that applies to. work, it applies to ourselves. Like that. idea, I always talk about how. one of the things that's helped me and.

my wife massively in our marriage is. that we're both wired to forgive. overnight. Yes. And I I've never met many people I'm. like that with 99% of people I meet. I've been like that for a long time, but. my wife's like that, too, and that's. really helped because then I don't wake. up in the morning and look at her and. go, "Oh god, she's still judging me for. the mistake I made last night." We've. both moved on. And so mirroring that habit is really. powerful, but the the two ends of the. spectrum are narcissism of like, you. know, like letting go of all mistakes,

which I know that's not what you're. recommending. And then the other thing. like you're saying is self-sabotage and. beating yourself up forever. And you. have these two polar opposites, and I. think people get so scared that they. they're doing one or the other that they. kind of avoid it. What is the process to. get to the forgiveness you're talking. about where you can allow yourself to. move on? So narcissism. is self-love without love for others. That's why we start with compassion. When you start with compassion, you are. training your love for others. When we.

come to gratitude and forgiveness, you're actually training your love for. yourself. Mhm. In the gratitude phase, you don't just express gratitude for. three things in your work or three. things in your personal life. You. express gratitude for what you love. about yourself. And that's because why. shouldn't we? The world doesn't tell us. to love ourselves. Since we are kids, our education system, the people around. us point out our flaws. Most people. don't have a problem with self-love. They have a problem with self-pity, self-loathing, with not enough.

self-love. Now, when you come to the. forgiveness stage, you further amplify. your love for yourself, but remember. you're doing these phases after you. express love for everyone else. Compassion first, then gratitude, and. forgiveness. And this is how you avoid. narcissistic tendencies. I think it's. become more and more challenging because. I think the rise of. narcissistic personalities and the. challenge that people are experiencing. in their relationships is just on such a. high. I feel like it's one of the most. talked about things right now. And I guess that also stems from that.

feeling of like we never got a chance to. love each other. So, almost now we're. going in that direction. With step four, a vision for the future. This step is. for some people a hard step because the. future is usually a place of anxiety, right? For most people, the future is a. place of uncertainty, of anxiety. Obviously, you've done these three steps. to remove anxiety, etc. That's why it's. a perfect build-up. I've heard so many. versions of what a good vision for the. future is. Some people say you should. know exactly what you want. Some people.

say you should have an overall vision. What is the six-phase version of a. vision? when you finish phase three and you move. to phase four, you're moving to a. different essence of being. My last book. was called The Buddha and the Badass. And that title came from an essay by the. great philosopher Ken Wilber. And that. essay was called ego-lessness. And it. starts like this. The great spiritual. sages and saints of the world from Moses. to Jesus to Padmasambhava were not. feeble-minded milquetoasts. They were. movers and shakers who rattled the world.

with the force of their ego. From They. instigated massive social revolutions. that lasted generations. From bullwhips. in the temple to subduing entire. continents. Now, what Ken Wilber was. saying is that the great spiritual. teachers were not just focused on the. now. They were focused on the future. Jesus wanted to build a legacy. Buddha. preached because Buddha wanted to change. the institutions of that time, the way. the rich and the poor were. Moses wanted to free his people.

Muhammad wanted to conquer and spread. Islam to the world. Paramahansa. Yogananda came to America to spread the. wisdom of India. All of these people had. a vision for a future they wanted to. create. And that's really important. Mother Teresa wanted to feed millions of. people. So, if you really want to practice your. spiritualness, you can't just be sitting on your. meditation cushion. You got to have a. vision for the future. That's what Face. Forward is about. Now, to answer your. question, how much should you be. specific, how much should you be.

unspecific? Well, it depends on what. you're manifesting. So, now we can get into a little bit. deeper spiritual ideas. My friend Marie. Diamond, who's a brilliant spiritual. teacher from Belgium and someone I train. with, Marie says that what we manifest. in the world comes from three different. parts of our being. There is our. intention, which is what we desire, but. that's only 1/3. Then there is our destiny, which is what our soul wants to. experience.

That's 1/3. And then the third piece is the energy. of the world around us, our home. You. know, the Chinese call this feng shui, the people, group consciousness, our. culture, our society. It's all three of. these. So, if you think of manifesting, you're a car going down a highway. Okay, that's your life. All of us have a destiny. And And a. spiritual teacher explained this to me. He said, "Listen, you can't go for the. exit ramp. You are on one highway. Your. highway is to spread consciousness.

through education. You can't go on that. exit ramp and go into a different. direction. That's your highway. And I've. noticed this about my life. Every. adventure I've tried outside this zone. of spreading wisdom and consciousness. fails. It just becomes unnecessarily. hard. If I stick on my highway, I go. super fast. So, that highway is the. destiny. Within that highway, you can change. lanes. That's your intention. You can change lanes, you can go faster, you can go slower, you can go left, you. can go right. And then, there's the. quality of the traffic. Is it stuck? Is.

the traffic moving easily? Is the. traffic congested? That's the group. consciousness around you. So, that's. just an analogy to understand this. So, when you're manifesting, all three of. these pieces are coming together. Now, in the sixth phase, if you go. deeper into the wisdom of how it's. designed, the protocol is designed to. take all three of these into account. But, in phase four, what you're doing is. you're playing with intention. Uh. intention, but also leaving things open. for the universe to bring you. For. example, if you want to meet your.

soulmate, you don't want to get super. specific, because what if your soulmate is in a. different age or a different body type. than what you think you want? Michael. Beckwith, the spiritual teacher, calls this mature. versus immature wanting. Immature wanting is, "Oh, I want I I. only want to be with someone who is tall. and blonde and um uh blue-eyed.". That's what maybe society or what you. read in a magazine. influenced you. Mature wanting is knowing that your.

soulmate may come to you in many. different forms, and it's going to be an. essence, an energy that's going to spark. that love in you. Likewise, when it. comes to a mission, a vision, sometimes. we don't know what the universe has set. forth for us. And so, when you are. practicing phase four, the important. thing that we ask people to keep in mind. is to focus on the what and the why, but. to park aside the how, the when, and the. who. So, that's advice from Esther Hicks. Yeah. The what and the why. Don't worry.

about the when, when is it going to. come? Who is going to bring me? Or who's. going to be my soulmate? Or who's going. to give me that job? And the how, how am. I going to get that? How am I going to. meet that person? Esther says all of. that adds resistance to that which we. seek to manifest. The what and the why. add forward momentum. So, you focus on. that. I love that. Yeah, I've I've. always realized that you'll get to where. you want in life, just not in the way. you imagined it. And the problem is we. have this projection and imagination of.

how the path should look. Right. Not why we want it or where we're. going. Right. And and our paths change. We. pierce different circles of purpose. You. were once a monk and then you became a. storyteller. And then now you have this. incredible podcast and now you're. launching a tea company. You've pierced. different circles of purpose with your. purpose to help the world getting bigger. and bigger each time. And all of us are. going to go through that. We are not one. thing.

Yeah, and I and I I love that idea. because I think for me. when we create and associate with. identities early in our lives, it. becomes harder and harder to shake them. So, I became a monk from age around 21, 22 for 3 years. And that was a young time to create a. very distinct specific identity. And shaking it off took a lot of effort.

to allow myself to keep the parts that. were still me, but then to accept the. new parts that were parts that maybe I. had negated or neglected and and to. re-become and to evolve took so much. effort. And even now, like I find. allowing yourself. to become new things is probably one of. the biggest challenges in the world. because most of us are like, "Oh, I've. always been an accountant. I've always. been a lawyer. I've always been a. doctor." And usually we just use our job. titles to define it. And I was actually.

having this conversation with one of my. team members earlier today. She was. saying that before she worked with us, she'd never worked on a book or a book. tour, you know, and we're working on. Mind Right Now. And I was like, "That's. what I love about it. Like, I don't care. that you haven't done that. I'm I'm. interested in how you think and how you. approach problems and I'm intrigued by. the fact that you don't know the rules. of this industry. Like, that excites me. How can people find the courage and. strength to become new things and not. feel held back by old things? One of the. most practiced most powerful practices.

I've found is the Lifebook protocol and. we talk about it in the book. So, Lifebook um is a goal-setting protocol. by Jon and Missy Butcher. In the spirit. of openness, Mindvalley acquired the. company uh the majority stake in the. company. We're now merging it with. Mindvalley because. company. we wanted I I felt it's the. best goal-setting system in the world. and we wanted to integrate it with our. education platform. Now, in Lifebook, one of the exercises. you do is you look at your life from 12. different buckets, right? Your emotional.

life is one bucket. Your financial life. is one bucket. Your character is one. bucket. And already, if you think about. that, you find that most people tend to. focus on just a few limiting buckets. They focus on. goals for finance, goals for. relationships, goals for work. But, are. we setting goals for the emotions we. want to experience on a day-to-day. basis? Yeah. And emotional mastery, are. we setting goals for the character, how. we want to show up as a man or woman in. the world? Lifebook makes you go deep. You really have to think about it. And. at the end, you end up with a 100-page. vision for your life. Now, within that.

100-page vision, there are going to be. things which are going to be unclear. And that's when the magic happens. So, I. remember when I was doing Lifebook in. 2000 uh 10, there was a particular. category of the 12 categories called. quality of life. And this is really. where you put down your lifestyle, your. home. And so, I put down some really. crazy things cuz they push you to dream. big. I wasn't a speaker then I said, I. want to be speaking on stages around the. world. I want a vacation in five-star. resorts around the world. I want. inspiring friends. I want to go on trips.

with inspiring friends. I put down even. some really like bold things. I want to. win an Emmy or a Grammy or an Academy. Award, whatever. Yeah. What happened is 10. months after doing Lifebook, I suddenly. had this weird impulse. It came from my. soul. Back then I was running a a. dot-com. I'd started a dot-com. I'd. raised $2 million in venture capital. money. It wasn't Mindvalley, it was more. like an e-commerce play like a Groupon. clone for Southeast Asia. And I was feeling so dissatisfied. I.

realized I'd been chasing an immature. wanting. I'd been chasing all of that. stuff I was reading about in tech. publications and thinking I wanted to be. one of those entrepreneurs, but it. wasn't for me. And so I gave up my. shares, I quit that dot-com. And then I. needed to do something. This was 2010, and I thought, "I want to learn surfing. What if I could get 250 people to join. me in a beach in Costa Rica, put on a little festival where we can. all study surfing, maybe have some. personal growth talks, and maybe really. have some great bonding events at. night?".

That random idea became a festival. called A-Fest, A F E S T. That first festival sold out. It blew. up. And then it continued growing and. growing and growing, and within 2 years, everything I put in my Lifebook came. true. All of a sudden I was speaking on. stage. All of a sudden I had all of. these amazing people, Lisa Nichols, Chip. Conley, all coming and speaking on stage. with me. I had the inspiring friends. All of a sudden I was staying in these. five-star resorts around the world. Hotels were giving me the presidential. suite cuz I was bringing 250 people to.

the uh their property in Costa Rica and. Mexico. And the craziest thing was this. I put. down I wanted to win an Emmy. Well, Nick. Nanton, a film producer, came to one of. our A-Fest. He turned it into a. documentary called Live Your Quest, and. it won an Emmy. It won an Emmy. And I was the producer. And so all of these crazy goals came. true. Nowhere did I put, "I want to. invent a festival." Rather, I described. the life I wanted to lead, the quality. of life, and the idea came to me. And.

there's an important lesson here. Sometimes you don't want to put down the. job. Your business, your job, your. career is nothing more than a vehicle. for your growth and the life that you. want to lead. Mhm. Most people get more clear on the job. I. want to be a lawyer. Then they do on how. they want to grow and the quality of the. life they want to lead. Yeah. Flip it around. You got to get. really clear on the lifestyle. How many. hours do you want to work? What do you. want to do first thing in the morning? Who do you want to be with? How much. time do you want to be able to spend.

with your kids? Who are your friends? Where do you want to live? Get clear on. the quality of life. Get clear on. the values you want to have. And the ideal job will follow. Yeah. And. I think that that. getting clear on the quality of life and. then those steps that are there to make. sure that you show that priority in a. small way. Like I find that Don't you. find that everything that happened in a. big way in your life. was because at one point it was a small.

priority. Like I worked at a big. consulting firm. And I would use all my vacation that I. got. to spend time with my spiritual. teachers. This is after I left the. monastery. I would spend all of it. Like. so I wouldn't take a vacation because I. was like my priority is to still learn, to still grow, to still think like a. monk at this point in my life even. though I'm not a monk anymore because I. was so scared of losing that deep. important part of my life that I was. like, all right, all the vacation I get, this is what I'm going to do with it. And now I'm so grateful that some of.

them will come live with me here. Some. of them I'll get to travel to and but. it's like because at that time it was. hard to make that a priority. I had to. sacrifice in one sense that this is what. I was using my vacation for. So. what I'm interested, Vishen, is. what defines for you now a good. meditation? What is a satisfying. meditation? Because I think this is like. a recurring challenge that all. meditation and guided guides have is. that people are like, well, did I do. well? Like, did I do good?" Because we. only know how to We don't We've.

forgotten how to experience. We only. know how to evaluate. That's what I've. realized. The human mind has diminished. in its ability to experience and. increased in its ability to evaluate. And our evaluation is, "This was either. good or this was bad." Rather than, "This was my experience." So, how do you. define what a satisfying positive. meditation is today? So, I look at the six qualities of the. six phase. And at the end of the day, did these qualities express themselves.

in my life? Was I kind and compassionate. today? So, at the end of the night, you. can you can basically, before going to. sleep, you can ask yourself these six. questions. Who did I help today? That relates to compassion. The second. question is, "What was something that. truly made me come alive, that made me. happy today?" That relates to phase two, which is on gratitude. The third one is, "What have I. come to learn?" And come to learn often. relates to forgiveness. True forgiveness. we often learn. "What is a new vision or.

a new desire that I saw today that I. want to bring into my life?" That comes. from phase four, which is vision for the. future. Now, phase five is commanding. your perfect day. So, what you may ask. at phase five is, "What was my favorite. part of today?" And then the final one, phase six is a blessing. This is almost. like a prayer. And at the end of the. day, you might you might ask, "Did I. truly feel connected to God, to a higher. power? Did I feel that the universe had. my back today?". And if you ask yourself those six. questions, you know you had a good. six-phase meditation. So again, that's.

just the lens I use. Yeah, yeah. No, I like that and I think. it's it's useful to have some sort of. measuring stick because we all need to. evaluate, but that's a healthy. evaluation as opposed to I think just. saying, "Was it good or bad?" Is like. irrelevant. You went in a direction. there which I was. interested in. You're saying that the goal of. meditation or the work that you've done, you've found that life is about growth. and the experience and the quality of. life that you want. I think a lot of. people define their destiny quite early.

on in life. How do you test the. parameters of your destiny? So, I think. one of the things that I think is a. useful tool is to understand the. difference between means goals and end. goals, right? Very often, your destiny, the stuff that you're meant to be doing, is something that you would do if you. were not even getting paid for it. Very often, we we do the opposite. Think about the standard American. system, right? So, you have people So, that one of the. most common jobs that Americans go into.

is law is law. And I'm not dishing on. lawyers. I'm just using this as a really. interesting thing because I used to work. in the legal industry. I used to do sell. software to law firms 20-something years. back. So, America's 5% of the world's. population, 70% of the world's lawyers. Why? Well, maybe it was shows like LA. Law Ally McBeal in the 1990s that. glamorized law. And so, so many. Americans go into crazy amounts of. study, crazy amounts of debt to become a. lawyer, to pass their LSATs, to join a. good law firm. Then they're working.

crazy hours, but here's the thing. If you are a lawyer, you have a 50%. statistical chance of suffering from. clinical depression. Wow. It's crazy. So, this large number of. Americans are going into a job that can. make you depressed at an astonishing. rate. But they do it, why? Because they are. following the herd. This is a classic. example of mimetic wanting. You're. wanting what everybody else wants, not. what could truly resonate with your. soul.

And so, the important thing is to really. look at what would you do. that even if you were not being paid, it's something that you would do anyway. because it makes you come alive. Yeah. And often, that is the stepping stone to. where your dream career could be. I was. meditating. and I was I wanted to teach meditation, but I wanted to teach it because I was. teaching it to my friends, I was. teaching it to my cousins because I was. so excited about it. I remember a. teacher telling me, "You're never going. to make money with that. You need to be.

an engineer." And I tried becoming an. engineer. I was miserable. But with. meditation, I built a massive, massive, massive company. I wrote um hopefully my. third New York Times best-seller because. I was simply But I never did it for. money. I was doing it because it brought. me joy. And if you look at so many of. the most successful people in the world, they took what they did that brought. them joy. and they turned it into an incredible. career. And that would be my advice to. people. Absolutely. Everyone, Vishen. Lakhiani, the six-phase meditation.

method. Make sure you go and order your. copy right now. The book breaks down how. to practice each phase. I also want you. to test it out and I want you to tag me. and Vishen on Instagram, on TikTok, on. Twitter, whatever platform you use. Tag. us and tell us what you learned, what. you took away. What were the practical. things that you're going to try? What. was something new about meditation that. you haven't learned before? I love. seeing the nuggets of wisdom and the. insights that you take away from these. episodes. Uh Vishen, I'm going to ask. you if there's anything else that you. want to share that.

Yes, yes. So So you can So you can So. you can get the book on So you can get. the book on Amazon, but if you get the. book from mindvalley.com/the. letter six, there's this crazy bonus. that you're going to get. Oh, cool. Okay. even if you buy it from Amazon, you can. get the bonus. Just go to. mindvalley.com/the. letter six. Mindvalley has a meditation. app with 500 meditations, hypnotherapies, ambient sounds from all. of these world-class teachers. You get. 500 of those completely free, downloadable on your iPhone or your. Android phone when you get the book from. mindvalley.com/the.

letter six. Uh and it's it's only for. this month. Okay. Only for this month, so that's a great bonus. Vishen, thank. you so much for that. That's amazing. I. hope that everyone's going to go try and. test them out. Again, please make sure. you come back to On Purpose. I do want. you to listen and read. I'm a big. reader. I'm sure you can get the audio. book as well. Vishen, you read the audio. book? Yes, I did. I did. So, make sure. you grab the audio book if you're more. of a listener. And thank you for being. here on purpose. I hope you go and. follow Vishen, connect with all of his. work, subscribe to Mindvalley if you.

don't already, and we'll see you very, very soon. Thank you, everyone. If you. want even more videos just like this. one, make sure you subscribe and click. on the boxes over here. I'm also excited. to let you know that you can now get my. book Think Like a Monk from. thinklikeamonkbook.com. Check below in the description to make. sure you order today.