3 Ways To Get The Most Out Of Therapy & Why Everyone Needs It... | Jay Shetty

they're now instead of challenges or. problems they're friends that I can. bring closer and sit down and calm them. down so that they don't rattle me. because at the end of the day I'm still. the one in control the best-selling. author and host the number one Health. and Wellness podcast on purpose with Jay. Shetty. hey everyone welcome back to this very. special episode of on purpose thanks to. our partners a better help for this. episode today I'm joined with jesujo. licensed therapist and head of clinical.

operations at betterhelp also I just. want to remind you that just because you. might hear something on the show that. sounds similar to what you're. experiencing beware of self-diagnosis. you want to find a qualified. professional to assess and explore. diagnosis if that's important to you. better help would like me to mention the. following trigger warnings for racism. bullying and relationships with food. today we're joined by a very special. guest yulado Sam who's going to be.

sharing his own experiences his own. thoughts his own journey in the world. and in life through his lens and our. goal with these episodes is to show you. the insides or the inner workings of. what a therapy session can look like so. what we're going to be doing is guiding. you Lotto through some therapy questions. that is going to help him reflect uh. share his experiences share his thoughts. in a way that hopefully shows you that. therapy is accessible it's approachable.

and I'm hoping that these give you a. sense of what a real session could look. like for you so that if you've had any. fears or any doubts or any challenges. with finding a therapist or going to. therapy that hopefully some of those. will go away and of course hopefully you. download better help and use it in your. life to make therapy really accessible. and affordable and approachable for you. so hey Sue it's always good to have you. back in the studio yelato it's good to. have you in the studio nice to meet you. for the first time and for the few.

moments I've spent with you uh just now. I can tell that you're very thoughtful. uh reflective individual and so I'm. grateful that you've allowed us this. opportunity to be a part of this. experience thank you so much for. bringing me into the space. um as always curating a space of. Wellness is something that is really. necessary but also difficult to do so. already the fact that we have this easy. breath and you know the nerves and. Jitters aren't necessarily bubbling to. the top I'm really excited to be able to.

have this conversation with you both I'd. love to hear more a bit about you and. then that can go further into what you. would like to talk about today first and. foremost I'll say I'm from the land of. wood and water the birthplace of Reggae. Dance all and the fastest man and woman. on the planet none other than Kingston. Jamaica so you have to represent you. know. um but outside of that growing up I've. always been into Athletics and I come. from a really unique family structure my. mom's from England but my brother and I.

born and raised in Jamaica and on top of. that we have this eclectic sense of. family and as I was maturing my mom sort. of saw an opportunity where my mental. health was concerned moving from spaces. and schools where there were so many. things brought together all at one time. growing up in Jamaica you realize that. once you get to a particular school. probably high school which starts in. grade seven there are so many. communities that come together all at.

one time it's not as spaced out as the. United States so on an island you can. have someone that lives two three. parishes over that starts their journey. to school at 5am in the city where we. were and I just happened to have a. challenging time where my mental health. was concerned and that was when I met Dr. Agri irons it was a really unique. experience because I was so young I. didn't even know what therapy was but in.

this space not only were we dealing with. anxiety and depression but we were also. dealing with family structure how can I. show up as the best version of myself so. that I can be the best brother that I. can be older brother at that and then. also simultaneously be the best son that. I can be because the that was my first. sense of Duty that I can really think of. outside of being my own individual I. realized I had this other title I had. sun and then soon thereafter I had big.

brother and I really started to find out. what those two terms meant through. sitting down with Dr irons you really. connect with other people and I see that. identity is really tied to context of. view and relationship with with your. family yeah family is where it starts I. believe and then we open from that to. culture because then the wider scope or. The Wider lens looks at the fact that.

this really nuanced and. um I would say it was somewhat of a. benefit that was offered to me and my. brother wasn't something that a lot of. people around me had the opportunity to. experience and I thank my mom for. working so hard for that because it's. been something that has shaped the. relation that I have with both of them. to this very day and so in those spaces. I realized that relating to other people. is not just something that you do to.

survive or to move yourself forward but. it's something that's actually necessary. to humanity we can't sort of exist. isolated and finding ways of. communicating are super important as. we've learned over the last maybe two. and a half years as well so I'm glad. that those skills have sort of stuck. with me skills of being able to. communicate relate with other people you. mentioned your mom saw an opportunity. that's the way that you mentioned to get.

you into you know what a lot of people. will say Services into therapy you are. struggling what would you say you. remember about your own struggle not. what your mom noticed about you but what. did you feel and if you even remember. that kind of thing I can honestly say in. the simplest form the things that I. remember. are. being exceptionally present with myself. but not fully understanding what that.

meant. so there are these things happening. internally there are these thoughts that. are running a little faster than I can. keep up with my body's responding in. particular ways that I'm not able to. check and really bring back and before I. knew it I was competing heavily in track. and field it's something I did all the. way up through college ran. internationally as well and I found. myself constantly in this not just a.

space of Doubt but then also saying I'm. not the biggest on the field. and sometimes when you perform in uh. like a space like Jamaica where we have. like the biggest high school track and. field meet in the Western Hemisphere. High School Champs. um there's a lot of pressure because. again We're a nation where this is one. of the ways that you can make your your. way out big up to Usain Bolt us off a. Powell. um hands of parchment those are some of. the people that I had the fortune of.

whether being able to watch train or. being part of a high performance track. team with Fitz Coleman those individuals. brought me into a space where I saw what. was tangible and I put a lot of pressure. on myself. um not just uh to perform but then also. to make a mark my desire was to make a. mark on the world and that was the first. way I understood it and combination of. like just being in high school going.

through puberty and then also performing. at a high level in a sport put me in. this intersection of well who's helping. this athlete to process what he's. feeling on and off the track and I think. that's the opportunity that my mom saw. because. there was a big moment in high school. where I just everything froze and it was. my actual my first absence seizure that. I realized that I had and that was the.

impetus to say hey. he's not having the craziest of physical. responses and that's how I ended up in. my first therapy session and in in that. session I imagine you had a lot going on. you said something really poignant here. about like being extremely self-aware. but not understanding what that means. and now you're reflecting on that later. in life you've gone through a lot of. things including that therapy so what do. you understand about yourself now that's. different from then when I was small.

there were the doubts the pressures the. as my favorite author Anthony C Winkler. would say like the little pasta that's. in your head that's telling you right. from wrong the voice that isn't yours. yet the voice that is probably Societies. or your families that is there to guide. you but no one necessarily sits down and. allows that process to be. um a very present one where we detail. like how are you feeling actually what.

are you thinking about and how does life. feel for you and your little body right. now as you continue to develop and so in. reflecting now I realize that I'm more. skilled with these techniques I'm more. patient with them as well. um as a kid you sort of want to. understand you want to do you want to. get done and yet at the same time you. don't have the understanding of how to. process all of that and you might Center. yourself under all the isms and schisms. that are around you and so now I found.

that I give myself a bit more space to. breathe give myself a little bit more. time to relate not just to. um myself but to my environment and then. I'm able to like analyze a bit more and. that allows me then with even some of. the things that I still deal with today. that may not have disappeared but. they're now instead of challenges or. problems they're friends that I can.

bring closer. you know and sit down and calm them down. so that they don't rattle me. because at the end of the day I'm still. the one in control. um my emotions are a reflection of the. internal side but they're actually not. what makes the decisions Hey sir I just. wanted to maybe just share a few. observations for our viewers and. listeners back at home or wherever you. are what I love about watching a therapy. session in this way or a conversation. with a therapist is you get to notice.

the really attentive listening that Jesu. has of like finding like something very. specific that you said and using that as. an opportunity to ask a follow-up. question which we don't always get in. our day-to-day life I was I was thinking. about if you were sharing your. very honest truth on an everyday basis. sometimes our friends and family they. can be really well intentioned but it's. really hard for them to ask a question.

that does Justice to what you just. shared and and to really create a space. of listening very attentively and I. could see what ASU was picking out and. I'm sure you felt it too that you you. had to sit and think oh wow yeah I just. said that like what does that really. mean. um and I think that that's one of the. beauties of therapy as well that you. actually have someone who's sitting with. you who is listening far more. attentively and skillfully than than. most of the people we meet uh every.

single day and then I was also just. reflecting to what you said. I I think that a lot of our listeners. will be able to. empathize with what it feels like being. a young person who has pressure on them. so whether it's sports or Athletics or. whether it's dance or gymnastics or. whether it's swimming or whether it's. you know whatever it is that any of us. did When We Were Young I think everyone. can empathize with that experience of.

feeling like I'm not big enough I'm not. the F I'm not fast enough I'm not uh. skillful enough like and and I can't. can't even imagine what it begins to. feel also when you feel that that is a. method in your nation to to create some. you know impact in your life like that. if you add that layer to it that's you. know a really remarkable layer so I just. wanted to share some of those. Reflections quickly from what I was.

hearing as well uh through this session. so if you're listening or watching right. now uh I hope you're appreciating and. taking in all of these cues thank you I. mean you're noting. I think a very key difference from. talking to people that you care about. that care about you your friends your. family the folks that you generally want. to turn to first when you're going. through something. oftentimes when they respond when the. folks that love you are listening to you. speak they're trying to respond in a way. that's kind of like emotionally tied up.

in who you are in the relationship so. you're listening. to respond with you in that response. what therapists are generally doing are. listening to respond to you with you in. mind I'm not responding with like. anything that has to do with my life or. trying to connect it to something about. me and that's what people do that's what. friends do with each other is I'm going. to respond in a way that helps us. connect on this friend level so I'm. gonna bring it back to like oh that. reminds me of a time when I was in high.

school and I was running track like. you're gonna find that therapist. generally don't do that very much. because the focus should remain on the. client so that is something that is is. intentional and something that somebody. can expect when they go to therapy is. this person is here. with undivided attention to you which. most of us don't get in our everyday. life with anybody definitely you know it. allows for a relationship to form but it. is different it's different than what. you're gonna have with your friends you.

know your loved ones yeah like it's like. that small bridge between them maybe. like a sympathetic relationship versus. an empathetic relationship which the. sympathetic to my understanding is oh. I've experienced that too I know what. that feels like whereas what we're. noting now is just sitting down with the. person and being like. I actually heard what you said and you. mentioned this would you like to speak. more about that which allows for the.

person that's actually going through. something or the person that is coming. for help to actually express what they. need without. um this other perspective. interfering and not to say that it isn't. helpful sometimes because I I do believe. that in these sessions there are. obviously moments of the oh I know what. you mean by that yet at the same time. they come even at more specific. instances and so it's really a pleasure.

because also as a man of color having. these conversations too can lead to some. very nuanced moments where those lines. sort of get blurred for one or many. reasons so this definitely feels great. speaking of connecting things back to. something you just said what are these. lines that get blurred well I think I. found that for me I've been fortunate to.

have individuals of color black men and. women for the longer sessions that I've. I've been able to commit to and I say to. commit to because there's a reality that. therapy isn't always as affordable or. convenient with the world that we we. live in and so we're trying to through. something like this make it feel more. tangible and more accessible to people. but then being in America I have found. that if I do happen to work with a.

therapist that may be of a different. ethnicity or a different race there are. some times where. um depending if I haven't done enough. research or we haven't had enough time. together those lines of like well. I don't get to talk about this often. let's actually investigate this when the. this that they're investigating isn't. what's most important to me it's the. that. um and the only reason I'm able to have. that a little bit extra of awareness is. because my experience lets me know that.

I should be able to speak about the the. that and not the this you know it's if. I'm understanding it sounds like. you've had experiences where the person. in front of you is focusing in on. something but that isn't necessarily. what you want to talk about. um but it sounds like you're over there. kind of taking care of this other person. too thinking like oh I can understand. why you would want to focus on that so. then you go with that which takes the.

focus of that. so what is the that for you right now. what is something going on with you. right now I'll share this is actually a. genuine concern of mine. um I've recently moved into a new. apartment. um the first time it's me my one bedroom. one bath taking care of myself. congratulations thank you very much I. appreciate that and. one of the things I had to ask myself. recently is how safe I am in my.

apartment we know the the context of. what it means to to be in America and. thanks to Morehouse College my. undergraduate experience that the world. isn't as Fair sometimes and we have seen. the stories on the news. we hear it on the radio we see the. social media posts. um but Brianna Taylor's experience. resonated with me in a very different. way. to know that you can be in your home in.

your bed. fast asleep that was something that it. was real but now that I am a hundred. percent on my own. sitting in that space. I ask myself how do not even how do I. prevent that. but is that a reality for me and the sad. answer in some senses is yes. there is the small chance that if I.

haven't introduced myself properly to my. neighbors. or if I leave at different hours. if I wear particular things I might be. seen as suspicious instead of mysterious. and cool you know that I always want to. be that low-key sexy neighbor like oh my. gosh he's leaving he said oh he's coming. back you know but the reality that I. also have to navigate is that before. they get to to meet me there are might.

actually be I guess. colored by the Hue of my skin. and. it's something that I have to be aware. of regardless of of where I am and it. just so happens that I live here and so. all the contextual matters of like what. it means to be black in America like. sort of came back to me all at one time. so thank you for sharing that for many. other people who are describing to folks.

like I just moved into my first place of. my own the first thing that a lot of. people are going to think is like that's. awesome congratulations that's amazing. and then you continue to share that. actually you also have to be concerned. about your safety this is not something. that many people have to think about. um and you know as you're speaking I. also have a lot of my own emotional. reaction to hearing you because our. homes are supposed to be our sanctuaries. our homes are supposed to be the safest. place where we can let our hair down. where we can feel comfortable where we.

don't have to be on edge about anything. what I'm hearing is up for you that is. not always the reality yeah and you want. me to believe in this progress. right and yet at the same time on the. news I am able to literally see a. physical representation of my features. going through these extremely traumatic. experiences. right I'm seeing it not only.

um represented by people advocating for. it but also sensationalized and. um debated. as to whether. oh it's just or not. when in reality there are so many faces. that look like mine that dream like I do. that sound like I do. that are. slowly absorbing all of that information. and without proper resources without.

spaces like this the discussion around. empowering you in the face of that. adversity is somewhat lost and that is. probably one of the goals of being a. more house man it's to be a candle in. the dark to represent that even though I. know this reality is around me this. Shadow might be following me that's a. lot of pressure for yourself again. a lot of pressure to be light in a very. dark world.

so what are the things you'd say in your. life that continue to motivate you to. overcome that pressure to meet that. pressure I think of my my granddad that. recently passed again we go back to. family so needless to say my mom my. brother my my grandmother my my family. but outside of that in the world we get. some small glimmers of Hope. and one of the ideas that I constantly. have is what's my hope and that happens.

to be my art what gives me hope is a. great story but a story that doesn't. reflect a lot of the stereotypes I don't. know if you all watched my favorite. movie of the year thus far. um everything everywhere all at once. really fantastic movie outside of that. uh I love the world championships were. earlier this summer you know big of. Chilean Fraser price Elaine Thompson. bigger Panzer part the whole like. anytime I can see people like thriving.

um it's always big for me I I noted that. there must be an immense pressure to. continue to share this light that you. have inside of yourself with other. people on top of also having to wonder. if you're safe in your own home if. you're safe in any space like you said. um. and it's hope that you come back to that. allows you to move through this world. continue navigating it gives you kind of. the freedom to continue to see Beauty in.

the world. um what about times where it doesn't. feel so easy to do that well this is. where the skills kick in is it not and. so it's going to the skills that I have. or taking a moment um grounding myself. and when I say grounding myself. sometimes it's the difference between a. shallow breath and an actual deep breath. and knowing the difference in my body of. like what that actually feels like.

there's a lot of people don't know what. it means to breathe you know below their. rib cage. and it's something that's uncanny to me. because. um as an athlete I was also never taught. to breathe I learned about it's like an. important thing that's the important. thing I learned about aerobic and. anaerobic respiration but no one ever. gave me an exercise to expand my lung. capacity right I'm putting my body under. duress I'm putting my body under stress. I like to use Sports as an analogy.

sometimes for life right and yet still. the one process that is going to go. whether or not your body is under that. right the fire the part that fuels you. is not so much so expounded on and so. the skills really come into play when. I'm not feeling my best. um I typically in those dark moments. either go to art. go to my loves or go to my my family. it's all still about connection. relationships you know being together.

um interconnectedness and it's making me. think of intersectionality how things in. in all of our Lives meet each other in. some way it's clear that you're a person. of the world that is absorbed you said. that you know life is an active choice. that you're doing all the time that you. have these skills that get you through. the more challenging times can you share. where you started learning these skills. if nobody taught you how to breathe. where did you learn how to do that I.

happen to be in these really amazing. spaces collaborating with these great. people and I ended up working with after. grad school. um I ended up working with this Wellness. brand and while we were there in that. space that was my first introduction to. um probably like mindfulness in that. extent. um sound healing those types of things. and that was where there's a bit of. Interest started to like develop. um but while I was pursuing my masters I.

was conducting research and what I found. is that all cultures across the world. what connects us to the eurobod the. Greeks the Ashanti the Aztecs is the. fact that we all have the same. instrument can you actively make the. decision. to go to your breath can you actively. make the decision to just relax your. shoulders relax your forehead stop. biting on your jaw.

these are always the things that we. don't realize that we're doing but no. one is ever saying to you hey. take a second and actually stop bracing. because people think bracing means this. you going out there and grabbing the. bull by that you know what I'm hearing. is like even when. maybe you were conscious of it or not. people weren't teaching you things but. you went out to be taught by the world. in some way or another you're an active.

student of life it sounds like in that. that Alaska learner and I'm also seeing. that this lifelong learner has taken all. the beauty that he's found and you. really want to share it with other. people you you mention your family a lot. and you mentioned art and art is. something to be seen art is something to. be experienced and something to move. other people and it sounds like you've. been moved you want to move other people. I definitely do how can I do my work so. that my cup is somewhat full so that I.

can water the next person so that I can. give just a little not everything. because I need something for myself but. I can't start until I've poured. something as we've heard the angel. saying into the cup my mind keeps going. back to something you said earlier. um the pressure that I don't know if. it's a pressure that you felt for. yourself off but a lot of people in your. community felt when you're in high. school to achieve to perform in a. particular space in order to get out I. would be remiss if I don't ask like do.

you feel that kind of thing still. present in your life do you feel like. there are pressures to get out of. something even if I do happen to make it. to the place where I'm financially free. and I'm able to. protect and provide for my family. there's also this question which I'm. sure both of you have asked yourself how. can I help the The Wider World The Wider. Community. um it's through things like this. definitely but the beautiful aspect of.

it is that I don't think it ever stops. because my reality is until I see things. change in the world around me that means. that there's still work to be done. and the question that I I beg of myself. is what can I do you've said so many. things that I I want to continue. exploring with you but really it's like. you've done quite a lot of. self-exploration is what I'm hearing. it's interesting hearing you both.

continuing the conversation I think a. lot of the time people have an. assumption that. therapy or conversations around therapy. end up being like these. deep dark secrets and these deep dark. holes where it's like. yeah I always feel like sometimes people. feel they have to invent a huge problem. before a therapy session. and people feel like oh well if I don't. have a really big problem in my life. then I don't need therapy and what I'm.

what I'm hearing today and and hearing. this conversation is actually we're. speaking to someone who has a great set. of skills has some good good ideas and. good thoughts but. we're getting and I'm hoping you're. feeling this way and you're the only. person who can really tell us this but. there's a sense of like healthy. reflection in and of yourself of your. own ideas Jesus asking you questions. that are making you pause and and stop. and and really think about. where some of these strengths are where.

they're not so I start looking at it so. much more of a wholesome discussion as. opposed to like. I'm like in an emergency situation where. I have a problem and I need a therapist. to solve it which is often a feeling I. think people have where they're like I'm. not going to go to therapy because I. don't have that or I only go to therapy. when I have something that extreme yeah. and people have shared with me that they. get stressed out before sessions because. they think that they're supposed to be. prepared with this big problem that. they're supposed to bring up or you know.

I've been asked like what am I supposed. to bring to you am I supposed to become. prepared with something do I need to. have a topic on hand. um and I've shared with folks like it. doesn't always have to be that way of. course if you have a topic on hand. that's something we're going to explore. and dig deep into but you're right. therapy can also just be about digging. deep into you into. um something that's going on now. relating something that's happened in. the past to the present and it doesn't. have to be deep and dark although that. does happen in therapy.

um but it doesn't have to be that way. it's not about like pathology or what's. wrong with you or what's wrong with your. mother or what wrong with anything. sometimes it's so refreshing and healing. even if there's no wound there. necessarily at the time but it's like a. refreshing thing to be able to just look. Inward and ReDiscover your values what's. important to you because being able to. reflect on this stuff externally I think. on a regular basis allows you to.

continue nurturing your sense of self. and when you don't have a strong sense. of self what it seems like you have a. like what's stronger than strongest you. know like a strong sense of self it is. what allows you to you know have an. outpouring of love for other people to. instill hope in others. um. and continue to be influential. inspirational these things don't happen. if you don't know who you are two things. to that my grandma always says you.

shouldn't eat because you are hungry you. should eat so that you do not get hungry. this is coming from a woman that at some. point knew what it meant. to be right so I have learned that. therapy isn't necessarily because you. need the help at the moment it's so that. you can be prepared for that that moment. where you might not actually have access. to the therapist right. um and then the second thing is that the.

issues that I think that I've gone. through are actually like chilling. they're actually a lot heavier than I. think maybe it sounds like in the moment. but I had to realize that the issue is. always going to be the issue it's your. relationship to the issue that is. positive or negative right life is going. to be what life is it's your. relationship to life that is either. positive or negative it's a real thing. for me when I'm in particular. neighborhoods. um I remember like working and.

performing in in Europe and. um the first time I was in Poland I. remember what the response was to me. when I walked into certain spaces but my. relationship to those things is that. again not only am I a candle in the dark. that is allowed to feel what I feel but. then. what can I do to shift this space. to leave it better than I saw it you. know like. I am the one person here that was born.

in the United States I was born here I. was raised here having said that I also. look like someone that has this like. Perpetual Foreigner label stuck to them. um regardless of having been born here. raised here educated here I still. encounter on a fairly regular basis the. idea from other people that I don't. really belong here that I am a visitor. to this country. um which is weird because I'm the most.

American one in this room right like and. um I think that experience like ever. since I was very small because my. parents who decided to have their kids. in this country and still name them like. foreign like I have a very ethnic name. and that is very much part of my. experience and my journey it shaped who. I am it made things difficult when I was. a small kid but at this point it's not. something I would want to change but I. think. that and like navigating the world in.

this like yellow body it leaves this. like gaping hole this thing I'm trying. to fill of wanting to be included of. wanting to be accepted of wanting to be. long and and I think that's one of the. pillars of humanity it's like we're all. looking for that sense of belonging. and I think you know my journey into my. profession and the career track I've. chosen and everything that I've done at. this point is all related to that and. you said something about you know. getting to know.

people on an individual level on a. one-on-one experience when I get to. learn about somebody else's life and. their pain and their hope and their love. it allows me to feel closer to that. sense of belonging it's like we're all. actually kind of the same in many ways. regardless of all kinds of stuff and it. allows me to feel included. um you know I entered a field too mental. health is still very predominantly white.

and you know I find myself in. professional spaces where I still feel. like the extreme minority which I think. is still something that I grapple with. it's still something that I'm navigating. and still something I'm trying to feel. completely comfortable with because. ultimately I can say that I feel. comfortable in my skin. I feel good that I live authentically. but there are still contexts and there. are still spaces and there are still. times where I don't feel that same. confidence in myself and it's something. I bring with me I think to my work.

because I know I look like a certain way. and I know that people are thinking. about something as soon as they see me. and and that's that's part of the work. too and part of my uh personal and. professional challenge is always feeling. like I have to prove myself and you know. the nice thing when I'm in an actual. therapy session when it's just me and. this other person a lot of that pressure. actually dissipates it's not really. there as much because as soon as this.

other person starts to recognize that. they can feel safe because I'm not here. to talk about anything that would make. them feel othered in this one-on-one. interaction I feel accepted by them too. my clients and I think that's what. intersectionality is about. um even for example you sharing that. allows me to feel like you can. understand my plight. a little bit more because it's also one. thing that I've noticed because.

there are individuals that may look like. us. that also don't have that awareness. either right. um and growing up in Jamaica I was. really fortunate to be able to grow up. and see black billionaires to see. doctors that look like me to have. teachers both male and female that looks. like me and when I went to Morehouse I. was very fortunate to have that continue. but I will let you know that since. leaving Morehouse almost every. instructor that I've had every teacher.

that I've had in my master's program I. did not have one black instructor. directly teach me I had to go out and. find. in the department right and one of the. things that really grounded me was. actually knowing that I know that it's. possible. um and I think that's also like a. double-edged sword because knowing. what's possible and then being in a. space where it's not visibly seen it. then frustrates you because it's like.

why isn't it happening but the reality. is that if we can be intentional and. creative and mindful in not just our art. but the way that we live the impact that. we'll have is so much longer lasting. that we can literally shape the way. people are going to experience the world. well I mean hearing from you today. I mean I feel very uh inspired by your. commitment to the work that is so.

important to your heart not just to your. heart which is so important to the world. right like this is work that I think we. all believe is valuable and needed and. critical it's not even you know it's not. a it's not a luxury there's a this is. just a necessity for what we need is. humankind but. what I find. very indicative is that the work that. you've been able to do with your family. through the amazing experiences that.

you've had thanks to your family. through the work that you have done in. therapy has given you the ability to now. go out and want to share this message. with the world like that's that's what. at least what I mix and you can totally. agree disagree but that that's what I'm. perceiving in someone like you where. you've been through your pain you've. been through challenges of course we're. always going through pain and challenges. but you're someone who's created a. toolkit for yourself whether it's the.

tools that you develop through therapy. or you know and so now you're in a. position of strength and empowerment in. wanting to go and be this light that we. were discussing and dealing with the. pressure of being that light but that's. some of the work that so many people are. trying to do. right now is even feeling like I think. I think we all know that it's hard to be. the light when. all you've seen is Darkness. and.

we know we don't want people to. prematurely try and be the light and at. the same time we also know that. ultimately when you've walked out of. your own Darkness it's great to turn the. light on for others right so much of. what therapy is doing is helping us make. sense of our emotional and mental self. in order to figure out what we want to. do in the outside world and. it sounds like that's work that you've. been doing and continue to do which is. giving you a sense of strength to try. and help others right now and I think we.

as human beings have the capacity to. develop that unlimited toolkit but it's. not until we have great teachers and. collaborators. um access to information access to basic. human needs that we can stop thinking of. survival. and we can then start to thrive and so I. have to give thanks for the blessings. that I have thank you so much Ilona. thank you hey so did you have any final.

words or remarks for us for today that. you wanted to share. um wish I had something Super Wise my. relation to that is is that's part of. what I think I aim to have my clients. strive for in therapy is integration of. separate pieces of self integration of. you know all these different components. those are all very important things that. I I think about in conceptualizing a. client case also really integrating all. these things that may feel.

disconnected or disjointed is what. allows you to continue to be authentic. and and move through the world as. somebody that you feel really. comfortable being somebody that you want. to be around thank you so much for. sharing. that everyone has been listening and. watching at home. I hope today's episode has been uh. enlightening in so many different ways. in. not only the process of therapy which is. what we started with but in helping each.

and every one of us recognize more. coherently. the amount of work that we need to do as. individuals uh and as a society I think. that's ultimately what I always take. away in these conversations is just. how much progress. we need to make individually and. collectively and I think anyone who's. listening to on purpose is dedicated to. that believe that everyone is dedicated. to their personal growth and the growth. of the society around them and when we.

recognize that those two things are not. disconnected that they're actually one. and the same. I often say to people if we care about. ourselves then we care about our kids. that's obvious and then when you care. about your kids you care about your kids. school and then when you care about your. kids school you care about your kids. town and when you care about your kids. town you care about your kid's City and. then when you care about your kids City. you you can't if you care then your care. doesn't stop and I think when we take a. moment to invest in our own selves and.

our self-care and then expand that. radius out uh we can create a better. Society for all so thank you so much. everyone has been listening and watching. today uh thank you to ulada Sam for. joining us opening your heart opening. your mind uh Jesus thank you so much for. always guiding us and helping us. navigate these wonderful conversations. uh and to everyone who's been listening. and watching at home thank you so much. for tuning in I will see you again on. another episode of on purpose this.

episode was sponsored by better help big. thanks again to jesujo head of clinical. operations at betterhelp hey sujo is not. my actual therapist and we are not in a. therapist client relationship also just. because you might hear something on the. show that sounds similar to what you're. experiencing beware of self-diagnosis. you want to find a qualified. professional to assess and explore. diagnosis if that's important to you if. you want even more videos just like this. one make sure you subscribe and click on.

the boxes over here I'm also excited to. let you know that you can now get my. book think like a monk from think like a. monkbook.com check Below in the. description to make sure you order today.