#1 Communication Expert: If You Get Anxious Around Other People WATCH THIS!

You take a deep breath and then continue. speaking. The reason people aren't. comfortable with the pause is because. they don't know what the pause is for. Right? The pause allows people to. process what you're saying. Think about. it now. Listeners, as you're listening. to that, the moment I. paused, you had a moment to process the. things that I was. saying. Do you want to be more. charismatic? You see, in the world of. communication, there are two fundamental. areas. Didn't that just seem really. important? I was. so bad at interactions with human.

beings. There was just a period of my. life where I I didn't understand what. anybody was saying to me. You're saying. that everyone can go from being a shy, unconfident speaker to being a prolific. speaker like yourself. Being a confident communicator, that's. just another series of behaviors that. you can practice. So when people say, "Oh, I'm shy." I always say to them, "Oh, that's because you've been. practicing the shy behaviors for the. last 15, 20, 30, 40 years. What are the top three things, the. practical problems that people are. coming to solve when they come to.

the number one health and wellness. podcast? J Shetty. J Shetty, the one, the only J Shetty. What made you commit your life to. helping people find their voice and find. their confidence? I always feel like the. thing we end up doing in life tends to. be something that had a massive impact. on us when we were younger. I don't know. if you find the same to be true, but for. me, man, Jay, when I was young, I I was.

such a bad communicator. I was so bad at. interactions with human beings. And the. reason for that is because English is my. third language. So, I grew up first. learning a Chinese dialect called Dio. And then I learned Vietnamese and then I. learned English. So there was just a. period of my life where I I didn't. understand what anybody was saying to me. and I couldn't communicate with other. people. So I just went through a period. of life where I felt really isolated. I. didn't realize that I was doing it in my. career. But as I learned how to.

communicate more effectively, became a. professional speaker, all of this, I. went, "Oh, wow. Now I have this skill. that I can teach other people." So the. moment I just tried teaching it, I felt. fulfillment. And I never really felt. that level of fulfillment before. That's. when I decided, "Oh, wow. It's cool to. do it yourself. It's even cooler to help. other people do it." And then that's. kind of when I went allin with it and. found so much fulfillment. And again, I'm sure you get this all the time, but. it's the comments, the emails you get. and you're like, "Oh, wow. I I'm doing. something that matters." Yeah. Whereas.

before I was a magician, so I did that. for years. And it feels weird to say it. because I don't want to talk down on. what magicians do. Not at all. which is. for me the applause at times when I was. doing magic it felt really empty to me. because I did it for so long and it. started to feel a little bit empty and. then when I started teaching public. speaking and communication skills it. felt full it felt better it felt more. fulfilling from the way you're talking. about it you're saying that everyone can. go from being a shy. insecure unconfident speaker to being a.

prolific speaker like yourself yes. because it's all just a series of. behaviors. Everything you and I are doing right. now, everything you see a great. communicator do on stage, everything you. see a great creator do on video, it's. just a series of behaviors. The way. you're moving your mouth, the way you're. manipulating airflow, the way you're. moving your hands, it's all just. behaviors. So when people say, "Oh, I'm. shy." I always say to them, "Oh, that's. because you've been practicing the shy. behaviors for the last 15, 20, 30, 40.

years, being a confident communicator.". That's just another series of behaviors. that you can practice. And if you. practice that for 10, 20, 30, you'd be a. confident communicator, right? So it's. just behaviors that we get attached to. because it becomes a part of our. identity. And then I think when it. becomes a part of our identity, all of a. sudden now we feel like we're stuck, but. you're not. And then there's this really. interesting concept, I don't know if. you've come across it before, where it's. where does your voice come from? Where. do you get your voice from? You you.

learn how to communicate based on the. people you were inspired by when you. were young and you just learn behaviors. from them. Like I'm watching my daughter. now, my daughter Melody, she's one and I. can see her watch us and then start to. mimic the things we do. Right. Right. My. my wife the other day met her spaghetti. She wouldn't eat it. So my wife was. furious. She was so upset. She was like, "Ah, you're not eating it." And then she. goes, "Ah." She does the exact same. thing. Right. And then my son, he picks. up the way I speak cuz he's seven now. I. notice he has certain nuances that I. have. So again, the voice you currently.

have, people think, "Oh, that's my. natural voice." It's like, "No, no, it's. not your natural voice." Yeah. You lost. your natural voice when you were two or. three years old, right? Whereas the. voice you have now, that's your habitual. voice. It's just a series of habits. And. the thing that I find the first most. fascinating is that when the habits move. from your conscious mind and it goes. into your subconscious mind, now you. feel it's a part of you and now you're. stuck with it. But in the beginning of. your life, you have to consciously. think, "Oh, oh, dad speaks really. softly, so I'm going to speak really.

softly." But the moment you do that for. 2, three years, now it moves into your. subconscious mind. And then you go, "Oh, no, that's me." No, no, it's it's still. just a series of behaviors, and that's. all that it is. Yeah. I've always loved. that model of unconscious incompetence. to unconscious competence. And for. anyone who doesn't know it, four stages, right? The four stages. The the bottom. stage is unconscious incompetence. When. you are unconscious of your. incompetence, you have no idea what. you're doing wrong. You probably don't.

know that you um are try and fill every. pause, say like at the end of every. sentence, whatever it may be. And we all. have an unconscious incompetence, especially in the way we speak. And. that's when we have this mindset that. you're saying where we think it's our. voice, but actually it's just practice. behaviors. M and then above from that. which is what I love. This is what you. do so phenomenally well when you're with. your. audiences conscious incompetence. You're. helping people become aware of how our. body language, our voice, our tonality.

affects us. And then above that for. everyone who doesn't know the model is. conscious competence. Correct? where now. you know why you move your hand that way. and why you choose to lower your voice. or lower your pitch or whatever it may. be. And that's kind of a frustrating. part for people to be at stage three. because they go I know it but V I still. have to think about it. So when they do. it, it's really interesting cuz I see my. students do this all the time where they. go, "Hello everybody. It's great to be.

here." And then they go, "Vin, this. feels so fake. It feels so phony." But. I'm like, "You have to go through that. stage to get to stage four, which is. unconscious competence, which is. mastery." Yes. And a lot of people. aren't willing to push through that. because they go, "No, it doesn't feel. natural. So that means it's not right.". Let's talk about that. That's a really I. think that's one of the biggest. challenges because I think we're both. sitting here as people who've trained. worked hard at our craft worked hard at.

our art. Yeah. And now at this point it. does feel like unconscious competence. Yeah. But a lot of people say well no. but if you had to learn it then it's. fake. It's unnatural. It's not real. It's phony. But what's the difference. between developing a skill versus faking. it? Like what's the difference? I love. your definition of home where you say. home is the familiar right and to me the. way you currently communicate you have a. home and that is because those behaviors.

you've been repeating for the last 10 20. 30 years right so that feels like home. to you whereas what people don't realize. is and I I don't mean to take a long. explanation for I think it's important. when you used to ask me what my home was. when I was young I would say my suburb. so I'd say Ssbury Downs then as I got. older I started explor explore my city, I I'll say Adelaide is my home, South. Australia, right? And then as I explored. more of my state, then I would say South. Australia is my home. Then I explore. more of Australia, I go, Australia is my. home. Now I've lived in LA and and.

Southern California, oh, I kind of feel. like America's my home, too. And then as. I travel more of the world, I go, "Oh, the world is my home." The same thing. with your communication skills. You have. access to this incredible instrument, but your home is such a small part of. that instrument. Say a piano has 88. keys, right? Right now, home to you is. five keys because you're only familiar. with those five keys. But as you start. to realize you have access to this. incredible instrument, you start to play. the other keys. Home becomes the entire. piano. Whereas the struggle that people.

have is the moment they do something. that they're unfamiliar with. Instead of. labeling it as unfamiliar, they label it. as fake and phony. And what happens the. moment you do that? You stop exploring. your instrument. And now you are limited. to the five keys you've been playing. with your entire life. And I think. there's there's an overattachment to the. familiar which keeps us the same. Because when you think about this, most. people change the way they dress, they. change their glasses, they change their. house, they change their car, but they. never change the way they talk. They. never change the way they communicate.

because we are way too attached to the. familiar. And I say to my students this. all the time, don't be so attached to. who you are in the present, you don't. give the future version of you a chance. There's a future version of you where. the world is home. There's a future. version of you where you can play all 88. keys. I love that concept of we change. our hair, we change our glasses, change. our clothes, but we don't change the way. we communicate. And I was going to ask. you, when you have so many people coming. to see you speak, what are the top three. things, the practical problems that.

people are coming to solve when they. come to you? So when someone comes and. says, "Vin, I need your help." Yeah. What are they trying to solve in their. life? the top three things that you. hear. First thing would be they want to. get from stage one unconscious. incompetence to like you've made me. aware of one thing. How can I start to. become aware of more things? So again, self-awareness. So first thing they go. is like how can I become more. self-aware? I've now been I'm awake now. to the problem of my communication. How. can I begin that journey and become more.

aware? And when they ask me that. question, then I share with them a very. simple technique. And a very simple. technique that I share with them is. record and review. So the only way to. become more aware is if you see yourself. and most people hate watching themselves. on video. Most people hate listening to. themselves on audio. So that means. they've been going through their entire. life avoiding the two most critical. things you need to develop. self-awareness with your communication. So and they hate this process. So the. process is record a video of you. speaking for five minutes, right? And. then when you review and reflect on that.

video, leave it for a day so you're less. critical of yourself. And once you've. left it for a day, the first time you. grab your phone to review the video, put. it on mute. And then just look at. yourself. And then as you're looking at. yourself, take notes. What am I doing. with my hands? How are my facial. expressions? What am I doing with my. legs? How am I moving? Am I do I have. any visual ticks? So you take a whole. bunch of notes. That's the beginning. process of self-awareness. Then after. that, turn the volume up. Just listen to. yourself. Now turn the phone around. play. Just listen. And as you're.

listening now, listen to the vocal. qualities. What do you like about your. voice? What don't you like? What can you. hear? How's your rate of speech? How's. your volume? What's your melody like? Do. you hear the passion? If you're. passionate about something, you'll take. so many notes when you do this. What are. your filler words, nonwords? Right? You. get all of that down. Then the last step. is get it transcribed. So once you. transcribe it, now you can see the way. you communicate in a completely. different perspective. You might notice. you speak in circles. I repeated the. same thing four times. What am I doing? Right? And you'll see different things.

If you just go through that process. once, you'll get a list of five to 10. things. Right? That's how you begin your. journey of self-awareness. Yet, people. will resist that because it's too. uncomfortable. They'll record it, but. they won't watch it. But the ones that. do, Jay, I immediately get a DM after. shock. I can't believe I do X. And it's. crazy cuz I I think of one of my. students right now where he said, "For 6.

years I've been held back in my career. because my managers and my leaders say. that I lack clarity. I lack authority. and I lack confidence." And he goes, "And they give me this feedback yet they. don't tell me what I need to improve.". And do you know what I realized through. doing this recording review process? the. one thing that has robbed me of 6 years. of progress is my ing and aaring. I. can't believe ing and aaring has held me. back. And he was so frustrated. And I. remember I had to tell him I look look.

that's I I get your frustration but at. least it didn't hold you back for 20. years and you realized it now. But. something simple as ing and aing held. him back for that long and destroyed his. perception of being a great leader. It's. kind of crazy. Yeah. That's what I. wanted to get to is that's the problem. And I feel someone may see your work and. they'll say, "Well, I don't want to be a. public speaker." That's right. That's. not the point. The point is there's a. promotion that you're not getting. because you don't have authority. Or the. challenge is you're not able to ask out.

the person on a date that you really. want to take out on a date. Like you. don't feel that confidence. Or there's. the challenge of you're in a team. meeting and you feel like your voice is. never heard. People always overlook your. opinion. They don't hear you. What are. some of those stories that you've heard. of people that have those types of. challenges that are coming to you. exactly like the one you just told us? They're like, "Oh, Vin, this is actually. solving a daily issue for me." The big. one, people keep interrupting me. Not. only do they not listen to my ideas,

they interrupt me. And then my turn is. gone now. And the idea that I was going. to share was one that was going to be. able to change the course of the. meeting. But because they interrupted. me, now I'm invisible. And that keeps. happening to me. And then when they ask. me, they go, "Why do other people. interrupt me? Why does it happen?" The. reason is something that I don't think. you'd expect. Because it comes down to. vocal presence and physical presence. And when I see them in the situations.

where people interrupt them, the reason. is because their vocal presence is low. and their physical presence is low. So. for example, everyone's sitting around a. meeting table and and again I go look. send me an example right where you're. doing a big Zoom meeting and you're. allowed to send me this send it to me. let me see what's happening and when you. see it everyone's sitting down and then. the way she would bring up the question. it was a woman who asked me this and I. remember the way she'd ask it is very. low volume so look I've just got a quick. idea I would love to share with you all. very small body language and if I was. talking to you like this right now it is.

so easy for you to interrupt this. version of me so easy whereas imagine. instead I take control of this. Stand. Stand. They go, "Oh, I feel a bit little. bit weird." Well, just prime the reason. Just go, "Look, I've been sitting all. day. Do you mind if I stand for my part. of the presentation?" "Oh, great. All. right, then you just stand." If you. stand now, all of a sudden, you're in a. position of more authority. And if you. use larger body language, stronger. volume, the version of me right now, this version is infinitely more. difficult for you to interrupt. Absolutely. It's infinitely more. difficult because you've got more. authority. You've got more credibility.

But again, because a lot of people in. those situations fall victim to a lower. default volume, a slower default rate of. speech, smaller body language, and then. all of a sudden people interrupt them. Absolutely. Or talk over them just. completely ignored. So I say I often say. to my students, the reason people. interrupt you is because you're easy to. interrupt. Create a bit of that. friction, right? Create a little bit of. that authority. And then again, they try. it. It feels a little bit, again, they. say fake and phony, but I'm like, reframe it, reframe it. It's just.

unfamiliar. And then they start to do. it. They go, "Oh, it felt really. unfamiliar." V, but the moment they do. it, they go, "Wow." People like just. from standing alone, V, I felt like I. stood. I just had a bit of volume. I. didn't even use my body language, but. already people are not interrupting me. So again, it just goes to show that how. you use your instrument and your voice. lets other people know how they can. treat you. Yeah, that's such a great. point. It's so true. And I hope everyone. who's listening and watching right now, I want you to rewind back, right? Go. backwards. the last five minutes.

Everything that Vin said from the point. of self-awareness through to just now. and practice it in your next meeting, right? Listen to yourself in a meeting. Even record yourself while you're in a. meeting as you are normally, as you are. right now, and then go listen back to. that and then apply what Vin was saying. because it's so interesting to me how. daily our communication is impacting our. lives. And we think we're not getting. promoted because we're not networking or. we're notically brilliant, technically. great or whatever it may be. Or maybe. you're sitting there going, J, I'm.

actually one of the best in the company. when it comes to. XYZ. But now I realize that it's my. ability to coach people, guide people. because I have that influence. I wanted. to ask you, how does an introvert get. the courage to do what you just said? Because I'm sure there's a lot of people. listening right now, they're introverted. naturally. I mean, do you even believe. in introverts or is that also a practice. behavior? Well, there definitely is a. difference. Obviously, I asked my vocal. teacher the the same thing. I said, "What's the difference between an.

introvert and extrovert?" And she goes, "The key thing is just how they get. energy. Are you introverted or are you. extroverted?" I mean, I I I know I'm. very extroverted. I get energy from. being around people, but she goes, "Introverts, they lose energy once. they're around people." So, she goes, "Look, that's the key difference. Now, let me ask you a question. A pianist, if. they're an extrovert, would they play. differently to an introvert?" And I had. to think about that for a while because. I thought, "Surely this is a trick. question." And I I said, "Yes." and she. goes, "No, you're an idiot. There's no. difference. You will not be able to tell. who it is an introvert and who is an. extrovert if you listen to a pianist.

Great music is great music. Your voice. is an instrument. Great music is great. music." She goes, "The only difference. is introverts have to be highly. strategic with when they play their. instrument. Extroverts can play their. instrument all day. It's more difficult. for an introvert because you have to be. highly selective when you play your. instrument." It's an excuse that I think. some of my friends who are introverted. used to give and where they say oh. because I'm introvert I'm not going to. play my instrument well at all. And it's. like no no no you still have energy you.

just have to use it much more. strategically and you have to be highly. aware of how you can rejuvenate that. energy. Yes, you have to be very. conscious. It's harder for introverts. It is harder for introverts to. acknowledge that. However, if you've got. great ways to be able to rejuvenate your. energy and you have good menu items, like good things you can go and snack on. and recreate some of that energy and. rejuvenate, then you still have to learn. how to play your instrument well. Otherwise, you will become that person. that, and again, the majority of my. students are the person you described. It's the I'm way smarter than John. I'm.

way smarter than Sarah, but why did they. get the promotion? Why didn't I get it? Well, it's because if you are. technically 10 out of 10, but your. communication skills are a 3 out of 10, do you think your organization perceives. you to be a 10 out of 10 or a three out. of 10? You are only as good as you can. communicate. So, as you improve your. communication skills, you start to shine. your light more brightly in the world. Whereas a lot of my students tend to. think, oh, but it's my boss's. responsibility to see the brilliance in. me. No, no, it's not. It's your. responsibility to shine brightly, not.

their responsibility. Yeah. So when you. take it upon yourself, things change. Filler words as well. And so like, do. you know what I mean? We do that because. we don't understand the power of the. pause. Whereas the pause allows people. to process what you're saying. If. there's one thing you do if you listen. to this episode is record a video of. yourself and and you'll thank Jay and I. later because you'll see things that you. didn't realize. You know, the reason we. hate the sound of our voice is because. when we hear ourselves on recording,

that's not what how we sound to. ourselves. And the reason you have a. different sounding voice to yourself is. when you're speaking, the vibrations go. through your bones and your muscles and. then it hits your ears. You know, one. thing I've learned on my journey is that. education has the power to transform. lives. But for many, traditional college. just doesn't work with busy schedules. and financial realities. American Public. University is designed to fit your life, not the other way around. With more than.

200 online degree programs to choose. from, APU's eight-week courses start. every month. But what really stands out. is the incredible value APU provides. Beyond their already competitive tuition. rates, APU eliminates out-ofpocket costs. like application fees and ebooks. And. most students can take advantage of. their opportunity grant which gives you. 10% off undergraduate and M's level.

tuition. Plus, you get access to. comprehensive career and mental health. resources to support your entire. education journey. Whether you're. looking to expand your knowledge, pivot. to something new, or finally complete. that degree you started years ago, American Public University makes it. possible. Remember, investing in. yourself is always worth it. Take the. next step in your journey by visiting.

apu.apus.edu. There's such a need for. ownership and accountability for our. lives. Because like you said, and I've. I've for a long time believed that. someone was going to come and spot my. talent and see it and nurture it and. help me build up. And I realized no one. was coming and that no one could see it. because they were too busy in their own. lives. It's not that they were bad. people or they were bitter or they were. wrong or they were not able to spot. talent. Everyone was busy. People were. just busy in their dayto-day. They don't.

have time to spot your skill and your. talent and nurture it. If someone's. listening to this right now and they're. saying, "Vin, I love what you just said. I'm an introvert. I agree with you. There are times when I can and can't. perform or can't bring it out. How do I. hold energy? How do I create. energy? If I have a meeting coming up. today, if I'm going to be on a Zoom call. today, what do I do in order to make. sure I'm at my best? Because right now, I'm going from meeting to meeting to. meeting to meeting, Zoom call to Zoom. call, I'm just exhausted. First thing is. you have to learn how to protect your.

energy. For example, yesterday I was I. was doing a couple of different podcasts. while I'm here in LA and I didn't leave. the hotel room. The podcast wasn't until. 4:00. I didn't leave the hotel room at. all to the point where my videographer. freaked out and and and just knocked on. my door and said, "Are you okay? Are you. still all right? Are you all right?" I'm. like, "Yeah, I'm conserving my energy.". Yeah, I'm a fairly high energy person. So, I have to conserve my energy. So, all morning is again, I didn't talk to. anyone this morning. I had to wait to. talk to you because if you don't. conserve your energy and you just give. it all the time everywhere, then you.

won't have any. So, that's number one. Got to conserve your energy, right? And. then the second thing is have go to I. call them menu items. have some menu. items that you can quickly reach for. So, one that I love is Wimhof, the. breathing technique, right? The the. guided bubble breath. Two cycles of that. before a meeting. My brain is. oxygenated. My body feels good. I feel. like I just I just feel revitalized. Can. you break the pattern down for us just. in case? Yeah. Okay. So, if people don't. know YouTuber, but it's it's 30 deep.

breaths in and out. So, 30 of that. And then after that, at. the end of the 30th one, you breathe out. and then hold your breath. And you'll be. shocked how long you can hold your. breath for. You'll be shocked. The first. time I did this, I couldn't believe I. could hold it for a minute and a half, 2. minutes. I thought I was going to die. I. thought I was dying. And then at the end. of you holding your breath for a minute. or so, as long as you can. After that, just take a deep breath in, hold for 15. seconds, and release. And that breathing. technique.

alone. has energized me even when I am doing. Zoom calls at 3:00 a.m. in the morning. cuz I work with some US clients. It just. gets me three cycles of that, two cycles. of that. Incredible. I was not a believer in that. at all when I first learned. I was like, "Yeah, surely that's not going to work.". What? Breathing. I do that every day. Changed my life. Yeah, I agree. My goto. technique to energize myself The next. one to me is a snack, something healthy.

I love blueberries, raspberries with a. little bit of cream. Oh man, a light. meal. I love it. Right. And then. favorite beverage. My go-to is coffee. I. don't know. That's I feel like some. people are going to tell me it's going. to kill me, but I love it. So, have your. own go-to. Yeah. Right. Have your own. goine. A routine. I have a playlist of. videos that crack me up. I I don't know. Have you seen videos that made you. laugh? Save them. Save them because they're. packed. Put you in a great mood. Put you.

in a great mood. I'll give one last one. for me is again I've just got so many. things out of my menu items. No, I love. it. I also love orchestral war music. Okay. So like Han Zimmeresque. And if you're listening to Interstellar. Han Zimmer while you're doing Wimhof as. you take a sip of coffee. Oh man, I'm. going to try that. Yeah, give that a go. I'm going to give that a go. It's an intoxicating mix. I love that. Yeah, my my routine is a lot more. simple, but but I love No, but you're.

right. Everyone needs one. I I went on. my world tour two years ago now. We did. 40 cities across 3 to four months around. the world. Got to come to Australia, a. place that I absolutely loved. It was my. first time there. I didn't get to come. to Adelaide. I hope I do next time. I. know. We're offended, by the way. Yeah. Oh, no. God, please don't be. We we did. Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne. And. honestly, there was something about the. Australian people that stuck with me. I. was telling you this a bit earlier. There was this banter back which I. loved. I would banter with people on.

stage. I' I'd, you know, little quips. and things and they'd come back at it. and I loved it. And the other thing was. everyone was so grateful. Everyone would. just say to me, they'd be like, "Thank. you for coming all this way." And I was. like, "Wait a minute, you came to see my. show. I'm I should be thanking you.". knew and I was I was so grateful that. people turned up in, you know, the. thousands that came out and it was just. amazing. Everyone was so grateful. There. was such a great energy. But the reason. I brought it up is I realized that my. tour schedule was extremely different. from a keynote because a keynote is I.

got to do it once and then it's done. This was every night if not every other. night if not sometimes in Australia. I. did two shows back toback in the same. day on the same day because we we were. at the Sydney Opera House for two days. where we did two shows in one day, one. show the next day. So, three shows. across two days and then went to I think. it was Brisbane or Melbourne that was. last. And so, my tour schedule was. different, but I realized I had to stop. eating at 12. My show was at 8:00 p.m. I. had to stop eating at 12. I'd have a.

protein bar around 5 6 p.m. to give me. that little bit of boost of energy. I'd. have a sparkling water because I. preferred that just before I went on and. then I would have to eat. I'd get off. stage at 10, do a meet and greet for two. hours, and then I'd eat at midnight. every day. Now, that's not my normal. schedule at all. Like, that's completely. against my normal schedule. But I had to. find that. And I think that's what's so. interesting about this is that I'm not. So, I sleep at 9:00 9:30 every night. That's when I'm in bed. So, for me to be.

having to eat dinner at midnight is so. abnormal. But I found that there was a. different routine. I also didn't go out. to any noisy places before or after the. show because I had to be on vocal rest. I knew I'd lose my voice if I went to a. restaurant or whatever. So for three, four months, I didn't go to a restaurant. while I was out in all these cool. cities. Everyone's like, "Oh, did you go. to this place? Did you?" I was like, "No, I didn't go to any of those places. because I would have lost my voice and. then I wouldn't been able to perform.". And I think that's the important part of. the craft that there's a dedication and.

a surrender to this is what matters and. therefore some of this other stuff is. going to have to fall by the wayside. And what you just said made me think the. importance of finding what works for. you. Yes. I I feel like people have this. misunderstanding that I should just have. this energy naturally. Yes. Back to your. original question, right? I should just. have it naturally and if I don't have it. naturally, there's something wrong with. me. It's like no you had to not eat for. 8 hours to get yourself into the right. state. And I think that fasted state. helps us think more sharp and helps us.

be more on point, right? And it takes. work to show up with energy, intention, and purpose. Mhm. Whereas I think people. have this illusion in their minds, oh, it should be easy and weak. Yeah. Or. there's something wrong. No, no, no, no, no. There's a craft to it. Like even. preparing for a Zoom call, some people. go, oh, is that a bit much? But that's. how you show up. Three Zoom calls back. to back like structure it with 15. minutes in between. You have to reset. Mhm. Even for me, it's doing these.

podcasts, traveling overseas, I'm. exhausted. But then again, if I choose. to give this energy, I need to conserve. it. I need to have ways to rejuvenate. it. And I have to go through the. process. And you have to commit to the. craft. You have to commit to that. discipline. Whereas, if you one night. did eat at 6:00 p.m., well, then that. show wouldn't be as great. But you were. dedicated and I think that that is what. people have to really understand is. there are ways to do it but you've got. to take yourself through the process. Yeah. Absolutely. For someone who's.

listening to their voice now, they they. listen to us. They they're like, "V, I'm. going to listen to this." They start. listening back to their voice and they. cringe at their voice because we all. have this strange and by the way, we all. have it. I have and I want to say that. here. I have that too. No one likes. listening to the sound of their own. voice. There's something uncomfortable. about it. First of all, do you know. where that comes from? And then what do. we do about that? When you're listening. back and you just, you know, your whole. body, your face, everything. It's not.

just listening is when you look at. yourself on video, too. And there's a. reason for that. The reason we hate the. sound of our voice is because when we. hear ourselves on a recording, that's. not what how we sound to ourselves. The. way you sound to yourself, you have a. deep, rich, barry wide voice, right? And. the reason you have a different sounding. voice to yourself is when you're. speaking, the vibrations go through your. bones and your muscles and then it hits. your ears. The vibrations of the sound. is going through a more dense medium. which creates a lower pitch sound. So. when you hear yourself via an audio.

replay, that's going through the. airwaves. So your voice sounds thinner. and higher pitch. So you immediately go, "No, no, no. I don't I don't sound like. that. I sound like this. I don't sound. like this." And they freak out. So that. difference in the medium in which you're. receiving the sound causes people. immediately to reject because it. actually does sound different. The. reason why people are like looking at. the on video is because it's flipped the. other way. Yeah. They go, "Oh, I don't. look like that." Because you look at. yourself in the mirror every day. Whereas on camera, it shows the way.

other people see you. Whereas when you. look at yourself in the mirror, it's. flipped. So your entire life you've seen. yourself a certain way, right? Unless. your face is perfectly symmetrical, right? Then you go, "Oh, no, I don't. look like that." So immediately people. go, "I look weird. I sound weird. So the. thing you need to do there is. desensitize it, mate. Just listen to. yourself over and over. Like do you. listen to a podcast now and do you still. freak out about your voice? Not anymore. Not anymore. Right. Because you're. desensitized. So what happens is the. calibration happens. What you hear in. your head and what you hear on an audio.

replay, the calibration starts to just. do this. And then gradually you can't. hear the difference anymore. And then. when you look at yourself enough on. camera and also in the mirror, the. calibration starts to happen. You go, "Oh, that's me. Oh, that's just me.". Yeah. It's painful, but if you go. through that, you get over it. Yeah. It's all that discomfort in the. beginning that we all need to go. through. I was we were talking about. this earlier. So, I was really fortunate. because when I was 11 years old, my. parents were so scared that I was so shy. and so insecure that they forced me to.

go to public speaking school. And so, my. school had an extracurricular activity. with the London Academy of Music, Drama, and Arts. For seven years, I had about. three sessions a week of 2 to three. hours each. It was fairly rigorous and. you'd have to take exams and the exams. were pretty rigorous, too. So, every. year you'd go to this exam and you turn. up and the examiner would be in a room. and before you even meet the examiner, you'd get you could take a book. Yeah. It could be any book you wanted, but. they were going to pick any page and ask.

you to read it in a emotive, dramatic, and powerful way. Ooh. And so they could. pick any any page out of a book. The. next part of the test was they would. give you a topic 15 minutes before. You'd be in a library. This is when we. didn't have, you know, Yeah. Exactly. There probably was the internet, but. there wasn't this. They wanted to keep. you away from all of that. You'd be in a. library and you'd have 15 minutes to. prep a talk about the dangers of smoking. or whatever it was, a topic that they'.

picked and you had to structure a talk. out. And the talk had to be 5 minutes. long. And so you had to do that. The. third part of it was you had a prepared. presentation with visual aids. This is. when we still use projector screens and. the slides. Yeah. And then you were tested on that. including the visual aids that you used. And I'm sure there were a couple of. other things as well. And then you'd get. graded and it was uncomfortable. We'd be. sitting in a class and remember we're. all like young teenagers at this point. So, everyone's even more judgmental and.

more, you know, and you get into the. class and you're all making these weird. faces to try and warm yourselves up and. they're telling you to enunciate and. pronounce all of the letters differently. and you're doing all these silly things. Your friends are laughing at you and. it's exactly what you're saying. The. reason I brought it up is that it was. years of discomfort. It was just years. of looking silly, looking stupid, sounding bad. Yeah. Giving a bad talk, giving a bad presentation, walking into. a room to then all of a sudden that.

discomfort changed to confidence. And I. find that for most of us, especially as. you get older, going through that. discomfort becomes harder. For example, if me and you, I don't know how old you. are, but I tried to pick up a sport a. couple of years ago in the pandemic. It. was much harder for me to learn a sport. at this age than if I played it in my. teens. So when you're meeting people in. their 20s, 30s, maybe 40s, 50s, and. they're trying to change their. instrument, they're trying to change.

their voice, that discomfort is so much. harder than when I started at 11 or. whatever age you started at. How do you. encourage people to sit with that. discomfort, to go through that? Because. it is harder. Such a beautiful insight. that you shared there. The reason it was. easier for you at 11 is because you were. new to a lot of these behaviors. completely. The behaviors haven't been. ingrained in you yet. Whereas when. you're 40 now, and I'm 38. So once I'm. 37, so yeah. So So once you're 40 and. you realize this, you've done 40 years.

of repeating one behavior, two. behaviors, a series of behaviors over. and over and over and over again. That's. why it becomes harder, right? And all of. a sudden it becomes way more difficult. because now you have to unlearn. something that you've been repeating for. that long. So I think there's really. difficult there. One other point I. wanted to mention what you said there. too is that you said you went through. years of discomfort. A lot of people. have this idea that again it should just. be a quick process. And if I'm. struggling for a period then something's.

not right. It's like no no no struggle. that's good. That it means you're in the. process of change right? You're going. through the process of change and you. have to be willing to put in that. effort. go through the struggle and I. think the thing that people are. resistant to is failing because I I. believe and I want to ask you this. question. Did you learn more from your. successes in those situations in those. public speaking exams or did you learn. more from your failures? Failures. People don't want to fail now. I don't. want to make a video put it out on. Instagram where I've made a fool out of.

myself. But that's how we learn, right? I don't want to do a speech where I I. forget what I'm going to say. But that's. how you learn. You have it happen. Then. you go back and you go, "Okay, why did I. forget? Oh, it wasn't well rehearsed. Right? Why did I forget? I didn't know. how to deal with my nerves. Now you need. to learn how to rehearse. Now you need. to learn how to manage your nerves. So. all of a sudden, if you don't fail, you. don't know where your weakness is. And. then you don't know what to work on. So. you got to pay the price. I think I. think you've got to pay the price. Back. to your original question. No, that's a.

great I am so glad you brought that up. Yeah, just so important because I think. people just now are resistant to failing. yet we learn far more from our failures. than we do from our successes. For sure. So, for the person who's. 40, oh my god, Vin, how do I now? How do. what do I do? Am I doomed? No, no, you're not. It's just when Jay was 11, he was able to work on three or four. different behaviors at the same time. because you're so elastic, right? There's so many things that could change. about you when you're at that age. But. when you're less elastic in your older. years, you just now have to focus on one.

thing at a time. So, I've coached a few. CEOs of some pretty big companies here. in the US. And it's so funny because. when I map out their I used to do I. don't do it anymore, but when I did it. and I mapped out their their coaching. program and I showed it to them, they. got upset cuz they're like, "Wait, you're making me work on my volume for 4. weeks and that's all we're doing?" This. feels stupid. And and in those moments, I just had the courage to go, "Well, look, you then pick somebody else. It's.

okay. Get a refund. Pick somebody else.". Because I kind of said to them, you're. 50 and you've been speaking with a very. default quiet volume for 50 years. Do. you expect to be able to change that in. 48 hours? Because every cuz I get them. to send me a video every day, right? And. when they every time they send me a. video, I go, "Watch what you're doing. for the first seven days." Even though. you know we're working on volume, your. default volume is like a 4 out of 10. And that's when they go, "Oh, far out. I. keep defaulting back to it." So the.

older you are, you've got to realize one. thing at a time. One thing at a time. It. but it drives people crazy. I want to do. seven things. I want to do hand. gestures. I want to learn how to storyt. tell. I want to use volume. I want to. add pitch and melody. I want to do all. of it. But that's also what leads to no. change. That's why most people never. change the way they sound because. they're not willing to sit and be. patient and do one thing at a time. Yeah. A good example is thinking about. it like driving. Yes. How many bad. driving habits have we picked up in the. last 20 years because we haven't been.

tested? We haven't reviewed it. Scary, right? And I had to I recently had to. redo my uh driving test because of. moving here and, you know, getting a. state ID and all that kind of stuff. And. I realized just how many bad habits you. pick up. Now I've believed myself to be. a safe driver and a good driver and a. responsible driver. But still the fact. that for 20 years no one's watched me. and checked on me driving. You lose. that. And so that's 20 years of driving. which is something we do every day which.

is similar to speaking. You're doing it. every day but no one's doing what you. you're not right. You're not recording. yourself driving and sending it to. someone. You just made me think of. something when you said driving as well. I mean, when you think back to the four. stages of learning we talked about. before and you talk about unconscious. competence to give people a sense of. what's possible once you really go down. the path of mastery of communication. skills. Think of an area in your life. where you have achieved unconscious. competence. It's driving. Mhm. Whether. we're good or not, that's another thing,

right? But but most people, I would dare. say sometimes too, you're kind of. unconscious when you're driving because. you you're so good at it. You've done it. every single day of your adult life. So. you've gotten to a point where you are. unconsciously competent, right? And then. people always ask me now, they go, "Oh, when you communicate now, are you. thinking about gesturing? Are you. thinking about storytelling? Are you. thinking about I go, "No, I I don't.". Because like with the car, when you. think you want to go to the grocery. store, do you have any thought now into, "Oh, I need to open the door. Oh, I need. to check my blind spot. Oh, I need to. adjust my No, it's all automatic." So.

the reason why I try to inspire my. students to improve their communication. skills because I I say to them that. means in the very next conversation you. have with a client, a customer, a family. member, you can just think I want this. outcome. I want to be able to help them. in this way. Your skills and abilities. will just take you there. Mhm. And. that's why you come across in these. podcasts and the professional people who. do this, it's so natural. And when. people are sitting there going, I want. to be that natural, but it requires a. dedication to mastery. Yeah. And that's. the point that I really want people to.

get. I remember sitting and watching one. of my favorite comedians who became a. friend and he was just brilliant. Like. he would have the audience laughing and. in raptures like in the palm of his. hand, right? And but everything looked. and felt completely off the cuff. So. he'd literally just turn up on stage. It. wasn't like he wasn't in the flow. Sometimes you watch a comedian and you. can tell there's an arc and you can tell. there's a story and you can tell it's. planned. Yeah. This guy would literally. come up. He'd be like, "Hey, does anyone.

has anyone read any books lately?" And. like someone would name a book. He'd be. like, "Oh yeah, I read that page." And. he make a joke out of it. And then. someone else and he'd be like, "Oh, what's your favorite song right now?". And it's all a conversation. Brings out. a song. Oh yeah, I can't believe he said. that lyric. Makes a joke about the. lyric. And it was unbelievable to watch. And I spoke to him afterwards and I said. to him, I said, "Who did you learn that. from? like where did that come from? He. said, I've practiced it so much that it. looks spontaneous, but it's completely. trained. And I think that's what. everyone wants. Everyone wants for it to.

look spontaneous. But that took years of. discomfort, courage, failure, training, mastery. When I'm telling a story or. hosting a podcast, I'm not trying to. sound like anything because your voice. has for so many years become that way. And I'm at a point in my career for. sure. I was asked to give I just gave. three keynotes in the Middle East in. January and in. Dubai and I said to myself, I'm going to. walk into these and just channel. Like I.

just want to go in there and just be I'm. not going to I'm going to have some. notes. I know what I need to talk about. I know the the title of the talk, but. I'm just going to be and I had so much. fun there. I I had so much fun and it. seemed like the feedback was great from. the audience, whatever, but it was just. so much fun for me because I was like I. just want to feed off the energy in the. room and they were all and my friend my. one of my best friends he came with me. and he was like JJ every talk was. different. He goes at the 1 billion. summit you were hilarious like it was.

like watching a comedian and then he. goes at Mind Valley it was really deep. and like you know philosophical and then. at the other place the corporate event. it was very professional. He was like. there were three talks in three days and. they were all completely different. I. was like because I was just feeling the. energy of the room and I love that. Walk. me through how many hours, how much. time, how many years have you seen. people take to get to a point where they. feel that sense of unconscious. competence not of not of mastery because. that can take many years but of a sense.

of comfortability where it's flowing and. they don't feel phony and contrived. anymore. Where what have you seen? It. depends on your What have you seen? I I. I've seen unbelievable change within 6. months and this is someone who has. become problem aware that this thing has. been destroying my relationships, destroying my career growth. And when. that pain becomes that great and you. become problem aware, I can't believe. how quickly some of my students have. been able to change. And then I've seen. it take as long as three or four years.

And where I still Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. where I'll get an email 3 to 4 years. later and they go, I can't believe it's. taken me this long to email you. I. almost feel a little bit ashamed. I'm. like, no. No, because it took me 10. So, that's amazing. That's incredible, right? Because it ranges so much. depending on the intensity of the pain. they feel and and the realizations they. have. Mhm. I have to bring it back to. what you said before because what you. said before about you going to three. events and just going with the flow, I.

know the people listening to this right. now while you were saying that they were. clenching their butt cheeks because they. were like, "Ah, that's so that's so. freaky." And I wanted to speak to that. because what you just described to me is. one of the. ultimate benefits of mastery in this. arena and it's freedom. You were. free in each one of those speeches. You. were free to go where the audience. wanted to go. That's one of the things I.

I I rarely ever get to even talk about. because I don't get to speak to others. usually who who are so proficient at. this skill set. That's ultimate freedom, Jay. When you feel something, you think. something, and you're immediately in the. moment able to articulate it with. clarity and make people laugh at the. same time. That is so powerful, man. I'm. getting shivers just you saying it. It's. like goosebumps. And to know you're. going into that, being able to do that, like again, it's achievable for you. listening to this, too. What I love. about it is that there was so much.

discovery for me on that stage. And that's what I do it for. I don't do. it to show off or or be like, "Oh, look, I don't need to prepare or be lazy or. not respect my client." I do it for. discovery. And what I mean by that is. when I don't plan to that 100%. I now. have the opportunity to find and. discover in the moment. So there were so. many things that I said in those three. keynotes that I've never said in my life.

and that's where I get joy. Yeah. You. create and I said that first because I. wanted to take it back and say my first. experience of public speaking. I want to. ask you about yours. I was around seven. years old. Yeah. And my mom always wanted to me to be on. stage and do things like that and I. didn't. And so it was a religious. assembly and I was dressed as people. from my culture and I was asked to go. and sing and speak on this prayer in.

front of my class. Now I grew up in. London. I grew up in an area where there. weren't loads of Indian people like me. I'm. stage wrapped in. a. me the part and it it didn't help. Okay. And then I'm on stage in front of all my. friends. I'm seven, eight years old, something like that. And I stand up. there with this prayer that I'm not that. wellversed in or practiced. And I start.

singing it. I have a terrible singing. voice. And that's not humble. There's a. difference between a speaking voice and. a singing voice. I can't I can't sing to. save my life. And I start singing and. the whole audience starts laughing. immediately. Like just like literally. all my friends are rolling on the floor. laughing. And now I'm starting to cry. cuz I felt really embarrassed. And I. look down because I forgot the words. And now I can't see the words because my. tears have blurred the words in my. paper. So I've lost the notes. So I also.

don't know the words. And then to make. it even worse than that, my teacher. walks on stage. She puts her arm around. me and walks me off, which is the most. embarrassing thing in the world. And so. I go from that at 8 years old. And this. is why I love what you're doing for the. world because you're showing and proving. you can build this skill. It is a. muscle. And that was my first experience. of public speaking. A few years after. that, after all the training as well, I. was probably speaking to rooms of zero.

to five people and pouring my heart out. into just five people. And even now when. I look back, I loved it because I just. got to be so proficient and practiced. And so when someone's saying, "Oh, do I. have to do this for four weeks?" Or, "Wait, only five people are showing up. or whatever those things are." Those are. actually really, really beautiful. moments. I wanted to ask you, what was. your first time public speaking? That. was the first ever experience on stage. Have you recovered from that experience? I have now. I have now. But even though.

I started getting trained when I was 11, I probably didn't get half decent until. I was like 17 or 18. Like that's why. when you said you can get people then 3. to four years. I'm like that's pretty. good because if I started 11, I probably. got half decent at 16 to 18. I wasn't. good when I was like 12, 13, 14. All. those years were just, you know, it's. such a common story among many of the. students that I coach. there usually is. some kind of event when they were. younger that has led them to believe. that I'm terrible at this thing because.

there wasn't the right support they you. were thrown into that you you didn't. even practice you would even you didn't. even learn the words right so so again. like you you were set up to almost fail. when a lot of the oral presentations. that we do when we're young that's what. they're called right oh you got to do a. presentation we're set up to fail. when you're 11 and you have to do this. presentation in front of your class do. they teach you how to use your hands? Do. they teach you where to put your notes? Do they teach you how to summarize notes. and not write the whole damn thing on Q. cards? No. They're setting you up to.

fail. So, this is such a common story. because our school system the entire. year has one day where we have to go on. in front of the class do and guess what? What? Guess what happens that day? I'm. sick, mom. I can't go to school. I'm. sorry. And then you say then you miss. the one day you have training. And then. if you do the training, you're all set. up to fail. You're all set up to So, every person has a version of this. My. version of this is a little more. dramatic because I was older. I was in. university and we had to do a. presentation for accounting and I was so.

nervous. I remember going to the toilet. 10 12 times. So nervous. And then I got. up on stage and I had a sniffle. So I. kept I kept touching my nose. I had a. sniffle and then I got a blood nose. And. then and I didn't realize I had a blood. nose cuz I thought it was I thought it. was I was just I thought it was just. booger. So I didn't know. So I I wiped. it. Blood comes across my face. I don't. know I have blood on my face while. you're speaking. While I'm speaking, I. didn't know it was blood, right? And. then I obviously a blood vessel went. I. was so nervous. Everything was going and.

then I didn't realize it was blood and I. was still talking and then people. started laughing and then I tasted blood. and the moment I tasted blood, I looked. on my hands, there was blood everywhere. I start freaking out. I didn't know what. to do. The teachers didn't even know. what to do either. Do you know what I. had to do? I finished the talk and it. was well it was only a fiveminute. presentation but I finished it because I. didn't know what to do and I panicked. and it was just the worst presentation. I'd ever given from that point I just. thought yep you know what I'm going to. avoid this at all costs I'm never going.

to do it ever again this is the worst. experience of my life yeah just and I. walked off it just yeah I'm glad there. were no videos back then and no photos. there's. no that's so traumatic well that is. traumatic man to actually bleed to be. that nervous, to be that stressed. Yeah. That's how stressed I was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To experience that, that's I love. that. That's where you started. And now. if someone watch like when I watch your. videos, I'm like, "This guy's a genius.". And and it's one of the things I was. thinking about as we're doing this and.

I'm really trying to put myself in your. audience's shoes, my audience's shoes, the community that struggles with this. One thing that I've definitely seen as. I've traveled and we both have. international audiences is this fear. that people have around their accents. and that can often make people quite. unconfident. Yeah. And it's really. interesting because obviously when I. moved to the States, people really enjoy. listening to a British accent in the. States, but where I was growing up in. London, to me the smartest people.

sounded American accents, professors, Harvard, Princeton, Stanford. when you. heard these professors do TED talks or. whatever it was, it was always in an. American accent. And it's almost like in. England, we grew up on American rap. music, you grow up to such a culture. that our feelings are skewed towards. certain accents. And so if you're from a. country where you feel or or a state or. anywhere, even in the United States, you. may feel like your accent isn't. wellreceived. How does how does someone. deal with that kind of pressure? I just.

believe accents are really a problem. It's it's really the articulation and. the pronunciation that lets people down. because I I I just feel that accents are. beautiful. I've got students from all. over the world, Jay, and I love I love. listening to the accent because it tells. a story. It tells me who you are. Where. it lets you down is like when I first. came to the US, I didn't realize I had. so much Australian slang. And. Australians use like we shorten all of. our words. He's like, "Yeah, man. I want.

to. Yeah, maybe I won't." You know? Yeah. All right. Like it's just I didn't. realize I was doing so much of that. And. people go, "Oh, Australian accent is. awesome." Yeah. If I if I talk for a. sec, you won't even understand what I'm. saying if I don't articulate and. pronounce my words correctly. Yeah. So I. I really believe that and I have this. happen all the time in my inerson. classes where someone will come and ask. that very question and they'll have a. Polish accent or or maybe they'll have. an Indian accent and then the moment I. just get them to overarticulate and. practice all of a sudden it completely.

changes how they sound and and here's. where it happens Jay it's because for me. for example right I learned the. Vietnamese language so I learned a set. of Vietnamese mouth movements my big. mistake was when I learned English I. used the same set of mouth movements in. the Vietnamese language to go speak the. English language. Fascinating, right? So. then all of a sudden now when I speak. English, my accent wasn't the problem. The problem was I wasn't articulating. correctly. So people didn't understand. me. I used to not pronounce my T's. British people are good with this, but.

Australians and even Asians, I I didn't. do it. So I would say things like I. can't I wouldn't pronounce I can't I. wouldn't pronounce that. And then my my. T's I would say free. Oh, can I have. three of those instead of three of. those? Yeah. And then what people were. associating with low levels of. intelligence was not so much my accent, but it was just because I didn't. articulate my words well. And this can happen in any culture. This. can happen in any with any accent. I've.

heard people with Chinese accents, Indian accents, Polish accents, Russian. accents, but when they articulate their. words beautifully, oh man, it's it's. like you get to listen to a different. genre of music. Otherwise, imagine. everyone sounded like us. Yeah. There's. no flavor. There's no personality. Personality. Again, I do not believe. accents are a problem. I believe the. problem lies in your ability to. articulate and your pronunciation. And.

here's a quick activity that you can do. to help. Yeah, go for it. One of the. greatest things I learned that my speech. pathologist made me do was first of all, grab a book and every single day you. grab a book for 5 minutes, four times a. day if you want to take it real. seriously. Every time for 5 minutes, read the book and overdo your lip. movements. Overdo the tongue movements. And then if you want to take it to the. next level, put a pen in your mouth. Because if you put a pen in your mouth, you're forced to overart articulate and. do it out loud. And by doing this, you'll start to learn and record. yourself while you're doing it, too. You'll start to learn, oh wow, I.

struggle with this sound, this. consonant, this vowel. And as you start. to bring a little bit of awareness to. it, you go, all right, I need to change. the way I'm shaping my lips. I need to. change the way. And just going through. that process alone, I remember doing. that for 3 months. Wow. And I had to do. that when I came here to the US because. I slurred my words a lot. And in. Australia, you fully understand me, Far, right? Yeah. There's no dramas with. that, eh? But over here, all of a. sudden, I was speaking in Texas and I. still remember speaking in Texas for the. first time. But it was so sweet. They're. like, "I love the guy, but I I ain't got.

no idea what he's saying, right?" And it. was like this weird thing where and then. I literally had to go see a speech. pathologist even later in my life. because in Australia it wasn't a. problem. And I didn't realize it too, but when I slurred my words that much, it made people think I wasn't smart. Right. Right. And this is why people in. the world think the British are so. smart. I Is it just the accent or is it. because they articulate extremely well? Right. Right. So you can sound smart in. any culture, in any with any accent.

Should we get a couple of pens? Can you pass Can you pass us a couple of. pens? Okay. Just just so that people. realize see what it is. Yeah. And that. we also need to do these like I'm I'm. I'm probably going to contact you. straight after this and go, Vin, I'm I'm. not kidding you. I mean this. Thank you. so much. What type of pen? Does it. matter? Oh, it doesn't matter. It. doesn't matter. It could be a Sharpie. Yeah. Yeah. I think the pen, the more. challenging it is. That one I think I've. already chewed off. Let's not give you. one that I've already There we go. This. one does not have black marks. No, no, no. Exactly. Look, you can see what I've.

done with this. Wait one second. We'll. do this for a segment. Yeah. But what I. was saying, as soon as we finish this. podcast, I'm probably going to message. you and say, "Vin, can you. please I'm going to send you a speech. and and ask you to help me get better?". Because I think the mistake is also that. you get there and then you don't need. these techniques or that you don't need. to improve and that you don't need to. work on it. Practice anymore. I think. about it all the time. So anyway, let's. let's Yeah. Yeah. Can you see how.

difficult this is? Very difficult. Yeah. all of a sudden, right? And I want. people to think about this. Who can you. understand better right now? I'm not. sure. You got to give me more than that, Jay. Okay. So, Vin, how are you today? Feeling a little bit jetlagged. Okay. Because I came all the way from. Australia. Yeah. I just got back from. Mexico yesterday. Oh, that's great. And. I went to a friend's wedding and we had. a really good time. Oh, that's.

beautiful. I'm really happy for him. Oh, so happy for you. It's in doing these things that you. start all of a sudden now that I now. when I speak, I feel like, oh, I'm so. sharp. Totally. I can feel it too. Even. just from a few moments because you're. forced to stretch your mouth so much. bigger to make the shapes to be able to. create the sounds. Whereas the biggest. problem, and again, this happens in the. English language. When you think about. the European languages, the Asian. languages, we actually don't have to. drop our jaw a lot to speak those.

languages. Interesting. Because when I. speak Vietnamese, you know, I can do a. lot of Vietnamese with my mouth. closed. I barely have to move my jaw. English is one of the very few languages. where where when you think about. consciously how you're speaking, you. have to drop your jaw so much to speak. the English language. Well, whereas. again the Asian cultures, European. languages, you don't have to. Yes. Again, each language has a different set. of mouth movements. So, by doing that. simply alone, you felt it straight away.

because you had to move your jaw so. much. Totally. I can actually feel like. we've worked out. Like that's what it. feels like. And that we did it for 30. seconds. Absolutely. And you can keep. that pen. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I. didn't think you wanted it back. I genuinely feel the difference from. such a short period of time and I could. tell if I did it for longer, it would. make a even bigger difference. Imagine. you did that for 5 minutes and you. started dedicating yourself to that. My. goodness, within a week, yes, you'll. notice your mouth moving differently and. you'll notice yourself sounding more.

clear. I accents are not a problem. You. got to you got to stop thinking that. People always go, "Oh, I hate my. accent." That tells a story. It's your. culture. It's your history. It's what. makes you unique. And I always love to. think of it as it's different genres of. music. Yeah. Yes. And that's what we're. seeing in music in the world right now. anyway. you're seeing languages pour in. through different artists and people and. it's such a need for that. I wanted to. ask you something because this was a big. evolution point for me. So from 11 to 18. I went to public speaking school. I got.

the tools is how I like to see it. But. it was only when I met the monks and I. started to learn about Eastern wisdom. and philosophy that I felt I had. something to talk about. And I wanted to. ask you how much you weight the balance. between what you have to say and how you. say it. Both equally important. I I see. some books where I read where they go no. what you say is more important and then. some books say no how you say isn't more.

important. And I think they they kind of. have to do that sometimes because they. are an expert in one particular arena. But again I believe the answer is not. which one it's both. Both just as. critical. Same with me. I think until I. found the purpose and the fulfillment. from teaching public speaking, I didn't. really have much to talk about, right? I. didn't. And until I found that, then all. of a sudden, I started creating content. Then the content started to take off. And I think it's because I love how. you've positioned what you do here. It's.

on purpose. When I found that purpose. and I had the tools and I was able to. use my instrument that all of a sudden. the world resonated with that. Yes. Whereas before I did make YouTube videos. back in 2008, 2009 just for fun, but. they didn't really go anywhere because. even though I had decent access to my. instrument, it just didn't go anywhere. because I wasn't aligned. I you could. hear it. It wasn't It wasn't on purpose. Yeah. No, I'm glad I'm glad I brought. that up because I think a lot of. people are are struggling with either.

or. Like someone may come to you, they. may learn all the tools, but then. they're going to have to find what they. use it for. And like you said, there may. be someone else who actually has lots of. knowledge. Yeah, but then they don't. have the share wisdom or the insight and. that's generally the student that. somehow discovers me. Right? It's the. one that is I have something to share. with the world. Right? But some reason. every time I share it, people. misunderstand me. Every time I share it, it doesn't get the impact that I desire. And and it's the truth because you have. you could have the greatest piece of. music written by Beethoven. But if you. play it poorly, is it the greatest.

music? And again, it's so interesting. because I understand my students so. intimately now where I know what they'll. say. They say things in their life like. they go, I'm just going to let my work. speak for herself. Why? Why not speak. for your work, too? Right? Well, why. can't we do both? Why why are we so. linear? Why can't we do both? So good. Right. And when they realize that, they. go, "Oh, okay." Right. It opens their. mind to the whole idea of I kind of have. to take responsibility to shine my. light. I can't wait for someone again. And I remember we have a mutual friend, Mel Robbins, right? Mel helped him in my. speaking career. At the start of my.

speaking career, Mel used to flick me. the gigs. I couldn't afford her. And and. I became the cheap Mel Robbins for a. period. So, so I was the cheap Mel. Robbins and she was she was amazing and. so gracious where cuz she she couldn't. do those gigs but maybe she was busy as. well and she flicked them to me. That's. how she started my career here in the. US. That's awesome. I didn't know that. And and she was one of the people that. that I saw from her content as well. early on where she said, "No one's. coming to help you." Mhm. No one's. coming to save you. That that's when it. really hit home for me, too. I went,

"Okay, I'm going to have to go do this. myself." Right. And and you take. ownership for that. And yeah, because. when you take ownership, you step into. your power. When you blame others, you. kind of lose all of it. Yeah. What about. someone who comes to you and says, "I. talk too fast." How do you teach people. to slow down? Because I think that we're. all scared of pauses, right? Everyone's. always trying to fill the gaps, even if. you're in a conversation with someone. We don't like pauses. I've for years had. to practice the ability to say it's okay.

if I need to look away, if I need to. think, if I need to reflect, if I. actually just need to take something in, whether I'm on a podcast, on stage, or. in a private meeting. How do we get. comfortable with slowing down and. pausing rather than trying to fill all. the space because that's such a natural. thing to do. The first thing I would say. if you speak really fast, well done for. being aware that you do. Most people are. not aware of it is a lot of it is to do. with your mindset and the state of mind. that you're in. When do you think people.

speak really fast when they're feeling. what? When they're nervous, anxious, etc. Right? So, you've got to you kind. of kind of have to address it at the. core there. So, what you need to do is. you have to identify when are you. speaking fast? In which situations are. you speaking fast? Oh, it's when I'm in. a job interview. Oh, it's when I'm going. in for my quarterly review. Well, great. Now, you know, in these isolated. situations, the triggers are high. pressure situations. Okay, cool. That. means before you go into those. situations, you need to still your mind.

and your body. Again, it comes back to. breathing, right? I I I couldn't believe. it, but there were workshops that I was. invited to and I did some of them. It. was I couldn't believe we could spend 3. to 4 days on breathing. And then I found. out there was a 7-day workshop on. breathing. I went 7 days. There's so. much profound wisdom in the breath. Mhm. And I I did not understand it until I. started learning more about it. So. again, breathing before you go in, go. with the Wimhof breathing. And that will. slow down your mind and slow down your. your body and then all of a sudden it.

slows down your speech. The next thing. is adrenaline also causes you to speed. and speak really quickly. So before you. go into a a presentation or something. that's making you nervous, get rid of. the adrenaline. Some brisk walking, do a. couple of push-ups, do some star jumps. I know you call them jumping jacks here. in the US. Yeah, mate. It's not called a. jumping jack. It's a star jump, mate. So. do we call it star jumps in England? Oh, you do? Yeah. The Americans have it. wrong. Obviously, who the hell's Jack? So all of a sudden do 20 star jumps,

right? And when you do that, you get rid. of all the adrenaline. The adrenaline is. what makes you shake and also what makes. you speak really quickly because when. you start to shake it's sending signals. to your brain that you're nervous now. you start to think you're nervous and. then when you think you're nervous now. you're speaking really quickly right? So. again these things help slow you down. Now those are things you can do before. you go in. One last thing you can do. before you go in actually is what makes. us really nervous is being. self-conscious. But you can only be. self-conscious if you're thinking about. yourself. So then stop thinking about.

yourself and realize it was not about. you. If you're going on stage, it's not. about you. It's about every single. person you're going to serve. And I'll. be honest with you too, coming here, I. felt a bit nervous, right? But then I. thought to myself, well, it's not about. me. It's about me trying to add as much. value as I can to Jay's audience. And. it's about Jay. I want to connect with. Jay. And the moment I made it about you, and I made it about the audience we're. about to serve, I had no cognitive. capacity left to be nervous because I'm. not thinking about myself. So to me, the. these three small tools, you got the. breathing, get rid of the adrenaline and. mindset shift, it helps calm you down.

And now when you go in, if you find. yourself racing in it, then pause and. take a deep breath. And that's how you. can remedy it. Cuz if you go in, you're. like, "Oh, I'm here. I'm really. excited." You take a deep breath and. then continue speaking. And right after. the deep breath, it's going to slow your. speech right down. Even when I did it. there, I all of a sudden feel more. relaxed now. Yeah. The reason people.

aren't comfortable with the pause is. because they don't know what the pause. is for, right? And when you think the. pause is useless, that's why you develop. the behavior of filling the pause, always talking. Um, uh, non filler words as well. And, so, like, do you know what I mean? We do. that because we don't understand the. power of the pause. Whereas the pause. allows people to process what you're. saying. Think about it. Now, listeners, as you're listening to that, the moment. I paused, you just did it again. You had. a moment to process the things that I.

was saying. If I just talk really. quickly and I don't pause at all when. I'm talking, all of a sudden now. everything that I say has no clear. points because you don't have any time. to process anything that I'm saying, all. of a sudden everything after a while. becomes mumbo jumbo, right? It just becomes nothing. 100%. Whereas pausing gives people time to. process. Pausing gives you time to. breathe so that you can relax so that. you don't speak too quickly. There are. so many benefits to I mean think of. music again. I love using music. analogies because the most important. note in an orchestra happens after a.

crescendo which is what? Silence. They'll build the peak and then all of a. sudden the musicians will play and play. and it gets to this peak moment and then. just. nothing and the audience is in awe of. what they just experienced. You speak. about it so powerfully and it's so. convincing. I'm like this is this this. has to hit because I I applied that even. and that come come back to Zoom calls, meetings, everything. I think it's so.

important to not feel that the person. who talks the fastest is the one who. will get their point in. And I think. that's sometimes the thing of like, hey. guys, so I just really want to share. this with you because if we just if we. just did this, this would solve. everything. Like this is the thing. And. it's almost like you've actually lost. all importance because of that pace. Also because there's no clarity. Yes. If. people don't process anything that you. say, there's no clarity. Yes. You have. to think about communication is not what.

I just send. It's how it's being. received, right? It's not, "Oh, I've sent it. It's. done. It's out there. What do you. think?" I I don't even remember what you. said. Yeah. And I think I think that's a. that's a big mistake. And And often. people do that again because they don't. understand that the way you deliver has. an impact on how others receive. Yeah. I. really appreciate your switch to the. audience consciousness versus the us. consciousness. because it seems really small. It seems.

really obvious. It seems kind of that. makes sense. Yeah. But it really is. everything. Yeah. Because all of a. sudden if you're thinking about being. impressive, that's a really hard place to live from. because now you're judging every word. that comes out of your mouth and judging. whether it's impressive, whether it's. powerful, whether it's profound, whether. it's whatever it is. And now you. actually have no thinking space to. actually be profound, impressive, and.

all those things you wanted to be. It's. just not possible. Whereas if you were. thinking, hey, what's that person in the. audience struggling with? Mhm. Like what. are they really struggling with? What's. their challenge? What's what's the thing. that and that's why that's how we. started this conversation. I was like, what's everyone worried about when they. come to you? Because to me, that's the. most important thing. And if I know that. what they're worried about is their. accent, their voice, their whatever it. may be, now all of a sudden I can. address that. Yeah. And I can speak to. that. And actually, I can make them.

aware that I'm aware of that. And that's. the same in a meeting. I think sometimes. if someone said to me in a meeting, Jay, I know that you really want the podcast. to be a special place for people to. really learn, grow, and heal. I know. that it's a big priority in your life. and I know that it's something that you. put your heart into for 6 years. This is. how to make it better. All of a sudden,

I'm like, I'm all ears because I feel. like you actually get where I'm at and. where I'm coming from. Whereas, if. someone said, "Hey, you know what? I've. just got this really great idea I want. to share with you." All of us, I'm like, "Well, I don't know if it's a great idea. or not because I don't even know if. we're on the same page." Yeah. And so. walk me through some of the ways people. can establish by what they're saying and. how they one you did this beautiful. video. Well, you're on stage, but I. loved it. I absolutely loved it and I. realized I do it unconsciously and when. I saw you explain it, I was like, there. you go. That's why that's why you're.

such a great coach and such a great. teacher. It was that idea of meeting. people where they're at and you were. saying that when people come to you and. they're like, "Oh, Vin, you're amazing. on stage and you were great." and they. speak really quietly and you said if you. come back to that and go yeah what did. you like about it? Yeah. Or even worse. like oh thank you so much. Oh because. you bring sometimes you bring that stage. persona straight down. Yeah. Oh and and. and how did I learn that? Because that's. what I started with. Yeah. And you see. them just and then they freak out. But.

that's what I wanted to ask you. So how. do we do that in a meeting? How do we do. that in our daily life? Yeah. where. sometimes what we're saying but also how. we're saying it, we're not even giving. it the importance it deserves. How do we. establish more authority and influence. when we are sharing an idea, when we are. proposing a method? You've heard a lot. of body language experts say you match. and mirror people. Yes. Right. To build. rapport, to make it about them, to build. a connection, you you you match and. mirror their body language. But what a. lot of people don't realize is you can. also match and mirror their vocal. foundations. So when you think about the.

voice and you divide it into five. different categories and you think it. from the the perspective of rate of. speech, volume, pitch and melody, tonality, and the pause, now all of a. sudden you have these five factors that. you can start to think about when you're. talking to people. So if someone comes. up to you and they're naturally speaking. a little bit quickly because they're. nervous, right, like that, and they're. speaking a little bit lower volume and. the melody is not as great of a range. and and you notice these things, then. you match and you mirror where they are. with their voice, too. And then people. immediately feel like, oh, you're.

approachable. Yes. And it's not that we. stay there because some people go, "Oh, but that's that's inauthentic. That's. not right." No, no. That that's you. being a great and dynamic communicator. That's you going, hey, I'm going to meet. you where you are to make you feel. comfortable, to build connection, to. make it about you. Meet them where they. are. And then slowly you take them back. out. So if you're meeting them where. they are, you go, "Oh, hey, thank you. for coming up and saying hello. But hey, can I can I just ask you quickly too? What did you really take away? What was. the key thing you took away? Oh, you. took that away. Oh, that's awesome. Hey, I'm so happy that you came up and and. had a chat with me. All of a sudden, now.

once you're in rapport, you can take. them to where you want to go. And that's. something you can take on a Zoom call. You meet them where they are, right? If. someone's really excited about an idea. they want to bring to you, you can meet. them there with that excitement to show. them respect, right? As opposed to a lot. of the times previously in my life, someone will come to me really excited. and I have one gear, Jay, and I'm I'm. just one gear. I'm like, "Oh, that. sounds really cool. Yeah, that's great. Awesome, man." And I didn't realize. that. Then all of a sudden I made them. feel less important. Whereas now all of.

a sudden I've learned that ah when. someone comes to me with a peak emotion. even if it's frustration I will mirror. that for them to show them that hey I. feel you. It's like ah man that sucks. Right. So it's not just in the words. that I use. I deliver it in a way so. they can hear that I'm with you and I'm. on the same page. Yes. It's one of the. fastest ways to build rapport with. people. Yeah. I think that's so. important because you could start up a. Zoom call and someone turns up and. they're in a really sad low mood and in. your head you're thinking, "Come on.". Like, "Come on, bring more energy.".

Right. And it and then you get. frustrated and now you feel you're. dragging them up a hill. Whereas if you. were like, "Hey, I just wanted to check. in with you." Like, "You're all right. Yeah. How's it going?" You lower your. volume, too. You meet them where they. are. You're like, "Hey, you know, I. noticed on the other call you weren't, are you okay?" And all of a sudden, people are way more likely to open up if. you used your instrument that way as. opposed to, "Oh, mate, what's going on?". Yeah. What's going on, man? Come on. Look at the weather outside. It's. amazing today. What's going on? They're. definitely not opening up to that. person. But I didn't have that.

sensitivity growing up. No sensitivity. I didn't know why so many of my. relationships when I was young would. fail. Like I remember one of my partners. when I was really young where I would. ask her I'd say to her on a Friday night. I'm like hey I know we got dinner plans. tonight but the guys are doing a land. party and we're going to go play CSGO. Can I go? And she'll go yeah fine just. go then. And I just went you are the. most. amazing girlfriend in I I thought you. would have said no. And then I went next. day she broke up with me and I was like. why? And I'd listen to Backstreet Boys.

and I'll be like why did she break up. with she? But she said yes. And that's. when I went through that era. I was. like, "Women, it's so confusing. It. doesn't make sense. You said I could. go." And and it was because I wasn't. listening to the emotion in the voice. I. didn't even have that gear, man. I just. thought what people said, "Oh, that's. it. I take you for you said so. It's. fine. So, it's fine." And we justify it. Yeah. What do you think? No, but you did. say that. But you said yes. Yeah. I I. know I did, but but that's not the. point. And And then Yeah. Yeah. But but. again, all of a sudden having this. sensitivity now, I've got so many. different gears now, Jay. And and that's.

the the analogy I love to use too is. that because sometimes a lot of people. feel that oh there's only one version of. me and J this is the only version of me. and I'm this version of me in every. situation. That's like having a car with. one gear. We are so much more dynamic. than as a human being. And I get my. students to think about this all the. time. Think about when you're angry you. use your voice differently. You use your. body language differently. When you've. done something wrong and when I've done. something like I've maybe stayed out. with the the guys too late one night. I. come home I talk different to my wife. I'm like, I know. Yep. I'm sorry. And.

I'm very sheepish. You're you're. different when you've done something. wrong. We use our instrument differently. in every single one of those situations. But when we don't consciously think. about it, sometimes we can default to. just one gear. I show up to the. interview the exact same way. I shopped. and we show up in just one rigid gear. and we go, why am I not standing out? Why don't I get more attention? Why. don't I get that promotion that I. deserve? Yeah. You've got to learn to be. more dynamic. I'm I'm really glad you. made that point because I was saying. that to you earlier. When I'm on the.

podcast, I'm a certain way because it's. a conversation. But when I'm on stage, I. get the license to be funny and uh. banter with people and bring people in. the audience into that conversation. because I can. Yeah. You're a big. version of you. Totally. I I always say. that when I'm on stage, I'm the 360. version of myself because I get to be. all things to everyone that I want to. be. Whereas here, I'm I'm having a. onetoone conversation. This is kind of. what I'm like when I'm having a. one-to-one conversation with a friend, a. family member, whatever it may be, because that's my natural way of being.

And then if I'm making a video where. there's no people Yeah. I find it that's. like the most minimal version of me. Really? Yeah. Because it's to me it's. all about energy exchange. So if I'm in. a room full of 10, 20, 30 people, maybe. 10,000 people, there's so much energy to. play with. It can be fun, it can be. this, it can be that. When I'm with you, we're matching each other's energy. And. then if I'm on my own and it's just a. camera, then I can think about who's. going to watch it. But really, I'm only. letting one% of me be me. For me, for.

me, I'm saying I'm not saying that's the. way for everyone. Yeah. No, but it it. brings up a really important insight. that I learned along the way, and it's. that be as big as the room. Yes. And and. and you notice how sometimes people do. this incorrectly, and I used to be one. of those people. Tell me how you do that. incorrectly. Well, well, because I when. I first learned about all this, I went, "Oh, wow. This is amazing. I'm going to. bring this." And and then and I would. bring this to this and then people like, "Ah, it's a little bit of a wanker. Oh, that's that's a bit much, don't you. think?" And I used to do that because I.

I had no sensitivity. I just thought, "Oh, no. This is really good. I I should. be like this all the time." And then I. realized, "Oh, wow. No, no, no. Just. that simple rule of be as big as the. room." Again, the version of you, I'm. assuming, if you're in front of 10,000. people, imagine we're in front of 10,000. people. We went out, we're like, "Oh, hey everyone. It's great to be here and. I'm excited to." It won't work. It won't. work, right? where unless you're echoi. then it's totally fine that's on brand. right whereas all of a sudden you need. to bring a much bigger version of you. but you have to develop that sensitivity. whereas I see sometimes when my students.

who are new to communication skills they. they miss the mark and usually they're. too small yes more often than not they. have this fear I'm going to be too much. no no the danger is not you're too much. the danger is that you've been living. way too small for me it's always about. pushing them up but the fear they have. is oh but it's too much I'm like no no. no it's too little you're playing too. small, right? So again, that sensitivity. is important to develop when when you're. with 30 people. It's a different version. of you and it's okay because you you. have to be a bigger version of you to be. effective in that medium. Yes.

Otherwise, it will seem like you you. don't care. Otherwise, sometimes it can. come across like you don't care. It's. such an art and what we're talking about. is obviously the spectrum of, you know, the the kind of like the expertise, the. mastery all the way through to the. challenge. And it and it does blow my. mind that public speaking comes out as. the number one fear in the world. And. 75% of the world's population is scared. of public speaking. And it's something. we have to do every single day. And.

people think, "But I'm not on stage.". Yeah, but anytime you open your mouth in. public, that's public speaking, right? It is public speaking. You're publicly. speaking every single day. And and that. also shows an opportunity, Jay. If 75%. of people fear it, that means only one. in four people kind of do it. So if you. can get good at this skill, you now have. a competitive edge. And one of the. greatest things that I've noticed is. that why do creators become such great. communicators? They do. I mean, watch.

watch creators. Why do they become such. great communicators? It's because they. film themselves every single day and. they watch it back and they notice. behaviors that serve them and they. notice behaviors that don't serve them. and then they remove the behaviors that. don't serve them. Because one of these. things that I ask a lot of creators, I. always ask them like, "So, what formal. communication training did you do?". They're like, "What? What are you. talking about?" I'm like, "I had to. learn so many years to learn how." And.

from that simple pro, that's why I want. to bring it back again for the. listeners, right? that simple process. If you just committed to the process of. recording yourself once a week, you will. now have one of the competitive edges. that all creators have. They're. impeccable communicators. And why do you. keep going back to the creators that you. love every single week? You keep. watching every video. It's because. they're able to form a connection with. you. What skill are they using to form. that connection with you? The ability to. communicate and articulate ideas with. clarity. So, all of a sudden, now you. kind of see that hidden secret there.

Yeah. where it's about they just keep. putting in the reps. It's I never even. put two and two together. It's such a. great point that they're actually. practicing that exact method and and. that videoing yourself. I did it when I. left the monastery and I got a job at. Accenture. We had someone come and do. public speaking training while we were. at the company. I wish it was you. It. wasn't. I would have been Yeah. I would. have been terrible at it at the time. No. No. But they had us film ourselves. and it was really interesting to me. I.

believed at that point that I was I was. I was I wouldn't say I was a seasoned. speaker but I was a very experienced. speaker because even as a monk I gave. you know three-hour lectures. every day and so there was a lot of. speaking involved in teaching from. scripture and wisdom and uh the. literatures that we had but it was. really interesting I as a monk I would. sit and speak like you'd sit on a a low. it's called a vasasan in the Indian. language I don't know what it would be. described as I It's a very low bench.

like you may have seen it in movies or. whatever it may be. It's just very very. low and it's it's a small seat and so. you're sitting cross-legged lotus. position and your hands are usually in. there and you may use some hand gestures. but generally they're rested and it's a. smaller group. I would stand and talk if. I was giving a talk to university. students which I did while I was a monk. as well and maybe there'd be a circle of. people but then we videoed ourselves and. it was really interesting. I found. myself in that video just doing this the. whole time. And then I watched that. video back and I found that that's all I. did with my hands at that time and it.

was so powerful to be able to see how. you and it looked so cringe right it. just but it was like every time I made a. point I'd do this and then I'd come back. to here and that's a very like you know. as as a monk our palms would naturally. be rested meditation whatever and it was. so interesting how I'd taken that habit. into my work life. All right. Right. And. and I was giving a corporate talk at the. time and but what I'm saying is I'm re. reiterating the point of needing to film. yourself speaking like I I stand by it. fully and I think you're spot on making. people do it. It's so cool to geek out.

on this because you've had so much. training in this arena right now. Even. as you listen to this to the listener, you already know what great. communication looks like because you've. been to a conference and a speaker walks. out on stage. within 10 seconds you now. make a decision whether you're listening. or you're not 100% and you make a big. decision whether you you're going to go. to your now social media feed or not. right so there are certain cues that you. recognize as being cues that are. engaging oh the way they're using their.

voice I'm in the way they're using their. body language oh I'm in right so you. already have all of that information on. in your mind but here's where it gets. interesting you've never applied any of. those ideas in your head to yourself so. you'll shocked because again when you. all of a sudden watch yourself you go oh. no I come across like Barry oh no sorry. to the Barry's out there just picked a. random name but again they go oh no I. come across like Barry oh but that's. because again you've been avoiding this.

your entire life and the reason why I. wanted to bring it up again I'm so glad. you brought it up again is because if. there's one thing you do if you listen. to this episode is record a video of. yourself and and you'll thank Jay and I. later because you will see things that. you didn't realize you know you have so. much beautiful knowledge already in your. mind about what makes a great. communicator because why are you drawn. to a certain YouTube video and a certain. creator? You've already have these. internal references in your mind of what. great communication is for you. Yes. And. all of a sudden now you get to apply the. same list of things to yourself. Do you.

know how cool that is? That is so cool. And and and which brings me to my next. point where my students ask me, they go, "Well, well then how do I become myself. though? How do I find my because I. always talk about this present version. of you and you're way too attached to. it. Let go of the present version of. you. Give the future version of you a. chance. And they go, well, how do we. make that transition? Well, I say, look, first of all, just record yourself. But. then after that, as you begin this. journey, I I view the the journey of. being a great communicator like the. journey of becoming a great chef. So,

how would you become a great chef? You. you you would go out and you would look. for a great chef and you would look for. one of the recipes. You buy the recipe. book and then you would copy the recipe, right? And then at the beginning, you. copy the recipe almost exactly and then. you start cooking it and you eat it and. you go, "I didn't think that's what the. chef was intending." So you copy a. little closer and you go, "Oh, I did the. method wrong." And then as you copy. closer, you go, "Oh, wow. That tastes. amazing." And then as you cook it a few. more times, you gain the confidence now. to go, "You know what? I'm going to add. a little more chili. I got to say that. the chef didn't put enough chili." You. put a bit more chili. You put a little. lemon. You put a little bit of more.

garlic, onion, everything. And now you. make it your own. Same thing with. communication skills. Yes. If you want. to get some inspiration, go look up your. top five communicators. Yeah. And then. sit down, watch a video, break it down. What are they doing that you love so. much? Try those behaviors on. Now you. have an ocean of different behaviors to. play with. Yeah. And you'll try some of. them on, you go, that's not me. Like. same with me. I I when I first started. speaking on stage, I admired Anthony.

Robbins so much. I was like, wow. Cuz I. read his books. It changed my life. And. I was like, I'm going to try to be like. Anthony Robbins. And I jumped up and I. did it. And it felt so wrong because I. was like, this is not me. But that was. okay. I had to have done that to know it. wasn't for me. I had to have eaten that. dish to know I didn't like the flavor. But too many of us judge it before we. try it. Absolutely. I'm not even going. to try that dish. No. Try it. Yeah. Because that's how I discovered some of. my favorite dishes in my life was I I. resisted it. I tried it. Loved it. Loved. it after that. Right. So again, start.

looking up a list of five communicators. that you love and then just pick a few. different things from them and try it. on. It's all right. We share one of our. favorite communicators, which is a bit. more obscure that most people may not be. aware of or may not see him as a. communicator. It's Darren Brown. I think. Darren is absolutely Darren is my. favorite person on stage to watch. Showmanship. Yeah, showmanship is a. magician's fancy word for communication. skills, right? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Showmanship. Unbelievable. Everything from the humor to the pacing.

to the body language to when to sit, when to stand. Stage craft mastery. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It makes you want to. give up magic when you see someone like. that cuz you go, "He's too good. He's. too good." For sure. For sure. And I I. remember doing a trip to the UK. My wife. My wife likes Darren Brown. Not she. doesn't love Darren Brown like me. Same. same. We followed him to three cities. Wow. To watch the same show. So that's. why my wife couldn't stand it anymore by.

the end of it. But I watched the same. show three times. I loved it even more. the third time. What you talked about before, his. ability to execute what they call plan. spontaneity is unbelievable. That is such a skill. Like your comedian. friend. Yes. Even though it happens. nearly every night, people think it's. random. Yes. But it happens every night. Plan spontaneity. He made it look. spontaneous every single time. And I. appreciated every moment of that. Yeah. I was like, "How did you make that look. even more fresh than the first two. times?" It's incredible. But that's what.

it is. It's I love hearing that story. that you went there three times even. though you knew what trick it was going. to do because that's what you're doing. You're studying the art of what worked. And then the other speech that I love, probably my favorite favorite favorite. speech of all time that I've listened to. the most at least is Steve Jobs's. Stanford commencement speech. Oh wow. And it's a really interesting speech. because there's no body gestures. There's no use of hands. There's. nothing. It's potentially even. monotonous. I think he speaks at the.

same volume pretty much the whole time. Yeah. But there's something just so. profound. His voice is phenomenal. What? Talk to me through why that works. Why. are so many people love that speech. apart from it being Steve Jobs? Because. I I don't I don't like to be like, "Oh, it was a good speech because it was. Steve. Everyone loved it." No, no, no. There was still something. I mean, the. content's insane, but again, think of. think of it from the perspective of. music. Yeah. Right. There are times that. lyrics can be so powerful Yeah. that the. way you play that song is irrelevant.

because the lyrics of it speak to your. heart. Yes. It's so strong that it. doesn't matter how you play, it hits. you. And that's where you can lean into. the content. There is some content that. is just so powerful that regardless of. delivery it hits because of the profound. nature that exists within the lyrics. And then I've seen pianists play. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and I was. flabbergasted. One of the most basic. songs you've ever heard. And the way.

they added chords to it and the rhythm. and the way they re un I've never heard. Twinkle style like that. So you can take. something basic and use delivery to make. it amazing or you could take something. truly profound and have no delivery and. is just as amazing. And that's the. beauty of music. That's the beauty of. poetry and art. And it's the beauty of. that, right? And and you just have to. determine for you with what you're. currently doing. Does it have that level. of profoundness? And can you keep that.

level of profoundness that consistently. throughout this life where you can just. forget about delivery? And if you can, damn, good for you. That's amazing. Steve Jobs. Yeah, Steve Jobs. That's. incredible. When everything you say is. that potent, then you don't have to. worry about your communication skills. because one of one of the I'm sure you. get this. You get trolls, but I always. have trolls on my content where they're. like, "Oh, yeah, but then what about. Elon Musk? He doesn't have to work. What. about his communication skills?" And I. always say, and I shouldn't ever respond. to this, but sometimes I get a bit. cheeky and I do. And I go, "Listen, mate, if you're as smart and intelligent.

as Elon Musk, forget about communication. skills. Just get us to Musk. Make us a. multilanetary species, right? like. forget about it. Please please save the. human race. But if you're a mere mortal. like me, then you probably should work. on this skill. But do you know what I. mean? Yeah. So again, and and sometimes. and sometimes you're right. Sometimes. when you have something that profound, you also want to let go of some of the. bells and whistles. I agree. Yeah. You. want to let go of some of that. Yes. It's a delivery choice and a delivery. style. Yeah. A good balance one that. I've seen is Matthew McConnA's Oscar.

speech when he accepted for Dallas. Buyers Club. Yeah, it's like that. perfect balance between I mean he's got. an amazing voice, phenomenal and. communicator and at the same time the. content so profound and so you see a. great marriage of the two in that one. where there's showmanship, there's. performance and there's potency. Yeah. And and you're right. I I agree with. you. I I only brought up the Steve Jobs. one because and I and I love the way you. explained it. I'm so glad I asked it. because that idea of the lyrics just. being so profound. and just read it.

Realize he literally read it off a piece. of paper and you're listening to every. single word. I mean, you know, it's it's. so powerful. I was going to ask you, people can sense when something feels. inauthentic. What are we sensing? Misalignment. However, when it comes to. communication alone, it's usually people. trying something out that they haven't. really ironed out yet. And I I hope this. is not nauseating and people are. starting to vomit in the back of their. throats at this point, but when somebody. first plays the saxophone, how does it.

sound? J. Yeah. No. Great. Yeah. I have. one of those neighbors. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine. I find it very sweet as a. young kid learning how to play. Right. And do you ever sit for a moment and. going that is the most inauthentic. saxophone player I've ever heard in my. life? No. What a fake saxophone player. No. You go that person's learning and. I'm just making it communication. related. Yeah. I love it. So when I have. my students try out things for the first. time and they're doing things like this, right? So they first learn volume. They. go, "Ah, I've been speaking with a low. volume my whole life." So then they go, "Okay, I'm going to try to talk like. this." Okay. And I've just learned hand.

gestures, so I'm gonna I'm gonna try to. People immediately look at that and go, "Inauthentic." Yes, you're doing. something that's not authentic to you. No, no, no, no. I'm like, "Stop. That is. someone just starting to learn how to. play the saxophone." And the moment you. call them inauthentic and fake, do you. know what happens to them? They now. revert to the same behaviors they've. been repeating for the last 30 years of. their life. M it's such an. intricate moment for someone when. they're choosing to play their. instrument in a different way that. you've got to help them move towards the.

future version of them. Jay, right? And. that's where we sense that in that that. inauthentic part where we go, "Ah, this. person I feel like they're being. inauthentic. You don't know the. backstory. Maybe this person is trying. to be heard because their entire life. they've been invisible and the way that. they're trying on this new way of. speaking is because they're just testing. out the instrument in a different way. and you just caught them on a bad day. You just caught them when they were. playing poorly. And I think we need a. little more of that compassion. Yeah. We. need a little more of that empathy. because I've I've approached that and. I've made those judgments before myself.

too. Yeah. But I've also been through. that messy middle where when I spoke. again I was like a robot. I I I and and. again, I knew that people were judging. me, but if I didn't have the courage in. that moment to push through, then I'd. still be the same version of me from 15. years ago. So, I feel that from a. communication context when you're trying. to improve, when people sense that in. you, it's just you learning how to play. this saxophone. Yeah, it's okay. So, all. you got to do is this. All you got to do. is this. Before you start to play with. your voice and your body differently and. and you start to improve the way you. communicate, prime your conversations.

Say say to your partner, say to your. neighbor before you learn the saxophone, say, "Hey, listen. I've been inspired by. listening to Vin and Jay on the podcast. and I want to I want to change the way I. use my voice." Okay? I've been quiet my. entire life. I want to give you and the. kids more energy. If you see me speaking. with more volume, can you encourage me. because I want to be more. I want to. give more. Yeah. All of a sudden, if you. give that context now, the next time. you're like, "Hey honey, I'm home." And. she was like, "Oh, hey, it's so good to. see you trying." Now, with that context,

they support you. Without the context, if you just immediately come home, they. go, I know what they'll say. They go, "Why are you doing that with your voice? Why are you doing that with Why are you. doing that?" Yeah. And it's because. something my my vocal coach used to say, too. She used to say this. She goes, "Your voice is your personality." And I. used to I'm like, "What?" And she goes, "No, no, no. Your voice is your. personality, Vinn. When people. compliment you on your personality, the. literal thing they're complimenting is. how you're playing your instrument.". Interesting. Because that's how we. perceive personality. We perceive.

personality through the use of the. instrument. Yeah. Personality comes. through music. That's why you can listen. to a soundtrack. I do this experiment. with my kids uh not only my kids, but my. students too. I love doing this. experiment where I just play a piano. track and I get them to listen to it and. I go, "What words come to mind?" And. it's crazy. They'll say things like, my. students will say things like, "Oh, I I. hear complexity. I hear drama. I hear. Oh, I hear pain. I hear misery. I hear. nostalgia and and and I always wake them. up to it and I go, "Do you know there.

were no words in that?" None. None. whatsoever. Yet, you got a world of. meaning from that. People get a world of. meaning just from the sound of your. voice and how you use your voice. So, if. you pay no attention to that, that means. you're putting no intention into how. you're coming across. Yeah. And I love. that point, man. I love your heart for. saying that, too. that so much of the. time when we think someone's. inauthentic, it's really just. inexperience. They're trying something. new. Yeah. They're trying something new. They're exploring. And we always look at. it and we judge them and we think, "Oh,

they're fake." That, you know, and half. the time it's just someone trying to. figure something out. And then what we. don't realize we're doing is then we. give them negative feedback that. immediately puts them into the same. patterns of behavior that has been. causing them pain because we're not as. compassionate. We see what they do. We. don't see why they do what they do. Mhm. Right. Right? Whereas I think if we took. a moment to go, why would that person do. that? Oh, maybe they're exploring their. instrument. Right. And I think I think. it was Kyung that said that again. We we. see what people do. We don't see. why they do what they do. Vin, it's been.

uh such a joy talking to you, man. You. are you're brilliant. You're you're not. just a brilliant communicator. You've. got a great heart, too. And it comes. across in the way you want to help. people and see them grow. and and the. amount that you've thought through the. challenges, the trip ups, the all the. blocks that we run into, man. It's it's. really beautiful and I really thank you. and commend you for your amazing work. and it's uh it's very special. So, thank. you, man. Jay, thank you for giving me. the opportunity. I I'm from Adelaide,

South Australia. I I never thought that. I'd ever be able to connect with you in. person and hang out with you, Jay. This. is this is unreal. Thank you for the. opportunity. No, I'm a fan, so it's. easy. Uh, we end every episode of On. Purpose with a final five. These have to. be answered in one word to one sentence. maximum. Are you serious? Yeah. So, you. can't This is my kryptonite. So, you. can't You can't You can't Yeah. I'll. probably break it for you because you're. such a good explainer. Sure. Sure. I'll. let you do it. No, no, no, no. I won't. I'm going to try to stick to Hey, rules. are rules. Rules are rules. The first.

question, what's the best piece of. communication advice you've ever heard. or received? Your voice is an. instrument. Play all of the songs that are trapped. within you. Don't die with all your. music trapped inside. That was a great. sentence. It's a long sentence. It's a. great sentence. Long sentences are fine. Uh, second question. What's the worst. communication advice you've ever heard, received, or given? If you're nervous, just look over their heads. I was. literally given that advice. What What. are you meant You can expand. What are.

you meant to do? Well, well, again, you. want to look at people. Look at them in. the eyes because the advice was look. over their heads. they won't be able to. tell. And this was my first piece of. advice I was given when I was going on. stage. And I started looking over. people's heads and it just looked like I. was arrogant, right? Cuz I was like, "Oh, hey everyone. Good to see you." And. I wasn't looking them in the eyes. Terrible. And also, you get no feedback. You have no energetic exchange. You. don't have a clue. Yeah. Well, the worst. thing is it's that and then you look. like an arrogant person. Arrogant. Yeah, that's interesting. I never thought. about that. All right. Uh, question. number three on that point. Why does our.

body and our hands shake when we're. nervous? is the excess adrenaline and. you have the remedy to that in this. episode already. Star jumps. I love it. Uh, question number four. What's something that you used to. believe was true about communication but. not anymore? That I was stuck with the. sound of my voice. It's just a series of. behaviors. If you change the behaviors, you change the sound. Example, when I told my dad I wanted to.

leave accounting to become a magician, I. remember what he said. He said, "What in. the hell you want to be to Harry. Potter?" Literally, what he said to me, "I just changed the way I moved my. mouth. I just changed a series of. behaviors. I changed the sound I was. able to create. It's just behaviors.". Walk me through that conversation. Yeah. So my my mom and dad are refugees. from Vietnam and they're they cling to. safety and security because of fear and. they've known fear all of their lives.

So I remember coming home saying to mom. and dad, I said, "Mom, dad, I I really. want to quit university." And obviously. they wanted me to fulfill the Asian. prophecy, obviously. Same with your. parents, I'm sure. I had this really. heart-to-he heart conversation with them. where I said, "Mom, dad, you why did you. escape the war? Why?" And they said, "We. escaped because we want to find a better. home for you." I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, but why why was Vietnam at the time not. a good home? Why is Australia a better. home?" And they said, "Freedom." And I said, "Oh, great. So, so you you made the made the decision to.

to flee to Australia for freedom. Then. do you want to force me into a career. that's going to create misery for me? Is. Is that what you want?" And I know why. you're doing this. Because of love, Mom. and and Dad, because you're you're. you're so afraid. But we're not in. Vietnam anymore. We're in Australia and. we're free. And I know that the reason. you came here is to give me the freedom. to do what I love. And I was able to. wake them up from fear and remember the.

main reason why they came here in the. first place because their lives were. driven by fear of not enough of we're in. danger. And they they still carried all. of that fear. They didn't realize it. And when I woke them up to that, it was. such a beautiful conversation because it. was almost like my parents were. reminded. They're like, "No, no, thank. you for reminding us. We've been so. driven by fear our entire lives." Cuz I. said to them, I did work experience at. an accounting firm and dad, do you know. what they all do on a Friday night? They. go drinking because they're drowning. their sorrows in something they don't.

like. And I'm sure people love. accounting. It's just where I do work. experience. They didn't love it. They. dread it every day, right? And I said, "That's me. That's going to be me. That. that's the path I'm walking. So I. already know that's not the path, you. And then the most beautiful thing my dad. said to me after realizing all of this. is he goes, "You still owe me one thing. though, boy. In this life, you have to. jump as high as you can. And as long as. I'm alive, I'll forever be your net.". Wow. And I needed that net a lot of.

times. Oh yeah. I tested that net many. times. And and I I I share this now in a. long answer because Jay, I'm sitting. here having achieved the things I've. achieved because of my mom and my dad. without that net, without their support, without their love, without their. guidance, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't. have been able to do this. And I think. this is true for those listening too. You would not be where you are if it. wasn't for whether it's the families we. choose or the families were born into. Mhm. If it wasn't for them, we we would. not be who we are. We would not be where. we are. They must be really proud now.

Yeah. They they they still And then you. quit magic. The first time my dad came. and saw me speak, at the end of it, the. funniest thing he comes up to me, he. goes, "They they they pay you for this?". And he was so mindblown because he goes. cuz I wouldn't. He just he was so. shocked. He couldn't believe that they. he couldn't believe it was a thing. He. couldn't believe that professional. speaking was a career path. So, but it's. so beautiful to see their mind open up. And and then the most beautiful thing my. dad said to me recently, this was maybe. in the last 5 years where he he came up.

to me and he said, "Thanks for not. giving up on. me." Because because there was a lot of. conversations at the time in many. different Vietnamese families where the. kids would give up on their parents. where it would be like, "You know what? If you're not supporting me, stuff you. I'm out." Whereas I I I I really didn't. give up on my parents. I I remember my. first magic gig I did and I made like. 1,500 bucks for performing for an hour. This was like outrageous. This is a. week's worth of work, right? And I. bought home the cash and I was like, "Dad, look, I I got this in an hour.". And I celebrated that moment with him. I. made him a part of that because I knew.

that I had to slowly show him what's. possible. I couldn't all of a sudden go, "Dad, refugee been through the war." And. immediately say, "Magician." To him, it's like, "What the freak is that? That. doesn't make sense." But as I slowly. shared my wins with him on my journey, I. was able to open my dad's mind. So my. dad got to be a part of the journey with. me and my mom. And when he thanked me. for that, it was one of the sweetest. moments because you could have very. easily gave up on me. And now we have. this beautiful relationship and it's one. of my most important relationships. Yeah, that's beautiful, man. Thank you.

for sharing that. That counts as one. word. No, no, no. I wanted I wanted to. hear it. I wanted to uh fifth and final. question. We ask this to every guest. who's ever been on the show. If you. could create one law that everyone in. the world had to follow, what would it. be? Use your instrument to spread more. love, kindness, and compassion. Vin. Jiang, thank you so much. Uh, such an. honor having you here. I hope we get to. do this many, many more times together. Thank you, Jay. Uh, if all of you are. listening and watching, if you don't. already, follow Vin on social media. We.

will put all the links in the comments. Go and follow him across Tik Tok, Instagram, all platforms. Uh, I really. hope that this episode makes you a. better communicator to your partner, your parents, in your profession, in all. areas of your life. It's such a key. skill that's needed. And I would love to. see on Instagram and Tik Tok the clips, the moments, the parts that really stood. out to you, tag us both so we can see. what you're practicing. If you do a. video of yourself every day and start. posting or practicing, tag us in it. I. want to see it. I really, really want to.

see it. I really, really want to see it. It would be so awesome. I'd love to be. able to interact with you all and see. how much you've grown from it. And. again, Vin, I you are welcome back to. OnPurpose anytime you want. So, I hope. you'll come back and uh we'll see you. again. 100%. Thank you, man. Cheers, brother. Thank you. If you love this. episode, you'll love my interview with. Dr. Gab Mate on understanding your. trauma and how to heal emotional wounds. to start moving on from the past. Everything in nature grows only where. it's vulnerable. So, a tree doesn't grow.

where it's hard and thick, does it? It. goes where it's soft and green and. vulnerable.