Thermostat Wars

it's getting colder here in California. which according to my wife and kids. makes me the bad guy let's talk about. that I'm Amry Robinson from Fairbanks. Alaska good mythical. [Music]. morning good medical morning this. episode is brought to you by culas the. guys with the goods culas decom is where. you can get the official bring it up the.

Charlie Brown Christmas tree look at. this thing. like so many. memories if you've never watched the. Peanuts Christmas special then boy then. you don't know what this is yeah and if. you have then this means a lot this is a. very cool thing that you can set up in. your room your kids room is that still. on the shot gift it to someone. ca.com become festive I we only have 6. weeks before I go back to North Carolina. for the holiday so I've already gotten.

in the spirit we decorated our Christmas. tree uh you know if if you're into that. then get into it yeah I um I'm diving in. baby this past weekend uh I decided to. to to go biking with my son luck yeah. and we realized that we were pretty. close to your house so we show up to. your house and like it's the middle of. the day on Saturday and it look in the. house and it's all dark and I'm going in. there and your whole family's like. watching The Wizard of Oz they're all. kind of asleep kind of half watching The. Wizard of Oz I'm like Where's link and.

Chris's like he's taking a nap well did. you notice the Christmas tree in the. corner of the room yeah you the. Christmas tree is up and you've youve. taken a nap it's it's exhausting. everything is backwards at your house to. build a Christmas tree is exhausting I. had to I was like I got to take a nap it. but it was worth it the it's lit I just. think that's excessive before. Thanksgiving well I I am trying to turn. the tide in my favor in my household to. become the hero again it's really what.

I'm trying to do hey let's put up the. Christmas tree let's get in the holiday. spirit because I lately I'm just going. to set this up in my house I have not. been very we're done kids what I'm. trying to say is I I have my my approval. rating in the household has gone way. down below 50 now yeah now that it has. gotten colder uh now it it's California. okay it doesn't really get cold here so. when I say it's gotten cold at night I. think it has gotten down to like the. mid-30s mid3 wo over the past few nights.

and uh the issue of the thermostat and. turning on the heat immediately comes up. and the the pot starts to boil amongst. my family so to speak kids starts come. kids starts coming up to me usually just. my kids kids start coming in the windows. random kids start coming and trying. trying to find heat there's no heat in. my house cuz I said we're not turning. the heat on my kids my wife they come to. me and they say it's cold it's cold. there shivering you know I look at the.

thermostat which tells you the. temperature and it tells you if the. heat's on or off and I have the switch. to off and it and the temperature it. says 58° I wake up in the morning it's. 58° it's not 33° in my house I'm like. well we're not turning the the heat on. you know we can save some money we. blasted the AC through the summer and. and busted all this. dough busted the dough that me that. that's a for spending lots of money I.

think you blow dough blew a bunch of. dough I blew a bunch of dough so now. that the heat is is is the issue I'm. saying it's not coming on I tell the. kids you know there's people in the. Northeast in the wake of Sandy who. haven't even gotten their heat back. they're they're really freezing up there. it's actually cold there think about. them think about your papa who when my. granddad that's they call him Papa when. I tell them when he was your age he. slept on a straw bed literally he slept.

on a bed made of. straw and he was in and then was a horse. in the room at the time there was there. there was not an ox and a it wasn't that. he like some sheep in the corner no. there was no baby Jesus in a manger he. not that old those keep you. warm animals dud you can cuddle up next. to a sheep he's in a stra I tell him. there's a straw bed all his siblings. slept in the same bed they had to keep. each other warm they didn't have a. thermostat where you could just go up. and make yourself comfortable so I I'm. just buck up kids you Haven turned buck.

up wife you know so so no we haven't. turned the heat on and it's like I'm the. bad guy but I'm you know I'm saving us. money and I'm teaching us a lesson I. think and and we're like bundling up I. get in the bed I've got on like a long. sleeve hoodie and I've got I put like. extra covers on everybody's bed I'm like. if you get cold just get in bed with. each other I mean I have three kids for. a reason so they can warm each other. when the winter hits that's the only. reason I have multiple kids. an only child and I was cold as a child.

I thought about wearing a ski mask in my. own bed as a child or now no now I was. like in the middle of the night I wake. up and like the only thing cold on me is. my face I should wear a ski mask okay. well cuz and and then if Intruders come. in they're like oh somebody beat me to. the punch and they're already sleeping. in the bed they're in the bed well I. have a distinctly different Philosophy. from you I I I anticipated that you will. um as a matter of fact my appr of RAV. has gone down with you too um this past.

weekend uh as we had a cold snap here in. California by Cold Snap I mean like link. said it might have gotten into the. mid-30s one night um we all realized. together my wife and kids and I were. like it was morning and we were like. it's cold in here and I was like well. let's cut the heat on I mean there was. it was there was no discussion so it was. like let's cut the heat on and then I. got to the thermostat and I was like you. know something I'm GNA do something that. I've never done before and I don't know.

why I've never done before done this. before I was like I'm not just going to. make it warm right now I'm going to do. the whole scheduling feature your your. thermostat has that oh yeah I'm going to. set the optimal temperature in my house. for every hour throughout the week. really and I'm sitting there and I'm. like okay I want it to be this warm when. we wake up and I'm like Jesse you think. it should start getting warm around 6:30. or 6:45 a.m. you know and she's like. 6:30 that way it'll be a warm when we. wake up you know it'll have time to warm.

up and I'm like yeah do that I wish it. doesn't make those noises you talk to. each other as if you're like in like a. lame sitcom hey Jesse what time I'm. having so much fun and then I'm like hey. what temperature do you think it should. when do you think it should go off and. she's like I don't know like 10 a.m. you. know and then I'm like when do you think. you should get warm again I'm like 5:30. p.m. and then how long should it stay. warm uh look okay maybe we go to bed. about 11: 11:30 so at 12:00 let's make. it go down when we're sleep and then. we're all bundled up in the bed.

and as I'm doing this I have one of. these moments that this happens to me. fairly often you black out when I. realize I am living in the. future you know what I'm saying it's. like sometimes I feel as if I have been. transported from the past and here I am. you know two seconds ago I was a Pioneer. on the frontier and I was collecting. animal dung from the planes to burn to. keep my family warm you know what I'm. saying what you never did that I might. have.

what are you talking about like a a. reincarnated previous version no I'm. just saying that what if I am actually a. Pioneer on the planes and I'm sitting. there and I'm like trying to find more. Buffalo dung to burn to keep my Buffalo. dung house warm and I'm thinking about. it I'm like man I wish I was in the. future you know and this where they're. going to have all this figured out and. then there here I am at my. thermost you're like in the Jetson all. of a sudden yeah because that helps me. to appreciate what is going on here I am.

deciding on the optimal temperature for. me and my family but I think there's a. negative aspect of this too because it. makes me a. it makes me and my family. collectively a family because when. it hits the fan in a couple years and. the zombies are loose no electricity you. know we don't have any electricity we. don't have any heat I'm going to be. going up to the thermostat and going. it's not going to be making any noise. yeah what is the beep boop boops there's. no beeping the booping and the bopping. what's happening all right kids don't.

let don't no no don't crap in the toilet. crap into a bucket we're going to let it. dry and then we're going to burn it for. heat see that's exactly what I'm trying. to tell my kids is that I H I now have. the edge when it comes to the. apocalypse you know or or even in the. even in the short term I think we've got. an opportunity to to charge admission. with our own families to the other house. your kids can come to my house and it's. like that we're living on the frontier. we we should actually be I'm thinking. about burning dung you know like instead.

of turn my thermos on and then my kids. and wife can come to your house and. it'll be like hey kids let's go to the. mofin it's like they're in the future. yeah yeah it's always warm over there. yeah it's it's like um the Jetson it's. like what's it called when you send. students across the ocean Exchange. program yeah Exchange program we'll do. with thermostat Exchange program I am. you know what I'm babysitting your kids. tonight as you and Christy going on a. date you know about this yeah I'm going. to teach him what it's like to be just. cozy oh gosh this isn't no kids you.

don't have to they're going to hate me. even more I'm like kids no you don't. have to huddle up together no you can. just spread out you know you don't have. to put a coat on you're inside he K. check this. out it's BM and i r to be my dad and. then they're going to go home and. they're going to walk in and it's going. to be like they didn't even go inside. it's going to be just like they just. it's the same temperature as it is. outside because of the regulation well. what I don't understand is that it was. the weather report say 60° oh this is. great but in my house it's no this is. unacceptable this is frigid that we.

could die here no you can't die well but. see here's the thing I agree that being. you know you human should be able to. withstand a large temperature range but. modern man wants to have this like. little window that he's comfortable and. I because it is possible because I live. in a place where I have the option of. making it happen I can be comfortable or. I can be a little bit cold in my house. I'm just going to choose comfortable I. can't resist it because you're a man and. you want you want to make your domain.

submit to you we've established that so. I I I can believe that I want to make my. kids submit to me I want them to wear. more clothes I mean why have clothes if. you're not going to put them all. ONN time well Shephard got up this. morning and he was just in briefs he. just like came out and he's like ready. to eat breakfast he's just in briefs and. I was like aren't you cold he's like. nope his body was probably blue well not. in your in my house he'd be like the a. frozen caveman coming out of the r. glacier that is the new GMM.

intern hey R yeah come in this must be. the new. gmmm. G come on in you're the new intern right. yeah all right um first things first uh. I need you to program our. thermostat because where is it it's it's. right here it's right here in front of. you you just pretend like it's right. here in the role play and start beep.

boop booping that am I am I role playing. as the intern yeah or am I role playing. on the show like I the intern is the. intern role playing as his first. assignment or am I role playing as the. intern as if there really is something. here for the. intern. both what do you want me to do man you. do. that okay it's not working just just. give me a cup of.

coffee you like uh what kind of you like. any special flavors. [Laughter]. [Music].