The Perfect Crimes

there are a lot of dumb criminals out. there but there are also some incredibly. Smart Ones let's talk about. [Music]. that good mythical morning now I don't. have any intention on becoming a career. criminal I'm not much of a law breaker. I'm pretty much a law-abiding citizen. I'm kind of a good guy pretty much I. think you're pretty much a good guy also. pretty much just occasionally break the. law but I think there's something fasc.

about people who have been successful at. committing crimes in a way that you have. to admire the Precision the perfection. even if they you know and we're not. condoning it but some that's why we like. movies it's Oceans 11 type thing yeah. yeah yeah that's a great that's my. favorite movie of all time not really. but I I got a kick out of the movie. successful Heist spoiler. alert oh please don't start that again. okay all right so there's this French. vacuum gang the vacuum gang since 2006.

there's an unknown gang in France that. has been robbing the same supermarket. chain monoi a grocery store yeah it's. called Mono PRI one pre race One race. One race anyway these guys discovered. that envelopes of cash are funneled to. the store safe using a Pneumatic suction. tube you know like they had the bank and. so what they did is they broke in and. they it's just a big guy in the vault. going yeah they broke in they drilled. into the side of the pneumatic tube. attached a high powerered vacuum and. they sucked out all these envelopes of.

cash and they've done this 15 times and. they've stolen almost $1 million doesn't. matter how impenetrable the safe is if. you can just bore through the vacuum. tube and put the guy the dude the guy. who sucks on the tube put him asleep or. something uh but listen they have been. caught on the store security cameras but. they they've never been identified. because they wear ski masks that is. smart no one's ever done that before. that's why they were schi well you can't. go through this crazy crazy process and. then like be like hey hey dude camera.

close circuit I'm more of a panty hose. guy myself you can still tell who you. are through panty hose though no I just. like every time you put panny hes on. your head and try to surprise me I. always know it's. you no I just mean on women okay this. guy Carl like so smooth Gan this guy is. an American dude who uh found Banks he. targeted banks in small towns that were. next to freeways he he has this whole. system finds a small Bank in a small. town next to a freeway he narrows it.

down to banks that close late during the. winter month so he can escape in the. dark and he goes in there with there's. like 5 minutes to close a bank that. doesn't keep Bankers hours no you know. it's like in a certain climate or is. during the winter where like it starts. getting dark at like 5 or 5:30 and and. he goes in there like 555 okay he goes. in wearing a mask like from a horror. movie like Freddy Krueger was his. favorite one he runs in jumps over the. counter makes all this racket everybody. gets scared he takes two minutes to get. all the cash that he can get and he gets. out and two minutes he runs into the.

dark into some local Woods where he is. he drops the cash and the weapons off in. a little place that he has set aside. prematurely a Hideway a Hideway he gets. onto a motorbike he takes the motorbike. several minutes through the woods that. he is like totally staked out gets goes. to a van drives up into the back of a. van that he's put there seals up and. then drives off the guy did this for 30. years and stole $2 million total but he. was caught because some kids snooping.

around in the woods found were in the. van no they found they found his stash. and it had his fingerprints on it oh. fingerprints you got to put panty hose. on your fingerprints man that's where. the panty hose goes It goes on your hand. handy. hose you maybe you maybe I could I could. sell that we need to have an infomercial. handy H when you go in the bank handy. hose you can't do anything with them you. steal stuff with them except clap when. you go into the bank or wherever you're. going to steal something they should. sell them right there at the door so as.

you're walking in and then if somebody. buy oh that guy's about to steal from us. he's buying the handy hose you know. what's better than handy hose gloves oh. yeah because they have fingers this guy. the next guy Albert spari a French. career criminal best known for robbing. uh a big Bank in France in 1976 now okay. this guy found out that the Vault was in. the basement so he decided that he would. dig underneath the bank from a nearby. seore system to access the Vault but. before he did that he opened a safety. box uh himself and deposited an alarm.

that was very loud and vibrated really. it was an alarm clock that was a. vibrating alarm clock and he set it off. inside the bank vault to make sure there. were no seismic or acoustic alarms. because he's going to be digging up. around this thing all right and there. weren't there weren't so we continued we. if if the alarm clock had gone off and. they had arrested him I wouldn't be. telling you the story or you know they'. been like your alarm clock went off last. night oh yes abort sorry I forgot that I.

left that in there smart guy though so. he then hired a group are you taking. notes people yeah because you shouldn't. be future criminals he hired a group of. professional gangsters and paid them to. dig every professional gangsters yeah. digging gangsters you know the. kind in the Yellow Pages every. day digging gangsters wanted uh he hired. them every day for two months he had. rules they had to get 10 hours of sleep. a day they couldn't have alcohol or. caffeine because he wanted them to be. totally on their game he was like. totally regimented 10 hours of sleep. were they sleeping in the cave I I don't.

know but they dug every day for 2 months. and they finally got to a long holiday. weekend and they got to the bank they. got to the Vault and they were like okay. the bank's going to be closed this. weekend over three days the weekend and. then a holiday why can they not have. caffeine I don't get that I don't know. man this dude was just. regimented and so then he says then they. they break in over the weekend they were. in the tunnel they break in over the. weekend and they go through 400 safety. deposit boxes they make off with 60. million Franks worth of stuff then they. get away totally unscathed but then one.

of the digging gangsters girlfriends. rats them all out you cannot tell your. girlfriends about these things guys you. just got to do them in secret she's a. gangster Digger which is a cousin of the. gold digger what did you do today I. don't know you know it was just uh I got. a little dirty you know H hey I don't. know I got a little dirty but you know. it wasn't anything illegal I might have. been getting in a bank no caffeine 10. hours asleep so they turned everyone in. including Albert the man Mastermind.

check this out he's he's on trial he's. in there with the judge he distracts the. judge by giving the judge in the. courtroom a encoded piece of evidence I. don't even know what that means but he. gave him an encoded piece of evidence it. distracted the judge and while the judge. was looking at it trying to figure it. out dude gets up jumps out the window. gets on a motorcycle that one of his. friends set up for him drives off on the. motorcycle he was never caught gets in a. van driven by kids no there's no van in. this one just motorcycle should had a.

van should have had a van so this got me. to. thinking now we're not going to be. career criminal criminals but if we were. to create the Perfect Crime what would. it be because we've got some inspiration. I I've thought of a crime that I've. wanted to commit um but I haven't done. it for the record and I'm not going to. do it so if it's ever done it's only. because I just told you how to do it you. know those um uh fast food. drive-throughs where you've got the yeah. I know fast food drive-throughs you I'm. familiar with that the specific ones.

where you order then you pay at the. first window and then you drive to the. second window and pick up your food the. two windows I just think that you just. park in them in the perfect spot let. them order let them pay and then while. they're paying just get in there and. pick it take their food free food for. Life man that's what but that's why the. drive-throughs are like totally like. most of them are sealed off you can't. you can't access that point you hand the. person who's paying a piece of encoded. evidence now.

and then you bring your motorcycle in. like you could be no you could be in the. car behind them honking the horn when. they're like what what I'm hurrying I'm. hurrying while they're saying I'm. hurrying I'm hurrying to you I'm. scooping in front of them and getting. their like uh McNuggets or whatnot okay. this is okay I here here's my Perfect. Crime you go to one dealership and you. do a test drive of a car and then I go. to another dealership and do a test. drive of a car we we test drive the. exact same car and then we switch and. put them at the other dealership it's. not really stealing anything it's just. like it's a the old.

Switcheroo usually one bag has money one. bag doesn't I no this is just for fun. this is just for kicks man let's do it. today I thought that mine was. inconsequential but at least I get. something out of the deal you know what. time it is I'm captain Young from. Afghanistan I'm captain Young from. Kuwait and it's time to spin the wheel. of. mythicality okay we're going to spin. this great big green and white wheel of. mythicality.

stick around for Good Mythical More. that's after this but it's just more of. this kind of a little. bit game show host hey everybody welcome. to this episode of how to commit the. perfect crime with your here I have. Alber I'm your host Albert. Einstein and you're also a host Albert. spari never never before have there been. two hosts of a show except American Idol. at first you know what you know how this. is going to work game shows we're going.

to host this show for one year and then. you're going to ask for a little bit. more money and you're going to get. turned down and I'm going to go on to. have an amazing career as the host of. this particular show what's the name of. this. show my neighbor is an ATF agent alcohol. and Firearms are you under the influence. of tobacco T and ATF should be for. texting cuz who cares about tobacco. problems.