The Family Torture Device

my family and I recently survived an. hour of torture let's talk about. [Music]. that good mythical morning thank you for. joining us today as many of you know I I. hope all of you know this R I hope you. know this too I am a family man what I. got a wife I've got three children and. I'm a family man I tried to do things to. Corral all of us in a family atmosphere.

that betters us you actually have a. minivan I actually have a minivan and. you're you're not trying to be ironic. you're just you just have one I just. need it I mean I don't know how to live. without it. unapologetically yeah uh I look for ways. to get us all in this said. Transportation device which I'll choose. not to mention by name again and do. things that will create memories um. screens are a big deal in our house you. know we try to do things to get the kids.

from out from in front of a screen so. we're always looking for things to do. that are more active to create me. memories together right right memories. family man you want to create. memories uh there is a lake about you is. that what you're saying you just said. you just said memories then you said me. family man oh okay there is a lake near. our house which has paths around it it. maybe it's a good place to go to do. things more active and we have seen. around this Lake that there are these.

bicycles that will hold an entire family. oh yeah I've seen these I've seen in. seen them at the beach and well they're. here too yeah I think I've seen them at. the beach like two rows and then a. little thing for babies in the front so. it's like two bicycles beside each other. it's not just a Bicycle Built for Two. it's two bicycles built for like five or. six bicycles bicycles um so we're like. okay they look amazing I got to say they. look amazing I've almost done it and. never never done it but now you've.

apparently had an experience and maybe. I'll yeah I'm call I'm calling these. things uh torture devices so let me just. explain what happened to us I see this. it's like this is a perfect example for. us to do something active together as a. family bingo Lily who doesn't even like. to hike or do things like that. outside she was like she was like no she. was just like we want to do this I'm not. going to label my own daughter and I'm. not going to fall into that trap she's. just not into hiking okay but she was. into this type of Tandem random biking.

type thing so I'm like okay we will do. that so we go there we go to the lake. and we're walk we get out of our Minivan. and we're walking up to the place where. you can rent the bike and I see a family. coming by us and it's just a slight. incline and these people are huffing and. puffing and just sweating and uh Christy. says as they go right past like. literally this close as Christy says. doesn't look easy kind of an. uncomfortable laugh.

um with a question mark no response from. the family okay that's not a good sign. it was like they had just come back from. war how many people I mean how many. people you talking about how what was. the age range of kids there there were. uh four people on that particular one. two adults and two kids who are like. pre-teen I got 11 8-year-old and a three. and a halfy old three and a halfy old. ain't going to Pedal he's just dead wake. right of course but you know we get up. there one hour $30 so I'm like okay. these people they didn't seem to be. having a good time but I think we're in.

better shape than them oh $30 you get. what you pay for so maybe this will be a. good experience cuz that's expensive for. one hour on one of these things well for. five people not too bad so I pay up I'm. like you know money is no object to be a. family man and we take off on this thing. we get on the path and immediately I. realize that this torture device of a. bicycle does not succumb to any of the. normal physics associated with.

bicycles what do you mean maybe it was a. paddle boat maybe you were in a paddle. boat know it it was a bike it have four. wheels and you would you would pedal. there would be one steering wheel that. worked and I had that and then there. were four each of us had pedals that all. worked like two bikes and it was as if. it was in a really high gear so you had. to Pedal really hard to get the thing. going but then the theory would be with. bicycle physics that once you really get. going that thing is going to take off. right momentum well well then I got to.

the point where we were pedaling really. fast and it was as if somebody was. underneath the thing just holding giving. resistance to the whole thing and not. allowing it to go are you sure that like. your three-year-old wasn't down there I. looked down there there was nobody down. there holding it it not it was some. invisible demon keeping the thing from. are you sure that your kids weren't. pedaling backwards even when we were. pedal pedaling fast it was not going um. but we're still having a good time what. are you talk what what is being said at. this moment are you like the other. family being completely silent like push. harder we can do this come on this is.

fun this is fun and then quickly. emotions begin to fray and it's like who. went first it's so difficult to Pedal. this thing ah you're are you pedaling. the wrong direction oh is this you and. your wife like my legs aren't long. enough yeah this this is just me talking. oh this is no this is all the kids we're. switching people around so they can. reach pedals and stuff like that and the. thing will just not go we're on flat. ground and a and a kid on training. wheels is passing.

literally there's something wrong with. these bikes I listen I've seen they will. not go I've seen large people down at. Venice Beach on these things and they're. just like eating ice cream and doing it. at the same time there's some sort of. governor on these things I don't know. you just you went you went to the wrong. place so then we hit the first Hill and. I'm like this is not going to go I have. I have uphill uphill okay I got to go up. this hill and I'm thinking this is going. to be bad I've got to start to go into. motivational dad mode did the guy who's. who rent this have any words advice war.

no warnings no nothing he was just like. give me your $30 in your. ID he had to keep my oh wow and he made. a copy of it you better watch out that's. the scam right there yeah yeah he made a. copy of it he is you now so I have to do. a motivational speech and I'm like all. right kids and wife we're about to hit. this hill and we've got to be full steam. ahead we've got to give this thing all. we've got Lando's like he you know he's. not ping anything I'm like we got to do. this so I just start counting the.

one 2 3 we're going to make this up this. thing we're going to do it we're going. to do it and I said just pedal like your. life depends on it and Christy started. getting into it and she was like yeah. it's like there's lava down below us. it's like if we don't make it to the top. we'll lose a family. member what if we don't make it to the. top we'll lose a family member she said. you realize a three-year-old takes that. seriously so all of a sudden he's like. how do I get through the pedal well Lily. said which one oh that's smart you know. it mattered to her the youngest one.

no he he was like she was like Lincoln. if it's if it's Lincoln I'm not pedling. that's what she said really yeah wow how. how do you think Lincoln a lot of things. to work on but but we made it to the top. of this hill you did it and then we got. to go down the other side and it's like. that' be fun going down the hill that. was that was pretty fun and then I. decided we were going to go off the path. we're going to go into a restricted area. yeah since you've got it mastered so. well let's go Offroad and I you know lo. and behold it becomes a life and death. situation because we encounter this.

other Hill and I give the same speech. it's like your life depends on it come. on we could we could lose a family. member let's push push push and we get. and then we're going we're making it. we're making it we're making it and then. all of a sudden we come to a slow stop. was it like a dirt Hill look no it's. it's paved but this thing is steep and. we are only halfway up the hill and we. cannot go any further and if it wasn't. for my leg all the tension was on my leg. holding this thing from starting to go. back down the hill now this is a big.

Contraption is there a break there is a. hand bre that does that won't do. anything it's like a little it's like a. little caliper on one of the wheels. because I'm I'm off the grid here they. they're not supposed to let you go on. ones with this type of a incline or. decline if you start going in reverse I. mean literally I thought one of us could. could be could be mauled by this. contraption especially that I'm like. every I'm like holding the tension and I. said everybody get off the bike get off.

the bike and then everyone's like what. what and then Lincoln gets off the bike. and gets behind the bike like he's gonna. push I'm like no no no don't get back. there cuz I really thought this thing. could go backwards at any moment and. that would have been and Lily's like on. side yes he pushed the bike and I'm like. getting him out of the way and yelling. at him and people are Runners are going. by and like giving us these weird looks. and literally it is like a life or death. situation for Lincoln now and I'm trying. to yell at him to get him and I said. don't be.

stupid I said that and I'm sorry and of. course in the park in front of everybody. I'm yelling at my son it's one of those. dads that said don't be. stupid and so everybody got off and then. I was able to power the rest of services. and uh so yeah I I did not hold my. composure I'm not dad of the Year. anymore should do this what listen you. should no you shouldn't do it no but at. the beach it's zero elevation change the. whole time that's where I think that's. the key you can't try to do the hills.

you got to just go $30 60 minutes later. uh we all get off the thing and Lily's. like well not doing that again that's. that's how she summed it up and I. totally agree all right this episode has. been sponsored by bboa Lake uh family. bicycles I didn't want to mention where. it was because I didn't want to poo poo. them well some other Lake you know what. time it is my name is Chelsea from. Syracuse New York and this is my big mac. and.

cheese it's time to spin the wheel of. mythicality we've also got a tumbler. people there's things tumbling around. over on Tumblr and I mean it's like the. most exciting thing on the. internet really are you that excited our. Tumblr is the most exciting thing people. have become addicted to it Rhett thinks. he is Hawkman.

hey hey what's up do you see that do you. see that do you see that down there uh. an underdeveloped lat muscle is that a. feather no it's it's a little bit of. your neck I think it's a feather I think. it's neck hair coming down from like. your I think I've got a feather. sprouting I really it's probably just. something you should shave why to. actually that's not how my wings work I. don't grow feathers I don't know why I. asked you if I was sprouting feathers. because I have special feathers that I.

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