The Dog Curse

my family wants us to get a dog but I. don't think it's the right thing to do. I'm Dall from. Australia let's talk about. [Music]. [Applause]. that good mythical morning today's. episode is brought to you by AA brush. did you know that 90% of all bad breath. comes from a dirty tongue you don't want. dog breath you should let your dog have. the dog breath and you have nice breath.

and I suppose you could use that on your. dog but not recommend it for dogs. recommend it for dog breath and people. who don't want dog breath pick it up at. or brush.com or CVS or Walmart all right. it's a new week it's fresh once again um. still don't have an air freshener in. here but what can you do you just keep. we keep forgetting I had a special and. then we keep. smelling special little event this. weekend what I didn't go anywhere. special I didn't have any sort of.

special festivities but my family. dogat that sounds uh violent well it's. not a sport that's not when you put your. children on large dogs and have them. joust which could be a good idea uh that. is when I'm going to write that down. that's when you take care of someone. else's dog now I took care of. babysitting for a dog you babysat for a. dog two dogs one of them was a Great. Dane and if you do not know anything. about Great Danes they are very large. dogs this dog could have easily eaten. both of my children if great D wereing.

that kind of thing so if you got down on. like your knees and your hands it'd. probably be as big as you uh well we got. we got a picture of my seven-year-old. son next to the dog just to give you an. idea of how big this dog was and your. seven-year-old is 6 feet tall he is 7. foot three he's very tall for his age so. if you get any idea of how big this dog. is his name is Waldo Waldo and Gus Gus. the his golden retriever uh pal brother. they're not really brothers but you know. they they live they're like Step.

Brothers they are in the same house have. the same parents brothers from a. different mothers adopted adopted. brother okay they're both adopted. because humans can't have dogs it has. been tried so and these were these dogs. in the house I hope not yeah they were. they were in the house uh they slept in. the house in fact the great DNE Waldo. you have to you have to put a blanket. over Waldo when he goes to bed and he's. like so docile he's just like he's so. big and he's sitting there with this. blanket over him and then like we put so. he he he thinks he's trapped.

the blank we put him to bed a little bit. early and then with the kids when the. kids went to bed at like 9: and then he. kind of came out we had guest over and. he kind of comes out into the living. room and he's got the blanket draped on. him like a like a royal coat of some. kind he's like hello oh he speaks too. huh hello I need to pee please take he. actually looks like he talk like this. well his name is wal think about it um. but anyway we how did it go it it went. it went great I mean I see you don't. have the dog now I work in your backyard.

this is where our studio is there's a. there's a yard we got rid of the dogs. there are no huge dogs we got rid of. them but and by that is a sensational. way of saying we gave them back to our. friends Nick and Allison after they came. back from the thing that they were at. they rightful owners and the dogs were. happy to see him the boys my two boys. were sad to see the dogs go now one of. the reasons that we're babysitting the. dogs or dogit sitting the dogs is. because my wife and my two kids lock and. Shephard are.

putting the pressure on Daddy to get a. dog now that we've moved to California. we have a house with a backyard we're. settled in you know and you know the. kids are happy to be here but she's just. like Jesse's like we just get them a dog. you know let's complete the family let's. get a dog so they're like going on these. adoptive websites and stuff and showing. me pictures of dogs she's emailing me. pictures of dogs texting me pictures of. dogs trying to pull at the the. heartstring so we can get a dog but let. me tell you right now stance.

is you don't want a dog my stance is I. love dogs I love your shirt because it. has a dog on it this is as close as I. get to owning a dog a flatten one that. is on my shirt you know I I like dogs. too I'm not especially like them on a. t-shirt I'm a dog person between a dog. person and a cat person I'm a dog person. I like dogs I've had dogs in the past. the reason I don't want a dog is because. I feel that I am cursed and and I'm not. speaking in some sort of like Voodoo.

sense but my track record with dogs in. the past lends me to believe that this. is just not a good idea let me tell you. a couple of quick stories the first dog. we ever owned when I was a kid Sandy. Sandy ran away now this is in bu Creek. right I remember this dog we had Sandy. for maybe a couple months Sandy runs. away we weren't mistreating Sandy she's. just like I'm out of here I gotta go. Gotta figure out where the creek is in. Buy's Creek and she ran away and then. the second dog we got Beauty the Black. Dog Black Beauty you know that I don't.

remember Beauty yeah cuz she was there. for a few weeks and then she checked out. too she she she she went. crazy she just went nuts she ran away. she ran away cuz we went to pick peaches. at a peach orchard and we were like. let's let Beauty run around she loves. peaches she loves them so much she. stayed there she left I we could never. find her again and we I mean I was. heartbroken both of these times cuz I. was a young kid we never had a dog again. as a family until I got married to my. wife Jesse and uh I actually found a dog.

in the woods while I was working I used. to work in the woods and was it was it a. peach orchard Woods uh no and it wasn't. the same dog I was much older was it. wasn't Sandy it wasn't like an old. decrepit Sandy it wasn't Sandy or beauty. it was a puppy a little small puppy you. remember Gypsy we always end with a y. you got to end with a y and well I don't. think you do we adopted Gypsy took care. of her she was not a pretty dog but we. loved her she she she grew up to be. about a year old oh yeah I do remember. the ugly dog yeah we were down at the.

beach with my wife's parents and Sandy. no Gypsy jumped the fence and I and I. heard Screech Tire boom go outside the. dog is dead oh no my wife is pregnant. with our first child at the time she's. totally emotionally unstable then her. dog dies that's why you named your first. child Gypsy no that's not how the story. ends she cried for a week we buried the. dog it was just a solemn I so I was like. ah this is horri.

then couple of years later this is I. mean we're talking this did you bury the. dog in a peach orchard uh no he didn't. this is this is a couple of years ago a. couple of years later after. Gypsy um there's a my my in-law's dog. has puppies I already noticed a trend I. would even call it a track record okay. with dogs for you and and they I. actually witnessed the birth of these. puppies I filmed it on video I filmed. the birth of this dog that we then. adopted on video I was there at its.

birth so I felt like its father in a lot. of ways but that dog was embarrassed and. I uh we took the dog no nobody wants to. be filmed while giving birth trust me. and this time I named the dog. Merl that it was a girl and I named it. Merl because I've always wanted to name. a dog after my favorite country music. singer favorite singer of all time what. happened to the why what happened to the. why cuz merly sounds stupid so I named. it Merl oh it's your rule you can break. it right so we have Merl for a little a. little bit and we get to know separately.

from this we get to know some friends. Lance and Lacy they spent some time in. Egypt where they adopted two dogs of. this special Egyptian breed their plan. was to come back to the States breed. these dogs together and then sell this. special breed of dog in the United. States okay one of the dogs tragically. died in like a leash choking incident. like not they didn't kill it but it was. just like it got caught up in something. it was not back there it had nothing to. do with this so they we left with one.

dog that this is a precious dog. chantilli they they travel all the time. in fact he's at Oxford University now. but they were going to Turkey and Lance. and La you're like can you guys keep our. dog we keep the dog in our backyard in F. we had a nice little backyard so we had. shantii and Merl they get along great. but shantell is a little bit of an. acrobat and can she can open the gate. and get out the gate so it happened two. or three times and we would bring them. back and we put him back there so let me. get this straight you were keeping.

chanelli and she opened the gate and ran. away well there's there's you know. there's a common denominator here and. it's you well it gets a lot worse than. her running. away one morning put the kids to bed we. kept this is going to get ugly people. I'm sorry this is just a fact this is. why I don't want a dog we had Chantell. for about a week and about three or four. days into that week I get up that. morning and Jesse's like the dogs are. gone we've got to figure out a way to. keep them in there so I start going. around the neighborhood looking for them.

and I get into somebody I'm going like. in between people's backyards and stuff. you know it's North Carolina you can. just walk through people's yards there's. no fences or anything except in my yard. and I. see. chantilli dead completely untouched. completely didn't get hit by a car or. anything just sleep like she had fallen. asleep and died right there and then. about 100 feet from her I find Merl also. dead what they had both gotten into some. kind of I think they were in a cult kind. of poison or something.

like I we think somebody might have. poisoned them honestly but okay so. that's not the worst of it I'm dog. sitting for somebody's dog who is in. Turkey now I have it's very precious and. they've only been our friends for like 6. months I have to call them on their. turkey. trip to tell them that their dog died. under my care so we call them up you. probably email get yeah right get I. wanted to email him get them on the. phone and we're like hey how you guys. doing they're like oh good glad you.

called you know we're doing great. turkey's awesome and um you got to get. right to that you can't and I'm like you. can't be like how you doing hey Small. Talk weather turkey's awesome well they. were doing that you got to be like hey I. said listen I've got something very. serious to tell. you. yeah shant Tilly and Merl got out of the. fence and apparently got into some kind. of poison and they're both. dead silence.

and they were they I mean they took it. incredibly well you could have added. something like and now they're in the. great Peach Orchard and dog heaven that. would I don't think they would have. taken it well they took just picture of. meat and peaches and frolicking with. Sandy and beauty and just Peach. marmalade and you know bowls full. of things that dogs love and dog heaven. the moral of the story is every dog that. I have ever cared for by no fault of my. own is now dead doesn't matter you're.

going to lose you'll get a dog and my. wife wants to bring another one into. this house you've already lost you've. let other people's dogs come in here and. they haven't died you've had a great. experience oh we can do. that it's over man you're making really. making lie to this I mean two dogs lost. their lives under my care more than that. I count at least four well I'm going to. blame the other ones on my parents don't. don't don't do that to another dog man. your your your family needs to I don't.

want to do it to another dog I don't. want a dog I want to admire dogs from a. distance but I don't want anything to do. with taking care. of the mythical wheel of what do we call. that endings wheel of mythicality it. tells us how to. end whatever it says to do we're going. to do shout out to Librarians shout out. to Librarians okay um you went to school. you got a degree in library science we. know about that we know about about The. Dewy Decimal System yeah and you know.

what you're watching us because you're. so smart with The Dewy Decimal thing and. that's right it may be a thing of the. past but you know what we think that you. should stick with it the card catalog is. still where it's at and the book mobile. is probably one of the best things that. I've ever experienced Librarians when. you brought the book mobile I got in. that sucker and wish it was my own. vehicle you've retired and you've. haven't been in the library in 20 years. and you still smell like books yeah. much love see you tomorrow thanks for.

watching librarians. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music].