The Battery Powered Gift Card

We're back. Let's talk about that. [Music]. Good mythical morning. Thank you for. joining us. Welcome to season 5. Welcome. to episode What What number is this? 538. No, less than that. 500. No, 354.

I have no idea. I don't keep track. Episode 354. That's it. Thank you for. making us a part of your daily routine. Let me be the last to say to you, happy. new year. Um, there's something different about. you, Link. You have a vest. Well, and you have a sleeveless t-shirt on. underneath it. I No, it's. Oh, that's deceptive. I'm very layered here. Um, I like to. begin every January season with the with. a beard and a vest, just like we did. last year.

Oh, I got a beard. Oh, you have a beard? I haven't noticed that. I usually don't. look at look you in the eyes. I actually. I look you in the eyes. I don't look you. in the mouth. Right. There's no periphery. So, I just. total vision. I haven't seen it until, right? Yeah. I got a I got a beard for. Christmas. I'm sure you're going to give. me your opinion of it in the uh in the. comments below. This is. Well, you've made a distinctive choice. Uh you went neck beard a little bit. I. went m total mountain man because when. you start shaving your beard down here. it it just it communicates that you're.

trying a lot. Well, as we've established before Oh, and I didn't mean to I wasn't directing. that at you, right? But I grow a beard. to give the illusion that I have a chin. So that so so that is why I shave up. here because if I don't shave up here. it's just a lot of beard and then it's. just like oh you don't have a chin. I no I was I was hoping that having a. neck beard would give the illusion that. I don't I don't have such a pronounced. goozle. I listen Adam's apple.

I like it. In fact as you can see that. didn't work. When you shave off the beard I would I. would like you to leave the guzzle. cover. call it a guzzle blanket and it's just. that. And that's the new thing for season. five. Lincoln's already stared at me at length. and then said, "You need to shave.". Especially down here. It looks weird. No, that's good. I You know what? You've. inspired me. If I had a chin, I would do. it. But you don't, so you won't. Right. How was your How was your break? Because we didn't spend a lot of time, if any, together. Yeah, it's it's good to see you. I'll.

shake your hand. Hey, brother. Call him brother sometimes. Um, uh, I. didn't score a whole lot of gifts. I, uh, I scored some, uh, pajama pants. Yeah, you seem to have a lot of those. Every Christmas, I score pajama pants. from my mother-in-law. Did you think you wear them out. throughout the year? I I mean, I do wear them pretty much. every day of the year, so I mean, they're they're just as prone to wear. out as underwear. Uh, which I I didn't.

get any of those. I don't think that you do. You I wear. pajama pants, but I don't wear them out. I wear pajama pants in between going to. bed. Like I wear them in transitional. periods, but I don't actually sleep in. them. You You sleep in them? No, I don't sleep in them. So, um I have. a I have a massive collection of pajama. pants from from like the past six years. No lie. Um. and then gift cards. Yeah. Well, that was the thing uh that. I've noticed and it kind of sunk in this.

year. You know, I've been a father for a. while. You've been a father for a while. So Christmas uh ends up the Christmas. day ends up being very much about your. kids opening up all these presents from. various relatives. But you as an adult, that's me. and me as an adult. You get. Can I be an adult? Pajama pants. I got socks. I got Ralph. Lauren polo socks from my mom. And uh. to play polo in or something. Yeah. And gift cards. G the experience.

The kids are opening up big toys and. trying to figure out what the batteries. are. Trying to figure out a way to get. in this thing and get it out. All I got. to do every single year is reach into a. gift bag and pull out an envelope that. has a gift card. It's kind of anticlimactic, but um. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying. that is exciting. Gifts aren't the highlight. I think. meals start to become the highlight of. the holidays for me. No, but what I'm saying is I want gift. cards to be wrapped like toys. I want. them to be in really flashy flashy.

packaging and you have to get like saws. out to get through it and unscrew it and. everything. that just makes it even more. antilimactic. And it needs to be battery operated. That's my new idea for 2014. Battery. operated gift cards because then. and let's say it slowly so we can say it. in unison. All the adults feel like kids again. It's like I got this Amazon card but I I. need two double A's to use it. Well, how would how to use it? How to. spend it?

I don't know. Maybe it lights up. Well, let let's give let's give the the. high if Griff gifts aren't the. highlights. Maybe Mills are, but what. are the highlights of our time apart? I've got I've got a story that I want to. tell you and I want to tell the people. Um, but I'm going to let you go first. with any highlight you have. The. highlights for me definitely uh I have. proven beyond a reasonable doubt that. you cannot induce diabetes in a two-eek. period because I did my best. You're eating. I ate so much no I candy and just fat.

southern food there's just everything is. fried. There's so much butter and sugar. and and every place I went they just. kept shoving it in my mouth. Oh yeah. One place I went I got a whole stick of. butter. just I walked in I don't know it was at. one of my relatives house. I don't know. who it was. It was just a a large lady. came and she just took a stick of butter. and just sucked it put it pushed it. right in my mouth. Was it battery operated? It should have been um that wasn't. butter. Uh one of the highlights I have a very. quick story that does involve Bojangles.

which is a place where you can get. diabetes unless they want to fried. chicken. It's pretty healthy. People don't have it. Uh but they they have biscuits and. chicken and we go there multiple times. We had a real life home alone incident. happen with my nephew. This is one of. the last days that we were there and we. were all at their house and we were. like, "Let's go to Bojangles," which. happens every couple of minutes. You talking about DC or Isaiah? Isaiah, the younger one. We're like, "How old is he?". He's 11 now. We're like, "Let's go to. Bojangles." And we're like, "All right,

everybody get in two cars." We the. there's just the families kind of mixed. together and we just got into the two. cars. cuz once people mention Bojangles, it's. like Betham. It's like we Yeah, we got. to get there. And we go to Bojangles. We. get out and everybody's like, "Where's. Isaiah?" And we're like, "We thought you. had him. We thought you had him." It was. It was Home Alone in real life, except. we weren't going to the airport. We were. just going to Bojangles. Yeah. And then by that time, we realized that. he has gone to the neighbor's house. He. says, "My parents left me." They say, "Where'd you go? Where'd they go?" And. he says, "Bojangles." And they just.

moved into this neighborhood. So the. first impression they've made on their. neighbors is that they leave their. children home to go to Bojangles. Here's. to you, Isaiah. Wow. Well, listen. I. have to tell you uh about a person I met. when I when I was in Kinston with my. in-laws. Uh nothing against my in-laws, but sometimes you got to take a. breather. You got to step away from the. in-laws. So, I told my brother-in-law, okay, uh JB, let's go into town and just kind. of cruise, just kind of look around. So, we went. into town. We end up going in this. thrift shop in downtown Kinston. And I.

met Gil Willard. That's a name. big man, big belly with. that is his name with a with a a. weightlifting belt on and he was pushing. refrigerators back into his thrift shop. And we start talking. He owns the thrift. shop. He owns and operates this thrift shop. Gil Willard. It doesn't say it on any signs, but. that's how he introduced himself. And. before long, he's telling me about how. he's related to Willie Nelson. Oh, come. on. And he said, "You won't believe this, but for years I was a.

uh uh bodyguard for Barber Mandril.". Oo, I like Barbara Mandre. Who was an obscure 80s country music. singer? She's great. And this I mean the guy was like very. barrel chested. And he said, "Bodyguard." He said, "You see this? You. see this scar right here?" She said, "What I used to do is I used to walk her. through crowds and she'd put her put her. hand on my left shoulder so I could keep. my right arm free to belt people. And. one man came after with a pair of. scissors to cut a lock of her hair." And.

I went like that and I I punched him and. he and he cut my whole pinky finger. loose and I was able to bend it all the. way back. And he said, "I've been battering.". I said, "I've been knocked back many. times, but I've never hit my butt. I've. gone toe-to-toe with many men and I've. stumbled. I've never fallen. I've. stumbled, but I've never fallen. So, he was selling this bodyguard for. Barbara Mandrel. It's like the most. lethal job you can have. This is like. deep ocean welding. I can take on any one man, but two men. is a different story. I had these two.

men. They were they were I started. holding back. They started wailing on my. head and and uh one of them made a. mistake and he looked away and I grabbed. him down there. And then I grabbed the. other man down here. And this is he's. telling me this story in his thrift. store. me and JB superhero. and we're like look at he's like I. grabbed and I and I and I didn't let go. cuz you can't let go and he said. my name is Gil Willard and I've got you. by the goon nets. and he said he said they kept whailing. on my face and I didn't let go and then. all of a sudden I made eye contact with. one of them and I saw his eyes roll back.

in his hip. he made a man faint with that with that. move. and then the second man they both went. down my butts never hit the ground I've. gone to toe with many of men and. sometimes two Yeah, I there. I don't back down. I question certain. I wish I would have taken a picture. I'm. sorry. Certain facts about that story. I don't. believe it's physically possible for. that to happen. cuz I would if you were doing that I. would be punching you. He He was punching me and I I was like a. snapping turtle. Snapping turtle. You just don't let go.

No matter how many times you get hit in. the face, you don't let go. I'd like to meet this man. Well, I know where he I know where his. thrift shop is. Okay, you know what time. it is. I'm Austin and I'm from Oregon. and it's time to spin the wheel of. mythicality. Now, I also got this thing from when my. mom got it off QVC for my kids. Oh, congratulations. But it it uh we're going to play this in. Good Mythical Moore. Yes, good mythical. Moore. You may remember last season we. introduced Good Mythical Moore and that.

was when we keep the camera rolling. after the wheel and whatever happens. happens and you would click through and. you would go to our website and watch. that. Well, new for season 5, you can. still click through and watch it, but it. has its own channel, Retin Link 3, right. on YouTube, so it's so easy, effortless. Yeah, we're making it easy for you. So, you can go over and enjoy Good Mythical. Moore. We'll play uh what do you call. this thing? Uh I call it crazy. It's called. flashball. We're going to play flashball. Sometimes I call it flashball. It's going to be amazing.

Rhett gets into Link's taxi. [Music]. Hey, you looking to get into a taxi? I'm in the taxi. Uh, yeah. Listen, I don't have a destination. I'm. trying I'm just trying to free my mind. Well, I'm already driving, I guess. So, uh, you just want me to drive around. Joyide, what what you got in mind? You.

know this city? You know this city? Yeah, there's like um a sculpture over. here that I could drive by it and from. different angles. Well, I don't know. what it is. Do you have a personality disorder? Really free your mind. You didn't sound like this when I got. in. I'm scared. I'm going to leave. I'm just No, I'm still moving. [Music]. We suck. Hey, we need to like enter some. sort of national competition.