Link's Epic Mountain Bike FAIL

I went mountain biking down an actual. mountain and it didn't go well. Let's. talk about that. [Music]. Good medical morning. As many of you. know, I am an avid mountain biker or um. I I mountain bike on occasion. You've. gone with me sometimes. I'm I'm not a. professional mountain biker. But you're. not you're not I'm not going with you. anymore. You No, it's because of your. back. And for those of you who watch. Good Mythical More, you know that I was.

going on a mountain biking excursion in. the near future. Well, having now gone. on that excursion, I'm back to report. that I'm still alive, but maybe just. barely. So, I think there's things to be. learned here. Well, first of all, I will. let you know my feelings are a little. hurt, but I'm going to just get I'm. going to just Your back. You said your. back is bad. Mountain biking messes it. up. Don't make me the bad guy here. It's. always an open invitation. You could put. me on one of those little kid seats on. the back of your mountain bike. You.

could do like a kitty bob sledding thing. cuz this was at a snow resort. Okay, listen. Here's how it worked. Let me. tell this story. Uh the guy that I do. choose to spend my mountain biking time. with, Nick, was my companion on this. trip. Now, Nick and I, we go in the u in. the mountains around my house and well, we go on them, not in them. We don't go. in caves. Those are really hills. But. you find yourself doing a lot of. pedaling up hills and grunting and. hyperventilating and sometimes it gets. so steep you get off the bike and you.

push the bike up the hill. That's the. moment of defeat. Just no professional. mountain biker ever pushes up a hill. Just FYI. I do that a lot, man. I'm And. I'm I own that. Just so you can. experience going down the other side of. the mountain. And as we're going up the. mountain one day, Nick turns to me and. in between hyperventilating breaths, he. says, "Link." And he's speaking speaking very. dramatically because, you know, he's a. dramatic guy. Link, not really. Said, "You know, there is a land where you can.

be magically transported to the top of a. mountain. You can circumvent all of this. craziness of trying to go up a mountain. And then after being magically. transported, you can then experience. only the positives of mountain biking, which is going down the mountain and. none of the workout. None of the well, not that type of workout. It's still a. workout going down. It takes a lot of. skill. Okay. It also costs a lot of. money because you got to pay for a ski. lift. So, we go to this place, the snow. summit at Big Bear. It's not magic. Like.

two hour No, it's not two hours outside. of Los Angeles. We drive there. We get. our lift ticket. Did you push your car? Did you No, I drove the car. I I'm not. interested in a workout. I'm interested. in the thrill of mountain biking down a. mountain without having to have I'm. proud of you. I just feel like I missed. out. I was cool. I just You're invited. You know, I just hung out. It's your. back. I rode my bike on flat flat earth. on Saturday. So, so we get there, we get. our lift ticket, we get up there, we. stand in line, it's it's a ski lift.

They hang your bike on the thing and. then that one goes by and then they hang. the second bike. don't like have to hold. your bike with your feet like you do a. snowboard or skis or something. No, they. put it on a rack. They put it on the. where you would sit, they hang it on a. hook. Then another one goes by and they. put Nick's bike on the next one. And. then Nick and I sit beside each other. because we're friends. And then how do. you get it off when it comes by? And. then there's a person who takes it off. at the top and then takes Nick's off at. the top. And then the third one is us. and we get off and then we get our. bikes. You don't have to take your own. bike off cuz I would screw that up. I.

mean, you should see me try to get off a. regular ski lift. It's difficult enough, man. I didn't I I would not have had to. want to also unhook my bike. Even before. I get on the lift, I start to notice. that Nick and I are misfits in this. world of uh ski slope mountain biking. I. look around and everyone else that is. getting in line is dressed a little bit. differently than me. People have helmets. on that cover entire face. Okay. Their. faces are being protected. And you wear. like a old skateboard helmet from like.

1988. Literally a skateboard helmet. These people have body armor on. I'm. like, what are you doing at the top of. the mountain going to war? They've got. guards here, guards on their shins, chest guards. I have gloves with that. I have one. biker glove. The other glove I have is a. Craftsman tool glove. Are you sure it. wasn't Comic-Con? I just use it. It's. supposed to be used to fix cars. I get. on this thing and I'm thinking, "Oh my. gosh, I'm severely underprepared." There.

are people with neck braces. No, no, they wear neck things so their heads. won't pop off when they're going down. the mountain. Are they laughing at you? Are they snickering? They're kind of Are. they pointing? They're mumbling under. their breath. These guys are going to. die. I get to the top and we get our. bikes and I ask the guy, the attendant. who's in front of the maps, and I say, um, we're intermediate. bicyclists. Uh, how do you recommend we get down the. mountain? a confident. What's what's a. trail we can take as like a beginner/. intermediate? He said, "Have you ever. done this before?" And I said, "Well,

never like this." And he said, "There is. no way down." That's what he says to me. He says, "There's no way for you to get. down. You He said, "You're not good enough.". That's what he said on your bike is what. I'm thinking. Yeah. And I'm like, "I'm. going to do this." But he was basically. saying, "You have a skateboard helmet. You don't have the armor. You don't have. You don't have any of that." Now, Nick. and I, we're going to go down. We're not. going to we're not just going to go back. on the slope and get a refund. So, um, we we shove off going down. Now, Nick.

has a camera on his bike that he he took. some footage. We start going down this. thing and I just see people whizzing. down in front of us before we start. going. They are whizzing down the. mountain. These guys are going so fast. So, my first thought was I'm going to. get rearended. I'm going to get I'm. going to get hurt because someone is. going so much faster than me. A guy in a. neck brace is going to come up and. headbutt you and then my head's going to. pop off. The single track trails, it had. been raining so they were really bumpy. I look at the other people's bikes. I. didn't even tell you that. It made my.

bike look like it was some primitive. prototype that years later would become. their bike. Yeah, it had you do have. kind of a dweeb mountain bike. I mean I. It has suspension in the front, but. theirs had suspension. It was the bike. was nothing but suspension. I don't know. how even how that even it doesn't even. touch the ground. It's so totally hover. bike. And these people are going down at. so much speed that we're always looking. over to let somebody pass us. But we. finally we start going we're going down. on your left. Do they say stuff like. that? Uh one guy was saying on your. left. One guy was saying yep.

cuz it's a bunch of switchbacks. So. earlier up the mountain, higher up the. mountain, you'll see a guy whizzing down. and you'll just hear a yip and then. you'll pull over and let him go by. Yep. Yep. there. Right. There are these. banked turns made out of dirt that it's. like NASCAR. Yeah. That's why I don't do. it. And so we're taking this thing going. totally sideways and then you just keep. going. We encountered this one place. where they built a deck out of wood that. was suspended at least 30 feet over the. side of a mountain. Then you would turn.

and Nick stops at this point and he. tells me to go on through. And I'm. looking at this thing and I don't know. how I didn't crap my pants. I was so. scared. It's horrible in biker shorts. today. I mean, I just go I didn't have. on biker shorts. I had on khaki shorts. Oh, I'm I don't own biker shorts. I'm. glad I didn't go with you. I'm just. saying I I don't feel bad about I made. it down that there and then you get to. the bottom and there's these huge bank. turns that are made out of center blocks. shaped like X's. It was a little bit.

wet. It had been raining. I take one. I'm like fishtailing everywhere. I'm. scared. I I encounter another one and I I'm. going up this hill and then all of a. sudden it's this big bank turn of cinder. blocks and life lesson here. If you want. to really experience something, you got. to go all in. In order to turn these. corners, you got to go all in. I was so. scared. I couldn't do it. So, I'm like. kind of going like this and then all of. a sudden my bike just goes out from. under me and I'm sliding on my side.

going down this thing. I've fallen off. my bike rack. How'd your khaki shorts. hold up? The shorts were fine. When I. get home, I have a strawberry the size. of a watermelon. Like I mean, literally, I have a swollen place right here on the. bottom of my butt that's it's it's moist. and raw right now. I could I could show it to you, but I'd. have to pull my pants down. Please. don't. I could show it to you. So, when. do we go? But I have to pull my pants. down for the next time. Do you want to. see it? No, I don't want to see your.

strawberry size of a watermelon. It was. fun. I'm going to go back. I know Nick. wants to go back. I'm I still got to. think about it. Well, you need to you. need to mend up a little bit first. I I. am in pain. And you need to get the. right bike and you need and you know you. need I'm not going unless you have a. neck brace. You know what time it is. Hi, I'm James. from Calgary, Alberta. It's time to spin. the wheel of mythicality. Okay, let's. spin the wheel of mythicality. Please. submit your ideas for how we can end. these episodes. Uh click through and go.

mythical more and I'll I'll show you my. wound. Really? I'll pull my pants down. I'll show it to you. I'm leaving. Rhett. mirrors link. So, I mean, it's it's kind. of right in here. Kind of right in here, you know. I'm not really mirroring. You got to do. it the other way. You're not you're not. good at mirroring. And then sometimes. I'm going down the mountain and it's. kind of like this and it's really shaky. You know, I don't know why I would be. talking to my mirror, but it helps me. boost my self-esteem. And then, you. know, when I hit that turn, I just.

didn't do it full bore. So instead of. going like this, I ended up going like. this. And then I'm, you know, I got a. big strawberry right here. This is not a. good idea. Who Who's should be doing. this? Have you never looked in a mirror? Then he goes, "Well, yeah, you really. got to you got to lean into it." And I. said, "I don't want advice from a guy. who it's his first day." You told him. that. I had on a bandana and sunglasses. You're darn right I told him that.