Inappropriate Christmas Carols

our kids have written some inappropriate. Christmas girls let's talk about. [Music]. that good mythical. morning I would like to acknowledge your. sweater now okay if you are easily. offended by very festive things or very. inappropriate things in a very immature. way then you might just need to cover. your ear holes now um my son Lincoln is.

eight my son Lando is three and um even. my daughter Lily uh this applies to her. to some extent she is 10 they will get. into these laughing fits and upon. investigation I would realize that it. has something to do with how they've. invented some new potty humor or potty. terminology just probably haven't. invented it mouth type of stuff no they.

just they come up with Concepts that I. think are just just for shock value and. it just goes totally to potty Town. that's where I call it that's pretty. much the only place it goes yeah that's. pretty much it now um Lincoln started. singing Christmas carols and changing. the words and they just went nuts over. this stuff I mean Lily would just almost. pee your pants laughing so hard at him. coming up with this stuff and I thought. to myself.

I am going to Channel all of this energy. and creativity into something where he. can he can learn now he needs to be. practicing his hand writing he can learn. he can learn so I said Lincoln I want to. give you an assignment I was I was about. to go to work I want you to write down. the most inappropriate Christmas Carol. you can come up with and his eyes got. really big I was like w all of a sudden. this is being sanctioned I was like yeah. I want you to come up with the. grossest nastiest funniest cuz all those.

words are synonymous to him uh Christmas. Carol you can I want you to write it. down when I come home I I I want to see. that assignment and now you told me that. you had given this assignment and I. thought to myself this is a great idea. and uh I and I have two boys as you know. lock and Shephard nine and five and I. thought if I go home and I give my kids. this assignment they're going to think. I'm the best dad ever so that's exactly. what I did so you're not going to tell. him it was my assignment so you're the. second best dad ever oh yeah yeah well. no but the thing is is that they were.

they saw each other that day and so when. I got home Lo was like yeah yeah yeah I. know I know about I know about it I know. about Lincoln's Christmas Carol and I am. all about doing own yeah but we but we. decided to do a different Christmas so. so we're gonna we're going to read these. things um and then I think we should. discuss is it appropriate that we gave. these inappropriate assignments well and. and and let me premise this with it's. not I mean it's just potty humor it's. it's well you be the judge of that read. kids we'll read it there's no.

you don't know where mine goes okay well. there's no profanity in mine we drew the. line somewhere now um Lincoln altered. the words to It's Beginning to Look a. Lot Like Christmas no that's what I did. oh. yeah this is uh the Most Wonderful Time. of the Year it's the right right that's. yeah I actually get those too confused. it's easy to do It's the Most Wonderful. Time of the Year yes I'm back on track. now so am I going to sing this yes I'm. going to sing this.

Acappella perhaps I hope yeah okay I. could play the mouth trumpet here we go. um you did a pretty good job with his. handwriting so mission accomplished not. really a spelling though are you. ready it's the most stinkiest time of. the. year your farts will be going and loved. ones are knowing it came from your. [Music]. ear Rhymes yeah that's good.

it's the most stinkiest time of the year. that's my carolene voice you'll be. burping the halls with gas alien ball. gas alien balls gasoline gasoline. balls you'll be burping the halls with. gasoline balls when security guards are. here it's the most stinkiest time of the. year that's good link the.

end think you might need to work on. spelling you wrote The End pretty big. gas Allen balls gasoline balls. interesting uh there's a gasoline. reference in my in my version really. yeah and they did not consult on this. okay so what I did is I sat down I. printed out um It's Beginning to Look a. Lot Like Christmas and then I just read. the lyrics out to my 9-year-old and. 5-year-old as they were together and. they suggested replacements for. different words oh so you did an ad lib.

because I just you know I figured that. would be the the the easiest way for. them to do it and I just went with. whatever they. said and and and if you know sometimes. they both had an idea and you wrote it. down for them so really you did a lot of. the heavy lifting here I'm just saying. that that it doesn't seem to be much. learning was happening in terms of. handwriting or anything y maybe they. didn't learn as much okay let's find out. now you I'm going to read the the words. of the song because you may not you may. not remember but you know the original.

words are It's Beginning to Look a Lot. Like Christmas everywhere you go take a. look in the five and 10 glistening once. again with candy canes and silver Lanes. of glow okay that's the first part mhm. my. kids it's beginning to look a lot like. poop. mess everywhere you go take a look in. the toilet there might be a dead mouse. in it with gasoline canes and stupid. little Lanes to Glow a glow Okay so. gasoline canes gas so this is a perfect.

9-year-old 5-year-old what is a gasoline. cane I don't know 9-year-old comes up. with gasoline canes and then 5-year-old. comes up with stupid little Lanes. Shepherd's like stupid. little and of course the second verse. it's beginning to look a lot like poop. mes fire in every store oh from the. gasoline canes probably but the fartiest. sight to see is them burning down with. Glee on your own front door that says.

stupid so as you can see again. Shepherd's contribution to the second. verse was on because original words are. on your own front door shepher said how. about on your own front door that says. stupid so we went with it and then. there's this part that goes a pair of. Hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots. is the wish of Bonnie and Ben dolls that. will talk and go for a walk is the hope. of Janice and Jen and Mom and de and. Harley wait for school to start again. that's the original updated lyrics. are.

a pair of poop and Toots and a pistol. that shoots yellow snow is the wish of. Bonnie and Ben there they really didn't. get the syllables to match up very well. dolls that will die and eat bloody pie. is the hope of Janice and. Jin and buts and cracks can hardly wait. for toilets to flush again it's. beginning to look a lot like poop M and. on and on and on and ad nauseum yeah. there's a there's a little um rationale.

there that the toilets the butts and. cracks are waiting for the toilets to. flush again and there's a longing there. there see there seems to be a deep. rooted longing that I think really comes. through uh but again you still did a lot. of work for him uh which is a little. well I didn't fully understand the. excitement I just thought it I didn't. know it was a handwriting experiment or. assignment until I saw yours I just. thought it was rewriting a song now okay. maybe there's some people out there say. you shouldn't you shouldn't encourage. your kids to use words like poop and.

gasoline and uh balls even there's balls. in my stinkiest y um poop and toots I I. think you know if if if you're too. strict with the language of your kids. then they're just going to you're going. to use it as an opportunity to Rebel you. might as well say hey this is not that. big of a deal well I don't necessarily. want to give parenting advice okay my. kids haven't turned out yet I don't know. how they're going to turn out and we're. not really parents right this is all an. act we those are not our real those are. our stage kids but uh I will say that.

when I gave my kids license like you. said that had had been this had been. sanctioned they got this look in their. eyes that they were like this Dad is. letting us do this and then we got into. the car and they wanted to sing is. beginning to look a lot like poopus and. I said no uh uh uhuh no we don't do that. in the car we don't do this we only do. that at the dinner table we don't do. this anytime we want there is a time. where we're going to sit together and. we're going to come up with this. Beginning to Look lot like poopus and. you can do anything you want but just. during that time and of course when I.

read it on good mythical morning but. other than that you know we we we we got. to restrict it a little bit and they. respected that and so they don't sing. that in the car with their mom their mom. is not happy about. this I'm very happy about it I'm I don't. know if I've ever been this proud in my. entire life and not just of the. handwriting of the content it's pretty. awesome the end you know what time it is. hi I'm John from the. Philippines now let's spin the wheel of.

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okay where are you going to strum that. concerns me a little I'm going to strum. on your stomach right here and I'm G to. do my I'm G to do my fingerings on your. forehead well do it on the do it on the. forearm for yeah. for you got change your. cords.

you sing something no I want to look. it's not a singing guitar make it make. make your hurting my leg real bad make. make make guitar noises. man electric guitar electric guitar I'm. play lead. guitar like. cords not a. big.

[Applause]. [Music]. on the. water that's all the words I know from. Smoke on the Water.