How to Buy Anything

you'd think that buying a blender is. easy. and you'd be wrong. i'm ellen from ontario canada. let's talk about that. [Applause]. [Music]. this episode is brought to you by. katulas that is the guys with the goods. where else can you get a pair of video. sunglasses. hey i like your glasses uh.

but why are you wearing them indoors. i have very sensitive eyes i just had my. eyes dilated for a treatment of some. sort are you sure you're not trying to. to catch me doing something illegal yes. i'm spying on you at this moment can you. tell where from. from your glasses perhaps yes from the. glasses i only knew that because i've. seen the glasses at catulla's get your. own pr. if you want to get some we want to thank. catulla's and all of our other sponsors. for making good mythical mourning.

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inquiries only please and thank you just. a word of clarification before we get. into the conversation of today's episode. i just wanted to clarify based on. yesterday's episode my wife is not. currently pregnant. yeah you know i've got three kids. and we are we are in a steady holding. pattern. at three okay that the the helicopter. may have landed this time probably a. good time for me to announce it my wife. is also not pregnant see how what i did.

there you scared me for a second. or not really i'd be happy for you but. speaking of my why i would be scared uh. speaking of my wife uh. jessie is her name yeah i wasn't having. a difficult time remembering her name i. was just having a difficult time. remembering what i was going to talk. about okay. we went shopping recently. we were given a gift card to the bed the. bath and the beyond which is a store. that sells beds baths and things beyond.

those things right they they started. listing what they were going to provide. and then they started to realize. this is this is going to be too long of. a of a title just throw beyond in there. the store is going to have to be really. wide if we're going to fit. a bigger title. so we were talking our store name so we. went there which i'll call a title and. you know interestingly enough. we weren't looking for a bed or a bath. we were looking for a blender which they. could have didn't that in there bed bath. blender and beyond.

right they could have but you gotta you. gotta stop it somewhere so what you're. looking for a blender you made a little. bourbon noise in there. back it wasn't seconds ago it wasn't a. it was just a throat it was just like a. coffee going down noise it happens i. mean there's plumbing in there you know. here. um that's my new laugh too by the way. she said my wife jesse said we need a. blender food processor because food. processor because we should be. eating more smoothies not not because. we're out here in los angeles and we. need to be eating more smoothies. because of that but because they're.

healthy you know it's a great way to get. your nutrients and to you know replace a. meal with a smoothie you get your fruits. and your vegetables depending on how you. make them so i'm like okay i can get. into this i like smoothies let's be. smoothie people. at least occasionally you're into. anything that you're not currently into. so i mean any ideas she has and you've. got a gift card. you know the criteria is pretty low for. you to you know you're easy to get along. with when it's about purchasing. something or acquiring something that's. true we've established it but especially.

when it is a gift card because then you. don't feel like there's a whole lot of. stake in it you're like well if this. thing really sucks it doesn't really. matter because it was a gift card i know. that's inappropriate. you know mentality but that's how we. approach things so we go there and we're. like yeah let's just go and pick one up. but then once i got into the blender. section and i was overwhelmed with all. the beds the baths the beyonds and the. blenders. it struck me. i can't just pick one you know i can't. just buy one first of all my wife says i. want a blender.

food processor and then i'm like do you. even know. the difference between a blender and a. food processor and she's like i don't no. i i don't think there is a difference. well that's what she said. that is hilarious that was not a joke. that was actually what she said. she said. a blender is makes things that you drink. and a food processor makes things that. you still eat that's my theory. that's my that's my guess that's not. entirely incorrect but you know how i. figured this out did i ask an employee. at bed bath and beyond no because i.

couldn't find one. i looked onto my phone which has the. interwebs on it right but it turns out. that the signal's so bad inside the. store i had to go outside to the. exterior of the store stand and be the. guy in front of the store like looking. at my phone and that was where i learned. first of all the difference between a. food processor and a blender is food. processor has a sharper blade it has a. wider canister it's made for chopping. foods whereas a blender like you said is. more about liquefying things so it. actually is a different blade but when. they do the combo it's a slightly wider.

canister and then the blade is like a. dual blade okay this may not interest. you but just hang with me for a second. because there's a greater principle in. play here. okay so i go back inside and i'm like. i'm the resident expert baby i know the. difference between a food processor and. a blender i probably know more than the. people who work here now because i've. been on the internet because i went. outside. and thought about it did you try to take. credit for it i just went outside for a. smoke break even though i don't smoke. and it occurred to me the difference. between a food processor a blender or. did you say. i you know there's no service in here.

she knew that i was on the internet okay. i come back in and i tell her i tell her. the difference and then she says okay. well we have this one this one and this. one which one should we get she was like. i like the way this one looks and this. is a good brand. this is a cuisinart this is a good brand. so i was like okay well listen and it. looked cool it had it was like it was a. retro color it looked stout it had a big. metal base. nice glass canister the other one next. to it which was a little bit cheaper had. a plastic base and plastic canisters.

yeah so i was like well clearly this one. does look better let me go figure out. what the internet thinks about this one. because there are people on the internet. who have experienced this blender so you. had to walk back outside i go back. outside here i am again i keep walking. by the employees and they're like this. guy's. they know there's not service in there. though they work there they know what. i'm doing i wonder if they do it on. purpose like there's a blocker like i. said it's all service blocker because. you know the post office has that i'm. convinced that the post office has that.

its service goes once you go on that. front door it immediately goes to zero. they have this technology at their. disposal the us government i think that. should be illegal but the us government. i guess can get away with anything well. i think they have a scrambler in the bed. bath and beyond too and i don't know if. that's constitutional maybe the bed. baths and beyond is a bureau. of the government bed bath and beyond. bureau that's what the beyond part comes. into it it includes. paranormal activity that's what.

i said. it's like area 51 is in the. it's really any part of bed bath that be. the beyond section but i go outside. first of all the 3g uh signal in los. angeles is incredibly slow because there. are if you didn't know a lot of people. in los angeles and they're always. accessing the internet so it's like. slower than than the edge network was in. north carolina sometimes it gets so. bogged down so i have to wait like seven. minutes just for the review to come up. then the review comes up for this one. that jesse thought looked cool two out. of five stars on amazon with like 200.

reviews okay don't buy that one sucks. so. i'll go back in there i'm like that one. sucks we can't get it the internet has. spoken and so then i have to look at the. next one and i go review it great. reviews you had to walk back outside. again gotta go back out there but you. you asked me why didn't i review. multiple ones because the signal was so. slow so i had to go back in there and go. to the second choice great reviews we. buy it we're happy with it i've had. several smoothies they've all been great. tasting we hasn't broken yet i mean it's. not a sponsor but it could be just go.

ahead and tell us which one it is uh. it's a there's a new there's the ninja. there's a ninja brand blender smoothie. thing which i also like the imagery of. that i no i would not have bought it. sounds like a kid's toy well maybe it is. but it makes great your kids are going. to look at it and they're going to blend. their hand or their foot or their face. we keep them away from it but the thing. that hit me. let me put my hand in there i was doing. the research is this one that has the. two stars no one should buy that because. the internet has told them that it's not. any good so anyone who has access to.

this information should use it and what. i'm. this blender that sucks should be. discontinued no one should be buying it. because they should all have the. information but they don't people don't. do the reviews they go in there and like. it does look cool it feels kind of. sturdy i can go get this thing and drink. smoothies out of it and they take it. home and it breaks well the thing with. me is i. i don't do that i don't just go and get. what looks good but i don't do what you. do either i don't go and show up i know. you had a gift card so that kind of. dictates where you're going to go but. even if i had a gift card for bed bath. and beyond i would do what i always do.

and that's get on the internet at home. where i'm not using any type of sell. signal and i do research but here's what. always happens with me i read all the. reviews just like you do it case in. point but this is for everything that i. try to purchase trying to purchase with. with coffee. you do research i guess you're trying to. cough because well we got that k-cup. thing. the keurig thing yeah and it's so. expensive so i said i'm gonna get the. cheapest k-cups in bulk. so.

i decided i was gonna go buy cartons of. it to get a bulk discount and i no no no. exaggeration research for two hours all. of the reviews and doing math on how. much does it co okay 45 cents for this. k-cup 39 cents a k-cup to get 80 of. these and i'm a you know and then it. gets to the end and i'm reading all the. reviews. and i'm overwhelmed by so much data. i didn't buy anything that that's what. normally happen i'm just like i get cold. feet and i'm like you're locked up. there's got to be another review out.

there there's got to be some missing. information i choke on purchases all the. time this is sad because the pressure. just melts there's so many people with. so many opinions so many stars so many. so many calculations to make i could. probably make a better decision later i. just i need to take a nap you have to. let the information empower you not. paralyze you it paralyzes me and then i. finally went back and i said i gotta. have my coffee. and i and i went and i put it in the. shopping cart i entered in all my. information.

and then they didn't respond and. again i still don't have coffee and last. night i was over at your house and i had. to i had to borrow some of your k-cops. you stole some hiccups what no jesse. said i could have some. you stole from me without telling me. so i'm drinking i'm drinking your coffee.

which is pretty cheap as we spend the. week zero dollars as we spin the wheel. of mythicality comment below tell us. what kind of research have you done for. a product the last product you bought. and did you buy it or were you paralyzed. like link ah this coffee. worth every penny i didn't pay for it. tastes better because it's stolen. award show acceptance speech. um let's pull the pull the mic up closer. i didn't have to do something awkward i. didn't have anything prepared because we.

were totally not expecting this we were. thinking that adele was going to win. this thank you so much i'd like to thank. um. the corporate uh the academy i would. like to thank. uh. my mom. and god this thing's a lot heavier than. i thought it would be yeah you can. actually drink out of it. hold up no they're already playing the. music no don't play i still a i want to. thank rick rubin he's an amazing. producer uh he we would have never made. this if he had not talked us into it he. he's a genius the man is a flipping.

genius who just who's intellect and. prowess creative prowess kids you can. seem like. kids you can go to bed now. daddy loves you you can drink out of the. actual cup that they give you these. awards what are they called again. see you tomorrow. [Music]. you.