Do Pets Kill People?

what does sour cream consumption have to. do with motorcycle deaths let's talk. about. [Music]. that good mythical morning all right we. have stumbled upon a website believe it. or not as people who have an internet. show are are prone to do uh and when we. stumble on one that we think you should. know about we tell you about it it's a. simple system hope you're okay with it. the system is being enacted now uh.

tyler.com sorry Tyler if I am. pronouncing your name wrong it has a lot. of options there uh I'm going with vgan. and uh I concur this guy has a website. uh one of the things on the website is. something he calls spirous spous spous. BR word spous spirous correlations spous. correlations uh he has taken data from. the US Census and the Centers for. Disease Control and he is real data re. real data or data whatever you prefer.

and he has plotted these things and he. you can go on his site and you can. generate correlations that's this data. seems to be related to this other set of. data well just let me give an example um. one is males in Washington who slipped. or tripped to their death correlates. with sunlight in Washington now now he. doesn't go on to explain what what the. how these things are related or if. they're related at all really where come.

but you look but you look at the data. and you're like wow there is a strong. correlation here this is this is crazy. undeniable as a matter of fact. undeniable yeah undeniable correlation. here's what we've done now this you know. the idea is these things related oh. maybe it's just as totally random no. they are not random they are related and. we are going to use our amazing powers. of region region reason and logic and. our ability to speak uh to explain. exactly how these things are at so sure.

we we've each found some right you go. first okay did you know that the per. capita consumption of mozzarella cheese. in the US correlates with the number of. civil engineering doctorates being. awarded did you know that link very. close correlation I might add increasing. over time over theast 10 years or so now. this is near and dear to my heart. because I love cheese and I have a civil. engineer civil engineering degree a lot. of people don't know that those are both. facts make up a lot of things but that's. actually true okay um when you eat. cheese you get Conant ated when you get.

constipated you spend long sessions in. the bathroom you're doing this huh when. you spend long sessions in the bathroom. you think a lot do a lot of deep. thinking that's where I come up with. some of the best ideas that I have okay. when you begin thinking about things in. the bathroom you begin thinking about. infrastructure because you're using. infrastructure in that moment where's. this stuff going you know and start. asking questions like that I know the. answer to that and then the next thing. you know is I'd like to learn more about. infrastructure then you got a civil. engineering degree doctorate if not all. because of mozzarella all because of a.

little cheese and that a lot of cheese. going on there okay I I'll buy it here's. another Flawless logic Flawless per. capita consumption of sour cream in the. United States correlates with motorcycle. riders killed in. non-collision accidents I mean look at. that it goes up it goes up when it goes. down it goes down it goes up it go you. know clearly What's Happening Here. correlated it's correlated motorcyclists. are eating sour cream.

while while motorcycling and then they. are colliding with things and. dying is that simple actually it's. non-collision act it's just you're just. you're just slipping on it's that simple. now the thing that you don't realize is. that the society for advocacy of sour. cream de caused this problem they. developed a series of ads promoting sour. cream kind of like the milk and pork ads. is this true yes and then guess what. guess who they cast in the ads. motorcyclist a motorcyclist bikers would.

[Music]. so then the bikers were like I got to. get me some of that sour cream and then. they were sliding all over the road and. perishing all sour cream perishing and. and the yeah it was on the. roads Flawless logic. Flawless did you know that money SP.

Society for the advocacy of sour cream. that's a good one money spent on. pets correlates with people who died by. falling down the stairs what spend okay. the more you spend on your pets the more. people die on stairs falling downstairs. this is again simple you give your pet. too many things they become entitled we. all know this they become entitled they. think you're Expendable you become. Expendable they begin engineering your. own your demise trying to murder you by.

putting things on steps these animals. are smart enough to figure that out. they're like I don't need this person. they give me everything I want now I'm. going to kill them happening all across. the country and then they spend the. owner's money I mean they're not going. to keep getting stuff no they just go. crazy in there it becomes one of those. houses where there's no human presence. and it's like a it's just a zoo in there. stray dogs come over if it's a dog stray. cats come over it's a cat that's and. that's why they call one story houses. ranches yeah.

yeah that was the next thing I was going. to say but you beat me to. it I don't get it either maybe we can. figure it out later it's got like my. jokes are the type of things you have to. figure out just like these correlations. per capita consumption of beef in the US. correlates with death death let me try. this word this is a difficult word to. say deaths caused by lightning it is. okay so whenever you eat more beef die. by lightning now here's the thing we all. know that cows.

uh in thunderstorms they gather around. trees and if there's one long Tree in a. pasture all the cows gather around there. and then what happens it's called a beef. magnet lightning strikes. the no it's not yeah lightning strikes. the tree what happens the cows die yeah. well they they cook actually I've had. that fresh fresh fresh lightning struck. side of beef but before this data what. we didn't know was that it wasn't the. tree that was conducting lightning it. was the beef itself people are eating. cattle and then they're being struck by. lightning did you know that this is.

possible create a beef magnet inside. their own B beef magnet yes exactly. Flawless total revenue generated by. bowling. alleys strongly correlates with the cost. for 16 oun potato chip bags the cost the. cost of 16 oun potato chip bags strongly. correlates with the amount of revenue. generated by bowling alleys now this. seems pretty simple oh people are. selling a lot of bags of potato chips at. bowling alleys and the price goes up.

no that's not what happening at. all did you know that that machine at. every bowling alley that sends you ball. back is actually operated by powered by. millions of tiny little. hamsters called pygmy hamsters okay and. they have a diet exclusively of potato. chips link right and so people start. coming in there and they got to be like. more hamsters hungry or hamsters it's. just endless hamster wheel hungry or. hamsters have to eat more potato chips. thereby raising the mhm price marriage.

rate in Texas correlates with the per. capita consumption of margarine yep you. know everything's bigger in Texas but. when the women but due to pop culture. decide to downsize themselves men Texans. not. happy men Texans men Texans not. happy male Texans yeah they like they. like they they they want some beef. magnets they divorce their skinny wi do. you not do you not follow I do Flawless.

logic and finally M Texans is that where. I lost you cuz I kind of I call him. texman I kind of lost myself the number. of birthday gifts I give to link. directly correlates with the number of. Link's. birthdays okay happy birthday happy. birthday happy birthday birthday to link. what's happening link it's your birthday. are you going to give me a present on. Sunday and I got you two presents. present number one is a.

book step-by-step guide to training a. miniature horse to. drive hold on you got me two gifts I did. link okay not only did I get you the. best um thing I've ever gotten you you. got me a freaking miniature horse I. named a star after. you I thought that you got me this and. then you got me a miniature horse no no. maybe maybe next next year I mean I you.

need to know how to train it before I. get it for you I name why do I need this. book to read it for a year hey I don't. have a miniature I named a freaking star. after you you should have G me that. first cuz I thought I was okay I'm. happy okay let's replay this so you got. you you named a star after me yeah it's. called. linkstar is this possible really lar lar. is this like I see that you pulled a. receipt up over here yeah this is for.

Real linkstar it's like linkster but. it's a star hey let's go look at. linkstar and you paid 29 and you're. going to get I got a certificate that's. coming in the email but it has a little. little personal text for you it says I. didn't mean to dog you're a gift R I. just thought it was leading to another. gift which wasn't being named a star. fine a note for you there are many more. stars than people so it's not really. that big of a deal that you've got one. named after you but it's a very nice. gesture in my opinion especially for a. birthday present happy birthday link. from Rhett thanks man you named a star.

after star really though yeah it's going. to get coordinates and everything we can. go look at it in a telescope okay all. right thanks for liking and commenting. on this episode you know what time it is. I'm Jason from Texas it's time to spin. the. wheel of. mythicality it's Friday that means we. baked another ear biscuit that's our. podc and this week's episode again we. talk to one another about summer jobs oh. yeah lots of reminiscing lots of crazy.

stories if you want some more from us. click through also I'm I'm going to. explore my star gift and this gift and a. special announcement in. [Music]. Gore competing beauty pageant contestant. moms oh look look at little darling go. go. Brandy go you do your little booty shake. dance she in she's shit's. inappropriate you Brandon you should be. ashamed of yourself yeah I said it.

what's your daughter's name darling. darling you suck oh my goodness Randy. Shake Your Booty darling you suck hold. hold this come she gonna pop out of the. cake hold on oh and look at Tina's girl. she is a. skank boy yeah she makes our girls look. like little. angels I mean if I told you I got two. gifts and this is your first one what. would you think would be the second gift. a star a miniature horse what are you. going to do what do you got to do I'm.

going to teach it to drive.